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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,975 --> 00:00:04,999 Mm, oh. 2 00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:09,044 And here's another money saver. If you buy a big bag of irregular socks... 3 00:00:09,214 --> 00:00:12,706 ...you can pair up the good ones and use the cash you save for underwear. 4 00:00:13,985 --> 00:00:15,418 Good to know. 5 00:00:15,587 --> 00:00:19,250 And you can use the leftover misfit socks for dusting gloves... 6 00:00:19,424 --> 00:00:21,551 ...golf club cozies, even a hand puppet. 7 00:00:22,527 --> 00:00:23,551 A hand puppet? 8 00:00:23,728 --> 00:00:26,925 Oh, sure. A couple of buttons for eyes and you're ready to go. 9 00:00:27,098 --> 00:00:28,395 Hello, pretty lady. 10 00:00:29,901 --> 00:00:31,528 Funny. 11 00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:40,102 So have you done Internet dating? 12 00:00:40,278 --> 00:00:44,977 All the time. If you're interested, I know a couple of tricks to weed out the losers. 13 00:00:46,317 --> 00:00:48,376 I'm very interested. 14 00:00:50,288 --> 00:00:52,950 - Hey, how are you? - Hi. 15 00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:55,388 - Oh, you know him? - No. 16 00:00:55,894 --> 00:00:56,918 Oh. 17 00:00:57,095 --> 00:01:00,724 Talking to strange women. Must be drunk. 18 00:01:00,899 --> 00:01:03,925 Anyway, my profile says that I am a chiropractor... 19 00:01:04,102 --> 00:01:06,662 ...but I also do a lot of holistic work. 20 00:01:06,838 --> 00:01:08,772 You know, acupressure, tissue massage... 21 00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:11,465 ...both of which promote a sense of well-being... 22 00:01:11,643 --> 00:01:15,079 ...and also a heightened sexual sensitivity. Heh. 23 00:01:16,147 --> 00:01:22,017 Assuming, of course, your sexual sensitivity requires heightening. 24 00:01:23,188 --> 00:01:26,487 I have absolutely no intention of sleeping with you, Alan. 25 00:01:26,658 --> 00:01:30,992 Whoa. Whoa, where'd that come from? I'm just talking about my job. 26 00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:32,959 Making conversation. 27 00:01:33,131 --> 00:01:36,430 And when you say "absolutely no intention," you mean tonight, right? 28 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:42,364 - You look like you could one of these. - You're a mind reader. 29 00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:48,043 Excuse me, but I am with this lady and if she would like another drink... 30 00:01:48,213 --> 00:01:50,647 ...I am more than capable of providing one. 31 00:01:50,815 --> 00:01:53,147 But the dinner's still Dutch. 32 00:01:55,086 --> 00:01:56,849 - What's your name? - Louanne. 33 00:01:57,021 --> 00:01:58,488 Hi, Louanne, I'm Marcus. 34 00:01:58,656 --> 00:02:02,820 All right, all right, fun time's over. Look, Marcus... 35 00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:06,486 ...the lady is on a date with me and you are intruding. 36 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,131 Ask the lady what she wants. 37 00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:11,200 Not necessary. I can tell you what she wants and it's not me. 38 00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:16,703 But there's a principle involved and that is one of poaching another man's gal. 39 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,139 - Is that so? - Yes, that's so. Now take a hike. 40 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:21,175 Just sit down and finish your peanuts. 41 00:02:21,346 --> 00:02:24,076 - Don't you touch me! - Hey, hey, calm down. 42 00:02:24,749 --> 00:02:28,708 You're right, you're right. We should just take a deep breath and calm down. 43 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:34,154 That's a good idea. So, what are you doing after Potsie here drops you off? 44 00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:35,485 Hey, Marcus? 45 00:02:39,597 --> 00:02:41,690 How's that, bitch? 46 00:02:47,172 --> 00:02:48,901 What are you doing in there? 47 00:02:49,407 --> 00:02:52,035 Be patient. I got you a surprise. 48 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,903 You hear that? She got us a surprise. 