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1
00:00:00,506 --> 00:00:03,306
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪
2
00:00:03,308 --> 00:00:06,310
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
3
00:00:06,312 --> 00:00:08,713
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪
4
00:00:08,715 --> 00:00:12,182
♪ TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
5
00:00:12,184 --> 00:00:17,489
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
6
00:00:17,491 --> 00:00:23,762
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
7
00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:32,806
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
8
00:00:32,808 --> 00:00:35,475
OHH. FILTHY WEATHER!
9
00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:37,276
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO.
10
00:00:37,278 --> 00:00:38,845
I'VE KNOWN WORSE.
11
00:00:38,847 --> 00:00:40,747
OH, YES?
WHEN WAS THAT, THEN?
12
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,249
THE GREAT STORM,
13
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,718
WHEN THE WINDMILL
GOT BLOWN OVER.
14
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,720
THAT WASN'T THE GREAT STORM.
15
00:00:46,722 --> 00:00:49,222
THAT WAS
A MODERATELY WINDY NIGHT.
16
00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:53,594
NO, THE REALLY GREAT STORM
WAS THE GREAT STORM.
17
00:00:55,298 --> 00:00:57,165
WHEN WAS THAT, THEN?
18
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,768
WHEN DAVE BATT
GOT DECAPITATED.
19
00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:01,536
THAT WASN'T
THE GREAT STORM.
20
00:01:01,538 --> 00:01:03,705
WELL, IT WAS
PRETTY DAMN GREAT.
21
00:01:03,707 --> 00:01:05,540
NO, THE GREATEST STORM
WAS THE ONE
22
00:01:05,542 --> 00:01:09,812
WHEN OLD HAROLD GOT BLOWN
INTO THE QUARRY.
23
00:01:09,814 --> 00:01:12,715
OH, THAT.
24
00:01:12,717 --> 00:01:14,416
THE GREAT WIND.
25
00:01:14,418 --> 00:01:15,685
THE WHAT?
26
00:01:15,687 --> 00:01:18,120
THE GREAT STORM,
THERE'S GOT TO BE RAIN,
27
00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:21,592
AND IN THE GREAT WIND,
THERE WAS JUST WIND.
28
00:01:21,594 --> 00:01:23,159
NASTY NIGHT.
29
00:01:23,161 --> 00:01:26,964
OHH! IT REMINDS ME
OF THE GREAT STORM.
30
00:01:26,966 --> 00:01:29,199
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
31
00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:31,903
RIGHT.
32
00:01:31,905 --> 00:01:35,306
LET'S GET THIS
OVER AND DONE WITH, SHALL WE?
33
00:01:35,308 --> 00:01:37,008
THERE YOU ARE.
34
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:40,311
I HAVE APOLOGIES
FROM HUGO AND THE VICAR.
35
00:01:40,313 --> 00:01:42,146
NOW, FIRST ON THE AGENDA,
36
00:01:42,148 --> 00:01:44,149
WE'VE BEEN ASKED
TO MAKE A CONTRIBUTION
37
00:01:44,151 --> 00:01:46,118
TO THE SOUTH AMERICAN
EARTHQUAKE APPEAL.
38
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,953
I THOUGHT PERHAPS £10?
39
00:01:47,955 --> 00:01:49,955
OOH, IT'S NOT MUCH,
IS IT?
40
00:01:49,957 --> 00:01:52,024
HUNDREDS OF KIDDIES
DYING OF STARVATION,
41
00:01:52,026 --> 00:01:54,126
AND WE CAN ONLY SPARE
A TENNER.
42
00:01:54,128 --> 00:01:55,461
WHAT DID YOU HAVE
IN MIND?
43
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:58,364
I DON'T KNOW...
11 QUID?
44
00:01:58,366 --> 00:01:59,633
DONE.
45
00:01:59,635 --> 00:02:02,468
( thunder crashes )
46
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:03,770
DON'T WORRY, SIR.
47
00:02:03,772 --> 00:02:06,973
"RED SKY AT NIGHT,
SHEPHERD'S DELIGHT."
48
00:02:06,975 --> 00:02:10,144
YES, IN MY EXPERIENCE,
IT'S MORE OF A CASE
OF RED SKY AT NIGHT,
49
00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:13,347
THATCHED COTTAGE ON FIRE
AT THE END OF THE VILLAGE.
50
00:02:13,349 --> 00:02:16,483
I LOVE
THIS KIND OF WEATHER.
51
00:02:16,485 --> 00:02:18,686
DO YOU REMEMBER
THE GREAT SNOW?
52
00:02:18,688 --> 00:02:21,023
OH, YES.
53
00:02:21,025 --> 00:02:23,825
FROZE YOUR BALLS OFF.
54
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,326
POOR OLD GLADYS.
55
00:02:25,328 --> 00:02:26,828
WHAT ABOUT HER?
56
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,830
WELL, SHE DIED,
DIDN'T SHE?
57
00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:30,832
IN THE GREAT SNOW.
58
00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:32,835
FROZE TO DEATH
ONE FRIDAY.
59
00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:35,772
NO, NO, NO,
THAT WAS THE GREAT FROST.
60
00:02:37,542 --> 00:02:41,243
IT WERE--IT WERE
THE BOTTLE TWINS
MABEL AND EDITH
61
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,815
THAT FROZE TO DEATH
IN THE GREAT SNOW
OF '54.
62
00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:46,149
RUBBISH.
63
00:02:46,151 --> 00:02:49,019
THE BOTTLES DIED
IN THE GREAT FREEZE OF '48.
64
00:02:49,021 --> 00:02:52,890
AND I'M ABOUT TO DIE
IN THE GREAT BORE
OF '94.
65
00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,592
( thunder crashes )
66
00:02:54,594 --> 00:02:56,093
Frank: HOW EXCITING!
67
00:02:56,095 --> 00:03:00,131
IT'S JUST LIKE
THE GREAT ECLIPSE
OF '53.
68
00:03:00,133 --> 00:03:01,633
David: SHUT UP.
69
00:03:05,305 --> 00:03:07,305
( door knocker raps )
70
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:17,683
HELLO?
71
00:03:17,685 --> 00:03:19,919
I JUST CAME TO SEE
IF YOU WERE ALL RIGHT,
72
00:03:19,921 --> 00:03:22,122
NOT SCARED BY THE LIGHTNING
AND WINDS AND EVERYTHING.
73
00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:24,457
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
THANKS, ALICE.
I'M NOT.
74
00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:25,626
NO, NEITHER AM I.
75
00:03:25,628 --> 00:03:27,628
( thunder crashes )
AAH!
76
00:03:27,630 --> 00:03:30,097
SORRY. I AM A BIT.
77
00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:33,299
COME IN.
SORRY.
78
00:03:33,301 --> 00:03:36,004
DO YOU REMEMBER
IN THE SOUND OF MUSIC
79
00:03:36,006 --> 00:03:38,305
WHEN JULIE ANDREWS
WAS SCARED,
80
00:03:38,307 --> 00:03:41,542
SHE SANG
ABOUT HER FAVOURITE THINGS?
81
00:03:41,544 --> 00:03:44,946
YES...
82
00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:46,982
CAN WE DO THAT?
83
00:03:46,984 --> 00:03:50,019
DO YOU WANT THE SHORT ANSWER
OR THE LONG ANSWER?
84
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,820
UH, BOTH, PLEASE.
85
00:03:51,822 --> 00:03:53,822
WELL, THE SHORT ANSWER
IS "NO,"
86
00:03:53,824 --> 00:03:55,423
AND THE LONG ANSWER
IS "NOOOOOO."
87
00:03:55,425 --> 00:03:57,192
( thunder crashes )
AAH!
88
00:03:57,194 --> 00:03:59,029
OH! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
89
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,197
WE'LL DO IT.
DO YOU KNOW THE WORDS?
90
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:04,200
OH, YES. I NEVER FORGET
THE WORDS TO SONGS.
I'M FAMOUS FOR IT.
