All language subtitles for The Vicar of Dibley (1994) - S02E04 - Love and Marriage (576p DVD x265 Ghost).srt - eng(2)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:07,106 ♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT ♪ 2 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:13,445 ♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES ♪ 3 00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:19,118 ♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪ 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:24,789 ♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪ 5 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:32,631 ♪ STILL WATERS ♪ 6 00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:00,301 SORRY I'M LATE. WHERE ARE WE? 7 00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:02,237 VOTING ON A NAME FOR THE NEW ROAD. 8 00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:03,471 OH, GOOD. 9 00:02:03,473 --> 00:02:05,973 SO LONG AS WE DON'T NAME IT AFTER ANY OF US. 10 00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:08,309 I HATE ALL THAT PUFFY, PUFFY SELF-PUBLICITY STUFF, 11 00:02:08,311 --> 00:02:09,310 DON'T YOU? 12 00:02:09,312 --> 00:02:10,711 SO, WHAT'S THE SUGGESTION? 13 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,080 DAVID HORTON ROAD. 14 00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:13,814 OH, PLEASE. 15 00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:17,152 IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, NO! 16 00:02:17,154 --> 00:02:19,154 I AGREE WITH THE VICAR ON THIS ONE. 17 00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:20,988 VERY POOR IDEA, HUGO. 18 00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:22,490 PERSONALLY, I'D RATHER WE NAMED IT 19 00:02:22,492 --> 00:02:25,160 IN MEMORY OF SOMEONE WHO IS NO LONGER WITH US, 20 00:02:25,162 --> 00:02:27,328 SOMEONE, LIKE, SAY... 21 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:29,497 MY PREDECESSOR AS CHAIRMAN OF THE PARISH COUNCIL. 22 00:02:29,499 --> 00:02:30,731 VERY GOOD IDEA. 23 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,667 EXCELLENT. 24 00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:35,437 YOUR PREDECESSOR BEING-- LET ME JUST GET THIS RIGHT-- 25 00:02:35,439 --> 00:02:38,306 YOUR FATHER'S COUSIN, WHOSE NAME WAS...? 26 00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:41,176 DAVID HORTON. THAT'S RIGHT. 27 00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:42,843 ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR OF NAMING IT 28 00:02:42,845 --> 00:02:46,381 DAVID HORTON ROAD, AFTER MY PREDECESSOR. 29 00:02:48,351 --> 00:02:49,784 CARRIED. 30 00:02:49,786 --> 00:02:52,620 NOW, VICAR, YOU HAD A COUPLE OF THINGS? 31 00:02:52,622 --> 00:02:53,688 YES. 32 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:56,023 THE MAIN THING IS, BY THE NEXT TIME WE MEET, 33 00:02:56,025 --> 00:02:59,026 HUGO HERE WILL HAVE MARRIED THE LOVELY ALICE TINKER. 34 00:02:59,028 --> 00:03:00,528 THAT'S RIGHT. 35 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,863 DIBLEY'S ANSWER TO MICHELLE PFEIFFER. 36 00:03:04,534 --> 00:03:06,367 ONLY MUCH, MUCH PRETTIER. 37 00:03:06,369 --> 00:03:07,535 QUITE. 38 00:03:07,537 --> 00:03:09,370 AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE IDEAL OPPORTUNITY 39 00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:12,207 TO OFFER HIM A FEW WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT. ANYONE? 40 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,874 CERTAINLY, YES. 41 00:03:13,876 --> 00:03:17,545 I'VE NOT KNOWN WHAT IT IS TO BE MARRIED, HUGO, 42 00:03:17,547 --> 00:03:20,548 ALTHOUGH I STILL LIVE IN HOPE OF PLANTING MY SEED 43 00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:22,417 IN A CERTAIN ACREAGE OF WOMANHOOD. 44 00:03:27,056 --> 00:03:29,390 BUT I RECKON IF YOU TREAT ALICE 45 00:03:29,392 --> 00:03:31,726 LIKE I TREAT MY PRIZE COW, 46 00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:33,961 YOU WON'T GO FAR WRONG-- 47 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,830 APART FROM MAKING HER EAT GRASS 48 00:03:35,832 --> 00:03:38,399 AND GETTING HER MOUNTED BY A BULL, OF COURSE. 49 00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:41,736 IF YOU DO THAT, YOU'LL GET ARRESTED, 50 00:03:41,738 --> 00:03:44,205 LIKE MY FATHER WAS. 51 00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:47,242 WELL, THAT'S VERY HELPFUL. THANK YOU, OWEN. 52 00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:50,178 YES. ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FROM YOU, JIM? 53 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:53,248 I-I'VE BEEN MARRIED 43 YEARS, 54 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:57,585 AND THE SECRET OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE, HUGO, 55 00:03:57,587 --> 00:03:59,820 IS SEX, AND PLENTY OF IT. 56 00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:02,390 WELL, HURRAY! 57 00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:05,260 WITH AS MANY DIFFERENT WOMEN AS POSSIBLE. 58 00:04:05,262 --> 00:04:07,061 OH, NO. 59 00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:09,063 ESPECIALLY ORIENTALS, 60 00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:11,199 'CAUSE THEY CAN GO ON FOR-- 61 00:04:11,201 --> 00:04:14,269 THANK YOU, JIM. THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT. 62 00:04:14,271 --> 00:04:15,670 WHAT ABOUT YOU, FRANK? 63 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,773 I'VE NEVER HAD SEX WITH AN ORIENTAL. 64 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:22,310 NO, I MEANT, HAVE YOU GOT ANY ADVICE FOR HUGO? 65 00:04:22,312 --> 00:04:23,944 I CAN DO NO BETTER THAN 66 00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:25,946 READ FROM THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE. 67 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:28,616 "LIBRA-- 68 00:04:28,618 --> 00:04:30,951 "ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR, 69 00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:34,689 AND HAPPINESS SHALL BE YOURS ETERNALLY." 70 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,457 THAT'S ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID. 71 00:04:36,459 --> 00:04:39,294 YES, EXCEPT YOU'RE CAPRICORN, AREN'T YOU, HUGO? 72 00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:40,428 THAT'S RIGHT. 73 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,462 "CAPRICORN-- 74 00:04:41,464 --> 00:04:43,298 "FORGET ROMANCE. 75 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,333 YOU ARE HEADING FOR TOTAL CATASTROPHE." 