49 00:02:57,749 --> 00:02:59,683 You gonna grab that? 50 00:03:02,187 --> 00:03:04,417 You'll have to be more specific. 51 00:03:04,589 --> 00:03:08,047 - Answer the phone, Charlie. - Right, right. 52 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:13,261 Hello? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, slow down. Who is this? 53 00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:17,633 Oh, hi, Alan. Not a good time right now. 54 00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:19,235 Really? 55 00:03:19,404 --> 00:03:21,770 What the hell are you doing in jail? 56 00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,765 You're kidding me. 57 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,673 That's hilarious. 58 00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:31,405 All right, all right, I'm on my way. 59 00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:33,141 What do you think? 60 00:03:39,490 --> 00:03:41,958 I was gonna save it for our wedding. Couldn't wait. 61 00:03:42,126 --> 00:03:46,392 Oh, baby, by the time we get married that thing's gonna be half-eaten. 62 00:03:50,301 --> 00:03:51,996 Who was on the phone? 63 00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:54,330 - Alan. - Everything all right? 64 00:03:54,505 --> 00:03:57,235 Yeah, he was calling to say he wouldn't be home tonight. 65 00:03:57,408 --> 00:03:59,342 Oh, did he get lucky? 66 00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:03,571 Not yet, but the night is still young. 67 00:04:33,678 --> 00:04:38,706 Ten hours! Ten hours I sat in that urine-soaked jail cell! 68 00:04:40,051 --> 00:04:42,281 You shouldn't have peed yourself. 69 00:04:42,453 --> 00:04:44,250 You said you'd be right there! 70 00:04:44,422 --> 00:04:48,324 Look, look, I understand your anger, but you gotta see it from my side. 71 00:04:48,493 --> 00:04:52,259 - What's your side? - I get really sleepy after sex. 72 00:04:53,665 --> 00:04:55,724 - What's going on? - Oh. Your gallant fianc�... 73 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:58,391 ...let his brother rot in a prison cell all night. 74 00:04:58,569 --> 00:04:59,661 - What? - Oh, come on... 75 00:04:59,837 --> 00:05:04,069 ...it was the Beverly Hills jail. I've been there plenty of times. 76 00:05:04,242 --> 00:05:07,439 Slip the booking officer a 20, he'll send out for Starbucks. 77 00:05:07,612 --> 00:05:10,376 You know I don't carry that kind of cash. 78 00:05:10,982 --> 00:05:15,043 Regardless, it was just one night. Nobody took your man cherry, did they? 79 00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:18,946 Was that why Alan called last night? 80 00:05:19,123 --> 00:05:21,387 Uh... I assume so. 81 00:05:21,559 --> 00:05:24,722 - Oh, Charlie. - Hey. You had that sexy lingerie on... 82 00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:26,363 ...and you were so beautiful. 83 00:05:26,864 --> 00:05:29,697 Plus, you know how I hate to waste an erection. 84 00:05:30,201 --> 00:05:33,637 I can't believe you abandoned your brother when he needed you. Horrible. 85 00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:36,797 How'd I become the bad guy in all this? He's the felon. 86 00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:38,533 Why were you in jail, Alan? 87 00:05:38,843 --> 00:05:41,437 I was forced to use my hands to defend a lady's honor. 88 00:05:41,846 --> 00:05:44,314 Ask him what happened to the lady. 89 00:05:45,016 --> 00:05:48,952 She drove the guy I punched to the emergency room. 90 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,112 Why would she go with him if you were defending her honor? 91 00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:56,283 I would've asked her, but I was busy being handcuffed and dragged off to jail. 92 00:05:56,461 --> 00:05:59,328 Where I spent the night covering my behind with a food tray. 93 00:06:01,599 --> 00:06:04,432 Shame on you, Charlie Harper. 94 00:06:04,702 --> 00:06:05,896 Oh. 95 00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:08,595 Now she's mad at me. Happy? 96 00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:10,807 Oh, yeah, I'm thrilled. 97 00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:14,741 If my transsexual-biker cellmate had only been a little more affectionate... 