All language subtitles for The Vicar of Dibley (1994) - S03E02 - Winter (576p DVD x265 Ghost).srt - eng(2)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,448 --> 00:00:04,216 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪ 2 00:00:04,218 --> 00:00:07,219 ♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 3 00:00:07,221 --> 00:00:11,024 ♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN ♪ 4 00:00:11,026 --> 00:00:13,226 ♪ IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 5 00:00:13,228 --> 00:00:18,766 ♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪ 6 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:24,571 ♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪ 7 00:00:27,410 --> 00:00:32,347 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 8 00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:37,452 SORRY I'M LATE EVERYONE. I WAS GLUED TO THE FOOTY. 9 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,953 YOU KNOW, WITH DIGITAL TELLY 10 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,955 YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR OWN CAMERA ANGLES. 11 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,957 I'VE JUST WATCHED THE ENTIRE SPURS MATCH 12 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,026 FROM RIGHT IN FRONT OF DAVID GINOLA'S SHORTS. 13 00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:48,296 I WAS GLUED TO THE TELLY TODAY AS WELL. 14 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,964 ARE YOU A FOOTY FAN, THEN, JIM? 15 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,566 NO, NO, NO, NO. 16 00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:55,538 I MEAN I WAS ACTUALLY GLUED TO THE TELLY. 17 00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:59,775 I WAS TRYING TO BUILD AN AIRFIX MODEL OF THE SPACESHIP ENTERPRISE 18 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:02,578 AND I HAD A BIT OF SPILLAGE. 19 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,814 HOW DID YOU GET UNSTUCK? 20 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:07,049 WELL, I DIDN'T... 21 00:01:07,051 --> 00:01:09,318 ( grunts ) 22 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,854 RIGHT. LET'S GET STARTED, SHALL WE? 23 00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:14,358 FIRST THING ON THE AGENDA 24 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,093 IS THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS SHOW. 25 00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:19,629 NOW, AS WE KNOW, LAST YEAR WAS A BIT OF A DISAPPOINTMENT. 26 00:01:19,631 --> 00:01:21,732 YOUR JUGGLING, FOR INSTANCE, OWEN. 27 00:01:21,734 --> 00:01:23,467 WELL, AT LEAST IT WAS ORIGINAL. 28 00:01:23,469 --> 00:01:27,003 NO ONE'S JUGGLED WITH LIVE PUPPIES BEFORE. OR SINCE. 29 00:01:27,005 --> 00:01:30,039 WELL, I ONLY DROPPED A COUPLE. 30 00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:32,275 WHATEVER, WE NEED THIS YEAR'S SHOW 31 00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:33,710 TO BE A TRIUMPH. 32 00:01:33,712 --> 00:01:35,646 IT IS, AFTER ALL, THE MILLENNIUM, 33 00:01:35,648 --> 00:01:37,749 2,000 YEARS SINCE JESUS' BIRTH. 34 00:01:37,751 --> 00:01:41,285 WELL, I THINK WE'RE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU THERE, DOUBTING DAVID. 35 00:01:41,287 --> 00:01:43,488 OVER TO YOU, HUGO. 36 00:01:43,490 --> 00:01:45,423 WHERE'S THAT? 37 00:01:45,425 --> 00:01:46,858 SIX MONTHS AGO 38 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:49,627 THE VICAR APPROACHED ME, FRANK, AND JIM 39 00:01:49,629 --> 00:01:53,898 TO FORM A CHRISTMAS SHOW SUB-COMMITTEE 40 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:57,436 TO COME UP WITH BIG IDEAS. 41 00:01:57,438 --> 00:01:59,605 AND WE'VE BEEN MEETING ONCE A FORTNIGHT, 42 00:01:59,607 --> 00:02:03,308 AND WE'RE PRETTY EXCITED BECAUSE JUST THIS WEEK, 43 00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:05,711 WE HAD A BIT OF A BREAKTHROUGH. 44 00:02:05,713 --> 00:02:07,479 AHA! AND WHAT'S THAT? 45 00:02:07,481 --> 00:02:10,282 WE'VE AGREED THE DATE OF THE FIRST FULL MEETING. 46 00:02:10,284 --> 00:02:12,851 RIGHT, AND WHEN'S THAT GOING TO BE, THEN? 47 00:02:12,853 --> 00:02:14,686 FEBRUARY THE 10th. 48 00:02:14,688 --> 00:02:16,321 WHAT, NEXT YEAR? YEAH. 49 00:02:16,323 --> 00:02:18,124 2000. YES, YES. 50 00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:21,093 AFTER CHRISTMAS. YES. 51 00:02:21,095 --> 00:02:22,629 THIS IS VERY DEPRESSING, HUGO. 52 00:02:22,631 --> 00:02:24,664 WE WANT THIS TO BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER. 53 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,801 AND WE DON'T HAVE A SHOW. SORRY. 54 00:02:27,803 --> 00:02:30,269 I COULD JUGGLE WITH KITTENS. 55 00:02:30,271 --> 00:02:33,773 THEY DON'T MIND BEING DROPPED. 56 00:02:33,775 --> 00:02:35,675 HOW DO YOU KNOW? 57 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,109 EXPERIENCE. 58 00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:39,012 MOVING SWIFTLY ON. 59 00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,581 ALL WE NEED IS FOR JUST ONE OF US 60 00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,850 TO COME UP WITH ONE FANTASTIC IDEA 61 00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:44,718 FOR THE BEST CHRISTMAS SHOW EVER. 62 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,654 BY TOMORROW. RIGHT. 63 00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:52,693 I'VE GOT IT, I'VE GOT IT, I'VE DAMN WELL GOT IT. 64 00:02:52,695 --> 00:02:58,466 LOOK, LISTEN, CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT THE BABY JESUS, ISN'T IT? 65 00:02:58,468 --> 00:03:01,202 YES, AND I'LL WARN YOU TO BE VERY CAREFUL, OWEN, 66 00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:03,805 BEFORE YOU SUGGEST JUGGLING BABIES. 67 00:03:03,807 --> 00:03:07,075 ON SECOND THOUGHT, PERHAPS I HAVEN'T GOT IT. 68 00:03:08,211 --> 00:03:09,878 YES, OF COURSE, BISHOP. 69 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,447 OUR SHOW WILL BE SOMETHING VERY, VERY SPECIAL. 70 00:03:12,449 --> 00:03:14,483 VERY, VERY, VERY SPECIAL INDEED. 71 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,585 WELL, WE HAVEN'T QUITE DECIDED YET, 72 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,253 BUT I'M SURE THE PERFECT IDEA IS AROUND THE CORNER. 73 00:03:19,255 --> 00:03:23,559 NICE TO SEE ME, TO SEE ME NICE. 74 00:03:23,561 --> 00:03:26,596 SPOKE TOO SOON ON THAT ONE. 75 00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:28,564 ALL RIGHT, I'LL SPEAK TO YOU IN JANUARY, THEN. YEAH. 76 00:03:28,566 --> 00:03:31,033 OH, LOVE TO JULIO, BY THE WAY. 77 00:03:31,035 --> 00:03:32,702 AND JUAN, OF COURSE. 78 00:03:32,704 --> 00:03:35,805 HAS HIS NASTY PIERCING INFECTION CLEARED UP NOW? 79 00:03:35,807 --> 00:03:38,073 GOOD. OKAY, BYE. 80 00:03:38,075 --> 00:03:40,810 SO, HOW'S IT GOING, O LADY OF THE LUMP? 81 00:03:40,812 --> 00:03:44,214 WEIRD. I CAN FEEL IT MOVING AROUND. 82 00:03:44,216 --> 00:03:45,682 YOU'VE NEVER HAD 83 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:48,819 ANYTHING MOVING AROUND INSIDE YOU, HAVE YOU? 84 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:56,026 NOT A BABY, NO. 85 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,663 IT'S AMAZING. IT'S ALMOST AS IF IT'S ALIVE. 86 00:03:59,665 --> 00:04:03,066 BUT IT IS ALIVE, ALICE. 87 00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:04,702 OH, YEAH. 88 00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:06,604 OH, BRILLO. 89 00:04:06,606 --> 00:04:08,506 DO YOU MIND IF I JUST GET ON? 90 00:04:08,508 --> 00:04:11,475 GOT A BIT OF A CHRISTMAS CRISIS, UNFORTUNATELY. 