All language subtitles for Lost.Found.1999.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]-eng

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IT'S BEEN
A LOT OF FUN, GINGER.

WE'VE HAD SOME
GOOD TIMES, RIGHT?

I KNOW I HAVE,

AND I THINK
YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY.

(MIMICKING GINGER)
OH, MY GOD.

DON'T SAY WHAT I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA SAY.

(AS HIMSELF)
GINGER...

WE HAD A GOOD RUN.

THE SEX...

THE POINTLESS CONVERSATIONS
BEFORE SEX,

ALL OF IT.

BUT LET'S FACE IT,

WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.

(AS GINGER)
DON'T, DYLAN. PLEASE.

YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME.

THIS WILL ROCK MY WORLD.

YOU COMPLETE ME.

(AS HIMSELF)
SHH, T-T-T-B-B-B-BYE, GINGER.

IT'S OVER.

NOW, YOU'RE A GOOD KID.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA
LAND ON YOUR FEET.

(BIRD CHIRPS)

PLEASE DON'T CRY.

(SQUAWKS)

SHH.

(SIGHS)

NO GOOD.

IT'S NOT YOU, GINGER,
IT'S ME. I COME FROM A--

DYLAN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU DON'T SMOKE.

YEAH, I KNOW.
I'M TRYING TO START.

GINGER, I THINK
WE SHOULD TALK.

I GOTTA GET READY
FOR WORK.

FINE.

GINGER, WE'VE HAD
SOME GOOD TIMES.

DYLAN, BEFORE YOU GO
ANY FURTHER,

THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SAY.

I DON'T THINK I'M THE GIRL
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

OH, MY GOD, DON'T SAY

WHAT I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA SAY.

YOU KEEP TRYING
TO CHANGE ME.

NO, I DON'T.

YES, YOU DO.
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT I DON'T LIKE
CADDYSHACK OR AC/DC.

WELL, YOU NEVER LISTENED
TO THEIR FIRST ALBUM.

AND WHAT'S WITH THE
COMMUNITY COLLEGE CRAP?

ARE YOU TELLING ME IT
WASN'T YOU WHO PUT THESE

UNDER THE SINK NEXT
TO THE TAMPAX?

NICE TOUCH.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

I ALREADY HAVE A CAREER.

COME ON.

LOOK, DYLAN...

WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.

WHAT ABOUT THE SEX?

OH, DYLAN,
SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING.

AND YOU SAID THAT YOURSELF
JUST THE OTHER NIGHT.

WELL, THAT WAS RIGHT
AFTER WE HAD SEX.

DON'T LISTEN TO ME.
THERE'S A...

WEIRD HALF HOUR THERE
WHERE SOMEHOW

IT ISN'T IMPORTANT
TO GUYS ANYMORE.

SHH, SHH, SHH. LOOK,

I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
I'M ALMOST UP.

IT'S OVER. WE'RE DONE.

SO ACCEPT IT.

BE A MAN.

WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT
THAT WAY,

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE WENT
OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
HEY, GINGER, YOU'RE UP.

IT'S COMING BACK TO ME.

MISS YOU.

(VAN HALEN RECORD PLAYS)

YOU, TOO.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE
BY WARNER BROS.

HEY, THANKS FOR COMING.

ENJOYED IT.
HEY, BOSS.

HEY, MAN.

HEY, LISA.

HI, DYLAN.

THAT'S A COOL DRESS.

YOU WANT TO PLAY MOTORBOAT?
I'LL START.

(IMITATES MOTORBOAT ENGINE)

KEEP LAUGHING.
YOU'RE NEXT.

RICKY, YOU GET THAT
SAME LUNCH EVERY DAY.

MMM.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
NAME IT AFTER YOU SOON.

(MOUTH FULL)
THAT'S FINE.

KEEP EATING.
DON'T SLOW DOWN.

YOU GUYS OK HERE?

GREAT.

COULD USE
SOME WATER.

CAN WE GET
SOME WATER ON 9?

FIRST ONE'S FREE.

HEY, BUDDY.

WHAT DO YOU GOT
GOIN' THERE?

NOT HUNGRY?
BETTER EAT UP.

DON'T WANT TO END UP
LIKE ME,

SKINNY AND DUMB.

NOT THE WAY TO GO.

TURTLE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, BOSS.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I GOT THOSE PLATES
LOOKING WONDERFUL.

(COUGHS) HOW WAS
THAT STINK SANDWICH?

WE SERVE THOSE NOW?

GO TAKE CARE OF THAT.

YOU'RE DEALING
WITH CUSTOMERS.

WHOA, FIRE. FIRE!

FIRE! FIRE!

PUT IT OUT!

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.

YOU OK?

YEAH.

AH, GREAT.

86 THE SOUFFLES, GUYS.

YOU KNOW THE NORTON'S HAVE
BEEN WAITING 30 MINUTES

FOR ONE OF THESE?

RELAX, MARK,
I'LL HANDLE IT.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT OUT
50 ENTREES TONIGHT

WITH ONLY ONE OVEN?

I'M SORRY.
YOU WANT ME

TO LET THE PLACE
BURN DOWN?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

AT LEAST WE WOULD'VE GOTTEN
THE INSURANCE MONEY.

I TOLD YOU, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE MONEY.

I'M MEETING WITH RAY
IN THE MORNING.

WE'RE GONNA GET
THE LOAN.

REALLY? WHEN?

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN HEARING
ABOUT THIS PHANTOM LOAN

SINCE YOU TALKED ME INTO
THIS PLACE 3 MONTHS AGO.

I MEAN, LOOK AROUND
YOU, DYLAN.

YOU GOT ONE OVEN
ON LIFE-SUPPORT,

A FREEZER
THAT DOESN'T FREEZE,

AN ICE MAKER THAT MAKES...
YOU KNOW, REALLY COLD WATER.

IF WE DON'T MAKE A MOVE
ON THE SPACE NEXT DOOR SOON,

SOMEBODY ELSE WILL.
I MEAN, COME ON.

I GOT A WIFE AND KID
TO THINK ABOUT.

MARK, I GET IT.

UH, NO, I-I-I-I DON'T
THINK YOU DO.

YOU SEE HERE, NOT ONLY
ARE WE NOT GONNA BE ABLE

TO GET A NEW PLACE--I MEAN,
WE'RE GONNA LOSE THIS PLA--

(MUFFLED) NEVER LISTENS!
NEVER LISTENS!

LIKES TO TALK!
HEARS HIMSELF TALKING!

ARE YOU DONE?

(SIGHS) YEAH.

GOOD. EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE FINE.

REMEMBER OUR DEAL...

YOU WORRY ABOUT
THE FOOD,

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE BUSINESS.

WHERE ARE MY SOUFFLES?

ASK HIM.

NO MORE SOUFFLES.

HEY, BOSS,
YOU GOT A MINUTE?

UH, I GUESS SO, WALLY.

REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN
IT WAS REALLY SLOW HERE

AND I WAS SITTING DOWN
WATCHING SALLY JESSE

AND YOU SHOT ME WITH
A RUBBER BAND TO MY ARM

AND SAID, "JEEZE, WALLY,
STOP ITCHING YOUR BUTT

AND GET A LIFE"?

SURE, THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

OH, YEAH.

WELL, ANYWAY,

I DECIDED YOU WAS
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I GOTTA BROADEN
MY HORIZONS.

IF I END UP A LIFER HERE
LIKE TURTLE,

I'LL KILL MYSELF.

THAT'S WHY THERE'S
NO TIME TO WASTE.

I WANT TO BE EXACTLY
LIKE YOU, BOSS.

I WANT YOU TO BE
MY MENTOR, MY GURU,

MY RABBI.

WHEN YOU'RE CHOPPING THE
HEADS OFF THE CHICKENS,

I WANT TO BE THERE.

WHEN YOU'RE SQUEEZING
THE MELONS,

WHEN YOU'RE HITTING
ON THE CUSTOMERS,

I WANT TO BE RIGHT THERE
WITH YOU, BOSS.

YOU KNOW, CHOPPING,
SQUEEZING, HITTING,

YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I WANT
TO JUST FOLLOW YOU

WHEREVER YOU GO!

JUST ABOUT A FOOT
FEELS GOOD.

RIGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE--YOU'RE VERY LOUD
AND THAT'S FLATTERING.

UH-HUH.
UH...

IT'S GOOD TO HEAR
THAT STUFF.

MAYBE YOU WOULD EVEN CONSIDER
MOVING IN WITH ME.

REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?

NO. BIG NO.

BUT I THINK TURTLE
MIGHT HAVE BUNK BEDS,

SO IF YOU TWO COULD
FIGURE SOMETHING OUT...

(GAGS)

(LAUGHS) YOU GOT ME,
BOSS. GOOD ONE!

HEY, TOOK CARE
OF THE NORTONS.

EVERYTHING'S COOL.

I'M GONNA TAKE OFF NOW.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

UH...

I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
MY HEAD'S NOT IN IT.

LET ME GUESS.

COWGIRL GAVE YOU
THE BOOT.

NO.

YES.

BUT I GOT
THE LAST BURN ON HER.

I SAID, BABY,
WHEN THE PHONE AIN'T RINGING,

THAT'S ME NOT CALLING.

YEAH.

REALLY, YOU SAID THAT?

NO. BUT I SHOULD'VE.

DAMN IT, I JUST
THOUGHT OF IT RIGHT NOW

WHEN I SAID IT TO YOU.

YOU KNOW, ONE DAY

YOU'RE GONNA MEET
THE RIGHT GIRL...

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

OH, YEAH.

TURTLE, NEVER
DATE A GIRL

WHO PAYS HER RENT
IN SINGLES.

OK.

BILLS, CRAP, JUNK...

"HAVE YOU SEEN ME?"
NO.

AHH.

AFTERNOON, LADIES.

OH, YOU'LL NEVER
LEAVE ME.

OOH, THERE'S A BARGAIN.

(DOG BARKING,
CAT SCREECHING)

JACK!

OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
ARE YOU--ARE YOU HURT?

UH, NO, THAT'S OK.
I'M ON THE PILL.

FORGIVE ME. I'M SORRY.

JACK!

WAIT! WHERE--

WHERE ARE YOU--

OK, GIRLS, WHO WANTS
EGG SALAD?

OH.
YOU MADE IT?

YES.

NO,
THANK YOU.

NO, FORGET IT.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

COME IN.

HI-HI-HI,
MRS. STUBBLEFIELD.

OH, DYLAN,
YOU FOUND WHISKERS.

WHERE WAS SHE?

OH, SHE WAS
BEHIND A DUMPSTER.

SOME DOG CHASED HER
BACK THERE.

OH. WELL, THANK YOU.

WELL, IF IT AIN'T
THE SHORTY EXPRESS,

RIGHT ON TIME.

HELLO, LADIES.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
JOIN US FOR A DRINK?

OH, NO, THANKS.

I ALREADY HAD
A ROOFIE FOR LUNCH.

MMM. NICE PANTS.

WHAT SHE MEANS
IS NICE ASS.

(CHUCKLES)

ANYWAY, I WANTED TO ASK
YOU A QUICK QUESTION.

OH, DON'T TELL ME.
LET ME GUESS.

THE NEW GIRL
IN APARTMENT 6-C.

HMM...

YOU WANT ME
TO HOOK YOU UP?

NO, THANK YOU.
YOU'LL RUIN IT.

WHAT?! I AIN'T NO COCKBLOCKER.

OH.

WHERE IS MILDRED?

WE SENT HER FOR
A BEER RUN AN HOUR AGO.

WELL, THERE'S A HEINIE
IN THE LETTUCE DRAWER.

DIBS.

