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1
00:04:29,584 --> 00:04:30,785
Oh, my God.
2
00:04:30,818 --> 00:04:31,752
Jesus.
3
00:04:57,510 --> 00:04:58,511
Fuck!
4
00:05:05,552 --> 00:05:08,388
I'm sorry.
It was a false alarm.
5
00:07:29,663 --> 00:07:34,502
Her head was now clear,
but to what avail?
6
00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:36,871
What good to awaken
from a nightmare
7
00:07:36,904 --> 00:07:39,407
when the nightmare
turned out to be real,
8
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,979
worse even than the nightmare
that had tormented her sleep.
9
00:07:45,012 --> 00:07:46,414
Especially when
there seemed to be
10
00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:49,150
no solution to the nightmare.
11
00:07:49,183 --> 00:07:51,252
At least no solution
which didn't threaten
12
00:07:51,285 --> 00:07:53,921
the creation
of even greater danger,
13
00:07:55,322 --> 00:07:58,558
havoc and fear
without limit or end.
14
00:08:29,356 --> 00:08:31,859
Hi, Mom.
15
00:08:31,892 --> 00:08:33,494
Fine.
16
00:08:33,527 --> 00:08:35,763
I mean, yes, I'm okay. I'm...
17
00:08:35,796 --> 00:08:38,432
How are you?
How's Grandpa?
18
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:42,703
Oh, I see.
19
00:08:42,736 --> 00:08:45,873
I thought they were gonna start
him on that new medication.
20
00:08:48,909 --> 00:08:50,478
Yes, but if...
21
00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:55,850
I know, I understand.
22
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,084
Okay.
23
00:08:57,118 --> 00:08:58,786
Okay, listen, I have to
take care of something,
24
00:08:58,819 --> 00:09:01,655
but I should be back by
7:30 or 8:00.
25
00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:04,758
Would that be too late for you
and Grandpa to come for dinner?
26
00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:08,562
Wonderful.
27
00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:10,965
No, I would love that.
Great.
28
00:09:10,998 --> 00:09:14,001
Perfect. Okay, I'll see you...
Let's say 8:30 to be safe.
29
00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:16,470
Love you. Okay, bye.
30
00:09:22,877 --> 00:09:23,644
Hello?
31
00:09:23,677 --> 00:09:25,412
It's Leon.
32
00:09:25,446 --> 00:09:27,715
You know, now's not
a good time, Leon.
33
00:09:27,748 --> 00:09:29,850
I finished my thesis.
34
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:33,888
Hold on.
35
00:09:38,659 --> 00:09:39,827
Hey.
36
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:42,062
Hi.
37
00:09:42,096 --> 00:09:44,031
- Hi.
- Hi.
38
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,668
What's goin' on?
39
00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:50,404
Nothing.
40
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:52,940
Nothing?
41
00:09:52,973 --> 00:09:54,609
No.
42
00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:57,978
Well, maybe that's the problem.
43
00:09:58,012 --> 00:09:59,713
Maybe you just need
to go back to work.
44
00:09:59,747 --> 00:10:01,348
Yeah, you know, when something
worthwhile comes along,
45
00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:02,617
I think I will.
46
00:10:02,651 --> 00:10:04,084
I think that's probably
a good idea.
47
00:10:04,118 --> 00:10:06,353
Okay. Look, I also think
that all the time and energy
48
00:10:06,387 --> 00:10:07,988
I had to put into
doing my thesis,
49
00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:11,692
it broke the rhythm of what we
were just starting to establish
50
00:10:11,725 --> 00:10:14,862
in our relationship,
and I... I take blame.
51
00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,230
Uh-huh.
52
00:10:16,263 --> 00:10:18,065
Don't you agree?
53
00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:21,268
What?
54
00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:22,604
Do you agree?
55
00:10:22,637 --> 00:10:24,004
I'm sorry.
56
00:10:24,038 --> 00:10:27,575
With what you just said,
I wasn't concentrating.
57
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,612
Would you like to hear
some of my thesis?
58
00:10:30,645 --> 00:10:32,046
I still have time
to make some tweaks,
59
00:10:32,079 --> 00:10:35,416
and I would love to get
your spontaneous response.
60
00:10:35,449 --> 00:10:37,284
Well, my spontaneous response
61
00:10:37,318 --> 00:10:39,654
would be the same now as it was
when you first brought it up,
62
00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:41,088
which is that if you're,
you know,
63
00:10:41,121 --> 00:10:44,291
if you're gonna write
a thesis on murder
64
00:10:44,325 --> 00:10:45,859
between Dostoyevsky and Dickens,
65
00:10:45,893 --> 00:10:48,630
then why not expand it to
include Shakespeare and Marlowe
66
00:10:48,663 --> 00:10:50,130
and Webster and Turner
and Poe and...
67
00:10:50,164 --> 00:10:51,465
Whoa, what?
68
00:10:51,498 --> 00:10:53,968
Well, that would be
my spontaneous response.
69
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,570
But why would I have already
finished my thesis
70
00:10:56,605 --> 00:10:57,838
on Dickens and Dostoyevsky
71
00:10:57,871 --> 00:10:59,206
and have to hand it in
next week,
72
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,543
would you be suggesting
a complete renovation?
73
00:11:02,576 --> 00:11:05,012
Well, no, I suggested it when
you first brought it up to me.
74
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:07,081
- No, you didn't.
- Well, maybe you misunderstood
75
00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:09,350
or maybe I didn't articulate
myself clearly enough,
76
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:10,685
but I did.
77
00:11:10,719 --> 00:11:13,588
What you said...
Actually, what you asked me was,
78
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:15,356
"Why Dostoyevsky and Dickens?
79
00:11:15,389 --> 00:11:17,324
Why not Dostoyevsky
and Shakespeare,
80
00:11:17,358 --> 00:11:18,926
or Dostoyevsky and Marlowe?"
81
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,662
I really don't wanna
argue about it, Leon,
82
00:11:20,695 --> 00:11:22,296
because I'm sure that
your thesis is great.
83
00:11:22,329 --> 00:11:23,632
Okay, it's just a little weird
84
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:25,466
that you would be
suggesting this now...
85
00:11:25,499 --> 00:11:28,202
It's really... It's just not
a good time for me.
86
00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,571
It's just weird that you would
be bringing this up right now,
87
00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:32,106
at the last possible moment.
88
00:11:32,139 --> 00:11:33,608
I really don't wanna argue
about your thesis, Leon!
89
00:11:33,642 --> 00:11:35,610
I'm sure it's great, okay?
90
00:11:35,644 --> 00:11:37,011
But this is not a good time.
91
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,748
For me and for us
and for this.
92
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:42,249
It's just not a good time
right now.
93
00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:46,153
Time? Wait.
This doesn't make any sense.
94
00:11:46,186 --> 00:11:48,590
What are you talking about?
What's going on?
95
00:11:48,623 --> 00:11:50,991
It's not you.
96
00:11:51,025 --> 00:11:52,893
It's me.
97
00:12:26,628 --> 00:12:28,262
In some of her dreams,
98
00:12:28,295 --> 00:12:30,197
the sense of reality
was so overwhelming
99
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,199
that she could hear
her voice saying,
100
00:12:32,232 --> 00:12:34,501
"This is not a dream.
101
00:12:34,535 --> 00:12:38,405
You may have been thinking
it's a dream, but it isn't.
102
00:12:38,439 --> 00:12:39,873
It's happening right now,
103
00:12:39,907 --> 00:12:43,712
and you will never
awaken from it
104
00:12:43,745 --> 00:12:46,046
because you are already awake."
105
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,224
Hello?
106
00:12:57,257 --> 00:12:59,093
Hey, Vera.
It's Franklin.
107
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:02,029
I'm on my way to the airport.
Can I come up?
108
00:13:03,897 --> 00:13:05,366
Hold on.
109
00:13:12,439 --> 00:13:14,141
- Hi.
- Hi, hi.
110
00:13:14,174 --> 00:13:16,510
Hope you don't mind
my having come.
111
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:19,848
No, I'm glad. I'm glad you came.
You want some breakfast?
112
00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:26,654
So you're leaving now?
113
00:13:26,688 --> 00:13:28,922
I'm leaving now.
I'll be, um,
114
00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:31,225
heading for the airport
in 15, 20 minutes.
115
00:13:31,258 --> 00:13:35,597
I came because, to be honest,
I was concerned about you.
116
00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:39,032
I detected in your voice...
117
00:13:40,134 --> 00:13:41,368
voices.
118
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:45,038
You seemed kind of fractured,
and I... You were...
119
00:13:45,072 --> 00:13:48,275
I just felt you didn't sound
yourself, and I...
120
00:13:48,308 --> 00:13:51,111
Is everything okay?
121
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:55,082
I don't know. Um...
122
00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:58,887
No, I think if I was really
honest, that I was...
123
00:13:58,919 --> 00:14:03,390
You know, I just, like, feel
very, uh, uneasy.
