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1
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:06,457
Ho! Ho! Ho!
2
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:09,199
Merry Christmas!
3
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,593
♪ Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
4
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,248
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane
5
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,946
♪ Vixen and Blitzen
and all his reindeer ♪
6
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:19,688
♪ Pulling on the reins
7
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,907
♪ Bells are ringing,
children singing ♪
8
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,909
♪ All is merry and bright
9
00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,868
♪ Hang your stockings...
10
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:29,219
Oh, no, Santa Claus,
don't come to town. Aw, no.
11
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,916
♪ Here comes Santa Claus...
12
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,485
Oh, God, you're killin' me
with this Qallunaat shit.
13
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,400
Come on, turn it off, bro.
Please?
14
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,725
♪ For the boys
and girls again... ♪
15
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,708
Oh, God. Okay, come on.
16
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,144
Isn't it supposed
to be on, like,
17
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,277
police radio
or something, Officer?
18
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,931
It is on police radio.
19
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,456
Captain Pendleton has
dispatch play Christmas music
20
00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:50,719
- on Christmas Eve.
- That's stupid.
21
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,634
It's just one night a year.
22
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:55,027
Yeah, Christmas maybe, but they
23
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:56,899
have been shoving
their way of life
24
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,249
on people everywhere
they show up.
25
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:03,340
You know, they want me to live
my life off of three wise guys
26
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:08,258
who followed a star to a barn
to find some magic kid?
27
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:09,912
And that's supposed
to be more spiritual
28
00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,610
than-than our ancestors dancing
on the northern lights
29
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:15,700
while they watch down on us?
30
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:21,010
Qallunaat Christmas makes me
feel like such a loser.
31
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,273
It's your lucky day.
32
00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:25,971
Every year, Captain
Pendleton makes a big show
33
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,712
at our Christmas party.
34
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,889
He pardons an inmate
in the holding cell.
35
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,414
It's been a slow year, and
he didn't have anyone to pardon,
36
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,373
so... you're it. Congrats.
37
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,027
Wait. What?!
38
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:40,812
Okay, so, you-you're pulling in
your own brother
39
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:43,815
on a bullshit charge
just to let me go?
40
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,253
Oh, now, come on, Yuka.
41
00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:48,516
I mean, I know you're a sellout,
42
00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,822
but bullshit you are not.
43
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,737
How can you stand working
44
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,740
for that lying sack of shit
every day?
45
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,221
Ah, it's tough, Jack.
Just the sound of his voice
46
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,049
makes me want
to punch something.
47
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,270
Yeah, well, unless
you're the lead sled dog.
48
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,446
Guess the view's
pretty much the same.
49
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,100
♪ Hear those sleigh bells
jingle jangle... ♪
50
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,190
I'm sorry for dragging
you in, Jack, but...
51
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:11,756
Nah.
52
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,758
You won't be alone
for a couple hours and...
53
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,107
Oh.
54
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,066
You'll get some turkey. What?
55
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,329
Really?
56
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,722
♪ Right down
Santa Claus Lane... ♪
57
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,811
What about some pie?
I want some pie.
58
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,944
- If you're lucky.
- If I'm...
59
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,251
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus
comes tonight... ♪
60
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,775
Ah, fuck Santa Claus!
61
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,996
Cheer up, Jack. You'll be back
on that barstool in an hour.
62
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,498
Whoa.
63
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,587
What the hell is that?
64
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,025
I don't know.
65
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:07,159
I mean, it's too much of a point
to be the northern lights.
66
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,597
Must be a low polar
orbit satellite.
67
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,381
Oh, no, no, no.
68
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,427
It must be for you,
69
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:17,300
'cause "Yuka" means "shining"
and "brilliant" in Inuit, right?
70
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:18,910
Although not
71
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:22,000
so fucking brilliant
when you fuckin' arrest me.
72
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:25,395
♪ Who's that walking
in the snow... ♪
73
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,006
All right! Gather around.
74
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,660
Time for a little
Secret Santa here!
75
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,621
And it's no secret
that I'll be your Santa again.
76
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,492
Can I get a "ho ho ho"?
77
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,059
Ho! Ho! Ho!
78
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:39,844
You people'd have to go
1,500 miles to the North Pole
79
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,846
to find a better Santa than me.
80
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,935
Would you take that, dear?
81
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,676
Doesn't the base know
it's Christmas Eve?
82
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,939
Hey, Santa, how about our own
power grid for Christmas?
83
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,463
Eat shit, Buzz.
84
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:52,074
That does it.
Mayor's on the naughty list!
85
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,163
- You heard him.
- Bad boy.
86
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,184
- All right, all right.
- Arch Houghton? Where's Arch?
87
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,298
- We got a Secret Santa for ya.
- Okay.
88
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,256
- There you go.
- Merry Christmas.
89
00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:04,869
I got you, too. Get over here.
90
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,828
Hey, look...
She busted her brother!
91
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,571
Your Christmas is saved, Lane!
92
00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:11,963
Uh-huh.
93
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,835
Jack! Jack! Jack!
94
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,793
- Jack! Jack! Jack!
- All right.
95
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,380
Jack! Jack! Jack! All right, all right.
96
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,946
- Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!
97
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,320
She's got work
to do. Mayor?
98
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,191
- Yes, sir.
- Get over here.
99
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,367
- He knows what it is.
- Booze for him...
100
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,936
This guy needs it in here.
101
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,372
Look at that, honey.
102
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,765
Oh, great.
103
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:32,375
Three cheers for the mayor!
104
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,508
Hip, hip, hooray!
105
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,599
So, when do I get pardoned?
106
00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:25,776
I'll come back and get you
107
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,605
after Captain Pendleton's
done hearing himself talk.
108
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,955
So is that when
I get pie... after that?
109
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,827
'Cause I'm kind of hungry now.
110
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,829
Yes. Don't worry.
111
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:37,092
You'll get your pie.
112
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,137
I promise.
113
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,183
It won't be long.
114
00:06:54,979 --> 00:07:00,202
♪ Santa please come early
this Christmas ♪
115
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:05,163
♪ And bring something special
for me ♪
116
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,951
♪ Ooh-ooh
117
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:13,041
♪ Ooh-ooh
118
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:15,217
Well, I'm humbled.
♪ Santa...
119
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,917
As I have been
since I started this tradition
120
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:23,268
some... 20 years ago?
121
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,792
Hmm.
122
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,707
♪ Praying, Santa, please... ♪
123
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,318
You know, every Christmas Eve...
124
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,276
I like to look out
that window there,
125
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,845
and I envision those...
those Three Wise Men
126
00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:38,370
just looking up
at that Star of Bethlehem.
127
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:41,243
Same stars
that my ancestors looked at
128
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,811
when they first arrived to tame
129
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:47,336
and make this the great
49th state of Alaska.