91
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,802
WELL, THEN, OFF YOU GO.
92
00:04:07,005 --> 00:04:10,373
OH, UM, WOULD YOU
COUNT ME IN, PLEASE?
93
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,309
THANKS.
94
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:13,410
OKAY.
95
00:04:15,748 --> 00:04:19,884
♪ SNOWDROPS ON ROSES
AND NOSES ON KITTENS ♪
96
00:04:19,886 --> 00:04:23,755
♪ DA DA DE DA DA
DA DA DA DA MITTENS ♪
97
00:04:23,757 --> 00:04:27,793
♪ TUM TITTY TUM
TITTY TUM TITTY TINGS ♪
98
00:04:27,795 --> 00:04:30,896
♪ THESE ARE A FEW
OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS ♪
99
00:04:30,898 --> 00:04:32,497
♪ WHEN THE BIRD-- ♪
100
00:04:32,499 --> 00:04:33,665
YES!
101
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:36,335
WELL, VERY NEARLY REMEMBERED
ALL THE WORDS THERE.
102
00:04:36,337 --> 00:04:39,505
STILL, IT'S WORKED, HASN'T IT,
BECAUSE WE'RE NOT SCARED
ANYMORE, ARE WE?
103
00:04:39,507 --> 00:04:41,040
NO, WE'RE NOT.
104
00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:42,975
( thunder crashes )
AAH!
105
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:47,948
AAH! OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD, HUGO!
106
00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:50,283
JUST CHECKING
EVERYONE'S FINE.
107
00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:52,986
WE WERE JUST SINGING
A CHIRPY JULIE ANDREWS TUNE
108
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,822
TO STOP US
FROM GETTING SCARED.
109
00:04:54,824 --> 00:04:56,456
OH, FAB.
110
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:59,727
I KNOW A LOVELY SONG
MY MUM USED TO SING ME
WHEN IT GOT STORMY.
111
00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:04,699
OH, WELL, FIRE AWAY,
O HANDSOME TROUBADOUR.
112
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:07,635
OH, WELL,
I-I'M A BIT RUSTY...
GO ON.
113
00:05:07,637 --> 00:05:09,670
ALL RIGHT, HERE GOES.
114
00:05:09,672 --> 00:05:11,639
AHEM.
115
00:05:11,641 --> 00:05:14,276
♪ WHEN IT'S COLD AND STORMY ♪
116
00:05:14,278 --> 00:05:17,379
♪ AND YOU'RE FEELING
A LITTLE SICK ♪
117
00:05:17,381 --> 00:05:19,982
♪ CUDDLE UP NICE AND WARMY ♪
118
00:05:19,984 --> 00:05:23,252
♪ AND PLAY
WITH YOUR LITTLE DICK ♪
119
00:05:24,822 --> 00:05:28,191
YES, WELL, THAT'S
VERY COMFORTING, ISN'T IT?
120
00:05:28,193 --> 00:05:30,861
COME TO THINK OF IT, UH...
121
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:33,930
I'M NOT SURE
IT WAS MY MUM
TAUGHT ME THAT.
122
00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:36,933
I THINK IT MIGHT
HAVE BEEN A BLOKE
AT SCHOOL, ACTUALLY.
123
00:05:36,935 --> 00:05:38,936
( thunder crashes )
124
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,239
Vicar: ( muffled )
ALICE...
125
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,942
GET OFF ME.
126
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,012
SORRY.
127
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,714
SORRY.
128
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,153
GOOD LORD, WHAT A MESS.
129
00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:56,521
OH, DEAR.
130
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,723
OH, I HATE GRAVES.
131
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:01,426
MUST BE SO WET DOWN THERE.
132
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:04,097
I'M GONNA GET BURNT
AND GO IN A NICE POT,
133
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:06,399
SIT ON MY MUM'S MANTELPIECE.
134
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:08,434
THEN ONE DAY
I'LL FALL OFF ON PURPOSE,
135
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,436
SCARE HER TO DEATH.
136
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:13,439
SHE CAN GET BURNT
AND GO IN A NICE POT
AND SIT ON THE MANTELPIECE.
137
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,442
NICE. SYMMETRICAL.
TWO POTS.
138
00:06:15,444 --> 00:06:18,445
WELL, NOT TOO MUCH DAMAGE.
THANK YOU, GOD.
139
00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:21,348
DIBLEY MUST BE IN FAVOUR
AT THE MOMENT.
140
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,453
( glass falls )
141
00:06:26,456 --> 00:06:28,290
OR NOT.
142
00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:31,293
( sighs )
143
00:06:31,295 --> 00:06:33,295
David: I DECLARE
THIS CRISIS MEETING OPEN.
144
00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:35,396
WE'RE LOOKING AT DAMAGE
AFTER THE GREAT STORM.
145
00:06:35,398 --> 00:06:38,066
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO CALL IT
"THE GREAT STORM"?
146
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:40,069
'CAUSE THERE WAS
THIS TEMPEST IN '66.
147
00:06:40,071 --> 00:06:42,905
ALL RIGHT,
WE WILL CALL IT
"THE QUITE GREAT STORM."
148
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:44,807
HOW ABOUT "THE BIG--"
149
00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:47,676
OH, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE.
OVER TO YOU, VICAR.
150
00:06:47,678 --> 00:06:50,646
AS YOU ALL KNOW,
OUR WINDOW WAS SMASHED
BY A TREE
151
00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:52,649
IN THE STORM
WITH NO NAME.
152
00:06:52,651 --> 00:06:55,152
OF COURSE,
THE FIRST QUESTION IS,
153
00:06:55,154 --> 00:06:57,654
DO WE REPLACE IT
WITH THE SAME IMAGE
154
00:06:57,656 --> 00:07:01,158
OR...DO WE GO FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE BIT MORE MODERN
AND EXCITING
155
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,627
LIKE THIS CHAGALL
WINDOW HERE?
156
00:07:03,629 --> 00:07:04,996
OHH.
REPLACE IT.
157
00:07:04,998 --> 00:07:06,630
I LIKE THE OLD ONE.
158
00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:08,599
ME, TOO.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
159
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:10,601
LOAD OF ARTY-FARTY
FROGGY NONSENSE.
160
00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:14,305
SO, WHAT WE'RE GOING FOR
IS A NICE TRADITIONAL RENDITION
161
00:07:14,307 --> 00:07:17,576
OF JESUS AND THE FEEDING
OF THE 5,000, LIKE THE LAST ONE.
162
00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:18,878
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
163
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,347
I DON'T THINK
IT WAS JESUS, WAS IT?
164
00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:23,715
HE WERE TOO FAT
FOR JESUS.
165
00:07:23,717 --> 00:07:25,251
NOT JESUS?
166
00:07:25,253 --> 00:07:27,319
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I THINK IT WAS MOSES.
167
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,956
"MOSES AND THE FEEDING
OF THE 5,000"
168
00:07:29,958 --> 00:07:32,725
DOES HAVE A SLIGHTLY ODD
RING TO IT.
169
00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:35,428
IT WASN'T MOSES.
MOSES HAD A BEARD.
170
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:38,398
SO, NOT JESUS,
NOT MOSES.
171
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,635
ANYONE GOT ANY IDEA
WHO OUR MYSTERY MAN WAS?
172
00:07:41,637 --> 00:07:43,670
I THINK IT COULD BE
ST. BARNABUS,
173
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,173
AS WE ARE IN THE CHURCH
OF ST. BARNABUS.
174
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:47,841
THAT IS LOGICAL, CAPTAIN.
175
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,843
THERE WAS A CHAP
WITH A BEARD
176
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:51,512
IN THE BACKGROUND,
THOUGH,
177
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,515
HOLDING THIS
BIG LUMP OF STONE.
178
00:07:53,517 --> 00:07:56,151
WELL, NOW, THAT
COULD HAVE BEEN MOSES
179
00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:58,220
CARRYING THE COMMANDMENTS
FOR ST. BARNABUS.
