Original subtitles

Want to talk about anything else?

No. That's about it.

I'm supposed to be the person looking at my watch.

Sorry, I don't want to be late for work today.

I don't think you have to come back for a while, Peter. Are you OK with that?

Yeah.

Yeah, actually, I felt the same way last couple of sessions.

Think you're ready to see Sharon?

The question should be, does Sharon... want to see me?

I think we should wait a bit. Let's make sure Mr Hyde is dead.

What you went through was very unpleasant, for you and your loved ones.

If these episodes happen again,

you owe it to your family, your friends, yourself, to come to me. Is that clear?

Keep in touch.

Thanks, Ron.

Something weird going on. A lot of folks with foreign accents running around.

- Japanese? - New York.

Oliver Westover said, "Be careful what you put in the oven today"

"because that's what you take out of it tomorrow. "

This company has always sought new horizons.

Once again, we have found one.

Cookies.

Today, marketing manager Peter Derns has a presentation of our new product.

Yes. Thank you, Charlene.

Where is it everyone wants to go in the '90s, gang?

Does anybody know?

Back to the '50s.

Back to the basics. Back to a simpler time.

That's why our first cookie is going to be Oatmeal Raisin Classic.

And it will come for a limited time only...

...in an old-fashioned cookie jar.

- Very good. - Like Mom had over the fridge.

Exactly. Now, we'll take a 30 cent loss per unit.

Whoa! I thought we were in this to make a little money.

30 cent loss per unit translates into about a $1 million cut into profits.

Chalk it up as promotional costs.

Well, ye olde fashioned jars take up valuable shelf space.

Jack, we have to create a new product that separates us from the competition.

The word "old-fashioned" scares me,

especially since we're updating Mrs Appleby's image.

I'll have to talk with New York about this.

Who's that?

Oh. Peter wasn't at the meeting this morning, remember?

Meeting?

Peter, Bill Lives and John Steele are with Bart Foods.

There'll be an announcement about the takeover tomorrow. Please continue.

Where were we?

You ambushed me. Suck up to new ownership on your time.

- It's just constructive criticism. - Peter, outline the downside.

Jack, I need a cost breakdown.

Sara, find strategies from our competitors' oatmeal raisin cookies.

- All on my desk by noon tomorrow. - You got it! First thing!

What's going on?

I found out about the takeover yesterday.

For Christ's sake, lighten up. You'll have a stroke before me.

I know we promised you promotion, but everything's on the back burner.

- You can't do that to me! - Listen to me.

When Bart executives hit 50, they shoot them.

Charlene could be put down. I'd like to be her replacement as president,

which means somebody will have to take over my position as VP. You, perhaps.

- Or Jack. - All of our asses are on the line.

If this cookie venture goes down the toilet, Bart will come in and clean house.

But if we kick ass...

Success is just like hot air. It rises.

Morning, Peter.

- Lance... - Don't move. Start your breathing.

Get my expenses file, get some cots in here. We're burning the midnight oil.

- I lost your expenses. - Didn't you back it up on disc?

I thought I did, but I guess I didn't.

- Wait one second... - This place is such a pigsty.

- Julie's broke water. - I need last year's report.

Did you hear what I said? Julie's water just broke.

Maybe some fresh coffee. Come on, we gotta go.

- My wife is having a baby right now! - That's true...

I'm leaving. I'm going.

Lance, you can't do this to me. You can't do this to me.

- Here are the keys. Don't lose them. - I have a report due by noon tomorrow.

Sorry. See you in two weeks.

You want a raise and you're doing this to me now?

Labour is like an NBA game. You don't have to be there till the last two minutes.

- Peter, wish me luck. - Good luck.

Thank you.

Good luck.

Shit!

I'm sorry about tonight, Nathan.

No, I don't always have too much homework.

No. I have tickets for the basketball game this weekend. You want to come?

Yeah? OK. Good.

No, I don't know.

That's a good one. I like it. You get some sleep now, all right?

Goodnight. Oh, say goodnight to your mom.

Hel... hello?

Everybody remembers "The Main Ingredient".

But the weirdest thing is Mr Gooding doesn't have a record deal.

There are people in the business who can't sing and have record deals.

It's that time of year to think about planting summer vegetables.

That's right, Jim, and this morning's guest will show us how to start.

Today we are going to talk about...

How's that report coming, Derns?

