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1
00:00:02,901 --> 00:00:07,137
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD,
I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
2
00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:09,807
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪
3
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:13,810
♪ TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
4
00:00:13,812 --> 00:00:18,815
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
5
00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:25,488
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
6
00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:32,161
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
7
00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:36,032
RIGHT.
8
00:00:36,034 --> 00:00:37,699
ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
9
00:00:37,701 --> 00:00:39,635
YES, I WAS
JUST WONDERING,
10
00:00:39,637 --> 00:00:41,637
DID EVERYBODY ENJOY
THE VILLAGE PLAY?
11
00:00:41,639 --> 00:00:43,805
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH--
I'VE SEEN AMPUTATIONS
12
00:00:43,807 --> 00:00:46,642
WITH MORE ALL-ROUND
ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
13
00:00:46,644 --> 00:00:50,879
HAMLET'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A DASHING STUDENT.
14
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:54,149
I'M NOT AS SPRIGHTLY
AS I USED TO BE.
15
00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:55,684
SPRIGHTLY? YOU SPENT
THE SECOND HALF
16
00:00:55,686 --> 00:00:56,985
IN A WHEELCHAIR.
17
00:00:56,987 --> 00:00:59,154
I PULLED
A THIGH MUSCLE.
18
00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:01,321
I THOUGHT YOU MANOEUVRED
YOURSELF BEAUTIFULLY, FRANK.
19
00:01:01,323 --> 00:01:03,824
MOMENTARY BLIP WHEN YOU
REVERSED INTO THE GRAVE,
20
00:01:03,826 --> 00:01:06,493
AND WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
IT WOULD ONLY TAKE YOU
21
00:01:06,495 --> 00:01:08,595
15 MINUTES TO CLIMB OUT?
22
00:01:08,597 --> 00:01:10,264
BEST BIT
OF THE EVENING.
23
00:01:10,266 --> 00:01:11,666
HILARIOUS STUFF.
24
00:01:11,668 --> 00:01:14,601
I'M ONLY SORRY MORE PEOPLE
DIDN'T COME TO SEE IT.
25
00:01:14,603 --> 00:01:18,405
YES, THE NIGHT I WENT,
I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE.
26
00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:21,142
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
DISAPPOINTING FOR THE CAST.
27
00:01:21,144 --> 00:01:23,144
NO,
THEY WEREN'T THERE, EITHER.
28
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:26,913
I WENT ON THE WRONG NIGHT.
29
00:01:26,915 --> 00:01:28,247
DID YOU ENJOY IT, SIR?
30
00:01:28,249 --> 00:01:31,084
MM, ABOUT AS MUCH
AS HAVING MY NIPPLES PIERCED.
31
00:01:31,086 --> 00:01:35,388
DID YOU LIKE MY BIG SPEECH,
"TO BE, OR NOT TO BE?"
32
00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,623
VERY GOOD--I WAS ROOTING
FOR YOU NOT TO BE
33
00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:38,792
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
34
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,794
WELL, I THINK FRANK
DESERVES OUR CONGRATULATIONS,
35
00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,962
SO, WELL DONE, FRANK!
36
00:01:42,964 --> 00:01:43,963
BRAVO, BRAVO!
37
00:01:43,965 --> 00:01:46,866
ENCORE, ENCORE...
38
00:01:46,868 --> 00:01:48,767
SO, IS THAT
EVERYTHING?
39
00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:51,303
I'M STILL LOOKING FOR ITEMS
FOR THE PARISH NEWSLETTER.
40
00:01:51,305 --> 00:01:53,638
OR RATHER THE PARISH
THAT'S SOD ALL NEWSLETTER,
41
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:54,807
TO BE MORE PRECISE.
42
00:01:54,809 --> 00:01:57,109
AND AT THE MOMENT,
THE ONLY THING WE'VE GOT
43
00:01:57,111 --> 00:01:59,477
IS A PIECE FROM DAVID
ABOUT HIS MISSING WATCH,
44
00:01:59,479 --> 00:02:01,513
WHICH ACTUALLY IS
QUITE A MYSTERY.
45
00:02:01,515 --> 00:02:03,481
I-IS THAT IT?
46
00:02:03,483 --> 00:02:05,217
OH, YES.
47
00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:07,186
THANKS.
48
00:02:07,188 --> 00:02:09,654
OH, WELL, GREAT.
49
00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:11,522
WELL, NOW I'M
REALLY DESPERATE.
50
00:02:11,524 --> 00:02:14,692
THERE'S ONLY THREE DAYS
BEFORE I HAVE TO GO TO PRINT,
51
00:02:14,694 --> 00:02:18,863
AND NOW MY HEADLINE IS,
"HEN LAYS QUITE LARGE EGG."
52
00:02:18,865 --> 00:02:23,201
SO, PLEASE, COULD EVERYONE
CONTRIBUTE JUST ONE PIECE?
53
00:02:23,203 --> 00:02:24,468
( all talking at once )
54
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:26,971
I COULD DO A REVIEW
OF FRANK'S PLAY, IF YOU LIKE.
55
00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:28,272
OH, THAT'D BE
LOVELY, YEAH.
56
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:31,943
AS LONG AS I CAN USE THE WORD
"DICKHEAD" IN THE HEADLINE.
57
00:02:31,945 --> 00:02:34,677
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT
THE MAN FOR THE JOB.
58
00:02:34,679 --> 00:02:39,515
"NEW MEMBERS URGENTLY SOUGHT
FOR THE DIBLEY BONDAGE CLUB.
59
00:02:39,517 --> 00:02:42,685
IF INTERESTED,
PLEASE RING FRANK PICKLE."
60
00:02:42,687 --> 00:02:45,688
AT LAST, A JUICY ITEM.
61
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:47,858
OH, DIBLEY BRIDGE CLUB.
62
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,193
OH, PITY.
63
00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:51,694
( door closes )
64
00:02:51,696 --> 00:02:53,196
HIYA.
65
00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:54,197
HELLO, ALICE.
66
00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:56,532
COME IN,
AND SHUT UP.
67
00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:58,033
I'M HAVING
A SERIOUS CRISIS
68
00:02:58,035 --> 00:02:59,401
WITH THE NEWSLETTER.
69
00:02:59,403 --> 00:03:00,602
OH.
70
00:03:00,604 --> 00:03:03,305
WILL YOU BE TELLING US
WHEN JESUS IS COMING?
71
00:03:03,307 --> 00:03:04,807
SORRY?
72
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,308
WELL, IN LAST MONTH'S
NEWSLETTER,
73
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,244
YOU WROTE ABOUT HOW
JESUS IS COMING,
74
00:03:08,246 --> 00:03:10,246
BUT YOU DIDN'T
MENTION ANY DATES.
75
00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:14,250
MUM WANTS TO KNOW WHEN
TO GET THE HOUSE TIDY.
76
00:03:14,252 --> 00:03:16,085
NO, IT WON'T BE
LIKE THAT, ALICE,
77
00:03:16,087 --> 00:03:17,753
HE'LL JUST
SORT OF TURN UP.
78
00:03:17,755 --> 00:03:19,255
WELL, THAT'S
A BIT RUDE.
79
00:03:19,257 --> 00:03:21,223
I--I MIGHT BE
ON THE TOILET,
80
00:03:21,225 --> 00:03:22,390
OR SOMETHING.
81
00:03:22,392 --> 00:03:24,959
NO, IT WON'T FEEL RUDE,
IT'LL FEEL JUST LOVELY.
82
00:03:24,961 --> 00:03:26,627
OH, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
83
00:03:26,629 --> 00:03:28,396
HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING
FOR GOSSIP'S CORNER,
84
00:03:28,398 --> 00:03:29,563
HAVE YOU?
85
00:03:29,565 --> 00:03:32,033
OH, YEAH, WELL,
I DO, ACTUALLY.
86
00:03:32,035 --> 00:03:33,701
DO YOU?
OH, YES?
87
00:03:33,703 --> 00:03:35,436
GO ON, THEN.
88
00:03:35,438 --> 00:03:38,840
I HEARD THE OTHER DAY,
AND DON'T TELL ANYONE--
89
00:03:38,842 --> 00:03:40,175
OH, CROSS MY HEART.
90
00:03:40,177 --> 00:03:41,575
YEAH?
91
00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:42,610
THAT MR. GARRETT...
92
00:03:42,612 --> 00:03:43,711
YEAH?
YEAH.
93
00:03:43,713 --> 00:03:45,578
WAS SEEN IN THE STREET
KISSING SOMEONE
94
00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,414
THAT WASN'T HIS WIFE.
95
00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:49,349
HUH!
WHO WAS IT?
96
00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:51,551
HIS MOTHER.
97
00:03:51,553 --> 00:03:54,221
SO, SOD ALL GOSSIP,
IF WE'RE HONEST.
98
00:03:54,223 --> 00:03:55,823
THAT'S RIGHT.
99
00:03:55,825 --> 00:03:56,990
YEAH.
100
00:03:56,992 --> 00:04:00,327
THE RECIPE PAGE
IS ALWAYS MY FAVOURITE,
101
00:04:00,329 --> 00:04:02,329
I MEAN, SURELY YOU'VE
GOT SOMETHING THERE.
102
00:04:02,331 --> 00:04:04,331
WELL, FUNNY YOU SHOULD
SAY THAT, ACTUALLY,
103
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:07,000
THIS IS OUR MOST
EXCITING ITEM SO FAR.
104
00:04:07,002 --> 00:04:09,368
AN ANONYMOUS PERSON
HAS DONATED THEIR RECIPE
105
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,703
FOR CHOCOLATE PUDDING.
106
00:04:10,705 --> 00:04:12,371
IT'S A LITTLE BIT
IDIOSYNCRATIC, BUT--
107
00:04:12,373 --> 00:04:14,707
ANONYMOUS, WELL, YOU SAY
DIDN'T GIVE HER NAME?
108
00:04:14,709 --> 00:04:15,875
NO, NO.
109
00:04:15,877 --> 00:04:18,044
SO, COULD BE SOMEONE
IN THIS ROOM, OR--
110
00:04:18,046 --> 00:04:20,146
WELL, NO, NOT UNLESS
IT'S YOU OR--
111
00:04:20,148 --> 00:04:22,315
IT'S YOU, ISN'T IT?
112
00:04:22,317 --> 00:04:24,116
OH, I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED
113
00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:26,118
WHEN IT SAID,
"WITH CHOCOLATE PUDDING,
114
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,454
YOU CAN NEVER HAVE
ENOUGH HADDOCK."
115
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:30,289
OH, DEAR, WELL...
116
00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:32,124
I'LL LET YOU GET ON.
117
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,125
NO, I DOUBT THAT
VERY MUCH.
118
00:04:34,127 --> 00:04:35,293
ACTUALLY--
119
00:04:35,295 --> 00:04:36,794
HERE WE GO.
120
00:04:36,796 --> 00:04:39,130
THERE IS JUST
ONE TINY THING.
121
00:04:39,132 --> 00:04:41,132
IS THERE?
