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1
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,878
♪♪
2
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:14,147
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,883
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,784
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,721
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,389
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,358
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
8
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,394
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,831
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
10
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,601
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
11
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:41,596
Okay, children,
let's take our seats.
12
00:00:42,761 --> 00:00:45,332
I know there's a lot of things
going on
13
00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,827
and we're all a little bit
worried.
14
00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,926
I've heard some of you express
concern over current events,
15
00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:53,233
so I think we should
discuss what's happening.
16
00:00:53,233 --> 00:00:54,200
It is true --
17
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,827
Rick and I did get into a fight
over the weekend.
18
00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:00,827
Now, I don't know what you've
heard and what you haven't,
19
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:04,827
but Rick was wrong, okay?
20
00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:08,431
He's the one that needs
to apologize.
21
00:01:08,629 --> 00:01:11,827
We're not worried about that.
We're all worried about Putin.
22
00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:15,827
Putin? It was just a little
noise when I pulled out.
23
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:16,959
Nobody was "pootin," okay?
24
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,959
And anyway, you kids shouldn't
be talking about that stuff!
25
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:20,926
Geez!
26
00:01:20,926 --> 00:01:22,761
Uh, kids,
I need your attention!
27
00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:26,728
We're doing an emergency drill
this morning, m'kay.
28
00:01:26,728 --> 00:01:27,497
A drill?
29
00:01:27,497 --> 00:01:29,761
M'kay, now, we haven't done
these in a long time,
30
00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:34,233
but we need to be prepared if
the Russians decide to nuke us.
31
00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:37,134
Now, when you
hear this sound...
32
00:01:37,134 --> 00:01:39,200
The Russians are nuking us.
33
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,992
...then you need to quickly
and calmly get out of your seats
34
00:01:42,992 --> 00:01:46,596
and get to the gymnasium, m'kay?
35
00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:49,827
The Russians are nuking us.
36
00:01:52,332 --> 00:01:54,992
The Russians are
nuking us! Go!
37
00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:57,266
Go, go, go!
We're all gonna die!
38
00:01:57,266 --> 00:02:00,101
Come on! Come on!
The missiles are coming!
39
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,299
They've lost their minds!
Run!
40
00:02:01,299 --> 00:02:04,101
Get to the gym!
Get to the gym!
41
00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:04,992
Come on!
42
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,827
Come on, we're getting nuked!
Everyone to the gym!
43
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,299
It's our only chance!
44
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,596
Under the bleachers! Go!
45
00:02:11,596 --> 00:02:14,530
Come on, move!
Everyone's going to die!
46
00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:23,827
M'kay.
That was...22 seconds.
47
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,761
That's not bad, m'kay.
48
00:02:25,761 --> 00:02:29,728
Now, if this were real,
we would just all stay here
49
00:02:29,728 --> 00:02:32,464
and wait to hear from
our government and maybe,
50
00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:34,992
maybe listen to
some appropriate music,
51
00:02:34,992 --> 00:02:36,893
like we did back in the '80s.
52
00:02:36,893 --> 00:02:40,497
♪ Take your baby by the hand ♪
53
00:02:41,398 --> 00:02:45,233
♪ Do the next thing
that you feel ♪
54
00:02:45,662 --> 00:02:47,992
♪ I said... ♪
55
00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:51,134
Narrator: Starring...
56
00:02:55,794 --> 00:02:58,860
...and the comedy of...
57
00:02:59,068 --> 00:03:01,728
♪ Dancehall days, love ♪
58
00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:08,761
Hi, Katie!
59
00:03:08,761 --> 00:03:09,596
Hi, Kelly!
60
00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:12,035
Oh, my gosh.
Pixie looks so pretty today.
61
00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:15,233
Thanks!
I braided my pony's tail.
62
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:18,596
Hi, Josslyn!
Hi, Staci Mae!
63
00:03:18,596 --> 00:03:20,464
Hi, Butters.
64
00:03:20,464 --> 00:03:21,431
Alright, pony riders.