- Super. - Good. Good.

May I help you?

I work here. This is my office.

Oh, Mr Derns. I'm Kris Bolin. Tobias Temporary Services sent me.

I'm your new assistant.

Oh, yeah.

The temp. Yeah.

Of course.

Hello.

You...

You... you did all this?

I was just killing time until you arrived.

You seem harried.

I was up late doing a report that's due by noon, but that's not gonna happen.

So...

I'll call Charlene, tell her I have a doctor's appoint...

Before you tell her you're not in control,

why don't you let your assistant assist you?

We're never gonna make it.

Excuse me. Emergency.

- What's your code? - I don't... Lance...

What's your code?

- Your code! - 1620.

Meet me on the seventh floor.

Meet me on the seventh floor.

- You're cutting it close. - Shouldn't you be kissing executive ass?

The asses I kiss don't belong to executives.

Who the hell's that?

Where's that... Thanks.

Is your job always this exciting, Mr Derns?

Call me Peter. I couldn't have done it without you.

Are you taking Lance to the salmon grill? The brass is buying the grunts a meal.

- Secretaries' Day. - Do you have plans?

Nothing I can't break.

When I first started out in this business, I was an assistant too.

I asked my first boss what it was that he wanted from me.

He said, "I want you to read my mind. "

By the end of my time with him, I almost could.

That's the job description. That's what you do for us.

Frankly, this ship couldn't sail without you.

Someone's got to do the rowing.

Do you have anything to add?

You're taking too long a lunch. Let's have some cake and get out of here.

- I'm allergic to those goddamn things. - Get that out of here!

- Waiter! Where's the waiter? - Go. Shoo.

Well done.

Excuse me.

If I don't get to a doctor real quick after getting stung, I buy the old ranch house.

I cleaned up your expenses folder

and categorised expenditures by bank card.

- Your family? - Yes. Mark and Lizzie.

You know, we could do your taxes and personal checking through this system.

- Well... - Don't worry.

You'd still have to sign all the cheques.

12-80-3 Derns. That's my access code.

So we're gonna become competitors? Going into the old cookie business?

Nobody has a superior product. The market's ours.

Baker Mills have turned back all comers.

They'll knock that smile off little Mrs Appleby's mug.

We're not so little any more.

Bart usually turns over management. You worried?

I'm paying a mortgage for a house I'm not allowed to live in,

rent for a house I don't want to live in,

car payments, bloated bank cards...

Dad, can I go to basketball camp? Gary and David Potter are going.

What, me worry?

Didn't you once fool around with your secretary?

Are you thinking of boning Lance? I knew you'd be the first out of both of us.

- No, I have a temp. Quite a temp. - Temps are fair game.

Nah. She's married. Anyway, I'm trying to get back with Sharon.

- She's something? - She could make a blind man see.

Hey...

This is gonna sound a little weird.

This cookie thing is gonna put us head to head. I'd like us to survive it.

- Come on. - No bullshit. This is business.

I just want you to know that I take no prisoners

and I eat the wounded.

Nathan!

You know those hearts they put on menus to tell you if foods are healthy?

Why couldn't we put a big heart on a cookie jar?

Our cookies are healthy.

Oatmeal's high in fibre.

We use less oil in our product.

We could... We could make the jar square instead of round,

take up less shelf space.

It's...

It's wonderful.

It's a wonderful idea.

It's a great idea.

I'm gonna miss you when Lance comes back.

I finally find a boss who doesn't paw me and it's only temporary.

Do you want to call your husband, tell him you're working late?

No.

Hey, this is a great idea. It's a great idea.

- I bet you're a great dad. - Trying to be.

The break-up must have been hard on him.

A picture of your son, no picture of your wife. A guess.

What don't you like about it? I need your feedback in the worst possible way.

No woman wears a cameo when she's cooking.

My mom wore a big old cameo every time she picked up a frying pan.

- Come on. What about her frown? - Hey, big fella.

- Good morning, Peter. - How are you?

Good morning.

You're a lot easier on the eyes than Lance.

Your calf definition is far superior. Did you know that?

- No. - Kris, where's that fax from Rosalind?

I'll see you at lunch... Kris.

I looked at your insurance statements. Your visits to Dr Feldman aren't covered.

They're not supposed to be. You're having lunch with Jack?

So?

So, you're married.

Jack says I could work for him when I'm done temping for you.