76 00:04:47,003 --> 00:04:48,302 GOOD LORD! 77 00:04:48,304 --> 00:04:51,138 THIS IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE, YOUR GRACE. 78 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,974 I DON'T KNOW. 79 00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,976 I'M TOTALLY AWARE 80 00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:56,811 OF THE IMPORTANCE OF INNER-CITY WORK, 81 00:04:56,813 --> 00:04:59,647 AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO GENUINELY MISSIONARY STUFF. 82 00:04:59,649 --> 00:05:03,150 YOU KNOW HOW FOND I AM OF ALL THINGS MISSIONARY. 83 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,486 IT'S JUST THAT, 84 00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:06,654 OH, DEAR, 85 00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,990 IT REALLY WOULD BE VERY HARD INDEED 86 00:05:08,992 --> 00:05:10,658 TO LEAVE DIBLEY. 87 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:12,994 DING DONG! AVON CALLING! 88 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:16,163 OR, RATHER, DING DONG, VERGER CALLING, I SUPPOSE. 89 00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:18,833 ON THE OTHER HAND, LEAVE IT WITH ME. 90 00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:20,501 OKAY. 91 00:05:20,503 --> 00:05:21,502 BYE. 92 00:05:21,504 --> 00:05:23,037 AND LOVE TO ROCKY. OKAY. 93 00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:27,675 SO, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, QUIVERING BRIDE-TO-BE? 94 00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,343 WELL, AS YOU KNOW, 95 00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:31,178 MY MUM'S MAKING MY WEDDING DRESS, 96 00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,014 AND I JUST WANT TO RUN IT BY YOU 97 00:05:33,016 --> 00:05:35,116 BEFORE SHE ACTUALLY STARTS KNITTING. 98 00:05:38,187 --> 00:05:39,353 KNITTING? 99 00:05:39,355 --> 00:05:40,354 OKAY. 100 00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:41,689 AS YOU CAN SEE, 101 00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:43,691 WE'RE GOING FOR THE TRADITIONAL WHITE. 102 00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:44,859 GOOD IDEA. 103 00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:46,527 WITH RED AND BLUE STRIPES, 104 00:05:46,529 --> 00:05:48,863 JUST TO GIVE IT THAT BRITISH LOOK. 105 00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:51,699 HENCE THE POLICEMAN'S HELMET ALSO. 106 00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:55,903 RIGHT. AND THE FLOPSY BUNNIES-- DO YOU THINK THAT'LL WORK? 107 00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:57,872 OH, YEAH, DEFINITELY. 108 00:05:57,874 --> 00:06:00,374 THEY BALANCE OUT TARKA THE OTTER. 109 00:06:00,376 --> 00:06:03,577 LOOK VERY ODD WITH JUST AN OTTER. 110 00:06:03,579 --> 00:06:05,046 YES. 111 00:06:05,048 --> 00:06:07,048 WELL, THAT I DON'T DENY. 112 00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:09,717 AND THEN FOR MY TRAIN, SHE THOUGHT... 113 00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,052 ...THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE. 114 00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:12,720 THAT'S RIGHT. 115 00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,722 ALONG WITH PERCY AND GORDON. 116 00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:17,224 RIGHT. IT'S QUITE A LOT TO PULL UP THE AISLE, 117 00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:19,060 DON'T YOU THINK, THREE STEAM ENGINES? 118 00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:21,562 NO, NO, NO. THEY'LL BE VERY LIGHT. 119 00:06:21,564 --> 00:06:23,564 SHE'S MAKING THEM OUT OF LINO. 120 00:06:25,902 --> 00:06:27,401 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 121 00:06:27,403 --> 00:06:30,171 CAN I BE BRUTALLY HONEST? 122 00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:32,907 YOU CAN BE AS BRUTALLY HONEST AS YOU WANT, 123 00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:36,744 AS LONG AS YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING NASTY OR CRITICAL IN ANY WAY. 124 00:06:36,746 --> 00:06:38,079 RIGHT. 125 00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:41,248 WELL, WORKING WITHIN THOSE PARTICULAR PARAMETERS, THEN, 126 00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,250 I LOVE THIS DRESS. 127 00:06:43,252 --> 00:06:44,518 ( doorbell rings ) 128 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,054 OH, BRILLO PADS! 129 00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:47,088 EXCUSE ME. 130 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:48,923 ( sighs ) 131 00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,092 MRS. ALICE HORTON. 132 00:06:51,094 --> 00:06:53,161 DAVID, HUGO, COME ON IN. 133 00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:57,598 HELLO, HUSBAND-TO-BE! 134 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:58,933 HELLO, WIFE-TO-BE. 135 00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:01,569 HELLO, FATHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE. 136 00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,605 HELLO, MISS TINKER. 137 00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:06,741 TEA, ALICE? 138 00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:07,809 OKAY. 139 00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:11,145 BYE-BYE, DADDY-O. 140 00:07:11,147 --> 00:07:12,446 OOH! 141 00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:16,283 IT'S LIKE THE PLANET OF THE CLANGERS IN HERE. 142 00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:18,119 I'LL COME STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. 143 00:07:18,121 --> 00:07:19,954 I'VE INVITED A LOT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS, 144 00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,789 SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE THIS WEDDING 145 00:07:21,791 --> 00:07:23,825 IS NOT A TOTAL BLOODY EMBARRASSMENT. 146 00:07:23,827 --> 00:07:25,626 OH, FEAR NOT. 147 00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:28,963 HUGO AND I HAVE KEPT A VERY CAREFUL EYE ON THINGS. 148 00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:31,298 ALL THE CATERING FOR THE RECEPTION'S SORTED OUT. 149 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,167 GOOD OLD BURGER KING. 150 00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:35,803 YOU CAN'T HAVE TOO MANY GHERKINS AT A WEDDING, 151 00:07:35,805 --> 00:07:37,805 I ALWAYS SAY. 152 00:07:37,807 --> 00:07:40,141 AND WE'VE BEEN TWEAKING YOUR SPEECH, HAVEN'T WE? 153 00:07:40,143 --> 00:07:42,643 I KNEW I'D CRACKED IT WHEN I PUT IN YOUR JOKE 154 00:07:42,645 --> 00:07:46,280 ABOUT THE AUSTRALIAN WHO GETS STUNG BY A SNAKE ON HIS TODGER. 