(PASSES GAS)
WHOO, LOOK OUT, GIRLS,

I'M CROP-DUSTIN' AGAIN.

OHH.
LORD.

I TOLD YOU TO STOP
EATING THOSE CRAB CAKES.

ANYWAY, DYLAN...

HER NAME IS LILA DUBOIS.

AND SHE JUST MOVED IN.

AND SHE SEEMS
NICE ENOUGH,

EXCEPT FOR THAT
DOG OF HERS.

DREADFUL ANIMAL.

OK. ALL RIGHT, WELL,

NICE TO SEE YOU,
LADIES. TAH.

NO, WAIT, DYLAN.

UM, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO
JOIN US FOR ONE HAND?

NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT THE TYPE OF GUY

WHO STEALS PENSION MONEY
FROM WIDOWS AND ORPHANS.

OH.
OH, GO ON.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOUR NUTS AS PUNY
AS YOU ARE?

(LAUGHING)

DEAL ME IN, BITCH.

KING OF THE ROAD

CLARA, QUIT
DROPPING THINGS.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING UNDER THERE.

IT SLIPPED, I SWEAR.

6 TIMES?

I FOLD.

ME, TOO.

I'LL SEE YOU
YOUR SOCKS

AND RAISE YOU...

YOUR SHORTS.

YOU COULDN'T RAISE
MY SHORTS WITH A CRANE.

BESIDES,
YOU'RE BLUFFING.

ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT...

BIG GUY.

(GROANS)
STRAIGHT FLUSH.

(CELLO MUSIC)

OOH. OW. OW. SHARP.

OW.

HEY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IF YOU GET FRESH
WITH MY WIFE,

YOU'LL HAVE
TO DEAL WITH ME.

I LOST A PENNY.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

YEAH. UH, IT HAD A PICTURE
OF LINCOLN ON IT.

YOU KNOW, THE PRESIDENT WHEN
YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Lady: HE HAS
A NICE TUSH.

Man: HILARY,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

WELL,
HE DOES.

AHH. GOD.

HEY, HOW'S IT HANGING, RAY?

LOW, LOOSE AND FULL OF JUICE.

WE ALL KNOW YOU
HAVEN'T BEEN LAID SINCE
THE SHUTTLE EXPLODED.

AND THAT WAS FOR
ALL THE WRONG REASONS.

HOW'S THE LOAN COMING?

DYLAN, YOU'RE
OVER-EXTENDED ALREADY.

(SIGHS) WE GOTTA HAVE
THIS LOAN OR WE'RE DEAD.

WHAT DO YOU NEED,
SOME COLLATERAL?

YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY COLLATERAL.

(INTERCOM BEEPS)

HELLO?

Woman on intercom:
LINE 3. IT'S MILLSTONE.

OH.

HELLO, SIR. SORRY TO KEEP YOU
WAITING, MR. MILLSTONE, SIR.

UH, YES, SIR. YES.
EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER, SIR.

YES, SIR, YOU CAN
COUNT ON ME, SIR.

(CHUCKLES)

WOW, THAT CRAZY
ASS-KISSING

WAS HARD TO WATCH.

(MWAH MWAH MWAH)

(MIMICKING RAY)
SIR, SIR.

THAT ASS HAPPENS TO BELONG
TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE BANK,

THE ONE WHO
APPROVES LOANS.

OOH, IN THAT CASE,
TELL HIM TO BEND OVER,

I'LL BE RIGHT UP.

MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.
HE'S BUSY RIGHT NOW

PLANNING A LITTLE SOIREE
FOR SATURDAY

TO RAISE MONEY
FOR THE ARTS.

RAY, ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING?

HIRE YOU TO CATER IT?

NO, LET'S GO DOWN TO
THE LAKE AND MAKE OUT.

OF COURSE, HIRE US
TO DO THE CATERING.

WE'LL DO IT FOR COST.

YOU CAN SHOW YOUR BOSS
YOU'RE A TIGHT-FISTED PRICK

AND WE'LL SHOW HIM
WE'RE WORTH THE RISK.

(SIGHS) OK, I'LL TRY, BUT
I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING.

YES. YOU'RE A STUD.
THANK YOU, RAY.

THERE YOU GO.

HEY, LADIES.
CAFFE di MARE.

BRING YOUR MOMMIES.

(WHISTLES)

SIR, WE HAVE
FRESH FISH DAILY.

GREAT PLACE.

AH, NOTHING LIKE
THE THRILL OF THE HUNT.

(BARKING)

JACK?

(BARKS)

WHERE'S YOUR MOMMY?

(CELLO PLAYING
SCALES OFF KEY)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

WATCH YOUR
INTONATION, OK?

OK.

HEY.
HEY.

HI, AGAIN.
HAVE YOU TWO MET?

JACK. THANK YOU.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

T'ETAIS Oú TOI,
DIS DONC?

ENCORE PARTI?

HE WAS WAY OVER
ON THE PIER.

HUH, YOU BAD DOG.
I SHOULD SPANK YOU.

OOH. HEY, I WAS WAY OVER
ON THE PIER, TOO.

I WAS KIDDING. I MEAN,
I WAS OVER THERE, BUT...

THAT WAS A JOKE.
MAYBE NOT.

NO, NO, I GET IT.

YOU'RE PROJECTING
YOURSELF

INTO THE PLACE
OF THE DOG,

JOKING FOR ME TO
SPANK YOU, TOO, NO?

YEAH. PRETTY MUCH.

UH, STEVEN, TU REPRENDS
DEPUIS LE DéBUT,

S'IL TE PLAIT.
HUH?

AGAIN, PLEASE.

(SIGHS) SORRY, UM,

I DON'T EVEN
KNOW YOUR NAME.

OH, DYLAN RAMSEY.

MM, NICE TO MEET YOU,
DYLAN RAMSEY.

AND THANK YOU.

YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

HEY, I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'RE BUSY OR NOT--

(CRASH)

I SLIPPED.

OH, SORRY,
I HAVE TO GO.

OH, OK. I'M OVER IN 10
IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING,

MILK, FLOUR...

HUSBAND.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)

ISN'T IT GREAT?

I CAME ALL THE WAY
TO AMERICA

TO PLAY AT THE MALL.

LILA, IT'S A PAYING GIG...

IN TOWN.

(CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE)

I'M RESPONSIBLE
FOR THAT PIANO.

HE DIDN'T EVEN ASK.

IT'S OK, PETER.
I KNOW HIM. IT'S OK.

LILA, MON AMOUR.

RENE.

LILA, YOU BREAK
MY HEART.

I'VE COME HALFWAY AROUND
THE WORLD TO FIND YOU.

AND I CAME HALFWAY AROUND
THE WORLD TO LOSE YOU.

YOU'RE MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN EVER.

DID I NOT MAKE
YOU HAPPY? I LOVE YOU.

OUI, ME, 3 PERCUSSIONISTS,
AND HALF THE WIND SECTION.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'M A MAN WHO
LOVES TOO MUCH.

I WAS STUPID.

OH, NOT AS STUPID AS I.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, REALLY?

I CAME HERE FOR YOU.

ALLEZ, AU REVOIR.

I'VE GOT TO GET
BACK TO WORK.

WORK? THIS IS NOT WORK.

THIS IS A WASTE
OF YOUR TALENT.

IT'S ONLY
A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE I'M PLAYING FOR
THE PHILHARMONIC, OK?

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
TRIED OUT, HAVE YOU?

COME ON.

I JUST THOUGHT
THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE

TO HAVE DINNER
WITH ME TONIGHT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU CAME
HERE FOR, RENE.

AND DO YOU REALLY
THINK I'M JUST GONNA

THROW MYSELF
AT YOU AGAIN?

NO. IT'S JUST I'LL BE
DINING WITH MAX UBERMANN.

HE'S THE DIRECTOR
OF THE PHILHARMONIC,

IS HE NOT?

BUT ANYWAY, IF YOU'RE
TOO BUSY...PERFORMING...

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN,

3 TIMES THIS WEEK I'VE
RETURNED THAT MUTT OF HERS,

AND EVERY TIME
IT'S THE SAME STORY.

SORRY, I'M BUSY. BYE.

IF IT WASN'T FOR
THAT STUPID DOG,

I'D NEVER SEE HER
AT ALL.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THIS GIRL
SOUNDS TOO REAL FOR YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY YOU LIKE HER.

WAIT A MINUTE.
SHE'S FRENCH, RIGHT?

PROBABLY DOESN'T SPEAK
ANY ENGLISH.

YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE
TO TALK TO EACH OTHER.

SHE'S PERFECT.

HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO TOLD ME

THERE WAS A GIRL
OUT THERE FOR ME.

PLEASE, I WAS JUST
TALKING OUT OF MY ASS,

TRYING TO END
THE CONVERSATION.

KIND OF LIKE I'M DOING NOW.
SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE

AND SEE IF RAY CALLED
ABOUT THE PARTY.

GREAT.
DOUBLE OR NOTHING.

IF I MAKE THIS, NOT
ONLY DO I WIN THE GAME,

BUT I GET LILA, TOO.

UH-HUH.

GET IN THERE.

UNH!

ALL RIGHT, IT'S LATE.
GOOD GAME. YOU WIN, KID.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT
MY $5.00?

I SAID "DOLL HAIRS."

HUSTLER.

PUSSY.

JEEZ, YOU JUMPED

A COUPLE OF STEPS THERE,
DIDN'T YA?

CAREFUL. SHE'S
PROBABLY IN A GANG.

SO WHAT DO I DO
ABOUT THIS GIRL?

I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT THE PIZZA MAN?

OOH, IT'S NOT
GONNA WORK.

SHE'S WORLDLY,
SOPHISTICATED, FRENCH.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
COME UP WITH SOMETHING

A LITTLE MORE INVENTIVE.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

DOMINOS.

YES?

IS THIS THE SQUANKMEYER
RESIDENCE?

SQUANKMEYER? NO.

(CHUCKLES) I'LL TELL YOU,

THESE COMPLEXES
ARE SO COMPLEX.

I GET ALL TWISTED AROUND.

SORRY. GOOD NIGHT.

WHO WAS IT?

NOBODY.

MERCEDES, HUH?

SO WAS IT ONE OF
THOSE LITTLE, UH,

280 SLs OR THE...

BIG KICK-ASS
500 SERIES?

UH, I THINK IT WAS
THE "I'VE GOT THE GIRL

"AND YOU'RE WHACKING IT
IN THE BUSHES

WITH A COLD PIZZA" SERIES.

I CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT THIS GIRL.

OH, DYLAN, STOP
TORTURING YOURSELF.

I MEAN, LOOK, YOU KNOW
HOW THIS IS GONNA TURN OUT.

IT WON'T BE ANY DIFFERENT
THAN IT WAS

WITH YOUR LITTLE RODEO RIDER
FROM THE SADDLE SORE SALOON.

YOU'LL GO OUT,
YOU'LL BECOME INFATUATED,

THEN IN 6 WEEKS, IF SHE
HASN'T ALREADY LEFT YOU,

YOU'LL FIND SOME REASON
TO DUMP HER.

I MEAN, EITHER WAY,
YOU'RE GONNA END UP ALONE.

AGAIN.

THANKS FOR THE PEP TALK.

WHY DON'T YOU GO COACH
THE CLIPPERS?

(BABY CRIES)

I'LL GET HER.

HEY, DO ME A FAVOR.

HOLD ONTO THIS FOR ME.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S GAIL'S ANNIVERSARY
GIFT. CHECK IT OUT.

OH.

YEAH.

IT'S NICE.

YEAH. IT'S A SURPRISE,

SO JUST HOLD IT FOR ME.

NO, I SHOULDN'T
HOLD ONTO THAT.

WELL, I CAN'T
KEEP IT HERE.

