Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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-Antoine? -Yeah?

-What's up? -Are we taking Brutus on our vacation?

No way. Leave him with your mom.

I shouldn't have asked.

I knew you'd say that.

-I'm off. -Won't you need two hours?

I'm coming right back. Be ready when I do.

All I have to do is shower.

One second! I'm coming!

It's always the same!

The phone or the doorbell always rings

when you're in the shower.

Who's there? Is that you, Charlotte?

Who rang?

The postman, with a registered letter.

Come back. I'm home.

No time! I slipped the notice under the door.

No! You're kidding me!

Shit!

No need to panic. What now?

Hello. I…

Anyway, it's ridiculous, but that's that.

Well, not bad.

Well…

Time to bring out the big guns.

Damn it!

The balcony.

At least no one's around.

-Who's there? -Your neighbor.

-What do you want? -To use your balcony to get home.

-You don't have a key? -No.

-Call a locksmith. -How?

From a cafe. I don't have a phone.

I can't go outside!

-Why not? -I'm not sufficiently clothed.

Help me out, Mrs. Bardot. Let me in.

I'll go through your apartment, jump onto your balcony,

and you'll never hear a peep from me again.

Turn around.

I've seen worse!

You're home early, honey!

I finished early!

Doing well, Mr. Bardot?

Yes, thank you.

What's this? What's going on?

There's nothing to explain. It's not what it looks like.

It's life! It happens!

I'm well on my way now.

What a pain in the ass!

Is this the first time you've seen an ass?

Perverts! Degenerates!

Honey?

Honey is right here!

Why are you butt-naked on the balcony?

I expected this!

Of all the smart questions,

you choose the stupidest one.

Well, yeah. Why were you?

It happens.

I might as well have been ice skating in the freezer,

or skiing down a stick of butter in the fridge.

Instead, I was naked on the balcony.

I'll say it again: it happens.

You need to rest.

That's exactly why we're going on vacation.

Come on.

The mailman came by.

If the bastard comes back, I'll do him in.

Hurry! Christian and Laura are waiting!

Turn around! I forgot something.

-What? -My pills.

Leave them!

If we don't turn around, you'll wear your seat belt all vacation.

Enough about your pills!

We're not going to the desert. You'll buy some there.

-You only care about yourself. -Message received.

I'll get Christian and Laura. They've been waiting over an hour.

-I'm coming with you. -You're staying with the bags.

Men!

You can get out of my way!

Honey, I feel bad for you.

Did I ask for your opinion?

Fat ass! Bastard! Jerk!

Stop breaking everything or I'll hit you!

Oscar! She destroyed Oscar!

You'll pay for this, bitch!

You coward! Pig! Scum!

-Is this me we're talking about? -Obviously!

Am I interrupting?

-Shut up. -Sure thing.

Get dressed. We're late as is!

I have nothing to wear.

Old wives' tales.

And what's this?

A closet or a shopping mall?

I've already worn everything.

Hello!

You can shut up.

I didn't speak.

Yeah, you said, "Hello!"

If speaking is off-limits…

Not when I'm arguing with my wife.

Your wife? No, you didn't.

I'd never marry a creep like you.

Right. No way I'm marrying someone that sucks the life out of me.

-I suck the life out of you? -Obviously.

You've whined for two years, "My stomach hurts."

"I'm fat. I need to lose weight."

That's not true!

And the questions, "When are you getting home?"

"Why are you late? Where were you?"

I wasn't cheating. I live with a cop.

Poor you!

Do you think I like living with a pervert?

-Who are we talking about? -You, freak!

Doesn't want normal sex anymore.

I have to wear stockings, preferably black.

-And garter belts. -You're exaggerating.

-Do you like those things? -It's funny.

Shut up! Stay out of it.

Okay. I'll shut up.

And that's not all!

I'm not allowed to wear jeans!

Skirts only. And no underwear, only thongs.

Thongs only.

So he can see my ass on demand.

Listen, Antoine doesn't care about that.

You don't care?

Well…

What you like most about a woman is her ass.

You need ass to be happy.

But not just any ass.

An ass that cleans, does the laundry, and cooks!

That's enough! Be ready in five minutes

or I'll throw you out the window!

As you wish, darling.

See, I like when you speak nicely to me.

