Original subtitles

I'm heavily sedated and even I know what happened last week on Shameless.

The hell have you been?

- What's in those bags, Carl? - Horse.

[DOG BARKING]

Uncle Carl?

I told them it was Carl and I told Chuckie to tell them it was Carl.

VERONICA: Kev and I're separating. - What?

He doesn't notice I'm alive. He only cares about the babies.

You have an outstanding balance of $12,750.

- I'll give you 10 days to get us the money. - I understand.

I need to make bank. Right, and fast. I'm talking Oprah money or they kick me out.

We start up the ice cream truck again without the truck.

I think I like college.

- I think I could be really good for you. - You're a slippery slope for me, Fiona.

You don't have the guts.

- How'd you get shot? - He was cleaning his gun and it backfired.

- You sure about that story, Frank? - He is.

- I am. WOMAN: Bipolar one, acute mania...

...with psychotic features.

He's resisting his diagnosis.

We had to make med-compliance a requirement for his release.

FIONA: How you doing, sweet-face?

He doesn't wanna take them, call me, I'll come help.

- Ian, what happened to all your pills? - I flushed.

FIONA: What are you still doing here?

Shouldn't you be at your husband's? Oh, wait, I forgot, he left you.

He went on tour.

Without you.

Must be lonely. For you, not him.

You know how groupies make sure rock stars don't get lonely?

All holes, Fiona. All holes.

Spare me, Sammi. Your kid did not get arrested because of me.

Because of your thug brother. In one fell swoop...

...you Gallaghers managed to ruin his whole future.

Let's be honest. Chuckie was not exactly destined for great things.

Pack your shit and get out.

I hope they throw the book at Carl.

I hope the other kids in juvie toss his salad.

Or make him toss theirs. Whichever's worse.

MPs. They're coming.

- Wake up. MICKEY: What are you talking about?

- Come to bed. - No, I can't let them get in the house.

Morning.

Move the couch in front of the door so they can't get in.

- Who? - Hey, sleeping.

Help me.

FIONA: Ian.

They're coming to get me.

FIONA: Hey, Ian.

- Don't let them take me. - Calm down.

MICKEY: No one is coming for you.

Somebody muzzle that kid.

[FIONA SCREAMS]

MICKEY: Fuck.

Fuck.

Hey. Hey.

- There is nobody out there. Fucking look. - No.

Get over here.

Ian, it's only gonna get worse.

MICKEY: Look.

We gotta get you to a fucking clinic, get some meds. Today.

FRANK: Don't do it. - Shut up, Frank.

Hey, it's okay.

It's all right. Let's go get dressed.

God, what a wake-up.

FIONA: You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Why are you all dressed up?

I'm gonna go see the lawyer. Try to get Carl home as soon as possible.

FRANK: It's a tragedy when a young man ends up behind prison bars.

Bad parenting.

FRANK: Oh, don't blame yourself.

- I'm just getting home. - I thought you were crashing one night.

KEVIN: No, what is the rush?

I'm not getting the babies till this weekend, so I partied with Tri-Delts.

Whoo!

Yeah, shit got crazy. Have you ever done a shot...

...off a co-ed who's using her ass crack as an ice luge?

- No. - It's way hotter than it sounds.

Anyway, this is Stacey and this is Cassie.

Or vice versa. They're wasted.

Don't do something you're gonna regret.

I'm a gentleman, Lip. I'm escorting them home.

Our Rape Walker to the rescue.

- Oh, please don't call me that. - A Rape Walker?

He brought us back, made sure we didn't get raped.

I couldn't leave them alone with those lacrosse players.

- You got an early class? - Yeah, I'm gonna be late. I'm gonna split.

- Excuse me. KEVIN: Sucks to be you.

College is so much better with no school. All right, here we go, we're walking.

I'm not a rat.

Don't think of it as ratting your drug dealer out.

Think of it as justice for the scumbag who made a kid do his dirty work.

He didn't make me. I wanted to.

Well, that's not an argument I'd advise using.

Gallaghers don't snitch.

Doesn't it help that we pled guilty?

A little.

But his fingerprints were all over the drugs and the duct tape.

The judge knows we have no case.

Gotta be another way to keep his sentence down.

- It's his first offense. - His first criminal offense.

He's got double-digit suspensions at school.

