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Synced by peritta - corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
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We're together. We're a throuple.
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00:00:02,233 --> 00:00:03,973
Previously on "You Me Her"...
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00:00:03,975 --> 00:00:07,982
The alumni board are gonna find this
new information very interesting.
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00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:10,079
We're just going to
delay the announcement
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00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,414
of your promotion a couple of weeks.
7
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I hate my boss and I
want to quit my job.
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- What's this?
- The coolest firm in Seattle.
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It's not like I'm actually gonna go.
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I just really want to
be cool again, Dave.
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00:00:18,890 --> 00:00:22,092
Suburban Internet... sex tape, scandal.
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00:00:22,093 --> 00:00:23,221
I don't hate it.
13
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:25,296
How would you feel about helping kids
14
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- get to the other side of 21?
- Like a wellness center?
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Oh, is this about the
thing I said about the bike?
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You don't think Emma's bi? You
think she's just, like, gay?
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You guys have been
third-wheeling the shit out of me.
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You get to undercurrent
all of your primary ex
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00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:40,595
because you've decided I'm a lesbian.
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- So this is happening?
- Listen to me.
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I just finished telling someone
that I was the complication.
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- What someone?
- Ruby.
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Fuck this.
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What's going on?
25
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Oh, that's lovely.
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Can you rupture something
snoring that hard?
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Radical theory... do you
think that humans snore
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so that in the caveman days,
someone didn't bury them?
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Prefacing something idiotic
with "radical theory"
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00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,695
doesn't make it less idiotic.
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Little Gabe... on point
with his sass game.
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00:01:28,966 --> 00:01:31,456
- Little Gabe getting sassy, eh?
- Call me that one more time,
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00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,747
I will put a pillow over
your giant face and sit on it.
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Yeah, you will.
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Okay, this is...
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unsettling.
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Uh, say, Gabriel, do you want to...
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Make sure Marina
doesn't walk into traffic
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while taking a selfie
and become the face
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of a national public service campaign?
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Super funny.
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Let's blow this intervention.
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- Dumb-ass.
- Dickhead.
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Okay, so, look, not to be that brother,
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00:01:56,147 --> 00:01:58,999
but I can't have the kids witnessing
a gruesome, prolonged descent.
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I'm fine, man, I just
need a few minutes to...
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00:02:00,868 --> 00:02:02,735
Okay, you obviously don't remember,
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00:02:02,736 --> 00:02:05,005
and I wish that I
didn't, but last night...
49
00:02:05,345 --> 00:02:08,738
last night was a
weepy, snotty shit show.
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00:02:09,012 --> 00:02:11,546
No. It wasn't that bad, I...
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It wasn't that bad.
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00:02:12,617 --> 00:02:14,086
Oh, yeah. Yeah, if you were our pet,
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we would have just shot
you and buried you out back.
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Stop.
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Oh, man.
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Feels like I'm losing everything.
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You're not exactly losing anything, bro.
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No, you very willingly
walked away from a promotion,
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and then you left your home
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and your wife with her new girlfriend.
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Okay, you know what?
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Okay, enough, okay?
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Maybe Emma and I for the past few years
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weren't awesome in the bedroom,
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but we did have some really
incredible times before that.
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Like, really hardcore stuff.
I don't know if she told you,
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but, I mean, not like
porn star level, but...
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- Stop, please.
- Yeah, it's...
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Okay, it wasn't even
about the sex, okay?
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It was the fact that
we had a connection,
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- that we were together.
- Jack, lesbians are deceptive.
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They look just like real chicks.
You know, they wear dresses,
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they wear makeup, they marry dudes.
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What? It's true.
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You know how much I like Emma.
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We both do. And for the record,
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I do really believe that
you guys were in love
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since the first night that you met.
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Thank you. Finally...
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Someone speaking the truth here.
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But then you introduced a woman
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into your marriage, and
you reminded your wife
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that she's at least three-quarters gay.
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She's not. Oh, my God. What the fuck?
85
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- Hey. No, no. Hey.
- Please don't, I just woke up.
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Shh.
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- I love you.
- You do?
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Yeah.
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00:03:29,718 --> 00:03:31,767
Yeah. All right, I want
you to have what we have.
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Yeah.
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00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:34,834
I got to go, 'cause work calls.
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I have a job.
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And good luck.
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I'm sorry.
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Take a long, brisk walk, all right?
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Clear your head.
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Get some perspective and
just think about things.
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00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,107
- That sounds good, actually.
- Okay.
99
00:03:52,109 --> 00:03:53,115
- Yeah.
- Do that.
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00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:54,617
I'm gonna do that.
