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00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:04,880
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,300
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:12,012
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
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00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,767
Previously on How I Met Your Father...
5
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,936
- Send your absolute best photo,
6
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:22,564
and I'll consider squeezing you
into our New Voices show.
7
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,067
- I got to take the perfect shot.
8
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,737
- When you're a struggling artist,
9
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,240
you only get so many chances
to prove yourself.
10
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,534
So, when a big one presents itself,
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00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,327
you can't help but wonder,
12
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,037
"Am I good enough?"
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00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,413
- I'm not good enough!
14
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,666
All of these photos are terrible!
15
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:41,917
- Alright, calm down.
16
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:45,087
- Hey! Don't tell a woman to calm down!
We hate that!
17
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,631
- It's almost as bad
as telling us that we look tired.
18
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,508
You think that we don't
know that we're tired?!
19
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,926
We're the ones inside of our bodies!
20
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,888
Do you guys think
any of these are good?
21
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,140
- I love this one of a blurry tampon.
22
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,684
You know, what a powerful statement
23
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,936
about how we need
to focus on women's issues.
24
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,897
- That's a photo I accidentally
took inside my purse.
25
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,692
- Or... is it art?
26
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,444
- Woo! 'Sup, fam?
27
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,446
Guess who's finally recording new music
28
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,865
as a solo artist?
29
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,075
- Did Jungkook leave BTS and go solo?
30
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,369
Mm, we all saw it coming!
31
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,121
- No! It's me!
32
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,999
I finally laid down some
new tracks without Meredith.
33
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,542
Thank you!
34
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,043
Yeah, that's also exciting.
35
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,129
- Hell yeah, it is!
36
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,839
Jesse,
I am so proud of you, man.
37
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Can I kiss your forehead? Mwah!
- You better.
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00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,843
Ugh! I'm glad you're so psyched for me
39
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,387
because I did max out all
my credit cards on studio time,
40
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,806
and I'm going to be late
on rent this month, but...
41
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,766
do you need any more back rub coupons?
42
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,686
- No, Jesse, I got plenty
of back rub coupons, man!
43
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,397
- I feel you, Jesse.
44
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,108
I have drained my entire
bank account on rolls of film.
45
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,067
But, you know what?
46
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,403
That's just the life
of a struggling artist, right?
47
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,489
Like, pour everything into our work,
live on the cheap...
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00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,283
Here!
49
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,994
Have some free fruit salad.
- Ooh! Don't mind if I do.
50
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,954
- That is not fruit salad!
51
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,498
- These are my cocktail garnishes!
- And they're delicious.
52
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,335
- Oh hey, can I interest you
in little, uh, BYOB?
53
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,378
It's one of my
struggling artist life hacks.
54
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,047
- Hell yes.
- Oh, can I get one of those?
55
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,131
- Yeah, of course.
56
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,258
- And I wonder
why this bar isn't profitable!
57
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,094
- I got to go home and change
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00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,638
and shoot as many rolls as possible
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00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,682
before Drew's big school
fund-raiser tonight.
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00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,810
Wasn't that so nice of him
to invite you guys to that?
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00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,104
He said it's like the Oscars
of public education.
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Bye!
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,069
- We're not actually excited
about this, right?
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00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,240
Well, well, well.
65
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,575
Look at you.
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00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,036
If it isn't the most manly man
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00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,455
at the Jefferson Elementary
charity auction.
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00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,048
- Hi, Sid.
69
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,717
- What are you doing here, Meredith?
70
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,012
Shouldn't you be out rejecting
the proposal of a young lover,
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00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,598
and then fleeing to Europe with his cat?
- Okay.
72
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,102
Of course, I could have handled things
better with Jesse, but...
73
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,771
you know, there's no instruction manual
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00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,315
for being blindsided
with a public proposal.
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00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,692
Wait...
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00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,864
♪ There's no instruction manual
for a broken heart-- ♪
77
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,574
- What are you doing right now?
78
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,158
- I'm working on a new album,
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,369
so I try to record stuff
whenever inspiration strikes.
80
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:24,329
Wow.
81
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,707
What are you doing different to your skin?
82
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,001
- Well, actually, yeah,
83
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,836
I've been using
this new alpha hydroxy mask.
84
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:31,962
It's like--
85
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,007
No! No. This is what you do.
86
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,758
You charm people, you suck 'em in,
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00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,553
and then you stomp their hearts to a pulp.
