All language subtitles for Wellington.Paranormal.S04E04.1080p.HDTV.H264-WURUHI[eztv.re]

(INTENSE MUSIC)

Please excuse the construction
noises going on. Uh,

the station is having
super-fast broadband installed.

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

(ALL APPLAUD)

Great news. Um,

now, on to a more serious matter.
(DRILLS WHIRR, TOOLS BANG)

We all value ourselves as police.
It's not easy. We get up in the...

(CONSTRUCTION INTENSIFIES)
We get up in the morning...

(CONSTRUCTION DROWNS OUT SPEECH)

And that ... that is probably the most
important thing I've ever said

to any of you.

- Yes.
- Uh, sorry. Apologies, Sarge.

It's getting increasingly hard
to follow this briefing

due to the continual
audio interference.

Um, how long is the construction
going to take?

- Well, that depends, O'Leary.
- How long is a piece of string?

Ah. Well, that depends, Sarge.

B e ca u 5e...
(CONSTRUCTION DROWNS OUT SPEECH)

...later that same day I...

...maybe twice around
that finger, so.

You know what?

I'm gonna go get this sorted out,
all right? Now, dismissed.

So, here we are in the basement,
AKA the bowels of the station.

We're just gonna have a word
to the construction guys

(YELLS) and see if we can't come up
with some kind of compromise.

Morning, fullas.

I thought you guys were
working this whole time.

Yeah, we have been.

Do your jackhammers
have to go during your breaks?

Find the sound quite soothing.

(JACKHAMMER POWERS DOWN)

Hey, guys! Look at this!

Oh, yeah. There's something weird
down there.

- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Minogue! Health and Safety!

(THUDS)
' Argh!

Look.

It's a gravestone.

Here's another one. It says,
'In memory of Joan Richwhite.'

This one says,
'In memory of William Whiting.'

READS: John 'Whitey' Whiteman.

Well, if I'm not mistaken.

This very station is built on...

a Pakeha burial ground,

or a resting place
for Caucasian people.

('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME MUSIC)

Captions by Able.
www.able.co.nz

(THUNDER RUMBLES, LIGHTNING CRACKS)

I'm just trying to work out
the weather forecast,

because I left my washing
on the line, and I really need

my sheets to be dry
when I get home tonight,

but I can't work out
how to connect to the internet.

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

READS: 'You will diet...

'O-night.'

Hang on.
(READS) You will die tonight.

Now I just have to
work out the password.

Nah, password is not 'password'.

(KEYS TAP)

(COMPUTER BEEPS)
Yes!

Cracked it.

Password is 'password2'.

Hey, Dan.

Password is 'password2'.

King

Jane. Password is 'password2'.

Stella. Stella.

- Stella.
- Yep.

Tell Jane the password
is 'password2'.

Stella is annoyed at me,
because I stole her cup.

'I am the law, ' which is
technically not true, really.

We are the law.
There's about 4000 of us.

So, I'm just doing a bit
of police admin. I mean,

it's not paranormal, obviously,

but it's a really important
part of the job.

And it's...

(PAPERS WHIRR)

Says it needs more blood.

I mean surely it
just means magenta

(YELLS)

Whoa. Minogue, what is it?

I was just watching a video
for work purposes, and look.

Oh, that's cute.

- Why is this for work purposes?
- Well, wait for it.

(SCREEN BUZZES, WOMAN SCREAMS,
BOTH YELL)

Is it supposed to do that?

(ELECTRICAL SCREAMING)

Is it?

Oh, candlestick.

Um, samurai swords.

Probably once a year,
it's my responsibility

just to go through all
the paraphernalia and weaponry

that we've confiscated from criminals
that we've arrested,

and then sell it online.

OK, so 10 bucks, 10 bucks, 10 bucks,

10 bucks. 10 bucks each or, um,

40 for four.

Um, for example these binoculars
we took from a peep...

A notorious peeping tom.
Um, so, yeah.

So, if you're interested
in binoculars,

make sure you put in a bid on 'em.

Um, they're really good
for peeping, apparently.

This one here we took from, like,
a really dodgy. Um, motel owner.

Here's the bach.

Pohutukawa.

Yeah.

He's gone away for a long time ...
18 months.

Uh, this one ... this is,
um, some golf clubs.

Uh, we've had this... I've been trying
to sell it for the last five years,

but people don't seem to
really be interested in it.

I think maybe because of the, um,
blood and the brain matter,

and there's a few, kind of, human
hairs on there. That's probably...

But, you know, you could clean it up
with, um, Spray and Wipe, no problem.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Ah, over here you've got heaps
of coke ... um, cocaine.