This isn't about sex. It's about work.

I want to stay on with you. I've already made that perfectly clear.

You know, Lance just started a family.

I can't fire him.

Even though I do the job ten times better? That's sexist.

Kris, that guy just wants to get you in the rack.

I'm a big girl. Here's your fax.

Jack and I are up for Roger's job, so he's gonna pump you for dirt on me.

Interesting choice of words. You're a little paranoid.

I hate that word!

- Big Brother's not wasting any time. - So long as I got my job.

- Where's Walt? - Who?

I can't find anything.

I put the files in the filing cabinet, books on the bookshelf. It's a radical concept.

Top secret test market locations.

If they fall into the enemy's hands before you shred them, swallow your cyanide.

- Peter? - Yeah?

Listen, I have to leave. I have an interview with Jack.

How do I look?

- He'll eat you alive. - There are worse ways to go.

I wish there was a way for you to stay.

Peter, Peter, cookie eater, had a temp but couldn't keep her.

Goddamn interns.

- Got that report? - Of course.

Lance thought he unplugged the shredder, but he unplugged the copier.

God. This boy's not smart.

I bought this. Will you sign it and send it round?

I sure will.

Peter Derns' office.

I'm on my way to have lunch with Charlene. Who called?

Your estranged, Jeff Gordahl, Ed Rossi, and I just hung up with Dr Feldman.

- Get me Sharon. - Peter Derns calling for Dr Feldman.

- I don't want to... - Dr Jekyll. Hello, Peter.

Kris, you can get off now. Ron, how are you?

Wonderful. More importantly, how are you? Seen Mr Hyde lately?

No, thank God.

Things are going well personally, professionally.

See any recurrence of the paranoia?

You don't need to have something traumatic happen before you see me.

I have an opening this afternoon.

Ron, I believe I'm ready to see Sharon outside therapy.

I think it's time.

We saw each other last week. It felt pretty good.

How was New York?

They're evasive about me staying on. They're trying to replace me with Roger.

That's ridiculous. What are they thinking?

It's just my latest battlefield, Peter.

Sexism, cronyism...

Now it's ageism.

If they think I'm going down without a fight, they're mistaken.

- Cappuccino, Noreen. - Yes, ma'am. Sir?

Nothing, thanks.

They don't realise Roger is a time bomb. He's terrible under pressure.

If and when he does move up, someone will have to take his place.

I'll be honest. New York likes Jack.

- He plays their game. - A game without rules.

Like you did when you first came aboard. It works.

I got human. I hope Jack blows a hole in his gut and his marriage fails.

There's nothing worse than a reformed whore.

Don't be fooled by company daycare centres and yoga breaks.

People still stomp on your toes and stab you in the back.

Now they just smile when they do it.

I've had more knives stuck in me than Julius Caesar.

I am very impressed with your new packaging idea.

A big heart on a square jar. Good.

It could be love, it could be health. I love it. Thanks, Noreen.

- Kris must have told you. - Yes. Yesterday.

She's a fellow alumnus of mine. She graduated from Stanford.

Did you know that?

Yes, of course.

- Morning, Peter. - Kris, we have to talk.

Your mother thanked you for the brooch.

Shit, I forgot her birthday.

You went behind my back. You told Charlene about heart-smart.

I gave you credit for it.

Tell me something, Kris. What's a Stanford grad doing working as a temp?

It doesn't look good going through five jobs in a year.

If I don't like the company, I move on, without covering my r�sum� in white-out.

Oh.

We marry our jobs, Peter. I want to be sure about the job I marry.

But I don't have to look any more.

- I finally found somewhere I fit in. - Really?

Where do you see yourself in...

...ten years?

The only thing I care about, my only priority,

is serving my boss in the best, most efficient way possible.

So Bart's moving Jack up to VP instead of you?

Jesus. You get around, don't you?

- Let me see. - No, it's that goddamned Jack.

He's on his way to the seventh floor, not me. You hooked up with the wrong guy.

You're the right guy, the nice guy.

We all know where nice guys finish.

- Is there anything else I can do? - Yeah.

Yeah. Why don't you make a note for next week to ice Jack Hartsell?

Yes, Mr Derns.

ORC-1267. Hydrogenated soybean oil, no cholesterol.

Oatmeal, riboflavin, soy lecithin as an emulsifier.

