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My name is Walerian Borowczyk.
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I am a dead Polish filmmaker.
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I lived my entire life
in a box with a hole.
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It all began in Poland
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a little before my birth.
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AFORETIME
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When my father met my mother,
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she and her sister
were playing their favourite game:
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the game of Angels.
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The game consisted
of letting yourself die a little,
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in order to catch a glimpse
of angels' feet.
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Or, with a bit of luck, their arses.
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BESTIALITY
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My father was a force of nature.
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But he could rein in his bestiality
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and turn it into sweet poetry.
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COURTING
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To seduce my mother,
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my father
became as one with nature.
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For my mother and father
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it was love at first sight.
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He whispered in her ear,
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"Come, butterfly, taste my flowers."
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She gave herself to him
unrestrainedly.
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One could say that I was born
of the fortuitous encounter
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between a flower and a butterfly.
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DISAPPOINTMENT
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When my mother was pregnant,
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they organised a discreet wedding.
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My grandfather wept tears of joy.
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My father's heart
took flight in endless song.
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On the wedding day,
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my mother was the victim
of an unfortunate fall.
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She fell from her chair
at the end of the meal.
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I have a very clear memory
of that fall.
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The memory of an endless waltz
with my mother.
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I was born suddenly,
without warning.
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ENTRAPPED
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Despite everything,
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I was the spitting image
of my father.
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They had to face facts:
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I was not what you would call
a chubby-cheeked
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and bonny baby.
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Scarcely freed
from my mother's womb,
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I found myself
entrapped in my own body.
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I soon realised
that I was entrapped in a body,
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which itself was entrapped
in a house,
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itself entrapped in a country.
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FUMES
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I grew up
in the shade of apple trees
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by the railway line.
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When I started walking,
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my grandfather
could no longer get around.
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So he showed me
the smoke of the trains,
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and he wept.
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His tears were salty
with the flavour of smoky rose.
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GRATUITOUS
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My father
would often take me with him
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on his Sunday excursions.
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He did not speak much.
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On the journey
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I would listen
to the regular rubbing of his legs.
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Sometimes
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I would hear him piss
as he walked.
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"Mustn't waste time," he would say.
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Above all else,
my father loved bird watching.
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Birds of all sizes and colours,
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with or without feathers.
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Soon
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I too started to take great pleasure
in watching birds.
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HABITS
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Returning from these walks,
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I drew birds with no clothes on.
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My mother was amazed
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at my talent for drawing
birds with no clothes on.
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After meals,
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my father often suffered headaches.
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No one dared disturb him.
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"The trains,
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"the trains..."
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he would say.
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The day I consoled Olga,
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I discovered all the possibilities
offered by my cubic body.
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I also discovered those gentle
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and understanding creatures
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with all manner of orifices,
which we call birds.
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JOY
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Exploring Olga
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I would lose myself.
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And the more I lost myself,
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the more she enjoyed it.
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Then it was her I lost sight of.
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She flew away
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the day war came,
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with its cortege of woe and noise.
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After the war
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I was a student.
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My body had changed.
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I was free.
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In a country in ruins.
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It was as a student
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that I thought I glimpsed Olga
at a bend in the road.
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Her clothes were red,
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as if they held all her blood.
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All around her the walls wept.
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My taste for literature, painting
and the graphic arts
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had given me wings.
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But a nasty fall left me bedridden,
in danger of losing my sight.
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It was while lying inert in my bed
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that I decided to make films.
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My father gave me
a rudimentary camera.
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It was a revelation.
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As I could not go out,
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I first wanted to see
the inside of things.
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MORTALITY
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It was death
that brought me back to my parents.
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When my grandfather died,
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I realised how close we had been.
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I wished I could taste,
one last time,
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his salty rose tears.
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NAKED
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The night of the funeral vigil,
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I saw my mother fly away.
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In spite of the years,
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her body
was in miraculously good shape.
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Her lover stood in the field,
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upright, erect,
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taut as a bow.
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My mother climbed onto the beast.
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PORNOGRAPHER
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Her feet balancing on her perch,
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she let her lover graze.
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My sense of decency
made me look away.
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QUARREL
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To make a start in cinema,
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I made use of Jan Lenica
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and his contacts.
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Together we put our names
to my first films.
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Then we quarrelled.
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Today I have erased
from my memory
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that upstart, talentless filmmaker.
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REVERENCE
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It was at the same time
that I met Ligia,
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my muse,
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my bird,
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my actress...
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But, out of a sense of decency,
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I shall say nothing about her.
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SOUVENIR
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I remember the day I left Poland.
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My father saw me off on the train.
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Too sad,
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my mother stayed at home.
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For my departure,
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my father had the horse slaughtered.
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With the remains of the animal
he made a costume.
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"It'll be good for your films,"
he said.
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I thought of my mother,
weeping alone in the house.
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In order to save money,
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I travelled in a goods carriage.
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On the train to Paris
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I met the person
who would become my assistant.
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I have a fuzzy memory
of my first homosexual experience.
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TAKE
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In Paris, without money,
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I shot my first films,
one image at a time.
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They were a success,
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and I was given
more film to work with.
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I shot longer and longer films,
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directing actors
with and without costumes.
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I built the sets with my own hands,
leaving nothing to chance.
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I wanted to attain grace.
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All the films I shot
form but one film.
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UNANIMOUS
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At first the critics
were unanimously positive.
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Then it turned
into a continuous stream of piss.
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They held against me
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my pornography, my systematisation,
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my Polish accent, my pretentiousness,
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my temper, my obsessions,
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my bad taste,
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my mannerism
and my gratuitous violence.
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Some of my films were called vulgar.
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I don't see why.
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VULGARITY
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In France,
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I became a specialist
of 'featherweight films',
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using a skeleton crew
to make increasingly spare erotic films.
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I made a name for myself,
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which was forgotten.
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My cinema caught a disease.
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No one wanted to see it any more.
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YEARNING
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Despite everything,
I remained true to my inspiration.
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Without knowing
where it would lead me.
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ZEPHYR
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When I returned to Poland,
it was by car.
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It was the last time
I saw my parents.
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It was night.
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We blew on the embers,
talking about the past.
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A warm wind filled our hearts.
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My parents never saw
my French films.
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That was Walerian Borowczyk.
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Subtitling by TITRA FILM Paris
13292
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