She may be high-strung, but she's got a nice ass.

It feels so good to stretch your legs!

My kidneys hurt.

Laura?

Arnaud!

-Who are they? -Dangerous.

Fits the bill of a professional flirt, if you know what I mean.

-What are you up to? -I'm vacationing with my buddy Gérard.

Hi, beautiful.

Hi, Superman.

What are you up to?

-We're vacationing too. -Yeah?

Come!

-My friend, Charlotte. -Hi.

Her friend Antoine, mine, Christian.

-Fiancé. -Not yet!

It's all the same!

This is Arnaud, a childhood friend.

-We were practically raised together. -What's up, nerds?

And I'm the brawn.

That'll be 300 francs.

-Here's a tip. -Thank you.

-And the motorcycles? -Fill 'em up.

Okay.

-Your car is awesome! -Want to go for a spin?

-Yes! -Okay, let's ride part of the way.

We've got some catching up to do.

-Sounds fun. -Come on. Let's go.

Sound good?

Thanks, honey.

You're too kind.

-What about us? -Follow us.

Well, looky there!

We can lead the way if you want.

That's unnecessary.

If we lose each other,

we'll meet at county road 532, okay?

Later, nerds.

Did they just steal our chicks?

It sure looks like it. Come on.

Look at the mess you've made, pig!

My motorcycle! Stop!

I'm sorry.

What an idiot!

The spark plugs are full of gas. Shit!

-What should we do? -We can't leave like this!

It needs disassembling and drying.

Damn it!

Just a shit show.

Remember La Baule?

I almost drowned.

I had to rescue you. I don't know how I managed.

Hands off, Tarzan!

It's cool!

-Is it coming along? -Almost done.

It's about time.

Need a hand?

Definitely not! Clumsy as you are!

Move along. We already paid you.

Well, then…

I don't see them. We must have passed them.

Okay. I'll slow down.

-You can have the keys to the villa. -No kidding?

Of course!

Awesome.

At this rate, we'll never make it to Saint-Tropez.

Nope!

Saint-Tropez is awesome!

You've been?

No, I haven't.

Okay?

My money! Assholes!

I'm sorry, but we can't wait any longer.

That's okay! Have a good trip!

See you soon.

-Okay. Ciao! -Thanks!

Ciao!

Where the hell are they?

Need a ride?

No, thanks.

Come on!

Okay, but that'll be 500 francs each.

Shit! I've seen it all!

There they are!

-Finally! -We're here!

-Well? What happened? -We broke down.

So, did you have fun with the rich guys?

We talked. We've been waiting.

Good news: Arnaud's lending us his Saint-Tropez villa.

What for?

They're going boating for 15 days.

Isn't it great?

Are you sure he doesn't just want you at his disposal?

Don't exaggerate!

He's a friend. He just wanted to do us a favor.

Tell your childhood friend that if he continues, I'll beat him.

I like it. Sounds better than camping.

-You like it? -Yeah.

Then I'll hook him up with Charlotte.

Aren't you nice!

That's not a bad idea. Arnaud's a looker!

What does that mean? You want to leave?

To Saint-Tropez, with you.

SAINT-TROPEZ

This place looks awesome!

Sweet!

Sweet!

It's always me doing the work!

I could use some help here!

It looks just like a postcard!

Check out this pool's clear water!

It's cold!

-Is that my fault? -I didn't say that!

You had an accusatory tone. As if it's my fault the water's cold!

I'm allowed to say it's cold.

Let's just stop.

You always want the last word.

I have the right to have an opinion.

But not to antagonize me.

If I say it's not cold, it isn't.

It's just cool. That's all.

What's wrong?

Shit, it's cold!

Impeccable.

It has everything we need.

Except gas.

They must have cut it off.

Still nothing.

Here. Let me see.

It's butane.

Apparently, it's empty.

So, replace it.

Have you felt its weight?

You're strong.

You want me to walk through town with 20 kg on my back, with how tired I am?

Why now?

Are you kidding? I'm vacationing. I'm carrying nothing.

There won't be any gas. Too bad.

We'll eat cold food or we won't eat.

If you're this annoying, this vacation will be nice.

Let's check out the bed.

They must have gotten it in a Mexican brothel!