- Have it ready next month. - It's too soon.

I'm not asking you to splice DNA. Just do it!

Roger, lighten up. We're in the cookie business. You all right?

Yes, thank you.

It's missing something. It's missing molasses.

My grandmother used molasses to make her cookies taste better.

Darling, I think it's a little late for that.

Besides, adding molasses would be cost prohibitive.

Actually...

...molasses would be cheaper than the chemicals we use

to make our product taste like molasses.

I checked it out.

And what's more, molasses makes us more organic, more home-made.

She checked it out. Why don't you?

What is with her anyway?

Nice rental, Derns.

Well, it's temporary until I find something more permanent.

You're the real estate agent. Anything I might like?

There's a house on the corner of Harper's Ferry.

Four bedroom, three bath...

The yard needs a little work. My gardener moved out.

Nathan is very excited about basketball camp.

He wants a new pair of shoes.

A pair of... "Pump Up The Volume"... I don't know. "Air" something.

Could this visit be about money?

Well, I could have called you to ask for it. But I wanted to see you.

I'll see what I can do, but the promotion I was banking on hasn't come through.

I'm not here to pressure you.

Well, he may have to settle for plain basketball shoes with solid rubber soles.

I was gonna call you today,

see if you wanted to have dinner this week.

OK.

Really?

- Yeah. - Great.

I don't have my book on me.

All right. Well, then I'll have my secretary call your secretary.

OK.

Bye.

Goodbye.

...a single day since the emergency was declared.

Now, for our KFVD traffic report, here's Patti Finley.

There's a stalled vehicle in the right-hand lane of 5 northbound.

Lots of rubberneckers slowing down.

- Wonderful. - Avoid that area if you can.

You're listening to KFVD All News Radio.

Arson was blamed as the cause of the fire...

The blaze involved six fire companies and took almost four hours to combat.

Jack?

Jesus!

I feel...

I feel terrible. I mean, considering...

Considering the other day, the wish being father to the thought?

Don't beat yourself up over an unfortunate coincidence.

Any thought to who might take Jack's place?

Someone from New York.

Or Sara.

Sara?

Really?

I told him to wait outside.

- How is it working in an aquarium? - Give me that.

- Got a test market at Barneys? - Like I'd tell you.

- What are you doing here? - You haven't heard?

You've been replaced... by me.

Got you, babe. Just in the neighbourhood, thought I'd say hi.

Hi.

- Want some coffee? - Nah.

So who's taking Jack's place now he's been kicked downstairs?

We don't know yet.

Kris, could you get me the strategy for ORC-1237? Thanks.

- Really like what you've done here. - Yeah. It's very old world.

Go for it, Pete. She's worth losing your job over.

Wait up, I'm coming too.

- This is new. - Old. It's making a comeback.

Why don't we stop by Kell's for a drink? Might help you unwind.

Thanks, but I got some grocery shopping to do.

I guess one drink wouldn't hurt.

She said she needed a man who would put family before work.

I took that to mean she'd already found one.

One night I followed Sharon to his place.

I could hear them laughing inside, nervous laughter.

So I tried to barge in. The door was locked so I kicked it open.

Sure enough,

I caught Sharon with him and his wife.

- She was in the bedroom with a couple? - Actually, it was the dining room.

Their kids were there. Her boss was having her over for dinner.

Yeah. She tossed me out after that.

Those kinds of episodes kept happening.

I mean, my jealousy just consumed me, turned me into Mr Hyde.

I mean, I would imagine the worst shit.

Why d'you get so jealous?

Poor role models.

- Your father was a cheat? - No, no. My mother.

Well, at least jealousy shows passion.

Don't you find you respond to someone who cares desperately about something?

Anything?

How did you and your husband meet?

At work.

He was my boss. At school I had a part-time job at Hewlett Packard.

Got pregnant, married and fell in love in that order.

He got laid off, I started filling in.

Well, he's lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.

Sometimes I wonder if he does.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with another man.

I used to imagine Sharon and another man sitting in a bar,

complaining about their marriages, planning a rendezvous at a cheap motel.

I was sitting where your husband is right now, waiting for you to come home.

Maybe some day I won't be married.

I don't get involved with my assistants.

Maybe some day I won't be your assistant.

Hey! Hey, what are you doing here?

Waiting for you to score so we can have dinner.

Dinner's tomorrow night.