I DON'T WANT HER TO
FIND IT. JUST KEEP IT,

AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHEN I NEED IT BACK.

I'M NOT THE GUY FOR THAT.

NO, I'M GONNA GET IT
BACK FROM YOU.

I DON'T WANT IT.
WHY NOT?

I DON'T NEED THINGS
LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE.

I'M ASKING FOR
ONE STINKING FAVOR.

JUST TAKE IT.
COMING BACK.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE,
SWEETIE.

IT'S UNCLE DYLAN.

YES.

DO YOU WANT TO?

SURE.
HERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE PUNK,
I GOT YOU...IN MY GRIPS.

YOU LIKE THAT?

ALL RIGHT,
YOU GET A LITTLE,

BUT IF YOU GARP ANY BACK
ON ME, I DO IT TO YOU.

OK, LOOK, HERE'S
THE BOTTOM LINE.

WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
KIND OF A JERK.

YOUR MOMMY'S KIND OF
A BITCH SOMETIMES.

UNTIL I GOT TO KNOW YOU.

AND THEN I COULD SEE
HOW REALLY SWEET YOU ARE--

A-A-AT LEAST
INTERMITTENTLY.

I MEAN, WHAT
I'M TRYING TO SAY

IS THAT IF YOU REALLY
LIKE THIS GIRL,

SHE HAS TO GET TO KNOW YOU.

GAIL'S RIGHT.

HEY, YOU'RE
A CLOSER, MAN.

ALL YOU NEED
IS SOME QUALITY TIME

WITH THIS GIRL.

(WHISPERS)
Quality time...

COME ON, LILA,
I'M REALLY SORRY.

I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS
GOING TO BE THERE.

HE WAS NOT. HE WAS NOT.
WHAT CAN I DO?

BUT I PROMISE,
TOMORROW I CALL MAX

AND I ARRANGE
FOR YOU TO MEET.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, RENE.

THANKS FOR TRYING.

GOOD NIGHT.

MAY I COME IN?

NO.

A LOT OF WORK.

(TOY SQUEAKS)

HEY, JACK.

(SQUEAK SQUEAK)

OH, NO, SORRY,
MON VIEUX,

I DON'T HAVE TIME.

(SQUEAK SQUEAK)

NO, I CAN'T.

JACK!

JACK!

JACK!

HEY, NEIGHBOR.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN JACK,
HAVE YOU?

OH, I'M SO LATE.

WELL, GO ON, GET OUT
OF HERE. I'LL FIND HIM.

OH, NO, I CAN'T
LET YOU DO THAT.

HE'S MY PROBLEM.

I WAS GONNA LOOK
FOR A DOG TODAY, ANYWAY.

THIS IS PERFECT.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH, I DON'T CARE.
SCOOT. SKEDADDLE.

I'M GONNA LOCK UP.

HEY, THANKS.

(CAR BACKFIRES)

(WHISTLES)

IT'S STRICTLY BUSINESS,
JACK.

NO HARD FEELINGS.

(ARF)

HEY, IT'S DYLAN.
CAN I TALK TO MARK?

(TOY SQUEAKS)

THANKS. YEAH, HEY. IT'S ME.

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
BE ABLE TO MAKE IT IN TODAY.

I'M WAITING FOR THE CABLE GUY.
MY TV'S BROKEN.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT.

(ARF)

IT KEEPS
MAKING BARKING NOISES.

(ARF)

SHH! YOU WANT A BOOT
IN YOUR BUTT?

NOT YOU. THE PHONE GUY.

YEAH, UH, HE'S HERE TOO.
THE, UH...

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT.

MY PHONE,
IT KEEPS DISCONNECTING
AT THE WEIRDEST--

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME THAT.

THERE. GO NUTS.

WHAT PART DON'T
YOU UNDERSTAND?

I THROW, YOU FETCH.

IT'S THE LATEST CRAZE.
ALL THE COOL DOGS
ARE DOING IT.

(PANTING)

OK. WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO PLAY?

HOW ABOUT THE QUIET GAME?
GO!

(BARKS)

YOU LOSE.

OH.

(TOY SQUEAKING)

(BARKING)

HIDE-AND-SEEK?

CRAFTY CANINE.

WHERE COULD IT BE, JACK?
WHERE, OH, WHERE?

THE FRIDGE? MAYBE.

THE PLANT? NOT MY FIRST GUESS.

I'D SAY RIGHT HERE.

AH! HA-HA! I FOUND IT!

(BARKING)

YOU WANT TO PLAY AGAIN?
NO THANKS.

I THINK
IT'S MORE FUN FOR YOU.

SO YOU DO THAT,
AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.

GREAT.

OH, BEAT IT, WILL YOU?
GO TAKE A DOG NAP.

WHEN'S YOUR MOM COME HOME?

IT'S TIME TO GO
LOOK FOR YOU.

YAAH! NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU DON'T GET THIS. SHH.

I KNOW YOU WANT IT.
LOOK AT HOW SPARKLY IT IS.

(CHUCKLES) YOU WANT THAT?

YEAH, YOU AND EVERY
SINGLE GIRL IN THE MIDWEST.

OHH LA LA.

I WISH I HAD IT.

(ARF ARF)

JACK, I THOUGHT
WE WERE JUST FRIENDS.

(CAR BACKFIRES)

OH. SHE'S HOME. COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON.
GET RID OF YOU.

COME ON, BUDDY,
INTO THE BATHROOM.

THERE YOU GO.

OH, YOU SUCKER.

YOU'RE TOO EASY.

DIDN'T YOUR MOMMY
EVER TELL YOU?

NEVER FOLLOW A STRANGER
INTO THE BATHROOM.

OW!

OH, HEY, ARE YOU OK?

(TEARFULLY)
NO, I'M NOT OK.

I JUST GOT FIRED.

I CAN'T HELP IT
IF THE CHILD IS TONE-DEAF.

HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?

THE PARENTS, THEY PAY ME
TO GIVE HIM LESSONS,

BUT I'M NOT
A MIRACLE WORKER.

WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I USED
TO SLEEP WITH MY INSTRUMENT.

IT HAD ITS OWN PILLOW.

AND THIS LITTLE SHIT
LEAVES HIS OUT IN THE RAIN

AND THEY WONDER WHY
THE MUSIC SOUNDS TERRIBLE?

I'M SORRY.

UHHH!

I HAVE NO CAREER.

WHO AM I KIDDING?

(SOBBING)

WELL, I BET YOU'LL FEEL
BETTER WHEN YOU FIND JACK.

(SOBBING)

AND MY DOG IS MISSING.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

(HICCUP)
OH!

AND NOW I'VE GOT
THE HICCUPS.

I COULD KILL THAT DOG.

(HICCUP)

HE DOES THIS
ALL THE TIME.

EVENTUALLY
HE ALWAYS COMES BACK,

BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

(HICCUP)

WELL,
I TELL YOU WHAT.

I GUARANTEE YOU'LL
GET YOUR DOG BACK.

I BET...IN 2 HOURS
YOU'LL HAVE HIM. OK?

YEAH?

YOU THINK SO?

I KNOW SO.

COME ON.

LET ME GRAB THIS.
LET'S GO.

(HICCUP)

UHHH!

(CHUCKLES)

HOW MANY
YOU GOT IN HERE?

YOU OK?

YEAH. I...I USUALLY
WORK WITH BARBELLS.

THIS IS A MORE...

AWKWARD...

SITUATION.

HEY, YOU KNOW,
THIS PARK IS GREAT.

IF I WAS A DOG,
I'D COME HERE.

OH, GOD.
I CAN'T HELP FEELING

LIKE I'VE WASTED
MY WHOLE LIFE.

I MEAN...

ALL I'VE DONE SINCE
I WAS 5 YEARS OLD IS...

PLAY MUSIC.

JEEZ, THE ONLY FOCUS
I HAD WHEN I WAS 5

WAS NOT TO WET
THE BED.

I USED TO SPRINKLE CEREAL
ON MY SHEETS AT NIGHT,

AND THEN WHEN I'D HEAR
"SNAP, CRACKLE, POP,"

I'D WAKE UP AND RUN
TO THE BATHROOM.

OF COURSE, I HAD
TO KILL THOSE GUYS.

THEY KNEW TOO MUCH.

SNAP AND CRACKLE
WERE COOL,

BUT POP HAD A LITTLE BIT
OF A (SNIFFS) TOOT PROBLEM.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

SHE SMILED. FINALLY.

(SIGHS)

OOH, A PLAYGROUND.

LET'S PLAY.

DYLAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHH, SHH, SHH!
YOU'LL SPOOK HIM.

SETTLE IN.

OK, WHAT YOU GOT,
HORSY?

WHAT YOU GOT?
THAT AIN'T MUCH.

HEE HEE HEE! OOH!

YEAH!

IS THAT IT? I SAW
YOUR MOMMY AT KMART.

YOU CAN RIDE HER
ÀFOR A QUARTER.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

OHH!
OH!

ARE YOU--OOPS!
ARE YOU OK? SORRY.

WAS THAT 8 SECONDS?

OH, MY GOD.

(CHUCKLES)

YOU ALMOST
MADE ME FORGET

HOW TERRIBLE THIS WEEK
HAS BEEN FOR ME.

OH, IT CAN'T
BE THAT BAD.

HA! AND ON TOP
OF EVERYTHING,

MY FORMER FIANCE JUST
SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE.

HE EXPECTS ME TO FORGET

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN US

AND FLY BACK
TO PARIS WITH HIM.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

THAT BASTARD.

AND JUST BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS
AND TALENTED AND CHARMING

AND RICH
AND FAMOUS AND...

I GET IT.
KEEP GOIN'.

HE THINKS I'M JUST
GOING TO FORGET ABOUT
HOW HE TREATED ME.

UNHH!

THE THINGS I HATED
THE MOST WERE HIS LIES.

WITHOUT HONESTY,
YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU AGREE?

YEAH.

UH, HONESTY IS
VERY IMPORTANT.

(BELL RINGS)

ICE CREAM. NOW THAT'S
REALLY IMPORTANT.

ALL RIGHT.
I TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU'VE HAD
A LONG DAY.

UH...WHY DON'T YOU
GO INSIDE,

TAKE A BATH, RELAX,
LIGHT SOME CANDLES.

I'LL GET OUT THERE
AND DO A FINAL PASS

OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD. OK?

YOU WOULD DO THAT?

SURE. YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

I MEAN, IF I FIND HIM.

DYLAN?

YEAH.

I'M VERY LUCKY TO HAVE
A NEIGHBOR LIKE YOU.

YEAH.

(DOOR CLOSES)

OOP!

OOH, BURN ON ME.

YOU GOT OUT
OF THE BATHROOM DOOR.

YOU WANT TO CALL
LETTERMAN, OR SHOULD I?

(IMITATING LETTERMAN)
THIS DOG HAS A GIFT.

(AUTODIALING)

(RING)

HEY. WALLY, IT'S DYLAN.

YEAH. CAN YOU GET
LASAGNA AND SALAD FOR TWO

DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE STAT?

AND MAKE IT NICE.
THANKS, PAL.

YOU DON'T NEED
MY CREDIT CARD.

I OWN THE PLACE.
REMEMBER?

ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE DOIN' GOOD.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOU
HOME, BUDDY,

AND EARN
MY HERO STRIPES.

YEAH!

(WHIMPERS)

YOU DID NOT.

WHERE'S THE RING, JACK?

I NEED TO HAVE IT.

LOOK AT ME,
YOU LITTLE TARANTULA.

I KNOW YOU KNOW
WHERE IT IS.

DO THE RIGHT THING,
AND POINT YOUR SNOUT AT IT.