122
00:04:42,669 --> 00:04:45,170
DO YOU THINK THAT
I'M UNATTRACTIVE,
123
00:04:45,172 --> 00:04:47,873
AND WILL NEVER BE
KISSED BY ANY MAN,
124
00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:52,043
AND DIE WITHOUT EVER KNOWING
THE JOY OF TRUE LOVE?
125
00:04:52,045 --> 00:04:54,379
OH, NO!
126
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:58,983
DON'T TELL ME THAT HUGO
HASN'T EVEN KISSED YOU YET?
127
00:04:58,985 --> 00:05:02,119
I JUST DON'T THINK
THAT HE LOVES ME.
128
00:05:02,121 --> 00:05:04,288
OH, THAT'S NONSENSE.
129
00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:07,157
IT'S JUST, YOU'VE GOT TO
GIVE THESE THINGS TIME,
130
00:05:07,159 --> 00:05:08,158
THAT'S ALL.
131
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,159
I KNOW.
132
00:05:09,161 --> 00:05:10,861
HOW LONG
HAVE YOU KNOWN HIM?
133
00:05:10,863 --> 00:05:13,364
UH, 26 YEARS.
134
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:16,033
RIGHT.
135
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:19,036
WELL, THE FACT IS,
HE DOES LOVE YOU.
136
00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:21,537
SO, MAYBE YOU'VE
JUST GOT TO TELL HIM
137
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:23,206
EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
138
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:26,542
OH, I--I FEEL LIKE, UH,
LIKE I WANNA MARRY HIM,
139
00:05:26,544 --> 00:05:29,379
AND HAVE 15 CHILDREN
IN A FORTNIGHT.
140
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,880
RIGHT.
141
00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:33,716
WELL, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY
HOW YOU FEEL, THEN.
142
00:05:33,718 --> 00:05:36,719
IT'S JUST
SO HARD, I MEAN...
143
00:05:36,721 --> 00:05:38,754
HOW DID YOU TELL
YOUR BOYFRIENDS
144
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,356
THAT YOU LOVED THEM?
145
00:05:40,358 --> 00:05:43,358
WELL, I USUALLY STUCK
THEIR HANDS DOWN MY BLOUSE.
146
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,694
I DON'T THINK THAT'S
GONNA WORK FOR YOU AND HUGO.
147
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:49,664
NO. YOU NEED A CUPID
THAT'S NOT STUPID,
148
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,034
AND THAT CUPID IS ME.
149
00:05:52,036 --> 00:05:53,701
RIGHT, PLAN OF ACTION.
150
00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:55,703
YOU, VIRGIN, GO HOME,
151
00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:57,739
AND COME BACK HERE
AFTER LUNCH,
152
00:05:57,741 --> 00:05:59,408
LOOKING REALLY NICE, OKAY?
153
00:05:59,410 --> 00:06:00,475
WHY?
154
00:06:00,477 --> 00:06:01,576
NO QUESTIONS.
155
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:03,678
ONE LITTLE HINT, THOUGH--
NO GARLIC FOR LUNCH,
156
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,214
AND PERHAPS YOU COULD REMOVE
THOSE LITTLE BITS OF BISCUIT
157
00:06:06,216 --> 00:06:07,748
IN THE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH.
158
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:08,916
GO ON, SHOO.
159
00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:12,253
THIS IS GREAT.
160
00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:13,487
YEAH.
161
00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:14,822
I HAVEN'T BEEN
SO EXCITED
162
00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:17,524
SINCE I GOT THE CARD
SAYING I'D WON
163
00:06:17,526 --> 00:06:19,126
THAT BEAUTY CONTEST,
DO YOU REMEMBER?
164
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,795
WE WERE PLAYING MONOPOLY
AT THE TIME, WEREN'T WE?
165
00:06:21,797 --> 00:06:23,130
THAT'S RIGHT.
166
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,132
I WAS SO PROUD.
167
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,633
YEAH.
168
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:30,104
OFF YOU GO, THEN,
SAD, LITTLE LUNATIC.
169
00:06:30,106 --> 00:06:32,172
HUGO, IT'S GERALDINE HERE.
170
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,174
I'M INVITING YOU
OVER TO MY HOUSE
171
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,608
ABOUT 2:00 THIS AFTERNOON.
172
00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:39,145
AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, TRY TO LOOK
SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE, WOULD YOU?
173
00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:40,347
RIGHT, BYE-BYE.
174
00:06:40,349 --> 00:06:43,416
AH, SORTED.
175
00:06:43,418 --> 00:06:44,584
( doorbell rings )
176
00:06:46,254 --> 00:06:47,420
HUGO!
177
00:06:47,422 --> 00:06:50,056
COME ON IN,
LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
178
00:06:50,058 --> 00:06:52,225
OOH, LOVELY TROUSERS.
179
00:06:52,227 --> 00:06:53,893
OH, BONS PANTALONS.
180
00:06:53,895 --> 00:06:55,461
YEAH.
YOU SAID SEXY.
181
00:06:55,463 --> 00:06:56,661
YES.
182
00:06:56,663 --> 00:06:59,064
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING
FOR THE NEWSLETTER.
183
00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:00,232
OH, GREAT.
184
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:01,266
IT'S AN ADVERT.
185
00:07:01,268 --> 00:07:03,768
"SOCK FOR SALE,
BOTTLE GREEN.
186
00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:06,438
WOULD SUIT PERSON
WITH SIMILAR SOCK."
187
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,440
WELL, THAT'S
VERY EXCITING, ISN'T IT?
188
00:07:08,442 --> 00:07:11,576
YOU GO ON IN, AND SIT DOWN.
189
00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:12,611
Geraldine:
( clears throat )
190
00:07:12,613 --> 00:07:13,945
( paper crinkling )
191
00:07:13,947 --> 00:07:16,982
NOW, HUGO, YOU'RE PROBABLY
WONDERING WHY I'VE ASKED YOU
192
00:07:16,984 --> 00:07:18,216
TO COME HERE TODAY.
193
00:07:18,218 --> 00:07:20,418
ACTUALLY, NO, I THINK
I'VE WORKED IT OUT.
194
00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:21,452
OH, REALLY?
195
00:07:21,454 --> 00:07:22,686
YEAH, YEAH.
196
00:07:22,688 --> 00:07:24,489
YOU KNOW THE FILM
LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN,
197
00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:26,524
WHERE THEY GATHER TOGETHER
THE SEVEN MASTER CRIMINALS
198
00:07:26,526 --> 00:07:28,893
OF THE WORLD, EACH
OF THEM SKILLED
199
00:07:28,895 --> 00:07:30,528
IN THEIR OWN
PARTICULAR TRADE--
200
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,663
MASTER OF DISGUISE,
MASTER LOCK BREAKER,
201
00:07:32,665 --> 00:07:33,931
EXPLOSIVES EXPERT,
ET CETERA,
202
00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:35,833
ALL ASSEMBLED
IN ORDER TO PULL OFF
203
00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:38,136
THE GREATEST ROBBERY
OF ALL TIME?
204
00:07:38,138 --> 00:07:39,737
UM, VAGUELY
REMEMBER IT, YEAH.
205
00:07:39,739 --> 00:07:41,871
WELL, I--I ASSUME
IT'S THAT, AM I RIGHT?
206
00:07:41,873 --> 00:07:43,507
UH, NO.
207
00:07:43,509 --> 00:07:45,042
AH, FAIR ENOUGH.
208
00:07:45,044 --> 00:07:46,376
RIGHT, MOVING ON,
209
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:49,379
UM, I'M GOING TO COME
TO THE POINT STRAIGHT AWAY.
210
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:53,250
HUGO, DO YOU LOVE ALICE?
211
00:07:53,252 --> 00:07:54,617
OH.
212
00:07:54,619 --> 00:07:56,619
UM, W-WELL...
213
00:07:56,621 --> 00:07:58,121
( mumbles )
214
00:07:58,123 --> 00:07:59,589
THE ANSWER
IS "YES," HUGO.
215
00:07:59,591 --> 00:08:01,791
THAT'S RIGHT,
I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER.
216
00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:03,326
AND YOU'RE GONNA
LOSE THAT GIRL,
217
00:08:03,328 --> 00:08:04,861
IF YOU DON'T
KISS HER SOON.
218
00:08:04,863 --> 00:08:05,894
OH?
219
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:07,963
AND THAT WOULD BE
A TRAGEDY, WOULDN'T IT?
220
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:11,300
YES, BECAUSE I LOVE HER,
LIKE ROMEO LOVED JULIET.
221
00:08:11,302 --> 00:08:12,301
GOOD.
222
00:08:12,303 --> 00:08:14,836
LIKE RICHARD LOVES JUDY.
223
00:08:16,507 --> 00:08:18,840
THAT'S LESS GOOD.
224
00:08:18,842 --> 00:08:21,009
WILL YOU PROMISE ME
THAT THE NEXT TIME
225
00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:24,146
YOU SEE ALICE, YOU'LL
GIVE HER A GREAT BIG KISS?
226
00:08:24,148 --> 00:08:25,814
OKAY, I--I PROMISE.
227
00:08:25,816 --> 00:08:26,882
GOOD.
228
00:08:26,884 --> 00:08:27,983
( doorbell rings )
229
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:31,319
OH, MM, I WONDER
WHO THAT COULD BE?
230
00:08:39,963 --> 00:08:41,963
WELL, LOOK WHO
WE HAVE HERE?
231
00:08:41,965 --> 00:08:43,631
HELLO, HUGO.
232
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:45,300
HELLO, ALICE.
233
00:08:47,637 --> 00:08:51,372
I'LL JUST GO AND MAKE
SOME TEA, THEN, SHALL I?
234
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:55,709
HUGO, I BELIEVE THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DO.
235
00:08:59,982 --> 00:09:01,248
OOH, THIS IS EASY.
236
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,484
I SHOULD
TAKE THIS UP FOR A LIVING.
237
00:09:03,486 --> 00:09:06,820
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CREATE
THE RIGHT SOCIAL SITUATION,
238
00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:08,155
AND LOVE WILL FLOWER,
239
00:09:08,157 --> 00:09:11,658
LIKE A FLOWER, FLOWERING
IN THE RIGHT SOCIAL SITUATION.
240
00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:14,161
TWO LOVELY YOUNG PEOPLE,
241
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:18,164
THEIR TENDER LIPS
MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME
242
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,832
IN A WHIRLWIND OF PASSION
243
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:22,001
THAT IS, IN FACT,
TRUE LOVE.
244
00:09:23,871 --> 00:09:29,074
OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES,
JUST KISS, YOU MORONS!
245
00:09:29,076 --> 00:09:33,078
I'M SO SORRY,
DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
246
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,747
UM...
247
00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:37,416
WHAT I ACTUALLY
MEANT TO SAY WAS,
248
00:09:37,418 --> 00:09:39,252
PLEASE, DON'T WORRY,
IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE,
249
00:09:39,254 --> 00:09:40,985
AND YOU'RE
GOING TO ENJOY IT.
250
00:09:40,987 --> 00:09:43,421
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS CLOSE YOUR EYES...
251
00:09:43,423 --> 00:09:44,422
MM.
252
00:09:44,424 --> 00:09:46,424
AND MOVE FORWARD.
