Original subtitles

You've got to be kidding me.

You don't remember what happened to us last season?

What, are you some kind of fucking idiot?

MAN: You got married? FIONA: Yeah.

But are you happy or...

Gus seems like a good guy.

Something is going on with us. We both know it.

JIMMY: I don't want to be that shithead who's sleeping with some nice guy's wife.

What if Gus and I split up?

I think I'm falling in love with one of my professors.

LIP: Helene. And she knows what she wants.

She doesn't second guess herself, she's really sexy.

See if it's safe to leave.

DEREK: I want to have sex with you.

We don't need that. I'm on the pill.

Cool.

FIONA: You can't have a boy in your bed.

- You do. - I'm a grown-up.

DEBS: I'm pregnant. FIONA: Are you sure?

Oh, shit.

Why are you taping horse to my tummy?

'Cause I'm your uncle and you do what I say.

(DOG BARKING)

Carl!

JUDGE". I sentence you to the maximum.

One year at the Illinois Department of Corrections Juvenile Justice Division.

Don't you worry. No one's gonna mess with you again.

Let's do this.

(IAN WHOOPING)

- FIONA: What the hell happened? - He's crazy. He steals baby.

WOMAN: Bipolar 1, acute mania with psychotic features.

- This means-- - Yeah, we know what it means.

I hate the meds. You gonna make me take them?

You're fucking nuts when you don't.

You can't fix me 'cause I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay?

This is you breaking up with me.

SAMMI: Mickey.

Holy shit.

- Fuck you! -(GUNSHOTS)

You can't take me! I was sitting on my fucking porch! Are you crazy?

You little fucking inbred fucking cunt!

-(SIREN WAILING) - That can't be good.

Oh, I need a drink.

FRANK: What's the occasion?

Cancer.

I've seen what chemo does to a body.

It's not a battle, it's a lost cause.

Dying is lonely, we know that.

It doesn't have to be.

Thank you.

FRANK: For what?

BIANCA: You've made me happy.

FRANK: Bianca!

(THEME some)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

(SIGHS)

Come on, man. We talked about this.

Look, I'm sorry for your loss, but you can't keep sleeping here.

Look, you need to get on with your life, man.

That's what your daughter would've wanted.

She wasn't my daughter. She was the love of my life.

My sun, my moon. My dusk, my dawn.

The spring in my step,

the syrup on my waffle.

(VOICE BREAKING) The Tootsie in my Pop.

Look, man, I've got a grave to dig right over there.

And you can't be here when the funeral party shows up.

Have a good day, my love.

(KISSING)

I'll see you tonight.

(SIGHS)

(ALARM TONE BLARING)

(GROANS)

Time to get up, old man.

DEBS: Occupied!

Lip. Time for work. Don't forget to take your meds.

Up and at 'em, Bean.

DEBS: Oh, use the downstairs toilet if you're so fucking desperate.

We've got to be at the clinic before 8:00, or we're gonna be waiting all day.

We're doing this today, Debs.

We got to know for sure, one way or another.

- Debbie? - I heard you.

She gonna go?

Oh, she's going.

How are you today, Mrs. Pfender?

The "P" is silent, and stop calling me that.

You're still married though, right?

Separated.

Sounds like a yes.

You're the one sleeping with a married woman.

What does that make you?

Lucky.

Frank's gonna burn the house down.

(KNOCKING)

Go away! Oh, my God.

Don't you have to open today?

What is he doing?

Weeping, I think.

Are you weeping again, Frank?

It's called mourning a loved one taken too soon.

- JIMMY: Want a lift to work? - No.

Your shift starts in half an hour.

- Meds? - Yes, Mom.

Not your mother, just concerned. You take 'em?

(GASPS) Fuck, Frank!

I love you.

I just want you to know. I love you.

Did I ever tell you about the time

I caught an octopus on the reef outside of our hut

and Bianca cooked it on an open fire right on the beach? (CRYING)

Yes.

And the funny little sneeze she would do when she was asleep?

(ALL SNEEZING)

Debs, I love you.

- Jesus. - I just...

I want you to know that.

Go away, Frank.

You almost ready to go, Debs?

- I'm eating. - Well, eat faster.

We got to drop Liam off at pre-K on the way.

Has anyone seen my black armband?

She's dead, Frank.

She...

Jesus. What's the matter with you people? She was my soul mate.

She probably killed herself just to get away from you.