155 00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:48,983 HA HA! 156 00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:51,318 I'LL JUST GO AND HELP ALICE WITH THE TEA. 157 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,855 WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME AND SIT DOWN? 158 00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:54,989 OH, MY GOD! 159 00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,658 PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S NOT WEARING THIS! 160 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,163 NO, THAT'S A PIECE OF PAPER WITH A DRAWING ON IT. 161 00:08:02,165 --> 00:08:04,331 SHE'LL BE WEARING THE FINISHED DRESS, 162 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,500 SCULPTED FROM ONLY THE FINEST QUALITY 163 00:08:06,502 --> 00:08:08,169 WOOL AND LINOLEUM. 164 00:08:09,038 --> 00:08:13,299 - IS THAT AN OTTER? - YEP, IT'S TO BALANCE OUT THE BUNNIES. 165 00:08:13,599 --> 00:08:15,699 AND WHAT'S THAT? 166 00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,267 THAT IS BOBBY MOORE 167 00:08:17,269 --> 00:08:20,870 RECEIVING THE WORLD CUP IN 1966. 168 00:08:20,872 --> 00:08:22,372 I TELL YOU NOW, 169 00:08:22,374 --> 00:08:24,941 IF SHE WEARS THIS DRESS, I AM NOT COMING. 170 00:08:24,943 --> 00:08:27,177 THIS IS JUST WHAT I FEARED. 171 00:08:27,179 --> 00:08:30,447 VICAR, I WILL SEE YOU AT DRINKS ON TUESDAY, 172 00:08:30,449 --> 00:08:34,117 BY WHEN I EXPECT TO HEAR THAT CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE. 173 00:08:37,022 --> 00:08:38,121 HUGO! 174 00:08:38,123 --> 00:08:39,489 BYE, ALICE. 175 00:08:39,491 --> 00:08:41,124 ( sighs ) 176 00:08:43,629 --> 00:08:47,130 OH! WHEN HE KISSES ME, I GO ALL GOOSE-PIMPLY, 177 00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:49,466 LIKE A GREAT BIG PIMPLY GOOSE! 178 00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:52,302 OH, IT'S ALL GONNA BE SO PERFECT! 179 00:08:52,304 --> 00:08:54,638 YES, ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS 180 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,540 ABOUT YOU WEARING THIS DRESS. 181 00:08:56,542 --> 00:08:57,807 REALLY? 182 00:08:57,809 --> 00:08:59,643 YOU THINK I SHOULD GO NUDE? 183 00:08:59,645 --> 00:09:00,644 NO. 184 00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:02,078 IT'S A THOUGHT. 185 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,848 NO, I JUST THINK IT SHOULD BE SIMPLER, THAT'S ALL. 186 00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:07,817 YOU MEAN LIKE LOTS OF HEARTS OR SOMETHING? 187 00:09:07,819 --> 00:09:09,152 YEAH, IT COULD BE, YEAH. 188 00:09:09,154 --> 00:09:10,854 WITH A DIFFERENT DOCTOR WHO IN EACH ONE? 189 00:09:12,491 --> 00:09:13,690 NO. 190 00:09:15,694 --> 00:09:17,493 AH, WELCOME TO THE PARTY. COME IN. 191 00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:19,495 LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT. 192 00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:20,563 OH, GREAT. 193 00:09:20,565 --> 00:09:22,665 NICE BLOUSE. OH, THANK YOU. 194 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,335 MY MOM KNOCKED IT UP FROM SOME CURTAINS. LOOK. 195 00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:27,637 HA HA HA! 196 00:09:27,639 --> 00:09:29,572 FINE! 197 00:09:29,574 --> 00:09:30,841 HELLO, VICAR. 198 00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:32,008 HELLO, HUGO. 199 00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:33,176 I GOT SO LUCKY. 200 00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:35,678 SO MANY GIRLS DON'T HAVE ANY DRESS SENSE AT ALL. 201 00:09:37,716 --> 00:09:38,849 OH, GOD! 202 00:09:38,851 --> 00:09:41,351 I FORGOT TO PUT MY MAKEUP ON. 203 00:09:41,353 --> 00:09:43,220 OH, HELL. 204 00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:44,354 WHO CARES? 205 00:09:44,356 --> 00:09:46,356 IT'S THE WOMAN INSIDE THAT COUNTS, 206 00:09:46,358 --> 00:09:47,457 ISN'T IT, ALLIE-PALLY? 207 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:49,192 EVERY TIME, VIC-STICK. 208 00:09:49,194 --> 00:09:51,027 GIRL POWER! GIRL POWER! 209 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,697 GERALDINE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SOMEONE. 210 00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:56,299 THIS IS MY LITTLE BROTHER SIMON. 211 00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:01,171 WELL, HELLO. 212 00:10:03,242 --> 00:10:06,376 WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST ONE MOMENT? 213 00:10:20,159 --> 00:10:21,224 MOVE IT! 214 00:10:21,226 --> 00:10:22,225 HI! 215 00:10:22,227 --> 00:10:23,559 I'M GERALDINE! 216 00:10:23,561 --> 00:10:26,396 I'VE HEARD YOU ON THE RADIO. IT'S VERY AMUSING. 217 00:10:26,398 --> 00:10:29,632 ( wheezes ) WAS I? WAS I? 218 00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:33,036 VERY FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CHOIRBOY AND THE CUCUMBER. 219 00:10:33,038 --> 00:10:37,407 THANKS. SO, YOU'RE THE PRODIGAL BROTHER. 220 00:10:37,409 --> 00:10:39,676 IN WHAT WAY PRODIGAL? 221 00:10:39,678 --> 00:10:42,846 TOO MUCH DRINK, TOO MUCH SEX, 222 00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:45,248 TOO LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY. 223 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:46,749 HUH HUH HUH! 224 00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:49,686 WELL, THAT'S MY KIND OF PRODIGAL. 225 00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:54,157 SO, HERE WE ARE, TOTAL STRANGERS 226 00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:56,092 TRYING TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER. 227 00:10:56,094 --> 00:10:58,594 SO, JUST PLUCKING A QUESTION TOTALLY AT RANDOM, 228 00:10:58,596 --> 00:10:59,996 ARE YOU MARRIED? 229 00:10:59,998 --> 00:11:03,633 NO, MY WIFE DIED SIX YEARS AGO. 230 00:11:03,635 --> 00:11:05,435 GOOD...GOD. 231 00:11:05,437 --> 00:11:07,403 HOW AWFUL. 232 00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:10,573 YEAH, WELL, IT'S A LONG TIME NOW. 233 00:11:10,575 --> 00:11:12,275 SO, IS THERE ANOTHER SPECIAL LADY 234 00:11:12,277 --> 00:11:14,110 IN YOUR LIFE AT THE MOMENT? 235 00:11:14,112 --> 00:11:17,080 NO, NOT AT THE MOMENT. BUT YOU'D LIKE ONE? 236 00:11:17,082 --> 00:11:19,816 YES, I'D LOVE ONE. 237 00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:21,952 POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION OF A BUXOM BLONDE, 238 00:11:21,954 --> 00:11:23,453 AND I'D BE OUT OF THAT DOOR 239 00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:26,923 LIKE A BULLET OUT OF A GREAT BIG GUN. 240 00:11:26,925 --> 00:11:30,126 BLONDE. RIGHT. BLONDE. 