Is this bringing back memories? It was tonight.

Is that the one you're buying the jewellery for?

- What are you... - Goddamn it!

You could have been more discreet, but using our account at Jacob Brothers?

Jesus!

It starts with the dry cleaning, then you're doing his Christmas shopping.

Soon he'll have you changing the oil in his car.

They can hardly pee without us holding it for them.

I said, "Screw it, no more working for a man. "

Peter and I have a wonderful relationship.

Kris, can we talk? Now.

Honeymoon's over.

- Is something wrong? - Yes, something's definitely wrong.

You charged a watch on my account at Jacob Brothers.

- I can explain. - All right.

I went to get the brooch for your mother. I wanted a watch. I didn't have any cards.

Peter, I'm sorry, but I'm not stupid. Of course I was gonna pay you back.

Look. I even wrote out a cheque.

That bill goes to the house. It goes to Sharon.

You got the date wrong for dinner.

I didn't get the date wrong. Perhaps your estranged got the date wrong.

You're gonna have to fire her.

She's screwing up your chances of getting back with Sharon.

You do want to move back into that house, don't you?

Kris, you've been an incredible help. You were a saviour.

But you need a job that's more challenging and gives you more leeway...

...more input.

Kris, I'm afraid we're gonna have to part ways.

I know.

You know?

I knew yesterday, after the watch.

Kris, I'm gonna miss you.

I'll just be down the hall.

Come again?

Peter, can you believe it? They made me marketing manager, an executive.

I made it. It's all thanks to you.

- This is ridiculous. - Is it because Kris is a woman?

- Hell no! Sara deserves it more. - The molasses thing was a killer.

Charlene gave Kris credit for changing the logo.

Bart want an infusion of new blood.

I may not kiss ass like she does, but I'm going to start kicking it!

- Is Kris in line for a VP spot? - It's a level playing field. The best...

The best person wins.

She's got a hidden agenda.

Don't we all?

Just let it go, all right?

I'll be glad when this project is over.

I meant what I said. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you.

Well...

Thanks.

Open it.

No more paper cuts.

Thanks.

- But you didn't have to... - I didn't.

I charged it to you.

How was your first day?

Great. Let's break in my new expense account and talk about it over dinner.

It's Mrs Derns.

Excuse me.

- Hello. - Hi.

I just wanted to tell you Nathan loved his sneakers

and... the pearls were a nice touch.

Kris...

...could you excuse me?

I thought we'd go to Albert's, break open some oysters and find some more.

Let me call you right back.

Kris?

Did you know Mrs Appleby is baking cookies now?

My husband likes Baker Mills macaroons, but I could try one.

I really shouldn't.

For a limited time, Oatmeal Raisin Classic comes in a traditional cookie jar.

They're low in cholesterol,

which means they're not only good tasting, but good for you, too.

The boys in Manhattan are gonna love this. I bet it was glass from that jar.

I shouldn't have let you talk me into it.

It wasn't the container. The jar's plastic.

We have to stop the bleeding.

OK. Roger, contact legal. Ready them for an avalanche of lawsuits.

Peter, talk to the cops and the bakeries.

Kris, write a statement saying we're doing all we can to get to the bottom of this.

- I thought I handled the media. - Kris is camera friendly.

You know, just pray that our factory is cleared of any negligence.

If Appleby is to blame,

New York is gonna come looking for sacrificial lambs.

And I promise you, it won't be me.

You come with me.

This business is gonna put me in an early grave.

Media is radio and television...

Still think the playing field is level?

Appleby and Hillsboro police are conducting a thorough investigation.

As a precautionary measure, we've taken all Appleby products off the shelves.

We're confident this situation should be resolved in a few days.

Are you saying Kris sabotaged the market test? Are you out of your mind?

Who gains and who loses from this fiasco?

The winner's Kris Bolin. You know the losers.

- You're crazy. - Stop saying that.

What about your buddy at Baker Mills? I've seen him hanging around here.

Brad plays tough, but no. It's someone in this company.

If I told Charlene your theory, God knows what she'd do. You've got this problem!

Had! I had this problem.

I had... this problem.

I'm sorry.

Pull! Pull!

Come on!

Come on!

You should've had your Wheaties this morning.

Bart takes in 50 trillion a year and we get hot dogs.

We sell oatmeal and shrapnel cookies. What do you expect?

How come we never see Kris's family?