So maybe five bucks for that.

(SNIFFS, CHUCKLES)

This... So this a briefcase
of $45,000. Um...

maybe 30 grand.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Uh, yeah.

Uh, what else have we got?

So then Officer Minogue called me
over to his desk, um,

where he was watching
some cat videos.

- Work-related cat videos.
- Yep.

And then all of a sudden, this
ghost face came out of the screen

and screamed, 'It's not the heat
that gets you; it's the humidity.'

That's interesting. That's
a phrase that Pakeha love to say.

Well, to be fair, Sarge.

Ever since we uncovered
that Pakeha burial ground,

things have been a bit off. I mean,

look at what
the photocopier produced.

That's awesome.

Go backwards.

I like it
when he's getting smaller.

- Can you make it dance?
- It's moving.

- Cool.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What does that say there? There.

It says, 'Time to die.'

- (BANGING ON DOOR)
- (GASPS)

- Sarge, it's me, Parker.
- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Everyone just stay still.
- Hopefully he'll just go away.

- Guys, I know you're in there.
- Please. I...

I've got to show you something.

(BANGS ON DOOR)

- Guys?
- OK, let him in.

- What's the password?
- Oh, I don't know.

- Password2?
- He guessed it.

Guys, I've got to show you
something that's really freaky.

Here you go.

Oh, no. Sorry, that's my...

WHISPERS: That's my Tinder.

Sorry.

Here we go. This one here.

I was taking some photos. Look.

Look at that. There's me and a trike.
And look what's...

- Can you see that behind?
- What?

Is that a trick of the light,
or is that a... is that...?

That's not a trick
of the light, Parker.

(PHONE RINGS)
(YELLS)

(ALL PANT)

Hello.

Sgt Maaka speaking.

Oh, yes.

Yep.

OK.

- WHISPERS: Who is it?
- Yeah, sure. I can do that.

YEP-

Sure, I'll... I'll let them know.
Thank you.

Who was it, Sarge?

Uh, it was a somewhat
ghoulish voice

telling me that
we're all going to die.

(SIGHS)

That's not even the scariest thing that's
happened to us today, right? (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

So, after much deliberation.

We have decided upon
two courses of action.

One, we could confront
these Pakeha spirits

who have escaped into our station.

Or two, just leave the premises.

So we had a vote, and we've
decided to leave the premises.

Uh, also Parker
has to leave early,

because he's got
choir practice tonight.

Yeah.

I've got it every Tuesday
and Wednesday and Thursday nights.

It's really bucketing down
out there. I'm not keen to go out.

Uh, maybe we should stay.

- But what about the ghosts?
- Oh, yeah.

(BUTTON BUZZES)

No, no. It's jammed.
The door is jammed.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Hey, look! The Pakeha spirits
have gotten into the circuitry.

They're in the Wi-Fi;
they're in the printer.

Pakeha will take over everything
given half a chance.

No offence.

Look.

Guys, they've even colonised
the vending machine.

OK. Looks like we're gonna have
to take the first course of action,

which is confront these ghosts
and maybe even talk to them.

- Is this free?
- Who knows?

They might even be friendly.

No, it's stolen, eh?

Stolen it.

So we are now actually in
the, um, police cleaning cupboard,

and we've decided what's essential
is that we attempt to communicate

- with the spirit.
- That's right.

And, uh, found this police-issue
Ouija board,

and that way we can use it to
attempt to interview the ghosts.

(CLEARS TH ROAT)

Spirits, if you are there,

please make your presence
or presences known.

- Present?
- Presence.

Oh, so you think they're like
the Ghost of Christmas Past

or something?

- (ELECTRICITY BUZZES)
- Ooh.

(WHIMPERS)

(ALL MURMUR)

- Who's moving that?
- Oh.

It would appear that a ghost
is actually moving this.

Hey, hey.

It's attempting to
spell something out.

ALL: S, U, C.

It's attempting
to communicate with us.

What's it spelling?

- Oh my goodness.
- (RETCHES)

That is highly offensive! Eurgh!

You can't talk to us
like that, ghost.

We can't actually repeat
what it's saying,

because it's of quite a graphic
and highly offensive nature.

(ALL SHUDDER)

What a potty mouth.

Can we arrest a ghost for
talking to us like that, Sarge?

Can we unpack all of this
in a safe space, please?

I mean, what does it want?

Well, what do we know
about these old Pakeha?

The three of you are Pakeha.

What is the most common complaint
we get from old Pakeha?

BOTH: They want people
off their property.

Sometimes it's not
even their property.

Like, sometimes it can be,
like, a park or a beach.

Like, 'Get the blimmin' heck
off my beach!'