88
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,848
- Okay, look, I need to talk to Jesse,
alright? And I don't have his new number.
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00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,850
- Is he here?
- Nope. He's on a date.
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With Dua Lipa.
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,938
- Jesse is dating pop superstar Dua Lipa.
92
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,064
- Correct.
93
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,483
They met at a Shake Shack,
ended up splitting a burger...
94
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,568
- Dua Lipa is a vegan!
95
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,737
Forget it. I'll just come back--
- No!
96
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,155
No, no, no. Do not come back later.
97
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,490
Jesse's gonna be home soon.
I got to go to work,
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00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,659
so why don't you just... wait here?
99
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:04,369
- Okay...
100
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,580
What's your Wi-Fi password?
101
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:09,875
- It's "Meredith sucks."
All one word, "sucks" is in caps.
102
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,672
Ellen? Meet me at Pemberton's.
We have a code M.
103
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♪
104
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:20,469
- Valentina, let's go over
tomorrow's looks.
105
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,304
Michelle Williams' dress?
- Steamed and ready to go.
106
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,306
- Harry Styles' dress?
- Steamed and ready to go.
107
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,349
- Tilda Swinton's armor?
108
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,100
- Polished and ready to go.
- And where are
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00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,393
J.Lo's nipple concealers?
110
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:29,645
- Right here, Fred.
111
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,983
- These are black.
Her dress is sheer!
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00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,361
Do you want J.Lo's nips
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00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,530
to be staring out at the world
like a coked-out ow?
114
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:40,864
- Sorry. Nobody told me.
115
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,866
I think we have some nude ones.
116
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,910
- You are an incredibly
dumb person, Valentina.
117
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,204
- Fred, you cannot talk to me like that.
118
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,581
- Oh, honey, I'm not talking
to you. Mm-mmm.
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00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,583
I'm talking to my doll Valentina.
120
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:57,172
- We both know that doll
is just a weird workaround
121
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,341
so you can verbally abuse me
without a lawsuit.
122
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:03,053
- No, it's not.
- You stupid, stupid, worthless idiot.
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00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:05,264
Oh, sometimes,
124
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,224
I have fantasies about
taking you to a Knicks game
125
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,227
and waiting for the kiss cam to come
around and land on us, and then...
126
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,145
firing you in front of the whole world!
127
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,565
- Fred, that was clearly directed to me.
128
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,108
- Was not. I was talking to the doll,
129
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,318
and you can't prove otherwise. Bye!
130
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:23,907
- At least you got an actual doll.
131
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,453
- Hey, bunny. Think we'll have time
to grab a proper dinner
132
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,289
before this Drew nightmare.
133
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,374
Apparently, they're serving
pasta made by schoolchildren,
134
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,127
and I am not trying to get head lice
from a plate of ravioli.
135
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,587
- One sec. I just need to...
136
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:39,298
swipe something
from our accessories closet.
137
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,966
- What do you mean, swipe?
138
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,427
- I promised Drew I would donate
something to the auction tonight.
139
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,345
I was just going to grab
a random blouse or something,
140
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,347
but, lucky for Drew's school...
141
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,809
my boss really pissed me off today.
142
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:54,980
- Valentina, that is a beige lambskin
quilted medium Chanel 19 flap.
143
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,398
It's worth thousands!
144
00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:01,153
Men can be bag hags, too.
You're gonna steal that?
145
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,446
- Not steal it.
146
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:03,780
Swipe it.
147
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,365
- That's just an adorable way
of saying steal!
148
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,366
- Chill!
149
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,744
Nobody will ever find out.
Fred never checks that closet.
150
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,454
Hey, stop looking at me like that,
151
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,080
you judgmental little bitch!
152
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,000
- Fine. Do whatever you want.
Just don't talk to me that way.
153
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,878
- Oh, sorry!
Oh, I was talking to the doll.
154
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,301
- Now, I know what tonight's
nightmare will be about.
155
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,303
♪
156
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,764
- Hey, you.
- Hi.
157
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:31,350
I'm really excited for you to meet
all my work peeps tonight.
158
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,684
I told them all about you.
159
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:33,894
- Oh!
- Anyhoo,
160
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,646
uh, any luck getting your perfect picture?
161
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,855
- Not yet.
162
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:40,234
I almost got one of a cat and raccoon
being interspecies friends.