253
00:09:48,828 --> 00:09:51,095
THEN OPEN YOUR EYES AGAIN,
254
00:09:51,097 --> 00:09:52,264
LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING,
255
00:09:52,266 --> 00:09:55,099
THAT'S RIGHT, AND...
256
00:09:55,101 --> 00:09:56,434
MOVE FORWARD.
257
00:09:58,438 --> 00:10:01,105
DOCKING PROCEDURE
ALMOST COMPLETE.
258
00:10:02,108 --> 00:10:03,607
AND THEN...
259
00:10:03,609 --> 00:10:05,476
CAN'T WE JUST
SHAKE HANDS?
260
00:10:05,478 --> 00:10:07,144
YEAH, YEAH,
I LOVE SHAKING HANDS,
261
00:10:07,146 --> 00:10:09,313
IT'S AN EXCELLENT WAY
OF COMMUNICATING AFFECTION
262
00:10:09,315 --> 00:10:10,648
WITHOUT GETTING WET.
263
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:13,116
JUST DO IT!
264
00:10:13,118 --> 00:10:14,818
RIGHT,
RIGHT, YEAH.
265
00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:16,654
GOOD LUCK, ALICE.
266
00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:18,489
GOOD LUCK, HUGO.
267
00:10:22,461 --> 00:10:24,127
Geraldine:
( gasps )
268
00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:25,962
YES!
269
00:10:25,964 --> 00:10:28,298
HOUSTON, WE HAVE KISS-OFF.
270
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:31,100
OH, LOVELY.
271
00:10:31,102 --> 00:10:34,103
WELL DONE, YOU TWO,
THAT'S EXCELLENT.
272
00:10:36,441 --> 00:10:38,774
ACTUALLY, YOU--YOU
CAN STOP NOW, HUGO,
273
00:10:38,776 --> 00:10:39,775
IF YOU WANT.
274
00:10:39,777 --> 00:10:41,444
HEY, WHY
SHOULD YOU STOP?
275
00:10:41,446 --> 00:10:43,479
NOTHING LIKE
A NICE LONG KISS,
276
00:10:43,481 --> 00:10:44,647
IS THERE?
277
00:10:44,649 --> 00:10:46,916
OTHER THAN AN EVEN
LONGER KISS, OBVIOUSLY.
278
00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:48,918
ALICE, YOU CAN S-STOP...
279
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,919
NO, LOOK, OKAY, HERE'S
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN--
280
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:52,954
UH, YOU CARRY ON
KISSING, OKAY?
281
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:55,090
I'M JUST GONNA
GET ON WITH MY WORK.
282
00:10:55,092 --> 00:10:56,758
AH, RIGHT.
283
00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:00,262
DON'T MIND ME AT ALL,
I'LL JUST SIT HERE.
284
00:11:00,264 --> 00:11:02,264
NO, LOOK,
I'M GONNA POP OUT.
285
00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:03,599
UM...
286
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:05,867
I'LL BE BACK
IN A WHILE.
287
00:11:07,771 --> 00:11:09,538
OWEN, YOU WOULDN'T
GIVE ME A HAND
288
00:11:09,540 --> 00:11:10,805
WITH THIS SHOPPING,
WOULD YOU?
289
00:11:10,807 --> 00:11:12,874
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
290
00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:15,276
UM,
ETERNAL SALVATION?
291
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:19,247
ANYTHING MORE,
YOU KNOW, UN-NEBULOUS?
292
00:11:19,249 --> 00:11:21,014
CHOCOLATE HOB NOB?
293
00:11:21,016 --> 00:11:22,783
LET'S DO IT!
294
00:11:25,821 --> 00:11:27,988
OH, THANKS, OWEN.
295
00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:30,023
JUST BUNG THOSE
IN THE KITCHEN
296
00:11:30,025 --> 00:11:31,859
FOR ME, IF YOU WOULD.
297
00:11:31,861 --> 00:11:33,361
RIGHT-O.
298
00:11:34,864 --> 00:11:36,330
( breaking glass )
299
00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:44,203
YEAH, THANKS.
300
00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:47,540
NOW, WHAT DID YOU
WANT TO SEE ME ABOUT?
301
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:50,209
I WANT TO PUT AN ADVERT
IN THE NEWSLETTER.
302
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:51,210
OH, HOORAY!
303
00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:53,713
I'VE GOT A 400-PIECE
JIGSAW FOR SALE.
304
00:11:53,715 --> 00:11:55,882
OH, GOOD FOR YOU,
WE REALLY NEED STUFF.
305
00:11:55,884 --> 00:11:58,885
IT WAS 550 PIECES,
BUT ONE OF THE DOGS
306
00:11:58,887 --> 00:12:00,253
GOT TO IT.
307
00:12:00,255 --> 00:12:02,053
RIGHT, AND HOW MUCH
ARE YOU THINKING
308
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,121
OF CHARGING FOR IT?
309
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,123
OH, I THOUGHT
ABOUT A HUNDRED QUID.
310
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,459
THEY'RE 4.99 NEW,
BUT MINE'S UNIQUE NOW,
311
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:10,296
SO I THINK IT'S A BIT
OF A COLLECTOR'S ITEM.
312
00:12:10,298 --> 00:12:11,963
YES, INDEED,
AND THE NEXT COLLECTION
313
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,466
IS ON THURSDAY MORNING
IN A BIG TRUCK.
314
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:20,406
I'LL JUST, UH,
TYPE THIS UP, THEN.
315
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,275
WHAT'S THIS, THEN?
316
00:12:23,277 --> 00:12:25,610
UH, THAT'S HUGO AND ALICE.
317
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,613
THEY'VE BEEN AT IT
FOR FOUR AND A HALF HOURS NOW.
318
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:32,317
PROVIDED QUITE A TALKING POINT
IN MY CONFIRMATION CLASS,
319
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,485
I CAN TELL YOU.
320
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,153
SO, WHAT HAVE WE GOT?
321
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:39,657
"ONE JIGSAW FOR SALE,
PARTIALLY EATEN."
322
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,092
WHAT'S THE PUZZLE OF?
323
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,094
UH, IT'S A WOMAN
WITH NO CLOTHES ON,
324
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,262
BUT IT'S VERY TASTEFUL.
325
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,264
A PAINTING OF SOME SORT,
RUBENS, RENOIR?
326
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,932
NO, IT'S
A PAGE THREE GIRL,
327
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,601
BUT THE LABRADOR'S
EATEN HER KNOCKERS.
328
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:57,674
OH, THEY'RE BACK!
329
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,275
WELCOME HOME!
330
00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:01,712
HOW WAS IT, THEN?
331
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:02,879
FANTASTIT.
332
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,717
IN ENGLISH, HUGO?
333
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:10,286
( rubber-lipped )
I REALLY LIKED THAT.
334
00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:13,288
RIGHT, THEY'RE SPEAKING
IN TONGUES, OKAY.
335
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,791
CUP OF TEA?
336
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:17,292
OH, NO,
THANK YOU, VICAR.
337
00:13:17,294 --> 00:13:19,762
I USED TO LOVE
HAVING TEA WITH YOU,
338
00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,264
BUT NOW I'VE REALIZED,
IN COMPARISON TO SOME THINGS,
339
00:13:22,266 --> 00:13:26,569
IT'S A TOTAL, NUTTER,
YAWN-MAKING BORE OF BORES.
340
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:27,903
COME ON, BIG BOY.
341
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:32,241
WELL...
342
00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:38,079
OH, WELL, THE JOY
OF THOSE FIRST KISSES,
343
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:39,481
EH, OWEN?
344
00:13:39,483 --> 00:13:41,750
I WOULDN'T KNOW,
I'VE NEVER HAD A PROPER KISS.
345
00:13:41,752 --> 00:13:43,551
OH, HAVEN'T YOU?
346
00:13:43,553 --> 00:13:45,920
WELL, EXCEPT FOR DAISY,
AND SHE WAS A COW,
347
00:13:45,922 --> 00:13:47,955
SO THAT DOESN'T
REALLY COUNT, DOES IT?
348
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,124
WHAT, YOU KISSED
ONE OF YOUR COWS?
349
00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:51,292
NO,
THE GAMEKEEPER'S DAUGHTER,
350
00:13:51,294 --> 00:13:52,927
RIGHT COW, SHE WAS.
351
00:13:54,531 --> 00:13:57,298
SHE SAID IF I GAVE HER
ALL MY POCKET MONEY,
352
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,133
SHE'D LET ME FEEL
INSIDE HER BRA.
353
00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:01,769
AND THEN SHE
DIDN'T LET YOU?
354
00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:02,903
NO, SHE DID.
355
00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:05,906
PROBLEM WAS, SHE WASN'T
WEARING IT AT THE TIME.
356
00:14:05,908 --> 00:14:07,608
OH, DEAR.
357
00:14:07,610 --> 00:14:09,943
SOME FOLKS' LIVES ARE FULL
OF LOVE AND SOFTNESS,
358
00:14:09,945 --> 00:14:11,779
OTHER FOLKS,
THEY NEVER GET TO KNOW
359
00:14:11,781 --> 00:14:15,148
THE SWEET TENDERNESS
OF HUMAN CONTACT.
360
00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:17,350
THE SUN IS OUT,
THE SKY IS BLUE,
361
00:14:17,352 --> 00:14:19,520
THERE'S NOT A CLOUD
TO SPOIL THE VIEW,
362
00:14:19,522 --> 00:14:23,756
BUT IT'S RAINING,
IT'S RAINING IN MY HEART.
363
00:14:23,758 --> 00:14:27,092
OH, GO ON, THEN,
YOU GREAT BIG LOSER,
364
00:14:27,094 --> 00:14:29,562
GIVE US A QUICK KISS.
365
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,531
REALLY?!
366
00:14:31,533 --> 00:14:34,366
YES, BUT NO BURPING,
THOUGH, OKAY?
367
00:14:34,368 --> 00:14:35,868
OKAY.
368
00:14:37,038 --> 00:14:38,370
OKAY...
369
00:14:38,372 --> 00:14:39,539
HERE GOES.
370
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:42,174
RIGHT.
371
00:14:51,885 --> 00:14:52,884
OH!
372
00:14:54,788 --> 00:14:55,787
OH...
373
00:14:55,789 --> 00:14:56,788
AHH...
374
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:58,623
SIZZLE MY SAUSAGE!
375
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:00,892
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER?
376
00:15:00,894 --> 00:15:02,928
NO, NO!
377
00:15:02,930 --> 00:15:03,929
UH...
378
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:06,264
OH, GOD...
WHAT'S THIS?
379
00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:07,799
OH, GREAT.
380
00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:11,134
I GOT THAT BIT OF PORK
STUCK IN MY TEETH LAST NIGHT.
381
00:15:11,136 --> 00:15:13,303
I THOUGHT I'D
NEVER GET IT OUT.
382
00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:14,304
THANKS FOR THAT.
383
00:15:14,306 --> 00:15:16,574
I'LL SEE MYSELF OUT.
384
00:15:19,411 --> 00:15:21,244
OH, NO.
385
00:15:21,246 --> 00:15:24,882
HE'S GOT
ONE OF MY FILLINGS.