124
00:14:03,424 --> 00:14:05,926
You know what that
half-empty bottle says to me?
125
00:14:05,959 --> 00:14:07,695
There's a void in your soul.
126
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:10,264
A big gaping hole.
127
00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:14,168
I don't mean this
to be in any way offensive
128
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,837
or even too aggressive,
129
00:14:15,870 --> 00:14:18,238
but I've always assumed
that you and I
130
00:14:18,272 --> 00:14:21,876
have never hidden anything
from each other.
131
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,310
But now I'm wondering.
132
00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:26,280
Have you been leading
a secret life?
133
00:14:27,916 --> 00:14:30,284
Sexually, I mean.
134
00:14:30,317 --> 00:14:32,286
Because I was thinking
maybe you have
135
00:14:32,319 --> 00:14:36,990
a whole separate lurid existence
on the side
136
00:14:37,024 --> 00:14:40,728
about which nobody,
myself included,
137
00:14:40,762 --> 00:14:43,330
has had a clue.
138
00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:45,299
And I mean that as a compliment.
139
00:14:45,332 --> 00:14:50,705
I've never known anyone who can
make everything believable
140
00:14:50,738 --> 00:14:54,843
and about whom anything that
was said
141
00:14:54,876 --> 00:14:57,211
would be believable.
142
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,881
I think that may be why
you're so effective
143
00:14:59,914 --> 00:15:02,717
in each role you play.
144
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:08,055
You seem to be capable
of anything.
145
00:15:13,193 --> 00:15:15,830
What about work?
Do you have anything in mind?
146
00:15:15,864 --> 00:15:17,866
No. I mean,
I'm trying to write
147
00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:21,703
and struggling a little bit
with what that is,
148
00:15:21,736 --> 00:15:24,137
And workwise, you know,
149
00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:25,907
I'm supposed to be reading
scripts, and I just...
150
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:30,645
but I can't really feel inspired
for some reason.
151
00:15:30,678 --> 00:15:35,048
I'm, like, hitting walls,
and maybe that's part of it,
152
00:15:35,082 --> 00:15:37,886
that I haven't worked
for a long time.
153
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:41,421
You know what? I should
write something for you,
154
00:15:41,455 --> 00:15:43,223
which we could do together.
155
00:15:43,257 --> 00:15:46,861
I guess, if there was something
that was really exciting,
156
00:15:46,895 --> 00:15:50,130
then I would probably
feel inspired, but...
157
00:15:50,163 --> 00:15:53,066
I haven't found that in...
158
00:15:54,636 --> 00:15:57,437
I think it's more just like
a lack of focus or something.
159
00:15:57,471 --> 00:16:02,309
For some reason,
everything is just, like...
160
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:08,048
like I can't sort of sit still
or be with something or...
161
00:16:08,081 --> 00:16:11,118
You mentioned writing.
What are you writing?
162
00:16:11,151 --> 00:16:14,187
Right now, it's just a...
163
00:16:14,221 --> 00:16:19,159
It's like a little jumbled,
you know, collection of...
164
00:16:19,192 --> 00:16:21,295
Yeah, like a stream of
consciousness, I guess.
165
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,097
And sometimes it feels great,
and sometimes it makes sense,
166
00:16:24,131 --> 00:16:27,869
and then other times,
it's just like a mess,
167
00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:31,039
and, you know, it's...
168
00:16:31,071 --> 00:16:35,309
I feel like if there was a sense
of, like, peace and balance,
169
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:38,245
then I would be able to have
a perspective on it
170
00:16:38,278 --> 00:16:41,749
that I can't seem to find.
171
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:44,251
I'm just restless, you know?
172
00:16:44,284 --> 00:16:47,287
Are you writing in
the first person or the third?
173
00:16:47,321 --> 00:16:48,990
Third right now.
174
00:16:49,023 --> 00:16:51,458
Fiction or nonfiction?
175
00:16:51,491 --> 00:16:53,160
I'm not sure.
176
00:16:53,193 --> 00:16:55,362
Sometimes it's hard to know
where one ends
177
00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:58,032
and the other begins.
178
00:16:58,066 --> 00:17:00,768
You know about madness.
You got your demons, too.
179
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,071
I'm curious
because when I write,
180
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:06,506
I always feel I'm a medium
181
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:09,978
and that I am, um...
182
00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:11,613
The voices are
invading my brain,
183
00:17:11,646 --> 00:17:13,648
and I'm trying to shut
a couple of them out
184
00:17:13,681 --> 00:17:14,949
and let one voice speak...
185
00:17:14,983 --> 00:17:16,149
Solid gold.
186
00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:17,484
because otherwise,
I have
187
00:17:17,517 --> 00:17:19,553
three or four voices
in my head all the time,
188
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:22,389
which is why I'm this step away
from snapping.
189
00:17:22,422 --> 00:17:24,124
We shared some beautiful moments
right here,
190
00:17:24,157 --> 00:17:25,727
together in this room.
191
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,227
You ever hear voices
in your head?
192
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:29,697
How many fucking hours
of pleasure
193
00:17:29,731 --> 00:17:31,565
did I give you?
194
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,370
No.
195
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:37,705
Um...
196
00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:39,373
What are you saying?
197
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,943
You're talking about, like,
schizophrenia or something.
198
00:17:41,976 --> 00:17:44,478
It is. Well, you know,
I've had bouts,
199
00:17:44,511 --> 00:17:48,750
and one of the reasons that I've
always loved talking to you
200
00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:52,086
was that you seem to be a
tremendously empathetic person,
201
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,055
so I feel I'm being understood
when I talk to you.
202
00:17:54,088 --> 00:17:56,991
I'm not trying
to impose my own...
203
00:17:57,025 --> 00:18:02,195
psychological intricacies
on you, but...
204
00:18:02,229 --> 00:18:05,900
This all sounds really abstract,
and I...
205
00:18:05,933 --> 00:18:09,637
You know, and I appreciate you
coming here and being concerned.
206
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,339
I don't know that I
need concern. I just...
207
00:18:12,372 --> 00:18:17,310
Like something just kind of
blew up, and I have to...
208
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:23,017
you know, figure out how to get
out of whatever I'm feeling.
209
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:29,090
Like a collision of ideas
and frustration
210
00:18:29,123 --> 00:18:33,027
and like a turning point,
kind of, in my life
211
00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:37,431
and dealing with family and
relationships,
212
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:41,435
and, you know,
you've been there.
213
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,270
What about the guy, Sal?
214
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:44,939
Do you still have anything
to do with...
215
00:18:44,972 --> 00:18:48,275
No. That's done.
A long time ago.
216
00:18:48,308 --> 00:18:50,745
He's just a crazy person.
217
00:18:50,778 --> 00:18:52,212
And how about the new guy,
218
00:18:52,245 --> 00:18:54,716
the graduate student-
slash-lecturer.
219
00:18:54,749 --> 00:18:57,952
Leon. Yeah. He...
220
00:18:57,985 --> 00:19:01,254
He's like killing time, I guess.
221
00:19:01,288 --> 00:19:03,091
I don't know.
I don't know.
222
00:19:03,124 --> 00:19:06,127
It's not that headline.
223
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,697
Do you feel or hope
that there will be one person
224
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,833
that comes into your life,
and that's it?
225
00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:15,903
And you have a family,
and that changes your life?
226
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,972
Yeah, I...
227
00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:23,276
Yes, I guess so.
228
00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:28,315
Do you think much about death?
229
00:19:29,382 --> 00:19:31,719
Yes.
230
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:36,657
Are you afraid of it?
Are you ready to die?
231
00:19:36,691 --> 00:19:39,627
I don't think that I would be
feeling this kind of unrest
232
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:42,997
if I was ready to die, so...
233
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:45,432
Have you thought at all...
234
00:19:45,465 --> 00:19:50,938
Has it crossed your mind
about committing suicide?
235
00:19:59,046 --> 00:20:02,650
Do you feel rage
at the core of your being?
236
00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:07,755
Uh, I don't know.
237
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,523
I don't know.
238
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,993
Do you feel rage?
239
00:20:12,026 --> 00:20:13,560
I feel that my rage
240
00:20:13,594 --> 00:20:15,863
is always so close
to the surface that it takes...
241
00:20:15,897 --> 00:20:17,364
Why are you doing this to me?
242
00:20:17,397 --> 00:20:18,933
almost nothing to set it off.
243
00:20:18,966 --> 00:20:20,367
And then when I express it,
244
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,171
I feel as if it's
taking possession of me
245
00:20:23,204 --> 00:20:24,739
in a way that
I had no control over,
246
00:20:24,772 --> 00:20:27,809
- so I try to avoid letting it
- SAL: I sold to a narc.
247
00:20:27,842 --> 00:20:29,911
break through the surface
'cause then it's too late.
248
00:20:29,944 --> 00:20:31,179
100,000 bail.
249
00:20:31,212 --> 00:20:33,413
You've never felt that?