He sent three kids home with concussions.

Two with busted eardrums and one with a ruptured testicle.

It was gym. Decided to play kickball.

- What if he shows remorse? - What's that?

- It means you say you're sorry. - I'm not.

- Lie. - Isn't lying in court illegal?

Tell the judge what she wants to hear. Carl, she could give you a year.

- Better than school. Maybe learn something. - Carl, this is serious.

We can't guarantee your safety in there.

- What's that supposed to mean? - You lost your dealer a lot of money.

Don't think he's got friends in juvie who'll make you pay?

Look, the police don't want you. They want your boss.

It would be off the record, in judge's chambers.

No one would know that you gave him up.

He'd be behind bars where he can't get you.

Happy to report Chuckie's IQ test came back.

Seventy-one.

- Is that good? - It's good for us.

The judge might take pity on him, go easy on his sentence.

Did you hear that, Chuckie?

You scored a 71.

Better than you ever did in school.

So he'll get off with probation?

I didn't say that.

My boy can't go to juvie.

- I'm doing everything I can. - You better be.

- What the hell are we paying you for? - The state pays me.

Yeah, and who do you think's part of the state? Me.

Ms. Slott, your son was caught with 10 pounds of heroin on him.

Literally, the evidence was strapped to his body.

Even if he is functionally retarded, he's getting time.

I'm sorry.

Chuckie? Mommy needs to talk to you.

Chuckie? Chuckie.

Put down the fucking game.

Chuckie...

...you've always been my little bunny.

Cute, round...

...and so innocent.

But in prison, little bunnies get raped.

Do you know what that means?

It's when big, scary men pretend you're a woman.

I'm not gonna be there in juvie to protect you...

...so you need to listen very carefully.

Make friends in there.

Do things for them so they'll protect you.

Anything it takes.

Like making them feel good.

Do you understand?

Like touching them.

Jerk the guards off, Chuckie, in exchange for protection.

Do you know how to jerk a guard off?

I'll teach you.

The goal, according to Horkheimer...

...was nothing short of liberation from circumstances that enslave us.

Vis-à-vis...

Hey, sorry, uh, I thought I'd just slip in.

I didn't realize the class was so small.

- You're late. - Couldn't find the building.

It's the third class. You're a week and 10 minutes late.

What did I miss?

- Your name? - It's Lip.

- Lip? - Gallagher.

There is no Lip Gallagher on my class list.

Right, no, yeah, there was a slight hiccup with Financial Aid.

But, you know, I wanted to hit the ground running for when it gets sorted out.

You're interested in Postmodern Thought?

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

And also, a lot of the other classes were already full...

...so it was between this and Environmental Studies...

- ...and hippies don't use deodorant, so... - Do you even know what critical theory is?

- Is that a trick question? - You don't, do you?

Question everything.

That's it, in a nutshell. Why things are the way they are, why they should be different.

You know, if there's anything I'm good at, it's that.

Vis-à-vis, calling bullshit.

You've hijacked enough of the class's time. Sit and listen.

Come to my office and I'll decide whether you can take my class.

Sure. Yeah.

HELENE: Now, as I was saying before I was interrupted. Horkheimer...

- Sorry I'm late. - Tell Denise. She covered your tables.

- How's your brother? - Which one?

Pablo Escobar.

Sentencing's tomorrow.

If he'd show remorse, they'd cut months from his time.

But my idiot brother's doing everything he can...

...to get the book thrown at him.

He won't listen to you?

Has any 13-year-old boy ever listened to anyone ever?

Tell your brother you trust him to make the right decision.

He might surprise you.

MAN: Order up.

You're not gonna take that advice, are you?

Fuck, no. I'm gonna make him grovel to that judge.

Yeah, well, good talk.

- Good to see you again, doc. - How's the gunshot wound, Mr. Gallagher?

Isn't that your job to tell me?

I could use something for the pain.

Any discharge?

From just the wound? Or full body?

- Fever? - No.

Doc?

I can't do this. I have to go.

- Uh, you didn't rewrap my bandage... - Another doctor will see you.

- It's okay. - What about the pain?

Oh, I need a drink.

Morning drinker, woman after my own heart.

What's the occasion?

Cancer.

Cancer?

Stage three, pancreatic.

