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1
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,800
'One thing I realised,
after all these years,
2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,560
'is you get what's coming to you.
3
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'Let's start at the beginning.
4
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,280
{\an5}'London, the early '80s -
it was rough out there,
the worst recession since the war.
5
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,400
'Thatcher had pulled
the working class's pants down,
6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:36,600
{\an5}'but in the same breath
filed down our conscience
and replaced it with naked greed.'
7
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,800
You will find in the new
Conservative Government
8
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,800
a remorseless
and implacable opponent.
9
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,960
'They called this little pocket
of east London the Bermuda Triangle
10
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,600
'because what went in
was never seen again.'
11
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,440
# Peeling the skin back
from my eyes... #
12
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:59,000
'We were all just surviving
back then, trying not to drown.'
13
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,800
OK, so we've got, er,
one double bubble,
14
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,120
double, er, double,
15
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,160
double bubble... One double bubble,
double egg and beans. Yeah. Sorry.
16
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,560
'Albert Fantoni,
a sweet man, an honourable man,
17
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,960
'just a bit of a soft touch,
bless him.'
18
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,160
Oh, you all right, Joe? Erm...
19
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,320
What's that doing there?
20
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,720
Erm, that was it,
21
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,760
er, Tash was just saying
I should ask, er, just, erm,
22
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,640
i-if you c-could s-square up
what you owe us?
23
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,240
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we'll pay what we owe.
24
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,320
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. But we'll pay it in salmon.
25
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:34,920
{\an5}Salmon? Yeah, salmon. We lifted
a lorry load. Fuck all we can do
with it, so you can have the lot.
26
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:39,080
No, no, that's really kind of you,
but it's just that, erm,
27
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,920
I dunno really what we could...
28
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,760
Oh!
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00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,040
You had me there! I thought
you were gonna shit yourself!
30
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,840
I wouldn't do that here!
31
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,800
I was like,
"What are we gonna do with salmon?"
32
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,720
We are paying you in salmon, though.
33
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,120
{\an5}'Mick Neville was Albert's cousin.
He tells like he could've been
a contender
34
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,960
{\an5}'but we knew the truth -
he was soppy as a Sunday
and bullshit just poured out of him.'
35
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:11,000
{\an5}About two year ago,
I'm called out to fight a man
by the name of George Foreman.
36
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,560
Eight men before me
he's knocked sparko.
37
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,560
They call me into the ring,
38
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,360
my old Aristotle's
going like a rabbit's nose,
39
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,920
I step in, I get my dukes up,
he comes at me,
40
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,240
"Ping! Ping! Oh!"
41
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,960
Have you ever been kicked
by a horse, Eric? It felt like that.
42
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,960
{\an1}PHONE RINGS
43
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,600
Hello, Alberto's. Tash,
it's the Captain. Is Mick there?
44
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,920
No-one calls you that, Phil. You
can't just give yourself a nickname.
45
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,600
Whatever.
Just tell Mick that I'm outside,
46
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,480
and make sure
you get this bit right,
47
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,280
I'm on a car phone.
48
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,200
Mick, Phil's outside.
He's on a car phone.
49
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,280
A car phone? Fuck off!
50
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,360
He says fuck off. "I can if I want."
51
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,480
I can make calls anywhere. Well, as
long as I can get to it in the car.
52
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,040
He's on a car ph...
He's on a phone in his car!
53
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,960
Is he on that car phone again?
54
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,840
You know the phone you're on now?
It's exactly like that,
55
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,840
but it's installed in a car.
56
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,840
Move it!
57
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,880
Modern tech...
Tell him it's modern technology.
58
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,920
Oi. Yep?
59
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,240
Are you daft? Sorry.
What did I tell ya?
60
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,600
'Ah, Phil Pocket...
Bowled about like a big-time gangster
61
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,640
'but he didn't really have the apples
to be anything but a gofer
62
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,240
'for the likes of Joey
and Crazy Clive Cornell,
63
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,720
'the real faces, the real deal.'
64
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,920
You're the driver! It's not your car!
65
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,560
{\an5}The girls are ready, babe, so I'm
gonna take them to school, all right?
OK.
66
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,040
{\an5}All right, girls?
Daddy loves you this much.
How much do you love Daddy?
67
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,920
All right, soppy bollocks!
68
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,720
{\an5}Did you get paid? Oh, yeah, erm...
I need to get the girls' pressies.
Yeah, no.
69
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,920
Er, I was actually, erm,
going to talk to you about that.