250
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:36,449
No.
251
00:20:36,483 --> 00:20:40,221
It's purgative
in some ways for me.
252
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:43,224
I actually sometimes am
very glad that it happened.
253
00:20:43,257 --> 00:20:46,093
I'm saying it because
I sense it a bit in you.
254
00:20:46,127 --> 00:20:50,397
I sense it at this point
in you, and, uh...
255
00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:51,599
Just give me the money.
256
00:20:53,301 --> 00:20:56,637
I've made something
of a mess of my life,
257
00:20:56,671 --> 00:21:01,474
and I've used my work
to cover it up,
258
00:21:01,508 --> 00:21:04,812
and I've hoped that I haven't
damaged too many people
259
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:07,215
that I care about.
260
00:21:07,248 --> 00:21:09,449
I feel I've done
the right thing for some,
261
00:21:09,482 --> 00:21:12,385
and I hope
that they feel that way.
262
00:21:12,419 --> 00:21:17,825
I feel I've hurt people I loved,
which is the greatest sin.
263
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,359
I know that hasn't happened yet,
264
00:21:19,392 --> 00:21:21,494
or I hope it hasn't
happened in your life,
265
00:21:21,528 --> 00:21:27,168
but it's the thing that bothers
me the most as time goes by.
266
00:21:28,568 --> 00:21:29,804
That's...
267
00:21:29,837 --> 00:21:32,707
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to be confessional here.
268
00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:36,644
I came actually to see if I
could be of any service to you,
269
00:21:36,677 --> 00:21:40,681
and I feel as if I'm asking you
to help me in some way
270
00:21:40,715 --> 00:21:43,416
'cause you're the only person,
I feel, who understands me
271
00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:46,553
the way I understand myself.
272
00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:53,393
I really wish we could spend
more time together because...
273
00:21:53,426 --> 00:21:55,997
I'm getting choked up here.
274
00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:58,498
I came here to...
275
00:21:58,531 --> 00:22:01,401
This is embarrassing.
Came here to...
276
00:22:01,434 --> 00:22:02,904
You don't need
to be embarrassed.
277
00:22:02,937 --> 00:22:04,739
Well, I'm sorry.
278
00:22:04,772 --> 00:22:07,975
I feel maybe it was a mistake
for me to have come over, and...
279
00:22:08,009 --> 00:22:10,344
No. It's not that...
It was not a mistake.
280
00:22:10,378 --> 00:22:13,114
It's just, like...
281
00:22:13,147 --> 00:22:15,750
You know, the point is...
is that there...
282
00:22:15,783 --> 00:22:18,719
There's no, like, solution
right now.
283
00:22:20,187 --> 00:22:22,023
Like, whatever it is
that I'm supposed to be doing,
284
00:22:22,056 --> 00:22:25,525
I'm, like, doing it, you know?
Like, I'm trying.
285
00:22:28,561 --> 00:22:32,432
And it's just like being,
you know, a grownup, I guess.
286
00:22:35,102 --> 00:22:37,504
Or trying to be
a grownup or something.
287
00:22:41,876 --> 00:22:46,347
But, like,
it'll be all right, you know?
288
00:22:49,317 --> 00:22:52,219
I think you should
worry about yourself
289
00:22:52,253 --> 00:22:55,256
maybe more than you are of me.
290
00:24:23,277 --> 00:24:24,345
Okay.
291
00:24:30,384 --> 00:24:32,219
Hey, what's up?
292
00:24:32,253 --> 00:24:34,121
You need some help with that?
293
00:24:34,155 --> 00:24:36,090
Oh, I'm all right.
Thank you.
294
00:24:36,123 --> 00:24:37,324
Nah, nah.
295
00:24:37,358 --> 00:24:39,026
Honestly, it's... I got it.
296
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:40,995
Trust me, it's our pleasure
297
00:24:41,028 --> 00:24:42,396
to help out a beautiful lady.
298
00:24:42,430 --> 00:24:43,531
No problem.
299
00:24:43,563 --> 00:24:45,066
Thank you so much.
300
00:24:45,099 --> 00:24:46,100
Damn!
301
00:24:46,133 --> 00:24:47,334
Thanks.
302
00:24:47,368 --> 00:24:49,036
This shit is heavy.
303
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:50,037
What you got in here?
304
00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:51,872
Bars of gold or something?
305
00:24:51,906 --> 00:24:53,741
I wish.
306
00:24:57,178 --> 00:24:59,380
Thanks. I appreciate it.
307
00:24:59,413 --> 00:25:01,715
Your face looks pretty familiar.
308
00:25:01,749 --> 00:25:06,187
I think I have
one of those faces.
309
00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:08,055
Appreciate it. Thank you.
310
00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:10,491
- Likewise.
- Don't take the turns too fast.
311
00:25:10,524 --> 00:25:12,093
- Yeah,
- You might tip over.
312
00:25:12,126 --> 00:25:13,260
Right.
313
00:25:14,128 --> 00:25:15,796
50 bucks.
314
00:26:10,851 --> 00:26:12,319
She didn't question
her impulse
315
00:26:12,353 --> 00:26:15,022
to withdraw her call
to the police.
316
00:26:15,055 --> 00:26:17,057
She would have been
an immediate suspect,
317
00:26:17,091 --> 00:26:21,596
even if she had told the truth
in precise detail.
318
00:26:21,630 --> 00:26:24,765
Of course she could have
claimed innocence.
319
00:26:24,798 --> 00:26:26,567
She was simply trying
to prevent herself
320
00:26:26,601 --> 00:26:30,971
from being murdered by someone
in the grip of desperation.
321
00:26:31,005 --> 00:26:34,508
She had been a fraction
of an inch from death,
322
00:26:34,542 --> 00:26:37,311
so naturally she had to entice
and defend,
323
00:26:37,344 --> 00:26:39,813
to struggle and disarm.
324
00:26:39,847 --> 00:26:42,584
There was a moment when she had
clearly wrested the gun
325
00:26:42,617 --> 00:26:44,318
from his loosened grip,
326
00:26:44,351 --> 00:26:47,354
a split-second when her brain
had said, "I have it now,"
327
00:26:47,388 --> 00:26:49,690
and then the gun had gone off.
328
00:26:49,723 --> 00:26:52,860
But it hadn't just gone off.
329
00:26:52,893 --> 00:26:54,995
It hadn't fired by itself.
330
00:26:55,029 --> 00:26:56,730
Somehow she had
squeezed the trigger
331
00:26:56,764 --> 00:26:59,200
without ever actually
willing to do so.
332
00:26:59,233 --> 00:27:01,569
It was as if she hadn't
killed him. The gun had.
333
00:27:01,603 --> 00:27:03,470
And she had just happened
to be holding it
334
00:27:03,504 --> 00:27:05,573
when it performed its deed.
335
00:27:05,607 --> 00:27:07,441
However absurdly
self-exonerating
336
00:27:07,474 --> 00:27:08,677
those words may have sounded,
337
00:27:08,709 --> 00:27:10,844
she believed them to be true
338
00:27:10,878 --> 00:27:14,014
Besides, what else
could she have done?
339
00:27:14,048 --> 00:27:16,817
Leap back and point the gun
at his heart?
340
00:27:16,850 --> 00:27:18,819
Threaten to shoot him?
Order him to leave?
341
00:27:18,852 --> 00:27:21,956
Was there any likelihood
he would have obeyed?
342
00:27:21,989 --> 00:27:24,593
Or would he almost certainly
have sprung at her,
343
00:27:24,626 --> 00:27:27,596
grabbed back the gun
and shot her instead?
344
00:27:29,129 --> 00:27:32,933
In any case, the chance
to change her mind was gone.
345
00:27:35,069 --> 00:27:37,672
She had driven past
any red line of free will,
346
00:27:37,706 --> 00:27:39,773
both literally
and figuratively.
347
00:27:42,243 --> 00:27:44,178
The die was cast.
348
00:30:12,292 --> 00:30:14,729
As she drove away,
her body began to feel
349
00:30:14,763 --> 00:30:18,065
weightless
with quiet exhilaration.
350
00:30:18,098 --> 00:30:20,934
Any trace of remorse,
let alone guilt,
351
00:30:20,968 --> 00:30:23,170
which she had expected
to seize her,
352
00:30:23,203 --> 00:30:25,406
vanished as quickly
and as finally
353
00:30:25,439 --> 00:30:27,941
as the trunk she had rolled
into the river.
354
00:30:29,811 --> 00:30:32,680
She felt she had taken the only
path she could have followed
355
00:30:32,714 --> 00:30:34,114
and would take it again now
356
00:30:34,148 --> 00:30:37,852
if forced back
into the same circumstance.
357
00:30:37,886 --> 00:30:40,889
It confirmed her deepest sense
of morality,
358
00:30:40,921 --> 00:30:42,256
that general rules and laws
359
00:30:42,289 --> 00:30:44,158
which ignored nuance
and exception
360
00:30:44,191 --> 00:30:48,763
were never to be trusted,
let alone blindly followed.