241 00:11:30,128 --> 00:11:33,296 WELL, I SUPPOSE BLONDES ARE VALUABLE PEOPLE, TOO, 242 00:11:33,298 --> 00:11:34,797 AREN'T THEY? 243 00:11:34,799 --> 00:11:36,799 I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE REHEARSAL TOMORROW. 244 00:11:36,801 --> 00:11:39,135 YOU'RE NOT COMING TO THAT, ARE YOU? 245 00:11:39,137 --> 00:11:41,804 WILD DINOSAURS WOULDN'T KEEP ME AWAY. 246 00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:45,008 I'M VERY EAGER TO SEE YOU IN ACTION, VICAR. 247 00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:47,477 OH, PLEASE, JUST CALL ME GERALDINE. 248 00:11:47,479 --> 00:11:49,312 HEY, JUST CALL ME GERRY. 249 00:11:49,314 --> 00:11:50,646 ACTUALLY, FORGET THE RUDDY VOWELS. 250 00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:52,749 JUST CALL ME "GRR." 251 00:11:52,751 --> 00:11:54,798 - "GRR" IT IS. - ( chuckles ) 252 00:11:54,839 --> 00:12:00,054 "NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE TESTING OF THIS PRODUCT." 253 00:12:01,479 --> 00:12:05,078 ALTHOUGH SEVERAL BLONDE RATS HAVE BECOME HORRIBLE CONCEITED. 254 00:12:05,718 --> 00:12:11,678 SO LET'S SEE. "TO USE: PROCEED WITH CARE AND APPLY GRADUALLY AND WITH GREAT CAUTION. 255 00:12:12,358 --> 00:12:13,826 RIGHT. 256 00:12:21,478 --> 00:12:22,726 RIGHT, WELL... 257 00:12:23,519 --> 00:12:26,051 GOODBYE TO "NO ACTION IN THE PANTS DEPARTMENT", 258 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,005 HELLO SIMON HORTON! 259 00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,037 ( doorbell rings ) 260 00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:33,741 ( humming ) 261 00:12:33,743 --> 00:12:35,242 HI, JIM, COME ON IN. 262 00:12:35,244 --> 00:12:36,744 ( chuckles ) 263 00:12:36,746 --> 00:12:39,581 WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU THIS MERRY DAY? 264 00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:42,750 THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO TRY OUT ON YOU. 265 00:12:42,752 --> 00:12:44,919 AYE, AYE? 266 00:12:44,921 --> 00:12:47,789 IT'S MY BEST MAN SPEECH. 267 00:12:49,626 --> 00:12:52,460 NOTHING I'D LIKE BETTER! 268 00:12:52,462 --> 00:12:54,028 OKAY. 269 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:57,431 RIGHT. WELL, UM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 270 00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:59,801 PRAY SILENCE FOR THE BEST MAN. 271 00:13:03,607 --> 00:13:05,940 I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN 272 00:13:05,942 --> 00:13:12,079 WITH A QUOTATION FROM THAT GREAT SONG OF ABBA'S-- 273 00:13:12,081 --> 00:13:14,115 "KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- 274 00:13:14,117 --> 00:13:16,283 KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- KNOWING ME..." 275 00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:21,789 "KNOW--KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- 276 00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:25,660 KNOW--KNOWING YOU..." 277 00:13:25,662 --> 00:13:28,129 I'M JUST GONNA GET SOME WATER TO DRINK, ALL RIGHT? 278 00:13:28,131 --> 00:13:30,698 I'LL BE IN THE KITCHEN. I'LL STILL BE LISTENING. 279 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,133 RIGHT. 280 00:13:33,136 --> 00:13:34,802 "KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- 281 00:13:34,804 --> 00:13:37,138 "KNOW--KNOWING ME, 282 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:40,307 "KNOW--KNOW--KNOW--KNOW 283 00:13:40,309 --> 00:13:42,143 "KNOWING YOU... 284 00:13:42,145 --> 00:13:44,145 AHA!" 285 00:13:47,316 --> 00:13:49,751 "THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO. 286 00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:52,954 "WE JUST HAVE TO FACE IT THIS TIME. 287 00:13:52,956 --> 00:13:54,956 WE ARE THROUGH." 288 00:13:54,958 --> 00:13:59,661 NOW, I HEAR YOU SAYING, "WHY HAS HE CHOSEN 289 00:13:59,663 --> 00:14:02,664 "KNOW--KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- 290 00:14:02,666 --> 00:14:05,733 KNOW--KNOWING ME..." 291 00:14:05,735 --> 00:14:07,669 JUST GONNA GET A BISCUIT AS WELL. 292 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:14,241 "...KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- KNOWING YOU? 293 00:14:14,243 --> 00:14:18,546 SURELY THAT SONG IS ABOUT DIVORCE!" 294 00:14:18,548 --> 00:14:20,181 RIGHT! 295 00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:22,183 BUT THAT IS MY POINT. 296 00:14:22,185 --> 00:14:23,685 YOU SEE, 297 00:14:23,687 --> 00:14:28,189 KNOW--KNOW--KNOW-- 298 00:14:28,191 --> 00:14:30,692 KNOW--KNOWING HUGO 299 00:14:30,694 --> 00:14:35,196 AND KNOW--KNOW-- KNOW--KNOW--KNOWING ALICE, 300 00:14:35,198 --> 00:14:38,199 I AM SURE, UNLIKE ABBA, 301 00:14:38,201 --> 00:14:43,304 THEY WILL NEVER DIVORCE. 302 00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:47,681 WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC, JIM. IT'S GRIPPING STUFF! 303 00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:52,657 THE ONLY DODGY BIT FOR ME WAS THE "KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU" STUFF, BUT THE REST OF IT IS PERFECTION! 304 00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:55,248 OH NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE TOO KIND! 305 00:14:55,719 --> 00:15:01,128 - RIGHT, SO. IF YOU'D LIKE TO-- - I WOULD NOW LIKE TO CONCLUDE... - RIGHT, THERE'S MORE. OKAY... 306 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:04,974 ...WITH A QUOTATION FROM MY FAVOURITE MUSICAL... 307 00:15:06,398 --> 00:15:11,839 NO, NO, NO, NO... NO... NO... N-NO... 308 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,779 OH, LOOK AT THE TIME! BEST BE GOING I THINK, JIM. 309 00:15:14,799 --> 00:15:16,998 - NO... NO... - YEAH, IT'S A VERY GOOD SPEECH. 310 00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:18,973 NO, NO, YES, IT IS, YES! 311 00:15:18,974 --> 00:15:22,574 - NO, NO... NO... - OH WELL, SAFE JOURNEY HOME THEN. 312 00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:24,771 YE-YE, NO, NO, NO... 313 00:15:25,398 --> 00:15:27,336 "NO, NO, NANETTE"! 314 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,901 SHE DEFINITELY SAID 10:00. 315 00:15:34,903 --> 00:15:36,903 I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT'S HELD HER UP. 316 00:15:36,905 --> 00:15:39,039 ( door closes ) 317 00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,412 'MORNING. 318 00:15:45,414 --> 00:15:47,381 All: 'MORNING, VICAR. 319 00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:51,918 SIMON NOT HERE? 320 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,753 NO. SOMETHING ELSE CAME UP. 321 00:15:53,755 --> 00:15:55,422 RIGHT. 