TALK TO ME.
(KNOCK KNOCK)

WHO IS IT?
WALLY.

OH...MY...GOD.

OH, NO.

IT'S SINGLE
WHITE FEMALE.

SO, LET ME GET
THIS RIGHT, BOSS.

YOU LOST MARK'S RING,

AND THEN YOU STOLE
SOME BROAD'S DOG

TO HELP YOU
FIND THE RING,

AND THEN THE DOG
LOST THE...

OH, WAIT.
LET ME START OVER.

JUST LOOK.

YOU WANT SOME FLOWERS
FOR THAT VASE?

HUH?

HEY. DON'T GIVE HIM
ANY OF THAT.

HE DOESN'T GET ANYTHING
TILL WE GET THE RING BACK.

HEH HEH. THIS DOG'LL
EAT ANYTHING.

HEY, THERE'S
MY MAIL KEY.

(GRRR)

IT'S DIFFICULT TO TELL.

THIS COULD BE
THE RING RIGHT HERE.

AND YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.

SURE. CUT HIM OPEN, DOC.

I'LL GRAB HIS PAWS.

THAT'S A LITTLE DRASTIC.

IF IT'S IN THERE,
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS WAIT FOR IT TO PASS
THROUGH HIS SYSTEM...

AND THEN RETRIEVE IT.

I THINK YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE PSYCHED-UP

FOR THAT
TREASURE HUNT,
DOC.

OH, YOU WON THIS ROUND,
MY FRIEND,

BUT THIS IS
FAR FROM OVER.

WHAT ARE YOU SNIFFIN'
AROUND FOR?
IT'S ALL GOOD GRASS.

JUST DO IT.
I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

THIS WORKED ON ME ONCE
IN SUMMER CAMP.

OH...

YEAH.

OOH!

DOESN'T THAT FEEL GOOD?

NICE WARM WATER.

LOOSENS EVERYTHING UP.

IT'S SO RELAXING.

YEAH.

GREAT. NOW I
GOTTA GO.

ALL RIGHT.

PUT YOU RIGHT HERE.

STAY.

I'LL BE REAL QUICK.
JUST NUMBER ONE.

(GRRR)

JACK?

(POOPING NOISES)

JACK, WAIT!

COME ON.

UHH. HOW WE DOIN'?

SORRY, BOSS. NO RING.

WELL, THANKS FOR
COMIN' OVER, MAN.

I VALUE THIS TIME
WE SPEND TOGETHER, BOSS.

DID I GET ANY ON ME?

MMM...A LITTLE
RIGHT HERE.

YOU GOT IT.

CLEAN UP.

SURE THING, BOSS.

(JACK PANTING)

OH, MY GOSH. THE ONLY THING
WORSE THAN DOGGY BREATH

IS DOGGY MORNING BREATH.

GO!

WAIT. IF YOU'RE UP HERE,
THEN WHAT'S POKING IN...

YOO HOO HOO! MY GOD!

WHAT?!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
IN MY BED?

IT WAS COLD
ON THE COUCH, AND...

BESIDES, I HEARD A NOISE.

YOU JUST SNUGGLED UP ON ME
LIKE SOME SORT OF PEA POD.

(CHUCKLING)
YEAH.

GET OUT.

WAIT.

WHERE'D YOU GET
THOSE UNDERPANTS?

OH, OUTTA THE HAMPER.
I HAD TO DIG A LITTLE.

OH, MY GOD!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!

TAKE 'EM OFF!

NO, DON'T. WAIT.
JUST...GET OUT.

(DOORBELL CHIMES)

(ARF ARF ARF)

(DOORBELL)
I'LL GET IT.

(ARF)

SHH! SHH! SHH!
SHH! SHH!

WHO IS IT?

IT'S LILA.

GOD!

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERING)
SHH!

LOOK OUT.

(UNEASILY)
HI.

SORRY. I DIDN'T WANT
TO INTERRUPT YOU. I--

(CHUCKLING) YOU DIDN'T.
THERE'S--WE'RE NOT--

THERE'S NOTHING--
WE WEREN'T--

THERE'S NOTH--

(CHUCKLING)
THAT'S FUNNY.

UH... HI.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

I'LL GO MAKE
THE BED.

AAAH! OK.

THIS GUY'S, UH...

NO, IT'S OK. I'M OPEN.

UH, I GUESS YOU DIDN'T
HAVE ANY LUCK LAST NIGHT.

I MEAN...WITH JACK.

UH, SO I MADE,
UH, POSTERS.

AND DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO HANG THEM WITH?

YEAH. SURE, I DO. WAIT HERE.
I'LL GO WITH YOU.

NO.

NO, NO. IT'S NO PROBLEM.

NO, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
JUST 2 SECONDS.

OK. LET'S DO IT.

I FIGURE WE'LL START
ON BRADBURY

AND WORK OUR WAY NORTH.

THERE'S A LITTLE COFFEE SHOP
IF YOU WANT TO GRAB A BITE.

I REALLY...APPRECIATE
YOUR HELP, BUT...

ISN'T THERE SOMEWHERE
YOU HAVE TO BE?

I OWN THE PLACE, BABY.
I DON'T PUNCH A CLOCK.

BESIDES, YOU SHOULDN'T
DO THIS BY YOURSELF.

DYLAN...

RENE CALLED LAST NIGHT,
AND I TOLD HIM ABOUT JACK.

I MUST'VE BEEN
VERY UPSET, BUT...

HE OFFERED TO HELP ME.

LIKE THAT'S GONNA WORK?
WHAT A WORM.

THE GUY THINKS
HE CAN WEASEL HIS WAY

BACK INTO YOUR LIFE
THROUGH YOUR DOG?

HOW COULD I SAY NO?

I'LL COACH YOU.

MM-HMM.

(ARF ARF)

WERE YOU HUNGRY TOO?

HERE YOU GO. HA.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

PLENTY OF VITAMINS.

GOOD FOR YOUR COLORING.

HOW'S THIS?

I THINK A LITTLE INCENTIVE
WOULD NOT HURT.

A REWARD, PERHAPS?

NO. I CANNOT.
I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.

BUT I DO.

GIVE ME THE PEN.

OH...THANK YOU!
MERCI!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WOW. A HUNDRED DOLLARS.

IT'S A LOT OF MONEY,
YOU KNOW?

YEAH, IF YOU'RE TRYIN'
TO GET A CHICKEN BACK.

LOO LOO

NO. I CANNOT--

SHH. I INSIST.

UH-HUH. WE ARE
TALKING ABOUT DOLLARS.

I SEE.

ARE YOU CRAZY, RENE?
THIS IS TOO MUCH. I CANNOT--

UH! LET'S BE ADULTS
ABOUT THIS, SHALL WE?

HA HA! ARE WE DONE?

OH, YES. WE'RE DONE.

WHAT BUSINESS DID
YOU SAY YOU WERE IN?

OH, I OWN A LITTLE
RESTAURANT. ITALIAN FOOD.

I HOPE YOU SELL
A LOT OF NOODLES.

THE LIFE I LEAD
IS THE LIFE OF A DOG

I MAY HAVE FLEAS,
BUT I RUN OUR YARD

I SEE THOSE CLONES
LOOKIN' DOWN ON ME

BUT UNLIKE THOSE CLONES,
THIS DOG IS FREE

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

DOG'S LIFE

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

DOG'S LIFE

I'M FEELIN' KINDA HIGH,
REALLY HIGH

HIGH, HIGH, HIGH, HIGH...

THE LIFE I LEAD
IS THE LIFE OF A DOG

I MAY HAVE FLEAS,
BUT I RUN OUR YARD

I AIN'T NO SLAVE
TO A SUIT AND A TIE

NO RAT-RACE CLONE,
I'LL NEVER BE THAT GUY

I AIN'T CAUGHT UP
IN SOME SELFISH CAREER

I'M LIVIN' IN LOVE,
OH, NOT IN FEAR

I SEE THOSE CLONES
LOOKIN' DOWN ON ME

BUT UNLIKE THOSE CLONES

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

DOG'S LIFE

OH, LORD,
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

DOG'S LIFE,
OH, LORD, IT'S...

I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,

BUT IT WON'T WORK.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID DO,
AND YOU DON'T DESERVE HER.

LISTEN, MAN,
SHE SPEAKS 5 LANGUAGES,

PLAYS 6 INSTRUMENTS.

SHE EATS LES COQUILLES,
LES GRENOUILLES.

SHE DRINKS MONTRACHET
AND CHATEAU MARGAUX.

SO IF YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA GET HER

WITH SOME SPAGHETTI
AND MEATBALLS...

I THINK YOU'RE
OUT OF YOUR MIND...

AND OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

SHE AND I HAVE
A HISTORY TOGETHER.

AND IN CASE
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD...

HOW YOU SAY?

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

WELL, RENE, YOU MAY
HAVE ALL THAT OVER ME.

IN FACT, YOU DO.

BUT THE GOOD THING
ABOUT ME IS,

I DON'T HAVE TO STOP IN
THE MIDDLE OF A LAME CUTDOWN

TO ASK, "HOW YOU SAY?"
WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

"HOW YOU SAY?" NOW, I KNOW
YOU GOTTA SCOOT ALONG.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE
FOR YOUR...HOW DO YOU SAY?

DIPSHIT CONVENTION.

YEAH. I'M FROM HERE, BUDDY.

I THINK FAST,
AND I TALK FAST.

I'M A LOCAL YOKEL.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

GIMME A SEC.

YEAH.

RAY'S HERE
FOR THE TASTING,

AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW LONG I CAN STALL HIM.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
I TOLD--

THAT WAS
A CLOSE ONE.

HA HA HA!

WALK AWAY.

WE'RE WALKING AWAY.

(BEEP)

(SIGHS)

TOO SOON, I GUESS.

GIVE IT SOME TIME.

WELL, UM...

THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING AND, UM...

(CLEARS THROAT)

GOOD NIGHT.

MAY I HAVE
A GLASS OF WATER?

SURE.

NO ICE.

MERCI. HAVE A SEAT.

LILA...

REMEMBER...

WHEN YOU USED TO
COME HOME AT NIGHT...

TIRED...

AND I USED TO
MASSAGE YOUR FEET?

COME ON.

GIVE IT TO ME.

WOW.

WHY ARE YOU
SO TENSE?

WOW. I STILL HAVE
MAGIC HANDS.

YOU REMEMBER
THE MAGIC HANDS?

RELAX. COME ON.
LIE BACK.

LIE BACK.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OH, LILA...

MY GOD, I MISSED YOU.

NO, I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.

SHH. RELAX. YOU CAN DO IT
BECAUSE YOU TRUST ME...

BECAUSE I'M
A DIFFERENT MAN...

BECAUSE I'VE EVOLVED.

OHH! NO. NO.

NO. NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

OK. OK.
I'VE BEEN SELFISH.

NOW...LET'S SLOW DOWN.

OK.

OK.

I GOTTA GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU REMEMBER.

THIS IS RENE...

LIAR, CHEAT,

POTENTIAL CARRIER
OF VENEREAL DISEASE.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE,
THOUGH.

PEOPLE DESERVE
A SECOND CHANCE.

MAYBE HE'S CHANGED.

WHAT?

ARRETE!
ÀCOME ON!

VA-T'EN.
VA-T'EN.

(DOOR CLOSES)

LILA! WHERE IS
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?

MAKES ME
LAUGH.

CONNARD!

I HAVE HER
JUST WHERE I WANT HER.

(WHINES)

WHAT DID YOU DO?

ARE YOU OK?

(WHIMPERING)

YOU DON'T LOOK SO HOT.

YEAH.

(ROCK PLAYING)

(WOMAN RAPPING)

ARF ARF.

GOOD...PUPPY.