If you make love on it, you'll have to come fast

if you don't want to wake the whole neighborhood.

The lavender smells nice.

Want to help me make the bed?

Say, not bad!

I love it!

What's this?

-A bar! -A bar?

Yeah. Ricard.

Feed me!

-Vodka. -Is there any Cossack?

-You're demanding today. -Yeah.

Two-year-old whiskey?

Here.

-Okay! -Thank you.

-A poolside drink? -Sure, why not.

-Enjoying your vacation? -Cut it out, girls!

We're not your slaves. We're on vacation!

While we're getting settled,

think about getting groceries.

That's not a bad idea.

-You coming? -Well, yeah.

I need to say something.

Go on. I'm in such a good mood, you could tell me anything.

-This'll be good then. -You got an STD?

-I lost my wallet. -Shit!

Don't yell at me! It just happened!

I looked everywhere. It's gone.

You don't miss a beat!

That was great.

Yeah, but I'm exhausted.

The boards aren't bad.

Nice and curved, just how I like them.

-Ingeu? -Yeah!

-You can hear the bells, right? -I can hear the ones in Ramatuelle.

-It's just a scratch. -That was so clumsy!

We're so sorry!

There.

-Is he hurt? -Him? No.

I'm Christian. Are you vacationing?

-We arrived a week ago. -We just got here.

-What are your names? -I'm Ingeu.

-Léonor. -Karine.

Shit! I'm hurt!

-Is he hurt? -Yeah.

-Gentle. -There's a bump.

Yeah.

-Everything okay? -Just a scratch.

He's just a clown.

You, up there.

-Ingue? -Yes?

I think our friend could use some ice.

Very cold ice, I think.

Okay.

Let go of me! I'm better!

I knew it.

That I'd give you the eight of clubs?

Nine o'clock and they're still not back…

Are you hungry?

Getting there, but the fridge is empty.

I hope they're not in trouble.

Undress.

Right Here? Right Now?

Of course. Didn't he tell you?

About what?

We have something special planned tonight.

Very special.

We love groups.

-Nudist groups. -Is that right?

We're not opposed.

This is great!

-I hope there are girls. -More than guys.

-This'll be a blast! -Our guests are already naked.

So you must match them.

Naturally. So everyone's comfortable.

-Can we keep our underwear? -That wouldn't be proper.

Yeah. We'll look like hicks.

Well, okay.

Let's go.

Don't push me!

I can't see anything.

Is the power out?

I don't know…

What the hell…

Shit!

-We look like idiots! -You think?

Shit!

Champagne!

Eleven o'clock!

-I hope there wasn't an accident. -No…

The hospital would call.

And the morgue, while we're at it?

You make love like a caveman.

What does that mean?

Fast.

-Quiet! -Okay…

I can't see anything! Are you sure we have the right house?

You don't miss a beat!

Help me instead of yelling.

Really!

I can't help it!

Shit!

-We're gonna wake them up! -I can't help it!

Have you seen the time?

That's nice you waited for us.

Where's the food?

I'll tell you what. It's very simple.

Yesterday, we…

Enough. I got it.

-I'm not asking where you were. -You can go back. Come.

And how.

Wait a second, Charlotte!

Hey, girls!

Asshole!

Hey, Victor!

You coming?

Hi, Victor!

Hi, Victor!

I'll be damned!

Girls too? Enough is enough!

What a shitty year!

SUN BAR

-Hello. -Hello.

-Do you have an umbrella? -Of course. Take the middle one.

-Okay. -Okay.

-My Lord. -Thank you, my good man.

You're listening to "New Paradise" on Saint-Tropez Radio.

My hair's all wet!

Wait.

Come on.

I got it!

I want to swim!

-Did you use suntan lotion? -Yeah.

Travolta!

Chris!

Yeah!

Girls! Look who's here!

Awesome!

-Did you think of me? -All night.

No one's made love to me as well as you have.

-Tomorrow will be even better. -You'll see!

Tomorrow, let's outdo ourselves.

-I've heard enough. -The bastards!

Shit!

-That's all you have to say? -It's not what it looks like.

Jerk!

Wait! Our girls!

-What's wrong with our girls? -Not them. Ours!

-You saw them? -Yeah. They saw us.

-Shit. -I already said that.

Won't you play volleyball?