- When did you find that out? - Ten minutes ago.

Oh, Jesus, you do need a drink.

- Alibi Room, it's a couple of blocks away. - Okay, which direction?

I'll show you.

Hold on.

- Okay, we'll start you on lithium. MICKEY: Okay.

- How often does he take it? - Twice a day.

If lithium's not optimal, we can try divalproex or Tegretol.

Try? You shooting in the dark here?

No magic bullet when it comes to medication.

One size doesn't fit all. It takes a little experimentation.

- He's not a fucking lab rat. - We'll work to find the right drugs and dose.

I'm giving you olanzapine for paranoia.

No more people trying to bust in the house and get you.

- It felt real at the time. - That's the disease.

We encourage you to make a list of people to call...

...if you feel you might hurt yourself.

- A suicide list? - Meds are supposed to work...

- ...why would I need a suicide list? - He's got me.

Come back in a few days and we'll see how you're responding. Okay?

Ian? You have any questions?

Yeah. How long do I need to take these for?

There is some evidence that in time, the need for aggressive treatment diminishes.

IAN: How much time? - Hard to say.

Ballpark.

Thirty, 40 years.

- Where is everybody? - It's 10 a.m.

FRANK: So? - Uh, thank you. I can take it from here.

- Hey. - Hi.

VERONICA: What can I get you to drink?

- Not a drinker. What do you recommend? - It doesn't matter.

As long as it's hard, and on the house. The doc here has cancer.

Save it, Frank. I was up with the babies. I don't have the energy.

The inhumanity. Your better half would have comped without a second thought.

- Bullshit. - When did your heart get as black...

...as your skin? BIANCA: Oh, my... It's okay.

It's fine. More, please. Keep pouring.

Vodka's fine for me too.

What? Yeah. Okay.

VERONICA: You really a doctor? - Mm-hm.

Do the world a favor: Kevorkian his ass.

[FRANK CHUCKLES]

So, what's the going survival rate for stage three?

Mm.

- Two percent. Give or take. - Whoa.

I've been there. Death's door.

Liver failure last year. The doctors gave me no chance.

I OD'd in '81.

And in '88.

'88 again, '94, aught-three.

I'm the only guy I know that's been given last rites three times.

- Toast. - Hmm?

To college, med school, interning, residency...

...all work and no play.

Good old-fashioned Puritan work ethic.

Here's to all that time wasted.

Well, exactly.

People scoff, but those are words I live by.

Every day is an opportunity you don't get back, so don't blow it working.

God, where were you with all that carpe diem crap when I was in my 20s?

Um, this seat, mostly.

Couple of crack houses. Woke up in Mexico once.

Couple of months after I got there.

Living life to the fullest. Wouldn't trade a day.

I've never gotten drunk and done something completely irresponsible.

Hey, you got your prescription pad on you? That could be fun.

I've never even tried marijuana.

- Weed? - Yeah.

HELENE: Come in.

Mr. Gallagher. This won't take long.

I called Financial Aid.

They contradicted your assertion that your bill was a slight hiccup.

- They've been trying to get in touch with you. - There might be some truth to that.

Apparently, time's up.

Yeah, there might be some truth to that.

In my mother's day, they'd say someone like you was being smart.

In my day, they just say I'm being an asshole.

Asshole that knows...

...how to make a hell of an impression. You look like a Schiele self-portrait.

- A what? - It's a shame you're leaving school.

You're a smart one.

Like, "smart" smart, or asshole smart?

Both. Close the door on the way out.

- What are you doing? - Why call Financial Aid?

I mean, why take such an interest?

Well, it's my job to take an interest in my students.

I'm not sure what you're doing, but there's a policy against fraternizing with professors.

I don't wanna fraternize.

I wanna fuck you.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'm with a student.

[MOANS]

What the hell do you want?

Oh, Carl, always giving your big sis a hard time.

Thank you for letting me visit my little bro.

Heard you're planning on setting my boy on fire.

First chance I get. He dimed on me.

You will not touch one hair on his head.

Do you understand?

You think you scare me?

Bring it, bitch.

Hey, you got any old clothes for Carl? Shirt with a collar, nice shoes.

Something that doesn't scream, "I'm a gangster.

- Lock me up. Throw away the key." - Uh, yeah, I'd try the attic.

