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♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪
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00:00:04,719 --> 00:00:07,687
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
3
00:00:07,689 --> 00:00:10,223
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪
4
00:00:10,225 --> 00:00:13,560
♪ TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
5
00:00:13,562 --> 00:00:18,999
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
6
00:00:19,001 --> 00:00:23,369
♪ BESIDE STILL WATERS ♪
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♪ STILL WATERS
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MMM!
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00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,321
( croaks )
EEK!
10
00:00:41,659 --> 00:00:45,393
RIGHT. VICAR, I BELIEVE
YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION.
11
00:00:45,395 --> 00:00:48,563
YEAH. WITH THE ARRIVAL
OF BABY GERALDINE,
12
00:00:48,565 --> 00:00:50,866
I'D LIKE TO START A CRÈCHE
IN THE VESTRY.
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00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:53,068
ALL LITTLE CHILDREN
UNDER THE AGE OF SIX
14
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,903
WELCOME EVERY
WEEKDAY MORNING.
15
00:00:54,905 --> 00:00:59,109
AND PEOPLE WHO
HAVE A MENTAL AGE
OF UNDER SIX?
16
00:00:59,111 --> 00:01:01,544
UH, ALSO WELCOME.
17
00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:03,880
YEAH!
HEY!!!
18
00:01:03,882 --> 00:01:07,017
VERY WELL. YOU'LL HAVE TO
GO THROUGH THE NORMAL CHANNELS.
19
00:01:07,019 --> 00:01:08,885
CHECK WITH THE COUNCIL
THAT WHOEVER RUNS IT
20
00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:10,787
IS QUALIFIED AT CHILDCARE.
21
00:01:10,789 --> 00:01:12,022
YEAH, OF COURSE.
22
00:01:12,024 --> 00:01:14,391
I THINK I CAN HAVE IT
UP AND RUNNING INSIDE A MONTH,
23
00:01:14,393 --> 00:01:16,593
SO GET REPRODUCING,
EVERYONE.
24
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:17,895
WE'LL NEED A CROWD.
25
00:01:17,897 --> 00:01:20,397
ILLEGITIMACY NO BARRIER?
26
00:01:20,399 --> 00:01:22,033
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
27
00:01:22,035 --> 00:01:26,637
PUT ME DOWN
FOR A DOZEN THEN, BABY.
28
00:01:26,639 --> 00:01:29,941
MOVING ON, I BELIEVE HUGO
HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
29
00:01:29,943 --> 00:01:31,242
YESSIREE.
30
00:01:31,244 --> 00:01:33,478
WE'VE FIXED
THE CHRISTENING
FOR THE 22nd,
31
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,048
AND I'M DELIGHTED TO SAY
THAT MR. NEWITT AND THE VICAR
32
00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:37,983
HAVE CONSENTED
TO BE GODPARENTS.
33
00:01:37,985 --> 00:01:39,284
AH, YES!
AH!
34
00:01:39,286 --> 00:01:41,086
MR. PICKLE, MR. TROTT,
35
00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:43,822
WE WANTED YOU TWO
TO BE GODPARENTS
AS WELL, BUT--
36
00:01:43,824 --> 00:01:45,957
YOU PROBABLY
WON'T LIVE MUCH LONGER.
37
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:47,727
THAT'S RIGHT.
38
00:01:47,729 --> 00:01:50,997
SO WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO BE GOD GRANDPARENTS INSTEAD.
39
00:01:50,999 --> 00:01:53,199
AM I RIGHT IN THINKING
40
00:01:53,201 --> 00:01:55,401
THAT I SHOULD GET A PRESENT
FOR THIS CHRISTENING?
41
00:01:55,403 --> 00:01:57,136
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT, OWEN.
42
00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:59,839
I'D LIKE A NEW SUIT,
THEN, HUGO.
43
00:01:59,841 --> 00:02:02,876
CAN'T GET THE PIG'S BLOOD
OUT OF THIS ONE.
44
00:02:02,878 --> 00:02:05,946
NO, NO--YOU GET A PRESENT
FOR THE BABY, OWEN.
45
00:02:05,948 --> 00:02:08,148
A GODPARENT GENERALLY
GIVES A SPOON.
46
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:09,449
OH.
47
00:02:09,451 --> 00:02:11,218
BUGGER.
48
00:02:11,220 --> 00:02:13,587
AS THE VICAR
IS A GODPARENT,
49
00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:16,323
I THOUGHT I'D ASK MY OLD FRIEND
THE BISHOP OF MULBERRY
50
00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:19,027
TO OFFICIATE
AT THE CEREMONY.
GOOD IDEA.
51
00:02:19,029 --> 00:02:20,762
NOW, I KNOW THE VICAR
WON'T LIKE THE IDEA--
52
00:02:20,764 --> 00:02:21,996
NO, I DO.
53
00:02:21,998 --> 00:02:23,832
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
54
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,633
I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
55
00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:27,102
YOU MEAN YOU AGREE?
56
00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:29,971
THAT IS THE FIRST TIME
YOU'VE EVER AGREED WITH ME!
57
00:02:29,973 --> 00:02:31,239
IS IT?
58
00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:34,675
NO! WHAT ABOUT THE PROPOSAL
THAT WE TWIN DIBLEY
59
00:02:34,677 --> 00:02:37,713
WITH THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT
OF HAMBURG?
60
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,283
THAT WAS YOUR PROPOSAL,
WASN'T IT, JIM?
61
00:02:41,285 --> 00:02:43,518
IF MY MEMORY
SERVES ME CORRECTLY,
62
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,587
IT WAS TRIPLE- TOWNING,
WASN'T I?
63
00:02:45,589 --> 00:02:48,090
IT WAS DIBLEY,
THE REEPERBAHN IN HAMBURG,
64
00:02:48,092 --> 00:02:50,726
AND THE BANGKOK
PUSSY CLUB.
65
00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:52,963
AND I DID NOT
AGREE WITH IT.
66
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,632
SHAME.
BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT.
67
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,835
BUT ON THIS CHRISTENING THING,
DAVID, ABSOLUTELY, WE DO AGREE.
68
00:02:58,837 --> 00:03:01,571
HEY--MAYBE IT'S THE START
OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP.
69
00:03:01,573 --> 00:03:03,640
MOVING ON.
70
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:08,345
I THINK YOU'RE IN THERE,
CHAIRMEISTER.
71
00:03:08,347 --> 00:03:12,316
TAKE HER TO
THE BANGKOK PUSSY CLUB!
OOH!
72
00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:15,052
MOVING ON...
73
00:03:15,054 --> 00:03:18,122
OF COURSE, BABIES ARE MEANT
TO LOOK LIKE THEIR GRANDFATHERS.
74
00:03:18,124 --> 00:03:20,057
DO YOU THINK
SHE LOOKS LIKE
MR. HORTON?
75
00:03:20,059 --> 00:03:22,293
NO, NOT REALLY.
76
00:03:22,295 --> 00:03:24,830
HE'S MUCH TALLER,
ISN'T HE?
77
00:03:24,832 --> 00:03:26,564
YEAH.
78
00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:29,734
HOW ARE YOU DOING
WITH THE BREASTFEEDING?
79
00:03:29,736 --> 00:03:33,405
IT WAS A BIT TRICKY AT FIRST,
BUT THEN THE HEALTH VISITOR
80
00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:35,707
EXPLAINED THAT I DIDN'T
ACTUALLY HAVE TO EAT GRASS
81
00:03:35,709 --> 00:03:37,542
LIKE THE COWS DO.
82
00:03:37,544 --> 00:03:39,511
YOU KNOW, AND I'D
PRODUCE MILK ANYWAY.
83
00:03:39,513 --> 00:03:41,480
AMAZING!
I KNOW.
84
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:42,748
SO NOW IT'S GREAT.
85
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,617
I CAN FEED HER
ANYTIME, ANY PLACE.
86
00:03:44,619 --> 00:03:47,653
JUST WHIP THE OLD BOOBY OUT
AND GET SQUIRTING.
87
00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:51,090
ALWAYS BEST TO PUT IT AWAY AGAIN
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED, I THINK.
88
00:03:51,092 --> 00:03:54,393
I KNOW.
I KEEP FORGETTING.
89
00:03:54,395 --> 00:03:56,462
IT WAS A BIT OF A SHOCK
90
00:03:56,464 --> 00:03:59,466
WHEN YOU CAME UP
FOR COMMUNION ON SUNDAY.
91
00:03:59,468 --> 00:04:01,702
AND, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S VERY CLEVER.
92
00:04:01,704 --> 00:04:03,804
SHE'S ACTUALLY STARTED
SAYING HER FIRST WORDS.
93
00:04:03,806 --> 00:04:07,241
AT THREE MONTHS?
ABSOLUTELY.
94
00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:09,076
YESTERDAY SHE SAID, "GOO."
95
00:04:09,078 --> 00:04:11,645
YOU DON'T THINK
SHE MIGHT JUST BE
96
00:04:11,647 --> 00:04:13,147
MAKING BABY NOISES, ALICE?
97
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:14,449
NO, NO, NO.
98
00:04:14,451 --> 00:04:16,952
WE LOOKED IT UP,
IT'S A PROPER WORD--
"G-U-E."
99
00:04:16,954 --> 00:04:20,355
IT'S A SORT OF VIOLIN
PLAYED IN THE SHETLAND ISLANDS.
