All language subtitles for The.Year.of.Spectacular.Men.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-T7ST.en

[MUSIC PLAYING]

AARON: Izzy was the first
girl I met in, I mean,

years, who was insecure
enough to think

that I was right for her.

Who could I possibly
be right for?

I'm a fucking mental patient.

ROSS: She was insistent that
I, I told her how I felt.

Can you believe that?

Who does that?

LOGAN: I started tallying up all
this stuff I loved about her.

I mean, shit, dude,
she's my fabric softener.

MIKEY: I don't know man,
she was, was kind of sexy.

In, like, a really goofy
Special Olympics way.

CHARLIE: I think
for the first time,

I was, I actually met
someone who was more

depressed and neurotic than me.

And that felt really good.

I think I love that girl.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Look at you, big sister.

Now get off that herpes
bench, like, quickly.

I'll walk you to class
before I go to work, OK?

Come on, take my hand.

Let's go.

Ugh, OK.

Just, finish college, OK?

And then why don't you
take a year for yourself?

You're a millennial.

You could try the whole, like,
"having fun in your 20s" thing.

They're all doing it.

Except for me.

Wait, work?

I thought you were just
here for a fashion thing.

Just a fashion thing?

Oh, oh my god, Sabrina!
Can I get a pic?

Yeah.

Thank you.

It's a three-week-long Vogue
shoot that involves a giraffe,

an insanely famous
actor, and a car bomb.

Any of which could kill me.

Just be safe.

Dude, I am.

I'm doing my best to not die
in a car accident like Dad, OK?

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Why are you always so
involved in that thing?

You're clutching it like
it's, like, an infant.

Oh.

I'm just writing and
reading, reading, writing.

Sorry it's a habit.

You're weird.

Iz?

(WHINING) Iz.

I know that we've had a rough
go these past few years, OK?

But I go to therapy
and shit, you know?

You never even cried about Dad.

I don't want to get upset.

I just want to move
on and find the thing.

What thing?

The thing that
makes me feel better.

I know you're trying.

What is that?

It's a salad.

There's a whole
cucumber in that.

But it's also a juice.

It's a salad juice.

Those are separate things.

We live in a
modern world, Izzy.

Jesus.

Do you want to try it?

No, I don't want it.
No!

Ha ha!
- Ugh!

You're impossible.

Ow!

TEACHER: I'd like
to remind you all

that my production of The
Mouse and The Minotaur,

which I directed and co-wrote,
is opening this Saturday

right here in the theater.

Please support the arts.

If you don't, you're getting
a D. Have a great weekend.

Izzy, may I speak
to you, please?

Just leave that, I'll--

I'm sorry, that --

Hi.

Hi.

I need to talk to you a little
bit about some class stuff.

Right, OK.

You've got to do,
like, one thing.

If you don't pass my
class, you don't graduate.

You're right.

Then here we go,
Midsummer Night's Dream.

Um.

Yeah.

- You know what?
- Yes.

No.
Right here.

- Is there a world in which--
- No.

There is, like, not a world.

Take it.

Shakespeare?

Ross.

Please.

Ross Wyatt, Izzy Klein.

Ross is minoring in theater.

And you're majoring in?

Molecular biophysics
and biochemistry.

I thought it would
be great if you guys do

the scene where Titania
has fallen in love

with Bottom, the donkey.
- Oh.

Actually the girl
kisses him at the end.

If you guys could
have it on its feet

in the next couple of weeks?

Excuse me.
Belinda.

Oh.

Number?

Izzy, right?

Yeah.

This is going to
be a real challenge.

Looking forward to exploring
this opportunity with you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

IZZY (VOICEOVER): I've
never been good at seeing

where I should go next.

First steps, middles,
and last chapters.

I mean, they're
literally all a struggle.

In matters of the
heart, in my path,

I'm either frozen or taking
aim blindly at my latest guess.

I've just never had that moment.

You know, where everything
falls into the perfect spot.

The sun shining just
right on your face.

And you find the thing.

Not a guess, not a
lie, not a secret,

but a thing that
gives you your ending.

Look, I don't mean
ending in the bad way.

I mean, my dad killed himself
and he didn't say goodbye.

So it's up to me
to look at endings

like they could actually
potentially be happy things.

I don't know much, but I
do know that I need roots.

I need answers.

IZZY: Hey, do you want
all the extra stuff?

Whatever.
Do your thing.

Just not too cheesy.

IZZY (VOICEOVER): Who knows?

Maybe this will be the year.

Maybe this year I'll get
a really good ending.

It's too cheesy.

Well, maybe there's, like,
a less cheesy zone in here.

Fingers crossed.

Hey, I'm thinking
about going to LA.

Wait, you're not
like, you're not, like,

trying to go for
the whole summer

or something weird, right?

I was actually thinking,
um, maybe to, like, live.

You live in New York.

You live here, you live
in my apartment with me.

Yeah.

Um, I kind of have to go back.

Pack up your shit.

Whoa, wait.

What?

You said you
want to move back.

That's the beginning of
a conversation about this.

I mean, you could come with me.

Oh Jesus fucking Christ.

OK, or no, then, then we can
do long distance and FaceTime.

I mean, I can, I can
send you those fruit

bouquet things with the
pineapple on a stick--

Pineapple?
What are you?

This is not, we're not
talking about pineapple.

Have you been planning this?

You know I just can't plan.

I ran out of cash.

Get a job.

That is what a normal
person would do.

But you're talking
about pineapples.

How did I even fucking
do this for three years?

You and your phases.

Brazilian drumming or, this,
"I made a salad," once.

Your fucking ceramics,
which are tragic.

That's rude.

So what's this phase?

This is the, uh, this is, OK,
your taking acting classes.

So this is the, "I'm
going back to Hollywood

to become a big star
like my sister," phase.

Right, Phase-y?

I made salad twice.

Whatever.

Twice, I made salad, Aaron!

I knew this was
going to happen.

I knew you were going to leave.

It's just like the band.

It's no-- it's the same shit.

It's not the same shit.

I'm not leaving you on purpose.

I still think we
can work this out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

AARON: You need therapy!

You mean couple's therapy?

Unbelievable.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SABRINA: Izzy, I'm home.

Jesus Christ.

Rise and grind,
Hurricane Isabel.

SEBASTIAN (ON PHONE): Honey.

SABRINA: Look at this mess.

Hey, it's late as balls.

SEBASTIAN (ON PHONE): H, h, hey?
- Coffee?

SEBASTIAN (ON PHONE):
Honey, are you still there?

All I see is green.
- Here.

Think I don't know my
own sister? (TO PHONE)

You owe me 20 bucks.

(ON PHONE) Is she
really still sleeping?

SABRINA: Yeah.

(ON PHONE) Dammit.

Hi, Iz.

How do you feel about
getting your third wheel back?

Just like old times.

Oh, I'm honored.

I can't wait.

Hey Sebastian,
they're ready for you.

Yeah, yeah.
OK, OK, five minutes.

Sorry, I have to go.

This AD is bugging
the shit out of me.

I love you.

SEBASTIAN (ON PHONE):
Love you, babe.

Bye.

Oh.

Thank god you're
still in New York.

All right.

Thanks for letting
me crash at your hotel.

Tell me what
happened last night.

Um.

I think it's over.

You can never trust a guy
who has 20 of the same shirt

in the same color.

It's not natural.

That's not OK.

It's not.

I want you don't
know, Sebastian and I

are abso-fruitly stoked you're
coming to stay with us in LA.

As long as you do your dishes.

And remember to flush the
toilet when you take a poo.

What?
I flush.

Like California's not
in that much of a drought.

Once again, to clarify.

I definitely flush
when I poo, Sabrina.

I love you so much.

I'm sorry.

Oh, good one.

This is disgusting, by the
way, what you've done here.

This is horrible.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

AARON (TO PHONE): I mean, she
can't stick with anything.

I, I, I'm amazed that we
were together for that long,

you know?

Yeah, no, I hope she fucking
moves on, or whatever.

But, look my career
is blowing up.

I don't have time for this shit.

Yeah, yeah.
No.

No, I can't make the gig.

I've got, like, a stomach thing.

No, it's fucked me up.

Hey, how was the Vogue shoot?

Oh my god.

Please tell me you got me what
I wanted and not some tree,

bark, pilaf, dirt shit.

Holler!

Thank you.

Oh, how was the, the giraffe?

He was being really
difficult today, actually.

Are you going to
leave all that on, or?

I wanted to eat my
greens in character.

Hm.

I walked by Aaron's
on my way here.

How many times do you
call me and you're, like,

"He's a lunatic."

He is a lunatic.

I'm doing a scene with a
really hot new guy from class.

When I said, there are
other fishies in the sea,

I meant, like, look
through the sea.

Not immediately at the
first person that shows up.

All I said was that
he's good looking.

That's it.
- Don't do it, Izzy.