Her daughter's sick. Her husband's babysitting.

Who are you to tell me anything?

Hi.

- Roger said you wanted to talk to me. - Why don't you come in for a swim?

The water's cold, could use warming up.

Thank you.

We used to come to a lake like this in high school on Senior Ditch Day.

My boyfriend and I would go for a swim.

Drift away from shore...

Then I'd pull off his trunks. He'd take off my bikini.

We'd fuck under water.

Everyone on shore was drinking beer and playing frisbee...

...watching us and nobody knew what we were doing.

We looked like two lovers embracing.

Wouldn't it be fun if we did the same thing right here, right now?

In front of Roger, Charlene, God and everybody?

Wouldn't that just be a trip?

What's the verdict?

Clean. Not even a cockroach. The Health Department was with us every step.

Great. Roger's gonna be pumped. Bye.

To all concerned. We are entrenched in the terrible quagmire

of negative publicity and political infighting

as a result of the recent episode at Barneys.

But the unfortunate incident cannot be blamed...

...or the bakery...

...but must be shouldered by the person in charge.

My sincerest apologies to my loved ones...

- Rog? - ... and co-workers.

To all concerned... We are entrenched in a terrible quagmire...

Rog?

...of negative publicity and political infighting

as a result of the recent episode at Barneys.

But the unfortunate incident cannot be blamed on lower management

or the bakery.

It must be shouldered by the person in charge.

My sincerest apologies...

We are entrenched in a terrible quagmire

of negative publicity and political infighting

as a result of the recent episode at Barneys.

We are gathered together here to commit the ashes of Roger Jasser

to the winds and the valley and the river.

In case you haven't noticed, we're running out of executives around here.

At this stage Bart Foods is reluctant to bring somebody in from the outside,

so I'm talking to you and a shortlist of candidates about the position.

I'm ready if you need me, but it's not foremost on my mind.

I appreciate your honesty, Peter.

We're all a little shaken up. In the meantime, the business at hand.

Next week, Bill Lives and John Steele will be back in town.

I want you to show them around, let them know that we're in control.

We are in control, aren't we?

Last one to the executive suite's a rotten egg.

Competitive situations like these...

...can test a friendship.

I hope in the end you and I are still friends.

Tell me something, Kris. Were you and Roger sleeping together?

No. Charlene and I are.

I go straight to the top.

- She's fucking with me. - Who? Sharon?

No, somebody who knows me better: My secretary... former secretary.

Kris? Are you sure, man?

All right, Pete, don't get mad at me.

You've had suspicions before and they've blown up in your face.

Sharon, case in point.

You think I don't know that? This is driving me nuts.

Be careful. If you accuse her of sabotage you better make damn sure you're right.

Better have proof.

Come to me here, man. Come on, Slick.

What are you doing?

Foul.

What are you doing?

Looking for a file. What are you doing?

- I heard a noise. - From your office?

I'm not the one with my hands in the cookie jar.

Come on, you have doubts about her too.

Don't put words in my mouth.

Is there a problem with your temporary?

- No, just want to know about her. - Is there a hygiene problem?

No. Her hygiene is above average.

Kristine Bolin. Her last job was for Ted Fine at Redmont Savings in Eugene,

February 1991.

Ted Fine died? That's terrible.

Dumb shit goes swimming after a triple bypass, doesn't take his nitro with him.

His fault.

You know...

Kris and I, we used to have these horrendous fights over Ted.

I... I accused her of sleeping with him.

In his wet dreams.

He tried like hell.

Kris put up with it because he promised to make her a management trainee.

I'd have clocked him.

Yeah, but Teddy promoted that college intern he was...

...doing the dirty deed with. Kris wigged out about that.

Sorry, she went to work out at the club.

- When will she be back? - She didn't say.

Peter, you're supposed to be at your son's game.

Shit.

That's OK.

- How's he doing? - Great. You missed the first half.

Someone at Appleby told Charlene about Feldman.

- Who? - Kris, my former assistant. Go, Nath!

Next time you'll think twice before you fuck your secretary.

I didn't.

Goddamn it! Would I be telling you this if I was? I'm trying to make this work.

- You know that. - Why would she do it?

- She wants to be my boss. - You're sure?

No, I'm not sure about...!

I'm not sure about anything. That's the problem. I'm sure about nothing.

Maybe you should talk to Feldman.

