All language subtitles for Single Drunk Female - S01E07 - New York WEBDL-1080p.en

King Princess'
"There She Goes Again" playing...

♪ There she goes ♪

♪ You see her walkin'
on down the street ♪

♪ There she goes ♪

♪ Look at all your friends
that she's gonna meet ♪

♪ There she goes ♪

*SINGLE DRUNK FEMALE ♪
Season 01 Episode 07

Episode Title:
"New York"

Aired on:
February 24, 2022.

- That smell.
- It's not a good smell.

Yeah.
Let's hit it.

♪ There she goes again ♪

No, no, don't go near that.
Something's always oozing.

No? Okay.

♪ She's down on her knees,
my friend ♪

Oh. This store, they open at 7:00.
It's the only place you can get

"walk of shame" shirts
before work.

- Really smart business model.
- Yeah.

♪ Now take a look ♪

Know what's dangerous
when you've been drinking?

- Mm.
- Any white round thing

- that vaguely resembles a toilet.
- Ha.

Are you se...
you peed in that?

Oh, my... That's the highest
squat of all time!

- All right, all right, okay.
- Right.

Are you sure you're gonna
be able to find it on your own?

- Yeah.
- I know you're a grown man, but like,

I do get a little bit

- concerned that you're not...
- I know.

- Yeah, it's totally fine.
- No, no, no, not there.

- Does this ooze, too? What's going on?
- No.

- Yeah?
- I just feel like something...

happened on the bench.
I don't know what.

- I'm having, like, a lot of half memories.
- Okay.

Right now. That bodega
feels very familiar.

I have no idea why.

And also, we passed
a parking lot back there,

- and something definitely happened in it.
- Yeah.

- But I don't, I don't know what.
- Okay.

No, no, I get it. I worked at
this restaurant in high school,

and I don't remember anything
about it, just the drinks.

There was this vodka rum
brain freeze that was perfect.

- Uh...
- Ah.

Well, thank you for this
tour of how you've thrown up

in every trash can
from here to Midtown.

Oh, I would never drink
in Midtown.

- Takes a lot of the pressure off. Yeah.
- Good, I'm glad.

Um, all right, well,
go have fun.

I won't. I am pitching
my life's work

to everybody that I hated in
high school, so there you go.

Well, I'm gonna go find a
crappy bathroom to change in.

Cool. Sounds good.

I'll catch you later for a
virgin brain freeze, right?

Yeah.
Oh, that's just ice, but...

Sounds good.

- Good luck!
- Thanks!

It's so wild.
Like, they show you photos

when they are toddlers
or like when they're 12,

but you cannot
see them as adults.

Like, what did this nose
grow into? You know?

You got this.

- Babe-a-rooney? Are you with me?
- Yes. Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes.

Okay. Let's select some semen.

No. Okay, it's not
a yucky game show, it's DNA.

- Okay.
- It's for our baby. Okay.

"Engineer with
an electric personality."

- Mmm.
- Let's hear his voice.

I grew up with two younger
sisters and one older brother.

Our parents were loving
but very hardworking.

So not around a lot.

It's really nice and mellow,
it's like a warm buttery scotch.

I wonder what inspired him.

What do you mean?
What does that mean?

You know, like in the room,
in the lab.

You know, like...

Like, I think knowing that
would be

a lot more revealing than
hearing the sound of voice.

God, what if he was, like, doing
it while he was recording that?

Yuck town.

- Right, Josh?
- Josh was like "yuck."

Hold on, sorry. One sec.

Seriously?

I have to respond to
my sponsees. It's my job.

- We can go back to this.
- It's literally not your job.

Okay, fine. Whatever.

We will see you after, but then

you'll probably have to do
your real job

and then we'll just never
get back to it.

You always take him
when you're mad at me.

I work off of his vibe,
not the other way around,

so turn inward. Come on.

- He's freaking out.
- He loves me!

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Oh, there she is! Sammy Fink!

You made it!

Come on up.

- Up there?
- Yeah.

- Come on up.
- Right. Is there a...?

Yeah. Get up here.
Come on, let's do it.

Come on in.
Make yourself comfortable.

Have a seat.

- Sweet office, right?
- Yeah.

- Kick-ass view.
- Mm-hmm.

- I guess I'll...
- Yeah.

Cool chair, right?

Spooky.

