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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,763 --> 00:00:05,766 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:11,073 --> 00:00:16,073 Subtitles by explosiveskull 3 00:00:16,075 --> 00:00:19,009 [The Lumineers singing "Blue Christmas"] 4 00:00:19,011 --> 00:00:24,448 ♪ I'll have a blue Christmas ♪ 5 00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:26,186 ♪ Without you ♪ 6 00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:31,988 ♪ I'll be so blue ♪ 7 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,795 ♪ Thinkin' about you ♪ 8 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:43,333 ♪ You'll be doin' alright ♪ 9 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:47,340 ♪ With your Christmas of white ♪ 10 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,009 ♪ But I'll have a blue ♪ 11 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,815 ♪ Blue Christmas ♪♪ 12 00:00:58,017 --> 00:00:59,951 (Amy) I'm Amy Mitchell. 13 00:00:59,953 --> 00:01:01,318 And this year 14 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,222 I ruined Christmas. 15 00:01:04,324 --> 00:01:06,057 Christmas is by far 16 00:01:06,059 --> 00:01:08,792 the most stressful time of the year for moms. 17 00:01:08,794 --> 00:01:10,995 There are a million things to do. 18 00:01:10,997 --> 00:01:13,063 And you have to do them all perfectly 19 00:01:13,065 --> 00:01:15,298 or else you will never forgive yourself. 20 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:18,501 And more importantly, neither will your kids. 21 00:01:18,503 --> 00:01:19,870 I literally feel like 22 00:01:19,872 --> 00:01:22,572 the worst mom in the world right now. 23 00:01:22,574 --> 00:01:24,076 [camel grunts] 24 00:01:28,580 --> 00:01:31,015 Maybe I should start at the beginning. 25 00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:33,920 [festive music] 26 00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:39,055 I've always loved Christmas. 27 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:41,992 It's my favorite time of the year. 28 00:01:41,994 --> 00:01:45,198 Most of all, I love the time with my family. 29 00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:50,400 Because all I want 30 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:52,503 all any mom wants 31 00:01:52,505 --> 00:01:54,938 is for their kids to have an amazing Christmas. 32 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,507 ♪ Can't love me like you ♪ 33 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:59,542 ♪ L-O-V-E ♪♪ 34 00:01:59,544 --> 00:02:03,381 That said, Christmas is an insane amount of work. 35 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,248 First, you have to buy gifts 36 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,451 for every human being you've ever met. 37 00:02:07,453 --> 00:02:11,188 I gave my coffee guy a scented candle this year. 38 00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:13,291 Why did I do that? 39 00:02:13,293 --> 00:02:15,426 Then, you have to decorate your house 40 00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:17,628 which, clearly, I suck at. 41 00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:21,098 I'm doing the best I can, Charmaine! 42 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,201 Then, you have to go to all your kids' Christmas shows 43 00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:25,469 which are... 44 00:02:25,471 --> 00:02:27,537 [discordant cello music] 45 00:02:27,539 --> 00:02:29,307 Yeah. 46 00:02:29,309 --> 00:02:32,375 Then, there's all the over-the-top Christmas parties. 47 00:02:32,377 --> 00:02:33,643 Oh, my God. 48 00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,546 Are these lobster Santa hats? 49 00:02:35,548 --> 00:02:37,148 Are these a thing now? 50 00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:39,249 What the fuck? 51 00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:41,218 Then, there's all the cooking 52 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,154 all the cleaning 53 00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:44,721 all the wrapping. 54 00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:46,923 It's insane! 55 00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:49,292 There's just never enough time. 56 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,660 Argh! 57 00:02:50,662 --> 00:02:52,899 [festive music] 58 00:02:59,072 --> 00:03:00,504 - Hi, mom. - Hey. 59 00:03:00,506 --> 00:03:01,772 - Hey! - How was the game? 60 00:03:01,774 --> 00:03:03,239 It was great! The Bulls won. 61 00:03:03,241 --> 00:03:05,910 - Yes! Congratulations. - Yes! 62 00:03:05,912 --> 00:03:07,243 - Hi, honey. - I love you, baby. 63 00:03:07,245 --> 00:03:09,679 Wow. Your house looks really great. 64 00:03:09,681 --> 00:03:11,015 Oh, thank you. 65 00:03:11,017 --> 00:03:13,149 I still-I still got lots left to do, but... 66 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,485 Can I do anything to help? 67 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:15,852 No, no, not unless you know how 68 00:03:15,854 --> 00:03:17,620 to magically fix Christmas lights. 69 00:03:17,622 --> 00:03:19,089 Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. 70 00:03:19,091 --> 00:03:20,658 Yeah, you just swap out the fuse. 71 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:22,459 It's pretty easy. 72 00:03:22,461 --> 00:03:25,328 That's pretty hot. I won't lie. 73 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,765 Oh, you're definitely getting the gold-star treatment tonight. 74 00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:29,333 I like that, but hold that thought. 75 00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:30,504 Okay. 76 00:03:31,971 --> 00:03:35,773 Oh. Your dad is awesome. 77 00:03:35,775 --> 00:03:37,541 I thought you hated him. 78 00:03:37,543 --> 00:03:41,045 What? No, honey, what? Why would you say that? 79 00:03:41,047 --> 00:03:43,547 When you came over to the house last week 80 00:03:43,549 --> 00:03:45,116 I heard you and daddy in the bedroom 81 00:03:45,118 --> 00:03:47,487 and you kept screaming at him. 82 00:03:48,488 --> 00:03:50,654 Oh, yeah. 83 00:03:50,656 --> 00:03:52,322 No, honey, those were... 84 00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:53,823 Those were happy screams. 85 00:03:53,825 --> 00:03:55,826 They didn't sound happy. 86 00:03:55,828 --> 00:03:57,361 And then you punched the wall 87 00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:59,696 and yelled the F-word. 88 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,033 Okay, I-I, um... 89 00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:03,566 Yeah, I don't, I don't really recall 90 00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:05,069 doing that, so, yeah. 91 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,404 - I don't know if that happened. - You did. 92 00:04:06,406 --> 00:04:09,239 You were like, "Oh, my fucking God!" 93 00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,741 Just like that. 94 00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:12,208 "Oh, my fucking God!" 95 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,311 Okay, alright. Shh! Shh! 96 00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:16,580 Um, here's the thing. 97 00:04:16,582 --> 00:04:18,348 Your dad and I were just playing a fun 98 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:19,583 little grown-up game. 99 00:04:19,585 --> 00:04:22,252 You played the game seven times. 100 00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:23,554 Six and a half. But who's counting? 101 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,523 Here's the thing, let's just not... 102 00:04:25,525 --> 00:04:26,756 Let's just not talk about this. 103 00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:28,025 - Cool? - Cool. 104 00:04:28,027 --> 00:04:29,863 - High-five. Awesome. - Got it. 105 00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:34,665 [instrumental music] 106 00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:36,369 [inhales] Oh, no. 107 00:04:37,335 --> 00:04:38,705 What is it? 108 00:04:40,172 --> 00:04:42,241 My mother's coming for Christmas. 109 00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:45,708 Oh, my fucking God! 110 00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:47,246 [festive music] 111 00:04:48,847 --> 00:04:51,585 Thanks for helping me decorate the tree, guys. 112 00:04:53,852 --> 00:04:56,920 Bernard, let's hang 'em on the tree. Okay, buddy? 113 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,722 Oh, who put the big brown ornament 114 00:04:58,724 --> 00:05:00,223 right on the front of the tree? 115 00:05:00,225 --> 00:05:02,359 - It looks like doodie. - Yes, it does, baby. 116 00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:04,227 And that's why mommy's gonna move it around back. 117 00:05:04,229 --> 00:05:05,629 Oh, no, sweetie 118 00:05:05,631 --> 00:05:07,297 we don't drink the tree water. 119 00:05:07,299 --> 00:05:08,532 We don't drink the tree water 120 00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:09,867 'cause we're people, right? 121 00:05:09,869 --> 00:05:11,968 Mommy, is there a Santa Claus? 122 00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:13,436 You bet there is, buddy. 123 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,307 - I know. - Are you lying to me, mommy? 124 00:05:16,309 --> 00:05:18,141 Oh, God, make it stop. 125 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:20,778 What else have you lied about? 126 00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,646 - Hey, babe. - Hey, dad. 127 00:05:22,648 --> 00:05:24,381 - Hi, guys. - Hi. 128 00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:25,752 - You alright? - Yeah. 129 00:05:27,085 --> 00:05:28,552 - Tree looks great. - Thank you. 130 00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:30,153 - Want me to feed the twins? - Yes, please. 131 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,223 - Hey, buddy. Good to see you. - Thank you. 132 00:05:32,225 --> 00:05:33,256 - Let's get some food. - It's okay, buddy. 133 00:05:33,258 --> 00:05:34,290 Aw, it's alright. 134 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,492 [door bell dings] 135 00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:37,631 [baby crying] 136 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,900 Hah! Merry Christmas, Kiki! 137 00:05:43,902 --> 00:05:48,138 - Mom? Hi! - Oh... my... gosh! 138 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,107 I thought you weren't coming until Friday. 139 00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:52,475 Well, I just hopped on an earlier flight. 140 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,912 - Three days earlier? - Oh. 141 00:05:55,914 --> 00:05:58,114 I-I haven't made up the guest bedroom or anything. 142 00:05:58,116 --> 00:06:00,451 That's okay. I'll just sleep with you. 143 00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,252 Big spoon, little spoon. 144 00:06:02,254 --> 00:06:04,155 I usually sleep with my husband now. 145 00:06:04,157 --> 00:06:06,193 Hey, you wanna see the sweatshirt I made? 146 00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:10,494 [exhales] I love this picture. 147 00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:13,330 And look, you were just getting your little tiny breasts. 148 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,198 - Well, one of 'em, anyway. - You just got here. 149 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,533 Let's not talk about my breasts. 150 00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,134 - Then the other one popped out. - Yeah. 151 00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,170 [chuckles] Thank goodness! 152 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,338 Oh, Keeks! 153 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,475 If you play your cards right, you could get 154 00:06:24,477 --> 00:06:26,143 a sweatshirt just like this for Christmas. 155 00:06:26,145 --> 00:06:28,112 Oh, no. 156 00:06:28,114 --> 00:06:31,814 Oh, Kiki Dee, I cannot wait 157 00:06:31,816 --> 00:06:34,951 to spend every waking minute 158 00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,819 of the next three weeks with you. 159 00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:38,122 [nervously] Hmm... 160 00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:39,889 Oh! 161 00:06:39,891 --> 00:06:43,026 [inhales deeply] Hmm... 162 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,160 Are you smelling my hair? 163 00:06:44,162 --> 00:06:45,795 Yes. 164 00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:48,701 [instrumental music] 165 00:06:53,672 --> 00:06:55,405 Oh, my God. 166 00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:57,240 If I have to wax one more pussy today 167 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,975 I'm gonna black out. 168 00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,744 Since when did every woman in America 169 00:07:00,746 --> 00:07:04,381 need a completely hairless vagina on Christmas? 170 00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,383 [mumbles] 171 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,321 Anyone else here for a wax? 172 00:07:09,922 --> 00:07:13,823 Oh, my God, that's like 50 more vaginas. 173 00:07:13,825 --> 00:07:15,227 Okay, who's next? 174 00:07:16,929 --> 00:07:19,162 Oh, no, not you, sasquatch. 175 00:07:19,164 --> 00:07:21,497 I can't handle you right now. 176 00:07:21,499 --> 00:07:23,402 (Carla) Hmm, let's see. 177 00:07:24,837 --> 00:07:28,208 Oh. You. Betty White. 178 00:07:29,374 --> 00:07:31,441 I'm intrigued. 179 00:07:31,443 --> 00:07:32,612 Come with me. 180 00:07:43,289 --> 00:07:45,125 [trailer honking] 181 00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:49,960 Hey, what's up, lady? 182 00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:51,595 - Mom? - Ha-ha! 183 00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,730 Wait, what the actual fuck? 184 00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:55,865 [laughs] 185 00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:57,634 Oh, my God! 186 00:07:57,636 --> 00:08:01,304 Ah! My God! My God! 187 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:02,706 Oh, my God! 188 00:08:02,708 --> 00:08:04,040 [cackles] 189 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:05,275 Wait, I... Well, you didn't tell me 190 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,044 you were coming for Christmas. 191 00:08:07,046 --> 00:08:09,045 It's Christmas? 192 00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,713 Uh, yeah. Isn't that why you're here? 193 00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:12,583 Totally! Totally why I'm here. 194 00:08:12,585 --> 00:08:15,052 Merry Christmas, lady. Merry Christmas. 195 00:08:15,054 --> 00:08:17,086 Jesus, look at you! 196 00:08:17,088 --> 00:08:18,622 You bitch, you don't age at all. 197 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,057 Look how fucking hot you look! 198 00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:21,458 Look at those boobs. 199 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,227 Oh, thanks. You're lookin' a little bit older. 200 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,162 But good, you look good. 201 00:08:26,164 --> 00:08:27,898 What's it been, like three years? 202 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,299 Three? 203 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,968 Whoa, really? 204 00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:32,236 Oh, gosh. I don't know, babe. 205 00:08:32,238 --> 00:08:33,569 I don't really know what year it is. 206 00:08:33,571 --> 00:08:35,606 [laughs] 207 00:08:35,608 --> 00:08:37,473 Why are you wearing black pajamas? 208 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,810 Oh, uh... No, yeah, I, uh... 209 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,813 I work at a spa. 210 00:08:42,815 --> 00:08:44,982 You have a fucking job? 211 00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,585 Yeah. Yeah. 212 00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:50,353 I'm tryin' to be more responsible and shit. 213 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:54,360 Oh, you always were so weird. 214 00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:58,594 So why are you really here, mom? 215 00:08:58,596 --> 00:09:00,597 What do you mean? 216 00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:03,132 Well, you only come when you need money. 217 00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:05,001 Uh, oh... No, no, no. 218 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,870 I don't gamble anymore. 219 00:09:06,872 --> 00:09:08,304 No, I'm just here to see 220 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,806 my daughter on Easter. 221 00:09:09,808 --> 00:09:11,443 - Christmas. - Christmas. 222 00:09:12,811 --> 00:09:14,277 So I think we should celebrate. 223 00:09:14,279 --> 00:09:16,947 I know, Thunder Down Under 224 00:09:16,949 --> 00:09:18,982 is playing by the airport. 225 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:20,954 I think we should hit that hard. 226 00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:24,454 - Male strippers? - Yeah. 227 00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:26,457 - With my mother? - Mm-hm-hm. 228 00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:27,891 [inhales sharply] On Christmas? 229 00:09:27,893 --> 00:09:29,028 Yeah. 230 00:09:29,994 --> 00:09:31,995 How could I say no? 231 00:09:31,997 --> 00:09:34,164 Let's go slap some wieners, bitch! 232 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:36,467 - Alright! That's my girl. - Whoo! 233 00:09:36,469 --> 00:09:38,035 Oh, my God, Jaxon is gonna 234 00:09:38,037 --> 00:09:39,969 shit himself when he sees you. 235 00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:41,472 Still got that kid, huh? 236 00:09:41,474 --> 00:09:42,673 Yup, yup. 237 00:09:42,675 --> 00:09:44,308 How old is he now? 238 00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:46,309 Oh, 15 or 17. 239 00:09:46,311 --> 00:09:48,514 - Oh, cute, cute. - Yeah. 240 00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,418 So your mom and dad have never 241 00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:55,519 been here on Christmas before? 242 00:09:55,521 --> 00:09:57,654 Um, no, no. 243 00:09:57,656 --> 00:09:59,555 (Amy) Okay, wait, do you, do you think that I made enough food? 244 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,058 Uh, seriously? 245 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,425 I can make quiche. I'm gonna go make quiche. 246 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,395 Babe, everything's gonna be fine. 247 00:10:04,397 --> 00:10:06,697 No, honey, it's not gonna be fine. 248 00:10:06,699 --> 00:10:10,700 My mom is the most critical human being on the planet. 249 00:10:10,702 --> 00:10:12,035 When I was six years old 250 00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:13,837 I made her a birthday card. 251 00:10:13,839 --> 00:10:15,405 And she returned it with notes. 252 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,607 Okay, that's fucked up. 253 00:10:16,609 --> 00:10:18,275 The point is she's perfect 254 00:10:18,277 --> 00:10:20,944 at everything and she is impossible to please. 255 00:10:20,946 --> 00:10:22,378 But if she's impossible to please 256 00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:23,447 why're you tryin' so hard to please her? 257 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:24,881 Listen, I'll tell you the truth. 258 00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:26,049 Daughters spend their whole lives trying 259 00:10:26,051 --> 00:10:27,383 to please their mothers, and mothers 260 00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:28,519 spend their whole lives 261 00:10:28,521 --> 00:10:30,053 shitting all over their daughters. 262 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,189 It's just how the world works. Okay? I can't fix that. 263 00:10:32,191 --> 00:10:34,458 I'm not, I'm not fucking Beyoncé. 