65
00:03:21,431 --> 00:03:23,101
We've got a big competition
this weekend,
66
00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:25,860
so let's line up
and do our rails.
67
00:03:27,464 --> 00:03:28,860
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
68
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,167
Don't wave at us,
Butters!
69
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:33,299
Judges hate when they wave.
He needs to not do that.
70
00:03:33,299 --> 00:03:37,860
Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot.
Here comes the jump.
71
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,596
Good. Very nice.
Okay, next.
72
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,101
Good, Heather.
73
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:46,497
That's good control of Sunshine.
Good.
74
00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:49,728
Okay, Butters, come on.
You're next.
75
00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:53,068
Come on, Butters.
Come on!
76
00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:57,629
Oh! He clunked it!
77
00:03:57,629 --> 00:03:58,959
It's okay.
It's okay.
78
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,827
Good job, Butters.
Good job.
79
00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:01,596
!
80
00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,992
We should just pull Butters
out of dressage.
81
00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:04,926
He sucks at this.
82
00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,926
Oh, we can't pull him out.
He loves it.
83
00:04:06,926 --> 00:04:09,662
Don't you understand, Linda?
I'm scared.
84
00:04:09,662 --> 00:04:11,662
The big competition
is this weekend.
85
00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:15,068
Butters will be going up
against the Russians.
86
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:18,398
Oh, look, here comes
the Russian now.
87
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,134
- Boo!
- Boo!
88
00:04:21,134 --> 00:04:23,167
Boo, Russia!
Booooo!
89
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,365
Hey, what are you booing
a little kid for?
90
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,134
Don't you know
who that is?
91
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,497
That's Dan Solokov's kid!
92
00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:32,992
Dan Solokov who works at
the Ace Hardware over in Meeker?
93
00:04:32,992 --> 00:04:36,761
Even the kid's pony
is a Russian Etruscan!
94
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:38,233
You piece-a-shit communist!
95
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:42,035
You won't take our freedoms
away! Boo, Russia!
96
00:04:42,035 --> 00:04:44,332
♪ Games without frontiers ♪
97
00:04:44,332 --> 00:04:46,761
♪ War without tears ♪
98
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:51,101
♪ Jeux sans frontieres ♪
99
00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:51,761
Yeah?
100
00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:54,563
Mr. Mackey, I'd like to
have a word with you.
101
00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:56,662
Oh, yeah, yes, of course,
PC Principal.
102
00:04:56,662 --> 00:04:58,728
I see that you've, uh,
called for another
103
00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,860
nuclear emergency drill
this afternoon?
104
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:04,431
Yes, that's right.
We are going to be prepared.
105
00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:07,167
Well, Mr. Mackey, this is
the seventh drill
106
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,431
that we've done
in two days.
107
00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:11,695
And I see that you also put in
the budget for a bomb shelter
108
00:05:11,695 --> 00:05:13,794
and 20 VHS copies
of "Red Dawn."
109
00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:17,299
VHS is still really the best
format when you think about it.
110
00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:21,662
Mr. Mackey, I'm starting to
worry that this is sort of...
111
00:05:21,662 --> 00:05:22,860
nostalgic for you,
112
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,695
like you're kind of
enjoying this.
113
00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:27,332
Enjoying it?
114
00:05:27,332 --> 00:05:29,662
My job is
to have this school ready.
115
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,497
Kids need to know what Russia
is capable of.
116
00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:38,101
Ah-staff meen-yaif pahk-oye.
117
00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:39,629
You speak Russian?
118
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:42,101
No, but I watched
"Hunt For Red October"
119
00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:43,464
like 200 times.
120
00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:45,629
Mr. Mackey,
I'm not asking you.
121
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,695
I'm telling you --
stop with all the drills
122
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,464
and stop putting ideas
into our students' heads.
123
00:05:50,464 --> 00:05:52,365
No, you --
you're right, of course.
124
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:55,563
I'm --
I'm over-reacting.
125
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,794
Okay.
126
00:05:56,794 --> 00:05:58,992
M'kay.
