All language subtitles for zooooooooooooom

[eerie music]

*

[rock music]

*

[moaning]

[moaning]

Woo!

[laughing]

Okay.

My glasses are foggy.

Did I fuck your
glasses off?

[laughs]

You know, the problem
with having sex at lunch

is there's no time to eat.

So now I have to have my
lunch on my coffee break

and coffee at dinner.

You have fucked
my entire day.

Wanna do it again?

No.

Because then I would have to
have coffee as tomorrow's

breakfast, but you know me.

I don't complain.

No, I have to work.

Dedicated professional
that you are.

[grunts]

What's this?

That's just a doodle.

Wow, looks good.

Oh! It's you.

You know, you really
don't need those, right?

You're not that
kind of girl.

What does that mean?

Nothing.

It was meant as
a compliment.

I happen to love
your small...

Small-ish breasts.

They're nonthreatening.
They're like my friends.

You know what I'm saying.
This girl...

would go out with some slick,
Hollywood player dude.

This girl would never
have sex with me.

And now you're not going
to either, are you?

Shit.

[door opens]

I'm gonna stop talking
now and leave.

Yeah, that would be good.

Mhm.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Hello?

I'm sorry, I couldn't
find the reception.

Uh, there is no reception.

Can I help you?

I just wanted to know
how they were made.

The dolls.

Uh, I'm sorry.

We don't give tours
of the factory.

Oh.

Excuse me.

[clears throat]

I was thinking of
placing a custom order.

Something very specific.

I can pay.

Please, I live across the
border and it's been a

very long drive.

Okay.

Okay.

They're all custom made.

We have a variety
of body types.

Something for all tastes.

You just supply the height
and measurements, eye color,

hair, skin tone with fair,
tanned, Asian, African.

You can get them to
replicate celebrities.

Scarlett Johansson and Beyonce
are very popular right now.

Here's one of our
latest models.

Uh, the talkies
as we call them.

Emma rocks my rocket.

You idiot.

[exhales]

May I touch it?

[moans]

I'm not interested
in a celebrity doll.

I want you to
make someone real.

My wife, she had the
most perfect body.

Slender, 5'8" with
very large breasts.

36DD.

They haunt me.

It was those breasts
that I couldn't forget.

Those massive breasts.

I lost her two years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

To her personal trainer,
Italian, fifteen years

younger than me.

Can you make these even larger
than what she originally had?

Yeah, sure.

Perfect.

And you can make her look
exactly like my wife?

We can make it...

her look identical.

But better.

[electronic music]

*

[camera shutters]

Um...

Uh, what's her name?

Michelle.

Michelle.

Michelle, you're
not on your mark.

Okay, just a
little to the left.

Uh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't smile, okay?

No expression.

I don't wanna
photograph Michelle.

I wanna see who
you really are.

Don't, don't
struggle with it.

You know, just let
Michelle fly away because

I still see her in there.

Yes!

There, there!

She's gone!

You are all women.

And you are no women.

You are everything
and you are nothing.

More nothing.

More nothing!

[funk music]

*

[muffled voices]

[muffled voices]

You're not that kind of girl.

[muffled voice]
He's right you know.

Maybe I'm not this type
of girl, but you're

definitely not
this type of guy.

[rock music]

*

[indistinct chatter]

[cheering]

So who is he?

I mean, your sketches are
amazing, but what are you

trying to do
with this guy?

This guy is my dream man.

He's perfect, he's hot
and stylish, suave.

He's my size.

Okay, I get it.

This is about me, right?

This is because I called
your tits my friends.

This has nothing
to do with you.

Oh yeah?

Mhm.

Well, your perfect
guy is totally boring.

He has no personality.

He's like this tiny,
little, generic suave guy.

No, no.

He's an artist.

He's smart and
he has an accent.

-What, French?
-No.

-Spanish.
-Oh.

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear it I
guess because it's a drawing.

You are being hilariously
defensive about this.

Hey, you can fantasize all
you want, that's fine.

But I'd just like to
bring up one point.

That guy would
never be with you.

Have you thought of that?

That guy would be with
someone who looks like that.

[scoffs]

Okay, that's fine.

You have your fun.

I am gonna deliver one of
these perfect people to a

fat pervert in Hamilton.

[car starting]

[music]

*

[eerie music]

*

Careful. It's easy
to get hypnotized.

I was lost there
for a second.

They all look identical,
but really they're not.

They're like ghosts.

Individual spirits
floating through the void.

I find it soothing.

Yeah.

I come here every day.

So do I.

Do you think they know
they live in a prison?

We'll never know.

They don't speak.

They live in silence.

Let us sculpt in
hopeless silence.

All our dreams
of speaking.

Fernando Pessoa.

Yes.

That's beautiful.

Are you a writer?

I think so.

I feel like the universe is
trying to tell me something.

Well I think we drained
this aquarium of every

possible metaphor.

We should meet at the
planetarium next time.

[laughs]

Yes.

It was a real
pleasure, Michelle.

Me too.

Don't forget,
you have my card.

Send me what you can.

I will.

Thank you, Norman.

Who the fuck was that?

A book publisher.

And he wants to
read my material.

Yeah, I'm sure he does.

[eerie music]

*

[rock music]

*

Perfect!

