All language subtitles for The.Hater.2022.

Kevin, put that down.

Put that down, Kevin.

Alright, class.

Class!

Please give your attention
to Dorothy.

Kevin!
Put. that. down!

Kevin, put that down.

Hi, everyone!

I'm Dorothy Goodwin

and I'm running
for class president

because I see a better
Alabaster Elementary

in our future.

- Boo!
- Let's start by rewarding

faster tidy times
with longer recesses

and start a bully box,

where you can say
you're being bullied

and the principal has

to read it.

To quote my favorite
Founding Father,

Thomas Jefferson,

"I am opposed to any form
of tyranny

over the mind of men"!

- Who cares?
- Thank you.

- Good job, honey.
- Dad, stop it!

Okay, okay, sorry, sorry.

And now, Brent Hart.

Kevin, no!

Hey, guys.

Um, hi, everybody.

My name is Brent Hart.

Tyr... T...

T...

T.Rexes are gay!

Brent!

I want to be class president

so we can have fries
every day, all day.

I mean, who likes fries,
right, right?

- Fries! Fries!
- Um, I wrote a song about it.

Yeah, Brent!

♪ Vote for Brent Hart

♪ Fat Dorothy loves farts

♪ Vote for French fries in the

♪ Cafeteria

Vote for Brent Hart!

- Fat Dorothy loves farts!
- That's enough.

- Hey!
- Vote for Brent Hart!

- Fat Dorothy loves farts!
- It's okay. Stay here.

That's enough.
Everybody sit down.

- Vote for Brent Hart!
- Do not do that

with your hands, Kevin!

It's okay, honey.

Fat Dorothy, ha ha ha ha ha!

Dorothy is fat!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent!
- Dorothy is fat!

- Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent!
- Dorothy is fat!

- Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent!
- Dorothy is fat!

- Fries, fries!
- Dorothy is fat!

- Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent!
- Fat, fat!

- Brent! Brent! Brent! Brent!
- Fat, fat!

- Fat!
- Fries!

You can't fire me!

I'm not firing you, D.

- Fine, you can't let me go.
- We cannot have

Scott's speechwriter
getting arrested.

You lit a flag on fire.

Which, again,
was unintentional!

But, just so you're aware,

that has not been illegal
since 1989.

It was on private property.

It was a government office.

And it was a workday.

- I was on my lunch break.
- Okay,

and that's why
I'm bailing you out today.

- I do not want to be bailed out.
- So you can go

- and take the weekend off.
- Fiona.

- Go home.
- You have a meeting this weekend

with restaurant union workers.

- I have to write those speeches.
- Okay,

we've seen the video.

-There's a video?
That's excellent news.

Then you know that I was well
within my rights.

Dorothy, no, you look like
a complete psycho in that video.

I'm sorry, what person
that changed the world

ever didn't look like a psycho
while they were doing it?

The definition
of being a psycho is

that you don't fit
with other people's norms.

The norms in this world
right now

are completely fabricated

in order to hold us all down,

so, if I look like a psycho
in that video

while I'm espousing
my own beliefs,

then I am proud of that video.

- What are you... Wait, I'm sorry.
- We can't let you in.

- Fiona said we can't.
- I'm sorry. What are you doing?

-Just...
-What do you mean? I'm sorry,

what did Fiona say?!

Guys, I hired you!

I hired you!

Scott!

Scott!

Scott!

Dorothy, Dorothy,
I told you not to...

Fiona, I don't want to talk
to you right now.

Fiona, I really don't
want to talk to you right now.

What happened to your eye?

- Are you okay?
- No, I'm not okay.

The cops tackled me!

I was wearing
a fucking cow mask!

Senator Powell knew it was you,

- okay?
- Who cares?

You weren't like hidden,
in disguise.

Look, you need to go home
and get some sleep

and we will talk about this
on Monday, please.

The world is melting down.

We are burning down the only
remaining resources

actually standing
between humanity and death

and we're doing it to create
space for fucking hamburgers

in the day and age
of Impossible meat.

And, meanwhile, the starving
people at our borders

are being treated like animals.

I am not going to go home
and hang out

and like chill back
and like rest.

Please recycle this.

I'll still consult with you.

I-I was going to keep you
on payroll.

It's not enough, Scott!

I built this campaign with you!

I will recycle this!

'Cause that's what people
who care do!

They're calling you
La Vaca Loca.

- Who's "they"?
- Shit, everyone?

- Breitbart started it.
- That definitely means

that Scott's not going to give
me the recommendation I need

to get another job
this election cycle.

Just get a regular job
and chill for a minute.

What the fuck are you
talking about,

"get a regular job
and chill for a minute"?

I don't even know
how regular people

are going to their regular jobs.

They all just sit around
kissing each others' asses

in this state
about how fucking great we are

and doing absolutely
nothing about it.

I'm going to Texas.

Texas, bitch?

You can't live
with your grandfather.

You hate him.
Sounds like you're having

- an anxiety attack.
- I'm not.

I've never been more lucid.
I'm going to go to Texas.

Everything that's happening
is happening there.

There's some emergency money
in the toilet.

It'll be fine.

- I love you.
- Love you-u-u.

Bye.

Bye-e-e.

Agh!

Please let me in.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Dorothy.

Frank.

Still with the "Frank" shit.

Jesus Christ.

What happened to your face?

Oh, I...

- hit it on a doorframe.
- No, no, I'm talking

about the nose.

Um, I have a nose ring?

- Oh, shit.
- For a personal taste in style.

See ya.

That was just bullshit.

Come on in.

Come on in.

When I ask you in, go, please.

I will walk into this house
because I'm a co-owner

of the house and I will walk in
because I want to.

So you're walking in
under protest, right?

-I'm walking in...
-Okay.

- Ugh!
- I get it.

I never thought
I'd see you again.

You know that? I didn't know
whether you were even alive.

I feel like that's
a little dramatic.

I was home like last year
for your birthday.

That's a long time.

And you remember
what you did that day?

You did your fucking laundry.

I call every Christmas.

You never leave your number.

Your ID, it says "Unknown."

-I'm just trying to be safe.
It's really important not

to have a digital thumbprint
with this government...

so I block my number.

That's not funny.
That's very scary,

the amount of data
that they're collecting on us.

Well, what else
have you been doing

besides criticizing America?

Um, I'm not criticizing America.

I've been trying to fix America.

I don't know what "health
care voter" means, but...

This is already really fun.

I honestly haven't asked you
for anything in a decade,

so if I could just hang out here
and, you know,

use the half of the house
that I technically own

and have been basically
loaning out to you -Hey.

- For all these years.
- Hey. Don't throw

"technical" at me.
I get it.

I understand it, you know.

You're welcome to stay here,
you know.

- Thanks for the invitation.
- And, uh,

incidentally, while you're here,

if you're not going
to call me Grandpa,

then call me Mr. Goodwin.

Don't call me Frank,

'cause only my friends
call me Frank.

Oh, brother.

Hey, thank you all
for coming out

to "Fox & Friends"
so early in the morning.

We love you.

Back inside,
Steve, Ainsley, and Brian.

Happy book release,
Brian Kilmeade!

♪ How can you see? ♪

♪ Into my eyes? ♪

♪ Like open doors ♪

♪ Leading you down ♪

♪ Into my core ♪

♪ Where I've become so numb ♪

♪ Without a soul ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ My spirit's sleeping ♪

♪ Somewhere cold ♪

♪ Until you find it there ♪

♪ And lead it ♪

♪ Back ♪

- ♪ Home ♪
- ♪ Wake me up ♪

- ♪ Wake me up inside ♪
- Pipe down up there!

- ♪ Wake me up inside ♪
- ♪ Save me ♪

-You fucking pipe down...
-♪ Call my name and save me ♪

- ♪ From the dark ♪
- ♪ Wake me up ♪

- ♪ Bid my blood to run ♪
- ♪ I can't wake up ♪

♪ Befo... ♪

♪ I have a hammer

♪ It's heavy and strong

♪ One of us must be right

♪ And one of us wrong

♪ 'Cause there's a nose
on the one side ♪

- Alright, Texas Democrats...
- ♪ And the other one

♪ Pries
who needs Dorothy's help?

"Think locally, act globally.

Think locally, act globally."

This is why you came home.

- Okay. Sally Jensen? Okay.
- ♪ Yes, I have an ambivalent

Ran three times,
state legislature,

hasn't won.
You need my help for sure.

Hi, may I please speak
with Sally Jensen's

- campaign manager?
- ♪ La da da da da

Yeah, I have years
of experience

as a speechwriter and, um,

very, very, very passionate
about this election cycle.

-♪ I have a shotgun
-I think it's so important.

Oh, you already have
a speechwriter.

♪ It's loaded and poised

Do you have a copywriter,
or...?

♪ But I don't know where
to aim ♪

♪ Through all the noise
The president has begun

a year-long process
of pulling out

of the Paris climate agree...
Earlier today moving

to outlaw climate rela...
It's unbelievable.

The world's burning down
and he's changing...

Beyond the Amazon,
today we'll go to the Congo,

where we'll learn
that less funding goes

into protecting the Congo rain...

♪ Yes, I have

♪ An ambivalent
shootin' machine ♪

♪ As fickle as the hand
that holds it ♪

♪ And screams
I canvassed for him for Senate.

I wept in the tub
the night he lost,

and I don't cry or take baths.

I'd do anything
to flip Texas blue in 2020.

- Democracy depends on it.
- ♪ La da da da da da

- References?
- ♪ I have a bell

♪ I have a bell

♪ And I sound the alarm

- What?
I can't do this.

♪ To put up and put down
and pray ♪

♪ And raise your arms

-Yep, yes, I-I agree.
I think it's really important

that we are all...
Our volunteers

- Mm-hmm. Yep.
- Are our lifeblood.

You know, we don't need you
in the office until the

new year. but we have a virtual
Yep. Yep.