- Yeah, that is so pakeha.
- Right.

They most like likely
want us off their land.

It's not really their land,
though, is it?

- Mm.
- Yeah, well, that won't matter.

(ELECTRICITY SIZZLES)
Shhh.

WHISPERS: Do you want us
to be quiet?

Yes.

Now, I think we can deduce that
there is a spirit in this lightbulb.

(WHIMPERS)

What's happening now?

Um, O'Leary,

unplug the modem, quick!
There's a spirit trapped inside.

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

- Get it, Sarge!
- Get it, Sarge!

- Go, Sarge. You got this!
- Secure it! Stop resisting!

(BLOWS SMACK)

That... that's assaulting
a police officer.

You have the right to an attorney.

(YELLS)

- (GRUNTS, SIGHS)
- You OK, Sarge?

(EERIE MUSIC)

(GROANS)

- We did it!
- We did it!

- (LAUGHS) We did it. Yaysies!
- GIGGLES: We did it!

What's up, Sarge?

HAUGHTY: Well, I'm feeling
a fair bit parched

after that little tussle.

Excuse me?

Why don't we go out for
a few bevvies after this, eh?

I feel like it's beer o'clock
somewhere. Am I right? (LAUGHS)

- We've got work.
- Are you hard at work,

or are you hardly working, eh?
(LAUGHS)

High five. High five!

Yeah... No. Almost. Almost.

Yep. Oh, no. We're gonna get it.

Yep, almost.

Ooh, ooh. Halfway there.
Halfway there. Yep.

- Another one.
- You've got to line the elbows up.

- Line the elbows up. Oh!
- We're gonna get it eventually.

That's a bit... Ah, yeah.
We got it! Yeah.

TRILLS: Victory dance.

Is it just me or does Sarge
seem particularly... pakeha?

Now I could be wrong, but it feels
like a fantabulous time for you

(DEMONICALLY) to die!

(SCREAMS)

(ALL YE LL)

(CACKLES DISTANTLY)

So what we deduce has happened
is that Sarge has been possessed

by one of the spirits released
from the Pakeha burial ground.

(PANTS) Which was uncovered in
order to get faster broadband Wi-Fi

in the station.

Guys, have you noticed that
we've been running past the same door

again and again? (WAILS)

See? Look.

That is a bit weird, isn't it?

That is a bit weird, isn't it?

See? Look.

That is a bit weird, isn't it?

It's like we're in the Flintstones
or something.

(WAILS HAUNTINGLY)

Parker? Parker!

- Are you possessed too?
- No, I'm just warming up

for my choir practice.
Now, guys, listen.

I know that it's, like, really
scary ... what we're going through

and stuff, but is there any way
we could speed it up?

Because I've got to get to
my choir practice tonight.

Yeah. Look, I don't know,
Parker, OK?

We're in a never-ending hallway
apparently, so, you know,

- we could be here forever.
- Mm.

Eurgh, yuck. (CHUCKLES)

- Ooh.
- (GASPS)

(GASPS)

Ta-da!

Ha! Oh, guys, it's a party in here.

Now, are you guys ready
for the Bogey Man?

You get it? (LAUGHS)

Sarge has been possessed by
someone making really bad jokes.

- He wouldn't actually like that.
- Hang on. What's he doing?

- Wait, wait. No.
- No.

(SCREAMS)

- (YELLS)
- That one was a bit high.

- (ALL SCREAM)
- Hey, hey,

what did the cheese say
to itself in the mirror?

Hallou-mi. (CHORTLES)

(EERIE MUSIC)

Go, go, go!

Lights! Lights!

(PANTS)

- Hey, where's Parker?
- Shh.

- WHISPERS: Hey. Hey.
- Hey! Hey, maybe Sarge has got him.

You know, like in those movies
where one member of the group

disappears at a time?

It's always the chatty one
who goes first.

But Parker is pretty chatty.

OK, so stop chatting, then,
or you're gonna be next.

- Can you see him?
- Not yet.

- DISTANTLY: Whoopsie-daisy!
- (LAUGHS)

Why is he yelling
'Whoopsie-daisy'?

He's so white. It's embarrassing.

(TENSE MUSIC)

- O'Leary.
- What?

I think you're gonna
want to see this.

READS: 'You can't beat
Wellington on a good day, '

- over and over and over again.
- Well, he's not wrong.

Maybe if we work out who
is buried on this site here,

we can figure out a way to get
that ghost out of Sgt Maaka.

(KEYS TAP)

BOTH: Whoa!

- Wow.
- It's the fibre connection.

- It's unbelievable.
- The internet is so fast ... so fast.

(DRAMATIC NOTE)

BOTH: Eurgh.

- Don't like that.
- Certainly not optimal.

(PRINTER WHIRRS)

Can you make that thing
go a bit quieter, please?

Because Sarge is gonna hear us.

Well, you're the one
who wanted to print them.

Yeah, well I can't read
off a screen at night

- because it keeps me awake.
- The ghosts don't keep you awake?

No.

OK. So we've managed to
obtain some intel, um,

on who is buried
in the cemetery here.

Um one of the graves
belongs to a notorious criminal,

John 'Whitey' Whiteman, um,

AKA the Bogey Man.

Not the Boogie Man.
Um, actually, the Bogey Man.

The Bogey Person.

Bogey Person probably
is the best term.

Yeah, absolutely.

It says here that he, uh, became
homicidal after getting a bogey

on every single hole except for the
18th, where he got a double bogey.

This sent him into a murderous rage.

He killed all of this golfing
buddies with a golf club.

You know, from our point of view,
if you're playing sport

and things aren't really
going your way, you know,

- just take a little time out.
- Mm. Absolutely.

I think what we need to do now
is, um, you know,

find out what his weakness is,

and potentially, we can use that
against him, um, to our advantage.

It says here he lost
because of his put-ting ...

- But put-ting what? And where?
- It's putting. It's a golfing term.

So it's when you use the little
stick to get the ball in the hole.

Oh, is it?

- Like mini golf?
- No, no. |t's...

(CRASH!)

(BOTH YELP)

- (GROWLS)
- Get away!

(BOTH YELL)

Here's Whitey! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

- (YELLS)
- Sarge, Sarge.

- Stop it, Sarge!
- You're scaring O'Leary.

Oh! Oh. Oh.

- Oh, it's very splintery.
- What?!

This wood. This wood
is very splintery.

Go, go, go, go, go!

- Block the door! Block the door!
- It's so annoying.

- (THUNK!)
- Does anybody have any tweezers?

- Push!
- Hey! Hey!

- Shh.
- Ohh, gosh darn it.

Why the hell did you have
to go and do that for, eh?

- I'm gonna call the cops.
- (BANGS ON DOOR)

- What? No, but... No, what are you...?
- (LAUGHS)

- Yeah. That's not gonna work...
- It's ringing! It's ringing!

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Minogue!

- Answerphone.
- (WOOD CRUNCHES)

- Look!
- See the little door!

- Come on. Go, go, go! Quick! Come on!
- (GRUNTS)

- Come on! Come on!
- Get in!

- Get in there! Get in there!
- You're the smallest. Get in!

- Quick! Hurry up!
- It's too late for Kevin!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

(GRUNTS)

Yoo-hoo! Time to die! (LAUGHS)

Hello! Wonderful day, isn't it?

- Hurry up, Evan! Get in here!
- There's a door! A door!

Go through, through, through!
Faster! Faster!

- Hurry up! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go!

You go! You go!

- Oh, this is weird.
- This is quite cool.

We're actually back
in the Paranormal office. Parker!

I told you it was like the movies.

- He's dead, isn't he?
- He's still got a pulse!

Mouth-to-mouth ... I learnt
about that in the movies too.

- That was a CPR training video.
- Oh, yeah.

I wondered why the performances
were so wooden,

but I liked the happy ending.

- No, it's my turn. It's my turn.
- (YELPS)

No, it's my turn.
You did that old lady at the mall.

- She died.
- Yeah,

- but that still counts as one.
- No, it doesn't. Anyway...

Just cos you were no good at it
doesn't mean it doesn't count.

You did it the other week
with that softball player.

Yeah, but that was the other week,
not the other day.

- No. No, it's not your turn.
- So it's my turn.

Well, you've got the taser
this week.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

- (GURGLES)
- (YELLS)

- (GASPS) Oh, goodness!
- Parker, you're alive!

- I'm so good at mouth-to-mouth.
- Oh, sorry, guys. It's...

Oh, sorry. |t's... When I get stressed,
um, I tend to fall asleep.

Just... It's not very good
when you're a cop, obviously.

I was just having the worst dream!

There was this squid,
and I was married to it,

and we were living in this aquarium.

But, I don't know,
we weren't that good, anyway!

Parker. OK. There's no time
for an explanation, OK?

We have got to get that ghost
out of Maaka stat.

- Is 'stat' short for...?
- It just means straightaway.

- Statistics, is it?
- No,

- straightaway. It means now.
- Statutory.

Like, they say it
in the medical thing.

So, we've come up with
a simple yet effective plan.

Uh, what we've done is
recreated the 18th hole

where John 'Whitey' Whiteman lost.