- All I--
- Don't.

- That's--
- Do.

- Sab--
- It.

Just, like, don't do it at all.

Hey, scene partner.

Come on in.

OK.

Wow, the view is incredible.

Thank you.

Oh, you mean that?

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

Um, so, you know, I thought
that we could start by,

by just, like, reading
it through a few times.

Or we can just jump right
in and start rehearsing.

Great.

Yeah.

Where are we?

Um, god, I want to say
it's, like act four--

Wow, that's um, bold, bold move.

Acting without
relaxation is chaos.

And this is an exceptionally
chill strain of indica.

It'll help us go deeper.

[ALARM CHIMING]

(WHISPERING) Shit.

- Mm hm.
- Oh.

- Mm hm.
- Hi.

How are you?
Good morning.

Good morning.

You know, lots of girls tell
me I'm an exceptional cuddler.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

For sure.

Um, OK.

Let's, uh--

Izzy, what's the rush?

Stay for a cappuccino
and a biscoto.

Heh, I have class.

So--

Hey.

Uh, woo.

Really, really
great work last night.

I'm serious.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OK, bye.

Bye.

So?

Whoa!

Car bomb photo shoot.

Oh.

- Aaron-related offense?
- No.

But I got rubbed up
on by a Ken doll boner

and then offered an
Italian coffee drink.

Are you OK?

You're asking
me that right now?

It's avant-garde,
but, I like it.

Ma!

With the exclamation point.

What is she's saying?
Can I see?

Sabrina, stop!

- Dude!
- Sabrina!

- Oh, that's just lush.
- What?

That mom's dating a woman?
- No.

It's that she's dating
Britney's stand-in

from the Mickey Mouse Club.

No, no!

What?

Aaron's going to
throw away my ceramics.

Where are you--
where are you going?

How can you be so
casual about this?

IZZY: What, about Mom?

This is, like, so weird to me.

You're really weird
about everybody Mom dates.

Not ev-- everyone.

Honestly, if Dad
was alive, he probably

would've thought it was hot.

I said it.

I've got to go.

SABRINA: Izzy, no, don't go

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

Those.

Oh, OK, cool.

Hey, um.

We're not together
anymore, right?

It's just that
you never actually

said, like, "We're breaking
up," or, "This is over."

So I just want to make sure that
you're not still my boyfriend.

You know, you know what's
always, uh, pissed me off?

It's that.

No one should love that
show as much as you do.

And I just realized that I
feel the same way about you

as I do this poster, which is
that I'm sick of looking at it.

I am not your boyfriend.
- Yeah.

Despite what you might think--
that was rude, by the way--

I'm not hurt you want
to get rid of my poster.

But those, I left
here for a reason.

Why would I keep anything
here that reminds me of you?

Because I thought
that eventually you

could look at them and think
about us in a good way.

I just want you to
get rid of this stuff.

I don't want to
stare at it anymore.

Well, you could have
just sent them to me.

Oh wow.
Wow--

Wow, what?
What?

You, you have some nerve.

To leave me and then
waltz back in here

and insinuate that
this is about sex.

No, I--

I don't need you, Izzy.

I don't.

I've been with plenty of girls
in the last couple of weeks.

It's not a big deal.

And you know what?

It's even better.

Because they don't stay over.

What does that mean?

Like, you never slept
when I was here?

I lived here.

You don't actually
ever leave the house,

so you must have been
really tired, you psycho!

You you're the fucking psycho.
OK?

Why am I the psycho?

Because who has
a top sheet phobia?

- I have a top sheet phobia!
- Who?

Besides you, name one person who
has a fucking top sheet phobia!

I do!

I feel like they're
strangling me.

That's insane.

That's not insane!

It is insane.

Insane?

That's insane!

You're the Rain Man of t-shirts!

There's like nine hundred
million t-shirts right there!

You don't know shit.

You're insane!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Aaron.
No, no, no.

We shouldn't.
- Yeah, we should.

No, no.
Stop it.

Stop.

We really shouldn't,
we're not together.

You just said you're
not my boyfriend.

We shouldn't do--
- Shut up.

- What?
- Shut up.

Don't you want to
see it one more time?

What?

You want to see
it one more time?

Who says that?

I do.

Yes!

Dammit!

I hate you!

I hate you so much.

That's it, right?

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ross?

Hey.

Yeah, [INAUDIBLE].
OK.

Do you mind?

Oops.

ROSS: Now if we're going to
talk about postmodern BK Grass

roots, which I do
believe we are,

you have to look no
further than [INAUDIBLE]

mustache's trajectory.
Izzy.

Hi.

Hello.

Izzy, this is everybody.

Everybody, this is Izzy.

We're working a scene from
a Midsummer Night's Dream

together.
- Yeah, um, well, we're trying.

So--

I know a place where
the wild thyme blows.

Where oxlips and the
nodding violet grows.

Quite over-canopied
with luscious

woodbine, with sweet
musk-roses and eglantine.

MARIA: Beautiful, Ross.

It's going to be a revelation
when we're through with it.

To summer.

May it be the greatest
of our young lives.

Slainte.

MARIA: Cheers.

I'm sorry, did I,
like, bump you with this?

- No, no.
- No?

Nope.

It's a lot of vase.

I try not to travel with it.

I got in a bit of a situation.

I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to bump you.

ROSS: Izzy, let's focus.

Let's get you a drink.

OK.

Great.

We are the champions.

[INAUDIBLE] Ross, what's up?

Whoa!

King Ross.

King of Darts.

Resident darts champion.

Couldn't risk being dethroned.

Hey, Prescott!

Good luck with the
merger, asshole!

All right.

It looks like
you're [INAUDIBLE]..

Yeah!
Aw!

Ah, shit.

It's fine, it's fine.
OK.

But the train's that way.

I know.

Waaaa!

Waaaa!

OK.

Yeah?

Isn't there a, a kiss
that we have to work on?

Um.

I mean, you know,
just because our lines

are a little fakey doesn't
mean the kiss should be.

OK.
Yeah.

Uh, do you want to take it
from the top of the scene

or, no, more towards
the middle, right?

OK.

OK.

I say something
about dried peas.

And then, "But I pray you,
let not your people stir me.

There's an exposition
of sleep come upon me."

Fairies be gone in
all the ways away.

So doth the woodbine and the
barky fingers of the something.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Wanna, like, do that one
more time for safety, or?

That was good.

I'm OK with that one.

Um, I mean you,
left the bar with me.

You brought me back here and--

w, we just kissed now.

And it was like--

Great acting.

These rehearsals are
really coming along.

Let's have a sleepover.

We can watch something else.

Iz?

[GAGGING, VOMITING]

Oh my god.
- Wait, wait.

Who is Ross?

He's the, the theater guy.

Huh.

But you didn't sleep with him?

- N, n, n, no.
- Yes or no?

You sleep with him?
Or you didn't sleep with him?

No, I slept with Aaron.

So, it's Aaron.

Yeast infection.

You got a yeasty from
having sex for like six mins?

- Such a bad one, too.
- Sorry, sir.

That is God striking you down.
- I don't know.

[INAUDIBLE] is also a contender.

You know, it's a
really good thing

that you are not
actually crushing

on this Ross character.

Because if I Irish goodbyed
just to blow chunks

outside of his apartment door,
I'd be hiding under a rock

right now.

(SIGHING) Yeah, yep.

Izzy, don't tell me.
You are actually?

Izzy, come on!
What?

He leads you on in a
totally heartless way

and is shallower
than a kiddie pool.

You're post-breakup,
you're pre-real world.

Save a little face while
you still have some.

That's, uh, harsh, Sabrina.

I'll tell you
what's even harsher.

One, you're not staying here
for my college graduation.

Because you are mean spirited.
- No.

It's because I don't
want to see Mom

and her adorable child bride.

That's not even,
like, a thing.

Two, I don't
think you remember

that I have a boyfriend at home
whose show just went on hiatus.

And if I leave him
alone for too long,

he starts heating up his
take-out by leaning it

against a radiator.

No.

Yeah.

Oh, oh and this stuff,
this stuff right here,

is literally made of
crackers and going

to itch my vagina off my body.

- Give me your hands.
- Uh-uh.

Not again.
- We've talked about this.

I really don't
want to do this.

There is nothing on
the box, Sabrina.

If you can imagine, people
come to this specific spot.

There are stranger vagina
hands all over these products.

Stop!
There's no vagina on my box.

Vagina in your thumb,
vagina in your fingernail.

We received a glowing
review from you, professor.

It says here, miscast as donkey.
No.

No chemistry with scene partner.

I'm assuming the
scene went badly, then.

It was.

I blacked out.
That's what happened.

I blacked out.

Do you think the
teacher's going to pass you?

I mean, I walked
in on him making

out with one of his students--

aptly named Belinda Hooker--

in the utility closet last week.

So, yeah, I mean, I
think he will pass me.