130
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:50,121
Before that... what
was there out here?
131
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,949
Bunch of bears and Eskimos?
132
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,038
That's about it.
133
00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:56,780
Tonight, above all nights,
134
00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,652
I thank Jesus...
135
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,915
for my responsibilities
He has bestowed upon me.
136
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,482
First,
137
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,832
to my duty to defend my country
138
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,834
and work
to support our neighbors
139
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,053
at the Cheney Air Force
Listening Station
140
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:11,795
with their state-of-the-art
LRD radar.
141
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,537
Hmm? We may just be a modest
little community down here.
142
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:18,062
Little outpost 151,
but we support
143
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:21,413
that high-tech station
with our low-tech values.
144
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,111
- Yes.
- Am I right?
145
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,982
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! - Now, I know
146
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,115
it's a hassle when
they get a little greedy
147
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:30,118
with our power grid, but
they rely on us for supplies,
148
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:31,859
and we offer police protection
149
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,775
outside that base
365 days out of the year.
150
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,211
- Yeah!
- Yes!
151
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,910
Tonight we got a duty
152
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:43,566
to a...
a greater superior officer.
153
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,395
So, on this night,
night before His birthday,
154
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,441
He would have us remember
that He wants us to be kind
155
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,966
to strangers and
visitors and stuff.
156
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,577
"I was hungry, you gave me
something to eat."
157
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,449
- Mm-hmm.
- "I was thirsty and you
158
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,539
"gave me something to drink.
159
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,803
I was a stranger, and you said,
'Come on inside here.'"
160
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,892
And all the folks said,
"When-when was this?"
161
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:08,460
And you said, "When you were
being nice to a stranger,
162
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,680
you were being nice to me."
Right?
163
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,160
But the point is, you all know
164
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,572
what I'm saying.
Unless you've been living
165
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,206
in a cave somewhere, you know
166
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,557
every year,
I am kind to a stranger
167
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,559
as long
as they ain't killed nobody,
168
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,865
or tried to terrorist-attack
that Air Force base.
169
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,432
That would be a red line.
170
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,523
So tonight, once again,
171
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,047
I would like
to pardon a stranger.
172
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,789
Yuka, dear, could you please
go fetch the stranger
173
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,009
to be kind to?
174
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:37,402
Of course
I won't call him a stranger,
175
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,491
seeing it was your brother Jack
you brought in here,
176
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,189
and I've known Jack
since about ever.
177
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,889
I shouldn't say that.
178
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:13,090
Jack?
179
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,136
Hey, Jack?
180
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,401
Goddamn grid.
181
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,712
Jack?
182
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,670
Jacko.
183
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,542
Wake up.
184
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,735
How'd you get in there?
185
00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,746
Who are you?
186
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,361
I want to be pardoned.
187
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,279
Just like you...
188
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:13,803
will want to be pardoned.
189
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:18,068
Meet Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak,
190
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,679
a woman with a knack
191
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:22,638
for detecting
the most subtle of mistruths.
192
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,642
On this night, a night
of the most powerful of myths,
193
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,471
that skill will be tested
like never before.
194
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,473
She's about to learn
195
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,736
that the truth can take
many different forms,
196
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,912
depending on how you look at it.
197
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:40,134
Because tonight,
Sergeant Yuka's vantage point
198
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,353
is at the very heart...
199
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:45,139
of The Twilight Zone.
200
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,751
You're traveling
through another dimension,
201
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:51,885
a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.
202
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:55,149
It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,
203
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,891
between science
and superstition.
204
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,284
And it lies between
the pit of one's fears
205
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,852
and the summit
of one's knowledge.
206
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:06,551
You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.
207
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:10,425
You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.
208
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:32,795
♪ When the kids
are fast asleep ♪
209
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:36,016
♪ Gently down the stairs
we'll creep ♪
210
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,887
♪ Then we'll lock and bolt
211
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,281
♪ All the doors Yuka?
212
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,936
♪ Just you and me
and Santa Claus... ♪
213
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,808
Hey!
214
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:50,421
Hey. What is taking so long?
215
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,554
Someone's in here, Captain!
216
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,339
- Is Jack screwing around again?
- I don't know
217
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,559
who this is in cell three,
or how he got here.
218
00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,517
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
219
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,128
I got all these people up here.
220
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,043
They're waiting for me.
221
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,700
He wants to be pardoned.
222
00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,659
What the fuck is this?
223
00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:14,402
An elf escape
from Santa's workshop?
224
00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,144
Who...
225
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,363
who-who is...
226
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:20,930
who the hell is this,
227
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,845
and wh-why... why is
he wearing a suit?
228
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,891
You're throwing a party.
229
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,893
I'm dressed for the best party.
230
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,503
Uh, one thing, though,
231
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,113
and I hate to be the one, but...
232
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:33,769
I actually came
from the North Pole, and...
233
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,205
there's no workshop up there.
234
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,381
Just a bunch of snow.
235
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,820
Came from the North Pole, huh?
236
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,822
Yeah, I just...
flew over it
237
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,214
on my way over here.
238
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,564
I've been everywhere.
239
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,305
I'm actually a, uh...
240
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,307
I'm an extreme tourist.
241
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,483
It's a thing.
Have you heard about it?
242
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:56,226
Mayor put you two up to this?
243
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,924
Don't look at me.
244
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,578
No, I actually have
my own YouTube channel.
245
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,103
It's called The Aggro
Traveler's Bucket List.
246
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,757
I legally had my name changed
in California
247
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,542
to A. Traveler.
248
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,067
I visit the hardest
places to get to.
249
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,026
Most people,
they end up on Thanksgiving
250
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,376
at Montage Kapalua Bay,
and they're like,
251
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,205
"I should've gone
to Iglaak, Alaska,
252
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:20,729
"to be pardoned
by Captain Lane Pendleton
253
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,905
on Christmas Eve. Duh."
254
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,256
Are you shittin' me?
255
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,867
I mean, they-they've
heard about this?
256
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,912
They've heard about me
all the way up here?
257
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,435
Are you kidding me?
258
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:34,699
Any aggro traveler
anywhere in the world knows
259
00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:37,528
about Captain Lane Pendleton's
Christmas Eve pardons.
260
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:42,969
That to be here in Iglaak
on Christmas Eve sits...
261
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:46,494
high on any extreme
tourist bucket list.
262
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,713
Ride a train
to the top of Jungfraujoch.
263
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,585
Dive off Stari Most bridge.
264
00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:53,588
Kiss Dee Dee Ramone's tombstone
at Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
265
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,938
Get pardoned
by Captain Lane Pendleton
266
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,332
on Christmas Eve in Iglaak,
267
00:14:58,375 --> 00:14:59,463
Alaska.
268
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,510
I did not realize.
269
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,077
I could see it, though.
270
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,035
- I could.
- Would that mean, um...