91 00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:14,178 I'LL JUST SIT HERE, THEN, GET OUT OF YOUR WAY. 92 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:15,880 GET MY BREATH BACK. 93 00:04:15,882 --> 00:04:19,551 RIGHT. I'LL JUST GET MY STUFF, THEN. 94 00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,057 ( music blaring ) 95 00:04:25,059 --> 00:04:27,259 OH, CAN YOU TURN THAT DOWN A BIT? 96 00:04:27,261 --> 00:04:29,327 IT'S A FUNNY THOUGHT, ISN'T IT? 97 00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:31,229 WHEN THEY'RE 17, LITTLE BABIES 98 00:04:31,231 --> 00:04:33,699 LIKE THAT ONE YOU'VE GOT COOKING IN YOUR TUM RIGHT NOW 99 00:04:33,701 --> 00:04:36,268 WILL GO ALL GOOEY OVER MUSIC LIKE THAT. 100 00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:38,871 THE SAME WAY WE GOT SENTIMENTAL ABOUT ABBA, 101 00:04:38,873 --> 00:04:43,075 THEY'LL GET ALL TEARY-EYED OVER SMACK MY BITCH UP. 102 00:04:43,077 --> 00:04:47,714 YEAH. ABBA WERE ALWAYS A BIT EXPERIMENTAL FOR ME. 103 00:04:47,716 --> 00:04:50,516 I LIKE MY MUSIC A LITTLE MORE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. 104 00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:52,452 OH? WHAT WOULD THAT BE? 105 00:04:52,454 --> 00:04:54,688 THE WOMBLES, REALLY. 106 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,990 RIGHT, RIGHT. 107 00:04:56,992 --> 00:05:00,159 YEAH. THEY WERE A GREAT BAND, WEREN'T THEY? 108 00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:04,030 ♪ REMEMBER YOU'RE A WOMBLE... ♪ 109 00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:07,301 YEAH. V.V. FUNKY, WEREN'T THEY? 110 00:05:07,303 --> 00:05:10,104 FUNNY THING, YOU NEVER HEAR OF THEM ANYMORE, DO YOU? 111 00:05:10,106 --> 00:05:13,140 IT'S FUNNY THAT, BECAUSE TAKE THAT SPLIT UP 112 00:05:13,142 --> 00:05:16,077 AND ROBBIE WILLIAMS AND GARY BARLOW KEPT ON MAKING RECORDS. 113 00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:18,178 BUT, I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WOMBLES? 114 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:20,414 I MEAN, YOU NEVER SEE UNCLE BULGARIA 115 00:05:20,416 --> 00:05:23,417 POPPING UP ON LATER WITH JOOLS HOLLAND. 116 00:05:23,419 --> 00:05:26,988 THAT'S BECAUSE UNCLE BULGARIA WAS A MAN IN A SUIT. 117 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:29,357 NO, UNCLE BULGARIA NEVER WORE A SUIT. 118 00:05:29,359 --> 00:05:31,660 NO, I MEAN THERE WAS ALWAYS A MAN 119 00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:33,428 INSIDE UNCLE BULGARIA. 120 00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:35,964 I DON'T CARE WHAT HE GOT UP TO IN PRIVATE. 121 00:05:39,536 --> 00:05:42,270 LOADS OF ROCK STARS ARE GAY, GERALDINE. 122 00:05:42,272 --> 00:05:45,073 DOESN'T MEAN HE WASN'T A GREAT MUSICIAN. 123 00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:47,308 NO, HE WASN'T A MUSICIAN AT ALL, WAS HE? 124 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,511 IT WAS JUST A COSTUME, WASN'T IT? 125 00:05:49,513 --> 00:05:51,681 I MEAN, UNCLE BULGARIA'S IN A BOX SOMEWHERE. 126 00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:54,316 UNCLE BULGARIA'S DEAD? 127 00:05:54,318 --> 00:05:57,820 CAN WE JUST FINISH THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE I STAB YOU TO DEATH? 128 00:05:57,822 --> 00:06:00,556 I HAVE GOT TO DEVISE A BRILLIANT CHRISTMAS SHOW, 129 00:06:00,558 --> 00:06:03,893 SOMETHING THAT THE PEOPLE OF DIBLEY WILL REMEMBER FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS. 130 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:05,028 OH, THAT'S EASY. 131 00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,731 AND NOT "DIBLEY'S WOMBLING MERRY CHRISTMAS." 132 00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:11,068 OH, RIGHT. DIFFICULT. YES. 133 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:15,639 WELL, I SUPPOSE THE NATIVITY'S THE OBVIOUS CHOICE. 134 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,141 WELL, OF COURSE IT IS, 135 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,609 BUT WE NEED TO GIVE IT A TWIST, DON'T WE? 136 00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:20,911 WELL, I SUPPOSE... 137 00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:23,280 I SUPPOSE YOU COULD DO IT LIKE ON AN ACTUAL FARM. 138 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:25,615 A FARM? YOU SILLY GIRL. 139 00:06:25,617 --> 00:06:28,385 SO THE AUDIENCE CAN FOLLOW THE STORY 140 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:32,657 ROUND THE FARMYARD ON A MAGICAL MOONLIGHT NIGHT-- 141 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,626 YOU KNOW, VISIT THE SHEPHERDS IN A REAL FIELD, 142 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:39,263 HAVE MARY AND JOSEPH IN A REAL STABLE WITH REAL COWS AND SHEEP. 143 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:42,333 YOU KNOW, THAT SORT OF THING. 144 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,335 ALICE... YES? 145 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,471 HOW DOES IT FEEL 146 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,041 TO HAVE HAD YOUR FIRST VERY GOOD IDEA INDEED? 147 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:54,246 HEY, IT FEELS GREAT. DOES IT? GOOD. 148 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,048 AND HERE COME SOME MORE. 149 00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:59,218 MAYBE THE WISE MEN CAN'T SEE JESUS 150 00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:01,053 WHEN THEY COME INTO THE STABLE, 151 00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:04,156 AND WE ALL HAVE TO GO, "HE'S BEHIND YOU." 152 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,959 OH, DEAR, YOUR TAXI'S ARRIVED! 153 00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:10,596 AND THEN JESUS CAN ESCAPE FROM HEROD AND RIDE UP A SORT OF... 154 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,231 LIKE A GIANT BEANSTALK. 155 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,699 OH, IT'S NOT A TAXI. 156 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:17,637 IT'S A SPACESHIP COME TO COLLECT YOU FOR EXPERIMENTS. 157 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:18,738 ( knock on door ) 158 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:21,541 ENTER, NEXT HOPEFUL THESPIAN. 159 00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:23,877 HELLO, VICAR. OH, HELLO, FRANK. 160 00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:26,112 I'D LIKE TO AUDITION FOR ONE OF THE WISE MEN. 161 00:07:26,114 --> 00:07:27,981 OH, RIGHT. LOVELY, RIGHT. 162 00:07:27,983 --> 00:07:30,383 WELL, HERE'S THE SCRIPT. 163 00:07:30,385 --> 00:07:33,553 I'LL READ IN THE OTHER WISE MEN FOR YOU, SHALL I? 164 00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:37,324 ALL RIGHT. READY? HERE WE GO. 165 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:41,562 "LO BEHOLD, A WONDROUS STAR IN THE EAST." 166 00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:45,232 ( strange voice ) "OH, LET US FOLLOW IT, 167 00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:49,970 MY NOBLE COMPANIONS." 168 00:07:54,811 --> 00:07:56,310 RIGHT. 169 00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:59,480 "PERCHANCE WE WILL ENCOUNTER THE SON OF GOD." 170 00:07:59,482 --> 00:08:05,220 "THEN WE WILL WORSHIP HIM." 171 00:08:05,222 --> 00:08:07,522 INTERESTING INTERPRETATION, FRANK. 172 00:08:07,524 --> 00:08:09,357 CAN'T SAY I QUITE UNDERSTAND THE VOICE. 173 00:08:09,359 --> 00:08:13,328 WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING-- I'M PLAYING A WISE MAN. 174 00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,597 NOW, WHO'S WISE? 175 00:08:15,599 --> 00:08:19,268 AND I THOUGHT, OF COURSE--STEVEN HAWKING! 176 00:08:20,872 --> 00:08:22,939 THE VOICE. 177 00:08:22,941 --> 00:08:25,842 RIGHT. 178 00:08:25,844 --> 00:08:29,979 "TAKE THIS MYRRH. 179 00:08:29,981 --> 00:08:33,482 IT'S VERY NICE." 180 00:08:33,484 --> 00:08:36,252 WELL, I CAN SEE YOU'VE REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, FRANK. 181 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:37,754 MORE'S THE PITY. 182 00:08:37,756 --> 00:08:40,824 UM, CAN I CALL YOU ABOUT IT? IT'S VERY GOOD, THOUGH. 