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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:08,072
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
2
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:14,112
♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
3
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:19,784
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
4
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:25,724
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
5
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:33,565
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
6
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,739
THESE FLOWERS ARE
7
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,473
COMPLETELY OUT OF WATER.
8
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,142
THEY'RE SILK, ALICE.
9
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,277
YOKELY-DOKELY.
10
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:53,484
VICAR, DO YOU BELIEVE
IN MAGIC?
11
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:56,655
HMM...INTERESTING QUESTION.
12
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,256
IF, ON THE ONE HAND,
13
00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,424
YOU'RE ASKING ME
14
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,760
DO I BELIEVE IN MAGIC
AS ENTERTAINMENT,
15
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,929
THEN MY ANSWER
WOULD BE YES.
16
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,597
PAUL DANIELS IS THE LIVING
17
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,866
AND RAPIDLY BALDING
PROOF OF THAT.
18
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,034
IF, ON THE OTHER HAND,
19
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,468
YOU'RE ASKING ME
DO I BELIEVE THAT
20
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,038
THESE MAGICIANS POSSESS
ACTUAL MAGIC POWERS,
21
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,806
THEN MY ANSWER
WOULD BE NO.
22
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,308
ALTHOUGH THERE IS SOMETHING
PRETTY DAMN SPOOKY
23
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,643
ABOUT PAUL DANIELS' ABILITY
24
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,244
TO MAKE HIMSELF
SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE
25
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,948
TO THE LOVELY
AND FRAGRANT DEBBIE McGEE.
26
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,749
IF, ON THE THIRD HAND,
27
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,785
YOU'RE INQUIRING INTO
THE POSSIBILITY
28
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,020
OF THE MAGICAL MANIPULATION
OF NATURAL THINGS
29
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,655
BY THE LORD GOD,
30
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,624
THEN MY ANSWER
WOULD BE A RESOUNDING YES.
31
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,625
DOES THAT
ANSWER THE QUESTION?
32
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,227
I'VE GOT
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
33
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,198
I WAS REALLY ONLY
PAVING THE WAY
34
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,934
FOR ASKIN' IF YOU
BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY.
35
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,072
UH...
36
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,173
AGAIN, INTERESTING QUESTION.
37
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:53,244
ANSWER: OF COURSE NOT,
YOU DOZY DONKEY!
38
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,279
AND WHY NOT?!
39
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,182
ALL RIGHT, ALICE,
BRACE YOURSELF--
40
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,784
THIS IS GONNA BE HARD.
41
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,053
BUT, AS THE BBC SAID
TO ESTHER RANTZEN
42
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,955
WHEN THEY AXED HER SHOW,
43
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,556
"THAT'S LIFE."
44
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:06,858
NOW, AT TEN,
45
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,193
YOUR MOTHER SAT YOU DOWN
AND SHE TOLD YOU
46
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,730
THAT KERMIT WAS REALLY
JUST AN OLD GREEN SOCK.
47
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,265
AT TWENTY,
SHE TOLD YOU
ABOUT SANTA CLAUS--
48
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,267
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
49
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,038
MOVING ON...
50
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,107
THIS IS THE AWFUL MOMENT
WHEN I TELL YOU
51
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,508
THAT THE EASTER BUNNY
52
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,677
ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY
53
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,113
DOES NOT EXIST AT ALL.
54
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,649
WELL, MAYBE NOT
WHERE YOU COME FROM,
55
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,150
BUT HERE,
56
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,753
WE'RE GOT OUR VERY OWN
PROPER EASTER BUNNY.
57
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,354
I'VE SEEN IT.
58
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,222
NO, YOU HAVE NOT
SEEN IT.
59
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:40,558
YES, I HAVE! EVERYONE
IN THE VILLAGE HAS!
60
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,227
ALICE, YOU'RE LYING,
AND IF YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE,
61
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,063
I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO PUNISH YOU.
62
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,832
AND THIS HAIR BRUSH
FEATURES QUITE PROMINENTLY
63
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,500
IN THE PUNISHMENT.
64
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,602
AND YOUR PANTS DON'T.
65
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,673
NO, NO, NO!
I'M SERIOUS!
66
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,909
AND BE CAREFUL--
ANYONE WHO QUESTIONS
67
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:01,012
THE EXISTENCE OF THE RABBIT
COMES UNDER THE ANCIENT CURSE.
68
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,148
OOH, I'M SCARED!
69
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,249
WHAT IS THE ANCIENT CURSE?
70
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:08,586
"WHOEVER SHALL QUESTION
THE RABBIT BUT ONCE,
71
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:12,991
THEIR FIRSTBORN
SHALL THENCEFORTH
BE A DUNCE."
72
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,625
RIGHT.
73
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,563
AND HAS ANYONE
QUESTIONED IT RECENTLY?
74
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,566
ACTUALLY, MY MUM DID.
75
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:24,002
( sings Twilight Zone theme )
76
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,271
I'M NOT ASKING
FOR THE MOON.
77
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,406
I THINK IT'S
A BRILLIANT PLAN.
78
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,775
AND IF THE COUNCIL
WOULD ONLY JUST BACK US
79
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,210
TO GET IT STARTED,
80
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,345
I'M SURE THEY
WOULDN'T REGRET IT.
81
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,181
BRAVO.
EXCELLENT IDEA.
82
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:39,350
WHAT EXACTLY IS THE SIZE
OF THE GRANT YOU NEED?
83
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,852
SEVEN MILLION POUNDS.
84
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:44,956
AND WHAT IF DIBLEY
IS NOT SUCCESSFUL
85
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,858
IN ITS BID
FOR THE 2004 OLYMPICS?
86
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,827
WELL, WITH A SKI SLOPE,
87
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,964
WE CAN ALWAYS HOST
THE WINTER OLYMPICS INSTEAD.
88
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,100
YES, WELL...
89
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,636
THANK YOU, LETITIA
AND SUPPORTERS.
90
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,306
WE WILL GIVE YOUR PROPOSAL
DUE CONSIDERATION.
91
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:03,608
IT'S EXCREMENT.
92
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,211
OHH, HOW DISAPPOINTING.
93
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,613
BLOODY OLYMPICS--
94
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:12,049
YOU'RE A TIT SHORT
OF AN UDDER, YOU ARE.
95
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:13,818
NO, NO!
96
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,753
NO, NO, NO!
97
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,256
NO--YES, HE'S RIGHT.
98
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,459
WE SHOULD GO FOR
THE COMMONWEALTH GAMES FIRST,
99
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,261
BUILD UP TO
THE OLYMPICS.
100
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,096
IT'S A MAD OLD WORLD,
ISN'T IT?
101
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,831
I WAS TALKING TO ALICE
THE OTHER DAY--
102
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,099
THIS IS HILARIOUS--
103
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,467
SHE SAID YOU'VE GOT
104
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,503
A BONA FIDE EASTER BUNNY
IN DIBLEY.
105
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,304
RIGHT.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
106
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,974
AND FINALLY, ITEM SIX--
107
00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:38,843
SORRY, SORRY,
SORRY, SORRY.
108
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,678
HAVE I JUST STUMBLED
INTO THE X-FILES?
109
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,247
YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME
110
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,081
YOU ALL BELIEVE IN
THE EASTER BUNNY, ARE YOU?
111
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,217
THAT'S RIGHT--
THE DIBLEY BUNNY.
112
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:50,188
THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY STARTED
TO PUT LSD IN CRUNCHY BARS.
113
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,391
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
WE ALL KNOW IT'S ONE OF US.
114
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,460
IT'S JUST A SWEET TRADITION
THAT'S BEEN HANDED DOWN
115
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,629
OVER THE YEARS, BUT NO ONE
KNOWS WHO IT IS
116
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,730
WHO ACTUALLY DRESSES UP
IN THE COSTUME.
117
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,666
WHAT?! OH, NO!
118
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,268
MOVING ON.