271
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:08,995
uh, Captain Pendleton,
would you...
272
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:11,301
would you pardon me tonight?
273
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,261
Oh, yeah, uh...
274
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,350
Well, let me think about that
275
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:18,134
one, uh...
276
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,310
Hmm...
277
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,225
Have you committed any crime?
278
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:26,186
Only waiting so long
to come here.
279
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,840
Y-You know, you said
you got a YouTube.
280
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:31,495
Maybe you can video
me-me pardon you,
281
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:34,672
- and put it on the show, if you want.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
282
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,196
You know what, I'll video it...
283
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:42,028
Just a phone.
284
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,595
I'll throw it up online,
285
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,423
and that way
all the extreme tourists
286
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,730
can see for themselves
just how truly charming
287
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,124
- you and this town are.
- Well, it's a good town.
288
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,387
If you do this tonight, Captain,
289
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,694
there'll be a lot more people
just like me here next year.
290
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,959
Yeah, you know that-that show
Alaskan Troopers on Nat Geo,
291
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,786
they just totally blew us off.
292
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,398
I think it's just 'cause the
Air Force base up the road
293
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,052
doesn't like people
poking around.
294
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,792
What kind of phone is this?
295
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,751
Oh, Jesus, look at that thing.
296
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,405
Who makes that?
297
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,320
It's a Russian design.
298
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,411
It's Russian-made?
299
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,413
The Russians don't
make anything.
300
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,981
- They steal everything.
- Oh, no, no,
301
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:25,288
that actually already has
an 8K video resolution.
302
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,986
It's a beta, but...
303
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,205
I'm sure if I said it was
for Captain Pendleton,
304
00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:31,251
I could get you one.
305
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:33,253
Well, they're just across
our front yard there,
306
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,864
across the Chukchi Sea, the Russians.
I know.
307
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,909
They know all about you.
308
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:44,003
All right, well, doesn't look
like it's gonna be Jack's night,
309
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:46,222
so give him his phone
back, unlock him.
310
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,137
I gotta pardon this guy.
311
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,400
Captain.
312
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:53,316
We should run
a 10-29 active warrants search.
313
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,145
Now? There's not gonna be
anybody there tonight.
314
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,452
It's all done online.
315
00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:01,194
Well, what is
your concern, Sergeant?
316
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,544
You said it.
Russian-made things are crap.
317
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,893
This is not
318
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,155
a Russian phone.
319
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,027
Why is he lying?
320
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,116
This could be a 10-96.
321
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,857
All right, you check it out,
322
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:15,686
- and I'll pardon him, huh?
- But what if we get a hit?
323
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,472
We'll arrest him again.
324
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:27,872
You have I.D.?
325
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:29,091
Oh.
326
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,973
Ooh. Bright.
327
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,000
Right down here, we call
this "The Corridor."
328
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,090
Oh. I got to tell you,
this is incredible.
329
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,743
The crowd's gonna be
excited to see you.
330
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,498
♪ Jingle all the way
331
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,979
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
332
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,850
♪ In a one-horse open...
333
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,898
Hey, lookee here,
334
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,595
lookee here, the Good
Lord has brought us
335
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:41,381
an honest-to-goodness stranger
336
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,209
to actually pardon here tonight.
337
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,906
Now, Jack Mongoyak
338
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,516
is back there sleeping it off,
339
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,909
but I'm not too worried.
340
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,867
We'll just pardon him next year.
He'll be back.
341
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,174
Meanwhile,
342
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,176
this guy may be a
stranger, everybody,
343
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,873
but he's...
he's a great guy.
344
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:59,094
In fact, he's... he's
a little bit of a celebrity.
345
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,791
He's got a-a show
346
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:01,923
on the YouTube.
347
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,359
Yeah.
348
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,493
Yeah. And-and it's about
visiting cool places. Right?
349
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,147
So I figure
since he's here tonight,
350
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,105
we must be... cool, too.
351
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,107
And I'm not talking
about the weather.
352
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:17,286
Oh. Let me, uh,
just do this here.
353
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,462
All right.
354
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,813
Hey, this is A. Traveler,
and I am finally,
355
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,424
finally here.
356
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,947
I am so far up north,
357
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,079
I'm a hundred miles
from the Arctic Circle
358
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,256
here in Iglaak, Alaska.
Everyone say "hello!"
359
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,997
Hello!
360
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:34,912
Now, it is Christmas Eve.
361
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,263
That means you know who this is.
362
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,614
And I'm not talking
about no Santa Claus.
363
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,312
It's Captain Lane Pendleton,
everyone!
364
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,315
Oh, no, no...
365
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:49,231
Houghton. Sir, would-would
it be okay if I...
366
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,407
- got a selfie with the troopers?
- Oh, what the hell!
367
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,800
- All right!
- Thank you.
368
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,889
I want to know how
he got in the cell.
369
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,630
Did you put
him in there? - No.
370
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:59,415
Everybody say "Iglaak"
on three, okay? One, two,
371
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,416
three.
372
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,809
Iglaak!
373
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,333
There was that set of keys
missing from last winter,
374
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:07,075
and we never changed the locks,
because Lupino lost them
375
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,599
in six feet of snow, and we
figured no one'd find them.
376
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,253
All right, all right,
377
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,796
let's do this thing.
Houghton, grab the chair.
378
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:16,606
And, ladies and
gentlemen, attention!
379
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:20,088
- Where's the chair?
- Back there.
380
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:23,265
All right, all right,
come on back here.
381
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,049
Merry Christmas, John.
382
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,660
It's Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak.
383
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,922
Oh, yeah.
384
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,229
Party's in full swing.
385
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,274
The pardoning just started,
which is why I called.
386
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,015
Have you had
any guests check in?
387
00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:37,148
May go by the name of A.
Traveler, wearing a black suit,
388
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:38,759
five-nine, not from here.
389
00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:41,675
- City type.
- Thank you, just...
390
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,851
I.D. says California.
391
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,205
No, huh?
392
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,554
Okay.
393
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,034
Hmm.
394
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,341
All right, well,
you have a nice Christmas.
395
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:58,692
With the power vested in me...
396
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,696
I hereby declare you pardoned
397
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:05,786
from our jail cell in Iglaak...
398
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,701
Alaska.
And, of course, from all of us,
399
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:09,529
Merry Christmas, sir.
400
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:12,793
Thank you.
401
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:15,012
Can I... can
I say something?
402
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,840
Um...
403
00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:19,669
on part of my journey up here,
404
00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:22,411
I rode
the Trans-Siberian Railway
405
00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:24,892
nonstop for eight days,
406
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:27,286
from Moscow to Vladivostok.
407
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,462
And along that ride,
408
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,594
so many people came up to me
409
00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:35,903
to ask me about that tough
American sheriff in Iglaak
410
00:21:35,946 --> 00:21:37,774
that they all admired.