Yeah. I've never sat in it.
So, is it comfortable?

- Yeah.
- Oh, good.

- Mm-hmm.
- So, look, uh...

I gotta be honest with you,

that-that thing
you sent me is brilliant.

I mean, it really felt
like an alcoholic's take

on Joan Didion's
"Leaving New York."

Wow. Thank you.

Yeah, I mean,
we would never publish it here,

but you should definitely
submit it somewhere smarter.

Okay. Um, what kind of stuff
do you want to publish here?

You know, we're looking for
a voice, a female voice,

something that's, you know,
a little snarky, kinda bitchy,

but you know, not in a mean way.

It's coming from the woman,
so it's cool.

Just somebody to kind of cover
local events like

gallery openings, plays,
interactive experiences,

whatever those are.

I think I could do that.

I have a female voice,

- I'm not mean all the time.
- Right.

Look, Sam, um...

You could be a really
good fit here,

that's why I thought of you,
but, um...

I gotta...
I gotta be honest with you.

Smug Media, they're owned
by a parent corporation.

And that corporation
is all about "accountability."

- Right.
- There were concerns.

There were worries
when your name came up

because of your past
behavior and...

Yeah, yeah. You can tell them
that I'm fully accountable now.

I mean, I have to be,
I have a probation officer.

Uh, I will definitely
not tell them that.

But, good to know.

- Okay, I gotta ask.
- Mm-hmm.

- Was I your bottom?
- Yeah, everyone always wants to know that,

but there wasn't really a specific thing;
It was just kind of like a hole

that I kept digging
and digging and digging.

You know. Ruined my
relationship with my mom,

ruined my relationship
with my friends,

impossible to date anybody...

I just kind of ended up
as this, like, broken,

sad, empty shell
of a human being.

Oh.

Okay.

You know, I also, um...

I threw up on
the Staten Island ferry once

and the wind kind of blew it
right back in my face.

Oh, God.

- Gross! Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Did it get in your mouth?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God. And then did you
throw up again? Like...

Oh, my God. See? This is
the kind of stuff I love.

Like, this... if we were
still at Bzzzzzzzzz,

this would be
a perfect listicle.

Oh, my God.

- Hey, James? Trip Nemshin.
- How's it going, man?

So, where's the rest
of your team?

Oh, no team, just me.

Oh. No, uh, no system architect?

No, I did the infrastructure,
the coding, all of it.

Wow, that's rare.
Never see that.

Yeah, I'm like
a good steak, right?

- Because of the rare...
- Yeah.

- Yeah. Let's see what you got.
- Okay. All right.

- Come on back!
- Yeah.

There you go, buddy.

- You have a good one.
- Thanks, man.

- Hot dog no relish lady.
- Yeah, that's me.

- Hot dog guy!
- Yeah.

I always wondered
if you were still alive.

Well, uh... yeah.

I'll... I'll take a hot dog,
no relish.

Whoa. Sorry,
can you break a hundo?

Good for you,
hot dog no relish,

you're doing well.

- There you go.
- Thanks.

Seven, eight, fifteen. Nice.

- Wait, wait. It's Sam.
- Oh. Okay.

- Hi!
- Hey.

Are you okay? How'd it go?

It was, uh, it was super weird,

but I got myself a hot dog

to feel better and I just wanted
to say thanks for the cash.

- What cash?
- The hundred you slipped in my bag.

I mean, I'm gonna blow it

all in the bodega,
but I appreciate it.

I'll, uh, I'll call you
if I hear anything, okay?

Love you.

Four, five, six.

Eight, sixteen...

Did you give my daughter money?

Yes. Yeah.
You know, it's New York.

I always tell my kids you gotta
have money for the muggers.

What?

Money for the muggers, you know,
if you get mugged,

you gotta, you know, take
the money out, show them,

throw it that way, and you run
the opposite direction.

Why would you give
my adult daughter money?

And why would you do that
without asking me first?

I-I didn't even... I didn't even
think it was a thing.

I mean, I didn't think that
was gonna be a problem.

So... I-I...

You're right.
No. I should've definitely

consulted with you on that.

Yeah, I didn't. That's my bad.
I got "vane."

I got "vane" here,
like a weather vane.

That's 16 points.
That's pretty good.

You're up.

- Hello?
- Sammy Fink,

what're you up to?

