All language subtitles for The Vicar of Dibley (1994) - S00E01 - The Easter Bunny (576p DVD x265 Ghost).srt - eng(2)

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified) Download
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:08,072 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 2 00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:14,112 ♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 3 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:19,784 ♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪ 4 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:25,724 ♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪ 5 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:33,565 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 6 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,739 THESE FLOWERS ARE 7 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,473 COMPLETELY OUT OF WATER. 8 00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,142 THEY'RE SILK, ALICE. 9 00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,277 YOKELY-DOKELY. 10 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:53,484 VICAR, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 11 00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:56,655 HMM...INTERESTING QUESTION. 12 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,256 IF, ON THE ONE HAND, 13 00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,424 YOU'RE ASKING ME 14 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,760 DO I BELIEVE IN MAGIC AS ENTERTAINMENT, 15 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,929 THEN MY ANSWER WOULD BE YES. 16 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,597 PAUL DANIELS IS THE LIVING 17 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,866 AND RAPIDLY BALDING PROOF OF THAT. 18 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,034 IF, ON THE OTHER HAND, 19 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,468 YOU'RE ASKING ME DO I BELIEVE THAT 20 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,038 THESE MAGICIANS POSSESS ACTUAL MAGIC POWERS, 21 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,806 THEN MY ANSWER WOULD BE NO. 22 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,308 ALTHOUGH THERE IS SOMETHING PRETTY DAMN SPOOKY 23 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,643 ABOUT PAUL DANIELS' ABILITY 24 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,244 TO MAKE HIMSELF SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE 25 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,948 TO THE LOVELY AND FRAGRANT DEBBIE McGEE. 26 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,749 IF, ON THE THIRD HAND, 27 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,785 YOU'RE INQUIRING INTO THE POSSIBILITY 28 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,020 OF THE MAGICAL MANIPULATION OF NATURAL THINGS 29 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,655 BY THE LORD GOD, 30 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,624 THEN MY ANSWER WOULD BE A RESOUNDING YES. 31 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,625 DOES THAT ANSWER THE QUESTION? 32 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,227 I'VE GOT ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. 33 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,198 I WAS REALLY ONLY PAVING THE WAY 34 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,934 FOR ASKIN' IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY. 35 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,072 UH... 36 00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,173 AGAIN, INTERESTING QUESTION. 37 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:53,244 ANSWER: OF COURSE NOT, YOU DOZY DONKEY! 38 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,279 AND WHY NOT?! 39 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,182 ALL RIGHT, ALICE, BRACE YOURSELF-- 40 00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,784 THIS IS GONNA BE HARD. 41 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,053 BUT, AS THE BBC SAID TO ESTHER RANTZEN 42 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,955 WHEN THEY AXED HER SHOW, 43 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,556 "THAT'S LIFE." 44 00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:06,858 NOW, AT TEN, 45 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,193 YOUR MOTHER SAT YOU DOWN AND SHE TOLD YOU 46 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,730 THAT KERMIT WAS REALLY JUST AN OLD GREEN SOCK. 47 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,265 AT TWENTY, SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT SANTA CLAUS-- 48 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,267 WHAT ABOUT HIM? 49 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,038 MOVING ON... 50 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,107 THIS IS THE AWFUL MOMENT WHEN I TELL YOU 51 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,508 THAT THE EASTER BUNNY 52 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,677 ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY 53 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,113 DOES NOT EXIST AT ALL. 54 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,649 WELL, MAYBE NOT WHERE YOU COME FROM, 55 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,150 BUT HERE, 56 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,753 WE'RE GOT OUR VERY OWN PROPER EASTER BUNNY. 57 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,354 I'VE SEEN IT. 58 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,222 NO, YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT. 59 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:40,558 YES, I HAVE! EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE HAS! 60 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,227 ALICE, YOU'RE LYING, AND IF YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE, 61 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,063 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUNISH YOU. 62 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,832 AND THIS HAIR BRUSH FEATURES QUITE PROMINENTLY 63 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,500 IN THE PUNISHMENT. 64 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,602 AND YOUR PANTS DON'T. 65 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,673 NO, NO, NO! I'M SERIOUS! 66 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,909 AND BE CAREFUL-- ANYONE WHO QUESTIONS 67 00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:01,012 THE EXISTENCE OF THE RABBIT COMES UNDER THE ANCIENT CURSE. 68 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,148 OOH, I'M SCARED! 69 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,249 WHAT IS THE ANCIENT CURSE? 70 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:08,586 "WHOEVER SHALL QUESTION THE RABBIT BUT ONCE, 71 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:12,991 THEIR FIRSTBORN SHALL THENCEFORTH BE A DUNCE." 72 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,625 RIGHT. 73 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,563 AND HAS ANYONE QUESTIONED IT RECENTLY? 74 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,566 ACTUALLY, MY MUM DID. 75 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:24,002 ( sings Twilight Zone theme ) 76 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,271 I'M NOT ASKING FOR THE MOON. 77 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,406 I THINK IT'S A BRILLIANT PLAN. 78 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,775 AND IF THE COUNCIL WOULD ONLY JUST BACK US 79 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,210 TO GET IT STARTED, 80 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,345 I'M SURE THEY WOULDN'T REGRET IT. 81 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,181 BRAVO. EXCELLENT IDEA. 82 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:39,350 WHAT EXACTLY IS THE SIZE OF THE GRANT YOU NEED? 83 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,852 SEVEN MILLION POUNDS. 84 00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:44,956 AND WHAT IF DIBLEY IS NOT SUCCESSFUL 85 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,858 IN ITS BID FOR THE 2004 OLYMPICS? 86 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,827 WELL, WITH A SKI SLOPE, 87 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,964 WE CAN ALWAYS HOST THE WINTER OLYMPICS INSTEAD. 88 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,100 YES, WELL... 89 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,636 THANK YOU, LETITIA AND SUPPORTERS. 90 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,306 WE WILL GIVE YOUR PROPOSAL DUE CONSIDERATION. 91 00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:03,608 IT'S EXCREMENT. 92 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,211 OHH, HOW DISAPPOINTING. 93 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,613 BLOODY OLYMPICS-- 94 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:12,049 YOU'RE A TIT SHORT OF AN UDDER, YOU ARE. 95 00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:13,818 NO, NO! 96 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,753 NO, NO, NO! 97 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,256 NO--YES, HE'S RIGHT. 98 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,459 WE SHOULD GO FOR THE COMMONWEALTH GAMES FIRST, 99 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,261 BUILD UP TO THE OLYMPICS. 100 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,096 IT'S A MAD OLD WORLD, ISN'T IT? 101 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,831 I WAS TALKING TO ALICE THE OTHER DAY-- 102 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,099 THIS IS HILARIOUS-- 103 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,467 SHE SAID YOU'VE GOT 104 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,503 A BONA FIDE EASTER BUNNY IN DIBLEY. 