Weekly meeting, so, you'll want

-Mm-hmm
-To make sure you have

strong Internet.

-Wonderful.
I'll see you Tuesday.

- Thank you so much, really.
- As a reminder

Very excited, thank you.

-We can't pay you. You'll get
-Yep. Thank you.

-A look ahead of our weekly
-Thank you very much.

- Meeting this Tuesday.
- First thing, yep.

-So that should be it.
Thank you for volunteering

for Rexford for Senate.

- Thank you, bye.
- You have a good one.

Stuffing fucking envelopes.

I came home to stuff
fucking envelopes.

It's a start.

Why didn't I bring more weed?

Ugh! I'm coming!

I'm coming.

What? I...

I didn't know you were here.

I'm always here.

Does that bother you?

- No, it's fine.
- What are you looking for?

I don't have anything in there.

Dorothy.

Hey!

- Come on in.
- Greta, hi.

Come on down.

Bring it in, bring it in.

Hey, Frank!

-Do I rate a hi from Mae?
This is my daughter Mae.

Do I get a hi from Mae?

Hey, you.

Mm.
Nice to see you.

Do you mind if I heat this up?

Mae, as in May Day.

Come on.

I'm not going to bite ya.

She's on... doing a vow
of silence, Frank, so,

she's not saying
a lot right now.

Right, Mae-bird?

Hey, Mae, honey,
will you turn it down?

When Lois and I first met...

- Mm-hmm.
- it was in the summer

and she and some friends

had started a synchronized

swimming club.

And this is before it was
even an Olympic event.

- Right. I love it.
- Well.

Frank tells me
so many stories about her

and you must've just loved her,
Dorothy, huh?

- My grandmother?
- Mm-hmm.

-I never met her.
She died before I was born.

- Oh, right, yes.
- Wow.

I-I think I knew that.

Tell a joke.

I can't think of a good one
right now.

Want me to tell one?

- Jack and Jill went up the hill.
- Okay.

They each had a dollar

and a quarter.

Jill came down with 2 1/2.

You think they went up
for water?

Frank, you're always...

But that's okay
for me, too, isn't it?

Oh.

Dorothy, you look great,
by the way.

I haven't seen you.
It's been so long.

Oh, my gosh!
It's so good to...

It's so good to see you.
It's been like...

It's 10 years
or something crazy?

Mm.

I think the last time I saw you

was actually at, um, your dad's

- Funeral.
- funeral, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- I like your hair.
- Thanks, Frank.

Anyway...
You know how Greta and I met?

- Church.
- We met at church.

- In church.
- Oh, how nice.

- I'm trying to drag him there.
- And so we talked

and she said, "How about
a Sunday dinner?"

Every other family

went off together on Sunday,
except me.

- I was alone.
- Well, we have fun.

- Yeah.
- I'm alone half the time, too.

It's so nice for Mae
to have Frank.

How's Fisher?

He's good.

- Huh?
- Thanks for asking.

He's good, he's good.

He's good, thank you.

I miss him, though.
I miss him a lot.

Uh, my husband, Fisher, is a...
He is on tour right now, so.

He's...
Fisher's a flag boy, right?

He flies a helicopter
for the Army.

On Sundays,

these son of a bitches,

telemarketers,

and that doesn't
bother me they call.

How did they get my number?

You want me to get it, Frank?

I can also get it.

- This is my house.
- No, I'll get it.

Um...

- You go tell 'em.
- That's part

of the whole government
protection thing

that I was talking to you about

and why you don't want
to give out

all of your information.

The government has

too much information about us.

Are you still into politics?

- Yep.
- Homicide.

I have a... I have a job.

I'm actually starting tomorrow.

- Oh, that's exciting!
- In Austin.

- Oh, congrats!
- Yeah.

- What is it?
- It's working for a...

A political campaign there.

- Whose?
- Pretty...

Pretty high-level, um,

- there, so.
- Good for you.

But, But, also, you know,
on the other hand...

- Such a difference in people's lives.
- I also write

freelance stuff,
so if you know anyone

who's looking for...
-You were always such a good writer.

Well, I work
at the community center.

But they're definitely
not hiring

because they can barely pay me.

But you remember my godmother,
Genie,

from Greta's Guns and Ammo?

- You know... You know Genie?
- Mm-hmm.

She's the president of the
Women's Chamber of Commerce,

which is this amazing group
of women that I work for.

Anyway, it's a real welcoming,
great group,

and a lot of local businesses,

and, you know,
if you want to come,

we have free lunch every Sunday.

Hmm.

What time?

Who here thinks
I color my hair?

Don't answer that.

But the fact that you don't know
is a testament

to my coloring style, okay?

Now, we are having

a cut and color special

all the way through the weekend,

in preparation
for next week's dance

at The Oaks in Schulenburg.

And, y'all,
it's beautiful up there.

It's where I got married.

And my son is playing bass
in a musical trio, um, from...

From young musicians
at the high school

and it's going to be
so much fun.

He promises to get everybody up

and dance on their feet

and have a good time.

Okay, so, thanks, y'all.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Barbara, for this
week's Spotlight on savings.

And thank you, Rosa,
for catering this event.

Ladies, try the tenderloin.

It's got a little kick
in the rub.

Really good.

And this brings us
to our keynote speaker.

As you know, we don't involve
ourselves directly in politics,

but these are special times.

And, last week,
we unanimously voted

to endorse a spirited young man,

a new voice
for the Republican Party,

a homegrown hero
who's come back here

to open a Ford dealership
in this community

with his father,

Senator Hart.

So, if you're still at the
buffet table, come on in!

You can bring your plate
and give your complete attention

to Brent Hart.

Thank you.

- Thank you, Genie.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

One more thing... If you buy
a truck from Hart Ford,

you will get a half-price gun

at Greta's Guns and Ammo...
That's my shop...

And I will keep that price

straight through the
primary, so.

- Don't tell corporate.
- Don't tell corporate.

That's what he said.

Brent Hart, everybody.

- Brent Hart.
- Thank you so much.

Yeah. I am proud to be running

for state representative

for the prettiest little
district in all of Texas.

So hot.

Dorothy! Dorothy!

If you can dream it,

well, then, you can sell it

in Alabaster.

Ain't that right?

Thank you.

♪ Who's got the heart? ♪

♪ Who's got the plan? ♪

♪ Who's got the soul ♪

♪ Of a conservative man? ♪

♪ It's Brent Hart ♪

Drama of these
impeachment hearings

will draw viewers and change
The door is

-minds across the aisle, but...
-a relic, ma'am.

And so's that one.

I mean...

Hold on one second.

- Hi. Hi.
- Baby?

I sublet your room out for you.

Only dude I could find
fast enough

has "Con Air" Steve Buscemi
vibes, but, uh,

he paid in cash and you
don't have any valuables, so.

Are you running?

Do you remember Brent?

Your high school bully?

Disney prince test tube baby
from hell!

He's running
for state legislature.

-Just come home.
You know, they really

shouldn't have fired you.

You can file and unemployment

- should kick in.
- Fuck that! I did not get fired!

I fucking left that job
on principle!

Oh.

So you quit.

I see.

He said he just let you go.

Oh, my God, the woman who is
running against him

has run and lost three times.

She'll never beat him.

Beat who?

-Brent!
A Democrat

has never won.
Never, not a single time.

Everyone is Republican here.
I thought I was a Republican

when I lived here.
It's like the conservative

fucking twilight zone
and something bad is happening

down here, Glenn,
really fucking bad.

I bet he has ICE gear.

I bet he works out in it.

I bet he has
workout photos in it.

-Just come home.
You're delaying the inevitable.

Delay?

Delay.

Tom DeLay.

What?

-Tom DeLay.
Tom DeLay.

Okay, babe, just calm down,

breathe, and I'll call you
tomorrow, okay?

- Tom DeLay.
- Are you okay?

Hello?

-Care most about
-Dorothy!

-And that affect their lives
-We should tell.

- Every day.
- Hey, yeah, yeah.

- I love you.
- And not

a campaign focused solely

- as a referendum on me.
- So...

So today I am announcing

my intention to resign
my seat in the House.

When a candidate withdraws
their name

from the ballot in Texas,

then that means no candidate...

In this case, no Republican...

Would be on the ballot at all.

And, as we know,
Mr. Lampson lost the seat

after redistricting.
So, what issues?

- Shit, shit. Shit!
- It remains - a Republican-leaning district.

- Yes! Holy shit!
- But it has become

eminently more winnable

- for him.
- Okay, so Tom DeLay dropped out

and they couldn't nominate
another Republican.

A Democrat won.

That's really what happened.

So, if a candidate is nominated
in the primary

and then drops their nomination,

that candidate's side
can't nominate a new candidate

and the other side
pretty much automatically wins.

So, if I want to beat Brent,
I just have to

get a Republican to beat him
and then drop out.

♪ Ooh ooh

♪ Oh oh

I beat Brent
in the Republican primary,

I drop out,

Sally wins.

- Holy shit.
- ♪ Oh oh oh

Holy shit.

Okay.

Oh, my God, what?

How do I have nothing...

Okay, I'll never tell
a real lie.

As long as I don't lie,
it's fine.

My platform will be...

Hi, I'm Dorothy Goodwin.
If you have some time

for personal liberties today.

Some people say
illegalize tobacco,

but I say legalize everything.

Who says illegalize tobacco?

I'm a Democrat.

-I am...
-Honestly, I'm registered

- in California, anyway.
- Do you think your mom

would be...
No, she would not.

-♪ La la la la
-♪ Ooh!

♪ La la la la, la la la

♪ La la la la, la la la la

♪ La la la la, la la la
Thank you. Thank you very much.

Yes.

Jesus is...

Jesus.

Are you...

They put that up
a few years ago.

I tried to find you on Facebook,

but you're actually
really hard to find.

Hey, do you have five minutes?

There's something that
I really want to show you.

I really... I just need to

get back out there and...
No. No, no, no, just give me

a second, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Um,

I swear I'm like...
I'm actually losing my mind.