119
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,604
ANY OTHER REQUESTS
FOR FUNDING?
120
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:11,142
YES. I THINK WE SHOULD
PUT IN A BID FOR THE OLYMPICS.
121
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,546
WE'VE JUST DONE THAT,
MRS. CROPLEY.
122
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,448
OH, HAVE WE? SORRY.
123
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,852
I'VE GOT A MEMORY
LIKE AN ELEPHANT...
124
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,055
THAT'S LOST HIS MEMORY.
125
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,226
MOVING ON. VICAR?
126
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,860
THANK YOU, DAVID.
127
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,297
AS YOU ALL KNOW,
LENT STARTS TOMORROW--
128
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,932
OH! THAT JUST REMINDS ME.
129
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,901
AS IT'S SHROVE TUESDAY,
130
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:40,471
I'VE MADE YOU THESE PANCAKES
FROM ALL MY LEFTOVERS.
131
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,906
HOT-DIGGITY-DOG, MRS. C!
132
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:45,943
NOW, THESE ONES
ARE LARD AND FISH PASTE...
133
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,213
AND THESE ARE THE PLAIN ONES.
134
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,286
WITH JUST A HINT OF LIVER.
135
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,191
WOULD YOU LIKE ONE,
MR. CHAIRMAN?
136
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,261
I'D SOONER EAT MY OWN SCROTUM,
THANK YOU.
137
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,631
ITEM SIX, VICAR.
138
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,867
YES, AS I WAS SAYING,
139
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,769
SINCE IT'S ASH WEDNESDAY
TOMORROW,
140
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,238
I THOUGHT PERHAPS
WE COULD ALL
141
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,172
TRY TO GIVE SOMETHING UP
FOR LENT, YOU KNOW.
142
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,042
LIKE BONDAGE, YOU MEAN?
143
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,478
POSSIBLY, YES.
144
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,013
AND THEN EVERY TIME
WE FAIL,
145
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,283
WE HAVE TO PUT A POUND
IN THIS BOX.
146
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,352
LIKE YOU, FOR INSTANCE,
NEWITT.
147
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,820
YOU COULD TRY TO
GIVE UP SWEARING,
COULDN'T YOU?
148
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,122
I DON'T SWEAR.
149
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,090
NO, NO, NO--
YES, YOU DO.
150
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,792
I BLOODY DO NOT!
151
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,127
IN THE BOX!
152
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,196
WHAT?! "BLOODY'S"
NOT SWEARING!
153
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,498
I'M AFRAID IT IS.
154
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,167
"BLOODY" BLOODY ISN'T!
155
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,902
BOLLOCKS.
156
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,973
NOW, THAT IS SWEARING.
157
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,442
AND ASS!
158
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,977
BUT "BLOODY'S" JUST "BLOODY"--
159
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:56,681
IT'S A USEFUL ADJECTIVE,
WITH BIBLICAL OVERTONES.
160
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:02,052
WELL, SHE CAN GIVE UP
COOKING GARBAGE, THEN!
161
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:05,657
I'VE EATEN TASTIER SLURRY
THAN THIS!
162
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:09,226
AND, JIM--YOU COULD GIVE UP
DITHERING, COULDN'T YOU?
163
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,162
NO, NO, NO.
164
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,830
NO, NO, NO--YES.
165
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,899
NO. WELL, I'M
NOT TOO SURE.
166
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,903
HA-BLOODY-HA!
167
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,705
OH, BUGGER!
168
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,407
IN YOU GO!
PUT HER THERE!
169
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:26,243
OHH! ASS, ASS, ASS!
170
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,280
RIGHT.
171
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,582
AND MIGHT I VENTURE
THAT FRANK CAN GIVE UP
172
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,519
BEING SUCH A PEDANTIC OLD FART
WITH THE MINUTES.
173
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:36,153
AH, GOOD SUGGESTION.
174
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:40,625
SHOULD I ACTUALLY
PUT FART, OR F**T?
175
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,662
WHAT ABOUT YOU, DAVID?
176
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,964
PERHAPS YOU COULD BE
A LITTLE MORE FRIENDLY
TO EVERYONE.
177
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,299
YES, FATHER.
178
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,934
EVERYONE'S FED UP
TO THEIR BACK TEETH
179
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,469
WITH YOU SHOUTING
AT THEM ALL THE TIME
180
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,505
LIKE SOME GREAT, BIG,
BALD SHOUTY-TYPE PERSON.
181
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,943
EXCEPT FOR ME, OF COURSE.
I THINK IT'S ALL RIGHT.
182
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,511
Frank:
HE'S GOT A POINT, SIR.
183
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,281
VERY WELL. EASY-PEASY.
184
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,950
ALTHOUGH I'D QUITE LIKE TO KNOW
185
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,819
WHERE ALL THIS MONEY
IS ACTUALLY GOING TO.
186
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,988
WELL, I THOUGHT WE COULD START
A NEIGHBOURHOOD VIDEO CLUB
187
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,857
ON FRIDAY NIGHTS IN THE HALL
188
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,425
FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T GOT
A VIDEO OF THEIR OWN.
189
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,494
I'VE GOT A VIDEO!
190
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,029
BUT IT DOESN'T WORK.
191
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,999
I PLUGGED IT IN,
SWITCHED IT ON,
192
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,501
AND NOTHING!
193
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,403
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
EVEN HAD A TV.
194
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,638
NO, I HAVEN'T.
195
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,209
I PLUGGED THE VIDEO
INTO THE RADIO INSTEAD.
196
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,980
RIGHT.
197
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,683
FAIR ENOUGH,
IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
198
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,786
AND PRAY, WHAT IS
ST. GERALDINE GIVING UP?
199
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:45,890
WELL, I THOUGHT I MIGHT
GIVE UP BUBBLE BATH,
200
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,493
BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY
LOVE THE STUFF.
201
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,995
YOU KNOW, ALL THAT LOVELY
BUBBLY-WUBBLY-WUBBLY-WUBBLY
202
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,631
UP YOUR NOSIES
AND YOUR TOESIES...
203
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,868
OR...YOU COULD
GIVE UP CHOCOLATE.
204
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,136
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
205
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,605
BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
206
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,674
I DON'T EAT ENOUGH CHOCOLATE
FOR THAT TO REALLY HURT ME.
207
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,145
CHOCOLATE.
208
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,480
OH, COME ON!
209
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,049
YOU DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
EAT ALL THIS ON MY OWN, DO YOU?
210
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,150
THIS...
211
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:17,054
THIS IS FOR ALL THE TINY
LITTLE ORPHAN CHILDREN
212
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,323
OF THE PARISH.
213
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,658
POOR LITTLE MITES,
214
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,660
THEY'RE STARVED OF LOVE
AND TENDERNESS--
215
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,061
AH!
216
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,732
CHOCOLATE!
217
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,334
OKAY, CHOCOLATE.
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
218
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:33,404
NOW WE'LL SEE
WHO HAS SELF-CONTROL.
219
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,206
MEETING'S CLOSED.
LET'S GO, HUGO.
220
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,122
I LOVE YOU.
221
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,091
YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?
222
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,994
YOU'RE LOVELY,
MY LITTLE FRIEND.
223
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,004
NO, NO.
224
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,939
DISTRACTION.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
225
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,444
( woman singing opera on TV )
226
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,550
YOU BITCH!
227
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,288
LORD, GIVE ME A BREAK!
228
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,191
IN FACT, GIVE ME A KIT-KAT.
229
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,895
HUGO, LOVELY TO SEE YOU,
COME ON IN.
230
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,429
MORNING, VICAR.
231
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,898
HELLO, ALICE.
232
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,167
HELLO, HUGO.
233
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,136
YOU ALL RIGHT?
234
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,238
YES, THANKS.
235
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,575
HELLO.
236
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,110
HIYA.
237
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,545
IT'S GRIPPING STUFF,
ISN'T IT?