70
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,120
Yeah, all sorted. Erm...
71
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,920
Yeah, and he's paying us in salmon,
so...
72
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,480
Salmon?
73
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,320
Yeah. Well, smoked salmon.
74
00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,760
{\an5}Right, so, we, erm,
we're gonna give the girls
lumps of fish for Christmas?
75
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:05,040
Yeah, I mean...
OK, no, you're right. I'll sort it.
76
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,120
I'll speak to Joey.
77
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,800
Er, kissy?
78
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,960
Not in front of the customers.
Oh, OK, then. Yeah.
79
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,960
See ya.
80
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,120
L-Love you!
81
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,600
'Love only gets you so far
when you're down and broke.
82
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,160
'It's not a currency
and it don't pay the bills.
83
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,640
'Everyone round here
was just trying to make ends meet,
84
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,960
'just existing, like bit-parts
in someone else's story.'
85
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,920
What's on the agenda today, then,
Joe? What we up to?
86
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,720
Shut up!
87
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,440
'We were looking for any way
to change our luck,
88
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,680
'any way to get out,
to get a bit more than we had,
89
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:57,400
{\an5}'but as my old mum used to say,
you've got to be careful
what you wish for.'
90
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,920
This Club Tropicana place
is as real as they come. Yeah?
91
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,920
And it's a good time and the drinks
are free for everyone.
92
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,760
That's what George Michael
insisted. I saw the video.
93
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,800
As someone in the catering sector,
I doubt the drinks would be free
94
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:18,360
{\an5}but I'm sure they're making it back
off the entrance fee
or something like that.
95
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,400
George isn't paying an entrance fee.
He's a celebrity.
96
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,120
Maybe not George,
but you know what I mean.
97
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,760
I bet he gets so much crumpet.
Oh, God, yeah! Swimming in it! Yeah.
98
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,520
He's a good-looking boy,
that's for sure.
99
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,920
Lovely eyes. Cheekbones on the kid!
Whoa!
100
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,280
He's the centrefold in this month's
Just Seventeen magazine.
101
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,240
Why are you reading Just Seventeen?
You're 45.
102
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,200
Here he is! Thanks for coming.
Hello, Sid. How you feeling?
103
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,960
{\an5}Are you well, Sid? All right, boy?
You're probably wondering where
I've been the last few months.
104
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,360
Well, er, Tash did tell us about,
er, Sue sleeping with her boss.
105
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,880
{\an5}I'm really sorry to hear about that.
Who told you? Did you have
a breakdown or something?
106
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,600
My sister's a blabbermouth.
107
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,640
No, that's not what this is about.
I've got myself a new job.
108
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:58,440
{\an5}Congratulations, then, Sidney, mate.
Well done. Very nice! Well done,
Sid. Got your life back together.
109
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,000
Good stuff. That's not why I'm here.
110
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,520
I'm here because I've got
a proposition for you. Oh, yeah?
111
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,480
I've got myself a job down in Newham.
Oh, yeah?
112
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,800
This little warehouse.
113
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:13,040
I say little. It's big.
The place is like an Aladdin's cave.
114
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,040
Cash, shipments, coming in and out.
115
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,680
Up to 50 grand.
I'm in! I'm all over it.
116
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,520
Hold on. Slow down, mate.
117
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,680
{\an5}He's just explaining
about his new job.
Yeah, let him finish, Mick. Go on.
118
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,760
Well, the security there is just me
and a couple of wheezy old-timers.
119
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,240
They pretty much
just let you in the back door.
120
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,600
How did we get here?
Are you talking about a robbery?
121
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,560
It's not a robbery as such.
122
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,480
I just, er, open the door
123
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,600
and turn my back.
That's still a robbery.
124
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,400
I'll have a word with Crazy Clive.
Clive Cornell. Good friend of mine.
125
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280
He's hardly your friend.
You work for him, mate.
126
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,920
He is my friend.
And he's a fucking lunatic.
127
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,360
Yeah, I think we should agree
not to involve anyone called Crazy.
128
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:58,800
{\an5}Sidney, can we do it tomorrow?
I'm around all day tomorrow.
All day long. Nothing in the diary.
129
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,040
Not tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, not tomorrow, mate.
130
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,280
My time is extremely valuable.
131
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,920
Do you understand that?
132
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,280
So you tell me
when is the best time to do this.
133
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,520
That's a good question.
134
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,600
Erm, I haven't...
135
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,640
I haven't exactly...