264 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:36,693 [chuckles] Well, y-y-you are to me. 265 00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:37,861 - Ugh. - I love you. 266 00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:38,929 I love you. 267 00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:41,464 - Mmm. - Okay. 268 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:42,799 You think your mom's gonna like me? 269 00:10:42,801 --> 00:10:43,900 No. 270 00:10:43,902 --> 00:10:44,968 [door opens] 271 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:46,536 I'm sorry we're late. 272 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,271 Hank drives like a girl. 273 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,372 Merry Christmas, grandma and grandpa! 274 00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:50,707 Merry Christmas, grandpa! 275 00:10:50,709 --> 00:10:51,742 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 276 00:10:51,744 --> 00:10:52,910 Merry Christmas, dad. 277 00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:54,711 Here, have some X-Boxes. 278 00:10:54,713 --> 00:10:56,380 - Are you serious? - Thank you so much. 279 00:10:56,382 --> 00:10:57,814 Mum would never let us have these. 280 00:10:57,816 --> 00:10:59,650 (Dylan) Thank you. 281 00:10:59,652 --> 00:11:02,084 Hi, Ms. Redmond, I'm Jessie. 282 00:11:02,086 --> 00:11:03,554 It's so nice to meet you. 283 00:11:03,556 --> 00:11:06,825 Please take the bags upstairs. Gracias. 284 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,926 Okay. Hi, mom. 285 00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:11,462 - Amy. - Hi. 286 00:11:11,464 --> 00:11:12,929 - You look pale. - Oh. 287 00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,464 I'm just trying out a new skin thing. 288 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,899 Oh, good, it's just bad makeup. 289 00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:16,967 You're not dying. 290 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:18,267 Where's your tree? 291 00:11:18,269 --> 00:11:20,136 I-I haven't had time to get one yet. 292 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,905 Amy, it's December 19th. 293 00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:24,308 Even the Jews have Christmas trees by now. 294 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,641 Never mind, we'll get one tomorrow. 295 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,777 - Okay. - Huh. 296 00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:30,112 Yeah. Do you have any food? 297 00:11:30,114 --> 00:11:31,747 I haven't eaten in three days. 298 00:11:31,749 --> 00:11:34,351 Yeah. Oh, gosh, yes. I actual... I have all your favorites. 299 00:11:34,353 --> 00:11:36,453 [chuckles] It's adorable. 300 00:11:36,455 --> 00:11:37,990 You let your kids cook. 301 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,858 Okay. 302 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:45,628 Oh, I didn't know Rite Aid made Christmas decorations. 303 00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,497 So I have the whole week planned out. 304 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,366 On Thursday, we'll see "The Nutcracker." 305 00:11:49,368 --> 00:11:51,602 And then, of course, on Friday, we'll all go caroling. 306 00:11:51,604 --> 00:11:53,503 Unfortunately, Mike was our baritone 307 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:54,972 and you're divorcing him. 308 00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:56,839 So we're gonna have to fill that hole 309 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,942 if we're gonna win the Caroling Cup this year. 310 00:11:58,944 --> 00:12:00,611 Oh, God, the Caroling Cup? 311 00:12:00,613 --> 00:12:02,279 Darling, when I lived here 312 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:06,149 we won the Caroling Cup nine times. 313 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:07,517 It's too bad you've given up on 314 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,285 our family's tradition of winning. 315 00:12:09,287 --> 00:12:11,387 Yeah, I guess I've just been a little busy, so... 316 00:12:11,389 --> 00:12:14,891 Well, clearly not at the gym. Whoop. 317 00:12:14,893 --> 00:12:17,961 I want to celebrate my triumphant return to Chicago. 318 00:12:17,963 --> 00:12:20,530 I wanna throw an enormous Christmas party at your house. 319 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,500 So I was thinking Christmas Eve, if that's convenient. 320 00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:25,702 What? No. That's not convenient. 321 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,737 I mean, we can invite all of my old friends 322 00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:29,473 and we can have a sushi station 323 00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:31,073 and we can hire Kenny G 324 00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:32,543 to play Christmas music. 325 00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:34,511 I hear he's not even that expensive anymore. 326 00:12:34,513 --> 00:12:36,679 Yeah, okay, that-that sounds like a lot of work. 327 00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:39,348 Yeah. It's too bad, I've already invited everyone. 328 00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:41,017 - Where, to my house? - Yes. 329 00:12:41,019 --> 00:12:43,086 A 184 people are coming. 330 00:12:43,088 --> 00:12:44,353 What? 331 00:12:44,355 --> 00:12:45,655 Why haven't I gotten a Christmas card 332 00:12:45,657 --> 00:12:46,689 from you yet? 333 00:12:46,691 --> 00:12:48,025 I don't know, mom. 334 00:12:48,027 --> 00:12:49,593 I-I-I guess it just fell through the cracks. 335 00:12:49,595 --> 00:12:51,261 What is happening with you? 336 00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:52,728 Nothing. Nothing's happening to me. 337 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,097 Amy, this is Christmas. 338 00:12:54,099 --> 00:12:56,065 It's the big show. 339 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,669 - I know. - You can't dick around. 340 00:12:58,671 --> 00:13:00,570 - I'm not dicking around. - I feel you're dicking around. 341 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,171 Mom, I'm honestly not dicking around. 342 00:13:02,173 --> 00:13:03,573 Yes, you are dicking around. 343 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:04,841 I can tell when you're dicking around. 344 00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:06,376 I'm not dicking around. 345 00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:07,711 - Dick, dick around. - Okay. 346 00:13:07,713 --> 00:13:09,746 Okay. 347 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:10,948 I'm not dicking around. 348 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:13,083 Alright, enough with the bad language. 349 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:15,117 Okay. 350 00:13:15,119 --> 00:13:17,453 - I like your hair. - Really? 351 00:13:17,455 --> 00:13:20,256 Yeah, it looks like you're not trying so hard. 352 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,027 Yeah. Love you. 353 00:13:25,064 --> 00:13:26,132 Oh... 354 00:13:29,969 --> 00:13:31,638 (Amy) I can't do Christmas with my mother. 355 00:13:33,205 --> 00:13:35,072 It's like living with Saddam Hussein. 356 00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:36,473 My mom is only staying with me 357 00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,742 because I think she wants to steal my TV. 358 00:13:38,744 --> 00:13:40,410 Oh, I have to go Christmas tree shopping 359 00:13:40,412 --> 00:13:41,777 with my mother tonight. 360 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:42,979 Yeah, it's like, it's like going 361 00:13:42,981 --> 00:13:44,948 on a seven-hour death march 362 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,116 around the city. 363 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,250 My daughter really wants 364 00:13:47,252 --> 00:13:48,919 a Happy Happy Princess Doll 365 00:13:48,921 --> 00:13:51,054 and I have looked everywhere 366 00:13:51,056 --> 00:13:54,724 for it and I don't know where it is. 367 00:13:55,893 --> 00:13:57,461 [sobbing] Where is she, guys? 368 00:13:57,463 --> 00:13:58,895 Where is Happy Happy Princess? 369 00:13:58,897 --> 00:14:00,396 Oh, my God. 370 00:14:00,398 --> 00:14:02,665 I know it's just a doll, but God. 371 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,301 Christmas is killing me this year. 372 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,602 [Kelly Clarkson sings "Run Run Rudolph"] 373 00:14:06,604 --> 00:14:08,804 Holy fuck. 374 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,573 ♪ Out of all the reindeer ♪ 375 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:13,412 ♪ You know you're the mastermind ♪ 376 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,179 ♪ Run run Rudolph ♪ 377 00:14:17,181 --> 00:14:19,652 ♪ Randolph's not too far behind ♪ 378 00:14:22,021 --> 00:14:23,786 ♪ Run run Rudolph ♪ 379 00:14:23,788 --> 00:14:25,322 ♪ Santa's got to make it to town ♪♪ 380 00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:27,690 I can't do this shit sober. 381 00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:28,992 Me neither. 382 00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:30,660 You guys wanna get drunk at the food court? 383 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,496 - Fuck yeah! - Yeah. 384 00:14:32,498 --> 00:14:33,866 - Come on. - Ooh, fun! 385 00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:38,204 [indistinct chatter] 386 00:14:41,806 --> 00:14:43,473 You guys, you know what drives me crazy? 387 00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:45,107 - Genital warts? - What? 388 00:14:45,109 --> 00:14:47,109 - Genital warts. - No. 389 00:14:47,111 --> 00:14:48,344 Carla, no. 390 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,880 No, w-w-what drives me crazy 391 00:14:49,882 --> 00:14:51,381 is the-is the pressure that we put on ourselves 392 00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:53,549 to make Christmas perfect, guys. 393 00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:55,285 Look, Christmas is supposed to be fun. 394 00:14:55,287 --> 00:14:57,654 Yes, why am I responsible 395 00:14:57,656 --> 00:14:59,555 for getting every gift for everyone 396 00:14:59,557 --> 00:15:01,223 in my entire family? 397 00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:02,559 I mean, just 'cause I'm a girl? 398 00:15:02,561 --> 00:15:04,227 - Yeah. - It's 2017! 399 00:15:04,229 --> 00:15:05,295 I thought so. 400 00:15:05,297 --> 00:15:06,328 Why can't my husband 401 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,698 buy presents for his own mom? 402 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,899 I don't even like his mom. 403 00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:10,633 She blames her farts on my kids. 404 00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:11,834 - What? - You know what I do? 405 00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:13,502 - With my big dumb son? - What? 406 00:15:13,504 --> 00:15:15,738 Every November, I just go into his room 407 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,641 grab a bunch of random crap 408 00:15:17,643 --> 00:15:19,409 wrap it up, give it to him on Christmas. 409 00:15:19,411 --> 00:15:21,044 - He doesn't even notice. - Seriously? 410 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,578 Oh, my God, I've given him the same baseball glove 411 00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:24,347 like nine times. 412 00:15:24,349 --> 00:15:26,683 And how lame are the gifts that your family gives you? 413 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:29,086 I spend months picking out the perfect gift 414 00:15:29,088 --> 00:15:31,921 for everyone in my family and all I ever get 415 00:15:31,923 --> 00:15:33,890 is coupons for free back rubs. 416 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,891 Oh, that's so wrong. 417 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,526 You know what my son gave me last year for Christmas? 418 00:15:37,528 --> 00:15:39,829 A box of Ziploc baggies. 419 00:15:39,831 --> 00:15:41,397 Think I'll probably just wrap it up 420 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,400 and give it back to him again this Christmas. 421 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,337 You guys, I'm just like a-a-a giant stress ball 422 00:15:47,339 --> 00:15:50,439 from November to New Year's. 423 00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:53,209 I just wanna enjoy Christmas again. 424 00:15:53,211 --> 00:15:55,112 Yeah. 425 00:15:55,114 --> 00:15:56,081 [sighs] 426 00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:00,016 Well, then let's do it. 427 00:16:00,018 --> 00:16:01,251 What? 428 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:02,685 Guys, what is wrong with us? 429 00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,621 Have we learned nothing? This is bullshit. 430 00:16:04,623 --> 00:16:07,690 I am disappointed in this threesome. 431 00:16:07,692 --> 00:16:09,559 We are mothers. 432 00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:12,027 And if things are not going our way, then what do we do? 433 00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:13,863 We hide in the bathroom. 434 00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:15,098 - No. - No. 435 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,433 No, we don't, we don't do that. 436 00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:18,468 - Uh-unh. - We s... No, we stand up. 437 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:21,036 - And we fight back. - Fight back. Yes. 438 00:16:21,038 --> 00:16:24,641 So if we wanna do Christmas our way this year 439 00:16:24,643 --> 00:16:27,410 then we're gonna do Christmas our way. 440 00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:30,713 No more perfect gifts, no more perfect decorations 441 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,214 no more perfect anything. 442 00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:34,785 - Fuck it. - Let's take Christmas back. 443 00:16:34,787 --> 00:16:36,586 Let's put the "ass" back. 444 00:16:36,588 --> 00:16:39,256 - In "Christm-ass." - What? 445 00:16:39,258 --> 00:16:41,924 That didn't come out exactly as I planned, but y-you guys get... 446 00:16:41,926 --> 00:16:43,727 - Yeah, we know what you meant. - Yeah, we get you. 447 00:16:43,729 --> 00:16:45,395 Okay, to taking Christmas back. 448 00:16:45,397 --> 00:16:46,431 Yes! 449 00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:50,166 ♪ Go go go go ♪ 450 00:16:50,168 --> 00:16:52,636 - ♪ Go go ♪ - ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 451 00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:55,338 Merry Christmas! 452 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,241 ♪ I wanna live like it's Mardi Gras and ♪ 453 00:16:58,243 --> 00:16:59,843 ♪ Don't need no R and R ♪ 454 00:16:59,845 --> 00:17:01,611 - What? - Yes. 455 00:17:01,613 --> 00:17:02,678 Now, it's gonna be better. 456 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:03,946 Now, it is gonna be better. 457 00:17:03,948 --> 00:17:05,080 ♪ Good vibes only ♪ 458 00:17:05,082 --> 00:17:06,982 ♪ I just tapped a keg ♪ 459 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,851 ♪ I'mma fill my cup ♪ 460 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,921 ♪ Got fireworks got booze ♪ 461 00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:12,789 ♪ Let's blow some shit up ♪ 462 00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:14,691 ♪ Tonight I'm going stupid ♪ 463 00:17:14,693 --> 00:17:16,926 ♪ Doing things I've never done ♪ 464 00:17:16,928 --> 00:17:19,029 ♪ We all got one thing in common ♪ 465 00:17:19,031 --> 00:17:21,501 ♪ We just wanna have fun hey ♪ 466 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,138 Okay, who's next? 467 00:17:28,139 --> 00:17:30,307 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 468 00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,442 ♪ Hey ♪ 469 00:17:32,444 --> 00:17:34,476 ♪ Whoo ♪ 470 00:17:34,478 --> 00:17:35,712 ♪ Hey ♪ 471 00:17:35,714 --> 00:17:36,980 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 472 00:17:36,982 --> 00:17:38,882 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 473 00:17:38,884 --> 00:17:41,017 - ♪ Do something wild ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪ 474 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,985 - ♪ Be someone different ♪ - ♪ Hey ♪ 475 00:17:42,987 --> 00:17:45,120 - ♪ Switch up that style ♪ - ♪ Hey ♪ 476 00:17:45,122 --> 00:17:49,392 Hey! Do you know which one is better for the vagina? 477 00:17:49,394 --> 00:17:51,895 [laughs] 478 00:17:51,897 --> 00:17:54,330 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 479 00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,366 ♪ Hey ♪ 480 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,835 ♪ Whoo ♪ 481 00:17:58,837 --> 00:18:02,204 - Attention, shoppers! - Excuse me! 482 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,340 (Carla) I am drunk and horny! 483 00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:06,344 I repeat, I am drunk and horny! 484 00:18:07,678 --> 00:18:10,012 [indistinct chatter] 485 00:18:10,014 --> 00:18:11,350 ♪ Break it down ♪ 486 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:19,356 - ♪ Do something crazy ♪ - ♪ Go ♪ 487 00:18:19,358 --> 00:18:22,992 ♪ Go go go go go go go ♪ 488 00:18:22,994 --> 00:18:26,930 ♪ Go go go go go go go go go ♪ 489 00:18:26,932 --> 00:18:29,165 Oh, shit. Wait, you guys. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 490 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,700 I still have to go Christmas tree shopping 491 00:18:30,702 --> 00:18:32,668 with my mom. 492 00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:34,503 I just had a really dumb idea. 493 00:18:34,505 --> 00:18:37,040 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 494 00:18:37,042 --> 00:18:38,908 ♪ Hey ♪ 495 00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,944 ♪ Whoo ♪ 496 00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:42,444 ♪ Hey ♪ 497 00:18:42,446 --> 00:18:43,613 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 498 00:18:43,615 --> 00:18:45,382 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 499 00:18:45,384 --> 00:18:47,584 - ♪ Do something wild ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪ 500 00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:49,286 ♪ Do something crazy ♪ 501 00:18:49,288 --> 00:18:51,120 [laughing] 502 00:18:51,122 --> 00:18:52,424 ♪ Do something crazy ♪♪ 503 00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,761 Alright, guys. Here. 504 00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,596 - Ooh, we got some popcorn. - I got extra. 505 00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:00,696 - Yes. - You guys ready? 506 00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:03,066 - Look at that. - Okay. 507 00:19:03,068 --> 00:19:05,234 - This is really nice, mom. - Yeah. 508 00:19:05,236 --> 00:19:06,903 We should do all Christmas like this. 509 00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:08,938 Yeah, can we just hang out together 510 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,241 and skip all the annoying stuff? 511 00:19:11,243 --> 00:19:13,242 Yeah, you guys, I... 512 00:19:13,244 --> 00:19:15,211 I would actually really like that. 513 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,817 Hey, Jessie, you should come over on Christmas. 514 00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:20,983 Um, yeah, yeah. 515 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:22,385 I don't know. It's kind of a big deal. 516 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:24,119 I wouldn't want to impose. 517 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,121 [sighs] Don't be weird, dad. 518 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,324 We'll be here. 519 00:19:27,326 --> 00:19:29,291 [chuckles] 520 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,994 - Is that okay? - Yeah. 521 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,963 Yeah, I would actually love that. 522 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,167 - Me, too. - Okay. 523 00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:38,969 Good evening, everyo... 524 00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:42,137 (Ruth) What in God's name is that? 525 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,240 Oh, that is our new Christmas tree. 526 00:19:44,242 --> 00:19:45,809 I got it at Lady Foot Locker. 527 00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:47,676 - Do you like it? - No, I don't, Amy. 528 00:19:47,678 --> 00:19:50,146 - I find it revolting. - Oh. 529 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,682 What is this thing doing in your house? 