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1
00:00:01,295 --> 00:00:03,152
Previously on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:03,166 --> 00:00:05,115
We're together. We're a throuple.
3
00:00:05,931 --> 00:00:07,241
I got a connection at Griffin College,
4
00:00:07,271 --> 00:00:08,716
and they're expanding
their psych department.
5
00:00:08,751 --> 00:00:11,332
So I will get you a
meeting, little brother.
6
00:00:11,332 --> 00:00:12,903
Do you even want to
be a college professor?
7
00:00:12,933 --> 00:00:14,678
I mean, 'cause I don't want
to push you into anything.
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00:00:14,798 --> 00:00:15,598
Pbht.
9
00:00:15,632 --> 00:00:17,212
What's that supposed to mean? Pbht?
10
00:00:17,242 --> 00:00:19,776
I just can't help but feel
a little bit Lori-esque,
11
00:00:19,797 --> 00:00:21,364
like maybe we've become uncool.
12
00:00:21,381 --> 00:00:23,602
So, you're saying that we're
provincial and we're judgmental because,
13
00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:27,544
- what, we're not cool anymore?
- No. N... no.
14
00:00:27,579 --> 00:00:29,043
Oh, okay. Because I was gonna say yes.
15
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,721
The Trakarskys and the Amaris
16
00:00:31,761 --> 00:00:34,582
are scheming against me. Only this time,
17
00:00:34,589 --> 00:00:37,233
they've recruited my own
daughter. And, little missy,
18
00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:40,124
you can say bye-bye to
that shiny new 3 Series.
19
00:00:40,191 --> 00:00:43,606
Please tell me that you did
not threaten to break the leg
20
00:00:43,633 --> 00:00:45,491
- of a Hamilton student?
- Uhhh...
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00:00:45,518 --> 00:00:47,681
We're just going to
delay the announcement
22
00:00:47,694 --> 00:00:49,105
of your promotion a couple of weeks.
23
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,603
Think they even noticed that we left?
24
00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:52,867
Oh, is this about the
thing I said about the bike?
25
00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:55,266
You don't think Emma's bi? You
think she's just, like, gay?
26
00:00:55,273 --> 00:00:57,158
- I don't know what I think.
- Are you mad?
27
00:00:57,192 --> 00:00:59,449
Who doesn't love a
spirited public cuckolding?
28
00:00:59,497 --> 00:01:01,625
Am I the only one questioning
their life choices right now?
29
00:01:01,659 --> 00:01:04,482
- I love you.
- I love you more.
30
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:19,644
O-kay. Th-e-ere we go.
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00:01:38,642 --> 00:01:40,886
Morning, hottest senator on the hill.
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00:01:41,544 --> 00:01:43,693
Wish I'd brushed my teeth.
34
00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:49,378
- Does Izzy need to get up?
- I'll check when I get in the shower.
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00:01:49,498 --> 00:01:51,732
Kept dreaming Leatherface
was chasing me.
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00:01:56,587 --> 00:01:59,135
Kind of feel like I'm
walking into a fight.
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00:02:00,768 --> 00:02:02,080
I overreacted.
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00:02:02,525 --> 00:02:05,610
I was drunk and well up my own ass.
39
00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:15,286
So, what's with the
dazzling dapper-tude?
40
00:02:15,765 --> 00:02:17,853
I'm going to the interview at Griffin.
41
00:02:17,886 --> 00:02:18,987
Yeah?
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00:02:21,038 --> 00:02:23,045
You're positive I'm not pushing you
43
00:02:23,050 --> 00:02:24,672
into anything you don't want to do?
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00:02:25,171 --> 00:02:26,722
Do you want coffee?
45
00:02:27,969 --> 00:02:31,065
Just say it, Jack. It's so
much worse when you don't.
46
00:02:34,314 --> 00:02:36,673
Okay. We never actually
discussed inviting Izzy
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00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,420
to move in with us. You just did it.
48
00:02:40,698 --> 00:02:43,781
So, I've already pushed you into
something you don't want to do?
49
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,605
No. I mean, I don't know.
50
00:02:48,987 --> 00:02:50,744
It's just all happening so fast.
51
00:02:50,798 --> 00:02:53,097
Maybe that's why the kitchen's rotating.
52
00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:55,098
Vodka guzzled by the bottle
53
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,349
might be another contributing factor.
54
00:02:57,707 --> 00:03:00,266
Yeah. I heard that doesn't mix
very well with fertility meds.
55
00:03:00,386 --> 00:03:02,000
Probably not.
56
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,368
I should've danced. Okay?
57
00:03:09,927 --> 00:03:11,494
Sorry I was acting like such a dick.
58
00:03:12,503 --> 00:03:14,545
Oh, let's just go back
to being dizzy together.
59
00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:16,468
- All right? Yeah?
- Okay.
60
00:03:16,588 --> 00:03:20,671
I will make out with
you, but brush your teeth.