361
00:30:48,797 --> 00:30:53,967
Each case presented its own
open spaces for discovery.
362
00:30:54,001 --> 00:30:56,069
She had pronounced herself
not guilty
363
00:30:56,103 --> 00:31:00,574
in the court of her own
judge and jury.
364
00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:03,010
How relieved she was
not to have subjected herself
365
00:31:03,043 --> 00:31:05,979
to the verdict of 12 strangers.
366
00:32:25,192 --> 00:32:27,127
Are you depressed?
367
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,097
Yeah.
368
00:32:30,130 --> 00:32:32,232
And what do you do
to shake it,
369
00:32:32,266 --> 00:32:35,803
or you just let it
carry itself with you?
370
00:32:37,504 --> 00:32:42,010
I don't know.
I mean, it depends on my moods.
371
00:32:42,042 --> 00:32:44,411
Sometimes I'm depressed,
sometimes I'm not depressed.
372
00:32:44,444 --> 00:32:46,848
I'm not, like,
boxable at the moment.
373
00:32:46,881 --> 00:32:48,348
I know you're trying.
374
00:32:48,382 --> 00:32:51,619
I can't, like, say that.
I'm not definable.
375
00:32:51,653 --> 00:32:53,420
I'm depressed. I'm this.
This is what I do.
376
00:32:53,453 --> 00:32:56,691
This is the unease
around the answers
377
00:32:56,724 --> 00:32:58,392
to whatever you're asking.
378
00:32:58,425 --> 00:33:00,628
I don't know if I'm depressed.
Sometimes I'm depressed.
379
00:33:00,662 --> 00:33:04,966
I'm human, you know?
It's not exclusive to me to...
380
00:33:04,999 --> 00:33:07,035
And sometimes I'm fine,
and sometimes I wanna talk,
381
00:33:07,067 --> 00:33:08,502
and sometimes
I don't wanna talk.
382
00:33:08,535 --> 00:33:10,404
I just don't want to be
fucking scrutinized
383
00:33:10,437 --> 00:33:12,439
and analyzed and asked.
384
00:33:12,472 --> 00:33:16,044
I just wanna go through it
without being fucking watched.
385
00:33:16,076 --> 00:33:19,881
The way that you're just staring
is frustrating to me.
386
00:33:37,531 --> 00:33:38,666
Hello?
387
00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:40,902
- Vera Lockman?
- Yes?
388
00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:43,403
Detective McCutcheon,
Narcotics.
389
00:33:44,706 --> 00:33:46,306
Yes?
390
00:33:46,340 --> 00:33:48,275
I'm here with my partner,
Detective Sinclair.
391
00:33:48,308 --> 00:33:49,811
We'd like to ask you
some questions
392
00:33:49,844 --> 00:33:52,847
about Salvatore Conforti.
393
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,916
Yes?
394
00:33:54,949 --> 00:33:57,752
Do you mind if we come up?
395
00:33:57,785 --> 00:33:59,486
Just a second.
396
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:07,662
Hi.
397
00:34:07,695 --> 00:34:08,663
Hi.
398
00:34:08,696 --> 00:34:10,064
- Vera Lockman.
- Hi.
399
00:34:10,098 --> 00:34:12,132
Detective McCutcheon, NYPD.
400
00:34:12,165 --> 00:34:13,735
Do you mind if I come in?
401
00:34:13,768 --> 00:34:15,235
No, by all means.
Have a seat.
402
00:34:15,268 --> 00:34:17,972
Can I get you a coffee
or water or...
403
00:34:18,006 --> 00:34:20,642
Oh, coffee would be great.
Thank you.
404
00:34:20,675 --> 00:34:24,646
- Where's your partner?
- Uh...
405
00:34:24,679 --> 00:34:28,683
Detective Sinclair had
a urgent personal emergency
406
00:34:28,716 --> 00:34:30,084
that he had to attend to.
407
00:34:30,118 --> 00:34:32,285
I hope it's nothing serious.
408
00:34:32,319 --> 00:34:35,188
Who knows? Bad things happen
every five minutes, right?
409
00:34:35,222 --> 00:34:37,324
If bad things didn't happen,
we wouldn't have a job.
410
00:34:37,357 --> 00:34:38,626
Right.
411
00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:41,261
This is a nice place you got.
You live here alone?
412
00:34:41,294 --> 00:34:43,898
- Yes, I do.
- Huh.
413
00:34:46,801 --> 00:34:48,002
Thank you.
414
00:34:52,874 --> 00:34:56,576
Do you mind
signing something for me?
415
00:34:58,412 --> 00:34:59,579
Signing what?
416
00:34:59,614 --> 00:35:01,616
Oh!
417
00:35:01,649 --> 00:35:04,619
No. No, no.
I have a 15-year-old daughter,
418
00:35:04,652 --> 00:35:07,287
and you can guess
what she wants to be.
419
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:08,555
An actress.
420
00:35:08,589 --> 00:35:11,191
And when I told her I was coming
to see Vera Lockman,
421
00:35:11,224 --> 00:35:14,227
she, like, spit her drink
all over the kitchen.
422
00:35:14,261 --> 00:35:17,165
Of course. Happy to.
What's her name?
423
00:35:17,197 --> 00:35:19,466
Cristal, with an I.
Cristal.
424
00:35:19,499 --> 00:35:21,936
This is to Cristal
and Christina.
425
00:35:21,969 --> 00:35:23,004
- Okay.
- Her friend.
426
00:35:23,037 --> 00:35:25,707
Cristal and Christina, yeah.
427
00:35:25,740 --> 00:35:27,008
Very kind of you.
428
00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:28,643
Pleasure.
429
00:35:32,947 --> 00:35:35,183
She's gonna freak out.
Thank you.
430
00:35:35,215 --> 00:35:36,450
That's great.
431
00:35:41,488 --> 00:35:43,891
This boyfriend you have,
Sal Conforti.
432
00:35:43,925 --> 00:35:45,960
- Had.
- Had?
433
00:35:45,993 --> 00:35:48,395
Had. We split up
a while ago now.
434
00:35:48,428 --> 00:35:52,600
Oh. When was the last time
that you saw him?
435
00:35:53,835 --> 00:35:55,435
Yesterday.
436
00:35:55,469 --> 00:35:58,238
Hmm. What were
the circumstances?
437
00:36:00,675 --> 00:36:04,444
He'd been arrested
and was released on bail.
438
00:36:04,478 --> 00:36:09,516
He came asking for money.
I said no, and he left.
439
00:36:09,549 --> 00:36:11,152
Just like that?
440
00:36:11,185 --> 00:36:13,286
No, he carried on for a little.
441
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:14,589
Who the fuck are you, huh?
442
00:36:14,622 --> 00:36:16,323
- Please.
- ... you know, but yes.
443
00:36:16,356 --> 00:36:19,026
- Did he threaten you?
- No.
444
00:36:19,060 --> 00:36:20,494
Did he become physical with you?
445
00:36:20,527 --> 00:36:21,963
No.
446
00:36:21,996 --> 00:36:24,732
No slapping? No choking?
447
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:25,967
No.
448
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,869
- Nothing sexual?
- No.
449
00:36:27,902 --> 00:36:30,605
I said nothing physical, no.
450
00:36:30,638 --> 00:36:33,074
This is strange.
451
00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:34,809
Why is it strange?
452
00:36:34,842 --> 00:36:36,476
Well, because on the tapes,
453
00:36:36,510 --> 00:36:39,080
he sounds like he's becoming
physically aggressive with you.
454
00:36:39,113 --> 00:36:42,617
- What tapes?
- The tapes of his phone calls.
455
00:36:42,650 --> 00:36:45,019
- You've been recording him?
- Of course.
456
00:36:45,052 --> 00:36:46,220
For how long?
457
00:36:46,254 --> 00:36:48,089
That's confidential.
458
00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:50,258
- And I'm on them?
- Of course you are.
459
00:36:50,290 --> 00:36:51,859
You have nothing
to worry about.
460
00:36:51,893 --> 00:36:54,829
- They're not targeting you.
- Why should they be?
461
00:36:54,862 --> 00:36:56,798
I'm not saying that they
should be or they shouldn't be,
462
00:36:56,831 --> 00:36:59,200
but they're not.
463
00:36:59,233 --> 00:37:02,103
Do I need a lawyer?
464
00:37:02,136 --> 00:37:03,671
That depends.
465
00:37:03,704 --> 00:37:08,042
Now, when was the last time
you saw him?
466
00:37:08,075 --> 00:37:10,978
Yesterday.
467
00:37:11,012 --> 00:37:13,446
Oh, you said that.
Yeah, yesterday.
468
00:37:21,622 --> 00:37:25,458
Detective Sinclair, he trailed
Conforti to this building,
469
00:37:25,492 --> 00:37:27,895
presumably to meet with you.