386
00:15:24,884 --> 00:15:26,884
I RECKON HE'LL COME
ON A SATURDAY,
387
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:28,886
'CAUSE THERE'S
LESS TRAFFIC THEN.
388
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:30,053
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
389
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,221
LOOK, ALICE,
390
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,891
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHEN JESUS WILL COME,
391
00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:34,891
OKAY?
392
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,893
PROBABLY GET A BUS
FROM HIGH WICKHAM,
393
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:37,894
I WOULD IMAGINE.
394
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,228
MORNING, HUGO.
395
00:15:41,265 --> 00:15:42,832
ALICE?
396
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:49,405
TELL ME, VICAR,
IS ALICE ALL RIGHT?
397
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,740
OH, SHE'S ABSOLUTELY FINE.
398
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:53,609
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO JUST
STEP RIGHT OVER THEM.
399
00:16:08,124 --> 00:16:10,124
Newscaster: A REPORT FROM BIRMINGHAM UNIVERSITY
400
00:16:10,126 --> 00:16:12,861
SUGGESTS THAT OVER 50% OF SINGLE PEOPLE IN BRITAIN
401
00:16:12,863 --> 00:16:14,028
NOW TALK TO THEMSELVES,
402
00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:15,630
AS A WAY OF COMBATING LONELINESS.
403
00:16:15,632 --> 00:16:17,298
RIDICULOUS,
HOW CAN THEY KNOW THAT?
404
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,801
AND OVER 30% TALK TO THEIR TELEVISION.
405
00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:22,102
OF COURSE THEY DON'T.
406
00:16:22,104 --> 00:16:24,472
( clears throat )
407
00:16:24,474 --> 00:16:25,673
AH, HUGO.
408
00:16:25,675 --> 00:16:26,674
EVENING, FATHER.
409
00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:27,808
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?
410
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:29,009
OH, UH, NOTHING.
411
00:16:29,011 --> 00:16:30,444
YOU WOULDN'T
BE INTERESTED.
412
00:16:30,446 --> 00:16:31,779
NO, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
413
00:16:31,781 --> 00:16:34,247
YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
INTERESTING UP TILL NOW.
414
00:16:34,249 --> 00:16:35,282
ACTUALLY, I...
415
00:16:35,284 --> 00:16:36,851
I--I HAVE BEEN
UP TO SOMETHING.
416
00:16:36,853 --> 00:16:38,986
THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, FATHER.
417
00:16:38,988 --> 00:16:40,053
HMM?
418
00:16:40,055 --> 00:16:42,122
I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
419
00:16:42,124 --> 00:16:43,924
AND WONDERFUL WOMAN
IN THE WORLD.
420
00:16:43,926 --> 00:16:46,225
JILL DANDO?
421
00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:47,894
NO, FATHER,
EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL
422
00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:49,596
THAN THE WONDERFUL
JILL DANDO.
423
00:16:49,598 --> 00:16:51,097
WELL DONE, HUGH.
424
00:16:51,099 --> 00:16:52,799
ANYTHING
TO GET YOU AWAY
425
00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:56,002
FROM THAT RIDICULOUS
ALICE CREATURE.
426
00:16:56,004 --> 00:16:59,338
SHE WAS GHASTLY,
WASN'T SHE?
427
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,708
LESS A HUMAN BEING, THAN
A GENETICALLY MODIFIED
428
00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:03,710
STICK INSECT
WITH THE BRAIN REMOVED.
429
00:17:03,712 --> 00:17:07,380
SO, WHAT'S
THIS NEW BIRD CALLED?
430
00:17:07,382 --> 00:17:08,714
I DON'T KNOW.
431
00:17:08,716 --> 00:17:11,583
DON'T EVEN
KNOW HERE NAME.
432
00:17:11,585 --> 00:17:13,251
WELL, HA HA HA!
433
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:14,753
YOU ROGUE.
434
00:17:14,755 --> 00:17:17,222
GOOD ON YOU, SON.
435
00:17:17,224 --> 00:17:18,390
ACTUALLY, A-ACTUALLY,
436
00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:21,059
I--I DO KNOW
HER NAME, FATHER.
437
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,728
WELL, SPLENDID.
438
00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:24,462
SPIT IT OUT, THEN.
439
00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:25,631
HER NAME IS...
440
00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:26,965
THE--THE THING IS...
441
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,001
HER--HER NAME IS ALICE.
442
00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:30,769
YOU'RE JOKING?
443
00:17:30,771 --> 00:17:33,838
NO, MY GIRLFRIEND'S
NAME IS ALICE.
444
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,507
WHAT AN
INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE.
445
00:17:36,509 --> 00:17:40,511
PESTERED FOR A DECADE
BY A CABBAGE PATCH DOLL
446
00:17:40,513 --> 00:17:44,515
NAMED
"ALICE BRAIN BYPASSED,"
447
00:17:44,517 --> 00:17:47,552
AND WHEN YOU FINALLY DO
FIND YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND,
448
00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:49,620
SHE'S ALSO CALLED ALICE.
449
00:17:49,622 --> 00:17:51,155
WHAT'S HER SURNAME?
450
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:52,823
ACTUALLY, FATHER,
C-COULD WE START
451
00:17:52,825 --> 00:17:54,058
THE CONVERSATION A-AGAIN?
452
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:55,626
JUST--JUST ASK ME
A SIMPLE QUESTION,
453
00:17:55,628 --> 00:17:57,493
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A SIMPLE ANSWER.
454
00:17:57,495 --> 00:18:00,030
JUST...JUST ASK ME
WHO MY GIRLFRIEND IS.
455
00:18:00,032 --> 00:18:03,066
VERY WELL, HUGO.
WHO IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
456
00:18:03,068 --> 00:18:05,835
UH, WELL...
457
00:18:05,837 --> 00:18:08,171
MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW,
THE MOTHER OF MY GRANDCHILDREN,
458
00:18:08,173 --> 00:18:10,006
THE MISTRESS
OF THIS GREAT HOUSE,
459
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:12,676
THE CO-INHERITOR
OF EVERY PENNY I'VE EARNED
460
00:18:12,678 --> 00:18:14,678
IN MY LONG,
AND UNHAPPY LIFE,
461
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,914
THE WOMAN WHO WILL
CHERISH ME IN MY OLD AGE,
462
00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:20,583
AND TEND TO ME
IN MY WANING YEARS,
463
00:18:20,585 --> 00:18:25,688
THE FEMALE VESSEL INTO WHICH
ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS
464
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,790
ARE TO BE POURED.
465
00:18:27,792 --> 00:18:29,725
RIGHT.
466
00:18:29,727 --> 00:18:31,127
SO, WHAT DID HE SAY?
467
00:18:31,129 --> 00:18:33,462
WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID,
468
00:18:33,464 --> 00:18:34,529
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE VICAR.
469
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,665
BUT L-LET'S SAY
A CERTAIN WORD
470
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:39,668
IS REPRESENTED
BY ANOTHER WORD
471
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,837
THAT--THAT SOUNDS
A LITTLE LIKE THAT WORD,
472
00:18:41,839 --> 00:18:43,171
LIKE, UH...
473
00:18:43,173 --> 00:18:45,506
LIKE..."DUCK,"
FOR INSTANCE.
474
00:18:45,508 --> 00:18:48,276
HE ASKED ME WHAT THE DUCK
I WAS PLAYING AT.
475
00:18:48,278 --> 00:18:50,611
HE SAID HE DIDN'T
GIVE A FLYING DUCK
476
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,446
IF I DUCKING LOVED
ALICE DUCKING TINKER,
477
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:54,348
AND IF I DUCKING
KISSED HER AGAIN,
478
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,152
HE'D MAKE SURE THAT I WAS
WELL AND TRULY DUCKED.
479
00:18:57,154 --> 00:18:58,586
WELL, DUCK ME.
480
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:00,922
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO, I...
481
00:19:00,924 --> 00:19:03,424
I LOVE ALICE
WITH ALL MY HEART, BUT...
482
00:19:03,426 --> 00:19:05,459
I ALSO LOVE MY DAD.
483
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,827
OF COURSE.
484
00:19:06,829 --> 00:19:08,028
( doorbell rings )
485
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:10,297
OH, I-IF THAT'S ALICE,
I BETTER NOT SEE HER.
486
00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:12,399
I HAVE A BIG DECISION
TO MAKE, AND...
487
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,235
HER RADIANT BEAUTY AND
SUBTLE, SEDUCTIVE CHARMS
488
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,071
MAY CLOUD MY MIND AS
I GROPE TOWARDS AN ANSWER
489
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,707
THAT IS BOTH RIGHT AND TRUE.
490
00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:22,709
OH...
491
00:19:22,711 --> 00:19:24,711
( imitates lion's roar )
492
00:19:24,713 --> 00:19:26,980
OH, DOLLOCKS.
493
00:19:26,982 --> 00:19:30,516
COME HERE, MR. MOIST.
494
00:19:30,518 --> 00:19:34,353
WELL, UH, I, UH,
I BETTER BE GOING.
495
00:19:34,355 --> 00:19:36,755
BYE, EVERYONE.
496
00:19:36,757 --> 00:19:37,924
OH, MY GOD.
497
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,758
I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
498
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,228
HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.
499
00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:44,897
HE SUCKED OUT ALL MY JUICE,
500
00:19:44,899 --> 00:19:48,801
AND DISCARDED ME LIKE
AN EMPTY CARTON OF RIBENA.
501
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:52,471
NO, POPPET, IT'S NOT
LIKE THAT AT ALL.
502
00:19:52,473 --> 00:19:55,640
THE TRUTH IS THAT HE'S...
503
00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:57,809
HE'S SPRAINED HIS TONGUE,
504
00:19:57,811 --> 00:20:00,145
AND THE DOCTOR SAYS
HE'S GOT TO GIVE IT
505
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:02,180
COMPLETE REST FOR A FEW DAYS.
506
00:20:02,182 --> 00:20:04,615
OH, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, THEN, I...
507
00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:08,619
YEAH, SO YOU KEEP AWAY
FROM HIM, MISS LUSTY LIPS.
508
00:20:08,621 --> 00:20:09,787
I'LL TRY.
509
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:13,258
OH, LET'S HAVE SOME TEA.
510
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:15,760
YES, AND I CAN GET ON
WITH THIS NEWSLETTER.
511
00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:17,428
THINGS AREN'T
GETTING ANY BETTER.
512
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:19,429
AT THE MOMENT,
THE HEADLINE IS,
513
00:20:19,431 --> 00:20:21,431
"DIBLEY VOTED
VILLAGE OF THE YEAR."
514
00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:22,933
WELL, THAT'S
PRETTY EXCITING.
515
00:20:22,935 --> 00:20:24,268
NO, LET ME FINISH--
516
00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:27,604
"IN DREAM I HAD
LAST THURSDAY."
517
00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:29,773
( doorbell rings )
518
00:20:33,212 --> 00:20:36,113
OWEN, HOW ARE YOU?
519
00:20:36,115 --> 00:20:37,848
I THINK THIS
IS YOUR FILLING.
520
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:41,985
OH, UH,
THANK YOU.
521
00:20:41,987 --> 00:20:43,719
I WOULD HAVE
BROUGHT IT SOONER,
522
00:20:43,721 --> 00:20:46,055
BUT I'VE ONLY
JUST PASSED IT.