61
00:03:21,588 --> 00:03:23,432
Yeah. A lot of last
night's still in there.
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00:03:23,552 --> 00:03:24,858
Ew.
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00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:27,228
Hey,
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00:03:27,505 --> 00:03:28,861
are you nervous?
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00:03:29,294 --> 00:03:30,695
For the interview?
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00:03:30,905 --> 00:03:32,467
No, not really.
67
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,567
Well, stressed? Would
you say you're stressed?
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00:03:37,564 --> 00:03:39,104
Oh, I get it.
69
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,431
Yeah. Super stressed.
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00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:43,589
Like, I'm having a
full-blown panic attack.
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00:03:43,649 --> 00:03:46,474
Okay, well, don't go
anywhere. I will be right back.
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00:03:46,811 --> 00:03:47,845
Okay.
73
00:03:51,746 --> 00:03:52,923
It's gonna be much better
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00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:54,561
than me and you in the
shower tonight, buddy.
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00:03:54,832 --> 00:03:56,438
Stop talking to your dick!
76
00:03:57,214 --> 00:03:58,298
Sorry.
77
00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:02,995
- But, seriously, it's gonna be awesome.
- Good morning.
78
00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:05,647
Hey, were you guys talking
across me last night?
79
00:04:05,869 --> 00:04:08,218
Uh, no. Must've been a dream.
80
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,008
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
81
00:04:10,128 --> 00:04:12,270
'Cause you guys were
talking about me snoring, and
82
00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:15,909
- I definitely don't snore.
- Well, there you go.
83
00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,575
Clearly a dream.
84
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,026
I got to go blow Jack.
85
00:04:22,146 --> 00:04:23,948
You have to blow Jack?
86
00:04:24,239 --> 00:04:26,164
Was that part of your marriage vows?
87
00:04:26,169 --> 00:04:28,811
Seriously, though, is this,
like, an every morning thing
88
00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,168
- or just to start the week?
- Shut up.
89
00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:32,156
Does it go both ways?
90
00:04:32,223 --> 00:04:35,159
Can I get in on this situation?
91
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:39,831
Do you always brush your teeth first?
92
00:04:47,372 --> 00:04:49,585
Actually, got to go now.
93
00:04:49,705 --> 00:04:51,662
Sorry. Can I get a rain check?
94
00:04:51,977 --> 00:04:53,186
Seriously?
95
00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:55,513
It's the thought that counts, right?
96
00:04:55,580 --> 00:04:58,182
Yeah, well, I bet he disagrees.
97
00:04:58,249 --> 00:05:00,851
Yeah, well, he is a total dick, so...
98
00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:02,657
Bye.
99
00:05:14,866 --> 00:05:16,134
Everything okay?
100
00:05:16,613 --> 00:05:17,790
Yeah.
101
00:05:18,137 --> 00:05:19,351
You know,
102
00:05:19,471 --> 00:05:22,206
you brushed the hell out
of your teeth and gargled.
103
00:05:22,509 --> 00:05:25,096
It seems a shame to waste all that.
104
00:05:29,935 --> 00:05:31,171
I can get out here.
105
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:32,911
Sure you can,
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00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:35,048
if you want another
month without your car.
107
00:05:35,075 --> 00:05:36,442
You realize you're making me hate you
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00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:38,102
like everybody else does.
109
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:41,344
Your problem's in the
mirror, kiddo. I am just a
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00:05:41,349 --> 00:05:44,251
kindly mother giving
her daughter a ride...
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00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:47,206
all the way to the main steps.
112
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:50,932
That's for Freshmen and Sophomores!
113
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:54,397
And Juniors who conspire
with pervy neighbors
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00:05:54,424 --> 00:05:56,291
against their own mothers.
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00:05:57,782 --> 00:05:58,776
What...
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00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:00,651
What is that about?
117
00:06:00,679 --> 00:06:03,738
Do not imagine killing me in my sleep.
118
00:06:06,048 --> 00:06:09,153
- Wore that one out.
- Whoa, whoa. Unh-unh. Nope.
119
00:06:09,446 --> 00:06:10,737
Get back in.
120
00:06:10,785 --> 00:06:12,027
That is an order.
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00:06:12,092 --> 00:06:15,660
I'm making a silent vow to
never, ever end up like you.
122
00:06:15,726 --> 00:06:17,327
That's not silent. I can hear you.
123
00:06:17,447 --> 00:06:19,719
Well, oops. Guess the
cat's out of the bag.
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00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,729
I may as well start immediately.
Every single choice I make,
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00:06:22,745 --> 00:06:25,506
I'm gonna ask myself, "WWLD...
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00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,090
What would Lori do?"
127
00:06:27,459 --> 00:06:29,785
And then I'm gonna
do the exact opposite.
128
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,085
Look at you, thinking
you're getting to me.
129
00:06:32,205 --> 00:06:34,212
Look at me, knowing I am.
130
00:06:34,278 --> 00:06:38,363
- You'll always be like me.
- I'll literally be your polar opposite.
131
00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:42,652
- Two months. No car for two months.
- Make it three.
132
00:06:42,848 --> 00:06:44,345
I like these chats.
133
00:06:44,465 --> 00:06:47,143
Fun, right?
134
00:06:51,135 --> 00:06:52,589
Oh, dear God.
135
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:54,807
I made that.
136
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:06,593
I am so sorry. I just
found out that I'm...
137
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:12,096
I'm pinch-hitting.
Oh, this just got weird.
138
00:07:14,652 --> 00:07:15,786
Ruby.
139
00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:17,992
Jack.
140
00:07:18,322 --> 00:07:19,711
What are you doing here?
141
00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:23,264
Well, I, uh... I just walked
out of an office that says
142
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:26,448
- "Professor Shivani" on the door, so...
- You work here.
143
00:07:26,998 --> 00:07:29,566
Are you interviewing me?
144
00:07:30,477 --> 00:07:32,803
Head of the department called in sick,
145
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,406
or disinterested, or both.
146
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,912
So, yep, I'm interviewing you.
147
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,014
Ruby Shivani.
148
00:07:43,604 --> 00:07:45,811
Jack Trakarsky.
149
00:07:51,366 --> 00:07:53,596
So, what ever happened to the
150
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:56,980
skinny, Nordic-looking chick
you start dating immediately...
151
00:07:57,674 --> 00:08:00,791
- after...
- After you dumped me?
152
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,903
Yeah. You ever see her?
153
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:09,089
Occasionally. Here and there.
154
00:08:09,638 --> 00:08:12,843
Mainly 'cause I married
her about a decade ago.
155
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,980
- No shit.
- Not an ounce of shit.
156
00:08:16,984 --> 00:08:18,417
Kids?
157
00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:22,181
That's been a trickier road.
158
00:08:22,349 --> 00:08:24,198
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
159
00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:28,067
What about you? What
about that ex-boyfriend
160
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,136
that you got back together
with and then told me about
161
00:08:30,158 --> 00:08:31,877
by text message?
162
00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:37,561
That was such a dick move that
I have tried so hard to forget.
163
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:40,213
Um, I married mine, too.
164
00:08:41,472 --> 00:08:43,668
I'm not sensing a happy ending.
165
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,112
I wanted kids. He wasn't ready.
166
00:08:47,161 --> 00:08:49,840
Now he has two with someone else.
167
00:08:51,651 --> 00:08:53,593
Look, I'm not trying to make excuses,
168
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,952
but I could tell that your
parents didn't like me.
169
00:08:56,755 --> 00:08:59,038
I always wondered,
was it an ethnic thing?
170
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,012
Oh, yeah, 'cause you're so Third World,
171
00:09:01,132 --> 00:09:03,225
and my dynastic fox-hunting family
172
00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:05,497
would've never accepted you
as anything but the maid?
173
00:09:05,687 --> 00:09:08,161
You did manage to find
a chick whiter than you.
174
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:10,362
That's fair.
175
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,857
Sometimes our photos look
like they came with the frames.
176
00:09:17,011 --> 00:09:18,774
It wasn't an "ethic thing." It was a
177
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:21,741
"prissy-self-involved
thing," to quote my mother.
178
00:09:23,381 --> 00:09:25,440
Yeah. I... I do that when I'm nervous.
179
00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:32,778
Look...
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00:09:33,863 --> 00:09:34,992
I'm sorry.
181
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,933
Antioxidants, Omega-3, Spirulina
and alkaline, all in one bottle?
182
00:09:47,977 --> 00:09:49,431
I have no clue what
any of those things are,
183
00:09:49,441 --> 00:09:51,264
yet I'm convinced I
can't live without them.
184
00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:52,891
So,
185
00:09:53,265 --> 00:09:56,275
as they say, about last night?
186
00:09:57,165 --> 00:09:58,851
Get over it. It wasn't that bad.
187
00:09:58,883 --> 00:10:01,471
It was that bad with a
dollop of shit on top.
188
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:04,567
Not sure what was cringier,
you and Izzy publicly vacuuming
189
00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:07,377
each other's mouths or
Jack awkwardly watching it.
190
00:10:07,425 --> 00:10:09,905
It's not like he's never
seen us kiss before.
191
00:10:10,512 --> 00:10:12,503
Well, the untrained eye
might mistake you two for
192
00:10:12,519 --> 00:10:16,007
a couple of full-blooded
lesbians, not bisexuals.
193
00:10:16,007 --> 00:10:19,773
Well, when I'm with a girl, how
can anyone make that distinction?
194
00:10:19,893 --> 00:10:23,040
What, should I wear
a bisexual I.D. badge?
195
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,546
Are you kidding me?
196
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:28,282
You're kidding me, right?
197
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:32,465
After almost a decade of marriage
to the love of my life and...
198
00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:35,055
- and you're wondering...