That'll be the next...
136
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:21,760
{\an5}That'll be the next part of the plan
that I'd have to start thinking about
and that's what I would do.
137
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,160
{\an5}So... I'm not being funny,
but he doesn't
know what he's talking about.
138
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:29,080
{\an5}He's just got off the back
of a breakdown. No offence.
Technically, it was a breakdown.
139
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,520
{\an5}Albert, it's 50 grand.
We could all do with a drop of that.
I could do with a drop of it.
140
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,720
50,000 grand. I'm on the bones
of my very arse as I'm talking.
141
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,240
{\an5}You'd be the first to get caught.
Look at the size of ya.
Albert's talking some common!
142
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,920
I've got too much to lose. I'm out!
143
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:45,320
{\an5}No, Mick, you've got fuck all
to lose, mate. You're entitled
to a bit of cream, boy.
144
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,760
I'm entitled to some cream,
I never had no cream.
145
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,760
Big Mick's back in.
Ah, fucking hell!
146
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,360
So...
147
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,600
..we have a decision.
148
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,080
{\an1}Mick's in.
HE GRUNTS
149
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,360
Sidney, how about you?
150
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,040
Well, yeah, it's my job.
So, you're in?
151
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,360
Well, yeah. I invented it.
Good. Good.
152
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,400
Albert? Are you in?
153
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,240
Of course I'm not in! It's a stupid
idea. Why would I be in?
154
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,880
To the robbery! Yeah!
155
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440
Let's not say that too loudly.
156
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,200
'50 grand between the four of you.'
157
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:19,520
That's like...
12, nearly 13 bags each, babe.
158
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,720
It could be a million grand for all
I care, it's just way too risky.
159
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,720
I'm not doing it, never.
160
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:30,240
{\an5}Remember when I was, like, 14
and I used to go up west
knocking out that dodgy aftershave?
161
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,880
Oh, yeah!
162
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,120
This old boy comes up to me once
163
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,080
and asked whether I wanna join this
girl group he's putting together.
164
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,520
He ain't even heard me sing!
165
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,440
So I tell him to do one.
166
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,760
But every now and again I think,
167
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,720
"What if he was real?
I could've been in Bananarama!"
168
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,760
Yeah. Or he could've been a nonce.
169
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,400
Yeah, he probably was just a nonce.
Yeah.
170
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,200
The point is,
we'll never know, will we?
171
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,640
I know, but he sounds quite noncey.
172
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,120
What are Phil and Mick saying?
173
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,040
They're idiots,
so obviously they're up for it.
174
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,120
They'd need someone strong
to pull it off, though, mind.
175
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,640
Yeah, I know, that's the problem.
176
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,720
A leader like...
177
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,280
Oh... Someone to take control.
178
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,080
We could clear all our debts.
179
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,120
Maybe get a new car. Yeah.
180
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,240
A holiday,
181
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,760
Breville sandwich maker...
182
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:35,320
I mean, yeah, Breville have been
stepping it up a notch recently.
183
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:36,480
Mm-hm.
184
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,520
{\an1}SULTRY MUSIC
185
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,560
'They say life
is a series of decisions
186
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,760
'and all we can do is make 'em.
187
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:50,200
'But sometimes,
one decision can change everything.'
188
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,800
..really buff-looking fella.
Really strong, mate.
189
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,440
Big arms. All right, boys?
190
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,280
Here he is.
Oh, my word, look at this!
191
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,120
You look very dapper, mate.
Do you like it?
192
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,120
Very dapper.
Well, they always do say,
193
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,160
"If you wanna be the part,
you gotta look the part."
194
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,120
"Good fortune always follows
a pretty dress." Yes.
195
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:12,120
May I say I'm over the moon that you
are coming on this caper with us.
196
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:17,600
{\an5}Well, I just felt like, er,
you really needed a strong leader,
someone to really take control.
197
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,080
Well, no, I'm gonna be taking control
of the meeting
198
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,880
because it's my job and my...
I'm the mastermind.
199
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:26,200
I'm not being funny, Sidney, mate,
but I'm the leader, OK?
200
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,800
And if you've got a problem
with that, then, speak to Tash.
201
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,840
{\an1}PHIL WHISTLES
On your toes, boys. The Firm's here.
202
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,200
All right, Phil? All right?
203
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,280
I didn't know anyone else
was joining us.
204
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,320
{\an1}MOCKING LAUGHTER
Jesus Christ!