183 00:08:40,826 --> 00:08:42,793 THANK YOU. 184 00:08:43,796 --> 00:08:45,462 RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT? 185 00:08:45,464 --> 00:08:47,097 IT'S OWEN. 186 00:08:47,099 --> 00:08:50,134 EXCELLENT. CAN YOU SEND HIM IN? YES. OWEN. 187 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:00,310 RIGHT. 188 00:09:00,312 --> 00:09:01,479 OWEN. 189 00:09:04,785 --> 00:09:09,220 AND, UM, YOU'VE COME TO AUDITION FOR... 190 00:09:09,222 --> 00:09:10,554 THE KING. 191 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,426 OF COURSE. THERE WERE THREE KINGS, 192 00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:16,828 AND YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THEM. 193 00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:19,931 THAT'S RIGHT. 194 00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:23,435 AND WILL YOU BE GIVING US AN ELVIS IMPRESSION ON THE NIGHT? 195 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,771 WELL, IT WOULD BE MAD TO DRESS UP AS HIM 196 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:30,442 AND THEN NOT LAY DOWN SOME SERIOUS ROCK 'N' ROLLING. 197 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:34,814 ♪ ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? ♪ 198 00:09:34,816 --> 00:09:39,051 ♪ DO YOU MISS ME TONIGHT? ♪ 199 00:09:39,053 --> 00:09:42,354 CAN I GET BACK TO YOU ON IT? JUST STORE THAT PERFORMANCE AND COME BACK TO YOU. 200 00:09:42,356 --> 00:09:44,024 CERTAINLY. ALL RIGHT. 201 00:09:44,026 --> 00:09:45,792 WOULD IT HELP... 202 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,560 IF I SLEPT WITH YOU? 203 00:09:49,832 --> 00:09:50,931 I BEG YOUR PARDON? 204 00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:53,099 WELL, I'VE HEARD YOU CAN GET ON IN ACTING 205 00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:55,802 BY SLEEPING WITH THE DIRECTOR ON A COUCH, 206 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:59,505 AND I, FOR ONE, WOULD BE ONLY TOO HAPPY TO OBLIGE. 207 00:09:59,507 --> 00:10:02,275 UM, NO. 208 00:10:02,277 --> 00:10:04,177 WHO'S NEXT? 209 00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:06,814 IT'S JIM. HE'S COME AS ONE OF THE KINGS AS WELL. 210 00:10:06,816 --> 00:10:07,915 OH, RIGHT. 211 00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,484 WELL, I HOPE IT ISN'T MARTIN LUTHER KING. 212 00:10:14,390 --> 00:10:15,556 RIGHT. 213 00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:21,095 HE SAYS HE'LL COME BACK LATER. 214 00:10:22,798 --> 00:10:24,932 SO, HOW CAN I HELP YOU TWO? 215 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,203 WE'D LIKE TO PLAY MARY AND JOSEPH-- 216 00:10:28,205 --> 00:10:30,705 WITH ME AS MARY. 217 00:10:30,707 --> 00:10:33,608 OH, GOD... OH, GOOD! 218 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:35,543 THOUGH, ACTUALLY, ALICE, 219 00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:39,481 I ACTUALLY WAS BANKING ON YOU FOR THE PIVOTAL ROLE 220 00:10:39,483 --> 00:10:41,716 OF WOMAN WHO SLEEPS THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING 221 00:10:41,718 --> 00:10:43,285 IN ANOTHER ROOM AT THE INN. 222 00:10:43,287 --> 00:10:47,556 OH, THAT WOULD BE NICE, TOO, BUT I WANT TO PLAY MARY. 223 00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:50,927 IT'S JUST THAT-- OH, DEAR, WHAT A SHAME-- 224 00:10:50,929 --> 00:10:54,297 YOU DON'T ACTUALLY FIT THE VITAL REQUIREMENTS, I'M AFRAID. 225 00:10:54,299 --> 00:10:56,766 FOR INSTANCE, JOSEPH WAS A CARPENTER, 226 00:10:56,768 --> 00:11:01,037 AND I'M AFRAID HUGO JUST ISN'T, IS HE? 227 00:11:04,842 --> 00:11:08,144 JUST FINISHED THEM IN EVENING CLASS. RIGHT. GOOD. 228 00:11:08,146 --> 00:11:10,881 BUT THE CRUCIAL THING, I FEAR, IS THAT THEY WEREN'T ENGLISH. 229 00:11:10,883 --> 00:11:13,617 I'M AFRAID MARY ONLY SPOKE HEBREW. 230 00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:17,854 ( speaking Hebrew ) 231 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:22,793 YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT. 232 00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:24,094 PLEASE. 233 00:11:24,096 --> 00:11:25,362 PLEASE? 234 00:11:25,364 --> 00:11:27,664 LOOK, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 235 00:11:27,666 --> 00:11:29,600 ( crying ) 236 00:11:29,602 --> 00:11:31,336 RIGHT, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, 237 00:11:31,338 --> 00:11:33,171 AND I THINK IT'S AN EXCELLENT, PERFECT IDEA! 238 00:11:33,173 --> 00:11:35,773 HOORAY! 239 00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:39,044 SEE YOU ON THE SET, REVEREND SPIELBERG. 240 00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:43,248 HUGO, YOU DON'T THINK YOUR FATHER WOULD BE WILLING TO ACT, DO YOU? 241 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:44,649 ABSOLUTELY. 242 00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:47,452 HE WAS RATHER HOPING YOU'D ASK HIM TO PLAY GOD. 243 00:11:47,454 --> 00:11:51,657 ACTUALLY, NO. I HAD ANOTHER PART IN MIND. 244 00:11:51,659 --> 00:11:54,060 ( speaking Hebrew ) 245 00:11:55,964 --> 00:11:58,697 HERE YOU ARE. 246 00:11:58,699 --> 00:12:02,335 NICE TRY, JIM, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK 247 00:12:02,337 --> 00:12:04,337 ONE OF THE KINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN BILLIE JEAN. 248 00:12:11,479 --> 00:12:13,847 NOW THEN, EVERYONE, 249 00:12:13,849 --> 00:12:17,751 WELCOME TO YOUR FIRST REHEARSAL. 250 00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:21,155 NOW THEN, LET'S JUST WHIP AROUND THE CIRCLE, SHALL WE, 251 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,757 TO JUST CHECK WHICH PARTS WE'RE PLAYING. 252 00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:25,825 FOR INSTANCE, I AM GERALDINE. 253 00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:27,961 HI, I'M YOUR DIRECTOR. 254 00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:32,466 I AM ALSO PLAYING THE ANNOUNCING ANGEL AND THE NARRATOR. 255 00:12:32,468 --> 00:12:35,403 I'M ALICE. I'M PLAYING MARY. 256 00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,038 I'M HUGO, AND I'M JOSEPH. 257 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,741 I'M DAVID. I'M...HEROD. 258 00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:46,747 I'M JIM. 259 00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:52,087 AND I-- NO, NO, DON'T KNOW. 260 00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:54,490 GOOD. MOVING ON. 261 00:12:54,492 --> 00:12:58,461 I'M OWEN. I'M THIRD SHEPHERD, FIRST KING, 262 00:12:58,463 --> 00:13:02,831 AND IT'S MY FARM WE'RE PERFORMING IN FOR A VERY REASONABLE RENT. 263 00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:04,533 OWEN! FOR FREE. 264 00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:05,934 YES, THANK YOU. 265 00:13:05,936 --> 00:13:09,105 NOW, SINCE THIS IS AN EXPERIMENTAL PLAY, 266 00:13:09,107 --> 00:13:11,607 I'D LIKE TO USE SOME OF THE REHEARSAL METHODS 267 00:13:11,609 --> 00:13:14,009 FROM BROOK'S EARLY PRODUCTIONS. 268 00:13:14,011 --> 00:13:15,444 BROOKE SHIELDS? 269 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,581 NO, PETER BROOK. 270 00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,049 HE WAS A DIRECTOR AT THE ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY. 271 00:13:20,051 --> 00:13:25,054 I WOULDN'T MIND BEING DIRECTED BY BROOKE SHIELDS. 272 00:13:25,056 --> 00:13:29,259 "THIS WAY TO THE BEDROOM, JIM." 273 00:13:29,261 --> 00:13:30,893 DO SHUT UP, JIM. 274 00:13:30,895 --> 00:13:36,032 "ANDRE AGASSI, GET OUT OF THAT BED, YOU LAZY SOD. 275 00:13:36,034 --> 00:13:39,537 I'VE GOT JIM TROTT HERE." 276 00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:44,575 CAN WE GET ON, VICAR? I'VE GOT A MEETING IN APRIL. 277 00:13:44,577 --> 00:13:48,879 I'M SORRY. I GET CARRIED AWAY. 278 00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:50,714 IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG LIFE 279 00:13:50,716 --> 00:13:54,519 WITH VERY LITTLE SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION. 280 00:13:55,622 --> 00:13:57,855 IN BROOK'S CLASSIC PRODUCTIONS, 281 00:13:57,857 --> 00:14:00,592 THERE WAS AN AURA OF IMPROVISATION 282 00:14:00,594 --> 00:14:02,661 TO ENABLE THE ACTORS TO REALLY EXPLORE 283 00:14:02,663 --> 00:14:04,696 THE BACKGROUND OF THEIR CHARACTERS. 