180
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,494
I'M NOT SURE
THAT MOSES OF EGYPT
181
00:08:05,496 --> 00:08:07,663
AND ST. BARNABUS
OF WOLVERHAMPTON
182
00:08:07,665 --> 00:08:09,832
WERE THE BEST FRIENDS.
183
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,735
BUT IF IT WASN'T MOSES,
184
00:08:12,737 --> 00:08:15,071
WHY WAS HE HOLDING
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS?
185
00:08:15,073 --> 00:08:17,106
PERHAPS IT WASN'T
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
186
00:08:17,108 --> 00:08:19,509
PERHAPS IT WAS
JUST A BIG BOOK.
187
00:08:20,947 --> 00:08:23,447
SO...WHERE ARE WE?
188
00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:26,650
WE'VE GOT ST. BARNABUS
AND A MYSTERIOUS CHAP
189
00:08:26,652 --> 00:08:28,518
HOLDING A BIG BOOK.
190
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,521
COULD IT BE THAT WE HAVE HERE
191
00:08:30,523 --> 00:08:32,523
THE FIRST DEPICTION
IN STAINED GLASS
192
00:08:32,525 --> 00:08:34,525
OF THIS IS YOUR LIFE?
193
00:08:37,097 --> 00:08:41,499
PERHAPS THE BLOKE
WITH THE BOOK
WAS A LIBRARIAN.
194
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,536
A LIBRARIAN?
195
00:08:44,538 --> 00:08:49,175
YES, AND ST. BARNABUS WENT
INTO THE LIBRARY
196
00:08:49,177 --> 00:08:52,611
IN WOLVERHAMPTON
197
00:08:52,613 --> 00:08:55,349
TO BORROW A HOLY BOOK.
198
00:08:57,386 --> 00:09:00,120
WELL, IF IT WAS A LIBRARY,
199
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:03,090
WHY WOULD IT HAVE
5,000 PEOPLE IN IT?
200
00:09:04,826 --> 00:09:07,495
OH, I NEVER THOUGHT
THEY WERE PEOPLE ANYWAY.
201
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:09,163
SORRY, JIM?
202
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:13,034
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THEY WERE SHEEP.
203
00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:18,806
"JESUS AND THE FEEDING
OF THE 5,000 SHEEP."
204
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,010
I THOUGHT WE'VE AGREED
IT WASN'T JESUS,
205
00:09:21,012 --> 00:09:25,014
IT WAS ST. BARNABUS...
AND THE LIBRARIAN.
206
00:09:25,016 --> 00:09:27,216
PRETTY BLOODY ODD
LIBRARY--
207
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:29,284
WITH 5,000 SHEEP
IN IT.
208
00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:31,287
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
209
00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:32,788
HOLD IT THERE.
210
00:09:32,790 --> 00:09:35,125
WE'RE ON THE OUTSKIRTS
OF LOONY LAND, HERE,
211
00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:37,460
HEADING FOR CITY CENTER.
212
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,295
THE BEST THING TO DO
213
00:09:39,297 --> 00:09:42,132
WOULD BE TO FIND
SOME OLD PICTURES
OF THE WINDOW.
214
00:09:42,134 --> 00:09:44,902
I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE
ONE ON ME HERE.
215
00:09:44,904 --> 00:09:47,304
OH, WELL, EXCELLENT.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
216
00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:49,240
YEAH, THERE WE GO.
217
00:09:49,242 --> 00:09:50,774
THERE.
218
00:09:55,281 --> 00:09:58,183
WELL, THIS IS A PICTURE
OF YOUR DOG, JIM.
219
00:09:58,185 --> 00:10:03,655
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
THAT'S RIGHT, BUT--
220
00:10:03,657 --> 00:10:08,761
BUT HE WAS STANDING
OUTSIDE THE CHURCH,
221
00:10:08,763 --> 00:10:13,399
AND I THOUGHT
PERHAPS YOU MIGHT SEE
THE WINDOW
222
00:10:13,401 --> 00:10:16,436
IN THE REFLECTION
IN HIS EYE.
223
00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:22,842
WAIT A SECOND.
I'VE HAD A THOUGHT.
224
00:10:22,844 --> 00:10:24,811
I COULD LOOK UP
THE OLD BOOK OF MINUTES
225
00:10:24,813 --> 00:10:26,113
AND FIND THE ENTRY
226
00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:28,982
FROM WHEN THE WINDOW
WAS ACTUALLY BUILT.
227
00:10:28,984 --> 00:10:30,984
WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE
THAT'S WORTH A TRY.
228
00:10:30,986 --> 00:10:32,987
AND I THINK
YOU WILL FIND,
IN FACT,
229
00:10:32,989 --> 00:10:35,990
THAT IT DEPICTED JESUS
DELIVERING THE SERMON
ON THE MOUNT.
230
00:10:35,992 --> 00:10:38,126
ABSOLUTELY.
FROM A BOAT.
231
00:10:38,128 --> 00:10:40,595
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
232
00:10:40,597 --> 00:10:43,664
UNLESS I AM MUCH MISTAKEN,
JESUS WAS STANDING IN A BOAT,
233
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:46,735
ALTHOUGH I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAVE
BEEN A HUGE BOAT-SHAPED CIGAR.
234
00:10:46,737 --> 00:10:48,237
DING DING.
EVERYONE OFF.
235
00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:50,439
LOONY LAND,
CITY CENTER.
236
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,810
Vicar: WELL, FRANK'S HAD
A TRIUMPHANT WEEK.
237
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:57,012
TELL US
THE WHOLE STORY, FRANK.
238
00:10:57,014 --> 00:11:00,984
WELL, TO CUT
A LONG STORY SHORT,
239
00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:03,720
I FINALLY FOUND
THE OLD BOOK
OF MINUTES,
240
00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:06,890
AND THERE WAS
A DRAWING BY
THE ORIGINAL ARTIST
241
00:11:06,892 --> 00:11:09,458
OF OUR GREAT
NORTH WINDOW
242
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:13,631
AND ITS BEAUTIFUL PORTRAYAL
OF NOAH'S ARK.
243
00:11:13,633 --> 00:11:15,766
All: OHH.
244
00:11:15,768 --> 00:11:17,167
NOAH'S ARK?
245
00:11:17,169 --> 00:11:18,536
RIGHT!
246
00:11:18,538 --> 00:11:21,438
SO THE MAN IN THE FRONT
WAS NOAH, NOT ST. BARNABUS.
247
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,473
RIGHT.
248
00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:24,910
AND THE 5,000
WERE ANIMALS.
YES.
249
00:11:24,912 --> 00:11:27,111
AND THE MAN
WITH THE BEARD...
250
00:11:27,113 --> 00:11:28,446
A LLAMA.
251
00:11:28,448 --> 00:11:31,249
( laughs )
252
00:11:31,251 --> 00:11:36,756
IMAGINE MOSES LOOKIN'
LIKE A LLAMA.
253
00:11:36,758 --> 00:11:41,226
NO WONDER EVERYBODY
TOOK SUCH NOTICE OF HIM.
254
00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:43,696
WELL, BRAVO, FRANK.
255
00:11:43,698 --> 00:11:46,198
UNFORTUNATELY,
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
256
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,234
HAVE SOME
RATHER BAD NEWS.
257
00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:50,704
THE LAST TIME
I HEARD THAT, VICAR,
258
00:11:50,706 --> 00:11:53,774
IT WAS THE END
OF REAL TEETH.
259
00:11:53,776 --> 00:11:56,242
I HAVE SPENT THE WEEK
260
00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:59,046
INVESTIGATING THE PRICES
OF STAINED GLASS,
261
00:11:59,048 --> 00:12:02,951
AND THE LOWEST QUOTE WE HAD
WAS £11,000.
262
00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:05,587
BUGGER ME!
263
00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:09,023
YOU COULD GET SOMEONE KILLED
FOR THAT.
264
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,761
I'M AFRAID THAT
THAT PUTS US
265
00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:15,197
IN AN IMPOSSIBLE
SITUATION.