205
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,240
I didn't know John Travolta
was joining us!
206
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,760
{\an1}Yeah, I was...
HE MUMBLES
207
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,360
OK, Firm, meet the boys.
Boys, meet the Firm,
208
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,880
which I'm now part of.
209
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,080
He knows me all right!
Clive, mate, how you doing?
210
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,400
Handsome Mick Neville!
211
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,880
I used to see you down the Ford.
You know Tina.
212
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,160
Don't ya?
213
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,440
Little Tina?
214
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,960
OK, so if we do this thing,
we do it properly,
215
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,280
this thing of ours.
It's technically a thing of mine,
216
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,400
erm, but, yeah, a few more people
have been added to the equation.
217
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:24,080
{\an5}So we thought we'd map it out
on the snooker table because it
doesn't leave a paper trail.
218
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,960
It's sort of like a metaphor,
in a way.
219
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,600
{\an4}So "D"..."D" for Depot,
easy to remember.Sid!
MICK MUMBLES
220
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,000
Over here's your loading bay.
That's where they load stuff.
221
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,880
OK, the triangle's the getaway van
222
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:39,400
{\an5}and then the different-coloured
snooker balls are us.
Does that make sense?
223
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,400
I'm the black ball.
No, you're gonna let us in.
224
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,440
I'm gonna let...
I'll be letting everyone in.
225
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,800
What's the chalk?
226
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,600
The chalk?
227
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,680
W-We could think of something...
Yeah.
228
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,560
And the table pockets? BOTH: Erm...
229
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,960
What about the ashtray, then?
The ashtray...
230
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,200
Sid?
231
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,360
What about the fag there?
Is that you?
232
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,600
N-No. So that's the depot,
233
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,880
loading bay and, er, this is us.
234
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,400
So... Tell him about the...
235
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,640
Oh, yeah. So I thought we could all
wear different-coloured balaclavas,
236
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,960
like snooker balls.
To differentiate...
237
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,080
Have you finished?
238
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,720
Er, yeah. This is Sidney.
He works as security in the depot.
239
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,000
Does he?
240
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,520
You...
241
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,320
You haven't said anything.
242
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,280
N-No, I-I was, erm...
243
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,160
Sorry, erm...
244
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,560
..just thinking that, er,
245
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,800
I dunno if I'm really up
for all this,
246
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,920
{\an5}but, erm, I was just
popping my head in anyway,
just to see i-if everyone was,
247
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,720
you know, what it would look like
but not...
248
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,680
I'm probably...
Yeah, I'm just gonna shoot
249
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,320
and then happy to just hear
about how it all goes. OK.
250
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,000
{\an1}JOEY LAUGHS
See ya.
251
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,240
What's going on? Nah, nah, nah, nah.
252
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,440
You're not going anywhere,
Night Fever.
253
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,880
You now know we're involved,
so that means you are.
254
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,000
Well, I wasn't going to tell anyone.
255
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,120
Oh, he wants to be involved
very much.
256
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,280
Actually, what he said, Clive...
Don't. He wants to be leader.
257
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,000
I didn't say I wanted to...
That's what you said.
258
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,720
{\an5}He wore his special suit.
As you can see, he looks nice.
I've worn it before.
259
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,760
He runs a cafe, you know, so he's
got experience with leading people.
260
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,880
Enough!
261
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,880
I don't like his face. Me?
The ugly ape.
262
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,240
Well, that's horrible.
Make him turn around.
263
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,680
Him and the coward.
You two, turn around. Yeah.
264
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,320
I wanna... I'll miss out.
Just turn around!
265
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,240
You,
266
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,320
is this a fair representation
of the premises in which you work?
267
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,360
Well, it's not a snooker table,
268
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,440
but there's a green carpet
in the office.
269
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,400
How much do you hold there?
50 grand sometimes.
270
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,360
You deal with me from now on.
No-one else.
271
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,760
We'll be in contact
when the job's a goer.
272
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,720
Yeah. We'll be in touch.
273
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,840
You stay! I'll stay.
Keep an eye on these lot.
274
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,960
{\an1}PHIL WINCES
275
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,880
That was utterly humiliating, us
stood there like a pair of plonkers
276
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,480
while all the fun happened
over here.
277
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,040
What are you doing? What?
278
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:18,960
Great. Now we've got a crazy person
involved.
279
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,440
# Lost my shape
280
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,800
# Trying to act casual
281
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,720
{\an5}# Can't stop... #
'The trouble with being involved
with someone like Crazy Clive Cornell
282
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,000
'is you lose all control.