98 00:06:14,912 --> 00:06:17,608 ...my life would now be perfect! 99 00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:25,613 I don't know. I just snapped and hit him. First time in my life that's happened. 100 00:06:25,790 --> 00:06:28,520 You mean it's the first time you've ever won. 101 00:06:29,794 --> 00:06:32,922 The important thing now is for you to know that your family... 102 00:06:33,097 --> 00:06:35,793 ...is a hundred percent behind you. - Thanks, Mom. 103 00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:39,300 Now, before we waste money on some expensive lawyer... 104 00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:43,804 ...how much jail time are we talking about if you just roll over? 105 00:06:44,242 --> 00:06:45,607 I don't wanna go to jail. 106 00:06:45,777 --> 00:06:48,678 And if he does, he certainly doesn't want to roll over. 107 00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:52,047 - Charles, that is crude and uncalled for. - Thanks. 108 00:06:52,216 --> 00:06:55,583 You're welcome. Nobody wants to go to jail, sweetie. 109 00:06:55,753 --> 00:07:00,247 Let's face it, if all we're talking about is 60 days alone in a room with no friends... 110 00:07:00,425 --> 00:07:04,418 ...how is that different from two months squatting in your brother's house? 111 00:07:04,962 --> 00:07:06,793 You're kidding, right? 112 00:07:07,398 --> 00:07:08,729 I guess. 113 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,861 Don't worry yourself. I'll get a public defender and take care of this. 114 00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:15,801 - There you go, problem solved. - Charlie. 115 00:07:15,973 --> 00:07:18,271 Kid out of law school, hungry to make his bones. 116 00:07:18,443 --> 00:07:22,846 What's wrong with that? He gets his hair cut by trainees at the barber college. 117 00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:26,508 I'd be happy to help you hire a lawyer. 118 00:07:26,684 --> 00:07:28,481 No, I couldn't take money from you. 119 00:07:28,653 --> 00:07:30,518 That's an honor he reserves for family. 120 00:07:31,989 --> 00:07:33,684 So you guys aren't gonna help him? 121 00:07:33,858 --> 00:07:36,224 Of course we are. But if we didn't torture him... 122 00:07:36,427 --> 00:07:38,554 ...he wouldn't be comfortable accepting help. 123 00:07:38,729 --> 00:07:40,526 You don't know that. Try me. 124 00:07:41,933 --> 00:07:44,493 I'll find the lawyer and we'll split the fee. 125 00:07:44,669 --> 00:07:49,834 Not fifty-fifty, because I'm out six years of room, board and incidentals. 126 00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:53,272 And by incidentals, I mean mostly Kleenex and hand lotion. 127 00:07:54,579 --> 00:07:59,175 Oh, please, I paid for four years of college and chiropractor school... 128 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:02,183 ...and he still gives me handmade tchotchkes for Christmas. 129 00:08:02,353 --> 00:08:04,446 You said you loved the pot holders I made. 130 00:08:04,622 --> 00:08:06,715 I said they made me cry. 131 00:08:08,059 --> 00:08:10,220 Okay, okay, okay, fifty-fifty. 132 00:08:10,394 --> 00:08:13,363 But we'll put it on my card so I get the miles. 133 00:08:14,031 --> 00:08:15,464 I can't believe you two. 134 00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:19,034 That's okay, Chelsea. I'm used to being treated this way. 135 00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:23,105 The mocking, the insults, the humiliation. 136 00:08:23,274 --> 00:08:26,903 It's all part of the festering ugliness of this family. 137 00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:33,482 See? He's fine with it. 138 00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:41,584 Thanks for coming, you guys. Your support means a lot. 139 00:08:41,759 --> 00:08:43,283 Thank her. If it was up to me... 140 00:08:43,494 --> 00:08:46,930 ...you'd be in San Quentin wearing lipstick and a mop wig. 141 00:08:47,098 --> 00:08:50,625 Okay, Mom, I gotta go. No, I love you. 142 00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,860 What? No, you're not bothering me. 143 00:08:53,037 --> 00:08:56,973 No, I'm happy to take care of it. Okay, okay, bye-bye. 144 00:08:57,141 --> 00:09:00,736 Sorry. I bought my mom a new computer and it's opened up a can of worms. 