Go on. I'll join later.

Charlotte. Wait for me!

Let me go, you bastard! Don't touch me again, you hear!

-You don't get it! -I think I do!

Where are you going? Wait up!

-What's he doing? -Is he leaving?

Yes, he's leaving.

-Laura, I need you to understand… -That you're a scumbag. I got it.

You're getting carried away… for nothing.

Charlotte, honey…

Go to hell, Antoine.

Know one thing: I'm sleeping with the first sane guy I meet.

Same here.

-You wouldn't? -Watch us.

-Well? What's up? -Is something wrong?

These chicks just wanted to jump on us,

but we said no. You know us.

Looky there.

Amazing, what we like!

We playing volleyball or what?

-Let's relax! -Yeah.

Yeah. Let's go!

Don't turn around!

You're right. We've got to make a scene!

-Yours! -Yeah!

-Yeah! -Yeah!

-Listen! -Incredible!

-Again. -Your turn.

-Yeah? -Go on.

-Go on! -Antoine!

Okay!

Do you see what I see, Gérard?

Are those our friends?

We have to get hit on so they die of jealousy.

Two, preferably.

Would you do Charlotte? The athlete?

Like an animal! And you with Laura?

She has changed a lot since I've seen her.

I'm into her now. Yeah.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

-Arnaud! -Gérard!

-Are you doing this on purpose? -I can't get everything!

I can't play and watch the coast, if you catch my drift.

Yes!

Here! Mine!

Give them a hand.

-You all right? -Hey, girls!

Happy to see us again?

You have no idea.

One after the other.

Easy!

That didn't take long.

This is crazy! What do they have that we don't?

A sweet ride, a villa, cash, and a yacht.

That's not how it's going down! Come on!

That was bound to happen, head always in the clouds.

Relax! Take a deep breath!

And exhale!

No! Let go of me!

Don't you think they're swollen enough?

Did you finally drop that biker?

For the time being, yes.

Long enough for us to make love.

It's a good idea. I like it.

-I want you so bad. -I don't.

Don't I embody sexuality?

Stop messing around. It's not the time.

You're right. I'll leave it.

Let's start over.

Listen, since we saw each other,

I haven't stopped thinking about you. Not for a second.

Are you gonna break out the violins?

Arnaud!

I can't find the champagne bucket.

The staff has some issues.

You should go look.

I'll be right back.

Is your playboy always like this?

I'm used to it. He's been playing stud since he was a kid.

I get the type.

He wants to be trendy, look good,

act all macho, but he comes across like a hick.

Food's ready, girls!

Good. I'm starving. You coming?

I'll meet you there.

-Is Charlotte coming? -She's making love.

-With whom? -The sun.

I got to see this.

-Can I get a drink? -Piper-Heidsieck champagne.

Classy, no?

-Are you looking at my muscles? -Not really, no.

I'm looking at everything.

-Do you like them? -Why? Are you on sale?

Looking good is important.

But you have to work at it.

Every morning, I--

What about evenings?

I go out with models.

That's nice.

-What do you do? -I'm a model.

No kidding! Have you been inPlayboy?

Not yet.

Are you offering me the centerfold?

You should, with tits like these.

Say Gérard, you're out of shape!

This is ridiculous.

It's disgusting. Pure karma.

We went too far, and now we're paying for it.

That's no reason for the girls to go off with them.

A deceived woman is worse than a wounded animal.

-They lust for revenge. -Yeah?

Yeah. They apply the law of retaliation.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.

Yeah.

As long as they stay above the neck.

Sure. If there's love, there's hope.

-Summarize for me. -Okay.

Two women and two men are on a boat.

The boat leaves. Who's left?

Two cuckolds on the sidewalk.

Come here, beauty!

-If you change your mind, call me. -Yeah.

See you soon, I hope.

Hope, dream, but don't count too much on me.

-Femme fatale! -See you!

I'm gonna ask Jerry for a sailboat.

I'm sure that'll work much better.

-Surely. -Yeah.

See something?

Yeah, this moving doll.

That's better than a truck!

Speaking of trucks, I'd like to see the engine.

Don't move. I'm gonna let you see it.

Well done!

I'll take it!

Who are you giving it to?

Charlotte!

Christian needs to tread lightly.

How nice. Thank you.