283
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,240
'Days turned into weeks
and no-one knew what was going on.
284
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:55,480
'To be honest, they secretly hoped
it had all gone away.'
285
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,200
{\an1}CHEERING
286
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,640
MAN: Merry Christmas!
287
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,040
Ah, merry Christmas, lads.
Cheers, mate, yeah. Nice one.
288
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,760
What's been new, then? Me and the
big man have applied for Bullseye.
289
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,880
{\an5}We've been getting down the Red Lion
on a Thursday,
have a little practice.
290
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,200
{\an5}Yeah. Whoa, when was this decided?
Because I'm much better at general
knowledge than either of you two!
291
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,480
It wasn't an easy decision to make.
292
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,960
I'm the arrows,
Mick's the knowledge. Mm.
293
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,560
Mick does the knowledge? Yeah.
294
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,600
{\an5}You don't even know
what day of the week it is.
How dare you? Hold your tongue.
295
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:35,680
{\an5}D-Do a question on me. Go on.
OK, in terms of height,
what is the largest breed of dog?
296
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,800
Great Dane! Great Dane.
297
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,280
What you doing? You're not quick
enough. Do it again.
298
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,280
Do me a question now
if you wanna be the quizmaster. OK.
299
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,480
What shoe size is Elton John?
300
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,120
I imagine he's about a size five.
Size nine.
301
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,320
Nine? He has a massive feet for
a man of his size. That's... Yeah.
302
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,840
Why are you all on your own,
you weirdo? I'm not a weirdo!
303
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,440
{\an5}Clive said I have to
keep my distance from everyone,
so I'm just...
304
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,880
Why did you come to this pub, then?
You could've gone to any other pub.
305
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,520
Yeah, well, why should I
be pushed out of my own local?
306
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,960
It's getting out of hand, sis,
to be honest.
307
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,720
You said this was gonna be an easy
plan. Keep your voice down, Sidney!
308
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:15,400
{\an5}It was not just me
that came up with this idea,
it was both of us, remember?
309
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,800
You're the... mastermind.
310
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:22,560
I've been thinking about that.
Maybe I could mastermind an escape.
311
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,240
What about that?
Just go off-grid for a bit.
312
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,920
I've got my tent and my, you know,
my bag.
313
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,760
I could just... Ahem!
..just do my press-ups.
314
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,200
Can you do press-ups?
Yes, I can do press-ups!
315
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,600
I do 50 a week. Joey's here.
316
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,200
Don't act weird.
I'm not acting weird. You are.
317
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,600
{\an1}INDISTINCT CHATTER
Hold it. Hold it.
318
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,880
Oh! You all right, mate?
All right, Joe. Good to see ya.
319
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,600
We were doing
a little weird quiz thing.
320
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,960
What, you're not gonna offer me
a drink, then, Albert? Oh!
321
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,440
I didn't know you were coming.
What would you like, mate?
322
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,920
Fuck off!
323
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,520
Listen up, we're on tomorrow. 5.00am.
Nice.
324
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,120
We're going fishing.
325
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,320
{\an1}CLEARS THROAT
Joey? Er, Mick.
326
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,120
Er, just a quick question.
By "fishing",
327
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:14,560
are you alluding to the breaking in
of Sidney's security depot?
328
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,960
Yes. Yes.
329
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,640
Yeah, in his defence,
330
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,440
we hadn't spoken about
any sort of slang or whatever,
331
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,200
but I knew to roll with it, man,
332
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,160
and, er...
333
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,600
Sorry!
What's wrong with you? Nothing.
334
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,360
The van keys. It's outside. Oh.
335
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,800
5.00am. 5.00am.
336
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,080
Oh!
337
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,560
Ow! Cheers, Joey, mate.
338
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,440
He's late.
339
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,160
Yeah. To be fair,
he can be quite unreliable, so, er,
340
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,080
what's the protocol with all this,
then?
341
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,960
Do we just pull it
and call it a day?
342
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,160
Turn around.
No-one's pulling anything.
343
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,000
We wait.
344
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,120
{\an1}OK.
HE SIGHS
345
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,600
Anyone fancy a little game of I Spy
at all? Anyone?
346
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,640
No, no-one wants to play I Spy.
347
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,240
Come on. I'll let you go first.
348
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,920
Go first. You go first.
Show everyone how good you are.
349
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,880
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with M.
350
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,800
Mick? Yeah.