100
00:04:22,125 --> 00:04:25,727
I THINK IT MIGHT BE
A BIT OBSCURE FOR A 3-MONTH-OLD.
101
00:04:25,729 --> 00:04:28,429
AND THIS MORNING,
SHE SAID, "GRR,"
102
00:04:28,431 --> 00:04:30,599
WHICH, LIKE AFTER
HOURS OF RESEARCH,
103
00:04:30,601 --> 00:04:34,237
WE FOUND TO BE GUERRE,
THE FRENCH WORD FOR WAR.
104
00:04:34,239 --> 00:04:35,804
INCREDIBLE.
105
00:04:35,806 --> 00:04:38,007
NO, LITERALLY INCREDIBLE.
106
00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:40,943
I KNOW! I KNOW!
( doorbell )
107
00:04:43,714 --> 00:04:46,182
OH, DAVID.
GOT YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON HERE.
108
00:04:46,184 --> 00:04:48,285
GEOFFREY ARCHER?
109
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,954
NO, YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER.
110
00:04:50,956 --> 00:04:53,957
OH, HELLO, DADDY-DIDDY-DOO-DOOS.
111
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:56,293
BIG WET KISS 'N LICK!
112
00:04:58,097 --> 00:04:59,696
HELLO, ALICE.
113
00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:00,764
( baby crying )
114
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:04,535
AH, THERE YOU ARE...
115
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:07,438
YOU POOR THING.
116
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,909
SHE SAID A WHOLE WORD WHEN
I PICKED HER UP THIS MORNING.
117
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,410
GUESS WHAT SHE SAID.
118
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,279
"HELP"?
119
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,047
NO...
120
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,285
I'VE COME ROUND TO DISCUSS
THE CHRISTENING, VICAR.
121
00:05:19,287 --> 00:05:21,086
ANY FINAL DECISIONS
ON THE BABIES NAMES?
122
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,121
OH. ALICE?
123
00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:26,392
YES. WE FINALLY DECIDED, UH,
124
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,928
GERALDINE WENDY NANA
125
00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:32,331
PETER PAN TINKERBELL
126
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,733
TIGER LILLY CAPTAIN HOOK
127
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,537
CROCODILE HORTON.
128
00:05:37,539 --> 00:05:39,439
THAT'S GREAT.
129
00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:42,242
WHAT ABOUT GERALDINE POOH PIGLET
130
00:05:42,244 --> 00:05:45,312
KANGA EEYORE TIGGER HORTON?
131
00:05:45,314 --> 00:05:48,714
DON'T BE SO CHILDISH,
GERALDINE.
132
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,851
EITHER SHE CHANGES THEM,
OR I'LL HAVE HER SECTIONED.
133
00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:53,887
HAVE YOU DONE
A SMELLY, GERALDINE?
134
00:05:53,889 --> 00:05:57,224
NO, I HAVE NOT,
THANK YOU. I'D KNOW.
135
00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:58,692
I THINK YOU HAVE,
136
00:05:58,694 --> 00:06:00,727
YOU NAUGHTY
LITTLE WHIPPER.
NO, I HAVE--
137
00:06:00,729 --> 00:06:03,497
OH, RIGHT.
SORRY. SORRY.
138
00:06:03,499 --> 00:06:05,499
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
139
00:06:07,536 --> 00:06:10,305
I WON'T HAVE
THOSE NAMES, VICAR.
140
00:06:10,307 --> 00:06:12,240
I KNOW YOU'LL DISAGREE.
NO, I AGREE.
141
00:06:12,242 --> 00:06:14,742
YOU DO?
YEAH.
142
00:06:14,744 --> 00:06:17,079
I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO HAVE A SILLY FIRST NAME.
143
00:06:17,081 --> 00:06:19,214
WELL, GERALDINE'S
NOT THAT SILLY.
144
00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:21,283
NO, NOT GERALDINE.
MY REAL FIRST NAME.
145
00:06:21,285 --> 00:06:23,518
WHICH IS?
PROMISE YOU WON'T LAUGH.
146
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,356
OF COURSE
I WON'T LAUGH.
BOADICEA.
147
00:06:26,358 --> 00:06:29,525
HA HA HA HA HA!
BOADICEA?!
148
00:06:29,527 --> 00:06:31,461
YEAH. WELL, THANKS.
THANKS.
149
00:06:31,463 --> 00:06:34,263
HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA!
150
00:06:34,265 --> 00:06:36,899
THAT IS VERY AMUSING!
151
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:38,701
OH, BY THE WAY,
152
00:06:38,703 --> 00:06:41,171
I'M HAVING DRINKS TOMORROW NIGHT
SO THAT YOU CAN MEET THE BISHOP
153
00:06:41,173 --> 00:06:43,140
BEFORE THE SERVICE.
OH, GREAT.
154
00:06:43,142 --> 00:06:45,809
AND HE CAN MEET THE QUEEN
OF THE ANCIENT BRITONS!
155
00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:49,446
OH, HARDY-HAR-HAR-
HAR-HAR-HAR.
156
00:06:49,448 --> 00:06:52,516
IT'S NICE HAVING A BABY
IN THE VILLAGE AGAIN, ISN'T IT?
157
00:06:52,518 --> 00:06:54,451
IT IS. IT'S LOVELY, YEAH.
158
00:06:55,621 --> 00:06:59,024
SEE YOU TOMORROW--
YOUR HIGHNESS.
159
00:06:59,026 --> 00:07:00,058
SHUT UP.
160
00:07:05,999 --> 00:07:07,165
WHOO!
161
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:08,433
RIGHT.
162
00:07:08,435 --> 00:07:12,803
BABY'S BOTTY
IS CLEAN AS A BABY'S BOTTY.
163
00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:15,607
HI, YOU LITTLE
GORGEOUS THING.
164
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,876
YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL
QUITE BROODY,
165
00:07:17,878 --> 00:07:19,445
YOU MILKY MINX.
166
00:07:19,447 --> 00:07:22,048
WELL, BETTER FIND YOURSELF
A HUSBAND FAST, THEN, EH?
167
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,450
HA HA HA. YEAH.
168
00:07:24,452 --> 00:07:28,921
( baby talk )
BYE-BYE, AUNTIE GERRY.
BYE.
169
00:07:28,923 --> 00:07:31,558
SEE YOU LATER.
YEAH.
170
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,227
( sighs )
"AUNTIE GERRY."
171
00:07:34,229 --> 00:07:37,030
IT'S ALWAYS "AUNTIE" GERRY.
172
00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:38,998
( doorbell )
173
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,168
AND HOW'S DADDY HUGO
THIS EVENING?
174
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,970
Sorry.
175
00:08:21,746 --> 00:08:23,980
David: THEY'RE
THROUGH HERE, BISHOP.
176
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,383
IDIOT BOY.
177
00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:31,287
Everybody, I would like you
to meet the Bishop of Mulberry.
178
00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:34,190
The Bishop is
a very distinguished
old friend of mine.
179
00:08:34,192 --> 00:08:35,391
Good evening.
180
00:08:35,393 --> 00:08:36,927
ALL: Good evening.
181
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:39,029
I see the little one
is asleep,
182
00:08:39,031 --> 00:08:41,265
so it's best
we all keep very QUIET!!!
183
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:43,300
so as not to wake him.
184
00:08:43,302 --> 00:08:47,070
I must say, I was delighted
that David invited me
185
00:08:47,072 --> 00:08:49,072
to officiate at
the service.
186
00:08:49,074 --> 00:08:51,342
A christening is something
187
00:08:51,344 --> 00:08:54,513
I'm NOT VERY OFTEN!!!
asked to perform.
188
00:08:54,515 --> 00:08:56,914
( baby crying )
AH, THE LITTLE ONE'S WOKEN UP.
189
00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,184
YES, I WONDER
HOW THAT HAPPENED?
190
00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:01,786
( crying )
OH, HELLO, LITTLE ONE!
191
00:09:01,788 --> 00:09:03,688
OH HO HO!
192
00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:06,124
YOU'RE NOT VERY HAPPY,
ARE YOU?
193
00:09:06,126 --> 00:09:07,725
AND I KNOW WHY--
194
00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:09,462
BECAUSE YOU'VE JUST WOKEN UP
195
00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:13,466
AND THERE ARE ALL THESE
STRANGE PEOPLE HERE!!!
196
00:09:13,468 --> 00:09:15,168
YOU MUST BE ALICE.
197
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:17,403
YOUR MAJESTY.
198
00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:24,510
I'M FRANK PICKLE.
I'M GOD-GRANDPARENT.
199
00:09:24,512 --> 00:09:26,647
HOW VERY UNUSUAL.
200
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:31,218
NOT AS UNUSUAL AS THE PHOTOGRAPH
OF BOYZONE I KEEP IN MY WALLET.
201
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:34,120
COME AND MEET THE VICAR,
BISHOP.
202
00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:35,656
HELLO.
203
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,560
UH, DAVID TELLS ME
YOU WERE AT SCHOOL TOGETHER.
204
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:42,330
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
WE WERE OLD CHUMS
AT SCHOOL.
205
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,465
TELL ME,
I DON'T ACTUALLY
REMEMBER--
206
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:46,534
DID WE SLEEP TOGETHER?
207
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:48,703
UM, NO. NO,
WE DIDN'T.
208
00:09:48,705 --> 00:09:51,339
OH. MY SONS ARE THERE
AT THE MOMENT.
