Original subtitles

should never

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take her

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after an inch do it

tweezers and pop it into this jar doctor

you can stir it up for me they

interrupted such as between Vienna and

let's see whether list of all

osteomyelitis

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[Applause]

yeah

ruk for the graveyard breath got a good

boy Jung

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she gave you bread to buy flowers for

Alfred George she does Alfred doesn't

notice she can't get up [ __ ] and we can

spend it better 10 years not even snow

big lump your granddad it's a double

stupid he's waiting for Graham aren't we

all

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what are you doing

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not sleeping

go but with the schedule let's stick to

why white what's the point

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Hey

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one of grands heart bills when you're

going on over the third time you crusher

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and deeper

yeah

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and you an overdrive horrid 80 miles an

hour

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1995

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people like you call strikes that's my

job

you're late we're not running a bus this

time you settle junk when you can father

bunny no you promised one sermon a week

and we had it on Sunday the plan that's

popular is still there looking for his

200-year watch Mike if you only make you

on the plane later love later maybe

after Christmas which Christmas the one

in December are you going some questions

grounders can't be answered in polite

society echad nine-to-five who needs a

bloody job

what you doing in my room job switching

on your blanket gran

mystery surrounds the death of mrs.

Alice talent 878 found burned to death

in the charred remains of our university

campuses the United States is causing

grave concern of your property's extra

police and state militia have been

drafted at war and Daenerys we are

determined to stamp out this

[Applause]

[Applause]

America you think

isn't it

yuck ship special anti-riot troops are

they rioting you how many kids

I can't they wait no one waits to de

Graaff there's no guarantee there be

anything to wait for

[Applause]

[Applause]

like a bloody detergent commercial buy a

pair of rubber gloves so Christmas did

you know all this money what's it worth

Johnny no days eight to ten grant god

what a year we could have with that be

patient

why wait nothing ever improved with

later schedule screw the schedule five

years that's about all we've got every

day you should count for something

[Applause]

come on Tartaglia Tosh I'll be stupid I

gave it a name today youth power good I

think

great be glad when it's over smile at

the graveside relax all this nice place

to live granny to sponge oh no boss

trying to grow at me all day maybe

that's why I'm more serious than you are

more impatient not more serious okay

happy dreams

everything I've gots riding on you

Johnny a lot of years of misery I've

never had anything that's why I get more

impatient blown that time love one is a

passport full of fees a 12-month son 10

and some good clothes on my back sit

beside you in a moonshot not branded

city bring got a new mother in the

spring the Marvel could be your name

heading the waiting list Johnny be

something winner JT one on the number

plate he did not muddy star you well let

me love the door first why she wasn't

good great she comes in sees what's

happening now and a problem let me talk

about the next article in the Church of

oh do me a favor

[Applause]

well here's how they figure it can the

middle-aged delight customers in a Swank

restaurant sitting over a slip-up meal

see everything's rosy so why worry about

tomorrow but the young well they're like

hungry people standing in a queue

outside noses up against the glass

waiting for day and do what do they say

about the old ah yo will they finish

their scoff grand but they just sit on

and on and on just don't know when I get

up and go so what happens then

where are you going you sweetie will you

talk to them I'll try to see if we can

work something out trouble with young

people they forget they'll build one day

but will they grant the world won't last

that long you haven't been talking of

him talking repeating some of the things

I told you no I wouldn't

wasn't expecting to be caught again

you're sure so what I talk to all the

people I have a new round here Oh God

mister be quite select you know bank

managers civil servants professional

people come to the graveyard everyone

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currency traveler's checks etc yes madam

there'd be a bus to take you to the

airport no trouble

good morning good morning sir may I help

you

ah yes I think so holidays somewhere hot

disgustingly could I see some brochures

looking again tomorrow is generous mr.

Johnson you can Flavio you know it's

very good value

what's with this rag hey what's it all

about transfer funds organizing it's the

one at art school

oh yeah 500 copies run off last night no

daddy can afford it sure it's a carnival

float trucks a lot excuse to make a

bloody great noise when is it three

weeks they come anywhere near us but

working on the route right now

or should I say we are working on it

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[Applause]

you've hardly spoken all day every time

they'll quieter I think you're hiding

something meet these people John Stossel

mm-hmm I know with names etcetera we

come from headquarters I suppose what

did you want to know about me

hey it's a dress number of rooms in the

house things like that what's that got

to do with it what a lot of old folk

live alone two three-bedroom places

young people can't get houses at all

probably helps testified afterwards it

must be some live of stopping them

besides it's 80 and over it doesn't

affect you we make two years away dry

give it a rest now over tire yourself

and you'll have another attack how we

don't want that do we

yeah it's goodbye Joe

how do they were all like you

[Applause]