Can I borrow 5 bucks?

No.

- Debs? - For what?

I want to light a candle for Bianca at the foot of the Blessed...

No.

I hope, someday, you two have the precious gift of feeling

what I felt for that beautiful young woman. (SOBBING)

And then to have that love stolen cruelly from you by a pitiless God.

And then, maybe, just maybe,

you'll remember this day and your father's anguish,

and you'll be ashamed of the lack of compassion you showed him

in his time of need.

I love you, my little brown banana.

I just want you to know.

I don't know how much more of that I can take

before I stab him in the neck with a broken beer bottle.

What are you smiling about?

I'm happy, can't I be happy?

No. Not about this.

There's absolutely no reason to be happy about this.

Drugs.

- No! -

(GASPS) Fuck. Where did you get that?

From Carl's pillow.

Probably has a pipe bomb stashed in there somewhere, too.

We should go visit him this weekend.

- No, thank you. - Why not?

- DEBS: Busy. - Doing what?

Living my life away from my degenerate criminal brother

who keeps a switchblade in his pillow.

- Go. Work. You can't be late again. -(GROANS)

You ready, Debs?

Come on.

Hey, Debs.

Debbie.

I love you.

I just want you to know I really, really love you. (LAUGHS)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Hi.

He'!-

I thought you were gonna set the alarm.

No, I lied.

I have a class.

Yeah, me, too.

The neo-Marxist philosophy of the Frankfurt School, Adorno and Fromm.

Mmm.

I love Adorno.

(CHUCKLES) You don't even know who Adorno was.

Theodor Adorno,

- Negative Dialectics, Minima Moralia. -(MOANING)

Adorno advanced a dialectical conception of natural history

that critiqued the twin temptations of ontology and empiricism

through studies of Kierkegaard and Husserl.

You remembered that?

I had an excellent professor.

(GASPING)

Sta)'-

I can't be responsible for impeding your academic growth.

Professor Youens won't care. He doesn't show up half the time.

Then you teach, that's what teacher's assistants are for.

What, to fill in for absent professors?

To teach survey courses to business majors who don't give a damn.

He doesn't teach survey courses.

Applied Mathematics and Particle Dynamics for Physics majors.

He still drinking his breakfast?

No, he's usually still hammered from the night before.

You know, two Fluid Dynamics majors reported him to the Dean,

he's gonna get himself fired.

Oh, nobody's firing Dr. Youens.

He's a member of the National Academy of Sciences

and he's been shortlisted for the Fields Prize four times,

not to mention he literally wrote the textbook he teaches from.

Hey, can I come over tonight?

No.

Why?

- I'm busy. - Doing what?

(DOOR CLOSES)

(BABY CRYING)

Gallagher?

Here.

You're coming?

- You don't want me to? - Not really.

Is that okay? She's only 15.

It's your daughter's choice.

- Sister. - Sister.

Uh, thanks, but I'll be okay.

Great. I'll just wait here.

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -(SNORING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Kev.

Kev.

(GASPS) What?

Door.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

(BABY CRYING)

KEV". It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

Baby, go back to sleep. It's just some idiot pounding on the door.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(POUNDING CONTINUES)

Shit! Coming.

- Oh, good morning. - Holy shit.

What is with the doorbell? Somebody dying?

We have a petition for you to sign.

We are collecting signatures

to force the police to do something about the noise.

(DISTANT ENGINE NOISES)

What noise?

- You don't hear that? - Every morning?

- We've asked him nicely. - Begged numerous times.

- We've called the police. - It's the ghetto.

Lots of noises in the ghetto.

Automatic gunfire, people begging for their lives.

Okay, it's not the ghetto, it's our home,

and that Turkish idiot is doing this on purpose

-because we asked-- - Asked nicely.

That he remove that rusting car and rotting sofa from his yard.

Well, first of all, Yanis isn't Turkish, he's Greek.

Or Albanian or something.

And that's a Ford Fairlane he's trying to fix up.

What is going on?

- They want Yanis to clean up his yard. - And stop the motorcycle noise.

They have a petition they want us to sign.

- A what? - Sign here.

Look, I know Yanis pretty well. Let me talk to him first, all right?

We don't want things to get dramatic.

Let me see what I can do, okay?

Okay? Okay.

45, 46,

47, 48, 49...

- GUARD: Gallagher. - Fifty.

Ready to go?

CARL: Yeah, baby.

Peace out, man.