209
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,008
IT'S NOT THE SAME, THOUGH,
THE BULLYING'S TERRIBLE.
210
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,345
WHEREAS, THE BULLYING
IN OUR DAY WAS EXCELLENT.
211
00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,416
WHO WAS THAT
HORRIBLE LITTLE CREEP
212
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:03,285
WHOSE HEAD WE USED TO SHAVE
WITH A BLUNT RAZOR?
213
00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:07,022
THAT WAS ME.
WAS IT? SORRY.
214
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,824
NO, NO, IT'S ALL
PART OF GROWING UP.
215
00:10:08,826 --> 00:10:11,560
HELPED TO MAKE ME
WHAT I AM TODAY.
216
00:10:11,562 --> 00:10:14,030
WHAT, BALD?
217
00:10:14,032 --> 00:10:16,165
AHA!
218
00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:18,335
YOU MUST BE ONE OF
THOSE LADY VICARS.
219
00:10:18,337 --> 00:10:22,239
YES, I AM.
"HOLY" IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.
220
00:10:22,241 --> 00:10:23,573
HA HA HA HA HA!
221
00:10:24,576 --> 00:10:26,610
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?
222
00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:29,713
I'M SURPRISED
AT YOUR JUDGMENT,
TOLERATING HER HERE.
223
00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:32,416
ACTUALLY,
SHE'S THE BEST VICAR
WE'VE EVER HAD.
224
00:10:32,418 --> 00:10:34,184
SHE'S A TRULY
REMARKABLE WOMAN.
225
00:10:34,186 --> 00:10:38,456
OH, I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU WERE GIVING HER ONE,
YOU OLD...
226
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:40,991
I'M NOT GIVING HER ONE!
227
00:10:40,993 --> 00:10:43,761
OH. SO YOU'RE JUST
IN LOVE WITH HER, EH?
228
00:10:43,763 --> 00:10:46,597
WHAT? DO YOU--
W-WHAT?
229
00:10:46,599 --> 00:10:49,635
OH, COME ON, DAVID,
I KNOW THAT LOOK
ON YOUR FACE.
230
00:10:49,637 --> 00:10:52,937
EVERY TIME MATRON THREE
CAME INTO THE DORM
231
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:55,240
IN HER TIGHT LITTLE PINNY...
232
00:10:55,242 --> 00:10:58,277
YEAH, WELL, LET'S MEET
SOME OF YOUR OTHER
233
00:10:58,279 --> 00:10:59,578
CHARMING NEIGHBORS,
SHALL WE?
234
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:01,680
OH, HELLO!
235
00:11:02,683 --> 00:11:04,450
SO, CAN ANYONE TELL ME
236
00:11:04,452 --> 00:11:06,719
WHY YOU'RE HAVING HER
BAPTIZED ON SUNDAY?
237
00:11:06,721 --> 00:11:08,921
YOU WERE BUSY
ON SATURDAY.
238
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:15,094
OKAY, LET'S DO IT
A DIFFERENT WAY, SHALL WE?
239
00:11:15,096 --> 00:11:18,130
YOU IMAGINE
I'M CHRIS TARRANT, OKAY?
240
00:11:18,132 --> 00:11:20,467
ARE YOU HAVING
YOUR DAUGHTER BAPTIZED BECAUSE:
241
00:11:20,469 --> 00:11:23,036
A) SHE'LL GET SOME
NICE NEW SPOONS.
242
00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:26,273
B) SHE'LL GET A NICE WASH
IN A FONT.
243
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:29,376
C) IT'LL MAKE A CHANGE
FROM WATCHING ANTIQUES ROADSHOW.
244
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:30,644
AND D) --
245
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,112
THAT'S (D--
246
00:11:32,114 --> 00:11:34,214
SHE'LL BE WELCOMED
INTO THE FAMILY OF CHRIST.
247
00:11:34,216 --> 00:11:37,818
I'LL PHONE A FRIEND.
248
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:38,919
NO, NO, NO, NO.
249
00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:40,521
FIFTY-FIFTY?
250
00:11:40,523 --> 00:11:43,758
NO! IT'S 'D,' ALICE!
IT'S TRICKY, THOUGH,
251
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,561
BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE A CHANGE
FROM WATCHING ANTIQUES ROADSHOW.
252
00:11:46,563 --> 00:11:48,129
SO WE'RE BAPTIZING HER
253
00:11:48,131 --> 00:11:51,899
IN ORDER TO BRING HER INTO
A CHRISTIAN, LOVING FAMILY.
254
00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:54,870
REMEMBER THAT GOD IS A FATHER,
VERY MUCH LIKE YOUR OWN FATHER.
255
00:11:54,872 --> 00:11:58,240
SO HE'S DRUNK
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN?
256
00:11:58,242 --> 00:12:01,343
NO, WELL, PROBABLY A BIT MORE
LIKE HUGO'S FATHER, THEN.
257
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,912
SHOUTING A LOT?
TELLING ME I'M A CRETIN?
258
00:12:03,914 --> 00:12:05,481
NO, NO, NO--
259
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:07,182
CANING ME
WHEN I WET THE BED?
260
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,087
NO, I'M THINKING
MORE OF THE LOVING,
GENTLE FATHER
261
00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:13,189
WHO TREASURED YOU
AND CUDDLED YOU
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.
262
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,926
I HAD ANOTHER FATHER?
I DON'T REMEMBER HIM AT ALL.
263
00:12:16,928 --> 00:12:18,361
NO, NO, NO.
264
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,664
OKAY, LET'S JUST FORGET
THE WHOLE FATHER THING.
265
00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:22,565
BUT YOU'VE ONLY
JUST TOLD ME ABOUT HIM.
266
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,303
I'M GOING TO TRACK HIM DOWN
THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER!
267
00:12:25,305 --> 00:12:26,671
NO, NO!
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
268
00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:28,606
LISTEN, ALL YOU
NEED TO KNOW IS THAT
269
00:12:28,608 --> 00:12:29,973
WE'RE HAVING THIS SERVICE
270
00:12:29,975 --> 00:12:32,310
SO THAT GOD CAN LOVE
YOUR LITTLE GERALDINE
271
00:12:32,312 --> 00:12:33,911
EXACTLY THE SAME WAY YOU DO!
272
00:12:33,913 --> 00:12:36,146
YOU SEE?
273
00:12:36,148 --> 00:12:38,916
( watch alarm )
OH! IS THAT THE TIME?
274
00:12:38,918 --> 00:12:40,217
EXCUSE ME, VICAR,
275
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,753
I'M FIXING UP
A BOUNCY CASTLE
276
00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:43,422
FOR THE PENSIONERS
TEA PARTY.
277
00:12:43,424 --> 00:12:46,391
THEY LOVE A GOOD BASH,
THE OVER-80s.
278
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,861
OH, HUGO!
( door slams )
279
00:12:49,863 --> 00:12:51,697
OH, DEAR.
WHAT?
280
00:12:51,699 --> 00:12:53,998
I'VE JUST GOT TO
CATCH THE POST
281
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,968
TO SEND OFF FOR
MY BLUE PETER BADGE.
282
00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:59,305
CAN YOU TAKE CARE
OF LITTLE GERALDINE
FOR A MINUTE?
283
00:12:59,307 --> 00:13:01,441
OF COURSE!
IT'D BE A PLEASURE
AND A DOUBLE.
284
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:03,108
OH, GREAT!
285
00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:04,877
BYE-BYE, MOMMY'S BABY.
( sniffs )
286
00:13:04,879 --> 00:13:08,013
OH. YOU WOULDN'T JUST
CHANGE HER LITTLE NAPPY,
WOULD YOU?
287
00:13:08,015 --> 00:13:09,148
OF COURSE I WILL.
GREAT.
288
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,283
HERE'S A NAPPY--
YES.
289
00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:13,919
AND THESE ARE THE WIPES.
YES.
290
00:13:13,921 --> 00:13:14,921
SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
291
00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:17,123
YES, I'M A WORLD EXPERT
NAPPY CHANGER.
292
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,793
GOOD!
BACK IN ONE MINUTE.
293
00:13:19,795 --> 00:13:22,996
OH, HELLO, LITTLE SWEETUMS.
294
00:13:22,998 --> 00:13:24,565
COME ON, THEN, DARLING.
295
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,600
HELLO.
296
00:13:26,602 --> 00:13:29,737
WELCOME TO
AUNTIE GERALDINE'S HOUSE.
297
00:13:29,739 --> 00:13:31,873
HEY. HERE YOU ARE.
298
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:34,442
LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO A COUPLE OF BLOKES I KNOW.
299
00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:37,479
THAT'S JESUS OVER THERE,
HE'S VERY NICE.
300
00:13:37,481 --> 00:13:41,516
AND THERE,
MORE IMPORTANTLY,
IS SEAN BEAN.
301
00:13:41,518 --> 00:13:42,884
HE'S VERY SEXY.
302
00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:45,754
SO COME ON IN
AND HAVE A LOOK
AT MY KITCHEN.
303
00:13:45,756 --> 00:13:47,890
YOU CAN SEE MY NEW WORKTOP,
304
00:13:47,892 --> 00:13:51,293
WHICH DOUBLES UP AS
A SPECIAL BABY-CHANGING AREA.
305
00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:53,061
HERE WE GO,
306
00:13:53,063 --> 00:13:55,631
LET'S GET THAT NAPPY OFF, THEN.