- I'm wondering because Jack's wondering.
199
00:10:36,899 --> 00:10:39,590
We're in love. All three of us.
200
00:10:39,657 --> 00:10:43,418
- Why... why can't you just...
- Who are you pitching this to, me or you?
201
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:45,703
Or were you practicing for Jack?
202
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:48,972
- Aren't you the sanctimonious...
- Whoa, whoa. That's an open wound.
203
00:10:49,005 --> 00:10:50,550
Let's just...
204
00:10:50,746 --> 00:10:53,089
stick to your mess for
now and we'll circle back
205
00:10:53,099 --> 00:10:55,620
to my Crisis of Cool.
206
00:10:57,336 --> 00:10:58,817
What'd he say?
207
00:10:59,814 --> 00:11:01,941
He and Dave were discussing how fast
208
00:11:01,957 --> 00:11:03,562
you remembered how to ride that bike.
209
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:05,070
- The bike being...
- Yeah, no, I get it.
210
00:11:05,091 --> 00:11:07,084
- Vagina. The bike's a vagina.
- Carm, I get it.
211
00:11:07,553 --> 00:11:11,046
- It's my job, Em. You know that.
- Well, you're fired.
212
00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:12,814
Doesn't work that way.
213
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,624
As far as that uncool thing
goes, you know, maybe...
214
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,794
maybe you should start
a support group...
215
00:11:19,914 --> 00:11:21,242
with Lori.
216
00:11:22,207 --> 00:11:24,686
I... I'm gonna count to 10,
217
00:11:24,724 --> 00:11:26,975
and then I'm gonna throw
this murky shit at your head.
218
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:30,170
So, if I were you, I would try
to achieve maximum distance.
219
00:11:30,186 --> 00:11:32,362
- Yeah. You wouldn't.
- One,
220
00:11:32,572 --> 00:11:34,891
two, three-four-five...
221
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,589
You're just luck this
grainy-ass piss is so expensive.
222
00:11:41,453 --> 00:11:43,629
Oh, God. That's just fucking awful!
223
00:11:43,749 --> 00:11:46,334
Now, Emma wants to quit her job, too.
224
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:50,348
So, basically, you two are
going white-people crazy
225
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:54,298
- because you can't make babies.
- I would love to deny that.
226
00:11:55,037 --> 00:11:56,921
Well, I'm a professional, Jack,
227
00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,953
which is how I know you really
don't want to be a college professor.
228
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,415
What do you want to do?
229
00:12:05,048 --> 00:12:07,222
I just want to help as
many kids as possible get
230
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:10,281
safely and sanely to
the other side of 18.
231
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:16,622
I'm starting to think I want
the job I walked away from.
232
00:12:17,332 --> 00:12:18,954
Or some version of that.
233
00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:22,788
Oh, shit. I got a thing.
234
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,034
Um, can I see you again?
235
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:27,170
Like, just for coffee or something?
236
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,191
Confession?
237
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,611
Okay.
238
00:12:32,980 --> 00:12:36,397
I had created this kind of
dark fantasy in my mind about
239
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,317
what it would be like if we
ever saw each other again.
240
00:12:38,355 --> 00:12:40,693
How did it measure up?
241
00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:42,315
Is divorced enough for you?
242
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:44,967
Oh, did I mention, I'm
on, like, 11 dating sites?
243
00:12:45,087 --> 00:12:47,191
Hmm. You could've had the
common decency to at least
244
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,554
be morbidly obese,
or have terrible skin,
245
00:12:50,588 --> 00:12:53,178
- or peg leg due to diabetes.
- Sorry.
246
00:13:05,007 --> 00:13:07,198
I forgave you a long time ago.
247
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,495
Thanks. Bye.
248
00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:33,100
- Professor Shivani?
- Yeah.
249
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:34,645
She's hot.
250
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,387
She is.
251
00:13:36,604 --> 00:13:38,781
You thinking about bringing
her in the mix, too?
252
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,407
Andy.
253
00:13:42,448 --> 00:13:43,987
Yep.
254
00:13:44,319 --> 00:13:46,522
- Who knows Izzy.
- Yep.
255
00:13:48,096 --> 00:13:50,218
Just to explain this,
256
00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:52,909
we were friends, like
a million years ago.
257
00:13:52,930 --> 00:13:55,085
- Really good friends, Ruby and I.
- Got it.
258
00:13:57,309 --> 00:13:58,669
Yeah?
259
00:13:58,789 --> 00:14:01,268
All right, fine. She was my ex.
260
00:14:01,388 --> 00:14:03,417
- Okay.
- My ex-girlfriend before Emma.
261
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:05,329
Can we keep this between us?
262
00:14:05,449 --> 00:14:07,363
If you ran into an old flame, I mean,
263
00:14:07,398 --> 00:14:09,066
why do you got to keep that a secret?
264
00:14:09,383 --> 00:14:10,603
And you're right about... yeah.