530 00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:53,916 I don't know, I-I didn't wanna 531 00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:55,284 waste time tree shopping this year. 532 00:19:55,286 --> 00:19:57,020 I actually wanted to enjoy Christmas. 533 00:19:57,022 --> 00:19:58,788 Amy, you are a mom. 534 00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:00,824 Moms don't enjoy, they give joy. 535 00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:02,325 That's how being a mom works. 536 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:05,595 And this hideous tree does not give joy to anybody. 537 00:20:05,597 --> 00:20:08,365 I don't know, I-I kind of like it. 538 00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,531 - Thank you. - Yeah. 539 00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:11,800 Who are you, and why are you talking? 540 00:20:11,802 --> 00:20:14,370 Mom, please be nice. This is Jessie. You met him. 541 00:20:14,372 --> 00:20:16,172 (Ruth) I'm tired of this conversation. 542 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,607 But if you think for one second 543 00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:19,642 I'm gonna let your lazy shenanigans 544 00:20:19,644 --> 00:20:21,543 ruin Christmas for this entire family 545 00:20:21,545 --> 00:20:23,847 you are very much mistaken. 546 00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:25,315 Goodnight, dear children. 547 00:20:25,317 --> 00:20:27,450 Here, have some iTunes gift cards. 548 00:20:27,452 --> 00:20:29,985 Mom, seriously? You have to stop giving them gifts. 549 00:20:29,987 --> 00:20:31,287 (Dylan) Thanks, grandma. 550 00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:32,789 Honey, did you see these ornaments? 551 00:20:32,791 --> 00:20:34,456 They are all little shoes. 552 00:20:34,458 --> 00:20:35,724 I swear to God, Hank. 553 00:20:35,726 --> 00:20:37,226 I will drive you to a fire station 554 00:20:37,228 --> 00:20:38,965 and I will leave you there. 555 00:20:43,568 --> 00:20:45,304 - Hi. - Hi. 556 00:20:47,171 --> 00:20:49,204 How was your night? 557 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,507 - So good. - Yeah? 558 00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:51,711 Yeah. 559 00:20:56,982 --> 00:20:59,049 Mmm. 560 00:20:59,051 --> 00:21:00,750 You taste like grape soda. 561 00:21:00,752 --> 00:21:02,719 I know. I had a Welch's right before bed. 562 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,156 [gasps] 563 00:21:05,023 --> 00:21:06,492 [chuckles] 564 00:21:10,361 --> 00:21:11,994 - Mmm. - Hmm. 565 00:21:11,996 --> 00:21:13,163 [Sandy sneezing] 566 00:21:13,165 --> 00:21:14,500 - Bless you. - Bless you. 567 00:21:18,169 --> 00:21:19,836 [gasps] Mom! 568 00:21:19,838 --> 00:21:21,370 Hi, guys. 569 00:21:21,372 --> 00:21:23,005 What are you doing in here? 570 00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:25,008 Well, I just came in here to watch you fall asleep 571 00:21:25,010 --> 00:21:26,542 like I always do and then you started 572 00:21:26,544 --> 00:21:28,912 going at it like monkeys in a zoo. 573 00:21:28,914 --> 00:21:30,547 You watch me fall asleep every night? 574 00:21:30,549 --> 00:21:32,281 Well, except after Blue Bloods, I know 575 00:21:32,283 --> 00:21:34,716 that's your special intercourse night. 576 00:21:34,718 --> 00:21:37,353 Oh, honey, I'm so glad to see 577 00:21:37,355 --> 00:21:39,289 you have such a vibrant sex life. 578 00:21:39,291 --> 00:21:41,558 It's so important for you and Kent 579 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,128 to just bang each other. 580 00:21:44,529 --> 00:21:46,261 And Kent. 581 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:48,697 I am so happy 582 00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:51,233 that you're able to get an erection again. 583 00:21:51,235 --> 00:21:53,403 Yay! 584 00:21:53,405 --> 00:21:55,637 And Kiki. 585 00:21:55,639 --> 00:21:57,373 He's so much bigger than your dad was. 586 00:21:57,375 --> 00:21:58,907 Okay, mom, thanks, you can go 587 00:21:58,909 --> 00:22:00,909 before my husband never has sex with me again. 588 00:22:00,911 --> 00:22:02,148 Yup. 589 00:22:04,081 --> 00:22:05,581 Oh, and, honey 590 00:22:05,583 --> 00:22:07,117 your dad liked it when I tickled his balls. 591 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:08,952 Okay, you need to stop talking. 592 00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:10,752 I'm gonna come check on you guys in a little while. 593 00:22:10,754 --> 00:22:12,425 Oh, please don't. 594 00:22:17,728 --> 00:22:19,896 Oh, wow. 595 00:22:19,898 --> 00:22:23,732 - You need to talk to your mom. - I know. 596 00:22:23,734 --> 00:22:25,801 She needs some boundaries. 597 00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:29,071 - Or at least, a boundary. - I know. 598 00:22:29,073 --> 00:22:31,340 I just, uh... 599 00:22:31,342 --> 00:22:33,510 I don't wanna hurt her feelings. 600 00:22:33,512 --> 00:22:36,078 And, you know, ever since my dad died 601 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,514 I'm, like, pretty much her only family. 602 00:22:38,516 --> 00:22:41,783 So I'm worried that if I push her away even a little 603 00:22:41,785 --> 00:22:44,521 that it's gonna break her heart. 604 00:22:44,523 --> 00:22:46,024 She saw my boner, Kiki. 605 00:22:47,525 --> 00:22:48,593 Yeah. 606 00:22:53,130 --> 00:22:54,132 [thudding] 607 00:22:55,934 --> 00:22:58,369 Oh, my God. What the... 608 00:23:03,041 --> 00:23:07,010 What... the fuck? 609 00:23:07,012 --> 00:23:09,948 [instrumental music] 610 00:23:23,494 --> 00:23:25,194 Okay, bring the French hens 611 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,396 three inches to the left. 612 00:23:27,398 --> 00:23:29,531 (Ruth) Yeah. Yeah. 613 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:30,969 Mom? 614 00:23:32,971 --> 00:23:34,303 What are you doing? 615 00:23:34,305 --> 00:23:36,138 I am decorating your house properly 616 00:23:36,140 --> 00:23:39,041 because apparently, you are unwilling to do so yourself. 617 00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,310 Why does my house have to be properly decorated? 618 00:23:41,312 --> 00:23:43,646 Making Christmas special is how you show 619 00:23:43,648 --> 00:23:45,315 your family that you love them, Amy. 620 00:23:45,317 --> 00:23:46,749 You don't want your kids to think 621 00:23:46,751 --> 00:23:48,084 that they're worthless and unloved. 622 00:23:48,086 --> 00:23:49,851 - Do you? - Well, no, of course not. 623 00:23:49,853 --> 00:23:52,355 This is the time of year when moms kill themselves 624 00:23:52,357 --> 00:23:55,191 to create a magical world of joy for their children. 625 00:23:55,193 --> 00:23:57,260 It is not a time of year when moms sit around 626 00:23:57,262 --> 00:23:58,694 in their pajamas eating fudge. 627 00:23:58,696 --> 00:24:00,363 - I don't even like fudge. - Great. 628 00:24:00,365 --> 00:24:02,030 So stop being a shitty mom. 629 00:24:02,032 --> 00:24:03,532 - Oh. - Hey, kids. 630 00:24:03,534 --> 00:24:05,667 How do you like the Christmas cavalcade, huh? 631 00:24:05,669 --> 00:24:08,171 - Oh, my gosh. It's awesome. - Show mom how it works! 632 00:24:08,173 --> 00:24:10,373 Really, Amy, you are gonna love this. Okay. 633 00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:14,109 We are go for the cavalcade, over. 634 00:24:14,111 --> 00:24:17,180 Don't worry, I'll show you how this works. It's on an app. 635 00:24:17,182 --> 00:24:19,084 [instrumental music] 636 00:24:20,452 --> 00:24:22,719 Oh, you installed outdoor speakers. 637 00:24:22,721 --> 00:24:24,390 Shh-shh, wait for it, wait for it. 638 00:24:27,292 --> 00:24:29,959 ♪ Eleven pipers piping ♪ 639 00:24:29,961 --> 00:24:32,761 ♪ Ten lords a-leaping nine ladies dancing ♪ 640 00:24:32,763 --> 00:24:35,397 ♪ Eight maids a-milking seven swans a-swimming ♪ 641 00:24:35,399 --> 00:24:36,765 ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪ 642 00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:38,300 ♪ Five golden rings ♪ 643 00:24:38,302 --> 00:24:39,534 ♪ Five golden rings ♪♪ 644 00:24:39,536 --> 00:24:40,936 How much did this cost? 645 00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,305 How can you put a price tag 646 00:24:42,307 --> 00:24:44,773 on a child's happiness, Amy? 647 00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:47,710 - It was very expensive. - God! Mom! 648 00:24:47,712 --> 00:24:50,213 Wait for it, this is the big ending! 649 00:24:50,215 --> 00:24:51,313 [explosion] 650 00:24:51,315 --> 00:24:53,718 [laughter] 651 00:24:55,219 --> 00:24:58,053 (Amy) Are those actual partridges? 652 00:24:58,055 --> 00:24:59,621 Of course. 653 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:01,424 They don't have any survival skills. 654 00:25:01,426 --> 00:25:03,893 They'll be dead within an hour. 655 00:25:03,895 --> 00:25:05,127 - Okay. - Here, kids. 656 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,230 Have some breakfast candy. 657 00:25:07,232 --> 00:25:08,931 - I'm sorry, what? - Oh, my God. 658 00:25:08,933 --> 00:25:10,399 Thank you, grandma. I love you. 659 00:25:10,401 --> 00:25:13,235 I love you. I love you, too, guys. 660 00:25:13,237 --> 00:25:14,936 Okay, let's reload the birds. 661 00:25:14,938 --> 00:25:15,972 And I hate that they're gray. 662 00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:17,572 Let's paint them all white. 663 00:25:17,574 --> 00:25:19,608 And can't they look a little happier 664 00:25:19,610 --> 00:25:20,943 when they fly away? 665 00:25:20,945 --> 00:25:22,013 I mean, it is Christmas. 666 00:25:24,081 --> 00:25:26,749 Your mom decorated your house? 667 00:25:26,751 --> 00:25:29,018 Oh, no, no, no, no. That is not okay. 668 00:25:29,020 --> 00:25:31,354 Who cares, let her decorate your house. 669 00:25:31,356 --> 00:25:32,655 She wanna do mine next? 670 00:25:32,657 --> 00:25:34,156 It's-it's not about the house. 671 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,591 It's-it's about the fact that I'm a 34-year-old woman 672 00:25:36,593 --> 00:25:39,328 and my mother is still telling me how to live my life. 673 00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:42,098 Well, then you need to fight her. 674 00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:44,634 Like... physically? 675 00:25:44,636 --> 00:25:46,202 That is correct, Amy. 676 00:25:46,204 --> 00:25:47,837 I can teach you some basic karate moves. 677 00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,605 But we all know that she's gonna keep treating you 678 00:25:49,607 --> 00:25:52,040 like this until you beat the shit out of her. 679 00:25:52,042 --> 00:25:54,042 I don't want you to meet my mom. 680 00:25:54,044 --> 00:25:56,812 She's a 62-year-old woman, so... 681 00:25:56,814 --> 00:25:58,213 Fine, but you need to have 682 00:25:58,215 --> 00:26:00,549 at least a serious conversation with her. 683 00:26:00,551 --> 00:26:02,351 - That sounds more legal. - I know. I know. 684 00:26:02,353 --> 00:26:04,453 And where's your dad in all this? 685 00:26:04,455 --> 00:26:06,321 Oh, my dad, he's so sweet. 686 00:26:06,323 --> 00:26:07,690 But he's completely under her control. 687 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,024 I mean, there's no way he's gonna choose 688 00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:10,559 my side over hers, no. 689 00:26:10,561 --> 00:26:13,296 - Sweetie, that's hard. - Oh... 690 00:26:13,298 --> 00:26:15,798 Moms are so weird. 691 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,834 How's Christmas with your mom? 692 00:26:17,836 --> 00:26:20,036 Oh, you know. It's... 693 00:26:20,038 --> 00:26:22,238 It's okay-it's okay, I guess. Yeah. 694 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,140 I mean, my mom got her hair cut 695 00:26:25,142 --> 00:26:27,809 and colored exactly like mine, but... 696 00:26:27,811 --> 00:26:29,645 I think that's pretty normal, right? 697 00:26:29,647 --> 00:26:31,414 Your... Did your moms... 698 00:26:31,416 --> 00:26:35,084 Do your moms have your... hairstyle? 699 00:26:35,086 --> 00:26:37,587 You know, every time 700 00:26:37,589 --> 00:26:40,188 I think I'm the fucked-up one in this group 701 00:26:40,190 --> 00:26:44,694 Kiki, you open your mouth, and then I'm like 702 00:26:44,696 --> 00:26:47,430 "No, I'm doing great." 703 00:26:47,432 --> 00:26:49,499 [laughing] 704 00:26:49,501 --> 00:26:51,666 Anyway, uh, my mom and I were gonna 705 00:26:51,668 --> 00:26:53,403 take the kids over to Sky Zone later. 706 00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:55,003 - Do you guys wanna come? - Legally... 707 00:26:55,005 --> 00:26:58,340 I can't get within 50 yards of a Sky Zone but... 708 00:26:58,342 --> 00:27:00,376 Okay, you know what? Fuck it. I'm totally in. 709 00:27:00,378 --> 00:27:02,544 - Amy? - Oh, I can't-I can't go. 710 00:27:02,546 --> 00:27:04,280 I wish I could, but my mother's making us 711 00:27:04,282 --> 00:27:05,882 go see "The Nutcracker." So... 712 00:27:05,884 --> 00:27:08,283 - I love "The Nutcracker." - Oh, no, no, no, no! 713 00:27:08,285 --> 00:27:10,619 Not like the Sugar Plum Fairy "Nutcracker." 714 00:27:10,621 --> 00:27:14,022 No, the original, the five-hour long version 715 00:27:14,024 --> 00:27:16,425 that's all in Russian, where a bunch of people die. 716 00:27:16,427 --> 00:27:18,027 It's-it's awful. 717 00:27:18,029 --> 00:27:19,861 - Why don't you just not go? - Oh, God, no. 718 00:27:19,863 --> 00:27:21,763 No, she would never let me live it down. 719 00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:23,532 It's much easier to do it this way. 720 00:27:23,534 --> 00:27:26,903 Guys, are we not taking Christmas back this year? 721 00:27:26,905 --> 00:27:28,570 - Yeah. - Hmm. 722 00:27:28,572 --> 00:27:30,405 I'm asking you that seriously 'cause I got so wasted 723 00:27:30,407 --> 00:27:32,308 at the mall, I can't remember if I actually said that 724 00:27:32,310 --> 00:27:34,277 or if that's just something that I'm dreaming about right now. 725 00:27:34,279 --> 00:27:36,212 [laughs] 726 00:27:36,214 --> 00:27:38,079 Oh, shit. I'm so late for work. 727 00:27:38,081 --> 00:27:41,049 You guys, do you wanna know what I've been working on? 728 00:27:41,051 --> 00:27:43,488 - Happy Holidays. - Oh, my... 729 00:27:47,058 --> 00:27:49,925 - Carla! - Broke my cock! 730 00:27:49,927 --> 00:27:52,595 - Just go to work. - I'm out, I'm out, I'm out! 731 00:27:52,597 --> 00:27:55,000 [instrumental music] 732 00:28:02,674 --> 00:28:07,443 - What up, lady? - Mom! What are you doing here? 733 00:28:07,445 --> 00:28:09,177 What does it look like I'm doing? 734 00:28:09,179 --> 00:28:12,949 I'm waiting for my daughter to give me a free manicure. 735 00:28:12,951 --> 00:28:16,018 - Free manicure, huh? - Yeah. 736 00:28:16,020 --> 00:28:19,021 Alright. Well, at least I'm not waxing your pussy. 737 00:28:19,023 --> 00:28:21,424 - Maybe next time. - Okay. 738 00:28:21,426 --> 00:28:25,293 So, what's up? You seein' anybody? 739 00:28:25,295 --> 00:28:27,195 Well, you know, there was a couple of things 740 00:28:27,197 --> 00:28:28,964 going with some dads from school. 741 00:28:28,966 --> 00:28:31,666 But it gets complicated. 742 00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:34,604 Plus, like, there is not a better time of the year 743 00:28:34,606 --> 00:28:36,172 to be single than Christmas. 744 00:28:36,174 --> 00:28:38,040 I mean, it's like, I go to the mall 745 00:28:38,042 --> 00:28:41,210 and I see these, you know, these couples walking around. 746 00:28:41,212 --> 00:28:45,146 And they're, they're, like, holding hands and... 747 00:28:45,148 --> 00:28:47,716 You know, wearing scarves 748 00:28:47,718 --> 00:28:50,353 and feeding each other sandwiches 749 00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:54,956 and lookin' at jewelry, you know... 750 00:28:54,958 --> 00:28:57,393 ♪ Every kiss begins with Kay ♪♪ 751 00:28:57,395 --> 00:28:59,462 - Alright, stop. Stop. - What? 752 00:28:59,464 --> 00:29:02,632 - You sound super lonely. - No! 753 00:29:02,634 --> 00:29:04,901 Babe, listen, the rock and roll lifestyle 754 00:29:04,903 --> 00:29:06,301 isn't for everybody. 755 00:29:06,303 --> 00:29:08,303 I'm still super rock and roll. 756 00:29:08,305 --> 00:29:10,505 I woke up in a park this morning. 757 00:29:10,507 --> 00:29:14,876 Carla. I found kale chips in your kitchen. 758 00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:17,713 - Okay, those are for my kid. - Right. 759 00:29:17,715 --> 00:29:19,083 They're healthy as fuck. 760 00:29:20,318 --> 00:29:22,717 Th... They say they're heart-smart. 761 00:29:22,719 --> 00:29:25,053 You really care about your kid, don't you? 762 00:29:25,055 --> 00:29:27,322 Yeah, he's my... 763 00:29:27,324 --> 00:29:29,325 I mean, most... people 764 00:29:29,327 --> 00:29:30,926 care about their children, mom. 765 00:29:30,928 --> 00:29:33,061 Whatever, I just can't keep up 766 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,234 with the latest parenting trends. 767 00:29:39,102 --> 00:29:42,704 So, how you doin'? 768 00:29:42,706 --> 00:29:45,273 I've been better actually, to tell you the truth. I... 769 00:29:45,275 --> 00:29:48,077 There is something that I'm very excited about 770 00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:49,779 which I just need a little money for... 771 00:29:49,781 --> 00:29:51,547 Here we go. 772 00:29:51,549 --> 00:29:53,749 - What? - You always do this. 773 00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:55,550 What? 774 00:29:55,552 --> 00:29:57,185 You show back up in my life. 775 00:29:57,187 --> 00:29:59,088 You ask me for money, I give it to you. 776 00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:02,023 You gamble it all away and you leave me and then 777 00:30:02,025 --> 00:30:04,225 you just come runnin' back asking for more. 778 00:30:04,227 --> 00:30:06,361 I give it to you again 'cause I'm an idiot. 779 00:30:06,363 --> 00:30:08,063 This is a legitimate 780 00:30:08,065 --> 00:30:10,799 business opportunity. 781 00:30:10,801 --> 00:30:12,233 How much do you need? 782 00:30:12,235 --> 00:30:14,403 Not much. Like five grand. 783 00:30:14,405 --> 00:30:17,306 Really. Fiv... Between five and ten grand, maybe 15, tops. 784 00:30:17,308 --> 00:30:19,375 [sighs] 785 00:30:19,377 --> 00:30:21,109 Okay, I'll think about it. 786 00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:22,380 Good! 787 00:30:24,581 --> 00:30:28,250 Wow, you have some really cool shit here, huh? 788 00:30:28,252 --> 00:30:31,386 Nice, classy place. 789 00:30:31,388 --> 00:30:33,292 I wish I'd brought my purse. 790 00:30:36,159 --> 00:30:39,096 [instrumental music] 791 00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:45,635 Why do we have to go to the "Russian Nutcracker" again? 792 00:30:45,637 --> 00:30:46,801 I mean, we're not even Russian. 793 00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:48,069 The "Russian Nutcracker" 794 00:30:48,071 --> 00:30:50,306 is the real "Nutcracker." 795 00:30:50,308 --> 00:30:53,811 Not the sellout Disney version with all the dancing and joy. 796 00:30:55,079 --> 00:30:57,480 Is it actually five hours long? 797 00:30:57,482 --> 00:30:59,982 Yes, and you will love every minute of it. 798 00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:02,151 Now, just listen to this beautiful music. 799 00:31:02,153 --> 00:31:04,323 [opera music on radio] 800 00:31:05,990 --> 00:31:09,290 This song is called "When Boris Gets Murdered." 801 00:31:09,292 --> 00:31:11,626 It sounds like someone's yelling at us. 802 00:31:11,628 --> 00:31:13,529 Why can't we just go do something fun? 803 00:31:13,531 --> 00:31:14,765 [Ruth humming] 804 00:31:17,534 --> 00:31:19,934 [tires screeching] 805 00:31:19,936 --> 00:31:21,337 Where are you going? It's not left. 806 00:31:21,339 --> 00:31:22,838 - The theater's to the right. - Oh, I know. 807 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,205 We're not goin' to the theater. 808 00:31:24,207 --> 00:31:25,340 Where are you taking us? 809 00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:26,611 You'll see. 810 00:31:29,847 --> 00:31:32,718 [indistinct chattering] 811 00:31:35,485 --> 00:31:38,357 [instrumental music] 812 00:31:47,665 --> 00:31:48,998 Merry Christmas, guys! Welcome to Sky Zone! 813 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,199 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 814 00:31:50,201 --> 00:31:51,966 - Alright, uh, three kid passes? - Yes. 815 00:31:51,968 --> 00:31:54,537 No, no. Uh, sorry. We're-we're actually all gonna go. 816 00:31:54,539 --> 00:31:56,739 - We're all gonna do it. - No, we're not all doing it. 817 00:31:56,741 --> 00:31:58,707 It smells like diapers in here. 818 00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:01,644 - Amy! You guys made it! - Hey! 819 00:32:01,646 --> 00:32:04,079 - I'm so glad you guys came! - Oh, my God. Me, too. 820 00:32:04,081 --> 00:32:05,848 I think my mother's gonna kill me in the middle of the night. 