470
00:37:27,929 --> 00:37:30,698
Unfortunately, after he parked
his car across the street,
471
00:37:30,731 --> 00:37:33,734
he was attacked by
an urgent case of the runs,
472
00:37:33,768 --> 00:37:36,137
and after he'd solved
that personal problem,
473
00:37:36,170 --> 00:37:40,174
and he came back
to his surveillance post,
474
00:37:40,208 --> 00:37:41,776
Conforti was gone.
475
00:37:43,410 --> 00:37:48,149
Um, how long was he up here?
476
00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:51,551
Not long. Um...
477
00:37:51,586 --> 00:37:54,322
N-Not long.
478
00:37:54,354 --> 00:37:56,023
But he did leave.
479
00:37:56,057 --> 00:37:58,558
Of course he left.
480
00:38:00,761 --> 00:38:04,065
There's no chance that
he's still up here right now?
481
00:38:04,098 --> 00:38:06,734
No, not at all.
482
00:38:06,767 --> 00:38:10,838
But feel free to look around,
if you want to.
483
00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:12,206
I appreciate that
484
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:15,343
because if he is
still hiding up here,
485
00:38:15,375 --> 00:38:17,011
he's doing
a hell of a job, right?
486
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,478
Right.
487
00:38:18,511 --> 00:38:20,781
Well, if we find him,
we'll let you know.
488
00:38:20,815 --> 00:38:23,751
And if you hear anything,
you'll get in touch with us.
489
00:38:23,784 --> 00:38:25,452
- Absolutely.
- Can I count on you for that?
490
00:38:25,485 --> 00:38:27,822
- Yes.
- Okay. Thank you.
491
00:38:27,855 --> 00:38:30,191
- Okay.
- Um...
492
00:38:30,224 --> 00:38:32,059
Anything else?
493
00:38:32,093 --> 00:38:35,263
Well, you forgot the autograph.
494
00:38:35,296 --> 00:38:38,398
Ah.
495
00:38:38,431 --> 00:38:40,701
You don't have a daughter,
do you?
496
00:38:40,735 --> 00:38:46,107
And the detective with the runs,
I take it that was you as well?
497
00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:49,277
No, I don't have a daughter.
498
00:38:49,310 --> 00:38:51,979
And there is no detective,
period.
499
00:38:52,013 --> 00:38:55,583
There was nobody outside
your apartment watching you.
500
00:38:57,484 --> 00:39:00,354
- You're very good.
- Ha.
501
00:39:00,388 --> 00:39:02,089
If ever you decide
to give up acting,
502
00:39:02,123 --> 00:39:04,524
you could be a police officer.
503
00:39:04,557 --> 00:39:07,361
Well, if you ever think about
getting into acting,
504
00:39:07,395 --> 00:39:09,063
I would recommended it.
505
00:39:09,096 --> 00:39:10,598
Very convincing.
506
00:39:10,631 --> 00:39:14,735
Well, thank you
for your cooperation.
507
00:39:14,769 --> 00:39:17,071
Anytime.
508
00:39:44,365 --> 00:39:46,267
Uh, one more thing.
509
00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,736
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh.
510
00:39:48,769 --> 00:39:49,937
I'm sorry.
511
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:51,806
It's just that
when you called 911,
512
00:39:51,839 --> 00:39:53,841
and you asked for the police
to come and then you hung up,
513
00:39:53,874 --> 00:39:57,611
and then when they called you
back to find out what happened,
514
00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,747
you said it was an accident.
515
00:39:59,780 --> 00:40:02,482
Why did you do that?
516
00:40:04,852 --> 00:40:06,787
- The money.
- Come here.
517
00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:07,755
Sweetie, you...
518
00:40:11,524 --> 00:40:14,628
Wow, you guys are everywhere.
519
00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:19,934
Well, if I were you,
I would assume yes, we are...
520
00:40:19,967 --> 00:40:22,303
everywhere.
521
00:40:22,336 --> 00:40:25,439
So what's the answer?
522
00:40:28,642 --> 00:40:31,379
Why did you say
it was an accident?
523
00:40:31,412 --> 00:40:33,546
This is gonna sound so absurd.
524
00:40:34,815 --> 00:40:39,720
I have been, like,
super high-strung
525
00:40:39,754 --> 00:40:42,555
and really...
526
00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:47,094
really dealing
with some serious anxiety.
527
00:40:47,128 --> 00:40:48,863
So within the context of that,
528
00:40:48,896 --> 00:40:51,332
picking up the phone
and calling the police,
529
00:40:51,365 --> 00:40:53,334
it's not...
530
00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:56,470
Uh, what's the word
I'm looking for? It's not...
531
00:40:57,705 --> 00:40:59,874
- Remarkable. Exactly.
- Noteworthy.
532
00:40:59,907 --> 00:41:00,841
Either or both.
533
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,677
It's an either-or.
Yeah.
534
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:07,281
Well, thank you
for your cooperation.
535
00:41:32,273 --> 00:41:34,442
Do you feel lucky?
536
00:41:34,475 --> 00:41:38,913
Yes, incredibly.
537
00:41:38,946 --> 00:41:40,948
I do too. I feel...
538
00:41:40,981 --> 00:41:43,851
I feel, um, you know,
539
00:41:43,884 --> 00:41:48,355
that somehow I've gotten away
with something my whole life.
540
00:41:48,389 --> 00:41:51,058
Do you feel you're getting away
with something?
541
00:41:51,092 --> 00:41:54,028
I don't feel like I'm running
from anything to get away from.
542
00:41:54,061 --> 00:41:57,965
I'm just, like, existing on a
very...
543
00:41:57,998 --> 00:42:00,734
like, a surface level,
but I can feel in my psyche
544
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:03,337
that there's
all sorts of unrest,
545
00:42:03,370 --> 00:42:06,507
and maybe this is... those are
the questions I need to ask,
546
00:42:06,540 --> 00:42:09,410
that I... but I... but I...
you know,
547
00:42:09,443 --> 00:42:12,680
I can't find any sort of
answers,
548
00:42:12,713 --> 00:42:16,150
and so it's just,
like, frustrating.
549
00:42:16,183 --> 00:42:18,986
I'm constantly frustrated,
550
00:42:19,019 --> 00:42:21,222
and I guess talking about it
is helpful, you know,
551
00:42:21,255 --> 00:42:25,626
to sort of try to unravel
whatever it is that's happening,
552
00:42:25,659 --> 00:42:28,963
but at the same time, it also,
like, brings up anxiety
553
00:42:28,996 --> 00:42:31,966
because these are exactly the
things that I can't, like,
554
00:42:31,999 --> 00:42:36,737
put a finger on
or figure out or...
555
00:42:36,770 --> 00:42:38,939
So it's just like, right now,
just talking about,
556
00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,875
it just, like,
kicks it all up, you know?
557
00:42:40,908 --> 00:42:45,746
Maybe like I wanna run away
or something.
558
00:42:45,779 --> 00:42:49,683
How is everything
with your family?
559
00:42:49,717 --> 00:42:53,020
How are your mother
and grandfather doing?
560
00:42:53,053 --> 00:42:57,358
She's all right, you know.
He's not great.
561
00:42:57,391 --> 00:43:00,761
But mostly happy.
562
00:43:00,794 --> 00:43:05,032
I think she's worried
about him, and...
563
00:43:05,065 --> 00:43:06,767
Yeah, I guess when
that starts to happen,
564
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,004
you're just sort of in a place
where, you know,
565
00:43:10,037 --> 00:43:13,474
it's so unknown, and...
566
00:43:13,507 --> 00:43:15,776
Almost the fact
that he's aware of it
567
00:43:15,809 --> 00:43:20,381
is worse than, you know,
where it'll end up,
568
00:43:20,414 --> 00:43:22,449
but, um...
569
00:43:22,483 --> 00:43:25,553
Right now, you know,
he's frustrated,
570
00:43:25,587 --> 00:43:28,522
and I guess
that's hard, harder.
571
00:43:46,307 --> 00:43:48,075
Who owns this restaurant?
572
00:43:48,108 --> 00:43:52,413
It's not a restaurant, Pops.
This is my apartment.
573
00:43:54,515 --> 00:43:55,650
Who are you, darling?
574
00:43:55,684 --> 00:43:58,886
I'm your granddaughter, Vera.
575
00:44:00,254 --> 00:44:01,288
You see?
576
00:44:01,322 --> 00:44:03,824
See what, Pop?
577
00:44:15,502 --> 00:44:20,609
I still don't understand
why the two of you
578
00:44:20,642 --> 00:44:23,377
could sit here getting drunk,
579
00:44:23,410 --> 00:44:25,714
and I can only drink
bubble water.
580
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:27,848
Have I been a bad boy?
581
00:44:27,881 --> 00:44:28,717
No.
582
00:44:28,749 --> 00:44:30,384
No, you've been just great.
583
00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:31,919
But you can't have alcohol
584
00:44:31,952 --> 00:44:34,288
while you're on three
of your medications, Pop.