307
00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:57,266
WHOA!
308
00:13:57,268 --> 00:13:59,201
GOD!
309
00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:02,004
OHH! WHAT HAVE
YOU BEEN EATING?!
310
00:14:02,006 --> 00:14:05,742
IT'S LIKE WILLY WONKA'S
CHOCOLATE FACTORY DOWN HERE!
311
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:08,344
OH, GOD--
THE WET WIPES.
312
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:09,846
OH--
313
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:11,381
UM....
314
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:13,983
SORRY, LITTLE ONE, I'LL--
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A SECOND.
315
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:17,387
( thud; baby squeals )
OHH!
316
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:19,523
( baby crying )
317
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,292
ALL RIGHT, BABY GIRL.
318
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,462
GOOD GIRL. STOP CRYING.
STOP CRYING. THERE WE GO.
319
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,898
THAT WASN'T
TOO BAD A FALL,
WAS IT?
320
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,666
ONLY THREE FEET.
321
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,903
AND THE OLD NAPPY
SORT OF ACTED AS A CUSHION,
322
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,638
DIDN'T IT?
323
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,308
SHAME YOU FELL FACE-FIRST.
324
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:39,578
LET'S DO SOME FACE-PAINTING,
SHALL WE? FACE-PAINTING!
325
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:43,649
WHO'S THAT LOVELY
LITTLE BROWN BEAR, THEN?
326
00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:47,218
NOW, YOU JUST LIE THERE,
327
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,756
AND I'LL GO
AND FIND THE WIPES.
328
00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,190
( doorbell )
329
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:04,270
HELLO, VICAR.
330
00:15:04,272 --> 00:15:05,271
OH.
331
00:15:05,273 --> 00:15:08,074
NOW, UM...
DON'T LICK THAT, OKAY?
332
00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:09,543
THAT'S JUST
COME OUT OF A BABY.
333
00:15:09,545 --> 00:15:12,279
I'M HAVING A BIT
OF A CRISIS HERE.
COME IN. COME IN.
334
00:15:12,281 --> 00:15:14,448
GO STRAIGHT THROUGH
TO THE KITCHEN, PLEASE,
AND WASH THEM OFF.
335
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:17,952
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
( baby screams )
336
00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:21,088
I MEANT TO TELL YOU,
THE BABY'S ON THE FLOOR!
337
00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:23,524
HANG ON! HANG ON!
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU!
338
00:15:23,526 --> 00:15:27,028
OH, DEAR!
YOU'VE GOT POO
ON YOUR SHOE!
339
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,898
WE'LL TAKE IT OFF
IMMEDIATELY. GIVE IT TO ME.
340
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,166
( water running )
THERE WE GO...
341
00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:35,169
ONE SOAKING WET...
342
00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:36,838
SUEDE SHOE.
343
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,509
RIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU JUST
POP BACK IN HERE--
344
00:15:40,511 --> 00:15:41,911
WAIT THERE.
345
00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:44,079
THERE. ON THE COUCH.
THANK YOU.
346
00:15:44,081 --> 00:15:46,849
I'LL JUST GET HER
CLEANED UP.
347
00:15:46,851 --> 00:15:48,150
COME ON, MUTTER.
348
00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:51,053
LET'S HAVE A FINAL INSPECTION
OF YOUR MINKY AREA.
349
00:15:52,757 --> 00:15:56,392
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!
350
00:15:56,394 --> 00:15:58,729
I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE LONGER
THAN I EXPECTED.
351
00:15:58,731 --> 00:16:01,698
THE LEAKY LITTLE THING'S
JUST WEE'D IN MY FACE.
352
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,134
( doorbell )
HA HA!
353
00:16:09,542 --> 00:16:12,175
HELLO,
YOU FUNNY WETFACE.
354
00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:14,879
YOU SAID ONE MINUTE,
YOU IRRESPONSIBLE COW!
355
00:16:14,881 --> 00:16:16,681
YOU'VE BEEN GONE
AN HOUR AND A HALF!
356
00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:18,349
HAVE I?
357
00:16:18,351 --> 00:16:19,851
HOW'S LITTLE GERALDINE?
358
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:21,553
HELLO!
359
00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:23,187
SHE'S, UM--
360
00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:25,990
ON THE FLOOR
OF THE KITCHEN,
COVERED IN WEE!
361
00:16:25,992 --> 00:16:27,391
YOU GOT A PROBLEM
WITH THAT?
362
00:16:27,393 --> 00:16:29,326
SOME PEOPLE
ARE SO FUSSY, AREN'T THEY?
363
00:16:29,328 --> 00:16:32,297
PUDGY-TUDGY NAUGHTY
AUNTIE GERALDINE!
364
00:16:32,299 --> 00:16:35,968
SO, WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO GET ACQUAINTED.
365
00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,636
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
366
00:16:37,638 --> 00:16:40,405
I'M HERE FROM
THE LOCAL COUNCIL,
367
00:16:40,407 --> 00:16:42,507
JUST CHECKING UP
ON YOUR SUITABILITY
368
00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:45,911
TO START A CRÈCHE
IN THE CHAPEL.
WHAT?
369
00:16:45,913 --> 00:16:48,582
JUST COMING TO SEE
HOW YOU DEAL WITH
LITTLE CHILDREN.
370
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:51,217
GOOD. EXCELLENT.
371
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:54,754
SO, UH...
HOW D'YOU THINK I DID?
372
00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:57,190
WELL, APART FROM
GREETING ME
373
00:16:57,192 --> 00:16:59,392
WITH YOUR HANDS
COVERED IN FAECES,
374
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,161
AND THEN LEAVING THE BABY
ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR
375
00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:03,931
FOR ANYONE TO STEP ON,
376
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:07,702
AND THEN ABANDONING IT CASUALLY
TO ANSWER THE FRONT DOOR--
377
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:08,936
YUP.
378
00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:12,139
--I THOUGHT YOU WERE
PRETTY DAMN GOOD!
379
00:17:12,141 --> 00:17:14,609
DID YOU? DID YOU?!
380
00:17:14,611 --> 00:17:17,144
OH HO HO! GREAT! THANKS!
381
00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:18,646
HA HA HA!
382
00:17:18,648 --> 00:17:20,849
SO...
383
00:17:20,851 --> 00:17:23,318
OUT OF CASUAL INTEREST,
384
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,754
HOW LONG YOU
BEEN DOING THIS JOB?
385
00:17:25,756 --> 00:17:29,024
JUST STARTED TODAY, ACTUALLY.
THOUGHT AS MUCH.
386
00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:30,759
USED TO BE IN LIBRARIES.
387
00:17:30,761 --> 00:17:32,494
SHH!
388
00:17:32,496 --> 00:17:34,462
THIS IS MY BIG BREAK!
389
00:17:34,464 --> 00:17:38,768
RIGHT. I THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO BE SUPERB AT THIS JOB.
390
00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:42,471
OH, YES. LUCKY LOCAL KIDDIES,
HAVING YOU IN CHARGE.
391
00:17:42,473 --> 00:17:45,942
SO WHAT SAY
I WASH THE URINE OFF MY FACE
392
00:17:45,944 --> 00:17:47,576
AND WE'LL HAVE
A NICE CUP OF TEA?
393
00:17:47,578 --> 00:17:49,012
OH, GREAT!
394
00:17:49,014 --> 00:17:51,047
NEW FRIEND FOR YA, ALICE.
395
00:17:52,784 --> 00:17:54,151
UH!!!
396
00:17:57,723 --> 00:18:00,557
Geraldine:
GO ON, HIT HIM!
397
00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:04,060
( TV on )
RIGHT HOOK! HIT HIM!!!!
398
00:18:04,062 --> 00:18:05,962
( doorbell )
399
00:18:05,964 --> 00:18:08,299
OHH! COME IN!
THE DOOR'S OPEN.
400
00:18:08,301 --> 00:18:09,534
OH, GOOD. HE'S DOWN.
401
00:18:09,536 --> 00:18:11,068
GOOD.
402
00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:13,805
OH, HELLO, DAVID.
HEY, NICE HAT.
403
00:18:13,807 --> 00:18:15,407
OH, THANK YOU.
404
00:18:15,409 --> 00:18:18,710
I'M MUST WATCHING
THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW.
405
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:24,015
IT'S "MY MOM WON'T LET ME
SLEEP WITH GRANDMA."
406
00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:25,951
I WAS ON THE SIDE OF THE SON,
407
00:18:25,953 --> 00:18:28,721
BUT IT TURNS OUT GRANDMA'S
BEEN DEAD FOR TWO MONTHS,
408
00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:30,356
SO I'M WAVERING.
409
00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,425
SO, ALICE HAS DECIDED
410
00:18:32,427 --> 00:18:34,527
TO CHANGE THE BABY'S NAMES.
GOOD.
411
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:37,296
SHE'S DECIDED TO NAME HER
AFTER HER GRANDMOTHER
412
00:18:37,298 --> 00:18:39,799
AND HER FAVOURITE TV CHEF.
WHO'S THAT?
413
00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:42,336
THAT'S THE BAD NEWS.
WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?
414
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,904
OH, NOTHING MUCH.
415
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:48,508
I JUST THOUGHT
I'D COME ROUND FOR A CHAT,
THAT'S ALL.
416
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:50,210
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
417
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,911
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
418
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:53,780
WHAT WITH THE BABY,
419
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:55,949
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THINGS RECENTLY--
420
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:57,718
CIRCLE OF LIFE STUFF.