105 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,304 RIGHT. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. 106 00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,974 AND FINALLY, ITEM SIX-- 107 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:38,843 SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. 108 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,678 HAVE I JUST STUMBLED INTO THE X-FILES? 109 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,247 YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME 110 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,081 YOU ALL BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY, ARE YOU? 111 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,217 THAT'S RIGHT-- THE DIBLEY BUNNY. 112 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:50,188 THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY STARTED TO PUT LSD IN CRUNCHY BARS. 113 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,391 FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, WE ALL KNOW IT'S ONE OF US. 114 00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,460 IT'S JUST A SWEET TRADITION THAT'S BEEN HANDED DOWN 115 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,629 OVER THE YEARS, BUT NO ONE KNOWS WHO IT IS 116 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,730 WHO ACTUALLY DRESSES UP IN THE COSTUME. 117 00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,666 WHAT?! OH, NO! 118 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,268 MOVING ON. 119 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,604 ANY OTHER REQUESTS FOR FUNDING? 120 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:11,142 YES. I THINK WE SHOULD PUT IN A BID FOR THE OLYMPICS. 121 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,546 WE'VE JUST DONE THAT, MRS. CROPLEY. 122 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,448 OH, HAVE WE? SORRY. 123 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,852 I'VE GOT A MEMORY LIKE AN ELEPHANT... 124 00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,055 THAT'S LOST HIS MEMORY. 125 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,226 MOVING ON. VICAR? 126 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,860 THANK YOU, DAVID. 127 00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,297 AS YOU ALL KNOW, LENT STARTS TOMORROW-- 128 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,932 OH! THAT JUST REMINDS ME. 129 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,901 AS IT'S SHROVE TUESDAY, 130 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:40,471 I'VE MADE YOU THESE PANCAKES FROM ALL MY LEFTOVERS. 131 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,906 HOT-DIGGITY-DOG, MRS. C! 132 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:45,943 NOW, THESE ONES ARE LARD AND FISH PASTE... 133 00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,213 AND THESE ARE THE PLAIN ONES. 134 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,286 WITH JUST A HINT OF LIVER. 135 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,191 WOULD YOU LIKE ONE, MR. CHAIRMAN? 136 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,261 I'D SOONER EAT MY OWN SCROTUM, THANK YOU. 137 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,631 ITEM SIX, VICAR. 138 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,867 YES, AS I WAS SAYING, 139 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,769 SINCE IT'S ASH WEDNESDAY TOMORROW, 140 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,238 I THOUGHT PERHAPS WE COULD ALL 141 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,172 TRY TO GIVE SOMETHING UP FOR LENT, YOU KNOW. 142 00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,042 LIKE BONDAGE, YOU MEAN? 143 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,478 POSSIBLY, YES. 144 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,013 AND THEN EVERY TIME WE FAIL, 145 00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,283 WE HAVE TO PUT A POUND IN THIS BOX. 146 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,352 LIKE YOU, FOR INSTANCE, NEWITT. 147 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,820 YOU COULD TRY TO GIVE UP SWEARING, COULDN'T YOU? 148 00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,122 I DON'T SWEAR. 149 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,090 NO, NO, NO-- YES, YOU DO. 150 00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,792 I BLOODY DO NOT! 151 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,127 IN THE BOX! 152 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,196 WHAT?! "BLOODY'S" NOT SWEARING! 153 00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,498 I'M AFRAID IT IS. 154 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,167 "BLOODY" BLOODY ISN'T! 155 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,902 BOLLOCKS. 156 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,973 NOW, THAT IS SWEARING. 157 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,442 AND ASS! 158 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,977 BUT "BLOODY'S" JUST "BLOODY"-- 159 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:56,681 IT'S A USEFUL ADJECTIVE, WITH BIBLICAL OVERTONES. 160 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:02,052 WELL, SHE CAN GIVE UP COOKING GARBAGE, THEN! 161 00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:05,657 I'VE EATEN TASTIER SLURRY THAN THIS! 162 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:09,226 AND, JIM--YOU COULD GIVE UP DITHERING, COULDN'T YOU? 163 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,162 NO, NO, NO. 164 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,830 NO, NO, NO--YES. 165 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,899 NO. WELL, I'M NOT TOO SURE. 166 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,903 HA-BLOODY-HA! 167 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,705 OH, BUGGER! 168 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,407 IN YOU GO! PUT HER THERE! 169 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:26,243 OHH! ASS, ASS, ASS! 170 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,280 RIGHT. 171 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,582 AND MIGHT I VENTURE THAT FRANK CAN GIVE UP 172 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,519 BEING SUCH A PEDANTIC OLD FART WITH THE MINUTES. 173 00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:36,153 AH, GOOD SUGGESTION. 174 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:40,625 SHOULD I ACTUALLY PUT FART, OR F**T? 175 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,662 WHAT ABOUT YOU, DAVID? 176 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,964 PERHAPS YOU COULD BE A LITTLE MORE FRIENDLY TO EVERYONE. 177 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,299 YES, FATHER. 178 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,934 EVERYONE'S FED UP TO THEIR BACK TEETH 179 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,469 WITH YOU SHOUTING AT THEM ALL THE TIME 180 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,505 LIKE SOME GREAT, BIG, BALD SHOUTY-TYPE PERSON. 181 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,943 EXCEPT FOR ME, OF COURSE. I THINK IT'S ALL RIGHT. 182 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,511 Frank: HE'S GOT A POINT, SIR. 183 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,281 VERY WELL. EASY-PEASY. 184 00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,950 ALTHOUGH I'D QUITE LIKE TO KNOW 185 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,819 WHERE ALL THIS MONEY IS ACTUALLY GOING TO. 186 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,988 WELL, I THOUGHT WE COULD START A NEIGHBOURHOOD VIDEO CLUB 187 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,857 ON FRIDAY NIGHTS IN THE HALL 188 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,425 FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T GOT A VIDEO OF THEIR OWN. 189 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,494 I'VE GOT A VIDEO! 190 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,029 BUT IT DOESN'T WORK. 191 00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,999 I PLUGGED IT IN, SWITCHED IT ON, 192 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,501 AND NOTHING! 193 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,403 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU EVEN HAD A TV. 194 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,638 NO, I HAVEN'T. 195 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,209 I PLUGGED THE VIDEO INTO THE RADIO INSTEAD. 196 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,980 RIGHT. 197 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,683 FAIR ENOUGH, IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. 198 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,786 AND PRAY, WHAT IS ST. GERALDINE GIVING UP? 199 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:45,890 WELL, I THOUGHT I MIGHT GIVE UP BUBBLE BATH, 200 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,493 BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE STUFF. 201 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,995 YOU KNOW, ALL THAT LOVELY BUBBLY-WUBBLY-WUBBLY-WUBBLY 202 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,631 UP YOUR NOSIES AND YOUR TOESIES... 203 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,868 OR...YOU COULD GIVE UP CHOCOLATE. 204 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,136 NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 205 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,605 BECAUSE, YOU SEE, 206 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,674 I DON'T EAT ENOUGH CHOCOLATE FOR THAT TO REALLY HURT ME. 207 00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,145 CHOCOLATE. 