Just touch base with him. Talk about it.

- Look, I gotta go. I'm sorry. - Peter!

Your priorities haven't really changed, have they?

Water. Anything.

- Hi. - So...

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Four dollars.

What the hell you doing?

You better run, you pervert!

Chickenshit Peeping Tom. I landed him a good one.

Someone...

I don't know who yet.

Someone in this company

is leaking marketing strategy to our competitors.

Baker Mills is doing a knock-off of our opening line,

right down to the packaging!

And they're introducing the product one week before ours.

I find this to be more than just a coincidence.

Someone here... is gonna pay.

- I've never seen Charlene so angry. - Heads are gonna roll.

Your buddy Brad, can he be trusted?

Now you mention it, maybe I ought to check it out.

He sure had the run of your office that day.

Would you and your family like to come over for dinner tonight?

- We have plans. - Tomorrow night?

- What happened to your head? - Hurt it playing basketball.

- Mark has a late meeting. - Friday night.

This weekend's bad.

If we weren't friends, I'd think you were trying to put me off.

You do have a husband and daughter, don't you?

You didn't create them to fit the Appleby image?

I'm trying to invite you and your family over for dinner.

- They left me! Mark and Lizzie left me. - Take it easy.

They left last week. I have to go to court to get my daughter back. Are you happy?

Nice going, Derns.

Hey, Dad. This is Nathan.

Bye.

Yo, it's Brad. Sorry we keep playing phone tag. You're it.

Who's this? Want to hear my messages? I'll fucking play them back for you!

No forced entry.

My former secretary may have had keys made. You want her name?

For rearranging your furniture? Nothing's missing.

- What am I supposed to do? - Change the locks.

I like what she did. Works for me.

Let's take the stairs.

What's going on?

The bitch fucked me out of my promotion.

Kris Bolin never went to Stanford.

- How do you know? - I was in her office.

- Cute picture of you. Were you two? - No. What did you find out?

Charlene has her degree from Stanford on her wall. Why not Kris?

I'd have it illuminated by its own spots.

Not everyone hangs their diplomas up.

Of course, but it got me thinking. So the next day I called human resources.

Two years at Delta Junior College in California.

No request for a credit transfer to Stanford.

What's going on?

We were just about to ask you that.

You have the recipe for prototype CA-1245 in your menu.

- What? - The recipe for Chewy Almond.

I wouldn't even begin to know how to get information on product CA whatever.

- You have friends at Baker Mills. - I'm not selling secrets.

What are you doing? What's going on? You have been acting insane!

- Someone is trying to destroy me! - Who?

Kris Bolin never went to Stanford. Sara checked.

I want you to go home. Go home, Peter.

Don't come in until you hear from me.

She's on the phone, Mr Derns...

I'm busy.

Thank you for going easy on me. At least I'm not like Jack or Ted Fine.

What's Ted Fine have to do with anything?

You're right. Ted Fine has nothing to do with anything any more. He's dead.

Ted died?

Look at her. She is amazing. You are amazing.

You're good in the water.

Did you ditch his nitro, get him hot until he popped a spring?

You're talking nonsense!

Stop doing this to me! Stop lying to me!

- Let's go. - I know what you're doing! Stop lying!

I know what you're doing!

You're working too hard. You need a vacation.

She's a liar!

You done with the phone? Hey, you done with the phone?

- Dr Feldman's office. Leave a message. - Hey, I'm talking to you, man.

Hey! I said I'm talking to you.

Pete, take it easy!

Let go of me!

Lay off him!

What the hell is wrong with you?

As if you don't know.

Come on. Let's get some coffee.

How about some $4 mineral water?

Come on.

Why don't you tell me what the fuck you and Kris were doing at the sports club?

Oh, Jesus. That's what this is about?

All right. The woman was asking about job openings.

There's a lot of shit going down. She thought I could help.

She thought you'd pass her some information.

Come on. You're way off base here.

Take no prisoners, you said. Take no fucking prisoners!

You're out of your fucking mind. You're scaring me. You're out of your mind!

The thought has occurred to me.

It's also occurred to me that you'd like my job.

Goddamn it! I was trying to get laid!

You want Sharon and me back together so you can fuck Kris.

Shut up. You're fucking up a perfectly good friendship.

After Kris, who's it gonna be? Sharon?

No!

You're blowing it, man. You're blowing it!