MAN: Yeah, baby.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Peace.

Deuces, fam. Yo, deuces.

PRISONERS: (CHANTING) White-Boy Carl! White-Boy Carl!

White-Boy Carl! White-Boy Carl!

White-Boy Carl! White-Boy Carl! White-Boy Carl! White-Boy Carl!

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

- On the door. -(DOOR BUZZING)

(DOOR OPENS)

So, it's positive.

So, we're pregnant?

Would you like to discuss your options going forward?

Oh, no, no, no, thank you. We're having this baby.

(CHILD LAUGHING)

- You're not pregnant? - I'm not.

(SIGHS)

Are you okay?

It's for the best, Debs.

Come on, let's get jelly donuts before I drop you off at school.

Come on.

LIP: Professor?

Professor Youens?

Morning.

Holy shit. ls that a new scratch?

It didn't look like that yesterday?

No, don't think so.

Is there any blood or bits of clothing stuck in the grill?

Nope.

Good rule of thumb, Phillip.

When you start sideswiping cars, it's time to pull over and park.

(GASPS) Boss Tweed cometh.

How do I look?

Honestly? Like shit.

Morning, Dean!

Glorious morning, wouldn't you say?

Go, thee witch.

Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.

One short stack with sausage, two over easy with bacon,

hash browns and a side of Texas toast.

Does Debbie seem okay?

She was actually disappointed.

Jesus, it was all I could do

not to start dancing the Nae Nae in the middle of the waiting room.

She's in love.

She's 15.

She's got all those hormones slamming around in her body

screaming, "Procreate!"

Fucking Otis, he won't pick up the phone.

- How late is he? - Over an hour, again.

Otis, man, what the hell?

Come on, seriously, you got to get here on time.

I got held up, I'm sorry.

No, sorry's not gonna cut it, you're assistant manager.

- Get your ass here on time. - All right.

I think Otis is using again.

Hey, Otis, you using again?

- No. - There you go.

Ian, we go see Mickey today.

Hey, Yevgeny. No, thank you.

I told you I'm not going to see him again.

But he won't see me if you don't come.

I'm done with that part of my life.

I pay you.

How much?

-25. -(SCOFFS)

Okay, 50.

You want to go fishing tonight?

Hmm?

Date night. Fishing?

- Fishing? - Yeah.

Come on, you're gonna love it.

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

(CURSING)

Uh, excuse me. I'm late for work,

and you all look like you haven't had gainful employment for decades,

so, if you don't mind, I'll just...

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been 23 hours since my last confession.

(SIGHS) Frank.

I just can't understand why God would take her away from me, Father.

Her family threw me out of the funeral.

My own family ridicules my pain. Why, Father? Why?

It was God's will and she's in a better place.

But why? Why, when we had just found each other?

Is God really so vengeful?

Why is he punishing me with this torment?

All right, 10 Hail Marys and light a candle.

Ten? Really, just--

All right, 20. What the hell do you want?

Do you want me to tell you to flog yourself with a cat-0'-nine tails?

- Make you wear a hair shirt? - What's a hair shirt?

Oh, damn it, Frank.

It's not the Middle Ages and there's a line out there for confession.

So, will you please let other people come in here and confess their sins?

Well, Jesus-freaking--

If a man can't find a little comfort from the Catholic Church,

maybe it's time to admit Martin Luther had a point.

Let's give the Lutherans a try!

Don't give me that look. What can you possibly have to confess?

Your cooch dried up before Nixon went to China.

(SIGHS)

(MONKS CHANTING)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

Yanis!

Yanis!

Yanis!

(REVVING CONTINUES)

Yanis!

(ENGINE STOPS)

Bike's a little loud. Can you tone it down a bit?

People in the neighborhood are starting to complain.

Oh, yeah? What people? The lesbians?

Did you take the muffler off the bike?

Let me tell you something, Kev.

These dykes can't tell Yanis Gregorian Papadiamantopoulos what to do.

Okay? They're always complaining.

Always complaining about my yard, my fence, the color of my house,

my dogs barking, they're calling the cops!

These rich lesbo bitches always up in everybody's business!

Yanis, what does their sexual orientation have to do

with you taking the muffler off the bike?

Kev, my pit bulls can tell when a vagina hasn't had a cock in it, okay?

That's why they bark.

Look, I know they're a pain in the ass,

but we need to figure out a way to get along.

"We got to figure out..." Twenty-six years I've been in this house!

Twenty-six years. I fucked my first girl in that house.

My mom died on the toilet, dead in that house!

Never any complaints from anybody! Ever!

They call the cops one more time, I'm gonna go over there,

I'm gonna rape-fuck the dyke out of them

until they are begging for more Yanis!

All women beg for more Yanis.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(ENGINE REVVING)

That's a great color on you, Mrs. Timor, really brings out your eyes.

Let me refill that, you can take it back to the site.

Slow down, girl, you're going to ruin our reputation as a greasy spoon.

You gonna charge them for that?

Free refills, right?

I get half your tip.

And I want a pony for Christmas, but I ain't gonna get it.

Can you get your brother to hurry up?

I've seen trees grow faster than he's bussing that table.

Hey, you need to pick up the pace a bit.

Nobody's waiting, it's not a big deal.

- It is a big deal, the boss is watching. -(WAITRESS GRUNTING)

(DISHES CLATTERING)

COP: Otis, stop!

It'll be fucking worse if I got to catch you!

Damn it, Otis!

-(SIREN WAILING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

COP: Stop! Hold it right there!

(CUSTOMERS EXCLAIMING)

(SLAMS)

Didn't do anything!

Get the fuck off me, you pigs!

Guess our reputation as a shithole is still safe.

Ian, will you take your rag and wipe that blood and snot off the window?

Looks like I'm gonna need a new assistant manager.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(INAUDIBLE)

I love Ben for a boy. Or Catherine, depending.

Or both if we have twins.

I think we really need to get our families together

to talk about the baby.

My mom and dad and your sister--

No,no,no,no.

Just not yet, okay?

I looked up Lamaze classes online.

There's one at the Y on Tuesdays, we can do it together.

I got to go.

I'm behind on my alignment worksheet for Auto.

Okay, just don't forget about our appointment after school.

- What? - Planned Parenthood, 4:00?

Right.

(STUDENT COUGHING)

(STUDENT COUGHING)

(MOUTHING) You want to fuck?

(MOUTHING) Do you want to fuck?

Okay, uh, listen up!

Professor Youens has been unavoidably detained.

Uh, so, let's review Chapter 26 in anticipation for next Friday's test, okay?

Um...

That's differential equations, applied probability,

approximation theory, asymptotic and variational methods.

(NERVOUSLY) Um...

Okay, most of you were lost on optimal polynomials on the last quiz,

so once you choose the degree and domain of the polynomial,

the polynomial is chosen to minimize your worst-case error.

So, the goal here

is to minimize the maximum probability

of P of X, minus F of X,

where F of X is the actual function here.

P of X is the approximate polynomial. X varies over the chosen intervals.

Now, for well-behaved functions, there's always an Nth-degree polynomial

that will take you to an error curve that oscillates back and forth to--

positive epsilon and negative epsilon--

...plus-two times--

Bring you back to your error of epsilon.

Got it?

It's possible to make contrived functions,

F for X, which no such polynomial exists,

but these rarely occur in practice.

Thank you, Mr. Gallagher.

Now, who knows what Mr. Gallagher almost got to?

Uh, a Chebyshev polynomial approximation?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What the hell are you doing?

I bought some fancy, empty bottles from the bartender at The James.

These idiots put so much fruit and coffee and crap into their cocktails,

I can serve them jet fuel, they'd never know the difference.

Uh, appletini.

(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) No pussy drinks. Vodka only.

Uh, what about a Negroni?

Grow testicles. Vodka.

What'd I tell you, classic, right? Uh, what about ice? Can I get ice?

It's $10.

Uh, it was 8 yesterday.

12.

This is so going on YouTube.

Uh. my change?

My tip.

Spasibo.

Fucking fantastic. (LAUGHS)

Spasibo.

Oh, shit. Hey, man, cheers.

Jesus, 20 bucks and you get to treat 'em like shit?

They love it. They think it's authentic or some crap.

Hey, hey, hey, no, you should save that.

It's gonna be worth a mint

when they wins the doubles at the French Open.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Yo, Frank.

The usual, barkeep.

Still one a day, Frankie?

I got to say I never thought you'd be able to stick to it.

Six ounces every 24 hours. No more, no less.

I'm impressed, in spite of my deep loathing for you personally.

Just trying to keep it real, friend. Good Lord only gave me two livers.

What's with all the lumberjacks?