322 00:15:55,424 --> 00:15:57,424 SOME DINOSAURS, PERHAPS. 323 00:15:57,426 --> 00:15:59,093 PARDON? 324 00:15:59,095 --> 00:16:00,094 NOTHING. 325 00:16:00,096 --> 00:16:02,096 RIGHT! 326 00:16:02,098 --> 00:16:03,697 LET'S GET STARTED, SHALL WE? 327 00:16:03,699 --> 00:16:06,333 JIM, HAVE YOU GOT THE RING? 328 00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:08,668 NO, I HAVEN'T. 329 00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:11,105 NO, I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T GOT IT NOW, 330 00:16:11,107 --> 00:16:13,207 BUT YOU WILL HAVE IT ON THE DAY. 331 00:16:13,209 --> 00:16:15,375 THAT'S RIGHT. 332 00:16:15,377 --> 00:16:17,277 RIGHT. SO. 333 00:16:17,279 --> 00:16:19,446 HAVE YOU GOT THE RING? 334 00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:21,615 NO. 335 00:16:21,617 --> 00:16:23,984 I'LL HAVE IT ON THE DAY. 336 00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:25,119 RIGHT. 337 00:16:25,121 --> 00:16:26,453 MOVING ON, THEN. 338 00:16:26,455 --> 00:16:30,124 OWEN, IT'S A WEDDING VIDEO. IT'S NOT SCHINDLER'S LIST. 339 00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:34,318 AND FRANK, THIS IS WHEN I'LL ASK, 340 00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:37,032 "WHO GIVETH THE HAND OF THIS WOMEN IN MARRIAGE?" 341 00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:39,742 - YES, WELL LOOK, I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT THAT... 342 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,560 - OH. - YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN THINKING... 343 00:16:42,839 --> 00:16:46,958 ...PEOPLE MAY THINK THAT I'M THE ACTUAL FATHER OF THE BRIDE. 344 00:16:47,359 --> 00:16:48,838 MMM. THAT'S A PROBLEM, IS IT? 345 00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:54,295 WELL, YES. SO, I THOUGHT WE MAY PUT THIS IN THE ORDER OF SERVICE. 346 00:16:54,919 --> 00:17:00,151 RIGHT... "FRANK PICKLE WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT HE IS AN OLD FRIEND OF THE FAMILY," 347 00:17:00,598 --> 00:17:05,958 "AND IS DEFINITELY NOT ALICE'S FATHER. AS HE HAS NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS" 348 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:08,838 "WITH MRS. TINKER IN ANY WAY." 349 00:17:10,758 --> 00:17:12,559 WELL, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP. 350 00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:18,780 THANKS FOR ALL THAT, VICAR. THE WEDDING'S GONNA BE JUST FABULOSO. 351 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,297 YEAH. 352 00:17:20,358 --> 00:17:23,759 AND THE WEDDING NIGHT, HUGO. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT? 353 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,200 OH, ABSOLUTELY. 354 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:29,741 WE'RE BOTH PACKING HOT WATER BOTTLES AND I'VE GOT A BRAND NEW PAIR OF RUPERT BEAR PYJAMAS. 355 00:17:30,278 --> 00:17:31,879 RIGHT. RIGHT. 356 00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,172 AND OF COURSE, A COPY OF "BASIC INSTINCT". 357 00:17:34,318 --> 00:17:36,488 OH, SUDDENLY TOO MUCH INFORMATION THERE. 358 00:17:37,494 --> 00:17:39,628 OH, ALICE, THIS ONE'S FILTHY! 359 00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:41,462 I'M SORRY, HUGO. YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME. 360 00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:43,464 I'VE GOT TO GET READY FOR EVENSONG. 361 00:17:43,466 --> 00:17:46,134 RIGHT. WELL, I'LL-- I'LL LEAVE YOU TO IT. 362 00:17:47,804 --> 00:17:48,937 HELLO, UNCLE SIMON. 363 00:17:48,939 --> 00:17:50,338 HI, POGROSH. 364 00:17:53,409 --> 00:17:55,644 I'M SORRY I MISSED THE REHEARSAL. 365 00:17:55,646 --> 00:17:57,145 IT'S THAT BLOODY MOTORWAY. 366 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:58,813 NO, DON'T WORRY, REALLY. 367 00:17:58,815 --> 00:18:00,815 SHALL I HELP YOU WITH THAT? 368 00:18:00,817 --> 00:18:02,851 NO, I DO IT EVERY DAY. 369 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:06,554 ACTUALLY, IF YOU COULD JUST HELP ME WITH THE BACK HERE. 370 00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:08,156 THANKS. 371 00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:10,992 WELL, HELLO! 372 00:18:10,994 --> 00:18:12,493 BLONDIE! 373 00:18:12,495 --> 00:18:13,828 WHAT, THIS? 374 00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:15,664 THIS IS JUST A WHIM. 375 00:18:15,666 --> 00:18:17,331 JUST A WHIMSICAL WHIM. 376 00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:20,401 THAT'S ME FOR YOU-- BORN WHIMMY. 377 00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,671 I WAS PLANNING TO GO OUT FOR DINNER THIS EVENING, 378 00:18:22,673 --> 00:18:24,505 GET AWAY FROM BIG BROTHER. 379 00:18:24,507 --> 00:18:28,109 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER JOINING ME. 380 00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:29,678 ( breathless chuckle ) 381 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,147 ( feigns nonchalance ) NO, WOULDN'T MIND. 382 00:18:34,217 --> 00:18:36,685 DON'T FORGET MY HEN PARTY TONIGHT, GERALDINE. 383 00:18:36,687 --> 00:18:38,119 I'LL BE ROUND AT 8:00. 384 00:18:38,121 --> 00:18:41,956 AH. GOD OBVIOUSLY HATES ME. 385 00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:43,858 NEVER MIND. ANOTHER DAY. 386 00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:46,527 ANOTHER DAY? HOW ABOUT TOMORROW? 387 00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:48,529 NO, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO LIVERPOOL 388 00:18:48,531 --> 00:18:50,531 STRAIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION, I'M AFRAID. 389 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:52,033 LIVERPOOL? 390 00:18:52,035 --> 00:18:54,703 YES. I'M YOUR FRIEND IN THE NORTH. 391 00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:56,037 ( inhales sharply ) 392 00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:57,371 OH, BLONDIE, 393 00:18:57,373 --> 00:18:59,407 I'LL SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING. 394 00:19:05,918 --> 00:19:09,477 NICE ARSE. HE CAN GIVE ME ONE ANY TIME. 395 00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:15,755 - I BEG YOUR PARDON, ALICE? - OH, I'M JUST PRACTISING. 396 00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,708 I'VE BEEN READING THIS BOOK ABOUT HEN PARTIES 397 00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:21,878 AND APPARENTLY WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS MAN TAKE ALL HIS CLOTHES OFF 398 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,979 AND THEN THE BRIDE HAS TO SAY, "NICE ARSE. HE CAN GIVE ME ONE ANY TIME." 399 00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,442 DOES SHE INDEED? 