(WHINING)

HE'S A GOOD DOGGY.

(GRRR)

COME HERE, BUDDY.

(BURPS)

AHA.

THERE YOU GO.

MMM.

DRINK.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T BE
SO GRUMPY, BUDDY.

WE'RE IN A DOG STORE.

THIS PLACE SHOULD BE
LIKE DISNEYLAND TO YOU.

HMM.

THESE LOOK GOOD.
MM-HMM.

"TARTAR CONTROL"?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE LEADING
CAUSE OF TARTAR IS?

EATING YOUR OWN POOP.

YEAH. DON'T PLAY DUMB.
I'VE SEEN YOU.

HMM.

LOOK, MOMMY. IT'S THE LOST
DOGGY IN THE PICTURE.

(DYLAN GASPS)

WHAT'S GOING ON, BOYS?

JUST A LITTLE,
FRIENDLY GOLDFISH HUNT.

THERE YOU ARE.
COME HERE, FRIEND.

OH, YOU ARE A WINNER.
HEE-HEE!

OOH, LOOKIE HERE JACK.

HEE-HEE-HOO!
I GOT ONE!

LOOKIE, JACK.
A NEW BUDDY.

YOU WANT A NEW FRIEND, HUH?

WANT SOMEBODY TO PLAY WITH?

YOU GIVE ME THE RING,
I'LL BUY YOU THE FISH.

(WHISTLING)

POLLY WANT AN EARTHQUAKE?
POLLY WANT AN EARTHQUAKE?

POLLY WANT--

BRIAN, PLAY NICE.

POLLY WANT AN EARTHQUAKE?

BRIAN, YOU HEARD
YOUR MOM. PLAY NICE.

YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS.

I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR BOSS,

BUT IF YOU SHAKE THAT CAGE
ONE MORE TIME,

I'M GONNA START
MY OWN LITTLE EARTHQUAKE

ON YOUR FACE.

GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD.

HAH HAH! IS THAT IT?

IS THAT YOUR
BIG, BAD SPEECH?

WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU
AND YOUR FAG DOG, MISTER.

YOU'RE OUTTA
YOUR LEAGUE.

THAT'S THE MAN, MOMMY.

HE PAT MY BOTTOM,
PUT ME IN HIS LAP.

WE PLAYED SANTY CLAUS.

HE TOUCHED
MY NAUGHTY PLACE.

GET IT? GOT IT?
GOOD!

(CHUCKLES)
EASY, KID.

YOU RUN THE SHOW.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.

EVERYBODY WALKS AWAY.
SORRY, BIRD. DID--AAH!

UHH!

AY, CARAMBA!

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

(DOGS BARK)

SHH. COME ON.

YOU BE GOOD OR YOU DON'T GET
THAT STUFF IN THE CAR.

OH!

PHILIP?

UNNH!

(LILA HUMMING)

DYLAN? I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.

HEY, LILA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH, LAUNDRY.

BUT SHOULDN'T YOU
UNDRESS FIRST?

NO, YOU GOTTA LET IT
SOAK IN.

SHOUT IT OUT.
HEH-HEH.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?

YOU SEEM TO BE
A LITTLE BIT... ANXIOUS.

I'M FINE. JUST WAITING
FOR THE DRYER TO DRY.

THIS MIGHT HELP.

OH.

(THUMPING)

(JACK WHIMPERS)

WET CLOTHES.

(THUMP)

AND BOOTS.

BIG LOAD.

(JACK WHIMPERS)

OK. BYE.

OK.

OH!

JACK.

OH, YEAH. I'M SORRY, PAL.
THAT WAS UNCOOL.

YEAH. SHOULD HAVE
THROWN IN A BOUNCE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE FINE.
YOU'RE FINE.

(SNIFFING)

(TOILET FLUSHES)

OH, HEY, BOSS.

WALLY, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO
WAIT TO GET TO MY HOUSE

BEFORE YOU THROW DOWN
A BIG STANLEY STEAMER?

HOW DID YOU GET
IN HERE, ANYWAY?

OH. I HAD A KEY MADE
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPIN'.

I DIDN'T WANT
TO WAKE YOU UP.

DID YOU EVER WORK
FOR SELENA?

(BITINGLY)
HELLO, JACK.

ANYTHING YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME?

(WHINING)

HMM.

NOW WE PLAY MY WAY.

WALLY, LOAD IT UP.

(NEIGH)

(NEIGH)

(WOOF WOOF)

(WOOF WOOF WOOF)

(WOOF)

(WOOF WOOF WOOF)

(WOOF)

(WOOF WOOF WOOF)

HE'S MINE.

(WOOF WOOF WOOF)

LET ME DO IT.

(WOOF)

(WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF)

(CLICK)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(GRRR)

(GUNSHOT)
(YIP)

(GUNSHOT)
(YIP)

(GUNSHOT)
(YIP)

(GUNSHOT)
(YIP)

SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
AND HE WAS A GOOD DOGGY.

STARTIN' TO GET IT?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

DID YOU ORDER PIZZA?

MM-MMM.

(CRYING)

WHO IS IT?

IT'S LILA. I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.

UHH.

CHEW. CHEW. QUIET,
QUIET, QUIET, QUIET.

Lila: DYLAN.

HERE. TAKE HIM
IN THE BATHROOM.

HMM?

GO IN THE BATHROOM.
BE QUIET.

HIDE, HIDE, HIDE.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

YES! I'M JUST CLEANING UP!
IT'S A MESS!

STAY IN HERE
AND BE SUPER QUIET.

BUT, BOSS, I CAN'T BE QUIET.
I GOT THE DOG ON--

NO, NO.
NO. NO. SHH!

STAY. SHH. QUIET.

HEY.

HEY! I KNOW YOU.

I'M NOT INTERRUPTING
SOMETHING, AM I?

NO, NO. DON'T
BE RIDICULOUS.

IS THERE A GIRL
IN THERE?

A GIRL? YOU'RE
THE ONLY GIRL I KNOW.

(CHUCKLING)
OH.

WELL, UM...

I JUST WANTED TO
COME BY AND SAY HI.

JUST SAY HI.
INTERESTING.

NO, ACTUALLY, I, UM,

I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M SORRY

FOR BEING SUCH
A TERRIBLE NEIGHBOR.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE
JACK YOUR PROBLEM.

TRUST ME...

I MADE JACK
MY OWN PROBLEM.

OHHH...
YOU'RE SO SWEET.

I AM
SWEET.
I'VE HEARD THAT.

ANYWAY,
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.

HE'S RUN OFF BEFORE.
I'M SURE HE'LL POP UP.

HEY! OH!

MOSQUITOES.

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE
GONNA GET EATEN ALIVE.

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

I KNOW THE PERFECT SPOT
TO TAKE YOU.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU
OWNED IT?

3 MONTHS.

I LIKE IT.

YEAH?

LET ME SHOW YOU
SOMETHING REALLY COOL.

HEY, WHERE I COME FROM,
THIS WOULD BE ILLEGAL.

A HARMLESS LITTLE B&E?

6 MONTHS TO A YEAR MAX.

GOT IT.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

WELL, THIS IS HOPEFULLY...
THE NEW WING TO MY RESTAURANT.

DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE MUCH RIGHT NOW...

BUT USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

OVER HERE IS GONNA BE
ALL BIG WINDOWS.

BACK THERE'S GONNA BE
A BAR, REALLY COOL.

AND UP FRONT IN THE CORNER,
I'M GONNA HAVE LIVE MUSIC.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU CAN
ALREADY SEE IT.

YEAH. YEAH, OF COURSE.

JUST PICTURE IT IN YOUR HEAD,
THEN YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.

WOW. YOU'RE SO POSITIVE.

NOTHING GETS
IN YOUR WAY.

WELL, IT'S EASY.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO?

NO.

NO, I DON'T.

NO? COME ON.

WELL, UM,
IT'S EMBARRASSING.

UM...

YEAH, I'M...

I'D LOVE TO PLAY MY CELLO
ON THE GREAT STAGE

IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS
OF PEOPLE, BUT...

BUT...YOU EVER IMAGINE
YOURSELF DOING IT?

MMM. IT WOULD BE
POINTLESS.

I'M TOO AFRAID TO EVEN
HAVE AN AUDITION.

RENE USED TO TELL ME

THAT I DON'T
HAVE IT IN ME.

I THINK THAT'S WHY
I REALLY LEFT FRANCE,

TO PROVE HIM WRONG.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, HE IS WRONG,

AND YOU JUST HAVEN'T
PROVED IT YET.

SEE, I PICTURED YOU
WITH A SMILE.

LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.

AH. HA-HA.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL
DRESSED UP FOR?

ROAD TRIP.

AND WHAT'S THAT FOR?

YOU'LL SEE.

COME ON.

OK. DON'T MIND
THAT SIGN.

BACK UP, BACK UP.
BACK UP.

WHERE ARE WE?

I CAN'T RUIN THE SURPRISE.

JUST GO STRAIGHT.

OK, COME ON.

STEP, STEP.

ARE YOU SURE?

WATCH YOUR STEP.

WATCH YOUR STEP,
I CAN'T WATCH ANYTHING.

YOU'LL BE VERY SAFE.

DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE, HUH?

I'M NOT.

IT'S JUST A MINEFIELD
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE
COMING THIS WAY.

YOU'RE FAIRLY SAFE.

YOU'RE GONNA GO RIGHT
ABOUT TO HERE AND...

THAT'S IT?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

STAY THERE.

YOU'RE FINE,
YOU'RE FINE.

OK, AND TAKE IT OFF.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

HOW...

IT'S AMAZING WHAT
A FREE PIZZA WILL GET YOU.

NOW, COME ON, WE DON'T
HAVE ALL DAY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

PLAY.

BUT...BUT THERE'S
NOBODY HERE.

I KNOW. BABY STEPS.

YOU GOTTA CRAWL
BEFORE YOU CAN WALK.

USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

THIS IS SILLY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE
WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT

SO WE MAY BRING YOU
A SPECIAL PRESENTATION

OF MISS LILA DUBOIS.

(IMITATING APPLAUSE)

SHOW US YOUR BOOBS!

AND I HAVE TO?

NO, THAT'S WORST-CASE
SCENARIO.

WHEN PEOPLE YELL IT
AT ME, I JUST, UH,

I JUST IGNORE 'EM.

THAT'S VERY EASY TO SAY,

BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN
IT'S FULL?

YOU GOTTA REMEMBER,

THEY'RE ALL
ON YOUR TEAM.

THE PEOPLE THAT COME
TO LISTEN--

THEY'RE HERE TO ESCAPE
SCREAMING KIDS

AND HONKING HORNS
AND RINGING PHONES.

ANY NOISE THAT COMES
OUT OF THAT CELLO

THEY'RE GONNA LOVE.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE GUY
WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BOOBS?

WELL, THAT'S ME,

AND I PROMISE I WON'T
YELL DURING THE SHOW.

NOW PLAY.

OK.

THERE YOU GO.
GET THE BOW.

ALL RIGHT,
CRANK IT UP,

PLUG IT IN,
WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO.

PULL OUT THE ANTENNA.

ALL RIGHT, AXL.

THAT WAS SO GREAT.

YOU ARE GOOD.

HEY, I PICTURED THE HOUSE
FULL OF PEOPLE.

THAT'S RIGHT,
STANDING ROOM ONLY.

THANK YOU. IT FELT SO GOOD.

NO PROBLEM.
YOU WERE THE ONE--

Man: HEY, DYLAN!

THANKS FOR THE EXTRA
ANCHOVIES.

OK.

UH...

ALL RIGHT. WELL,
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

I'LL CARRY THIS.
YOU CARRY THIS.

IS THERE A HANDLE?