- How's Ian? - He went to the clinic. He's getting on meds.

Do you know of a job for him? That might help.

LIP: Steady work, a place to go every day. - I could ask Sean for something at the diner.

- Wouldn't pay as well as his old job. - The upside is he won't come home...

...covered in body oil and troll sweat.

What about school? You learning anything?

Yeah, yeah, a few things, actually.

There's one professor with a wealth of knowledge to impart.

- Too bad I won't be here for much longer. - Financial Aid's kicking you to the curb?

Yeah, but if I keep dodging their calls, they can't get rid of me.

Sounds like a great plan.

LIP: Yeah, I should figure out something better.

- Coming to the courthouse tomorrow? - Carl's first sentencing? Won't miss it.

- See you later, okay? - Okay.

Uh...

There he is.

- That's the drug dealer? - Wanna keep your voice down? Give me a 20.

Are you nuts? Put that away. You're gonna get us killed.

All right, you wait here. I'll be right back.

No, I wanna come too. I want the whole experience.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

All right, but keep your eyes peeled for pigs.

Oh, my God, this is so exciting.

FRANK: Yaz, my man.

- You're still alive? FRANK: Ha, ha.

Death, taxes, and Frank Gallagher.

Hello. I've... I've never been high before.

My lady friend and I would like to buy some of your finest herb.

- Only got one kind. - Well, then that makes it your finest.

Hands in the air. I'm a fucking cop.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

We'll take the drugs now. Thanks, sir. Thank you.

It's her first time.

You wanna...?

[PHONE RINGING]

What?

Who the fuck is it?

GIRL [OVER PHONE]: Is this the Rape Walker?

- What? GIRL: My friend gave me your number.

And she said you'd get me home safe.

No, that was just a one-time thing.

GIRL: I'm at the cantina. You can't miss me.

I'm just... I'm on the floor next to the pool table.

You're on the floor?

It's the middle of the afternoon.

GIRL: Sure, I'll have another shot.

No, don't have another shot.

On my way.

GIRL: Thank you, Rape Walker.

Please don't call me that.

Finally. Where have you been?

You assume that my sole purpose at this school...

...is to cater to your sorry ass, but I have a life.

So unless you got 6 grand in cash, make it fast.

- Dude, you smell like pussy. - What do you want?

- That prick Joaquin stole my weed. - Joaquin, Room 226? How do you know?

- Had my laptop camera on. - And, what, he broke in?

The door was open. I was playing "Call of Duty" with Marty.

Okay, so next time just lock your fucking door, genius.

That's it? My parents don't shell out 60 grand a year for me to get robbed.

What do you want me to do, tell the cops somebody stole your pot?

Do something. You're the RA.

Yeah, not for long. All right.

I'll talk to Joaquin, okay?

- Done with your phone call? - Does it look like I'm still on the phone?

Sorry. You okay?

Nicole's moving to Pittsburgh.

- Your ex? - Yeah.

- Well, what about Will? - He's going with her.

Well, he's your kid. You don't get a say?

Not according to the state of Illinois.

Well, that's fucked up.

Gotta find a way to get out of my lease.

- You're leaving? - Once I get a place in Pittsburg...

...I'll clear the move with my PO.

Hey, you...? Did you want something?

- Never mind. - No, what is it? What?

I was gonna ask you for a job for my brother.

Ian. He's a good kid. You met him.

- He's trying to get his shit together. - Aren't we all?

Yeah, sure, I guess I could use a new dishwasher.

Pretty sure Javier's been stealing our good knives.

- I've been meaning to can him. - Thanks.

You're really leaving?

Bring your brother tomorrow before dinner rush. I'll get him started.

Savor it.

[COUGHS]

- How do I...? How do I know when it kicks in? - You'll know.

When you said that you were bringing me to the lake, I didn't...

I didn't...

...realize it was gonna be like this.

Didn't bring you here for the majesty. This is the best place to shout at God.

- "Shout at God"? - He's the one responsible.

Tell him how you feel. Don't be shy. Just scream your guts out.

I'm Presbyterian.

- Religious? - No, just not a screamer.

Well, what do you do when you're pissed at some jerk that screwed you?

Keep it bottled inside.

- You ever clock someone? - No.

- Hit them with a brick? - No.

- Run over with a car? - Jesus, no.