145 00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:04,006 Ironic. I just bought my mom a can of worms. 146 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:07,279 Brad Harlow. Are you Alan? 147 00:09:07,451 --> 00:09:10,648 No, no, no, I'm his brother Charlie. That's my fianc�e, Chelsea. 148 00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:15,383 And that pasty-faced jughead is the family rottweiler. 149 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:19,052 I just want it on record that I am not by nature a violent man. 150 00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:23,758 My fuse is long, but it is attached to dynamite. 151 00:09:25,469 --> 00:09:27,460 Shut up. I'm paying by the hour. 152 00:09:27,638 --> 00:09:30,334 Would you two just stop it? I'm sorry. 153 00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:34,174 That's all right. I have siblings too. We tease each other constantly. 154 00:09:34,345 --> 00:09:37,974 You know, sometimes I think it's just easier than saying "I love you." 155 00:09:40,851 --> 00:09:43,285 Okay, well, I got some good news for you, Alan. 156 00:09:43,588 --> 00:09:46,056 Hey, when's the last time you heard that? 157 00:09:46,824 --> 00:09:50,351 I made some calls. The fella you punched has alcohol-related priors... 158 00:09:50,561 --> 00:09:52,995 ...and is definitely not looking to press charges. 159 00:09:53,164 --> 00:09:55,997 - I don't have to go back to jail? - Not even a court room. 160 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,294 Oh, thank God. I can't go back to the joint again. 161 00:10:01,606 --> 00:10:04,734 All right, great, we're off the clock. What do I owe you? 162 00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:06,570 Relax, you don't owe me anything. 163 00:10:07,078 --> 00:10:08,841 Even better. Thank you. 164 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,880 Charlie. We have to pay you for your time. 165 00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:14,176 Oh, you hippie. 166 00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:18,653 Well, you can always make a donation to my charity. 167 00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:21,149 What's that? Lawyers without yachts? 168 00:10:23,461 --> 00:10:27,488 No, no, it's for inner-city kids. They come out to my ranch once a month... 169 00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:30,190 ...learn to ride horses, get out in the fresh air. 170 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:34,065 Oh, that's wonderful. I love horses. I used to ride all the time. 171 00:10:34,238 --> 00:10:37,503 - Shall I write you a check? - No, no, no, I got it. 172 00:10:37,675 --> 00:10:40,007 - Who do I make it out to? - Danielle's Darlings. 173 00:10:40,177 --> 00:10:42,111 - Who's Danielle? - My late wife. 174 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,339 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - Oh, thank you. 175 00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:48,383 I started the charity to keep her memory alive. She loved horses. 176 00:10:50,521 --> 00:10:53,319 Crap. That's another zero. 177 00:10:56,727 --> 00:10:57,785 There you go. 178 00:10:58,229 --> 00:11:01,528 Wow. This is incredibly generous. Thank you. 179 00:11:01,699 --> 00:11:03,667 You're very welcome. 180 00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:10,804 We're having a nature ride and barbecue for the kids Saturday. You should come. 181 00:11:10,975 --> 00:11:14,103 Really? That sounds wonderful. Doesn't it, Charlie? 182 00:11:14,278 --> 00:11:16,473 Do the kids race the horses? 183 00:11:16,914 --> 00:11:18,882 What? No. 184 00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:21,575 - There's no action? - No action. 185 00:11:22,153 --> 00:11:23,245 I don't see the point. 186 00:11:25,056 --> 00:11:26,216 He's just joking. 187 00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:29,120 No, I'm not. I really don't see the point. 188 00:11:30,161 --> 00:11:33,130 If you change your mind, here's the info. We'd love to see you. 189 00:11:33,297 --> 00:11:35,561 - Thank you. Maybe we will. All right. 