WALLY, THIS BETTER NOT
BE A WASTE OF TIME.

I'M TELLING YOU, BOSS.

IF ANYONE CAN GET
THAT RING BACK,

IT'S MY UNCLE HARRY.

DIP.

OH, HE'S COOL.

Dylan: ARE YOU SURE
THIS GUY'S

A CERTIFIED
DOG WHISPERER?

OH, YEAH, BOSS.

MY MOM SAID HE NORMALLY
ONLY WORKS WITH RACING DOGS,

AND SHE SAID HE WAS
ON THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

Man: NEXT.

THAT'S US.

HEY, UNCLE HARRY.

HEY, WALLY.

THEY ADD A LITTLE
TOO MUCH BATTER

AT THE CLONING LAB?

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

HEY, I SEE LARGE
AND SMALL.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MEDIUM?

WE GET IT.

UNCLE HARRY TAUGHT ME HOW
TO WRESTLE WHEN I WAS 7.

WALLY!

DON'T FORGET ABOUT
OUR LITTLE SECRET.

CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THE RING?

FINE.

THANK YOU.

IS HE ALWAYS THIS QUIET?

WHAT'S THAT? REALLY.

YOU DON'T SAY.

YOU DON'T SAY!

WHAT IS IT?

HE DIDN'T SAY.

UH, COME ON,
UNCLE HARRY.

WE REALLY GOTTA
GET THAT RING.

OK, OK!

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

TALK TO ME, BABY.

I SEE.

STAY.

COME!

I DIDN'T WHAT HIM
TO HEAR THIS.

YOU WANT THAT DOG
TO HELP YOU FIND THAT RING,

YOU'D BETTER START
TREATIN' HIM NICE!

WHAT? DIDN'T HE TELL YOU
HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD

AT THE PET STORE
OR THE GOLDFISH BUFFET?

WHAT DOES HE WANT ME TO DO,
LICK HIS NUTS?

(BARKS HAPPILY)

SOUNDS LIKE
A RESOUNDING YES TO ME.

I'M SURE IT WOULD BE
MORE FUN THAN THE DRYER!

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

THAT'S WHAT
FRAN TARKENTON THOUGHT.

WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

JUST THINK WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU
HAPPY AND DO IT WITH HIM.

NOT THAT!

OK, WALLY, LET'S WRESTLE.

SHIRTS AND SKINS!

LIKE THE OLD DAYS!

AH, YOUR MOTHER
CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN--
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT.

I JUST--I REALLY THINK WE
SHOULD GO WITH THE LOBSTER.

OK, FINE. WE'LL GO
WITH THE LOBSTER. GREAT.

WAIT, WAIT, NO, NO, NO.

BAD--BAD IDEA.

I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING
200 PEOPLE HERE, RIGHT?

SOMEBODY'S BOUND
TO BE ALLERGIC

TO SHELLFISH, HUH?

SO, UH, WHAT
ABOUT THE BEEF?

DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY
THE BEEF, HMM?

ALL RIGHT, RELAX, RAIN MAN.

THIS IS YOUR DEPARTMENT,
YOU MAKE THE CALL.

I GOTTA GO.

NOW DO ME.

WELL, I'M BACK AGAIN

YOU THOUGHT
YOU GOT RID OF ME

I TALK TOO MUCH
AND ALL I CARE ABOUT IS ME

I'M BACK AGAIN

I'M HERE TO WASTE
SOME TIME OF YOURS

I'LL JUST NEED
A COUPLE BUCKS OR MAYBE MORE

AND THEN WHAT'D SHE SAY?

OH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO TELL THE GIRLS. HA HA HA.

OH.

YEAH.

RATHER. MM-HMM.

YOU'LL BE THE TALK
OF THE TOWN.

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET
FOR FREE.

BETTER THAN VEGAS.

HERE'S A GOOD ONE.

WANNA WATCH LASSIE?

(ARF ARF)

YEAH. OH, SHE'S HOT.

ALMOST TOO PRETTY THOUGH,
YOU KNOW.

SHE DEFINITELY PUTS
THE ASS IN LASSIE.

(WHINES)

YOU GOT THE RING!

YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.

YOU'RE THE BEST DOGGY

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
I LOVE...

OH, MY GOD! YOU SUCK!

YOU LOST THE BEST PART.
I'LL KILL YOU!

GET OVER HERE!

YOU RAT! YOU DIRTY
LITTLE HAMSTER!

BAD BOY! COME HERE!

HEEL!

(ARF ARF)

DON'T YOU--DON'T TRY IT.

OH, WE WERE JUST
STARTING

TO GET ALONG,
WEREN'T WE?

(ARF)

OH, YOU'RE DEAD!
COME ON!

HEEL! STOP!

STAY! BAD DOG!

I'LL TEACH YOU
TO PLAY DEAD.

(ARF ARF ARF ARF)

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

YOU MESS WITH THE BULL,
YOU GET THE HORNS.

(CLATTERS)

JACK!

JACK!

JACK!

JA...

OH, I WAS DREAMING.

OH, IT WAS SO REAL.

IT WAS LIKE JACK
WAS HERE.

YES, BUT WE KNOW
HE IS HERE.

NO, WE DON'T. RENE!

YES. JACK!
COME OUT, BABY.

DYLAN, I'M SO SORRY.
HE'S BEING DELUSIONAL.

I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO
HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM ALONE.

IT'S NO PROBLEM.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHAT'RE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?

I'M CATERING
THIS LITTLE SHINDIG.

OH, I WOULD LOVE
TO GO, BUT I CAN'T.

I HAVE PLANS TO ATTEND
A FUNCTION WITH RENE.

HEY, NOT AS A DATE,
JUST A FRIEND.

MAX UBERMANN, THE DIRECTOR
OF THE PHILHARMONIC,

WILL BE THERE.

IS THIS BAD?

NO, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S THE SAME PARTY
I'M WORKING.

COME ON, JACK, BABY!

I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.

HE'S NOT HERE, RENE.

I'M TELLING YOU HE IS HERE!

THIS GUY OVER THERE
IS A LIAR.

NOW, RENE,
THAT HURTS DOWN HERE.

WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING
LIKE THAT, ANYWAY?

WHY? TO GET INTO HER PANTS.

WHAT? RENE,
ONLY YOU WOULD THINK

OF SOMETHING
THAT FILTHY.

(BOWL CLATTERS)

WHAT IS THIS?

OH. THAT IS
A REFRIGERATOR DOOR HANDLE,

AND THIS IS MY CEREAL.

OH, YEAH?

I THINK I WILL EAT SOME

BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.

WANT SOME?

NOW WE'RE LEAVING, RENE.

WE'RE LEAVING?

I'M DREAMING.

FINE.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

I'M ON TO YOU,
MR. LOCAL YOKEL.

SMILE. WE'LL SEE
WHO'S SMILING

WHEN I FIND
THAT MUTT OF HERS.

OOH!

DUM DUM DUM

WHAT A WEIRDO.

(RETCHING)

DAH DAH DAH DAH.

(ARF ARF ARF)

$5,000? DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING MAYBE SMALLER?

NOT THAT WOULD FIT
THIS SETTING, SIR.

WHY DON'T YOU AND ME
MAKE A DEAL?

LET'S KICK THE SHIT
OUT OF THE MIDDLEMAN

AND SPLIT HIS CUT.
YOU KNOW WHERE HE LIVES?

THERE IS
NO MIDDLEMAN, SIR.

WELL, IS THERE ANYBODY

YOU'D LIKE ME
TO KICK THE CRAP OUT OF

TO GET THIS PRICE DOWN?

SERIOUSLY, JUST POINT 'EM OUT.

THEY'LL NEVER TRACE
IT BACK TO YOU--

MANAGER, BOSS...

LIFE PARTNER.

IF I MAY SUGGEST, SIR,

YOU COULD ALWAYS
GO ZIRCONIUM.

NO. NO, I CAN'T.

THAT RING BELONGS
TO MY BEST FRIEND.

I CAN'T PUT IN
SOME CHEAP ROCK.

ALL RIGHT. CAN I GET
THIS ONE BY TOMORROW NIGHT?

THAT'LL COST YOU
EXTRA, SIR.

OF COURSE IT WILL!
WHY WOULDN'T IT?

YOU KNOW, IT'S LUCKY HOW
THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU?

'CAUSE IT COULD HAVE
FALLEN EITHER WAY.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.
THE BIG NIGHT.

CHAMPAGNE AND SWANS.

JUST TELL ME ONE THING.
JUST TELL ME YOU BROUGHT IT.

OH, YEAH,
IT'S RIGHT HERE.

IT'S RIGHT HERE.
GOT IT.

I GOT IT.
YOU WANNA FEEL? GRAB IT.

NO.

ALL RIGHT, GET IN THERE.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

RENE? THE DOOR IS OPEN.

BON JOUR.

I'LL BE OUT
IN A FEW MINUTES.

WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

GOOD FORTUNE
AND GOOD CHEER.

OH, THANK YOU,
KIND SIR.

BLESS YOU.

MY, WHAT FINE ANIMALS
YOU HAVE.

ANIMALS?

YOUR 2 DOGS.

2 DOGS?
THIS ONE'S MINE.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE OTHER ONE CAME FROM.

OH, THIS LITTLE ONE
IS WORTH $10,000.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

Man: HI, I'M CALLING
ABOUT YOUR REWARD POSTER.

WE--WE FOUND YOUR DOG.

YEAH, HE'S DOING FINE.
HE'S DOWN HERE BY THE PIER.

HELLO. OUI.
YES.

YES?

YES. DON'T MOVE.

DON'T MOVE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, OK?

LILA? I FORGOT MY WALLET.

I'M LEAVING THE INVITATIONS
ON THE TABLE, OK?

YOU MEET ME AT THE PARTY.

BYE. HURRY UP.

HEY, RENE!

I CALL.
ME, TOO.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

COME ON IN.

HEY, WHAT'S UP,
LADIES?

WELL, IF IT ISN'T
THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.

JUST PUT IT DOWN.
WHAT DO I OWE YOU?

HOW ABOUT A LAP DANCE?

UH, SURE, MAYBE LATER.

LET'S SEE. THAT WAS
3 LARGE PIES WITH 4 TOPPINGS.

OR WAS THAT 5 PIES
WITH HALF AND HALF?

WHAT DO YOU GUYS
USUALLY PAY?

WELL, 40 OUGHT TO DO IT.

DO YOU REMEMBER

THE 21st NIGHT
OF SEPTEMBER?

THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

ANOTHER.

YES, SIR.

UH-OH, RAY.
WHAT'RE YOU DRINKIN'?

DEWARS ON THE ROCKS.
IT'S THE OLD MAN'S DRINK.

OLD MAN?

YEAH...MILLSTONE.

Dylan: OH.

DYLAN?

LILA. OH,
YOU LOOK GREAT.

YOU, TOO.

HEY.

WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

SHE'S HOT.

YEAH.

I'M RAY.
I'M KIND OF A HUGGER.

OK, KEEP UP
THE GOOD WORK, RAY.

THERE YOU ARE,
YOU MUTT.

OH, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

I'M GONNA TAKE HIM
OUT OF YOUR HANDS.

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.

ACCORDING TO--TO YOUR POSTER,

THERE'S A LITTLE ISSUE
OF MONEY TO CONTEND WITH.

OH, YEAH, SURE,
YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU GIVE ME
YOUR PHONE NUMBER,

AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A CALL, OK?

I WANT MY MONEY.
I WANT MY MONEY!

HELP ME! MISTER!

THE SHORT GUY WITH THE HAIR.
WHERE IS HIS CAR?

OVER THERE BY THE VAN.