265
00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:13,464
Can we also keep that between
us, the fact that I asked you
266
00:14:13,871 --> 00:14:17,178
- to keep it between us?
- Here's my deal, okay?
267
00:14:17,504 --> 00:14:19,165
You buy lunch,
268
00:14:19,639 --> 00:14:21,761
one hour of free counseling,
269
00:14:22,146 --> 00:14:25,727
and I never saw you, uh,
mooning after your ex.
270
00:14:25,944 --> 00:14:28,154
Fine.
271
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,245
Why does everyone keep
blackmailing me these days?
272
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:34,174
You're going through some very
strange shit, ain't you, Uncle Jack?
273
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:37,467
I am. Yeah. I am going
through some tough stuff. Yeah.
274
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:41,060
Look,
275
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,976
I'm getting this vibe like Nina's...
276
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:48,835
holding back, playing it cool, you know?
277
00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:51,109
So, scary Nina?
278
00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:55,031
- Really? That's what we're talking about?
- Yeah. Scary Nina. Really.
279
00:14:55,715 --> 00:14:58,839
Okay. You're serious about her?
280
00:14:59,034 --> 00:15:01,382
Yeah. I know it's fast, but
281
00:15:01,502 --> 00:15:02,863
it's like I snapped out of this coma
282
00:15:02,896 --> 00:15:04,853
and she was the first face that I saw.
283
00:15:04,973 --> 00:15:06,225
Aww.
284
00:15:06,496 --> 00:15:08,704
- Bro.
- Sorry.
285
00:15:08,769 --> 00:15:11,346
I'm guessing that Nina is
286
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,858
scary because she's scared.
287
00:15:14,726 --> 00:15:17,703
Listen to that man. That
is some profound shit.
288
00:15:17,752 --> 00:15:19,325
So, you got to hold her close, man.
289
00:15:19,363 --> 00:15:21,109
Got to hold her real tight, like a...
290
00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:23,209
autism blanket,
291
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:27,943
until the spasms and the fits subside.
292
00:15:28,204 --> 00:15:30,330
- And then we're good?
- No.
293
00:15:30,585 --> 00:15:33,122
Then she'll have even
more fits and more spasms.
294
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,754
That's fuckin' awful.
295
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:36,311
Mm.
296
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:38,393
But then, at the end of that,
297
00:15:38,409 --> 00:15:40,421
at least she'll finally believe in you.
298
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:43,247
Anyway, that's what
you're signing up for.
299
00:15:44,348 --> 00:15:47,726
That is so fucking good,
300
00:15:47,765 --> 00:15:49,749
I'm gonna... Can I use that?
301
00:15:50,654 --> 00:15:52,384
So, we got autism,
302
00:15:52,406 --> 00:15:56,208
- fits, persistence, right?
- Looks like you got it.
303
00:15:56,582 --> 00:15:57,759
Hello?
304
00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:02,071
Ruby. No. I'm actually
just a few blocks away. Why?
305
00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:04,750
Sure. I'll be right there.
306
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,969
I got to run.
307
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,694
You're making this really
rough on me, Uncle Jack.
308
00:16:08,814 --> 00:16:10,353
- What're you talking about?
- What am I talking about?
309
00:16:10,364 --> 00:16:11,541
I'm talking about you.
310
00:16:11,612 --> 00:16:13,011
Professor Shivani.
311
00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:14,855
- That was serious, right?
- No.
312
00:16:14,887 --> 00:16:16,379
- Yes.
- You got it all wrong, man.
313
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:17,399
The road not taken.
314
00:16:17,648 --> 00:16:19,877
No. There's nothing.
315
00:16:20,252 --> 00:16:21,445
- It's nothing going on.
- You sure?
316
00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:25,062
Yes, I'm sure. Fuckin'-A.
I can't just walk and...
317
00:16:25,094 --> 00:16:27,319
- Just calm down.
- Just get accusations thrown left and right.
318
00:16:27,335 --> 00:16:28,436
There's nothing going on.
319
00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:29,613
Fuck!
320
00:16:32,428 --> 00:16:34,489
But, um, I was never here.
321
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,951
This never happened.
322
00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,164
- Right?
- Sure.
323
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:41,952
Do I need a receipt or...
324
00:16:42,299 --> 00:16:43,531
We don't do receipts.
325
00:16:43,704 --> 00:16:45,278
Okay, don't leave my tab open.
326
00:16:49,101 --> 00:16:50,966
I left his tab open.
327
00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:52,610
My man.
328
00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:04,434
So, how would you
feel about helping kids
329
00:17:04,461 --> 00:17:07,688
get to the other side
of 21 instead of 18?
330
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:13,497
Like, counseling for Griffin students?
331
00:17:13,958 --> 00:17:15,515
Like a wellness center.
332
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:18,199
What an amazing idea.
333
00:17:18,231 --> 00:17:20,759
You are so smart, Jack.
