Original subtitles

Oh, Jesus!

Would you please pay attention

so we can stop doing these stupid fucking recaps?

There's absolutely no way in hell

that you're going to be able to raise a baby,

and I am going to get stuck doing it!

Push!

It's amazing, Debs.

My daughter.

- So, what are we doing? - Whatever you want, I guess.

I want you.

- Svetlana. We had sex last night. - Then why the fuck are you telling me?

I want to keep doing it.

I get ready now. Open bar.

It's a brave new world, Fiona.

Will you keep me company tonight?

If she loses her job because of me,

she's still never gonna wanna see me again.

What do you want from all this?

I don't want her to lose herjob. And I want her to not break up with me.

You're losing your shit. Go home. Sober up.

You don't give a shit about me because you don't have to.

- You're officially fucking fired. - Fuck you!

You feel that shit!

You're a drunk. You need help.

- I know a place. - A rehab?

Look, you go. You work the steps.

- You a virgin? - Yeah.

I was thinking, maybe you and me?

Yeah.

Fiona Gallagher, will you marry me?

Yeah.

Frank, this is my wedding day. Please don't fuck it up.

Go, Frank. You're not wanted here.

I know you, Seany boy.

Takes a dope fiend to know a dope fiend, and you are world-class.

How many hits did it take you this morning?

Is that true?

Oh, he's junkie through and through, your husband to be.

Sorry.

The fuck is-- Wait! No! Don't. No, no, no!

Oh! Shit! Oh!

Sweet Mary mother of Jesus!

John Doe is awake!

I can't do it, Franny.

I'm not a good mother.

Fiona was right, I'm too young.

You'll be better off here without me.

- Hi. Carl, Dom's here! - He up?

Yeah, he should be, I woke him a while ago.

Debs?

Morning, boo.

You know where Debbie and Franny are?

Uh, bowl to the sink, we're late.

Don't forget your lunch.

Bye. Carl!

Don't forget to lock the front door!

Bye, Dominique.

Bye.

Carl, we're going to be late.

Come on. Okay, I'm serious.

Oh, God.

Okay, no.

We got to get to school.

You really want me to stop?

No. But we can't be late again.

Fine.

How about?

Thirty seconds or less?

No problem.

You don't remember anything?

I was going to a wedding.

I was wet and cold. Very cold.

Cold saved you.

Your core body temperature was under 90 degrees

when the rescue team brought you in.

Can I get your name, sir?

You didn't have any identification on you when they pulled you out of the lake.

We've got to get you admitted properly.

- I was in the lake? - Do you have any health insurance, sir?

- How long was I out? - It can be a bit of a shock

when you wake up from a comatose state to--

How long?

Twenty-nine days.

Nobody tried to find me?

Jesus.

I'm working a 24 hour, won't be home until the morning.

Well, I'm off tomorrow night. Want to catch dinner and a movie?

Thought you were pulling a double?

I was supposed to, but Juanita needs the overtime

for her Down kid's summer camp.

I can't tomorrow night. I have a thing.

A thing?

I'm meeting an old high school friend for dinner.

Old friend?

Denise.

Denise, not Dennis. She's married with kids.

Gotta go.

Okay-

Okay, we have to figure this out.

We're in this together, right, Franny?

Yeah.

- Beautiful baby. - Thanks.

- What's her name? - Talia.

Talia, that's cool.

Imaginative. This is Franny.

- My Dad's Frank, so Francis, Franny... - Excuse me.

Here you go.

Olga, table six is looking for their check.

Order up.

Johnny, where's the huevos rancheros for table 15?

Yeah, yeah. All right.

And there's no hash browns on this scramble with peppers.

I'm working on it.

So, you need to start more hash browns.

Little backed-up, boss.

- Out of ones at the register. - Take them out of the tip jar.

And the credit card terminal's not working again.

- What's it saying? -"A uthorizin g. "

It's been like that for, like, 10 minutes.

- Do they have cash? - Want to write a check.

- Okay, get ID. - And the meat delivery guy is here,

and he needs a signature.

Keep an eye on that bacon, Johnny.

Hi. You were supposed to be here yesterday.

Refrigeration unit on the truck broke down.

Uh-huh. You only have one truck?

'Cause we ran out of hamburger meat last night,

I had to go buy patties at Osco.

Okay! Okay!

Hey. Enough. Enough.

Okay. Stop, stop, stop...

Ai, ai, ai, ai. Okay, okay.

Go get a broom and a dustpan.

Okay? Let's get this cleaned up.

And get back out front after you finish this.

Here we go. Okay.

I know. Just breathe. We're gonna sit down...

He just put the tray only halfway and, boom, the chingadera fell off.

It's okay, it's okay. Don't worry about it. It's fine.

Okay? Let's see. Okay.

- No. It's okay. It's okay. - Okay. No, no, no. That's deep.

- No. You might need stitches. - No, I'm fine. It's okay.

- You should go to Urgent Care. - No, it's okay.

Fiona? I need to leave early for my doctor's appointment.

- How early? - Like, pretty soon.

- Now. My fibroids are acting up. - Are you asking or telling?

Telling.

No, it's okay. I'll just super glue it.

- No,no,no. - No stitches, it's fine.

Go to Urgent Care, bring me the bill. The restaurant will pay you back. Go.

- Go, go, go. It's okay. Go. - Thank you.

You never want to go down on me.

I always go down on you, but you don't ever go down on me.

We could, like, watch a movie or something together and see how it's done.

I know how it's done.

You've done it before?

Did you hate it or something?

No. Not really.

So you just don't want to do it with me?

- Yeah. - Why?

Your thing is kind of weird.

It has all this extra skin and it kind of freaks me out.

It's no big deal, okay? I still like you.

Open. Open. Open. Open. Okay.

'Open No ' pe- Qpe n'

Someone needs to go to the Costco today. We're running low on baby wipes.

I got it. Open. Open. Open. Open. Open. Open.

Kev, you open the bar today with Svetlana.

I'll bring the babies over after morning nap.

- Open. No. - No.

Yevgeny has butt rash again.

On the list. Who's got Mommy and Me tomorrow?

Oh, that's me. First shower?

- Go for it. - Okay.

Towels are still in the dryer.

Anybody want to wash my back?

Don't use all the hot water!

So...

You did it.

Yeah, I did.

How was it?

It was pretty boring, actually.

- Get anything out of it? - Oh, yeah.

- Learned a lot. - Like what?

The people in there are pretty fucked up, and definitely need to quit drinking.

That a fact?

And I learned a lot of new clichés.

One day at a time...

- This too shall pass... - Keep it simple...

- Do the next right thing... - Let go, let God.

Yeah, they're big on cliches in AA.

Doesn't mean they're not true.

- So, can I take you to a meeting? - Hey, you going to meetings now?

No, I just said I'd take you to one.

Never got that fixed, huh?

Been meaning to take care of it. Come on, I'll give you a lift.

- Cough please... - Insurance?

Nope.

Cough again.

- Jesus. - All done.

Fortunately, the hospital offers several payment plans

to help you take care of your bill.

Can I get some more of this cherry Jell-O? It's delicious.

You can handle it in two or three easy monthly payments.

Hey, some mashed potatoes, maybe a little pudding?

- How much? What's that for? - Time to take out your Foley.

Okay, sir. Looks like it's gonna be...

Hold on, I forgot the respiratory therapist.

Okay, here we go. No, wait. Pharmacy.

It's not a completely accurate number but for 30 days

of ICU care, six CTs, four MRls, urology, proctology,

dermatology, skilled nursing, nutritionist, labs, pharmacy...

- Take a deep breath. - Should be a little less than 150,000.

Dollars?

- Fucking mother of Satan! - All done.

What the fuck's the matter with you?

A hundred grand? Where are my fucking clothes?

Sir, you need to stay where you are.

I am not paying you a fucking cent.

That's not a good idea, sir. You need to stay for a few more days.

You've been inactive for a month, your muscles will have atrophied.

Where are my fucking clothes?

Hi, Franny. Hi.

Oh.

Watch your footie. There we go.

Look at this, Franny.

Mmm.

Bunny, hop. “OD-

Do you like yourjacket?

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

You dying for a piece of pie?

No.

I just, I need to talk to my sister.

So, you gonna help me get a job?

How's that?

Well, I held up my end of the deal.

I did the 30 days.

I can make a few calls, but it'll likely to be an internship.

No pay?

You get your foot in the door, make some contacts.

- What about college? - I was expelled.

Yeah, I'm aware.

You can transfer your credits.

Finish your degree someplace else.

So, you'll make those calls?

A promise is a promise.

Lip?

- HeY- - HeY-

- You good? - Yeah, no. Never been better.

I got a pocket full of these AA chips

and a new four pack-a-day cigarette habit to keep me off the hooch.

Too busy hacking up a lung to drink, so...

- Coffee? - Sure, yeah. That'd be good.

Hey, eight hasn't been bussed in, like, 20 minutes, where's Paco?

He's washing dishes. Vilma's still at Urgent Care. I'll bus it.

- You're the boss now? - Temporarily.

I'm filling in till they find a new manager.

I can't wait to get back to waiting tables, this job sucks.

What's with the tattoo?

Something to remind me not to be an idiot.

I was going to get it tattooed on my forehead but chickened out.

You want something to eat?

Uh, no. But I could use a job. I'm a little short of cash.

What about finishing college, is that off the table?

It's not for me.

Your future off the table too?

No, I got a professor, he's gonna help me find something.

A tech start-up or l.T.

ltjust might be a while before I get paid, you know?

Could use another dishwasher.

Yeah? When can I start?

- I could use some help right now. - That's great. Yeah.

- Cool. Round there? Yeah. - Round back.

Thanks.

You're quiet today.

Uh... Stuff at home.

Your fireman?

I wanted to catch a movie tomorrow, and he's having dinner with a friend.

- Oh? - A woman.

Oh. Well, nothing to be worried about there.

Yeah.

I don't know, he was acting kind of weird.

How so?

Ah, just a feeling. Like, maybe he wasn't telling the truth.

You gotta trust those instincts.

Met this guy online, started dating him for months,

turns out he was married and he had kids.

I mean can you believe that shit?

- How'd you find out? - I stalked him on Valentine's Day

when he bailed on me, gave me some shit

-about his mother having a stroke. - Uh-huh.

Turns out he was living this whole other life.

What did you do?

Kicked his ass.

Got him into bed, I tied him up,

then I super glued his dick to his leg

and I wrote "lying slut" on his chest with a Sharpie.

And let me tell you something. That shit doesn't come off.

He must have been pretty pissed.

Well, he called me a couple of months later,

told me he'd gotten a divorce.

Yeah? You ever see him again?

I married him.

That was Joe?

That was Joe.

I guess he really liked my spirit...

Damn it. I can't get deposits to reconcile with the receipts.

I've gone over it, like, 20 times.

I finally put the babies down.

And it was hard.

Amy went down then Yevgeny woke up crying.

Then Amy went back down again, then Gemma wakes up with a poopy...

- A poem'? - Yeah, a poem.

What, you've never changed a diaper before?

- Never did. - Oh, bullshit. You got, like, 10 kids.

I paid the bills. Margie changed the diapers and kept the house clean.

Worked out just fine.

Oh, yeah? That's why you're living in a shitty one bedroom and she got the house?

It's done.

- What? How? - You didn't carry over your credits.

- What the hell. - I'm good with numbers.

You want to do my taxes?

- 46 times 20. - 920.

4,127 times 30?

1-2-7-8-1-0.

Is that right?

- Yeah. - How the hell do you do that?

I don't know. I see it in my head.

4,690,126 times 1,413.

413?

6-6-5-5-8-'Z-7 -5-4-'Z.

Absolutely.

Holy shit!

- Set 'em up, barkeep. - Jesus!

My liver's been on vacation,

and I got a month's worth of drinking to catch up on.

- Where the hell you been? - Hospital.

They pulled me out of the lake.

Must have fallen in drunk after the wedding

and washed into Lake Michigan.

- We thought you were dead. - Nope. I'm indestructible.

The doc said the cold would have killed a lesser man, but not the Frank.

Why are you in a wheelchair?

Temporary set-back.

Atrophy. I was in a coma.

Can I get a beer?

Hospital said nobody came looking for me.

I guess you lowlifes assumed I was on a bender

after unloading my oldest on that fucking junkie...

That fucking junkie, Sean.

You don't remember?

Don't remember what?

Wait. What-- No, no! What the fuck?

No, no, no!

Son of a bitch.

You threw me in.

Hello?

- Lip. - Hey, Debs.

- Hey! - Hi.

When did you get out?

Wow. Is that...

- Is that Franny? - Yeah.

Wow, she really grew up fast, huh?

- Nice stroller. - It's a pram.

A Dram?

Like, in Mary Poppins?

- Where did you get it? - Well, I found it in the park.

I'm gonna sell it.

Holy shit.

It's a Silver Cross Balmoral Classic, costs $4,000 new?

- You're kidding... - Nope, look.

Yeah, that's going on Craigslist. When do you head back to college?

I'm not.

Wow.

Okay. Well, where will you live?

Uh, here.

Uh, I guess. You know, is there a bed for me?

Mmm. Ian's at Caleb's most of the time, so you can probably take his bedroom.

Cool.

Do you need us to hide the beer and stuff?

No, no, I'm okay. Thanks, Debs.

Are you sure? It's no big deal to hide it.

Oh, it's cool, Debs. It's whatever.

Holy shit! Somebody already wants to buy the pram!

Yeah, how much?

-2,500. - What, dollars?

Yeah, dollars.

50% of gay men in committed relationships cheat.

Study they did at San Francisco State,

"Out of 560 committed gay relationships, 50% cheat regularly."

- Have you cheated on him? - No.

Well, then he's the 50% cheating in your relationship.

I don't think statistics work that way. I trust Caleb.

'Course you do.

But, that doesn't mean he's not out there gobbling stray dick.

Hey!

Anybody home?

Gallaghersl

Fuck.

Hey!

Mother fuck!

Open this goddamn door now!

FRANK". Hey. Down here.

Hey. Liam.

How's it been going, man?

Go get your dad's wheelchair will you, son?

Are you serious?

Anybody home that can go get my wheelchair?

Debbie?

Ian?

Lip?

Fiona!

Yeah.

Mmm...

Fuck.

Mmm.

It's beautiful.

Why in the world are you parting with it?

I got two at my baby shower. So, I decided I only really needed one.

When did he get back?

Just now, I guess.

That his tux from the wedding?

Think so.

Should we move him?

Hell no.

Hey, uh, Lip, you have trouble with getting girls to give you, like, BJs?

No. Not really...

Even though you're not circumcised?

I'm circumcised.

- You are? - Yeah. What, you're not?

No. How about you?

Circumcised.

- What about Liam? - Don't remember.

Shit.

So, I am the only one.

You've seen a lot of wood, most of them cut?

Most, not all.

It's not, like, a big deal. You just gotta keep it clean.

Yeah. What's up, something happen?

Dom won't go down on me 'cause I'm not circumcised.

I'm sorry. What a bitch.

Well, do you wash it thoroughly? Like, scrub it every day?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, keep that puppy squared away, you shouldn't have any problems.

Yeah, you know, there's nothing worse than heading down south

and getting a whiff of some moldy foreskin that smells like a homeless guy's shoes.

Think I'm gonna hit the shower.

I don't know.

Maybe we shouldn't have thrown Frank in the river.

Fuck that, we should have tied an engine block around his neck

and made sure he didn't come back up.

Okay.

Oh. Son of a bitch! I'm not doing it.

- I'm not... My nipples are still sore. - Oh, you three are still breast feeding?

- It's cheaper than milk. - And it's healthier for the babies.

- Can I watch? -$40.

-20. -50.

-30. -60.

40, but I get to video it on my phone.

Tits.

Whoa! Lip-ton iced tea. What's going on?

Hey, I thought you were in rehab?

No, no. Released on my own recognizance.

Should you even be in here?

I'm not an alcoholic.

I don't have to drink. I just enjoy a cocktail or two

at the end of a long day.

But, I got rules now.

I don't drink before 7:00. I don't drink on an empty stomach.

Always hide the car keys.

Give someone your phone, so you don't make any embarrassing calls.

No more than two ounces of alcohol in an hour.

No more than 12 in a night.

I get two beers perAA chip.

One shot per chip.

And a boilermaker is three chips.

And that's 7:00. Two beers, please.

Oh, and can you get me an 8-ounce glass of water? I gotta stay hydrated.

Hey. Why aren't I circumcised?

- What? - Now I have to get it done.

Why the hell would you want to do that?

'Cause of my girl.

It's better not to be circumcised.

More feeling in the ol' puppy when you don't get its tail bobbed.

Self-lubricating, too.

Hey, be a champ, go get my wheelchair in the yard.

You circumcised?

I am, but I didn't have much say in the matter.

I was only hours old when they cut into my manhood.

It hurt?

I cried like a baby.

Anyone try to find me when I was in the ICU for the last month?

No.

How come?

We were kind of hoping you were dead.

Oh, great, pizza.

Yeah, Domino's guy said it was already paid for,

so we're trying to eat it all before he figures out he delivered it

to the wrong place.

Right place. I put it on my credit card.

- You have a credit card? -ltjust doesn't have my name on it.

Oh, shit, Frank's alive?

Will somebody, anybody please get my fucking wheelchair?

- No. - Fuck off, Frank.

No.

Six new onesies,

three new pairs of shoes and a diaper genie.

Got a little something special for Mommy too.

Hey. Anybody know who she belongs to? I found her outside.

Jolayemi? Hi, I'm Debbie.

Who the hell is Jolayemi?

My new night nurse.

Your what?

Jolayemi stays up with Franny so I can have a good night's sleep

and be refreshed in the morning.

Mmm. Where'd you get the money for a night nurse?

I started an online business.

What was that?

Probably Frank.

Frank's back? Since when?

Couple of hours ago.

Claims he was in a coma.

This the baby?

Uh, yes. Franny. Francis.

She's a joy but not a great sleeper.

Does she sleep in your bed?

Sometimes, you know. I'm really careful.

Stop it. Wait, I did you a fucking favor getting rid of that junkie.

- You should be thanking me. - Uh, keep a pillow between us

so that I don't smother her or anything.

- Ow! - It's much easier when I'm really tired

to have Franny in bed with me so that I can just roll over and feed her.

I saved you from hepatitis and HIV at the hands of that liarjunkie. Stop it.

I am a truth-teller.

But you're too weak to--

Oh, God.

Hi. I'm Fiona.

Hi.

Ah!

- How'd she sleep? - Not good.

Oh. Okay. Well, I'm gonna take a shower.

Mmm. Smells like somebody might need a clean diaper.

- Work in half an hour. - Yeah, great.

Boo. Good morning. School, hey, up.

Good morning, Fiona.

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, just walk right by.

Ignore your father that you tried to drown in the river.

That you left in a hospital to rot.

I was only telling the truth.

You can't kill the truth. The truth will set you free.

- Hey, good morning. - Hey. Coffee?

Nah, thanks.

Only got a couple hours of sleep.

Apartment fire around 10:00 last night

then a multi-vehicle on South Lake Shore.

I'm gonna hit the rack.

You okay?

I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

Want me to guess?

I have to get to work.

It's Denise, right?

We grew up together, she was my Senior Prom date.

You went to Senior Prom?

Hell yeah, I was voted Prom King.

Gay man having a fag hag cover for him with his friends?

And with my family.

Look, I was a quarterback, I had to keep up appearances for school.

- Uh-huh. Your family liked her? - Loved her.

Still hear about her from my folks.

How great she was, how beautiful and smart.

What a shame it is that I let her get away.

Jesus, join us for dinner if you want. We're going to Wildfire.

Well, Lip just got out of rehab. So, I'm gonna catch up with him later.

I'm going to hit the shower. Say hi to Lip for me.

Hey, Fiona. That preppy shit head guy is out here again, Chad?

Hi. You finally find someone to run this dump?

I wish. We're still interviewing.

I was hoping I can impose on you to keep filling in for the next few weeks.

Look, I'm sorry. This is my fault,

I've been stuck in planning hearings with the City

over this new multi building project on the Westside and-—

Look, this management thing is a pain in my ass.

I'm losing money.

I need to get back to waiting tables where the real money is.

Waiting tables is real money?

Beats the minimum wage you guys pay management.

Uh, better than minimum wage.

Not by much with all the extra hours

I end up having to work to cover all the bullshit that comes up.

I came in yesterday at 6:00 a.m., I didn't get home till 9:00 last night.

Okay, tell you what, pay yourself an extra 50 cents an hour.

Make up the difference.

You would be doing me a huge favor.

An extra buck an hour.

Done.

Hey, there.

Hi.

I love your dress.

- Hey, everybody. - Hey.

Debbie? Where's Franny?

With my nanny, Jolayemi.

You have a nanny?

- Well, she's actually my night nurse. - What's a night nurse?

She stays up with Franny so I can sleep through the night

and wake up refreshed and ready to greet the day.

Can your night nurse watch my Kwandi, too?

Sure, no problem. It's only $20 an hour.

20 bucks?

Premium infant care doesn't come cheap, ladies.

Gotta go, Algebra. Hey!

I can do it, but I don't recommend it.

Recovery is going to be tough at 16.

- I'd suggest you find another girl. - I don't want another girl.

You won't be able to have an erection while the incision heals.

How long will that take?

Four days before the stitches can come out.

How much it cost?

Around $1500.

It's all right, son, you're going to get through life just fine

without being circumcised.

No, I have the money. I just need to dig up my rainy day fund.

Can you fit me in this afternoon?

You asked her to go through our checkbook and bills?

She figured out my screw-up with the Alibi books so fast yesterday,

I figured she should look at our home finances too.

- She does so many things well. - Yeah.._

I mean, I thought we were good in the sack,

but she's, like, the Michael Jordan of erotic stimuli.

She is an experienced sex worker.

It's like she has three hands and six tongues.

That thing she was doing last night...

I know. And I think she was texting at the same time.

Family meeting. Tonight.

Family meeting?

Is that what we're calling sex now?

What a beautiful baby.

Oh. Yeah, she is, isn't she?

- What's her name? - Franny.

Well, I hope Franny knows how lucky she is to have such a wonderful mother.

I was being a good father, a great father.

Exposing a liar who was going to ruin his daughter's life.

And she treats him like a pariah?

People won't hear the truth...

They hate you for it.

It's my fault.

Thanks. I was too easy on them,

and now they're soft.

Soft as baby poop on a warm summer's day.

Wow! There go a couple of billion brain cells.

The world's gonna to fuck you.

All you can do

is take it up the ass and soldier on.

Hey, you're a pal for listening.

It helps having a friend you can talk to.

You sure? If you've never seen Radiohead in concert, it's pretty fantastic.

Ah. Thanks, but I gotta work.

Maybe you can get somebody to cover for you?

Really, I appreciate it but I got a boyfriend.

You got a new boyfriend?

Uh, no. You're off the professors, I'm off the men.

Really?

Don't sound so surprised.

Oh, it's just you've never stayed single long.

Fuck off.

What, it's a historical fact.

Well, no more. I'm done with men.

Uh, women?

No. Relationships, in general. My instincts suck. No shithead radar.

Just going cold turkey?

Worked for you, didn't it?

- Yo, you done working soon? - Uh...

Hi. Hey, Olga, can you get that?

- Yeah. - Hi, Ian.

Hey, big sis. I need help with something.

You can go as soon as you finish up in back.

Candy's going to be a couple hours late. Her gout is acting up.

- Oh, crap. Is there any way that you can- - No, sorry.

- Melinda, Candy's gonna be-- - Not a chance.

Eunice?

How's it going down there?

Almost done.

Great. I can't feel a thing.

Don't worry,

you will soon.

Fuck.

Kevin, family meeting!

Coming! Took a little longer to get ready!

150, it's not good.

Kevin!

I'm ready for our family meeting.

- This is about family finances. - Ooh...

Svetlana's been going over our bills and income from the bar.

Sit.

Sit.

We need to increase our revenues and improve our P and L immediately.

You have no life insurance, 401ks, 529s.

You have no balance sheet, no income or cash flow forecasts.

Our yield on gross revenues are shit.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are we seriously not gonna have sex? 'Cause I kinda took a Viagra.

- It's fucking stupid. - Yeah.

And why didn't you just go to the dinner with him?

Meet this Denise.

I didn't want him to know that I don't trust him.

Yeah, but you don't trust him.

I didn't want him to know that I don't trust him.

All right, he's gonna get off.

All right.

You see, she looks pretty fucking female to me.

- Can we go now? - No, no, no. Hold on.

At least he's not cheating with a guy. Right?

Please tell me she has a dick.

Hey. You all right?

I can't get an erection for four days.

Then Dom will give me a blowjob.

English - SDH BY [PR]