I just had these and I think
Cheryl moved them again

and I'm like,
"Where did you put these?

Stop moving stuff everywhere."

Aah!
What are you looking at?

-Oh, nothing, just...
-Oh, look at you!

Oh, my gosh, you're...
You were so cute.

You were like all
about Alexander Hamilton

before anyone else was.

-Yep.
We were all wrong.

He was actually
a complete hypocrite.

I found them!

Yes! Oh!

So, we had to recatalog
everything recently

and I came across this
and I got such a kick out of it.

It brought all the memories back

and I was like,
"I have to show Dorothy!"

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"
was the last play you did,

right, in school?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so excited
to show you this!

Some of these are so cute!

Look!

Sit.

- Okay.
- Look at this!

Look at you.

- There I am.
- Oh, my gosh.

Oh, we had so much fun.

Aww, I was so jealous

that you were the Wicked Witch.

- Ugh!
- I was. I hated playing Dorothy.

She was so boring.

She just kind of walked around
with this like

stunned look
on her face, you know?

You were really good at it, so.

Are you being sarcastic?

No, I was honestly being
sincere. I mean,

you were the lead every year,
so you were

very good at playing ingenues.

Why did you quit the musicals?

- You were so good.
- Thanks.

Your dad... Oh, my gosh.

Look, he looks so happy.

- Mm-hmm. He looks really happy.
- I noticed that y'all

don't have that many photos
of him in the house,

so I want you to have this.

Um, no, I don't...
I'm good, thank you.

-Come on, it's fine.
I won't get in trouble.

- Don't worry about it.
- Okay, I don't really want it.

There are so many photos of him
in there and you can...

You can cut them out.
Put it in your backpack.

Okay, I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much. I just...
I'm going to be home

for a little while
and it would really help me if,

every single time
we saw each other,

you didn't bring up my dad
because it just

makes it really hard for me to,
you know.

-Yeah.
Well, I'm so sorry.

- No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I just thought you might want

to have that and then...
That was

completely insensitive of me.

It's fine, it's fine,
thank you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's a very nice gesture and...

I'm just hot, you know?

And I've just been walking
around all day and I'm...

- I'm sorry.
- Sometimes I come on

a little strong.

- It's nothing. It's nothing.
- "Dorothy Goodwin

for individual liberties
is running

for state legisla... "

Oh, my God,
are you running against Brent?

Yeah, I am.

Shut up!

I mean, do you remember Brent?

He's...

You want to take a trip down

- yearbook memory lane?
- Of course I remember Brent.

He's this guy...

That was his senior quote,
but, you know,

- I know that he's your guy, so.
- No, he's not.

I 100% agree with you.

You don't have
to just say that.

Keep your voice down.
I don't want anyone

hearing any of this.

Do you know
what they're planning

on doing to this building?

- No.
- Ripping it down,

so that they can put up
a Ford dealership

that his daddy wants him to run.

That's why the franchise
deregulation.

Of course.
Jesus.

That's not even capitalism.
That's oligarchy.

They say that they're going
to build a new one

and it's going to be super
state-of-the-art and modern

and beautiful
and so it's just whatever.

They're not going to build
a new community center.

They have no incentive
to do that. They don't think

about anybody but themselves.
That's how this works.

They just don't care
about anybody else.

And what do you mean, whatever?
There's an election

coming up.
There's actually a chance

to do something about this.

- Yeah.
- How do you know all this?

Because my friend Marcie works

at the county permitting office

and she's a real gossip.

Well.

Thanks for the photos.

I'm sorry for getting heated.

So we'll see you

Sunday for dinner?

Is that like a weekly thing,
or...?

You wouldn't change this place?

I mean, I think it could use
new carpeting

and a fresh coat of paint,
but I definitely wouldn't

turn it into a Ford dealership.

Don't hate me for suggesting
this, but I have an idea.

Do you happen to own anything
that's a little bit more...

feminine?

Feminine, feminine,

feminine, feminine.

Feminine, feminine, feminine.

Feminine.

Smile.

Hi, Kelsey!

Hey, Elsa.
How y'all doing?

Hi, ladies.

I'm so sorry.

Genie just said...
That I don't know anyone

- and it made no sense.
- Okay, to be fair,

it sounds like you asked
for help and she tried.

-Oh, hell no.
I'm sorry, that dumb bitch

has been a dumb bitch
since elementary school.

She fucking set me up.

We were friends in middle school

and she's done this before!

She's probably over there
laughing about it

over fucking sweet tea
right now,

or whatever the hell they drink.

- Adults don't do that.
- Adults fucking

drive drunk and watch MMA.

Don't tell me what adults do.

Well, you FaceTime
while driving.

- You're in the cradle.
- You split from that small town

like over a decade ago
and you're not Republican.

I think it's fair to suggest

that you're
an unlikely candidate.

Okay, I'd just like to say
that I think, at this point,

we've kind of jumped the shark

on the whole
likely candidate thing.

Our president's literally
the laughingstock

of mainstream media.

It's why he's famous.

Mark my words...
A KarJenner may be

in the White House
in the next three terms.

Please, God, Kim, not Kanye.

I'm sorry,
that is actually insane.

The solution to a reality star
is not

another fucking reality star.

That is so insane,
it's actually absurdist,

and absurdism
makes me wants to die.

"Waiting for Godot"
is my least favorite play.

I promised myself that,
if it ever got to this place

in this country, I would move
and go to the Peace Corps.

But honestly, at this point,
Texas seems like

it needs the Peace Corps more
than anyplace else,

so I don't even know what
to fucking do anymore.

What you're talking about is
AmeriCorps.

Someone's behind you,
trying to get in the freezer.

-I don't give a shit.
They can fucking wait.

- Do not touch me!
- Is that a gun?

Dorothy, it's a gun!

- Aaaaaaah!
- Aaaaaaah!

Stop! Run!

Aaaaah!

What the hell type of people

try to rob a pregnant woman?

Do you know
what day it is today?

Happy.

Hap...

I don't remember.

Um, it's a weekday.

- Okay.
- Um, I was just...

I was visiting home, so I just
don't remember generally.

It's not like I don't remember
'cause I'm in shock.

I just... I'm... I just am

between jobs right now
and I was on my way

to get it down today.

Um, is everyone else okay?

Everyone's fine, ma'am.

Do you know who the president
of the United States is?

4, 3, 2, 1.

Hello, I'm Victoria Upson

on location in Alabaster,

in Paula County,
for PJTX at Noon.

In breaking news,
we are at the Kwik and Serv

with Dorothy Goodwin,

who is being hailed
as a hero today!

Witnesses are saying that she
saved 12 people's lives,

including that of pregnant
owner Eloise Fincher herself,

by disarming two masked gunmen
with intent to burgle.

- Dorothy.
- Oh.

Ma'am, ma'am,
you can't be in the truck.

Dorothy, what is the last
thing you remember

before you took the guns?

Um, I...

- Hi, Mae-bird.
- And I was trying to get

- a coconut water and then...
- What y'all watching?

When it went off, it...
I hurt my hand.

People are calling
your actions heroic.

- Oh, my good.
- Do you agree? - I just did

what any good person would do
Lord.

And I... I just did

the best I could
to stop the attack!

Spoken like a mother

who just lifted the car
off her two kids.

True courage
was shown here today.

A true hometown hero.

Um, hi.

Uh, I... Um, yes.

Um, if I have courage,
it's the same courage

I hope to bring to my campaign
for state legislature.

- Oh, my... Hey, Carla...
- Dorothy Goodwin

-I-I-I got to go. Do you mind...
-For state legislature.

We'll be back in a few moments
Thank you.

With the convenience
I love you. I'll be back

- store hero.
- In a couple hours.

I love you, Mae!

You heard it here first.

Vicky!

Hey!

- Are you okay?
- Did you see it?

- Yes! Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

- Is everyone okay?
- Yeah, she just...

- She hurt her hand.
- Oh, my God!

How the hell did you get here
so fast?

I made Jeremy get me
a police radio for the van.

If this doesn't get me
the Sunday morning spot...

Jeremy?

Pick it up.
I love you.

I'm glad you're okay.

Hi!

-Dorothy!
Hey!

No, Geraldine
cannot have gluten.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, what are you doing here?

Oh, girl, I feel so bad
about this morning.

I'm so sorry about that.
I've really been, like,

- feeling sick about it all day.
- It's really fine.

Is that Vicky from high school?

- You guys are friends?
- Yes, she's my godsister.

-Of course, you know everyone.
Is...

Did you hear anything
over there about...

Is she...
She just seems really upset.

Is it anything about my...
What?

No, no, no, she's going through
a messy divorce.

- It's totally fine.
- Okay, sorry.

-Yeah, it's fine.
I have an idea.

I've been thinking
about it all morning.

Oh, my God, by the way,
I saw you on TV!

It was so badass!
It was like the coolest thing.

- Thanks.
- Are you okay?

- Are you sure you're okay?
- I'm really fine.

I'm really, really fine.

Okay, because I've been
thinking I would vote you,

and I really think a lot
of people in this town would,

and I...
Look, I really appreciate that.

Thank you so much
for the support.

It's just... you know,
you really don't owe me anything

just 'cause we were friends
in middle school, and I...

I'm sorry, I know
that sounds snarky.

I'm just in a rush to get back
on camera,

but, really, you just don't,
and that's totally fine.

But just, you know...
But I have an idea.

Unless Genie's
gonna endorse me...

She's endorsing Brent,

I don't know
why that's happening.

-Try to listen, okay?
Because I have an idea.

- Okay.
- You're a gun hero now.

Mm-hmm.

You're an implicit spokeswoman.

What, like I sell guns?

You go to her events,
you pose for photos.

Vicky's over there.

She's calling you
the Convenience Store Hero.

You match that with all
the other things

you're saying, and, girl...

you've got a tagline.