OH, WHAT A NIGHT

LATE DECEMBER BACK
IN '63

WHAT A VERY
SPECIAL TIME FOR ME

I REMEMBER, WHAT A NIGHT

OH, WHAT A NIGHT

NO, I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HIS NAME

I WAS NEVER GONNA
BE THE SAME...

LILA!

RENE.

DID YOU FIND
YOUR WALLET?

WHAT?

OH, YEAH, SURE.
OF COURSE.

RENE, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU.

OF COURSE IT IS.

AH, THERE'S UBERMANN.

LILA, COME LET ME
INTRODUCE YOU

AND LET OUR FRIEND HERE
GET BACK TO THE KITCHEN.

GOOD LUCK.

Wally: I'LL GET IT.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)

HELLO?

WALLY. FINALLY.
THERE YOU ARE.

HEY, RUN OVER
TO LEDER'S JEWELERS,

PICK UP A PACKAGE,

AND BRING IT TO ME.
YOU GOT THAT?

OK, BOSS. I'M ON IT.

UH, SORRY, LADIES.

DUTY CALLS.

TAKE IT EASY.

I HOPE THEY FIT!

ALL RIGHT, YOU CLOWNS!

WHICH ONE OF YOU

IS RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS CRAP, HUH?

JUST KIDDING.

I REALLY SCARED THE HELL
OUT OF YOU, THOUGH, THERE,

DIDN'T I? HA HA!
I'M SORRY, KIDS.

I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU
I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.

I THINK THE FOOD IS A-PLUS.
CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU. DOES THAT
MEAN WE GET THE LOAN?

OH, NO, NO, NO,
IT DOESN'T HURT,

BUT, SON, WHEN I LOAN MONEY,
I'M NOT JUST LOOKING

AT BALANCE SHEETS
AND CREDIT REFERENCES

AND PASTRY SWANS, NO, SIR.

I'M ALSO LOOKING AT CHARACTER
AND COMMITMENT AS WELL.

OH, WE ARE COMMITTED,
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF YOU GIVE US THAT
LOAN, YOUR FIRST MEAL

AT THE NEW RESTAURANT
IS COMPED.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, SON.

IF I GIVE YOU THAT LOAN,
THEY'RE ALL COMPED.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE MATS.

EXCUSE ME, MISS.
I THINK YOU'RE IN MY SEAT.

OH, HI.

HEY. WHAT'RE YOU
DOING ALONE?

BESIDES YOU AND RENE,
I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HERE.

WHAT ABOUT CARL OVER THERE?

HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU OLD SHEEP-HUMPER!

GIVE ME A JINGLE.
I'LL CATCH YOU ON THE JANGLE.

CALL THE OLD NUMBER.
IT'LL GIVE YOU A NEW ONE.

GOOD STUFF.
LOVE TO BITZY.

WHO IS THAT GUY?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

SO WHAT HAPPENED
WITH UBERMANN?

DID YOU GET
THE AUDITION?

UM...

I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET.

RENE THOUGHT I SHOULD
WAIT UNTIL LATER.

OF COURSE HE DID.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

OH, NO, I CAN'T.

NO, COME ON.

WE HAVE TO.

BABY STEPS. COME WITH ME.

OK.

AND WHAT IF RENE'S CORRECT,
AND I SHOULD WAIT?

HEY, RENE DOESN'T
WANT YOU TO AUDITION

AND SHOW EVERYONE
HOW GREAT YOU ARE.

HE WANTS YOU TO BE AFRAID
SO YOU'LL NEED HIM.

THERE'S UBERMANN.

LILA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MY GOSH, IT'S PEPE LePUKE.

I TOLD YOU,
THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

PLEASE GET OUT
OF MY WAY.

COME TO YOUR SENSES.

THIS IS NOT YOU ACTING
LIKE THIS. THIS IS HIM.

COME ON, BABY. THIS ISN'T
IN YOU TO DO SUCH A THING.

YOU'RE WRONG.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU FREEZE
WHO TRIED TO STOP YOU.

GIVE THIS TO UBERMANN.

IT'S A LITTLE
BOOTLEG I MADE

LIVE AT
THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.

OK? NOW, PEARL JAM'S
ON THERE, TOO,

SO I NEED IT BACK.
GO, GO, GO.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU...

OH, IT'S GOTTA STING
A LITTLE BIT.

WE'LL SEE.

HEY. HEY, DYLAN.
COME HERE A SEC.

GIVE ME THE RING.

I'M GONNA STICK IT
IN ONE OF THE SWANS.

THE RING?

YEAH.
NOW?

COME ON, HURRY UP
BEFORE SHE SEES US.

OK, ALL RIGHT.
THE RING IS A, UH...

IT'S A FUNNY STORY.

YOU'RE GONNA THINK

IT'S FUNNIER THAN
ANYBODY BECAUSE...

HANG ON. 2 SECONDS.

2 SECONDS. WAIT HERE.
I GOT IT.

WAIT THERE.

WHERE IS IT?

OH, HEY, BOSS.

COME ON.

GOD! OH, MY GOD,

YOU'RE SO FIRED,
YOU'RE REHIRED.

THERE IT IS, YOUR RING.

NICE AND SHINY,
SAFE AND SOUND.

GREAT. THANKS.
WHERE'S THE BOX?

THE BOX?
SCREW THE BOX!

WHO CARES ABOUT THE BOX!

YOU WANT THE RING
OR THE BOX?

GET A GRIP.
YOU'RE SCARING PEOPLE.

ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST SAYING.

HERE YOU GO, SIR.

THANK YOU.

(JACK BARKING)

JACK, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THERE?

(ARF ARF)

MEANT FOR SOMEONE ELSE,
BUT NOT FOR ME

LOVE WAS OUT TO GET ME

THAT'S THE WAY IT SEEMED

DISAPPOINTMENT HAUNTED
ALL MY DREAMS...

A TREAT FOR THE LADY.

OH, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK
AT ONE OF THOSE.

YEAH, WELL, THIS ONE
IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

NO, THANKS.

BEAR--BEAR WITH ME.

JUST, YOU KNOW,
TAKE A BITE RIGHT HERE,

RIGHT WHERE THE SPOON IS,
RIGHT FROM THE MIDDLE.

NO.

JUST EAT THE SWAN FOR ME!

OK, OK, OK.

MMM!

WHAT, SOMETHING
IN THERE...HARD...

OH, BOY. HUH?

HEY, HOW WAS
THE SURPRISE?

THAT IS A SWEET DIAMOND.

DIAMOND? YEAH.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A DIAMOND
LIKE THAT WOULD COST?

IT'S CUBIC ZIRCONIUM.

THE SETTING IS MARK'S
GRANDMOTHER'S.

I MADE A DEAL.

THE RESTAURANT TAKES OFF,
I REPLACE THAT WITH A DIAMOND.

GREAT.

I GOTTA THROW UP.

MR. MILLSTONE, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
YES. HOLD THAT A SECOND.

SURE.

HELLO? SPEAKING.

WHAT?

OH, NO, THAT'S TERRIBLE!

YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN
ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, WELL,
THANKS ANYWAY.

BYE-BYE.

SOMETHING WRONG?

YEAH, BIG TIME.

NEIL DIAMOND'S PLANE
GOT DELAYED.

HE WAS FLYING
IN HERE TONIGHT

TO SING FOR
MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY.

NOW HE CAN'T MAKE IT.

WOW. THAT'S TOO BAD.

HEY, IF I COULD JUST ASK YOU
ABOUT THIS LOAN--

OH, LOOK, I CAN'T TALK
TO YOU ABOUT THAT NOW.

LOOK, SON, I KNOW
YOU'RE A NICE GUY

AND YOU MAKE GOOD FOOD,

BUT I GOT A REAL PROBLEM HERE.
CAN YOU UNDERSTAND?

NEIL DIAMOND IS
HER ALL-TIME FAVORITE.

EXCUSE ME.

Bandleader:
HEY, THANKS A LOT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
AFTER A SHORT BREAK.

(BROTHER LOVE'S TRAVELING
SALVATION SHOW PLAYS)

(LIP-SYNCHING TO NEIL DIAMOND)
HOT AUGUST NIGHT

AND THE LEAVES
HANGING DOWN

AND THE GRASS
ON THE GROUND

SMELLING SWEET

MOVE UP THE ROAD

TO THE OUTSIDE OF TOWN

AND THE SOUND
OF THAT GOOD GOSPEL BEAT

SITS A RAGGED TENT

WHERE THERE
AIN'T NO TREES

AND THAT GOSPEL GROUP

TELLING YOU AND ME
IT'S LOVE, BROTHER LOVE

SAY BROTHER LOVE'S
TRAVELING SALVATION SHOW

HALLE-- HALLE--

PACK UP THE BABIES
AND GRAB THE OLD LADIES

AND EVERYONE GOES

'CAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS

BROTHER LOVE'S SHOW

THE ROOM
GETS SUDDENLY STILL

AND WHEN
YOU'D ALMOST BET

YOU COULD
HEAR YOURSELF SWEAT

HE WALKS IN

EYES BLACK AS COAL

AND WHEN HE
LIFTS HIS FACE

EVERY EAR IN THE PLACE
IS ON HIM

(RECORD STOPS)

(GUESTS GROAN)

(LAUGHS)

GET OFF.

OOH

NO.

OOH
OOH

OOH

STARTING SOFT AND SLOW

LIKE A SMALL EARTHQUAKE

AND WHEN HE LETS GO

HALF THE VALLEY SHAKES

IT'S LOVE

BROTHER LOVE,
SAY BROTHER LOVE'S

TRAVELING
SALVATION SHOW

HALLE-- HALLE--

PACK UP THE BABIES
AND GRAB THE OLD LADIES

AND EVERYONE GOES

'CAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS

BROTHER LOVE'S SHOW

HALLELUJAH

BROTHER'S

HALLE-- HALLE--

I SAY, BROTHERS.

BROTHERS!

NOW YOU GOT YOURSELF
2 GOOD HANDS.

AND WHEN YOUR BROTHER'S
IN TROUBLE,

YOU GOTTA REACH OUT
ONE HAND FOR HIM,

'CAUSE THAT'S
WHAT IT'S THERE FOR.

AND WHEN YOUR HEART
IS TROUBLED,

YOU GOTTA REACH OUT
THE OTHER HAND.

REACH IT OUT
TO THE MAN UP THERE,

'CAUSE THAT'S
WHAT HE'S THERE FOR.

TAKE MY HAND
IN YOURS

WALK WITH ME
THIS DAY

IN MY HEART,
I KNOW

I WILL NEVER
STRAY

HALLE-- HALLE-- HALLE--

HALLE-- HALLE--

HALLE-- HALLE--
HALLE--

LOVE, BROTHER LOVE,
SAY BROTHER LOVE'S

TRAVELING SALVATION SHOW

HALLE-- HALLE--

PACK UP THE BABIES
AND GRAB THE OLD LADIES

AND EVERYTHING GOES

OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.

LOVE, BROTHER LOVE,
SAY BROTHER LOVE'S

TRAVELING SALVATION SHOW

SING IT, BABY.
I SAID LOVE!

(CHEERING)

MRS. MILLSTONE,

I KNOW I'M NO
NEIL DIAMOND,

BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ANYWAY.

OHH. (LAUGHS)

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU WON ME OVER.

NOW GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

OH.

(LAUGHS) I TELL
YOU WHAT, SON.

WHAT YOU DID HERE
WAS PRICELESS.

SO CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU GOT THE LOAN
ON SHEER GUTS.

GOOD LUCK, SON.

COME ON, MILDRED.

LET'S GET YOU
CLEANED UP.

OH.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW,
BUT WE GOT IT.

I KNOW, MAN.
YEAH.

HEY, LET'S GO
TELL GAIL, HUH?