238
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,315
OFTEN WONDERED
WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
239
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,784
IF YOU GOT OSCAR WILDE
AND DOROTHY PARKER
240
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,652
TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM.
241
00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:58,455
I THINK I'M GETTING
A LITTLE FLAVOUR OF IT HERE.
242
00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,290
YEAH.
243
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:03,127
WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP
YAKKING ON, MISS TINKER,
244
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,062
AND GO OUT AND MAKE THE TEA?
245
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,296
RIGHT, YEAH.
246
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,832
NOW, ALICE.
247
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,300
HUGO, WHAT DID YOU
WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
248
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:12,236
IT'S THIS LENT THINGIE.
249
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,939
AT THE MEETING, YOU ALL
HAD TO GIVE SOMETHING UP,
250
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,607
AND THE THING IS,
NOBODY ASKED ME.
251
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,475
AND I THINK PERHAPS
IT'S BECAUSE EVERYONE
252
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,477
THINKS I'M SUCH A BORE
THAT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
253
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,246
HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING
TO GIVE UP.
254
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,148
AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE
A PERSONALITY AT ALL.
255
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:27,184
YOU'RE NOT A BORE
AT ALL, HUGO!
256
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,720
YOU'RE A RIVETING HUMAN BEING!
257
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,923
I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT
LOTS OF VICES YOU COULD GIVE UP,
258
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,893
LIKE...WELL, LIKE GAMBLING,
FOR INSTANCE.
259
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,195
I'LL BET YOU LIKE
A LITTLE FLUTTER
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.
260
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:42,532
NO? UM....SMOKING?
261
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,401
NO? UM...
262
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,370
I KNOW. WEARING
A SHIRT WITHOUT A TIE.
263
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,039
OH.
264
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,175
DOES DRINKING COFFEE
COUNT AS A VICE?
265
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,877
IT DOES INDEED!
266
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,612
COFFEE, THE BROTH OF SATAN!
267
00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:57,681
IT'S A DRUG, HUGO--
GIVE IT UP NOW!
268
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,883
NO, NO, I DON'T DRINK IT,
269
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,417
BUT I THOUGHT I COULD START,
270
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,153
AND THEN I'D HAVE SOMETHING
TO GIVE UP NEXT YEAR.
271
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,221
RIGHT. BRILLIANT.
YEAH, GOOD.
272
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,891
THE ONLY OTHER THING IS, I...
273
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,626
I DO THINK ABOUT "IT"
QUITE A BIT.
274
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:11,128
YOU KNOW, "IT."
275
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,330
NO, NOT WITH YOU.
276
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,565
YOU KNOW, "IT."
277
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:18,402
WITH PEOPLE LIKE
MARIELLA FROSTRUP
278
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:22,807
AND SHARON STONE
AND NORMA MAJOR--
NAKED.
279
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,709
AH, "IT."
280
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,411
WELL, THERE YOU GO, THEN.
281
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,347
NOT THAT IT'S EXACTLY
AN ARRESTABLE OFFENCE.
282
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,049
ALTHOUGH THE NORMA MAJOR THING
283
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,251
COULD LAND YOU IN
SOME KIND OF AN INSTITUTION.
284
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,853
NO, GOOD, RIGHT.
285
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,621
YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT "IT,"
286
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,857
AND EVERY TIME YOU DO,
A POUND IN THAT BOX.
287
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,959
GREAT! OLD SINNER ME!
288
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,829
OH GOOD, TEA.
VERY GOOD TIMING.
289
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,864
HUGO AND I WERE
JUST FINISHED,
WEREN'T WE?
290
00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:56,673
I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE IT, HUGO--
HOT AND STRONG.
291
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,080
NICE AND WET.
292
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,917
ON THE OTHER HAND,
293
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,486
I THINK IT'S BEST
IF HUGO GOES NOW
294
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,022
BEFORE HE DRIFTS
INTO INSOLVENCY.
295
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:15,059
I'VE GOT A LOVELY DOUGHNUT
FOR YOU, HUGO.
296
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,060
NO, THANKS.
297
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,162
SOME CHOCOLATE FINGERS?
298
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,797
OH, WELL, UH, PERHAPS.
299
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,336
THEY'RE SUCH FUN,
AREN'T THEY?
300
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,906
I LOVE JUST STICKIN' THEM
IN MY MOUTH AND...
301
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,542
SUCKIN' AND SUCKIN'
TILL ALL THE CHOCOLATE
COMES RIGHT OFF.
302
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:41,252
I'M A BIT STRAPPED FOR CASH.
I'LL PAY YOU LATER.
303
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:46,190
WELL, I'LL GIVE HIM
ANOTHER MINUTE OR TWO.
304
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,260
SORRY I'M LATE,
MES ENFANTS.
305
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,195
OH.
306
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,829
ANN ROBINSON
WAS ON THE TELLY.
307
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,498
ANN ROBINSON?
308
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,302
AH, YES. HOW'S YOUR
LITTLE COLLECTION GOING, VICAR?
309
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,670
HAD TO PUT IN
MANY POUNDS YOURSELF?
310
00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:03,007
NONE AT ALL, DAVID,
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
311
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,442
HOPING TO COLLECT A FEW
TONIGHT, THOUGH.
312
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:09,246
JIM? I EXPECT YOU'LL BE
CONTRIBUTING A FEW QUID,
WON'T YOU?
313
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,481
NOPE.
314
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:15,419
"NOPE" AS IN
"NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, YES"?
315
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:19,456
ON THE CONTRARY--
"NOPE" AS IN "NOPE."
316
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:22,026
RIGHT. FUNKY.
317
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,929
SORRY I'M LATE.
ALL MY COWS ESCAPED.
318
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,565
BLOODY COWS.
319
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,735
THEY'RE A BLOODY, BLOODY NUISANCE,
AREN'T THEY?
320
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:35,205
THEY CAN BE
A BIT OF A BORE, YES.
321
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,008
RIGHT. WE'LL START.
322
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,677
I DECLARE OPEN THIS MEETING
OF THE PARISH COUNCIL,
323
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,546
3rd OF MARCH, 1996--
324
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,282
FRANK, YOU GETTING THIS DOWN?
325
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,717
I'LL JUST
KNOCK OFF SOMETHING
AT THE END.
326
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:49,820
NO ONE READS
THE MINUTES, ANYWAY.
327
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,090
ITEM ONE.
328
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,092
OH, MR. CHAIRMAN.
329
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,127
IF I COULD JUST
BUTT IN HERE.
330
00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:59,096
OF COURSE, LETITIA.
331
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,031
YOU BUTT IN
TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT,
332
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,632
MY LITTLE BEAUTY.
333
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:03,867
OH, THANK YOU!
334
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,336
NOW, THEN,
335
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,772
I JUST WONDERED
IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO TRY...
336
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:11,808
MY HOMEMADE ORANGE JUICE.
337
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,344
HA HA HA HA!
338
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,911
WHAT'S IN IT, MRS. C?
339
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:17,814
ORANGE JUICE.
340
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,583
YES, BUT ANYTHING ELSE?
341
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,386
NO YEAST?
NO BALSAMIC VINEGAR?
342
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,653
NO URINE?
343
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,589
NO.
344
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,890
David: RIGHT.
345
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:28,459
LET'S BEGIN.
346
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,128
ITEM ONE, THE NEW VIDEO CLUB.
HOW'S IT COMING ON, VICAR?
347
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,697
WELL, I'VE HAVE SOME THOUGHTS
ABOUT THE KIND OF FILMS--
348
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:36,833
NOW, DON'T MIND ME.
DIDN'T HAVE ANY SUPPER.
349
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,236
MMMM!
350
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,740
UH...
351
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,143
YES, UH...
AS I WAS SAYING--
352
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,178
OH, SORRY.
FORGETTING MY MANNERS.
353
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,314
ANYBODY ELSE
LIKE A BAR?
354
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,448
OH, I SAY!