What, like... like... like,

"Being a hero is having courage
even when it isn't convenient?"

I'm literally obsessed with...

Like, I don't know
how you just came up with that.

It's literally the most
basic-bitch tagline

- in the history of politics.
- It's perfect.

People are very simple.

- You really think that's good?
- I think it's really good.

I wouldn't lie.

I really don't want to lose
my job at the community center.

Do you want to beat Brent?

Yeah, I want to beat Brent.

Can you let me try my idea?

Vicky!

Holy shit.

-Hey, I was just thinking.
Um...

I was over there
talking to Dorothy,

and you know how when we were...

We were hanging out last week,
and we were at Chili's,

and you were saying
that you wanted to do, you know,

- more of a journalistic piece?
- Yeah.

-I was just like, "Oh, my gosh.
I have this crazy good idea."

You know, we already
got all this,

and if we're outta here
in the next 30 seconds,

you'll be the only one...
What are you talking about?

- What?
- You'll be the only one.

- Like... Like, an exclusive?
- Yes, like an exclusive.

- An exclusive?
- Yeah.

Good evening.

I'm Victoria Upson
for PJTX Houston 5:00 news.

We're coming to you live from
the Alabaster Community Center

with Dorothy Goodwin.

And on a personal note, you're
seeing the stage behind us,

where her late father,
Teddy Goodwin,

used to teach many of
the children in this community.

Following the saving
of 12 lives today,

you are being called
the Convenience Store Hero.

When you were looking down the
barrel of not one but two guns,

did you feel like a hero?

First of all,
I just want to say

that I don't want to call
any of my actions heroic

because I don't want
to encourage

anyone to repeat my actions.
I was...

If I'm being fully honest,
I just kind of...

My body went numb and... and...

And took over.
Um...

Well, I assume you're talking
of the colorful moves

that you used
to disarm those men.

Yes.

Uh, I was on color guard here
at Alabaster High.

Because you grew up
in Alabaster.

Yes.

Well, it was very lucky
for pregnant

Kwik Serv owner Eloise Fincher

that you were back
in town today.

We spoke with Eloise earlier.

She is a true hero, you know.

Jesus passed through her,
and... she saved me.

So I am gratef...

Ooh, a brutal tackle
from Jackson.

No, it's the cornerstone
of the Republican Party,

is personal liberties.

Brent Hart... He's also called
a hometown hero.

- Yale graduate.
- He is.

Uh, yes, I think that I would
invite anyone who feels

that Brent is a hometown hero
to look at his plans

to outbid
this very community center

when it is up
for renewal this year

and put in a Ford dealership
right here in downtown instead.

We all lose when
corporate America

is allowed to
buy out Main Street.

Dad, you gotta close
the fridge in between times.

-It's my house.
I'll close it when I want to.

Is there anything else
that you would like to say

to Alabaster or to the world?
Because they're listening.

I heard the AR-15
wasn't even loaded.

Come on, turn that off.
Let's go eat.

- You know her... that's Dorothy.
- Yeah.

That's Mr. Goodwin's daughter.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
the theater guy.

Yeah. Well, he taught me
public speaking and diction.

He was a pretty good guy.

She ran against me
every year and lost.

You remember that?

Lost every time.

The franchises
are gonna come here,

no matter if it's us
or someone else.

If it ain't us, it's gonna be
goddamn Chevy GMC.

Yeah.

I'm gonna give you a number
to call for insurance.

Everyone's hiding something.

We got this two-shit
stepping our necks.

Boys, come on and eat.

- The chicken's getting cold.
- Alright, come on.

Turn that off, let's go eat.

And water your mother's plants,
will ya?

I will.

That I would take any amount
of pain and any amount of danger

far exceeding
what happened today

in order to get this community
and this country back

on the path to the America
that I was promised as a youth.

And real heroism
is having courage

even when it isn't convenient.

-Whoo!
Station loved it.

-R-Really?
I didn't seem, like, too angry

and, like, I was just
rambling the entire time?

-No.
I hope you win.

It was so powerful,
I got goose bumps.

-Really?
Are you sure?

Because I felt very stupid
saying it yet again.

100%. No, you have to put
that in your literature.

You really do.

You know, honestly, I think...

I know that I'm...

whatever, but I have had

a lot of experience
on political campaigns.

I don't know if you know this,
but I actually dropped out

of college after my dad died,
and...

- I didn't know that.
- Uh, yeah, and went on

a political campaign
and volunteered

and have just been working in
political campaigns ever since.

I went to...
Yeah, you can tell you know

what you're doing.

And I do think that
with what I know

and who you know,
maybe we would know enough.

What do you mean
with who I know?

You know, like...

like, if I ran and...

And you talked to the Vickys
of the world,

but every day
instead of just today.

Wait. You want me
to be involved?

I don't... I mean, not to...
It wouldn't be a ton of work.

I could do... I could do
all the legwork

for both of us, and...
And I could...

I could organize everything,

and all you would really
have to do is like

show up and smile or...

make a phone call
here and there for me.

I feel like we have
some values in common,

and I think we both
want to beat Brent.

So I'd be like
your campaign manager?

Yeah.

- Why not?
- Okay.

Sure, you're
my campaign manager.

I'll do it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That sounds...

I want... Yes, I want to do it.

I believe in you.

Honestly, I'm excited.

- I can't pay you.
- That's okay.

Let's go out.
I have a babysitter.

She'll stay for the next
hour and a half.

Please, can we, please,
please go out?

I want to celebrate.
We also have things to do.

Do you want to get a drink?

I don't really drink.

- Should we go to Chili's?
- Sure.

I don't usually eat
at chain restaurants

because their shipping practices

are really problematic
for the environment.

"I don't usually eat
at chain restaurants

'cause their shipping
practices are really"...

What did you just say?

-Hello, America.
I'm Mark Levin.

This is "Life, Liberty & Levin."

A big-time special edition.

The Democrats up Schiff's creek.

Now, before we start,
I noticed all the witnesses...

And even the witnesses
who aren't witnesses...

Have to prove to you
that they're noble, courageous,

and beyond reproach.

The New York Times
likes to refer to me as...

It's not cute
to watch me sleep.

You were gonna spill that beer.

I'm sorry I, uh, missed dinner
and Greta missed dinner.

She was helping me
with something.

I saw on TV that you got
into Lois's clothes.

-Oh. Yeah.
Um, I'm sorry.

You weren't supposed
to see that.

I... I have it here.

It's not damaged or anything.

I'll put it back in the cellar.

Let me ask you a question.

Maybe I don't know.
Are you running for office?

Yeah, I am.

I'm running for office.

For what?

I'm running for
state legislature.

Well, it's not a good image
to have yourself in that outfit

that you had on, on the TV.

And the next time,
if you would ask me,

I could show you other stuff
you haven't seen yet.

There's other boxes, where Lois
had really cool stuff.

You were looking
at her mother's stuff.

Um, okay.

- Maybe in the morning?
- Yeah.

I'll show you some other stuff
in the morning.

Thanks.

Where were the Democrats?

Where were the impeachment
hearings then?

No?

Okay, then let's go over it
because I don't want to be...

I don't want to be bad drama
dad, as I'm sure people call me.

Okay.
So, you had social studies.

Do you have anything
from social studies?

You remember what Miss...
Oh, yeah.

Okay.

♪ What do you have
for homework today? ♪

What do you have?

Um, I...

I forgot to write it down.

-Um...
-You know what?

You know what'll
jog your memory?

Play something for me.

- This is cool.
- Oh, my God.

It's a track suit.

- Do you run?
- No.

I mean, I... No.

Well, why would you wear it?

You don't need to run
to use a track suit.

No, no, no, no.

That's out.

That's out.
Just put it back.

Yeah.

Maybe one day, but not now.

I never remember how to get up
from this fucking cellar.

And leave the red dress.

You can have one box to start.

And treat it with care.

- I don't need a straw, I'm good.
- Find out the best birds for

your Thanksgiving table later.

But first, next up,
a special report

on yesterday's
armed robbery in down...

- Hey, how you doing?
- Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- I don't need...

I don't need a straw.
I'm good. Thank you.

-Oh.
Why don't you want a straw?

I just... I just don't need...

-Oh, sweetie, your hand.
She's worried about her hand.

Oh.
Thank you, Ariel.

Oh, my gosh, I get so, like,
jittery, you know,

with Genie
because she can just be, like...

so "blech" sometimes.

- You know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.

I get so antsy, and then,
last night, like, of all nights,

our plumbing breaks.

And then Mae is sitting there
waiting by the phone.

I told you she's been, like,

doing this whole
vow-of-silence thing, right?

- No.
- Yeah.

Ever since Fisher left
last time,

she is protesting the war,
and I'm very proud of her,

but I'm losing my mind,
and I'm...

Mae will come around.

She's just missing her daddy.

- Hi, Genie.
- We got to get right to it

because I got a budget meeting
in 30 minutes.

-Okay. Gotcha.
Um...

Genie...

Um, did you happen
to see the new...

I'm going to take it
to go, Ariana.

Thank you.

Did you happen to see
the news last night?

- I did, yeah.
- Oh, you did?

I thought you made
some good points.

- She did, right?
- Thank you.

I know. I thought it was
very impressive.

And you know who else caught it,
uh, was John

over John's Guns and Ammo.

And so he actually happened
to call this morning,

seeing if Dorothy would appear
with some of his new inventory

at a barbecue next week,
which is wild.

The first thing I thought is,
I was like,

"I don't think Genie
would like John

claiming the Alabaster gun hero
as his spokesperson."

So, that's what I had to say
to you today about that.

I remember your father.

He was a good man.

- He was very gentle.
- Mm-hmm.

Are you even into guns?

Um, I mean, I'm... Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I-I mean, I'm a...
I'm a gun hero.

And, um, that's only because
I have a deep familiarity

with guns, obviously,

you know, having grown up doing
color guard and being a Texan.

And I just think that, um, uh...