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00:04:31,382 --> 00:04:32,652
Hi.
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Hi.
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So this is where you've been.
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00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,410
So, that was...
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00:05:10,941 --> 00:05:12,008
good.
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I was gonna say,
"Awesome, fucking amazing,"
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but those are overused, right?
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Yeah, you're right. "Good" is...
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"Good" is better.
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Um...
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It's just...
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It's just...
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It's just what?
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I didn't... I didn't...
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I didn't mean for it to happen.
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It's not why I came here.
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Why'd you come?
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To take you home.
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00:06:05,747 --> 00:06:07,143
Is that what Emma wants?
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She's...
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She's angry.
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I'm angry.
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Then talk.
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Should I tell her, what,
you came over here and...
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evened things up, so now we're all good?
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00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:30,299
That's very funny. You're very funny.
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00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:34,231
I was thinking more along
the lines of "I'm sorry."
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You think I'm the one that
should be apologizing to her?
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00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:40,005
Oh, for fuck's sake,
why don't I count it down
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00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:42,943
so the two of you can say
it at exactly the same time?
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- It's just unbelievable.
- Take it easy.
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In what version of the
universe am I the bad guy?
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Uh,
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00:06:48,397 --> 00:06:50,425
how about the version
where the last words
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00:06:50,427 --> 00:06:52,341
you said to us before you stormed out
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00:06:52,343 --> 00:06:53,679
were "Ruby Shivani."
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00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:56,364
Uh, maybe the version
where you've been acting
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00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:58,465
like a wounded emo middle-schooler.
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00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:01,592
Meanwhile, the real
version in the real world
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00:07:01,594 --> 00:07:04,171
consists of two lesbians,
141
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,508
a happy gay couple,
142
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,263
who just have this inconvenient dude
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00:07:08,536 --> 00:07:11,570
who's like a fucking Goddamn
beard around them all the time.
144
00:07:11,572 --> 00:07:13,706
Honestly, enough with the beard stuff.
145
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:16,904
Was there any point in
the last 30 minutes or so
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where I seemed gay to you?
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00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:21,753
I'm in love with you.
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Look at me. I'm in
love with you and Emma.
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00:07:25,927 --> 00:07:28,589
To be honest, maybe it's not
you that I'm worried about.
150
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:31,324
Okay, Jack.
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Here's the deal.
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00:07:33,923 --> 00:07:36,737
There's a perfect shit storm brewing,
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00:07:36,739 --> 00:07:39,809
and I'm the only one
that seems to notice.
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Emma suddenly hates her job,
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her soul mate's caved out
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00:07:43,241 --> 00:07:46,340
at big bro's ridiculous McMansion.
157
00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:47,739
And you ready for this?
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00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:51,380
She just got an absolutely stupid offer
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00:07:51,382 --> 00:07:54,842
from some giant douchey firm in Seattle.
160
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:58,226
So, please, I'm asking
you to come back with me.
161
00:08:00,074 --> 00:08:02,310
I'm gonna ask you again,
is that what Emma wants?
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00:08:04,215 --> 00:08:05,612
Because I haven't heard from her.
163
00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:10,619
Not a word since I've been here, so...
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00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:15,472
Did she tell you she
wants me to come home?
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00:08:17,524 --> 00:08:19,269
I mean...
166
00:08:20,646 --> 00:08:21,757
No.
167
00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:23,939
I'm sorry.
168
00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:26,600
Okay.
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00:08:29,958 --> 00:08:32,762
I appreciate you coming here.
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00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,968
I do.
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00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,033
But I'm...
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00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:42,158
I'm sorry, that's not enough.
173
00:09:06,332 --> 00:09:07,434
Shots!
174
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,869
It's good!
175
00:09:12,546 --> 00:09:13,614
Finished!
176
00:09:13,616 --> 00:09:14,685
Ah!
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00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,623
Good morning, sunshine.
178
00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:39,959
Hi.
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00:09:39,961 --> 00:09:42,764
Oh, I would not recommend
taking a selfie right now.
180
00:09:42,964 --> 00:09:45,099
Unless it's a desperate cry for help.
181
00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:47,520
I have an excuse for being cranky.
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00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:48,723
What's yours?
183
00:09:48,972 --> 00:09:50,172
Oh, you have an excuse?
184
00:09:50,578 --> 00:09:52,535
Oh, you mean falling into
bed, wasted, at 4 A.M.
185
00:09:52,537 --> 00:09:54,456
after partying like a
college freshmen with Nina.
186
00:09:54,457 --> 00:09:56,589
What? No.