523
00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:49,725
OH...
524
00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:52,561
I, UH...
525
00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:55,899
I WON'T BE PUTTING IT
BACK IN RIGHT NOW, THEN.
526
00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:57,666
IS THAT ALL?
527
00:20:57,668 --> 00:20:59,168
UH, NO!
OH.
528
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,836
IT'S THAT KISS.
529
00:21:02,107 --> 00:21:03,472
EVER SINCE THAT KISS,
530
00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:05,807
I'VE BEEN FEELING
ALL CHURNED UP.
531
00:21:05,809 --> 00:21:09,677
YEAH, MY TUMMY'S BEEN
FEELING A BIT DODGY, TOO.
532
00:21:09,679 --> 00:21:11,613
AND I'VE DECIDED
I NEED A WOMAN.
533
00:21:11,615 --> 00:21:13,949
ONLY I DON'T WANT
TO PAY FOR IT,
534
00:21:13,951 --> 00:21:15,517
AND I RECKON
THE ONLY WAY
535
00:21:15,519 --> 00:21:17,652
TO GET A WOMAN
IS TO MARRY ONE.
536
00:21:17,654 --> 00:21:19,821
SO, I WAS WONDERING...
537
00:21:19,823 --> 00:21:21,656
HOW ABOUT IT?
538
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:28,829
I'M, SORRY,
OWEN, SORRY.
539
00:21:28,831 --> 00:21:30,697
FOR ONE
INSANE MOMENT THERE,
540
00:21:30,699 --> 00:21:32,934
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
PROPOSING TO ME.
541
00:21:32,936 --> 00:21:35,202
I AM.
542
00:21:35,204 --> 00:21:37,238
RIGHT, YES,
I--I SEE.
543
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,107
I KNOW I'M NOT
MUCH OF A CATCH,
544
00:21:40,109 --> 00:21:42,576
BUT THEN YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER YOURSELF.
545
00:21:42,578 --> 00:21:44,178
THANK YOU.
546
00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:47,448
AND THOUGH I'M NOT RICH,
I HAVE GOT A BIT OF MONEY,
547
00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:49,383
NOT TO MENTION
WHAT I MIGHT GET
548
00:21:49,385 --> 00:21:50,717
FOR THAT JIGSAW.
549
00:21:50,719 --> 00:21:54,220
ALSO, I'VE BEEN TOLD
THAT OLD STAMPS
550
00:21:54,222 --> 00:21:56,222
THAT HAVE GOT SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THEM
551
00:21:56,224 --> 00:21:57,457
ARE VERY RARE,
552
00:21:57,459 --> 00:22:00,060
SO I THOUGHT
I MIGHT SELL THIS ONE.
553
00:22:00,062 --> 00:22:01,727
YOU SEE THAT FLAW?
554
00:22:01,729 --> 00:22:03,763
UH, YES, YOU'VE
DRAWN A MOUSTACHE
555
00:22:03,765 --> 00:22:06,066
ON THE QUEEN'S FACE.
556
00:22:06,068 --> 00:22:08,068
I'M NOT STUPID.
557
00:22:08,070 --> 00:22:11,804
AND I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU
TO DO A LOT AROUND THE FARM,
558
00:22:11,806 --> 00:22:14,640
EXCEPT, OF COURSE, WHEN
THE COWS GET THE SQUITS,
559
00:22:14,642 --> 00:22:17,909
IN WHICH CASE THEY PRODUCE IT
QUICKER THAN I CAN CLEAR IT,
560
00:22:17,911 --> 00:22:20,179
AND IT'S ALL HANDS
TO THE MOPS.
561
00:22:20,181 --> 00:22:22,014
THAT'S A LOVELY IMAGE.
562
00:22:22,016 --> 00:22:24,183
AND I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT
I COULD SATISFY YOU
563
00:22:24,185 --> 00:22:25,451
IN THE BEDROOM,
564
00:22:25,453 --> 00:22:27,652
BECAUSE, QUITE FRANKLY,
I'M SO DESPERATE FOR IT
565
00:22:27,654 --> 00:22:30,422
THAT I COULD KEEP GOING
FOR MONTHS ON END.
566
00:22:32,659 --> 00:22:35,427
YUP, THIS IS
ROMANTIC STUFF.
567
00:22:35,429 --> 00:22:37,997
I DON'T EXPECT YOU
TO GIVE ME AN ANSWER NOW.
568
00:22:37,999 --> 00:22:40,498
I KNOW YOU WOMEN LIKE
TO THINK ABOUT THINGS
569
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:42,333
WHEN IT COMES TO ROMANCE.
570
00:22:42,335 --> 00:22:44,002
YOU'RE DIFFERENT FROM US MEN--
571
00:22:44,004 --> 00:22:46,004
YOU'VE GOT SMALLER BRAINS.
572
00:22:46,006 --> 00:22:47,872
WELL, NOW I FEEL
VERY SPECIAL.
573
00:22:47,874 --> 00:22:50,875
SO, I'LL COME BACK LATER,
AND YOU CAN SAY "YES" THEN,
574
00:22:50,877 --> 00:22:53,444
AND MAKE ME
THE HAPPIEST MAN
IN THE WORLD.
575
00:22:53,446 --> 00:22:55,779
WELL, APART FROM
KRISS AKABUSI, THAT IS.
576
00:22:55,781 --> 00:22:58,949
HE'S ALWAYS HAPPY.
577
00:22:58,951 --> 00:23:00,651
YOU'VE ONLY
GOT TO SAY "HELLO,"
578
00:23:00,653 --> 00:23:02,153
AND HE'S LAUGHING.
579
00:23:02,155 --> 00:23:04,154
BUT, UH, I'LL BE
PRETTY DAMN HAPPY,
580
00:23:04,156 --> 00:23:06,156
I CAN TELL YOU.
581
00:23:06,158 --> 00:23:07,824
SO, UH...
582
00:23:07,826 --> 00:23:09,993
I'LL SEE YOU
LATER, THEN...
583
00:23:09,995 --> 00:23:10,994
MRS. NEWITT.
584
00:23:10,996 --> 00:23:11,995
HMM.
585
00:23:11,997 --> 00:23:15,499
MY LITTLE LOVE BUCKET.
586
00:23:21,740 --> 00:23:23,740
WHAT DID MR. NEWITT WANT?
587
00:23:25,244 --> 00:23:29,611
HE'S ASKED ME
TO BE HIS WIFE.
588
00:23:29,613 --> 00:23:32,614
THAT IS BRILLIANT!
589
00:23:32,616 --> 00:23:35,051
OH, I'M SO
HAPPY FOR YOU.
590
00:23:35,053 --> 00:23:37,053
AND YOU'RE THE VICAR!
591
00:23:37,055 --> 00:23:39,021
YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN
WEDDING SERVICE.
592
00:23:39,023 --> 00:23:40,923
"GERALDINE,
DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN
593
00:23:40,925 --> 00:23:42,724
TO BE YOUR LAWFUL,
WEDDED HUSBAND?"
594
00:23:42,726 --> 00:23:43,725
"I DO."
595
00:23:43,727 --> 00:23:45,361
"MR. NEWITT--"
SHUT UP!
596
00:23:45,363 --> 00:23:46,362
STOP, ALICE!
597
00:23:46,364 --> 00:23:48,830
I DON'T WANT
TO MARRY MR. NEWITT.
598
00:23:48,832 --> 00:23:50,532
WHY,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
599
00:23:50,534 --> 00:23:51,699
UH...
600
00:23:51,701 --> 00:23:54,202
HOW LONG HAVE YOU GOT?
601
00:23:54,204 --> 00:23:58,206
HIS BREATH
SMELLS LIKE NERVE GAS.
602
00:23:58,208 --> 00:24:00,375
AND THAT GEL
HE PUTS ON HIS HAIR,
603
00:24:00,377 --> 00:24:02,710
THAT IS ACTUALLY LARD.
604
00:24:02,712 --> 00:24:05,547
IF I WAS LOOKING FOR CHARM
AND GOOD CONVERSATION,
605
00:24:05,549 --> 00:24:07,382
I'D SOONER MARRY A CORZETTE.
606
00:24:07,384 --> 00:24:10,552
OTHER THAN THAT, I'M SURE
HE'S GORGEOUS, IT'S JUST...
607
00:24:10,554 --> 00:24:13,521
I DON'T LOVE HIM.
608
00:24:13,523 --> 00:24:18,192
OH, POOR YOU, YOU'RE GONNA
MARRY SOMEBODY YOU DON'T LOVE.
609
00:24:18,194 --> 00:24:20,227
THAT'S TERRIBLE,
GERALDINE, DON'T DO IT,
610
00:24:20,229 --> 00:24:21,695
PLEASE DON'T DO IT.
611
00:24:21,697 --> 00:24:23,964
NO, NO, NO, NO,
I--I'M NOT GONNA DO IT,
612
00:24:23,966 --> 00:24:25,232
THAT'S THE POINT, YOU SEE.
613
00:24:25,234 --> 00:24:26,567
NEXT TIME I SEE HIM,
614
00:24:26,569 --> 00:24:28,635
I'M JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BE VERY HONEST,
615
00:24:28,637 --> 00:24:30,704
AND JUST SAY THAT
I CAN'T MARRY HIM.
616
00:24:30,706 --> 00:24:31,872
( doorbell rings )
617
00:24:31,874 --> 00:24:34,040
OH, NO! IT'S HIM,
I KNOW IT'S HIM.
618
00:24:34,042 --> 00:24:36,209
RIGHT.
ANSWER THE DOOR, ALICE.
619
00:24:36,211 --> 00:24:38,543
IT'S JUST A QUESTION
OF BEING MATURE,
620
00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:42,047
AND GROWN UP,
AND ADULT, AND MATURE.
621
00:24:47,621 --> 00:24:49,288
OH, HELLO,
COME ON IN.
622
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:51,791
THE VICAR'S
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
623
00:24:52,894 --> 00:24:54,860
SO, FRANK, JIM,
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
624
00:24:54,862 --> 00:24:56,361
UH, WE WANNA PUT A...
625
00:24:56,363 --> 00:24:58,697
A--A--A NOTICE
IN THE PARISH NEWSLETTER.
626
00:24:58,699 --> 00:25:00,199
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
627
00:25:00,201 --> 00:25:03,201
SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT
MY LITTLE JOKE.
628
00:25:03,203 --> 00:25:06,537
RIGHT, "WANT TO HAVE
A GO AT BELL RINGING?
629
00:25:06,539 --> 00:25:08,706
"THEN COME ALONG
TO ST. BARNABAS,
630
00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:11,375
AND LET US
SHOW YOU THE ROPES."
631
00:25:11,377 --> 00:25:13,711
SHOW YOU THE ROPES!
632
00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:16,047
GET IT?
633
00:25:16,049 --> 00:25:18,049
YOU SEE, SEE,
IT'S VERY FUNNY,
634
00:25:18,051 --> 00:25:19,717
BECAUSE IT'S
"SHOW YOU THE ROPES,"
635
00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:22,386
AS IN THE ACTUAL ROPES
THAT RING THE BELLS...