Urban pioneers. They overpay for drinks, like to be abused,

and love these curry-muncher flicks.

I tell you gents about the love of my life?

-(ALL GROANING) - A beautiful, magical, pert-breasted,

-luminous soul named Bianca? - Yes, you've told us.

We get it. She had nice tits. Moving on.

- Shut the fuck up, Tony. -(TONY LAUGHS)

- Evening, boys. - Howdy.

Those are good-looking work boots.

I recently experienced a tragedy.

I lost the love of my life.

A beautiful, magical, pert-breasted,

-luminous soul named Bianca. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

Thanks.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Otis wasn't using, he was cooking.

Cops found over 100 crystals in his toilet.

His toilet?

The tank. It's a terrible place to hide your stash.

Past experience?

I was a connoisseur of household stash spots.

The back of the toilet, that's a rookie mistake.

It's the first place they look.

So, no more Otis?

No, I guess I'm gonna have to find and train a new assistant manager.

Do we really need one?

Unless you want me working 90-hour weeks, we do, yeah.

Hey, you should do it.

DO what?

The assistant manager gig.

You're organized, good with people.

No tips.

(SIGHS) You should think about your future.

Get a little management experience on your resume

for when you're looking for your next job.

Are you firing me?

You offering Fiona Otis' job?

Table four needs coffee, Melinda.

- What about me? - What about you?

I've been here longer than her.

I gonna need somebody who's dedicated to the job.

I'm dedicated. I've been working in this roach motel for nine years.

You gonna work weekends and holidays? Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving Day?

- I have a kid. - Yeah, me, too.

That's why the assistant manager works Christmas and holidays.

You're just offering her the job because she blows you.

I'm right here.

No.

I mean, it's a great side benefit.

You leave your order up under that heat lamp any longer,

your tuna melt's gonna need sunscreen.

And think about that assistant manager thing.

You'd be great at it.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Did Professor Youens grade my Dynamical Systems paper or did you?

Uh...

Yeah, this was me.

I deserve way better than a D.

(CHUCKLES) Uh...

No. No, no, no. You plagiarized it, dude.

"Qualitative behavior of dynamical systems

"are equations of motions that are primarily mechanical

"can impact solutions of differential equations..."

You sound like a Nobel laureate.

You know why you sound like a Nobel laureate?

Because you were. You lifted this from Ketterle.

No, I didn't.

What, you want me to google it?

All right, listen. Rewrite it in your own words,

hand it back to me tomorrow,

and I'll only knock you down one letter grade, all right?

Thanks.

He a friend?

No.

You could have had him expelled.

Yeah, well, the kid seemed like he needed a break.

So, you assumed the decision on what to do next was in your purview?

As my teaching assistant?

I don't think he's gonna do it again.

You

should consider teaching.

- Teaching? - Yeah.

The noble act of passing on knowledge to hungry minds starving for something

to pull them out of their shallow little Facebook worlds.

- I hear the pay kind of sucks. - Oh.

That your objective in life?

An unconscionably large paycheck?

Yeah, sounds all right to me.

Plus, you know, the student loans are piling up.

Are you intending to repay your student loans?

No, no, probably not.

So, why not then use your talents for something more challenging

than managing a hedge fund portfolio

and paying off your Ferrari?

Think about it.

(BABY CRYING)

Debbie?

My boyfriend, Derek, the baby's father, is running late.

When he gets here, can you ask someone to send him back?

Sure, honey.

FIONA: Debs, did you get my text about picking up hamburger buns?

Nah, it's me.

Carl?

Oh, my God!

Holy shit.

Hi!

- When did you get out? - This morning.

Why didn't you call?

Oh, Jesus, your hair...

Nice, huh?

Uh, it's different.

I thought you had another couple months.

Got out on good behavior.

- Yo. What's up, my nigga? - Cracker.

(FIONA LAUGHS)

Your voice, it dropped like two octaves.

Yeah. My testicles dropped, too.

How did you get home?

G-Dog picked me up from Kewanee this morning, drove me back up.

Are you hungry? You must be.

Nah, we hit Popeyes on the way back.

Could I have a friend sleep over?

Is it G-Dog?

Nah, just a kid I met.

A kid? Sure.

That'd be great.

And we should have a party.

A welcome-home party.

Right? The whole family.

- Yeah. - Does that sound good?

Okay.

It's really great to have you home.

Yeah. It's good to be home.

(INAUDIBLE)

Say hi to Yevgeny like you care.