If you're going to
go to LA and do this,

you have to start taking
the work seriously.

Like, you're not
always going to have

Belinda Hooker to fall back on.

I don't know
what I want to do.

I don't why I'm going home.

I don't know anything, so.

Well, maybe you need
to take a moment to think

about that type of shit.

Did you learn that
in your sensitivity

training course, Sabrina, or?

My car's here.

I suggest that you shove a
T-pon up there quick, all right?

Have a good graduation.

Bye.

Say hi to Mom.

Have a safe flight.

Say bye.

- Bye.
- Thank you.

Oh my god.

Look at this piece of shit.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi!

Oh, Isabel Klein!

Oh, my moon and my stars.

You're a college graduate.

Dog, so true though.

Check it out!

Look at this.

Ah, a bachelor of arts.

Yeah.

Wow.

This cost, wow.

Yeah.

You know, honey, I could feel
your father's spirit with us

during the whole ceremony.

And I could tell that he
is so proud, so proud.

Of course he would have rather
you graduated from Yale.

But this is OK.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh, where's Amythyst?

Oh, she had to run uptown to
the International Yoga Center

to get some bodhi yaya
wind chimes in F sharp.

They're very, very special.

But she's going to
join us for vegan.

What?
No, Mom.

Vegan?
Please.

Just, no.
- Honey, honey, honey, honey.

Sabrina told me you had waffles
for dinner the other night.

Why are you--

you and Sabrina are having
conversations about my diet?

It's a concern of the family's.

You know, maybe you should
just let the vegan go.

Please, don't do this to me.
That's--

Hey, honey!

You got the chimes?
- Yeah!

Hey!

So nice to finally meet you.

Oh my god, yeah.

Let's go in.

Your graduation
was so beautiful.

Thank you so much.

I love this place.

I know, it's my favorite.
You know what?

They have the most amazing
beet zucchini quinoa salad.

Do you want to split that?

Yeah, let's do it.

- What is quinoa?
- It's ah--

WAITER: Are you
ladies ready to order?

Hi, can I have, like,
a coffee with six sugars?

WAITER: OK.

We'll have a pot of
Matcha Warrior, no stems.

WAITER: All right.
- Thank you very much.

WAITER: You're welcome.
Be right back.

I hear that you
broke up with Aaron.

I'm really sorry
to hear about that.

I wish you would
have told me sooner.

I did.

I left you, like, 74 voicemails.

No?

Deb, you do kind of go off the
grid when you're on retreats.

I know.

Mom, how can that be more
important than the quarter-life

crisis I'm in the middle of?

Huh?

Seriously, I mean you're her
girlfriend for, what, a year,

right?

Can you do me a solid here
and alert her to shit,

like her child is
clearly suffering?

We're not girlfriends, honey.

We're soul walkers.

DEB: We're not defined
by societal conventions.

We're not "in" anything.

We're "on" a journey.

We are.
I love it.

I don't think I'll
understand anything

you just said until I'm,
like, past enlightenment.

Oh, so I hear
you're moving back

to LA to live with your sister.
- Yep.

Just going right
for the jugular.

Look, Mom, moving back
home after college

is a totally legitimate
rite of passage.

Like wearing a choker
made from old tights.

I totally did that.

Or owning a Furby backpack.

Did you have the all
black one or the spotted one

with the pink feet?

I had the all black one.

Too nostalgic!

Dude, I know,
they were radical.

Honey, I know
you just graduated.

And life might seem a bit,
you know, overwhelming.

And you've always
been a little bit

confused about your purpose.

The ceramics were a low point.

But no one's path
is a straight line.

It's more like a squiggle.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi, uh, JFK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SABRINA: No, n, no, no!

I'm not giving you
anything today.

Hi, Izzy!

Go away guys.

SKETCH: Come on,
Sabrina, we're your buds.

We know you have
somebody in there.

Who is it?
- Yeah, yeah.

Is it Zac or Sebastian?

It's Sunday.

We agreed we wouldn't
do this on Sundays.

Right, right.

Guys, she's right.

MARG: Sorry.

SKETCH: Just
saying, just saying.

It's a sister.

SVEN: Drinks caddying.

MARG: Are you the sister?
Are you someone?

SKETCH: Hello!
Hello!

SVEN: Hey, guys, we
made an agreement.

Pack it up.

Did you, did you not help
with her with her bags?

I got it.

Hi!

How are you doing?

How are you?

I'm so sorry I didn't
pick you up at the airport.

That's OK.

I'm glad you're here, though.

You're just glad I'm
here, because you know I'll

buy you (WHISPERING) alcohol.

Oh my god, I'm no rogue.
OK?

I am genuinely happy
that you are here,

but if you got me a six pack
of IPA at the end of the day,

even better.

I see you.

- You see me, dog.
- Hi Izzy!

Hi.

Hi.

Whoa, this bitch has
gone full Martha Stew.

She's churning
her own butter now.

Really?

Yeah.

Um, hey, when can I move into
the downstairs, by the way?

Oh no, I forgot to tell you.

Um, we've been on
location so much that we

started renting it out, sorry.

Just so you know,
we're keeping you

up here for your own safety.

Those rapscallion
PFFs are relentless.

Tell me you mean
"paparazzi friends forever."

Guys, come on and sit
down, the food's hot.

And for the record, that is
not my fault, that situation.

OK, TMZ came up with
this story that I

was cheating on Sebastian
with Zac Efron when

we were shooting Crazy Youth.

And because the movie
is about to come out,

they want me to
vaguely perpetuate it.

But I guess it could be worse.

He's a really nice guy.

What else am I supposed to do?

Sorry.

They're more like super fans.

See what I have
to put up with?

Butter?

Um, yeah.

The depression has
set in hard, I see.

One--

(MUMBLING INTO PILLOW) I'm
confused about my purpose.

--two, three.

Iz?

(GRUMBLING)

Get up, do something, five,
more useful with your time.

My path is a squiggle.

(EXASPERATED) Oh my god.

(MOANING)

This isn't a
suicide suggestion.

Just open up a fucking box.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

She ruined everything.

She ruined everything.

I can't sleep with a
fucking top sheet anymore.

You know sometimes,
I don't know,

we'd sit there and watch TV and,
like, you know, eat popcorn.

And just, like, be a couple.

And in those
moments, I loved her.

Or I think I did.

She was almost animal.

And every time she
would come around, I

just, I just wanted to,
like, hump around and say,

"What are you doing right now?

Who Are you?"

Too much.

What was her name?
Izzy.

She was, uh, she was
always eating those M&M's.

Season six, episode three.

- No.
- Yes.

At the end of episode three
on season six of the X Files,

Mulder finally tells
Scully that he loves her.

But she doesn't hear him.

Well, maybe she does hear him.

But, you know, she
doesn't absorb it or take

it seriously, or something.

It just, it's, it's got me
thinking how many times does

that happen in a person's life?

That you don't see what's
directly in front of you,

that you don't hear people.

I don't know.

I guess I'm just wondering how
you ever meet the right person.

Maybe it's just luck.

That's a shitty answer.

Maybe you have to be ready.

They can't just walk
right into your life

and command you
to pay attention?

Maybe they already have.

Maybe they already
did like 1,000 times.

But like Scully--
see I was listening--

you weren't ready
to see them yet.

Oh, this is actually really--

Izzy, do you want to
come with me to this?

You're not serious.

Izzy, you have to leave
the house at some point.

If you spend one more second
moping over those pussy ass

bitches, Ross and Aaron, I'm
going to hit you over the head

with a cast iron skillet.

I'm going to Fox Mulder's
poetry party book launch?

This is incredible timing.

This is such good news.

So many important questions!

Namely, I've been wanting to
ask him about that kid, Gibson

Praise, who just disappears
at the end of season five

with no explanation.

And it's, like,
what happens to him?

So is that a yes?

IZZY: Yes!

That was a yes.

Hm.

She's looking
for David Duchovny.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, so my agent, Joey,
he's going to be here today.

And I know we talked
about this in New York,

but he said that he'd send
you on a few auditions.

Just go talk to her.

It will be fine.

See how you do.

Oh, OK.

So when he gets here--

Yeah?

- Chat him up.
- Right.

Right?

Um, yeah.

Chat him-- whoa, totally
chatting that up.

Only two?

Izzy, don't get
grease on my dress!

- Oh my god, ow!
- Ow!

BOTH: Oh, are you OK?
- I'm sorry.

Whoa, that was hard.

Sorry, that was
kind of creepy.

I didn't recognize you
when we hit each other.

You're the drum--

I'm the, no--

Oh my god, you're--

You're Aaron
Ezra's girlfriend.

You're Aaron's drummer.

BOTH: No, no, no, no, no, we--

We don't date anymore.

I'm solo.

We broke up.

- This is my band now.
- Oh, OK.

You want--

I'll go-- you
want to go first?