284 00:14:04,698 --> 00:14:06,698 SO, LET'S DO A LITTLE BIT OF THAT, SHALL WE? 285 00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,700 HUGO, ALICE, HERE WE GO. 286 00:14:08,702 --> 00:14:09,901 LET'S CLEAR THE FLOOR. 287 00:14:09,903 --> 00:14:11,770 COME ON, MAKE A BIG OPEN SPACE. 288 00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:14,473 DON'T WORRY, ALICE, IT'S JUST PRETENDING. 289 00:14:14,475 --> 00:14:16,475 HERE WE GO. NOW, ALICE, 290 00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:18,277 YOU'RE PLAYING MARY. 291 00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:20,346 YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU'RE UNMARRIED, YOU'RE A VIRGIN, 292 00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:22,482 AND YET, YOU FIND OUT YOU'RE PREGNANT! 293 00:14:22,484 --> 00:14:25,652 THAT HAPPENED TO MY COUSIN SALLY. NO IT DIDN'T, OWEN. 294 00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:27,453 SHE GAVE BIRTH THREE TIMES, 295 00:14:27,455 --> 00:14:30,156 BUT SHE NEVER, EVER HAD SEX WITH A MAN. 296 00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:31,857 EXCEPT ME. 297 00:14:33,261 --> 00:14:34,994 AND ME. 298 00:14:34,996 --> 00:14:37,330 AND ME, IF I'M HONEST. 299 00:14:37,332 --> 00:14:39,065 NOW THEN, ALICE, 300 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:42,002 SO UNMARRIED AND YET PREGNANT, ALL RIGHT? 301 00:14:42,004 --> 00:14:45,339 AND THAT VERY DAY, WHO COMES HOME BUT JOSEPH, 302 00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:48,209 YOUR FIANCE!!, A HUMBLE CARPENTER. 303 00:14:48,211 --> 00:14:50,844 RIGHT. SO, OKAY. 304 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,213 AND CENTER, AND GO. 305 00:14:54,950 --> 00:14:56,383 KNOCK, KNOCK. 306 00:14:56,385 --> 00:14:58,385 WHO IS IT? 307 00:14:58,387 --> 00:15:02,691 IT'S ME-- JOSEPH, YOUR BOYFRIEND, A HUMBLE CARPENTER. 308 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,059 OH, COME ON IN, JOE. 309 00:15:05,061 --> 00:15:07,762 CUP OF TEA? YES, PLEASE. 310 00:15:07,764 --> 00:15:10,164 BUSY DAY? 311 00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:13,801 YES, YES. BEEN CARPENTERING ALL DAY. 312 00:15:13,803 --> 00:15:16,137 OH, GOOD. 313 00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:18,506 AND YOURSELF-- INTERESTING DAY? 314 00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:20,875 WELL, YES, ACTUALLY. 315 00:15:20,877 --> 00:15:24,580 I SPENT THE MORNING SHOPPING, GOT YOU A LOVELY SUPPER. 316 00:15:24,582 --> 00:15:27,216 SPLENDID. WHAT IS IT? 317 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:31,120 LOAVES AND FISHES. A FAMILY RECIPE. 318 00:15:31,122 --> 00:15:34,290 GREAT. AND THIS AFTERNOON? 319 00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:38,494 I CAME HOME, AND THE ANGEL OF THE LORD WAS WAITING 320 00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:43,165 AND MADE ME WITH CHILD, WHO SHALL BE LORD OF ALL MANKIND. 321 00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,101 OH, RIGHT. 322 00:15:45,103 --> 00:15:46,570 HUMMUS? PLEASE. 323 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,172 SORRY. CAN I JUST BUTT IN THERE, HUGO? 324 00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:51,575 I THINK YOU'D REACT A BIT MORE THAN THAT. 325 00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:54,043 IT'S QUITE BIG NEWS YOU'RE HEARING. YES, SORRY. 326 00:15:54,045 --> 00:15:55,479 GET YOUR DRIFT. GOOD POINT. 327 00:15:55,481 --> 00:15:57,247 ABSOLUTELY. SO CENTER AND GO. 328 00:16:01,787 --> 00:16:05,221 A BIT OF A TURN UP FOR THE BOOKS, JOE-- I'M PREGNANT, 329 00:16:05,223 --> 00:16:08,693 AND GOD, THE MAKER OF ALL MANKIND, IS THE FATHER. 330 00:16:08,695 --> 00:16:10,528 OH... 331 00:16:13,065 --> 00:16:16,000 ACTUALLY, HAVE YOU GOT ANY TARAMASALATA. I'M-- 332 00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:17,168 NO, NO, NO! 333 00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:19,470 YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY COMPLETELY USELESS AT THIS. 334 00:16:19,472 --> 00:16:20,838 SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. 335 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,008 I'LL BE JOSEPH. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT. 336 00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:26,511 HELLO, MARY. 337 00:16:26,513 --> 00:16:27,646 HELLO, JOSEPH. 338 00:16:27,648 --> 00:16:28,681 ANY NEWS? 339 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,582 YEAH, I'M PREGNANT. 340 00:16:30,584 --> 00:16:32,418 HANG ON A MINUTE THERE, MADAM. 341 00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,820 YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE PREGNANT? YES. 342 00:16:34,822 --> 00:16:37,389 WELL, WHO'S THE FATHER, YOU LITTLE SCRUBBER? 343 00:16:37,391 --> 00:16:39,257 COME ON, WHO IS IT? 344 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:42,428 GOD ALMIGHTY, CREATOR OF ALL THINGS. 345 00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:44,596 OH, SURE. I'VE HEARD THAT STORY BEFORE. 346 00:16:44,598 --> 00:16:46,632 COME ON, WHO IS IT? 347 00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:48,468 I DON'T KNOW. 348 00:16:49,871 --> 00:16:53,206 I WENT TO THE LOO, AND WHEN I GOT TO THE LOO, 349 00:16:53,208 --> 00:16:56,843 THE ANGEL OF THE LORD WAS SITTING ON THE LOO, AND HE SAID TO ME, 350 00:16:56,845 --> 00:17:00,213 "YOU DON'T ACTUALLY NEED THE LOO. YOU'RE PREGNANT." 351 00:17:00,215 --> 00:17:02,148 OH, MARY, FORGIVE ME. 352 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:05,452 GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU BASTARD. 353 00:17:05,454 --> 00:17:06,619 WHAT? 354 00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,555 HOW COULD YOU DOUBT ME? 355 00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:10,491 I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 356 00:17:10,493 --> 00:17:14,695 I'M GOING TO BETHLEHEM ON ME OWN. 357 00:17:14,697 --> 00:17:16,230 AND OUT OF CHARACTER. 358 00:17:16,232 --> 00:17:18,098 WELL DONE, ALICE. 359 00:17:20,236 --> 00:17:21,736 WHISKEY? 360 00:17:21,738 --> 00:17:25,239 OOH, YES, PLEASE, LOTS. I'M ABSOLUTELY WHACKED. 361 00:17:25,241 --> 00:17:27,608 IT'S EXHAUSTING, ALL THIS DIRECTING. 362 00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,979 NO WONDER STANLEY KUBRICK DIED. 363 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:34,883 RIGHT. RIGHT. 364 00:17:36,152 --> 00:17:40,822 NOW, OBVIOUSLY, VICAR, I'M VERY HAPPY TO PLAY HEROD. 365 00:17:40,824 --> 00:17:42,957 BUT I DID JUST WONDER 366 00:17:42,959 --> 00:17:45,326 IF WE WEREN'T MISSING A TRICK WITH HIM, 367 00:17:45,328 --> 00:17:48,162 A CHANCE TO MAKE HIM MORE ROUNDED, 368 00:17:48,164 --> 00:17:50,298 PERHAPS BRING OUT HIS NICER SIDE. 369 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:52,735 THE NICER SIDE OF HEROD? 370 00:17:52,737 --> 00:17:53,969 YES. OH, I SEE. 371 00:17:53,971 --> 00:17:57,540 YOU MEAN A LITTLE BIT LIKE THE PLAYFUL SIDE OF HITLER? 372 00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:59,409 EXACTLY. 373 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,577 I MEAN, THERE'S HEROD, 374 00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:04,213 A CULTURED, SOPHISTICATED MAN-- 375 00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:07,216 INTO MUSIC, INTO ANCIENT ART-- 376 00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:11,788 AND THEN HE MASSACRES JUST ONE BATCH OF BABIES, 377 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,825 AND SUDDENLY THAT'S ALL PEOPLE CAN REMEMBER. 378 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,693 IT'S JUST NOT FAIR, IS IT? 379 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,763 SO I HAVE WRITTEN A SHORT SINGLET. 