Cut!

That was incredible.

That was incredible.

Alright, people.

Thank you, that's a wrap.

Don't forget the
wrap party tonight.

Thank you, man.

-Thank you.
-Alright.

Eddie!

You're a genius!

That brain of yours,
that beautiful brain.

My brain is a turd
compared to yours.

A turd on my
big bald head.

Now, I'm gonna introduce
you to that woman yonder,

but be careful.

She's the new head
of the studio.

She's a tough cookie.

Marissa.

The boy wonder.

I hope you didn't
come here to fire me.

Oh no, are you kidding me?

I love your films.

Switchblade and [inaudible].

-J-Force.
-J-Force.

Yes. They're big,
you know?

They're bold.

The explosions
and car crashes.

He puts so much
testosterone on this

screen you can taste it.

Almost.

I mean, I don't know what
testosterone tastes like.

Yeah, actually this film,
I wanna do something

that's a little
bit more deep.

You know, cause I'm
excited to show the world

that I'm not
two-dimensional, you know?

And listen, if you're excited,
we are really excited.

And I heard that your
editor has been working

around the clock so I
would really love to see

an assembly Monday.

It's just a general
assembly he has, you know,

I have to go to the editing
room, work around it, you know?

Right, got it.
Okay, Tuesday.

Can you, um, book us
a screening room?

-No.
-Right away.

-Thank you.
-No, no.

Tuesday, I'm not gonna be
ready to show you anything

on Tuesday, really.

I mean, I wanna
show you my vision.

Uh-huh.

This film wants to
be transcendental.

Good, good.

Um, I'm still gonna need to
see an assembly by Tuesday.

Why not we do Tuesday,
but at the same time you

agree to come with me
tonight to the wrap party.

I don't really party with
below the line people and

I kinda get roped into
this fundraiser for kids

-with cleft palates.
-Oh.

So I gotta head back.

-Watch out, watch out!
-Oh!

[romantic jazz music]

Are you okay?

I think so.

Your glasses.

Okay.

[exhales]

You okay?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

Yeah, I think I can find
time for a quick drink.

Yeah.

Bye.

[chewing]

[footsteps]

Nice seeing you again.

Emma?

So these are sorta what
you're looking for?

We can totally do this.

After surgery, you will
look exactly like this.

You looking at Serrano?

Had that done years ago.

Won my first
Rhino with that.

Rhino?

2005 Rhinoplasty Awards.

I had it sculpted nice and
big just to remind myself

of my humble beginnings.

[laughs]

Anyway, back to you.

Come on.

Let's have a look at these
little guys over here.

So, if you wanna look like
one of your drawings,

I would go with this one.

Right here.

How much?

Wow.

-That's a lot of money.
-Mhm.

I've been saving up
to buy a condo.

Well just remember, you
can't show off your condo

at the beach.

Hey, guys.
Carl Stromway here.

I just wanna introduce a
special tool that'll help

all of you who wanna show
off that sexy body at the

beach this summer.

It's the premium Carl
Stromway dumbbell.

[music]

*

Here we go. We're gonna
start with a shrug.

And then we're gonna
do the zombie.

And then you're
gonna do a curl.

There we go...

Hey, baby.

Hey.

I got us something
for dinner.

Oh, awesome.

[laughs]

[phone ringing]

Who was that?

Um, remember that book
publisher from the aquarium?

He read a couple of
chapters from my book.

He really likes them.

And he wants to read
the whole thing.

But there is no book.

I know, but I
can write it.

Can you even spell
one word in English?

Oh, come on, Michelle.

Come on.

Michelle, come on.

Look at me, look at me.

This guy, he's a dangling
a carrot in front of that

cute little Brazilian
nose of yours.

I mean, come
on, look at you!

You're not a writer.

You're a model.

You're an asshole.

-I'm an asshole?
-Yeah!

Look at everything
I do for you.

You got photoshoots
all next week.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Michelle, you
are so nalve!

This guy just wants a piece of
your ass like everybody else.

[melancholic music]

*

[deep breaths]

[dog barking]

[melancholic music]

*

[electronic music]

*

[rock music]

*

Hi.

Don't worry.
No problem.

[indistinct chatter]

-You know where I landed?
-Hm.

-In the racetrack.
-Hm!

Yeah, on top of a horse.

And you know, the
worst part of it?

I won.

You won the race?

Yeah, and it ended with
the horse and I won.

[phone ringing]

What's up?

Right there.

What's his name?

No, I've never
heard of him.

No, I don't need a
reference, but I...

you know, I'm not paying
$300 for a dog groomer.

I think that's
a little steep.

Alright.

Bye.

[moaning]

Oh god.

Oh god.

Oh god.

I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.

That's why I need
another week.

So I can work on
the film, you know?

Go to the editing
room, you know?

So I can show
you my vision.

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

[Latin music]

*

[camera shutters]

You are nothing.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Michelle?

I've been calling
you for hours.

Where are you?

Um, writing.

Are you drunk?

Alright, I'm coming
to get you right now.

Where are you?

Why?

You don't think
I can write?

I'm coming to get
you right now.

Where are you, Michelle?

At um...

[murmuring]

Where the fuck is that?

[laughs]

Michelle?

Michelle!

[coughing]

[music]

Sexiest sister in town.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Let me introduce you to the
brand new, the unstoppable...

Emma.

Juicy.

E, double M, A, double D.

E, double M, A, double D.

Oh, Sophia.

[muffled voice]

[notification dings]

Oh yeah.

[chaotic yelling]

Eddie, my boy, you know that
I love you. And why not?

You're a genius, you shit gold,
and Oscars are made of gold.

But this film
is different.

It's humane, you know?

It's deep, it's ambiguous.

Mm.

It's about...

You know, it's a poem.

I shot it like
a fucking poem.

It's art, of course.

-It's on another plane.
-Yeah.

It's slow.

The way art is.

Uh... Nothing much happens.

Again, that's
an art thing.

And don't get me
wrong, I love it.

It touches my soul and I
didn't think I had one.

I'm just worried, not
worried, but concerned and

this is coming from me who's
an insect compared to you.

I'm worried that Marissa
might not really like it.

-What?
-Excuse me.

Are you Edward
Deacon, the director?

Yeah, I'm the
author, yeah.

Would you care to walk
us to the bathroom?

You know.

Yes, yes.

Man, don't worry
about Marissa.

I know how to handle her.

I mean, that's what I do.

[rock music]

[inaudible chatter]

[laughing]

Oh no!

Okay, I've never
done this before.

[moaning]

[laughing]

Wow.

-Can I?
-Yeah!

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Uh!
-Uh!

We're there.

[moaning]

Sensitive to the
temperature in here.

[deep breaths]

[laughing]

Okay!

[clears throat]

Well...

Thank you so
much for that.

The new breasts are um...

they're really something.

It's uh...

It's a bit weird.

It's me that feels
a little like...

Like I'm making love
to one of the dolls.

Um...

which you know,
people do that.

Lots of people do that.

It's good business
is booming.

So...

You know, go team.

-Let's get back to it.
-Okay.

[upbeat music]

*

* I found it figured out

* I thought without a doubt

* You would come back to me

-Hey! What are you looking at?
-What?

I don't know what
you're talking about?

Check this beauty out.

Baby, baby, baby.

I'm in love
with the twins.

* Thought I would be free

* I guess the joke's on me

[whistling]

Hm.

Mhm.

-Mm.
-Uh...

Hm.

They're too big.

What do you mean
they're too big?

Uh... They're too
big for my body.

They're exactly the size you
requested and they look great.

Do you remember this?

Yeah, but--

You chose these and they
look really great, really.

I don't think they do.

You know what you need?

Some perspective.

Candy, would you
come in here please?

It's very hard to accurately
assess your own body.

You need just an
objective opinion.

Yes?

What do you think
of her breasts?

I think they're great.

See?

They are great.

I don't want them anymore.

I think I made a
terrible mistake.

Really what you need is
just to live with these

breasts for a
little while.

It's like getting
a new sofa.

For a couple of weeks,
it's all about the sofa.

It's all you can see. You
think it looks ridiculous.

And then one day, someone comes
up and says, I love that sofa.

So fucking hot.

Next thing you know, you're
showing everyone your sofa.

You're getting
laid constantly.

I don't want
these on my body.

-Let me raise the nipples.
-What?

Nipple placement.
It's everything.

Right now they're not
where you expect them.

It's disorientating.
Went through the same

thing with my own--

These fucking
breasts are too big!

We can take
them down a cup.

I want my old ones back.

No, you don't want that.

Yes, I do.

They were tiny.

Oh!

You're an asshole.

I want these
implants removed.

Okay.

But I have to warn you.

The procedure involves the
same amount of time and

work so it actually costs
the same to remove that it

does to implant.

I don't have money left.

Oh, I'm sorry.

There's nothing I
can do about that.

[rock music]

*

[sniffing]

[laughing]

[thuds]

[rock music]

*

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Why do you have
to be so big?

You think you're
so perfect.

Well take this.

[erasing sound]

[laughing]

Oh my god.

Oh my god, oh my god.

I'm sorry.
No, no, no!

Oh! Oh!

I love you, it's me.

Ah, ah, ah!

[electronic music]

*

I mean, there's no
explanation, right?

There's no explanation, I mean.

It just went miniature
just like that.

Without even warning.

I should just kill
myself really.

-Should I?
-I'm sorry.

I can't perform miracles.

[somber music]

*

[eerie music]

*

And the winning
numbers are...

05...

09...

10...

19...

25...

43...

47.

I won!

I won!

[funk music]

*

So tell me, Emma.

What seems to
be the problem?

Well...

The thing is, Doctor.

You gotta be kidding me?

Hey, what's up?

Have a good one.

[eerie music]

*

[thud]

This shit is worth
a lot of money.

We could split it
and I could do my...

It's missing!

It's not here!

This is my last one.

Doing my show now.

Okay, I'm at the
mailbox right now.

It's not there.

You know how
bad this looks?

Yeah, I got a piece,
but I really don't wanna

have to kill nobody today.

[gasps]

-Fuck!
-Nevermind, I just found it.

Okay, I'm gonna
call you back.

So that's what... three.

Three?

That's it, that's
all you have?

I don't know that many
people who do coke.

They don't need
to be coke heads.

They just need to be open minded
people who like to party.

Most of my friends
are depressed loners.

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Fuck me.

We need to find a real
drug dealer and sell

this stuff to him.

And how are we gonna
find a real dealer?

How the hell would I know?

[music]

[Latin music]

*

[laughing]

[dramatic music]

*

[eerie music]

*

How the hell
would I know?

[rewinding]

I know a guy.

When'd you get that?

Oh, that?

I've had it for years.

-I never noticed it.
-Huh.

Where'd you get it done?

Uh, I got it done the first
time I went to prison.

[laughs]

What?

When did you...

You never...

I have more.

What?

When did you? What?

Prison?

Don't you worry
about a thing, okay?

The point is I know the business
and the business knows me.

The business knows you?

Yeah, I got a
guy in Buffalo.

Buffalo?

He mainly deals meth and
PCP, but he owes me.

And what did you do?

Don't ask.

Hey.

Didn't the mustache
freak drive in from--

Buffalo.

-Yeah.
-Perfect.

A gift from god.

But isn't it dangerous to cross
the border with that stuff?

Listen, if you really wanna deal
with these two problems...

Where there's a
will, there's a way.

[electronic music]

*

[pumping]

Hello?

Hi.

Yeah, it's me, Eddie.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about last time.

I was tired, you know,
it was a long day.

Ah!

No, I'm just kidding.

Come on.

Welcome.

[indistinct chatter]

[moaning]

Can we turn off the light?

Do you grow after?

Mhm.

To this left?

-The other.
-No.

-No, no.
-Mm.

May I help you?

Um...

-Can I help you?
-Yes, please.

Maybe.

I mean...

Only if you want...

No.

To the right.

Let's just begin
again, okay?

Hold on one
second, hold on.

I've got a plan.

Just a little, just a...

No, no.

Okay, okay, now we're...

Is it happening?

You know what?
Um...

You know, we can
always sleep, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

-Goodnight.
- Yeah, you guys are tired?

I'm really tired.

-Ah, me too.
-Really tired.

I'm sorry.

-Okay.
-I'm...

I'm really sorry.

Hey, we can always be friends.

-You know?
-Yeah.

Sometimes friendship is more
valuable than you know.

Shh!

[electronic music]

*

[eerie music]

*

[moaning]

[dramatic music]

*

[guitar music]

*

Let us sculpt
in hopeless silence.

All our dreams
of speaking.

Bear in mind, it's
still a very rough cut.

Is there another reel?

Another reel?

Yeah because that's
not an ending, right?

It stopped.

Oh, that's the ending.

Jumping off a cliff
is not an ending.

It is the ending.

That's the ending.

She jumps out
of the cliff.

You know, escaping from this
oppression of appearances.

I mean...

or maybe not!

You know, the audience is
left a little bit suspended.

Yeah, it's the kind
of ending, it's...

What's the word for it?

Shit.

-It's a shit ending.
-It's bullshit.

To be specific.

And what's with the couple
having sex on the beach?

The couple is her parents.

She's watching her parents
in her mind conceiving her.

Her parents are having
sex in her mind?

No, come on. Open yourself
to the film, okay?

I mean, just give
yourself a little bit.

You know, give it
a chance, I mean.

The intention was never to a
Hollywood Blockbuster at all.

Yeah, I think
I noticed that.

I mean... if this is the
first release, for me,

as head of the studio,
this is gonna be my last.

Well now. You know,
it's not all bad.

-There's lots of...
-It's exotic, right?

There's lesbians.

That's always
hot and uh...

Oh god.

It's just limp.

It's a little flaccid.

Just a big
disappointment from you!

I wanna see the balls
of Eddie Deacon!

Of course you do.
Show her your balls.

I'm gonna need
to be persuaded.

Yes, alright!

Persuade her.
Persuade her!

Do you want me to
leave the room?

No.

What do you mean, no?

No, no.

I can't right now.

No.

Why not?

I got my reasons, okay?

And if I say no, I just
want you to respect that.

Okay.

I'll shelve it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What he's saying is...

He's being a coy.

He's got lots of ideas,
big ballsy ideas,

and he wanted to surprise
you with them.

Right, Eddie? Come on,
give her a hint.

Tell her about that ending we
were talking about it, you know?

The reshoot in Brazil with the
explosion, the guy running.

It's really so big,
I can't remember.

It's confused in my head,
but you remember.

You tell her.
You're so good with words.

It gave me the shivers,
it was so ballsy.

Eddie, is this true?

I mean, we can always
shoot something, yeah.

Okay!

Good. That's excellent.

Horowitz, make it happen.
Please, okay?

And you, you big tease.

I always knew you had
something up your sleeve.

Alright, guys!

I can't wait to see
what you guys do.

Lots of kick ass shit!

Hot shit, lesbian shit.

Mhm. No lesbians.

Niche demo.

The lesbians are gone.

They're gone.

What the fuck was that?

[suspenseful music]

*

Come on!

No.

That's the one.

It's gonna be delivered tomorrow
to that guy in Buffalo.

Alright.

Perfect.

Say hello to our mule.

[groaning]

Lay her gently.

Okay.

Alright.

What do you wanna do?

What do you mean?

You know, which orifice
do you wanna stuff?

You got your
choice of three.

What? I don't care.

I'll do this one.

Okay, and I'll
do this one.

Why do I wanna
just dive right in?

Maybe I should buy
her dinner first.

Maybe we should focus.

[suspenseful music]

*

Tight squeeze.

Got room for one more?

Not down here.

Maybe in the mouth if
I tilt the head back?

Well...

-Let's see.
-There we go.

Baby, you're so big.

[laughing]

That's it.

She's stuffed.

Are you at all
turned on right now?

What?

No.

No, I don't know.
Um...

Maybe it's because we're
doing something bad.

Right.

Just give me a
hand, okay?

[groaning]

Wait, watch your step.

-Oh!
-Okay.

-Got it?
-Yup.

Alright, I'll put her
on the truck tomorrow.

Just another
regular delivery.

You see?

I told you I had
it under control.

What's the
matter with you?

We'll just go down there,
set up the camera, shoot

some explosions, you know?

Like the end of J-Force.

This film has nothing
to do with J-Force.

I got it, it's art, but excuse
me for stating the obvious.

If you're gonna jam art
up the studio's ass,

you gotta lube it
up a little.

Why do I have to
tell you this?

Why are you not handling this
situation in your usual fashion?

Because I can't, okay?

-I can't.
-Why not?

It's my penis.

-Go on.
-My penis is very small.

It went smell.

It was huge before
and now it's small.

It disappeared almost.

Right.

That's a problem.

Oh, come on. It happens
to everyone eventually.

I mean, not me, I'm hung
like a horse, but look

we're going to Brazil.

They have hundreds of
ways of dealing with

these kind of problems.

I don't even wanna
think about it.

In the meantime,
I'll cover for you.

I'll shoot some inserts until
you feel yourself again, okay?

I have some
ideas for scenes.

[romantic music]

*

Dale?

You know, you're right.
This place is beautiful.

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

How did you find me?

It wasn't hard, baby.

Hey, you think I
can get a capoeira?

Sure.

Michelle, I'm here to
bring you back home.

I miss you.

I want you back.

I need to write my novel.

Yeah, I know.

And I still think it's crazy,
this whole book thing,

but I already promised you
you could write it at home.

I'll give you all
the space you need.

I don't know.

[phone ringing]

Hold on.

Yeah, what is it?

Yeah, I got it.

Bad news.

I just got word you're
in grave danger.

Favela drug dealers are on
their way here to grab you.

They're coming across
the beach as we speak.

We gotta get out
of here right now.

This makes no sense.

There are no favelas here.

These guys are dangerous.

They're like
tropical terrorists.

We gotta move.

Now I'm not gonna let
anything bad happen to you.

Give me your hand.

[bird squaking]

And cut!

Yes, that looked
fantastic.

I don't know what
I'm doing here.

This is what you're doing.

You're shooting bullshit.

You shoot the bullshit.

We send the bullshit
to the studio.

They eat the bullshit
and everybody's happy.

Yeah, but this is not my
film anymore, you know?

I feel like it's
slipping away from me.

You're still worried about
your dick, aren't you?

Of course I am!

Friend, why don't you
take some time off?

Go to the beach,
stare at the girls.

Try to get some semblance
of an erection and leave

the bullshit to me.

You don't wanna be here anyway
for this product placement shit.

Fiat.

She's got a brand
new car, lucky her!

No, you're kidding me.
Come on.

They're covering
the entire reshoot.

No.

Like I said, I'd be
happy to shoot it.

Morning!

Has somebody been
moving stuff around?

I don't know, why?

Where is that box that was
supposed to be delivered

to Buffalo today?

Oh, the guy who ordered it came
by this morning to pick it up.

What do you mean?
When? Who was it?

The weird guy
with the mustache.

What does it matter?

Saved us from shipping
it down there.

And he paid for the order.

We're fucked.

We're totally fucked.

Well, the only solution
is to get our girl back.

Right?

I mean, then we'll be fine.

Right?

-Right.
-Right.

[dramatic music]

*

Give me your hand.

Okay. Let me just
get my passport.

Okay, but hurry.

Time is of the essence!

Okay, okay, okay.

[suspenseful music]

*

Pause!

Maybe if we change her hair.

Something.

[suspenseful music]

*

Dale!

What the fuck
are you doing?

Michelle, I told you.
We need to leave.

No! No way!

Michelle, there's
something wrong with you.

You need to come home with me
so I can get you some help.

There's nothing
wrong with me.

I mean...

-You need to come home with me.
-No!

-You need to come back with me!
-No!

-You do!
-No! No!

This is for your own good.

Dale.

You need to let me go.

I love you so much, baby.

It's for your
own good, honey.

I'm sorry, baby.

[dramatic music]

*

And cut!

Beautiful, beautiful!

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Eddie, my boy.

Just in time.

What are you doing?

Oh!

Helicopters?

Yes, helicopters.

Everyone loves
helicopters.

It makes them happy.

The studio loves
helicopters.

Is this the new ending?

Yes. It's the new
bang-up ending.

You're shooting a new
ending behind my back.

And you don't even know
what the fuck you're doing.

I know, I'm stupid.

I just thought with
my little pea brain,

I thought why don't we shoot
an ending where something

actually happens.

You know, I know that's a
cliché, but you know,

maybe a plot?

Maybe Dale can come save
Michelle and people have

something to cheer for.

No, no, no!
Dale is the abductor.

-He's abducting her.
-Abducting, saving.

Why are you being
so negative?

Because this is my movie.

Our movie and the
studio's paying for it.

No, the studio needs
my credit on it.

[mumbling]

-Oh, that's my chair.
-Oh, shut up!

Do you want me to
call Marissa and you

can talk to her about it?

-Fine, yes, yes, fine!
-I will if I have to!

Oh, look at that!

What's the
matter with you?

You used to love
helicopters.

I'm saving your ass!

You've already lost your dick,
you better save your ass!

Not literally.

We're just...
that's the way we talk.

Okay, let's oil 'em up and uh,
move onto the next scene.

Marissa.

Yeah, we have
a problem here.

Alright, let's do this.

[yelps]

That trellis is
a fucking joke.

-No.
-Fuck.

Get down.
I can do it.

-You can do this?
-Let me try.

You can do this
on your own?

I got this, I got this.

I can do it.

Alright, I'll stand guard.

Okay, you promise?

Yeah, are you
fucking nuts?

I'm not going anywhere.

-Come on.
-Okay.

[inaudible whispering]

-Yup.
-Come on.

[eerie music]

*

[indistinct chatter]

Yes, darling.

I took down that wallpaper.

Need light.

Well you weren't
here, were you?

[suspenseful music]

*

[bottle popping]

I have a surprise for
you, my darling.

It is your favorite.

Yes, of course I've
chilled the champagne.

No, I did not
let it breathe.

It's not like wine.

Did you order a capoeira?

[scoffs]

Sit down, Edward,
we need to talk.

Marissa.

Can I say something?

You look beautiful.

I mean, every time
I look into your eyes

you're like in
slow motion.

It's called jetlag.

Sit your ass down.

Horowitz said that
there's some problems

with your collaboration.

I don't wanna talk about
Horowitz and his stupid ideas.

Those were my
stupid ideas, okay?

Your film is not working.

He has a more
commercial sensibility.

Let's...
Let's just, you know...

Breathe in, absorb
the surroundings.

-This is beautiful, isn't it?
-Hm.

Let's remember that you're
a woman and I'm a man.

Oh please, we already
did that part.

Yeah, but I'm not talking
about sex only, you know?

There's more to
me than that.

You see, people assume
things all the time.

They look at you and they
think oh my god, she's gold.

Very tough, very strong
bitch who like fucked her

way up to the top.

But the problem is that
you're really beautiful.

They can't see past that.

Yeah, you're right.

The beauty
makes it harder.

Well the same thing
happens to me.

People look at me and
they think oh my god,

he's Mr. Action Director.

You know, J-Force this, J-Force
that, J-Force fuck me that.

Well they think
you're a cock.

Yes, but that's a
small side of me.

There's this other side
which I'm beginning to

accept and that's
my vulnerable side.

My feminine side.

This is the reason why I
wanted to do this movie.

I want people to see me
the way I really am.

Wow.

I'm really glad we had
this conversation, Edward.

I had no idea that you felt
that way. And you know what?

I really think that deep down,
you and I have a lot in common.

So you wanna fuck or what?

[electronic music]

*

No.

Yes. Yes, we will.

-On set.
-Why?

Because it's an adventure.

So we will do it
in the trailer.

You know, we will do it
like old Hollywood style.

-Oh.
-Okay?

You look beautiful.

[electronic music]

*

Hi.

Welcome.

First time here?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

May I get you some water?

-Coffee?
-No, I'm fine.

Glass of champagne?

I'm fine.

I, um, called to
ask for the...

Uh, you know, about the...
prosthetic.

Yeah, follow me.

We have a wide variety
of prosthetics for all

shapes and sizes.

We use plexi-filled plastic
with micro vibrators built in.

It feels a lot like
wearing a thick condom.

They receiver will never
know the difference.

We'll make a custom mold
beforehand and then you

pick the size and
shape you want.

Do you have like um...

like the high-end
version of molds.

We do have one item that
is particularly special

and will fulfill
all your needs.

Hold on a second.

[dramatic music]

*

It's the most amazing
model you'll ever see.

[suspenseful music]

*

This is the Supremus.

Wow.

What you're looking at
is state of the art.

If NASA were to build a
penis, this would be it.

The texture ripples just
like it's your own skin.

It's like it's alive.

How much does it cost?

The price is on that tag.

Whoa.
Ho-ho-ho.

No, that's like an
expensive car. I know.

With a car, you
can only drive.

This will make you fly.

[rock music]

[French music]

*

[clears throat]

I love the way
you touch me.

May I kiss you,
my darling?

It's been so long since
I've touched those lips.

Let's dance.

[music]

*

[water running]

Bath time.

No!

-What are you doing here?
-Give her to me!

-No, stop it!
-Give it!

[inaudible yelling]

-No!
-Ah!

[suspenseful music]

*

Give it back!

That was amazing.

That's it?

Yes, let's go!

No!

[electronic music]

*

Welcome.

[electronic music]

*

[moaning]

[moaning]

With no ham.

-Woo!
-Woo!

[jazz music]

*

Ooh!