Look, I mean, honestly...
Honestly,

I think there's
a huge referendum coming up

in this country
on guns and gun rights,

and I think
it's really important

- to have a real Texan...
- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.
- who's from Alabaster

who has such strong feelings

about guns
as part of that conversation.

I've already talked
and called everybody

about Walmart moving in.

Oh, you have?

Yeah, and, you know,
if that happened,

Hart would have to,
you know, buy me out.

Everybody needs
that community center.

I know.

You'd have to be willing to be
completely exclusive

with Greta's Guns,
with my label.

You couldn't buy
from any other store.

Thank you.

And we'd have to do
publicity together.

Yes, I was thinking
you and Dorothy

could do a story
for the paper together

'cause I know Jan
at The Register.

Oh, my God.

- Y'all, do it at the store.
- Excuse me.

Would you just mind excusing
just one second.

-Your sweet hand.
You better go check on it

'cause you're a true
American hero.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Um, she seems
awfully skittish to me.

I know, I know.

I know she's a little different,
Genie, but she's smart,

and she's going
to help our town.

-It's fine.
It's, like, not a lie.

Sometimes people just stand
in front of gun stores.

You're just like walking in.

You're just walking in.

There's a gun store behind you
in some places.

Even in California,
there are gun stores.

Thank you.

- Are you okay?
- It's okay.

Well, we are going
to endorse you,

but we want you
to do something for us.

Absolutely.

Um, I'm working on smiling
more, um...

-No, no, no, no.
All that innate intensity

works great in politics.

I'm talking about your style.

- Oh.
- Okay?

Greta, you can
help her with that.

100%.

And I don't care
about the cost.

I'll take care of all that.
It's great.

It's just that you need
to freshen, okay?

- Okay.
- Absolutely.

Well, I'm going to go out

and collect
those signatures y'all need...

-Mm-hmm.
Oh, good.

if you're going to run.

- You're a busy woman.
- And I have to... Oh.

Well, that's...
Get over here.

- Thank you so much.
- Oh.

I'd love to bring you
some muffins.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

I just made blueberry ones.

- I love you, Genie.
- Thank you.

Okay.

I know Mae wants
to see you, so...

Did we get reached out
to by another gun store?

Well, technically,
I called them,

but the rest was true.

-Oh, my gosh.
I'm so excited.

- Yes.
- I have a stylist.

Ooh, how much would you charge
for a campaign stop?

I bet we could get Genie
to pay for it

and we wouldn't have
to use your real name.

D, please.

Let's get through
the makeover first.

I know you wanted me to come
in butch realness,

but I just promised myself
if I ever came back to Texas,

it wouldn't be
as anything but myself.

-I just want you to be safe.
I'm sorry.

It was inappropriate of me
to ask you to dress

differently than
you usually would.

It was. I just...
I don't want to stifle you.

I just want to make sure
you're safe,

and I don't trust
anyone here to not be...

-Attracted to my beauty?
I understand.

Thank you.

- Oh, my God, your hand.
- Yeah, I know.

It looks like shit.

Was it scary?

Yeah, it was really scary.

Are you sure
you want to do this?

I mean, this is
legitimately insane, D.

I mean, what are you even doing?

I'm running as a Republican
to beat another Republican.

You don't have
to exclaim everything.

I haven't been
exclaiming everything.

You've been in the car
for five minutes.

It's the first thing
I've exclaimed.

I'm running as a Republican
to beat another Republican.

There's a loophole in the state.

If you win the primary
and drop out before the midterm,

your side can't nominate
a new candidate.

That's what I'm doing.

But what makes you think
that you can win?

I don't know. I mean,
people run and win on less.

I'm a local hero.
And if I win,

we'll have a Democrat
for the first time ever.

-Okay.
So, what if you don't win?

What if you're out and...
Then fuck it.

Like, I'm not gonna
technically get in any trouble,

and maybe it'll at least
make people think twice about

who they're fucking voting for.

- Is this illegal?
- Aah!

I don't know!
I mean, no, it's not illegal!

Why is that your first question
about everything?!

The world is illegal!

Yes, it's legal.

- Technically.
- Mm.

Girl, what is not okay
is this hair.

- Ugh.
- Honestly.

I mean, I've checked out
the competition,

and we're going to need
some strong looks to beat

this Disney prince motherfucker.

- My hair is fine.
- Mnh.

And Brent
is literally human feces.

Oh, that is not a great image.

- You'll help me, then?
- Yeah.

I mean, I've always wanted
to make you over.

I never thought it would be
as a Republican.

- Wow.
- Yep.

A pantsuit and a boot
and a sash and, like, a...

A bowl cut?

Ugh.
Wow.

Conservative Spirit Award.

You really were...

- a freak, huh?
- This is Greta.

- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, as well.

-Sorry. I'm a hugger.
Oh, my gosh.

- Okay.
- Oh.

I really don't wear pink.

- Oh, no, this is more salmon.
- Yeah, that's salmon.

And then this is just a blush, but...
-Right.

I think this is kind of fun.

I think that this would really
show your fun side.

Where'd you get this from?

- I love it.
- Um...

This would look great on you.

This is for a woman.

Have you ever sewed
for a living?

Yes, I do.

- Really?
- Yes.

- I sing, and I sew.
- You're like a seamstress?

I'm a singing seamstress.

- And this one...
- Here. Try it from the box now.

There you go.

Oh, look at that, Dorothy.

Look.
That'd be cute on you.

a big Republican...

-Take anything...
-Is it really okay?

Everything.

Anything in there you want,
take it.

What do you know
about where this stands?

And if he appoints her

and not you, how are you
going to feel about that?

- What did you do to him?
- Is it cheesy?

- Absolutely.
- Absolutely fucking not.

I am going to vote for you.

I mean, everybody says
it's, like,

the greatest day of your life,
and leading up to it,

I was like, "I mean, come on,
it's not going to be... "

And then after, it really was.

Reminds me of, um,
"Steel Magnolias."

Shelby, drink your juice.

- Drink your juice, Shelby.
- Drink your juice.

- Drink your juice.
- I know that, you know,

you're working with Genie
and Greta's Guns and everything.

I just, um...

I really hope you'll get
some sort of regulations.

I mean, I have two boys
in school, and, uh,

it's really scary, so...

But I don't tell many people
that, so...

Anyway, you're gonna look
so cute.

We're just going to just get you
right under the hood.

Here we go.
Watch your face.

No, I think regulations
are really important.

-Yeah. Okay.
There you go.

-Beautiful.
Okay.

- Hold on one second.
- Okay.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, so good.

Make sure you keep it real
with those conservatives

while you lie to them.

How do I keep it real
with Republicans?

Keep it real with Republicans.

I wonder if a gun hero can
convince them of climate change.

Hmm.

♪ She'll take the hard road
if it's right ♪

♪ She'll work all day
and through the night ♪

♪ To keep your freedoms safe,
she'll fight ♪

♪ She's the hero
from Paula County ♪

I am Dorothy Goodwin,

and I just want to say thank you
so much for being here today.

My name is Brent Hart.

Some of y'all know me
as the quarterback

who took us to state... twice.

We're facing so much division
right now,

but one thing I think we can

all come together
about is the environment.

The quiet little kid who was
always laughing behind his dad

when he was giving
those big, fancy speeches.

Science tells us that
the world is going to burn down.

What?

I want you to know I'm
with you 100% on global warming.

I really am.

I just feel like...
I got to be honest.

It's just... I don't think
it's a good idea, you know,

to bring it up
during the campaign.

I'm sorry.
Is that okay?

-Hi, everyone.
I'm Dorothy Goodwin.

Brent Hart.

Thank you so much
for allowing me

to be part
of your Sunday gathering.

- I took us to state.
- Twice!

-Twice.
Thanks, Phil.

When we allow giant
corporations to have control,

we allow them to threaten
our very ecosystem,

our very own Garden of Eden.

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She'll care for our
Garden of Eden ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

of the prettiest
little district...

the most saintly
little district...

the most delicious
little district...

in all of Texas.

God is in my heart,

and that's
why I want all of y'all

to follow your hearts
to the ballot box on March 3rd.

When they threaten our air,
when they threaten our land,

they threaten our ranch life,
our Texas way of life.

You know what God and science
have in common?

Hey, man.

- Whoo!
- Thank you, Judy.

Both of them want us
to keep God's green Earth green.

- Protect the Garden of Eden.
- Amen.

It's having courage
even when it isn't convenient.

Garden of Eden.

Bring it on.

I can send you
more information on that.

I know it's getting...

I know it's getting colder
in some areas,

but that's actually
also global warming.

- Dorothy shot a wild turkey.
- No.

- Yep.
- This one's for you.

-Oh, I'm good.
I don't...

-Oh, come on, Dorothy.
Have a little bit.

-She doesn't drink.
Dorothy, you don't have to.

- Shot a turkey.
- I shot a turkey.

- She shot a turkey.
- Whoo!

You shot a turkey!

Alright, now, when are we
setting up shop?

Because I was
promised margaritas.

We all need an Earth to live
in, it shouldn't be

a political issue; we all need
an Earth to live in.

Any civilization worth
its weight

can stand the test of time.

God takes care of that.
He has a plan.

- God does have a plan.
- You know, totally, and I know

God will... God is there, um,
but I also think that...

God is never too busy, honey.

He's a multitasker.

I think one thing we could do
is support our president

and hope
that he can gain some wisdom

because I think he can fix this

if there weren't so much
hatred coming at him.

Let him do his job.

Well, I don't know how I feel
about him, truthfully.

The border is militant now.

And it's scary.

You know, that's why
it's important

that we control our borders.

I just want to have fun.

La Vaca Loca.

And it sounds just like you,
Dorothy.

Trees, not greed!

Happy New Year, love!

I got a gig at music festival
in Austin next Saturday.

So major.
Can get you comp tix.

Bring Greta?
My new song is kinda country,

L-O-L-O-L, oh, no!