355
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,350
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
356
00:15:57,789 --> 00:16:00,657
RIGHT. YEAH. UM...
357
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:03,427
AS I WAS SAYING,
UM...
358
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:06,463
SORRY, I'M FEELING
A BIT FAINT, ACTUALLY.
359
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,798
OWEN, I THINK
YOU HAD SOMETHING
TO SAY, DIDN'T YOU?
360
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,034
YES.
361
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,469
WELL, NOW, A FEW OF US
HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
362
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,204
HOW WE MIGHT KICK OFF
THE VIDEO CLUB--
363
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,439
THAT'S IT,
THAT'S IT.
364
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,074
SINCE WE'RE
A COUNTRY PARISH,
365
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:19,043
I THOUGHT WE MIGHT START
WITH AN ANIMAL FILM,
366
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,411
MAYBE BLACK BEAUTY.
367
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,546
WE CHOSE AN ANIMAL FILM, TOO.
YEAH.
368
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,949
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.
369
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:31,588
IN A DOUBLE BILL
WITH RESERVOIR DOGS.
370
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:35,592
RIGHT, AND MAYBE
WE COULD FOLLOW THAT
WITH A ROMANCE.
371
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,528
OUR THINKING AGAIN.
372
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,763
GOOD. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE?
373
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,932
LAST TANGO IN PARIS.
374
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,468
RIGHT, AND I THOUGHT
WE COULD HAVE SOMETHING
375
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,869
WITH A RELIGIOUS BENT--
376
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,704
SONG OF BERNADETTE,
OR GODSPELL.
377
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,040
THE EXORCIST.
378
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,908
DAVID, I'M AFRAID
I'M GONNA HAVE TO--
379
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,610
AH-AH-AH-AH--
380
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,979
THREE LONG WEEKS
TO GO, VICAR.
381
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,182
OH, AND I'VE GOT A NICE BOX
OF CHOCOLATES HERE
382
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,683
TO SHARE 'ROUND
383
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,018
TO CELEBRATE
MY HALF-BIRTHDAY.
384
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,188
OH, I SAY!
THANK YOU!
385
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,123
HERE WE ARE.
386
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,592
THANK YOU, MR. HORTON.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
387
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,365
HELLO, VICAR.
388
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,800
HELLO, ALICE.
389
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,269
CAN I JUST SHARE
A PRIVATE THOUGHT WITH YOU?
390
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,004
OH, CERTAINLY, VICAR.
391
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,739
AS LONG AS IT
ISN'T ABOUT TAMPONS,
392
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,075
'CAUSE I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THEM AT ALL.
393
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,677
NO, NO, IT...
IT ISN'T.
394
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,981
I'D JUST LIKE
TO SHARE WITH YOU
THE FACT THAT, WELL,
395
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,183
I HATE THE PEOPLE
OF THIS VILLAGE.
396
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,052
YEAH. EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF THEM.
397
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,955
SELF-RIGHTEOUS,
SMALL-MINDED, SENILE,
398
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,991
CHOCOLATE-SCOFFING GITS,
399
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,292
( phone rings )
AND THAT'S TRUE!
400
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:45,262
HELLO, GERALDINE'S PHONE.
401
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:48,031
WELL, NOT ACTUALLY HER PHONE,
'CAUSE THE PHONE CAN'T SPEAK,
402
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,168
BUT GERALDINE'S PHONE MEANING
GERALDINE'S USUALLY THE PERSON
403
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,903
ON THE PHONE, EVEN THOUGH
ACTUALLY THIS TIME IT'S ALICE.
404
00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:55,739
SO I MIGHT HAVE SAID
"ALICE'S PHONE," BUT I DIDN'T
405
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,007
'CAUSE IT'S NOT MINE.
406
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,175
WHO IS IT?!
407
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:01,278
I DON'T KNOW,
THEY JUST HUNG UP.
408
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,580
PEOPLE ARE WEIRD,
AREN'T THEY?
409
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,881
( rings )
I'LL GET IT, I'LL GET IT.
410
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,650
HELLO!
DIBLEY VICARAGE!
411
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,118
WELL, NOT ACTUALLY
THE VICARAGE ITSELF,
412
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,587
'CAUSE IT CAN'T SPEAK,
IT'S JUST A BUILDING, BUT--
413
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:11,955
OH, HELLO!
414
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:14,924
RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER.
415
00:18:14,926 --> 00:18:16,026
IT'S FRANK.
416
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,128
HE'S AT MRS. CROPLEY'S,
SHE'S BEEN TAKEN ILL.
417
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,063
SHE'S ASKING FOR YOU.
WHAT SHOULD I TELL HIM?
418
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:22,533
TELL HIM I'M COMING,
YOU SILLY GIRL.
419
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,802
SHE'S COMING...
YOU SILLY GIRL.
420
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,705
OH, DEAR...
421
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,175
OH, DEAR,
I HOPE SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
422
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,477
I LOVE MRS. CROPLEY.
423
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,812
SHE'S BEEN JUST LIKE
A MOTHER TO ME,
424
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,514
ALWAYS WIPING THINGS
OFF MY FACE
425
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:39,650
AND TELLIN' ME
I LOOK DAFT.
426
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,785
LISTEN,
SHE'LL BE FINE.
427
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,554
THIS IS HAPPY VALLEY--
428
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,989
PEOPLE DON'T
GET SICK HERE.
429
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,357
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
430
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,893
I THINK THAT
FACIAL CLEANLINESS
IS OVERRATED.
431
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,795
SPINACH CAN BE
AN ATTRACTIVE ACCESSORY.
432
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,299
NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE
GET AWAY WITH GREAT LUMPS OF IT
433
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,301
BETWEEN THE TEETH,
BUT YOU DO.
434
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,638
HOW IS SHE, JIM?
435
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,907
NO, NO, NO, NO.
436
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,809
NOT GOOD.
437
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,611
OH. WHAT HAPPENED?
438
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,380
WELL, IT WAS A LOVELY MORNING,
439
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,016
SO I DROPPED 'ROUND
TO SEE HER.
440
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:16,620
AND I'D CHOSEN
A SORT OF BRIGHT TIE,
BECAUSE--
441
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,322
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA
HAVE TO PRESS YOU
442
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,989
FOR THE SHORTER VERSION,
FRANK.
443
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,124
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
444
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,760
I DROPPED AROUND,
IN THIS TIE,
445
00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,029
AND I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR,
446
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,964
NOT A LOUD KNOCK,
447
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,133
JUST A GENTLE
TAP-TAP-TAP--
448
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,135
EVEN SHORTER
THAN THAT, FRANK,
I'M AFRAID.
449
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,204
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
450
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,806
I CAME AROUND...
451
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:38,709
AND NOW SHE'S DYING,
452
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,178
AND SHE SAYS
SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU.
453
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,214
SHE'S DYING?
454
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,149
WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD.
455
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:48,218
WE'VE ALL BEEN IN
AND HAD A WORD WITH HER,
456
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,019
BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS
SHE'S VERY WEAK.
457
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,322
IT'S HER HEART,
POOR OLD GIRL.
458
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,558
OH, LORD.
459
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,992
RIGHT.
460
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,061
I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER, UH...
461
00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,696
RIGHT.
462
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,966
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY
DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
463
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,435
RIGHT.
464
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,371
LOOK, IT'S NOT
AN APRIL FOOLS, IS IT?
465
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,739
I'M GONNA GO IN THERE
466
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,374
AND SHE'S GONNA BE
SITTING UP ON THE BED
467
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,542
WITH A CUSTARD PIE?
468
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,210
DAMN.
469
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,512
AHEM.
470
00:20:16,948 --> 00:20:20,417
UH, IT'S THE VICAR.
SHE'S COME TO SEE YOU.
471
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,420
LETITIA...
472
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,523
HOW ARE YOU?
473
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,159
NOT SO GOOD, M'DEAR.