411
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:39,733
Now, they even said
412
00:21:39,776 --> 00:21:42,039
that the North Koreans
told the Russians
413
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:45,129
that if they ever were
gonna attack the United States,
414
00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:48,176
that they'd have to go
around Captain Pendleton
415
00:21:48,219 --> 00:21:51,266
and the entire town
of Iglaak, Alaska!
416
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,008
That's right. That's right.
417
00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:56,097
That's the truth!
418
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,794
Crank up the music.
419
00:21:57,838 --> 00:21:59,840
Merry Christmas.
This is Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak
420
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,799
with the Alaska State Troopers
Iglaak Post.
421
00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,410
Sorry to trouble you
on Christmas Eve,
422
00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:06,499
but I'm inquiring to see
if there are any personnel
423
00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,675
considered AWOL from
your Air Force base?
424
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:10,981
Shall we get this party going?
425
00:22:11,025 --> 00:22:12,766
Yeah!
426
00:22:14,594 --> 00:22:16,987
Or have any alerts been issued
on suspicious individuals
427
00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:18,598
in the area?
428
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:21,470
I appreciate your help.
429
00:22:21,514 --> 00:22:22,645
You, too.
430
00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:25,126
Merry Christmas.
431
00:22:27,258 --> 00:22:29,391
♪ On Christmas Eve
432
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,045
♪ And you're
calling it a night ♪
433
00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:33,395
♪ Just know if Santa's happy
434
00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:36,442
♪ The presents
will come all right ♪
435
00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:37,965
♪ Make Santa happy
436
00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:43,797
♪ Make Santa happy
437
00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:48,628
Captain Pendleton
just pardoned me...
438
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,804
and you're looking
to put me back in jail?
439
00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:56,592
You haven't believed a single
word out of my mouth, have you?
440
00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:58,812
Captain Pendleton does, but...
441
00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,466
not you.
442
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:04,861
Now, that's the first
honest thing you've said.
443
00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,300
Don't you want to open up the
present that I brought for you?
444
00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:15,698
What you'd like most
for Christmas?
445
00:23:15,742 --> 00:23:17,439
♪ To make sure
you've done right ♪
446
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:19,528
I don't believe in Christmas.
447
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,051
♪ Make Santa happy
448
00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:23,097
♪ No coal in your stocking
this year ♪
449
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,142
You believe in what you believe.
450
00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:27,754
Isn't that what Christmas
is all about?
451
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:30,452
♪ Make Santa happy
452
00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:33,455
♪ No coal in your stocking
this year ♪
453
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:35,501
♪ You gotta make Santa happy
454
00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:38,721
♪ If you want
a Merry Christmas ♪
455
00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:41,420
♪ This year.
456
00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,473
Jack?
457
00:23:52,692 --> 00:23:54,041
Hey, Jack?
458
00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:55,956
Oh, what? What?
459
00:23:55,999 --> 00:23:57,392
I brought you
460
00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,525
some turkey and stuffing. Okay, thanks.
461
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,484
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
462
00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:05,139
When the fuck am I
getting out of here, Yuka?
463
00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:07,315
Are you fucking me over?
464
00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:09,622
And by the way, do you
see any pie on here?
465
00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:11,754
Turkey now, pie later.
466
00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:14,453
Bullshit.
467
00:24:18,065 --> 00:24:19,588
Hey, Jack?
468
00:24:27,074 --> 00:24:30,730
What would you say is the thing
I'd want most for Christmas?
469
00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:32,601
Fuck Christmas.
470
00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,473
Okay, yeah, but...
471
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,300
what if?
472
00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:38,041
I don't know.
473
00:24:39,652 --> 00:24:42,524
Maybe to be one of them.
474
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:50,880
I honestly don't know
if you know who you are anymore.
475
00:24:50,924 --> 00:24:52,882
I know who I am.
476
00:24:52,926 --> 00:24:54,971
And I'm proud of who I am.
477
00:24:55,015 --> 00:24:56,625
At least I'm doing something.
478
00:24:56,669 --> 00:24:58,235
Yeah, their way.
479
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:28,744
♪ Old Mr. Kringle is soon
480
00:25:28,788 --> 00:25:31,094
♪ Gonna jingle
the bells that'll tingle ♪
481
00:25:31,138 --> 00:25:33,183
♪ All your troubles away
482
00:25:33,227 --> 00:25:36,056
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag ♪
483
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:38,885
♪ 'Cause Christmas
is coming again ♪
484
00:25:38,928 --> 00:25:40,713
Everybody!
485
00:25:40,756 --> 00:25:43,585
♪ He's got a sleigh full,
it's not gonna stay full ♪
486
00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:46,675
♪ Stuff that he's droppin'
every stop of the way ♪
487
00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:49,809
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag ♪
488
00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:53,116
♪ 'Cause Christmas
is coming again ♪
489
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,250
♪ He'll be here
490
00:25:56,293 --> 00:25:58,034
♪ With the answers
to the prayers ♪
491
00:25:58,078 --> 00:26:00,080
♪ That you made
through the year ♪
492
00:26:00,123 --> 00:26:02,604
♪ You'll get yours
493
00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:06,216
♪ If you've done
everything you should ♪
494
00:26:06,260 --> 00:26:07,653
♪ Extra special good
495
00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:11,395
♪ He'll make this December
the one to remember ♪
496
00:26:11,439 --> 00:26:13,528
♪ The best and the merriest
497
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:15,008
♪ You ever did have
498
00:26:15,051 --> 00:26:17,358
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag... ♪
499
00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:19,882
Oh, where is your
Christmas spirit, Yuka?
500
00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:22,058
You having a good time?
You want a drink?
501
00:26:22,102 --> 00:26:23,930
No, I'm good, thank you.
502
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:28,587
10-97 on "A. Traveler."
503
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:31,677
Oh, well, he's a good guy.
504
00:26:33,548 --> 00:26:35,637
I knew there wouldn't be
any priors on him.
505
00:26:36,682 --> 00:26:39,162
Do you want to release Jack
when he sobers up?
506
00:26:39,206 --> 00:26:42,339
I mean, we brought him in
intending to release him.
507
00:26:42,383 --> 00:26:44,951
I know he's drunk, but come on.
508
00:26:44,994 --> 00:26:48,389
Everyone is.
It's Christmas.
509
00:26:48,432 --> 00:26:50,304
He wasn't disorderly
in the first place
510
00:26:50,347 --> 00:26:52,872
or resisted arrest.
511
00:26:52,915 --> 00:26:56,440
Give me a chance
for a twofer pardon.
512
00:26:56,484 --> 00:26:58,878
Never done one of those before.
513
00:26:58,921 --> 00:27:00,662
Yes, Captain.
514
00:27:00,706 --> 00:27:02,664
Very jolly of you.
515
00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:05,188
All right, go fetch him.
516
00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,668
Let's do it.
517
00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:07,669
Thank you.
518
00:27:07,713 --> 00:27:10,454
Dance break!
519
00:27:20,856 --> 00:27:23,250
Oh, no.
There's still more song left.
520
00:27:23,293 --> 00:27:24,991
Fucking Air Force base.
521
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,470
Come on, now.
522
00:27:26,514 --> 00:27:28,211
This town exists
because of that base.
523
00:27:28,255 --> 00:27:29,691
At this time next year,
524
00:27:29,735 --> 00:27:33,303
we will not be sharing
a power grid.
525
00:27:33,347 --> 00:27:34,870
Stop your campaigning.
526
00:27:34,914 --> 00:27:36,872
We already reelected you
last month.
527
00:27:36,916 --> 00:27:38,134
God.
528
00:27:38,178 --> 00:27:39,832
I'm getting so sick of you,
Colchack.
529
00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:43,270
The Air Force does not ask
to tap into our power grid.
530
00:27:43,313 --> 00:27:45,707
If it wasn't for them,
we wouldn't be here, so shut up.
531
00:27:45,751 --> 00:27:47,361
John, John,
you've had too much to drink.
532
00:27:47,404 --> 00:27:50,320
Stop talking about
the fucking grid and fix it!
533
00:27:50,364 --> 00:27:52,061
- Do something!
- Hey!
534
00:27:52,105 --> 00:27:53,715
Hey, relax.
It'll come back on.
535
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:55,935
It always does,
everybody. Geez.
536
00:28:00,983 --> 00:28:02,115
- All right.
- There you go.
537
00:28:02,158 --> 00:28:03,638
Et voilà.
538
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:04,876
Now, listen, before you crank up
539
00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:06,293
the Christmas
karaoke over there,
540
00:28:06,336 --> 00:28:07,947
it does occur to me
that we've got a...
541
00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:12,168
another prisoner back there
to offer a Christmas pardon to.
542
00:28:12,212 --> 00:28:14,475
What do y'all think?
543
00:28:14,518 --> 00:28:15,694
- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's do it.
544
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:17,826
It's a twofer!
545
00:28:17,870 --> 00:28:20,176
All right, all right.
Arch, go grab
546
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,569
Jack Mongoyak,
bring him out here.
547
00:28:21,612 --> 00:28:23,484
I wouldn't pardon Jack Mongoyak.
548
00:28:28,402 --> 00:28:31,884
You're missing some tools
from your snow machine shed.
549
00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:36,105
No, not that we're aware of.
550
00:28:36,149 --> 00:28:37,454
Now you know.
551
00:28:37,498 --> 00:28:39,892
About a thousand dollars' worth.
552
00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,721
They're in the trunk
of Jack Mongoyak's car.
553
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,986
Back at the bar where
Sergeant Mongoyak picked him up.
554
00:28:47,029 --> 00:28:49,466
Jack's never stole a thing
in his life.
555
00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:51,120
Fine.
556
00:28:51,164 --> 00:28:53,383
Don't believe me.
557
00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:56,125
I-Ida?
558
00:28:56,909 --> 00:28:58,780
You mind running
559
00:28:58,824 --> 00:29:01,740
down the road
and checking on Jack's car?
560
00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:03,742
Sure thing, Captain.
561
00:29:06,266 --> 00:29:09,008
Can I finish the song now?
562
00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:12,881
Um...
563
00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:14,665
How-How'd you know
about the tools?
564
00:29:14,709 --> 00:29:15,971
Captain,
565
00:29:16,015 --> 00:29:18,408
just 'cause he said it
doesn't mean it's true.
566
00:29:18,452 --> 00:29:20,933
Like everything else
he's said tonight.
567
00:29:20,976 --> 00:29:23,457
And if Trooper Lupino
finds the tools,
568
00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:25,938
I'd guess you stole them
and put them there.
569
00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:28,331
And if they're not there...
570
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:31,334
wh-what would make you say
such a thing?
571
00:29:34,163 --> 00:29:36,775
It's 'cause I know things...
572
00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:39,690
about this town.
573
00:29:39,734 --> 00:29:43,085
And I know things
about you people.
574
00:29:46,959 --> 00:29:48,917
Rita,
575
00:29:48,961 --> 00:29:51,746
you're on a strict
two-drink limit,
576
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,792
but that's your fifth glass
of eggnog.
577
00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:56,533
Not counting the two
shots of Patrón you had
578
00:29:56,577 --> 00:29:57,796
before you left the house.
579
00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,580
So what?
580
00:29:59,623 --> 00:30:01,408
It's Christmas.
581
00:30:01,451 --> 00:30:03,149
And Jacques,
582
00:30:03,192 --> 00:30:05,629
do you think your ex-wife
will be expecting
583
00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:07,607
those delinquent child support
payments in her stocking?
584
00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,000
What the hell
are you talking about?
585
00:30:09,024 --> 00:30:11,244
That's not true.
That's not even true.
586
00:30:11,287 --> 00:30:14,247
And, Mr. Colchack, your
bid on the construction
587
00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:15,920
of the airfield runway
out beyond the lagoon
588
00:30:15,944 --> 00:30:18,033
was the lowest
of all three bidders.
589
00:30:19,078 --> 00:30:21,689
You piece of shit.
590
00:30:21,732 --> 00:30:24,083
- I knew it.
- Mayor Matheson over here
591
00:30:24,126 --> 00:30:26,128
awarded the project
to the Russian company
592
00:30:26,172 --> 00:30:28,652
- across the Bering Strait.
- That has not been determined.
593
00:30:28,696 --> 00:30:30,437
Now, see, I warned you
about this asshole!
594
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,047
How could you reelect him?
595
00:30:32,091 --> 00:30:34,745
Oh, like you didn't go down
on all the Air Force brass
596
00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:37,226
to get that bid for the cargo
loading apron at the base,
597
00:30:37,270 --> 00:30:39,533
- Buzzy.
- Going down on?
598
00:30:39,576 --> 00:30:40,902
Now, that's something
you know about.
599
00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,710
Hang on to this, honey!
Oh, you wish, bitch!
600
00:30:42,753 --> 00:30:44,233
Rita! Hey, hey!
601
00:30:45,452 --> 00:30:47,236
For crying out loud!
602
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,064
Hey, don't you touch me!
603
00:30:58,117 --> 00:31:00,467
- The party's over. Come on.
- Let go of me! Thanks.
604
00:31:00,510 --> 00:31:02,401
- The party's over, everybody. Come on.
- Break it up.
605
00:31:02,425 --> 00:31:04,688
Grab your coats
and get your drunk heinies
606
00:31:04,732 --> 00:31:08,040
out of here.
Everybody.
607
00:31:08,083 --> 00:31:09,868
Take it easy.
608
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:11,173
Merry Christmas.
609
00:31:11,217 --> 00:31:13,219
Drive home safe. Let's go.
610
00:31:15,221 --> 00:31:16,613
Get him home safe.
611
00:31:16,657 --> 00:31:19,051
All right.
Merry Christmas.
612
00:31:46,948 --> 00:31:49,516
How the hell
did he get in that cell?
613
00:31:49,559 --> 00:31:51,474
And how'd you know
all these things?
614
00:31:51,518 --> 00:31:53,085
A. Traveler.
615
00:31:53,128 --> 00:31:54,738
Is that even your real name?
616
00:31:54,782 --> 00:31:57,698
Hey, 15, this is Post.
617
00:31:57,741 --> 00:32:00,614
Y-You got a 10-71
on those tools yet?
618
00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:04,096
Post, this is 15. It's 10-23.
619
00:32:04,139 --> 00:32:05,575
There were no tools
in Jack's car.
620
00:32:05,619 --> 00:32:08,491
Repeat,
negative on stolen tools.
621
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,885
Everyone's having a drink.
622
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:13,235
10-4.
- - See?
623
00:32:13,279 --> 00:32:15,411
- He's lying.
- Wait a minute.
624
00:32:15,455 --> 00:32:18,588
You did know right where to
go with Matheson and Colchack
625
00:32:18,632 --> 00:32:20,590
to set them off.
626
00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,636
How?
627
00:32:22,679 --> 00:32:25,291
Well, they've hated each other
628
00:32:25,334 --> 00:32:27,641
ever since Buzz tried
to feel up Dottie Matheson
629
00:32:27,684 --> 00:32:29,686
ten years ago
at this very party.
630
00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:31,253
That is
an unsubstantiated rumor,
631
00:32:31,297 --> 00:32:33,342
and how did you know that?!
632
00:32:33,386 --> 00:32:35,344
How's he know that?
What, are you...
633
00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:38,304
What are you,
friend? Huh?
634
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:41,829
You a Russian spy?
Man in Black?
635
00:32:41,872 --> 00:32:43,265
If you're Santa Claus,
636
00:32:43,309 --> 00:32:45,093
you're a little late
delivering your toys.
637
00:32:47,052 --> 00:32:48,879
I'm Special Agent Douglas Heyes
638
00:32:48,923 --> 00:32:51,056
from the Anchorage field office.
639
00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:52,405
Iglaak is a small town,
640
00:32:52,448 --> 00:32:54,146
but there exists
widespread corruption
641
00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:57,018
that could affect the security
of the United States of America.
642
00:32:57,062 --> 00:33:00,239
You have any
Bureau identification?
643
00:33:00,282 --> 00:33:04,156
Undercover special agents
don't have I.D., Sergeant.
644
00:33:04,199 --> 00:33:07,246
Who's under investigation?
645
00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:16,081
I'll tell you
who's under investigation.
646
00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:20,128
You are.
647
00:33:25,133 --> 00:33:27,614
And you're going right
back into that cell
648
00:33:27,657 --> 00:33:31,661
until we can confirm with
the Bureau in Anchorage.
649
00:33:52,639 --> 00:33:54,597
Hey. Yo.
650
00:33:54,641 --> 00:33:56,382
What's the story with my pie?
651
00:33:56,425 --> 00:33:58,123
Yo, Captain,
I'm supposed to be getting
652
00:33:58,166 --> 00:34:00,081
some pie.
653
00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:02,823
I know the reasons
you don't trust me.
654
00:34:02,866 --> 00:34:05,478
But we'll work well together
once Captain Pendleton's removed
655
00:34:05,521 --> 00:34:07,480
and you replace him.
656
00:34:07,523 --> 00:34:09,351
When you're the lead sled dog.
657
00:34:09,395 --> 00:34:11,179
Jack, you're pardoned.
658
00:34:11,223 --> 00:34:13,355
Hell no.
659
00:34:13,399 --> 00:34:15,749
It's 30 below,
I-I'm too drunk to drive,
660
00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:18,491
and I'm not leaving till I get
some motherfucking pie.
661
00:34:34,550 --> 00:34:37,727
You've reached the
Federal Bureau of Investigation,
662
00:34:37,771 --> 00:34:39,251
Anchorage Field Office.
663
00:34:39,294 --> 00:34:40,556
If this is an emergency,
664
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,863
please use our directory
to contact
665
00:34:42,906 --> 00:34:44,256
a field agent directly.
666
00:34:46,171 --> 00:34:49,087
We're sorry,
but there is no agent
667
00:34:49,130 --> 00:34:51,089
that matches
the information provided.
668
00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:54,004
Our hours are Monday
through Friday, 7:00 a.m....
669
00:34:54,048 --> 00:34:56,050
I'll go see.
670
00:34:59,053 --> 00:35:01,055
Yuka.
671
00:35:03,057 --> 00:35:05,755
I'll go with you.
672
00:35:22,424 --> 00:35:24,383
What the actual fuck?
673
00:35:24,426 --> 00:35:27,473
What the actual what?
674
00:35:27,516 --> 00:35:28,735
Did you see that?!
675
00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:33,043
Get those guns off me. Yuka?
676
00:35:33,087 --> 00:35:35,785
- Yuka, did you not see that?
- I saw something.
677
00:35:35,829 --> 00:35:36,873
Right?
678
00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:39,441
Yeah, he looked like
a fucking snail.
679
00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:42,357
He had antennae
coming out his h-head.
680
00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:45,926
Yuka, you're awfully quiet.
681
00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:48,276
- What do you believe?
- She saw it.
682
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,060
She saw it. We all saw it.
683
00:35:50,104 --> 00:35:52,106
She may not be saying
anything, but she saw it!
684
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,630
No one saw anything
because that's insane.
685
00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:57,242
It's probably shadows from
your flashlights or something.
686
00:35:57,285 --> 00:35:59,679
Antennae?
687
00:35:59,722 --> 00:36:01,942
You two are tripping
on cheese log.
688
00:36:04,988 --> 00:36:07,556
Take off the hat.
689
00:36:19,394 --> 00:36:23,442
Now, I've been nothing
but nice to you.
690
00:36:23,485 --> 00:36:26,488
Nothing but nice.
691
00:36:26,532 --> 00:36:27,794
So, you need to consider
692
00:36:27,837 --> 00:36:30,405
if it's worth
the irreversible remorse
693
00:36:30,449 --> 00:36:33,060
to further address me...
694
00:36:39,327 --> 00:36:42,461
with such rude intentions.
695
00:36:47,248 --> 00:36:50,773
Especially when I know things...
696
00:36:50,817 --> 00:36:53,776
about you, Captain Pendleton.
697
00:36:53,820 --> 00:36:56,692
All you need to know is I got
you locked up in my jail.