'Sup, little man. Getting big.

You never know when they are watching.

Oh. That fat fuck?

He could give a shit, believe me.

All he's thinking about is whether to have extra helpings

of kielbasa or pierogies at his mama's tonight.

I got another job for you.

Joe Francetti. C Block, 602.

They pay $2,500 but you must stab him in the eye.

- Dead or blind? - Doesn't matter. Either way.

- What's my cut? - Same as last time, 50-50.

You're just going to sit back there the whole time?

Lot more jobs coming in. We make a lot of money with you in here.

Fine. Why don't you take the milk-sucker and scram, I want to talk to Ian.

-(TAPPING) - Hey, in the eye, yes?

files. - In the eye.

In the fucking eye, I got it.

Thanks for coming back.

Yeah.

Svetlana paid me.

You look good.

I got a new tattoo.

I did it myself. Hurt like a son of a bitch.

Jesus.

Looks fucking infected.

Kind of hard to round up a clean needle in here.

Gallagher's spelled with two L's.

No, it's fucking not.

(CHUCKLES)

Fuck.

(CHUCKLES)

Been thinking about you.

Ever think of me?

You gonna wait for me?

You're in here for 15 years.

Yeah, but I'll be out in eight with overcrowding, so...

You tried to kill my sister.

Half-sister, one.

Two, like you give a shit?

Bitch had it coming, calling fucking MPs on you.

(ALARM BUZZING)

GUARD: Time to wrap it up.

Will you?

Wait?

Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.

Yeah.

Yeah, man. I'll wait.

- Hey. What are you doing home, huh? - Yo.

No 40-year-old professor coochie on the menu tonight, bro?

Hey, you know about that?

Dude, you've been sneaking her in here a couple times a week.

I heard she might be fucking somebody new.

Yeah? Where did you hear that?

Around.

Hey,

probably just a rumor, you know.

But you should definitely be lining up some age-appropriate dorm snatch.

Have it in your pocket for when Professor Kinky bails on you.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, Mrs. D. ls Derek here?

No, sorry.

Oh, we were supposed to meet someplace

kind of important today, but he never showed up.

I tried calling him, but I guess his phone's off.

Can I leave a message for him to call me back when he gets here?

He's not coming back.

Wait, what?

His father took him to the airport,

he's moving to Florida to live with his grandmother.

You won't be hearing from him again, Debbie.

I'm sorry.

Wait, what?

What?

He can't go to Florida!

He can't go to Florida. He's the father of my child!

I'm carrying your grandchild!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

Fourteen and already a convicted drug trafficker.

I got to tell you, son.

I couldn't be prouder.

I had hopes for Lip,

but with him in college now and this one punching a clock,

I was afraid none of my sons

were gonna follow me into the family business.

(FRANK LAUGHS)

- I love you. -Ignore him.

No, it's important that you know that I really love you.

Sure, Frank.

Call me Dad?

(ALL SINGING) For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's...

Which nobody can deny!

Nobody can deny!

It's all they had left.

-(BLOWS) -(SCATTERED CLAPPING)

- These my eggs? - Mmm-hmm.

He didn't even make a wish.

So, Carl,

lot of the kids in there having to take it up the ass to survive?

Kevin!

What? That's what everybody's thinking, right?

-(POUNDING ON DOOR) - That's my sleep-over.

KEV". He didn't answer.

This is Nick.

Holy shit.

All right, I'll show you around the crib later, let's hit up the boys first.

Carl.

Oh.

Yeah. Thanks for the party.

Good seeing you all. Great to be home.

Later.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Well, I guess he won't mind if I eat his eggs.

We can still have our date.

Fishing?

Sure, I'll get my jacket.

Fishing?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOANING)

(MOANING)

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

How much did you have to pay your friend to let us in here?

Oh, nothing.

I was holding for him one time when I was busted,

and I didn't rat him out, Lance owes me big time.

(EXHALES)

You thought anymore about that assistant manager job?

(GROANS)

- What? - I don't know.

Management? Wouldn't everybody hate me?

Well, everyone doesn't hate me.

Sure they do.

Everybody hates their boss. That's like...

Part of the all-American birthright.

It's life, liberty,

the pursuit of happiness and hating the fucking asshole that you have to work for.

You already have a felony conviction.

And people are going to be reluctant to give you a chance.

But with a little management experience on your resume,

it'll make that next job easier to get.