187
00:09:57,044 --> 00:09:58,607
Yeah.
188
00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:02,862
Oh, you look lonely.
189
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:05,167
Let's go find your friends.
190
00:10:07,093 --> 00:10:08,161
Mmm.
191
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:09,208
Wow.
192
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,000
So, if I go get my camera right now,
193
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,078
would you be willing to reenact
194
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,947
that whole sad, dark performance?
195
00:10:13,949 --> 00:10:15,052
'Cause that's exactly the opening I need
196
00:10:15,053 --> 00:10:16,723
for my documentary...
197
00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:18,425
"White People."
198
00:10:18,876 --> 00:10:20,297
What about white people?
199
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:22,879
Well, humans crave
challenges and hardships,
200
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,016
and when they don't get
those things, they...
201
00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:27,151
reflexively sabotage themselves.
202
00:10:27,152 --> 00:10:29,954
Or die on a mountain they
had no reason to climb.
203
00:10:29,955 --> 00:10:31,334
That's impressive.
204
00:10:32,759 --> 00:10:34,263
That's, like, adolescent bullshit,
205
00:10:34,265 --> 00:10:37,133
but it's impressive within
that specific category.
206
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,632
- Well done, man.
- Yeah.
207
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:43,712
So what's rock bottom
for a guy like you?
208
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,946
Shouldn't you be in school or something?
209
00:10:45,947 --> 00:10:48,704
Put Marie on Locations so I
know where she is at all times.
210
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:51,977
I'm just missing, like,
study hall or Advanced Calc...
211
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,847
- one or the other.
- You know what, I don't care.
212
00:10:53,848 --> 00:10:55,183
This is so boring.
213
00:10:55,584 --> 00:10:57,484
This has nothing... it's
nothing to do with me.
214
00:10:57,486 --> 00:10:58,814
It's not my problem.
215
00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:04,868
Seriously, do you need help
with all of this business?
216
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:06,606
All of what?
217
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,867
So what were you doing while
you were hugging the toilet
218
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:18,675
and staring at your phone?
219
00:11:18,809 --> 00:11:20,810
I was checking the calendar.
220
00:11:23,731 --> 00:11:24,770
Seriously?
221
00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:28,300
Don't worry. It's...
my dates were messed up.
222
00:11:28,302 --> 00:11:29,345
That's all.
223
00:11:29,347 --> 00:11:30,919
Well, you don't seem particularly happy.
224
00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:32,956
Usually at your age,
that's a happy thing.
225
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:37,207
You are on birth control, right?
226
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,573
What are you insinuating?
227
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:41,963
I'm not insinuating anything. I just...
228
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,254
Iz.
229
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,780
Hey, Izzy, are you okay?
230
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:59,465
I got so fucked up.
231
00:12:00,438 --> 00:12:01,769
Yeah.
232
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:03,713
I could tell.
233
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,347
It's just...
234
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,533
Jack left, and you said he never leaves.
235
00:12:16,374 --> 00:12:18,072
Which means it's my fault.
236
00:12:18,073 --> 00:12:20,104
And I feel like I'm an alien here,
237
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,563
and I just... I just w...
238
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:25,148
You just want to feel
like yourself again.
239
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,306
Yeah, I get that.
240
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:31,236
I'm really sorry, Em.
241
00:12:31,238 --> 00:12:34,320
I've been a passive-aggressive
dick these last few days.
242
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:35,389
Hey...
243
00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:40,016
We have all taken turns
being dicks lately.
244
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,645
All of us.
245
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,968
Because we fucked up.
246
00:12:44,077 --> 00:12:45,478
Because we're moving too fast.
247
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,167
And none of us wants to say anything.
248
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:50,445
I don't know.
249
00:12:51,526 --> 00:12:52,845
Well, you can hold me to this,
250
00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:56,326
I am officially on an
intense substance cleanse.
251
00:12:56,412 --> 00:12:57,480
Ugh.
252
00:12:57,482 --> 00:12:58,551
Yeah?
253
00:12:58,553 --> 00:13:00,554
Yeah.
254
00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:02,057
We'll do it together.
255
00:13:02,059 --> 00:13:03,495
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
256
00:13:04,811 --> 00:13:07,324
I know I have barf-mouth,
but will you kiss me?
257
00:13:07,568 --> 00:13:10,129
No, you do have barf-mouth.
258
00:13:10,419 --> 00:13:13,356
Whoo, man. This feels
like 50 shades of wrong.
259
00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:15,832
It's gonna feel 31
flavors of right real soon.
260
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:17,127
All right, before we do
this, just so you know,
261
00:13:17,128 --> 00:13:19,312
this is a one-time thing.