-Happy New Year, baby.
Yay, so exciting!

Day drunk, blech,
will call later, heart.

Are you okay?

I'm great.

Ugh.

Greta, I...
I really think that you're sick

possibly from the wild game
we just ate or whatever.

I just think we need
to take you to, like, an ER,

or like a...
I'm pregnant.

That's great!

- That's great, right?
- It's not great.

Okay.

My husband's
in the goddamn Army.

And I swore up and down
I was never going to marry

a fucking Army man!
God bless!

I never wanted to have
a shit ton of kids.

And I have so much going on,
I can barely take care of Mae.

You take amazing care of Mae,
she's one of the most

self-possessed children
I've ever seen.

She's doing a vow of silence.

God, I can't even say it.

Ugh.
But Fisher agrees that...

I don't want to have this baby.

I don't want to be pregnant
right now.

I don't know if this matters
right now,

but I'm pro-choice, so...

I didn't know that.

I mean, we're running a
campaign on personal liberties,

and that's your right
to police your own body, so...

And the insane thing
is the only thing

I'm thinking about right now
is how upset Genie would be,

which is crazy since
I'm the one who's pregnant.

I think you're going to be
really dehydrated soon.

- Sorry.
- You know, I'm still

a little bit drunk from
those margaritas,

but I think
I should drive us home.

- You drive.
- I can drive.

Yeah, let's just get you
out of the puke.

Here.

Not that I'm trying to change
the subject, but Glenn texted,

and I know something
that might cheer us up.

♪ Lay down

♪ Lay down

♪ Lay down while
I take your breath ♪

♪ I said stay down

♪ Everybody, stay down

♪ Stay down,
don't you lift your head ♪

♪ Hands in the air

♪ Get your hand up

This is the coolest thing
I've ever seen.

-I'm so glad you like him.
I love him.

♪ I said please don't cry

♪ Please don't cry

♪ Please don't call
the police ♪

♪ My ride is waiting outside

♪ I said please don't close
your eyes ♪

♪ Nothing comes for free

♪ Gonna make you pay the price

I think I may
have a new boyfriend.

He wants to move in.
I mean, me with him.

- He's hot.
- Yes!

Sis!

Oh.
She's...

She does not care
if I have a boyfriend.

Oh, no, no, it's not that.

It's just a weird day.

- What's... What's happened?
- Nothing.

- Nothing. Everything's good.
- Okay, what's the latest?

Tell me everything.
How's the campaign?

What's the 411?
What's the tea?

Um, it's really good.

- That's amazing. Right?
- Yeah.

No, yeah.
Yeah, it's really amazing.

- Great.
- Yeah. It's just... Yeah.

Yeah, no, it is amazing.

-Wow.
Yas.

- Good job.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- So, I just talked to Fisher.

- Are you okay? Is he okay?
- Yeah, yeah. No, it was good.

It was good. Sorry.
You were so amazing.

Thank you.

♪ Please don't call the police

- If you'll just move...
- So, Tuesday is Veteran's Day,

and they're just having
a little thing down

at the community center,
it's just like a luncheon and...

Let me see
the screen now, okay?

We need to know.

Alright, so,
you'll come with me?

-Yes, I will.
I just said I would.

Great. You're going to need to
wear a button-down shirt.

Thank you.
Ugh.

I can't believe you watch
that racist gnome.

- Huh?
- Nothing.

-Thank you.
That's very nice.

Thank you so much
for your service.

Do you want another Danish?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Do you play? I forget.
- Um...

I don't remember the rules,
but I can try.

-What makes this Danish?
I never understood that.

- Oh.
- Care if I play?

Uh, not at all.

I was just saying I don't
remember the rules anymore.

Is that an ex-wife?

You got a fucking
sense of humor.

- I like that.
- It's your move.

-She's running for office.
She's my granddaughter.

-I saw that. I saw that.
The convenience store hero.

- I read about that.
- She's a difference maker.

- Yeah.
- Where were you on tour, sir?

Oh, IHOP.

How cool is that?

I thought we, uh,
deserved a treat after today.

- You want syrup?
- Just the syrup.

You can have the spuds.

Did you, uh...

know any of the guys there
before today?

I'd never seen
any of them before.

Yeah, no, I knew a few.

I always thought the cane
was just because you were old.

Which sounds incredibly rude,
but I just... I don't know.

You just always seemed...

I guess I was a kid, but...
It's not 'cause I was old.

I got shot.

A bullet went straight
through my leg.

They sent me home, thank God,
and saved my life probably.

War is a terrible fucking thing.

There's really no reason
to discuss this.

You know what I hope?

I hope you had a good day
with your campaign.

I hope you made some progress.

It really wasn't about that.

I mean, Greta did think it was
a good idea

for us to, you know,

put some more visibility
at the community center, but...

Can you tell me something?

-Mm-hmm.
Maybe.

- Honest?
- Mm-hmm.

- No bullshit?
- Mm-hmm.

Why are you really running?

Um...

I just feel like this town
and this state

and our country could...

use better leadership.

-Really?
No bullshit?

I hate the other guy.

Is that...
Is that the little turd

that used to pick on you
all the time?

- Yep.
- Oh, he's an asshole.

Yeah, he is.

Oh, my God.

- What we're doing right now...
- Mm-hmm.

reminds me of your dad.

Tell me more
about Grandma Lois.

I don't really know
a lot about her.

I'm wearing her dress
and her jewelry,

and I don't really know...

I don't know.

I don't know much about her.

She was a rebel.

Also the most colorful woman
I ever knew.

You know what she and your dad
used to do?

I'd watch them
through the window

when I came home from work,

and they'd take the table
and shove it there.

And the music was so loud,
the neighbors would come

because they were like
complaining

'cause the music was so loud
in the neighborhood.

And they'd start dancing, and
then your grandma would start...

"Come on down.
Come on in and dance."

She'd leave the door open.

People would come in
and dance all around.

Um...

She loved people.

People scare the shit
out of me.

Join the club, ma'am.

Me too.

♪ We fight, we fight

♪ As we go marching

♪ In the beauty of the day
Oh, my God.

♪ A million darkened kitchens

my nomination
in the upcoming primary.

Thank you so much.

♪ Are touched with
all the radiance ♪

We've been talking
a bunch today about heroism.

You must fight if you have to,
to stand up for your beliefs.

And my granddaughter, Dorothy,
is a fighter.

She's a maverick.

She's got an integrity
I haven't seen since uh...

-♪ We battle too for men
- my son.

And she's exactly what Alabaster
and Paula County needs.

♪ And we mother them again

♪ Our lives shall
not be sweated ♪

♪ From birth
until life closes ♪

♪ Hearts starve as well
as bodies ♪

♪ Give us roses

♪ As we go marching

here in Alabaster, Texas,
my...

My hometown,
where I've been so lucky

to be called a hometown hero.

We need to start talking about

a Sunday morning club for you.

♪ Small art and love
and beauty ♪

♪ Women's drudging
spirits know ♪

♪ Yes, it is bread
we fight for ♪

♪ But we fight for roses, too

♪ We fight

♪ Our lives
shall not be sweated ♪

♪ From birth
until life closes ♪

♪ Hearts starve as well
as bodies ♪

♪ Bread and roses

♪ We fight

I made you a lucky rabbit's
foot from the rabbit you shot.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

- Isn't that great?
- Uh, yeah.

- I actually shot the wild turkey.
- Oh.

- So...
- I was pretty toasty that day,

but, mira,
it'll bring you good luck.

We're behind you.

We believe in you, mija.

Thank you.

Why isn't anyone
answering their phones?

Jesus!

Sorry.

I'm Reggie Phillips, and this
is a breaking news report.

Texas state legislature hopeful
Dorothy Goodwin,

Republican of Alabaster,
recently famous

as the convenience store hero,
is in the headlines again today.

She and her campaign manager,
Greta Hoffman,

also of Alabaster,
were seen visiting

this Planned Parenthood
in downtown Austin.

Ms. Goodwin,
a relative newcomer...

Excuse me.

Goodwin's campaign
lists nothing

on their website
about the right to life,

and Ms. Goodwin...

We're about to go live
at the Alabaster

Women's Chamber of Commerce,

where legislative candidate
Dorothy Goodwin

- and her campaign manger...
- Mouth guard.

Greta Hoffman are due to
comment on allegations that...

Reporting on claims
that remain unsubstantiated

outside of hearsay
is the definition of fake news.

Um, I believe strongly
that these...

These photos came out
of the Hart campaign.

I will be addressing
this privately with Brent

later this evening,
as we wish to get

strongly back
on the path towards victory

in the primaries,
which are coming up very soon.

Ms. Goodwin,
so, just to be clear,

you were not
at the Planned Parenthood?

Again, I believe that it is
deeply beneath

the sensibilities
of this campaign

to even respond
to such accusations.

Next question.

But are you pro-life?

Um, I don't know how many ways

I can say that I am very pro
the lives of this community.

That has always been true,
and it will continue to be true

through my run and through...
Are you prolife?

I am very pro the lives

of this community...
It was me.

-Greta, I don't think...
-It's fine.

No, no, no.
I'm going to do this.

Let me do this.

- Go. Go. Go.
- Okay.

Um...

Okay.

Whew.

I'm Greta Hoffman.

I'm a mom.

I'm a wife.

Um, I love my husband.

I love my daughter.

My husband, Fisher,
is away on active duty.

Um...

And not that it's any of
y'all's business,

but we decided to do
what we feel is best

for our family
in this moment in time.

And I'm sorry,
I can't allow my friend Dorothy

to stand here and answer for me
or for anyone to think

I'm ashamed that I went
to Planned Parenthood

because I went there
for support,

and that's what they gave me,

so that I, as a woman,
could make my own decision.

That decision's going to remain
private, as is my right.

But what I am happy
to share with y'all today

is that I proudly am pro-choice.

Now, I'm a true Christian
and a proud Republican.

And I love my country.

I really do.