208 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,480 OH, COME ON! 209 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,049 YOU DON'T THINK I'M GONNA EAT ALL THIS ON MY OWN, DO YOU? 210 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,150 THIS... 211 00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:17,054 THIS IS FOR ALL THE TINY LITTLE ORPHAN CHILDREN 212 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,323 OF THE PARISH. 213 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,658 POOR LITTLE MITES, 214 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,660 THEY'RE STARVED OF LOVE AND TENDERNESS-- 215 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,061 AH! 216 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,732 CHOCOLATE! 217 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,334 OKAY, CHOCOLATE. YEAH, NO PROBLEM. 218 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:33,404 NOW WE'LL SEE WHO HAS SELF-CONTROL. 219 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,206 MEETING'S CLOSED. LET'S GO, HUGO. 220 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,122 I LOVE YOU. 221 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,091 YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU? 222 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,994 YOU'RE LOVELY, MY LITTLE FRIEND. 223 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,004 NO, NO. 224 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,939 DISTRACTION. RIGHT. RIGHT. 225 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,444 ( woman singing opera on TV ) 226 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,550 YOU BITCH! 227 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,288 LORD, GIVE ME A BREAK! 228 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,191 IN FACT, GIVE ME A KIT-KAT. 229 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,895 HUGO, LOVELY TO SEE YOU, COME ON IN. 230 00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,429 MORNING, VICAR. 231 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,898 HELLO, ALICE. 232 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,167 HELLO, HUGO. 233 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,136 YOU ALL RIGHT? 234 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,238 YES, THANKS. 235 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,575 HELLO. 236 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,110 HIYA. 237 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,545 IT'S GRIPPING STUFF, ISN'T IT? 238 00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,315 OFTEN WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE 239 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,784 IF YOU GOT OSCAR WILDE AND DOROTHY PARKER 240 00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,652 TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM. 241 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:58,455 I THINK I'M GETTING A LITTLE FLAVOUR OF IT HERE. 242 00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,290 YEAH. 243 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:03,127 WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP YAKKING ON, MISS TINKER, 244 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,062 AND GO OUT AND MAKE THE TEA? 245 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,296 RIGHT, YEAH. 246 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,832 NOW, ALICE. 247 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,300 HUGO, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT? 248 00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:12,236 IT'S THIS LENT THINGIE. 249 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,939 AT THE MEETING, YOU ALL HAD TO GIVE SOMETHING UP, 250 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,607 AND THE THING IS, NOBODY ASKED ME. 251 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,475 AND I THINK PERHAPS IT'S BECAUSE EVERYONE 252 00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,477 THINKS I'M SUCH A BORE THAT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY 253 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,246 HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO GIVE UP. 254 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,148 AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE A PERSONALITY AT ALL. 255 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:27,184 YOU'RE NOT A BORE AT ALL, HUGO! 256 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,720 YOU'RE A RIVETING HUMAN BEING! 257 00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,923 I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT LOTS OF VICES YOU COULD GIVE UP, 258 00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,893 LIKE...WELL, LIKE GAMBLING, FOR INSTANCE. 259 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,195 I'LL BET YOU LIKE A LITTLE FLUTTER EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. 260 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:42,532 NO? UM....SMOKING? 261 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,401 NO? UM... 262 00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,370 I KNOW. WEARING A SHIRT WITHOUT A TIE. 263 00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,039 OH. 264 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,175 DOES DRINKING COFFEE COUNT AS A VICE? 265 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,877 IT DOES INDEED! 266 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,612 COFFEE, THE BROTH OF SATAN! 267 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:57,681 IT'S A DRUG, HUGO-- GIVE IT UP NOW! 268 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,883 NO, NO, I DON'T DRINK IT, 269 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,417 BUT I THOUGHT I COULD START, 270 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,153 AND THEN I'D HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE UP NEXT YEAR. 271 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,221 RIGHT. BRILLIANT. YEAH, GOOD. 272 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,891 THE ONLY OTHER THING IS, I... 273 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,626 I DO THINK ABOUT "IT" QUITE A BIT. 274 00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:11,128 YOU KNOW, "IT." 275 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,330 NO, NOT WITH YOU. 276 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,565 YOU KNOW, "IT." 277 00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:18,402 WITH PEOPLE LIKE MARIELLA FROSTRUP 278 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:22,807 AND SHARON STONE AND NORMA MAJOR-- NAKED. 279 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,709 AH, "IT." 280 00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,411 WELL, THERE YOU GO, THEN. 281 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,347 NOT THAT IT'S EXACTLY AN ARRESTABLE OFFENCE. 282 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,049 ALTHOUGH THE NORMA MAJOR THING 283 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,251 COULD LAND YOU IN SOME KIND OF AN INSTITUTION. 284 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,853 NO, GOOD, RIGHT. 285 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,621 YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT "IT," 286 00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,857 AND EVERY TIME YOU DO, A POUND IN THAT BOX. 287 00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,959 GREAT! OLD SINNER ME! 288 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,829 OH GOOD, TEA. VERY GOOD TIMING. 289 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,864 HUGO AND I WERE JUST FINISHED, WEREN'T WE? 290 00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:56,673 I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE IT, HUGO-- HOT AND STRONG. 291 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,080 NICE AND WET. 292 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,917 ON THE OTHER HAND, 293 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,486 I THINK IT'S BEST IF HUGO GOES NOW 294 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,022 BEFORE HE DRIFTS INTO INSOLVENCY. 295 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:15,059 I'VE GOT A LOVELY DOUGHNUT FOR YOU, HUGO. 296 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,060 NO, THANKS. 297 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,162 SOME CHOCOLATE FINGERS? 298 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,797 OH, WELL, UH, PERHAPS. 299 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,336 THEY'RE SUCH FUN, AREN'T THEY? 300 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,906 I LOVE JUST STICKIN' THEM IN MY MOUTH AND... 301 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,542 SUCKIN' AND SUCKIN' TILL ALL THE CHOCOLATE COMES RIGHT OFF. 302 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:41,252 I'M A BIT STRAPPED FOR CASH. I'LL PAY YOU LATER. 303 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:46,190 WELL, I'LL GIVE HIM ANOTHER MINUTE OR TWO. 304 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,260 SORRY I'M LATE, MES ENFANTS. 305 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,195 OH. 306 00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,829 ANN ROBINSON WAS ON THE TELLY. 307 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,498 ANN ROBINSON? 308 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,302 AH, YES. HOW'S YOUR LITTLE COLLECTION GOING, VICAR? 309 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,670 HAD TO PUT IN MANY POUNDS YOURSELF? 310 00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:03,007 NONE AT ALL, DAVID, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. 311 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,442 HOPING TO COLLECT A FEW TONIGHT, THOUGH. 312 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:09,246 JIM? I EXPECT YOU'LL BE CONTRIBUTING A FEW QUID, WON'T YOU? 313 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,481 NOPE. 314 00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:15,419 "NOPE" AS IN "NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, YES"? 315 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:19,456 ON THE CONTRARY-- "NOPE" AS IN "NOPE." 316 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:22,026 RIGHT. FUNKY. 317 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,929 SORRY I'M LATE. ALL MY COWS ESCAPED. 318 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,565 BLOODY COWS. 319 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,735 THEY'RE A BLOODY, BLOODY NUISANCE, AREN'T THEY? 320 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:35,205 THEY CAN BE A BIT OF A BORE, YES. 321 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,008 RIGHT. WE'LL START. 322 00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,677 I DECLARE OPEN THIS MEETING OF THE PARISH COUNCIL, 323 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,546 3rd OF MARCH, 1996-- 324 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,282 FRANK, YOU GETTING THIS DOWN? 325 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,717 I'LL JUST KNOCK OFF SOMETHING AT THE END. 326 00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:49,820 NO ONE READS THE MINUTES, ANYWAY. 327 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,090 ITEM ONE. 328 00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,092 OH, MR. CHAIRMAN. 329 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,127 IF I COULD JUST BUTT IN HERE. 330 00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:59,096 OF COURSE, LETITIA. 331 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,031 YOU BUTT IN TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT, 332 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,632 MY LITTLE BEAUTY. 333 00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:03,867 OH, THANK YOU! 334 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,336 NOW, THEN, 335 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,772 I JUST WONDERED IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO TRY... 336 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:11,808 MY HOMEMADE ORANGE JUICE. 337 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,344 HA HA HA HA! 338 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,911 WHAT'S IN IT, MRS. C? 339 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:17,814 ORANGE JUICE. 340 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,583 YES, BUT ANYTHING ELSE? 341 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,386 NO YEAST? NO BALSAMIC VINEGAR? 342 00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,653 NO URINE? 343 00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,589 NO. 344 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,890 David: RIGHT. 345 00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:28,459 LET'S BEGIN. 346 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,128 ITEM ONE, THE NEW VIDEO CLUB. HOW'S IT COMING ON, VICAR? 347 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,697 WELL, I'VE HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT THE KIND OF FILMS-- 348 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:36,833 NOW, DON'T MIND ME. DIDN'T HAVE ANY SUPPER. 349 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,236 MMMM! 350 00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,740 UH... 351 00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,143 YES, UH... AS I WAS SAYING-- 352 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,178 OH, SORRY. FORGETTING MY MANNERS. 353 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,314 ANYBODY ELSE LIKE A BAR? 354 00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,448 OH, I SAY! 355 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,350 THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 356 00:15:57,789 --> 00:16:00,657 RIGHT. YEAH. UM... 357 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:03,427 AS I WAS SAYING, UM... 358 00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:06,463 SORRY, I'M FEELING A BIT FAINT, ACTUALLY. 359 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,798 OWEN, I THINK YOU HAD SOMETHING TO SAY, DIDN'T YOU? 360 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,034 YES. 361 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,469 WELL, NOW, A FEW OF US HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT 362 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,204 HOW WE MIGHT KICK OFF THE VIDEO CLUB-- 363 00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,439 THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. 364 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,074 SINCE WE'RE A COUNTRY PARISH, 365 00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:19,043 I THOUGHT WE MIGHT START WITH AN ANIMAL FILM, 366 00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,411 MAYBE BLACK BEAUTY. 367 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,546 WE CHOSE AN ANIMAL FILM, TOO. YEAH. 368 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,949 THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. 369 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:31,588 IN A DOUBLE BILL WITH RESERVOIR DOGS. 370 00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:35,592 RIGHT, AND MAYBE WE COULD FOLLOW THAT WITH A ROMANCE. 371 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,528 OUR THINKING AGAIN. 372 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,763 GOOD. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE? 373 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,932 LAST TANGO IN PARIS. 374 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,468 RIGHT, AND I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE SOMETHING 375 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,869 WITH A RELIGIOUS BENT-- 376 00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,704 SONG OF BERNADETTE, OR GODSPELL. 377 00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,040 THE EXORCIST. 378 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,908 DAVID, I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO-- 379 00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,610 AH-AH-AH-AH-- 380 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,979 THREE LONG WEEKS TO GO, VICAR. 381 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,182 OH, AND I'VE GOT A NICE BOX OF CHOCOLATES HERE 382 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,683 TO SHARE 'ROUND 383 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,018 TO CELEBRATE MY HALF-BIRTHDAY. 384 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,188 OH, I SAY! THANK YOU! 385 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,123 HERE WE ARE. 386 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,592 THANK YOU, MR. HORTON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 387 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,365 HELLO, VICAR. 388 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,800 HELLO, ALICE. 389 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,269 CAN I JUST SHARE A PRIVATE THOUGHT WITH YOU? 390 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,004 OH, CERTAINLY, VICAR. 391 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,739 AS LONG AS IT ISN'T ABOUT TAMPONS, 392 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,075 'CAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM AT ALL. 393 00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,677 NO, NO, IT... IT ISN'T. 394 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,981 I'D JUST LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU THE FACT THAT, WELL, 395 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,183 I HATE THE PEOPLE OF THIS VILLAGE. 396 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,052 YEAH. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. 397 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,955 SELF-RIGHTEOUS, SMALL-MINDED, SENILE, 398 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,991 CHOCOLATE-SCOFFING GITS, 399 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,292 ( phone rings ) AND THAT'S TRUE! 400 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:45,262 HELLO, GERALDINE'S PHONE. 401 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:48,031 WELL, NOT ACTUALLY HER PHONE, 'CAUSE THE PHONE CAN'T SPEAK, 402 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,168 BUT GERALDINE'S PHONE MEANING GERALDINE'S USUALLY THE PERSON 403 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,903 ON THE PHONE, EVEN THOUGH ACTUALLY THIS TIME IT'S ALICE. 404 00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:55,739 SO I MIGHT HAVE SAID "ALICE'S PHONE," BUT I DIDN'T 405 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,007 'CAUSE IT'S NOT MINE. 406 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,175 WHO IS IT?! 407 00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:01,278 I DON'T KNOW, THEY JUST HUNG UP. 408 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,580 PEOPLE ARE WEIRD, AREN'T THEY? 409 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,881 ( rings ) I'LL GET IT, I'LL GET IT. 410 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,650 HELLO! DIBLEY VICARAGE! 411 00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,118 WELL, NOT ACTUALLY THE VICARAGE ITSELF, 412 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,587 'CAUSE IT CAN'T SPEAK, IT'S JUST A BUILDING, BUT-- 413 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:11,955 OH, HELLO! 