You have not lived until you've heard the bones of your enemy...

...being crushed under 3000 pounds of Detroit steel.

I wanted to once.

Prom.

- Daisy Kelso stole my date. - You never got payback?

Uh-uh.

She did him in the bathroom of a Popeyes Chicken.

[LAUGHING]

Nothing like your first time.

Holy shit.

[PHONE RINGS]

- What? GIRL: The Rape Walker?

- I need help. - Where are you?

Yo, if you're gonna smoke an illegal substance...

...you can at least do it in the privacy of your own shitty dorm room.

People hassling me.

Maybe that's because you steal their stuff.

Doing a great job of hiding the evidence.

They leave their doors open with all their shit in there.

You're gonna get kicked out of school.

And leave all the wonderful new friends I've made?

I gotta go, man. Work study.

What's the job?

Library. Shelving books and making sure no one's fucking in the stacks.

It's better than wearing a hair net.

You know, busing tables in the cafeteria like I did.

Hey, listen, what did you come here for?

If it was to get high, you could've just stayed at home.

Me, robotics.

They got one of the best labs in the Midwest here.

Four years of free equipment, I'm happy to put up with a little bit of bullshit.

Algorithms. Writing code.

Seriously?

Hey, you ever hack before?

Why?

Well, hypothetically, what if one wanted to hack into Financial Aid...

...you know, change an entry to "paid in full"?

Just need a sequel injection to get the hash password. I can take a look for you.

- Thought you had to go to work. - Be the most fun I've had since I got here.

Everybody in my computer science classes are bitter Stanford rejects.

- Not you? - Oh, I got into Stanford.

Too much sun in California.

Right.

Oh, right, new computer.

No, we can't use mine. It's the school's property.

They could trace it back to me. Don't you have yours in your bag?

I can't afford a computer, dog.

But you're a fucking computer science major.

Yeah, and you're a robotics engineer. Do you own a fucking robot?

- We could go to the computer lab. - No, all those people, they'll be suspicious.

- Makes it more fun. - Oh, no, that's okay, man.

There's a fair-to-good chance...

- ...we won't get caught. - Says everyone who gets busted.

No, I'll deal with it myself.

By yourself?

Good fucking luck.

Hey, I'm here to escort you home. Wait, aren't you that girl from this morning?

- Stacey. - Yeah.

You don't seem drunk. Isn't this your room?

Well, you should know. You were the one who got me here safe and sound.

Such a gentleman.

Yeah. I don't get it. I thought you needed my help.

I do...

...need help getting off.

- Hey, Ian's sleeping in there. FIONA: Oh, sorry.

I was just getting some of Lip's old clothes for Carl.

I gotta wash them.

He's been out most of the afternoon.

FIONA: Meds? - Bombs away.

You need some help?

- You know how to use an iron? - Yeah.

- I mean, as a weapon. - Heh.

When I woke up this morning, this is not how I saw my day ending.

With a derelict getting stoned.

"Derelict."

Is that offensive?

I've been called worse.

What am I doing here?

[PHONE RINGING]

FRANK: Your family again?

Ugh. Oncologist.

Probably wants to schedule my surgery, chemo.

Two-percent chance is better than nothing.

I saw it during my residency countless times.

Patients enduring round after round of poison pumped into their system...

...so they can spend what days they have left by the toilet, puking and bald.

Not me.

I'm going out with a bang...

...not a whimper.

[PHONE RINGING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You believe in God, Frank?

I believe in a force that thinks it's greater than myself.

Hell, I survived this.

Doctors had one eye on the clock, waiting to punch the time of death.

Those times you almost died?

Was it peaceful?

- Or scary or...? - What's peaceful about dying?

I don't care how much they meditate.

When the time comes, those Hindus will be shitting their pants, just like the rest of us.

You know what they'll be thinking?

"Fuck, I wish I'd tried steak."

[LAUGHING]

What, doc?

My name's Bianca.

- You ever streak before? - Many times.

Just never on purpose.

- Well, come on. - What?

Oh, don't, don't, don't... Fuck.

Jesus.

This is gonna be bad.

Fuck.

[BIANCA SCREAMING]

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Yeah, here I come.

Yo, I'm off to the courthouse today, watch my brother get sent up the river.

- You have another late night at the sorority? - No, man, no time to party.