585
00:44:34,321 --> 00:44:36,490
Well, throw out the medications.
586
00:44:36,523 --> 00:44:38,058
I'd rather get plastered.
587
00:44:39,226 --> 00:44:40,629
Maybe tomorrow.
588
00:44:41,895 --> 00:44:43,897
Who says I'll be around
tomorrow?
589
00:44:43,931 --> 00:44:47,636
You wanna put that in writing
that I'll be around tomorrow?
590
00:44:47,669 --> 00:44:50,605
Well, let's see how you feel.
591
00:44:50,639 --> 00:44:54,208
I know how I feel.
Confused.
592
00:44:59,413 --> 00:45:01,616
Are you confused, too,
darling?
593
00:45:03,017 --> 00:45:04,818
Constantly.
594
00:45:04,852 --> 00:45:06,453
Don't worry.
The wine will take care of it.
595
00:45:06,487 --> 00:45:10,024
That's why I want alcohol,
to clear up my confusion.
596
00:45:10,057 --> 00:45:14,696
I left word for Carl Icahn
to stop by this evening.
597
00:45:18,832 --> 00:45:21,302
Who are you, by the way?
598
00:45:21,335 --> 00:45:24,138
I'm Vera, your granddaughter.
599
00:45:27,474 --> 00:45:30,244
I just wish someone would
tell me where my mother is.
600
00:45:37,084 --> 00:45:38,185
You see?
601
00:45:38,218 --> 00:45:40,821
See what, Pop?
602
00:45:40,854 --> 00:45:43,023
Her.
603
00:45:44,925 --> 00:45:48,663
You're a very beautiful
young woman.
604
00:45:48,697 --> 00:45:52,232
And you are
a very handsome man.
605
00:45:57,404 --> 00:45:59,641
You know it.
606
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:02,343
You should have seen me
when I was 24.
607
00:46:02,376 --> 00:46:03,778
I'll bet.
608
00:46:03,812 --> 00:46:06,280
How old am I now?
609
00:46:08,182 --> 00:46:09,183
85.
610
00:46:09,216 --> 00:46:11,118
Liar.
611
00:46:12,553 --> 00:46:14,555
What's your opinion?
612
00:46:14,589 --> 00:46:16,423
85.
613
00:46:16,457 --> 00:46:17,826
Two liars.
614
00:46:20,662 --> 00:46:22,996
What's so funny?
615
00:46:29,771 --> 00:46:32,272
Who owns this restaurant?
616
00:46:32,306 --> 00:46:34,676
This is my apartment.
This is not a restaurant.
617
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:37,177
- I live here.
- Prove it.
618
00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:40,047
I have documents.
You wanna see?
619
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,416
Worthless. They could still come
and take it away from you
620
00:46:42,449 --> 00:46:44,151
whenever they want.
621
00:46:44,184 --> 00:46:46,153
Who can?
622
00:46:46,186 --> 00:46:48,857
The police!
623
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,891
I'm gonna remember that.
624
00:46:50,924 --> 00:46:53,994
That's what they all say.
625
00:47:01,535 --> 00:47:03,937
Do you have a husband?
626
00:47:03,971 --> 00:47:06,240
- No.
- Keep it that way.
627
00:47:06,273 --> 00:47:10,210
Most men, you can't trust 'em,
believe me.
628
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:12,045
I should know.
629
00:47:12,079 --> 00:47:14,481
My daughter Elaine...
You're my daughter?
630
00:47:14,515 --> 00:47:15,949
Granddaughter.
631
00:47:15,983 --> 00:47:18,185
You're my daughter.
Is that correct?
632
00:47:18,218 --> 00:47:19,019
Yes.
633
00:47:19,052 --> 00:47:20,954
What's your opinion?
634
00:47:20,988 --> 00:47:23,157
She's your daughter.
This is Elaine, your daughter.
635
00:47:23,190 --> 00:47:24,458
My daughter Elaine,
636
00:47:24,491 --> 00:47:26,427
she got married to a no-good
son of a bitch bastard
637
00:47:26,460 --> 00:47:28,495
whose name I wouldn't mention
even if I could remember,
638
00:47:28,529 --> 00:47:29,997
which I can't.
639
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:32,901
The selfish, rotten deadbeat.
640
00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:38,372
- Do you have a husband?
- Nope.
641
00:47:40,574 --> 00:47:43,778
You should have seen me
when I was 24.
642
00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:51,118
How old am I now?
643
00:47:51,151 --> 00:47:53,053
85.
644
00:47:53,086 --> 00:47:53,922
85.
645
00:47:53,954 --> 00:47:56,356
Who are you, darling?
646
00:47:56,390 --> 00:47:59,126
I am your granddaughter, Vera.
647
00:47:59,159 --> 00:48:01,763
I'm not surprised.
You look like her.
648
00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:04,231
Same hair, same smile.
649
00:48:15,242 --> 00:48:19,146
I just wish someone
would tell me where Mother is.
650
00:48:22,917 --> 00:48:26,153
Well, my mother is right here.
651
00:48:26,186 --> 00:48:28,890
She's not my mother.
She's my wife.
652
00:48:28,923 --> 00:48:30,557
No, no, no.
This is your daughter, Elaine.
653
00:48:30,592 --> 00:48:32,794
- I'm your daughter.
- I'm your granddaughter, Vera.
654
00:48:32,827 --> 00:48:34,294
How would you know?
You weren't even born.
655
00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:38,265
Tired of being lied to!
I wanna know where my mother is!
656
00:48:39,868 --> 00:48:42,035
She's dead, Grandpa.
657
00:48:44,571 --> 00:48:45,907
Who's dead?
658
00:48:45,940 --> 00:48:50,678
Your mother, Sylvia,
my great-grandmother.
659
00:48:50,712 --> 00:48:52,079
You're sure?
660
00:48:52,112 --> 00:48:54,281
Mm-hmm.
661
00:48:54,314 --> 00:48:55,717
She was 88, though.
662
00:48:55,750 --> 00:48:59,086
She had a really happy life.
663
00:49:04,692 --> 00:49:06,694
Why wasn't I told?
664
00:49:06,728 --> 00:49:08,596
- You were told, Pop.
- That was 30 years ago, Pops.
665
00:49:08,630 --> 00:49:11,933
You arranged the funeral.
You gave the eulogy.
666
00:49:11,966 --> 00:49:15,068
You spoke beautifully.
667
00:49:15,102 --> 00:49:17,872
She's at peace now.
668
00:49:23,143 --> 00:49:25,713
- Can we reach her on the phone?
- No.
669
00:49:25,747 --> 00:49:28,382
No, but we can
talk about her,
670
00:49:28,415 --> 00:49:30,618
and we can think about her,
and we can remember her,
671
00:49:30,652 --> 00:49:33,655
and it makes her happy to know
that we're thinking about her,
672
00:49:33,688 --> 00:49:36,858
and it makes us feel good
to remember her, okay?
673
00:49:43,831 --> 00:49:45,065
Sylvia.
674
00:49:45,098 --> 00:49:47,534
I'm sorry, Grandpa.
675
00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:49,303
I don't like
what's happening to me.
676
00:49:49,336 --> 00:49:51,171
I don't like
what's happening to me!
677
00:49:51,204 --> 00:49:53,106
- I know.
- Don't like what's happening to me!
678
00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:55,810
I don't like
what's happening to me!
679
00:49:55,843 --> 00:49:58,211
I don't like
what's happening to me!
680
00:50:14,862 --> 00:50:16,998
What's happening to me?
681
00:50:20,969 --> 00:50:22,536
Where you going, Grandpa?
682
00:50:25,673 --> 00:50:29,777
Somewhere... Somewhere where I
could just kill myself in peace.
683
00:50:29,811 --> 00:50:31,144
- Just let me go.
- No.
684
00:50:31,178 --> 00:50:32,212
- Let me...
- Hey, hey.
685
00:50:32,245 --> 00:50:34,414
Can I ask you something first?
686
00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:35,449
What?
687
00:50:35,482 --> 00:50:37,417
Can I dance with you?
688
00:50:37,451 --> 00:50:40,120
That's a little forward,
don't you think?
689
00:50:40,153 --> 00:50:41,889
I'm a modern woman.
Come on.
690
00:50:41,923 --> 00:50:43,891
- Modern woman?
- Come on.
691
00:50:43,925 --> 00:50:45,893
- Oh, boy.
- Careful.
692
00:50:45,927 --> 00:50:48,029
- Oh, boy, a modern woman.
- Get ready.
693
00:50:48,062 --> 00:50:49,964
Get those dancing shoes on,
Grandpa.
694
00:50:49,998 --> 00:50:52,000
- Oh, boy.
- Ready?
695
00:50:52,033 --> 00:50:55,435
You ready?
696
00:50:55,469 --> 00:50:56,871
- Oh.
- Yeah.
697
00:51:31,139 --> 00:51:33,373
You know what I think about
when I get upset?