Okay, this has to be.
262
00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:20,861
This is just me trying to,
263
00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:22,753
you know, get on a
bridge to the other side.
264
00:13:22,755 --> 00:13:23,958
- This is...
- Don't do me any favors.
265
00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:25,961
No, no, I mean, come on, after this.
266
00:13:26,147 --> 00:13:28,149
Just sit down, I need...
267
00:13:28,283 --> 00:13:30,150
Thank you, I guess I should say.
268
00:13:30,151 --> 00:13:31,329
That's better.
269
00:13:31,331 --> 00:13:33,332
Yeah. Thanks.
270
00:13:37,665 --> 00:13:40,383
So you ever gonna sober up
enough to tap that Ruby chick?
271
00:13:42,353 --> 00:13:43,765
I'm just gonna forge on, assuming that
272
00:13:43,766 --> 00:13:44,781
that's what you want to say.
273
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,531
- Balls!
- So, yes, I overheard
274
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,304
Gabe and Marie talking
about how much better off
275
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:49,772
you'd be with Ruby.
276
00:13:53,109 --> 00:13:55,245
Don't hate me, I can't call an ambulance
277
00:13:55,246 --> 00:13:57,247
under these incriminating circumstances.
278
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:31,713
Am I late?
279
00:14:31,715 --> 00:14:33,656
No, no, I'm early.
280
00:14:33,658 --> 00:14:35,368
Um, Emma Trakarsky.
281
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,859
We talked on the phone.
282
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,311
Right.
283
00:14:39,735 --> 00:14:40,978
Right.
284
00:14:41,932 --> 00:14:44,089
So that space just got snatched.
285
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,739
While you were eating a sandwich?
286
00:14:47,194 --> 00:14:48,941
I can multitask.
287
00:14:49,871 --> 00:14:51,888
May I ask who snatched it?
288
00:14:53,175 --> 00:14:54,755
It was...
289
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:56,193
John...
290
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,051
Ham.
291
00:14:58,247 --> 00:14:59,324
Jon Hamm.
292
00:14:59,326 --> 00:15:01,446
Jon Hamm, the actor?
293
00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:03,603
Maybe he's gonna open an ad agency.
294
00:15:04,682 --> 00:15:06,552
I don't know what smells
worse, your lazy bullshit
295
00:15:06,553 --> 00:15:08,301
or the hostile cologne you bathed in.
296
00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:11,701
Custom blended specifically for me.
297
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,878
Five large. Gets me laid like a carpet.
298
00:15:18,387 --> 00:15:19,456
Hey!
299
00:15:19,699 --> 00:15:21,484
What the five other spaces?
300
00:15:22,273 --> 00:15:24,545
Strangest thing. They
all got snatched, too.
301
00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:30,600
She knows.
302
00:15:31,045 --> 00:15:32,859
She fucking knows.
303
00:15:40,199 --> 00:15:41,430
God, these are good!
304
00:15:42,562 --> 00:15:44,964
What do you call this glorious manna?
305
00:15:44,966 --> 00:15:46,431
Spicy pork rinds.
306
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:49,229
Is that like a nickname, or
does it really come from a pig?
307
00:15:49,369 --> 00:15:51,448
I choose not to think about it.
308
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,908
It's working though, man. I can...
309
00:15:55,903 --> 00:15:57,104
It's working, man.
310
00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:00,932
It feels like a lifetime
ago that I was hung over.
311
00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:03,407
Yeah, you're welcome.
312
00:16:03,915 --> 00:16:05,376
So do you really love them?
313
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,897
Both of them?
314
00:16:07,211 --> 00:16:08,278
Who?
315
00:16:10,068 --> 00:16:12,387
Oh, yes. Yeah.
316
00:16:13,161 --> 00:16:14,162
I do.
317
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:19,555
But you think Aunt Emma
might be gay, always has been?
318
00:16:22,199 --> 00:16:23,710
I don't know, maybe.
319
00:16:25,376 --> 00:16:27,353
Grownup life sounds pretty fucked up.
320
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:28,480
Yeah.
321
00:16:30,214 --> 00:16:32,558
What about the college professor chick?
322
00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:35,260
That's just purely
professional. We're...
323
00:16:35,979 --> 00:16:37,047
just friends.
324
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:38,330
Actually might be colleagues soon.
325
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,572
Oh!
326
00:16:40,579 --> 00:16:42,182
Okay.
327
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:43,992
I'm 14 years old,
328
00:16:43,994 --> 00:16:47,196
and even I know you can't be
friends with your hot, divorced ex.