- You go first.
- OK, I'm Izzy Klein.

I'm sorry.

Logan Holt. Nice to meet you.

Nice to officially meet you.

It looks like you
folded on that one.

Folded?

It's slang, "folded."

I can make it up to you later
on, if you're down for, like,

In-N-out?
- I love In-N-Out.

One, two, three, burger?

One, two, three, burger!

I'm going to see
you in a minute.

OK.

All right.

Was I supposed to pound?

But I clapped.

I mean she used to
date my friend, Aaron.

She used to date
my friend, Aaron.

I mean, we played
in a band together.

Of course, now I've got my
own band, Gravy, you know.

She was beautiful.

I mean, I never look--

I looked at her, you know, she
was my friend's, friend's girl,

so.

So you guys are the
producers of all nine

seasons of the X Files?

So my sister is
going to freak out.

She's obsessed.

Excuse me.

I'm so sorry.

I'm leaving with the drummer.

- (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, atta girl.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't want
to meet Fox Mulder?

No, no, I do want
to meet Fox Mulder.

But, ah, you know he's
at the point right now

of being unfashionably late.

Listen, Izzy, don't get
into a car with a stranger.

That's rule number one of life.

No, no, I know him.

He wants to buy
me a cheeseburger.

- Oh, then it's fine.
- CTFO.

Does that mean
"chill the fuck out?"

Yeah, which makes me
wonder is she on mushrooms?

Oh, TBH, honey.

Oh my god, we're doing
way too much acronyming.

I'm on mushrooms.

So, um, what's the deal
with you and Aaron, lately?

I don't know.

We left things on
a very janky note.

You're beautiful.

No, uh-uh.

Yeah, you are.

You don't believe me?

I mean, I don't
know you, really.

I know you.

How?

Aaron's rehearsals.

How could, how could
you have noticed me?

I just, like, sat in the corner
and did dumb school stuff.

I noticed you, but you
didn't notice me noticing.

Wow.

Yeah, that confirms it.
Fine.

Game!

There's a game?

No, we should go.

Oh.

That was my way
of inviting you.

We should have sex.

We should definitely have sex.
Let's have sex, yeah.

Yeah, let's have sex.

Do you have, a, um.

Uh-huh, um.
A condom.

Of course.

Let me see.

Here we go.

Which color should we--

I don't care.
Any color.

I'm going to go with blue.

I'm gonna go with blue.

Let's, just.
Here, you put it on.

You want to put it on?

OK.

Yeah, right there.
- OK.

Do you have any, like, lube?

It's just, like, so
rubbery down there.

Do you have any lube?
- You need lube?

Is it too big?

No, no, no.

It's great.

(GASPS) OK.

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

OK.

Do you think-- can
I, can I get on top?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just--

OK.

OK, so how about
we get on the floor?

On the floor.

LOGAN: Dance, dance, dance.

IZZY: Whoa!

Uh, that's, yeah.

Whoa, that's, oh my god,
there's so much sweat.

OK.

Oh now I'm sweating
because it's so good.

OK, yeah.

Oh my god.
OK.

Can I get on top?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get on top.

Did you need me to take it--

I got it.

Yeah.

Wait.

OK.

Is it too big?

No, no, no.

I mean, it's big.
Yeah.

How big is it?

It's super big.

It's super big?

- Yeah, yeah, really big.
- Oh my god.

What?

What the-- what's on me?

What is it?

I should-- we should come.

No, no, no, you go.

(MOANING).

Gravy!
Woo!

Hoo.
Oof.

That was hot.
That's the best sex I ever had.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Are you guys up?

I need some advice.

My day, honestly,
cannot continue

until it's talked through.

It's 6:30 AM, Izzy.

Rather be dead than alive
between the hours of 5 and 10,

but, you know, it's just
how the cookie crumbled.

So--
- How many cups?

Four, and if my
math's correct,

that'd make it 24 sugars.

I had sex with the drummer.

His name's Logan.

We know.

What do you mean you know?

I smell like sex, don't I?

No, it's the same
dress from last night.

Oh.

OK.

So, I have some technical
issues that I need to discuss.

Can I go?

You can go.

We were using lube
and, uh, it exploded.

And then we got on the floor.

And then I got on top.

And then he kept asking me to
tell him how big his peen is.

And that was awkward.

Oh, that's
everything to a guy.

You just gotta lie.

Yeah, I agree.
IZZY: Yeah?

OK.

And also, he's sweats a lot.

Like it was dripping off
his nose onto my forehead.

Right there.

SABRINA: I think you have to go.

- No, be quiet.
- I need you to--

Izzy.

So, this guy, are you
going to see him again or no?

OK.

Well, that's the thing.

I mean, I decided I should
try out this "having

fun in your 20s" thing.

And, you know, I really
want to give it a go.

And he's awesome.

Well, if you can deal with
the sweating, I say, you know,

give it another shot.

You never have mind-blowing
sex on your first time, anyway.

Well, not according to him.

He said it was the
best sex he'd ever had.

Poor bastard.

SABRINA: Wait, OK.

I'm mad at you.
- What did I do?

You completely dropped
the ball last night.

Joey was doing you a huge favor.

And you literally left
before he even got there.

Do I, like, call him, or--

Mm, I'm thinking more
like a carrier pigeon,

like a message in a
bottle, a telegraph.

Yeah, Izzy.

You should call him.

Not at 6:30 in the morning!

Right.

BITCHY CASTING
DIRECTOR: Izzy Klein?

No the producers
thought she was lovely.

She just wasn't black enough.

OK.

Uh, Izzy Klein.

Hi, how are you?

You' OK with nudity?

Uh?

Sideboob, half
nip, you're fine.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Did you prepare
all four scenes?

Yeah.

We're just going
to do the first one.

The one where she's being
killed by the king zombeaver?

That's what I said.

Oh, yeah.

BITCHY CASTING DIRECTOR: And--

No, no, no, n, n, no!

Don't come any closer!

You stop right there, beaver.

Back it up, back!

I have a knife.

I got a knife, beaver!
(YELLING) My leg!

Oh god!

(SCREAMS)

LOGAN: I mean, she was
beautiful, awkward.

I mean, we both were
artists, kind of like,

you know, it's like I'm
a musician, she acts.

I don't know, we just, we kind
of had a connection, you know?

She loved my sweat.

August, gross.

When did that happen?

M&M's?

You must really like me.

You know it.

And I just got a tour.

What?

Whoa!

Oh my god!

Are you so excited?

Definitely, really excited.

Yeah, that's,
um, how long is it?

Three and a half months.

I leave August, August 30th.

Wow, that's, um.

SKETCH: Good morning, dear.

She's not back yet.

She's still on a press tour.

Oh, shit.

I could have got Charlize
and that baby today.

SVEN: That little Jackson's very
present in front of the camera.

MARG: Yeah.
- Thanks for letting us know.

I wasn't telling
you that to be nice.

I just want you all to
get off the fucking lawn.

Bad day, eh?

Yeah!

Yes!

Do you want to talk about it?

Yeah.

I don't know you people.

I'm Sven.

Marg.

Sketch.

What's wrong, honey?

I don't know.

I just, I feel like I've been
making all the wrong choices.

I've been circling
all the shit answers.

And I also just
really like this guy,

and he's leaving
for three months.

And I'm feeling so hangry.

MARG: Oh, wait, wait, wait, you
know, we've got an extra coffee

bean, here, hon.
Would that make you feel better?

That's not extra, that's mine.

Well, it's fine.

Give her the--

It's hazelnut.

No, it's a pure
chocolate blended.

You, you, it's yours.

Really?

That's my favorite.

Wow.

I don't know.

I just, I'm just thinking,
like, maybe when I get back

I'll take you on a trip
to Cabo, [INAUDIBLE]..

Van Nuys is right
within my budget.

Logan?
Logan?

What?

When are you going
to play some music?

Oh, in a minute.
In a minute.

Got it.

All right.

Hey, um, really quick.

I know that we haven't talked
about being, like, exclusive

or anything.

I just want you to know
that, like, if you sleep

with someone, if you spend the
night with someone while you're

on the road, totally cool.

- I'm not going to.
- No, no, no.

I want you to know that I'm
no, like, stage five clinger.

I wouldn't freak
out or anything.

You want me to be--

GIRL PARTY GOER:
Logan, come on--

--faithful? or
do you want me--

GIRL PARTY GOER:
--everyone's waiting!

- Huh, wait, what?
- Go, go, go.

It's fine.

All right.

MALE PARTY GOER: Come
one everybody, let's

hear it for Logan.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

I mean, I know she's
still in love with you.

Even if you're not
still in love with her.

I mean, she's my best friend.

Honey, I love that you're
so obviously, method.

You know, the greasy hair,
the bags under your eyes,

the next day clothes.

- Oh, th, thank you.
- You're welcome.

The thing is, the
scene needs more punch.

Punch?