163
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,569
But, then it turned out the cat was dead,
164
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,613
and the raccoon was eating it.
165
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,740
- Oh, ew.
166
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,077
Anyway, I-I really admire your hustle.
167
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,454
- Thanks. Oh my god.
168
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,248
I think this adorable old couple
169
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,124
is about to kiss over a steam vent.
I-I got to go.
170
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,712
♪
171
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:05,425
Whoa! Ah!
172
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,426
Ow...
173
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:13,183
Oh thank God, nothing's broken.
174
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,111
Oh...
175
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,032
Jesse! Hey.
176
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,243
You don't happen to have
a cheap dentist, do you?
177
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,620
Thank God.
178
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,709
Yes. If he gives me a free
toothbrush, you can have it.
179
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,170
♪
180
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,714
- What took you so long?!
Does code M mean nothing to you?
181
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,008
- Literally nothing!
But it better be bad
182
00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,301
because I was in the middle of doing
183
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,303
that alpha hydroxy mask you gave me,
184
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,346
and now, I'm only half hydroxy!
185
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,473
I got to go even out.
- Okay, no.
186
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,642
Meredith is at my apartment right now,
187
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,852
and she needs to talk to Jesse.
188
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,230
- Do you think she's pregnant?
Did she look pregnant?
189
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,900
- Actually, yes. She was glowing brighter
than the left side of your face.
190
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,404
- Is Jesse going home before the gala?
- No.
191
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,489
- So, Meredith's in your apartment
waiting for no one.
192
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,992
- Correct.
- Very good, very good.
193
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,702
Then, that buys us some time.
194
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,078
But what's our endgame?
195
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,456
- Well, we don't have one.
There is no end to our game.
196
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,084
That is a really tight rap lyric!
197
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,837
♪ There's no end to our game,
no borders on the frame ♪
198
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,423
- ♪ Hydroxy on our faces,
so our pores are down the drain ♪
199
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,426
- My god, Ellen, our rhymes are lit!
- Woo-hoo!
200
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,221
- Meredith's not the only one
who can impromptu songwrite.
201
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,598
Yeah, not bad.
202
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,434
Jesse's still not back,
and I really need to...
203
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,560
Wait...
204
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,688
You must be Jesse's sister.
205
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,567
He used to tell me so many stories about
how close you guys were.
206
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,445
What is that character you used
to do whenever you drank water?
207
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,572
- He told you about Barbara Waters?
- Yes!
208
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,575
Today on The View,
209
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,993
I will be interviewing
210
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,621
a delicious glass of ice water!
211
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,374
- Oh, that is such a good impression!
212
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,042
You should audition for SNL.
213
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,461
- Oh, stop. I mean,
it has crossed my mind--
214
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,964
- Ellen, you're getting sucked in.
215
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,215
Oh.
216
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,053
Jesse just texted me.
He's back at the apartment.
217
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,179
Come on, we'll walk you back.
218
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,431
- Fine.
219
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,935
- What are we doing?
- I don't know!
220
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,772
- Thanks again for driving me here.
- Yeah, no problem.
221
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,357
I'm just looking forward
to that new toothbrush.
222
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,694
- I just want to get in,
get out, and get to Drew.
223
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,783
Yikes. This place is worse than
my waxer the day before Valentine's.
224
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,452
I told Drew I was gonna be right on time.
225
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,454
- Uh yeah, that might be tough.
226
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:42,165
Dr. Hoffman's super popular
because he's so affordable.
227
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,501
The only way to get cheaper dental care
is to date a dentist.
228
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,794
But then you gotta date a dentist.
229
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,716
Okay...
230
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,887
- Whether the weather be fine,
or whether the weather be not,
231
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,513
we'll weather the weather,
whatever the weather,
232
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,848
whether we like it or not.
233
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,101
- Move over, she's spitting all over me.
234
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:05,272
- Sorry! Just warming up my cords.
235
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,608
There's an open call for Wicked later,
236
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,694
and I have a really good
feeling about this one.
237
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,323
But my gums randomly bleed,
so here I am.
238
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,659
- We're not like these people, right?
239
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,578
- What? No, of course not.
240
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,748
- Oh, I see.
241
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,125
Well, thanks for reading it.
242
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,712
Any particular reason
it wasn't for you or--
243
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,256
Hello? Hello?
244
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,469
There goes
another six years of my life.
245
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,263
Hey. Sir?