Um, what we're hoping is that
Sarge, AKA John 'Whitey' Whiteman,

will come through those doors,
he'll see that putter,

and then put the ball
straight in the hole there.

He's gonna drill a bogey, uh,
then he's gonna find peace finally

- and, uh, go on to the next realm.
- Mm.

Guys, there are so many variables.

I just don't know
if the whole thing will work out.

OK. Yep, we know
your reservations.

You've been grumbling
about this plan since the get-go.

Now it's just a game
of hide-and-seek, really.

It's wait-and-see.

Well, agree to disagree.

Hoo-hoo!

Say 'cheese'!

- (GASPS)
- (LAUGHS)

- Now, time for a silly one.
- What?

Oh, come on.

First you do a proper one,
and then you do a silly one.

That's the way it works! Come on!

- Just do it.
- Come on!

Yes. Good. Great, good. Good.

And hold it. And... cheese!
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

And now...

(DEMONICALLY) it's time to die!

(ROARS, CACKLES)

Whitey! Whitey, wait!

Look. It's the green
on the 18th hole.

- What?!
- There's your putter.

- All you have to do is pick it up.
- And just get your bogey, buddy.

- Then you can be happy.
- Oh...

I see.

Great.

- That's it, mate. That's it, mate.
- You can do it.

- Line up the shot.
- Bit of encouragement, guys.

- OK, you can do it!
- Come on! Come on!

Quiet, please! Quiet, please.

(SOFT MUSIC)

(ALL GASP)

ALL: No!

(GARBLED YELLING)

- (SCREAMS) What?!
- That was supposed to go in!

I guess I've got no other option

but to kill you all,
just like I did last time!

(LAUGHS)

Yeah. Oh!

(GRUNTS)

(PANTS) Oh! Oh, damn!

Oh, damn it!

I can't get any purchase on the club.

I'll just have to call my chums.

Yoo-hoo!

(ENERGY CRACKLES)

(SHUDDERS)

FEMALE, POSHLY:
It's very humid, isn't it?

(DISTORTED WHISPERS)

(SHUDDERS)

- Oh, hello!
- It is muggy.

Oh no, not more Pakeha ghosts!

They're gonna colonise
the whole station.

- (HUFFS) This is not your property!
- Get off my property.

- You shouldn't be on our property. Get off!
- No, you get off those bodies!

Those aren't your bodies. Get out!

We're gonna
call the police on you.

Well, I am the police! We are
the police. Those are police bodies,

so why don't you vacate them
and get out of our police station?!

What was it you
just said to me, young chap?

You heard me, Pakeha. You and 5
your mates, get off my property!

- It's not your property!
- You wanna bet?

- OK. Here we go, Mr White-man.
- White-min.

- Uh, OK, Mr White-men.
- White-min.

OK, Mr White-man. OK.

If you just take note of
the official signature there,

- that is the signed part of the deed.
- Yes, I see.

Uh, so that would mean that
the Ministry of Corrections

owns all of this land
and out to the car park.

As is the pakeha way, to own
the land, you need a piece of paper.

Yes, OK. I overstayed my welcome.

Goodbye to you all.

Haere ra, Pakeha.

All right. Quickly ...
Let's get this wrapped up.

Seal this lid. (GRUNTS)

Quick, get some of that
Selley's No-More-Gaps on there.

(GRUNTS)

God, it's congealing already.

He's a ghost, though, guys. Won't
he just pass through the concrete?

- OK, guys. That's enough there.
- Come on. Let's wrap it up.

Here we go.

Ah!

Water on you. (CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, so, at the end of the day,
I don't actually remember

most of what happened, to be honest,
mainly due to the fact

that I was possessed
by a homicidal Pakeha spirit.

Oh, regardless, though, we're
just glad to have you back, Sarge.

Yeah, but what we're
most glad about is that

we've now got high-speed internet
in the police station.

I mean, I would even go so far
as to say this has all been

completely worth it.

(WAILS SPOOKILY)

What have we said
about making that noise, Parker?

- Oh. Sorry, guys.
- I'm just exercising my tool.

And my tool, in this case,
is my vocal folds.

Actually, do you guys want to come
to the Great Wellington Sing-Off?

I can get you complimentary tickets.

- I'm gonna be away that day.
- I've got soccer practice.

Probably gonna
feel sick that night.

Oh. Well, hope you feel
better soon, Minogue.

- GHOSTS: We'll come!
- FEMALE GHOST: I love getting on my knees for a good hymn!

MALE GHOST: We should all go.

Is it choir music?
Oh, he looks like a choir boy,

- doesn't he?
- He does.

♪