334
00:17:21,947 --> 00:17:24,550
All kidding aside, I really
wish women still did that.
335
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:27,088
- Well, we don't, so get over it.
- Okay.
336
00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:33,290
This is probably me making this
unnecessarily weird, but, um...
337
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:38,166
you ever think about me
over the last dozen years?
338
00:17:38,215 --> 00:17:40,699
- Um...
- Oh, God. That was so stupid.
339
00:17:40,744 --> 00:17:42,044
- I'm sorry. Yeah, no.
- No.
340
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,414
- That...
- Rewind. Erase. Look, I got to go,
341
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:48,249
- so, I will call you and...
- Your watch is on the other wrist,
342
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:50,012
by the way.
343
00:17:50,548 --> 00:17:51,920
And yes.
344
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,345
Yeah, of course I've thought of you.
345
00:18:01,733 --> 00:18:04,982
- I'll call you about the wellness center.
- Cool.
346
00:18:05,102 --> 00:18:06,055
- Cool.
- Yeah.
347
00:18:06,099 --> 00:18:07,097
Okay.
348
00:18:13,046 --> 00:18:15,905
We need you guys to know this
was not an easy call for me.
349
00:18:16,181 --> 00:18:17,840
Are you fucking kidding
me right now, Andy?
350
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:19,375
You barely know Uncle Jack.
351
00:18:21,382 --> 00:18:23,980
It's not even really like
he was doing anything wrong.
352
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:27,137
You know, it's not like they
were making out or something.
353
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,237
Okay, if it was all so inconsequential,
354
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:31,335
why the fuck are you telling us?
355
00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:35,608
Answer the girl.
356
00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:37,349
Okay, um...
357
00:18:38,271 --> 00:18:41,791
Because it... She
didn't seem like an ex.
358
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,105
She seemed like the ex.
359
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,138
The one that got away.
360
00:18:48,977 --> 00:18:51,158
Why else would he tell
me not to say anything?
361
00:18:51,993 --> 00:18:53,549
- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah.
362
00:18:53,571 --> 00:18:55,853
- It's okay.
- Why would he do this?
363
00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:58,527
Because he's insecure about his place
364
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,729
in this wacky new relationship.
365
00:19:01,819 --> 00:19:03,137
Because men?
366
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,493
Oh, nice.
367
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:07,449
What would happen if I said,
"because women" about anything?
368
00:19:07,477 --> 00:19:10,090
Maybe some day, when
we're all squared up, okay?
369
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:12,895
It feels fragile.
370
00:19:13,692 --> 00:19:15,097
The three of us.
371
00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:18,680
- So shocking. Ow!
- Stop. Do not hit me back.
372
00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:21,185
I have to think.
373
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:24,842
I have to do something.
374
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:33,534
Thanks.
375
00:19:33,584 --> 00:19:35,119
You're welcome, have a good night.
376
00:19:35,186 --> 00:19:37,828
- Thank you.
- Hey. Hey!
377
00:19:37,948 --> 00:19:40,273
- Hey, honey, check this out.
- No, I don't care
378
00:19:40,294 --> 00:19:41,628
if Izzy just fucked a
giraffe in the street.
379
00:19:41,659 --> 00:19:42,676
We're not doing that anymore,
380
00:19:42,692 --> 00:19:44,688
- the whole looking out the window thing.
- But it's really addictive.
381
00:19:44,688 --> 00:19:45,952
Okay, we are gonna be
382
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:47,937
the very cool stars of
our own very cool movie,
383
00:19:47,975 --> 00:19:49,928
starting right now,
this second. Understand?
384
00:19:50,292 --> 00:19:51,420
Absolutely.
385
00:19:51,669 --> 00:19:53,156
- Okay.
- Are you okay?
386
00:19:55,146 --> 00:19:56,903
I just really...
387
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:59,442
really want to be cool again, Dave.
388
00:20:09,758 --> 00:20:10,951
Okay.
389
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,587
It's just that...
390
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:17,936
people like us, at our advanced age,
391
00:20:17,947 --> 00:20:21,645
consciously deciding to be
cool, that's perilous terrain.
392
00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:23,327
It's thin ice.
393
00:20:23,392 --> 00:20:25,788
We don't want to end up with
dragons on our asses, you know?
394
00:20:25,826 --> 00:20:27,594
No fucking clue what that means.
395
00:20:28,077 --> 00:20:30,985
You know those stupid
$300-a-pair jeans they make
396
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:34,342
just so people like us
can embarrass ourselves?
397
00:20:34,895 --> 00:20:36,647
So, no pink highlights?
398
00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:39,267
- I mean, you're Asian, so that's...
- Right.
399
00:20:39,294 --> 00:20:41,811
- Human anim�. Walking clich�.
- Yeah.
400
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,269
So, what are we gonna do then?
401
00:20:49,253 --> 00:20:52,643
Don't react right away.
Let it wash over you.
402
00:20:52,692 --> 00:20:53,614
Okay.