You're supposed to
be dry humping him.

Do me a favor, next
time you do the scene,

pretend Chad is the chair.

I need to see more
physicality on the tape.

You ready?

And go.

OK.

Like this.

- Right.
- This good?

- Uh-huh, go.
- OK.

Um, Chad, I don't think
this is a good idea.

You're still dating
Sarah and I--

Yeah, more, more.
I don't believe you.

Give me a scream.

(SCREAMS) She's
still my best friend!

You know, I think we got it.

I think we got it.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

Thanks so much for coming in.

OK.

All right, I'll see you.

Say hi to your sister for me.

Oh, hey, Joey.

How's things in agent land?

JOEY: (ON PHONE) Not great.

Actually, we need to talk.

Oh, really?

JOEY: Yeah, I just can't
send you out anymore.

OK, uh, did I do
something wrong?

JOEY: No, no, casting
directors [INAUDIBLE] is fine.

You didn't ever hear
anything about Zombeavers?

I mean, that one seemed to go--

JOEY: No, not really.

OK.
JOEY: No more auditions.

No?
Right.

Um, uh, there's nothing I can?

JOEY: No.

But happy Friday, though, huh?

Chin up.
- Thanks.

SKETCH: Oh, it's Izzy.

SVEN: Hey, hey!

- Hey, Izzy.
- Hey, Iz.

What's the excitement
today, weirdos?

Well I guess
you haven't heard.

No, heard what?

Come on.

Come on, Sabrina just
booked a huge bestseller

Warner Brothers is adapting.

SVEN: She's already a big deal.

But this will be her transition
into adulthood as a film star.

The industry is
going to take her

very seriously in a big way.

You know, we don't
want to speak too soon.

But the three of us think she's
going to get nominated, huh?

(ON COMPUTER)
--and another thing--

SEBASTIAN: Boot your
hand out of here.

What about, what about,
like a succulent garden?

SABRINA: No, I know that that's
like the responsible, drought

resistant thing to do.

But I want tulips.

I want those big, fat, fatties.

Like these guys?
Like those ones?

A juicy fatty.

The domestic grind commences.

Hi!

I'd hug you, but I'm very
busy with this situation.

All of this.

How was the tour?

SABRINA: It was horrible.

It was just like one
giant mall after another

filled with screaming
miniature people.

And all they wanted to do was
touch Zac's abs and tell me

I'm a cunt.

Do tweens use the word "cunt?"

Actually, he kind of made it--

Zac-- made it
tolerable and even fun

sometimes because he's, like,
such a sweet guy, you know?

You just got a
new one, right, Sab?

Ow, ow.
I'm literally dying.

- Got it.
- Oh, yeah.

That's a big.

Juicy.

IZZY: Well, congrats.

I'll give you guys some privacy.

Oh, um, I'm not going to
go on auditions anymore.

Why?

I'm just not cut out for it.

Never try, you never know.

Ten points in the back end?

He's done like two
and a half movies?

Iz!

IZZY: Shhhhhh.

Izzy, are you going to come?

IZZY: No, I'm re-watching
season five, episode 15.

Are you sure?
IZZY: Yes, I'm sure.

It's the one where
Mulder's Father

is involved in the conspiracy.

That's my sister.

I'm worried about her.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

IZZY: Aw, Scully!

How could you reach under there?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Sabrina!

I really need you to
reset the internet.

Izzy!

IZZY: Like now!

Scully, Mulder, don't
you guys realize you're

soul mates by this point?

I mean 100% pure, sweet, not
from concentrate soul mates.

Just ridiculous--
- Hey!

It's December, fuckhead!

And I am absolutely dreading
this holiday season.

And because you're forcing me to
go visit Mom and that creature,

not even excited to hang up my
goose with real goose feathers

ornament!
IZZY: You have better ones.

That boyfriend of yours is
about to come back into town.

IZZY: He's not my boyfriend.
- So what?

You said, "We don't
have to be exclusive."

IZZY: I'm scared.

Pussy!

You can't blame this all on him.

You've also been too "scared,"
apparently, to get a job.

Or a personality.

Or a packet of floss for
the last three months!

IZZY: Well, you promised
Mom you'd go to Tahoe.

I'll make you a deal.

I will go to Tahoe
semi-willingly

if you get the actual
fuck out of this room

and do something with yourself!

But if I hear Sculder
talking to Skinny talking

to Mulder talking to
Skelly talking to Skinny

one more time, deal's off!

IZZY (VOICEOVER): Somewhere
in the middle of all this,

I think I realized how
much I hate being alone

and how much I
really hate goodbyes,

so it didn't matter
how sweet Logan's was.

It still left me on
Depression Island,

due north of Internet
Stalkage and slightly west

of Acid Reflux with "the thing"
floating somewhere out there

in the water.

I gotta find it.

I gotta fix this.

I've gotta get my ending.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Izzy.

Aaron, is that a, um?

Navy blue shirt.

Totally.
Wow.

Um.
I'm sorry.

What are you doing in LA?

Oh, I'm just, you know,
here for the band's show.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm going to go
to the Fender custom shop

and check out this, um,
butterscotch tele relic.

You know, baseball bat neck,
jumbo frets, black pickguard,

preferably.

Preferably a black pickguard.

That's like
hieroglyphics to me,

but very hip and cool of you.
Yeah.

How do you know Logan?

Um, we've been, uh, going out.

Yeah, since the beginning
of summer, actually.

- You and Logan.
- Yeah, me and Logan.

Funny.

Not really.

- Um, how is your acting going?
- It's good.

It's going so great.

Izzy, Izzy, hey!

Hi!
How are you?

I'm good, yeah, wow.

Crazy.

Hey buddy.

Blue shirt?

I know.

The only constant
is change, man.

Dope party, though, right?

It is what it is.

Thank you for having me.

Of course, of course.

You know, you know what?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yes, please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's um--

[MUSIC PLAYING]

How creeptastic is
it that Aaron's here?

How did he even know
you were having a party?

Uh, I invited him.

Um, that's a little weird.

Yeah, I wasn't, like, thinking
about, you know, I was--

Um, are you OK?

I saw my ex.

Um.

Did something happen?

Did you?

You guys slept together.

Fuck.

How do I say this?

Um, we're, back together.

Together, together?

Yeah.

I mean, what?

You said I can do whatever
I want on the road.

Despite whatever
Jedi mind garbage

I told you before you
left, I actually waited

for you for three months.

Because I like you.
A lot.

This just sucks.

What are you, Izzy!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Jesus.

Leaving already?

Yeah, super tired.

I just think it's
really fucked up.

And you know what you did.

And you're a piece
of shit for it.

What did I do?

You want to tell
me what I did, huh?

You were a slut and a whore.

And don't even try to
lie to me about the fact

that you just walked away
from a conversation with me

to go suck Logan's dick.

And also, when you talk about
your acting, it's nauseating.

And you're a brat.

And you're pretentious.

And nobody gives a fuck.

Oh, wait.

I'm remembering
something right now.

Oh my god!

It's a crazy thing.

You're not my boyfriend!

You don't get to say shit
like that to me anymore!

You left me in New York.

You kissed him in front of me.

What is this, the
Cabbage Patch Kids?

Yes, I kissed him
in front of you.

No I didn't suck his dick for
like one and a half minutes.

I'm pretty sure you know
that's not how that works.

Also, as far as New York is
concerned, I don't know, Aaron.

I don't know.

Karma must be a real
bitch because Logan

just dumped me for his ex.

And Sabrina's agent stopped
sending me on auditions months

ago because I was
making him look bad.

So I'd definitely say
that I'm not pretentious.

And you're right,
no one gives a fuck!

You gotta stop feeling
bad for yourself.

What?
No!

I get to feel sorry for myself.

That's something I
can do, because I

have an ex-boyfriend
who thinks it's

acceptable to call me a whore.

What's wrong with you?

We were always a disaster.

And we should not
get back together.

This is an attempt
to try and get me back?

I thought maybe that
we could have sex, but.

But no, it's not--

we should not talk anymore.

We don't ever talk, but OK.

Well I don't want
to see you again.

I don't want to
see you, either.

And I'm sorry
about that just now.

That's not really a
good enough apology.

- Well, I'm sorry!
- You know what?

I'm not the crazy one!

You're the fucking
crazy one, Aaron.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Sabrina, this is part of the
deal you made with your sister.

You can handle it.

Hold these, please.

Did you ever consider
that you might actually

like your mother's partner?

No.

OK.

Please buckle your
seat belt, OK?

Buckle your seat belt, OK?

Buckle your seat belt. Stop it.

Please stop it.

Buckle your seat belt.
Bu-- goddammit, just--

ow!

Oh, oh!
Oh!

I'm sorry!
Did I get you?

Ow, ow.
No, inside.

Inside.

Inside.

No, no more.

No keep your hands in.

Merry Christmas.

No, no, no, no!
Let's stay!