400 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:30,118 WHO'S COMING TO THIS PARTY THEN? 401 00:19:30,199 --> 00:19:32,557 OH, YOU KNOW, ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS... 402 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,839 BALLPARK FIGURE, SO I CAN GET THE BOOZE IN? 403 00:19:35,078 --> 00:19:37,132 - TEN? - NO. - TWENTY? 404 00:19:37,639 --> 00:19:39,119 - FORTY? - NO... - OH, DOWN. 405 00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:43,322 - TWENTY... TEN... LESS THAN TEN. - YEAH. 406 00:19:44,319 --> 00:19:45,134 AH... 407 00:19:49,558 --> 00:19:52,259 NOW I'M ANYBODY'S! 408 00:19:53,328 --> 00:19:55,928 ( sighs ) 409 00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:58,097 THIS IS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO 410 00:19:58,099 --> 00:20:00,099 IN MY WHOLE LIFE. 411 00:20:00,101 --> 00:20:03,102 IS IT? YEAH, ME TOO. IT'S WILD, ISN'T IT? 412 00:20:03,104 --> 00:20:04,604 ( chuckles ) 413 00:20:04,606 --> 00:20:08,608 EVERYBODY'S BEEN SO NICE, HAVEN'T THEY? 414 00:20:08,610 --> 00:20:11,177 I CAN'T IMAGINE A BETTER BEST MAN THAN JIM. 415 00:20:11,179 --> 00:20:14,689 NO, I THINK HIS SPEECH IS GONNA BE A REAL HIGHLIGHT. 416 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,319 AND MR. NEWITT'S BEEN EVER SO THOROUGH WITH THE WEDDING VIDEO. 417 00:20:17,519 --> 00:20:21,471 HE'S EVEN LETTING US PAY FOR HIM TO COME ON THE HONEYMOON JUST SO HE CAN TAKE A FEW PICTURES. 418 00:20:21,518 --> 00:20:23,909 - YEAH, HE'S ALL HEART, ISN'T HE? - I KNOW. 419 00:20:24,084 --> 00:20:26,417 OH, DEAR FRANK, AGREEING TO GIVE ME AWAY. 420 00:20:26,419 --> 00:20:27,618 YES. 421 00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:30,288 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE HAD MR. HORTON, 422 00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:32,456 BEING MY ACTUAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER, 423 00:20:32,458 --> 00:20:35,126 BUT FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, 424 00:20:35,128 --> 00:20:37,128 AND FRANK'S LOVELY. 425 00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:39,798 SORRY, SORRY. 426 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,800 JUST SLIPPED INTO A STRANGE PARALLEL UNIVERSE 427 00:20:41,802 --> 00:20:45,136 WHERE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MADE SENSE THERE FOR A MOMENT. 428 00:20:45,138 --> 00:20:47,305 YOU SAID MR. HORTON WAS YOUR FATHER. 429 00:20:47,307 --> 00:20:48,472 THAT'S RIGHT. 430 00:20:48,474 --> 00:20:50,275 HE DIDN'T BRING ME UP OR ANYTHING, 431 00:20:50,277 --> 00:20:54,145 BUT MUM SAID THAT ONE NIGHT THEY HAD A "STAND" TOGETHER, 432 00:20:54,147 --> 00:20:56,714 AND THAT MAKES HIM MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER. 433 00:20:56,716 --> 00:20:57,982 ( chuckles ) 434 00:20:57,984 --> 00:21:00,985 GATEWAY TO HELL WIDE OPEN NOW. 435 00:21:00,987 --> 00:21:02,987 I SUPPOSE THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS 436 00:21:02,989 --> 00:21:05,656 THAT HUGO AND ME GET ON SO WELL, 437 00:21:05,658 --> 00:21:07,091 BEING RELATED. 438 00:21:11,164 --> 00:21:13,664 ( rooster crows ) 439 00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:16,868 Geraldine: NOBODY WOULD KNOW. NOBODY WOULD KNOW. 440 00:21:19,505 --> 00:21:23,674 UNTIL THE DAY THE FIRST CHILD WAS BORN... 441 00:21:25,011 --> 00:21:27,011 ...WITH EIGHT LEGS 442 00:21:27,013 --> 00:21:29,180 AND WEBBED FEET 443 00:21:29,182 --> 00:21:31,682 AND FUR. 444 00:21:33,186 --> 00:21:36,187 ( mimics Duelling Banjos ) 445 00:21:36,189 --> 00:21:37,922 ( telephone rings ) 446 00:21:38,992 --> 00:21:41,192 AND THERE SHE IS! 447 00:21:41,194 --> 00:21:43,027 OUR FIRST GLIMPSE OF THE VICAR 448 00:21:43,029 --> 00:21:44,595 ON THIS VERY SPECIAL WEDDING DAY. 449 00:21:44,597 --> 00:21:46,597 OWEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 450 00:21:48,801 --> 00:21:50,368 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, VICAR? 451 00:21:50,370 --> 00:21:53,771 I'M FEELING A BIT OFF COLOUR. I THINK I'VE GOT A COLD COMING. 452 00:21:53,773 --> 00:21:55,974 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RUB SOME VICKS ON YOUR CHEST? 453 00:21:57,043 --> 00:21:59,577 NO, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, THANK YOU. 454 00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:01,346 SHAME. 455 00:22:01,348 --> 00:22:04,883 OWEN, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CANCEL THE WEDDING. 456 00:22:04,885 --> 00:22:06,450 BECAUSE OF A SNIFFLE? 457 00:22:06,452 --> 00:22:09,053 NO, BECAUSE I JUST FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT 458 00:22:09,055 --> 00:22:11,555 THAT ALICE'S BIOLOGICAL FATHER 459 00:22:11,557 --> 00:22:14,192 IS DAVID HORTON! 460 00:22:14,194 --> 00:22:16,895 YES, THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 461 00:22:17,964 --> 00:22:19,397 SORRY? 462 00:22:19,399 --> 00:22:21,900 HAS THE BRITISH LEGAL AND ETHICAL SYSTEM 463 00:22:21,902 --> 00:22:24,235 ENTIRELY BYPASSED DIBLEY? 464 00:22:24,237 --> 00:22:25,904 DAVID HORTON! 465 00:22:25,906 --> 00:22:28,306 YOU DO KNOW WHO I MEAN BY DAVID HORTON? 466 00:22:28,308 --> 00:22:31,242 YES, THE COUSIN OF OUR DAVID HORTON'S FATHER, 467 00:22:31,244 --> 00:22:33,077 HIS PREDECESSOR ON THE COUNCIL-- 468 00:22:33,079 --> 00:22:36,314 DIRTY DAVE HORTON, THE STUD OF STADHAMPTON. 469 00:22:36,316 --> 00:22:38,917 OH, RIGHT! 470 00:22:38,919 --> 00:22:40,751 RIGHT, OBVIOUSLY! 471 00:22:40,753 --> 00:22:44,755 OH, OWEN, I LOVE YOU! 472 00:22:44,757 --> 00:22:46,857 SHALL WE GO TO BED, THEN? 473 00:22:46,859 --> 00:22:48,592 NO. 474 00:22:48,594 --> 00:22:49,593 ( gasps ) 475 00:22:49,595 --> 00:22:51,595 OOH, I'D BETTER HURRY. 476 00:23:02,408 --> 00:23:04,575 ( Wedding March plays ) 477 00:23:32,238 --> 00:23:34,238 WE COME TOGETHER TO WITNESS THE MARRIAGE 478 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,907 OF ALICE AND HUGO, 479 00:23:36,909 --> 00:23:38,643 BUT BEFORE WE START THE SERVICE, 480 00:23:38,645 --> 00:23:41,411 WE'RE GOING TO SING ONE OF ALICE'S FAVOURITE HYMNS. 