403
00:20:54,216 --> 00:20:55,415
Bring it.
404
00:20:55,867 --> 00:20:57,227
Three words.
405
00:20:57,444 --> 00:20:59,104
No. Four words...
406
00:20:59,288 --> 00:21:03,573
Suburban... Internet...
Sextape... Scandal.
407
00:21:04,278 --> 00:21:06,882
I think that's five words. Is
"sex tape" one word or two words?
408
00:21:06,912 --> 00:21:09,494
Suburban Internet
sex-tape scandal. I'm...
409
00:21:10,006 --> 00:21:12,328
I'm kidding, obviously.
Right, that's clear?
410
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,694
- I'm clear that I'm obviously kidding?
- No, no, no. No, no,
411
00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:15,692
no, no. No. We're desperate. I...
412
00:21:16,078 --> 00:21:17,577
I don't hate it.
413
00:21:17,956 --> 00:21:19,733
Exactly.
414
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:24,276
Ahh, pizza, wine, weed.
415
00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:29,166
This whole thing is amazing, Iz.
416
00:21:29,233 --> 00:21:30,701
Thanks.
417
00:21:30,988 --> 00:21:32,453
Yeah, look at you.
418
00:21:32,494 --> 00:21:35,056
Lipstick, heels, the whole nine.
419
00:21:35,063 --> 00:21:37,869
You look super hot.
420
00:21:38,696 --> 00:21:40,323
Thanks.
421
00:21:40,578 --> 00:21:42,744
So tell me about your day, honies.
422
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:45,191
- Well...
- No. Jack first.
423
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,588
Oh, shit!
424
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:51,389
Your interview. I... I totally forgot.
425
00:21:51,455 --> 00:21:54,734
- How'd it go?
- It was fine.
426
00:21:55,229 --> 00:21:56,584
Good.
427
00:21:57,328 --> 00:21:59,128
Nothing special.
428
00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:02,429
That's it? Just "fine-good"?
429
00:22:03,121 --> 00:22:04,598
Nothing else?
430
00:22:05,527 --> 00:22:07,392
No surprises?
431
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:11,744
Fucking Andy.
432
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,500
Like he had a choice.
433
00:22:13,737 --> 00:22:15,792
Someone fill me in on what's going on.
434
00:22:16,029 --> 00:22:19,792
- Jack's interviewer was Ruby Shivani.
- Yeah.
435
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:21,239
- Ruby Shivani?
- Mm-hmm.
436
00:22:21,245 --> 00:22:22,850
Your last girlfriend before me?
437
00:22:23,316 --> 00:22:25,199
- Yeah.
- Huh. What are the odds?
438
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,469
Why didn't you... why wouldn't you...
439
00:22:32,135 --> 00:22:33,567
Shit, Jack.
440
00:22:33,980 --> 00:22:35,509
Not telling me tells me a lot.
441
00:22:35,579 --> 00:22:38,242
No. I just knew you guys
would twist it into something
442
00:22:38,264 --> 00:22:39,967
that it absolutely
wasn't, which is exactly
443
00:22:39,989 --> 00:22:42,135
- what's happening right now.
- Watch him closely, Em.
444
00:22:42,168 --> 00:22:43,405
- You know his tells.
- No.
445
00:22:43,421 --> 00:22:46,318
- Yeah, they're not complicated.
- All right. Is she single?
446
00:22:46,703 --> 00:22:49,616
Andy said you met up with
her a second time. Why?
447
00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:51,086
Did you flirt with her?
448
00:22:53,061 --> 00:22:55,019
I mean, maybe subtextually.
449
00:22:55,193 --> 00:22:57,037
"Subtextually?" What the
fuck does that even mean?
450
00:22:57,157 --> 00:23:00,535
There's always a subtle undercurrent.
451
00:23:01,153 --> 00:23:03,627
I don't know. I'm just
trying to hyper-honest
452
00:23:03,643 --> 00:23:05,937
with you guys right now
because I'm super high,
453
00:23:06,057 --> 00:23:07,906
you're being pretty
fucking intimidating.
454
00:23:07,966 --> 00:23:09,815
Why would you even do this?
455
00:23:09,858 --> 00:23:11,399
Because men.
456
00:23:12,473 --> 00:23:15,721
You're sexually involved with
two women for fuck's sakes!
457
00:23:15,841 --> 00:23:18,557
How much female approval
can one man require?
458
00:23:18,677 --> 00:23:20,678
- Oh, okay. You really want to fucking go there?
- Yeah!
459
00:23:20,798 --> 00:23:22,440
- You really want to do this right now?
- Yeah. Yeah.
460
00:23:22,472 --> 00:23:24,728
- I really want to fucking do this.
- I fucking do, too.
461
00:23:24,744 --> 00:23:25,900
Are you gonna finally be honest?
462
00:23:25,927 --> 00:23:27,337
Are you gonna finally say
what you fucking think?