I don't want to go!
I don't want to go!

No, no, no!

AMYTHYST: You know, we got this
tofurky at the farmers market

in town.

SEBASTIAN: Cool.

So, you were
born "Amythyst" or?

No, actually, my
given name is Amy.

Oh.

That's why I spell
it A-M-Y-T-H-Y-S-T

instead of A-M-E-T-H-Y-S-T.

So, your last name is "Stone."

Yeah.

And you thought that that
would be a good idea, to make--

Cabernet, honey?

I got an amethyst bolo tie
from a healer in Santa Fe.

That's too wild.

SEBASTIAN: Yeah, that's it.
That's all.

Honey, I've got some quinoa.

It's good.

Mom, I actually still
don't know what that is.

It's gluten free and
really high in protein.

DEB: It is.

Is it something
that you bake or fry?

I mean, you fry it?

If you fry it, then maybe.

I wanted to ask how
did you guys meet?

I don't think I've, she never
told me the story, so I--

AMYTHYST: Well,
after college um,

I bounced around for a
few years and started

doing yoga on my own.

- She does yoga.
- Oh cool.

Loves it.

And from there, I got
into Deb's podcasts.

And then I found
out she was living

here, just, like, a block away.

Too cosmic.

I did a retreat about
a year later, and yeah.

That's great.

I love that story.
That's great.

Isn't it great?
- Yeah that's really nice.

I want to make a
toast, to Amythyst

and all our loved
ones near and far.

Cheers.

SEBASTIAN: Cheers,
to love, right?

AMYTHYST: To love.

Super wishing you we're
here right now, Dad.

Oh, Sabrina, I
read your script.

It's quite wonderful.

But I was wondering,
it's set in Las Vegas,

why are you shooting
it in San Francisco?

I love how you're
switching the subject, Mom.

That's great.

I have to pee.
Real.

SEBASTIAN: Sabrina--

Uh, do you know what
we've been watching?

"Bad to the Bone."

AMYTHYST: Yeah, it's so good.

It's bad.

That's very sweet.

And, and, there's
um, there's not.

There's no bones.

It's been, um.

Can you excuse me
for one second?

Do you eat each
little individual quinoa

or do you do, like a whole
big bite of all the quinoa

together?

Sabrina.

Not in the mood.

Good night, baby.

Bye, thanks, sweetie.

IZZY: Ew, Mom.

You, too?

Mom, I'm kidding.

Well your sister isn't.

Dude, why is she being
such a honey badger?

I don't know.

Maybe because she
treasured her father

and he loved her the most.

And, you know it's kind of
like when you're the teacher's

favorite in third grade.

And then in fourth
grade, shit gets real.

Like you, just lost an ally?

I don't know.

I'm not going to tell Sabrina.

About Dad?

Are you?

No.

So, we're hitting
the slopes tomorrow.

Are you coming?

Totes hilare, Debra.

Vee-vee funny.

XO, XO, your super
athletic child.

Bring it in.

I'm so tired.
Will you do the dishes, please?

You finish.

I can't take it.

OK, I got it, here.

Thanks.

Hey, Mom?

Hm?

You seem happy.

That makes me really happy.

SEBASTIAN: Woo!
It's snowing!

You know, Amythyst, this
is steeper than I remember.

Yo, peeps?

Mom?

I didn't actually think
that we were going skiing.

Honey, you went skiing all
the time when you were a kid.

It's like riding a
bike, right you guys?

- Totally.
- Yeah.

- Not really.
- All right!

Try to keep up suckers!

AMYTHYST: See you down there!

Will you stay with me?

Absolutely.

Let Sebastian be responsible
for "Amy-thyst's" deadly

pine tree collision.

You kids go on ahead.

You guys good to ski?

One hundred percent!

No I don't ski--

I do not ski.
- Let's do it!

Bye, guys.

All right, you ready?
Go!

- Not ready at all, actually.
- That's not.

All right.
- (SCREAMS)

Oh my god.

Grab my, grab my pole?

(GROANS) No.
That's not the way.

You know?

I feel like that's,
that's not the way up.

Maybe this is--
- Oh, oh!

OK!

OK, look at my skis.

You want to do a French fry.

And you want to go, pizza!

French fry, Izzy?

- Yeah.
- Izzy.

Izzy.
French fry.

Fr- pizza.

So what happened there is,
is that you didn't do pizza.

You just kept French frying.

You don't know how
to do this, do you?

I'm a world champion
skier, Sabrina.

Obviously, I know. (YELLING)
I just told everyone, like,

97 times, I don't know how!

Where's the best place
to learn how to ski?

On the top of a
double-black diamond!

We can do this.
- I can't get down this hill.

Ma'am, are you OK?

Huh?

We're fine sir, thank you.

Oh no, nope, no.

Not OK.

I've been a participant
in the Downhill

for Down Syndrome
Celebrity Charity event

the last few years.

We'll be fine.

Are you sure you're OK?

I'm required to take
anyone down that's in pain.

Yeah.
Huge pain.

All over pain.

All.

- Are you guys sisters?
- Yeah.

We were sisters.

Good luck to both of you.

- I'm Mikey.
- Mikey McCarthy.

No, Mikey McGowan.

How'd you get so close?

You know, it's a funny thing.

I actually barter psychic
information for 100%

guaranteed mountain removal.
Yeah!

Woo!

Woo hoo hoo!

Classy.

Woo hoo!

Ha ha ha!

Smooth moves!

I bet you get a lot of girls
on their backs every day.

I'll work on that one some more.

(TO RADIO) Yeah, can I
get a gurney down here?

Whoa, gurney?
Geez, no.

I'm fine.

MAN ON RADIO:
What's that, Mikey?

Seriously, I'm good.

- It's protocol.
- N, n, no!

Search, I've got a deep
seeded fear of gurneys.

A phobia, really,
that and sheets.

Sheets?

Yeah, yeah.

Sheets.

(TO RADIO) I'll call you back.
MAN ON RADIO: All right.

Maybe a beer at some
point would persuade you

to take me out of this thing?

I feel like the Michelin
Man dressed as the world's

largest banana split.

Thank you.

Bridgetender Tavern.

When?

Tonight.

OK, where?

It's off the old service road.

OK.

- What's your name?
- You have to guess.

Now you're just
being irrational.

This is completely
irrational behavior.

Why are you being
so nice to her?

I'm not being-- she
hasn't done anything wrong.

SABRINA: What the fuck
are you talking about?

She literally ruined
everything that my mother

ever had with my father.

SEBASTIAN: Your
father's accident

happened four years ago.

And your mother
wants to be happy.

And Amythyst makes her happy.

SABRINA: OK, no, I get it.

You think she's cute.

You think I didn't see that
you liked your Instagram

picture last night?

I, I liked her Instagram
picture because it

was a picture of her--

At 10:36 PM--

--and your mother.

Quite a late
time to be looking

at Amythyst's Instagram.

They're in a relationship.

If anyone is guilty of outside
interest in this relationship,

it's you with your never ending
tacky fucking publicity stunts

that you're doing--

Um, hi.

Hi, Izzy.

Can you, just, not now, please.

So the guy that took me down
the mountain, I, I promised him

that I'd buy him a beer at
Ye Old Shenanigans, something

or other.
Anyway, you guys want to come?

- No.
- No.

OK.
Let me try that again.

Um, I actually need you to
go with me on the off chance

that this is one of
those, like, Nightline,

Craigslist-y type situations.

So what do you need, like 45--

It's a winter boot.

It's a winter boot,
honey, it takes a lot.

Forty-nine, 49.

All right, why don't we
give him a fucking hour

to get his shoes on.
- Hooks.

It's got a lot of hooks.

I'm just asking,
are you guys OK?

Yes, we're OK.

Four years, we're always OK.

Hey, where'd Mom and that
precious gem run off to?

I don't know, some exclusive
holiday party, apparently.

Yeah, I new that
was going to--

I skipped a loop, OK?

Let's go.

In, in, thank you.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, there's people here.

Potentially might live tonight.

Oh, this is it.
This is the party.

That's your mom.
- Oh!

Woo!

No, no, no.

This is unacceptable.
Mom?

Mom!
What are you doing?

Woo!

ALL: Shot!
Shot!

Shot!
- No shots!

No, no, no, no shots.
No.

No shots.
- She doesn't want it.

I don't like it.

And I don't want it.
- Hey, you guys.

It's nice to see you.

I didn't know you
were going to be here.

I didn't know you were
going to be here, either.

I'm so sorry you
got here so late.

I have to go, I
have a 7:30 class.

The hot toddies are two
for one in five minutes.

Oh, I'll be fine.

MIKEY: Hey, guys.

Oh my god, you
guys, this is Mikey.

SEBASTIAN: Mikey,
the rescue man.

She told us she could
ski, but apparently--

No, I literally
never said that.

DEB: Yes you did.

You said you could ski.