190 00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:37,564 Yeah, maybe. 191 00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:44,807 - Thanks very much, Brad. - Always nice to bring good news. 192 00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:46,943 I think having a criminal record... 193 00:11:47,111 --> 00:11:50,046 ...is really gonna spice up my online-dating profile. 194 00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:52,580 Might even post the mugshot. 195 00:12:01,659 --> 00:12:03,286 Wasn't Brad terrific? 196 00:12:04,929 --> 00:12:06,863 Who's Brad? 197 00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:08,960 Alan's lawyer. 198 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,627 Uh... He's okay, I guess. 199 00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:15,704 You guess? Not only does he have a successful law practice... 200 00:12:15,873 --> 00:12:18,398 ...he's doing so much to help poor kids. 201 00:12:18,576 --> 00:12:22,239 What? By sticking them on horses? How's that gonna help? 202 00:12:22,446 --> 00:12:24,641 Get them a high-paying job with Pony Express? 203 00:12:25,349 --> 00:12:26,714 It's not about jobs... 204 00:12:26,884 --> 00:12:29,717 ...it's about getting out of the city, into the fresh air. 205 00:12:29,887 --> 00:12:33,015 Fresh air? Have you ever smelled a horse? 206 00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:37,559 You know what I mean. And did you hear the way he talked about family? 207 00:12:37,728 --> 00:12:39,889 They obviously mean a lot to him. 208 00:12:40,064 --> 00:12:42,897 Family also meant a lot to Charles Manson. 209 00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:44,967 That's a terrible thing to say. 210 00:12:46,203 --> 00:12:47,431 Sorry. 211 00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:53,606 Hey, speaking of horseback riding, hop on and I'll race you to the finish. 212 00:12:53,778 --> 00:12:56,008 You know what? I'm not really in the mood. 213 00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:58,614 That's okay. I got enough mood for both of us. 214 00:12:59,216 --> 00:13:00,513 Good night, Charlie. 215 00:13:02,553 --> 00:13:05,147 But Charlie's a frustrated pony. 216 00:13:05,322 --> 00:13:07,017 Go to sleep. 217 00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:15,289 You know... 218 00:13:15,466 --> 00:13:17,457 ...I was pretty charitable today. - Mm-hm. 219 00:13:18,702 --> 00:13:22,297 I guess the spirit of giving doesn't extend to the bedroom, huh? 220 00:13:22,506 --> 00:13:24,736 Good night, Charlie. 221 00:13:24,909 --> 00:13:27,070 Pbbt. 222 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,015 - Hey. - Hey. 223 00:13:35,786 --> 00:13:38,448 - Can't sleep? - Nope. 224 00:13:38,823 --> 00:13:39,983 Me neither. 225 00:13:40,157 --> 00:13:42,125 Even though I dodged the legal bullet... 226 00:13:42,293 --> 00:13:45,421 ...l've got all this stuff building up inside me... 227 00:13:45,596 --> 00:13:47,461 ...and I'm afraid I'm gonna explode. 228 00:13:47,631 --> 00:13:50,225 I'm afraid I won't. 229 00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:56,233 The other night in that bar, I just snapped. 230 00:13:56,407 --> 00:13:58,568 It's like I became a different person. 231 00:13:59,043 --> 00:14:01,807 Well, that had to be a nice break for you. 232 00:14:03,781 --> 00:14:05,442 I'm scared, Charlie. 233 00:14:05,616 --> 00:14:09,677 I mean, there was a part of me that really enjoyed driving my fist... 234 00:14:09,854 --> 00:14:14,257 ...into that jerk's stupid face, watching him crumple to the floor in agony. 235 00:14:14,425 --> 00:14:16,154 So, what are you scared of? 236 00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:18,955 What if this is just the beginning? 237 00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:23,293 What if I've awakened some long-dormant monster inside of me... 238 00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:26,197 ...who revels in violence? 239 00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:29,567 What if I can't control the monster? 240 00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:34,508 What if the monster takes over? 241 00:14:36,914 --> 00:14:38,745 Ouchie. 