463
00:23:27,370 --> 00:23:28,524
- All right. Here it is.
- Let's hear it.
464
00:23:28,551 --> 00:23:30,857
You guys have been
third-wheeling the shit out of me!
465
00:23:31,117 --> 00:23:32,950
- Ka-fucking-blam!
- Okay.
466
00:23:32,961 --> 00:23:34,875
Okay, just let me get this straight. So,
467
00:23:34,902 --> 00:23:37,858
you get to "undercurrent"
all over your primary ex
468
00:23:37,901 --> 00:23:42,030
because you've decided that
I'm not fluid, I'm a lesbian?
469
00:23:43,207 --> 00:23:46,103
That's right. Jack told the
Amaris I might be full-blown gay.
470
00:23:46,130 --> 00:23:47,366
That's not at all what I said.
471
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,980
So, I guess that means that
you've decided for me too?
472
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:52,903
Are you the official Minister
of Sexual Orientation?
473
00:23:53,023 --> 00:23:55,783
- Congratulations.
- You know what? Fuck you, Jack.
474
00:23:56,206 --> 00:23:58,686
Fuck you and your
fragile, little male ego.
475
00:23:58,734 --> 00:24:00,128
- Really? That's how it is?
- Yeah.
476
00:24:00,144 --> 00:24:02,628
Okay, well, fuck you for
making massive life decisions
477
00:24:02,644 --> 00:24:04,299
completely on your own
that affect both of us.
478
00:24:04,347 --> 00:24:06,631
- Is that... is that me?
- Um...
479
00:24:06,657 --> 00:24:08,192
Are you talking about me?
480
00:24:09,175 --> 00:24:11,864
Well, then, fuck you
both for chasing me down
481
00:24:11,870 --> 00:24:14,685
half-cocked, you
matching set of dumbshits!
482
00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:16,696
We should've thought it
through more. That was...
483
00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:19,077
- Yeah.
- That was on both of us.
484
00:24:27,246 --> 00:24:28,455
This is good,
485
00:24:28,477 --> 00:24:30,505
because we're throwing all of our shit
486
00:24:30,538 --> 00:24:32,793
on the table to flop
around where we can see it.
487
00:24:32,978 --> 00:24:35,684
But why would shit be flopping around?
488
00:24:35,722 --> 00:24:38,391
- Yeah. It probably should've been fish.
- The...
489
00:24:38,928 --> 00:24:40,349
Then it's a fish.
490
00:24:40,398 --> 00:24:42,019
The point is,
491
00:24:42,139 --> 00:24:44,455
is that we knew this
wasn't gonna be easy.
492
00:24:47,584 --> 00:24:48,831
Right.
493
00:24:49,992 --> 00:24:52,508
I'm sorry for making you
feel like the odd man out.
494
00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:55,664
Me, too.
495
00:24:58,587 --> 00:25:03,201
And I'm sorry for keeping the
"girl-girl-girl" thing from you.
496
00:25:03,981 --> 00:25:06,348
I know that's a big part
of what you're feeling.
497
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,843
Well, I'm sorry if I
498
00:25:11,589 --> 00:25:14,185
"subtextually" acted out instead of just
499
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,110
talking to you guys about it.
500
00:25:17,568 --> 00:25:19,053
This is good.
501
00:25:19,758 --> 00:25:21,676
We've done good work here.
502
00:25:22,788 --> 00:25:24,511
And now we're gonna have sex.
503
00:25:25,956 --> 00:25:29,603
- Well, that was a sharp turn.
- Mm, yep. We're gonna fuck it out.
504
00:25:29,723 --> 00:25:32,221
I think the term is "hug
it out," right, Jack?
505
00:25:32,341 --> 00:25:35,658
You guys are more than
welcome to keep talking, but
506
00:25:36,465 --> 00:25:37,801
I'm gonna go
507
00:25:38,831 --> 00:25:40,723
back up to the bedroom,
508
00:25:40,843 --> 00:25:42,926
and I'll leave this dress here.
509
00:25:43,123 --> 00:25:45,021
But I can keep the heels on.
510
00:25:48,641 --> 00:25:50,289
So 26.
511
00:25:51,245 --> 00:25:53,861
- "Fuck it out."
- You think that's gonna work?
512
00:25:55,773 --> 00:25:57,441
Okay, so I'm good.
513
00:25:57,496 --> 00:25:59,502
Hmm. Me, too.
514
00:25:59,882 --> 00:26:01,469
Told you.
515
00:26:02,239 --> 00:26:03,387
Mm.
516
00:26:13,544 --> 00:26:15,957
So, apparently, "Fuck it
out" doesn't actually work
517
00:26:15,998 --> 00:26:17,639
for suburban 30-somethings.
518
00:26:17,693 --> 00:26:19,727
Good thing, because
I'd be out of business.
519
00:26:24,261 --> 00:26:26,181
Sorry.
520
00:27:04,948 --> 00:27:10,016
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
38506
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