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what did you cut out cut out a little

piece missing oh just a bit about the

measure John yes friend when you were

little I always knew when you were lying

and it's the same today yeah what was it

just something I didn't want you to see

I know I don't want you upsetting

yourself Oh was it a news item what at

an old folks home was

burnt gutted paper said it might have

been a electrical fault I've just been

talking to God does that surprise you

yeah yeah I'd say it did now I ask you

something are you happy with the state

of the world this morning well I

wouldn't say that perhaps if you have a

moment I might read you something from

the Bible come in here

we'll call again certainly and we'll see

our next meeting moonshot mal three

fastest thing on four wheels random what

did she want

few questions she would your youthful

blue what makes you think that

let's just say something about meeting

Oh granny what big ears you have easy

I'm here I'll look after

you take it grab them on the toilet yes

yes this is mrs. talent

mrs. iris talent okay shut up new yes

that's right

just me and my grandson a census yes yes

I understand

age he's 22

Oh my age why do you want to know will

them let's say I'm over 70 they took

birth oh that's the same thing isn't it

if you want to ask any more questions I

think you better go around and do it in

person I'm sorry I don't care how

official it is

that's right got a Nutella bringing up

at this time of night

now you've nothing to be frightened of

everyone seems to know so much about it

these days it's only the over ages

they're interested in I think it was

them chose to be she said it was a

census they caught them straight out

with a Catholic when did she ask how old

you were

yes what did you say I said I was over

70 but under 80 you said that no you

should I didn't think I wasn't expecting

it

you think it was a crime to build

anything if you do about it

modern medicine it's too successful

that's the trouble

odhh is living longer eating more taking

up space filling houses hospital beds

well you know how they talk crap it's

not just taking over

John

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you can't swim so school well cool

yes a person anybody will worry about it

tomorrow

there you can see

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coming around

what's up did you take a girl I'll put

some water

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here we are better than Jimmy next door

bring up the doctor for me will you get

him just looking just thing in the

morning

sure or you can say 99

neat footwork on the stairs tough whoo

When I was your age I used to run up

stairs now I run down cup of tea

well there's cooking chair if you prefer

no to be fine thanks I'll give you

another prescription huh that's a good

issue well let's say she's gone back

since the last time I saw her is it

serious

personal affair aids John everything's

serious thank you

tell me what started here on this youth

complex she told you yes well you know

how old people are DUP get things mixed

up distorted something they read in a

paper in here on television

what did help if I got you a resident

nurse she wouldn't buy it though I could

talk to her

besides I owe it to her I mean she

looked after me now I must do the same

for her as you say anyway there's no

immediate cause for alarm and she avoids

unnecessary excitement she'll be with

you a long time yet

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how was it it sir

is this your youth power friends what's

what

old people's coach crashes into ravine

many kills

huh maybe that's the way it'll be grant

a handful here busload there you don't

get out but the signs are going up

everywhere it's quite fine Jones put

signs out with the oldest

when somebody going to do something you

tell me girl

you tell me

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I won't forget so she could be around

for years just nothing deceptive a

doctor who doesn't know about the right

there not a special gift to charity

what are you giving this year mr. talent

my grandma she talked didn't she she

told the doctor nothing to worry about

yet shut up enjoy yourself in the

kitchen you've a hope but what's the

difference the difference is sweetie I'm

an upstairs girl who altitude affects

your performance all right

for Christ's sakes she's still awake

yeah just go I want to talk to you

I've been thinking

you don't know about furniture do your

jump grande this is a hell of a time to

be talking about furniture well take a

minute now that water and my dressing

table you don't see walnuts like that

anymore

I'm sure no when I'm gone Oh for

Christ's sake granule not going tonight

yes and don't talk like that you'll be

glad of them one day and no I'm gonna

buy them from you people resent quality

today that's furniture you have to live

up to gran it's a wardrobe a walnut

wardrobe not a way of life

well

yeah

well I can't see anything

granite your eyes you're imagining

things

yeah look I tell you i tops come on no

no now get to sleep a right trick you

are you can go too far you know can you

shove me

furniture to live on you can be living

up to it for years those Saturday how'd

you know a while you do your very little

work you should have seen what I just

saw she's like that not according to the

doc yes gran she fancies a bit go play

with your bubbles don't think I won't

yes I can hear voices the radio is on

why this will you go but you made a

little cup of warm milk

sure

your music the radio still on well

perhaps I was hearing things as well yep

sorry sorry to be so much trouble forget

it

sleep tight

what are you doing John looking for

something

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like I get bored so easily god you're a

maniac where'd you get that you own or

jac we'll take it off you take it off

it's your shirt why are we happy I

worked it out directly underneath here

about six feet I'm you think well maybe

something

you have a good day

first successful anyway yeah new suit

oh good like to see you looking smart

you - lunch worth really I'm not all

that oh please

gonna trust me suddenly went boom

I I felt the place looked a bit fair

I hope it's good

back David great it's official we made

copies to the clean college authorities

organizing okay sir Avenue 300 students

running wild in the street screaming

shouting their heads up and all of them

going past the whole front door

[Applause]