698
00:51:33,407 --> 00:51:34,508
What?
699
00:51:34,541 --> 00:51:38,578
I remember that time
where you and me and Mom
700
00:51:38,613 --> 00:51:39,981
first went to Europe,
701
00:51:40,014 --> 00:51:43,117
and Dad had just left,
702
00:51:43,151 --> 00:51:45,086
and we stayed at
the Excelsior Hotel
703
00:51:45,119 --> 00:51:47,155
on the Lido in Venice.
704
00:51:47,187 --> 00:51:49,757
And when we first arrived,
we went straight onto the beach,
705
00:51:49,791 --> 00:51:51,291
and we were all holding hands.
706
00:51:51,324 --> 00:51:54,361
You were on my left,
and Mom was on my right,
707
00:51:54,394 --> 00:51:57,397
and we went straight
into the sea,
708
00:51:57,431 --> 00:51:59,901
and we just walked
and walked for hours.
709
00:51:59,934 --> 00:52:01,869
It felt like hours and days,
710
00:52:01,903 --> 00:52:05,106
and the sea was
just up to our knees.
711
00:52:05,139 --> 00:52:06,473
And we walked and walked,
712
00:52:06,506 --> 00:52:10,277
and then finally
we were fully immersed,
713
00:52:10,310 --> 00:52:13,413
and it was so salty
that we were just floating.
714
00:52:13,447 --> 00:52:16,718
And we looked back
at the hotel,
715
00:52:16,751 --> 00:52:19,654
and it was just a blur, and...
716
00:52:19,687 --> 00:52:22,389
and we laughed and laughed
and laughed.
717
00:53:18,946 --> 00:53:20,514
Mama?
718
00:53:20,547 --> 00:53:21,616
Yes?
719
00:53:21,649 --> 00:53:23,283
If I ask you a question,
720
00:53:23,316 --> 00:53:25,418
will you answer it
with complete honesty?
721
00:53:25,452 --> 00:53:27,989
Of course.
722
00:53:28,022 --> 00:53:30,124
When I was little,
723
00:53:30,158 --> 00:53:35,997
did you think that
there was something, um...
724
00:53:36,030 --> 00:53:39,600
I don't know,
like, odd about me or...
725
00:53:39,634 --> 00:53:41,135
What?
726
00:53:41,169 --> 00:53:43,971
Of course not.
The opposite.
727
00:53:44,005 --> 00:53:46,274
It was easy to figure out
728
00:53:46,306 --> 00:53:50,077
that you were a very,
very special child.
729
00:53:50,111 --> 00:53:54,182
But was I, like...
730
00:53:54,215 --> 00:53:56,316
I don't know.
Did I ever, like...
731
00:53:56,349 --> 00:53:59,620
Was I ever violent
or aggressive or...
732
00:53:59,654 --> 00:54:00,822
Violent?
733
00:54:00,855 --> 00:54:03,257
Well, you certainly
weren't ordinary.
734
00:54:03,291 --> 00:54:04,592
You were never ordinary,
735
00:54:04,625 --> 00:54:07,360
so I guess, in that sense
of the word,
736
00:54:07,394 --> 00:54:11,666
uh, we could stretch it out
to saying you were odd.
737
00:54:11,699 --> 00:54:13,968
Is that what you mean?
Certainly not violent.
738
00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,335
You were not violent.
739
00:54:15,368 --> 00:54:19,240
You never had a violent bone
in your body.
740
00:54:19,273 --> 00:54:21,742
You've always been
a loving, caring,
741
00:54:21,776 --> 00:54:23,343
and compassionate person.
742
00:54:23,376 --> 00:54:25,146
I love you so much.
743
00:54:25,179 --> 00:54:26,914
I love you, Mama.
744
00:54:26,948 --> 00:54:28,649
I love you.
745
00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:30,383
In fact,
746
00:54:30,417 --> 00:54:35,022
even when you would get
really angry sometimes...
747
00:54:35,056 --> 00:54:36,556
Which is surprising
748
00:54:36,591 --> 00:54:38,226
'cause I know
I can get physical.
749
00:54:38,259 --> 00:54:40,061
You were never physical.
750
00:54:40,094 --> 00:54:42,196
Never.
751
00:54:43,931 --> 00:54:46,834
- Why are we talking about this?
- I don't know.
752
00:54:46,868 --> 00:54:48,435
Honey, this is...
753
00:54:48,468 --> 00:54:51,606
Why would you think about
something like this?
754
00:55:01,816 --> 00:55:03,383
- Hi.
- Hi.
755
00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:05,620
- I'm Carl Icahn.
- I know.
756
00:55:05,653 --> 00:55:08,356
You do? Well, your grandfather
asked me to come up.
757
00:55:08,388 --> 00:55:10,057
- Is he around?
- No.
758
00:55:10,091 --> 00:55:11,626
They just left
five minutes ago.
759
00:55:11,659 --> 00:55:13,127
Your grandfather's
Arthur Lockman.
760
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:14,862
- Yes. I'm Vera.
- Oh, he just left?
761
00:55:14,896 --> 00:55:17,798
- He left with my mother.
- He asked me to come up.
762
00:55:17,832 --> 00:55:19,667
He mentioned,
but I didn't believe that...
763
00:55:19,700 --> 00:55:21,568
Anyway, would you...
Why don't you come in?
764
00:55:21,602 --> 00:55:23,838
- You want a drink or something?
- Why didn't you believe it?
765
00:55:23,871 --> 00:55:27,241
Sometimes, you know,
he gets a little forgetful.
766
00:55:27,275 --> 00:55:29,143
Can I get you a drink
or something?
767
00:55:29,176 --> 00:55:30,778
Okay with me.
768
00:55:30,811 --> 00:55:35,349
You want wine or water or...
I'm having wine.
769
00:55:35,383 --> 00:55:37,785
I'll have a little wine.
Fine, fine.
770
00:55:37,818 --> 00:55:39,552
Thank you.
771
00:55:39,587 --> 00:55:42,957
I'm sorry you missed him.
772
00:55:42,990 --> 00:55:45,458
Take a seat on the couch.
773
00:55:45,492 --> 00:55:49,330
This whole day
has just been... Ugh.
774
00:55:49,363 --> 00:55:50,831
I mean, it's nice to meet you.
775
00:55:50,865 --> 00:55:52,867
I'm just sorry that
you missed my grandfather.
776
00:55:52,900 --> 00:55:54,635
- I didn't even know...
- Thank you.
777
00:55:54,669 --> 00:55:56,737
- You guys were friends.
- I'm sorry to hear about that.
778
00:55:56,771 --> 00:56:00,608
Well, I wouldn't call us
exactly friends.
779
00:56:00,641 --> 00:56:04,946
I haven't talked to him or seen
him since I'm 15 years old,
780
00:56:04,979 --> 00:56:08,382
and he did me a great favor.
781
00:56:08,416 --> 00:56:12,519
I came up from
a pretty tough school.
782
00:56:12,552 --> 00:56:15,923
And the high school we went to,
Far Rockaway High School,
783
00:56:15,957 --> 00:56:19,126
a bunch of these kids
from reform school were there
784
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:20,795
and made my first week...
785
00:56:20,828 --> 00:56:22,797
There were these tough kids
from Auburn.
786
00:56:22,830 --> 00:56:25,433
This place called Auburn.
Really tough kids.
787
00:56:25,465 --> 00:56:27,401
I happened to be in the gym.
788
00:56:27,435 --> 00:56:28,903
I was playing
a little basketball,
789
00:56:28,936 --> 00:56:31,538
and this guy comes over...
I'll never forget...
790
00:56:31,571 --> 00:56:34,075
this Marvin Bligh,
his name was.
791
00:56:34,108 --> 00:56:38,446
He walks over, and he says,
792
00:56:38,478 --> 00:56:43,150
"Hey, Jew boy.
Look over here at me."
793
00:56:43,184 --> 00:56:44,618
And he spit in my face.
794
00:56:44,652 --> 00:56:47,088
I didn't know
what the hell to do.
795
00:56:47,121 --> 00:56:49,090
He and his friends were there,
796
00:56:49,123 --> 00:56:51,158
or at least
the people that he knew,
797
00:56:51,192 --> 00:56:53,461
maybe five, six,
seven of these guys.
798
00:56:53,493 --> 00:56:56,764
They just kept chanting,
"Stairwell, stairwell."
799
00:56:56,797 --> 00:56:58,531
Which meant to go
to the stairwell,
800
00:56:58,565 --> 00:57:00,301
and that's where
you have the fight.
801
00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:01,769
And I went to the stairwell,
802
00:57:01,802 --> 00:57:03,938
and I figured the only thing
I could do to save it...
803
00:57:03,971 --> 00:57:07,174
because sooner or later,
they were all gonna get me...
804
00:57:07,208 --> 00:57:09,509
I grabbed the guy by the head,
805
00:57:09,542 --> 00:57:12,246
and I kept banging it
against the stairwell,
806
00:57:12,279 --> 00:57:14,415
and he started to bleed.