246
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,933
- You okay?
- I'll be fine.
247
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,436
I just really thought this novel
was finally going to be my big break.
248
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:48,106
Hey, do you know if Dr. H
still gives out free toothbrushes?
249
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,400
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,486
- So, uh, like,
251
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,071
are you new to the whole writer thing?
252
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,948
Like, it's a calling
you found later in life?
253
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,991
- No. Started right out of college.
254
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,410
I finished my first manuscript
255
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,120
the day Reagan was elected,
256
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,248
and I remember promising myself,
257
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,916
"I'm going to be a published author
258
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,960
before that man leaves the White House!"
259
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,545
- Ha, ha.
- And then I made
260
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,881
the same promise to myself
when Bush was elected.
261
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,717
Then Clinton. Then Clinton again.
- Yeah... Yeah...
262
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:16,927
- Then other Bush twice.
263
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,595
- Oh, please stop saying presidents!
264
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:22,641
- Now, I know you think I'm exaggerating,
265
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:26,228
but Dr. Hoffman was
the oldest dentist I'd ever seen.
266
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,314
- Which one of you is Sofa?
267
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,193
- It's Sophie.
268
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,862
Sofa is furniture.
269
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,822
- A bit louder, sweetheart.
270
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,782
- Sophie!
- Sophie!
271
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,995
- Sophie!
- That's my great-granddaughter's name.
272
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,372
Come in the back. I'll give you a haircut.
273
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,499
Oh, I'm sorry.
274
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,042
Come on, I'll look at your teeth.
275
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,798
♪
276
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,927
- Here. The bartender said, "Say when,"
277
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,555
and I just stayed silent.
- I'm gonna need a lot more
278
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,057
than a Big Gulp of shit chardonnay
to get me through the night.
279
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,935
I'm an accessory
to grand theft Chanel.
280
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,897
- Dude, I swear no one will notice
the purse is gone.
281
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,197
My boss has noticed the purse is missing.
282
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,908
- Oh my god,
this night can't get any worse.
283
00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:24,995
Did the kids make the wine as well?
284
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:29,333
- Honestly, my tooth
looks better than ever.
285
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,584
- Totally.
286
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,711
You look like you could be
in a Colgate commercial,
287
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,881
whereas an hour ago, you looked like
you could be in an anti-meth commercial.
288
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:40,511
- Honestly, I was starting to question
all my life choices back there.
289
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,804
We are nothing like those losers
in the waiting room.
290
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,265
Ow! Oh!
291
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,518
What happened?
- I don't know. The car just stopped.
292
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:50,103
- Ow... Is my nose bleeding?
293
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,649
- No, but you did break your tooth again.
294
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:56,026
- Huh? Ah!
295
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,027
♪
296
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,158
- I can't stop thinking about what
will happen if we go down for this.
297
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,953
I'll wind up in prison,
carving soap figurines
298
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:09,706
and training crows to deliver cigarettes
to someone named Big Papa.
299
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,668
- We're not going to prison. I'm just
gonna take back the purse before the--
300
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,336
Who's ready for an auction?
301
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,629
-...auction starts.
302
00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:20,217
- Alright. Let's get started with
this gorgeous Chanel purse.
303
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,804
The bidding will start at $500.
304
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:26,306
500, 500, do I hear 500...
305
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,017
- I gotta bid on it to win it back,
so here goes.
306
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,602
- $15,000!
307
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521
- And I'm out.
308
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,777
- My mechanic said I needed
to replace my master cylinder,
309
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,488
.but I thought I had a few months.
310
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,031
- I found my tooth!
311
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,078
Why would you eat my tooth?!
312
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,329
- That was a Tic Tac.
313
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,831
No, that's a pill.
314
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,332
- Damn it!
315
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,460
What if we are not
struggling artists
316
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,546
on the verge of our big breaks?
317
00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,716
What if we are going to wind up like
those sad people in the waiting room,
318
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,302
using old presidents
to track how long we've been failures
319
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,888
because I've been taking photos
since Obama...
320
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,764
Wah, I'm already doing it!
- Okay, okay, Sophie, stop it.
321
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,392
Alright, I've seen your photos.
They're fantastic.
322
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,144
You've got a half dozen shots
323
00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:15,355
you could send in right now to impress
that hoity-toity gallery woman.
324
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,274
And even if for some reason
she doesn't like them,
325
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,901
somebody else will.