414 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:14,924 RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER. 415 00:18:14,926 --> 00:18:16,026 IT'S FRANK. 416 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,128 HE'S AT MRS. CROPLEY'S, SHE'S BEEN TAKEN ILL. 417 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,063 SHE'S ASKING FOR YOU. WHAT SHOULD I TELL HIM? 418 00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:22,533 TELL HIM I'M COMING, YOU SILLY GIRL. 419 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,802 SHE'S COMING... YOU SILLY GIRL. 420 00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,705 OH, DEAR... 421 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,175 OH, DEAR, I HOPE SHE'S ALL RIGHT. 422 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,477 I LOVE MRS. CROPLEY. 423 00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,812 SHE'S BEEN JUST LIKE A MOTHER TO ME, 424 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,514 ALWAYS WIPING THINGS OFF MY FACE 425 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:39,650 AND TELLIN' ME I LOOK DAFT. 426 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,785 LISTEN, SHE'LL BE FINE. 427 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,554 THIS IS HAPPY VALLEY-- 428 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,989 PEOPLE DON'T GET SICK HERE. 429 00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,357 OH, AND BY THE WAY, 430 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,893 I THINK THAT FACIAL CLEANLINESS IS OVERRATED. 431 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,795 SPINACH CAN BE AN ATTRACTIVE ACCESSORY. 432 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,299 NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH GREAT LUMPS OF IT 433 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,301 BETWEEN THE TEETH, BUT YOU DO. 434 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,638 HOW IS SHE, JIM? 435 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,907 NO, NO, NO, NO. 436 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,809 NOT GOOD. 437 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,611 OH. WHAT HAPPENED? 438 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,380 WELL, IT WAS A LOVELY MORNING, 439 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,016 SO I DROPPED 'ROUND TO SEE HER. 440 00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:16,620 AND I'D CHOSEN A SORT OF BRIGHT TIE, BECAUSE-- 441 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,322 I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO PRESS YOU 442 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,989 FOR THE SHORTER VERSION, FRANK. 443 00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,124 RIGHT. RIGHT. 444 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,760 I DROPPED AROUND, IN THIS TIE, 445 00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,029 AND I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR, 446 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,964 NOT A LOUD KNOCK, 447 00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,133 JUST A GENTLE TAP-TAP-TAP-- 448 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,135 EVEN SHORTER THAN THAT, FRANK, I'M AFRAID. 449 00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,204 RIGHT. RIGHT. 450 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,806 I CAME AROUND... 451 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:38,709 AND NOW SHE'S DYING, 452 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,178 AND SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU. 453 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,214 SHE'S DYING? 454 00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,149 WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD. 455 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:48,218 WE'VE ALL BEEN IN AND HAD A WORD WITH HER, 456 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,019 BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS SHE'S VERY WEAK. 457 00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,322 IT'S HER HEART, POOR OLD GIRL. 458 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,558 OH, LORD. 459 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,992 RIGHT. 460 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,061 I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER, UH... 461 00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,696 RIGHT. 462 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,966 I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. 463 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,435 RIGHT. 464 00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,371 LOOK, IT'S NOT AN APRIL FOOLS, IS IT? 465 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,739 I'M GONNA GO IN THERE 466 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,374 AND SHE'S GONNA BE SITTING UP ON THE BED 467 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,542 WITH A CUSTARD PIE? 468 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,210 DAMN. 469 00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,512 AHEM. 470 00:20:16,948 --> 00:20:20,417 UH, IT'S THE VICAR. SHE'S COME TO SEE YOU. 471 00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,420 LETITIA... 472 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,523 HOW ARE YOU? 473 00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,159 NOT SO GOOD, M'DEAR. 474 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,462 BREATHING ALWAYS SEEMED SUCH AN EASY THING, 475 00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:35,465 BUT SUDDENLY IT'S A BIT OF A BUGGER, TO BE HONEST. 476 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:39,770 THAT FRANK-- HE'S A NICE MAN, ISN'T HE? 477 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,672 HE'S A LOVELY MAN, YES. 478 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,541 NICE THIGHS. IS THAT SO? 479 00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:48,779 I HAVEN'T LED A BLAMELESS LIFE, VICAR. 480 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,080 OH, LETITIA. WHO HAS? 481 00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,350 ANTHEA TURNER. 482 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:56,520 YES. ANTHEA TURNER. 483 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,188 AND OF COURSE, THE LOVELY JANE ASHER. 484 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,023 PRINCE WILLIAM? 485 00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:03,293 YEAH. SO APART FROM PRINCE WILLIAM, 486 00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:05,228 ALTHEA TURNER, AND JANE ASHER, 487 00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:07,831 WHO HAS LED A BLAMELESS LIFE, LETITIA? 488 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,265 HUGH GRANT. 489 00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:12,369 WELL, HARDLY. YOU THINK SO? 490 00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,738 OH, YES. FINE, IN MY BOOK. 491 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,740 WELL, INTERESTING BOOK. 492 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,843 I'M SURE THAT GOD FORGIVES YOUR SINS, LETITIA. 493 00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,745 I HOPE SO, VICAR. 494 00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:23,079 ( groans ) 495 00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:24,748 DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THE DOCTOR? 496 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:28,885 NO. BEFORE YOU GO... THERE ARE TWO THINGS. 497 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:31,421 YOU WILL BE HONEST WITH ME, WON'T YOU? 498 00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:32,922 I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU. 499 00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,258 YOU CAN TRUST ME, YES. 500 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,926 MY COOKING-- 501 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,495 AH... 502 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:42,198 WAS I A GREAT EXPERIMENTER, A PIONEER, 503 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,969 WHOSE RICH COMMAND OF UNORTHODOX MIXTURES 504 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:50,173 WILL BE THE STUFF OF LEGEND IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM? 505 00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:54,244 OR WAS MY FOOD JUST GHASTLY? 506 00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:57,781 YOU CAN TELL A DYING WOMAN THE TRUTH, VICAR. 507 00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,750 VERY WELL. 508 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,552 YOU ARE ONE OF THE GREATS. 509 00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:05,321 MRS. BEATON, DELIA SMITH, LETITIA CROPLEY-- 510 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:07,090 THAT'S THE TRINITY. 511 00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:08,925 I THOUGHT SO. 512 00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:11,561 AND NOW, FINALLY... 513 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,563 LET ME BEQUEATH TO YOU 514 00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:17,166 MY OTHER LIFE'S GREAT ACHIEVEMENT. 515 00:22:17,168 --> 00:22:20,336 SAY YOU'LL DO IT-- PROMISE ME. 516 00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:22,171 YES, OF COURSE I WILL. WHAT IS IT? 517 00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:25,909 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE DONE FOR THE PAST 30 YEARS, 518 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:29,513 AND MY FATHER DID IT BEFORE ME. 519 00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:33,016 ( whispering ) 520 00:22:38,223 --> 00:22:41,057 YOU ARE MY CHOSEN ONE. 521 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,759 OH, NO. 522 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:48,164 YOU'VE A LOVELY GIRL, VICAR. 