YEAH.

BASTARD.

HONEY, WE GOT THE LOAN.

DYLAN, WHAT ARE YOU
ALL DRESSED UP FOR?

FORGET ABOUT IT. DID
YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?

WE GOT THE LOAN.
WE GOT THE LOAN.

Wally: HEY, BOSS!

LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

JACK.

JACK, WHAT'S UP,
BUDDY? HOW ARE YOU?

OH, YOU OWE ME
5 GRAND.

WHERE WAS HE?

OH, IT WAS
THE STRANGEST THING, BOSS.

HE WAS INSIDE YOUR CAR.

WHAT?

Rene: I KNEW IT.

HEY, RENE, GOOD NEWS.
JACK'S BACK.

GOOD NEWS FOR JACK.

BAD NEWS FOR YOU
WHEN LILA FINDS OUT.

TAKE HIM.

OH, NO, YOU WON'T.

NO WAY.

YOU TAKE HIM.
GIVE HIM BACK TO HER.

HEY, DO I GET THE 10 GRAND?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

THERE WAS NO 10 GRAND.

WELL, I DON'T WANT HIM.

JEEZ.

HE HAD THE DOG
IN HIS APARTMENT ALL ALONG.

OH, YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.

WE TOOK REALLY GOOD
CARE OF HIM.

WE GOT TO PLAY,
WATCH TV--

WALLY, DON'T HELP.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU STOLE HER DOG?

ISN'T THAT A FELONY?

GAIL, "FELONY"
IS SUCH AN...

ACCURATE WORD.
PLEASE DON'T USE IT.

LET'S JUST SAY
I BORROWED HIM.

GUYS, DON'T LOOK
AT ME LIKE THIS.

IT'S BOTH YOUR FAULTS.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID

I NEED TO SPEND SOME
QUALITY TIME WITH HER.

IT WAS JUST SUPPOSED
TO BE FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

WE'D GO LOOK FOR JACK,

WE'D HAVE SOME FUN
TOGETHER,

SHE'D LIKE ME,

THEN I'D RETURN HIM,
I'D BE A HERO.

WHAT?

(SIGHS)

DON'T WORRY,
YOU ARE A HERO.

MY HERO.

(ANSWERING
MACHINE BEEPS)

LILA, ARE YOU THERE?
IT'S DYLAN. HEY--

LILA, I KNOW
YOU'RE UPSET,

BUT IT WAS ALL--

LILA, PLEASE DON'T
FAST-FORWARD.

OK? PLEASE. JUST...

PLEASE, LOOK
AT YOUR FRONT DOOR.

I KNOW THERE'S NO EXCUSE
FOR WHAT I DID,

BUT THERE IS AN APOLOGY,

SO PLEASE DON'T
THROW THIS ONE AWAY.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?

(ARF)

(ARF)

(SIGHS)

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(ANSWERING
MACHINE BEEPS)

Rene: LILA,
C'EST RENE.

ALLO, ALLO.

ARE YOU HERE? NO?

OK, SO I'VE
GOT THE TICKETS,

SECOND FLIGHT
TO PARIS

ON FRIDAY NIGHT,

IF YOU WANT,
ON TWA, 10 P.M.,

AND, UH...

I'M GOING
TO CALL YOU

TOMORROW MORNING.
I LOVE YOU.

AU REVOIR,
MON AMOUR.

(SIGHS)
(MACHINE BEEPS)

Mover: WATCH THE CORNER.

HEY, YOU WANT TO GIVE ME
A HAND WITH THAT?

Second Mover:
HOLD ON TO IT.

DAMN.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LILA?

LILA?

HO-HO-HOLD IT, PAL.

YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

LILA.

SHE AIN'T HERE.

WHERE IS SHE?
IS SHE COMING BACK?

SHE AIN'T HERE.

CAN YOU AT LEAST
TELL ME

WHERE YOU'RE TAKING
HER STUFF?

NO. ARTY,
WATCH THE CORNER.

HEADS UP, PAL.

GET OFF.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME

WHERE YOU'RE TAKING
THIS STUFF, MAN.

IF THIS COUCH GOES,

MY WHOLE LIFE GOES
WITH IT.

YOU'RE STARTING
TO PISS ME OFF.

COME ON.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU SPEND
YOUR WHOLE LIFE

LOOKING FOR
THE PERFECT ONE,

YOU FINALLY FIND IT,

AND YOU LET IT SLIP
THROUGH YOUR FINGERS?

BUDDY, IT'S JUST
A PIECE OF FURNITURE.

I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE FURNITURE,

I'M TALKING ABOUT
A GIRL.

THE GIRL.

EVERYTHING
WAS PERFECT,

AND I RUINED IT.

I'M SO STUPID.

THAT'S TOUCHING,

BUT YOU'RE STILL
NOT GETTING AN ADDRESS.

NOW GET OFF OF THERE
BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF.

TOO LATE.

THAT ABOUT DOES IT.

THANK YOU.

I'LL HAVE MY GUYS
COME IN

AND TAKE CARE OF
THIS TRASH FOR YOU.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

HE SOUNDED SINCERE.

(LAUGHS)

IF YOU'RE GONNA
THROW ALL THIS OUT,

YOU MIND
IF I KEEP THIS?

THANK YOU.

(LAUGHS)

BOSS, CAN I GET YOU
ANYTHING TO DRINK?

UH, NO, I'M GOOD.
THANKS.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING WITH THAT?

WE'RE THROWING IT
AWAY. IT'S JUNK.

WELL--

HERE, CHECK IT OUT.

NEW MENUS CAME.
(LAUGHS)

LOOK AT THIS.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN, WE ACTUALLY
DID IT.

I KNOW. THIS IS--
THIS IS GREAT, MAN.

OH, THIS IS GREAT, MAN.

COME ON, BUDDY.
SNAP OUT OF IT.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY,
BUDDY.

I'M GONNA GO
SHOW THESE TO GAIL.

OK.

HEY, BOSS,

I'LL BE BACK
IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

WALLY, COME HERE
FOR A MINUTE.

OH, SURE THING,
BOSS. WHAT'S UP?

LET ME HAVE THIS.

I NEED TO GO FOR A DRIVE.

TAKE THE FLOOR FOR ME?

(LAUGHS) YOU ALMOST
GOT ME AGAIN, BOSS.

THAT WAS GOOD.
THAT WAS GOOD.

I'M SERIOUS, MAN.
COVER FOR ME?

YES! YES! HA HA.

(JACK BARKS)

JACK?

HEY.

JACK. WAIT!

JACK.

COME HERE, BUDDY.

JACK?

WHERE ARE YOU?

STILL CHASING
THE SAME OLD DOG?

AND WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO

WHEN YOU CATCH HIM,
KIDNAP HIM AGAIN?

YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DESERVE THAT.

I DID A BAD THING.
I WAS WRONG.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK WE HAD FUN
TOGETHER.

AND YOU AND I
DID OK, TOO.

SO--

SO WHAT?

SO--

SO.

SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS.

OK.

NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

DON'T. I WAS KIDDING.

JACK JUST ATE,
AND I...(LAUGHS)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT
CONQUERING YOUR FEARS UP HERE?

FORGET IT.

THIS PLACE WOULD
SCARE ME SHITLESS.

MY GOD, LOOK AT
ALL THESE SEATS.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

THIS IS A SPECIAL PLACE
FOR ME.

I ONCE MADE OUT WITH
A CELLO PLAYER UP THERE.

OH, YEAH.

TRUTH IS, SHE GOT
A LITTLE HANDSY, AND...

I'M A BIT OF A PRUDE,
SO THAT DIDN'T FLY.

(SNIFFS)

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT CELLISTS?

THEY DO IT IN A CHAIR

WITH THEIR LEGS
SPREAD WIDE.

GOOD GOD, MA'AM.

THERE'S A DOG
IN OUR PRESENCE.

OH, I KNOW.

AND HE MISSES YOU.

WOW.
(LAUGHS)

LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.

YEAH.

SO WHY DID YOU
COME HERE?

WAS IT MY LETTERS?

NO. THEY WERE NICE,
BUT...

WAS IT THE HAT?

NO.

IT WAS THE PARTY.

OH, WHEN I GAVE
THE TAPE TO UBERMANN.

NO.

WHEN YOU SANG.

REALLY?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU COULD BE SO SEXY.

(LAUGHS) OH, YEAH.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
A NEIL DIAMOND FAN.

HE'S GOT
A HUNDRED HITS.

I'LL DO A DIFFERENT ONE
EVERY NIGHT.

(HUMMING)

LET'S GET THROUGH
TODAY FIRST.

OK.

(RENE SIGHS)

STEWARDESS.

HOW MUCH LONGER
DO I HAVE TO STAY

IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN
PLACE?

IT'LL BE ABOUT
ANOTHER 10 MINUTES

BEFORE WE TAKE OFF.
I'M SORRY.

YOUR "SORRIES" DON'T
HELP US GET OFF THE GROUND.

FORGET IT.

WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?

RIGHT BACK THERE.

YOU ARE LITTLE,
I'M BIG.

YOU LOSE.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE
BY WARNER BROS.

THAT'S THE MAN.

HE'S THE ONE
WHO DID IT.

HE PATTED MY BOTTOM,
PUT ME IN HIS LAP.

WE PLAYED SANTY CLAUS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--

(GROOVE IS IN THE HEART
ÀPLAYS)

THE CHILLS THAT YOU
SPILL UP MY BACK

KEEP ME FILLED
WITH SATISFACTION

WHEN WE'RE DONE

SATISFACTION
OF WHAT'S TO COME

I COULDN'T
ASK FOR ANOTHER

NO, I COULDN'T
ASK FOR ANOTHER

ANOTHER TRY

YOUR GROOVE
I DO DEEPLY DIG

NO WALLS,
ONLY THE BRIDGE

MY SUPPER DISH,
MY SUCCOTASH WISH

SING IT, BABY ♪

I COULDN'T
ASK FOR ANOTHER

UH-HUH UH-HUH

NO, I COULDN'T
ASK FOR ANOTHER

I--I--I--
I--I--I

NO, I COULDN'T
ASK FOR ANOTHER

DJ SOUL
WAS ON A ROLL

I'VE BEEN TOLD
HE CAN'T BE SOLD

HE'S NOT VICIOUS
OR MALICIOUS

JUST DE-LOVELY
AND DELICIOUS

I COULDN'T ASK
FOR ANOTHER

(MAN RAPPING)

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN YOUR HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART
NA-NA-NA

(JOHN HUGHES 2000 PLAYS)

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH

YOU'VE GOT BURDEN OF
YOUR BAGGAGE UPON YOU

YOU'VE GOT YOUR
RAGGED ENTOURAGE AND YOU KNOW

YOU'VE GOT THE RAIN
BEATING DOWN AROUND YOU

BUT A COWARD IN THE SHADOW
OF YOUR VERY SOUL

IS TELLING YOU

TO LEAVE

BEFORE A CHEMICAL REACTION
REVEALS YOU

YOU'VE BEEN DECEIVED

BY SOME PERSONA YOU'VE
ACQUIRED TO SHIELD YOU

AND I CAN SEE

THAT YOU OPERATE

ON A THOUSAND
DIFFERENT LEVELS

IT'S A BITTER FEUD BUT
YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN DECIDED

I CAN SYMPATHIZE

I SLIPPED A NOTE INTO
YOUR BIRTH-CONTROL PILL CASE

AND NOW I'M WAITING

FOR THE MOMENT
WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE

WELL, IT'S ALL ON YOU
BUT YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN DECIDED

I CAN SYMPATHIZE

I SLIPPED A NOTE INTO
YOUR BIRTH-CONTROL PILL CASE

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH