All language subtitles for T_AND_T_S03E11

Hello. Ask yourself gangsters like their work.

I mean if your living consists of breaking bones or going up rival Mob members, you better enjoy what you do.

Mob leaders realize this.

That's why they hand select the best thugs available.

They get trained personnel officers to work with psychologists and get the best guys out of the organized crime University shoot you.

Of course the entrance exam this is Whoa, well here's a sample question from the entrance exam.

Which of the following do not belong?

A gun?

Be a gun see a gun d a bagel?

I want to give him choices again please.

That's gun gun gun or bagel?

That's a trick question that bagel might be loaded at the cream cheese as a silencer I know it always remember this stuff you can mob spelled backwards is bomb.

Thank you very much I'm Phillip Phillips and try to show

he's got to be appeared along with the other party on a Saturday night showcase to make sure you're there for that. 15 minutes

you know what kid you're not funny. You know what's worse? The big man don't find the funny night.

Know what's funny? was funny. fat jokes are funny. Well, that's too bad. Because you don't be macho. No more nada.

So that's your story. What you want us to do

is a showcase of the club on Saturday. Whoever wins gets a spot on the Jerry Gilmore show.

Jerry Gilmore. You're kidding. Hey, I watch a show all the time.

I know I can win if I get the chance. And that's the kind of break everyone dreams. Oh, just changing material brother.

I can't do that. Mr. Turner. You understand? It's my material. My act is what I made my name on

on this day. But it seems to me you mess with the bull. You get the horns.

You understand? Why won't press charges?

Yes. The TS does have a point.

Have you ever tried other material?

I mean, how about family jokes?

To family jokes. I don't do fat jokes that do any other kind of jokes. Right now. I do mob jokes. But thank you both for your time.

Hey, wait a minute.

We didn't say we weren't gonna help.

We GS might not agree with you.

But I think you should be able to tell whatever sort of jokes you want.

So you're going to help me? Of course, we will. Good news.

I'm reading a book right now called How to overcome your fear of offering cashews to a co worker named Vera.

But you know, I find no matter how many of these books I read women off want the same thing somebody else

yeah

yeah

okay yeah you know right to fairly funny my boy

they're very big Bob Big Bob Terry Nice to meet you catch a show nothing bro and steal from you oh you're dumb you wish you had it

so sad Phil Come on I want to talk about some more you can wait till a little later

the girlfriend can wait Okay,

excuse me but I'm not his girlfriend I'm his lawyer

what is this a joke?

Look lady amateur nights on Wednesdays okay come on.

I haven't got old date you work for me?

No thanks Marty. So I guess you're in good shape Phillips contract.

Good doesn't know how lucky he is what he represents everyone who is anyone in this town? At this

stage in your career, you need a little help when you need somebody to look out for you

so you can concentrate on doing what you do best which is be a partner just think about

okay take your time there's no hurry at all but think about that Phil told me you really aren't a lawyer sorry about that.

Well, I gotta get back to work here have a seat. Enjoy the show drinks are on

what a jerk What's wrong we're going to beat you up I'm not staying for an encore I'm going to try anything in a room full of people I can't take

a chance you want to stay fine. I'm out of here this isn't necessary I

will decide what's necessary not you and we have decided that it's necessary that you don't show up here no more

I'm a comedian that's the best club in town you brought

this on yourself good maybe we should make him understand a series you ready called out you guys know mob guys again come again

well if Terry didn't tell you I'm not gonna say anything. Okay, they went after the kid again but they didn't expect Terry to be around

anybody get hurt don't wait no match Metairie. She told me why don't you kill me.

Terry said not to bother

next time while the digger

says the rice has look I might be drunk right now but tomorrow I'm going to be sober

you're still going to be howling at the moon you will be coyote dog so what I'm telling you is I want you to be nice to these kids tonight.

Okay, because a lot of them don't have too much experience what I'm saying now

so what's your excuse? Pal?

My excuse I don't need an excuse.

What about you? What about that shirt you're wearing

What's that at your protest against to taste shirt or what have you I don't want to get lucky tonight Chuck What are you doing

least I got a choice a cue ball to bed

Your mother didn't go my mother's dead

okay

and what happened the Vectra the sleeper what are the back of a personality?

Relax okay, it's a joke that's all

you're nothing but a lousy washed up has no you haven't even been your hasn't been pal.

Got it?

Hasn't been

please turn to me brother.

Yeah. Who's gonna make me

guess it's me Okay, hasn't been

stopped before man I was just getting into it

we even now I'll tell you what, I'll let you know

Okay, first of all, I'm not complaining.

I mean I'm sure there are people who aren't more boring and more miserable than I am.

They all have excuses and many dead for a number of years.

Hey, Bella, Mani Shah I own this show I just want to say

thanks it no problem you guys like that all the time? I all

the business you know it's wack.

It was seriously though you got me out of a tight spot.

Okay, come on.

Let me Let me buy you a drink.

I don't drink give me a job.

What? No, I like to consider myself more like a doorman.

Okay, I like it. I like it. Okay, okay. You got a job

to Turner. T s Turner.

Okay turn I say why did you start right now and we can talk about the pay later and all the laughs for free

we got a great treat for you ladies and gentlemen, the one of the hottest young comics around anyway.

Put your hands together and give a warm hello to Mr. Phillip Phillips.

Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

So the bus today check it out the ladies outside the window balancing packages. It's time for shopping.

I don't know how they do it.

Guys, guys, guys, come on and have a seat.

Sit down. Nice to see you really, really grab a seat.

That said a lot of people ask me how I can do jokes about organized crime.

It's because I got two good buddies in the business.

I noticed them since we were kids.

And to me they represent the two basic types of personalities in the field.

One of them was a bully disliked by everyone probably his own family.

His own mother even is so cruel.

So inhuman, so stupid.

He'd like to take every opportunity to pick on another kid.

Is that racist?

He's like they're calling for is the other one ironically enough was was this victim that pathetic little weasel?

Who's kowtow every authority figure and built up the resentment inside and waited waited for did he be able to bully someone?

He's type a little more borderline in terms of mob potential.

Some guys become mob thugs and others. Others are Asher's home theaters using a megaphone as a weapon.

What I'm saying is there's always going to be gangsters.

As long as there's competent, moronic, it's my two pals. Well, maybe society will have a chance.

Thank you and good night took you so long?

You had quite a future you're gonna say goodbye, comedy.

Say goodbye to Hollywood. Hey, the

problem with the kid or you just doesn't

concern you may not concern us, but it might concern the man we work for.

Yeah, who was that? Johnny? Vincent?

You ever heard it?

I heard of him.

Good because me and my associate here we're discussing business with this young man at the Express wish Mr. Prince Okay, fine.

We can discuss business with this comedian at a later date. Good much

okay, okay. Gone.

Who do you take care of you? Didn't

I see already started.

I just hired this guy tonight.

How about that?

Worked on I think it's time you and I had a little talker I know you got problems with these guys.

Right? But this thing's getting out of hand.

How did you find out about all this morning?

What is my club?

Everything that happens around here has a way of coming back to me.

Look, kid, you got to see if my Winningham I mean, I don't operate without these guys.

See? It's okay.

We just that's just the way it is.

That's the business.

So now you're gonna tell me you don't want me right here anymore.

All right. You know what?

got it all wrong.

What are you saying? You're the hottest kid that come around in yours?

No, all I'm saying is I think somebody ought to try to talk to these guys.

Before these guys don't listen.

Maybe not. But look, I'm not promising anything.

Okay, but I'll try and get him to see Mr. Vincent tomorrow.

Okay, why not?

Hey, well, thank you, Marty.

Sure.

So what he says wait for tonight.

Relax.

I got good news.

It's a contract normally Boy, that is a peace offering.

What do you mean?

Mr. Vincent said you could do your routine so long as he got a piece of it.

Oh, he's gotta be joking.

You can't sign this.

You'll be signing your life away.

This is an ironclad contract Philip.

It means giving up all rights to recordings, characters and any film work you might do.

I don't have a choice. I have to sign it. Phillip

as your lawyer I strongly recommend you don't and what's going on here?

This is Marty's name on the contract

already said Vince wanted to make it cool in our channel the money through him.

He also said he'd be taking a percentage for arranging all this.

You can't sign this Philip.

You ever hear the one about the singer with the promising career as a manager mob guy on the piece of Finisar you can manage himself?

No I was nice looking talented young.

Now he's a garbage man face full of scars.

That's not funny. You better believe

it's not as true as my uncle I don't know whatever made me think I could take these guys on you're saying you're gonna give in.

I can't stop it can you all right. Take a break step aside

step aside brother.

Okay, let the man through Mr. Turn.

You were looking for me?

Yes, sir. Mr. Visit, you need to talk.

What can I do for you Mr. Turner?

There's a local comedian. kid by the name of Philip twothirds been wrapping them up?

They say you sent

in what you're talking about?

Kid make mob jokes.

Someone's made a mistake. I don't know anything about any mob

you know nobody, huh?

Someone gave you the wrong name.

Why should I believe it is pushing around somebody I don't know.

Could be bad for business. And I don't do anything special business.

Understand. Thank you for stopping by.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together Philip, we've been Get it together.

Man. You're up next.

What's wrong with the contract?

You did sign it then.

Yeah.

Those guys are out there.

Are you crazy?

Where is it?

Come on.

Where is it?

Look, you don't got no choice.

You can craft these guys and walk away.

The reason they're out there is because Johnny Vincent told him to be a command.

Be smarter.

Sign the contract.

Don't do it fill up.

It's all a scam.

Places off limit to the public. My guess

is that someone arranged this. Someone who could stand to benefit from

it. You had one too many drinks lady.

You manage all the up and coming comedians.

You couldn't let someone with Philips talent get away.

Could you just

praise? You're crazy enough to work here.

You had to do something drastic to convince Philip didn't

you? This is my club. It's time you left lady.

Philip?

Did you tell Morty but your uncle?

Don't you see you gave them the perfect leverage.

All you had to do was hire two thugs your imagination to the rest?

Morty.

You got 30 seconds to sign this contract, kid.

You're never going to work in this town again.

We got kids.

This is my club.

That's my showcase.

You either do it my way or you don't do it at all.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Vincent, man

forget it. Keep your Showcase.

I'm not signing any contract.

Gee, Philip.

That's too bad.

That's the way you want to take care of it.

Make sure nobody sees your leaf

right his crib

I suggest you and your friend your leave before the police arrive

wait you guys can do what morning we're here to wrap up a comic What are you

paid you guys save it Marty

you never did us no favors and you know my last

we have to come you're finished CFA

go in no place to perform you know we just take it easy.

Can you work for me?

Was our contract on the phone call right?

It was just a big joke.

It's no joke

so next time she says ladies and gentlemen, the jury, my clients innocent.

The bailiff says, Well, how innocent dizzy.

Pretty funny.

Let me spend a little time with a lawyer.

They're fairly boring people.

You'll agree with me on this.

I think well you learn to appreciate the more exciting things in life like refilling your windshield fluid.

Wasn't that boring?

The guy she had working with her this this private detective nice NFL I'm sure drawing two incomes obviously because I mean, I'm paying him.

The club owners paying him.

So why is he driving around this beat up car that makes Jade clamp is jalopy look prestegious I don't know is he must be trained to be a dad that must be a trained to be a dad.

I think we all concur dads are the cheapest guys in the world.

Cheap practice.

I mean, I mean, they have the same line on the defensive line.

I'm not cheap.

I'm practical.

I mean, I'm saving this so so you don't have the same kind of childhood.

I did. That.

I'm having the same kind of childhood you did?

Because you're hoarding all the dough.

I mean, please, you don't want to buy a new car fine.

We at least leave me a little gas. Thank you all very much.