523 00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:51,334 CHUNKY, BUT LOVELY. 524 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,413 OH... 525 00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:14,591 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪ 526 00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:17,527 ♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 527 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:20,029 ♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪ 528 00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:23,433 ♪ TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 529 00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:29,005 ♪ HE LEADETH ME 530 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:35,011 ♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪ 531 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,617 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 532 00:23:40,619 --> 00:23:42,519 SPLENDID SERVICE, VICAR. VERY MOVING. 533 00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:46,322 I PARTICULARLY LIKED YOUR QUOTE FROM JOHNNY MORRIS-- 534 00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,992 I THINK YOU'LL FIND THAT WAS JONI MITCHELL. 535 00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,293 THAT'S RIGHT. 536 00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:51,795 "DON'T IT ALWAYS SEEM TO GO 537 00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:54,263 THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL IT'S GONE." 538 00:23:54,265 --> 00:23:57,166 Alice: SHE WAS A WONDERFUL WOMAN. 539 00:23:57,168 --> 00:23:58,502 YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER 540 00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,470 IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG. 541 00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:02,539 AND WHAT WAS SHE LIKE YOUNG? 542 00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,375 NO, NO. NO, NO. RAMPANT! 543 00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:07,744 REALLY? 544 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,245 OH, YES. 545 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:11,147 SHE WAS A LOVELY-LOOKING GIRL. 546 00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:12,849 RED HAIR RIGHT DOWN TO HER WAIST, 547 00:24:12,851 --> 00:24:16,152 EYES SO BRIGHT THEY SPARKLED IN THE DARK. 548 00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:18,087 AND A FRENCH KISS THAT WOULD 549 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,256 SUCK THE TONGUE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH 550 00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:22,993 LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER! 551 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,995 IS THAT RIGHT? 552 00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:27,898 YES, I HEARD THAT, TOO. 553 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,433 MY FATHER USED TO TALK ABOUT HER-- 554 00:24:30,435 --> 00:24:32,335 "LUSCIOUS LETITIA." 555 00:24:32,337 --> 00:24:34,070 "CROPLEY THE CRACKER." 556 00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:36,006 TITILLATING TISH." 557 00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:40,710 "ALWAYS-LETS-YOU- DOCK-YOUR-BOAT- IN-HER-JETTY LETTIE." 558 00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:43,647 NOW, COME ON, BOYS, 559 00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:45,415 COME ON, BOYS. 560 00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:48,084 SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT. 561 00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:50,520 IT'S BEEN A VERY SAD WEEK. 562 00:24:50,522 --> 00:24:53,723 WE WON'T BE ABLE TO ENJOY EASTER WITH THE USUAL RELISH. 563 00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:57,326 NO, BUT WE MUST REMEMBER THE TRUE EASTER MESSAGE-- 564 00:24:57,328 --> 00:25:00,931 JESUS GIVES US HOPE OF ETERNAL LIFE IN HEAVEN. 565 00:25:00,933 --> 00:25:03,033 NO ONE ON EARTH LIVES FOREVER. 566 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,869 EXCEPT BRUCE FORSYTHE. 567 00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:09,072 NO, HE JUST SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOREVER. 568 00:25:09,074 --> 00:25:11,641 HE IS, IN FACT, A SURPRISINGLY YOUNG MAN. 569 00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:14,611 NO, I THINK THE SPIRIT OF LETITIA 570 00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:16,345 WILL LIVE ON IN THIS VILLAGE, 571 00:25:16,347 --> 00:25:18,615 EVEN THOUGH SHE HERSELF HAS PASSED AWAY. 572 00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,417 YOU MEAN THERE ARE SOME OTHER NYMPHOMANIACS 573 00:25:21,419 --> 00:25:23,519 LURKING IN THE HEDGEROWS? NO, NO, I MEAN-- 574 00:25:23,521 --> 00:25:26,255 WELL, WE'LL SEE, WON'T WE? 575 00:25:26,257 --> 00:25:27,423 TO LETTIE. 576 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,825 All: TO LETTIE. 577 00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:31,027 AND ALL WHO SAILED IN HER. 578 00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,195 OWEN! 579 00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:37,134 WHAT AM I DOING? 580 00:25:37,136 --> 00:25:38,802 I SHOULD BE WRITING MY EASTER SERMON, 581 00:25:38,804 --> 00:25:40,237 TRYING TO WORK OUT WAYS 582 00:25:40,239 --> 00:25:42,538 TO CONVINCE PEOPLE OF THE MIRACLE OF THE RESURRECTION. 583 00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,241 INSTEAD, I'M COUNTING EGGS, 584 00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:46,243 I'M TRYING TO WORK OUT HOW TO MAKE A SLINKY 585 00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:48,211 INTO A BUNNY'S BOTTOM. 586 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:49,746 ( knocking on door ) OHH! 587 00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:51,614 OH, HELL'S BUM! 588 00:25:54,753 --> 00:25:56,887 COMING! ( knocking ) 589 00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:07,764 DAVID, LOVELY TO SEE YOU. JUST A BIT BUSY AT THE MOMENT. 590 00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:10,066 NOW, DON'T WORRY, THIS WON'T TAKE A MOMENT. 591 00:26:11,503 --> 00:26:14,037 UH, DAVID, DAVID-- COULD YOU, UM... 592 00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:16,072 JUST TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, PLEASE? 593 00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:17,340 WHY? 594 00:26:17,342 --> 00:26:19,276 UH, IT'S A RELIGIOUS THING. 595 00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:20,643 WHAT ABOUT YOURS? 596 00:26:20,645 --> 00:26:23,313 UM...MINE HAVE BEEN BLESSED ALREADY. 597 00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,115 JUST PUT THEM THERE. THANKS. 598 00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,790 ARE YOU STILL HOLDING OFF ON THE CHOCOLATE? 599 00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:36,159 YES, YES, I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A MORSEL. 600 00:26:38,297 --> 00:26:41,064 SO, HOW CAN I HELP YOU THEN, DAVID? 601 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:43,399 WELL-- ( crunch ) 602 00:26:43,401 --> 00:26:46,069 THE THING IS... 603 00:26:46,071 --> 00:26:48,771 THAT I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HUGO. 604 00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:49,906 YES? 605 00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:52,809 YESTERDAY WE WERE WATCHING THIS RATHER GOOD FILM 606 00:26:52,811 --> 00:26:54,644 ON THE TELEVISION, AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN. 607 00:26:54,646 --> 00:26:57,347 OH, LOVELY RICHARD GERE. 608 00:26:57,349 --> 00:27:01,351 I'D SWAP PLACES WITH THAT HAMSTER ANY DAY. 609 00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:02,819 WHICH HAMSTER? 610 00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:05,288 NOTHING, NOTHING. FORGET ABOUT THE HAMSTER. 611 00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:07,057 ANYWAY-- YEAH. 612 00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:08,825 THIS SCENE COMES ON 613 00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:11,694 WHERE THE TWO OF THEM GO OFF TO A MOTEL, 614 00:27:11,696 --> 00:27:15,198 THEY TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF, AND THEY-- 615 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,699 DO IT. 616 00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:18,634 WELL, AS YOU SAY. 617 00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:20,670 AND I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF HUGO, 618 00:27:20,672 --> 00:27:23,974 SO I LOOK AROUND, AND HE HAS HIS EYES CLOSED. 619 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:27,677 AND I'M WORRIED THAT HUGO MIGHT BE... 620 00:27:27,679 --> 00:27:30,413 WELL...YOU KNOW. 621 00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:33,616 NO. DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT? 622 00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:35,385 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 623 00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:38,889 OH, VERY WELL. J-O-H-N. 624 00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,223 JOHN. 625 00:27:40,225 --> 00:27:42,425 YOU THINK HUGO MIGHT BE JOHN? 626 00:27:42,427 --> 00:27:44,827 WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH? 627 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:48,431 I-N-M-A-N. 628 00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:50,233 INMAN. JOHN INMAN. 629 00:27:50,235 --> 00:27:53,303 YOU'RE AFRAID THAT HUGO MIGHT BE JOHN INMAN? 