But one of the founding
principles

of the Republican Party, y'all,

is individual rights.

And you what to know
what that is?

That's the government
keeping their hands

off our bodies in all the ways.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm sorry, but I feel like
this falls under that.

Okay.
Thank you.

Dorothy?

We will be taking a brief...

- Oh.
- Excuse me.

Uh, yeah, we will be taking
a brief recess,

and, uh, if you excuse us
just for a moment.

Please state publicly your...

What is your position
on abortion, Ms. Goodwin?

Please state for the record...

What is your position
on abortion, ma'am?

I applaud Greta's bravery
today, sharing her story.

Please clear the lawn.

America!

This is a private club.
You know that?

I understand that.

You want to sit at the end
of the bar?

It's a bit more private.

This stays in this room.

But I drove my college
girlfriend to get an abortion.

Is that that entire story?

So, you drove a woman
to get an abortion in college?

- No. Yeah.
- Do you want an award for that?

-She's kidding.
She's kidding.

You know what?
Yeah, I would.

I drove her there and I stayed
through the whole procedure

and then, at the end of it,
she broke up with me, so...

Well, that's the first time
I've actually, uh,

respected any woman
that's ever decided to date you.

Well, then I don't know
what to tell you.

You can believe me, you can not:
I didn't leak it.

-I don't believe you.
Who else would do this?

-Never mind.
Hey, look on the bright side.

At least now we're going to get
a really great community center.

And, oh, we're going to put in
pickleball courts.

Have you ever played pickleball?
That game is a fucking blast.

Cheers to the sweet
community center

that we will one day build.

You're never going to build it;
you're going to build

the dealership, and you're never
going to build it.

Yeah.

I need more wine.

So, would you like
to join me in that?

My treat.

Obviously.

Do you even want to be
a politician?

I mean, do you?

I've wanted to change
the world my entire life.

Dorothy, I...

I'm the son of a senator,

and I have literally
never seen politics do that.

I can't believe the guy
that started "Fat Dorothy"

is going to beat me again.

I'm sorry.

You know it's... you know it's
all karma, though, right?

Because you called me stupid.

- I never called you stupid.
- Oh, yeah, you did.

We were in class one day,
and I made fun of the way

your dad said something
or something like that,

but I remember very clearly
you stood up,

and your face...
It was beat red.

And you pointed
your little finger at me,

and you said,
"Brent Hart, you are stupid."

Well, even if that's true,
you're not stupid,

and you've always know that,
and you knew that then,

so it's a stupid reason to start
bullying me

- for the rest of time.
- Well, you're not fat,

- and you always knew that, so...
- I did not know that,

as no women
in America know that.

-No. You're beautiful.
You were not fat.

-Ugh. Don't call me beautiful.
You don't get to tell me that.

Well, I am very sorry
that was an asshole to you.

Truly.

If you were sorry,
you wouldn't do it anymore.

What do you mean?

You know, you actually
have power here.

It's like you could actually
do things differently.

Politicians should want to lead.

You don't seem like you
want to lead.

That makes you an asshole.

You could be doing
something else.

What... I-I mean, what else
am I going to do?

My family is here.

This is what my family does,
and I love Texas.

I really do.

So I want to give to it.

You want to give it to Texas?

I can't believe
I'm about to say this.

I actually think you might do
an okay job,

if you just try
really, really hard.

But I hope you do try really,
really hard...

'cause I really care.

So, cheers to you doing
the right thing.

Good luck.

♪ He's Brent Hart

♪ He's an American ma...

- Hey!
- Hey!

-What are you doing here?
I thought you'd be home.

I'm so happy you're here.

You want to hang out with me?

Can you believe that moment?

We completely lost today, huh?

Eh. You don't think
there's any way

- we could come back from that?
- No. I don't think so.

You would have made
such an amazing congresswoman.

I'm sorry.

- Don't be.
- You're such a good friend.

- I'm so grateful.
- I'm not.

I'm not that good a friend.

You're an amazing friend.

-Good Lord.
I want to hear about Brent.

- Tell me all the Brent things.
- I don't know.

The whole conversation
was weird.

He just seemed so sad.

And he doesn't want to be
a politician at all...

- Really?
- which is so weird.

It felt like one of those
stress nightmares

you have where everything
happens in the same nightmare.

That's what today
has kind of been, actually.

- Oh, wow, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

I was thinking, I never
actually apologized to you.

For what?

Brent was not
the only person that...

was not kind to you.

I mean, come on.

I was silently a part of that,

and kids were awful.

- Kids are assholes.
- I'm so sorry.

I was an asshole, too.

Remember that conversation
we had when we first...

hung out or whatever
in the records room

when I first got back to town?

Yeah.

Um...

you asked me, you know, why
I stopped doing the musicals.

I didn't stop 'cause I didn't
like doing them.

I mean, after I started
getting bullied,

I just sort of quit everything

and started going
on the Internet,

learning about the rainforest,
and that just spun me out

into all of the other evils
of our world.

And...

I guess I just got to a point
where I felt like anything

but trying to fix everything
was just a big waste of time.

I feel like I owe you
an apology, too,

'cause I feel like as much
as you weren't awesome to me...

I was very jealous of you,

'cause you just seemed like you
were good at being happy

and like you had this...

Like you had this relationship
with my dad

that came out of that,

that I could never really have.

But I really wish I had spent
that time with him.

He would have been
so proud of you.

I mean, oh, my God,
what you've done.

Dorothy, he loved you
more than anything.

-Dorothy!
Get on down here!

And it has been
an interesting 24 hours,

but after a very long
and very...

productive conversation
with my family,

I have decided to hereby
withdraw my candidacy.

I did have a conversation last
night with Dorothy Goodwin,

and as a longtime
childhood friend,

I feel confident
in leaving Paula County

in her caring
and deeply well-informed hands.

- Hands can't be well-informed.
- Oh, for Christ's sake.

You won essentially.
How about that?

- I can see that she is...
- We got anything?

You know where the... the hard
stuff is in the cabinet?

Go see if we have a real drink.

I feel confident,
but I will continue to support

our great state by investing
in our burgeoning wine country,

which is rivaling Napa now.

I didn't know if you knew that.

-This is good.
This is...

Hey, babe, could you grab
the box labeled "kitchen" next?

- No problem, baby.
- Thanks, babe.

- Baby.
- Baby.

-Dorothy, did you see the news?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- What are you doing right now?
- Yeah. No. I'm sorry.

- Are you running?
- No, I was just going upstairs.

I just...
We won! I mean,

or we're definitely
going to win now.

Yeah, it's... it's so great,
such great news.

-Oh, and I have a favor to ask.
Would you mind coming with me

to my next ultrasound
to record the screen?

'Cause it really helps Fisher
feel like he was there.

- Yeah.
- It's the capital of

Hubei Province, and that
province is all but sealed off

from the rest of the country.

Harsher lockdown measures
are in place,

requiring billions of people
to stay at home...

Dorothy.

and daily necessities
delivered to them.

- And in terms of the...
- You basically won.

almost half of China's
population.

What are you doing in there?

Frank, I just want to be alone.

I can't hear
what you're saying.

In terms of the scale here...

I made you a sandwich.

Can I sit down?

Please.

Geez, I...

I don't really know what's going
on or what... what you're up to.

Seems to me you
should be celebrating.

I'm just...

- Tired.
- Sit with me.

I worry about you so much,
you know?

I don't know what's going on
with you,

but I think you have
the greatest potential

of any human being
I have ever seen in my life.

And I'd be letting you down
if I didn't encourage you

to take this spirit
and this heart and this mind

and share it with the people.

Have the courage to go out
and do that.

Bear your heart
in front of them,

and you'll win them over.

This whole country
is waiting for the yous.

I failed a lot at telling people
I loved them.

But I want you to know...

I love you, ma'am.

And make no mistake
about who's telling you that.

I love you.

Listen, you've got a real
downtown asshole

as a grandfather.

But I did the best I could,
you know?

Now you got a job.

You won an election.

You know, you got
to go out there.

That's a win tonight.

That asshole was no competition,
but, you know,

you forced him to quit
because he knew he sucked.

Now, I'm going downstairs.

Today would have been
Grandma Lois' 60th birthday,

so I thought we could
learn her favorite song.

- Will you do that with me?
- Yeah. Okay.

- I think you'll like it.
- Okay. I'll try.

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
won't you come on home? ♪

Yeah. Okay.

♪ The season's turning

♪ You've been too long alone

Good. So...

♪ The season's turning
♪ The season's turning

♪ You've been too long alone

Yeah!

protecting coffee's
genetic diversity

has emerged as essential

to its surviving rising
global temperatures.

What we're dealing with here
is a president

who doesn't even mention
climate change

in his State of the Union
address

but then says he's going to be
planting a trillion trees,

with zero proof to that matter,

even as his administration
is opening up protected areas

for the first time in...
In some cases, decades

to drilling and logging...

-We can do it mambo style.
Have you ever sang

anything mambo style?
I know I haven't.

I don't want to sing
anything mambo style.

I don't want to sing
anything at all. I don't...

The song does not actually
distract me from the fact

that there's still no envelope
in our mailbox,

and Ray got his results
last week.

Honey, it doesn't mean that
you're not going to get one.

Come on. Let's...
Let's sing the song.

Whatever happens, okay?

-I don't want to sing a song!
No song!

Sing the fucking song.

Sing the fucking song.

Hey, honey bunches.

Aw, honey.

I know the world is...

Well, but you can...
You can change all that.

- I can't. I can't.
- You know?

You can change all that, and I,
for one, believe that you will.

So...

over and out or...

L-O-L or whatever the kids...

are saying these days.

But one more thing.

Try to understand that
college is important, but...

so is love.

So is love. So is honesty.

So is...

So is truth.

And so is life.

And so is singing.

And that's why
I'm going to play it anyway.

You're gonna hate me 'cause
you'll hear this from upstairs.

One, two, three, and...