Mikey, thanks for getting
her down the hill.

- Thank you.
- OK.

I'm going to come with you, Mom.

Honey, honey.

Look, I know you're mad
and I know that I'm mad.

You're mad, yeah.

I don't fight, OK.

Look at me, I don't
want to fight.

I should have been more
sensitive about your dad--

You really should of.

Hey, come here,
come here, come here.

For your troubles.

Thank you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa.

It's cool that you
save lives, man.

Yeah.

I've played people, please.

She plays save lives?

Come again?

You know.

You fucking know.

I can live with that.

SEBASTIAN: Whoa, fuck.

I'm sorry that my sister is
giving you such a hard time.

I think that you're
super duper nice.

I know.

I'm, like, really trying
to meditate through this.

But it does make me,
like, super duper sad.

For sure, bring it in, OK.

That's, loving.

That's a lot of emotion.

Don't-- have a Tums.

Tums is, Tums helps
with everything.

Uh, Amythyst, catch
you on the flip side.

Peace out, Girl Scout.

They're going
somewhere, I think

they're going to have sex.

I hope so.

I think, I think
they're going to have sex.

- Is that good?
- They could.

They could do it.

It's a free country.

Is that the bolo
tie you told me about?

Mm hm.

That's so crazy.

Bethany.

No, no.
No.

Tammy.

Tammy!

Yeah, a little rough,
Tammy's a little rough.

I'm from Los Angeles, not,
like, Tacoma, Washington.

Just tell me your name.

I can't tell you.

Is it Britney?

Like Britney Spears?

Yes!

You know I'm a Britney fan.

Oh, oh god!
Oh!

How about, Dana?

Dana?

Like Dana Scully?

How'd you know I'm
an X Files fan?

I barter psychic
information, too.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

OK.

This time, I'm going to go.

I'm going to go this time.

Don't, come on, don't leave.

You're being very dramatic
for having met me yesterday.

I'm Izzy.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MIKEY: Have a good one!

Hey, Seb.

Hey.

What's up?

Nothing, just--

Did you sleep at
Amythyst's last night?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah I just passed
out on the couch.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Hey, you guys are
up early today.

Uh-uh.

I chit chatted all night
with Search and Rescue guy.

Seb crashed at Amythyst's.

- Oh, well that was nice of her.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Hi, hon.

Dude.

You look so wrecked.

On a scale from one to hung
over, how hung over are you?

Really.

We slept together last night.

IZZY: Oh, snap.

Are you kidding me, right now?

We did.

You slept with my
daughter's boyfriend?

We were both so drunk.

And I haven't been straight
since I met you, Deb.

But I've been wondering--

I'm sorry, you fucked him?

Are you fucking me right now?

Taking back the super duper
nice comment, right now.

- You could be my mother-in-law.
- She's right.

You could be her mother-in-law!

Jesus Christ!

Deb, I don't remember
exactly what happened.

Did you put your
penis in her vagina?

Mom!

Mom!

No!

What did you expect, Sabrina?

Look at this shit.
Look at it!

How am I supposed to?

You fucked Zac, right?

You must have fucked him.

Or you fucked someone else.

Or you just got
lonely on the road,

because ever since you got
back, you've been pushing

me away little by little.

And you don't push away
someone that you love.

Unless you want out.

Unless you fucked up first.

IZZY: Uh, to be fair, Sabrina.

You know, I think that
maybe you drove him--

- Izzy--
- [CROSSTALK]

Wait, so let me
get this straight.

So you did this to get
back at me for something

that I, never did.
Is that correct?

This is as much my
fault as it is his.

Dude, fucking right it is.

Dude, really?

You're a real home-wrecker,
you know that "Amy-thyst?"

(SNIFFS)

That's right, I said it.

Because your real
dumb name is Amy.

You turned my
mother into a dyke.

And then you decided,
"Oh, you know what?

I want to go have some
non-dyke-y fun" with

my boyfriend for the holidays."
- No, Sabrina.

I actually do think
that I am gay.

This whole thing has been
very clarifying for me.

And, no offense,
Sebastian, but now

that I'm not blackout drunk, I'm
endlessly un-attracted to you.

IZZY: Mazel, mazel.

The best way to get
clarity, hands down.

SEBASTIAN: There you go,
Izzy Klein, being funny.

I mean, no one's even
going to stay with you

long enough to cheat on you.

Um, OK.

You know what, dick?

I have not got the time
to listen to you assholes

hurling insults at each other.

It is 7:45 and my entire group
is already in virabhadrasana

one right now without me!

You guys just all have to
get your shit together!

You, you have to leave.

Bye.

I never cheated on you.

I never hid anything from you.

I gave my whole life to you.

[SOBBING]

Ladies, this is how
we deal with heartbreak.

And I am telling you
that it eases the pain.

Take one.

Thank you.

Thanks.

What now?

I'll go to my yoga class.

And you'll go to San
Francisco, and make your movie.

And you will go to LA
and get some kind of job.

No, Mom.

I'm going to go
to San Francisco.

What?

You are?

Yeah, I mean, you
drink a lot of juice.

So somebody has to--

be buying juice full time.

Bitches need bitches.

We don't got much
of an option now.

All we got is bitches.

Fuck 'em.

- Fuck 'em.
- Fuck 'em.

[LAUGHTER]

Come on.

So, welcome to Las Vegas!
No?

Uh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

That drek texted me.
Texted!

I'm going to be
honest, here, Sab.

I don't want you to
be honest here, Iz.

Honestly, you gave up
on him pretty quickly.

I can see why he might
want to start small.

He gave up on me.

Then I gave up on him.

I'm tired, Iz, of watching
him and watching you.

It's tiring.

But I, I don't, I
mean, you, you love him.

That's--

I don't want to
talk about this.

Whatever happened to meatloaf?

Hamburger?

Yeah, and dry-aged rib-eye.

Oh, you mean Mikey.

Yeah, ski patrol guy.

I don't know, that's just
a "having fun in your 20s"

thing, I guess.

Like, a casual fun chill time.

Oh, OK, huh.

Feast your eyes, Casual Klein.

I bet these are Production's
way of apologizing.

For putting us in
Full House Street.

Where Sven, Sketch, and
Marg are sure to appear

there at any given moment.

FANS: Hello.

I didn't even
think about that.

Huh.
So, I feel like those are from--

TELEVISION: This week on Bad to
the Bone, Nathan finally found

Old Blue.
- Uh-uh.

No, change it,
dude, change it.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

TELEVISION: And
he's hurt, hurt bad.

Bad to the Bone.
- I got it!

I'm changing it.

OK.

I'm sorry.

No!

CHARLIE: If I'm
nice, I'm too nice.

If I'm mean, I'm too mean.

Don't walk under ladders on set.

It's the same as in real life.
Don't be stupid.

What've you got
going over there?

Trail mix.

Why didn't you just
get a bag of M&M's?

I like a challenge.

Then what do you do
about all the raisins,

the peanuts, all the other
stuff that's in there?

I mean, you can
have it if you want.

No, no, no.
I just like M&M's.

I'm, um, I'm Sabrina's
sister, by the way.

Oh, why are you here?

Assistant.

Must be a bunch of hoohas
running this operation.

Because, apparently, I'm getting
paid a legit amount of money

to just sit here
and eat free stuff.

That's, uh, that's funny.

So I didn't catch your name.

I'm Izzy.

Izzy.
Charlie.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Reed.

I'm the director of, of
this hooha operation.

You're the director?

Yeah.

And you're in my chair.

That's my name.

M&M's?

Yeah, no.
It was a great first week.

Thank you guys for
all the hard work.

Hey, have you
guys seen Sabrina?

No?

Nobody?

SABRINA: Just a second.

Dude, oh, dude, let me in.

I have to pee so bad.

Sabrina.

Sabrina!

God, oh, oh, oh my god.

I forgot to tell you
that I got caught sitting

in your director's chair.

Are you OK?

You feel bad about a guy.

Welcome to my world.

What is wrong with you?

Can you not make this
about you for once?

Can you try to be my big sister
for one second of your life,

please?

This whole thing, I
feel terrible about Mom.

She's going to die alone
now because I'm a nightmare.

And this fuckboy can't keep
it in his drop-crotch pants.

You know what I mean?
It's just not fair.

Because she wanted to happy.

- We should do a song, Sabrina.
- Song and dance.

Song and dance.

Mom, you watching?

Uh-huh.

Six, seven, eight. (SINGING)
Give my regards to Broadway.

Remember me to Herald Square.

Tell all the gang on
Forty-Second Street

that I will soon be there.

Whisper of how I'm
yearning to mingle

with the old time throng.

Five, six!

Give my regards to
Broadway and tell them

I'll be there e'er long.

How was that, Mom?

Oh my gosh.

Who do you love more?

Oh, me?

Oh, you're the cutest, Mom.

IZZY: Mom, did you see my boobs?