481 00:23:41,413 --> 00:23:44,081 I SAY HYMN... 482 00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:46,517 ( pipe organ playing ) 483 00:23:46,519 --> 00:23:50,454 ♪ COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER, BABY ♪ 484 00:23:50,456 --> 00:23:52,923 ♪ GET IT ON, GET IT ON ♪ 485 00:23:52,925 --> 00:23:56,360 ♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT ♪ 486 00:23:56,362 --> 00:23:59,797 ♪ WHEN TWO BECOME ONE ♪ 487 00:23:59,799 --> 00:24:01,165 ♪ I NEED SOME LOVE ♪ 488 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:03,600 ♪ LIKE I NEVER NEEDED LOVE BEFORE ♪ 489 00:24:03,602 --> 00:24:06,737 ♪ I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU, BABY ♪ 490 00:24:06,739 --> 00:24:08,305 ♪ I HAD A LITTLE LOVE ♪ 491 00:24:08,307 --> 00:24:09,874 ♪ NOW I'M BACK FOR MORE ♪ 492 00:24:09,876 --> 00:24:12,977 ♪ I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU, BABY ♪ 493 00:24:12,979 --> 00:24:15,880 ♪ SET YOUR SPIRIT FREE ♪ 494 00:24:15,882 --> 00:24:20,117 ♪ IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO BE ♪ 495 00:24:21,721 --> 00:24:26,390 IF ANY PERSON HERE KNOWS OF ANY JUST CAUSE OR IMPEDIMENT 496 00:24:26,392 --> 00:24:28,392 WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE JOINED TOGETHER 497 00:24:28,394 --> 00:24:30,394 IN HOLY MATRIMONY, 498 00:24:30,396 --> 00:24:32,329 LET THEM SPEAK NOW 499 00:24:32,331 --> 00:24:34,364 OR FOREVER HOLD THEIR PIECE. 500 00:24:34,366 --> 00:24:36,600 Woman: YES! 501 00:24:36,602 --> 00:24:37,935 ( footsteps approach ) 502 00:24:37,937 --> 00:24:39,570 I DO. 503 00:24:43,209 --> 00:24:45,076 THE GROOM IS ALREADY MARRIED. 504 00:24:45,078 --> 00:24:47,044 ( gasps ) 505 00:24:47,046 --> 00:24:49,046 HE MARRIED ME THREE YEARS AGO, 506 00:24:49,048 --> 00:24:51,348 AND DON'T LET HIM DENY IT. 507 00:24:51,350 --> 00:24:53,584 I'VE GOT THE CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT. 508 00:24:58,257 --> 00:25:01,592 OH. SORRY. WRONG CHURCH. 509 00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:26,283 HAVE YOU GOT THE RING? 510 00:25:26,285 --> 00:25:28,485 YES. 511 00:25:44,603 --> 00:25:46,570 NO. 512 00:25:46,572 --> 00:25:49,240 RIGHT. 513 00:25:51,710 --> 00:25:54,779 "WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED." 514 00:25:54,781 --> 00:25:59,683 "WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED." 515 00:26:00,686 --> 00:26:04,822 "WITH MY BODY, I THEE WORSHIP." 516 00:26:08,161 --> 00:26:10,560 ( titters ) 517 00:26:15,001 --> 00:26:17,935 REPEAT AFTER ME. 518 00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:23,240 "I, ALICE SPRINGS TINKER..." 519 00:26:23,242 --> 00:26:27,211 "...TAKE THEE, HUGO HORTON..." 520 00:26:27,213 --> 00:26:30,815 "...TAKE THEE, HUGO HORTON..." 521 00:26:30,817 --> 00:26:34,351 "...TO BE MY LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND..." 522 00:26:34,353 --> 00:26:37,487 "...TO BE MY LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND, 523 00:26:37,489 --> 00:26:40,757 TO HAVE AND TO HOLD..." 524 00:26:40,759 --> 00:26:43,694 "...TO HAVE AND TO HOLD..." 525 00:26:43,696 --> 00:26:45,762 "...FROM THIS DAY FORWARD..." 526 00:26:45,764 --> 00:26:47,731 "...FOR RICHER, FOR POORER..." 527 00:26:49,335 --> 00:26:51,501 "...FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE, 528 00:26:51,503 --> 00:26:54,371 TILL DEATH US DO PART, AMEN." 529 00:26:54,373 --> 00:26:56,373 AMEN. 530 00:26:56,375 --> 00:26:58,309 IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. 531 00:26:58,311 --> 00:26:59,810 YES, AND THAT TOO. 532 00:27:02,514 --> 00:27:04,949 I KNOW TRUE LOVE WHEN I SEE IT, 533 00:27:04,951 --> 00:27:07,251 AND I SAW IT IN THIS PAIR 534 00:27:07,253 --> 00:27:09,954 FROM THE MOMENT I ARRIVED IN DIBLEY. 535 00:27:09,956 --> 00:27:12,689 I ALSO KNOW TRUE INSANITY. 536 00:27:12,691 --> 00:27:15,893 I THINK I'VE HAD A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF THAT, TOO. 537 00:27:20,366 --> 00:27:22,699 AND SO, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME, 538 00:27:22,701 --> 00:27:27,238 I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. 539 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,639 YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE. 540 00:27:29,641 --> 00:27:31,575 NO. 541 00:27:31,577 --> 00:27:32,642 NO, JIM. 542 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,379 NOT YOU. 543 00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:40,799 YOU. 544 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,235 YOU KISS THE BRIDE. 545 00:27:50,144 --> 00:27:53,345 ( pipe organ plays ) 546 00:27:53,347 --> 00:27:55,080 ♪ WILD THING ♪ 547 00:27:56,784 --> 00:27:58,416 ♪ YOU MAKE MY HEART SING ♪ 548 00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:03,622 ♪ YOU MAKE EVERYTHING ♪ 549 00:28:03,624 --> 00:28:04,923 ♪ GROOVY ♪ 550 00:28:04,925 --> 00:28:07,826 ( church bells ring ) 551 00:28:07,828 --> 00:28:10,162 ( guests cheering ) 552 00:28:19,273 --> 00:28:21,273 SPLENDID SERVICE, VICAR. 553 00:28:21,275 --> 00:28:24,242 I'M GOING TO THROW MY BOUQUET. ARE YOU READY? 554 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:26,178 I WONDER WHO THE NEXT BRIDE WILL BE? 555 00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:27,445 OH, PLEASE. 556 00:28:27,447 --> 00:28:28,847 DON'T TELL ME YOU BELIEVE 557 00:28:28,849 --> 00:28:31,183 IN ALL THAT SUPERSTITIOUS NONSENSE. 558 00:28:31,185 --> 00:28:33,819 ( cheers and shouts ) 559 00:28:34,955 --> 00:28:40,125 ( exaggerated heartbeat ) 560 00:28:51,806 --> 00:28:53,939 AHH! GOSH! 561 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:56,175 LOOKS LIKE IT'S ME. 562 00:28:58,245 --> 00:28:59,311 HERE WE ARE. 563 00:28:59,313 --> 00:29:01,313 OH, THANK YOU. 564 00:29:05,669 --> 00:29:07,389 SO DID YOU ENJOY THE SERVICE THEN, JIM? 565 00:29:07,549 --> 00:29:09,043 OH, YOU BET I DID. 566 00:29:09,308 --> 00:29:13,502 THAT ALICE SNOGS LIKE A NYMPHOMANIAC ON DEATH ROW. 567 00:29:14,508 --> 00:29:17,188 YES. DID YOU SETTLE ON A PRESENT? 568 00:29:17,229 --> 00:29:20,548 WELL, I NOTICED THERE WAS A DISHWASHER ON THE WEDDING LIST. 569 00:29:20,629 --> 00:29:21,669 OH, LOVELY! 570 00:29:21,708 --> 00:29:27,576 - YES, SO WE CLUBBED TOGETHER. - AND BOUGHT THEM A BOTTLE OF RINSE AID FOR IT. 571 00:29:28,189 --> 00:29:31,669 RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS LIKE, EH? SPEND, SPEND SPEND! 572 00:29:31,709 --> 00:29:33,148 ( chuckles ) 573 00:29:33,188 --> 00:29:35,229 PERHAPS WE COULD HAVE GOT AWAY WITH A SACHET? 574 00:29:39,221 --> 00:29:40,854 ( taps decanter ) 575 00:29:40,856 --> 00:29:42,723 ( clears throat ) 576 00:29:42,725 --> 00:29:45,726 WHILE ALICE AND HUGO ARE GETTING READY, 577 00:29:45,728 --> 00:29:48,195 I'D LIKE TO MAKE A SMALL ANNOUNCEMENT. 578 00:29:48,197 --> 00:29:51,365 A GOOD OLD VICAR SPEECH FOR EVERY OCCASION, EH? 579 00:29:51,367 --> 00:29:53,066 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT TODAY 580 00:29:53,068 --> 00:29:55,068 WAS A VERY SPECIAL WEDDING FOR ME 581 00:29:55,070 --> 00:29:59,407 BECAUSE I AM IN FACT GOING TO BE LEAVING DIBLEY, 582 00:29:59,409 --> 00:30:03,811 AND SO IT WAS IN FACT MY LAST MARRIAGE HERE. 583 00:30:03,813 --> 00:30:07,915 I'M GOING TO MISS YOU ALL TO BITS, OBVIOUSLY. 