698
00:36:56,736 --> 00:36:58,303
And to be exact,
699
00:36:58,346 --> 00:37:00,696
this jail
is officially considered
700
00:37:00,740 --> 00:37:02,829
Alaska State Trooper Post 151.
701
00:37:02,872 --> 00:37:06,441
What's the primary purpose
of Post 151?
702
00:37:06,485 --> 00:37:08,182
To serve the public good.
703
00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:09,662
By the support and protection
704
00:37:09,705 --> 00:37:11,794
of an acknowledged
temporary vulnerability
705
00:37:11,838 --> 00:37:15,145
outside of the Cheney Air Force
Listening Installation.
706
00:37:15,189 --> 00:37:17,583
It's the point at which the
Air Force facilities' power grid
707
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,281
connects and is shared
with the town of Iglaak's
708
00:37:20,325 --> 00:37:21,891
- older existing grid.
- Okay.
709
00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:25,286
That's enough. - There's a camouflage shed
somewhere nearby
710
00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:27,650
that houses the connection point
between the Air Force base
711
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,290
and the town's power grid.
712
00:37:29,334 --> 00:37:32,162
He's experiencing a mental
breakdown of some kind.
713
00:37:33,425 --> 00:37:35,905
So, if a hostile force
were to invade,
714
00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:37,907
they'd just have to destroy
715
00:37:37,951 --> 00:37:39,518
- that one shed?
- That location
716
00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:41,433
is classified information.
717
00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:45,350
Classified
is actually the most...
718
00:37:45,393 --> 00:37:48,701
lucrative type of information.
719
00:37:48,744 --> 00:37:51,747
Isn't it,
Captain Lane Pendleton?
720
00:37:53,662 --> 00:37:55,316
Oh.
721
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,970
That's right, she doesn't know.
722
00:37:58,363 --> 00:38:00,800
Captain Pendleton
has sold the information
723
00:38:00,843 --> 00:38:03,455
to our neighbors
across the Chukchi Sea.
724
00:38:03,498 --> 00:38:04,586
The Russians.
725
00:38:04,630 --> 00:38:06,042
Nothing you've said
has been the truth.
726
00:38:06,066 --> 00:38:07,197
Oh, you want the truth?
727
00:38:07,241 --> 00:38:09,156
Oh, you can't handle the truth.
728
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:12,918
I'm sure anyone can understand
the captain's motivation
729
00:38:12,942 --> 00:38:14,746
- for such corruption.
- There is no motivation
730
00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:16,337
'cause there has
been no corruption.
731
00:38:16,381 --> 00:38:17,643
20 years
732
00:38:17,686 --> 00:38:19,558
as the big cheese
in Iglaak, Alaska.
733
00:38:19,601 --> 00:38:21,908
It's not a location, nor is
734
00:38:21,951 --> 00:38:24,345
Alaska State Trooper
an occupation,
735
00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:26,913
where anyone can make
any real money
736
00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:29,089
or actually make any real impact
on the world.
737
00:38:29,132 --> 00:38:30,395
You shut your mouth.
738
00:38:30,438 --> 00:38:33,006
Especially someone like you,
Lane Pendleton,
739
00:38:33,049 --> 00:38:34,007
would have made a great impact.
740
00:38:34,050 --> 00:38:35,269
You shut your mouth.
741
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,314
The best impact.
742
00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:42,581
I'm gonna put a hole
in this insect.
743
00:38:42,624 --> 00:38:45,975
But you gave up on that idea.
744
00:38:46,019 --> 00:38:47,542
You gave up on yourself,
you just...
745
00:38:47,586 --> 00:38:48,848
gave up.
746
00:38:48,891 --> 00:38:52,155
I never gave up on anything.
747
00:38:53,722 --> 00:38:55,811
I'm Agent Marius Constant
from the National
748
00:38:55,855 --> 00:38:57,378
Reconnaissance Office.
749
00:38:57,422 --> 00:38:59,902
Captain will save a lot
of money and headache
750
00:38:59,946 --> 00:39:01,643
and maybe lives
if he just confesses
751
00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:04,298
that he told the Russians
about the location of the shed.
752
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,039
He's lying!
753
00:39:06,082 --> 00:39:07,693
At this very minute,
754
00:39:07,736 --> 00:39:09,869
Russian Spetsnaz forces
are on their way to sabotage
755
00:39:09,912 --> 00:39:12,175
what I know is the location
756
00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:13,176
of the shed.
757
00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,004
Thing is,
758
00:39:15,048 --> 00:39:17,050
my people are going
to intercept them.
759
00:39:22,925 --> 00:39:24,623
I'm going there right now,
760
00:39:24,666 --> 00:39:27,277
to warn the Americans
or the Russians.
761
00:39:30,672 --> 00:39:32,718
He stays here.
762
00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:46,775
Mm.
763
00:39:46,819 --> 00:39:48,429
I thought he'd never leave.
764
00:39:48,473 --> 00:39:50,692
Now we can talk.
765
00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:53,347
So, I'm just trying to prove
to everybody here
766
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,915
what you've known
for all these years,
767
00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:58,526
that he doesn't care
about this area,
768
00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:00,963
this land, or your people.
769
00:40:01,007 --> 00:40:02,400
That he's a liar.
770
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,105
See, I told you I knew
what you wanted for Christmas.
771
00:40:13,149 --> 00:40:16,152
So this is my gift to you.
772
00:40:16,196 --> 00:40:20,374
Soon, you're gonna be the one
giving the orders around here.
773
00:40:54,974 --> 00:40:57,933
Don't be afraid of me, Yuka.
774
00:40:57,977 --> 00:40:59,195
I mean, you don't know this...
775
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,023
And how would you know... but...
776
00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:03,243
you and I are a lot alike.
777
00:41:03,286 --> 00:41:04,984
We have a lot
of bosses above us.
778
00:41:05,027 --> 00:41:08,248
There's always a bigger boss
to be in awe of or afraid of.
779
00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:10,337
But you and I,
780
00:41:10,380 --> 00:41:12,426
we're worker ants
781
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,602
who get the job done.
782
00:41:14,646 --> 00:41:16,038
Today I will.
783
00:41:16,082 --> 00:41:17,692
You won't.
784
00:41:17,736 --> 00:41:20,303
But you know what?
I'll keep my promise, though.
785
00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:22,001
I'll put in a good word.
786
00:41:22,044 --> 00:41:23,263
You'll be running this place.
787
00:41:23,306 --> 00:41:24,743
But working for us.
788
00:41:24,786 --> 00:41:26,788
Captain Pendleton, this is Post.
789
00:41:26,832 --> 00:41:28,224
10-19.
Return to base.
790
00:41:28,268 --> 00:41:29,530
10-39. Urgent.
791
00:41:29,574 --> 00:41:30,879
10-39. Urgent.