630 00:27:53,305 --> 00:27:55,338 OH, I SEE. I SEE! 631 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,008 YOU'RE AFRAID THAT HUGO MIGHT BE HOMOSEXUAL. 632 00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:59,342 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 633 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,244 WELL, WHAT I THINK IS, IT WOULDN'T MATTER 634 00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:02,678 A FLYING FONT 635 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,915 IF HUGO WAS HOMOSEXUAL. 636 00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,150 SOME OF OUR FINEST CABINET MINISTERS ARE, 637 00:28:07,152 --> 00:28:08,484 AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW, DAVID. 638 00:28:08,486 --> 00:28:11,288 BUT NO, THE REASON FOR THIS UNUSUAL BEHAVIOUR 639 00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:14,590 IS BECAUSE HUGO'S SECRET PACT FOR LENT 640 00:28:14,592 --> 00:28:17,527 IS TO GIVE UP LUSTFUL THOUGHTS. 641 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,297 REALLY? REALLY. 642 00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:23,866 SO POOR OLD HUGO'S JUST TRYING TO SAVE A FEW QUID, BLESS HIM. 643 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,769 THANK GOD FOR THAT! 644 00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:29,105 THAT'S WONDERFUL NEWS! 645 00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:31,107 I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THEM, OF COURSE. 646 00:28:31,109 --> 00:28:33,243 I'M AS BIG A FAN OF MICHAEL BARRYMORE AS THE NEXT MAN. 647 00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:35,045 OF COURSE YOU ARE, DAVID. 648 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,746 BRAVO! 649 00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:39,916 OH... 650 00:28:39,918 --> 00:28:41,484 OH... 651 00:28:41,486 --> 00:28:44,620 OH, THAT IS THE SADDEST SIGHT I'VE EVER SEEN. 652 00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:47,723 OH, MY POOR, BROKEN DARLINGS. 653 00:28:47,725 --> 00:28:52,228 I PROMISE, YOUR LIVES WILL NOT HAVE BEEN WASTED IN VAIN. 654 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:53,997 COME MONDAY, I'LL PUT YOU ALL 655 00:28:53,999 --> 00:28:56,399 IN A LOVELY, BIG, GOOEY CHOCOLATE FONDUE. 656 00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,668 COME ON, DARLING. COME ON, DARLING... 657 00:28:58,670 --> 00:29:00,437 HELLO, VICAR. AAAH! 658 00:29:01,773 --> 00:29:04,607 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL THOSE CHOCOLATES? 659 00:29:04,609 --> 00:29:07,143 UH...WHAT, THESE CHOCOLATES? 660 00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:10,113 UH, JUST TRYING TO THINK UP A CONVINCING LIE-- 661 00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:12,382 COME ON, HAND THEM OVER, 662 00:29:12,384 --> 00:29:14,484 YOU LITTLE MISS NAUGHTY. 663 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:16,286 ALICE. ALICE. 664 00:29:16,288 --> 00:29:18,221 GIVE ME BACK THOSE CHOCOLATES. 665 00:29:18,223 --> 00:29:20,023 NOT TILL AFTER EASTER. 666 00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:22,625 ALICE, I NEED THOSE CHOCOLATES. 667 00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:25,695 NO, YOU DON'T NEED THEM, GERALDINE--YOU WANT THEM. 668 00:29:25,697 --> 00:29:27,864 AND THAT'S A VERY DIFFERENT THING. 669 00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:30,033 UNFORTUNATELY, ALICE, 670 00:29:30,035 --> 00:29:31,868 I'M NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO KILL YOU, 671 00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:33,569 SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 672 00:29:33,571 --> 00:29:35,738 COME AND SIT DOWN NOW. 673 00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:37,374 COME ON. 674 00:29:37,376 --> 00:29:39,909 NOW, ALICE-- CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET? 675 00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:41,011 OF COURSE I CAN. 676 00:29:41,013 --> 00:29:42,379 I'VE KNOWN THE WHOLE THING ABOUT DAVID 677 00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:45,648 AND HIS ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER FOR AGES AND NEVER SAID A WORD. 678 00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,117 WELL, IT'S NOT THAT-- 679 00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:50,420 OH! THANKS FOR THAT. MIGHT BE QUITE USEFUL. 680 00:29:50,422 --> 00:29:52,622 NO, THIS IS ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY. 681 00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:54,924 NOW, YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT THE EASTER BUNNY 682 00:29:54,926 --> 00:29:56,759 BUYS ALL THE EGGS FOR THE CHILDREN 683 00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:58,694 AND DISTRIBUTES THEM, DON'T YOU? 684 00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:00,730 THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, HE DOESN'T. 685 00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,899 I BOUGHT THESE EGGS FOR THE CHILDREN 686 00:30:02,901 --> 00:30:04,167 TO HIDE IN THE GARDENS ON EASTER MORNING. 687 00:30:04,169 --> 00:30:07,270 NO...NO, YOU DIDN'T. 688 00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:09,005 YES, YES. 689 00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:11,508 YOU SEE, JUST BEFORE SHE DIED, 690 00:30:11,510 --> 00:30:14,010 MRS. CROPLEY, UH-- ( crying ) 691 00:30:14,012 --> 00:30:17,313 UM, MRS. CROPLEY... 692 00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:22,752 GOT A PHONE CALL FROM THE EASTER BUNNY, 693 00:30:22,754 --> 00:30:24,854 WHO SAID HE WAS JUST TOO BUSY 694 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:26,456 TO BUY THEM THIS YEAR. 695 00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:28,091 YOU KNOW, HE'S FILLING OUT ALL THE FORMS 696 00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:29,825 FOR THE CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY. 697 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:31,994 WHAT WITH BEING A RABBIT AND EVERYTHING. 698 00:30:31,996 --> 00:30:33,530 PRECISELY. 699 00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:35,665 SO HE ASKED HER TO BUY THEM, 700 00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:37,967 AND ON HER DEATH BED, SHE ASKED ME. 701 00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:40,736 SHE SAID I HAD TO BE SURE TO GET THEM READY FOR TONIGHT, 702 00:30:40,738 --> 00:30:43,773 OTHERWISE THE OLD BUNNY'D GET ALL HET UP, 703 00:30:43,775 --> 00:30:45,275 AND THEN I'D BE DEALING WITH 704 00:30:45,277 --> 00:30:48,611 A VERY HOT-CROSS BUNNY, WOULDN'T I? 705 00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:50,012 SEE? 706 00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,714 OH, FINE. 707 00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:55,185 HERE, LET ME HELP YOU. 708 00:30:57,489 --> 00:31:00,557 I FEEL A BIT SAD ABOUT DOING THIS. 709 00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:03,859 THIS WILL RATHER TAKE THE MAGIC OUT OF IT, 710 00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,762 PREPARING THE CHOCOLATES FOR THE BUNNY. 711 00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:11,367 BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHAT BECOMING AN ADULT'S ALL ABOUT. 712 00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:13,936 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. 713 00:31:13,938 --> 00:31:16,539 ( bell tolls ) 714 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:19,408 Geraldine: WELL, AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, 715 00:31:19,410 --> 00:31:21,077 "COMETH THE HOUR, 716 00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:24,413 COMETH THE WOMAN IN THE SILLY RABBIT COSTUME." 717 00:31:30,922 --> 00:31:32,889 OH, BUGGER! 718 00:31:34,492 --> 00:31:35,825 ( sighs ) 719 00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:38,061 IF I'D HAVE KNOWN BECOMING A PRIEST 720 00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,196 WOULD ENTAIL DRESSING UP IN A RABBIT COSTUME, 721 00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:43,566 I'D HAVE HAD A COMPLETE RETHINK AND TAKEN UP PROSTITUTION. 722 00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:48,270 AS, INDEED, MY HEADMISTRESS ORIGINALLY SUGGESTED. 723 00:31:48,272 --> 00:31:49,872 MIND YOU, 724 00:31:49,874 --> 00:31:51,474 I'D PROBABLY HAVE ENDED UP 725 00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:54,110 IN A RABBIT COSTUME THEN, AS WELL. 726 00:32:45,063 --> 00:32:47,329 MORNING, VICAR! 727 00:32:58,509 --> 00:32:59,508 NO. 728 00:33:08,086 --> 00:33:09,952 AAAH! 729 00:33:09,954 --> 00:33:11,688 DAVID! VICAR! 730 00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,189 SHHHH! 731 00:33:13,191 --> 00:33:14,791 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 732 00:33:14,793 --> 00:33:17,560 I'M THE EASTER BUNNY. YOU CAN'T BE! 733 00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:19,996 I'M THE EASTER BUNNY. 734 00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:23,365 I PROMISED LETITIA I'D TO IT. WELL, SO DID I! 735 00:33:23,367 --> 00:33:25,702 MAD BAT MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN SHE'D ALREADY ASKED ME. 736 00:33:25,704 --> 00:33:27,003 OHH. 737 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,705 HOW DEMEANING! 738 00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:30,406 AND AFTER ALL THE TIME 739 00:33:30,408 --> 00:33:31,908 I'VE SPENT ON THESE BLOODY EARS! 740 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,478 I MUST SAY, YOU LOOK SURPRISINGLY CUTE IN THAT. 741 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,681 SHUT UP. SEXY LITTLE TAIL 742 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,583 YOU'VE GOT THERE. 