266
00:12:15,199 --> 00:12:17,199
SADLY, YOU MUST MINUTE
267
00:12:17,201 --> 00:12:20,402
THAT DIBLEY CAN'T AFFORD
A NEW WINDOW.
268
00:12:20,404 --> 00:12:21,737
STOP WRITING, FRANK.
269
00:12:21,739 --> 00:12:23,740
"CAN'T" ISN'T IN
THE CHRISTIAN VOCABULARY.
270
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:25,075
YES, IT IS.
271
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,477
YOU CAN'T COMMIT ADULTERY,
YOU CAN'T STEAL--
272
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:30,413
NO, NO, NO,
AND YOU CAN'T
EVEN COVET
273
00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:34,517
YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S ASS,
274
00:12:34,519 --> 00:12:37,989
EVEN IF IT IS
VERY ALLURING.
275
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,891
NO, NO, NO,
WHAT I MEAN IS
276
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:43,728
THAT WE CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING
IF WE WANT TO.
277
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,362
THEY SAID TO JESUS,
278
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,865
"YOU CAN'T WALK ON WATER.
YOU'LL GET YOUR DRESS WET."
279
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,067
BUT HE DID.
280
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,902
AND THEY SAID
TO RALPH HARRIS,
281
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,771
"YOU CAN'T DO
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN,"
282
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,439
BUT HE DARN WELL DID.
283
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,475
AND VERY SUCCESSFULLY,
IN MY OPINION.
284
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,011
THAT IS ALL VERY WELL,
285
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:02,548
BUT HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
HOW TO RAISE £11,000?
286
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:04,550
WELL, NO,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS.
287
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:07,053
WHAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO
IS STICK A STUPID THERMOMETER
288
00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:09,122
OUTSIDE THE CHURCH
FOR 100 YEARS,
289
00:13:09,124 --> 00:13:11,524
ADDING A NANOMETRE
OF RED FELT-TIP PEN
290
00:13:11,526 --> 00:13:13,761
EVERY TIME SOMEBODY
GIVES US 2½ p.
291
00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:17,031
I WANT OUR CHURCH
TO BE A CHURCH,
292
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:20,200
NOT AN ENORMOUS
CHURCH-SHAPED BEGGING BOWL.
293
00:13:20,202 --> 00:13:23,203
YES, AND I WANT PRINCESS ANNE
TO KNOCK ON MY DOOR AND SAY,
294
00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:25,707
"I HAVE DUMPED
THAT UGLY BERK TIM LAWRENCE.
295
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:27,709
I'M ALL YOURS, BIG BOY."
296
00:13:27,711 --> 00:13:31,813
BUT IT'S NOT
GOING TO HAPPEN, IS IT?
297
00:13:33,550 --> 00:13:36,017
YES, WELL...
298
00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,787
ENOUGH OF THIS.
299
00:13:37,789 --> 00:13:39,789
IF YOU WILL ALL EXCUSE ME,
300
00:13:39,791 --> 00:13:42,558
SOME OF US ACTUALLY HAVE
SOME WORK TO DO.
301
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,359
THANK YOU.
302
00:13:44,361 --> 00:13:46,929
OOH-WHOO!
303
00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:48,397
WHOA!
304
00:13:48,399 --> 00:13:52,302
PRINCESS ANNE, EH?
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT?
305
00:13:52,304 --> 00:13:55,005
SHE LOOKED LOVELY
ON HER WEDDING DAY.
306
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:57,407
EVERYONE LOOKS LOVELY
ON THEIR WEDDING DAY.
307
00:13:57,409 --> 00:14:01,211
I BET EVEN MARGARET BECKETT
LOOKED SEXY AS SHE WALKED
DOWN THE AISLE.
308
00:14:01,213 --> 00:14:04,582
I RATHER FANCY
MARGARET BECKETT.
309
00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:06,084
HEY!
310
00:14:06,086 --> 00:14:08,086
SHUSH, SHUSH, SHUSH,
SHUSH, BOYS.
311
00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:10,088
HAS ANYONE GOT ANY IDEA
312
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:12,090
OF HOW WE'RE GONNA RAISE
THIS MONEY?
313
00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:14,092
LOTTERY'S THE OBVIOUS ANSWER,
ISN'T IT?
314
00:14:14,094 --> 00:14:15,928
ASK EVERYONE FOR A FIVER.
315
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,930
I'LL GIVE 'EM A LAWN MOWER
IF THEY WIN.
316
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:20,165
EXCELLENT.
ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEAS?
317
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,968
I COULD FINALLY YIELD
TO PUBLIC DEMAND
318
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:25,270
AND WRITE MY RECIPE BOOK--
319
00:14:25,272 --> 00:14:30,543
100 EXCITING THINGS TO DO WITH ROOT VEGETABLES.
320
00:14:30,545 --> 00:14:33,113
( door knocker raps )
321
00:14:33,115 --> 00:14:36,583
VICAR, I HAVE HAD
A RATHER BRILLIANT THOUGHT.
322
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,617
REALLY?
323
00:14:37,619 --> 00:14:39,453
I'VE GOT THIS PIGGY BANK.
324
00:14:39,455 --> 00:14:42,323
MY DAD, RIGHT, USED TO PUT
ALL HIS MONEY IN IT,
325
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:44,492
AND HE SAID
THAT WHEN I GREW UP,
326
00:14:44,494 --> 00:14:46,693
I COULD OPEN IT
AND BUY A CASTLE.
327
00:14:46,695 --> 00:14:48,895
DID YOUR DAD
HAVE A REPUTATION
328
00:14:48,897 --> 00:14:50,797
FOR TELLING THE TRUTH?
329
00:14:50,799 --> 00:14:52,134
OH, YEAH.
330
00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:54,603
MY MUM KNEW ALL ABOUT HIS KIDS
IN THE OTHER VILLAGES.
331
00:14:54,605 --> 00:14:56,704
( knocker raps )
332
00:14:56,706 --> 00:14:58,006
HELLO, HUGO.
HELLO, VICAR.
333
00:14:58,008 --> 00:15:00,108
JUST HAD
THIS TREMENDOUS THOUGHT.
334
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,110
MY GOD, IT'S LIKE BEING
IN ANCIENT GREECE
335
00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:04,013
AT THE BIRTH
OF PHILOSOPHY HERE.
336
00:15:04,015 --> 00:15:06,782
WE KNOW RICHARD BRANSON,
AND MAYBE HE COULD
SPONSOR THE WINDOW.
337
00:15:06,784 --> 00:15:08,784
I MEAN,
HE LOOKS LIKE JESUS,
338
00:15:08,786 --> 00:15:10,786
WHAT WITH THE BEARD
AND THE BIG SMILE
AND EVERYTHING.
339
00:15:10,788 --> 00:15:12,355
YES, YES.
340
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:15,458
AND HE RUNS VIRGIN,
AND JESUS' MUM WAS...
WELL, YOU KNOW.
341
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:16,793
HELLO, HUGO.
342
00:15:16,795 --> 00:15:19,229
HELLO, ALICE.
NICE PIGGY BANK.
YEAH.
343
00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:21,231
HOW MUCH
DOES IT ADD UP TO?
344
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,799
WELL,
EXCLUDING EVERYTHING
345
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:26,370
THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY
LEGAL TENDER IN
THE UNITED KINGDOM...
346
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:27,871
A FARTHING.
347
00:15:27,873 --> 00:15:31,075
A FARTHING.
OH, RIGHT.
348
00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:33,344
SO, QUITE A WAY
TO GO, THEN.
349
00:15:33,346 --> 00:15:35,280
YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY,
350
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:39,116
BECAUSE HUGO'S HAD
HIS EXCELLENT IDEA.
351
00:15:39,118 --> 00:15:40,552
RED-LETTER DAY.
352
00:15:40,554 --> 00:15:43,055
HIS FATHER MUST KNOW MILLIONS
OF MILLIONAIRES
353
00:15:43,057 --> 00:15:45,558
JUST DYING
FOR A SHORTCUT TO HEAVEN.