[laughs]

Ha!

In the manual it says you
provide a complimentary

24-hour emergency
repair service.

Page one!

Yeah, it does say that!

Smoke, white. White smoke.

It says waterproof.

How am I supposed to know
that it was only fresh water?

Yes, I was happy.

Yes, I was going to the
water because I was happy.

No, I don't wanna
join a group. No.

Not even email, no.

I could have died.

It started to
hurt really bad.

It started to
smell really foul.

Imagine dying by
electric shock penis.

What? It's not my problem
it comes from China.

Just send a new one.
You can't?

I don't care about
hygiene at this point.

Security concerns?

Can you pass me to a
manager or something?

Oh, man! Oh...

Thanks for nothing.

[soft music]

*

Hey.

Baby.

How you feeling, baby?
You okay?

Hey.

Have some water.

We have a long
journey ahead of us.

Where are we going?

Home.

Where I can take
care of you.

Where you can have a
normal life again.

It's for the best.

Where's my book?

It's right here.

You wanna work on
it for a while?

We have a long flight.

Just take it easy.

Everything's
gonna be okay.

[dramatic music]

*

They're in their
helicopter.

The thing on top is
spinning around and Dale

convinces her to stop
writing the book.

It's torturing you he says.
It's driving you mad.

He throws it out and he takes
that moment to propose to her.

She says, "si, senor" or however
they say it in Brazilian.

-We'll do the research.
-That's terrible.

And they kiss
in slow motion.

No!

-Credits.
-No, no, no, no!

No, that sounds...

I mean, I already did the
compromise with the hair

-and with the helicopter.
-That's not a compromise.

That was good hair.

Horowitz, I'm trying
my best, okay?

Well your best is
not good enough.

We already established
that, okay? Now...

Let me tell you.

[jazz music]

*

Sorry I'm late.

Good morning, Horowitz.

Hello, Eddie.

I read the new script and
I know that you had some

alternate endings that
you wanted to discuss so

we'll be in the trailer.

No, can we do this
at lunch time?

-Horowitz!
-Lunch!

Lunch, everyone.

Alright, people.

Let's get some...

[suspenseful music]

*

What's that for?

Okay, here's how
it's gonna go down.

We're gonna go inside.
We're gonna wait for a boy.

We're gonna destroy
the paperwork.

He's gonna come
for us with a gun.

Probably something
used for protection.

Probably an antique
elephant rifle.

We're gonna
kill him first.

We're gonna go back to
his house, get the coke,

and then we're gonna throw the
body off the Burlington Skyway.

How do you know
all this stuff?

I've been in this exact
same situation before.

Okay?

I'm doing it
right this time.

I'm not going
back to prison.

This is stupid.

Everything is so
stupid right now.

Yeah, well you're so
stupid right now.

Come on, let's go.

Where'd you put the purchase
order? I can't find it.

It's right there.
It's under L.

No, that's not it.

Where the fuck
do you put it?

I don't know!

Fuck, Emma! This is not
a fucking game. Okay?

If we don't find it,
we will go to jail.

And trust me, with those tits,
you will be eaten alive.

So look for the
fucking paperwork.

God damnit!

[laughs]

Come on, come on.
Up we go.

I need my AD to
know that I'm here.

Guys, if anything
happens in here!

No, this is not what
I was looking for.

I mean, it's not
Hollywood style.

It's perfect.
What do you mean?

You know, it doesn't
have a fire escape.

-I mean, we need...
-Oh, come on.

I don't have a whole
lot of time, right?

Wait, wait!

Hang on, hang on!
No, no, no.

Let's have a drink. You know,
let's talk a little.

-What do you mean, talk?
-Let's have a drink.

I'll get some ice! Yeah!

I am not thirsty.
I am hungry. Come on.

Wait, no, no! Marissa,
no, no, just...

God!

No, no!

No!

Fuck!

This is such a
ridiculous situation.

Why is everything such a
weird, convoluted mess?

Oh, I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

I was perfectly happy
with the way things were.

Then you had to go and get
those insane fucking mega

tits and everything
went to shit!

Don't you see when you do
something that is just

wrong there are
consequences?

It's called karma.

The universe doesn't like
it when you fuck with it.

It fucks you back.

I wish we could just erase
all this stupid shit that

you've done, but we can't.
That's not the world works.

So look for the
fucking paperwork.

[flashback sounds]

Emma realizes that karma
has come back to haunt her.

Shrinking Edward's penis
may have caused her life

to turn into the
nightmare it has become.

What the fuck
are you doing?

Fixing things.

[dramatic music]

*

Oh!

[laughs]

There's my boy.

[jazz music]

*

Keep rolling,
keep rolling.

Tell them to move
in on the book.

-Adrian, get in here.
-I wanna see the word.

Tighter!

Tell them I wanna
read the words.

Horowitz! Horowitz!

-Give me my chair.
-Do you mind?

-I'm shooting a scene.
-Give me my chair. Give me my...

-It's my movie.
-It's my chair!

It's my movie!

Okay, I'm gonna
take control of it.

Come on, just!

So...

-It's the book.
-Wait, wait.

-You read the story boards.
-What the fuck?

Emma returning Edward's
penis allows him to regain

control of his film.