Yeah, doing what?

Well, I don't know. Sales.

You run an office or work at the Midas Muffler shop

or the Carpet Warehouse.

- A muffler shop? - Well,

you'd really be helping me out.

There's nobody I'd trust more.

- Okay, I'll do it. -(CHUCKLES)

Really? Okay.

Don't make me think about it for too long, I'll back out.

Okay.

Yeah, okay. Great.

(SCOFFS)

So fucking stupid.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Yo.

- What, you fuck her? - What?

Did you fuck her?

(GROANS)

Shit!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Shit! Stop!

Fucking stop!

Shit, what's wrong with you?

Stay away from her, you stay the fuck away from her.

Stay away from who?

From her! From Helene!

From who? My mom?

Huh?

Stay away from my mom?

Fuck.

Get the fuck out of here.

Fuck.

Making a bed for Nick.

Wouldn't he be more comfortable on the couch?

Likes the floor. He was in solitary for, like, a year.

He can't sleep in a bed.

I'll be right there, Nick.

He likes me to have his back in the showers.

Makes him feel safe.

He doesn't know any better, he's been in juvie since he was nine.

What was he in for?

He set his dad on fire.

Accidentally?

I don't think so,

otherwise they wouldn't have been able to charge him with murder.

How old is he?

Eighteen, had to let him out 'cause of his birthday.

He was living on the street. I said he could crash at my crib.

He's my brother from another mother, you feel.

We're tight.

Don't forget to take your meds.

Debbie?

DEBS: (VOICE BREAKING) Go away, Fiona.

What's up, are you okay?

Just go away, Fiona. Please.

You know you can always talk to me if you need to.

(SNIFFLES)

FRANK: It was so hot.

We were sweating.

You had all that salt on your upper lip.

I licked it off.

You loved that, didn't you?

My God, I love you.

What?

You crazy kook.

You're going to get us in trouble.

All right, all right, all right.

You keep quiet, okay? No yelling or anything like that.

I love how lusty you are.

You ready?

God, I love your puss.

(GRUNTING)

It's so good.

(MOANING)

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby, it's so good.

(MOANING CONTINUES)

Oh, God.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

You get on top.

I love it when you're on top.

Oh, God, baby.

Yeah, I like to feel your breasts, your beautiful breasts.

Oh, God, yes.

Oh, God, baby.

MAN: You sick fuck, Gallagher!

- Get the hell out of my cemetery! - All right!

I warned you. Didn't I warn you? I warned your dumb ass.

- Get your ass out of my cemetery. - Fucking asshole!

You crazy motherfucker! Get the hell out of here.

Fuck you! Jesus!

Get out of here! Hope you rot in hell!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

All right!

- You beat up Dylan? - Shh! I didn't know--

- You beat up my son? - I didn't know he was your son!

- Are you out of your mind? - Professor?

Tiffany Thomas.

Yeah, I was in your Intro to Ethics last semester.

What were you doing coming over to my house without calling?

I didn't know who he was.

Okay, but what were you doing? Were you spying on me?

Are you insane?

You have no right to be anywhere near my family or my house!

I know.

Yeah, you're right.

It was stupid, I'm really...

I'm really sorry.

(SIGHS)

ls Dylan okay?

He will be.

He's a tough kid.

He wrestles at Yale.

Jesus.

(SIGHS)

His right eye is pretty swollen. Says you hit hard.

Yeah, he hits hard.

I mean, I think he nearly broke a rib or something.

You know, I thought your son was, like, 10.

- Off in prep school or something. -(SCOFFS)

Tiffany Thomas?

Yeah, I...

I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

Did you remember her from class?

Not really very memorable.

Is she?

(GASPS) Oh!

What are you doing, Frank?

I'm just watching you sleep.

Jesus Christ, you're really starting to creep me out.

Are you looking out for yourself?

Doing breast self-exams?

You know, cancer can sneak up on you.

- CARL: Fiona! - Why are you wet?

Little misunderstanding with a landscaper.

I'm going to take a shower in a minute, get warm.

CARL". Fiona!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Fiona!

Fiona!

What? Stop yelling!

(SIGHS) Can I help you?

- Are you Fiona? - Yep.

We're Derek's parents.

Debbie's friend Derek?

We'd like to talk to you about the baby.

What baby?

Derek and Debbie's baby.

Holy shit, what else did I miss?

What?

Nice panties.

They help me feel closer to her.