242 00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:43,883 You're fine. Go to bed, monster. 243 00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,284 Okay, good night. 244 00:14:52,997 --> 00:14:54,726 What happened to your hand? 245 00:14:54,999 --> 00:14:57,263 Oh. Oh. 246 00:14:58,035 --> 00:14:59,730 I won't lie to you. 247 00:14:59,904 --> 00:15:02,532 I got into a bar fight and punched a guy in the face. 248 00:15:03,674 --> 00:15:05,699 Yeah, right. 249 00:15:06,243 --> 00:15:08,905 No, I'm serious. I spent the night in jail. 250 00:15:09,113 --> 00:15:13,049 Fine, don't tell me. I was just trying to make conversation. 251 00:15:13,217 --> 00:15:15,708 I'm warning you. There's a monster inside of me... 252 00:15:15,886 --> 00:15:18,150 ...and you don't wanna wake him up! 253 00:15:18,322 --> 00:15:20,916 Oh, hot, hot, hot. 254 00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:25,995 Did the monster burn his mouth with his chamomile tea? 255 00:15:26,163 --> 00:15:27,926 It's oolong. 256 00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:30,423 Where's Chelsea? 257 00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:34,661 She went to that charity thing for inner-city horses. 258 00:15:39,543 --> 00:15:41,408 You let her go without you? 259 00:15:41,579 --> 00:15:45,310 Why the hell would I wanna go? I hate kids and I'm scared of horses. 260 00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:49,147 Maybe you didn't notice the way my lawyer looked at your fianc�e. 261 00:15:49,753 --> 00:15:52,847 - What are you talking about? - Or the way she was looking at him. 262 00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:54,285 That's ridiculous. 263 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:57,950 I'm telling you, there were definitely sparks between the two of them. 264 00:15:59,163 --> 00:16:00,562 You think? 265 00:16:00,731 --> 00:16:02,995 Charlie, that guy is everything you're not. 266 00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:05,393 Well, what's that mean? 267 00:16:05,569 --> 00:16:07,469 He likes people... 268 00:16:08,205 --> 00:16:10,230 ...he loves his mother... 269 00:16:10,407 --> 00:16:11,567 ...works with children... 270 00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:15,678 ...and he doesn't stumble through life stinking of whiskey and K-Y Jelly. 271 00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:18,512 Hey, hey, hey, K-Y Jelly is odorless. 272 00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:19,842 Not where you put it. 273 00:16:24,488 --> 00:16:27,082 I'm just saying that if Chelsea were my fianc�e... 274 00:16:27,257 --> 00:16:29,316 ...I wouldn't leave her alone with this guy. 275 00:16:29,493 --> 00:16:31,893 If she was your fianc�e, you'd have big problems. 276 00:16:32,062 --> 00:16:35,395 - Like what? - Like being the last man on Earth. 277 00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:42,264 I don't understand why I have to go. 278 00:16:42,439 --> 00:16:45,806 Because your uncle wants to use you to camouflage his growing fear... 279 00:16:45,976 --> 00:16:48,240 ...his girlfriend is interested in another guy. 280 00:16:48,412 --> 00:16:49,902 Hey, hey, hey, I have no fear. 281 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:54,483 Of course not. You just got a sudden craving for barbecue and horses. 282 00:16:54,652 --> 00:16:56,984 Whoa, there's gonna be barbecued horses? 283 00:16:58,589 --> 00:17:00,352 Cool. 284 00:17:00,791 --> 00:17:03,282 Where the hell is this lawyer's stupid ranch? 285 00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,985 You must've passed the turnoff. Put the GPS back on. 286 00:17:06,163 --> 00:17:07,858 I don't need the GPS. 287 00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:10,557 Take the next legal U-turn. 288 00:17:10,734 --> 00:17:14,670 Then proceed 22 miles to main road. 289 00:17:15,606 --> 00:17:17,870 - Okay, turn around. - There's no room. 290 00:17:18,042 --> 00:17:20,010 - Well, then back up. - Twenty-two miles? 291 00:17:20,177 --> 00:17:22,611 Just till you find a place to turn. 292 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,408 - I'm hungry. - We're almost there. 293 00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:27,709 I don't think so. I'd smell the barbecue. 