821 00:32:05,850 --> 00:32:08,818 - But it's totally worth it. - Hi, I'm Carla's mom. 822 00:32:08,820 --> 00:32:10,219 - Hi. Isis! - Yeah. 823 00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:11,854 - Oh, yeah! Yeah! - Nice to meet you. 824 00:32:11,856 --> 00:32:16,024 Hi. You must be Amy's mom. I'm Carla. 825 00:32:16,026 --> 00:32:17,926 Jaxon, honey, mama needs more hooch. 826 00:32:17,928 --> 00:32:19,694 - Ooh, good idea. - Yeah. 827 00:32:19,696 --> 00:32:21,864 - Top me off, babe. - That's my son, Jaxon. 828 00:32:21,866 --> 00:32:24,767 - This is my mom, Isis. - Hello. Ruth. 829 00:32:24,769 --> 00:32:28,503 - Like Ruth Bader Ginsberg. - Huh. Isis. 830 00:32:28,505 --> 00:32:31,540 Like the terrorist organization. 831 00:32:31,542 --> 00:32:35,376 - This is my mom, Sandy. - Oh, hi, Amy. 832 00:32:35,378 --> 00:32:38,114 I've heard so much about you. 833 00:32:38,116 --> 00:32:42,084 Oh, boy! You really have the same haircuts. 834 00:32:42,086 --> 00:32:45,386 Hello, I'm Ruth. I'm Amy's mom. 835 00:32:45,388 --> 00:32:48,193 I'm Jessie. I was literally just in the car with you. 836 00:32:50,128 --> 00:32:53,361 Come on. Who's ready to have some Christmas fun? 837 00:32:53,363 --> 00:32:55,598 ♪ I ain't scared I ain't scared ♪ 838 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,966 ♪ I can't stop so let's go oh oh ♪ 839 00:32:57,968 --> 00:33:00,069 ♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪ 840 00:33:00,071 --> 00:33:01,803 ♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪ 841 00:33:01,805 --> 00:33:04,373 ♪ And I know when we're moving like that ♪ 842 00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:06,942 ♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪ 843 00:33:06,944 --> 00:33:09,110 - ♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ - ♪ Watch me now ♪ 844 00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:10,812 - ♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ - ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ 845 00:33:10,814 --> 00:33:13,048 ♪ I'm gon' do it how we do it ♪ 846 00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:16,152 ♪ Like I do it I'm gon' do it like a star ♪ 847 00:33:16,154 --> 00:33:17,953 ♪ Yeah I like it when you do it like that ♪ 848 00:33:17,955 --> 00:33:20,455 ♪ Know exactly what you thinking when I do it like that ♪ 849 00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:22,424 ♪ Pull it right back turn the beat so fast ♪ 850 00:33:22,426 --> 00:33:24,827 ♪ Keep the bass real low I keep it just like that yeah ♪ 851 00:33:24,829 --> 00:33:27,128 - ♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ - ♪ Watch me now ♪ 852 00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:28,963 - ♪ Whoo ooh ooh ♪ - ♪ Don't stop me now ♪ 853 00:33:28,965 --> 00:33:30,965 ♪ I'm gon' do it how we do it ♪ 854 00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:33,234 ♪ Like I do it I'm gon' do it ♪ 855 00:33:33,236 --> 00:33:35,407 ♪ Like that ♪ 856 00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:42,912 ♪ Hey hey yeah yeah yeah ♪ 857 00:33:42,914 --> 00:33:44,746 ♪ Yeah I do it do it you never do it ♪ 858 00:33:44,748 --> 00:33:47,348 ♪ I pick it up and throw it right back when I get into it ♪ 859 00:33:47,350 --> 00:33:49,518 ♪ 'Cause there's no holding back when I break through it ♪ 860 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,753 ♪ Better hurry up and get it when I do you won't forget it ♪ 861 00:33:51,755 --> 00:33:53,588 ♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪ 862 00:33:53,590 --> 00:33:55,758 ♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪ 863 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,260 ♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪ 864 00:33:58,262 --> 00:34:00,628 ♪ I like it when you do it like that ♪ 865 00:34:00,630 --> 00:34:02,530 ♪ You like it when I do it like that ♪ 866 00:34:02,532 --> 00:34:04,700 ♪ And I know when we do it like that ♪ 867 00:34:04,702 --> 00:34:06,134 ♪ Ain't nobody else do it like that ♪♪ 868 00:34:06,136 --> 00:34:08,670 Hi, Ruth. We bought you a churro. 869 00:34:08,672 --> 00:34:10,605 - You want that? - No, thank you. 870 00:34:10,607 --> 00:34:12,041 This place is fun. 871 00:34:12,043 --> 00:34:14,009 I never went to a place like this when I was a kid. 872 00:34:14,011 --> 00:34:15,476 My God, no. 873 00:34:15,478 --> 00:34:16,978 When I was a kid, we would go down 874 00:34:16,980 --> 00:34:19,148 to the quarry and blow shit up. 875 00:34:19,150 --> 00:34:21,616 That's nice. Where are you ladies from? 876 00:34:21,618 --> 00:34:23,853 I am from Ottawa, which is in Canada. 877 00:34:23,855 --> 00:34:26,054 And then my husband Dirk wanted a faster life 878 00:34:26,056 --> 00:34:28,623 so we moved to Bismarck, North Dakota. 879 00:34:28,625 --> 00:34:32,126 And then I had Kiki when I was only 18 years old. 880 00:34:32,128 --> 00:34:35,496 And then Dirk died. A long, slow, painful death. 881 00:34:35,498 --> 00:34:39,000 But we're all gonna die sometime, alone and afraid. 882 00:34:39,002 --> 00:34:40,869 - Where are you from, Ruth? - Chicago. 883 00:34:40,871 --> 00:34:42,704 [gasps] The City of Lights! 884 00:34:42,706 --> 00:34:44,005 The Windy City. 885 00:34:44,007 --> 00:34:45,074 You know what they call Bismarck? 886 00:34:45,076 --> 00:34:46,641 "The City of Old White People." 887 00:34:46,643 --> 00:34:48,509 You are so weird. 888 00:34:48,511 --> 00:34:50,880 Ruth, did you enjoy growing up in Chicago? 889 00:34:50,882 --> 00:34:53,315 No. My mother was a terrible woman. 890 00:34:53,317 --> 00:34:55,217 - Oh. - She once slapped me. 891 00:34:55,219 --> 00:34:57,753 For wearing open-toed shoes on a sailboat. 892 00:34:57,755 --> 00:34:59,355 Well, it was a different time then. 893 00:34:59,357 --> 00:35:00,324 This was two months ago. 894 00:35:02,025 --> 00:35:04,192 My daughter thinks that I'm so hard on her. 895 00:35:04,194 --> 00:35:05,828 But she has no idea what I went through 896 00:35:05,830 --> 00:35:07,329 with my own mother. 897 00:35:07,331 --> 00:35:09,697 When I was 15, I got my ears pierced 898 00:35:09,699 --> 00:35:11,733 and she called me a whore. 899 00:35:11,735 --> 00:35:13,902 And sent me away to boarding school. 900 00:35:13,904 --> 00:35:15,770 - In Croatia. - Croatia? 901 00:35:15,772 --> 00:35:17,438 - Now, that is a hard woman. - Uh. 902 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,375 - Where are you from, Isis? - I don't know, everywhere. 903 00:35:19,377 --> 00:35:20,842 I never met my parents. 904 00:35:20,844 --> 00:35:22,677 I basically just raised myself 905 00:35:22,679 --> 00:35:24,279 using my wits and my tits. 906 00:35:24,281 --> 00:35:26,748 Oh, wow. That sounds disgusting. 907 00:35:26,750 --> 00:35:29,550 No, dude, I was a roadie for REO Speedwagon 908 00:35:29,552 --> 00:35:31,887 for 15 years. 909 00:35:31,889 --> 00:35:35,357 Oh, um, Isis, you're not allowed to smoke cigarettes in here. 910 00:35:35,359 --> 00:35:36,692 It's okay. It's not a cigarette. 911 00:35:36,694 --> 00:35:38,126 - You want some? - No! Ahem! 912 00:35:38,128 --> 00:35:40,728 - You want some? - Uh, no, thank you. 913 00:35:40,730 --> 00:35:42,598 - Suit yourself. - So... 914 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,067 Which church does everyone go to on Christmas Eve? 915 00:35:45,069 --> 00:35:47,101 Well, I always go to midnight mass 916 00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:48,904 at Our Mother of Perpetual Suffering. 917 00:35:48,906 --> 00:35:51,072 It's the premiere service in the city. 918 00:35:51,074 --> 00:35:52,942 - Great, I'll meet you there. - What? 919 00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:55,811 This is so nice. Making new friends. 920 00:35:55,813 --> 00:35:57,880 - Yeah. - You guys wanna play dodgeball? 921 00:35:57,882 --> 00:35:59,648 No, honey. Grandmas don't play dodgeball. 922 00:35:59,650 --> 00:36:01,382 - We should... - What the fuck did she say? 923 00:36:01,384 --> 00:36:03,652 She said, "Grandmas don't play dodgeball." 924 00:36:03,654 --> 00:36:05,887 I got it, but we play. We play. 925 00:36:05,889 --> 00:36:07,956 I'm in. 926 00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:10,895 [Motley Crue sing "Kickstart My Heart"] 927 00:36:24,607 --> 00:36:27,476 ♪ When I get high I get high on speed ♪ 928 00:36:27,478 --> 00:36:29,645 ♪ Top fuel funny car's a drug for me ♪ 929 00:36:29,647 --> 00:36:31,746 ♪ My heart my heart ♪ 930 00:36:31,748 --> 00:36:34,118 ♪ Kickstart my heart ♪ 931 00:36:40,790 --> 00:36:43,425 ♪ Whoa yeah ♪ 932 00:36:43,427 --> 00:36:46,128 ♪ Kickstart my heart give it a start ♪ 933 00:36:46,130 --> 00:36:48,663 ♪ Whoa yeah ♪ 934 00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:51,433 ♪ Baby ♪ 935 00:36:51,435 --> 00:36:54,168 ♪ Whoa yeah ♪ 936 00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:56,871 ♪ Kickstart my heart hope it never stops ♪ 937 00:36:56,873 --> 00:36:59,507 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 938 00:36:59,509 --> 00:37:02,647 ♪ Baby ♪♪ 939 00:37:08,685 --> 00:37:11,622 [intense music] 940 00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:41,151 [music continues] 941 00:37:53,563 --> 00:37:56,500 [bell tolls] 942 00:37:59,569 --> 00:38:01,904 Tonight was a complete travesty. 943 00:38:01,906 --> 00:38:03,672 [chuckles] 944 00:38:03,674 --> 00:38:05,040 [imitates Ruth] 945 00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:07,208 Do you think that was funny, Hank? 946 00:38:07,210 --> 00:38:08,876 What if I changed out your heart pills? 947 00:38:08,878 --> 00:38:11,547 - Would that be funny, too? - Oh, Jesus, babe. 948 00:38:11,549 --> 00:38:14,282 I can't believe A-Amy is actually intent 949 00:38:14,284 --> 00:38:15,750 on ruining Christmas this year. 950 00:38:15,752 --> 00:38:17,286 I'm gonna have to redouble my efforts. 951 00:38:17,288 --> 00:38:18,719 Or you could stop fighting with her 952 00:38:18,721 --> 00:38:20,456 and we could just have a nice Christmas. 953 00:38:20,458 --> 00:38:23,025 Do you think I enjoy fighting with my daughter, Hank? 954 00:38:23,027 --> 00:38:26,427 - Yeah! Oh. - Because I don't. 955 00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:28,362 I'm just trying to give my grandchildren 956 00:38:28,364 --> 00:38:31,699 the amazing Christmas that they deserve. 957 00:38:31,701 --> 00:38:34,036 This is their first Christmas without their father. 958 00:38:34,038 --> 00:38:35,536 And if it is perfect 959 00:38:35,538 --> 00:38:38,440 they will know that things are gonna be okay. 960 00:38:38,442 --> 00:38:41,409 But if our daughter throws a half-assed Christmas 961 00:38:41,411 --> 00:38:43,712 it will rattle the kids, and they could descend 962 00:38:43,714 --> 00:38:46,915 into a spiral of fear, depression and drugs. 963 00:38:46,917 --> 00:38:51,320 Okay. But the kids looked really happy tonight. 964 00:38:51,322 --> 00:38:52,621 They would have been happier 965 00:38:52,623 --> 00:38:54,389 at the "Russian Nutcracker," Hank. 966 00:38:54,391 --> 00:38:58,159 My way of doing Christmas is enchanting and magical. 967 00:38:58,161 --> 00:39:01,896 And Amy's way of doing Christmas is lazy and embarrassing. 968 00:39:01,898 --> 00:39:03,732 And my way is better, and my way will win. 969 00:39:03,734 --> 00:39:05,400 Because my way will always win. 970 00:39:05,402 --> 00:39:07,768 Well, I'm just glad this is all about the kids. 971 00:39:07,770 --> 00:39:09,938 Hank, I am Amy's mother 972 00:39:09,940 --> 00:39:11,639 and it is my job 973 00:39:11,641 --> 00:39:15,177 to push her to be the best mother she possibly can be. 974 00:39:15,179 --> 00:39:17,079 Trust me, someday she will thank me 975 00:39:17,081 --> 00:39:20,081 in an inspirational speech at some large public venue. 976 00:39:20,083 --> 00:39:21,616 [inhales] 977 00:39:21,618 --> 00:39:23,485 Now, are you done ironing my pajamas, Hank? 978 00:39:23,487 --> 00:39:25,686 Yes, Ruth. 979 00:39:25,688 --> 00:39:27,692 They're still warm. 980 00:39:28,859 --> 00:39:30,828 I'm sorry you're upset. 981 00:39:32,295 --> 00:39:34,630 Thank you. 982 00:39:34,632 --> 00:39:36,534 It's okay. 983 00:39:37,935 --> 00:39:39,471 [sniffles] 984 00:39:41,304 --> 00:39:43,174 You're wrinkling my pajamas. 985 00:39:44,708 --> 00:39:46,141 I'll get your toothbrush ready. 986 00:39:46,143 --> 00:39:47,311 Thank you. 987 00:39:49,446 --> 00:39:50,982 [bells chiming] 988 00:39:52,882 --> 00:39:55,449 Oh, my God. No more pussies. Please, God. No more pussies. 989 00:39:55,451 --> 00:39:58,052 [knock on the door] Uh, yeah? 990 00:39:58,054 --> 00:39:59,820 Oh, hi. Uh... 991 00:39:59,822 --> 00:40:01,889 Are you Carla? 992 00:40:01,891 --> 00:40:04,326 [instrumental music] 993 00:40:04,328 --> 00:40:06,328 Yeah, I am. 994 00:40:06,330 --> 00:40:09,063 - Who are you? - I'm Ty Swindel. 995 00:40:09,065 --> 00:40:10,565 I'm here to get my balls waxed. 996 00:40:10,567 --> 00:40:12,067 (Carla) That's great news. 997 00:40:12,069 --> 00:40:15,070 Why don't you hop on my table, Ty Swindel? 998 00:40:15,072 --> 00:40:16,040 Alright, thank you. 999 00:40:17,407 --> 00:40:18,974 Okay. 1000 00:40:18,976 --> 00:40:22,143 So, uh, have you ever had your balls waxed before, Ty? 1001 00:40:22,145 --> 00:40:24,246 Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm an exotic dancer. 1002 00:40:24,248 --> 00:40:27,315 So I have to keep my dick, balls and taint smooth at all times. 1003 00:40:27,317 --> 00:40:28,683 - Great. Okay, got it. - Yeah. 1004 00:40:28,685 --> 00:40:31,485 Um, so I am just gonna remove the towel 1005 00:40:31,487 --> 00:40:33,889 and then we'll apply the wax if you... 1006 00:40:33,891 --> 00:40:36,257 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 1007 00:40:36,259 --> 00:40:37,925 Look at the size of that thing. 1008 00:40:37,927 --> 00:40:39,828 This... It looks like a parking cone. 1009 00:40:39,830 --> 00:40:41,929 I am so sorry. I forgot to te... 1010 00:40:41,931 --> 00:40:43,431 You know, it scares most people. 1011 00:40:43,433 --> 00:40:44,866 No, I'm not scared, though. I just... 1012 00:40:44,868 --> 00:40:46,268 I'm gonna need a lot more... 1013 00:40:46,270 --> 00:40:48,869 - Just a lot more wax. - Okay. 1014 00:40:48,871 --> 00:40:50,774 - So just give me one second. - Sure. 1015 00:40:52,676 --> 00:40:54,179 Wow. Okay. 1016 00:40:55,878 --> 00:40:58,279 So, who usually waxes your balls? 1017 00:40:58,281 --> 00:41:00,349 Oh, I go to a woman in, uh, Cleveland. 1018 00:41:00,351 --> 00:41:02,550 - Which is where I'm from. - No way. 1019 00:41:02,552 --> 00:41:04,353 - What? - I'm from Edgewater. 1020 00:41:04,355 --> 00:41:06,020 - You're from Edgewater? - Yeah. 1021 00:41:06,022 --> 00:41:08,023 - I'm from Tremont! - Oh, my God. Small world. 1022 00:41:08,025 --> 00:41:09,958 - Unbelievable. - That is so weird! 1023 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,094 Like... Right? 1024 00:41:12,096 --> 00:41:14,563 Wow. Okay, um... 1025 00:41:14,565 --> 00:41:16,965 If you could just, uh, lift that penis up for me. 1026 00:41:16,967 --> 00:41:18,366 Okay. 1027 00:41:18,368 --> 00:41:19,768 Yeah, that's great. 1028 00:41:19,770 --> 00:41:21,936 So, uh, what brings you to Chicago, Ty? 1029 00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:24,806 Well, I'm in town to do a few Sexy Santa competitions. 1030 00:41:24,808 --> 00:41:26,241 - Nice! - Yeah. 1031 00:41:26,243 --> 00:41:28,413 Okay, slight sting on your nutsack. 1032 00:41:31,315 --> 00:41:34,252 [instrumental music] 1033 00:41:36,786 --> 00:41:39,554 So, um, how did you get into dancing? 1034 00:41:39,556 --> 00:41:42,623 Oh, I'm a fireman by trade. That's what I do. 1035 00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:43,759 Of course you are. 1036 00:41:43,761 --> 00:41:44,992 And a few years ago 1037 00:41:44,994 --> 00:41:47,228 I responded to this fire at a strip club. 1038 00:41:47,230 --> 00:41:49,431 And the owner comes up to me, and he's like 1039 00:41:49,433 --> 00:41:52,300 "Hey, dude. You got a massive cock?" 1040 00:41:52,302 --> 00:41:56,103 And I'm like, "Uh... Well, I do." 1041 00:41:56,105 --> 00:41:57,905 And the rest is, the rest is history. 1042 00:41:57,907 --> 00:41:59,308 Wow. 1043 00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:01,509 That's a beautiful story, Ty. 1044 00:42:01,511 --> 00:42:03,945 Thank you. 1045 00:42:03,947 --> 00:42:05,282 Okay. Hot burn. 1046 00:42:07,351 --> 00:42:10,751 - So, um, holidays, huh? - I know. 1047 00:42:10,753 --> 00:42:12,688 You got big plans with your girlfriend? 1048 00:42:12,690 --> 00:42:15,123 I wish. I wish I had a girlfriend. 1049 00:42:15,125 --> 00:42:17,826 Yeah, most women, they just see me as this object 1050 00:42:17,828 --> 00:42:20,695 to have sex with and then they leave. You know? 1051 00:42:20,697 --> 00:42:21,996 And I'm like, "Yeah, I dance around 1052 00:42:21,998 --> 00:42:24,199 "in basketball sneakers and a G-string. 1053 00:42:24,201 --> 00:42:26,534 It doesn't mean I don't have feelings." Right? 1054 00:42:26,536 --> 00:42:28,136 Yeah. 1055 00:42:28,138 --> 00:42:29,704 I, uh... 1056 00:42:29,706 --> 00:42:31,206 I can relate. 1057 00:42:31,208 --> 00:42:32,607 I don't know what it is about you, I just... 1058 00:42:32,609 --> 00:42:33,974 I feel like you're easy to talk to, you know? 1059 00:42:33,976 --> 00:42:37,945 I can just open up. Be myself. It's nice. 1060 00:42:37,947 --> 00:42:39,484 I feel the same way, Ty. 1061 00:42:42,685 --> 00:42:44,820 Okay, um, I'm gonna need you 1062 00:42:44,822 --> 00:42:47,188 to, uh, put your heels over your head 1063 00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:50,458 so I can start to go to town on your taint and your butthole. 1064 00:42:50,460 --> 00:42:52,059 - Yep. - Great. Thanks. 1065 00:42:52,061 --> 00:42:53,295 - Alright. - Okay. 1066 00:42:53,297 --> 00:42:54,695 Let's get these out of the way. 1067 00:42:54,697 --> 00:42:56,465 Right. There we go. Great, great, great. 1068 00:42:56,467 --> 00:42:58,532 Carla, uh... 1069 00:42:58,534 --> 00:43:01,235 At the risk of sounding forward 1070 00:43:01,237 --> 00:43:04,072 um, would you be willing to come with me 1071 00:43:04,074 --> 00:43:06,708 to my Sexy Santa Competition tonight? 1072 00:43:06,710 --> 00:43:09,177 Uh, well, I-I don't date my clients, Ty. 1073 00:43:09,179 --> 00:43:11,645 I have a really strict code. 1074 00:43:11,647 --> 00:43:13,982 Yeah. Oh, of course you do. Are you kidding me? 1075 00:43:13,984 --> 00:43:15,916 I know. And I know. And-and you should. You should have a... 1076 00:43:15,918 --> 00:43:19,087 I'm just fuckin' with you, Ty. I don't have a code! 1077 00:43:19,089 --> 00:43:21,590 I'm waxing your butthole. 1078 00:43:21,592 --> 00:43:23,324 I would love to go to your show. 1079 00:43:23,326 --> 00:43:24,992 - You would? - Yes! 1080 00:43:24,994 --> 00:43:26,261 Yes! Oh, my God. 1081 00:43:26,263 --> 00:43:28,029 She's funny and she's beautiful. 1082 00:43:28,031 --> 00:43:30,364 This is a combination you don't run into every day, you know. 1083 00:43:30,366 --> 00:43:33,501 Well, you don't see this combo that often, either. 1084 00:43:33,503 --> 00:43:36,737 So it's a date, then. I'll see you tonight. 1085 00:43:36,739 --> 00:43:38,572 It's a date. 1086 00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:41,041 Oh, um, do you want me to reach down there 1087 00:43:41,043 --> 00:43:43,844 and-and I can pull my butt crack open for you if you want. 1088 00:43:43,846 --> 00:43:46,047 Thank you. 1089 00:43:46,049 --> 00:43:48,683 No one's ever asked if they could hold 1090 00:43:48,685 --> 00:43:51,953 their butt crack open for me before. 1091 00:43:51,955 --> 00:43:54,625 I'll hold my butt crack open for you anytime you want, Carla. 1092 00:43:57,027 --> 00:43:59,397 Where did you come from, Ty Swindel? 1093 00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,038 So what brings you here today, Kiki? 1094 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,576 Well, um, my mom and I, we're very close. 1095 00:44:14,578 --> 00:44:16,777 And we would like to be... 1096 00:44:16,779 --> 00:44:17,813 To be closer. 1097 00:44:17,815 --> 00:44:19,815 No. No. 1098 00:44:19,817 --> 00:44:22,817 I think, uh, we would, we would like to be 1099 00:44:22,819 --> 00:44:24,585 a little more independent. 1100 00:44:24,587 --> 00:44:25,954 Closer. 1101 00:44:25,956 --> 00:44:28,223 Uh, Sandy, tell me 1102 00:44:28,225 --> 00:44:30,058 about your relationship with your daughter. 1103 00:44:30,060 --> 00:44:33,395 Oh, my gosh. That's my favorite topic. 