It's just words.
What are you doing?

[dramatic music]

*

Alright.

I've had enough of this.

I want my name
on the chair.

Who's in ch--

[suspenseful music]

*

Okay. Alright, alright,
alright! Come on!

Mustache guy's gonna
be here any minute.

-Let's fucking go.
-I know. Okay, okay.

[dramatic music]

*

How can he know?

What do you mean,
how can I know?

And what is
this all about?

Do you think it's funny?

Do you think it's funny?

Shut up!

[coughing]

Stop!

Stop that.

[laughs]

You can't do this.
I created you.

You're just a part
of my imagination.

Your imagination?
You're...

You're part of
Michelle's imagination.

You only exist
in her book.

[dramatic music]

*

Emma returning Edward's
penis allows him to regain

control of his film.

[dramatic music]

*

Oh shit, oh shit!

Shit, that's him!

Where the fuck is my shit?

Who the fuck are you?

You know damn well
I'm Carl Stromway.

Who?

She knows who I am.
Don't you?

Yeah, good to see
you too, neighbor.

Look I don't
want no trouble.

I just came for my shit.

Yeah, we don't
have you're shit.

I know you have it.
I broke into her apartment

and I found my dumbbell.

You broke into
her fucking place?

122? Man, I'm at 120!

Don't even go there!
I ain't the bad guy.

She stole from me.
Now where the fuck is it?

It's my wife's head
and I want it back.

Hey, dude.
We can sort this out.

Okay, we just need a minute
or two to empty the head.

What in the hell? What kind
of sick shit is this?

Who are you?

Why's everybody keep asking
like y'all ain't got Internet?

I'm Carl motherfucking
Stromway.

I got like 20,000 hits.

Celebrity
personal trainer.

Forget it. The coke you
done stuffed into that

rubber lady's face
there is mine.

Excuse me.

Did you say
personal trainer?

I'm the personal trainer.

Oh, that's the wrong thing
you wanna be right now.

Motherfucker!

[dramatic music]

Baby, you're the best.

Darling.

Emma's mind feels like
it's about to explode.

She starts
hearing a voice.

The voice of her creator.

The one writing her story.

She finally understands
everything.

Even with all the
chaos surrounding her.

Who the fuck are you?

It's Michelle, right?

Emma, get the
fuck out of there!

You're in Edward
Deacon's movie!

You think you're so mighty,
but you're just his creation.

You're just his creation,
Emma says to Michelle.

Dale!

I'm in my book.
I mean...

Whoa, what are you
talking about?

My book.
I'm in it.

Okay, that's enough.

This book is
making you crazy.

[dramatic music]

*

Edward?

Edward?

Deacon?

Can you hear me?

Yes.

-Do you mind?
-Michelle?

What's going on?

I don't know!

I don't know.

You tell me
what's going on.

Thank god you're here.

I want him off the set.

He's completely lost it.

Eddie is the
director again.

What?

-No!
-Look at him.

He's completely
unreliable.

He's talking
to the monitor.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

He's throwing
away the book, no!

Yes, he throws the book.
That's the plot.

No! He can't throw
away the book!

Michelle, grab the book.

Because if you lose
it, we disappear.

Michelle, no!

[wind gusting]

Don't you get it!

Don't you see
what's happening!

Just give me my coke!

Give me back my Jenny!

This is crazy!

[gunfire]

[thud]

[gunshot]

Oh my god!

What the fuck is going on?

What's happening?

Guys, you see this!

-Hey, hey!
-What's happening? What...

[groaning]

No!

Okay.

Alright.

-It's on me now.
-Michelle!

Keep going.
Just grab the book.

Completely disgusting.

Grab the book!

[upbeat pop music]

*

* Wake up you sleepy head

* Put on some clothes,
shake up your bed *

* Put another log on
the fire for me *

* I've made some
breakfast and coffee *

* Look out my window
and what do I see *

* A crack in the sky

* And a hand reaching
down to me *

* All the nightmares
came today *

* And it looks as though
they're here to stay *

* What are we coming to

* No room for me,
no fun for you *

* I think about a
world to come *

* Where the books were
found by the Golden ones *

* Written in pain,
written in awe *

* By a puzzled man
who questioned *

* What we were here for

* All the strangers
came today *

* And it looks as though
they're here to stay *

* Oh you pretty things

* Don't you know you're driving
your Mamas and Papas insane *

* Oh you pretty things

* Don't you know you're driving
your Mamas and Papas insane *

* Let me make it plain

* You gotta make way
for the Homo Superior *

What the fuck?

You're kidding me, right?
That's the fucking ending.

That's the ending.

You call that a
fucking ending?

It's not my ending!

This will be the last
time any of us work.

Yeah, we're not gonna work
because we have no bodies.

We're smeared!

That's another issue.

Can you move
your hand please?

It's in an area that I don't
feel comfortable with.

Move your hand.

* All the strangers
came today *

* And it looks as though
they're here to stay *

* Oh you pretty things

* Don't you know you're driving
your Mamas and Papas insane *

* Oh you pretty things

* Don't you know you're driving
your Mamas and Papas insane *

* Let me make it plain

* You gotta make way
for the Homo Superior *

[upbeat instrumental music]

*

[electronic music]

*