-Where's Christian? -He left.

-For Paris? -No. For the villa!

You're a sweetheart!

Are you kissing everyone today?

Yeah, daddy-o. That'll show you not to be Don Juan.

I can get a guy when I want, where I want.

-If not, it's for a reason. -And what's that?

Guess, dummy.

Charlotte! People are watching.

-Did you get kicked off the boat? -Did that girl deport you?

What are you doing?

As you can see, I'm leaving.

With whom?

Definitely not you.

Perfect!

I'm leaving too.

Bon voyage.

Don't you want to know who I'm leaving with?

-I don't care anymore. -Bastard!

-Feeling better? -Yeah!

Easy!

What can I say? I like what I like!

Well, since there's nothing else to say, goodbye.

Goodbye.

-Aren't you going? -You first.

I'll leave when I want!

Go ahead, yell once more for good measure!

You want to fight? Okay.

Are you crazy?

Let's wash our dirty laundry too!

Bastard!

I hate you! You're such a jerk!

Keep going! I love when you get like this.

How have I put up with such a psycho?

What did you just say?

I love you.

Why don't you ever tell me that?

It's not my style, even if it's true.

-You love me? -Yes.

You really do love me?

What the hell are they doing?

-I'm worried about Laura. -You're so nosy!

-I'm gonna call her. -All right, then.

I promise nothing happened with Arnaud.

And you and the girl last night?

The girl?

Nothing happened. She was wasted.

But she wanted to.

But you know me. I'm responsible. You don't have to worry.

The phone.

Let it do its thing.

Let's come back. I'm gonna get it.

We can never catch a break.

Hello?

Hello? Is that you, Laura?

So, tell me. How did it go?

Wonderfully!

I followed your advice exactly.

It worked like a charm!

I've got him on his knees.

Well, not exactly.

Charlotte?

Have you ever had phone sex?

What?

Hello?

Shit. It cut off.

Well?

Remind me at the house tonight…

I have a call to make.

Are you coming?

Sorry. I'm clearly on a roll here.

What about me?

Walk home. You're athletic.

Damn it.

NIGHT CLUB

You know, you're clever.

Aren't you going to join your gorilla?

Don't be stupid, Antoine.

No cheating, eh?

Stop. That's not funny.

Leave me to it then. We'll have a laugh.

Yeah!

-Whiskey? -Milk.

With strawberry? You'll look younger.

Plain.

You're so handsome!

He's mine. I saw him first.

Don't get in my way.

Don't fight, girls. There's enough to go around.

He's cute!

What is she doing?

Relax. One at a time.

He's handsome, too!

I saw him first!

You know, I like you.

Buy you a drink?

Something wrong, boss?

One cop can hide another.

-There are no cops. -So we should be careful.

Boss is right. You can never be too careful.

Especially when you get home.

Wait for me here.

Look like you're at home.

Okay, boss.

What's this mess?

Anybody here?

Just us, boss.

What are you wearing?

You told us to make ourselves at home.

Right at home…

And if we ran into trouble?

-Always ready! -Always ready!

Here.

Damn, you took a hit there.

Now… the trigger's looser.

Let me see.

Are you stupid?

Is someone here?

No, Marco shot a swallow.

He killed a cop?

No, it went off on its own.

I don't understand!

Calm down! Everything's fine.

Come on. Let's go!

-It looks real. -Is there a lot?

I don't know. Maybe one million francs.

Let's get to the car!

-You're gonna try all this? -To start, yes.

Well, we're out of here.

We'll come back for you in eight days.

Think about getting groceries.

Don't repeat two days ago.

And get food for the week.

Why not for the month?

We only have 500 francs left.

We'll fool them and bring back the lot.

Yeah? How's that?

Don't worry. I have an idea.

-That so? -Yeah.

350, 400, and 100 makes 500.

And bon appétit!

Thank you.

And for you, miss?

BUTCHER

Here, smart-ass.

-Are you the boss? -Yes. Why?

Detective Boiller. Police.

Does this guy ring a bell?

I just helped him! Why?

He sells counterfeit 500-franc bills.

Shit. No!

-He just left! -Are you sure?

Yes. Here.

Let me see.

Fake. I'm sure of it.

I got him this time. Where'd he go?

That way!

What about the money?

Evidence.

Come in to the police station tomorrow at 5 a.m.

to record your statement. Be on time.

Do you know this man?

He sells counterfeit 500-franc bills.

That bastard!

Wait…

A fake, I'm sure of it. Which way'd he go?

That way.

-Are you the boss? -Yes. Why?

Detective Boiller. Police.

Do you recognize him?

I think so, son. I just helped him.

He sells fake 500-franc bills.

I don't care. He paid me with a 100-franc bill.

Why are you paying with 100s?

Why not ten-cent coins?

It's not my fault he's broke. I'm not made of money!

You're not working!

Go see the florist. We'll have money.

And she's cute.

-Hurry up! -Yeah!

You're sure it's fake? Let me see it.

Food!

Careful. It's hot.

Tonight, it's early to bed.

-Why? -Two reasons.

The first?

We need our beauty sleep, because tomorrow will be an active day.

The second?

The sooner we're in bed, the sooner we can make passionate love.

Without asking our opinion?

You can ask us ours when you want!

-What about me? -Here. Help yourself.

-Who wants bread? -And you, honey?

-Thank you! -Bon appétit!

Well?

I didn't see the boat or the kid, boss.

It's getting worse, boss.

COUNTERFEITERS ON THE FRENCH RIVIERA

-Let's go to Italy! -Further, even.

-We need the boat! -Where are we going?

To the villa. Arnaud should be there.

It's 11 and they're still asleep.

To be expected. They were making up until 6 a.m.

-How do you know? -I heard the box spring.

I burnt myself!

I slept well.

I noticed.

You started snoring, which was nice.

Sorry, honey. I was exhausted.

Funny enough, I felt fine.

Breakfast!

What's going on?

Repair service.

After last night's exertion, you must recharge.

-Shall I be the godfather? -Shit. I forgot!

Your thoughts were elsewhere.

After last night, you deserve the whole crib.

Me too. You never know.

An attack may be imminent.

No!

More? This is getting indecent.

We've got company.

This smells fishy.

This smells like lavender and rosemary, as usual.

He means it smells off.

My son must have had women over.

-Can you still get the goods? -No problem. I got it.

If you're questioned, you don't speak French.

What do we speak?

I don't care. Just don't mess it up.

Because we usually do?

No more than a minister during an election.

Well, go take a look around, won't you?

You're leaving me? I forgive you.

Life will be hard without you,

but I'll bravely carry my suffering's cross

on the arid path of despair.

What an actor! Damn, I'm good! Shit!

Who are you?

What the hell are you doing here?

We don't speak French.

We don't speak French!

Where are your manners? This isn't a farm!

Get out of here!

Don't mess with me!

I said leave, not come in.

Who do they think they are?

I'm getting mad now!

Yes. Get mad, honey.

Did you hear me?

That's enough fun. Get lost!

If this is a robbery,

you're clowns. We don't have a cent.

Don't panic. I'm not here to hurt anyone.

What's going on?

These three blokes stroll in like they live here.

Forget it, guys.

I'm sorry. I'm being impolite.

I'm Jerry Calavès, owner of this villa.

What do you mean, owner?

The house belongs to me.

I thought my son Arnaud might be here.

Is he a friend of yours? Is he here?

Laura! My little island songbird!

Ever beautiful! Ever wonderful!

I feel better now.

If you're here, Arnaud must be too.

I knew you ran into each other in Paris,

but I didn't know you were vacationing together.

A premature honeymoon, I suppose?

Say, where is he?

I need the boat keys.

Well? Are you suddenly mute?

Did I say something?

On the contrary. I just learned a lot.

This is the first time I've wanted to hurt a girl.

Christian! Listen to me!

There's nothing more to say!

Wait, Christian!

Well, shit.

-Can I help? -You already have, thanks.

Hurry! I'm worried he'll do something stupid.

Wait for me!

What about me?

I swear!

Do I need to call the cops to motivate you?

-Don't understand. -Don't speak French.

Are you done playing games?

Yes, boss.

Wait for me, damn it!

We don't know where your boat is.

Screw it! We'll steal another one.

After him!

Slow down. It's the one time the cops are in front of us.

Papers, please.

My papers are right here.

-Doing better, ladies? -Not at all.

You'll feel better after some aspirin and sleep.

-Bye! -Ciao!

We'll never know if they were a good time.

Two girls who get seasick in the entire French Riviera!

-Shall we get a drink? -Let's go.

-Are you sure? -Yes, they scammed the merchants.

I recognize them. Especially the skinny one, Calavès.

Arnaud Calavès.

Christian! I need to talk to you!

-Who are they? -My wife and sister-in-law.

Bastard! Scumbags!

And Superman, here?

He's my brother-in-law.

Okay. I'm out of the loop. Explain.

I never cheated, honey. Arnaud's just a childhood friend.

We always called each other "fiancé."

-Don't you believe me? -No.

My son's here. We'll get the boat.

God is with us.

The police are, too.

So what? We're vacationers just like the rest.

Right. Play dumb more often.

-Waiter? -Yes? Hello.

Hello. Two Dubonnets.

Say, to get to Cap Camarat…

Is that guy also a family member?

Not yet, but I've got to be careful. He could become my wife's brother-in-law.

Of course.

-Hello, Gérard. -Hello.

-Hi, Dad. -Hey, Son.

-You getting anything? -Yes, the boat keys.

-I'll leave you the car. -Okay.

-Same thing for him, please. -And a pack of Pall Mall.

You're not staying?

I can stay for two minutes.

-Is she late? -Who?

Laura, of course!

I'm not waiting for her.

I don't get you.

It's risky to leave her in town with friends.

You'll be sorry if she cheats.

Jerry! I told you, she's a friend.

You're making a mistake.

Pretty girl like that, I'd easily go from friends to lovers.

You, surely. But not me.

I care for her.

-Yeah… -It's true.

Like you would for a childhood friend.

-Let's go now. -No!

Why not? Are you doubting your statement?

No.

-To vacations! -To girls!

To Italy!

Nobody move.

Detective Boiller.

Sorry to interrupt such a lovely toast,

but I'll request you follow me to the police station.

On what grounds?

ID verification… and some questions.

Concerning?

Criminals are selling counterfeit money in the area.

Fascinating. Were you aware?

No.

What do we care?

-You are Calavès Arnaud? -Yes.

Several witnesses saw you selling counterfeit 500-franc bills.

This is a joke, right?

Do I look like I'm joking?

Detective, when it comes to my son,

you're making a huge mistake.

Be quiet, sir.

Don't speak to my father like that.

-Shut up, you. -I see!

We're bursting with courtesy!

-I have nothing to do with this. -Let's hope so.

You following me, or shall I get backup?

This is ridiculous! Am I hallucinating?

Call me a crook, while you're at it! And my dad too!

You're upset, Arnaud.

He's pissing me off!

Contain yourself. Please!

On my watch, tough guy!

You're kidding me. This is fake, is it?

No.

-Let's get out of here? -Not without the boss. Turn around.

Hurry up.

Hell of a job, ruining people's day.

Let's get it over with. Get your money out.

You took it a little far, don't you think?

-You're right. Let me fix things. -Wait a sec. Listen.

Hang on a sec.

While we're at it, how about my dad's money too?

It's fine. The detective didn't ask.

Now I'm asking.

I'm asking.

See? Everyone's a suspect.

Go on, Dad. I've had enough.

-Thank you. -These are fake, aren't they?

Yes!

No!

No. Evidence.

There's no way. He's sick! You need help!

He sees crooks and counterfeit money everywhere!

There's probably more in his bag, while we're at it!

You never know!

-He's accusing you too! -Calm down, Arnaud.

-Not when they accuse my dad. -He didn't accuse me.

He might as well have. Give me that.

We'll laugh when he's hit with underpants.

-Don't do that. -No need for false modesty!

He knows what a mess is. Give it.

-Don't open it. No! -I will!

See, underwear…

What's this…

This is a prank.

Which scumbag filled it?

Let's go.

There really are scumbags out there.

I'll say.

-Yeah. -Gentlemen.

You're under arrest for trafficking counterfeit money.

-Detective, sir! -Yes?

Arnaud and Gérard are innocent. I lied.

Everything was false.

-Even this money? -Shit!

Drive!

Don't shoot!

Get this pretty bunch to the station.

Follow the white convertible!

Go. Move it!

-We didn't do anything! -Hurry up!