354
00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:49,395
DAVID, IT'S THE VICSTER HERE.
355
00:15:49,397 --> 00:15:52,364
HI. LOOK, JUST HAD AN IDEA.
356
00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,368
COULD YOU GIVE ME
THE NAMES OF, SAY, FIVE
OF YOUR RICHEST FRIENDS?
357
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:58,605
I WAS THINKING
WE COULD SQUEEZE THEM
FOR THE MONEY FOR THE WINDOW.
358
00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:01,107
IT IS A RIDICULOUS
AND, MAY I SAY,
359
00:16:01,109 --> 00:16:03,677
A VERY IMMATURE IDEA.
360
00:16:04,979 --> 00:16:08,649
THANK YOU.
WHAT A KIND AND SUPPORTIVE MAN.
361
00:16:08,651 --> 00:16:10,117
WHAT DID HE SAY?
362
00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:11,452
OH, WHAT A GUY.
363
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,854
HE SAID HE'S A BIT BUSY
AT THE MOMENT
364
00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:15,856
AND COULD YOU
GIVE ME THE NUMBERS?
365
00:16:15,858 --> 00:16:18,727
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
I SUPPOSE.
UM, LORD HANSON.
366
00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:19,894
VERY SEXY.
367
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:22,564
Vicar: HELLO.
GERALDINE GRANGER HERE.
368
00:16:22,566 --> 00:16:25,400
COULD I SPEAK
TO CHARLES KANE, PLEASE?
369
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,569
AH, MR. KANE.
GERALDINE GRANGER HERE.
370
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,904
I'M THE VICAR
OF ST. BARNABUS CHURCH,
371
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,408
AND WE WERE JUST WONDERING
IF YOU'D LIKE TO DONATE
372
00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:34,910
SOME MONEY
FOR OUR NEW WINDOW.
373
00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:37,614
WE'RE LOOKING
FOR ABOUT £11,000, AND--
374
00:16:37,616 --> 00:16:39,014
SORRY?
375
00:16:39,016 --> 00:16:41,551
I CAN STICK IT
UP MY WHERE? SORRY?
376
00:16:41,553 --> 00:16:47,124
UP MY JACKSIE.
EXCELLENT. BLESS YOU.
377
00:16:47,126 --> 00:16:50,628
LOOK, I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIB
A LITTLE BIT.
378
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,664
BUT BEAR WITH ME.
IT'S FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE.
379
00:16:59,205 --> 00:17:04,208
HELLO, COULD I SPEAK
TO MR. FROBISHER, PLEASE?
380
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,311
DANIEL, HI.
381
00:17:06,313 --> 00:17:10,983
GERRY GRANGER HERE,
UH, DIBLEY INVESTMENTS.
382
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:13,185
UM, YOU WON'T HAVE HEARD
OF US--
383
00:17:13,187 --> 00:17:16,088
WE'RE PRETTY NEW KIDS
ON THE BLOCK--
384
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:18,624
UH, BUT I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED
385
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:22,396
IN A LITTLE
INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO
WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHER.
386
00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:24,298
NOTHING TO DO
WITH DIBLEY, OXFORDSHIRE?
387
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,500
WELL, YES, ACTUALLY,
BECAUSE I'M THE VIC--
388
00:17:26,502 --> 00:17:29,035
THE VILLAGE POSTMISTRESS'S
DAUGHTER.
389
00:17:29,037 --> 00:17:32,039
FRIEND OF MINE
LIVES JUST OUTSIDE--
HAIRLESS HORTON.
390
00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:35,142
BALD BY 14.
TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY
THEY HAD A WOMAN VICAR.
391
00:17:35,144 --> 00:17:36,311
YEAH, I HEARD THAT, TOO.
392
00:17:36,313 --> 00:17:38,979
MY MOTHER SAYS
SHE'S FANTASTIC
393
00:17:38,981 --> 00:17:40,548
AND PRETTY CUTE, TOO.
394
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:43,718
AN ALL-ROUND
BODACIOUS BABE, IN FACT.
395
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,721
DAVID SAYS
SHE'S A BLOODY NIGHTMARE.
396
00:17:45,723 --> 00:17:47,489
YEAH.
397
00:17:47,491 --> 00:17:49,224
PROBABLY FANCIES HER.
398
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:51,827
IT'S AN INTERESTING THOUGHT.
399
00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:53,329
SHE MIGHT BE A VIRGIN.
400
00:17:53,331 --> 00:17:55,798
I DOUBT IT.
I KNOW A VICAR,
401
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,301
AND SHE'S FAMOUSLY
THE BEST KISSER
IN CHELTENHAM.
402
00:17:58,303 --> 00:17:59,969
REALLY?
OH, YEAH.
403
00:17:59,971 --> 00:18:02,972
HER TONGUE IS IN
THE HOME COUNTY'S
GYMNASTIC TEAM.
404
00:18:02,974 --> 00:18:06,810
SHE CAN SCRAMBLE EGGS
WITH IT AT 20 PACES.
405
00:18:06,812 --> 00:18:08,478
WE'RE DIGRESSING,
MISS GRANGER.
406
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,782
TELL ME ABOUT
YOUR INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.
407
00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:14,418
I CAN'T GET THAT TONGUE
OUT OF MY MIND.
408
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:18,121
CAN YOU GIVE ME ANY SENSE
OF THE RANGE OF YOUR PORTFOLIO--
409
00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:22,026
YOUR BONDS, STOCKS,
GILTS, PEPs?
410
00:18:22,028 --> 00:18:24,529
UH, YEAH, I'VE GOT LOADS
OF THOSE.
411
00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:28,099
LOOK, WHY DON'T WE TALK
ABOUT IT OVER LUNCH,
MR. FROBISHER?
412
00:18:28,101 --> 00:18:32,203
OKAY. I'LL, UH,
I'LL GIVE YOU AN HOUR
413
00:18:32,205 --> 00:18:33,773
ON THURSDAY LUNCH?
414
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:36,175
YEAH. THINK I CAN FIND
A WINDOW.
415
00:18:36,177 --> 00:18:38,344
BYE.
416
00:18:38,346 --> 00:18:42,615
OH, BOYS, I THINK
I HAVE FOUND A WINDOW.
417
00:18:46,455 --> 00:18:49,456
YOU WANT TO BUY A LOTTERY TICKET
FOR THE NEW CHURCH WINDOW?
418
00:18:49,458 --> 00:18:51,725
ONLY A FIVER.
VERY WORTHY CAUSE.
419
00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:53,727
WHAT'S THE PRIZE?
LAWN MOWER.
420
00:18:53,729 --> 00:18:55,061
GOT ONE.
421
00:18:55,063 --> 00:18:56,229
WHAT DO YOU FANCY, THEN?
422
00:18:56,231 --> 00:18:57,330
WASHING MACHINE.
423
00:18:57,332 --> 00:18:59,534
GOT ONE OF THOSE
AS WELL.
424
00:18:59,536 --> 00:19:02,203
OH, GREAT.
I'LL TAKE TWO TICKETS, THEN.
425
00:19:02,205 --> 00:19:04,205
GOD BLESS YOU, MATE.
426
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:05,640
GOOD LUCK.
427
00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:07,275
YEAH.
428
00:19:07,277 --> 00:19:09,277
BUT WE HAVEN'T GOT
A WASHING MACHINE.
429
00:19:09,279 --> 00:19:10,613
NO...
430
00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:13,282
BUT, THEN, HE'S NOT
GONNA WIN, IS HE?
431
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:15,551
VERY WORTHY CAUSE,
THOUGH.
432
00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:21,590
( telephone rings )
433
00:19:21,592 --> 00:19:22,692
DANIEL HERE.
434
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,694
PIERS, CAN I RING YOU BACK
THIS AFTERNOON?
435
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,696
I'VE GOT A YOUNG LADY
VISITING ME.
436
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,398
DON'T BE DISGUSTING
AND CHILDISH.