474
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,462
BREATHING ALWAYS
SEEMED SUCH AN EASY THING,
475
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:35,465
BUT SUDDENLY IT'S
A BIT OF A BUGGER,
TO BE HONEST.
476
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:39,770
THAT FRANK--
HE'S A NICE MAN, ISN'T HE?
477
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,672
HE'S A LOVELY MAN, YES.
478
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,541
NICE THIGHS.
IS THAT SO?
479
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:48,779
I HAVEN'T LED
A BLAMELESS LIFE, VICAR.
480
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,080
OH, LETITIA.
WHO HAS?
481
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,350
ANTHEA TURNER.
482
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:56,520
YES. ANTHEA TURNER.
483
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,188
AND OF COURSE,
THE LOVELY JANE ASHER.
484
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,023
PRINCE WILLIAM?
485
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:03,293
YEAH. SO APART FROM
PRINCE WILLIAM,
486
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:05,228
ALTHEA TURNER,
AND JANE ASHER,
487
00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:07,831
WHO HAS LED
A BLAMELESS LIFE,
LETITIA?
488
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,265
HUGH GRANT.
489
00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:12,369
WELL, HARDLY.
YOU THINK SO?
490
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,738
OH, YES. FINE, IN MY BOOK.
491
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,740
WELL, INTERESTING BOOK.
492
00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,843
I'M SURE THAT GOD
FORGIVES YOUR SINS,
LETITIA.
493
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,745
I HOPE SO, VICAR.
494
00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:23,079
( groans )
495
00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:24,748
DO YOU WANT ME
TO GET THE DOCTOR?
496
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:28,885
NO. BEFORE YOU GO...
THERE ARE TWO THINGS.
497
00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:31,421
YOU WILL BE HONEST
WITH ME, WON'T YOU?
498
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:32,922
I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU.
499
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,258
YOU CAN TRUST ME, YES.
500
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,926
MY COOKING--
501
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,495
AH...
502
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:42,198
WAS I A GREAT EXPERIMENTER,
A PIONEER,
503
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,969
WHOSE RICH COMMAND
OF UNORTHODOX MIXTURES
504
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:50,173
WILL BE THE STUFF OF LEGEND
IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM?
505
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:54,244
OR WAS MY FOOD JUST GHASTLY?
506
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:57,781
YOU CAN TELL A DYING WOMAN
THE TRUTH, VICAR.
507
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,750
VERY WELL.
508
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,552
YOU ARE ONE OF THE GREATS.
509
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:05,321
MRS. BEATON, DELIA SMITH,
LETITIA CROPLEY--
510
00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:07,090
THAT'S THE TRINITY.
511
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:08,925
I THOUGHT SO.
512
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:11,561
AND NOW, FINALLY...
513
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,563
LET ME BEQUEATH TO YOU
514
00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:17,166
MY OTHER LIFE'S
GREAT ACHIEVEMENT.
515
00:22:17,168 --> 00:22:20,336
SAY YOU'LL DO IT--
PROMISE ME.
516
00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:22,171
YES, OF COURSE I WILL.
WHAT IS IT?
517
00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:25,909
THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE DONE
FOR THE PAST 30 YEARS,
518
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:29,513
AND MY FATHER DID IT
BEFORE ME.
519
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:33,016
( whispering )
520
00:22:38,223 --> 00:22:41,057
YOU ARE MY CHOSEN ONE.
521
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,759
OH, NO.
522
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:48,164
YOU'VE A LOVELY GIRL, VICAR.
523
00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:51,334
CHUNKY, BUT LOVELY.
524
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,413
OH...
525
00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:14,591
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪
526
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:17,527
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
527
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:20,029
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪
528
00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:23,433
♪ TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
529
00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:29,005
♪ HE LEADETH ME
530
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:35,011
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
531
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,617
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
532
00:23:40,619 --> 00:23:42,519
SPLENDID SERVICE, VICAR.
VERY MOVING.
533
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:46,322
I PARTICULARLY
LIKED YOUR QUOTE
FROM JOHNNY MORRIS--
534
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,992
I THINK YOU'LL FIND
THAT WAS JONI MITCHELL.
535
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,293
THAT'S RIGHT.
536
00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:51,795
"DON'T IT ALWAYS
SEEM TO GO
537
00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:54,263
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL IT'S GONE."
538
00:23:54,265 --> 00:23:57,166
Alice: SHE WAS
A WONDERFUL WOMAN.
539
00:23:57,168 --> 00:23:58,502
YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER
540
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,470
IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER
WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG.
541
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:02,539
AND WHAT WAS
SHE LIKE YOUNG?
542
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,375
NO, NO. NO, NO.
RAMPANT!
543
00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:07,744
REALLY?
544
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,245
OH, YES.
545
00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:11,147
SHE WAS A LOVELY-LOOKING GIRL.
546
00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:12,849
RED HAIR RIGHT DOWN
TO HER WAIST,
547
00:24:12,851 --> 00:24:16,152
EYES SO BRIGHT
THEY SPARKLED IN THE DARK.
548
00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:18,087
AND A FRENCH KISS THAT WOULD
549
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,256
SUCK THE TONGUE
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
550
00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:22,993
LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL
VACUUM CLEANER!
551
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,995
IS THAT RIGHT?
552
00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:27,898
YES,
I HEARD THAT, TOO.
553
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,433
MY FATHER USED TO
TALK ABOUT HER--
554
00:24:30,435 --> 00:24:32,335
"LUSCIOUS LETITIA."
555
00:24:32,337 --> 00:24:34,070
"CROPLEY THE CRACKER."
556
00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:36,006
TITILLATING TISH."
557
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:40,710
"ALWAYS-LETS-YOU-
DOCK-YOUR-BOAT-
IN-HER-JETTY LETTIE."
558
00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:43,647
NOW, COME ON, BOYS,
559
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:45,415
COME ON, BOYS.
560
00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:48,084
SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.
561
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:50,520
IT'S BEEN A VERY SAD WEEK.
562
00:24:50,522 --> 00:24:53,723
WE WON'T BE ABLE
TO ENJOY EASTER
WITH THE USUAL RELISH.
563
00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:57,326
NO, BUT WE MUST REMEMBER
THE TRUE EASTER MESSAGE--
564
00:24:57,328 --> 00:25:00,931
JESUS GIVES US HOPE
OF ETERNAL LIFE IN HEAVEN.
565
00:25:00,933 --> 00:25:03,033
NO ONE ON EARTH LIVES FOREVER.
566
00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,869
EXCEPT BRUCE FORSYTHE.
567
00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:09,072
NO, HE JUST SEEMS TO
HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOREVER.
568
00:25:09,074 --> 00:25:11,641
HE IS, IN FACT,
A SURPRISINGLY
YOUNG MAN.
569
00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:14,611
NO, I THINK
THE SPIRIT OF LETITIA
570
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:16,345
WILL LIVE ON
IN THIS VILLAGE,
571
00:25:16,347 --> 00:25:18,615
EVEN THOUGH SHE HERSELF
HAS PASSED AWAY.
572
00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,417
YOU MEAN THERE ARE
SOME OTHER NYMPHOMANIACS
573
00:25:21,419 --> 00:25:23,519
LURKING IN THE HEDGEROWS?
NO, NO, I MEAN--
574
00:25:23,521 --> 00:25:26,255
WELL, WE'LL SEE,
WON'T WE?
575
00:25:26,257 --> 00:25:27,423
TO LETTIE.
576
00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,825
All: TO LETTIE.
577
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:31,027
AND ALL WHO SAILED IN HER.
578
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,195
OWEN!
579
00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:37,134
WHAT AM I DOING?
580
00:25:37,136 --> 00:25:38,802
I SHOULD BE WRITING
MY EASTER SERMON,
581
00:25:38,804 --> 00:25:40,237
TRYING TO WORK OUT WAYS
582
00:25:40,239 --> 00:25:42,538
TO CONVINCE PEOPLE OF
THE MIRACLE OF THE RESURRECTION.