I had three Rape Walker calls overnight.

Ugh. Coeds wanting me to escort my penis into their vaginas.

My balls haven't been this exhausted since I discovered jacking off...

...when I was 9 years old.

Thought you weren't gonna bang those coeds.

Yeah, drunk ones.

These are sober and horny.

Why deny them their God-given right to multiple orgasms?

- What about V? - What about V?

I can't think about that right now. She's doing her thing, I'm doing my thing.

It was her decision.

You still, uh, banging that Asian chick?

Off and on.

- Went down on my professor, though. - Oh.

What's his name? You take his whole dick in your mouth?

It's, uh, Helene.

You know, she knows what she wants, doesn't second-guess herself. It's really sexy.

- Ah. There's no substitute for experience. - Yeah.

She wear you out? You look fucking tired.

No, no, no, I was up at the computer lab all night.

I was trying to hack into Financial Aid.

Security system was too good though. I couldn't do it.

[PHONE RINGING]

[KEVIN GROANS]

Well, duty calls.

Rape Walker, at your service.

Whoa, you okay?

Who roughed you up?

Skanky Sammi. She got me by surprise.

- Still got a few uppercuts in. - Nice.

Here, your groveling ensemble.

- I'm not wearing that. - It's not up for discussion.

You're gonna dress like a law-abiding citizen.

And here, this too.

I grabbed them from the lost-and-found at work.

- It's a weak prescription. You'll be fine. - How stupid do I look?

Jesus, I want to kick my own ass.

BIANCA: Fuck you!

I'm 32! I was just getting started!

Fuck you, pancreas. Fuck you, cells.

Fuck you, med school.

Fuck you!

[GIGGLES]

Something else I need to do.

You coming?

Hi. Baby, what happened?

Boys hit me. Called me rat. Uncle Carl told them.

- Bitch hit Carl. - Looks like he gave as good as he got.

V, this thing with you and Kev, is it temporary?

- What did he say when you asked him? - Oh, nothing.

MAN: All rise. The circuit court of Cook County is now in session.

The Honorable Judge Rita Gaither is presiding.

Please, sit.

Case number 2014-CR-882655.

The People v. Charles Nevine S.

This is the time for the sentencing hearing.

This court has reviewed your probation report.

Does either counsel wish to be heard?

Your Honor, defense would like to reiterate that this is defendant's first arrest...

...he has never been in trouble before...

...and that he has an IQ of barely functional intelligence.

Would the defendant like to say anything?

Charles?

- Chuckie. - What?

Would you like to say anything before sentencing?

Okay.

I would, Your Honor.

I'm his mom. May I speak?

My Chuckie is a good boy.

The only thing he's ever stolen was my heart.

But he was taken advantage of by an older family member.

If you're gonna blame anyone, you should blame his Uncle Carl...

...or the family who raised him...

...or me, for putting an innocent boy in a den of wolves.

Anything else?

Prosecution?

Then we can proceed to sentencing.

This court hereby sentences you to the minimum of 120 days...

...at the Illinois Department of Corrections Juvenile Justice Division.

Sixty days for good behavior.

Oh, he'll behave, Your Honor.

Right, Chuckie?

Chuckie, nod.

Okay, you're remanded to the custody of the sheriff.

SAMMI: I'll see you before you get on the bus.

Don't be scared, baby.

It's gonna be okay, bunny.

Remember, be nice to the guards.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

If I didn't know better, I'd think...

- ...he was an upstanding young man. - Just like Ted Bundy.

Case number 2014-CR-4929, The People v. Carl Francis G.

This is the time for the sentencing hearing.

Court has reviewed your probation report. Does either counsel wish to be heard?

Your Honor, my client knows that he has made a mistake.

He's sorry for what he's done.

- And he has learned from the experience. - Do you regret what you've done, Carl?

I did something really dumb that I shouldn't have.

I trusted a fucking retard with a man's job.

Next time I move a bunch of drugs, I'll be smarter.

If you wanna go into my chambers and speak to me off the record, now is the time.

Otherwise, you will end up in juvenile prison.

Is that what you want?

Yes, please.

- That's not what I was hoping to hear. CARL: I know what you were hoping to hear.

If Your Honor would lose 20 pounds, I would consider tapping that.