DEB: No, I didn't see your boob.

[YELLING]

If I'm feeling
something, I should--

Hi.

You came to visit me?

No, I, I'm staying, I'm
staying right down the street,

you know?

Yeah, do you want to?

Yeah, I kind of want to--

OK.

Hi.

Hi.

I was, I was looking at that.

I like when the
buds aren't open,

but they just look like
they're just working so hard.

You know?
- They want to live.

They want to live.

My dad didn't want to live.

Your dad?

Dad killed himself.

But we weren't that
close, so it's--

Well it's your dad.

Your dad's your dad.

She doesn't know.

So please don't.

No, no.
I wouldn't.

Yeah, me and my mom
just decided not to tell

Sabrina, because she was 15.

And she thought he
was the greatest

thing since sliced bread.

You know, we didn't
want to ruin it for her.

Selfish of you.

Selfish?

It's her dad, too.

Have you ever, have you
ever told anybody that?

No.

Sorry.

- No, thank you.
- No, that's--

So, what is, what is that?

[MUSIC PLAYING]
- It's--

Bye.

I don't want these
flowers, so I'm just

going to put them right there.

Thank you.

Can you take this?

Hey.

Hi.

We need to rehearse in my
trailer in 10, if that's cool.

We'll go over 63.
- No.

- These are from Sebastian.
- Yes.

No.

Charlie, yes.
No.

Sorry.

Um, hi, Izzy.

Hey.

It's good to see
both of you, but, yeah.

Izzy.

I'm here for you right now.

I am here for you, right now.

I am assisting.

That's my job.

Hi, I'm Izzy, I assist.

I big sister.
Yep!

Thirsty?

I knew it.

That's what I thought.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

- Hi.
- You look nice.

So do you.

OK, bye.
- OK, bye.

I want to know.

You have to just give me point
by point why it's a great show.

OK, part of it is their
chemistry because, you know,

they're so different.

They're, like, polar opposites.

Scully is a skeptic.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Vegas ISN'T for
losers, Howard.

Vegas isn't FOR losers, Howard.

Vegas isn't for losers, Howard.

Darling.

Darling, Howard.

Darling, Vegas isn't for losers.

- It made your day.
- It did.

You want to get a drink?

No.

Want to watch a pit
mix in [INAUDIBLE]..

No.

You want to--

Um.

This.

They're from Sebastian.
-

Um.

They're irises.

No, I don't, I
don't want them.

Oh, OK.
Sorry.

Thank you.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

Sorry.

My stupid carpet is slippery.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Izzy, Izzy, we should stop.

What?
Wh, wh, wha, why?

Stop.

I, uh.

Fucking came, I came.

I just came.

Oh.

Um.

That's OK.

I'm just going to--

roll.

That's fine.

Do you want, do you want to,
like, wait a couple of minutes

and we can try again.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

I honestly.

I don't care at all.

No, no honestly.

Thank you.

I like you, OK.

I'm so embarrassed.

Don't be.

I don't care.

I don't fucking care.

OK?

All right?

I have to take a shower.

I can just feel it everywhere.

You can shower.

I just got to clean it up.

But then we'll hang.

I, like, filled up--

I mean, it's a lot,
so that's good.

It's, like, a compliment.

But it's just--

That is a compliment.

- A ton of--
- Don't--

--semen.

I don't know why I'm
fucking weird, though.

I'm weird about this stuff.

Don't get annoyed at yourself
for your real thoughts.

Your thoughts are your
thoughts, end memo.

- Hey!
- Hey!

I, uh, I got you something.

Yeah, OK.

Yeah!

Just the M&M's.

- That's hilarious.
- What's up?

How are you?
- I'm good.

We're good.
Yeah, I'm good.

Just, like, going through.

Just, I'm actually in the middle
of the meeting with these guys

right now.

So, we're just trying
to figure it out.

Right, OK.

- I'll talk to you later.
- Yeah.

All right.

Um.

I was wondering
if you could talk.

Do you want to come outside?

Or, I'm here now, so.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Come down.

I'm just in my socks.
Um.

- Hi.
- Hey.

This is different
now, which is dumb.

That shouldn't be.

No, I'm just.

I've been so exhausted.

I'm just trying to get through
these last few days, you know.

You were right
about the jizz thing.

It was a compliment.
- It wasn't about that.

I like being alone.

- No one likes being alone.
- I do.

And I'm, I'm going
to go to sleep, but.

That's what I need
to do right now.

No, Charlie, Charlie!

I felt like you saw me.

And I saw you.

You saw who I was, that
we can be ourselves.

And then that was really great.

Tell me I didn't
make this all up.

No, you know what?

It's OK.
I don't need that.

I don't need it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

What about the phone?

It's all the
things I can't say.

Fuck.

What do I say?

What do I say?

See.

You want answers to questions.

You want-- then I'll tell you.

The answer is like I haven't
ever been fucking laid before,

not really.

Or that I can't fall--

I can't fall like you.

I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how you
just go all the way in.

It scares me.

And I'm bad at it.

And I don't.

And I want to--

I want to give you an
answer, like, I love you.

I do see you.

I see you right now.

I saw you.
I love you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I see those made the cut.

Yeah.

You want to know what card says?

"Sabrina, I want to give
my whole life to you.

Love, Sebastian."
Like, ew.

Kind of great.

It is super sweet.

Can I, um, read you something?

Yeah.
I mean, yeah.

There's nothing accidental
about anything for us.

Me to men, it's no accident.

Mom to moving on,
it's no accident.

Your disquiet, your distrust
to Sebastian, to us all.

I'm sure now that, um, secrets
are lies we tell ourselves.

I'm just not sure how
long you could feel it.

That there was no car accident.

Nothing is an accident.

Not the length of my lie.

Or the sureness of Dad's choice.

Not the curve of the planet
or the days in a year.

And I'm selfish.

And I had to tell you.

I had to read it because
I'm not a good big sister.

Come on, sister.

Full house street
never lost its creep

and I am RDY to space jam.

Let's go.

- Come here.
- OK.

So, Iz.

If you thought that
vagina hands were bad,

this is AIDS feet and
dog wormies and SARS.

Come on, come on, Sabrina.

You want me to
sit on the ground?

Yes, on the ground.

I'll use this.
Only because I love you.

No more wormies.

This is gross.

I feel like the stuff will
feel better if we yell it.

What stuff?

I miss you, Dad!

Oh.
OK.

So that's what we're doing?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

I miss you, Sebastian!

I'm sorry, Sabrina!

About what?

Dad killed himself?

Yeah.

He didn't say goodbye.

I hate it when people
don't say goodbye.

I hate it!

You've been big sistering
this whole time.

Can I small sister real quick?

OK.

Well.

I read your notebook.

I read all your stories.

It's your year of
spectacular men.

I never thought
about it that way.

What do you mean?

I mean, don't
stories have endings,

I mean, you'd think
I'd have an ending.

Because that's what I wanted.

I wanted endings.

I wanted answers to questions.

But, look, here we are.

Look at those flowers,
there's a million answers.

That's Aaron and Mikey
and Logan and Mom.

And Dad.

And Dad.

And Charlie and Ross.

"Amy-thyst."

And Sebastian.

And they're all
attached to the roots.

To mine and yours.

They're the answers.

And I don't want endings.

More.

Aren't we privileged
that we get to have more?

You're fucking
good, Isabel Klein!

I mean, you're my big sister.

And you're right, things do
feel better when you yell them.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

IZZY (VOICEOVER): I kept
thinking that this year

would tell me a story.

But it turns out, I
wrote one instead.

One with some totals and
struggles and selfishness

and squiggles and sistering.

Do your thing.

IZZY (VOICEOVER): One
where certain people

really should get their ending.

Everything falling
into the perfect spot.

The sun shining just
right on their faces.

A moment of
togetherness where you

have the extraordinary
privilege of saying

hello and not goodbye.

I've never been good at
seeing where I should go next.

And that's funny to me now.

Because, I mean, the real
secret is that nobody knows.

And everyone's just guessing.

And there is no thing.

Except for the one
tiny thing I do know.

The one small thing
I know for sure,

which is that in every
story every single person

gets an ending.

It's just that now
is my beginning.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

The sex was great.

There's always that,
I mean, that's such,

like, a guy thing to say.

I don't know how she's doing
now, but, I wish her the best.

Wish it could have worked.

This girl couldn't
ski to save her life.

I saw her fucking snowballing
down the mountain.

I had to take her
down on a gurney.

I don't know why I'm so weird.

I don't know why I had
to be weird with her.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) Take my hand
'cause there are no answers

and there are no ends.

3-6-5 dance with
me, dance with me.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

3-6-5 it's so good to see you.

You look very nice.

Are you listening?

I want to tell you I've
been where I've been.

Take my hand 'cause there are no
answers and there are no ends.

3-6-5 dance with
me, dance with me.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.