You know how I know? Go on.
351
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:40,720
{\an5}You gave a little look out of the
side of your eye, you side-eyed me,
I know straight away "That's Mick!"
352
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,520
I've got to be very, very, like...
Mick, I know how to play the game.
353
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,960
..disguised in your look. You have
to move your eyes but not your head.
354
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,360
You're just a bad loser.
You're a terrible loser. Stop!
355
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,760
That's him. Is it?
356
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,560
{\an5}I-I can't really tell.
I dunno if it definitely is him.
No, it's definitely Sidney.
357
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,960
OK, well, I don't think he's ready,
maybe.
358
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,040
I dunno. Let's go.
359
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,520
Let's go. Bring the coward with ya.
Why can't you bring Phil?
360
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,080
Clive, please!
361
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,040
Half Pint and Ugly Ape,
stay in the van.
362
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,720
Sorry, this ugly ape thing, that's
not gonna become a thing, is it?
363
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,400
Shut up! There's a shooter.
364
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,800
{\an5}I don't even know how to hold it!
You put your finger
through the little hole there.
365
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,080
Let's go!
366
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,960
{\an1}MUSIC: "Christmas Wrapping"
by The Waitresses
367
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Morning, chaps! Sorry I'm late.
368
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,640
I had a, er, delay just with the...
my car.
369
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,480
It was, erm,
370
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:40,280
the thing had fallen off inside
into the... in the engine.
371
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,920
You know what cars are like
when they get the thing in there!
372
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:49,360
{\an5}I was... I was going,
"What's that rattling sound?
That's not how it normally sounds."
373
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,360
And then I... and then next thing,
there's all smoke coming out.
374
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,800
Anyway, erm, I'm gonna go
and strain the cabbage,
375
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:02,240
just cos I've been obviously holding
it in the whole time cos of the...
376
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,720
..my car broke down,
so, yeah, I'll be back in a sec.
377
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,120
Ah, well,
that was completely uneventful.
378
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,640
Just a regular, you know...
379
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,440
Everyone, get down on your knees
or you will die!
380
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,680
Get the fuck down!
381
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,880
What? I was not expecting this.
382
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,200
Shut up!
383
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,560
{\an1}Ow!
HIGH-PITCHED RINGING
384
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,640
{\an1}MUTED AUDIO
385
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,800
Open the shutters! Move it!
386
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,880
I've never done this before.
Really sorry.
387
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,120
Open 'em!
388
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,760
Open it.
389
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,760
Move it!
390
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,160
Fucking hell!
391
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,800
{\an1}Fucking...
HE SCREECHES
392
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,080
Where's the fucking money?
393
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,320
Is that all you've got?
394
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,360
Where's the rest of the money?
395
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,760
That's everything, I swear!
396
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,360
Waste of my fucking time!
397
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,320
{\an1}Big apologies for this and just...
SHOUTING IN BACKGROUND
398
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:13,800
..have a lovely week. I mean...
Sorry.
399
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,600
{\an1}Bunch of fucking cowboys!
GRUNTS ANGRILY
400
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,560
Sorry, everyone! Cowboys!
401
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,360
Have a nice evening.
402
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,560
'No-one believes it now,
403
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,880
'but they stumbled upon it
on the way out.
404
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,720
'By accident.
They could so easily have missed it.'
405
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,960
'Boxes and boxes of solid gold bars.
406
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,480
'7,000 gold bars, to be exact.
407
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:03,360
'That's a lot of sandwich makers.'
408
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,560
Boys...
409
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,840
Come on, move,
we're running out of time.
410
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,400
'I remember as a kid at school,
we learnt about Howard Carter
411
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,640
{\an5}'and that group of explorers
who stumbled across
the tomb of Tutankhamun.'
412
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,760
{\an5}Let's go!
'The men left with treasures
beyond their wildest dreams,
413
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,000
'but it was said that every man
who'd taken from the tomb
414
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,920
'was cursed with death.
415
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,120
'So, why am I telling you all this?
416
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:37,120
'Well, it turns out the gold we stole
had a curse of its own.'
417
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,160
And I'm the only one that lives
to tell the tale.
418
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,600
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
419
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,280
# You know you can't get away
420
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,840
# You know you can't get away
421
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:55,600
# You know you can't get away
# You know you can't get away
422
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,840
# No, you can't get away
# No, you can't get away
423
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,440
# No, you can't get away
# No, you can't get away
424
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,240
# From here
425
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,640
# No! #
57218
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