I think I've heard enough. I sentence you to the maximum...

...of one year at the Illinois Department of Corrections Juvenile Justice Division.

You're remanded to the custody of the sheriff. This court is in recess.

- Why the fuck did you do that, Carl? CARL: When Paul Sundie came out of juvie...

...he knew how to make IDs and launder money. You can't buy that kind of education.

Plus, my street cred will be off the chain. Don't worry. I'm gonna make juvie my bitch.

We'll send letters.

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

- He'll be okay. - Okay? Hell, he's gonna be running the joint.

Any chance he'll get scared straight?

- Hell, no. - No.

Can I help you?

Daisy Kelso?

It's "Rigby" now. Do I know you?

Who is it, Mommy?

- Oh. Hi. - Bianca? Is that you?

- Yeah. - My God. Haven't seen you since...

- Prom. - Yeah.

- How are you? - Good.

- Now? - Now.

[DAISY SCREAMS]

FRANK: Run. Run, run.

- Mommy. DAISY: Oh, my God.

- You think I broke her nose? - You took out a tooth for sure.

Good Lord.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

That was great.

I think I'm gonna need Fiona's boss to give me a job too.

- Tuition? - I ain't got no other options.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know. Face the music, I guess.

Heard you went to the clinic?

Mickey hold a gun to your head?

No, it was my idea.

Something's wrong with me.

You know.

Yeah, but you're gonna get better, right?

What, in 40 years?

Hey, you remember David Gosinski?

He used you to break the record of black eyes given in a single calendar school year.

I was gonna kill that motherfucker. I always remember what you told me.

You said, "I got this."

Ian...

...you got this.

- Phillip. - Yeah, you e-mailed?

And texted, called. You're a hard man to reach.

Yeah, look, can we just skip the small talk...

...and get to the part where you toss me out of here?

Ever heard of Bare Maids?

Topless maid service.

There are thousands of men who would gladly pay premium...

...to see a woman's breasts while she's cleaning their toilet.

I don't follow.

The visionary behind the business went to school here. Nick Wilter.

Actually started it right after he graduated. That was about $300 million ago.

- Damn. - Yeah.

Pairing boobs with anything is apparently a very good business plan.

Upshot is, he was my roommate, and he's agreed to bail you out this semester.

I notified the registrar's office.

- Okay, so he's just gonna pay my tuition? - Until your grant kicks back in.

What do I gotta do for it?

- Say thank you. - What's the catch?

There's no catch. It's an interest-free loan.

- I'm sorry, I don't... I don't get it. - Nick was kicked out of here too, junior year.

One of our frat buddies got his parents to cover Nick's tuition.

Think it had to do with the guy needing an alibi...

...for some vehicular homicide DUI thing...

...but Nick never forgot it.

Okay, so how long do I have to pay him back?

I wouldn't worry about it.

You're gonna have 15 different job offers when you get out of here.

It's good news, Lip.

- Didn't think you were on the schedule. - I'm not.

- Sean set my brother up with a job. - He's not here. He left this morning.

- When's he coming back? - He said he'd be back hours ago.

Hey, it's Fiona. I brought my brother to Patsy's. We're waiting for you.

That's not like Sean. Where'd he go?

To see his PO.

Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.

Ever been a dishwasher before? You're gonna love it.

Hey. I'm here to escort you to a world pleasure.

Oh, uh, hey, what's up, fellas? No offense, but the Rape Walker doesn't do gang bangs.

You can be fucking a chick...

...but if you're getting off surrounded by dudes, that's pretty gay.

Thanks, Michelle. You can go now.

Yeah, her leaving did not make this feel less gay.

BOY: So you're the Rape Walker.

Word's getting around that you're a real gentleman with the coeds.

Walking them home...

- ...making sure they come before you do. - Well, it's important to treat a girl right.

Well, it's kind of fucking things up for the rest of us.

If you wanna treat a girl right...

...go get a wife.

You're right, but I already have one.

- Damn, that's your wife? KEVIN: Mm-hm.

Smoking hot, huh?

BOY: Dude. Look at that. Fuck.

- Those tits real? - Man, none of your fucking business.

Why would you leave that?

Fellas, look.

It's so simple in your 20s because you fall in love...

...you make bank when your girl posts videos of herself masturbating online.