636
00:25:22,388 --> 00:25:23,554
I KNOW, I KNOW.
637
00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:27,224
AND IT IS ALSO,
"SHOW YOU THE ROPES,"
638
00:25:27,226 --> 00:25:30,560
AS IN, TEACH YOU
THE ROPES OF BELL RINGING.
639
00:25:30,562 --> 00:25:31,728
YES.
640
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,663
SHOW YOU THE ROPES.
641
00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:35,699
YES, I PROMISE YOU,
I DO UNDERSTAND.
642
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:37,100
I--I DON'T GET IT.
643
00:25:37,102 --> 00:25:39,602
OH, WELL, YOU SEE...
644
00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:43,573
NO, NO, NO!
645
00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:46,243
ACTUALLY, THERE IS SOMETHING
YOU TWO COULD HELP ME WITH,
646
00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:48,245
IF YOU'D LIKE TO
JUST SIT DOWN.
647
00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:50,079
HERE YOU ARE,
WHAT'S THAT VICAR?
648
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:52,281
NOW, YOU'RE GONNA THINK
THIS IS COMPLETELY CRAZY,
649
00:25:52,283 --> 00:25:53,282
AND TOTALLY GHASTLY.
650
00:25:53,284 --> 00:25:55,117
OH?
651
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:59,822
BUT OWEN "I'VE HAD MY HAND
UP MORE COWS' BOTTIES THAN
JAMES HERRIOT NEWITT",
652
00:25:59,824 --> 00:26:01,357
HAS ASKED MOI,
653
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,159
SOPHISTICATED,
GLAMOROUS VICAR
654
00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:04,827
OF THIS PARISH,
655
00:26:04,829 --> 00:26:07,296
TO BE HIS WIFE.
656
00:26:07,298 --> 00:26:09,131
WELL DONE, VICAR!
657
00:26:09,133 --> 00:26:10,566
OFF THE SHELF AT LAST.
658
00:26:10,568 --> 00:26:12,567
NO, NO, NO,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,
659
00:26:12,569 --> 00:26:15,203
I'M GOING TO
TURN HIM DOWN.
660
00:26:15,205 --> 00:26:16,637
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
661
00:26:16,639 --> 00:26:18,706
YOU CHAPS KNOW HIM
MUCH BETTER THAN ME,
662
00:26:18,708 --> 00:26:20,808
AND I DON'T WANT
TO HURT HIS FEELINGS.
663
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,678
I NEED SOME REASSURANCE
THAT HE WON'T BE TOO UPSET,
664
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,713
YES OR NO?
NO, NO, NO, NO,
665
00:26:25,715 --> 00:26:27,715
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO,
666
00:26:27,717 --> 00:26:29,717
NO, NO.
667
00:26:29,719 --> 00:26:30,852
GOOD.
668
00:26:30,854 --> 00:26:34,022
YOU SEE, HE'S KNOWN
SO MUCH SORROW AND TRAGEDY,
669
00:26:34,024 --> 00:26:36,390
A BIT MORE
WON'T HURT HIM.
670
00:26:38,227 --> 00:26:40,594
S-SORROW AND TRAGEDY?
671
00:26:40,596 --> 00:26:43,931
YES, YOU KNOW,
HIS BROTHER DROWNED HIMSELF.
672
00:26:43,933 --> 00:26:45,699
OH, NO,
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
673
00:26:45,701 --> 00:26:47,534
YES, IT WAS ALL
OVER SOME NONSENSE
674
00:26:47,536 --> 00:26:48,702
WITH A GIRL.
675
00:26:48,704 --> 00:26:50,204
SHE WOULDN'T MARRY HIM.
676
00:26:50,206 --> 00:26:52,472
PITCHED HIMSELF
IN THE RIVER.
677
00:26:52,474 --> 00:26:54,541
Frank:
BUT OWEN'S QUITE DIFFERENT.
678
00:26:54,543 --> 00:26:56,543
OWEN TAKES AFTER HIS FATHER,
679
00:26:56,545 --> 00:26:59,512
AND HE WAS
A MUCH MORE CHEERFUL CHAP.
680
00:26:59,514 --> 00:27:00,780
OH.
681
00:27:00,782 --> 00:27:02,248
TILL HE SHOT HIMSELF.
682
00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:05,718
BUT, OF COURSE, HE HAD
GOOD REASON TO SHOOT HIMSELF,
683
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,922
BECAUSE HIS--HIS WIFE
HAD JUST LEFT HIM.
684
00:27:08,924 --> 00:27:11,590
YES, AND HE'D ALREADY LOST
BOTH HIS PARENTS.
685
00:27:11,592 --> 00:27:14,593
BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
WHEN HIS MOTHER TRIED TO LEAVE,
686
00:27:14,595 --> 00:27:17,363
HIS FATHER SHOT HER.
687
00:27:17,365 --> 00:27:19,565
RIGHT, WELL...
688
00:27:19,567 --> 00:27:20,800
THANKS VERY MUCH, GUYS.
689
00:27:20,802 --> 00:27:22,135
OH,
NOT AT ALL, VICAR.
690
00:27:22,137 --> 00:27:23,135
COME ALONG, JIM.
691
00:27:23,137 --> 00:27:24,136
YES.
692
00:27:24,138 --> 00:27:26,305
THINK I'LL JUST, UH,
TOP MYSELF NOW,
693
00:27:26,307 --> 00:27:29,207
SAVE OWEN THE BOTHER.
694
00:27:30,377 --> 00:27:32,377
SH-SHOW YOU THE ROPES.
695
00:27:39,886 --> 00:27:42,387
OH, ALICE.
696
00:27:42,389 --> 00:27:44,957
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
697
00:27:44,959 --> 00:27:46,623
WELL, I HAVE GOT
ONE THOUGHT.
698
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:50,294
WHEN MY MUM'S GOT, LIKE,
A REALLY DIFFICULT PROBLEM
699
00:27:50,296 --> 00:27:52,463
TO DEAL WITH, LIKE, UM,
700
00:27:52,465 --> 00:27:53,965
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
701
00:27:53,967 --> 00:27:55,799
WELL, LIKE, CHOOSING
HER LOTTERY NUMBERS,
702
00:27:55,801 --> 00:27:58,302
SHE ALWAYS HAS....
703
00:27:58,304 --> 00:28:00,671
A LITTLE DRINK BEFOREHAND,
704
00:28:00,673 --> 00:28:02,473
YOU KNOW, JUST
TO CALM HER NERVES.
705
00:28:02,475 --> 00:28:04,108
UH, NO,
I DON'T THINK SO.
706
00:28:04,110 --> 00:28:05,142
OH.
707
00:28:05,144 --> 00:28:06,877
THINK I CAN DEAL
WITH THIS PROBLEM
708
00:28:06,879 --> 00:28:07,979
WITHOUT HAVING
TO DRINK MYSELF
709
00:28:07,981 --> 00:28:09,180
INTO A STUPID
TINKER STUPOR,
710
00:28:09,182 --> 00:28:10,513
THANK YOU.
711
00:28:10,515 --> 00:28:13,049
ACTUALLY, BEING A PRIEST
DOES DOES SORT OF EQUIP YOU
712
00:28:13,051 --> 00:28:15,352
FOR DEALING WITH THIS KIND
OF COMPLEX HUMAN DILEMMA.
713
00:28:15,354 --> 00:28:16,853
OH, GOOD.
714
00:28:16,855 --> 00:28:18,521
WELL, I BETTER
BE OFF HOME,
715
00:28:18,523 --> 00:28:19,889
'CAUSE IT'S ROLLOVER WEEK,
716
00:28:19,891 --> 00:28:22,725
AND MUM'S PROBABLY
UNCONSCIOUS BY NOW.
717
00:28:24,062 --> 00:28:26,062
BYE.
718
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:05,866
( clears throat )
719
00:29:17,047 --> 00:29:18,079
HA HA HA.
720
00:29:18,081 --> 00:29:21,915
MM MM MM.
721
00:29:21,917 --> 00:29:24,418
OH, YES.
722
00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:26,420
NOW, I'M THINKING CLEARLY.
723
00:29:26,422 --> 00:29:29,256
"UM, OWEN...
724
00:29:29,258 --> 00:29:32,426
"I WOULD LOVE TO MARRY YOU,
725
00:29:32,428 --> 00:29:34,761
"BUT I'M ALREADY MARRIED
TO GORDON BROWN,
726
00:29:34,763 --> 00:29:37,697
THE CHANCELLOR
OF THE EXCHEQUER."
727
00:29:37,699 --> 00:29:39,866
NO, HE'LL NEVER BUY THAT.
728
00:29:39,868 --> 00:29:41,535
MM.
729
00:29:41,537 --> 00:29:43,036
AAH!
730
00:29:43,038 --> 00:29:47,039
"OWEN, I WOULD LOVE
TO MARRY YOU, BUT...
731
00:29:47,041 --> 00:29:48,707
"I'M NOT THE WOMAN FOR YOU.
732
00:29:48,709 --> 00:29:51,710
"IN FACT, I'M NOT
A WOMAN AT ALL.
733
00:29:51,712 --> 00:29:56,048
I'M ONE OF THE LOBSTER PEOPLE
FROM PLANET NEPTUNE."
734
00:29:56,050 --> 00:29:57,716
( doorbell rings )
735
00:29:57,718 --> 00:29:59,051
OH!
736
00:30:01,956 --> 00:30:03,789
OWEN.
737
00:30:03,791 --> 00:30:06,792
I'VE COME
FOR YOUR ANSWER.
738
00:30:11,264 --> 00:30:12,430
( clear throat )
739
00:30:12,432 --> 00:30:13,598
HMM.
740
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,768
OWEN, I WOULD LOVE
TO MARRY YOU...
741
00:30:21,941 --> 00:30:23,274
OH, THANK YOU.
742
00:30:23,276 --> 00:30:24,275
NO...
743
00:30:24,277 --> 00:30:25,943
I'LL GO
AND GET A CONDOM.
744
00:30:25,945 --> 00:30:28,279
NO, NO, NO!
745
00:30:28,281 --> 00:30:29,280
NO, COME BACK!
746
00:30:29,282 --> 00:30:30,948
UGH!
747
00:30:30,950 --> 00:30:33,450
I HAVEN'T FINISHED, OWEN!
748
00:30:33,452 --> 00:30:35,619
I HAVEN'T GOT TO
THE "BUT" BIT.
749
00:30:35,621 --> 00:30:36,953
( clear throat )
750
00:30:36,955 --> 00:30:39,456
OWEN, I WOULD LOVE
TO MARRY YOU, BUT...
751
00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:41,558
I CAN'T.
752
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,293
OH.
753
00:30:43,295 --> 00:30:44,694
WHY?
754
00:30:44,696 --> 00:30:46,696
BECAUSE...
755
00:30:46,698 --> 00:30:48,365
I DON'T LOVE YOU.
756
00:30:48,367 --> 00:30:50,367
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, OWEN,
757
00:30:50,369 --> 00:30:53,203
AND I'M SURE THERE'S
A VERY SUITABLE WOMAN
758
00:30:53,205 --> 00:30:54,704
OUT THERE
FOR YOU SOMEWHERE,
759
00:30:54,706 --> 00:30:59,208
A NICE, INSATIABLE WOMAN
WITH NO SENSE OF SMELL,
760
00:30:59,210 --> 00:31:01,877
BUT THAT WOMAN ISN'T ME.