807
00:57:14,448 --> 00:57:16,917
And I thought the other guys
would jump on me,
808
00:57:16,951 --> 00:57:17,985
but they really didn't.
809
00:57:18,019 --> 00:57:19,587
They just pulled me off of him.
810
00:57:19,620 --> 00:57:24,592
They were gonna expel me and
bring me up on juvenile charges.
811
00:57:24,625 --> 00:57:26,794
Now, where does your father...
grandfather come in?
812
00:57:26,827 --> 00:57:29,430
Well, he was there
in the stairwell,
813
00:57:29,463 --> 00:57:33,267
and four of the kids...
814
00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:35,436
Which sort of restored my faith
in human nature.
815
00:57:35,469 --> 00:57:36,971
I never had much faith.
I still don't.
816
00:57:37,004 --> 00:57:40,540
To say "restored"
isn't the right word, I guess.
817
00:57:40,573 --> 00:57:44,779
But makes me think there is
a good side to people.
818
00:57:44,812 --> 00:57:48,049
And I think that,
with some people, anyway.
819
00:57:48,082 --> 00:57:52,486
All four of 'em told the dean
that I was completely innocent.
820
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,389
This guy had spit in my face,
and what could I do?
821
00:57:55,423 --> 00:57:57,825
And then they even
made up some stuff
822
00:57:57,858 --> 00:57:59,827
about how when I went in
the stairwell,
823
00:57:59,860 --> 00:58:02,163
he started smacking me,
which really didn't happen
824
00:58:02,196 --> 00:58:03,964
'cause I jumped him, but...
825
00:58:03,998 --> 00:58:07,635
And the dean had no choice but
to let me go and say, "Okay."
826
00:58:07,668 --> 00:58:10,971
And it sort of changed my life
in a strange way.
827
00:58:11,005 --> 00:58:13,507
First of all, I had more faith
in certain people.
828
00:58:13,541 --> 00:58:17,778
But it also...
I was a smart kid in school.
829
00:58:17,812 --> 00:58:19,413
You know, Princeton, Yale,
and Harvard
830
00:58:19,447 --> 00:58:21,082
were looking for a guy like me,
831
00:58:21,115 --> 00:58:24,652
a Jewish kid at the worst high
school in America or New York.
832
00:58:24,685 --> 00:58:26,220
And I got into these colleges.
833
00:58:26,253 --> 00:58:29,757
I never would have got in
if I had been charged, so...
834
00:58:29,790 --> 00:58:32,993
But when I saw
these guys leave...
835
00:58:33,027 --> 00:58:35,463
they weren't even talking to me,
they just left...
836
00:58:35,496 --> 00:58:39,533
I went over to 'em,
and I said to 'em,
837
00:58:39,567 --> 00:58:43,070
"I owe you a favor."
838
00:58:43,104 --> 00:58:45,072
And one day,
839
00:58:45,106 --> 00:58:49,610
one day, whenever you want,
you can call on that favor."
840
00:58:49,643 --> 00:58:53,747
I said, "All of you are gonna
call on this one day."
841
00:58:53,781 --> 00:58:56,617
And I never saw
your grandfather again,
842
00:58:56,650 --> 00:59:02,389
but three of them
called the favor in.
843
00:59:02,423 --> 00:59:05,493
And I've lived up to it.
844
00:59:05,526 --> 00:59:07,795
And I helped them,
and they all did well.
845
00:59:07,828 --> 00:59:09,830
And I never heard
from your grandfather.
846
00:59:09,864 --> 00:59:11,332
Until now?
847
00:59:11,365 --> 00:59:13,100
Till now, tonight.
848
00:59:13,134 --> 00:59:15,269
What did he want?
849
00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:17,004
He didn't say.
850
00:59:17,037 --> 00:59:20,207
He said to come up and see him.
851
00:59:20,241 --> 00:59:22,977
He said he needed help.
852
00:59:23,010 --> 00:59:27,715
Do you know what he wanted?
He said, "I need help."
853
00:59:27,748 --> 00:59:29,950
- No.
- "And I'm calling you."
854
00:59:29,984 --> 00:59:34,388
Interestingly, he remembered it
'cause he did say...
855
00:59:34,421 --> 00:59:36,724
He said, "You owe me a favor."
856
00:59:38,392 --> 00:59:40,394
It's going back...
857
00:59:40,427 --> 00:59:44,665
Jesus, I feel older than
I always felt, you know?
858
00:59:44,698 --> 00:59:47,501
Think about it. 65 years.
859
00:59:48,369 --> 00:59:49,937
My God.
860
00:59:51,872 --> 00:59:55,242
Makes me feel emotional
about it.
861
00:59:55,276 --> 00:59:58,812
- Yeah.
- Feel bad that he never called.
862
00:59:58,846 --> 01:00:04,485
Well, tell me about yourself
a little, Vera.
863
01:00:04,518 --> 01:00:07,622
Well, uh...
864
01:00:07,656 --> 01:00:09,857
I don't really know
where to begin.
865
01:00:09,890 --> 01:00:13,093
I've had such a strange night,
you know.
866
01:00:13,127 --> 01:00:14,328
You had a strange night?
867
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:15,863
You know,
I'm an old poker player.
868
01:00:15,896 --> 01:00:18,332
It sounds like you got
some problems, but...
869
01:00:18,365 --> 01:00:19,767
I don't even know
where to start.
870
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:21,068
Maybe I'm being forward,
871
01:00:21,101 --> 01:00:22,536
but it sounds like you got
a few problems.
872
01:00:22,570 --> 01:00:26,574
I could share some things
with you.
873
01:00:52,132 --> 01:00:54,101
Her sense
of existing outside herself
874
01:00:54,134 --> 01:00:57,838
by connecting to other people
had always been tenuous,
875
01:00:57,871 --> 01:00:59,873
and it extended only rarely
and briefly
876
01:00:59,907 --> 01:01:02,977
beyond the two people
who had always been there.
877
01:01:03,010 --> 01:01:05,379
Now even that fragile aspect
of her being
878
01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:08,482
was receding without remorse,
879
01:01:08,515 --> 01:01:10,985
but she was determined
to hold on.
880
01:01:58,700 --> 01:02:00,200
Suddenly, inexplicably,
881
01:02:00,234 --> 01:02:02,069
the violent churning
in her stomach,
882
01:02:02,102 --> 01:02:04,171
which had seized her
immediately after the killing,
883
01:02:04,204 --> 01:02:05,674
disappeared,
884
01:02:05,707 --> 01:02:08,509
replaced by a thoroughly
irrational calm,
885
01:02:08,542 --> 01:02:11,345
a near-beatific felicity.
886
01:02:11,378 --> 01:02:13,013
It hardly disturbed her
887
01:02:13,047 --> 01:02:16,250
that she accepted so quickly
what she had done.
888
01:02:16,283 --> 01:02:19,887
Manslaughter,
accidental homicide, murder.
889
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:23,290
It was a killing
no matter the word.
890
01:02:23,324 --> 01:02:25,727
The path ahead was clear.
891
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:27,796
She would follow her most
urgent reaction
892
01:02:27,828 --> 01:02:29,798
to each moment in her life
893
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:33,367
and confront the consequences
as they emerged.
894
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:36,070
Maybe she could even,
through her words,
895
01:02:36,103 --> 01:02:40,140
help to stir some understanding
in people she would never meet.
896
01:02:40,174 --> 01:02:42,576
If she could somehow manage
shape her own turmoil
897
01:02:42,610 --> 01:02:44,011
into ideas and stories,
898
01:02:44,044 --> 01:02:46,380
which would reach them
as she has been reached
899
01:02:46,413 --> 01:02:50,284
and even transformed
by creators she had never met,
900
01:02:50,317 --> 01:02:53,487
people who had given her
a sense of meaning and purpose,
901
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:57,191
however tenuous and fragmented.
902
01:02:57,224 --> 01:03:00,595
Any other path would lead
to chaos and madness,
903
01:03:00,628 --> 01:03:02,329
to the annihilation
of the self,
904
01:03:02,363 --> 01:03:05,667
without which no life
worth living was possible.
905
01:03:07,034 --> 01:03:09,503
Perhaps then,
her mercilessly demanding brain
906
01:03:09,536 --> 01:03:11,706
would be appeased,
907
01:03:11,740 --> 01:03:13,675
and she might have a chance
to savor
908
01:03:13,708 --> 01:03:18,412
and exult in the marvelous,
irresistible uncertainty
909
01:03:18,445 --> 01:03:20,582
of the future.
910
01:04:04,692 --> 01:04:06,694
This is not a dream.
911
01:04:06,728 --> 01:04:08,195
It's happening right now,
912
01:04:08,228 --> 01:04:11,365
and you will never
awaken from it
913
01:04:11,398 --> 01:04:13,467
because you are already awake.
63595
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