583
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,241
INSTEAD, I'M COUNTING EGGS,
584
00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:46,243
I'M TRYING TO WORK OUT
HOW TO MAKE A SLINKY
585
00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:48,211
INTO A BUNNY'S BOTTOM.
586
00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:49,746
( knocking on door )
OHH!
587
00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:51,614
OH, HELL'S BUM!
588
00:25:54,753 --> 00:25:56,887
COMING!
( knocking )
589
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:07,764
DAVID, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
JUST A BIT BUSY AT THE MOMENT.
590
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:10,066
NOW, DON'T WORRY,
THIS WON'T TAKE A MOMENT.
591
00:26:11,503 --> 00:26:14,037
UH, DAVID, DAVID--
COULD YOU, UM...
592
00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:16,072
JUST TAKE
YOUR SHOES OFF,
PLEASE?
593
00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:17,340
WHY?
594
00:26:17,342 --> 00:26:19,276
UH, IT'S A RELIGIOUS THING.
595
00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:20,643
WHAT ABOUT YOURS?
596
00:26:20,645 --> 00:26:23,313
UM...MINE HAVE BEEN
BLESSED ALREADY.
597
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,115
JUST PUT THEM THERE.
THANKS.
598
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,790
ARE YOU STILL
HOLDING OFF ON
THE CHOCOLATE?
599
00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:36,159
YES, YES, I HAVEN'T
TOUCHED A MORSEL.
600
00:26:38,297 --> 00:26:41,064
SO, HOW CAN I
HELP YOU THEN,
DAVID?
601
00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:43,399
WELL--
( crunch )
602
00:26:43,401 --> 00:26:46,069
THE THING IS...
603
00:26:46,071 --> 00:26:48,771
THAT I'M A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT HUGO.
604
00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:49,906
YES?
605
00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:52,809
YESTERDAY WE WERE WATCHING
THIS RATHER GOOD FILM
606
00:26:52,811 --> 00:26:54,644
ON THE TELEVISION,
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN.
607
00:26:54,646 --> 00:26:57,347
OH, LOVELY RICHARD GERE.
608
00:26:57,349 --> 00:27:01,351
I'D SWAP PLACES
WITH THAT HAMSTER ANY DAY.
609
00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:02,819
WHICH HAMSTER?
610
00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:05,288
NOTHING, NOTHING.
FORGET ABOUT THE HAMSTER.
611
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:07,057
ANYWAY--
YEAH.
612
00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:08,825
THIS SCENE COMES ON
613
00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:11,694
WHERE THE TWO OF THEM
GO OFF TO A MOTEL,
614
00:27:11,696 --> 00:27:15,198
THEY TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF,
AND THEY--
615
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,699
DO IT.
616
00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:18,634
WELL, AS YOU SAY.
617
00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:20,670
AND I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED
IN FRONT OF HUGO,
618
00:27:20,672 --> 00:27:23,974
SO I LOOK AROUND,
AND HE HAS HIS EYES CLOSED.
619
00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:27,677
AND I'M WORRIED
THAT HUGO MIGHT BE...
620
00:27:27,679 --> 00:27:30,413
WELL...YOU KNOW.
621
00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:33,616
NO.
DO I HAVE TO
SPELL IT OUT?
622
00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:35,385
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
623
00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:38,889
OH, VERY WELL. J-O-H-N.
624
00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,223
JOHN.
625
00:27:40,225 --> 00:27:42,425
YOU THINK HUGO
MIGHT BE JOHN?
626
00:27:42,427 --> 00:27:44,827
WOULD YOU
LET ME FINISH?
627
00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:48,431
I-N-M-A-N.
628
00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:50,233
INMAN. JOHN INMAN.
629
00:27:50,235 --> 00:27:53,303
YOU'RE AFRAID THAT HUGO
MIGHT BE JOHN INMAN?
630
00:27:53,305 --> 00:27:55,338
OH, I SEE. I SEE!
631
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,008
YOU'RE AFRAID THAT HUGO
MIGHT BE HOMOSEXUAL.
632
00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:59,342
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
633
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,244
WELL, WHAT I THINK IS,
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
634
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:02,678
A FLYING FONT
635
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,915
IF HUGO WAS HOMOSEXUAL.
636
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,150
SOME OF OUR FINEST
CABINET MINISTERS ARE,
637
00:28:07,152 --> 00:28:08,484
AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW,
DAVID.
638
00:28:08,486 --> 00:28:11,288
BUT NO, THE REASON FOR
THIS UNUSUAL BEHAVIOUR
639
00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:14,590
IS BECAUSE HUGO'S
SECRET PACT FOR LENT
640
00:28:14,592 --> 00:28:17,527
IS TO GIVE UP
LUSTFUL THOUGHTS.
641
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,297
REALLY?
REALLY.
642
00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:23,866
SO POOR OLD HUGO'S JUST TRYING
TO SAVE A FEW QUID, BLESS HIM.
643
00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,769
THANK GOD FOR THAT!
644
00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:29,105
THAT'S WONDERFUL NEWS!
645
00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:31,107
I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST THEM, OF COURSE.
646
00:28:31,109 --> 00:28:33,243
I'M AS BIG A FAN
OF MICHAEL BARRYMORE
AS THE NEXT MAN.
647
00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:35,045
OF COURSE YOU ARE,
DAVID.
648
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,746
BRAVO!
649
00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:39,916
OH...
650
00:28:39,918 --> 00:28:41,484
OH...
651
00:28:41,486 --> 00:28:44,620
OH, THAT IS THE SADDEST SIGHT
I'VE EVER SEEN.
652
00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:47,723
OH, MY POOR, BROKEN DARLINGS.
653
00:28:47,725 --> 00:28:52,228
I PROMISE, YOUR LIVES WILL NOT
HAVE BEEN WASTED IN VAIN.
654
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:53,997
COME MONDAY,
I'LL PUT YOU ALL
655
00:28:53,999 --> 00:28:56,399
IN A LOVELY, BIG, GOOEY
CHOCOLATE FONDUE.
656
00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,668
COME ON, DARLING.
COME ON, DARLING...
657
00:28:58,670 --> 00:29:00,437
HELLO, VICAR.
AAAH!
658
00:29:01,773 --> 00:29:04,607
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH ALL THOSE CHOCOLATES?
659
00:29:04,609 --> 00:29:07,143
UH...WHAT, THESE CHOCOLATES?
660
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:10,113
UH, JUST TRYING TO THINK UP
A CONVINCING LIE--
661
00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:12,382
COME ON,
HAND THEM OVER,
662
00:29:12,384 --> 00:29:14,484
YOU LITTLE MISS NAUGHTY.
663
00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:16,286
ALICE. ALICE.
664
00:29:16,288 --> 00:29:18,221
GIVE ME BACK
THOSE CHOCOLATES.
665
00:29:18,223 --> 00:29:20,023
NOT TILL AFTER EASTER.
666
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:22,625
ALICE, I NEED
THOSE CHOCOLATES.
667
00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:25,695
NO, YOU DON'T NEED THEM,
GERALDINE--YOU WANT THEM.
668
00:29:25,697 --> 00:29:27,864
AND THAT'S
A VERY DIFFERENT THING.
669
00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:30,033
UNFORTUNATELY, ALICE,
670
00:29:30,035 --> 00:29:31,868
I'M NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED
TO KILL YOU,
671
00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:33,569
SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
672
00:29:33,571 --> 00:29:35,738
COME AND SIT DOWN NOW.
673
00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:37,374
COME ON.
674
00:29:37,376 --> 00:29:39,909
NOW, ALICE--
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
675
00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:41,011
OF COURSE I CAN.
676
00:29:41,013 --> 00:29:42,379
I'VE KNOWN
THE WHOLE THING
ABOUT DAVID
677
00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:45,648
AND HIS ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER
FOR AGES AND NEVER SAID A WORD.