326
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:20,444
- How do you know?
327
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,238
- Because the way you see
the world is-is incredible!
328
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:27,075
You're like this insane little ball of joy
and hope and optimism.
329
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,995
I mean, even today.
Y-you were eating cocktail garnishes
330
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,622
and acting like it was a lobster dinner.
331
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,041
That's why I love being around you,
332
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,252
and it's how I know the world
is going to love your photos.
333
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,421
'Cause you're amazing.
334
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,216
♪
335
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,383
- Oh...
336
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,385
Um...
337
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,304
Thank you.
338
00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,474
No problem.
339
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441
And that's when it happened.
340
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,235
My perfect shot.
341
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,695
- Jesse, don't move.
342
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,572
- Why? Is there a bee on me?
343
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,533
I lost my EpiPen.
I couldn't afford a new one.
344
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,159
Oh my god, this is it. This is how I die.
345
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:12,120
No bee. You're my shot.
346
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,747
- Oh. Okay.
- Just keep working on the car.
347
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,874
- Do you want me to do that cool pose
where I look up at the sky?
348
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,084
- Nobody wants that.
349
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,086
Okay.
350
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,964
- Jesse?
351
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,465
Jesse!
352
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,469
That is so weird.
He must have just left.
353
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,180
- Jesus. I haven't seen acting this bad
since my nana's nursing home
354
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,057
put on a production of Dear Evan Hansen.
355
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:33,851
Okay, look.
356
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,770
If you guys really don't
think I should see Jesse,
357
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,231
then I guess I can tell you what's up
and you can pass it on.
358
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:40,899
- Oh my god.
Can we-- Can we handle this?
359
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,734
- Have you met us? Of course not!
360
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,570
We couldn't even handle
the Impossible Burger
361
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:46,029
because it was too real.
362
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,448
- Okay, in our defense,
what kind of vegetarian meat bleeds?
363
00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:53,287
- I wrote a new album,
and I got signed to a pretty major label.
364
00:15:54,246 --> 00:15:56,957
And the first single's
coming out this week.
365
00:15:56,957 --> 00:16:00,502
This morning, I taped a segment
on The Drew Barrymore Show, and...
366
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:03,589
she called it
"a certified Barrymore banger,"
367
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:06,550
and then a bunch of donuts
fell from the ceiling.
368
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,468
I really do not understand that show.
369
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,097
- Drew is daytime's new darling.
Get on board.
370
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,057
- The single drops tomorrow,
371
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,894
and it's very obviously
about me and Jesse,
372
00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:19,021
and I think the combo of me
having a big song
373
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,231
and it being about
our relationship could be,
374
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,399
you know, a lot for him.
375
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,028
But yeah, m-maybe it's best
coming from you guys.
376
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,741
Anyway, I'm staying at the Bowery,
if he wants to talk.
377
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,828
♪ Staying at the Bowery,
wanna say I'm sorry ♪
378
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:40,459
I can't believe I was your perfect shot.
379
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,878
I guess my middle school
art teacher Miss Duncan was right.
380
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,589
I do have the body of a model.
381
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:48,467
- That is a very
disturbing story from your past.
382
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:51,261
Um...
383
00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:53,722
All that stuff you said earlier...
384
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,391
Thank you.
385
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,352
♪ soft music ♪
386
00:16:58,352 --> 00:16:59,311
- There you are.
387
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,021
- Hey!
388
00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:05,609
I'm sorry I'm late,
and that I look like this.
389
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:09,363
I'm hoping that the-the chipped
tooth adds more character?
390
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,241
Like maybe I've got
a real juicy origin story.
391
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,744
- Mm. You know,
the chipped tooth's kind of charming.
392
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,497
The, um, the bird shit on your shoulder
leaves something to be desired.
393
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:21,208
- Oh! Oh god. I...
394
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,918
It was a long walk here.
395
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:24,378
- It's all good.
- Hm.
396
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:27,214
- You missed the superintendent
but, um, glad you're here now.
397
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,384
You know, Jesse,
that full-time music teacher job
398
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,135
we talked about comes with full dental...
399
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:34,513
- Uh, I-I'm good, Drew. Thanks, though.
400
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,225
Well, okay. I'm going to let you two hang.
401
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,314
- You offered him a full-time job?
- Yep.
402
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:48,235
You know, I get that Jesse wants
time to work on his own music.