I can't take this shit any more, man.

Here. Get yourself a goddamn cab.

I don't need your goddamn money.

Hey!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- What? - Peter?

Charlene would like to see you in her office at 10 a. m.

Bart Foods considers breaches of security grounds for dismissal.

Realising the gravity of the situation, I hope you'll be understanding and...

...accept our apology.

Pardon me?

R&D mistakenly sent CA-1245 to the marketing managers instead of a memo.

David Toy knew 1245 was classified. It jumped out when he saw it.

We jumped all over you. I'm sorry if it caused you any undue stress.

Fortunately, Kris alerted R&D to their mistake.

Kris Bolin?

If it hadn't been for her,

I might have fired my newest vice-president.

Congratulations. You're on the seventh floor.

The boys in New York want you in Salem to oversee Oatmeal Raisin Classic

to make sure it runs smoothly. Deliver on this.

Don't worry.

Rosemary has booked you and Kris into the Silver Trail Inn. You leave Thursday.

Sara has more production experience.

Sara's in Michigan.

I had Bart transfer her to their frozen vegetables subsidiary.

Sara was sticking her nose into other people's business. We don't need that.

Don't you agree?

I'm aware that you and Kris have had difficulties. It's time to bury the hatchet.

- Good morning, Peter. Congratulations. - Thanks, Marla.

Your maid called. She wants to know if she can finish cleaning this afternoon.

She cut her hand the other day and had to go to emergency.

Oh, yeah. Well, she knows where the key is.

It's clearing.

Yeah.

It sure is.

I'm sorry about your family leaving you.

I bet your husband said you loved your job more than him.

He was right.

But is that a reason to take my daughter and never let me see her again?

It was her birthday yesterday.

She turned three.

- What's wrong? - The brakes.

- Pull over. - Where?

What's wrong?

Your bleeder screws were loose. You've been leaking brake fluid.

Someone tampered with your brakes.

- Someone tried to kill us? - Yeah.

Thanks.

Why did you tell Charlene you went to Stanford?

I didn't think she'd hire me for my ability rather than how many sheepskins I had.

While you were in school studying flow charts,

I had two jobs and a kid to raise.

Every job I've ever had,

I've known more about the business than the boss who's grabbing my ass.

Where did it get me?

I saved your neck yesterday.

Even after you accused me of killing people.

Even after Charlene told me you got promoted instead of me.

I still saved your neck.

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

- Front desk. - A message for 201?

Yes, Mr Derns. A lady called for you.

What lady?

Hold on. Here it is.

Charlene Towne called from her car and said she got your message.

What message?

About the emergency at the bakery. She said that she'd meet you there.

Kris!

Charlene!

Kris!

- What happened? - Someone hit me.

Who?

Jesus. Charlene.

No!

Peter, help!

The pictures!

Peter?

Nathan has something he'd like to ask.

What's that?

Can you come to my birthday party? It's on Friday.

Well, I have to be in New York on Friday.

But you know what?

I'll get out of it.

- I have to get back to work. - Thanks for lunch.

- Sure. - And I'm sorry.

Bye.

New York likes your survivalist qualities, Peter.

They feel it will offset your relative inexperience.

Even though you're interim president, I'd like to make you permanent.

Thanks, Bill.

- What are you doing? - Just clearing out her desk.

- Where'd she get these? - That came with the frame.

$9.95 from Thrifty's. I bought them for her. Why?

I'll get the coffee started.

Here's the report on Oatmeal Raisin Classic. Looks like a success.

Congratulations.

Kris.

These are the pictures Charlene was talking about.

I didn't call and tell her there was an emergency at the bakery. You did.

You were gonna kill her, pin the murder on me,

because she was on to you, wasn't she?

She knew you didn't go to Stanford and lied about having a family.

You weren't gonna rise any higher as long as Charlene was around.

I was going to tell you about the picture. I always keep one on my desk

to fend away office hounds. Lots of girls do, or wear wedding rings.

- You always have an answer. - Come again?

I said, you always have an answer. Save them for someone else.

Peter, we're not gonna go through this again, are we?

No, Kris. We're not.

As president, it's time I start delegating some authority.

Rosemary,

call the police and make sure Miss Bolin doesn't leave the building.

- Yes, Mr Derns. - Thanks.

One more thing, Kris. Clean out your desk.

You're fired.