Uh, you know, not much,

just gonna walk around,
maybe buy a hot dog again.

Oh, really? Ugh. Don't put that
crap in your body. It's not...

Well, listen, not that
I monitor women's bodies.

Eat whatever you want.

I love all types. You know.

Big, fat, skinny, Scandinavian.

Um, anyway, listen,
some of us are going out later,

you should join us.

Oh, wow. Okay.

- Uh, who's "us"?
- You know,

like, just some
colleagues and some

general office assholes.
You know, the kinda people

you gotta vibe with
to get the job.

Awesome, yeah. I will
definitely be there. Thank you.

- Sweet. I'll send you the details.
- Okay.

Listen, just be yourself.

All right? Not your old self,
uh, your new self.

Uh, but not the new self
from today, just, you know...

Focus on the fun parts and
don't worry about the sad stuff.

- All right?
- Yeah.

I'll see you tonight. Okay. Bye.

So, my sobriety app isn't
a replacement for meetings,

but it's a solution for those

sometimes difficult times
in between.

So not only will our users have
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tailored to
their recovery needs,

but we have a tracking component

that will bring us to
a new frontier in wellness.

Love it.

Cool. Well, I look forward
to hearing from you guys...

No, no need. I knew I wanted it
before you got here.

How can we make this official?

So, you wanna buy it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Can't tell if you're excited
or terrified.

Well, I'm an alcoholic, so both.

Hi.

My boobs are huge.

Like, they have swelled up

an entire cup size from
the injections.

- Well, you look amazing.
- No, I don't.

No, I like... I got in
the best shape of my life

to launch Girl Boston,

and now I'm gonna swell up
like a bullfrog

for like a year, and I'm gonna
get jawline breakouts.

Like, you've seen
my high school yearbook,

it's gonna be really bad.

Baby, who cares?
You're gonna be pregnant.

It's okay if
your appearance changes.

- It's medically advisable.
- And then also, Joshy was in here,

and I was singing him
his song...

♪ Joshy, I love you ♪

♪ I smush your tush ♪

- ♪ I smush your tush ♪
- And he hissed at me.

Like...

He doesn't love me anymore
or something.

Or like he doesn't
recognize me anymore

Because I'm fat.

You're not fat.
That's crazy.

- Baby, what is going on?
- I don't know.

I don't know what's going on.

- I mean, like, are we ever gonna do this?
- Yes.

- Of course. You're so close.
- Yeah,

I'm so close. Are you?

Yeah. So, like, the last
three miles of the marathon...

It's like a whole other race,
but if you hydrate you're fine.

- You didn't...
- Sam!

- Hey, what's up?
- Hi.

- Hi. You made it.
- Yeah.

What's going on?
Do you want a drink?

Like an OJ or a seltz?
Cranberry...

She's sober, guys.
But it's cool.

It's totally fine.
I'm good.

- Is that okay to say that?
- Thank you. Yeah.

Everybody be cool.
This is Sam Fink,

she's our top candidate
for the party reporter job.

All right? So be nice, please.
Meaning...

don't be yourselves,
ha-ha, ha-ha...

So, that's cool. Sober, huh?

- Yeah.
- You know, my brother's in the program and he still rages.

I mean, he used to be, like,

way more fun
at Christmas parties

when he drank, but...

- Cool.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

So, I was just wondering...

You just said "party reporter,"

and I kind of thought
the job was like a...

like a cultural events
type thing. Is the...?

You know, it's like a combo.

Like, you're writing,
but there's parties.

- Cool.
- And Topher would do, like,

- party stuff at bars.
- He would.

- He was the last party reporter.
- Oh, cool.

- Yeah.
- And so he always goes to bars, and he was...

So, what happened to...
What happened to Topher?

Does he, like,
does he smell bad or...?

- Oh, he was great.
- He was good.

He was so great.
He just partied a little hard.

So, you know, he'd get so wasted

that he didn't turn stuff in
on time.

Yeah, and you know, and
he-he lost custody of his kids.

- It was pretty bad.
- Oof.

But that's not a problem for you
'cause you had a bad girl phase

and now that's
in the rearview, right?

- Yeah.
- And now you're just like Smooth Sailing Sam.

Right?

- Uh-huh.
- But I...

- We'll figure it out. I don't want you...
- It's fine.

- Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
- You're sure? Okay, good.

So, where are you, uh,
living, anyway?