403
00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,529
I just... I don't know,
404
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:52,531
wish he'd stop chasing
a pipe dream, you know?
405
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:55,909
- Wait...
406
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,913
Do you think that me making it
as a photographer
407
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,707
is also a pipe dream?
408
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:06,670
- Maybe... maybe we can
talk about this later?
409
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:11,258
- Actually, I-I'd kinda like
to hear your answer right now.
410
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,306
- Look, I-I think photography
is your passion,
411
00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:18,557
and that's awesome.
412
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,686
But I also think
there comes a time in life
413
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,813
when you should get a stable job,
414
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,107
so you can plan for your future.
415
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,692
Or afford a dentist.
416
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,613
- Got it.
417
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,743
- I gotta go say hi to
those teachers. Um...
418
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,412
We'll keep talking later, okay?
419
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,300
- Well, it's official.
Fred's going to fire me.
420
00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:55,719
I've worked for that horrible man
421
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,222
for five excruciating years,
422
00:18:58,222 --> 00:19:00,265
and I put up with him
because I told myself
423
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,519
that it was a stepping stone
to something great, but now...
424
00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:06,021
it's all for nothing.
425
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,106
He knows everyone in this industry,
426
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,025
and he will make sure
that I'm known as the girl
427
00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:13,695
who stole the beige lambskin
quilted medium Chanel 19 flap.
428
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:16,406
No, he won't.
429
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,743
Because I am swiping it back.
430
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:25,290
- But you hate stealing.
- I know.
431
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,750
But I love you more.
432
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,837
So just promise you'll wait for me
if I get thrown in the pokey for this.
433
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:32,172
Mm...
434
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,341
This is so romantic!
435
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,927
But I cannot, in good conscience,
commit to waiting for you.
436
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,682
♪ soft music ♪
437
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,451
Well...
438
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,496
a lovely evening. Thank you very much.
Valentina, run!
439
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:07,791
♪
440
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,336
- Maybe we give him worse news
before Meredith's news,
441
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:13,297
so it doesn't seem so bad.
442
00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:14,715
- Like what?
- I don't know.
443
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,758
We can tell him he has testicular cancer.
444
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,927
- How on earth would
we know that before him?
445
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,639
- Oh, I love you, Bonnie.
- I love you more, Clyde!
446
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:26,602
- Don't mind them. They're in
the middle of some very intense
447
00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,145
outlaw-themed role-play.
448
00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:29,396
Where were you guys tonight?
449
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,566
- Something came up.
- Oh.
450
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,443
Everything okay?
451
00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,242
Sorry,
it's the tow truck company.
452
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,870
My car broke down on the side of the road.
It's gonna cost me a fortune.
453
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:48,332
Something tells me they're not gonna
take back rub coupons. Be right back.
454
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,962
- Maybe we can just tell him tomorrow.
- Yes.
455
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:58,091
Tomorrow is a perfect day
for you to tell him.
456
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:03,514
Am I good enough to make it as an artist?
457
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:06,517
That's the question I asked myself
a thousand times a day back then.
458
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,522
Except when I was
around a certain someone.
459
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,192
- Hey.
- Hey.
460
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,194
Why aren't you with Drew?
461
00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:19,863
- We had a fight.
462
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:22,282
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
463
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,661
Drew doesn't believe in what
I'm doing with my life,
464
00:21:25,661 --> 00:21:28,664
thinks it's time for me
to grow up and get a real job...
465
00:21:30,791 --> 00:21:33,293
I guess the way he sees me is...
466
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,672
pretty different than the way you see me.
467
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:41,009
♪ BRIGHTSIDE by The Lumineers ♪
468
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:45,013
- Well,
maybe he's not the guy for you.
469
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,391
♪ Waves on a ceiling ♪
470
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:53,063
♪ I'll be your brightside ♪
471
00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,232
♪ Baby, tonight ♪
472
00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:00,112
♪ I'll be your bright side ♪
473
00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:02,322
♪ Baby, tonight ♪
474
00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:04,658
♪ Tonight ♪
475
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,287
♪ You were tired of Tacoma ♪
476
00:22:09,621 --> 00:22:13,166
♪ I was tired of believing we were right ♪
477
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,377
♪ Losing every other friend ♪
478
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,506
♪ Finding nothing in the afterlife ♪
479
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:22,593
♪ But the light in your eyes ♪
480
00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,595
♪
36760
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