329
00:16:47,198 --> 00:16:49,121
Okay, you can only pretend it's platonic
330
00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:51,765
until the imminent
"Oops, we boned" incident.
331
00:16:55,087 --> 00:16:57,089
You're like some sort of sensei.
332
00:16:59,456 --> 00:17:01,057
I guess I'll, uh...
333
00:17:01,448 --> 00:17:03,503
design the rest of my life
based on the deep thoughts
334
00:17:03,504 --> 00:17:05,075
of a stoned high school freshman.
335
00:17:05,177 --> 00:17:06,246
Yeah, you want me to lay down
336
00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:07,859
some more heavy duty wisdom on you?
337
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:08,927
Please, why not?
338
00:17:08,929 --> 00:17:10,971
Well, if you and the professor chick
339
00:17:10,973 --> 00:17:13,036
had stayed together,
you would have three kids
340
00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:15,975
and be the dean of Hamilton
High School right now...
341
00:17:16,397 --> 00:17:18,932
instead of smoking away your
hangover with your nephew.
342
00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:21,455
Heavy, right?
343
00:17:21,852 --> 00:17:23,158
Yeah.
344
00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:26,881
It's like a cat in the box.
345
00:17:26,883 --> 00:17:28,618
Absolutely.
346
00:17:31,059 --> 00:17:32,385
Wait, what?
347
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,677
Hey, you.
348
00:17:44,161 --> 00:17:45,362
Aren't you supposed to be in school?
349
00:17:45,363 --> 00:17:46,907
Lunchtime, I think.
350
00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:48,118
Yeah.
351
00:17:48,370 --> 00:17:50,442
You pay for that stuff or...
352
00:17:51,143 --> 00:17:52,568
They barely staff week days.
353
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,331
You could pretty much
have whatever you want.
354
00:17:55,295 --> 00:17:57,845
For instance, Chloe Damico thinks
355
00:17:57,847 --> 00:17:59,643
she's pregnant every other Monday,
356
00:17:59,644 --> 00:18:02,140
snags like five different
brands just to make sure.
357
00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:03,776
- Oh...
- But then again,
358
00:18:03,777 --> 00:18:05,177
she's like a teenager and you're...
359
00:18:05,386 --> 00:18:06,442
30.
360
00:18:06,444 --> 00:18:07,645
- Okay.
- So...
361
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,834
First of all, I'm nothing like 30.
362
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:12,647
- Okay.
- And, second of all,
363
00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:14,281
you thought...
364
00:18:14,283 --> 00:18:16,992
you thought I was shopping
for pregnancy tests? Why?
365
00:18:16,994 --> 00:18:18,649
Because you're reading all the labels.
366
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:22,785
Well, I'm doing research
for a college paper.
367
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:26,472
You suck so bad at lying.
368
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:28,477
Well, I used to be better.
369
00:18:28,479 --> 00:18:30,482
I think we peak at 16.
370
00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,692
God, it's like breathing for me.
371
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:37,829
W.W.L.D.
372
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,223
What is that?
373
00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:45,560
What would Lori do?
374
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:47,585
Easy-peasy.
375
00:18:47,587 --> 00:18:50,879
She'd narc you out to
your lezzy life partner.
376
00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:54,903
So I won't.
377
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,720
I'm assuming this means you're late.
378
00:19:02,331 --> 00:19:03,533
Just... it's just a few days,
379
00:19:03,535 --> 00:19:04,927
and... but, normally,
you can set a clock by it.
380
00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:06,253
I'm sorry.
381
00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:10,586
Why are you hugging me?
382
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,920
Because Lori wouldn't.
383
00:19:32,249 --> 00:19:34,561
I... I can't believe you
would do this to me, Danny.
384
00:19:34,935 --> 00:19:38,499
I have a right to explore
other options, God damn it!
385
00:19:45,213 --> 00:19:47,722
Yeah? Fuck you!
386
00:19:48,142 --> 00:19:49,466
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck...
387
00:19:49,468 --> 00:19:51,337
fucking grow up. It's
just business, really?
388
00:19:51,339 --> 00:19:53,136
Well, fuck... fuck me!
389
00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:54,221
Emma?
390
00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:56,913
Lori.
391
00:19:57,256 --> 00:19:59,282
Car make you angry?
392
00:19:59,284 --> 00:20:00,337
Huh.
393
00:20:00,453 --> 00:20:02,855
Um, actually...
394
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,702
Actually, I was yelling at my boss.
395
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:09,544
Yeah. She found out I
was scouting office space,
396
00:20:09,546 --> 00:20:12,280
so she's blackballing me at
the few places I can afford.
397
00:20:12,652 --> 00:20:14,474
And it turns out I signed a contract
398
00:20:14,476 --> 00:20:18,001
that basically says I
can't hire anybody ever.
399
00:20:18,471 --> 00:20:21,219
So you might be mad
at me a little, still.
400
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,453
Afraid so, Lo.
401
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,859
Lo? I... I get a nickname?
402
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,187
That's great.
403
00:20:30,265 --> 00:20:31,891
All right, well, brace yourself.
404
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,065
- Brace myself?
- Just go with it.
405
00:20:34,661 --> 00:20:39,089
Em and Lo, that's us.
406
00:20:39,091 --> 00:20:40,959
That's the spirit.
407
00:21:04,733 --> 00:21:05,935
Do you have an appointment?
408
00:21:05,936 --> 00:21:08,545
Um, yeah, like, for sure,
409
00:21:08,547 --> 00:21:10,437
Professor, I do.
410
00:21:11,195 --> 00:21:13,864
Worst imitation of a college chick ever.
411
00:21:13,866 --> 00:21:14,934
Come in, Jack.
412
00:21:14,936 --> 00:21:16,340
I don't even know who Jack is.
413
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,241
Jack is dead. I killed
him with my period.
414
00:21:19,242 --> 00:21:20,655
It was awesome, right?
415
00:21:20,657 --> 00:21:22,906
No, it was terrible.
416
00:21:23,322 --> 00:21:24,700
Hey.
417
00:21:25,697 --> 00:21:26,858
Where the hell have you been?
418
00:21:27,048 --> 00:21:29,069
It's like you fell off
the edge of the earth.
419
00:21:29,916 --> 00:21:31,617
Can we say that's more or less
420
00:21:31,619 --> 00:21:32,865
an accurate representation
421
00:21:32,867 --> 00:21:34,667
of what's been happening
and leave it at that?
422
00:21:36,014 --> 00:21:37,623
I've been staying at my brother's place.
423
00:21:40,218 --> 00:21:41,418
Oh.
424
00:21:41,913 --> 00:21:43,874
- Sorry, I, um... Sorry to hear.
- It's nothing.
425
00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:46,551
Look, I've been trying
to get a hold of you
426
00:21:46,553 --> 00:21:47,820
because the dean is interested
427
00:21:47,822 --> 00:21:50,028
in hearing your student services pitch.
428
00:21:50,029 --> 00:21:51,897
But it has to be
tomorrow because he leaves
429
00:21:51,899 --> 00:21:54,191
the day after for a conference overseas.
430
00:21:55,071 --> 00:21:56,139
Can you be ready?
431
00:21:56,141 --> 00:21:58,143
I was born ready.
432
00:21:58,572 --> 00:22:00,038
I've always wanted to say that.
433
00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:02,317
Yes. Great.
434
00:22:02,319 --> 00:22:03,388
Awesome.
435
00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:05,258
Maybe I can thank you for real by...
436
00:22:06,294 --> 00:22:08,236
... taking you out to
dinner tomorrow night.
437
00:22:08,977 --> 00:22:10,845
Are you asking me on a date?
438
00:22:10,847 --> 00:22:12,049
Absolutely not.
439
00:22:12,051 --> 00:22:14,323
I'm just inviting a soon-to-be-colleague
440
00:22:14,325 --> 00:22:17,831
out for a platonic celebration
of my imminent success.
441
00:22:17,927 --> 00:22:19,930
I don't sleep with married men, Jack.
442
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,909
Neither do I, so we have that in common.
443
00:22:23,379 --> 00:22:24,714
Yes.
444
00:22:25,424 --> 00:22:26,537
Great.
445
00:22:34,328 --> 00:22:35,950
Hey, Carm?
446
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,975
What's my motivation here, you know?
447
00:22:39,388 --> 00:22:42,479
I mean, like, I could pretty much
slip out of these any second I want.
448
00:22:43,734 --> 00:22:45,169
Use your imagination!
449
00:22:45,171 --> 00:22:46,436
Whoa.
450
00:22:47,812 --> 00:22:49,022
Wow.
451
00:22:49,686 --> 00:22:50,935
Look at you.
452
00:22:51,450 --> 00:22:54,835
Standing there, wearing that?
453
00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:56,661
Is this okay?
454
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,054
Is it okay?
455
00:22:59,056 --> 00:23:00,926
It's really scary.
456
00:23:00,928 --> 00:23:02,128
And sexy.
457
00:23:02,251 --> 00:23:05,053
Has to be scary and
sexy, not just scary.