thank you much

No you always used to every Saturday I

haven't been in years do you good

no didn't eat your breakfast I wasn't

hungry

see you didn't come the census girl

probably all the junk they don't joke

around talk that's all talkin

demonstrate the softest generation the

world has ever known

and they make that point by sitting down

they've lowered the age grand from 80 to

75

they're coming for you today

you

I heard last night

it's going to happen

they'll come to get you you gonna stand

there than what what could I do one

against millions when will it be

could be any time

maybe this morning they do a street at a

time

where do they take you what do they do

I don't know you must tell me for

Christ's sake grant I don't know I can't

help you

[Applause]

oh my god what is it

a trans stop

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[Laughter]

hello dr. Graham John here John talent

doc it's grant I think she's dead

yeah one of her attacks she's lying on

the kitchen floor

I don't think our hearts beating okay

I'll wait

they came down the street making a hell

of a noise and that did it she just

keeled over and didn't get up there's

nothing anyone could have done John

nothing at all

are you alright well I'll send you the

paperwork and you know what to do I'm

sorry Johnny still it's better this way

than bedridden you know dying a day at a

time

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hello the Spanish mr. talent yet you

made a booking for my granny remember

well I've just seen a row all went very

smoothly I thought you'd like to know

about five minutes from now you'll be

needing a new girl

what that's right take a good look

you've pinched it for the last time what

happened I'm gonna give you a piece of

advice

okay solve a nice leisurely cruise write

up your own back passage

I'm sorry John I came as soon as I could

I've been so suddenly don't upset

yourself John

you did all your crud

Brittani children undertaken undertaken

certificates i under-delivered

wet kitchen table she's really gone

we've done youth power

do you like it then hello what's inside

you haven't seen anything did you see

this

image on every morning well there's

another one just like that but you have

to find that for yourself

Jim just open the door shut up I'm

paying me lots respect

didn't like me did it when you're not

the first with your lost grand you

remember that we are but dust days of

men are butters grass or he flourish it

as a flower of the feet more as soon as

the wind goes over it it is gone and the

place thereof shall know it no more

but the merciful goodness of the Lord

endureth for ever and ever upon them

that fear him and his right

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[Applause]

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to take unto himself the soul of our

dear sister here departed we therefore

commit her body to the ground earth to

earth ashes to ashes

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our Father which art in heaven hallowed

be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be

done in earth as it is in heaven give us

this day our daily bread and forgive us

our trespasses as we forgive them the

trespass against us and lead us not into

temptation but deliver us from evil amen

like you suit JT yeah I do

last thing she bought me did you take

him to boot no you supposed to I don't

know don't think this is a sample of

things to come I know you did it

beautifully I thought we got an au pair

luscious Italia

like yeah we will the only pair around

it'll be mine so when you're gonna move

them in well how does that take week a

week do you think I'm a month

Elvis visiting hours another day keeps

the devil at bay you know you don't see

furniture like this anymore

smarter polish system every day for 20

years I don't reckon we had about three

meals in here

well she won't thank Johnny give or take

a few now 20 30 grand

yeah senior so Joe at the moment I have

an appendix

ah no well you must have oh no it all

went on this Oh that Jam tomorrow no

bread today I wouldn't say no

[Applause]

you're proposing to me

not till you get their money so what's

this what's it worth

few pounds isn't it yes whose is it

whose was it

Gran's oh she didn't need it anymore did

she

where were you when Hitler needed you

yes mr. Dickson did you have an

appointment

yes talent this is Miss Standish he's on

call talking to my bankers then people

if money talks

what's it say it says yes sir right away

sir three bags full sir

tell her how would you like to go back

to your travel agency you're joking I

hadn't finished how would you like to go

back in Boca honey

Baker's Capri Barbados your name honey

men the only way to travel and it's all

down hill mr. Dixon's finish this book

about time I accept I knew you'd see it

my own way mr. Dixon mr. talent is here

and there's a Miss Standish with Miss

Standish skip it and a Spanish comes

with me doesn't matter

mr. toad

bound with standish how do you do mr.