437
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,900
I'LL RING YOU LATER.
438
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:30,967
MR. FROBISHER.
439
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:32,469
HELLO...
440
00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,137
UH, VICAR.
441
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,674
FANTASTIC OFFICE.
442
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,009
IT'S A BUGGER
TO PARK ROUND HERE, THOUGH.
443
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,511
YES, IT IS.
444
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,514
UM, YOU DON'T OFTEN
GET MEMBERS OF THE CLERGY
445
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,616
HEADING UP
FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS.
446
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,285
NO. NO, THAT'S RIGHT.
447
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,020
I FIBBED ABOUT THAT.
BAD.
448
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,690
PARTICULARLY BAD
FOR A PRIEST.
I REGRET IT.
449
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:54,760
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT,
UH...WHAT DO I CALL YOU?
450
00:19:54,762 --> 00:19:56,394
GERRY'S FINE.
451
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,331
PERHAPS WE COULD TALK
ABOUT IT OVER LUNCH...
IF IT'S STILL ON.
452
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:00,867
OH.
453
00:20:00,869 --> 00:20:02,869
MUST BE A VERY LONG TIME
454
00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:05,338
SINCE YOU TOOK
A POTENTIAL VIRGIN
OUT FOR A MEAL.
455
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:07,006
OH, CHRIST, I'M SORRY.
456
00:20:07,008 --> 00:20:10,677
SAID "CHRIST."
THAT'S A £1,000 FINE,
I'M AFRAID.
457
00:20:10,679 --> 00:20:11,912
JESUS!
458
00:20:11,914 --> 00:20:13,113
2,500.
459
00:20:13,115 --> 00:20:14,414
OH, GOD, I'M NOT GONNA
GET THROUGH LUNCH--
460
00:20:14,416 --> 00:20:15,716
THREE AND RISING.
461
00:20:15,718 --> 00:20:16,750
STILL, AT LEAST
YOU DIDN'T SAY "NOB."
462
00:20:16,752 --> 00:20:18,051
I WASN'T GONNA SAY "NOB."
463
00:20:18,053 --> 00:20:19,887
OH, SAID "NOB."
UNBELIEVABLE!
464
00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:21,856
THAT'S AN EXTRA 5,000.
465
00:20:21,858 --> 00:20:24,626
COME ON, I WANT YOU
TO COME AND SEE OUR CHURCH.
466
00:20:28,398 --> 00:20:32,801
AND THEN I SAID TO THEM,
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
467
00:20:32,803 --> 00:20:35,103
THIS IS MY FIELD."
468
00:20:35,105 --> 00:20:38,440
AND THEY DIDN'T
TAKE TO IT KINDLY, BUT...
469
00:20:38,442 --> 00:20:40,543
FINALLY,
470
00:20:40,545 --> 00:20:45,481
AFTER A PRETTY FIERY
EXCHANGE OF VIEWS,
471
00:20:45,483 --> 00:20:47,182
THEY MOVED ON.
472
00:20:47,184 --> 00:20:49,352
THANK YOU, JIM,
FOR THAT REPORT,
473
00:20:49,354 --> 00:20:52,255
AND IF YOU HAVE
ANY MORE TROUBLE
WITH THOSE SHEEP...
474
00:20:54,593 --> 00:20:57,293
DO TELL US.
475
00:20:57,295 --> 00:20:59,630
SO, FINALLY, THE WINDOW.
HOW ARE WE DOING?
476
00:20:59,632 --> 00:21:03,234
WELL, THE VILLAGE LOTTERY
HAS COME UP WITH 1,000 QUID.
477
00:21:03,236 --> 00:21:04,368
I SAY.
478
00:21:04,370 --> 00:21:06,037
I MUST SAY
I'VE BEEN DELIGHTED
479
00:21:06,039 --> 00:21:09,173
WITH THE LEVEL OF
UNQUESTIONING GENEROSITY SHOWN,
480
00:21:09,175 --> 00:21:11,308
ESPECIALLY IN VIEW OF THE FACT
481
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:14,713
THAT THE PRIZE
IS NOW ONLY A TEA STRAINER.
482
00:21:14,715 --> 00:21:16,982
SPLENDID.
ANY OTHER NEWS?
483
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,552
WELL, I'VE STARTED
MY RECIPE BOOK,
484
00:21:19,554 --> 00:21:23,155
AND THE RADISH JAM
IS A PARTICULAR SUCCESS.
485
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:25,759
I BET.
ANYTHING ELSE?
486
00:21:25,761 --> 00:21:28,662
WELL, I'VE GOT £10,000...
487
00:21:28,664 --> 00:21:30,430
WHAT?
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
488
00:21:30,432 --> 00:21:34,400
...WHICH MEANS
WE CAN START WORK
ON OUR WINDOW INSTANTLY.
489
00:21:34,402 --> 00:21:37,003
( cheers )
490
00:21:44,447 --> 00:21:46,581
IT'S VERY KIND
OF MISS TINKER
491
00:21:46,583 --> 00:21:49,150
TO LET ME DISTURB
YOUR ART CLASS,
492
00:21:49,152 --> 00:21:53,622
AND I MUST SAY
I REALLY LOVE YOUR
PAPIER-MÂCHÉ VOLCANO.
493
00:21:53,624 --> 00:21:57,025
IT'S ST. PAUL'S CATHEDRAL,
ACTUALLY.
494
00:21:57,027 --> 00:21:59,094
RIGHT. RIGHT.
495
00:21:59,096 --> 00:22:01,997
WELL, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A NEW WINDOW IN THE CHURCH,
496
00:22:01,999 --> 00:22:04,134
AND IT'S GONNA BE
NOAH'S ARK,
497
00:22:04,136 --> 00:22:06,802
SO I THOUGHT I'D ASK YOU
WHAT ANIMALS
498
00:22:06,804 --> 00:22:08,904
YOU'D MOST LIKE TO BE IN IT.
499
00:22:08,906 --> 00:22:10,607
OH, GOOD. GEORGE.
500
00:22:10,609 --> 00:22:12,475
A VELOCIRAPTOR, MISS.
501
00:22:12,477 --> 00:22:13,676
A VELOCIRAPTOR?
502
00:22:13,678 --> 00:22:15,513
THAT'S FROM JURASSIC PARK,
ISN'T IT?
503
00:22:15,515 --> 00:22:16,847
YES, MISS.
504
00:22:16,849 --> 00:22:19,816
YES. WELL, NOT SURE
ABOUT THAT, BUT MAYBE.
505
00:22:19,818 --> 00:22:22,486
YEAH. ANY OTHERS?
YES.
506
00:22:22,488 --> 00:22:24,921
A TYRANNOSAURUS REX, MISS.
507
00:22:24,923 --> 00:22:26,624
RIGHT.
508
00:22:26,626 --> 00:22:28,793
HANDS UP
FOR ANY ANIMALS
509
00:22:28,795 --> 00:22:31,796
NOT FEATURED
IN JURASSIC PARK.
510
00:22:33,133 --> 00:22:34,799
A LION, FOR INSTANCE.
511
00:22:34,801 --> 00:22:37,302
FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN,
MISS.
SORRY?
512
00:22:37,304 --> 00:22:41,006
MY DAD SAYS FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS
ARE ALL ANIMALS.
513
00:22:41,008 --> 00:22:43,042
WHAT ABOUT BIRDS?
ANY BIRDS?
514
00:22:43,044 --> 00:22:44,777
SAMANTHA FOX, MISS.
515
00:22:44,779 --> 00:22:47,480
MY DAD SAYS
SHE'S THE SEXIEST BIRD
IN THE WHOLE WORLD
516
00:22:47,482 --> 00:22:49,482
AND HE'D LIKE
TO GIVE HER ONE, MISS.
517
00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:52,952
SO WOULD MY DAD, MISS.
AND MINE.
518
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:55,855
MY DAD WOULD LIKE
TO GIVE YOU ONE, MISS.