678
00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,117
WELL, IT'S NOT THAT--
679
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:50,420
OH! THANKS FOR THAT.
MIGHT BE QUITE USEFUL.
680
00:29:50,422 --> 00:29:52,622
NO, THIS IS ABOUT
THE EASTER BUNNY.
681
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:54,924
NOW, YOU STILL BELIEVE
THAT THE EASTER BUNNY
682
00:29:54,926 --> 00:29:56,759
BUYS ALL THE EGGS
FOR THE CHILDREN
683
00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:58,694
AND DISTRIBUTES THEM,
DON'T YOU?
684
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:00,730
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, HE DOESN'T.
685
00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,899
I BOUGHT THESE EGGS
FOR THE CHILDREN
686
00:30:02,901 --> 00:30:04,167
TO HIDE IN THE GARDENS
ON EASTER MORNING.
687
00:30:04,169 --> 00:30:07,270
NO...NO, YOU DIDN'T.
688
00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:09,005
YES, YES.
689
00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:11,508
YOU SEE,
JUST BEFORE SHE DIED,
690
00:30:11,510 --> 00:30:14,010
MRS. CROPLEY, UH--
( crying )
691
00:30:14,012 --> 00:30:17,313
UM, MRS. CROPLEY...
692
00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:22,752
GOT A PHONE CALL
FROM THE EASTER BUNNY,
693
00:30:22,754 --> 00:30:24,854
WHO SAID HE WAS
JUST TOO BUSY
694
00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:26,456
TO BUY THEM THIS YEAR.
695
00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:28,091
YOU KNOW,
HE'S FILLING OUT
ALL THE FORMS
696
00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:29,825
FOR THE CHILD SUPPORT
AGENCY.
697
00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:31,994
WHAT WITH BEING
A RABBIT AND EVERYTHING.
698
00:30:31,996 --> 00:30:33,530
PRECISELY.
699
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:35,665
SO HE ASKED HER
TO BUY THEM,
700
00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:37,967
AND ON HER DEATH BED,
SHE ASKED ME.
701
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:40,736
SHE SAID I HAD TO BE SURE
TO GET THEM READY FOR TONIGHT,
702
00:30:40,738 --> 00:30:43,773
OTHERWISE THE OLD BUNNY'D
GET ALL HET UP,
703
00:30:43,775 --> 00:30:45,275
AND THEN I'D BE DEALING WITH
704
00:30:45,277 --> 00:30:48,611
A VERY HOT-CROSS BUNNY,
WOULDN'T I?
705
00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:50,012
SEE?
706
00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,714
OH, FINE.
707
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:55,185
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.
708
00:30:57,489 --> 00:31:00,557
I FEEL A BIT SAD
ABOUT DOING THIS.
709
00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:03,859
THIS WILL RATHER
TAKE THE MAGIC OUT OF IT,
710
00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,762
PREPARING THE CHOCOLATES
FOR THE BUNNY.
711
00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:11,367
BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHAT
BECOMING AN ADULT'S ALL ABOUT.
712
00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:13,936
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
713
00:31:13,938 --> 00:31:16,539
( bell tolls )
714
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:19,408
Geraldine:
WELL, AS THE OLD SAYING GOES,
715
00:31:19,410 --> 00:31:21,077
"COMETH THE HOUR,
716
00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:24,413
COMETH THE WOMAN IN
THE SILLY RABBIT COSTUME."
717
00:31:30,922 --> 00:31:32,889
OH, BUGGER!
718
00:31:34,492 --> 00:31:35,825
( sighs )
719
00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:38,061
IF I'D HAVE KNOWN
BECOMING A PRIEST
720
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,196
WOULD ENTAIL DRESSING UP
IN A RABBIT COSTUME,
721
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:43,566
I'D HAVE HAD A COMPLETE RETHINK
AND TAKEN UP PROSTITUTION.
722
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:48,270
AS, INDEED, MY HEADMISTRESS
ORIGINALLY SUGGESTED.
723
00:31:48,272 --> 00:31:49,872
MIND YOU,
724
00:31:49,874 --> 00:31:51,474
I'D PROBABLY
HAVE ENDED UP
725
00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:54,110
IN A RABBIT COSTUME
THEN, AS WELL.
726
00:32:45,063 --> 00:32:47,329
MORNING, VICAR!
727
00:32:58,509 --> 00:32:59,508
NO.
728
00:33:08,086 --> 00:33:09,952
AAAH!
729
00:33:09,954 --> 00:33:11,688
DAVID!
VICAR!
730
00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,189
SHHHH!
731
00:33:13,191 --> 00:33:14,791
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
732
00:33:14,793 --> 00:33:17,560
I'M THE EASTER BUNNY.
YOU CAN'T BE!
733
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:19,996
I'M THE EASTER BUNNY.
734
00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:23,365
I PROMISED LETITIA I'D TO IT.
WELL, SO DID I!
735
00:33:23,367 --> 00:33:25,702
MAD BAT MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN
SHE'D ALREADY ASKED ME.
736
00:33:25,704 --> 00:33:27,003
OHH.
737
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,705
HOW DEMEANING!
738
00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:30,406
AND AFTER ALL THE TIME
739
00:33:30,408 --> 00:33:31,908
I'VE SPENT ON
THESE BLOODY EARS!
740
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,478
I MUST SAY, YOU LOOK
SURPRISINGLY CUTE IN THAT.
741
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,681
SHUT UP.
SEXY LITTLE TAIL
742
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,583
YOU'VE GOT THERE.
743
00:33:40,585 --> 00:33:44,020
I SUGGEST WE KEEP
VERY QUIET ABOUT THIS.
744
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,655
YOU DO ONE END OF THE VILLAGE,
AND I'LL DO THE OTHER.
745
00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:48,791
THIS WILL REMAIN OUR SECRET.
746
00:33:48,793 --> 00:33:50,292
FAIR ENOUGH.
747
00:33:50,294 --> 00:33:51,828
ARE YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANT TO
748
00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:53,196
COME BACK TO MY BURROW
AFTERWARDS
749
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,031
FOR A LITTLE BIT
OF BUNNY FUNNY BUSINESS?
750
00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:56,099
QUITE SURE.
( gasps )
751
00:33:56,101 --> 00:33:58,067
OH, HELL.
752
00:33:59,403 --> 00:34:01,104
Owen: ANY MORE,
753
00:34:01,106 --> 00:34:03,039
WE'LL BE ABLE TO
STAGE A PRODUCTION
754
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,208
OF BLOODY WATERSHIP DOWN!
755
00:34:08,279 --> 00:34:09,846
Geraldine:
DEAR OLD MRS. C.
756
00:34:09,848 --> 00:34:11,447
I BET YOU SHE'S UP THERE
RIGHT NOW
757
00:34:11,449 --> 00:34:13,249
HAVING A GOOD GIGGLE AT US.
758
00:34:13,251 --> 00:34:14,383
David:
SHE'D BETTER BE.
759
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:16,352
IF I FIND
SHE'S DOWN HERE,
I'LL KILL HER.
760
00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:18,454
HUGO, LOVELY EARS.
761
00:34:18,456 --> 00:34:19,756
Hugo: THANKS.
762
00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:22,091
DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD
SEE THEM UNDER THIS COSTUME.
763
00:34:22,093 --> 00:34:23,793
Owen: YOUR EARS
LOOK GOOD, VICAR--
764
00:34:23,795 --> 00:34:25,161
WHAT DID YOU USE?
765
00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:27,696
COUPLE OF COAT HANGERS.
Frank: NOT PIPE CLEANERS?
766
00:34:27,698 --> 00:34:31,834
David: I FOUND
YOU CAN'T BEAT CHICKEN WIRE
AND PAPIER-MÂCHÉ.
767
00:34:31,836 --> 00:34:34,804
Owen: I JUST TOOK MINE
OFF A REAL RABBIT.