talent Standish sit down please

as executor of your grandmother's will

it's my duty to carry out her wishes to

the best of my ability you probably know

the approximate amount of the estate

about 30,000 just over it's amazing what

can be done with a little capital in

Atwood stockbroker apart from the house

most of the estate is in shares the

dividends are paid annually or

biannually to me the office prepares a

quarterly account and check accordingly

in good system yes yes so the first

thing I'll give you is a statement for

the total quarter and a check and check

we'll accept that firmness covered what

about the certificate their certificates

the share certificates for when I went

to sell some I'm afraid it's not quite

as simple as that

shortly before her death your

grandmother drew a codicil an amendment

to her will may I read it to you

it is my dearest wish but one day my

grandson John will marry and that my

request will help him and his wife

settle in this house where John's

friendship has shielded me from

loneliness during my last years but I do

not consider miss Jill Standish would

make him a suitable wife and for this

reason I am imposing the following

condition on my request to him should my

grandson marry miss Standish he may

continue as tenant of the house in

acacia Avenue and receive all the income

from my shares but he will not become

legal owner of either the house or of

any of my investments this provider will

hold good so long as John's will remain

single however when he enters into

marriage with someone other than Miss

Standish and provided the wedding takes

place in a church on that day all my

possessions including house and

investments become kiss the choice is

John's left

she should have done that 10 years I

gave her 10 bloody years betting

carrying skipping how much is the income

about - thousands - tax unearned income

just over a thousand net Christ add up

to God live on that I think that was the

idea

when did she do this last Tuesday that's

right I called it the house

you waited too long Johnny boy

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selfish old bastard

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feeling better

oh bloody vicious old car come on Johnny

you can do better than that

bloody enjoy it didn't he smirking away

behind a big desk or screwing that's

life Johnny but the haves and the

have-nots

yeah what it's not over yet I think we

missed the boat that 30 grand sitting

there making it's a little bit of income

doesn't do us much good but doesn't do

mr. bleeding dick so much good either he

doesn't need it

everybody needs it maybe all right so he

doesn't need it but he could use it so

what if I offered him a couple of 30 he

made the arrangement he could um make

he'd laugh you right out the door

really and get you arrested bribery

perjury treason they'd think of

something his word against mine and who

do you think they'd believe a shyster

lawyer Oh what we find ourselves about

lawyer half well there are ways look him

up in yellow page don't be clever you've

had your chance for that oh I like your

nurse with me you said don't wake me you

listen you might answer

easy we dream up another will you and

your lawyer but since you don't think

Dixon screwed this look the will was

changed in a Tuesday Saturday lunchtime

she was dead so do you think anybody

would believe that she changed it again

a fresh lawyer new will witnesses all

within a couple of days or so couldn't

you get the doc to say grandma's Barney

he knew about her fantasies the youth

king then we could get the will scrap

what'd you say last time we spoke about

it he said she was the same as we're

100%

there's only one thing for it then after

marry you well then get the dog back to

say we're barley

sort of make ourselves an extra five or

six a week we could sell off some

furniture

apart from selling it I can do what I

like good do you think stick to bonfires

Johnny it's about your level

it's the tube

is it you know shove it

no not tonight tomorrow yeah I'll get

the man two months behind on the

payments are we captain I came yesterday

Electric man today alright then I'll get

a job you two both of us - lots of wages

and a bit of extra manager waiter

questioners I've had enough practice

waiters have to be nice to people

wouldn't come easy name like Talan I've

got to be good at something but we do

trousers it's a different story is it

tell me something you met gran twice

what the hell did you say to her oh so

it's all my fault now I didn't say that

don't go putting it all on me forget it

look if she'd have trusted you she would

have tied you up like this

any luck didn't even ever manage another

day without washing my hair why not

who's going anywhere

I made a suggestion to you the other

night I don't think you heard it yeah

when you get married to somebody else

you inherit right so get married what

how long does it marry her and then boot

her out what after I got the loot well

where would you be what about that's it

okay you're over 21

we wouldn't learn doesn't leave a scar

won't drop off will it well where do I

find this book back out yeah well that's

not a bad idea

well there's no time like the present

I'll need some money

what well you don't think you're going

on your own do you not to choose my own

work I can help I don't change

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[Applause]

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good left what are you doing

thought you'd be in bed chatting a bird

up selling her the idea of marrying you

isn't done in ten minutes yeah I noticed

that's why I came home she's coming

round later for you to run an eye over

tell her the deal then yeah well not in

so many words but she's all there she's

quite bright you jumped didn't you

Johnny boy what should have seen

yourself crossing to her table

smoke pouring out of your pants ha horn

on you like a rider was your idea Oh

didn't you fight what are you bitching

about it was your idea you helped choose

it well I don't know I haven't worked it

out you then work it out stop giving

orders I've done what you wanted not get

off my back when she can if she can't

she's coming around first thing in the

morning then we're clear in won't we

about you that me of that grand don't

want her thinking she's got a prize do

we that wouldn't be fair some people are

squeamish about murders murder oh that's

rich coming from you that's bloody rich

you did it I didn't

you know for two years we never had

around now we do nothing but stink

stale perfume Christ's sake

let's Vegas Capri I'm in such crap y'all

never get to our moon shots and put the

bloody thing down get out of my house

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get out out get out

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I lose my nine minutes to the road

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[Applause]

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run

hey gran

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[Applause]

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