421
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,687
YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU FIRST ARRIVED,
422
00:18:59,689 --> 00:19:02,623
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG
423
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:05,326
FOR THIS VILLAGE--
A DISASTER.
424
00:19:05,328 --> 00:19:06,794
LOVELY.
425
00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:09,864
BUT YOU WEREN'T WRONG--
YOU WERE RIGHT.
426
00:19:09,866 --> 00:19:11,966
THEN AGAIN, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT
427
00:19:11,968 --> 00:19:14,101
HUGO MARRYING OUR ALICE.
428
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:17,205
BUT YOU WEREN'T,
YOU WERE RIGHT,
THEY'RE HAPPY.
429
00:19:17,207 --> 00:19:21,610
WHAT CAN I SAY, EXCEPT
"CORRECT, I'M GREAT."
430
00:19:21,612 --> 00:19:24,446
YES. AND SOMETIMES
I THINK TO MYSELF,
431
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:28,384
"HAVE I BEEN A DAFT, STUPID,
PREJUDICED OLD FOOL?"
432
00:19:28,386 --> 00:19:31,888
NO. THAT'S PRINCE PHILIP.
433
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:34,491
I LIVE ALONE
IN THAT GREAT, BIG HOUSE,
434
00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:37,093
AND I THINK TO MYSELF--
JUST SOMETIMES--
435
00:19:37,095 --> 00:19:40,129
"DID I LET THAT
SCROFULOUS BROTHER OF MINE
436
00:19:40,131 --> 00:19:42,632
"SEDUCE THE WOMAN
I SHOULD HAVE MADE IT MY AIM
437
00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:46,369
"AND MY MISSION IN LIFE...
438
00:19:46,371 --> 00:19:48,672
TO WOO?"
439
00:19:53,345 --> 00:19:54,912
PARDON?
440
00:19:54,914 --> 00:19:58,982
BOADICEA...
441
00:19:58,984 --> 00:20:00,651
IF I MAY CALL YOU THAT?
442
00:20:00,653 --> 00:20:02,620
NO, YOU MAYN'T.
443
00:20:04,224 --> 00:20:06,090
GERALDINE.
444
00:20:06,092 --> 00:20:09,294
JUST HYPOTHETICALLY,
OF COURSE,
445
00:20:09,296 --> 00:20:13,799
WOULD I EVER
HAVE HAD A CHANCE WITH YOU?
446
00:20:13,801 --> 00:20:16,267
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T
LIKE ME AT FIRST,
447
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:18,403
BUT I DO BELIEVE
YOU'RE GETTING TO LIKE ME MORE.
448
00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:20,339
YOU HAVE AGREED WITH ME
449
00:20:20,341 --> 00:20:23,776
ON NO LESS THAN
TWO OCCASIONS THIS WEEK!
450
00:20:23,778 --> 00:20:25,411
DAVID, IT'S--
451
00:20:25,413 --> 00:20:28,414
IT'S TRUE, I HAVE GROWN
INCREASINGLY FOND OF YOU,
452
00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,850
BUT--WELL, THAT--
453
00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:34,587
I THINK EVEN HYPOTHETICALLY
YOU'D HAVE TO AGREE
454
00:20:34,589 --> 00:20:37,123
THAT WE'D NEVER
HAVE MADE A PAIR.
455
00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:40,661
RIGHT.
456
00:20:40,663 --> 00:20:42,996
RIGHT.
457
00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:48,034
THOUGH JUST...
458
00:20:48,036 --> 00:20:52,172
...PARENTHETICALLY,
CAN I ASK WHY?
459
00:20:52,174 --> 00:20:55,343
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY
HERE ON YOUR OWN EVERY NIGHT
460
00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:58,045
WITH JESUS AND SEAN BONE.
461
00:20:58,047 --> 00:20:59,781
BEAN.
462
00:20:59,783 --> 00:21:01,115
BEAN--
463
00:21:01,117 --> 00:21:03,518
AS YOUR ONLY COMPANIONS.
464
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,687
I MEAN, WHY WOULDN'T I
MAKE BETTER COMPANY?
465
00:21:05,689 --> 00:21:09,090
WELL, OKAY.
I'M GONNA BE FRANK,
466
00:21:09,092 --> 00:21:11,594
BECAUSE I KNOW WE'RE JUST
FOOLING ABOUT HERE.
467
00:21:11,596 --> 00:21:13,896
WELL, RIGHT.
468
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,966
THREE REASONS WHY
YOU WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR ME--
469
00:21:16,968 --> 00:21:19,568
WELL, ONE, YOU'RE A TORY.
470
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,737
DOESN'T MAKE ME
A BAD PERSON.
471
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,405
UM...
472
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,440
NO,
473
00:21:25,442 --> 00:21:27,043
BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT
474
00:21:27,045 --> 00:21:29,713
YOU CAN WATCH WILLIAM HAGUE
ON THE TELLY AND NOT GIGGLE,
475
00:21:29,715 --> 00:21:31,948
AND THEREFORE
YOU'RE NOT THE BLOKE FOR ME.
476
00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:33,817
SECONDLY--
477
00:21:33,819 --> 00:21:37,621
YOU CAN'T DENY IT, DAVID,
YOU ARE A BIT MEAN.
MEAN?!
478
00:21:37,623 --> 00:21:39,823
YOU SEE A BEGGAR ON THE STREET,
WHAT DO YOU GIVE HIM?
479
00:21:39,825 --> 00:21:42,860
I GIVE HIM A KICK,
TELL HIM TO STOP
CLUTTERING UP THE HIGHWAY.
480
00:21:42,862 --> 00:21:44,595
EXACTLY! AND WHAT
ARE YOU WORTH?
481
00:21:44,597 --> 00:21:46,030
ABOUT FIVE MILLION POUNDS.
WHAT?
482
00:21:46,032 --> 00:21:48,298
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S YOUR OTHER REASON?
483
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,235
SORRY--FIVE MILLION QUID?!
484
00:21:51,237 --> 00:21:55,039
GOD! THAT'S A HELLUVA LOT
OF QUALITY STREET, ISN'T IT?
485
00:21:55,041 --> 00:21:57,074
I MIGHT RECONSIDER.
486
00:21:57,076 --> 00:21:58,911
NO. RESIST TEMPTATION.
487
00:21:58,913 --> 00:22:02,347
THE THING IS, DAVID,
YOU'RE VERY OLD-FASHIONED.
488
00:22:02,349 --> 00:22:04,049
YOU LIVE IN A SUIT,
489
00:22:04,051 --> 00:22:07,152
AND YOU'RE NOT
EXACTLY ROMANTIC.
490
00:22:07,154 --> 00:22:09,154
IF YOU WERE TO
PROPOSE TO SOMEBODY,
491
00:22:09,156 --> 00:22:11,023
I EXPECT YOU'D DO IT
"HYPOTHETICALLY"
492
00:22:11,025 --> 00:22:13,358
OR "PARENTHETICALLY,"
WOULDN'T YOU?
493
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,295
WHEREAS, IF EVER
I WERE TO MARRY,
494
00:22:16,297 --> 00:22:19,566
I'D LIKE SOMEBODY
TO WOO ME PROPERLY.
495
00:22:19,568 --> 00:22:22,035
Y'KNOW, PROPOSE TO ME
ON ONE KNEE.
496
00:22:22,037 --> 00:22:24,003
NOT JUST POP ROUND
ONE EVENING
497
00:22:24,005 --> 00:22:27,306
TO CHECK IF
A DEAL WAS POSSIBLE.
498
00:22:27,308 --> 00:22:30,043
RIGHT.
499
00:22:31,581 --> 00:22:34,514
RIGHT. AS USUAL.
500
00:22:35,551 --> 00:22:37,317
ALAS.
501
00:22:37,319 --> 00:22:40,020
THE DOOR WAS OPEN.
OWEN!
502
00:22:40,022 --> 00:22:43,323
YOU SHOULDN'T JUST BARGE IN!
I MIGHTN'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON!
503
00:22:43,325 --> 00:22:46,193
ALL THE BETTER.
504
00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:49,297
UM, I SHOULD GO.
505
00:22:49,299 --> 00:22:51,866
YES, UM...BYE.
506
00:22:53,770 --> 00:22:56,137
YOU CAN TAKE 'EM OFF NOW,
IF YOU LIKE.
507
00:22:56,139 --> 00:22:57,472
NO!
508
00:22:57,474 --> 00:22:59,340
LOOK, THIS ISN'T
THE RIGHT MOMENT.
509
00:22:59,342 --> 00:23:01,142
I NEED A BIT OF TIME
TO MYSELF.
510
00:23:01,144 --> 00:23:03,311
MESSAGE RECEIVED
AND UNDERSTOOD.
THANKS.
511
00:23:06,550 --> 00:23:08,684
OHH, GOD.
512
00:23:10,421 --> 00:23:11,988
READY NOW?
513
00:23:11,990 --> 00:23:13,856
YES.
514
00:23:13,858 --> 00:23:15,091
GOOD.
515
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:18,560
IT'S ABOUT
THIS GODFATHER BUSINESS.
516
00:23:18,562 --> 00:23:21,397
FRANK SAYS NOT ONLY DO I HAVE TO
GIVE THE BABY A PRESENT,
517
00:23:21,399 --> 00:23:23,667
I ALSO HAVE TO TEACH HER THINGS.