But then one day you wake up, the bills are piled up, babies crying in your face.

Everything is just so fucking hard.

And the one thing that was easy, her...

...is the hardest of all.

Yeah. But she's really hot.

Is she bad in the sack or something?

She can do more with the flick of her tongue...

...than girls here can do gyrating their entire bodies.

That's what happens when you marry the best.

No matter how many girls there are...

...they're still not V.

Hey, thank you, man. This was a great talk.

Yeah.

Uh...

Oh, sweetheart.

I am so sorry.

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.

But don't you worry.

Okay?

No one's gonna mess with you again.

Hey.

You got a nice place. Thanks for the invite.

- What's the emergency? - I came to tell you some bad news.

It turns out I'm staying in school.

Really?

Yeah. Guess that means no more fraternizing?

- It's okay, it wasn't that great. - What?

So you're officially registered for my class then?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what were you saying about it not being that great?

- You were exuberant. - I thought that was a good thing.

And at the time, you didn't seem very disappointed.

Come in.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Oh, this must be that classical music I've heard so much about.

Mahler.

It's uplifting.

Now, how about another chance?

You know, I could try to be a little less exuberant this time.

Have you read Horkheimer yet?

No. No, but I checked it out from the library.

There's a bunch of tiny dicks on like, every page...

...but, you know, I think for the most part I can make out what it says.

I expect you to have it read by Friday. The first paper's due the following week.

All right, well, I'll start worrying about that the following week then.

So tuition. Did you rob a bank? Invent an app?

No, no, I... I got a loan.

Yeah, the guy at the financial aid...

...who fixed it, I'm still trying to figure out what his angle is.

Is it hard to believe someone thinks you have a bright future and wants to help?

You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?

I was referring to the man from financial aid.

Uh... Yeah, I know. I just can't figure out, you know, what's...? What's in it for him?

Might need to get used to it, Lip. The world picking you up.

- There it is. - What?

That angst.

Just like Schiele.

That's the second time you mentioned her. Who the hell is this Sheila chick?

Egon Schiele. He's an Austrian painter.

Oh.

Thanks.

So when you're finished with that...

You mentioned wanting another chance?

[BUZZER BUZZING]

Sean.

Sean.

Hey.

I called a couple times.

How long you been out here?

Your PO say something?

I can't leave.

For Pittsburg?

- Why not? - Travel restrictions.

I can't leave the fucking state to be with my son.

Let's go inside.

- No, I'm not moving. - Come on. It's getting cold.

You know what I fantasize about? Is my PO...

...in pain. His family in pain. Doing to him what he's doing to me.

What it would take to make everything I'm feeling go away...

...is one visit to a street corner.

Bobby. Kilpatrick and Maypole.

NATO spoon, little bag of dope.

If I move, that's where I'm going.

So I'm not gonna move. I'm trying like hell not to move.

If we're gonna sit out here, you need this.

Why didn't you tell me punching someone would hurt so much?

You're pounding your hand into someone's skull.

How did you think it would feel?

[YELPS]

Could roll another joint.

Ugh. So tired.

Best two days of my life. Heh.

- Thanks to you. - It's not over yet. Where you wanna go next?

If you've got the cash, I know a guy downtown, has opium.

Honest to God opium den. In the heart of Chi Town.

He's a nice guy too. Doesn't rip you off when you're passed out.

Bianca?

[PHONE RINGING]

Yeah.

I'm sorry. Rape Walker's out of service.

MAN: Sweetheart?

Hey. Hey. Hey, there's someone downstairs. He's calling you sweetheart.

MAN: Helene? - It's my husband.

Your husband. Are you kidding?

- Up here. - What the fuck are you doing?

[HELENE LAUGHING]

Who's this?

Welcome home.

This is Lip. He's quite bright.

Hungry?

I just got back from a conference. I'm starving.

How would you like your omelet?

Uh...

Whatever.

[MOANS]

What...?

How'd you know where I live?

Uh, your license. In your wallet.

Okay.

You're with us.

I know what you did.

You're with G-Dog. I didn't mean to lose the drugs.

- Tom wanted all of his money back... - We know you ain't snitch.

Could've gave him up. Could've made things easier for yourself.

But you kept your mouth shut.

Word.

MAN: All on. Lock it down.

[English - US - SDH]