- Uh, Malden.
- Okay, cool, I think I've heard of that.

Is that, like, near Bushwick?

Where, uh... oh, where
the unicycle thing is?

Sorry, I'm gonna step out
for one second.

- All right.
- Sorry about that.

- Bye, nice to meet you.
- Is she okay?

- I don't know. Where's Malden?
- Did I say something?

♪ How many years will it take
for these years to dry? ♪

♪ Oh, my Lord, please don't
pass me by ♪

♪ Where can I run when my
running is out of time? ♪

♪ These are the moments
that I'm with you. ♪

Hey.

- Back at the bench.
- Yeah, I see that.

Maybe if you sit here long
enough you'll remember.

Uh... I don't know
if I want to remember.

What if it was really bad?

Like I made out with
a finance bro

- in boat shoes or killed a guy?
- Right.

Yeah, that's the wild part
about this whole thing,

it's just like...

You have some stuff that
you might not want to remember.

Like, take me, for example.

Well, I'm glad I remembered you.

Me, too.

Can I?

Okay...

I just feel like I was so sad,
you know? Why was I so sad?

Well, maybe that's okay.
You're not sad anymore.

Your life is heading
in a good direction.

- You might get that job.
- I don't know if I want that job.

This place just doesn't feel
good for me.

I don't know. I feel like
I really needed to be here,

but I don't know why.
It's like

I wasn't even here
in the first place, you know?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Oh, man.

I found out my dad died
on this bench.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Sorry.

- That's, that's a bad one.
- Yeah.

- We should go.
- All right.

Smush. I'm smushing the tush.

You're so sweet.

- How did you get so sweet?
- Joshy Josh.

Smushy smush.

Good boy.

Go, Joshy, shoo.

He was just starting
to love me again.

Do you wanna talk?

Okay.

I'll talk.

I'm sorry that
I've been creating distance.

It just feels so wrong

to be inviting a man in.

It's like, there's gonna be
some random dude

who's a plus-one
in our pregnancy.

No, I know. It's...

It feels so like heterosexual,
all of it.

I wish we could have the baby
just the two of us.

I learned recently that,
if you go back

like seven generations,

you don't actually share that
much DNA with your ancestors.

So, like, even though they're,

like, your whole culture,
and your background,

and your history,
you're not actually

biologically connected to them.

It's love... like,
love is what makes a family.

And, like, there's so much love

for a child
before you even start.

Well, that's kind of beautiful.

What if I carried it?

You carried the baby?

I wanna share it.

I-I don't want you
to have to do it alone.

That's so sweet, but...

But then, I mean...

You would have to do
so many tests,

like, we... you would have to
check for fibroids,

and make sure that your body
isn't gonna reject the tissue.

Like, it's a lot.

Don't tell me any more things
or I'm gonna back out.

- I love you so much.
- And I love you.

Is there still weirdness here?
I-I... There's weirdness.

- I feel it.
- No.

We're normal. It's fine.

Dinner was good.

Okay, Carol, come on.

Look, I am very, very sorry.

You're right,
it was inappropriate

and it must be weird for you

that your new boyfriend
is slipping your kid

money behind your back.
I get it.

I know what you meant.

You know, she's...

She's just a kid
in-in a big city,

and she could use a boost.
And...

that's all it was.

I-I would do the exact same
thing for my kids.

And that's what threw me.

You're stepping in
for someone who isn't here.

And I miss him.

Yeah.

I know.

Way to bury the lede, man.

You let me whine about a bench
and you sold the thing?

- Are you kidding me? That's amazing.
- Yeah.

I don't know how to feel,
though, because, like...

I don't know, there's an odd
comfort to failure.

- Yeah, well, sing it, sister.
- Yeah.

You sure you don't want me
to stick around

while you finish the stuff?
'Cause I'm pretty sure I can

just, like, catch another bus.

Yeah... Don't ask me that.

Um...

Because I don't know if
I can keep saying no to you.

I'll see you in Malden.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

- Um, do you wanna...?
- No, you can... I'm just...

Cool.

♪ I found your first draft
in the trash ♪

♪ Of our bedroom ♪

♪ Goodbye and all that ♪

♪ Screw you, did you? ♪

♪ Oh, apples and oranges ♪

♪ Perfume is the poison ♪

♪ Oh, apples and oranges. ♪

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