518
00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:25,636
THAT WOULD BE LOVELY, YES.
519
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:28,538
RIGHT. SO I COULD
TAKE HER ON NATURE RAMBLES
520
00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:30,741
WHEN SHE'S OLDER,
UP TO BADGER'S COPSE,
521
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:31,975
WHERE WE'D
GAZE AT THE BLUEBELLS
522
00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:33,910
AND SHE'D HOLD MY HAND AND SAY,
523
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:38,482
"GOD-DADDY, TELL ME ABOUT ALL
THE DIFFERENT PRETTY FLOWERS."
524
00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:40,217
EXCELLENT!
525
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:41,886
HOW ABOUT TEACHING HER
TO RIDE A BIKE?
526
00:23:41,888 --> 00:23:43,354
OH, THAT TOO.
COMPULSORY.
527
00:23:43,356 --> 00:23:44,455
GREAT.
528
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:47,491
AND SLAUGHTERING CATTLE?
529
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:48,760
NOT.
530
00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:50,594
HOW ABOUT
SMOKING OUT MOLES
531
00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:53,164
AND STOVING IN THEIR HEADS
WITH THE FLAT OF A SPADE?
532
00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:56,035
DEFINITELY NOT.
JUST NICE THINGS, OWEN.
533
00:23:56,037 --> 00:23:57,335
WELL, THAT IS NICE.
534
00:23:57,337 --> 00:23:59,571
YOU SHOULD HEAR
THE SQUISH OF THEIR SKULLS.
535
00:23:59,573 --> 00:24:02,207
NO, NO, NO. I MEAN,
WITHOUT KILLING ANYTHING.
536
00:24:02,209 --> 00:24:04,309
IT'S A PITY.
YEAH.
537
00:24:04,311 --> 00:24:06,578
I HAVE REALLY GOT
TO GET ON NOW, OWEN.
538
00:24:06,580 --> 00:24:08,280
OKAY!
OKAY.
539
00:24:08,282 --> 00:24:10,650
FINAL ONE.
YES?
540
00:24:10,652 --> 00:24:12,886
BLOWING UP TOADS.
541
00:24:12,888 --> 00:24:14,754
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
542
00:24:14,756 --> 00:24:16,589
GOOD!
543
00:24:20,862 --> 00:24:24,430
WHAT HAPPENED HERE
THIS EVENING?
544
00:24:26,702 --> 00:24:29,369
IT'S NOT LIKE MR. HORTON
TO BE LATE FOR A MEETING.
545
00:24:29,371 --> 00:24:31,304
I WONDER WHERE HE IS.
546
00:24:31,306 --> 00:24:33,440
SEARCH ME. HE'S BEEN
MISSING FOR DAYS.
547
00:24:33,442 --> 00:24:35,208
REALLY?
548
00:24:35,210 --> 00:24:37,344
HE DISAPPEARED
SHORTLY AFTER
HE TALKED TO YOU.
549
00:24:37,346 --> 00:24:39,479
IN FACT, HE LOOKED
A BROKEN MAN.
550
00:24:39,481 --> 00:24:42,282
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
SO LOST AND BEWILDERED
551
00:24:42,284 --> 00:24:45,153
SINCE MRS. THATCHER
LEFT DOWNING STREET.
552
00:24:45,155 --> 00:24:47,188
MY LORD.
553
00:24:47,190 --> 00:24:49,057
WHAT DID YOU
SAY TO HIM?
554
00:24:49,059 --> 00:24:50,892
I DON'T KNOW, REALLY.
555
00:24:50,894 --> 00:24:53,127
IT WAS ALL A BIT CONFUSING.
556
00:24:53,129 --> 00:24:55,263
WELL, THAT IS LIFE,
ISN'T IT?
557
00:24:55,265 --> 00:24:58,166
FULL OF CONFUSION!
QUITE.
558
00:24:58,168 --> 00:25:01,904
I FOUND THIS GORGEOUS GIRL
IN THAILAND.
559
00:25:01,906 --> 00:25:03,773
WE SNOGGED--
560
00:25:03,775 --> 00:25:05,741
WELL, WE MORE THAN SNOGGED.
561
00:25:05,743 --> 00:25:09,244
I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME,
SHE SAID YES.
562
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:13,282
WE GOT MARRIED ON
A PINEAPPLE-STREWN BEACH.
563
00:25:13,284 --> 00:25:15,919
ON THE FIRST NIGHT
OF THE HONEYMOON,
564
00:25:15,921 --> 00:25:18,154
SHE TAKES OFF
ALL HER CLOTHES,
565
00:25:18,156 --> 00:25:22,158
AND IT TURNS OUT
SHE'S A BLOKE CALLED DWAYNE.
566
00:25:25,464 --> 00:25:28,331
SHE WAS JUST
AFTER A PASSPORT.
567
00:25:28,333 --> 00:25:30,734
SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME AT ALL.
568
00:25:30,736 --> 00:25:34,973
WELL, THIS WASN'T
QUITE AS CONFUSING AS THAT.
569
00:25:34,975 --> 00:25:38,442
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU "MORE THAN SNOGGED"?
570
00:25:38,444 --> 00:25:43,314
WELL, DWAYNE,
HE USED TO DO THIS
REALLY AMAZING--
571
00:25:43,316 --> 00:25:46,618
THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH, THANK YOU,
THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT.
572
00:25:46,620 --> 00:25:48,253
SORRY I'M LATE,
EVERYONE.
573
00:25:50,257 --> 00:25:53,325
BEFORE WE START THE MEETING,
JUST A FEW ANNOUNCEMENTS.
574
00:25:53,327 --> 00:25:55,995
I KNOW THEY SHOULD COME UNDER
"ANY OTHER BUSINESS,"
575
00:25:55,997 --> 00:25:57,630
BUT, HEY!--
576
00:25:57,632 --> 00:26:00,332
LET'S GO WITH THE FLOW.
577
00:26:01,568 --> 00:26:03,602
WHO IS THAT?
578
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,872
I THINK IT'S MR. HORTON.
579
00:26:05,874 --> 00:26:08,474
HUGO, I'D LIKE YOU
TO READ THIS.
580
00:26:08,476 --> 00:26:11,678
"THIS IS TO CERTIFY
THAT DAVID HORTON
581
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,247
IS A FULLY PAID-UP MEMBER
OF THE LOBAR PARTY."
582
00:26:14,249 --> 00:26:16,783
LET ME SEE THAT!
583
00:26:16,785 --> 00:26:19,485
VERY WOBBLY SIGNATURE,
DAVID.
584
00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:21,956
YES. I WAS SHAKING
AT THE TIME.
585
00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:24,091
AND I BROUGHT YOU THIS.
586
00:26:25,194 --> 00:26:27,427
A HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS?!
587
00:26:27,429 --> 00:26:29,664
FOR THE CAUSE
OF YOUR CHOICE.
588
00:26:29,666 --> 00:26:31,966
WHAT--ANY CAUSE?
589
00:26:31,968 --> 00:26:34,769
"KEN LIVINGSTON
FOR KING OF ENGLAND" CAMPAIGN?
590
00:26:34,771 --> 00:26:37,438
IF YOU SO WISH.
591
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,807
AND FINALLY--
592
00:26:38,809 --> 00:26:41,442
ONE, TWO THREE...
593
00:26:41,444 --> 00:26:45,113
( piano plays )
594
00:26:48,318 --> 00:26:51,687
♪ ( playing First Time Ever I Saw Your Face ) ♪
595
00:26:54,993 --> 00:26:57,060
WHAT?
596
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,167
GERALDINE GRANGER,
597
00:27:04,169 --> 00:27:06,235
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
598
00:27:06,237 --> 00:27:09,605
DAVID! DON'T BE SO SILLY.
599
00:27:09,607 --> 00:27:13,210
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SERIOUS
IN ALL MY LIFE.
600
00:27:13,212 --> 00:27:15,512
I THINK WE'D BE HAPPY.
601
00:27:17,683 --> 00:27:21,085
WELL, I-I--
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
I REALLY WILL.
602
00:27:21,087 --> 00:27:25,422
OH, GO ON, VICAR.
HE'S A MILLIONAIRE,
FOR CHRISSAKE!
603
00:27:25,424 --> 00:27:27,358
AND VERY FERTILE.
604
00:27:28,561 --> 00:27:31,763
AND STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE,
IN THE RIGHT LIGHT.
605
00:27:33,867 --> 00:27:35,100
NO!
606
00:27:35,102 --> 00:27:36,968
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
607
00:27:36,970 --> 00:27:39,470
NO! SAY YES!
608
00:27:39,472 --> 00:27:41,773
( stammering )
609
00:27:41,775 --> 00:27:46,946
THE SIMPLE TRUTH IS,
ALL THIS NONSENSE ASIDE...
610
00:27:46,948 --> 00:27:49,148
I LOVE YOU.
611
00:27:55,556 --> 00:27:57,522
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
612
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:02,629
MUMMY!
613
00:28:02,631 --> 00:28:05,698
GET OFF ME!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
614
00:28:15,043 --> 00:28:17,945
( church organ plays,
wedding bells ring )
615
00:28:28,758 --> 00:28:31,458
JUST THINK,
IN FIVE MINUTES' TIME,
616
00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:34,196
YOU'RE GONNA BE
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW!
617
00:28:38,202 --> 00:28:41,136
AND BABY GERALDINE'S GRANNY!