458
00:23:05,188 --> 00:23:06,723
I meant scary in a sexy way, that's all.
459
00:23:06,724 --> 00:23:08,593
I'm gonna have to edit this out.
460
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,150
Okay, you know what, fuck
you! You're not even trying.
461
00:23:10,151 --> 00:23:11,333
No, no, no. I was
laughing with you, honey.
462
00:23:11,334 --> 00:23:12,567
No, no, no! No, no, no!
463
00:23:12,569 --> 00:23:13,487
Come back, come back,
come back, come back!
464
00:23:13,489 --> 00:23:15,075
Look... hey, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!
465
00:23:15,077 --> 00:23:16,317
Come, come, come.
466
00:23:16,319 --> 00:23:17,655
Come, come.
467
00:23:18,084 --> 00:23:19,285
Look, I'm already at half mast,
468
00:23:19,286 --> 00:23:21,256
and you haven't even
done anything to me yet.
469
00:23:22,961 --> 00:23:24,696
What are you gonna do to me, by the way?
470
00:23:24,798 --> 00:23:27,559
You gonna use that fly-swatter
and squish me like a bug?
471
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,055
I mean, I'm pretty stoned,
472
00:23:29,057 --> 00:23:31,299
so that could be fun or terrifying...
473
00:23:31,301 --> 00:23:32,450
or maybe both.
474
00:23:32,452 --> 00:23:34,825
And I guess that's how this is
all supposed to work, right, so...
475
00:23:34,826 --> 00:23:36,561
Fairly high, too.
476
00:23:38,955 --> 00:23:41,155
Hey, what if I really like swatting you?
477
00:23:41,157 --> 00:23:42,850
- Oh, boy.
- What if I just...
478
00:23:42,852 --> 00:23:44,321
Oh.
479
00:23:44,587 --> 00:23:47,090
What if I just threw
the shit out of you,
480
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:50,964
and I can't get off
and don't stop, yeah!
481
00:23:51,582 --> 00:23:53,144
Well, I would remind you
482
00:23:53,146 --> 00:23:55,414
that I'm only pretending
to be tied up, so...
483
00:23:56,575 --> 00:23:58,559
Oh, God, what if the kids die?
484
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:00,205
- I'm sorry?
- What if the kids die
485
00:24:00,207 --> 00:24:02,342
because we're high and I'm
obsessively swatting you?
486
00:24:02,668 --> 00:24:04,200
I'm sorry, is that...
is that part of this,
487
00:24:04,201 --> 00:24:05,270
or are you... I'm not...
488
00:24:05,272 --> 00:24:09,009
No, I'm sorry. Is that, um... stupid?
489
00:24:09,099 --> 00:24:12,002
Yes, I think so? I don't know.
490
00:24:15,438 --> 00:24:16,906
So what now?
491
00:24:17,172 --> 00:24:19,594
I mean, you know, you could...
492
00:24:20,111 --> 00:24:21,712
You know...
493
00:24:28,932 --> 00:24:31,308
I think the dominant party would
be on the receiving end of that.
494
00:24:31,309 --> 00:24:32,220
Nice try.
495
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,619
I actually read that a lot of women
496
00:24:33,620 --> 00:24:35,104
find giving head very empowering.
497
00:24:35,106 --> 00:24:37,244
Yeah, a man definitely
concocted that bullshit.
498
00:24:37,245 --> 00:24:38,551
Why don't you go back to the cave
499
00:24:38,552 --> 00:24:40,179
and tell them we didn't fall for it.
500
00:24:40,181 --> 00:24:42,315
Okay, so why don't we just have sex?
501
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,760
I mean, I think smoking
weed and having sex
502
00:24:44,762 --> 00:24:46,870
is pretty cool, by
suburban-parent standards.
503
00:24:46,996 --> 00:24:48,658
Hmm, whatever. Sure.
504
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:50,624
All right.
505
00:24:51,260 --> 00:24:53,262
Geez. Oof!
506
00:24:53,705 --> 00:24:55,262
Okay, you're gonna be quiet
507
00:24:55,264 --> 00:24:57,533
and you're gonna stuff me
like a Thanksgiving turkey.
508
00:24:59,670 --> 00:25:00,736
Okay, now, that...
509
00:25:00,738 --> 00:25:02,608
What? What?
510
00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:04,608
I thought we were gonna stop
511
00:25:04,609 --> 00:25:07,119
- peeping on people.
- Emma and Lori walking together.
512
00:25:08,870 --> 00:25:11,307
Emma and Lori.
513
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:15,155
Oh, God! Emma had a super-bad day!
514
00:25:15,157 --> 00:25:16,481
- So?