584 00:30:07,917 --> 00:30:10,751 IT'S JUST THAT I FEEL SPIRITUALLY 585 00:30:10,753 --> 00:30:13,086 THE REAL PROBLEMS ARE IN THE INNER CITIES, 586 00:30:13,088 --> 00:30:15,423 SO I'M GOING TO A NEW PARISH 587 00:30:15,425 --> 00:30:17,658 IN LIVERPOOL. 588 00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:22,596 I HAPPEN TO KNOW A COUPLE OF TALL PEOPLE THERE, 589 00:30:22,598 --> 00:30:24,432 SO I THINK THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE 590 00:30:24,434 --> 00:30:27,000 WILL BE VERY SATISFYING. 591 00:30:27,002 --> 00:30:28,902 THANK YOU. 592 00:30:28,904 --> 00:30:32,440 VICAR, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, 593 00:30:32,442 --> 00:30:34,442 I'M SPEECHLESS. 594 00:30:35,778 --> 00:30:38,111 WELL, NOT THE FIRST TIME. 595 00:30:38,113 --> 00:30:41,449 AS A BABY, I WAS SPEECHLESS, 596 00:30:41,451 --> 00:30:42,783 OBVIOUSLY, 597 00:30:42,785 --> 00:30:46,454 AND IN 1972, I LOST MY VOICE FOR A DAY, 598 00:30:46,456 --> 00:30:48,756 SO IN A SENSE I WAS SPEECHLESS THEN. 599 00:30:48,758 --> 00:30:51,291 OH, DEAR FRANK. 600 00:30:51,293 --> 00:30:54,294 I WANT YOU TO KNOW, YOU'RE THE BEST VICAR WE'VE EVER HAD. 601 00:30:54,296 --> 00:30:55,563 THANK YOU, OWEN. 602 00:30:55,565 --> 00:30:57,798 ALL THE OTHERS WERE UGLY BASTARDS. 603 00:30:59,301 --> 00:31:01,969 YOU'RE A VERY TENDER HUMAN BEING, OWEN. 604 00:31:01,971 --> 00:31:04,304 YOU'VE BEEN JUST WONDERFUL. 605 00:31:04,306 --> 00:31:07,975 AFTER YOU, WE DEFINITELY WANT ANOTHER WOMAN VICAR... 606 00:31:07,977 --> 00:31:10,277 HEY! TURNED YOU INTO A FEMINIST, JIM! 607 00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:13,481 ...WITH A LOVELY ARSE LIKE YOURS. 608 00:31:13,483 --> 00:31:15,683 SPOKE TOO SOON. 609 00:31:15,685 --> 00:31:17,918 SO YOU'RE BECOMING A LIVERBIRD. 610 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,653 CERTAINLY AM. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT! 611 00:31:19,655 --> 00:31:22,656 WHAT A CRUEL SOD FATE IS. 612 00:31:22,658 --> 00:31:25,659 DAVID'S JUST ASKED ME TO COME HERE AND RUN THE ESTATE. 613 00:31:25,661 --> 00:31:27,528 I SHALL BE MOVING TO DIBLEY. 614 00:31:28,831 --> 00:31:29,830 REALLY? 615 00:31:29,832 --> 00:31:31,164 DIBLEY? 616 00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:33,166 ( sighs ) IT'S SUCH A PITY. 617 00:31:33,168 --> 00:31:36,169 WE COULD HAVE REALLY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER, "GRR." 618 00:31:41,944 --> 00:31:44,578 HEH HEH HEH! SORRY. 619 00:31:44,580 --> 00:31:46,980 JUST ANOTHER TEENY LITTLE CHANGE OF PLAN. 620 00:31:46,982 --> 00:31:48,348 Hugo: AHEM, VICAR. 621 00:31:48,350 --> 00:31:49,850 OH, SOD. I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THAT LATER. 622 00:31:49,852 --> 00:31:51,852 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BIG HAND, PLEASE, 623 00:31:51,854 --> 00:31:53,854 FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM, WHO ARE, I BELIEVE, 624 00:31:53,856 --> 00:31:56,223 IN THEIR GOING-AWAY GEAR. 625 00:31:56,225 --> 00:31:58,358 ( applause ) 626 00:32:00,863 --> 00:32:02,262 WE'RE OFF TO BARBADOS. 627 00:32:05,535 --> 00:32:07,868 QUITE AMUSING, ACTUALLY. 628 00:32:07,870 --> 00:32:10,538 I PUT A LITTLE FIREWORK IN THE EXHAUST PIPE. 629 00:32:10,540 --> 00:32:13,040 NO, NO, NO! SO DID I! 630 00:32:13,042 --> 00:32:14,374 ( car starts outside ) 631 00:32:14,376 --> 00:32:16,544 OH, DEAR! ME TOO! 632 00:32:16,546 --> 00:32:20,981 ( fireworks explode ) 633 00:32:20,983 --> 00:32:22,382 HA HA HA! 634 00:32:22,384 --> 00:32:23,717 I MUST SAY, 635 00:32:23,719 --> 00:32:26,219 I THINK MARRIAGE LOOKS RATHER GOOD FUN, 636 00:32:26,221 --> 00:32:27,521 DON'T YOU, VICAR? 637 00:32:27,523 --> 00:32:30,390 WELL, DON'T QUOTE ME ON IT, 638 00:32:30,392 --> 00:32:33,727 BUT, UH, YES. 639 00:32:33,729 --> 00:32:35,128 I DO. 640 00:32:36,131 --> 00:32:41,401 ♪SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY ♪ 641 00:32:41,403 --> 00:32:43,571 ♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪ 642 00:32:43,573 --> 00:32:47,074 ♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪ 643 00:32:47,076 --> 00:32:49,577 ♪ AND I WILL DWELL ♪ 644 00:32:49,579 --> 00:32:52,412 ♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪ 645 00:32:52,414 --> 00:32:55,916 ♪ OF THE LORD ♪ 646 00:32:55,918 --> 00:32:59,753 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 647 00:33:01,757 --> 00:33:04,692 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 648 00:33:04,694 --> 00:33:08,261 SO, THE MAN FROM McDONALD'S GOES TO THE POPE, 649 00:33:08,263 --> 00:33:12,099 AND HE SAYS, "HOLY FATHER, I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU. 650 00:33:12,101 --> 00:33:15,603 "I WILL GIVE THE CHURCH A MILLION QUID 651 00:33:15,605 --> 00:33:17,938 "IF EVERY TIME YOU SAY THE LORD'S PRAYER, 652 00:33:17,940 --> 00:33:21,609 YOU SAY, 'GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY HAMBURGER.'" 653 00:33:21,611 --> 00:33:23,010 MM-HMM. 654 00:33:23,012 --> 00:33:24,945 WELL, THE HOLY FATHER THINKS ABOUT THIS, 655 00:33:24,947 --> 00:33:26,446 AND HE SAYS, "MY SON, 656 00:33:26,448 --> 00:33:28,782 I CANNOT CHANGE THE HOLY TEXT." 657 00:33:28,784 --> 00:33:32,285 SO THE MAN SAYS, "OKAY, 50 MILLION QUID." 658 00:33:32,287 --> 00:33:34,287 SO THE POPE THINKS, AND HE SAYS, 659 00:33:34,289 --> 00:33:36,624 "WELL, I'LL PUT IT TO THE CARDINALS." 660 00:33:36,626 --> 00:33:38,626 SO HE GOES TO HIS CARDINALS, AND HE SAYS, 661 00:33:38,628 --> 00:33:42,129 "CARDINALS, I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. 662 00:33:42,131 --> 00:33:43,797 "THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT 663 00:33:43,799 --> 00:33:46,800 "I CAN GET THE CHURCH 50 MILLION SMACKEROONIES. 664 00:33:46,802 --> 00:33:48,636 "THE BAD NEWS IS, 665 00:33:48,638 --> 00:33:51,471 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LOSE THE CONTRACT WITH WONDERLOAF." 666 00:33:51,473 --> 00:33:53,206 HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 667 00:33:53,208 --> 00:33:55,576 YOU SEE? THEY ALREADY HAD A DEAL GOING, OVER... 668 00:33:55,578 --> 00:33:57,578 ...THE DAILY BREAD. 669 00:33:57,580 --> 00:33:59,379 I KNOW. I GET IT. YOU GET IT? 670 00:33:59,381 --> 00:34:01,314 BRILLIANT! HA HA HA! 671 00:34:01,316 --> 00:34:03,483 OH, YOU GET IT! WHAT A RELIEF! 672 00:34:03,485 --> 00:34:06,787 HA HA HA! 673 00:34:06,789 --> 00:34:08,656 ( laughter subsides ) 674 00:34:08,658 --> 00:34:11,158 STAY. 675 00:34:12,995 --> 00:34:20,167 ♪ FOREVER ♪ 44277

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