618
00:28:41,138 --> 00:28:44,106
GOOD LUCK, GRANNY.
619
00:28:44,108 --> 00:28:48,311
♪ ( organ plays
Here Comes the Bride ) ♪
620
00:29:12,872 --> 00:29:17,407
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TOGETHER
IN THE SIGHT OF THE LORD
621
00:29:17,409 --> 00:29:21,880
TO WITNESS THE MARRIAGE
OF THIS MAN
622
00:29:21,882 --> 00:29:23,915
TO THIS WOMAN!!!
623
00:29:26,253 --> 00:29:27,853
DO YOU,
624
00:29:27,855 --> 00:29:33,791
BOADICEA GERALDINE GRANGER...
625
00:29:35,462 --> 00:29:38,231
DID HE SAY "BOADICEA"?
626
00:29:38,233 --> 00:29:40,699
..TAKE THIS MAN,
627
00:29:40,701 --> 00:29:45,238
DAVID FRANCIS
MATTHEW HORTON,
628
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,408
TO BE YOUR
LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND?
629
00:29:52,146 --> 00:29:53,914
UM...
630
00:29:54,950 --> 00:29:56,449
UM...
631
00:29:57,953 --> 00:30:02,022
UM...
Man: NO!
DON'T DO IT, GERALDINE!
632
00:30:02,024 --> 00:30:03,590
IT'S ME YOU LOVE, NOT HIM!
633
00:30:08,663 --> 00:30:10,464
COME ON, LASS.
634
00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:14,302
YOU'RE RIGHT!
SAVE ME, SEAN.
635
00:30:14,304 --> 00:30:18,739
SAVE ME, SEAN! SAVE ME!!!!
636
00:30:18,741 --> 00:30:21,342
NO! NO, I CAN'T!
637
00:30:21,344 --> 00:30:22,510
I CAN'T!
638
00:30:22,512 --> 00:30:23,878
( doorbell )
639
00:30:28,052 --> 00:30:29,885
HUGO.
MUM!
640
00:30:29,887 --> 00:30:31,586
OH, GOD.
641
00:30:31,588 --> 00:30:34,290
THANK HEAVENS YOU'RE HERE.
DAD'S GOT STACKS OF LAUNDRY.
642
00:30:34,292 --> 00:30:36,658
CAN I COME IN?
OF COURSE!
643
00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:39,828
SOON YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO
ASK THAT QUESTION AGAIN.
644
00:30:41,598 --> 00:30:44,467
UM, IT'S JUST THAT, UM....
645
00:30:44,469 --> 00:30:47,370
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
I WANT TO TELL YOU.
646
00:30:47,372 --> 00:30:50,073
FIRE AWAY, DARLING.
SHALL I TOODLE OFF?
647
00:30:50,075 --> 00:30:51,341
NO, YOU STAY, HUGO.
648
00:30:51,343 --> 00:30:53,310
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU,
AS WELL.
649
00:30:53,312 --> 00:30:55,445
EXCELLENT. ONE BIG,
HAPPY FAMILY.
650
00:30:55,447 --> 00:30:58,581
CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS.
♪ CHESTNUTS ROASTING-- ♪
651
00:30:58,583 --> 00:31:00,384
YES, ALL RIGHT.
652
00:31:00,386 --> 00:31:02,386
IT'S JUST THAT, UM,
653
00:31:02,388 --> 00:31:04,788
I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE
LAST NIGHT, DAVID.
654
00:31:04,790 --> 00:31:06,290
I HAD A NIGHTMARE, TOO.
655
00:31:06,292 --> 00:31:08,592
I DREAMT THAT YOU
CAME AROUND TO TELL ME
656
00:31:08,594 --> 00:31:10,127
THAT YOU DIDN'T
LOVE ME AFTER ALL,
657
00:31:10,129 --> 00:31:11,895
AND THAT YOU COULDN'T MARRY ME.
658
00:31:11,897 --> 00:31:13,730
RIGHT.
659
00:31:13,732 --> 00:31:15,132
WHAT WAS YOUR NIGHTMARE?
660
00:31:15,134 --> 00:31:18,103
WELL, IT--
IT WASN'T LIKE THAT,
661
00:31:18,105 --> 00:31:20,738
IT WAS JUST FULL OF
BIG PURPLE MONSTERS
662
00:31:20,740 --> 00:31:22,207
ALL GOING "AAUGGH!"
663
00:31:22,209 --> 00:31:24,776
AND PEOPLE GOUGING EYES OUT
AND NORMAN LAMONT AND STUFF.
664
00:31:27,247 --> 00:31:29,814
SO YOU DO STILL
WANT TO MARRY ME?
665
00:31:29,816 --> 00:31:33,819
UH, WELL,
THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
666
00:31:33,821 --> 00:31:38,024
I ALSO DREAMT THAT
I WAS ALREADY MARRIED TO YOU
667
00:31:38,026 --> 00:31:42,061
AND I WASN'T...
COMPLETELY HAPPY.
668
00:31:43,264 --> 00:31:45,531
AH.
669
00:31:45,533 --> 00:31:47,433
RIGHT.
670
00:31:47,435 --> 00:31:51,105
DAVID...I'M SORRY.
671
00:31:51,107 --> 00:31:54,308
I THINK I JUST GOT SWEPT AWAY
THE OTHER DAY.
672
00:31:54,310 --> 00:31:56,576
I REALLY LIKE YOU,
673
00:31:56,578 --> 00:31:58,778
BUT JUST BECAUSE WE'RE
THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE
674
00:31:58,780 --> 00:32:00,647
IN THE VILLAGE WITH
A BRAIN CELL--
675
00:32:00,649 --> 00:32:04,184
WELL, APART FROM YOU, HUGO.
YOU'VE GOT TWO, HAVEN'T YOU?
676
00:32:04,186 --> 00:32:07,555
IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN
THAT WE'RE RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER.
677
00:32:07,557 --> 00:32:10,525
TRUE LOVE IS WHAT
KEEPS MARRIAGES TOGETHER,
678
00:32:10,527 --> 00:32:12,627
NOT TRULY STUPID NEIGHBORS
679
00:32:12,629 --> 00:32:14,829
WITH A BIG DOLLOP OF LONELINESS
THROWN IN.
680
00:32:14,831 --> 00:32:16,331
YES.
681
00:32:17,534 --> 00:32:19,367
FINE.
682
00:32:21,239 --> 00:32:23,439
AS USUAL, YOU'RE RIGHT.
683
00:32:25,910 --> 00:32:28,310
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME
FOR JUST A SECOND,
684
00:32:28,312 --> 00:32:30,612
I THINK I'LL
POP INTO MY STUDY.
685
00:32:34,552 --> 00:32:36,718
AT LEAST YOU'VE MADE
MY FIRST MUM
686
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,788
LOOK LIKE A REAL STAYER.
687
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,358
I'M SORRY, HUGO.
688
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,227
I WOULD, HOWEVER,
689
00:32:44,229 --> 00:32:46,296
LIKE IT TO BE NOTED...
690
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:51,034
JUST FOR THE MINUTES,
AS IT WERE...
691
00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:53,836
THAT IN THE END, I DID HAVE
THE BRAINS TO RECOGNIZE
692
00:32:53,838 --> 00:32:56,907
WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN
YOU ARE.
693
00:32:56,909 --> 00:32:59,743
AND THE INTELLIGENCE TO REALIZE
694
00:32:59,745 --> 00:33:03,481
THAT THE MAN WHO FINALLY DOES
SPEND HIS LIFE WITH YOU
695
00:33:03,483 --> 00:33:07,418
WILL INDEED BE
THE LUCKIEST OF ALL MEN.
696
00:33:08,955 --> 00:33:12,991
EVEN THOUGH, SO OBVIOUSLY...
697
00:33:12,993 --> 00:33:15,127
IT CANNOT BE ME.
698
00:33:17,864 --> 00:33:20,232
STILL...
699
00:33:20,234 --> 00:33:22,401
I'LL SEE YOU ON SUNDAY.
700
00:33:22,403 --> 00:33:24,869
I'M SURE
WITH MY FRIEND THE BISHOP,
701
00:33:24,871 --> 00:33:27,607
IT WILL BE
AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE.
702
00:33:27,609 --> 00:33:29,142
YES, INDEED.
703
00:33:37,752 --> 00:33:39,118
( bells chiming )
704
00:33:41,189 --> 00:33:43,891
NOW, IT'S NORMAL AT THIS POINT
FOR THE OFFICIATING PRIEST
705
00:33:43,893 --> 00:33:46,994
TO GO ON AND ON
ABOUT THE PURPOSE OF BAPTISM.
706
00:33:46,996 --> 00:33:49,330
BUT I DON'T LIKE
TO THINK OF MYSELF
707
00:33:49,332 --> 00:33:51,231
AS AN ORDINARY CLERGYMAN!!!
708
00:33:51,233 --> 00:33:53,867
FAIR DOs.
709
00:33:53,869 --> 00:33:56,236
SO, IF YOU'D
LIKE TO HAND HER OVER,
710
00:33:56,238 --> 00:33:58,372
WE CAN ALL GET BACK
TO DAVID'S HOUSE
711
00:33:58,374 --> 00:34:01,042
FOR SOME OF THAT
GENUINELY DISGUSTING!!! SHERRY.
712
00:34:02,245 --> 00:34:05,547
THERE WE GO.