380 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,598 NOTHING DEFINITIVE, 381 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,101 BUT PERHAPS PUTTING HIS SIDE OF THINGS 382 00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:28,772 A LITTLE MORE... WELL, YOU KNOW. 383 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,907 RIGHT. 384 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:33,209 "HEROD STROKES HIS ADORING DOG CUDDLES, 385 00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:36,147 "THEN TURNS TO TWO SOLDIERS. 386 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:39,584 "HEROD--SOLDIERS, TAKE A BATTALION OF MEN TO JUDEA 387 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,253 "AND KISS ALL THE BABIES THERE. 388 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,490 "SOLDIER ONE--DID HE SAY 'KISS ALL THE BABIES'? 389 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:49,093 "SOLDIER TWO, WHO IS SLIGHTLY HARD OF HEARING-- 390 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,697 "NO, I THOUGHT HE SAID, 'KILL ALL THE BABIES.' 391 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,365 "SOLDIER ONE-- OH, RIGHT. 392 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,870 WELL, LET'S GO AND MASSACRE THEM, THEN." 393 00:18:57,872 --> 00:19:01,106 IT'S AN INTERPRETATION. NO, IT'S NOT. 394 00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:02,741 NAUGHTY. 395 00:19:02,743 --> 00:19:04,610 COME ON, NOW. FOCUS, FOCUS. 396 00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:06,011 COME ON, NOW. 397 00:19:06,013 --> 00:19:08,113 YOU'RE IN THE FIELDS, YOU'RE TENDING YOUR SHEEP 398 00:19:08,115 --> 00:19:10,215 JUST BEFORE THE ANGEL OF THE LORD APPEARS. 399 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,717 I NEED A LITTLE BIT OF CHATTER. 400 00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:12,851 MAKE SOMETHING UP. 401 00:19:12,853 --> 00:19:16,522 RIGHT. RIGHT. 402 00:19:16,524 --> 00:19:19,192 FELLOW SHEPHERDS, 403 00:19:19,194 --> 00:19:22,595 DID ANYONE SEE GROUND FORCE LAST NIGHT? 404 00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:24,631 NO, NO. NO, NO. YES. 405 00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:26,399 THAT CHARLIE DIMMOCK, 406 00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:29,869 SHE CAN PROPAGATE MY SEEDLINGS ANYTIME. 407 00:19:29,871 --> 00:19:31,037 NO, NO, NO, NO. 408 00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,072 WHEN SHE LEANS OVER, IT'S LIKE TWO PUMPKINS 409 00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:35,542 ROLLING AROUND IN A GROW BAG. 410 00:19:35,544 --> 00:19:39,179 AND LO, AN ANGEL OF THE LORD 411 00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:41,315 APPEARED BEFORE THEM. 412 00:19:41,317 --> 00:19:43,751 SHALL I PROMPT FOR THIS BIT, AS YOU'RE PLAYING THE ANGEL? 413 00:19:43,753 --> 00:19:45,853 OH, OKAY. BUT I AM A VICAR, OWEN. 414 00:19:45,855 --> 00:19:47,621 I DO ACTUALLY KNOW IT. 415 00:19:47,623 --> 00:19:49,590 JUST IN CASE. OKAY. 416 00:19:49,592 --> 00:19:51,826 BE NOT AFRAID, 417 00:19:51,828 --> 00:19:54,127 FOR I AM AN ANGEL OF THE LORD 418 00:19:54,129 --> 00:19:57,832 AND I BRING YOU GLAD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY. 419 00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,601 "FOR TONIGHT IN THE CITY OF DAVID"-- 420 00:19:59,603 --> 00:20:01,436 NO, NO, NO. THAT'S A PAUSE, ISN'T IT? 421 00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,204 THAT'S A DRAMATIC PAUSE THERE. 422 00:20:03,206 --> 00:20:05,907 IT LOOKED LIKE YOU'D FORGOTTEN IT. 423 00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:09,244 FOR I AM AN ANGEL OF THE LORD, 424 00:20:09,246 --> 00:20:14,549 AND I BRING YOU GLAD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY. 425 00:20:14,551 --> 00:20:18,019 "FOR TONIGHT IN THE CITY--" NO, THAT'S THE PAUSE. 426 00:20:18,021 --> 00:20:19,654 I THOUGHT YOU WERE PAUSING, 427 00:20:19,656 --> 00:20:22,492 BUT THEN YOU PAUSED A BIT LONGER THAN YOU DID IN THE FIRST PAUSE, 428 00:20:22,494 --> 00:20:24,594 AND I THOUGHT YOU'D FORGOTTEN IT. 429 00:20:24,596 --> 00:20:26,763 LOOK, I'M JUST GOING TO GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING. 430 00:20:26,765 --> 00:20:28,498 YOU THREE JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING. 431 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,232 ( mumbling ) 432 00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:32,234 WHAT, NOT EVEN OUR LINES? 433 00:20:32,236 --> 00:20:34,837 YES, YOUR LINES! YES, YOUR LINES! 434 00:20:34,839 --> 00:20:36,539 YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A PROMPT. 435 00:20:36,541 --> 00:20:37,973 RIGHT, RIGHT. OKAY. 436 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:40,476 WELL, THEN, FRANK CAN PROMPT ME, CAN'T HE? 437 00:20:40,478 --> 00:20:42,312 YES, YES. THANK YOU. 438 00:20:42,314 --> 00:20:45,549 SHE'S NOT VERY ANGELIC, IS SHE? 439 00:20:47,453 --> 00:20:49,420 AND LO, 440 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:53,624 AN ANGEL OF THE LORD APPEARED BEFORE THEM. 441 00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:54,892 BE NOT AFRAID. 442 00:20:54,894 --> 00:20:58,595 NO. BE AFRAID. 443 00:20:58,597 --> 00:21:01,131 BE VERY AFRAID. 444 00:21:03,403 --> 00:21:04,669 OH, YES. 445 00:21:04,671 --> 00:21:06,738 OH, YES. 446 00:21:09,075 --> 00:21:12,477 SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, VICAR. 447 00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:16,648 NO, FINE. THAT'S ABSOLUTELY FINE. 448 00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:21,519 YUM. YEAH. 449 00:21:21,521 --> 00:21:24,055 THE THING IS, I'M A BIT WORRIED 450 00:21:24,057 --> 00:21:26,459 ABOUT THIS GIVING BIRTH BUSINESS. 451 00:21:26,461 --> 00:21:29,829 IT'S JUST THAT I WATCHED A VIDEO OF A BIRTH LAST NIGHT, 452 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,698 AND IT LOOKED REALLY QUITE HORRIBLE. 453 00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:36,769 I DON'T WANT MY BABY BURSTING THROUGH MY STOMACH LIKE THAT. 454 00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:42,475 WAS THE VIDEO CALLED ALIEN, BY ANY CHANCE? 455 00:21:42,477 --> 00:21:44,910 THAT'S RIGHT. 456 00:21:44,912 --> 00:21:47,280 RIGHT, RIGHT. 457 00:21:47,282 --> 00:21:50,350 ALSO, I'VE HEARD THAT MOTHERS-TO-BE 458 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,886 SHOULD AVOID UNNECESSARY STRAIN, 459 00:21:52,888 --> 00:21:55,355 SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE I SHOULDN'T 460 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,524 BE ACTING IN THE PLAY AFTER ALL 461 00:21:57,526 --> 00:22:00,026 'CAUSE IT IS PRETTY STRESSFUL. 462 00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,962 ALICE, I'M SORRY, 463 00:22:01,964 --> 00:22:04,731 BUT YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE LINE, HAVEN'T YOU? 464 00:22:04,733 --> 00:22:06,633 "BUT I AM GREAT WITH CHILD"-- 465 00:22:06,635 --> 00:22:08,636 JUST THE SIX WORDS. 466 00:22:08,638 --> 00:22:11,238 I KNOW, BUT I'M REALLY WORRIED I'M GOING TO FORGET THEM, 467 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,274 AND THE WORRY MIGHT CAUSE ME ALL SORTS OF DAMAGE INTERNALLY. 468 00:22:14,276 --> 00:22:17,244 I SEE YOUR POINT, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, 469 00:22:17,246 --> 00:22:20,414 IF YOU LEAVE ME HIGH AND DRY WITH THIS PLAY NOW, 470 00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:23,518 THIS FIST WILL CAUSE YOU ALL SORTS OF DAMAGE EXTERNALLY 471 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,753 IN THE FACE DEPARTMENT. DO YOU SEE? 472 00:22:25,755 --> 00:22:27,956 OBVIOUSLY, THE CHOICE IS YOURS. 473 00:22:29,393 --> 00:22:31,359 I THINK IT WILL BE OKAY. 474 00:22:31,361 --> 00:22:35,030 YEAH, I THINK SO. I REALLY DO. REALLY DO. 475 00:22:35,032 --> 00:22:36,965 AH-AH-AH! NOPE, SORRY. 476 00:22:36,967 --> 00:22:38,700 CAN YOU JUST SOD OFF NOW, PLEASE? THANKS. 477 00:22:38,702 --> 00:22:40,869 I WANT TO WATCH SEAN BEAN ON THE TELLY. 478 00:22:40,871 --> 00:22:42,671 I'D LIKE TO BE ALONE WITH HIM. 479 00:22:42,673 --> 00:22:44,773 ISN'T HE LOVELY? 