519
00:22:55,857 --> 00:23:00,060
GEORGE! SHUSH.
520
00:23:00,062 --> 00:23:02,762
WHO IS YOUR DAD?
521
00:23:02,764 --> 00:23:04,264
( television playing )
522
00:23:04,266 --> 00:23:06,234
( door knocker raps )
523
00:23:06,236 --> 00:23:08,269
IT'S OPEN!
524
00:23:08,271 --> 00:23:09,304
( lowers volume )
525
00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:12,039
Hugo: HELLO, VICAR.
HELLO, HUGO.
526
00:23:12,041 --> 00:23:14,542
THOUGHT I MIGHT SEE
HOW THE DESIGN FOR
THE WINDOW IS GOING.
527
00:23:14,544 --> 00:23:16,645
I HAD A COUPLE OF ANIMALS
TO SUGGEST.
528
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:19,915
CERTAINLY! I'M JUST
ABOUT TO WATCH THE NEWS,
BUT DO COME AND SIT DOWN.
529
00:23:19,917 --> 00:23:22,384
OH, YES.
FRIGHTFULLY IMPORTANT,
THE NEWS.
530
00:23:22,386 --> 00:23:24,720
MUST KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THE WORLD,
531
00:23:24,722 --> 00:23:26,888
WHO'S PRIME MINISTER
AND ALL THAT STUFF.
532
00:23:26,890 --> 00:23:29,892
DON'T WANT MAGGIE THATCHER
RESIGNING AND ME NEVER
GETTING WIND OF IT.
533
00:23:29,894 --> 00:23:31,794
YOU ARE JOKING,
AREN'T YOU, HUGO?
534
00:23:31,796 --> 00:23:34,197
YES, OF COURSE.
MAGGIE WILL NEVER RESIGN.
535
00:23:34,199 --> 00:23:37,200
THEY'LL HAVE TO STAB HER
IN THE BACK BEFORE SHE GOES.
536
00:23:37,202 --> 00:23:38,702
OH, HERE WE GO.
537
00:23:38,704 --> 00:23:40,870
TV announcer: THERE HAS, IN THE LAST FOUR HOURS,
538
00:23:40,872 --> 00:23:42,873
BEEN A SECOND EARTHQUAKE IN COLOMBIA.
539
00:23:42,875 --> 00:23:46,244
SOME OF THE PICTURES IN THIS REPORT MAY CAUSE DISTRESS.
540
00:23:46,246 --> 00:23:49,079
Reporter: IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THE EXTENT OF THE DAMAGE
541
00:23:49,081 --> 00:23:51,081
COULD BE WORSE THAN LAST TIME,
542
00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:54,085
BUT THIS LINE OF BODIES PULLED OUT OF A SCHOOL IN THE SUBURBS
543
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,121
TELLS ITS OWN TRAGIC TALE.
544
00:23:56,123 --> 00:23:58,990
LITTLE MARIA HERE HAS LOST HER SISTER...
545
00:23:58,992 --> 00:24:01,793
I'M SORRY, HUGO.
546
00:24:01,795 --> 00:24:03,862
OH, HOW EMBARRASSING.
547
00:24:03,864 --> 00:24:06,866
I'M SUCH A CRYBABY.
I CRY AT ANYTHING
AND EVERYTHING.
548
00:24:06,868 --> 00:24:09,669
OH, DON'T MIND ME.
549
00:24:09,671 --> 00:24:12,104
I'M THE MOST FRIGHTFUL
BLUBBER, TOO.
550
00:24:12,106 --> 00:24:15,775
AT SCHOOL, THEY USED TO
CALL ME "BLUBBER BOX."
551
00:24:15,777 --> 00:24:17,943
THAT AND "FARTY PANTS."
552
00:24:19,315 --> 00:24:20,947
...IMPOSSIBLE TASK.
553
00:24:20,949 --> 00:24:23,617
THIS IS JUST DREADFUL,
ISN'T IT?
554
00:24:23,619 --> 00:24:26,887
JUST WISH ONE COULD HELP MORE
WITH THIS SORT OF THING.
555
00:24:26,889 --> 00:24:29,723
I GAVE MONEY TO BAND AID
AND ALL THAT.
556
00:24:29,725 --> 00:24:32,327
BOB HOPE--EXCELLENT BLOKE.
557
00:24:32,329 --> 00:24:35,697
LOOK, I'LL, UH,
I'LL LEAVE YOU TO IT.
558
00:24:35,699 --> 00:24:38,600
I JUST WANTED TO PUT IN A VOTE
FOR A VELOCIRAPTOR.
559
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:40,201
DAMN FINE SPECIMENS.
560
00:24:40,203 --> 00:24:41,703
THANK YOU, HUGO.
561
00:24:41,705 --> 00:24:43,739
MUCH-VALUED
CONTRIBUTION THERE.
562
00:24:43,741 --> 00:24:46,309
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER.
563
00:24:46,311 --> 00:24:47,610
RIGHT.
564
00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:49,645
...WILL BE THE LAST.
565
00:24:49,647 --> 00:24:51,647
TV announcer:
IF YOU HAVE ANY DONATIONS
566
00:24:51,649 --> 00:24:53,649
FOR THE COLOMBIAN EARTHQUAKE APPEAL,
567
00:24:53,651 --> 00:24:55,719
WE'LL BE GIVING THE ADDRESS TO WRITE TO
568
00:24:55,721 --> 00:24:57,721
AT THE END OF THIS BULLETIN.
569
00:25:00,225 --> 00:25:04,027
SOMEONE TOLD ME
IT WAS GOING TO BE SET
IN JURASSIC PARK.
570
00:25:04,029 --> 00:25:05,729
THAT WOULD BE EXCITIN'.
571
00:25:05,731 --> 00:25:07,998
I WAS TOLD,
572
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,435
ON THE UNDERGROUND
GRAPEVINE,
573
00:25:10,437 --> 00:25:13,838
THE FEMALE FIGURE
IS MODELLED
ON SAMANTHA FOX.
574
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,841
OHH, THAT'LL BE NICE.
575
00:25:16,843 --> 00:25:18,676
WILL SHE BE TOPLESS?
576
00:25:18,678 --> 00:25:20,679
I SUPPOSE
SHE MAY BE.
577
00:25:20,681 --> 00:25:22,681
ANYTHING
TO SAVE MONEY.
578
00:25:23,851 --> 00:25:24,883
( murmuring )
579
00:25:24,885 --> 00:25:29,655
Frank:
OH, HERE THEY ARE NOW.
580
00:25:29,657 --> 00:25:32,325
MMM. 7:00.
581
00:25:32,327 --> 00:25:34,994
RIGHT.
WELL, HERE GOES.
582
00:25:34,996 --> 00:25:36,329
( sighs )
583
00:25:36,331 --> 00:25:39,131
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
WELCOME.
584
00:25:39,133 --> 00:25:41,167
AND WE'RE VERY LUCKY
TO HAVE WITH US TODAY
585
00:25:41,169 --> 00:25:43,135
OUR WONDERFUL BENEFACTOR,
586
00:25:43,137 --> 00:25:46,841
WHO GAVE US
THE REMAINING £10,000
FOR OUR WINDOW.
587
00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:53,381
HE HAS VERY KINDLY SAID
THAT ANY OF THE MONEY
WE DIDN'T SPEND
588
00:25:53,383 --> 00:25:55,416
WE CAN SEND
TO THE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL.
589
00:25:55,418 --> 00:25:58,420
BRAVO!
JOLLY DECENT.
590
00:25:58,422 --> 00:26:00,922
YES.
591
00:26:00,924 --> 00:26:04,659
SO...THE MOMENT
HAS ARRIVED.
592
00:26:04,661 --> 00:26:07,629
DANIEL, IF YOU'D LIKE
TO UNVEIL IT.
593
00:26:07,631 --> 00:26:08,830
UH, CERTAINLY,
594
00:26:08,832 --> 00:26:11,033
ALTHOUGH FIRST
I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE YOU
595
00:26:11,035 --> 00:26:12,702
ON YOUR NEW VICAR.