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
won't you come on home ♪

♪ The season's turning

-Good morning.
I'm Victoria Upson,

reporting for PJTX at the saved
community center in Alabaster.

Dorothy Goodwin, yesterday's
primary vote winner...

I can't believe
that it's so packed,

we had to park by the dumpsters,

and they're covering it
on the news!

This is crazy.
Let me do a tooth check.

Let me see. You look amazing.

Let me go to the side.
Wait. Hold on. Hold on.

I want to fix that.
You look great.

Mae-bird, will you pass me
my pur... Okay.

Thank you. How do I look?

Do I look okay?
I know it's not about me.

- You look beautiful.
- I do?

- Yeah.
- I feel like my base

is a little heavy,
but, you know, who cares?

Ohh! I'm so excited for you!
It's your big day!

- You worked so hard! Ahh!
- We worked so hard.

-You worked so hard.
Hey, Mae-bird,

you're gonna work hard
when you grow up, right?

Help me carry
these posters, okay,

'cause your brother
is kicking on my bladder.

Hi, Caroline.

Yeah, I'll be out of here in 20.
Oh, God, no.

I'm just here to see if I can
pick some moderate donors.

Yes, I heard that garden of Eden
speech.

Bye.

Sally! Hi!

Hi, Dorothy.

Uh, fresh-washed.

Doesn't make it clean.

Con... Congratulations.

Congratulate me when I win.

I'm the only one running.

To the best woman.

I just want you to know

I don't plan on
losing this seat again.

This is my fourth time running.

And, believe me,
I know every trick in the book.

I've had them all used on me
by candidates over the years,

one supported by your buddies.

And while I was impressed
by the intelligence

behind your
pro-choice-adjacent behavior,

I don't buy it for a minute.

Everything you do is a ploy.

But I... I really do believe
of all those things.

- That's why I ran this campaign.
- You don't believe anything.

None of you believe any of that.

That's really not true. I...

I was the one
that leaked the photo.

And while you turned that one
around on me,

it's not gonna happen again.

-I'm sorry.
You leaked the photos of Greta?

That's just the beginning.

I got the video
of you being arrested

with your little nose ring.

The minute you accept
the nomination,

I'm releasing everything.

I don't know what fucked-up game
you think you're playing here,

but as you know, I am pro-life.

So you taking that pregnant
mother to get an abortion...

I want to thank you all
for coming today.

it made me sick.

Without further ado...

See you out there.

your Republican nominee,
Dorothy Goodwin.

-♪ Sleepless dreamer
-♪ Sleepless dreamer

I'm so sorry.

Um, if I could just get a quick
consultation just with my...

With my campaign manager
just for one second.

Greta, could you meet me outside
just for one moment,

just out back, please?
Thank you so much.

Thanks so much. We'll just be
right back. I'm sorry.

What the actual fuck, Dorothy?!

I know. I never told... I never
told a single campaign lie.

- You never told a campaign lie?
- I have been registered

as a Republican in Texas
my entire adult life.

And, granted, it was to mess
with your primaries,

but technically it's not a lie.

Got us through anything
that was illegal.

I would never put you
in that position.

Wanted to mess with Texas,
but, like, not like...

Well, you don't mess
with Texas.

-Okay, I understand that.
It was a bad choice of words.

Sally is so much worse
than Brent, which is completely

my bad because I didn't
research her at all.

I just bought based on brand,
which was the whole reason

why I ran this campaign,
so joke's completely on me.

- It's not a joke.
- I really thought...

-It's not a joke, Dorothy.
Just let me talk!

It's not a joke!

You took it too far!

We're real people.
I'm a real person.

I don't know who you are.

You do know who I am.

- I thought we were friends.
- We are friends.

And it's clear that you
just think I'm a moron.

I do not think you're a moron.

You thought I was a moron
in high school,

- and you think I'm a moron now.
- I don't.

And you don't actually care

that I'm a real person
with real feelings.

-I just hated this town so much.
I don't know how to explain it.

I just hated this town so much
for what it did it to me, and...

And for...

And for what it did to my dad.
And...

He was gay.

And I didn't even know
until after he was dead.

And it's not an excuse.
It's not an excuse.

There's no excuse
for what I've done.

But I... I was at his funeral
looking at all these people

who...

loved him...

but who were the reason
why he didn't have a full life.

And maybe that was their fault,

or maybe he just...

made assumptions...

just like I have.

But whatever it did to me,
I just hated this place

and just got really overwhelmed.

I just got really
overwhelmed, and I'm sorry.

I just hate the president
so much.

I know you do, too!

It was the first time
in my life...

that anyone
has taken anything

that I have thought
or felt seriously.

And I...

was something other than...

Fisher's wife and a mom.

And I loved you,
and I loved your dad.

Of course I love your dad!

Do I feel guilty? Yes.

Do people in this town
probably feel guilty?

Yes, but I'm...

Ugh. God.

I'm sorry about your dad.

I loved him,
and I loved our time together,

but I can't talk to you anymore
because...

I have a family and I have to...

- No, no, wait, wait, wait. wait.
- I... I can't.

You're clearly going
through something, and I...

- Please just hear me out.
- I'm actually quite mad.

You never have to listen...
I understand that.

You don't have to stop
being mad at me.

Just please hear me out, okay?
Look.

It should be you running.
It should always have been you.

- What?
- You should.

You've run this whole campaign
on the idea of having courage

when it isn't convenient.
When have I ever done that?

You really do need
psychiatric help.

- No, I don't.
- Are you... I'm confused.

- I am right about this.
- This is a lot of information.

You are honest and you
are kind and you care!

Are you saying that I'm
supposed to be a politician?!

- Absolutely!
- What are you talking about?!

You are what we actually
need and deserve!

I mean, I would vote for you.

I'm not a politician, Dorothy.

-That's a matter of semantics.
I would vote for you.

And I know that a lot of people
would, and I have an idea.

Will you let me
try my idea, please?

Please.

Don't you even want
to hear my idea?

Ahh! You're insane!

It's Sunday,
September 13, 2020.

This is
"The Sit Down with Vicky."

Good morning. We are eight
weeks out from voting day.

First up, with our ongoing
election coverage,

we are so lucky to have with us

Greta Hoffman, campaign manager
turned independent candidate

for Texas state legislature,
and Dorothy Goodwin...

Dorothy, it's on!

It's on the TV right now!
Get on down here! See it!

I'm coming!

You of all people don't want
to miss yourself on the TV.

liberal Republican nominee.

I was just kidding!

- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Maybe.

I came here today to accept
the Republican nomination.

I believe that
we're in the middle

of an environmental apocalypse.

I think that we need
to come together.

I did come here
to do something good.

And instead I ended up
finding someone good.

And that person
is Greta Hoffman.

Vicky, all I can really say
about that is, some days you

just kind of have to tell it
like it is, or at least I do,

although I do want
to seriously state

that the climate crisis
is worse than ever.

With that in mind, why not
focus on your own nomination?

- Why support Greta?
- I think that the thing...

See how good my nose ring
looks on TV?

- You look sharp, ma'am.
- Thank you.

Is that one Lois'?

The blazer is...

We absolutely
all have to stand together

to strike down hatred, bullying,

and misinformation
in all of their forms.

It's very important to me
to run a campaign

that welcomes everyone
to the table equally

and without
preconceived notions.

That's beautiful
and incredibly inspiring.

-Yes.
And she's up in the polls!

She's actually making history
as the first independent woman

and the first pro-choice woman
to be up in the polls

in Paula County,
so let's make history together.

Let's get out there and vote.

Or send in your ballot
from home. Very important.

-To everyone in Northeastern
Texas, you can go to my website,

and I will give you
all the locations for polling.

Yes. Power to
the people, y'all! Vote!

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
make your journey home ♪

♪ The season's turning

♪ You've been too long alone

♪ Ease on your saddle

♪ Soothe your weary bones

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
make your journey home ♪

♪ Ohh, sing out
of your journey ♪

♪ The world needs
to hear your song ♪

♪ And, ohh,
ride through the darkness ♪

♪ And bring back your light
with the dawn ♪

♪ Restless wanderer,
open up your eyes ♪

♪ Eden's burning,
there's fire in the skies ♪

♪ Aren't you tired
of all their petty lies? ♪

♪ Restless wanderer,
open up your eyes ♪

♪ And, ohh,
sing out of your journey ♪

♪ The world
needs to hear your song ♪

♪ And, oh, oh, oh,
ride through the darkness ♪

♪ And bring back your light

♪ With the d-a-a-awn

♪ Ohh, sing out
of your journey ♪

♪ The world
needs to hear your song ♪

♪ And, oh, oh, oh,
ride through the darkness ♪

♪ And bring back your light

♪ With the d-a-a-awn

♪ Lie beside me

♪ Come down from the stars

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
settle who you are ♪

♪ No more seeking
what you already know ♪

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
bring your body home ♪

♪ Sleepless dreamer,
bring your body home

♪ She'll take the hard road
if it's right ♪

♪ She'll work all day
and through the night ♪

♪ To keep your freedoms safe,
she'll fight ♪

♪ She's the hero
from Paula County ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She fights for your
personal liberties ♪

♪ She won't play
the politicians' games ♪

♪ She'll stand up
for this community ♪

♪ She knows what
the Founding Fathers meant ♪

♪ She's the hero,
even when it's not convenient ♪

♪ Her rule is iron-clad

♪ She cannot be bent

♪ She's the hero
of Paula County ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She'll care
for our Garden of Eden ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She's the change
that Texas is needin' ♪

♪ She's not your teacher,
your mother, or your wife ♪

♪ But just like them,
she will protect ♪

♪ Our Texas way of life

♪ She stands with Jesus

♪ On ending all human pain
and strife ♪

♪ She's the hero
of Paula County ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She'll care
for our Garden of Eden ♪

♪ Dorothy Goodwin is her name

♪ She's the change
that Texas is needin' ♪

♪ Ohh-oh