480 00:22:44,775 --> 00:22:46,775 OH, YOU! 481 00:22:48,278 --> 00:22:50,647 RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU, EVERYONE, 482 00:22:50,649 --> 00:22:52,949 FOR AN EXCELLENT DAY'S REHEARSAL 483 00:22:52,951 --> 00:22:55,384 AFTER A SLIGHTLY SHAKY START. 484 00:22:55,386 --> 00:22:58,955 RIGHT, THE POSTER-- WHAT DO YOU THINK? 485 00:22:58,957 --> 00:23:00,757 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. WHAT? 486 00:23:00,759 --> 00:23:02,859 WELL, I JUST DON'T THINK 487 00:23:02,861 --> 00:23:05,595 IT IS THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD. 488 00:23:05,597 --> 00:23:06,930 I MEAN, THERE'S THAT GREAT STORY 489 00:23:06,932 --> 00:23:08,865 ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHOSE HOUSE WAS BURGLED 490 00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:11,301 AND THEY THOUGHT THE ROBBERS HADN'T TAKEN ANYTHING, 491 00:23:11,303 --> 00:23:14,304 AND THEN THEY DEVELOPED THEIR PHOTOGRAPHS MONTHS LATER, 492 00:23:14,306 --> 00:23:16,674 AND THEY FOUND PICTURES OF THE ROBBERS 493 00:23:16,676 --> 00:23:19,610 WITH TOOTHBRUSHES UP THEIR BOTTOMS. 494 00:23:19,612 --> 00:23:22,479 SO, WHAT, YOU THINK I SHOULD WRITE 495 00:23:22,481 --> 00:23:24,748 "THE SECOND GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD"? 496 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:27,217 YES. THERE IS THAT FANTASTIC STORY ABOUT THE WOMAN 497 00:23:27,219 --> 00:23:28,986 WHOSE HUSBAND GOT OUT OF THE CAR, 498 00:23:28,988 --> 00:23:31,756 AND SHE HEARD THIS BANGING ON THE ROOF, AND THE POLICE SAID, 499 00:23:31,758 --> 00:23:33,959 "GET OUT OF THE CAR AND DON'T LOOK ROUND." 500 00:23:33,961 --> 00:23:37,295 BUT SHE DID LOOK ROUND, AND IT WAS A LUNATIC ACTUALLY BANGING 501 00:23:37,297 --> 00:23:40,565 HER HUSBAND'S SEVERED HEAD ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. 502 00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,433 WELL, PERHAPS I SHOULD JUST WRITE 503 00:23:42,435 --> 00:23:45,971 "ONE OF THE TOP TEN GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD." 504 00:23:45,973 --> 00:23:48,473 THAT'S FORGETTING ALL THOSE GREAT JACKIE COLLINS STORIES-- 505 00:23:48,475 --> 00:23:50,609 THE BITCH, THE STUD. 506 00:23:50,611 --> 00:23:52,711 AND BEATRIX POTTER, OF COURSE -- 507 00:23:52,713 --> 00:23:55,081 SHE WROTE LOVELY STORIES. 508 00:23:55,083 --> 00:23:57,549 NEWSROOM SOUTHEAST HAS SOME EXCELLENT LOCAL STORIES. 509 00:23:57,551 --> 00:24:00,820 RIGHT, RIGHT, SORRY. CAN WE JUST STOP RIGHT THERE? 510 00:24:00,822 --> 00:24:03,089 CAN I PLEASE JUST REMIND YOU ALL 511 00:24:03,091 --> 00:24:06,125 A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE STORY WE'RE ACTUALLY TELLING HERE? 512 00:24:06,127 --> 00:24:10,930 TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO A BABY IS BORN IN A STABLE-- 513 00:24:10,932 --> 00:24:12,732 THE POOREST OF THE POOR. 514 00:24:12,734 --> 00:24:14,701 AND YET DURING HIS LIFETIME, 515 00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:18,338 HE SAYS THINGS THAT ARE SO ASTONISHING 516 00:24:18,340 --> 00:24:19,773 THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE 517 00:24:19,775 --> 00:24:22,208 ARE STILL LIVING THEIR LIVES BY THEM TODAY. 518 00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:24,611 HE SAID, "LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR." 519 00:24:24,613 --> 00:24:27,848 HE TOLD US TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, 520 00:24:27,850 --> 00:24:30,183 WHATEVER PEOPLE MIGHT DO TO US. 521 00:24:30,185 --> 00:24:33,687 DOES THAT INCLUDE THAT SIMON BONKING YOU LIKE A BEACH BALL? 522 00:24:35,424 --> 00:24:37,759 YES, IT DOES, OWEN. 523 00:24:37,761 --> 00:24:40,094 SADLY, IT DOES. 524 00:24:41,131 --> 00:24:43,397 BUT MOST ASTONISHINGLY, 525 00:24:43,399 --> 00:24:47,035 I BELIEVE THAT THIS TINY LITTLE BABY BOY 526 00:24:47,037 --> 00:24:49,603 ACTUALLY WAS THE SON OF GOD. 527 00:24:49,605 --> 00:24:53,007 AND WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER THAN I AM TODAY, 528 00:24:53,009 --> 00:24:55,409 HE WAS BRUTALLY CRUCIFIED 529 00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,113 FOR SIMPLY TELLING PEOPLE TO LOVE EACH OTHER. 530 00:24:58,115 --> 00:25:00,649 AND THE MEN WHO KILLED HIM THOUGHT, "THAT'S IT. 531 00:25:00,651 --> 00:25:04,452 THAT'S THE END OF IT. HE'S DEAD. HE'S GONE." 532 00:25:04,454 --> 00:25:07,956 AND YET HERE WE ARE 2,000 YEARS LATER 533 00:25:07,958 --> 00:25:12,061 IN A VILLAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF ENGLAND 534 00:25:12,063 --> 00:25:16,331 DOING A PLAY ABOUT HIS BIRTH. 535 00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,535 NOW, I THINK THAT'S A PRETTY GREAT STORY. 536 00:25:19,537 --> 00:25:21,637 YEAH. YES. 537 00:25:21,639 --> 00:25:23,707 YES, ALL RIGHT, 538 00:25:23,709 --> 00:25:26,242 IT'S A GOOD POSTER. LEAVE IT AS IT IS. 539 00:25:26,244 --> 00:25:28,211 THANK YOU. 540 00:25:28,213 --> 00:25:30,747 ALTHOUGH I DO ADMIT THE ONE ABOUT THE TOOTHBRUSHES 541 00:25:30,749 --> 00:25:32,548 IS PRETTY GRIPPING-- PERHAPS WE'LL DO THAT NEXT YEAR. 542 00:25:32,550 --> 00:25:35,051 FRANK PLAYS THE TOOTHBRUSH. 543 00:25:35,053 --> 00:25:37,053 YES, PLEASE. 544 00:25:44,831 --> 00:25:46,030 YEAH. 545 00:25:46,032 --> 00:25:48,999 OOH! OH... 546 00:25:50,002 --> 00:25:51,168 OOH. 547 00:25:58,077 --> 00:26:00,312 Geraldine: RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO GET GOING. 548 00:26:00,314 --> 00:26:01,847 BREAK A LEG, EVERYBODY. 549 00:26:01,849 --> 00:26:04,082 AND DON'T FORGET, IF YOU FEEL LIKE IMPROVISING, 550 00:26:04,084 --> 00:26:06,351 JUST GO FOR IT! 551 00:26:06,353 --> 00:26:10,722 OOH! OH, I THINK IT'S STARTED. 552 00:26:10,724 --> 00:26:12,891 EXACTLY LIKE THAT. 553 00:26:12,893 --> 00:26:15,327 SHE'S VERY GOOD AT IT. WELL DONE, ALICE. 554 00:26:15,329 --> 00:26:17,762 ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, GIVE 'EM HELL. 555 00:26:17,764 --> 00:26:20,198 ACTUALLY, NO. THE ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE OF THAT, PLEASE. 556 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,801 GIVE THEM A QUITE HEAVENLY EVENING, PLEASE. 557 00:26:22,803 --> 00:26:24,370 AND, JIM, I'M SORRY, 558 00:26:24,372 --> 00:26:27,840 I THINK THIS BEARD IS JUST FAR TOO LONG. 559 00:26:27,842 --> 00:26:29,541 NO, NO, NO, NO. 560 00:26:29,543 --> 00:26:32,745 YES, YOU COULD BE RIGHT. YEAH. 561 00:26:33,848 --> 00:26:36,849 HELLO, EVERYBODY. HI. 562 00:26:36,851 --> 00:26:39,718 WELCOME TO THE FARMYARD NATIVITY. 563 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,754 I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY WATCHING IT 564 00:26:41,756 --> 00:26:44,191 JUST AS MUCH AS WE'VE ENJOYED REHEARSING IT. 565 00:26:44,193 --> 00:26:45,792 ( weak laugh ) 566 00:26:45,794 --> 00:26:49,296 AS YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T CHARGED ANYBODY ANYTHING TO COME IN, 567 00:26:49,298 --> 00:26:52,099 SO AT THE END, THERE'LL BE TWO LITTLE ANGELS HERE 568 00:26:52,101 --> 00:26:53,566 WAITING AT THE GATE, 569 00:26:53,568 --> 00:26:57,771 AND ALL DONATIONS WILL BE WELCOME. THANK YOU. 570 00:26:57,773 --> 00:26:59,439 SO, HERE WE GO. 571 00:26:59,441 --> 00:27:01,008 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY 572 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:03,777 I'LL BE SLAUGHTERING DAISY HERE TOMORROW, 573 00:27:03,779 --> 00:27:07,882 SO DO ORDER YOUR CHRISTMAS BEEF AFTER THE SHOW. 574 00:27:07,884 --> 00:27:11,286 RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, OWEN. 575 00:27:11,288 --> 00:27:13,687 AND IT CAME TO PASS 576 00:27:13,689 --> 00:27:17,691 THAT THERE WENT OUT A DECREE FROM CAESAR AUGUSTUS 577 00:27:17,693 --> 00:27:20,328 THAT ALL THE WORLD SHOULD BE TAXED. 578 00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:23,898 AND JOSEPH WENT TO BETHLEHEM WITH MARY, 579 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:25,500 HIS ESPOUSED WIFE, 580 00:27:25,502 --> 00:27:27,602 WHO WAS GREAT WITH CHILD 581 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:30,306 AND RIDING UPON A DONKEY. 