743 00:33:40,585 --> 00:33:44,020 I SUGGEST WE KEEP VERY QUIET ABOUT THIS. 744 00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,655 YOU DO ONE END OF THE VILLAGE, AND I'LL DO THE OTHER. 745 00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:48,791 THIS WILL REMAIN OUR SECRET. 746 00:33:48,793 --> 00:33:50,292 FAIR ENOUGH. 747 00:33:50,294 --> 00:33:51,828 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO 748 00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:53,196 COME BACK TO MY BURROW AFTERWARDS 749 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,031 FOR A LITTLE BIT OF BUNNY FUNNY BUSINESS? 750 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:56,099 QUITE SURE. ( gasps ) 751 00:33:56,101 --> 00:33:58,067 OH, HELL. 752 00:33:59,403 --> 00:34:01,104 Owen: ANY MORE, 753 00:34:01,106 --> 00:34:03,039 WE'LL BE ABLE TO STAGE A PRODUCTION 754 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,208 OF BLOODY WATERSHIP DOWN! 755 00:34:08,279 --> 00:34:09,846 Geraldine: DEAR OLD MRS. C. 756 00:34:09,848 --> 00:34:11,447 I BET YOU SHE'S UP THERE RIGHT NOW 757 00:34:11,449 --> 00:34:13,249 HAVING A GOOD GIGGLE AT US. 758 00:34:13,251 --> 00:34:14,383 David: SHE'D BETTER BE. 759 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:16,352 IF I FIND SHE'S DOWN HERE, I'LL KILL HER. 760 00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:18,454 HUGO, LOVELY EARS. 761 00:34:18,456 --> 00:34:19,756 Hugo: THANKS. 762 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:22,091 DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SEE THEM UNDER THIS COSTUME. 763 00:34:22,093 --> 00:34:23,793 Owen: YOUR EARS LOOK GOOD, VICAR-- 764 00:34:23,795 --> 00:34:25,161 WHAT DID YOU USE? 765 00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:27,696 COUPLE OF COAT HANGERS. Frank: NOT PIPE CLEANERS? 766 00:34:27,698 --> 00:34:31,834 David: I FOUND YOU CAN'T BEAT CHICKEN WIRE AND PAPIER-MÂCHÉ. 767 00:34:31,836 --> 00:34:34,804 Owen: I JUST TOOK MINE OFF A REAL RABBIT. 768 00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:38,407 BEST EASTER SERVICE EVER, VICAR. 769 00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:39,441 THANKS. 770 00:34:39,443 --> 00:34:41,878 NICE HAIRSTYLE, TOO. IS IT A SHAGGY? 771 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,313 NO, IT'S A COULDN'T- FIND-MY-HAIRBRUSHY. 772 00:34:44,315 --> 00:34:45,514 GROOVY. 773 00:34:45,516 --> 00:34:47,116 AH, VICAR. 774 00:34:47,118 --> 00:34:49,185 WHAT'S THE FINAL TOTAL ON THE VIDEO FUND? 775 00:34:49,187 --> 00:34:51,854 WELL, WE RAISED THE PRINCELY SUM OF £26. 776 00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:52,889 OH, DEAR ME. 777 00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:54,257 LET ME FINISH. 778 00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:55,557 THAT WAS THURSDAY. 779 00:34:55,559 --> 00:34:58,661 ON FRIDAY, IT SHOT UP TO £74. 780 00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,998 BECAUSE ITV SHOWED THE UNCUT VERSION OF BASIC INSTINCT. 781 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,000 THANKS VERY MUCH, HUGO. 782 00:35:04,002 --> 00:35:07,369 I WONDER IF I COULD MAKE A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT. 783 00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:10,273 I KNOW WE'RE ALL MISSING LETITIA TERRIBLY, 784 00:35:10,275 --> 00:35:13,409 SO I'VE DECIDED, AS A TRIBUTE, 785 00:35:13,411 --> 00:35:17,079 TO CARRY ON HER GREAT WORK IN THE CULINARY FIELD. 786 00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:18,414 OH, NO. 787 00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:20,249 AS A START, THEREFORE, 788 00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:24,086 I'VE MADE WHAT WE ALWAYS USED TO CALL "OUR CAKE" 789 00:35:24,088 --> 00:35:26,722 IN HER ORIGINAL RECIPE. 790 00:35:26,724 --> 00:35:30,226 AND I'D BE THRILLED IF YOU'D ALL LIKE TO TRY A SLICE. 791 00:35:30,228 --> 00:35:33,329 I-I-I WON'T SAY NO. 792 00:35:33,331 --> 00:35:36,132 NO, NO, NO, NO. 793 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,134 HERE WE ARE, EVERYBODY. 794 00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:40,002 THERE... 795 00:35:42,273 --> 00:35:43,272 EH? 796 00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:46,042 WHAT IS THAT? 797 00:35:46,044 --> 00:35:47,910 IT'S DEFINITELY COCONUT. 798 00:35:47,912 --> 00:35:50,746 THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE IN THERE. 799 00:35:50,748 --> 00:35:53,582 ANCHOVY. ANCHOVY. 800 00:35:53,584 --> 00:35:55,651 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT, MR. NEWITT? 801 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:57,753 LENT'S DEFINITELY OVER NOW, 802 00:35:57,755 --> 00:35:58,855 ISN'T IT, VICAR? 803 00:35:58,857 --> 00:36:01,324 IT MOST CERTAINLY IS. 804 00:36:03,694 --> 00:36:05,995 TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, FRANK, 805 00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:08,231 IT TASTES ABSOLUTELY FU-- 806 00:36:08,233 --> 00:36:10,733 --NNILY ENOUGH! 807 00:36:10,735 --> 00:36:13,870 I'VE GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, AS WELL, OWEN. 808 00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:17,974 DUE TO THE FANTASTIC SUCCESS OF OUR LENT FUNDRAISING, 809 00:36:17,976 --> 00:36:20,276 WE CAN ACTUALLY OPEN OUR VIDEO CLUB 810 00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:21,911 THIS FRIDAY NIGHT. 811 00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:23,812 AND I THOUGHT THE FIRST NIGHT 812 00:36:23,814 --> 00:36:26,115 SHOULD BE TOTALLY IN HONOUR OF LETITIA, 813 00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:28,484 SO WE'RE GONNA SHOW MY FAIR LADY. 814 00:36:28,486 --> 00:36:30,186 OH, YES. TERRIFIC. VERY NICE. 815 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:33,289 OBVIOUSLY IN A DOUBLE BILL WITH THE ADVENTURES OF EMMANUEL. 816 00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,191 ALL RIGHT! VERY GOOD! YEAH! 817 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,825 TO LETITIA. 818 00:36:36,827 --> 00:36:40,529 THE FINEST EASTER BUNNY DIBLEY EVER KNEW. 819 00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:42,098 OH? 820 00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:44,166 UH, NO, NO... 821 00:36:44,168 --> 00:36:47,069 ♪ SURELY GOODNESS ♪ 822 00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:49,872 ♪ AND MERCY ♪ 823 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,408 ♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪ 824 00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:55,811 ♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪ 825 00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:58,480 ♪ AND I WILL DWELL ♪ 826 00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:01,250 ♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪ 827 00:37:01,252 --> 00:37:04,620 ♪ OF THE LORD ♪ 828 00:37:04,622 --> 00:37:08,157 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 829 00:37:10,428 --> 00:37:14,563 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 830 00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:15,998 NOW, THIS IS A GOODIE. 831 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,166 KNOCK KNOCK. 832 00:37:17,168 --> 00:37:19,068 OH, I LOVE THESE. 833 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:20,736 WHO'S THERE? 834 00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:22,271 O.J. 835 00:37:22,273 --> 00:37:24,540 O.J. WHO? 836 00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:26,909 OKAY, YOU CAN BE ON THE JURY! 837 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,411 HA HA HA HA-- 838 00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,212 NO, I DON'T GET IT. 839 00:37:30,214 --> 00:37:33,115 "O.J." IS O.J. SIMPSON, 840 00:37:33,117 --> 00:37:35,051 AMERICAN FOOTBALLER, VERY FAMOUS. 841 00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,186 OH, SO HE PLAYS IN THE FIRST DIVISION. 842 00:37:37,188 --> 00:37:39,688 NO, AMERICAN FOOTBALLER 843 00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,523 AS IN "PLAYS AMERICAN FOOTBALL," 844 00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,392 NOT "FOOTBALLER WHO IS AMERICAN." 845 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:46,095 SO HE'S NOT AMERICAN. NO, HE IS AMERICAN. 846 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,297 HE IS AMERICAN? YES, AND HE WAS ON TRIAL, 847 00:37:48,299 --> 00:37:49,932 AND THEY HAD TO FIND TWELVE PEOPLE 848 00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:51,100 WHO'D NEVER HEARD OF HIM. 849 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,534 I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM. 850 00:37:52,536 --> 00:37:55,071 NO. SO THEY SHOULD HAVE COME HERE, REALLY. 851 00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:56,772 IT'S A PATHETIC JOKE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 852 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:58,841 NO, NO, NO, IT'S A GOOD JOKE. 853 00:37:58,843 --> 00:38:01,844 YOU JUST NEED TO EXPLAIN WHO HE IS BEFORE YOU TELL IT. 854 00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,645 RIGHT, YEAH. GOOD TIP. 855 00:38:03,647 --> 00:38:05,348 THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH TELLING JOKES 856 00:38:05,350 --> 00:38:06,582 ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE-- 857 00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,351 THEY'RE JUST NOT FAMOUS ENOUGH, ARE THEY? 858 00:38:08,353 --> 00:38:09,585 NEXT TIME I SHOULD TELL A JOKE 859 00:38:09,587 --> 00:38:10,953 ABOUT A VERY, VERY FAMOUS PERSON 860 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:12,321 LIKE JOHN MAJOR OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT. 861 00:38:12,323 --> 00:38:13,990 JOHN...? 862 00:38:13,992 --> 00:38:16,058 OR MAYBE NOT. 863 00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:21,930 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 56504

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.