294 00:17:28,285 --> 00:17:31,743 Jake, would you pipe down so I can concentrate on...? 295 00:17:32,956 --> 00:17:34,355 Oh, damn. 296 00:17:34,525 --> 00:17:38,393 You have reached your destination. 297 00:17:38,562 --> 00:17:40,462 I don't think so. 298 00:17:45,469 --> 00:17:47,664 - Un-freaking-believable. - Still no signal. 299 00:17:47,838 --> 00:17:51,171 Well, of course there's no signal. We're in the middle of nowhere. 300 00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:54,538 - I'm starving. - What do you want? Go catch a squirrel. 301 00:17:54,712 --> 00:17:58,648 This is why I always tell you to keep an emergency kit in your car. 302 00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,374 - Yeah. - No matter what happens... 303 00:18:00,551 --> 00:18:03,179 ...I know that in my trunk is a thermal blanket... 304 00:18:03,353 --> 00:18:07,551 ...flashlight, batteries, bottled water and assorted protein bars. 305 00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:10,125 You hear that, Jake? You have an inheritance. 306 00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:14,329 I already ate the protein bars. 307 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,861 You were right, Alan. The more time Chelsea spends with this Brad guy... 308 00:18:21,038 --> 00:18:23,529 ...the more time she's gonna have to compare. 309 00:18:23,707 --> 00:18:25,766 I'm not gonna come out of that looking good. 310 00:18:25,943 --> 00:18:29,276 If you're really worried about her being attracted to a better man... 311 00:18:29,446 --> 00:18:31,414 ...why don't you become a better man? 312 00:18:31,582 --> 00:18:34,710 "Why don't you become a better man?" 313 00:18:34,885 --> 00:18:37,183 Yeah, like that. 314 00:18:48,098 --> 00:18:50,794 You guys think there are mountain lions up here? 315 00:18:50,968 --> 00:18:53,061 Hadn't given it much thought. 316 00:18:53,904 --> 00:18:55,895 Till just now. 317 00:18:56,073 --> 00:18:59,042 Relax, there's no mountain lions. 318 00:19:01,779 --> 00:19:05,545 You know, this is where it normally goes bad in slasher movies. 319 00:19:07,451 --> 00:19:10,784 One guy falls back a little bit, usually to smoke pot or have sex... 320 00:19:10,954 --> 00:19:13,286 ...and then he gets his head hacked off. 321 00:19:13,457 --> 00:19:16,984 Well, let that be a lesson to you about drugs and premarital sex. 322 00:19:17,795 --> 00:19:20,389 - Good parenting, Alan. - Thank you. 323 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,627 Mountain lion! Mountain lion! 324 00:19:28,872 --> 00:19:31,636 Oh, crap. Hey, guys, wait up. 325 00:19:41,018 --> 00:19:42,508 Psych. 326 00:19:56,633 --> 00:20:00,535 I can't believe you really thought I was a mountain lion. 327 00:20:00,871 --> 00:20:02,736 Go to your room. 328 00:20:02,906 --> 00:20:04,840 You punish me because you're gullible? 329 00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,674 Yeah, pretty much. 330 00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,349 Still not funny! 331 00:20:18,188 --> 00:20:19,416 Chelsea's not home. 332 00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:23,057 How could she not be home? That thing was over hours ago. 333 00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:25,195 Worried she might be cheating on you? 334 00:20:25,362 --> 00:20:28,195 No, I was thinking car trouble, but thanks for that. 335 00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:31,667 Sorry. 336 00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:34,536 Chelsea and I have been together for over a year. 337 00:20:34,705 --> 00:20:36,195 We're engaged to be married. 338 00:20:36,373 --> 00:20:38,967 What are the odds she's gonna leave me for a lawyer... 339 00:20:39,142 --> 00:20:40,734 ...because he's rich, handsome... 340 00:20:40,911 --> 00:20:43,903 ...loves his family and named a charity after his dead wife? 341 00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:45,947 I don't know. Even money? 342 00:20:46,884 --> 00:20:48,511 At least. 343 00:20:51,154 --> 00:20:53,281 So 10 bucks just to make it interesting? 344 00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:56,385 Ouchie! 28011

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