582 00:27:36,147 --> 00:27:38,247 BUT THE DONKEY DID RUN AWAY 583 00:27:38,249 --> 00:27:41,083 DURING REHEARSALS THIS AFTERNOON, 584 00:27:41,085 --> 00:27:43,752 SO, IN THE END, SHE ACTUALLY TURNED UP 585 00:27:43,754 --> 00:27:47,057 ON A SMALL MOTORIZED LAWN MOWER. 586 00:27:50,162 --> 00:27:52,795 AND SO MARY AND JOSEPH 587 00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:55,598 CAME UNTO AN INN IN BETHLEHEM 588 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,701 AND KNOCKED UPON THE DOOR. 589 00:28:01,139 --> 00:28:04,574 INNKEEPER, HAVE YOU A ROOM WHERE WE MAY REST? 590 00:28:04,576 --> 00:28:07,043 NO, NO, NO. 591 00:28:07,045 --> 00:28:10,747 NO, NO, NO. NO ROOM IN THE INN. 592 00:28:10,749 --> 00:28:15,186 WE'RE FULLY BOOKED BECAUSE OF THE MILLENNIUM. 593 00:28:17,523 --> 00:28:20,124 And I am great with child. 594 00:28:20,126 --> 00:28:22,460 ALSO, I AM GREAT WITH CHILD, 595 00:28:22,462 --> 00:28:25,629 SO IT'S PARTICULARLY AWKWARD. 596 00:28:25,631 --> 00:28:27,598 You. You. 597 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,869 SORRY. 598 00:28:30,871 --> 00:28:34,939 BUT ALSO, I AM GREAT WITH CHILD. 599 00:28:34,941 --> 00:28:37,842 OH, I FORGOT IT! 600 00:28:37,844 --> 00:28:41,279 In that case, I have a stable you can use. 601 00:28:41,281 --> 00:28:47,052 IN THAT CASE, THE VICAR HAS A STABLE YOU CAN USE. 602 00:28:47,054 --> 00:28:50,189 AND SO MARY AND JOSEPH WENT INTO THE STABLE 603 00:28:50,191 --> 00:28:53,192 THE INNKEEPER SO KINDLY OFFERED, 604 00:28:53,194 --> 00:28:55,561 THERE TO MAKE PREPARATIONS 605 00:28:55,563 --> 00:28:58,664 FOR THE BIRTH OF THE HOLY CHILD. 606 00:28:58,666 --> 00:29:03,169 ( music playing ) 607 00:29:03,171 --> 00:29:06,439 OH, I CAN FEEL IT COMING! OH, THAT'S GOOD. 608 00:29:06,441 --> 00:29:08,374 NO, I REALLY CAN. 609 00:29:12,314 --> 00:29:15,049 SHE WAS GOOD, WASN'T SHE? VERY CONVINCING, YES. 610 00:29:15,051 --> 00:29:16,917 I WAS QUITE GOOD, WASN'T I? 611 00:29:16,919 --> 00:29:18,652 NO. NO. 612 00:29:20,756 --> 00:29:23,957 AND AT THAT TIME IN JERUSALEM, 613 00:29:23,959 --> 00:29:26,960 HEROD HAD HEARD OF THE IMPENDING BIRTH 614 00:29:26,962 --> 00:29:29,129 OF A SO-CALLED KING OF THE JEWS, 615 00:29:29,131 --> 00:29:30,897 AND HE WAS SORE TROUBLED, 616 00:29:30,899 --> 00:29:35,636 FOR HEROD WAS A CRUEL AND JEALOUS KING. 617 00:29:35,638 --> 00:29:38,406 SOLDIERS, GO FORTH UNTO BETHLEHEM 618 00:29:38,408 --> 00:29:40,808 AND KILL ALL THE INFANTS IN THAT REGION, 619 00:29:40,810 --> 00:29:44,946 FOR I SHALL HAVE NO OTHER KING BUT ME. 620 00:29:44,948 --> 00:29:47,248 AND SO-- 621 00:29:47,250 --> 00:29:51,219 BUT KILL THEM GENTLY, 622 00:29:51,221 --> 00:29:53,654 FOR I AM NOT AS CRUEL AND JEALOUS 623 00:29:53,656 --> 00:29:56,358 AS SOME WOULD HAVE ME BE. 624 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:57,726 AND SO-- 625 00:29:57,728 --> 00:29:59,895 IN FACT, 626 00:29:59,897 --> 00:30:01,863 I REALLY LOVE CHILDREN. 627 00:30:01,865 --> 00:30:06,001 INDEED, I SEE SOME IN MY COURT AND WOULD GIVE THEM 628 00:30:06,003 --> 00:30:10,606 MANY GIFTS OF SWEETS AND CHOCOLATES. 629 00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:12,374 FOR YOU. THANK YOU, HEROD. 630 00:30:12,376 --> 00:30:14,743 AND FOR YOU. THANK YOU, HEROD. 631 00:30:14,745 --> 00:30:16,213 AND FOR YOU. 632 00:30:16,215 --> 00:30:18,482 I LOVE YOU, HEROD. 633 00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:22,785 AND MEANWHILE, IN THE FIELDS, 634 00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:26,055 SOME SHEPHERDS WERE TENDING THEIR FLOCK. 635 00:30:28,860 --> 00:30:31,128 IMPROVISE. 636 00:30:32,598 --> 00:30:36,099 SEE THAT EWE OVER THERE? SHE'S PRETTY. 637 00:30:36,101 --> 00:30:37,368 NO, NO, NO. 638 00:30:37,370 --> 00:30:39,570 I WOULDN'T MIND GIVING HER ONE. 639 00:30:39,572 --> 00:30:44,108 AND LO, AN ANGEL OF THE LORD APPEARED BEFORE THEM 640 00:30:44,110 --> 00:30:46,644 AND THEY WERE SORE AFRAID. 641 00:30:46,646 --> 00:30:48,779 ( music playing ) 642 00:30:52,752 --> 00:30:54,852 BE NOT AFRAID, 643 00:30:54,854 --> 00:30:58,190 FOR I AM AN ANGEL OF THE LORD 644 00:30:58,192 --> 00:31:03,295 AND I BRING YOU TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY. 645 00:31:05,499 --> 00:31:07,098 FOR TONIGHT IN THE CITY OF-- 646 00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:10,669 I KNOW, YOU PILLOCK! 647 00:31:10,671 --> 00:31:12,137 SORRY, SORRY. 648 00:31:12,139 --> 00:31:14,072 ALL RIGHT. 649 00:31:14,074 --> 00:31:17,609 GREAT JOY... 650 00:31:17,611 --> 00:31:19,979 ( panting ) 651 00:31:19,981 --> 00:31:22,982 WOW, YOU'RE GOOD. 652 00:31:22,984 --> 00:31:27,687 I MEAN, THIS IS A JUDY DENCH TYPE QUALITY PERFORMANCE. 653 00:31:27,689 --> 00:31:31,491 AND SO IT WAS THAT THE THREE WISE MEN 654 00:31:31,493 --> 00:31:33,426 WHO LOOKED REMARKABLY LIKE THE SHEPHERDS 655 00:31:33,428 --> 00:31:35,961 BUT WHO WERE, IN FACT, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, 656 00:31:35,963 --> 00:31:37,897 APPROACHED THE STABLE 657 00:31:37,899 --> 00:31:39,465 RIDING CAMELS, 658 00:31:39,467 --> 00:31:42,236 OR AT LEAST DOING VERY GOOD CAMEL-RIDING IMPRESSIONS. 659 00:31:44,707 --> 00:31:47,408 AND AS THEY CAME UNTO THE MANGER, 660 00:31:47,410 --> 00:31:49,309 THEY SAW MARY, 661 00:31:49,311 --> 00:31:52,245 WHO WAS EXTREMELY GREAT WITH CHILD 662 00:31:52,247 --> 00:31:54,415 AND LOOKING RATHER HOT... 663 00:31:56,952 --> 00:32:00,053 AND IN THE COMPANY OF ONLY SOME CATTLE 664 00:32:00,055 --> 00:32:02,624 AND HER HUSBAND JOSEPH. 665 00:32:02,626 --> 00:32:04,158 OH, MY GOD. 666 00:32:09,299 --> 00:32:12,033 OOH! OH! OOH! 667 00:32:12,035 --> 00:32:14,068 JESUS, SHE'S HAVING A BABY! 668 00:32:14,070 --> 00:32:18,540 NO, THE LINE IS "SHE'S HAVING A BABY JESUS." 669 00:32:18,542 --> 00:32:21,443 NO, REALLY, SHE IS ACTUALLY HAVING A BABY! 670 00:32:21,445 --> 00:32:23,446 HAVE A LOOK! 671 00:32:23,448 --> 00:32:25,481 OHH... 672 00:32:25,483 --> 00:32:26,549 UHH! 673 00:32:26,551 --> 00:32:28,951 ( gasps ) 674 00:32:28,953 --> 00:32:30,453 VICAR! 675 00:32:30,455 --> 00:32:33,456 WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND? THANK YOU. 676 00:32:35,192 --> 00:32:37,326 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 677 00:32:37,328 --> 00:32:39,462 WE'VE GOT THEM IN THE PALM OF OUR HANDS! 678 00:32:39,464 --> 00:32:40,496 AHH! 679 00:32:40,498 --> 00:32:42,230 OH, MY GOD! 680 00:32:42,232 --> 00:32:44,033 OH, MY GOD! 681 00:32:44,035 --> 00:32:45,702 WE MUST HAVE SOME TOWELS. 682 00:32:45,704 --> 00:32:47,671 OWEN, RUN UP TO THE HOUSE AND GET SOME TOWELS. 683 00:32:47,673 --> 00:32:49,606 I HAVEN'T GOT ANY. NO TOWELS? 684 00:32:49,608 --> 00:32:51,107 WHY WOULD I HAVE TOWELS? 685 00:32:51,109 --> 00:32:53,042 TO DRY YOURSELF AFTER A BATH. 686 00:32:53,044 --> 00:32:54,611 I DON'T HAVE A BATH. 687 00:32:54,613 --> 00:32:58,081 WOULD ANYONE HERE HAVE SOME TOWELS? 688 00:32:58,083 --> 00:33:00,183 I SUPPOSE YOU COULD USE THESE. 689 00:33:00,185 --> 00:33:03,520 MY ENTIRE COSTUME IS MADE OF TOWELS. 690 00:33:03,522 --> 00:33:06,457 GOOD, GOOD. 691 00:33:06,459 --> 00:33:08,292 NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, STOP. 692 00:33:08,294 --> 00:33:10,060 WOULD YOU EXCUSE US JUST ONE MOMENT? 693 00:33:10,062 --> 00:33:11,896 ACTUALLY, IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? 694 00:33:11,898 --> 00:33:14,632 I'M A VET. YOU'LL DO. COULD YOU COME AND HELP? 695 00:33:14,634 --> 00:33:16,767 OVER MY DEAD BODY. 696 00:33:16,769 --> 00:33:19,504 I'M NOT HAVING A GRANDCHILD OF MINE 697 00:33:19,506 --> 00:33:21,906 BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD BY JAMES HERRIOT. 698 00:33:21,908 --> 00:33:24,475 COME ON, IT'S COMMON SENSE, SURELY. 699 00:33:24,477 --> 00:33:26,010 OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR. 700 00:33:26,012 --> 00:33:28,046 ARE YOU SURE IT'S A GOOD IDEA 701 00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:30,749 HAVING HEROD TAKE CARE OF JESUS? 702 00:33:30,751 --> 00:33:34,820 HE'S NOT HEROD NOW. HE'S MR. HORTON. 