768
00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:38,407
BEST EASTER SERVICE
EVER, VICAR.
769
00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:39,441
THANKS.
770
00:34:39,443 --> 00:34:41,878
NICE HAIRSTYLE, TOO.
IS IT A SHAGGY?
771
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,313
NO, IT'S A COULDN'T-
FIND-MY-HAIRBRUSHY.
772
00:34:44,315 --> 00:34:45,514
GROOVY.
773
00:34:45,516 --> 00:34:47,116
AH, VICAR.
774
00:34:47,118 --> 00:34:49,185
WHAT'S THE FINAL TOTAL
ON THE VIDEO FUND?
775
00:34:49,187 --> 00:34:51,854
WELL, WE RAISED
THE PRINCELY SUM OF £26.
776
00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:52,889
OH, DEAR ME.
777
00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:54,257
LET ME FINISH.
778
00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:55,557
THAT WAS THURSDAY.
779
00:34:55,559 --> 00:34:58,661
ON FRIDAY,
IT SHOT UP TO £74.
780
00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,998
BECAUSE ITV SHOWED
THE UNCUT VERSION
OF BASIC INSTINCT.
781
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,000
THANKS VERY MUCH,
HUGO.
782
00:35:04,002 --> 00:35:07,369
I WONDER IF I COULD MAKE
A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT.
783
00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:10,273
I KNOW WE'RE ALL
MISSING LETITIA TERRIBLY,
784
00:35:10,275 --> 00:35:13,409
SO I'VE DECIDED,
AS A TRIBUTE,
785
00:35:13,411 --> 00:35:17,079
TO CARRY ON HER GREAT WORK
IN THE CULINARY FIELD.
786
00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:18,414
OH, NO.
787
00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:20,249
AS A START, THEREFORE,
788
00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:24,086
I'VE MADE WHAT WE ALWAYS
USED TO CALL "OUR CAKE"
789
00:35:24,088 --> 00:35:26,722
IN HER ORIGINAL RECIPE.
790
00:35:26,724 --> 00:35:30,226
AND I'D BE THRILLED
IF YOU'D ALL LIKE TO
TRY A SLICE.
791
00:35:30,228 --> 00:35:33,329
I-I-I WON'T SAY NO.
792
00:35:33,331 --> 00:35:36,132
NO, NO,
NO, NO.
793
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,134
HERE WE ARE, EVERYBODY.
794
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:40,002
THERE...
795
00:35:42,273 --> 00:35:43,272
EH?
796
00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:46,042
WHAT IS THAT?
797
00:35:46,044 --> 00:35:47,910
IT'S DEFINITELY
COCONUT.
798
00:35:47,912 --> 00:35:50,746
THERE'S SOMETHING
ELSE IN THERE.
799
00:35:50,748 --> 00:35:53,582
ANCHOVY.
ANCHOVY.
800
00:35:53,584 --> 00:35:55,651
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT,
MR. NEWITT?
801
00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:57,753
LENT'S DEFINITELY
OVER NOW,
802
00:35:57,755 --> 00:35:58,855
ISN'T IT,
VICAR?
803
00:35:58,857 --> 00:36:01,324
IT MOST CERTAINLY IS.
804
00:36:03,694 --> 00:36:05,995
TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK,
FRANK,
805
00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:08,231
IT TASTES ABSOLUTELY FU--
806
00:36:08,233 --> 00:36:10,733
--NNILY ENOUGH!
807
00:36:10,735 --> 00:36:13,870
I'VE GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE, AS WELL, OWEN.
808
00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:17,974
DUE TO THE FANTASTIC SUCCESS
OF OUR LENT FUNDRAISING,
809
00:36:17,976 --> 00:36:20,276
WE CAN ACTUALLY
OPEN OUR VIDEO CLUB
810
00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:21,911
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT.
811
00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:23,812
AND I THOUGHT THE FIRST NIGHT
812
00:36:23,814 --> 00:36:26,115
SHOULD BE TOTALLY
IN HONOUR OF LETITIA,
813
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:28,484
SO WE'RE GONNA SHOW
MY FAIR LADY.
814
00:36:28,486 --> 00:36:30,186
OH, YES.
TERRIFIC.
VERY NICE.
815
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:33,289
OBVIOUSLY IN A DOUBLE BILL WITH
THE ADVENTURES OF EMMANUEL.
816
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,191
ALL RIGHT!
VERY GOOD!
YEAH!
817
00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,825
TO LETITIA.
818
00:36:36,827 --> 00:36:40,529
THE FINEST EASTER BUNNY
DIBLEY EVER KNEW.
819
00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:42,098
OH?
820
00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:44,166
UH, NO, NO...
821
00:36:44,168 --> 00:36:47,069
♪ SURELY GOODNESS ♪
822
00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:49,872
♪ AND MERCY ♪
823
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,408
♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪
824
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:55,811
♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪
825
00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:58,480
♪ AND I WILL DWELL ♪
826
00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:01,250
♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪
827
00:37:01,252 --> 00:37:04,620
♪ OF THE LORD ♪
828
00:37:04,622 --> 00:37:08,157
♪ FOREVER ♪
829
00:37:10,428 --> 00:37:14,563
♪ FOREVER ♪
830
00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:15,998
NOW, THIS IS A GOODIE.
831
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,166
KNOCK KNOCK.
832
00:37:17,168 --> 00:37:19,068
OH, I LOVE THESE.
833
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:20,736
WHO'S THERE?
834
00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:22,271
O.J.
835
00:37:22,273 --> 00:37:24,540
O.J. WHO?
836
00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:26,909
OKAY, YOU CAN
BE ON THE JURY!
837
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,411
HA HA HA HA--
838
00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,212
NO, I DON'T GET IT.
839
00:37:30,214 --> 00:37:33,115
"O.J." IS O.J. SIMPSON,
840
00:37:33,117 --> 00:37:35,051
AMERICAN FOOTBALLER,
VERY FAMOUS.
841
00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,186
OH, SO HE PLAYS
IN THE FIRST DIVISION.
842
00:37:37,188 --> 00:37:39,688
NO, AMERICAN FOOTBALLER
843
00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,523
AS IN "PLAYS
AMERICAN FOOTBALL,"
844
00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,392
NOT "FOOTBALLER
WHO IS AMERICAN."
845
00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:46,095
SO HE'S NOT AMERICAN.
NO, HE IS AMERICAN.
846
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,297
HE IS AMERICAN?
YES, AND HE WAS ON TRIAL,
847
00:37:48,299 --> 00:37:49,932
AND THEY HAD TO FIND
TWELVE PEOPLE
848
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:51,100
WHO'D NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
849
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,534
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
850
00:37:52,536 --> 00:37:55,071
NO. SO THEY SHOULD
HAVE COME HERE, REALLY.
851
00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:56,772
IT'S A PATHETIC JOKE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
852
00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:58,841
NO, NO, NO,
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
853
00:37:58,843 --> 00:38:01,844
YOU JUST NEED TO
EXPLAIN WHO HE IS
BEFORE YOU TELL IT.
854
00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,645
RIGHT, YEAH. GOOD TIP.
855
00:38:03,647 --> 00:38:05,348
THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH TELLING JOKES
856
00:38:05,350 --> 00:38:06,582
ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE--
857
00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,351
THEY'RE JUST NOT
FAMOUS ENOUGH, ARE THEY?
858
00:38:08,353 --> 00:38:09,585
NEXT TIME I SHOULD
TELL A JOKE
859
00:38:09,587 --> 00:38:10,953
ABOUT A VERY,
VERY FAMOUS PERSON
860
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:12,321
LIKE JOHN MAJOR
OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT.
861
00:38:12,323 --> 00:38:13,990
JOHN...?
862
00:38:13,992 --> 00:38:16,058
OR MAYBE NOT.
863
00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:21,930
♪ FOREVER ♪
56504
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