596
00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:15,505
I'M A MAN FROM WHOM
IT'S FAMOUSLY DIFFICULT
TO EXTRACT MONEY.
597
00:26:15,507 --> 00:26:16,572
HEAR, HEAR.
598
00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:19,709
MY WALLET
HAS A BURGLAR ALARM ON IT.
599
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:23,346
SO...NOW I AM DELIGHTED
600
00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:25,749
TO UNVEIL THE NEW WINDOW
601
00:26:25,751 --> 00:26:28,919
OF THE CHURCH
OF ST. BARNABUS, DIBLEY.
602
00:26:30,355 --> 00:26:31,455
OHH.
OHH!
603
00:26:31,457 --> 00:26:33,457
Jim: YOU CAN SEE
RIGHT THROUGH IT.
604
00:26:33,459 --> 00:26:34,692
LOVELY SUNSET.
605
00:26:34,694 --> 00:26:36,360
Newitt:
WELL, BUGGER ME.
606
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:40,231
Mrs. Cropley: IT'S TURNED
INTO RATHER A NICE EVENING,
HASN'T IT?
607
00:26:40,233 --> 00:26:42,333
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
608
00:26:42,335 --> 00:26:43,935
HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
609
00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:45,770
ABOUT £500.
610
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:47,740
NICE WORK, SPOCK.
611
00:26:47,742 --> 00:26:51,209
WELL, I FELT THAT IF I SPENT
THE WHOLE £11,000 ON THE WINDOW,
612
00:26:51,211 --> 00:26:54,814
EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT IT,
ALL I'D SEE IS THOSE
EARTHQUAKE CHILDREN.
613
00:26:54,816 --> 00:26:56,682
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF IT, DAVID?
614
00:26:58,420 --> 00:27:00,019
VERY BEAUTIFUL.
615
00:27:00,021 --> 00:27:03,423
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT
TO BE THE FINEST VIEW
IN THE VILLAGE.
616
00:27:03,425 --> 00:27:05,926
GOOD DECISION.
617
00:27:05,928 --> 00:27:07,026
BLOODY MARVELLOUS.
618
00:27:07,028 --> 00:27:08,995
I MEAN,
WHEN IT COMES TO IT,
619
00:27:08,997 --> 00:27:12,266
YOU CAN'T BEAT
GOD'S OWN CREATION,
CAN YOU?
620
00:27:12,268 --> 00:27:14,268
SORRY WE LOST NOAH.
621
00:27:14,270 --> 00:27:17,472
NO. IN MY OPINION,
NOAH WAS A COMPLETE PRICK.
622
00:27:17,474 --> 00:27:19,474
OH, WAS HE?
ABSOLUTELY.
623
00:27:19,476 --> 00:27:21,976
HERE'S A BLOKE THAT'S GOT
THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
624
00:27:21,978 --> 00:27:24,480
TO WIPE OUT ALL
BLOODY USELESS ANIMALS
IN THE WORLD--
625
00:27:24,482 --> 00:27:26,815
LICE, MOTHS,
LOCUSTS, HAMSTERS--
626
00:27:26,817 --> 00:27:28,584
AND WHAT DOES HE DO?
627
00:27:28,586 --> 00:27:30,819
TAKES THE WHOLE LOT.
628
00:27:30,821 --> 00:27:32,020
YEP.
629
00:27:32,022 --> 00:27:34,122
MRS. C.,
DID YOU LIKE THE WINDOW?
630
00:27:34,124 --> 00:27:35,492
OH, YES.
631
00:27:35,494 --> 00:27:37,494
THE SALES OF
THE TURNIP BISCUITS
632
00:27:37,496 --> 00:27:39,362
WERE A LITTLE
DISAPPOINTING,
633
00:27:39,364 --> 00:27:41,230
BUT YOU USE
THE 13 PENCE
634
00:27:41,232 --> 00:27:43,500
FOR WHATEVER
YOU THINK FIT,
MY DEAR.
635
00:27:43,502 --> 00:27:44,667
BLESS YOU.
636
00:27:44,669 --> 00:27:46,168
( softly )
CLEVER BASTARD.
637
00:27:46,170 --> 00:27:47,537
OOH, PITY!
638
00:27:47,539 --> 00:27:49,540
THAT'S ANOTHER £1,000,
I'M AFRAID.
639
00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:51,041
GOOD NEWS, EVERYBODY!
640
00:27:51,043 --> 00:27:53,944
THE CHRISTMAS OUTING
IS ON AGAIN,
THANKS TO DANIEL.
641
00:27:53,946 --> 00:27:59,282
♪ SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY ♪
642
00:27:59,284 --> 00:28:01,753
♪ SHALL FOLLOW ME ♪
643
00:28:01,755 --> 00:28:05,189
♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪
644
00:28:05,191 --> 00:28:07,692
♪ AND I WILL DWELL ♪
645
00:28:07,694 --> 00:28:10,795
♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪
646
00:28:10,797 --> 00:28:14,033
♪ OF THE LORD ♪
647
00:28:14,035 --> 00:28:18,070
♪ FOREVER ♪
648
00:28:20,141 --> 00:28:24,510
♪ FOREVER ♪
649
00:28:25,714 --> 00:28:27,480
RIGHT.
650
00:28:27,482 --> 00:28:29,883
I'VE GOT ONE FOR YOU
TODAY.
651
00:28:29,885 --> 00:28:32,118
OH, FAB.
652
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:34,855
IT'S VERY FUNNY.
AHEM.
653
00:28:34,857 --> 00:28:36,189
KNOCK, KNOCK.
654
00:28:36,191 --> 00:28:37,291
WHO'S THERE?
655
00:28:37,293 --> 00:28:38,325
RONNIE.
656
00:28:38,327 --> 00:28:39,360
RONNIE WHO?
657
00:28:39,362 --> 00:28:41,162
RONNIE BARKER.
658
00:28:41,164 --> 00:28:44,131
( laughs )
659
00:28:44,133 --> 00:28:46,300
IT WOULD BE FUNNY
IF RONNIE BARKER CAME
660
00:28:46,302 --> 00:28:48,135
TO YOUR DOOR,
WOULDN'T IT?
661
00:28:48,137 --> 00:28:49,471
IT'S HILARIOUS.
662
00:28:49,473 --> 00:28:51,306
YES. I'M NOT QUITE SURE
663
00:28:51,308 --> 00:28:53,308
YOU UNDERSTAND
HOW THESE JOKES WORK.
664
00:28:53,310 --> 00:28:55,143
I'VE GOT ANOTHER
EVEN BETTER.
665
00:28:55,145 --> 00:28:56,645
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
666
00:28:56,647 --> 00:28:57,646
KNOCK, KNOCK.
667
00:28:57,648 --> 00:28:59,281
WHO'S THERE?
668
00:28:59,283 --> 00:29:00,716
BILLY.
669
00:29:00,718 --> 00:29:03,019
BILLY CONNOLLY,
WOULD IT BE?
670
00:29:03,021 --> 00:29:05,021
YES! ( laughs )
671
00:29:05,023 --> 00:29:07,057
OH, YOU'VE HEARD
THAT ONE.
672
00:29:07,059 --> 00:29:08,558
WELL, IT'S FUNNY,
ISN'T IT?
673
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,359
NOT REALLY, NO.
674
00:29:10,361 --> 00:29:13,029
DO NOT WORRY.
I HAVE GOT HUNDREDS MORE
WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
675
00:29:13,031 --> 00:29:14,031
KNOCK, KNOCK.
676
00:29:14,033 --> 00:29:16,200
WHO THE HELL IS IT
THIS TIME?
677
00:29:16,202 --> 00:29:17,635
GROUCHO.
678
00:29:17,637 --> 00:29:20,437
IT'S GOING TO BE
A VERY LONG NIGHT,
ISN'T IT?
679
00:29:20,439 --> 00:29:24,274
♪ FOREVER ♪
45671
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