792
00:41:35,754 --> 00:41:37,407
Pendleton, can you hear me?
793
00:41:38,713 --> 00:41:40,106
Our intelligence indicated
794
00:41:40,149 --> 00:41:41,934
that you would be vulnerable
to attack,
795
00:41:41,977 --> 00:41:44,545
somewhere in this vicinity,
796
00:41:44,589 --> 00:41:46,025
on this day.
797
00:41:46,068 --> 00:41:48,941
So, in order to ensure
the success of the invasion,
798
00:41:48,984 --> 00:41:51,552
Pendleton needed to lead us
to the power source
799
00:41:51,596 --> 00:41:53,902
of the Air Force
early discrimination system
800
00:41:53,946 --> 00:41:55,774
in order to remove it.
801
00:41:55,817 --> 00:41:57,384
And you let Pendleton go.
802
00:41:57,427 --> 00:41:59,691
Is it because maybe you thought
it'd get rid of him
803
00:41:59,734 --> 00:42:01,823
or give you his job or both?
804
00:42:01,867 --> 00:42:03,695
You'll never have to worry
805
00:42:03,738 --> 00:42:05,305
about Captain Pendleton again.
806
00:42:05,348 --> 00:42:08,787
Or, uh, Christmas,
for that matter.
807
00:42:08,830 --> 00:42:11,877
What's with the gun, Yuka?
808
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,923
I mean, why do you want
to kill me?
809
00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:17,143
You knew what I was.
810
00:42:17,186 --> 00:42:19,145
I did nothing but lie to you.
811
00:42:19,188 --> 00:42:20,799
Only,
812
00:42:20,842 --> 00:42:23,976
once I said something
that might benefit you,
813
00:42:24,019 --> 00:42:26,369
you chose to ignore it.
814
00:42:26,413 --> 00:42:28,763
See, that's not a lie.
815
00:42:28,807 --> 00:42:32,027
You willingly accepted the lie.
816
00:42:32,071 --> 00:42:34,464
That's worse.
817
00:42:34,508 --> 00:42:35,508
Now it's too late.
818
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:49,349
No.
819
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,004
It's not too late.
820
00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:56,704
Just arrived at the mesosphere.
821
00:43:00,447 --> 00:43:01,796
Captain Pendleton, respond!
822
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,755
Do not go to the shed!
823
00:43:07,149 --> 00:43:10,196
All units respond.
824
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,895
Does anyone have a 20
on Captain Pendleton?
825
00:43:13,939 --> 00:43:16,550
Captain Pendleton,
this is Post. 10-19.
826
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:20,249
Repeat, 10-19.
Do not go to the shed.
827
00:43:21,294 --> 00:43:22,861
Ah, fuck!
828
00:43:31,391 --> 00:43:33,393
Hey, bro.
829
00:43:33,436 --> 00:43:35,395
You know, if you could, uh,
830
00:43:35,438 --> 00:43:40,052
you know, like, use your magic
and open my cell, too...
831
00:43:55,502 --> 00:43:57,025
Whoa.
832
00:43:57,069 --> 00:43:59,201
That's a cool trick, man.
833
00:43:59,245 --> 00:44:00,986
Thanks.
834
00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:14,390
Arch!
835
00:44:14,434 --> 00:44:16,741
Arch!
836
00:44:16,784 --> 00:44:19,265
Any 20 on Captain Pendleton?
837
00:44:19,308 --> 00:44:21,484
Yeah. A while ago,
I saw him going south on Nixon,
838
00:44:21,528 --> 00:44:22,790
but, just now,
839
00:44:22,834 --> 00:44:24,444
he tore off toward
County Highway.
840
00:44:24,487 --> 00:44:27,055
- No! Get off me!
- Break it up, ladies!
841
00:44:27,099 --> 00:44:30,363
Break it up! - Get the fuck
off me! Get off!
842
00:45:46,221 --> 00:45:48,876
Captain Pendleton!
843
00:45:50,922 --> 00:45:52,662
Captain Pendleton!
844
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,797
Step away from the structure
845
00:45:56,841 --> 00:45:59,626
with your hands
raised above your head.
846
00:46:01,106 --> 00:46:05,153
You brought a Remington shotgun
to a Russian invasion?
847
00:46:07,025 --> 00:46:08,417
Put the gun down, Sergeant.
848
00:46:08,461 --> 00:46:11,290
He lied about that, too.
849
00:46:11,333 --> 00:46:13,118
Lane Pendleton,
850
00:46:13,161 --> 00:46:16,121
you're under arrest.
851
00:46:25,652 --> 00:46:27,436
Oh, really, Yuka?
852
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,134
Out here?
853
00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:35,183
Now?
854
00:46:36,968 --> 00:46:38,926
You're here.
855
00:46:38,970 --> 00:46:42,234
So the Traveler wasn't lying
about what you did.
856
00:46:42,277 --> 00:46:47,065
You came to meet your Russian
contacts to tip them off.
857
00:46:59,164 --> 00:47:02,036
Well, maybe, uh...
858
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,952
it'll be better
with you guys running things.
859
00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:29,890
Oh.
860
00:47:29,934 --> 00:47:32,371
Let me guess.
861
00:47:37,376 --> 00:47:39,639
You're getting my job.
862
00:47:42,555 --> 00:47:45,340
Is that what he told you?
863
00:47:47,516 --> 00:47:51,390
Yeah. Yeah, see...
864
00:47:51,433 --> 00:47:53,914
it's only a lie
865
00:47:53,958 --> 00:47:57,222
if we choose to believe it.
866
00:48:45,966 --> 00:48:50,231
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,
ding-dong, dong-dong ♪
867
00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:54,670
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,
ding-dong, ding ♪
868
00:48:54,714 --> 00:48:56,063
♪ Santa
869
00:48:56,107 --> 00:48:57,760
♪ Won't you hurry Mmm.
870
00:48:57,804 --> 00:48:59,327
That's pretty good.
871
00:48:59,371 --> 00:49:03,070
Definitely worth the wait.
872
00:49:03,114 --> 00:49:07,596
♪ We've been waiting
all year long for ♪
873
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:11,426
♪ You and your reindeer
in the sky ♪
874
00:49:11,470 --> 00:49:14,038
The most dangerous lies
come in the form
875
00:49:14,081 --> 00:49:16,301
of beautifully wrapped gifts.
876
00:49:16,344 --> 00:49:18,912
On this evening,
Sergeant Yuka discovered
877
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:23,003
that there's no difference
between myth and mistruth.
878
00:49:23,047 --> 00:49:27,007
She unwrapped
her fateful present far too late
879
00:49:27,051 --> 00:49:30,315
on this dark and silent night
880
00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:32,752
in The Twilight Zone.
881
00:49:32,795 --> 00:49:34,536
♪ Hurry, Santa!
62832
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