713
00:34:05,549 --> 00:34:07,949
OH, UM,
JUST ONE MOMENT.
714
00:34:07,951 --> 00:34:10,218
I WASN'T QUITE SURE HOW DEEP
YOU'D BE POPPIN' HER IN,
715
00:34:10,220 --> 00:34:12,554
SO I THOUGHT I'D TAKE
PROPER PRECAUTIONS.
716
00:34:18,062 --> 00:34:21,230
OH...YES.
717
00:34:21,232 --> 00:34:26,936
GERALDINE LALA...
718
00:34:26,938 --> 00:34:29,405
GRANNY...
719
00:34:29,407 --> 00:34:31,674
AINSLEY HARRIOTT!!! HORTON...
720
00:34:31,676 --> 00:34:34,378
I BAPTIZE THEE
721
00:34:34,380 --> 00:34:36,647
IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER,
722
00:34:36,649 --> 00:34:38,849
AND OF THE SON,
723
00:34:38,851 --> 00:34:41,318
AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.
724
00:34:42,688 --> 00:34:44,187
AMEN.
725
00:34:44,189 --> 00:34:46,923
LET US ALL GIVE THANKS
TO ALMIGHTY GOD
726
00:34:46,925 --> 00:34:49,126
AND PRAY IN SILENCE
727
00:34:49,128 --> 00:34:54,599
FOR THE TRULY WONDROUS DEED
THAT WE HAVE DONE HERE TODAY.
728
00:34:57,471 --> 00:35:01,072
NOW, TOTAL SILENCE...
729
00:35:01,074 --> 00:35:02,273
PLEASE.
730
00:35:04,911 --> 00:35:07,145
WHO ART IN HEAVEN!!!
731
00:35:08,383 --> 00:35:11,517
TINY LITTLE FINGERS...
732
00:35:13,855 --> 00:35:15,654
EXCELLENT.
733
00:35:15,656 --> 00:35:18,957
SHE WILL ALWAYS
HAVE GOD'S LOVE.
734
00:35:18,959 --> 00:35:21,461
BUT LET US PRAY
735
00:35:21,463 --> 00:35:23,530
THAT SHE MAY ONE DAY
736
00:35:23,532 --> 00:35:25,632
FIND SOMETHING
737
00:35:25,634 --> 00:35:28,067
WHICH, IN MY LONG EXPERIENCE,
738
00:35:28,069 --> 00:35:31,905
HAS BEEN MUCH HARDER!!! TO FIND.
739
00:35:31,907 --> 00:35:34,508
SANE CLERGYMEN?
740
00:35:34,510 --> 00:35:38,479
NO, THE TRUE LOVE
OF ANOTHER PERSON.
741
00:35:38,481 --> 00:35:44,118
( church organ plays
Baby Love by The Supremes )
742
00:35:54,264 --> 00:35:56,298
AND FINALLY,
743
00:35:56,300 --> 00:35:58,600
FROM ONE GERALDINE
TO ANOTHER,
744
00:35:58,602 --> 00:36:01,236
I WISH YOU HEALTH
AND HAPPINESS
745
00:36:01,238 --> 00:36:04,005
AND BOSOMS THE SIZE
OF BASKETBALLS.
746
00:36:05,208 --> 00:36:06,942
YOU DON'T NEED LUCK,
747
00:36:06,944 --> 00:36:08,777
BECAUSE YOU'VE
GOT THAT ALREADY.
748
00:36:08,779 --> 00:36:12,048
YOU'VE BEEN BORN TO
TWO OF THE SWEETEST PARENTS
THAT GOD EVER MADE.
749
00:36:15,119 --> 00:36:17,654
I'D JUST LIKE YOU TO ACCEPT
A LITTLE TOKEN OF MY AFFECTION.
750
00:36:17,656 --> 00:36:20,590
OH, FRANK.
YOU ARE KIND.
751
00:36:20,592 --> 00:36:23,426
THESE ARE
HANDWRITTEN COPIES
752
00:36:23,428 --> 00:36:25,194
THAT I MADE
753
00:36:25,196 --> 00:36:28,231
OF THE MINUTES OF
THE LAST 30 YEARS
754
00:36:28,233 --> 00:36:30,300
OF COUNCIL MEETINGS.
755
00:36:30,302 --> 00:36:33,103
I ASSURE YOU,
IT'S GRIPPING STUFF.
756
00:36:33,105 --> 00:36:36,006
AND WHAT DID THE GODFATHER
BRING HIS GOD-DAUGHTER?
757
00:36:36,008 --> 00:36:39,844
AS DUTY DEMANDS,
I GOT HER A CHRISTENING SPOON.
758
00:36:39,846 --> 00:36:41,912
WELL DONE, OWEN!
759
00:36:41,914 --> 00:36:43,882
AH.
760
00:36:43,884 --> 00:36:47,486
I GOT IT AT THE LOCAL CHINKY.
ENGRAVED IT AND EVERYTHING.
761
00:36:47,488 --> 00:36:51,556
"TO GERALD."
THAT'S ALL I COULD FIT ON.
762
00:36:51,558 --> 00:36:55,494
WELL, HERE WE GO.
JUST A LITTLE GIFT.
763
00:36:55,496 --> 00:36:58,196
OH, JIM. YOU REALLY
SHOULDN'T HAVE.
764
00:36:58,198 --> 00:37:00,099
OH, NO, NO, NO...
765
00:37:00,101 --> 00:37:02,668
I'LL TAKE IT BACK,
THEN.
766
00:37:02,670 --> 00:37:04,837
CHEERS!
767
00:37:36,172 --> 00:37:39,073
SO, SUPERMAN'S
FEELING A BIT BORED
768
00:37:39,075 --> 00:37:40,708
BECAUSE SPIDERMAN
AND BATMAN
769
00:37:40,710 --> 00:37:42,844
ARE ON A SCUBA DIVING COURSE.
770
00:37:42,846 --> 00:37:45,479
OH, SHAME!
NO ONE TO PLAY WITH.
771
00:37:45,481 --> 00:37:46,681
SO HE'S FLYING AROUND,
772
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:50,052
AND SUDDENLY,
HE SEES WONDER WOMAN
773
00:37:50,054 --> 00:37:53,789
NAKED, SPREAD-EAGLED
ON THE TOP OF A TALL BUILDING.
774
00:37:53,791 --> 00:37:55,624
SHE'LL CATCH COLD.
775
00:37:55,626 --> 00:37:57,626
NO, NO.
IT'S SUMMER.
776
00:37:57,628 --> 00:38:00,362
SO, HE'S ALWAYS
FANCIED WONDER WOMAN,
777
00:38:00,364 --> 00:38:01,997
SO HE THINKS,
"NOW'S MY CHANCE!"
778
00:38:01,999 --> 00:38:04,366
AND HE SWOOPS DOWN AND,
FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET,
779
00:38:04,368 --> 00:38:06,870
DOES THE BUSINESS,
THEN FLIES OFF AGAIN.
780
00:38:06,872 --> 00:38:10,040
A MOMENT LATER,
WONDER WOMAN SAYS,
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
781
00:38:10,042 --> 00:38:11,741
AND THE INVISIBLE MAN
CLIMBS OFF HER
782
00:38:11,743 --> 00:38:15,244
AND SAYS, "I DON'T KNOW,
BUT IT HURT A LOT!"
783
00:38:15,246 --> 00:38:17,413
HA HA HA HA!
784
00:38:17,415 --> 00:38:19,849
HA HA HA HA HA!
785
00:38:21,186 --> 00:38:23,454
I KNOW IT'S RUDE,
BUT IT'S VERY FUNNY.
786
00:38:23,456 --> 00:38:25,923
I DON'T GET IT.
787
00:38:25,925 --> 00:38:27,692
NO, I DIDN'T
EXPECT THAT YOU WOULD.
788
00:38:27,694 --> 00:38:31,062
YOU SEEM TO BE SUGGESTING
THAT SUPERMAN
789
00:38:31,064 --> 00:38:34,331
COMMITTED HOMOSEXUAL RAPE
UPON THE INVISIBLE MAN,
790
00:38:34,333 --> 00:38:37,534
AND I JUST DON'T
FIND THAT FUNNY.
RIGHT.
791
00:38:37,536 --> 00:38:39,805
IN FACT,
YOU'RE BESMIRCHING
THE REPUTATION
792
00:38:39,807 --> 00:38:43,174
OF TWO OF THE FINEST SUPERHEROES
THIS WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.
793
00:38:43,176 --> 00:38:45,077
I MEAN, I'VE NEVER
ACTUALLY MET THEM--
794
00:38:45,079 --> 00:38:48,246
WELL, I MIGHT HAVE MET
THE INVISIBLE MAN,
795
00:38:48,248 --> 00:38:51,416
I WOULDN'T KNOW--
HE'S INVISIBLE.
796
00:38:51,418 --> 00:38:56,022
BUT I'VE HEARD THAT THEY
ARE BOTH REALLY NICE GUYS.
797
00:38:56,024 --> 00:38:57,957
AND FRANKLY,
798
00:38:57,959 --> 00:39:00,326
I THINK YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
799
00:39:01,796 --> 00:39:04,130
GOODBYE, VICAR.
800
00:39:11,373 --> 00:39:13,240
PRUDE!
801
00:39:13,242 --> 00:39:17,945
♪ FOREVER ♪
53470
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