1104 00:44:33,397 --> 00:44:37,565 Well, I had Kiki when I was 18 years old. 1105 00:44:37,567 --> 00:44:39,967 And when the nurse placed her on my breast 1106 00:44:39,969 --> 00:44:41,402 I looked down at her and I said 1107 00:44:41,404 --> 00:44:45,005 "You are gonna be my best friend forever." 1108 00:44:45,007 --> 00:44:47,675 Is that normal? The best friend forever thing? 1109 00:44:47,677 --> 00:44:49,444 Uh, well, you know, we don't like to use the word 1110 00:44:49,446 --> 00:44:51,348 "Normal" around here. 1111 00:44:53,484 --> 00:44:57,018 Anyways, Kiki and I have always been super close 1112 00:44:57,020 --> 00:44:59,253 because we're basically the same age. 1113 00:44:59,255 --> 00:45:01,121 And then my husband died 1114 00:45:01,123 --> 00:45:04,659 and we became crazy close. 1115 00:45:04,661 --> 00:45:06,161 We went to prom together. 1116 00:45:06,163 --> 00:45:08,362 Wow! 1117 00:45:08,364 --> 00:45:09,598 Okay. 1118 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,433 And, uh, Kiki, uh... 1119 00:45:12,435 --> 00:45:14,636 How does all this closeness make you feel? 1120 00:45:14,638 --> 00:45:16,137 - Well... - Well, she feels great. 1121 00:45:16,139 --> 00:45:18,672 Who wouldn't want to be best friends with their mom? 1122 00:45:18,674 --> 00:45:20,509 - I love my mom. - Thank you, honey. 1123 00:45:20,511 --> 00:45:22,143 - I really do. - Thank you. 1124 00:45:22,145 --> 00:45:24,545 But sometimes, she can be a bit much. 1125 00:45:24,547 --> 00:45:26,047 What? 1126 00:45:26,049 --> 00:45:29,183 - Like when? - Like, uh... 1127 00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:31,485 When you watched Kent and I have sex the other night. 1128 00:45:31,487 --> 00:45:33,121 Oh, Lord. 1129 00:45:33,123 --> 00:45:34,688 I just wanna know what's going on in your life. 1130 00:45:34,690 --> 00:45:36,491 - Is that so wrong? - No. 1131 00:45:36,493 --> 00:45:38,159 But sometimes, I just... 1132 00:45:38,161 --> 00:45:40,063 I'm in need of a little space. 1133 00:45:41,632 --> 00:45:44,498 Oh, boy. I don't know what's happening right now. 1134 00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:48,637 - W-why are you turning on me? - I'm not turning on you. 1135 00:45:48,639 --> 00:45:51,072 I'm just saying, I think that we could benefit 1136 00:45:51,074 --> 00:45:52,974 from some boundaries, right? 1137 00:45:52,976 --> 00:45:54,011 I have cancer. 1138 00:45:55,978 --> 00:45:58,045 - Cancer? - Mm-hm, mm-hm. 1139 00:45:58,047 --> 00:45:59,750 Oh, God. What kind of cancer? 1140 00:46:02,685 --> 00:46:05,755 Heart... cancer. 1141 00:46:09,592 --> 00:46:10,891 - Heart cancer? - Yeah. 1142 00:46:10,893 --> 00:46:13,161 Stage 12. 1143 00:46:13,163 --> 00:46:15,563 Maybe you can find it in your non-cancerous heart 1144 00:46:15,565 --> 00:46:17,701 to be nice to me before I die. 1145 00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:23,070 I'm so sorry, mom. I had... I had no idea. 1146 00:46:23,072 --> 00:46:26,340 I know. I know. 1147 00:46:26,342 --> 00:46:27,712 [crying] Oh, God. 1148 00:46:30,781 --> 00:46:32,279 (Kiki) Mom. 1149 00:46:32,281 --> 00:46:34,049 Oh, Keeks. 1150 00:46:34,051 --> 00:46:37,117 Oh, Kiki. No, no. Keeks. 1151 00:46:37,119 --> 00:46:39,554 - Okay, I don't have cancer. - What? 1152 00:46:39,556 --> 00:46:40,588 I knew it. 1153 00:46:40,590 --> 00:46:42,590 But imagine if I did have cancer 1154 00:46:42,592 --> 00:46:45,192 how would you feel being so mean to your mother? 1155 00:46:45,194 --> 00:46:47,094 I'm not trying to be mean to you, mom. 1156 00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:48,730 I'm trying to have an honest conversation 1157 00:46:48,732 --> 00:46:49,898 about our relationship. 1158 00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:51,299 - I have cancer again. - No. 1159 00:46:51,301 --> 00:46:52,766 It doesn't work like that a second time. 1160 00:46:52,768 --> 00:46:55,103 - I have polio. - I think they cured polio. 1161 00:46:55,105 --> 00:46:57,271 - I have bubonic plague. - No. 1162 00:46:57,273 --> 00:46:58,607 - I have shingles. - Mom! 1163 00:46:58,609 --> 00:46:59,974 I have bird flu. 1164 00:46:59,976 --> 00:47:02,110 - Are you done? - I have a lazy eye. 1165 00:47:02,112 --> 00:47:03,545 Mom! 1166 00:47:03,547 --> 00:47:06,114 Please, can we just talk about our relationship? 1167 00:47:06,116 --> 00:47:08,083 Because I wanna work this out with you. 1168 00:47:08,085 --> 00:47:09,784 Yes. 1169 00:47:09,786 --> 00:47:12,487 Let's do that. Yes. 1170 00:47:12,489 --> 00:47:14,054 - Really? - Yes. 1171 00:47:14,056 --> 00:47:15,090 I wanna work this out with you. 1172 00:47:15,092 --> 00:47:16,224 Honestly? 1173 00:47:16,226 --> 00:47:17,458 I'm gonna run to the ladies' room 1174 00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:19,226 and I will be right back. 1175 00:47:19,228 --> 00:47:20,297 Okay. 1176 00:47:34,478 --> 00:47:36,444 She's not coming back, is she? 1177 00:47:36,446 --> 00:47:38,313 No. 1178 00:47:38,315 --> 00:47:40,280 What is the matter with her? 1179 00:47:40,282 --> 00:47:43,418 - You really wanna know? - Yeah. 1180 00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:46,587 Your mom was probably pretty normal before she had you. 1181 00:47:46,589 --> 00:47:48,023 But then you were born. 1182 00:47:48,025 --> 00:47:49,657 And you didn't sleep for six months 1183 00:47:49,659 --> 00:47:51,525 so she didn't sleep for six months. 1184 00:47:51,527 --> 00:47:54,429 And you refused to eat, and when you did eat 1185 00:47:54,431 --> 00:47:56,130 you would barf all over her clothes. 1186 00:47:56,132 --> 00:47:58,266 And that made your mom a little crazy. 1187 00:47:58,268 --> 00:48:00,768 And then you fell off your bike and you broke your arm. 1188 00:48:00,770 --> 00:48:02,369 And then you got bullied in school. 1189 00:48:02,371 --> 00:48:04,204 And then you started dating that weird dude 1190 00:48:04,206 --> 00:48:05,974 with the stick through his nose. 1191 00:48:05,976 --> 00:48:07,775 And all those things made your mom 1192 00:48:07,777 --> 00:48:09,444 a little more crazy. 1193 00:48:09,446 --> 00:48:10,878 And then you got married. 1194 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,681 And you bought a house you can't afford. 1195 00:48:12,683 --> 00:48:14,482 And you're raising kids who never say 1196 00:48:14,484 --> 00:48:16,016 "Please" or "Thank you." 1197 00:48:16,018 --> 00:48:17,851 Shit, they can't even read. 1198 00:48:17,853 --> 00:48:19,820 And all those things made your mom 1199 00:48:19,822 --> 00:48:21,355 super-duper crazy. 1200 00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:23,657 And now you come into my office, and you go 1201 00:48:23,659 --> 00:48:26,795 "Dr. Karl, why is my mom so crazy?" 1202 00:48:26,797 --> 00:48:29,563 And the answer is... 1203 00:48:29,565 --> 00:48:30,831 you, motherfucker. 1204 00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:32,666 You made your mom crazy. 1205 00:48:32,668 --> 00:48:34,869 So be nice to your mom, 'cause you're the one 1206 00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:36,804 who fucked her shit up. 1207 00:48:36,806 --> 00:48:40,974 ♪ You make it feel like Christmas ♪♪ 1208 00:48:40,976 --> 00:48:45,079 We are gonna dominate caroling this year. 1209 00:48:45,081 --> 00:48:46,648 What are you wearing? 1210 00:48:46,650 --> 00:48:48,382 Sweetie, if you wanna win the Caroling Cup 1211 00:48:48,384 --> 00:48:50,085 you have to have a theme. 1212 00:48:50,087 --> 00:48:51,753 Which is why we are all going 1213 00:48:51,755 --> 00:48:54,355 as characters from "A Christmas Carol." 1214 00:48:54,357 --> 00:48:57,257 - Oh, my God! - Dylan, you're Marley's Ghost. 1215 00:48:57,259 --> 00:49:00,161 Jane, you are the Ghost of Christmas Present. 1216 00:49:00,163 --> 00:49:01,395 Oh, great. 1217 00:49:01,397 --> 00:49:03,431 And Amy, you're Scrooge. 1218 00:49:03,433 --> 00:49:05,532 Oh. Wow, thanks, mom. 1219 00:49:05,534 --> 00:49:07,367 I just think it's appropriate, given how much 1220 00:49:07,369 --> 00:49:09,436 you seem to hate Christmas this year. 1221 00:49:09,438 --> 00:49:11,405 Mother, I don't hate Christmas. 1222 00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:13,273 And here is everyone's sheet music. 1223 00:49:13,275 --> 00:49:15,275 I'd hoped we'd all be off-book by now. 1224 00:49:15,277 --> 00:49:17,112 - This is a lot of songs. - Well... 1225 00:49:17,114 --> 00:49:19,447 Every home in Westbury gets to vote on who wins the Cup. 1226 00:49:19,449 --> 00:49:22,916 So we have to hit at least 300 houses tonight. 1227 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:24,184 Three hundred? 1228 00:49:24,186 --> 00:49:25,686 Don't worry. We have back-up. 1229 00:49:25,688 --> 00:49:27,755 Come on in, everybody. 1230 00:49:27,757 --> 00:49:31,458 Please welcome the Chicago All Saints Choir. 1231 00:49:31,460 --> 00:49:33,194 You hired ringers? 1232 00:49:33,196 --> 00:49:36,197 I did what I needed to do to succeed, Amy. 1233 00:49:36,199 --> 00:49:37,965 You should try it sometime. 1234 00:49:37,967 --> 00:49:40,701 Okay, fine. We'll go caroling. 1235 00:49:40,703 --> 00:49:42,939 But I'm not wearing this ridiculous costume. 1236 00:49:46,576 --> 00:49:48,478 Fuck me. 1237 00:49:49,913 --> 00:49:51,215 [doorbell rings] 1238 00:49:55,786 --> 00:49:57,886 Hey, guys, we got more carolers. 1239 00:49:57,888 --> 00:49:59,889 [whispering] Read your line, Scrooge! 1240 00:50:01,625 --> 00:50:03,159 - Do it. - Mm. 1241 00:50:04,828 --> 00:50:06,728 "Bah-humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge 1242 00:50:06,730 --> 00:50:08,262 "and I hate Christmas because it's so much work 1243 00:50:08,264 --> 00:50:09,963 and I am lazy." 1244 00:50:09,965 --> 00:50:11,900 Please, Mr. Scrooge! 1245 00:50:11,902 --> 00:50:13,967 Won't you listen to our song? 1246 00:50:13,969 --> 00:50:18,072 And let ye heart be warmed! Two, three, four. 1247 00:50:18,074 --> 00:50:22,777 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 1248 00:50:22,779 --> 00:50:25,813 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 1249 00:50:25,815 --> 00:50:28,583 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 1250 00:50:28,585 --> 00:50:31,853 ♪ And a happy New Year ♪ 1251 00:50:31,855 --> 00:50:34,956 ♪ Good tidings we bring ♪ 1252 00:50:34,958 --> 00:50:37,324 ♪ To you and your kids ♪ 1253 00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:40,661 ♪ Yeah good tidings for Christmas ♪ 1254 00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:42,663 What the fuck is happening? 1255 00:50:42,665 --> 00:50:45,266 ♪ Happy New Year everybody ♪ 1256 00:50:45,268 --> 00:50:46,534 [doorbell ringing] 1257 00:50:46,536 --> 00:50:49,204 ♪ And a happy New Year ♪♪ 1258 00:50:49,206 --> 00:50:51,142 [instrumental music] 1259 00:50:54,177 --> 00:50:55,880 [doorbell ringing] 1260 00:51:00,616 --> 00:51:02,784 "Bah-humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge 1261 00:51:02,786 --> 00:51:04,786 and I hate Christmas because it's so much work..." 1262 00:51:04,788 --> 00:51:07,188 Amy? 1263 00:51:07,190 --> 00:51:08,857 Oh, shit! 1264 00:51:08,859 --> 00:51:12,393 What in the fuck are you wearing? 1265 00:51:12,395 --> 00:51:14,128 My mom made me wear this. 1266 00:51:14,130 --> 00:51:17,065 Oh, my God! You look amazing, serious... 1267 00:51:17,067 --> 00:51:19,333 Honestly, this is better than what you usually wear at school. 1268 00:51:19,335 --> 00:51:20,668 - Wait, guys, come here. - No, no, guys, it's okay. 1269 00:51:20,670 --> 00:51:21,735 You could, you could just stay there, it's... 1270 00:51:21,737 --> 00:51:23,036 This is Amy Mitchell. 1271 00:51:23,038 --> 00:51:24,838 She's dressed up as an old fat man. 1272 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,541 Uh, no, I'm actually supposed to be Scrooge, but that's... 1273 00:51:27,543 --> 00:51:29,710 Don't laugh, she's my friend. That's rude. 1274 00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:31,880 Honey, I'm going to Instagram the shit out of this, right now. 1275 00:51:31,882 --> 00:51:33,047 - Okay, wait. Side angle. - Oh, great! 1276 00:51:33,049 --> 00:51:34,882 - And this one. - Okay, um. 1277 00:51:34,884 --> 00:51:36,918 Can you do a li... Can you purse your lips for me a little bit? 1278 00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:38,719 I'm gonna go kill myself, so... 1279 00:51:38,721 --> 00:51:41,556 I'll put a filter on it, so you don't look so tired. 1280 00:51:41,558 --> 00:51:43,925 - Thank you for visiting, Amy! - Bye. 1281 00:51:43,927 --> 00:51:45,826 I will never let you forget this. 1282 00:51:45,828 --> 00:51:48,262 - You know that. - I do. 1283 00:51:48,264 --> 00:51:50,201 Was that a broken dick on her face? 1284 00:51:53,536 --> 00:51:56,570 Well, I thought that was an enormous success. 1285 00:51:56,572 --> 00:51:58,739 Mom, this, this, this isn't working. 1286 00:51:58,741 --> 00:52:00,507 - What isn't working? - This, this. 1287 00:52:00,509 --> 00:52:02,242 I-I wanted a mellow Christmas 1288 00:52:02,244 --> 00:52:04,212 and you keep fighting me every step of the way. 1289 00:52:04,214 --> 00:52:07,014 Amy, this is a very important Christmas for your kids. 1290 00:52:07,016 --> 00:52:08,715 You cannot just phone it in. 1291 00:52:08,717 --> 00:52:11,018 I'm not, I'm not phoning it in. 1292 00:52:11,020 --> 00:52:14,087 My kids told me that they wanted a mellow Christmas. 1293 00:52:14,089 --> 00:52:16,257 And I promised them that I would give it to them. 1294 00:52:16,259 --> 00:52:18,025 Well, of course they told you that, Amy. 1295 00:52:18,027 --> 00:52:20,427 Because they're telling you what they think you want to hear. 1296 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,795 But secretly, they know that I'm right. 1297 00:52:21,797 --> 00:52:24,232 Because you know what? I just am. 1298 00:52:24,234 --> 00:52:25,866 Okay. 1299 00:52:25,868 --> 00:52:29,304 Ha-ha! You know what? I'm done fighting this. 1300 00:52:29,306 --> 00:52:31,239 I'm gonna tell you exactly 1301 00:52:31,241 --> 00:52:33,273 how we're doing Christmas this year. 1302 00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:35,108 The kids and I are gonna spend 1303 00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:36,811 the entire Christmas Eve day sledding. 1304 00:52:36,813 --> 00:52:38,246 And then, we're gonna come home 1305 00:52:38,248 --> 00:52:40,715 bake cookies, and watch "Love Actually." 1306 00:52:40,717 --> 00:52:43,217 - Dumb movie. - Then, Christmas morning. 1307 00:52:43,219 --> 00:52:45,585 Only Jessie and his daughter are gonna come over 1308 00:52:45,587 --> 00:52:47,989 and we're gonna exchange three gifts. 1309 00:52:47,991 --> 00:52:49,724 Who's Jessie? 1310 00:52:49,726 --> 00:52:51,425 Then we're gonna spend all day in our pajamas 1311 00:52:51,427 --> 00:52:53,594 until my friends come over for dinner 1312 00:52:53,596 --> 00:52:56,730 when we are gonna order Chinese takeout from Mr. Wang's. 1313 00:52:56,732 --> 00:52:58,333 - The horror. - Ugh! 1314 00:52:58,335 --> 00:53:00,300 There'll be no show-offy party 1315 00:53:00,302 --> 00:53:02,804 no sushi, no camels. 1316 00:53:02,806 --> 00:53:07,675 And definitely, definitely, no Kenny G. 1317 00:53:07,677 --> 00:53:09,978 Amy, he is the godfather of smooth jazz. 1318 00:53:09,980 --> 00:53:13,146 Mom, I am done with your over-the-top Christmases. 1319 00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:14,983 This is my house, and this is my life. 1320 00:53:14,985 --> 00:53:16,451 And if you want to come down here 1321 00:53:16,453 --> 00:53:18,753 and be a part of my family 1322 00:53:18,755 --> 00:53:20,858 then you have to live by my rules. 1323 00:53:24,594 --> 00:53:26,761 - Okay. - Really? 1324 00:53:26,763 --> 00:53:27,931 We will do it your way. 1325 00:53:29,833 --> 00:53:32,168 We will have a mellow Christmas. 1326 00:53:33,837 --> 00:53:36,103 I hope you're happy. 1327 00:53:36,105 --> 00:53:37,204 I don't think you mean that. 1328 00:53:37,206 --> 00:53:39,139 But thank you, I am. 1329 00:53:39,141 --> 00:53:44,145 ♪ You can have my sugar sugar sugar baby ♪ 1330 00:53:44,147 --> 00:53:48,715 ♪ Wanna give you my sugar sugar sugar baby ♪ 1331 00:53:48,717 --> 00:53:51,855 ♪ Wanna give it to you ♪ 1332 00:53:53,389 --> 00:53:56,357 ♪ If you want me to ♪♪ 1333 00:53:56,359 --> 00:53:58,228 [all laughing] 1334 00:53:59,395 --> 00:54:00,862 And it worked. 1335 00:54:00,864 --> 00:54:02,529 I stood up to her, and she totally backed down. 1336 00:54:02,531 --> 00:54:05,032 - I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. 1337 00:54:05,034 --> 00:54:06,199 I actually felt, for the first time 1338 00:54:06,201 --> 00:54:07,969 my mom looked at me as an equal. 1339 00:54:07,971 --> 00:54:12,306 Like maybe someday, somehow, we could be closer. 1340 00:54:12,308 --> 00:54:13,674 Relax, Obama. 1341 00:54:13,676 --> 00:54:15,909 Your mom is still a colossal bitch. 1342 00:54:15,911 --> 00:54:18,645 Don't let your guard down, or she's gonna blow up your car. 1343 00:54:18,647 --> 00:54:20,313 - Alright, alright. - I'm just saying. 1344 00:54:20,315 --> 00:54:22,483 Well, either way, it was a big step. 1345 00:54:22,485 --> 00:54:25,719 So, I just wanna say thank you for encouraging me. 1346 00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:29,424 - Aww, we're so proud. Whoo! - Thank you. 1347 00:54:29,426 --> 00:54:31,592 You know what I think we should do to celebrate? 1348 00:54:31,594 --> 00:54:33,694 Watch a bunch of Santa Clauses 1349 00:54:33,696 --> 00:54:37,065 take off their clothes! 1350 00:54:37,067 --> 00:54:39,433 ♪ Give me the green light ♪ 1351 00:54:39,435 --> 00:54:40,934 ♪ 'Cause I'm ready to go ♪ 1352 00:54:40,936 --> 00:54:43,837 ♪ Let's have a good time ♪ 1353 00:54:43,839 --> 00:54:45,239 ♪ What you waiting for? ♪ 1354 00:54:45,241 --> 00:54:47,875 ♪ We only got one life ♪ 1355 00:54:47,877 --> 00:54:49,210 ♪ And we gonna live it up ♪ 1356 00:54:49,212 --> 00:54:52,279 Oh, yay! I love Santa Claus. 1357 00:54:52,281 --> 00:54:54,849 (Kiki) And there's so many of them. 1358 00:54:54,851 --> 00:54:57,951 Guys, I don't wanna make a big deal of it. 1359 00:54:57,953 --> 00:55:00,554 But, um, I'm kind of on a first date 1360 00:55:00,556 --> 00:55:01,788 with one of the Santas. 1361 00:55:01,790 --> 00:55:03,224 - Shut up. - Yeah. 1362 00:55:03,226 --> 00:55:05,559 Wait. Which one? 1363 00:55:05,561 --> 00:55:08,563 Santa number two. 1364 00:55:08,565 --> 00:55:10,864 ♪ If you know what I mean I'mma ride that mami ♪ 1365 00:55:10,866 --> 00:55:12,866 ♪ Yeah I got the key and I'mma lock that mami... ♪♪ 1366 00:55:12,868 --> 00:55:14,034 How'd you guys meet? 1367 00:55:14,036 --> 00:55:15,436 Oh, waxing his balls. 1368 00:55:15,438 --> 00:55:17,438 That is so romantic. 1369 00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:20,241 You learn a lot about a man when you wax his sack. 1370 00:55:20,243 --> 00:55:23,478 You know, some guys cry. Some guys act real tough. 1371 00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:28,081 But... But Ty, he was so calm. 1372 00:55:28,083 --> 00:55:31,918 It was almost like waxing the balls of the Dalai Lama. 1373 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:32,955 Whoo! 1374 00:55:34,123 --> 00:55:36,456 How you doin' tonight, Chicago? 1375 00:55:36,458 --> 00:55:37,891 [all cheering] 1376 00:55:37,893 --> 00:55:38,925 Alright. 1377 00:55:38,927 --> 00:55:40,094 Okay, listen, ladies 1378 00:55:40,096 --> 00:55:41,895 I need you guys to tell me 1379 00:55:41,897 --> 00:55:43,598 which one of these Sexy Santas 1380 00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:46,134 is the sexiest of them all? 1381 00:55:46,136 --> 00:55:48,436 Think you're ready? Yeah! 1382 00:55:48,438 --> 00:55:50,003 Okay, well, let's start this thing off. 1383 00:55:50,005 --> 00:55:52,239 Santa number one, the bar is yours, sir. 1384 00:55:52,241 --> 00:55:55,144 [upbeat music] 1385 00:56:00,817 --> 00:56:02,152 [all gasping] 1386 00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,990 Oh. That is a lot of white skin. 1387 00:56:08,790 --> 00:56:11,592 [babbling] 1388 00:56:11,594 --> 00:56:14,195 [indistinct clamoring] 1389 00:56:14,197 --> 00:56:16,163 Okay, you know what? Alright, alright, Santa number one. 1390 00:56:16,165 --> 00:56:17,697 The audience has spoken. 1391 00:56:17,699 --> 00:56:19,166 Thank you. Such a good sport. 1392 00:56:19,168 --> 00:56:20,867 Such a good sport. 1393 00:56:20,869 --> 00:56:23,538 Alright. Now. 1394 00:56:23,540 --> 00:56:25,139 Bring it to the stage, my man 1395 00:56:25,141 --> 00:56:28,875 Santa number two! 1396 00:56:28,877 --> 00:56:30,813 [all cheering] 1397 00:56:37,987 --> 00:56:40,190 [upbeat music] 1398 00:56:51,234 --> 00:56:53,837 Yeah! Take it off! 1399 00:57:10,252 --> 00:57:13,186 He's, he's really good at stripping. 1400 00:57:13,188 --> 00:57:16,056 - He has such kind eyes. - Yeah. 1401 00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:17,994 I'm gonna fuck his dick off tonight. 