761
00:31:01,879 --> 00:31:04,747
PROMISE ME YOU'RE
NOT TOO UPSET, EH?
762
00:31:04,749 --> 00:31:07,683
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY HOW UPSET I AM.
763
00:31:07,685 --> 00:31:09,752
NOT SO UPSET THAT YOU'D GO
AND COMMIT SUICIDE,
764
00:31:09,754 --> 00:31:10,753
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
765
00:31:10,755 --> 00:31:12,421
WELL, I HAVEN'T DECIDED.
766
00:31:12,423 --> 00:31:15,724
BEFORE I DO, YOU'VE GOT
TO ANSWER ME ONE QUESTION.
767
00:31:15,726 --> 00:31:16,892
OH, ANYTHING.
768
00:31:16,894 --> 00:31:18,361
RIGHT.
769
00:31:18,363 --> 00:31:19,461
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
770
00:31:19,463 --> 00:31:22,631
UM...
771
00:31:22,633 --> 00:31:26,568
HAVE HAD ONE LITTLE
DROPSICULE, YEAH.
772
00:31:26,570 --> 00:31:28,603
BECAUSE IF THERE'S
ONE THING I CAN'T STAND,
773
00:31:28,605 --> 00:31:29,871
IT'S A WOMAN WHO DRINKS.
774
00:31:29,873 --> 00:31:31,906
SO, THE ANSWER
TO YOUR QUESTION IS NO,
775
00:31:31,908 --> 00:31:34,576
I'M NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST
BIT UPSET AT ALL.
776
00:31:34,578 --> 00:31:37,579
IN FACT, I'M VERY GRATEFUL
TO YOU FOR SAVING ME
777
00:31:37,581 --> 00:31:39,914
FROM MARRIAGE
TO A DISGUSTING OLD LUSH
778
00:31:39,916 --> 00:31:43,050
WHO SMELLS OF GIN
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.
779
00:31:43,052 --> 00:31:46,353
MADAME,
I BID YOU FAREWELL,
780
00:31:46,355 --> 00:31:49,190
YOU REVOLTING, OLD SOAK.
781
00:31:52,628 --> 00:31:56,630
THAT IS
ONE HELL OF A CHARMING DUDE.
782
00:31:59,202 --> 00:32:01,168
PHEW.
783
00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:02,469
WHISKEY?
784
00:32:02,471 --> 00:32:04,471
UH, NO, THANKS,
I DON'T, ACTUALLY.
785
00:32:04,473 --> 00:32:05,706
( glassware clanging )
786
00:32:06,741 --> 00:32:08,007
HOW'S THE NEWSLETTER
COMING ON?
787
00:32:08,009 --> 00:32:09,809
TODAY IS
THE FINAL DAY, ISN'T IT?
788
00:32:09,811 --> 00:32:10,910
UH, YES.
789
00:32:10,912 --> 00:32:12,745
IT'S NOT
OUR BEST ISSUE.
790
00:32:12,747 --> 00:32:14,247
WHAT'S THE LEAD STORY?
791
00:32:14,249 --> 00:32:16,416
WELL, AT THE MOMENT,
I'M TORN BETWEEN,
792
00:32:16,418 --> 00:32:19,085
"ALMOST TIME
TO PLANT RADISHES,"
793
00:32:19,087 --> 00:32:22,255
AND, "LOST CAT NOT LOST."
794
00:32:22,257 --> 00:32:24,023
WELL, BE THAT
AS IT MAY,
795
00:32:24,025 --> 00:32:26,659
THE REASON I ASKED
YOU ROUND TODAY,
796
00:32:26,661 --> 00:32:28,695
WAS BECAUSE
I NEED YOUR HELP
797
00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:30,262
WITH A PROJECT
I'M WORKING ON.
798
00:32:30,264 --> 00:32:31,563
OH.
799
00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:35,834
CAN YOU TELL ME,
IS KYLIE MINOGUE MARRIED?
800
00:32:35,836 --> 00:32:37,001
UH, NO.
801
00:32:37,003 --> 00:32:38,803
I THINK
THE BEAUTEOUS MIDGET
802
00:32:38,805 --> 00:32:39,804
IS STILL UNATTACHED.
803
00:32:39,806 --> 00:32:41,340
WHY? THINKING SHE'S
THE RIGHT WOMAN
804
00:32:41,342 --> 00:32:42,441
FOR YOU, EH, DAVID?
805
00:32:42,443 --> 00:32:44,443
NO, NOT ME--HUGO.
806
00:32:44,445 --> 00:32:46,177
YOU SEE, I'VE DRAWN UP
807
00:32:46,179 --> 00:32:48,513
A LIST OF ALL
THE WOMEN HE FANCIES.
808
00:32:48,515 --> 00:32:50,849
ONE OF THEM
IS BOUND TO WANT HIM.
809
00:32:50,851 --> 00:32:52,451
ACCORDING TO DEBRETT'S,
810
00:32:52,453 --> 00:32:54,218
HE'S THE 108th
MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR
811
00:32:54,220 --> 00:32:55,286
IN THIS COUNTRY.
812
00:32:55,288 --> 00:32:57,154
LOOK, THERE HE IS,
UNDER DALE WINTON.
813
00:32:57,156 --> 00:32:58,456
AH,
INTERESTING PLACE TO BE.
814
00:32:58,458 --> 00:33:00,625
LET ME HAVE
A LOOK AT THAT LIST.
815
00:33:00,627 --> 00:33:03,961
"POSH SPICE, KATE MOSS,
ANNE WIDDECOMBE..."
816
00:33:03,963 --> 00:33:05,863
HUGO FANCIES
ANNE WIDDECOMBE?
817
00:33:05,865 --> 00:33:08,432
WELL, HE LIKED THE WAY
SHE TOOK ON MICHAEL HOWARD.
818
00:33:08,434 --> 00:33:11,001
YOU'VE EVEN GOT ME
ON THIS LIST.
819
00:33:11,003 --> 00:33:13,638
YOU THINK I'M BEING
A BIT SILLY ABOUT ALL THIS,
820
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:14,905
DON'T YOU?
821
00:33:14,907 --> 00:33:16,474
I JUST CAN'T
BEAR THE THOUGHT
822
00:33:16,476 --> 00:33:19,743
OF THAT ALICE THING
IN MY FAMILY!
823
00:33:19,745 --> 00:33:22,078
DAVID,
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
824
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,080
ALICE DOES, INDEED,
825
00:33:24,082 --> 00:33:26,082
HAVE ALL
THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY
826
00:33:26,084 --> 00:33:29,085
AND CHARISMA OF A CACTUS.
827
00:33:29,087 --> 00:33:32,355
ALICE IS "CACTUS WOMAN."
828
00:33:32,357 --> 00:33:34,391
BUT THE TROUBLE IS,
AND IT PAINS ME
829
00:33:34,393 --> 00:33:35,858
TO TELL YOU THIS, DAVID,
830
00:33:35,860 --> 00:33:38,828
YOU'RE THE FATHER
OF "CACTUS MAN."
831
00:33:38,830 --> 00:33:42,498
AND THESE SIMPLE SUCCULENTS
WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
832
00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:43,865
ACTUALLY, AS CACTI GO,
833
00:33:43,867 --> 00:33:47,102
I THINK THEY'RE
RATHER WONDERFUL TOGETHER.
834
00:33:47,104 --> 00:33:50,439
WELL, THEN IT WILL HAVE TO
HAPPEN OVER MY DEAD BODY.
835
00:33:50,441 --> 00:33:52,941
LOOK--THIS IS MY NEW WILL,
836
00:33:52,943 --> 00:33:56,378
LEAVING HUGO NOTHING.
837
00:33:56,380 --> 00:33:58,714
AH! HUGO,
JUST IN TIME.
838
00:33:58,716 --> 00:34:01,216
I WAS JUST SHOWING
THE VICAR MY NEW WILL.
839
00:34:01,218 --> 00:34:03,385
OH, COME ON, PAPA,
YOU'RE NOT THAT ANGRY.
840
00:34:03,387 --> 00:34:05,019
IT'S JUST SOME
GREAT BIG BLUFF.
841
00:34:05,021 --> 00:34:06,821
I CAN ASSURE YOU
THAT IT ISN'T.
842
00:34:06,823 --> 00:34:08,856
IT'S LIKE THAT TIME
YOU TRIED TO CONVINCE ME
843
00:34:08,858 --> 00:34:09,990
YOU WERE FATHER CHRISTMAS.
844
00:34:09,992 --> 00:34:12,226
I SAW THROUGH THAT,
I CAN SEE THROUGH THIS, TOO.
845
00:34:12,228 --> 00:34:13,561
THEN YOU SEE WRONG.
846
00:34:13,563 --> 00:34:17,565
IF YOU CONTINUE TO CONSORT
WITH THAT TINKER TWERP,
847
00:34:17,567 --> 00:34:19,900
YOU WILL NO LONGER
BE WELCOME IN THIS HOUSE,
848
00:34:19,902 --> 00:34:21,902
YOU WILL
NO LONGER BE MY SON,
849
00:34:21,904 --> 00:34:26,574
AND AS THIS WILL ATTESTS,
YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING.
850
00:34:36,952 --> 00:34:39,118
ON THE CONTRARY, SIR,
851
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:43,056
I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING
IN THE WORLD THAT I DESIRE.
852
00:34:50,165 --> 00:34:54,333
Elvis Costello:
♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪
853
00:34:54,335 --> 00:34:57,436
♪ SWEET COMIC VALENTINE ♪
854
00:34:57,438 --> 00:35:05,944
♪ YOU MAKE ME SMILE
WITH MY HEART ♪
855
00:35:05,946 --> 00:35:10,315
♪ YOUR LOOKS ARE LAUGHABLE ♪
856
00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:14,553
♪ UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE ♪
857
00:35:14,555 --> 00:35:22,293
♪ BUT YOU'RE
MY FAVOURITE WORK OF ART ♪
858
00:35:22,295 --> 00:35:27,031
♪ IS YOUR FIGURE
LESS THAN GREEK? ♪
859
00:35:27,033 --> 00:35:31,302
♪ IS YOUR MOUTH
A LITTLE WEAK? ♪
860
00:35:31,304 --> 00:35:34,639
♪ WHEN YOU OPEN IT TO SPEAK ♪
861
00:35:34,641 --> 00:35:41,745
♪ ARE YOU SMART? ♪
862
00:35:41,747 --> 00:35:46,417
♪ DON'T CHANGE A HAIR FOR ME ♪
863
00:35:46,419 --> 00:35:50,654
♪ NOT IF YOU CARE FOR ME ♪
864
00:35:50,656 --> 00:35:59,496
♪ STAY,
LITTLE VALENTINE, STAY ♪
865
00:35:59,498 --> 00:36:08,504
♪ EACH DAY
IS VALENTINE'S DAY ♪
866
00:36:13,611 --> 00:36:15,411
HI.