I'm innocent. Let that be known!

He's just my father-in-law. He recognized me. I didn't.

-It's fine! -No, it's not!

I'm sorry about your father-in-law.

Don't worry. They don't have him yet!

Floor it, damn it!

I'm going as fast as I can, boss!

-Should I take a shortcut? -Don't ask. Just do it!

Sure, shoot! But not at us!

Sorry, boss!

Go! Hurry!

-What a nice vacation! -What are you grumbling?

With your debaucheries, what do you expect?

-Nice. -Calm down!

-You mad? -No. I'm great!

You two, over here.

Well, where is he?

Watch your back!

Last thing we need.

What are you doing?

It's obvious.

Gentlemen, ladies, please.

Took you long enough!

What's going on?

Nothing. Leave it.

Detective Morand will see you.

When you find out what you want…

What are you doing?

Shut it!

Tank hit!

Windshield hit!

Are we playing Battleship?

Shoulder hit! Sorry.

How did this happen? No way.

What do I do?

Stop!

Watch out!

-What do I do, boss? -Floor it!

You've got to be kidding me! Assholes!

Two roast pigs! Two!

What the hell do we do?

Floor it! We've got to catch them before the Italian border.

POLICE STATION

Are we free?

Not exactly.

You're in justice's hands now.

-No follow-ups? -Only for the crooks.

That's great, then. Bye, Commissioner.

-Bye, kids! -Commissioner.

Yes? Yes!

Kids?

Who's Antoine Gethel?

That's me. What'd I do now?

Did you lose your wallet?

I did.

You're lucky. It was turned in.

The cash's all here, too!

It's nice to know people are still honest.

You lost your money?

Yeah, but I knew I'd find it.

-You could have told me. -Don't bicker.

-I have more good news. -What's that?

The Bank of France will reward those who helped capture the crooks.

-How big of a reward? -Some 300,000 to 400,000 francs.

-New? -Old. Don't get ahead of yourself.

-Not fake, I hope? -Okay, wise guy.

-All right, get lost. -All right. See you!

We lost them, boss!

Good! Don't slow down. Pedal to the medal!

We won't get far. We're nearly out of gas.

Of course. The gas is on the road.

-We'll never get to Italy. -We will!

-No! -Yes!

-No! -I said yes!

Okay.

There!

Police!

-What's this? -What were you doing?

-We were talking. -With your pants around your knees?

Let's call it indecent exposure.

Switch cars!

Ours will be more comfortable for you.

-Hurry! Go! -Go, Marco!

You left something behind!

Come on! I can't believe it!

Hurry! This is insane!

Come on! You're kidding me!

You're kidding me!

Yes!

That's it!

The car's moving. They're inside.

Go that way. You, that way. We got them!

Surrender!

Exit the vehicle!

Let's go! They can't get away!

Now that we're rich!

You're all invited!

We're gonna have a feast!

Then we'll have a blast at Papagayo!

And make love for the rest of the night!

If we're not exhausted!

Long live love!

Long live men!

If there's any left!

Say it loud…

Long live France!

And its surrounding countries!

I've had enough!

You're kidding me!

I can't help it if there's no water in the damn radiator!

It won't be very hard to hide a car out here, will it?

You up there, wise one. Help us out get of here, damn it!

Thanks, man!

We lost them!

No way! They're definitely ahead of us. This is the only road.

Go right!

Damn it! They're getting away!

They're ahead of us now!

They'll intercept us at the border.

Shut it, you two!

FRENCH CUSTOMS

Gentlemen! Have you passed three men?

No, sir. I didn't see anyone.

See? That's how you lose a promotion.

That didn't spoil your appetite?

And they're rude!

Rotten bastards!

Scumbags! Jerks! Assholes!

Is everybody happy?

Yeah!

You know what I'd like?

Tell me.

A romantic trip to Italy.

We might as well be there.

Charlotte. I've been looking for you.

-Frédéric! -Do you know him?

-Well, yeah! -Who is he?

A childhood friend.

-Hey, Frédéric. -Hi, Charlotte.

You, come with me.

For starters, get lost!

Because Charlotte and I…

I don't want another word about friends or childhood!

Otherwise, it'll cost you!

Go on!

THE END

Subtitle translation by: Liberty Johnke