1402 00:57:21,531 --> 00:57:24,868 Put a baby in me, Santa number two! 1403 00:57:26,069 --> 00:57:27,204 Whoo! 1404 00:57:28,938 --> 00:57:31,608 Whoo! I love his panties. They're so seasonal. 1405 00:57:33,875 --> 00:57:35,778 [all cheering] 1406 00:57:40,116 --> 00:57:41,884 Oh, my God. 1407 00:57:44,020 --> 00:57:45,719 [music continues] 1408 00:57:45,721 --> 00:57:48,855 - I think I'm in love. - What? 1409 00:57:48,857 --> 00:57:53,029 I honestly think that he's... the one. 1410 00:57:54,297 --> 00:57:55,398 Is that your mom? 1411 00:57:56,732 --> 00:57:58,067 [music continues] 1412 00:57:59,902 --> 00:58:02,969 Wait, holy shit. It is. Why is... Mom! 1413 00:58:02,971 --> 00:58:05,273 What, what are you doing? 1414 00:58:05,275 --> 00:58:06,873 - Oh, look at that. - Yeah. 1415 00:58:06,875 --> 00:58:08,978 My mom dances this way with everybody. 1416 00:58:11,281 --> 00:58:13,616 So, this doesn't bother me at all. 1417 00:58:16,451 --> 00:58:18,286 Oh, my God. His face is in her tits. 1418 00:58:18,288 --> 00:58:20,721 Wait. Mom. Mom, no motorboating! 1419 00:58:20,723 --> 00:58:22,290 - We talked about this. - Alright. 1420 00:58:22,292 --> 00:58:23,891 - It's about to get weird. - It's game time. 1421 00:58:23,893 --> 00:58:25,659 - Oh, you look great! - That's my mom. 1422 00:58:25,661 --> 00:58:27,094 - That's your mom? - Yeah, that's my mom. 1423 00:58:27,096 --> 00:58:28,895 - Your mom? - Yeah. 1424 00:58:28,897 --> 00:58:31,331 Oh, my God, it's a pleasure. You have such a lovely daughter. 1425 00:58:31,333 --> 00:58:32,433 I know. 1426 00:58:32,435 --> 00:58:34,337 [all cheering] 1427 00:58:36,306 --> 00:58:37,971 You should never have to watch 1428 00:58:37,973 --> 00:58:40,308 your mom lick your boyfriend's nipples. 1429 00:58:40,310 --> 00:58:42,342 - No. - Mom! 1430 00:58:42,344 --> 00:58:44,744 What are you doing? 1431 00:58:44,746 --> 00:58:46,780 - Whoa. - Oh, my God. 1432 00:58:46,782 --> 00:58:48,081 [all gasping] 1433 00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:49,849 Mom! 1434 00:58:49,851 --> 00:58:51,788 [instrumental music] 1435 00:58:54,190 --> 00:58:56,623 Not one person caught me. That was amazing. 1436 00:58:56,625 --> 00:58:59,527 Every time they jump into the crowd, someone usually... 1437 00:58:59,529 --> 00:59:01,161 - Hi. - Oh. 1438 00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:03,197 - Hi. Hey. - Here you are. 1439 00:59:03,199 --> 00:59:06,333 I, uh... Bag of ice for you. 1440 00:59:06,335 --> 00:59:08,272 - Oh. - Thank you, Ty. 1441 00:59:08,871 --> 00:59:09,840 Um... 1442 00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,007 So, about tonight, um, you know 1443 00:59:13,009 --> 00:59:14,942 we were gonna hang out after the show. 1444 00:59:14,944 --> 00:59:16,777 And, uh, I mean, I was looking forward to it. 1445 00:59:16,779 --> 00:59:18,512 I was wondering if, uh... 1446 00:59:18,514 --> 00:59:19,880 If you're still up for it, you know? 1447 00:59:19,882 --> 00:59:22,148 - Oh, Ty. - Yeah. 1448 00:59:22,150 --> 00:59:23,119 Um... 1449 00:59:24,953 --> 00:59:26,954 - I would love to. - Good. 1450 00:59:26,956 --> 00:59:27,987 But, um... 1451 00:59:27,989 --> 00:59:29,523 You know, I think this is 1452 00:59:29,525 --> 00:59:31,525 my mom's third concussion this month and I'm just... 1453 00:59:31,527 --> 00:59:34,328 Wow, that's a lot of concussions. 1454 00:59:34,330 --> 00:59:37,163 Better stay with her for observation. 1455 00:59:37,165 --> 00:59:38,134 Yeah. 1456 00:59:39,735 --> 00:59:41,071 Well, um... 1457 00:59:42,638 --> 00:59:44,804 I gotta get back to Cleveland tomorrow. 1458 00:59:44,806 --> 00:59:47,675 - Right. - But, uh... 1459 00:59:47,677 --> 00:59:49,677 Think I could give you a call next time I come into town? 1460 00:59:49,679 --> 00:59:51,978 Would that... that interest you at all? 1461 00:59:51,980 --> 00:59:53,047 Could I do that? 1462 00:59:53,049 --> 00:59:54,081 - Please. - Yeah? 1463 00:59:54,083 --> 00:59:55,516 - Yes. - Great. 1464 00:59:55,518 --> 00:59:58,351 I'd, I'd wax your balls for free. 1465 00:59:58,353 --> 01:00:00,887 That is so sweet. 1466 01:00:00,889 --> 01:00:03,259 Well, I would really love that, Carla. 1467 01:00:04,860 --> 01:00:06,761 And so would my balls. 1468 01:00:06,763 --> 01:00:09,663 Well. Consider it done. 1469 01:00:09,665 --> 01:00:10,667 And, uh... 1470 01:00:12,601 --> 01:00:14,067 Oh. 1471 01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:15,772 Sorry, I thought you wanted to... 1472 01:00:17,739 --> 01:00:20,174 Merry Christmas, Carla. 1473 01:00:20,176 --> 01:00:21,511 Merry Christmas, Ty. 1474 01:00:26,382 --> 01:00:29,916 ♪ Bells will be ringing ♪ 1475 01:00:29,918 --> 01:00:34,221 ♪ The glad glad news ♪ 1476 01:00:34,223 --> 01:00:38,625 ♪ Oh what a Christmas ♪ 1477 01:00:38,627 --> 01:00:42,730 ♪ You have the blues ♪ 1478 01:00:42,732 --> 01:00:46,400 ♪ My baby's gone ♪ 1479 01:00:46,402 --> 01:00:50,704 ♪ I have no friends ♪ 1480 01:00:50,706 --> 01:00:54,108 ♪ To wish me greetings ♪ 1481 01:00:54,110 --> 01:00:55,543 ♪ Mm ♪ 1482 01:00:55,545 --> 01:00:58,081 ♪ Once again ♪♪ 1483 01:01:00,049 --> 01:01:03,451 Okay, time for bed, my darlings. 1484 01:01:03,453 --> 01:01:05,619 Tonight, I am going to sing you 1485 01:01:05,621 --> 01:01:07,487 "My Heart Will Go On" 1486 01:01:07,489 --> 01:01:11,257 by seven-time Grammy winner, Celine Dion. 1487 01:01:11,259 --> 01:01:12,261 Mm-hm? 1488 01:01:14,964 --> 01:01:16,333 What's the matter? 1489 01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:20,266 Is everything okay with you and mom? 1490 01:01:20,268 --> 01:01:22,436 Yeah, you guys have been fighting a lot. 1491 01:01:22,438 --> 01:01:24,975 Come here and sit by me. Both of you, come here. 1492 01:01:27,342 --> 01:01:31,411 Now, your mother and I just have a few tiny disagreements 1493 01:01:31,413 --> 01:01:32,947 about the importance of Christmas 1494 01:01:32,949 --> 01:01:34,614 and what it means to be a mother 1495 01:01:34,616 --> 01:01:37,116 and the sanctity of marriage and how best to raise children. 1496 01:01:37,118 --> 01:01:39,453 But otherwise, everything is fine. 1497 01:01:39,455 --> 01:01:43,357 There's no reason to worry, okay? 1498 01:01:43,359 --> 01:01:46,460 Look, I know this is your first Christmas 1499 01:01:46,462 --> 01:01:48,329 since your parents got divorced. 1500 01:01:48,331 --> 01:01:50,697 And it's probably a little strange for you. Am I right? 1501 01:01:50,699 --> 01:01:52,333 - Yeah. - Yeah. It really is. 1502 01:01:52,335 --> 01:01:54,201 Well, first of all 1503 01:01:54,203 --> 01:01:57,637 both of your parents still love you so very much. 1504 01:01:57,639 --> 01:02:00,373 And no matter what happens 1505 01:02:00,375 --> 01:02:03,643 I will always be there for you. 1506 01:02:03,645 --> 01:02:05,378 Always. 1507 01:02:05,380 --> 01:02:08,282 Because you're my grandkids, and I love you 1508 01:02:08,284 --> 01:02:10,650 more than anything in the whole world. 1509 01:02:10,652 --> 01:02:12,786 And so does Grandpa Hank. 1510 01:02:12,788 --> 01:02:14,487 I know his brain is the size of a walnut 1511 01:02:14,489 --> 01:02:16,392 but you know, his heart is enormous. 1512 01:02:19,828 --> 01:02:22,563 - Okay? Feel better? - Yeah. 1513 01:02:22,565 --> 01:02:24,398 It's really nice having you here, grandma. 1514 01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:27,067 - Yeah. We really miss you. - Yeah. 1515 01:02:27,069 --> 01:02:30,337 Oh, I miss you, too. 1516 01:02:30,339 --> 01:02:34,041 Grandkids, they really are the greatest gift. 1517 01:02:34,043 --> 01:02:37,744 Speaking of gifts, have some iPhones. 1518 01:02:37,746 --> 01:02:39,547 - Nice. - No way. 1519 01:02:39,549 --> 01:02:41,482 Now, get ready for bed. 1520 01:02:41,484 --> 01:02:44,753 And I will come back and sing to you for hours. 1521 01:02:45,987 --> 01:02:47,723 [instrumental music] 1522 01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:53,092 I can't believe people fall for this shit. It's so stupid. 1523 01:02:53,094 --> 01:02:54,994 - Yeah, I know. - Oh wait, here comes somebody. 1524 01:02:54,996 --> 01:02:56,864 - Merry Christmas! - Oh, Merry Christmas. 1525 01:02:56,866 --> 01:02:57,998 Ho, ho, hold on. 1526 01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,699 Hey, would you like to, uh, donate 1527 01:02:59,701 --> 01:03:03,103 your canned goods to our Christmas Canned Food Drive? 1528 01:03:03,105 --> 01:03:05,605 Oh, um, I sort of just bought all this. 1529 01:03:05,607 --> 01:03:09,076 - Bingo. She's got cans. - Oh! 1530 01:03:09,078 --> 01:03:11,744 Oh, mom, look, look, look. She's got wine. 1531 01:03:11,746 --> 01:03:14,081 Thank you very much for a very generous donation 1532 01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:15,916 to the "Canned Christmas Food Drive." 1533 01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:17,753 The children are gonna be so happy. 1534 01:03:18,721 --> 01:03:20,520 Yes! 1535 01:03:20,522 --> 01:03:23,257 - That was a good haul, mom. - Yeah, she had some good shit. 1536 01:03:23,259 --> 01:03:26,059 You know... ripping off rich people 1537 01:03:26,061 --> 01:03:28,596 in front of the supermarket with you is... 1538 01:03:28,598 --> 01:03:31,565 bringing back a lotta happy Christmas memories for me. 1539 01:03:31,567 --> 01:03:34,268 Yeah. Me too, babe. 1540 01:03:34,270 --> 01:03:36,436 I miss you, you know? 1541 01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:38,137 I miss you, too. 1542 01:03:38,139 --> 01:03:40,873 It's so weird. 1543 01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:45,047 Yeah. Maybe we should... spend more time together? 1544 01:03:46,415 --> 01:03:48,748 Do you mean that? 1545 01:03:48,750 --> 01:03:50,217 Yeah. 1546 01:03:50,219 --> 01:03:51,485 You know, when we were at the bouncy place 1547 01:03:51,487 --> 01:03:54,288 with, um... what's his name? 1548 01:03:54,290 --> 01:03:56,590 - Oh, my son, Jaxon? - Yeah, him. 1549 01:03:56,592 --> 01:03:58,958 Um, I was watching you two and you were beating the shit 1550 01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,927 out of each other with those sticks, and I thought 1551 01:04:00,929 --> 01:04:03,630 "You know, maybe I should have a relationship with my grandson." 1552 01:04:03,632 --> 01:04:07,169 Well, we'd, um, we'd love to see you more. 1553 01:04:08,003 --> 01:04:10,837 Yeah. Okay. 1554 01:04:10,839 --> 01:04:12,639 You know, uh... 1555 01:04:12,641 --> 01:04:14,007 I've been doing a lot of thinking 1556 01:04:14,009 --> 01:04:15,976 about the money you asked me for, mom, and... 1557 01:04:15,978 --> 01:04:18,344 Um, I'm such an idiot. 1558 01:04:18,346 --> 01:04:22,118 But it's Christmas and you're my mom and... 1559 01:04:23,618 --> 01:04:26,520 Eh, fuck it. Here. It's a loan. It's a loan. 1560 01:04:26,522 --> 01:04:28,121 I mean, this is not everything you asked for, but... 1561 01:04:28,123 --> 01:04:30,623 - Oh, no, that's great! - Basically all I have. 1562 01:04:30,625 --> 01:04:32,291 Thank you so much. This is a loan. 1563 01:04:32,293 --> 01:04:34,027 I will pay you back, I swear. 1564 01:04:34,029 --> 01:04:35,429 I really have my shit together now. 1565 01:04:35,431 --> 01:04:37,197 Thanks. Whoa! 1566 01:04:37,199 --> 01:04:39,433 Hey! Sir, Merry Christmas! 1567 01:04:39,435 --> 01:04:41,268 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 1568 01:04:41,270 --> 01:04:44,704 Would you like to donate your cans to our Canned Food Drive? 1569 01:04:44,706 --> 01:04:47,675 We're collecting for a drive for the homeless. 1570 01:04:47,677 --> 01:04:50,710 - Yikes. I just bought all this. - And the canned goods. 1571 01:04:50,712 --> 01:04:52,779 - You know, this is important. - The fuck is this? 1572 01:04:52,781 --> 01:04:54,614 Uh, that's fennel. 1573 01:04:54,616 --> 01:04:56,183 - Oh, fuck it. - So happy. 1574 01:04:56,185 --> 01:04:58,052 Thank you so much. 1575 01:04:58,054 --> 01:05:01,788 Oh, shit. Manager. Manager's coming. Code red, code red. 1576 01:05:01,790 --> 01:05:03,157 Go, go, go. Mom! Where did we park? 1577 01:05:03,159 --> 01:05:04,891 - Where did we park? - Happy Hanukkah. 1578 01:05:04,893 --> 01:05:06,125 - Where did we park? - Go, go, go, go. 1579 01:05:06,127 --> 01:05:08,695 They just totally stole all my shit. 1580 01:05:08,697 --> 01:05:10,197 Taking this, though. This is cute, right? 1581 01:05:10,199 --> 01:05:11,331 Yeah, yeah. 1582 01:05:11,333 --> 01:05:12,965 (Kiki) Okay, guys. 1583 01:05:12,967 --> 01:05:14,835 So since it's Christmas Eve, everybody gets to open 1584 01:05:14,837 --> 01:05:16,335 one present, okay? 1585 01:05:16,337 --> 01:05:19,038 Oh! Kiki. Hey, Kiki, Kiki. Open mine. 1586 01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:21,041 Please open mine first. Please. 1587 01:05:21,043 --> 01:05:23,847 - I'll go first. I guess. - Okay. 1588 01:05:26,147 --> 01:05:27,346 What's this? 1589 01:05:27,348 --> 01:05:30,083 It is a key 1590 01:05:30,085 --> 01:05:32,886 to my new house! 1591 01:05:32,888 --> 01:05:34,755 What are you talking about? 1592 01:05:34,757 --> 01:05:36,556 Well, after our therapy session 1593 01:05:36,558 --> 01:05:38,025 I felt like we were drifting apart. 1594 01:05:38,027 --> 01:05:41,661 So I decided to move closer to you guys. 1595 01:05:41,663 --> 01:05:44,697 Oh. Okay. Uh, where are you moving to? 1596 01:05:44,699 --> 01:05:46,266 Right next door! 1597 01:05:46,268 --> 01:05:48,902 - Jesus. - What? 1598 01:05:48,904 --> 01:05:50,871 You're moving, um, next door to me? 1599 01:05:50,873 --> 01:05:52,706 Yeah, the house wasn't on the market. 1600 01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:54,942 So I checked it out on Zillow and I made an all-cash offer. 1601 01:05:54,944 --> 01:05:57,210 And then, boom. Howdy, neighbor. 1602 01:05:57,212 --> 01:05:59,913 - Howdy, neighbor. - Oh, my God. 1603 01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:03,282 We can dig a tunnel between the houses. Keeks! 1604 01:06:03,284 --> 01:06:05,054 Oh, Keeks. 1605 01:06:06,288 --> 01:06:07,855 Kent, get the kids out of here. 1606 01:06:07,857 --> 01:06:10,590 Mm-hm. Yep, yep. Let's go, guys. Let's get outta here. 1607 01:06:10,592 --> 01:06:12,125 Mommy and grandma gotta talk. Come on, buddy. 1608 01:06:12,127 --> 01:06:13,960 This is gonna get ugly. 1609 01:06:13,962 --> 01:06:15,228 - Mom. Mom. - What? What? 1610 01:06:15,230 --> 01:06:16,797 You can't live next door to me. 1611 01:06:16,799 --> 01:06:19,599 - Why, why not? - Because I need space. 1612 01:06:19,601 --> 01:06:21,971 And t-that, that is too close. 1613 01:06:23,739 --> 01:06:27,306 - I have diabetes. - Mom, stop. 1614 01:06:27,308 --> 01:06:28,909 - Sit down. Sit down. - Kiki. Kiki. 1615 01:06:28,911 --> 01:06:30,076 - Sit. - Kiki. 1616 01:06:30,078 --> 01:06:31,545 - I've got strep throat. - Mom. 1617 01:06:31,547 --> 01:06:32,980 - I might have gallstones... - No. 1618 01:06:32,982 --> 01:06:34,815 - And really, Kiki, this is... - Enough. 1619 01:06:34,817 --> 01:06:37,317 We need to have this conversation. 1620 01:06:37,319 --> 01:06:40,420 I am a grown woman who needs a life 1621 01:06:40,422 --> 01:06:42,822 that is separate from yours, and I need you 1622 01:06:42,824 --> 01:06:45,659 to have a life that's separate from mine. 1623 01:06:45,661 --> 01:06:47,594 I'm sorry. 1624 01:06:47,596 --> 01:06:50,063 Kiki, I don't want a life separate from yours. 1625 01:06:50,065 --> 01:06:51,498 You're my favorite person in the whole world. 1626 01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:53,099 I know, but, mom, this is starting 1627 01:06:53,101 --> 01:06:54,433 to affect my marriage. 1628 01:06:54,435 --> 01:06:56,103 - What? - And my family. 1629 01:06:56,105 --> 01:06:57,670 - Oh. - And my sanity. 1630 01:06:57,672 --> 01:07:00,007 And I just, I need you to... 1631 01:07:00,009 --> 01:07:03,112 To, to just let me go a little bit. 1632 01:07:05,114 --> 01:07:07,947 Well, what am I supposed to do with myself? 1633 01:07:07,949 --> 01:07:10,583 I don't know, mom! Anything! Make some friends! 1634 01:07:10,585 --> 01:07:12,351 You're always saying you wanna go to Vegas 1635 01:07:12,353 --> 01:07:14,788 to see Wayne Newton before he dies. 1636 01:07:14,790 --> 01:07:16,757 Do that! Anything! 1637 01:07:16,759 --> 01:07:18,927 As long as it's without me! 1638 01:07:21,831 --> 01:07:22,832 Without you? 1639 01:07:25,601 --> 01:07:27,704 Why are you doing this to me, Kiki? 1640 01:07:29,138 --> 01:07:31,204 I didn't... Mom. 1641 01:07:31,206 --> 01:07:34,710 And I really don't think I can return that house! 1642 01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:40,449 [door closes] 1643 01:07:43,351 --> 01:07:45,284 - Whoo! - Hey. 1644 01:07:45,286 --> 01:07:47,154 - How fun was that sledding? - Oh, that was fun. 1645 01:07:47,156 --> 01:07:49,523 There is still an alarming amount of snow 1646 01:07:49,525 --> 01:07:50,991 in my pants, I gotta say. 1647 01:07:50,993 --> 01:07:52,458 Oh, I can't wait to go home 1648 01:07:52,460 --> 01:07:54,862 throw on some jammies, get comfy. 1649 01:07:54,864 --> 01:07:58,331 I know. It's gonna be... Oh, look, someone's having a party. 1650 01:07:58,333 --> 01:08:00,800 Yeah, they are. 1651 01:08:00,802 --> 01:08:03,036 - Wow, that's a lot of people. - A lot of people. 1652 01:08:03,038 --> 01:08:04,570 Wait. 1653 01:08:04,572 --> 01:08:06,308 You're having a party. 1654 01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:09,311 Um, is that a camel? 1655 01:08:11,346 --> 01:08:13,248 Yup, that's a camel. 1656 01:08:15,517 --> 01:08:17,484 I'm gonna kill her. 1657 01:08:17,486 --> 01:08:20,390 [instrumental music] 1658 01:08:26,527 --> 01:08:28,431 What the fuck? 1659 01:08:33,936 --> 01:08:36,603 What did she do to my house? 1660 01:08:36,605 --> 01:08:37,671 [speaking in foreign language] 1661 01:08:37,673 --> 01:08:38,608 No! 1662 01:08:39,775 --> 01:08:40,910 Gomenasai. 1663 01:08:47,182 --> 01:08:49,552 [saxophone music] 1664 01:08:53,054 --> 01:08:55,855 Kenny G's in my den. 1665 01:08:55,857 --> 01:08:57,759 [Ruth laughing] 1666 01:09:01,530 --> 01:09:02,632 (Amy) Mom. 1667 01:09:03,898 --> 01:09:05,802 You lied to me. 1668 01:09:07,236 --> 01:09:09,101 I did what was best for the family. 1669 01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:11,872 Mom, everything that is wrong with Christmas is in this room 1670 01:09:11,874 --> 01:09:13,239 and I want it all gone. 1671 01:09:13,241 --> 01:09:14,975 Amy, don't be ridiculous. 1672 01:09:14,977 --> 01:09:17,243 You can't kick Kenny G out of the house. 1673 01:09:17,245 --> 01:09:18,577 He's a national treasure. 1674 01:09:18,579 --> 01:09:20,479 If you won't do it, then I will. 1675 01:09:20,481 --> 01:09:22,114 You wouldn't dare. 1676 01:09:22,116 --> 01:09:24,052 Oh. Watch me. 1677 01:09:27,255 --> 01:09:30,290 Yo! I need you to leave my house. 1678 01:09:30,292 --> 01:09:31,457 What are you talking about? 1679 01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,726 Get the fuck out, Kenny G. 1680 01:09:33,728 --> 01:09:35,095 - I'm still getting paid, right? - I don't know! 1681 01:09:35,097 --> 01:09:37,564 Take your little flute and shoo! Shoo, fly. 1682 01:09:37,566 --> 01:09:39,666 - Go make another album. - It's not a flute, bitch. 1683 01:09:39,668 --> 01:09:42,336 Don't care. Thank you so much. Thank you. You can go now. 1684 01:09:42,338 --> 01:09:44,304 Please. You can leave. Thank you so much for coming. 1685 01:09:44,306 --> 01:09:45,738 Thank you very much. You too, my friend. 1686 01:09:45,740 --> 01:09:47,774 Please. No, no. Please exit. 1687 01:09:47,776 --> 01:09:50,978 I don't know any of you. Please leave my house. 1688 01:09:50,980 --> 01:09:53,814 Farewell, see you later. Sushi chef, you gotta go. 1689 01:09:53,816 --> 01:09:55,181 We're done. You can take that plate. 1690 01:09:55,183 --> 01:09:58,021 Amy, stop! You're embarrassing the family. 1691 01:09:59,989 --> 01:10:02,255 Oh, my God. That's what this is about, isn't it? 1692 01:10:02,257 --> 01:10:03,790 This finally makes sense. 1693 01:10:03,792 --> 01:10:05,958 The, the perfect decorations, the perfect tree 1694 01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:08,095 whatever the hell that thing is in my front yard. 1695 01:10:08,097 --> 01:10:11,030 You didn't do this for the kids! You did this for you! 1696 01:10:11,032 --> 01:10:12,698 All you care about is for people to go 1697 01:10:12,700 --> 01:10:14,533 "Oh, Ruth. You're so amazing." 1698 01:10:14,535 --> 01:10:16,269 I have no idea what you're talking about. 1699 01:10:16,271 --> 01:10:17,804 Please don't leave without taking 1700 01:10:17,806 --> 01:10:19,939 your Louis Vuitton swag bag. 1701 01:10:19,941 --> 01:10:21,608 Oh, God. Oh, God. Please. 1702 01:10:21,610 --> 01:10:23,609 Th-this has got to all go. A-all of this has got to go. 1703 01:10:23,611 --> 01:10:25,878 Th-the swag bags, th-the weird curtains 1704 01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:27,480 the floor, the tree. 1705 01:10:27,482 --> 01:10:30,050 Oh, God, the tree has got to go. 1706 01:10:30,052 --> 01:10:32,351 No, not my tree! It's from Paris! 1707 01:10:32,353 --> 01:10:34,621 - Watch me. - No! 1708 01:10:34,623 --> 01:10:36,155 No! 1709 01:10:36,157 --> 01:10:38,024 Say goodbye to your tree, mother! 1710 01:10:38,026 --> 01:10:41,228 - That's an antique! - It's a hideous tree, mother! 1711 01:10:41,230 --> 01:10:43,662 - You have no idea! - It's not even real snow! 1712 01:10:43,664 --> 01:10:45,631 How dare you! You know how much that thing costs? 1713 01:10:45,633 --> 01:10:47,501 I don't care! Let go! 1714 01:10:47,503 --> 01:10:50,170 Let go! Let go! 1715 01:10:50,172 --> 01:10:52,639 Those were from the "Titanic!" 1716 01:10:52,641 --> 01:10:53,977 I don't care! 1717 01:10:57,079 --> 01:10:58,677 That ice was from the moon! 1718 01:10:58,679 --> 01:11:00,980 It was moon ice, you nasty bitch! 1719 01:11:00,982 --> 01:11:03,315 Let go of the stupid tree! 1720 01:11:03,317 --> 01:11:05,385 Let go! 1721 01:11:05,387 --> 01:11:06,752 Listen, mom! 1722 01:11:06,754 --> 01:11:08,154 I promised my kids 1723 01:11:08,156 --> 01:11:09,756 I wouldn't do Christmas like this! 1724 01:11:09,758 --> 01:11:12,091 Everybody loves a Christmas like this! 1725 01:11:12,093 --> 01:11:13,760 It's fucking spectacular! 1726 01:11:13,762 --> 01:11:15,531 No, they don't! 1727 01:11:16,697 --> 01:11:18,868 [dramatic music] 1728 01:11:26,741 --> 01:11:28,276 Holy shit. 1729 01:11:29,511 --> 01:11:31,944 - I need you to get out. - Amy. 1730 01:11:31,946 --> 01:11:33,279 I've been putting up with your shit 1731 01:11:33,281 --> 01:11:35,614 my entire life. 1732 01:11:35,616 --> 01:11:37,184 I can't do it anymore. 1733 01:11:37,186 --> 01:11:39,351 I just... I can't. 1734 01:11:39,353 --> 01:11:40,753 I need you out of my house 1735 01:11:40,755 --> 01:11:42,756 and I need you out of my life for good. 1736 01:11:42,758 --> 01:11:46,529 - You don't mean that. - I really, really do. 1737 01:11:49,932 --> 01:11:52,268 - Amy, it's Christmas. - Mother, get out! 1738 01:11:56,237 --> 01:11:58,141 [instrumental music] 1739 01:12:16,592 --> 01:12:18,728 Did you just kick out grandma forever? 1740 01:12:20,262 --> 01:12:21,994 Guys, how long have you been standing here? 1741 01:12:21,996 --> 01:12:23,829 How could you do this to us? 1742 01:12:23,831 --> 01:12:26,166 Guys, would you please just trust me that it's for the best? 1743 01:12:26,168 --> 01:12:28,801 No, it's not! It's the best for you. 1744 01:12:28,803 --> 01:12:30,436 We actually love grandma. 1745 01:12:30,438 --> 01:12:33,172 Yeah, she's a part of our family, and we love her. 1746 01:12:33,174 --> 01:12:35,341 Yo-you don't just kick someone out. 1747 01:12:35,343 --> 01:12:38,478 First, you kick dad out. Now, you kick grandma out. 1748 01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:40,747 Who's next? Are you gonna kick us out? 1749 01:12:40,749 --> 01:12:43,917 What, honey, no, of course not. I would never do that. 1750 01:12:43,919 --> 01:12:46,489 Why do you always have to screw everything up? 1751 01:12:48,089 --> 01:12:49,588 Honey... 1752 01:12:49,590 --> 01:12:50,593 Nice goin'. 1753 01:12:52,761 --> 01:12:53,696 Guys. 1754 01:12:54,963 --> 01:12:55,932 Guys... 1755 01:13:05,007 --> 01:13:07,541 (Amy) So that's how it happened. 1756 01:13:07,543 --> 01:13:10,676 That's how I ruined Christmas. 1757 01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:12,778 I got so wrapped up in fighting with my mom 1758 01:13:12,780 --> 01:13:14,447 that I lost sight of the only thing 1759 01:13:14,449 --> 01:13:16,983 that actually matters. 1760 01:13:16,985 --> 01:13:18,888 I lost sight of my kids. 1761 01:13:19,887 --> 01:13:22,354 And what's worse is... 1762 01:13:22,356 --> 01:13:24,623 I didn't just ruin Christmas. 1763 01:13:24,625 --> 01:13:27,293 I ruined my family. 1764 01:13:27,295 --> 01:13:29,195 [The Lumineers singing "Sleep On The Floor"] 1765 01:13:29,197 --> 01:13:33,233 ♪ Forget what Father Brennan said ♪ 1766 01:13:33,235 --> 01:13:36,702 ♪ We were not born in sin ♪ 1767 01:13:36,704 --> 01:13:40,407 ♪ Leave a note on your bed ♪ 1768 01:13:40,409 --> 01:13:42,242 Mom? 1769 01:13:42,244 --> 01:13:44,043 It's Christmas Eve. 1770 01:13:44,045 --> 01:13:45,981 Where do you wanna get takeout? 1771 01:13:48,383 --> 01:13:51,187 Mom? Mom? 1772 01:13:53,588 --> 01:13:55,524 [music continues] 1773 01:14:08,370 --> 01:14:12,072 ♪ Pack yourself a toothbrush dear ♪ 1774 01:14:12,074 --> 01:14:15,442 ♪ Pack yourself a favorite blouse ♪ 1775 01:14:15,444 --> 01:14:19,211 ♪ Take a withdrawal slip ♪ 1776 01:14:19,213 --> 01:14:22,515 ♪ Take all of your savings out ♪ 1777 01:14:22,517 --> 01:14:26,252 ♪ 'Cause if we don't leave this town ♪ 1778 01:14:26,254 --> 01:14:29,592 ♪ We might never make it out ♪ 1779 01:14:37,199 --> 01:14:39,101 [music continues] 1780 01:14:44,272 --> 01:14:48,375 ♪ Forget what Father Brennan said ♪ 1781 01:14:48,377 --> 01:14:51,877 ♪ We were not born in sin ♪ 1782 01:14:51,879 --> 01:14:55,381 ♪ Leave a note on your bed ♪ 1783 01:14:55,383 --> 01:14:58,952 ♪ Let your mother know you're safe ♪ 1784 01:14:58,954 --> 01:15:02,322 ♪ And by the time she wakes ♪ 1785 01:15:02,324 --> 01:15:05,992 ♪ We'll have driven through the state ♪ 1786 01:15:05,994 --> 01:15:09,229 ♪ We'll have driven through the night ♪ 1787 01:15:09,231 --> 01:15:11,430 ♪ Baby come on ♪♪ 1788 01:15:11,432 --> 01:15:12,400 Hey. 1789 01:15:13,634 --> 01:15:16,135 Oh, hello. 1790 01:15:16,137 --> 01:15:19,905 Thank you again for inviting me to your church. 1791 01:15:19,907 --> 01:15:21,975 I really didn't. 1792 01:15:21,977 --> 01:15:27,980 ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪ 1793 01:15:27,982 --> 01:15:29,649 What's up, bitches? 1794 01:15:29,651 --> 01:15:31,818 Oh, my gosh, it's Isis. 1795 01:15:31,820 --> 01:15:33,252 Isis is here. 1796 01:15:33,254 --> 01:15:35,854 - Hi, Isis. - Hey. 1797 01:15:35,856 --> 01:15:37,489 Well, I must say, I didn't expect you 1798 01:15:37,491 --> 01:15:39,458 to be the church-going type. 1799 01:15:39,460 --> 01:15:42,796 Well, I'm, I'm workin' out some shit. 1800 01:15:42,798 --> 01:15:44,700 Plus, all the bars are closed. 1801 01:15:47,468 --> 01:15:50,202 [sighs] Oh, you guys. 1802 01:15:50,204 --> 01:15:53,542 I could really use some churchin' tonight. 1803 01:15:55,377 --> 01:15:57,310 You know what I mean? 1804 01:15:57,312 --> 01:15:59,211 - No. - Nope? 1805 01:15:59,213 --> 01:16:03,216 Well, today my daughter told me she needed "More space." 1806 01:16:03,218 --> 01:16:05,185 I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. 1807 01:16:05,187 --> 01:16:06,819 Yeah, well, my daughter just kicked me 1808 01:16:06,821 --> 01:16:08,220 out of her life forever. 1809 01:16:08,222 --> 01:16:09,288 [gasps] 1810 01:16:09,290 --> 01:16:11,024 Why? 1811 01:16:11,026 --> 01:16:12,725 Because I push her to be the best 1812 01:16:12,727 --> 01:16:14,827 and she can't handle it. 1813 01:16:14,829 --> 01:16:16,563 Of course, my mother pushed me twice as hard 1814 01:16:16,565 --> 01:16:18,698 and I turned out amazing. 1815 01:16:18,700 --> 01:16:23,135 But I guess not everyone is as incredibly strong as I am. 1816 01:16:23,137 --> 01:16:26,139 Well, my daughter didn't kick me out of the house or anything. 1817 01:16:26,141 --> 01:16:28,308 But you would not believe how mad she got 1818 01:16:28,310 --> 01:16:30,342 when I told her I bought the house next to hers. 1819 01:16:30,344 --> 01:16:32,979 What? You bought the house next to your daughter? 1820 01:16:32,981 --> 01:16:35,849 - Yeah, I did. - Did you ask her first? 1821 01:16:35,851 --> 01:16:38,551 No, I wanted it to be a surprise. 1822 01:16:38,553 --> 01:16:40,686 Yeah, that might be a bit much. 1823 01:16:40,688 --> 01:16:43,355 Dude, that is fucking psycho. 1824 01:16:43,357 --> 01:16:45,024 Well, at least I love my daughter. 1825 01:16:45,026 --> 01:16:47,359 You only visit Carla when you need money. 1826 01:16:47,361 --> 01:16:48,494 Uh, no, that is not true. 1827 01:16:48,496 --> 01:16:50,028 I visit her on other occasions 1828 01:16:50,030 --> 01:16:52,899 like when I'm hiding from someone. 1829 01:16:52,901 --> 01:16:54,833 Oh, just admit it, Isis. 1830 01:16:54,835 --> 01:16:56,368 You're a degenerate gambler 1831 01:16:56,370 --> 01:16:57,670 with a third-grade education 1832 01:16:57,672 --> 01:16:58,837 and a cheap weave. 1833 01:16:58,839 --> 01:17:01,174 This is my own hair, okay? 1834 01:17:01,176 --> 01:17:02,708 And you're a terrible mother. 1835 01:17:02,710 --> 01:17:05,845 - Ladies, it is Jesus' birthday. - No, I'm serious. 1836 01:17:05,847 --> 01:17:07,947 You think that you are so perfect. 1837 01:17:07,949 --> 01:17:10,516 But you are the worst mom of all of us. 1838 01:17:10,518 --> 01:17:12,351 - Well, I don't know... - Okay, okay. 1839 01:17:12,353 --> 01:17:14,354 Second worst, whatever. But the point is 1840 01:17:14,356 --> 01:17:18,524 that you're one of those moms that you, you dress so perfectly 1841 01:17:18,526 --> 01:17:22,394 and you give fancy parties, and you know how to cook food. 1842 01:17:22,396 --> 01:17:24,564 And, and you have all your own teeth. 1843 01:17:24,566 --> 01:17:25,899 But you know what? You suck. 1844 01:17:25,901 --> 01:17:28,568 You suck at all the shit that really matters. 1845 01:17:28,570 --> 01:17:31,136 And I even can see it, and I'm stoned all the time. 1846 01:17:31,138 --> 01:17:32,538 Please, you don't know the first thing about me. 1847 01:17:32,540 --> 01:17:33,872 Well, if you're such an awesome mom 1848 01:17:33,874 --> 01:17:35,073 why did your daughter kick you out 1849 01:17:35,075 --> 01:17:36,376 of her life forever? 1850 01:17:36,378 --> 01:17:38,077 In your face. 1851 01:17:38,079 --> 01:17:39,445 And you know what, I have done horrible stuff 1852 01:17:39,447 --> 01:17:41,413 to my daughter, really horrible shit. 1853 01:17:41,415 --> 01:17:44,617 And she has never kicked me out. Never. 1854 01:17:44,619 --> 01:17:47,252 So you just take that and you roll it up real tight 1855 01:17:47,254 --> 01:17:50,223 and you shove it up your ass. 1856 01:17:50,225 --> 01:17:52,725 Okay. 1857 01:17:52,727 --> 01:17:56,930 We've all shared some very powerful feelings tonight. 1858 01:17:56,932 --> 01:17:58,297 Oh, shut the fuck up, Sandy. 1859 01:17:58,299 --> 01:17:59,301 You bet. 1860 01:18:00,802 --> 01:18:02,737 [instrumental music] 1861 01:18:11,579 --> 01:18:13,014 [door opens] 1862 01:18:16,485 --> 01:18:18,751 - Hey. - Hey. 1863 01:18:18,753 --> 01:18:21,086 Well, I heard what happened. 1864 01:18:21,088 --> 01:18:22,357 Hmm. 1865 01:18:24,191 --> 01:18:25,527 You doin' okay? 1866 01:18:27,928 --> 01:18:29,264 I don't know. 1867 01:18:32,334 --> 01:18:33,765 Can I ask you something? 1868 01:18:33,767 --> 01:18:35,167 Sure. 1869 01:18:35,169 --> 01:18:37,202 How do you take it? 1870 01:18:37,204 --> 01:18:38,337 Take what? 1871 01:18:38,339 --> 01:18:39,939 Living with mom. 1872 01:18:39,941 --> 01:18:41,774 I mean, s-s-she's so bossy 1873 01:18:41,776 --> 01:18:43,208 and controlling and... 1874 01:18:43,210 --> 01:18:45,278 Oh, my God, she's so vain. 1875 01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:47,646 I mean, she spends all her time 1876 01:18:47,648 --> 01:18:50,183 you know, creating this, this perfect image of herself 1877 01:18:50,185 --> 01:18:51,951 just so she can lord it over people. 1878 01:18:51,953 --> 01:18:54,453 Sweetie, your mom isn't vain. 1879 01:18:54,455 --> 01:18:56,655 Oh, come on, she, she wears 1880 01:18:56,657 --> 01:18:59,725 a princess outfit at least once a month. 1881 01:18:59,727 --> 01:19:01,461 You're probably never gonna believe this. 1882 01:19:01,463 --> 01:19:03,799 But your mom is the most insecure woman I've ever met. 1883 01:19:04,865 --> 01:19:06,733 My mother? 1884 01:19:06,735 --> 01:19:08,967 - Ruth? - Yes. 1885 01:19:08,969 --> 01:19:12,005 - Redmond? Huh. - Yes. 1886 01:19:12,007 --> 01:19:13,805 She never shows anyone except for me. 1887 01:19:13,807 --> 01:19:18,010 But beneath that tough exterior is a scared little girl 1888 01:19:18,012 --> 01:19:19,746 whose mom never really loved her. 1889 01:19:19,748 --> 01:19:21,381 Oh, come on, dad. 1890 01:19:21,383 --> 01:19:23,382 You know her mother. 1891 01:19:23,384 --> 01:19:24,817 Nothing your mom does 1892 01:19:24,819 --> 01:19:26,252 is ever good enough for that woman. 1893 01:19:26,254 --> 01:19:28,387 She makes your mom feel worthless 1894 01:19:28,389 --> 01:19:30,590 every single day of her life. 1895 01:19:30,592 --> 01:19:32,591 So that's why it's so important to your mom 1896 01:19:32,593 --> 01:19:34,527 to make everything perfect. 1897 01:19:34,529 --> 01:19:35,994 It's not because she's vain. 1898 01:19:35,996 --> 01:19:38,030 It's, it's, it's... You know, it's because 1899 01:19:38,032 --> 01:19:40,265 when someone tells her she's got the most amazing 1900 01:19:40,267 --> 01:19:43,202 Christmas tree on the block, it makes her feel just for a second 1901 01:19:43,204 --> 01:19:44,938 like she's not worthless. 1902 01:19:44,940 --> 01:19:48,373 Like she's, she's actually good at something. 1903 01:19:48,375 --> 01:19:50,777 Like she's, like she's loved. 1904 01:19:50,779 --> 01:19:52,711 Why does she take it out on me then? 1905 01:19:52,713 --> 01:19:55,081 Because you know what she's most insecure about? 1906 01:19:55,083 --> 01:19:56,783 Mm... 1907 01:19:56,785 --> 01:19:58,120 Bein' a mom. 1908 01:20:00,888 --> 01:20:04,556 I-I can't tell you the number of times she said to me... 1909 01:20:04,558 --> 01:20:07,527 "Did I do a good job raising Amy? 1910 01:20:07,529 --> 01:20:10,065 Am I good mother? Did I screw everything up?" 1911 01:20:11,066 --> 01:20:12,297 She really asked that? 1912 01:20:12,299 --> 01:20:13,966 Sweetheart, she loves you 1913 01:20:13,968 --> 01:20:15,568 more than anything in the world. 1914 01:20:15,570 --> 01:20:18,438 She's just got a... 1915 01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:20,238 a deeply fucked up way of showing it. 1916 01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:21,908 Yeah. 1917 01:20:21,910 --> 01:20:25,310 Look, I've been married to your mother for 36 years. 1918 01:20:25,312 --> 01:20:26,746 Hm. 1919 01:20:26,748 --> 01:20:29,782 And she is a pain in the ass even on a good day. 1920 01:20:29,784 --> 01:20:31,484 But you know what? 1921 01:20:31,486 --> 01:20:33,952 I love her more now than I did the day we got married. 1922 01:20:33,954 --> 01:20:36,922 Because I know the real her. 1923 01:20:36,924 --> 01:20:40,926 And if you can find it in your heart to forgive her 1924 01:20:40,928 --> 01:20:43,328 and get to know her like I know her... 1925 01:20:43,330 --> 01:20:48,001 you might just find that there is a funny 1926 01:20:48,003 --> 01:20:51,973 sweet, beautiful person hiding inside there. 1927 01:20:53,240 --> 01:20:55,007 Did you say "Sweet?" 1928 01:20:55,009 --> 01:20:59,347 Okay, a funny, beautiful person hiding in there. 1929 01:21:02,816 --> 01:21:03,785 Yeah. 1930 01:21:05,687 --> 01:21:06,655 Yeah. 1931 01:21:08,656 --> 01:21:10,288 You know where she is? 1932 01:21:10,290 --> 01:21:11,957 It's Christmas Eve. 1933 01:21:11,959 --> 01:21:14,760 [upbeat music] 1934 01:21:14,762 --> 01:21:16,664 [tires screeching] 1935 01:21:18,833 --> 01:21:20,335 [tires screeching] 1936 01:21:31,545 --> 01:21:35,848 ♪ And the mountains in reply ♪ 1937 01:21:35,850 --> 01:21:39,652 ♪ Echoing their joyous strains ♪ 1938 01:21:39,654 --> 01:21:46,160 ♪ Glo-o-o-ria ♪ 1939 01:21:47,128 --> 01:21:48,627 Excuse me, I'm so sorry. 1940 01:21:48,629 --> 01:21:51,564 ♪ In excelsis Deo ♪ 1941 01:21:51,566 --> 01:21:54,667 ♪ Gl-o-o-oria ♪♪ 1942 01:21:54,669 --> 01:21:56,536 Hey, mom. 1943 01:21:56,538 --> 01:21:57,505 Hi. 1944 01:21:59,173 --> 01:22:01,373 - Hi. - Hi, I'm Sandy. 1945 01:22:01,375 --> 01:22:02,908 - I'm Kiki's mom. - Yes, I know. 1946 01:22:02,910 --> 01:22:04,877 - Nice to see you again. - How you doin'? 1947 01:22:04,879 --> 01:22:06,211 Hey, wow, look at that. 1948 01:22:06,213 --> 01:22:09,215 All of you are here. Okay. 1949 01:22:09,217 --> 01:22:11,350 And what are you doing here, Amy? 1950 01:22:11,352 --> 01:22:13,351 I, um... 1951 01:22:13,353 --> 01:22:15,087 I actually came to apologize 1952 01:22:15,089 --> 01:22:17,025 for kicking you out of the house. 1953 01:22:19,494 --> 01:22:22,095 You're my mom, and that was a little harsh. 1954 01:22:22,097 --> 01:22:23,666 It certainly was. 1955 01:22:25,165 --> 01:22:26,101 Yeah. 1956 01:22:27,602 --> 01:22:28,835 Okay. 1957 01:22:28,837 --> 01:22:30,168 Hey, psycho bitch 1958 01:22:30,170 --> 01:22:31,703 your daughter just apologized to you. 1959 01:22:31,705 --> 01:22:34,407 You're now supposed to say "I'm sorry" to her. 1960 01:22:34,409 --> 01:22:36,442 That's the way human beings talk to each other. 1961 01:22:36,444 --> 01:22:37,413 Yeah. 1962 01:22:42,517 --> 01:22:45,254 I'm also basically sorry. 1963 01:22:48,056 --> 01:22:50,288 Okay, good. That was good. 1964 01:22:50,290 --> 01:22:52,226 Now, tell her what you're sorry for. 1965 01:22:54,195 --> 01:22:55,531 [whispering] You got this. 1966 01:22:56,931 --> 01:22:59,064 [clears throat] 1967 01:22:59,066 --> 01:23:00,766 It is possible that I should not 1968 01:23:00,768 --> 01:23:04,369 have thrown a secret Christmas party at your house. 1969 01:23:04,371 --> 01:23:06,572 Obviously, you made an incredible number 1970 01:23:06,574 --> 01:23:09,542 of bad decisions this Christmas as well. 1971 01:23:09,544 --> 01:23:15,081 But... for the tiny fraction of blame that falls on me 1972 01:23:15,083 --> 01:23:20,656 I am... I am generally... apologetic. 1973 01:23:22,923 --> 01:23:24,623 Okay. 1974 01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:26,759 Thank you. 1975 01:23:26,761 --> 01:23:28,627 Mom, I know that that was 1976 01:23:28,629 --> 01:23:30,328 really, really hard for you to say. 1977 01:23:30,330 --> 01:23:32,266 I-it actually really was. 1978 01:23:35,803 --> 01:23:38,171 And, um... you know what? 1979 01:23:38,173 --> 01:23:40,139 I just, I want you to know that I finally 1980 01:23:40,141 --> 01:23:42,076 understand why you're like this. 1981 01:23:44,678 --> 01:23:49,584 And I need you to know... that I love you. 1982 01:23:52,253 --> 01:23:54,156 What's that supposed to mean? 1983 01:23:57,424 --> 01:23:59,962 I don't think that you're worthless. 1984 01:24:02,297 --> 01:24:04,697 I think you're fucking amazing. 1985 01:24:04,699 --> 01:24:06,032 Why are you saying this? 1986 01:24:06,034 --> 01:24:07,969 And no matter what anyone says... 1987 01:24:10,137 --> 01:24:12,273 I think you're a great mom. 1988 01:24:16,311 --> 01:24:17,810 Really? 1989 01:24:17,812 --> 01:24:18,781 Yeah. 1990 01:24:20,214 --> 01:24:22,150 Yeah, I loved my childhood. 1991 01:24:23,618 --> 01:24:25,954 I did. You gave me everything that I needed. 1992 01:24:27,655 --> 01:24:29,992 And you always pushed me to do better. 1993 01:24:31,993 --> 01:24:33,960 And were you perfect? 1994 01:24:33,962 --> 01:24:35,961 - Yes. - No. 1995 01:24:35,963 --> 01:24:37,729 [chuckles] 1996 01:24:37,731 --> 01:24:40,899 But none of us are. 1997 01:24:40,901 --> 01:24:43,068 So, I just... 1998 01:24:43,070 --> 01:24:48,976 I really want you to know... that you did great. 1999 01:24:51,346 --> 01:24:55,480 That's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. 2000 01:24:55,482 --> 01:24:57,149 I mean, I... 2001 01:24:57,151 --> 01:25:00,653 I actually think that you're a really wonderful mom. 2002 01:25:00,655 --> 01:25:02,354 I mean, your kids are so happy. 2003 01:25:02,356 --> 01:25:05,092 They're so sweet and they love you so much. 2004 01:25:08,161 --> 01:25:10,499 - Thank you. - I mean, I wish... 2005 01:25:13,034 --> 01:25:16,705 I wish I was as close to you as you are to your kids. 2006 01:25:19,539 --> 01:25:21,442 We still can, mom. 2007 01:25:25,045 --> 01:25:27,880 Wow, I'm just not very good at this, Amy. 2008 01:25:27,882 --> 01:25:30,619 But I just love you so much. 2009 01:25:31,686 --> 01:25:35,257 I love you so much. I do. 2010 01:25:39,227 --> 01:25:41,394 - God. - Oh, my God. 2011 01:25:41,396 --> 01:25:43,628 You're a train wreck. 2012 01:25:43,630 --> 01:25:46,532 Well, it's a very complicated 2013 01:25:46,534 --> 01:25:48,768 relationship between a mother and a daughter. 2014 01:25:48,770 --> 01:25:50,936 But these two... 2015 01:25:50,938 --> 01:25:52,203 They've got it together. 2016 01:25:52,205 --> 01:25:53,605 - I know. I know, babe. - Finally. 2017 01:25:53,607 --> 01:25:55,440 Yeah. Okay. Here. 2018 01:25:55,442 --> 01:25:57,976 - Do you want some this? - Yes. 2019 01:25:57,978 --> 01:26:00,578 It's okay. It's okay. 2020 01:26:00,580 --> 01:26:01,747 It's okay. 2021 01:26:01,749 --> 01:26:03,149 Okay, mom? 2022 01:26:03,151 --> 01:26:04,750 [bell tolling] 2023 01:26:04,752 --> 01:26:06,085 Mom, is it midnight already? 2024 01:26:06,087 --> 01:26:07,089 Well, yeah. 2025 01:26:08,623 --> 01:26:10,422 We gotta save Christmas. 2026 01:26:10,424 --> 01:26:12,457 Oh, my God. I've been waiting my whole life for this. 2027 01:26:12,459 --> 01:26:15,327 [Gwen Stefani singing "Jingle Bells"] 2028 01:26:15,329 --> 01:26:17,729 ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 2029 01:26:17,731 --> 01:26:20,832 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 2030 01:26:20,834 --> 01:26:23,502 ♪ O'er the fields we go ♪ 2031 01:26:23,504 --> 01:26:26,171 - ♪ Laughing all the way ♪ - ♪ Laughing all the way ♪ 2032 01:26:26,173 --> 01:26:28,808 ♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪ 2033 01:26:28,810 --> 01:26:31,176 ♪ Making spirits bright ♪ 2034 01:26:31,178 --> 01:26:34,113 ♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪ 2035 01:26:34,115 --> 01:26:36,448 ♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪ 2036 01:26:36,450 --> 01:26:39,784 ♪ Whoa jingle bells jingle bells ♪ 2037 01:26:39,786 --> 01:26:42,587 - ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ - ♪ Jingle jingle ♪ 2038 01:26:42,589 --> 01:26:44,991 ♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪ 2039 01:26:44,993 --> 01:26:46,993 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 2040 01:26:46,995 --> 01:26:50,496 ♪ Hey jingle bells jingle bells ♪ 2041 01:26:50,498 --> 01:26:53,466 - ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ - ♪ Jingle jingle ♪ 2042 01:26:53,468 --> 01:26:55,935 ♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪ 2043 01:26:55,937 --> 01:27:00,676 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪♪ 2044 01:27:07,682 --> 01:27:09,551 [instrumental music] 2045 01:27:15,956 --> 01:27:19,160 Oh, my God! This is amazing. 2046 01:27:20,395 --> 01:27:22,461 Merry Christmas, guys. 2047 01:27:22,463 --> 01:27:25,463 Mom, you really did a lot of work. 2048 01:27:25,465 --> 01:27:27,369 I had a little help. 2049 01:27:28,636 --> 01:27:29,969 Merry Christmas, children. 2050 01:27:29,971 --> 01:27:32,203 Grandma. 2051 01:27:32,205 --> 01:27:35,507 Oh! Go open your presents. 2052 01:27:35,509 --> 01:27:38,377 I got you seasons one through six of "The Walking Dead." 2053 01:27:38,379 --> 01:27:40,813 - Oh, good Lord. Really, mom? - Thanks, grandma. 2054 01:27:40,815 --> 01:27:42,348 [doorbell rings] I'll get it. 2055 01:27:42,350 --> 01:27:43,884 Oh, my God. 2056 01:27:45,018 --> 01:27:47,052 Merry Christmas! 2057 01:27:47,054 --> 01:27:50,055 Lori, Merry Christmas, honey. 2058 01:27:50,057 --> 01:27:53,059 - Merry Christmas, Ruth. - Merry Christmas, Jesus. 2059 01:27:53,061 --> 01:27:55,560 Uh, it's, it's Jessie. 2060 01:27:55,562 --> 01:27:57,363 Wow, you have really broad shoulders. 2061 01:27:57,365 --> 01:27:58,930 Amy, feel his shoulders. 2062 01:27:58,932 --> 01:28:00,533 Oh, here we go. Okay, mother. 2063 01:28:00,535 --> 01:28:02,400 Thank you. Get in. 2064 01:28:02,402 --> 01:28:05,171 Oh, thanks for almost learning his name. 2065 01:28:05,173 --> 01:28:07,075 I love you, girl. 2066 01:28:11,178 --> 01:28:12,513 Merry Christmas, Kiki. 2067 01:28:13,681 --> 01:28:15,514 Merry Christmas, mom. 2068 01:28:15,516 --> 01:28:17,419 Do you like my Kiki-head pajamas? 2069 01:28:20,588 --> 01:28:22,887 - Sort of. - Thank you. 2070 01:28:22,889 --> 01:28:24,090 I just wanted to let you know 2071 01:28:24,092 --> 01:28:25,724 that I have put the house 2072 01:28:25,726 --> 01:28:27,960 next door on the market. 2073 01:28:27,962 --> 01:28:29,561 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 2074 01:28:29,563 --> 01:28:31,029 I really appreciate that. 2075 01:28:31,031 --> 01:28:33,466 I know I can be a little psycho sometimes. 2076 01:28:33,468 --> 01:28:35,434 And I know you need your space. 2077 01:28:35,436 --> 01:28:39,471 Which is why I bought the house across the street. 2078 01:28:39,473 --> 01:28:42,541 No, I'm kidding. I didn't buy the house across the street. 2079 01:28:42,543 --> 01:28:43,708 I bought the house down the street. 2080 01:28:43,710 --> 01:28:45,043 - What? - No. 2081 01:28:45,045 --> 01:28:46,278 I'm gonna move into your attic. 2082 01:28:46,280 --> 01:28:48,747 - Mom! Seriously. - Kiki, what? 2083 01:28:48,749 --> 01:28:50,549 Where are you living? 2084 01:28:50,551 --> 01:28:54,286 I'm gonna go back to Bismarck where I belong. 2085 01:28:54,288 --> 01:28:56,322 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 2086 01:28:56,324 --> 01:28:57,826 I just... 2087 01:28:59,627 --> 01:29:02,164 I really miss your dad on Christmas. 2088 01:29:03,597 --> 01:29:05,064 I do too. 2089 01:29:05,066 --> 01:29:06,001 Yeah. 2090 01:29:08,002 --> 01:29:09,337 I do too. 2091 01:29:10,303 --> 01:29:12,805 Merry Christmas. 2092 01:29:12,807 --> 01:29:14,176 Merry Christmas, mom. 2093 01:29:19,312 --> 01:29:21,115 [slurping] 2094 01:29:25,253 --> 01:29:27,418 Hey, mom, look what Santa got me. 2095 01:29:27,420 --> 01:29:29,188 A used baseball glove. 2096 01:29:29,190 --> 01:29:30,655 Oh, that's great, buddy. 2097 01:29:30,657 --> 01:29:32,424 I used to have one just like it. 2098 01:29:32,426 --> 01:29:33,762 [knock on door] 2099 01:29:35,596 --> 01:29:36,932 Is that Santa? 2100 01:29:38,132 --> 01:29:39,532 Why would it be Santa, honey? 2101 01:29:39,534 --> 01:29:41,469 Remember, Santa came last night. 2102 01:29:46,507 --> 01:29:48,442 Can I come in? 2103 01:29:57,552 --> 01:29:58,520 Hm. 2104 01:29:59,786 --> 01:30:03,822 Um, alright, I know I haven't 2105 01:30:03,824 --> 01:30:06,161 been the best mother in the world. 2106 01:30:08,129 --> 01:30:15,000 But you... somehow just turned out really good. 2107 01:30:15,002 --> 01:30:18,539 Um, and, Carla, I just... 2108 01:30:20,307 --> 01:30:22,209 I wanna be more like you. 2109 01:30:23,910 --> 01:30:28,213 So, I've given up gambling... 2110 01:30:28,215 --> 01:30:30,882 - Mom. - On horses. 2111 01:30:30,884 --> 01:30:37,758 And I'm gonna pay you back every cent that I borrowed from you. 2112 01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:44,395 - Really? - Yeah. 2113 01:30:44,397 --> 01:30:46,735 You know, I got a fucking job. 2114 01:30:48,369 --> 01:30:50,269 - Are you fucking kidding me? - No! 2115 01:30:50,271 --> 01:30:54,739 They hired me to be in charge of children's safety. 2116 01:30:54,741 --> 01:30:58,711 Why would they let you do that? 2117 01:30:58,713 --> 01:31:00,746 I don't even know how I passed the drug test. 2118 01:31:00,748 --> 01:31:03,515 - Seriously? - They're crazy. 2119 01:31:03,517 --> 01:31:05,951 And with what they're paying me, I think I can pay you back 2120 01:31:05,953 --> 01:31:09,054 in about 245 years. 2121 01:31:09,056 --> 01:31:13,458 Wait, does this mean you're gonna... stick around 2122 01:31:13,460 --> 01:31:14,862 for a while? 2123 01:31:16,731 --> 01:31:19,267 If it's cool with you, yeah. 2124 01:31:20,935 --> 01:31:21,902 Mom. 2125 01:31:23,603 --> 01:31:25,637 It's all I've ever wanted. 2126 01:31:25,639 --> 01:31:28,410 Well, I'll stay as long as you want me to. 2127 01:31:30,244 --> 01:31:31,213 Mom. 2128 01:31:34,080 --> 01:31:37,815 Mom, also I got a box of Ziploc bags. 2129 01:31:37,817 --> 01:31:40,051 Oh, sweet Jesus. 2130 01:31:40,053 --> 01:31:41,452 [Jacob Latrell singing "What Christmas Means To Me"] 2131 01:31:41,454 --> 01:31:43,087 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 2132 01:31:43,089 --> 01:31:45,924 ♪ Candles burnin' low ♪ 2133 01:31:45,926 --> 01:31:48,894 ♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪ 2134 01:31:48,896 --> 01:31:51,729 ♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪ 2135 01:31:51,731 --> 01:31:54,800 ♪ Everywhere we go ♪ 2136 01:31:54,802 --> 01:31:56,835 ♪ Choir singing carols ♪ 2137 01:31:56,837 --> 01:32:00,338 - Shaobing for everybody. - Bing with everybody but me. 2138 01:32:00,340 --> 01:32:03,574 ♪ All these things and more ♪♪ 2139 01:32:03,576 --> 01:32:06,110 God, Chinese food on Christmas. 2140 01:32:06,112 --> 01:32:07,979 I feel like such a Jew. 2141 01:32:07,981 --> 01:32:09,848 Would you like some shaobing? 2142 01:32:09,850 --> 01:32:11,649 Oh, you know I would. 2143 01:32:11,651 --> 01:32:13,818 No, honey, that is Ruth's husband. 2144 01:32:13,820 --> 01:32:15,453 Oh, honestly, have at it. 2145 01:32:15,455 --> 01:32:17,288 Hank deserves a little fun at Christmas. 2146 01:32:17,290 --> 01:32:20,125 Oh. 2147 01:32:20,127 --> 01:32:22,193 (Ruth) I love this. 2148 01:32:22,195 --> 01:32:24,296 Guys, I can't believe that we're eating Chinese food 2149 01:32:24,298 --> 01:32:28,132 for Christmas dinner and my mother is loving it. 2150 01:32:28,134 --> 01:32:29,702 I can't believe my mom's not wearing a sweatshirt. 2151 01:32:29,704 --> 01:32:33,005 - With my face on it. - Guys, we did it. 2152 01:32:33,007 --> 01:32:36,442 We actually took Christmas back this year. 2153 01:32:36,444 --> 01:32:37,975 You know what? I couldn't have done it without you girls. 2154 01:32:37,977 --> 01:32:40,011 - Oh! - Ladies, I love you. 2155 01:32:40,013 --> 01:32:42,046 - We love you back. - Same here. 2156 01:32:42,048 --> 01:32:43,716 [indistinct chatter] 2157 01:32:43,718 --> 01:32:46,118 Hi, is, um... 2158 01:32:46,120 --> 01:32:48,023 - Is Carla here? - Yes! 2159 01:32:50,958 --> 01:32:52,991 Ty Swindle. 2160 01:32:52,993 --> 01:32:55,661 How did you find me? 2161 01:32:55,663 --> 01:32:59,965 - I just looked for you. - Hi. 2162 01:32:59,967 --> 01:33:02,734 Well, there are so many things I wanna say to you right now. 2163 01:33:02,736 --> 01:33:04,970 Just say it. 2164 01:33:04,972 --> 01:33:06,537 I feel like it's better if I, I do it through 2165 01:33:06,539 --> 01:33:08,640 the universal language of dance. 2166 01:33:08,642 --> 01:33:10,641 - Shut up. - Yes! 2167 01:33:10,643 --> 01:33:12,981 - What dancing? - Christmas dancing. 2168 01:33:14,815 --> 01:33:16,718 [instrumental music] 2169 01:33:22,255 --> 01:33:23,354 Oh, Ty! 2170 01:33:23,356 --> 01:33:24,590 ♪ Well I'm feeling ♪ 2171 01:33:24,592 --> 01:33:26,558 ♪ Mighty fine y'all ♪ 2172 01:33:26,560 --> 01:33:30,095 ♪ Got my music on the radio ♪ 2173 01:33:30,097 --> 01:33:32,598 - Oh, boy. - Oh, my God. 2174 01:33:32,600 --> 01:33:36,100 ♪ Well I'm feeling mighty nice Lord ♪ 2175 01:33:36,102 --> 01:33:40,838 ♪ Got my music on the radio ♪ 2176 01:33:40,840 --> 01:33:42,440 That's beautiful, Ty. 2177 01:33:42,442 --> 01:33:45,743 ♪ Feel like I wanna kiss you baby ♪ 2178 01:33:45,745 --> 01:33:50,416 ♪ Standin' underneath that mistletoe ♪ 2179 01:33:50,418 --> 01:33:52,717 Oh, my fucking God. 2180 01:33:52,719 --> 01:33:54,853 Turn her around. Turn her around. 2181 01:33:54,855 --> 01:33:56,854 It's okay, just turn her around. 2182 01:33:56,856 --> 01:34:00,692 ♪ Maybe left all them good presents for my baby ♪ 2183 01:34:00,694 --> 01:34:04,462 ♪ I said Merry Christmas baby ♪ 2184 01:34:04,464 --> 01:34:07,433 ♪ Surely you treat me nice ♪ 2185 01:34:07,435 --> 01:34:09,801 ♪ You surely treat me nice ♪♪ 2186 01:34:09,803 --> 01:34:12,904 Okay, alright, that's great. 2187 01:34:12,906 --> 01:34:15,306 Okay, we're done. That was amazing. 2188 01:34:15,308 --> 01:34:17,042 Thank you so much. 2189 01:34:17,044 --> 01:34:18,443 Just go for it, dude. 2190 01:34:18,445 --> 01:34:20,945 Oh, baby, don't cry. 2191 01:34:20,947 --> 01:34:24,149 Phew! He's so hot. 2192 01:34:24,151 --> 01:34:26,385 - That's my son. - Yeah? 2193 01:34:26,387 --> 01:34:27,786 - Hey, man. - Right there. 2194 01:34:27,788 --> 01:34:29,887 - That's Jaxon. - Hey, there. How are you? 2195 01:34:29,889 --> 01:34:32,157 - Nice to meet you. - Mm-hmm. 2196 01:34:32,159 --> 01:34:33,658 - I'll take you right in there. - I love you. 2197 01:34:33,660 --> 01:34:35,127 I love you. 2198 01:34:35,129 --> 01:34:36,894 - Phew! - Whoo! 2199 01:34:36,896 --> 01:34:40,332 Oh, we better get going or we're gonna miss our flight. 2200 01:34:40,334 --> 01:34:43,001 - What flight? - Oh, I didn't tell you? 2201 01:34:43,003 --> 01:34:46,270 Isis, Ruth and I are going to Las Vegas for New Year's. 2202 01:34:46,272 --> 01:34:49,475 And we're gonna see Wayne Newton before he dies. 2203 01:34:49,477 --> 01:34:50,975 Whoo! 2204 01:34:50,977 --> 01:34:53,311 The three of you are going to Vegas together? 2205 01:34:53,313 --> 01:34:56,247 Yeah, well, we're best friends now. 2206 01:34:56,249 --> 01:34:58,149 Well, we're, we're new friends. 2207 01:34:58,151 --> 01:34:59,952 We're best friends. 2208 01:34:59,954 --> 01:35:02,988 Yeah, we're new friends. 2209 01:35:02,990 --> 01:35:06,091 Anyways, Merry Christmas, everyone. 2210 01:35:06,093 --> 01:35:08,793 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, everyone. 2211 01:35:08,795 --> 01:35:11,462 Hank, get all our bags. 2212 01:35:11,464 --> 01:35:13,698 - ♪ I do what I want ♪ - ♪ She does ♪ 2213 01:35:13,700 --> 01:35:15,600 ♪ Say what you say ♪ 2214 01:35:15,602 --> 01:35:17,869 ♪ I work real hard everyday ♪ 2215 01:35:17,871 --> 01:35:20,271 ♪ I'm a motherfucking woman ♪ 2216 01:35:20,273 --> 01:35:22,507 ♪ Baby alright ♪ 2217 01:35:22,509 --> 01:35:24,109 ♪ I don't need a man ♪ 2218 01:35:24,111 --> 01:35:26,310 ♪ To be holding me too tight ♪ 2219 01:35:26,312 --> 01:35:28,646 ♪ I'm a motherfucking woman ♪ 2220 01:35:28,648 --> 01:35:30,983 ♪ Baby that's right ♪ 2221 01:35:30,985 --> 01:35:34,619 ♪ I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight ♪ 2222 01:35:34,621 --> 01:35:36,954 ♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪♪ 2223 01:35:36,956 --> 01:35:38,860 [instrumental music] 2224 01:35:44,664 --> 01:35:46,900 Merry Christmas, everyone! 2225 01:35:46,902 --> 01:35:50,668 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2226 01:35:50,670 --> 01:35:51,702 [Charles Jones singing "Be Your Santa Claus"] 2227 01:35:51,704 --> 01:35:54,473 ♪ Ho ho ho girl ♪ 2228 01:35:54,475 --> 01:35:56,641 ♪ You're on my naughty list ♪ 2229 01:35:56,643 --> 01:35:57,579 ♪ Tonight ♪ 2230 01:36:00,347 --> 01:36:04,349 ♪ Ho whoa-oh ♪ 2231 01:36:04,351 --> 01:36:07,152 ♪ Yeah yeah ♪ 2232 01:36:07,154 --> 01:36:10,055 ♪ Oh whoa-oh ♪ 2233 01:36:10,057 --> 01:36:11,590 ♪ You know I got to tell you girl ♪ 2234 01:36:11,592 --> 01:36:12,991 ♪ You're something special ♪ 2235 01:36:12,993 --> 01:36:14,560 ♪ The way I feel babe ♪ 2236 01:36:14,562 --> 01:36:15,894 ♪ Gotta have you ♪ 2237 01:36:15,896 --> 01:36:17,695 ♪ Right here with me ♪ 2238 01:36:17,697 --> 01:36:19,698 ♪ I will never let you go ♪ 2239 01:36:19,700 --> 01:36:21,366 ♪ Hey ♪ 2240 01:36:21,368 --> 01:36:22,768 ♪ You stuck with me through the times ♪ 2241 01:36:22,770 --> 01:36:24,202 ♪ I didn't have it ♪ 2242 01:36:24,204 --> 01:36:25,503 ♪ Now we got something good ♪ 2243 01:36:25,505 --> 01:36:27,171 ♪ You can have the plastic ♪ 2244 01:36:27,173 --> 01:36:29,507 ♪ And anything you want you can have it ♪ 2245 01:36:29,509 --> 01:36:32,210 ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2246 01:36:32,212 --> 01:36:35,012 ♪ You're always working hard girl ♪ 2247 01:36:35,014 --> 01:36:37,349 ♪ Tonight we're taking off girl ♪ 2248 01:36:37,351 --> 01:36:40,051 - ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2249 01:36:40,053 --> 01:36:42,854 - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ 2250 01:36:42,856 --> 01:36:48,359 ♪ I wanna be the first gift you open tonight ♪ 2251 01:36:48,361 --> 01:36:51,363 - ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2252 01:36:51,365 --> 01:36:54,065 - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ 2253 01:36:54,067 --> 01:36:57,802 ♪ I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight ♪ 2254 01:36:57,804 --> 01:37:00,872 ♪ Feel so good tonight baby ♪ 2255 01:37:00,874 --> 01:37:03,708 ♪ Baby take your time with me ♪ 2256 01:37:03,710 --> 01:37:07,479 ♪ I'm your gift unwrap me slowly ♪ 2257 01:37:07,481 --> 01:37:09,280 ♪ The fireplace is burnin' perfect time to... ♪ 2258 01:37:09,282 --> 01:37:12,984 ♪ Girl I got something special for you ♪ 2259 01:37:12,986 --> 01:37:15,554 ♪ Girl I gotta be ♪ 2260 01:37:15,556 --> 01:37:17,989 ♪ Oh ♪ 2261 01:37:17,991 --> 01:37:19,992 ♪ I don't wanna spend this Christmas ♪ 2262 01:37:19,994 --> 01:37:22,461 ♪ Without you letting me feel ♪ 2263 01:37:22,463 --> 01:37:24,128 ♪ Hey ♪ 2264 01:37:24,130 --> 01:37:25,564 ♪ Your Santa baby ♪ 2265 01:37:25,566 --> 01:37:29,501 ♪ Santa baby ♪ 2266 01:37:29,503 --> 01:37:31,769 ♪ Tonight tonight ♪ 2267 01:37:31,771 --> 01:37:34,905 - ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2268 01:37:34,907 --> 01:37:37,643 - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ 2269 01:37:37,645 --> 01:37:41,078 ♪ I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight ♪ 2270 01:37:41,080 --> 01:37:43,180 ♪ Come home tonight ♪ 2271 01:37:43,182 --> 01:37:45,951 - ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2272 01:37:45,953 --> 01:37:48,787 - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ - ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ 2273 01:37:48,789 --> 01:37:54,359 ♪ I wanna be the first gift you open tonight ♪ 2274 01:37:54,361 --> 01:37:56,260 - ♪ I wanna be ♪ - ♪ I wanna be ♪ 2275 01:37:56,262 --> 01:37:58,296 ♪ I wanna be your Santa Claus ♪ 2276 01:37:58,298 --> 01:38:00,931 ♪ Gotta gotta be gotta gotta be your Santa Claus ♪ 2277 01:38:00,933 --> 01:38:03,635 ♪ Let me be your Santa Claus ♪ 2278 01:38:03,637 --> 01:38:07,605 ♪ Tonight ♪ 2279 01:38:07,607 --> 01:38:09,975 ♪ Merry Christmas baby ♪♪ 2280 01:38:09,977 --> 01:38:13,278 ♪ I do my hair toss check my nails ♪ 2281 01:38:13,280 --> 01:38:15,881 - ♪ Baby how you feelin' ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2282 01:38:15,883 --> 01:38:18,216 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2283 01:38:18,218 --> 01:38:21,353 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2284 01:38:21,355 --> 01:38:23,387 ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2285 01:38:23,389 --> 01:38:25,890 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2286 01:38:25,892 --> 01:38:28,126 ♪ Whoo girl need to kick off your shoes ♪ 2287 01:38:28,128 --> 01:38:30,528 ♪ Got to take a deep breath time to focus on you ♪ 2288 01:38:30,530 --> 01:38:32,863 ♪ All the big fights long nights that you been through ♪ 2289 01:38:32,865 --> 01:38:35,966 ♪ I got a bottle of tequila I been saving for you ♪ 2290 01:38:35,968 --> 01:38:37,802 ♪ Boss up and change your life ♪ 2291 01:38:37,804 --> 01:38:40,238 ♪ You can have it all no sacrifice ♪ 2292 01:38:40,240 --> 01:38:42,407 ♪ I know he did you wrong we can make it right ♪ 2293 01:38:42,409 --> 01:38:45,676 ♪ So go and let it all hang out tonight ♪ 2294 01:38:45,678 --> 01:38:50,415 ♪ 'Cause he don't love you anymore ♪ 2295 01:38:50,417 --> 01:38:55,019 ♪ So walk your fine ass out the door ♪ 2296 01:38:55,021 --> 01:38:58,223 ♪ And do your hair toss check my nails ♪ 2297 01:38:58,225 --> 01:39:00,926 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2298 01:39:00,928 --> 01:39:03,327 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2299 01:39:03,329 --> 01:39:05,997 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2300 01:39:05,999 --> 01:39:08,332 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2301 01:39:08,334 --> 01:39:10,702 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2302 01:39:10,704 --> 01:39:13,438 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2303 01:39:13,440 --> 01:39:16,511 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2304 01:39:18,178 --> 01:39:19,510 ♪ Ooh ♪ 2305 01:39:19,512 --> 01:39:21,613 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2306 01:39:21,615 --> 01:39:24,082 ♪ Alright ♪ 2307 01:39:24,084 --> 01:39:25,617 ♪ Listen ♪ 2308 01:39:25,619 --> 01:39:30,521 ♪ If he don't love you anymore ♪ 2309 01:39:30,523 --> 01:39:35,262 ♪ Then walk your fine ass out the door ♪ 2310 01:39:37,431 --> 01:39:40,931 ♪ And do your hair toss check my nails ♪ 2311 01:39:40,933 --> 01:39:43,301 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2312 01:39:43,303 --> 01:39:45,871 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2313 01:39:45,873 --> 01:39:48,405 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2314 01:39:48,407 --> 01:39:50,942 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2315 01:39:50,944 --> 01:39:53,278 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2316 01:39:53,280 --> 01:39:55,747 ♪ Hair toss check my nails ♪ 2317 01:39:55,749 --> 01:39:59,216 - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ 2318 01:39:59,218 --> 01:40:01,920 - ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪ - ♪ Baby how you feelin'? ♪ 2319 01:40:01,922 --> 01:40:04,723 ♪ Feeling good as hell ♪♪ 2320 01:40:04,725 --> 01:40:06,627 [instrumental music] 2321 01:40:34,754 --> 01:40:36,656 [music continues] 2322 01:41:04,785 --> 01:41:06,687 [music continues] 2323 01:41:20,167 --> 01:41:22,203 [instrumental music] 2324 01:41:34,815 --> 01:41:36,717 [music continues] 2325 01:42:04,844 --> 01:42:06,746 [music continues] 2326 01:42:34,874 --> 01:42:36,776 [music continues] 2327 01:42:45,384 --> 01:42:47,120 [instrumental music] 2328 01:43:04,905 --> 01:43:06,807 [music continues] 2329 01:43:34,935 --> 01:43:36,837 [music continues] 171052