- She's gonna poison
515
00:25:16,483 --> 00:25:17,884
or otherwise murder Lori.
516
00:25:17,886 --> 00:25:19,460
Whoa, honey, honey, honey.
517
00:25:19,462 --> 00:25:21,101
Okay, I think you established
518
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:23,585
that you might have the
THC tolerance of a toddler.
519
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:25,672
- That feels nice.
- Yeah?
520
00:25:26,577 --> 00:25:28,196
Oh.
521
00:25:28,243 --> 00:25:29,626
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
522
00:25:30,032 --> 00:25:31,212
- Geez.
- I'm gonna go over there.
523
00:25:31,213 --> 00:25:33,017
- What?
- I'm gonna go over there just to make sure,
524
00:25:33,018 --> 00:25:34,372
because she's made a lot of
really fucked up decisions.
525
00:25:34,373 --> 00:25:35,734
Okay, but don't...
don't completely abandon
526
00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:37,984
that fly-swatter thing.
I kind of... like that.
527
00:25:37,986 --> 00:25:39,507
All you, babe.
528
00:25:40,752 --> 00:25:41,820
Oh, great. Okay.
529
00:25:41,822 --> 00:25:42,889
I'll, uh...
530
00:25:42,891 --> 00:25:44,760
I'll tend to my crying child...
531
00:25:44,997 --> 00:25:46,040
while I'm super high
532
00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:48,883
and midway through
experimenting with light S&M.
533
00:25:55,339 --> 00:25:56,942
Look.
534
00:25:57,286 --> 00:25:59,422
It's Lady Carm-Carm?
535
00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:02,059
You okay?
536
00:26:03,127 --> 00:26:04,483
I don't think so.
537
00:26:04,830 --> 00:26:07,901
I'm currently hallucinating
that you and Lori Matherfield
538
00:26:07,903 --> 00:26:09,637
are getting high on your porch.
539
00:26:09,815 --> 00:26:11,680
Ooh, you want to join?
540
00:26:11,682 --> 00:26:14,393
Or are you on your way to a performance?
541
00:26:20,366 --> 00:26:21,567
Yeah, what the hell?
542
00:26:21,569 --> 00:26:23,009
How much weirder can my night get?
543
00:26:23,010 --> 00:26:24,200
What?
544
00:26:24,201 --> 00:26:25,669
You don't want to know.
545
00:26:28,842 --> 00:26:31,779
This is good. I am happy and relieved.
546
00:26:32,074 --> 00:26:33,143
- This is good.
- Hey.
547
00:26:33,144 --> 00:26:35,169
I am happy and relieved.
548
00:26:35,405 --> 00:26:36,472
This...
549
00:26:36,536 --> 00:26:37,738
You moved out.
550
00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:38,808
Hi.
551
00:26:38,810 --> 00:26:41,836
Remember, you kind of got to pay rent
552
00:26:41,838 --> 00:26:43,112
or give up the key, babe.
553
00:26:44,184 --> 00:26:46,139
Already moved into my room, huh?
554
00:26:46,352 --> 00:26:48,375
Um, I'm kidding.
555
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:50,150
Iz, you can by whenever you want...
556
00:26:50,152 --> 00:26:51,453
more often, preferably.
557
00:26:51,455 --> 00:26:53,005
Thanks.
558
00:26:53,693 --> 00:26:55,316
Yay, right?
559
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:57,809
Yeah, it's my third.
560
00:26:58,403 --> 00:26:59,825
They're all the same.
561
00:27:02,479 --> 00:27:03,723
Jesus.
562
00:27:04,644 --> 00:27:06,559
Ooh, uh...
563
00:27:06,609 --> 00:27:08,364
Were you hoping for something different?
564
00:27:08,475 --> 00:27:11,511
Mm, not when I bought them.
565
00:27:15,418 --> 00:27:16,419
And now?
566
00:27:17,961 --> 00:27:19,712
Well, um...
567
00:27:19,714 --> 00:27:21,390
I know this is good,
568
00:27:21,392 --> 00:27:23,823
and I'm happy and relieved,
569
00:27:23,825 --> 00:27:27,643
or I am more profoundly fucked
in the head than I thought.
570
00:27:28,498 --> 00:27:31,791
So... this is good.
571
00:27:32,316 --> 00:27:34,185
And I am happy...
572
00:27:34,599 --> 00:27:36,069
and relieved.
573
00:27:38,235 --> 00:27:39,918
Come here.
574
00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:44,680
There's seriously
something wrong with me.
575
00:27:44,766 --> 00:27:45,968
I know.
37292
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