867
00:36:15,413 --> 00:36:16,813
HI.
868
00:36:16,815 --> 00:36:18,481
I'M, UH, I'M SORRY
869
00:36:18,483 --> 00:36:21,317
I COULDN'T SEE YOU
YESTERDAY, I...
870
00:36:21,319 --> 00:36:23,018
I HAD TO SORT
SOMETHING OUT
871
00:36:23,020 --> 00:36:24,019
WITH MY FATHER.
872
00:36:24,021 --> 00:36:25,020
OH, PLUMBING?
873
00:36:25,022 --> 00:36:27,188
NO, NO, I WAS, UH...
874
00:36:27,190 --> 00:36:29,190
I WAS TALKING TO HIM
ABOUT YOU, ACTUALLY.
875
00:36:29,192 --> 00:36:30,692
OH.
SO...
876
00:36:30,694 --> 00:36:31,726
NOW THAT'S SORTED,
877
00:36:31,728 --> 00:36:34,463
THE TIME HAS COME
TO, UH...
878
00:36:34,465 --> 00:36:35,964
OH, HAVE YOU
DROPPED SOMETHING?
879
00:36:35,966 --> 00:36:37,966
WHERE IS IT?
880
00:36:37,968 --> 00:36:38,967
NO.
881
00:36:38,969 --> 00:36:41,135
NO, I HAVE TO BE
ON MY KNEES,
882
00:36:41,137 --> 00:36:42,236
THAT'S ALL.
OH.
883
00:36:42,238 --> 00:36:43,304
SHALL I COME, TOO?
884
00:36:43,306 --> 00:36:44,639
IT LOOKS FUN
DOWN THERE.
885
00:36:44,641 --> 00:36:45,640
NO, NO.
886
00:36:45,642 --> 00:36:46,641
NO?
887
00:36:46,643 --> 00:36:47,976
YOU HAVE TO BE SITTING.
888
00:36:47,978 --> 00:36:49,143
OH.
889
00:36:49,145 --> 00:36:50,143
ALICE...
890
00:36:50,145 --> 00:36:51,479
YEAH?
891
00:36:51,481 --> 00:36:53,514
IN THE WORDS
OF SIGOURNEY WEAVER
892
00:36:53,516 --> 00:36:55,015
IN THE FILM ALIENS,
893
00:36:55,017 --> 00:36:57,384
I JUST WANT TO SAY--
894
00:36:57,386 --> 00:36:59,954
"GET AWAY
FROM HER, YOU BITCH."
895
00:36:59,956 --> 00:37:02,456
NO.
896
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,660
NO, UH, EARLIER,
TO THE LITTLE GIRL.
897
00:37:06,662 --> 00:37:08,496
OH, "YOU STAY
IN THE VENTILATION SHAFT,
898
00:37:08,498 --> 00:37:10,731
I'LL CHECK THE CORRIDOR."
899
00:37:10,733 --> 00:37:12,232
JUST--JUST LET ME FINISH.
900
00:37:12,234 --> 00:37:13,933
YES, SORRY.
901
00:37:13,935 --> 00:37:16,936
ALICE, IN THE WORDS
OF SIGOURNEY WEAVER
902
00:37:16,938 --> 00:37:19,271
IN THE FILM ALIENS,
903
00:37:19,273 --> 00:37:22,108
I JUST WANT TO SAY...
904
00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,110
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU,
905
00:37:24,112 --> 00:37:26,112
THAT'S A PROMISE.
906
00:37:27,516 --> 00:37:29,849
I LOVE YOU, ALICE TINKER,
907
00:37:29,851 --> 00:37:32,184
AND I HAVE TO KNOW,
908
00:37:32,186 --> 00:37:33,553
WILL YOU DO ME
909
00:37:33,555 --> 00:37:35,187
THE GREATEST HONOUR
IN THE WORLD,
910
00:37:35,189 --> 00:37:37,188
AND CONSENT
TO BE MY WIFE?
911
00:37:38,358 --> 00:37:39,357
NO.
912
00:37:39,359 --> 00:37:40,859
BUT I THOUGHT
THAT YOU--
913
00:37:40,861 --> 00:37:43,529
NO, I MEAN,
LET ME FINISH.
914
00:37:44,698 --> 00:37:47,198
NO QUESTION...
915
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:51,870
I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED
HAS BEEN EASIER TO ANSWER.
916
00:37:51,872 --> 00:37:54,372
APART, PERHAPS,
FROM WHEN MY MUM ASKED ME
917
00:37:54,374 --> 00:37:57,375
WHICH OF THE TELETUBBIES
I MOST LIKED,
918
00:37:57,377 --> 00:38:00,211
'CAUSE THE ANSWER
WAS TINKY WINKY,
919
00:38:00,213 --> 00:38:02,713
ABSOLUTELY,
JUST LIKE THAT.
920
00:38:02,715 --> 00:38:04,749
BUT EVEN INCLUDING THAT,
921
00:38:04,751 --> 00:38:08,052
TO NO QUESTION
I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED
922
00:38:08,054 --> 00:38:11,055
HAS MY ANSWER
BEEN MORE CERTAINLY,
923
00:38:11,057 --> 00:38:15,392
AND MORE POSITIVELY...
924
00:38:15,394 --> 00:38:17,061
YES.
925
00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:19,897
( whispering )
That's right.
926
00:38:19,899 --> 00:38:21,566
Yes.
927
00:38:21,568 --> 00:38:23,734
CRACKERJACK.
928
00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:27,403
WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
929
00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:28,404
SHE SAID "YES."
930
00:38:28,406 --> 00:38:29,673
WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF,
931
00:38:29,675 --> 00:38:32,408
OTHERWISE YOU'D HAVE
COMPLETELY RUINED MY SCOOP.
932
00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:35,745
OH,
"VERGER TOWED HUGO HORTON."
933
00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:37,313
WHERE TO?
934
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,148
NO, NO.
935
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,818
"VERGER TO WED HUGO HORTON."
936
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,987
TO WED HUGO HORTON.
937
00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:46,289
SEE?
938
00:38:46,291 --> 00:38:48,290
IS THAT TRUE, HUGO?
939
00:38:48,292 --> 00:38:52,861
ARE YOU GONNA
MARRY THE VERGER?
940
00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:56,264
BUT YOU ARE
THE VERGER, ALICE.
941
00:38:56,266 --> 00:38:57,766
OH, YES!
942
00:38:57,768 --> 00:38:59,768
OH, RIGHT.
943
00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:02,270
OH, YEAH, OH, NICE.
944
00:39:04,274 --> 00:39:06,108
GOOD LUCK.
945
00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:10,079
♪ SURELY,
GOODNESS AND MERCY ♪
946
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:13,414
♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪
947
00:39:13,416 --> 00:39:16,417
♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪
948
00:39:16,419 --> 00:39:22,423
♪ AND I WILL DWELL
IN THE HOUSE ♪
949
00:39:22,425 --> 00:39:29,097
♪ OF THE LORD FOREVER ♪
950
00:39:31,300 --> 00:39:34,301
♪ FOREVER ♪
951
00:39:34,303 --> 00:39:35,636
WHAT DO YOU GET...
MM-HMM.
952
00:39:35,638 --> 00:39:38,972
IF YOU EAT TOO MANY
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS?
953
00:39:38,974 --> 00:39:39,973
( sighs )
954
00:39:39,975 --> 00:39:41,307
I DON'T KNOW.
955
00:39:41,309 --> 00:39:42,809
WHAT DO YOU GET
956
00:39:42,811 --> 00:39:45,145
IF YOU EAT TOO MANY
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS?
957
00:39:45,147 --> 00:39:47,147
TINSEL-ITIS.
958
00:39:49,151 --> 00:39:51,818
OH, DEAR,
I BETTER BE CAREFUL.
959
00:39:51,820 --> 00:39:53,319
WHAT ABOUT?
960
00:39:53,321 --> 00:39:54,821
WELL, EATING
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS,
961
00:39:54,823 --> 00:39:57,157
I HAD NO IDEA
IT WAS BAD FOR YOU.
962
00:39:57,159 --> 00:39:58,825
WHAT?
963
00:39:58,827 --> 00:40:00,660
YOU GET TINSEL-ITIS!
964
00:40:00,662 --> 00:40:01,994
YES!
965
00:40:01,996 --> 00:40:04,530
WHICH IS
A MADE-UP DISEASE.
966
00:40:04,532 --> 00:40:07,199
OH--THAT'S ALL VERY WELL
FOR YOU TO SAY THAT,
967
00:40:07,201 --> 00:40:08,868
SAY IT'S ALL IN THE MIND,
968
00:40:08,870 --> 00:40:10,536
BUT FOR PEOPLE
WHO HAVE TINSEL-ITIS,
969
00:40:10,538 --> 00:40:12,004
IT'S PAINFULLY REAL.
970
00:40:12,006 --> 00:40:13,172
STOP RIGHT THERE, ALICE.
971
00:40:13,174 --> 00:40:14,406
OF COURSE,
THEY SHOULDN'T EAT
972
00:40:14,408 --> 00:40:16,142
THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS
IN THE FIRST PLACE,
973
00:40:16,144 --> 00:40:18,644
BUT ONCE THEY HAVE
WOLFED DOWN A COUPLE OF SANTAS,
974
00:40:18,646 --> 00:40:20,546
SOCIETY SHOULDN'T
GO ON PUNISHING THEM.
975
00:40:20,548 --> 00:40:22,148
ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN BEING ALIVE
976
00:40:22,150 --> 00:40:23,247
ON NEW YEAR'S DAY?
977
00:40:23,249 --> 00:40:25,416
I CAN'T BEAR TO THINK
ABOUT IT, ACTUALLY.
978
00:40:25,418 --> 00:40:26,751
ALWAYS HAPPENS
AT CHRISTMAS.
979
00:40:26,753 --> 00:40:28,386
EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY,
980
00:40:28,388 --> 00:40:29,520
OH, GOD.
AND THERE,
981
00:40:29,522 --> 00:40:31,189
IN THE LONELINESS
OF THEIR BEDROOMS,
982
00:40:31,191 --> 00:40:33,357
WITH LITTLE BITS
OF BAUBLE AND ANGEL
983
00:40:33,359 --> 00:40:34,859
STICKIN' OUT
OF THEIR MOUTHS...
984
00:40:34,861 --> 00:40:35,860
MERCY, MERCY, MERCY.
985
00:40:35,862 --> 00:40:37,528
THE FORGOTTEN MILLIONS,
986
00:40:37,530 --> 00:40:40,031
THE VICTIMS
OF TINSEL-ITIS,
987
00:40:40,033 --> 00:40:42,533
OR "T.I.,"
AS WE CALL IT.
988
00:40:42,535 --> 00:40:43,902
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
989
00:40:43,904 --> 00:40:45,904
THAT HEROD
HAD THE RIGHT IDEA--
990
00:40:45,906 --> 00:40:47,571
KILL 'EM
WHEN THEY'RE YOUNG.
991
00:40:47,573 --> 00:40:49,606
IT'S
THE KINDEST THING TO DO.
992
00:40:49,608 --> 00:40:56,580
♪ FOREVER ♪
63167
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