703 00:33:34,822 --> 00:33:36,955 OH, YES. 704 00:33:36,957 --> 00:33:40,592 David: COME ON, LITTLE ONE. PUSH! PUSH! 705 00:33:40,594 --> 00:33:42,561 OH, GERALDINE, COME ON AND GIVE US A HAND. 706 00:33:44,999 --> 00:33:47,198 ALL RIGHT, ALICE, BREATHE. 707 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,435 OH, IT HURTS! 708 00:33:49,437 --> 00:33:50,570 DOES IT? 709 00:33:50,572 --> 00:33:52,238 NEXT TIME YOU GET A CONTRACTION, 710 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,541 YOU JUST HANG ON TO MY HAND REALLY TIGHT, OKAY? 711 00:33:54,543 --> 00:33:56,142 GRIP IT, TIGHT AS YOU LIKE. 712 00:33:56,144 --> 00:33:59,245 IT'S COMING! OKAY. 713 00:33:59,247 --> 00:34:00,580 HERE IT COMES. OKAY. 714 00:34:00,582 --> 00:34:02,314 HERE IT COMES. OKAY. 715 00:34:02,316 --> 00:34:03,917 OOH! 716 00:34:03,919 --> 00:34:05,685 OW! YA BITCH! 717 00:34:07,923 --> 00:34:10,558 UNH! UNH! UNH! 718 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,159 THANK YOU. 719 00:34:12,161 --> 00:34:14,762 OH, MY GOD, HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE! 720 00:34:14,764 --> 00:34:17,264 RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 721 00:34:17,266 --> 00:34:19,199 ALL TOGETHER. 722 00:34:19,201 --> 00:34:22,036 ( groaning ) 723 00:34:24,306 --> 00:34:26,206 ISN'T THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO TO HELP? 724 00:34:26,208 --> 00:34:28,241 AFTER ALL, WE ARE THE THREE WISE MEN. 725 00:34:28,243 --> 00:34:31,580 NO, NO, NO. WE ARE THE KINGS. 726 00:34:31,582 --> 00:34:32,981 OH, RIGHT. 727 00:34:32,983 --> 00:34:38,152 MOST KINGS ARE BRAIN-DEAD, INBRED CRETINS. 728 00:34:38,154 --> 00:34:40,989 DEEP BREATHING. DEEPER, DEEPER... 729 00:34:40,991 --> 00:34:42,591 THAT'S IT. 730 00:34:42,593 --> 00:34:45,193 GOOD GIRL. HERE'S HUGO. HERE'S HUGO. 731 00:34:45,195 --> 00:34:46,761 OH, MY GOD! 732 00:34:46,763 --> 00:34:47,829 OH, MY GOD! 733 00:34:47,831 --> 00:34:51,400 THERE WE ARE. JUST ONE MORE PUSH NOW. 734 00:34:51,402 --> 00:34:53,235 OH, MY GOD, I CAN SEE THE HEAD! 735 00:34:53,237 --> 00:34:56,171 GOD, I HOPE THAT IS A HEAD! 736 00:34:56,173 --> 00:34:58,340 IT'S VERY REALISTIC, ISN'T IT? 737 00:34:58,342 --> 00:35:01,844 IT'S COMING. IT'S COMING... 738 00:35:05,349 --> 00:35:06,749 AAH! 739 00:35:06,751 --> 00:35:08,951 ( baby crying ) 740 00:35:08,953 --> 00:35:11,954 ( applause from crowd ) 741 00:35:20,065 --> 00:35:22,298 AND THERE, IN A STABLE, 742 00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:25,736 2,000 YEARS AGO, 743 00:35:25,738 --> 00:35:29,272 GOD HIMSELF TOOK PART IN THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH, 744 00:35:29,274 --> 00:35:32,175 AND MARY HELD IN HER ARMS 745 00:35:32,177 --> 00:35:37,581 A VERY SPECIAL AND VERY REALISTIC CHILD. 746 00:35:38,618 --> 00:35:41,919 BRILLO PADS. 747 00:35:41,921 --> 00:35:43,988 Hugo: MOST EXCELLENT. 748 00:35:43,990 --> 00:35:45,589 ONE, TWO... 749 00:35:45,591 --> 00:35:49,260 ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR... 750 00:35:49,262 --> 00:35:53,798 ♪ SILENT NIGHT ♪ 751 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,334 ♪ HOLY NIGHT ♪ 752 00:35:56,336 --> 00:35:57,903 SHH! 753 00:35:57,905 --> 00:36:02,775 ( quieter ) ♪ ALL IS CALM ♪ 754 00:36:02,777 --> 00:36:07,646 ♪ ALL IS BRIGHT ♪ 755 00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:12,250 ♪ 'ROUND YON VIRGIN ♪ 756 00:36:12,252 --> 00:36:16,756 ♪ MOTHER AND CHILD ♪ 757 00:36:16,758 --> 00:36:20,794 ♪ HOLY INFANT ♪ 758 00:36:20,796 --> 00:36:26,066 ♪ SO TENDER AND MILD ♪ 759 00:36:26,068 --> 00:36:36,076 ♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪ 760 00:36:36,078 --> 00:36:43,984 ♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪ 761 00:36:45,387 --> 00:36:49,056 Geraldine: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL. 762 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:56,363 WELL, SHE REALLY IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY. 763 00:36:56,365 --> 00:36:57,898 THANK YOU. 764 00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:02,037 COULD I JUST CHECK SOMETHING WITH YOU, THOUGH, VICAR? 765 00:37:02,039 --> 00:37:05,807 HAVE I ACTUALLY GIVEN BIRTH TO THE SON OF GOD? 766 00:37:05,809 --> 00:37:09,745 BECAUSE I FIND IT A BIT OF A RESPONSIBILITY. 767 00:37:09,747 --> 00:37:11,479 NO, ALICE, YOU HAVEN'T. 768 00:37:11,481 --> 00:37:13,481 OH, PHEW. 769 00:37:13,483 --> 00:37:17,819 I MEAN, APART FROM ANYTHING, SHE'S A GIRL, ISN'T SHE? 770 00:37:17,821 --> 00:37:21,590 SO SHE IS. GOOD CLUE. 771 00:37:21,592 --> 00:37:23,860 HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF ANY NAMES AT ALL? 772 00:37:23,862 --> 00:37:27,563 YEAH. GO ON, ALICE. 773 00:37:27,565 --> 00:37:31,000 WELL, WE'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD, 774 00:37:31,002 --> 00:37:33,836 AND, UM, WE'D LIKE TO NAME HER AFTER YOU. 775 00:37:33,838 --> 00:37:37,006 OH, GUYS. 776 00:37:37,008 --> 00:37:39,075 OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 777 00:37:39,077 --> 00:37:41,511 SO I'M CALLING HER VICAR. 778 00:37:44,483 --> 00:37:47,384 OR...GERALDINE. 779 00:37:47,386 --> 00:37:50,654 GERALDINE! 780 00:37:50,656 --> 00:37:53,090 OH, EVEN BETTER. 781 00:37:53,092 --> 00:37:54,324 SPLENDIDO! 782 00:37:54,326 --> 00:37:57,527 YES, GERALDINE. 783 00:37:57,529 --> 00:37:59,129 GOOD CHOICE. 784 00:37:59,131 --> 00:38:01,799 EXCELLENT CHOICE. 785 00:38:01,801 --> 00:38:06,838 ♪ SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY ♪ 786 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:12,710 ♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪ 787 00:38:12,712 --> 00:38:21,619 ♪ AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD ♪ 788 00:38:21,621 --> 00:38:25,390 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 789 00:38:27,394 --> 00:38:32,031 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 790 00:38:32,033 --> 00:38:35,201 RIGHT, LITTLE CHRISTMAS GAG-ETTE FOR YOU. GREAT. 791 00:38:35,203 --> 00:38:38,204 SANTA CLAUS GOES TO THE DOCTOR WITH A PROBLEM. 792 00:38:38,206 --> 00:38:39,271 OH, DEAR. YEAH. 793 00:38:39,273 --> 00:38:41,307 HE SAYS, "DOCTOR... 794 00:38:41,309 --> 00:38:45,011 I THINK I'VE GOT A MINCE PIE STUCK UP MY BOTTOM." 795 00:38:45,013 --> 00:38:48,114 I WONDER HOW THAT GOT THERE. 796 00:38:48,116 --> 00:38:49,682 DON'T GO THERE, OKAY? 797 00:38:49,684 --> 00:38:52,853 SO THE DOCTOR SAYS, "OKAY, MR. CLAUS, BEND OVER, PLEASE." 798 00:38:52,855 --> 00:38:54,454 AND HE LOOKS AND HE SAYS, 799 00:38:54,456 --> 00:38:57,523 "YES, INDEED, YOU DO HAVE A MINCE PIE STUCK UP YOUR BOTTOM. 800 00:38:57,525 --> 00:39:01,761 BUT YOU'RE IN LUCK, BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOME CREAM FOR THAT." 801 00:39:04,132 --> 00:39:07,735 YOU SEE, HE'S GOT SOME CREAM FOR THE MINCE PIE. 802 00:39:07,737 --> 00:39:10,671 YOU MEAN HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT OUT AND EAT IT? NO. 803 00:39:10,673 --> 00:39:12,373 THAT IS NOT HYGIENIC. 804 00:39:12,375 --> 00:39:15,609 NO, HE'S NOT GOING TO, IS HE? BECAUSE IT'S A JOKE. 805 00:39:15,611 --> 00:39:18,746 DOCTORS THESE DAYS-- WHAT ARE THEY GONNA BE DOING NEXT? 806 00:39:18,748 --> 00:39:20,314 TAKING OUT YOUR APPENDIX 807 00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:22,716 AND HAVING IT WITH, I DON'T KNOW, BACON AND EGG? 808 00:39:22,718 --> 00:39:26,120 LOOK, YOU'RE JUST LEAVING PLANET EARTH NOW. REMOVING YOUR TONSILS... 809 00:39:26,122 --> 00:39:29,091 ♪ JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOUR WAS BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 810 00:39:29,093 --> 00:39:31,726 ♪ TO SAVE US ALL FROM SATAN'S POWER ♪ 811 00:39:31,728 --> 00:39:33,461 THAT'S YOU. 812 00:39:35,933 --> 00:39:38,267 I'M NOT EATING IT, NO WAY. 813 00:39:38,269 --> 00:39:40,936 NOT IF IT'S BEEN UP SANTA'S ARSE. 814 00:39:42,572 --> 00:39:45,040 I'M STICKING TO BRANDY SNAPS. 815 00:39:45,042 --> 00:39:49,913 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 55115

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