127
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:06,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
128
00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:29,992
Alright, Butters,
you've just got two more days
129
00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:32,233
before
the dressage competition.
130
00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,332
I'll do my best, Dad.
131
00:06:33,332 --> 00:06:36,167
You're gonna have to do better
than that, Butters.
132
00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:39,233
You see that little Russian kid
over there?
133
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:41,959
That kid doesn't
give a shit about you.
134
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:42,992
He just wants to win
135
00:06:42,992 --> 00:06:46,827
and take what little patriotism
our country has left.
136
00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:47,761
That kid?
137
00:06:47,761 --> 00:06:50,167
You didn't live through the
Cold War, Butters, but we did.
138
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,662
This tournament is
gonna be turned into
139
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:55,464
a political spectacle,
and you have to win.
140
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:58,398
Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll
have to give your pony away
141
00:06:58,398 --> 00:07:01,332
to communists who slaughter
ponies and donkeys
142
00:07:01,332 --> 00:07:02,299
to make skin cream.
143
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:04,959
That's mostly the Chinese,
but a commie's a commie.
144
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,596
Better dead than red,
Butters.
145
00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:08,134
Oh, Jesus!
Not Melancholy!
146
00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:11,530
Now, that little prick
is trying to intimidate you.
147
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:17,101
I want you to go in there and
show him how an American rides.
148
00:07:17,662 --> 00:07:20,332
Come on, boy!
149
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:30,563
Butters! Butters, what the hell
are you doing?!
150
00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:31,398
Well, I dunno!
151
00:07:31,398 --> 00:07:33,134
You have to
learn control!
152
00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:35,497
Come on, Melancholy, come on!
153
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:37,926
Ewwww!
154
00:07:37,926 --> 00:07:40,101
Butters,
what the hell is that?!
155
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,068
What is what?
Oh, geez!
156
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,926
Put that thing away,
Melancholy!
157
00:07:43,926 --> 00:07:46,926
Jesus, Linda,
what are we gonna do?
158
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:07,893
What are you up to,
you piece of shit?
159
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:11,530
Hello, sir.
160
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:13,332
I just needed to
talk to somebody.
161
00:08:13,332 --> 00:08:15,827
I've been having
some problems at home.
162
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,200
Uh-huh, m'kay, that's nice.
That's good to hear.
163
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,761
Why don't you just, uh,
sit there and tell me about it?
164
00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:24,035
Well, it's just my parents.
165
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:26,365
You see, a few months ago,
I saw this little girl
166
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:30,299
riding a pony and I said,
"Whoa! I wanna do that!"
167
00:08:30,299 --> 00:08:31,134
Uh-huh.
168
00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,365
So we found a stable
and a trainer,
169
00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,233
and I started to
learn dressage.
170
00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:39,134
And I got to lease a pony,
and his name is Melancholy.
171
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:41,101
Yeah, yeah,
that must be tough.
172
00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:43,068
I'm sorry to hear that,
m'kay.
173
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:45,068
Well, I love
to ride Melancholy.
174
00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:47,827
But now I'm feeling
all this pressure to win.
175
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,266
My parents said
I have to win
176
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,563
because it's against
the Russians.
177
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,233
M'kay, we--
178
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,530
The what?
179
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:55,563
It's the Russians.
180
00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:57,695
I mean, I guess they're just
really good at dressage,
181
00:08:57,695 --> 00:09:01,794
But now my dad says it's
a matter of national security.
182
00:09:02,662 --> 00:09:04,893
M'kay. Butters.
183
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,827
Don't move your head.
184
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:08,035
Don't move my head?
I --
185
00:09:08,035 --> 00:09:10,266
Uh, uh!
They're probably watching us,
186
00:09:10,266 --> 00:09:13,134
so keep acting like
you're asking me for help.
187
00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:16,365
Well, o-okay, but I kind of am
asking you for help, ya know,
188
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,728
because I'm feeling
really lost and miserable.
189
00:09:18,728 --> 00:09:21,332
That's good.
Now listen carefully.
190
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,992
What did your parents
tell you?
191
00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:25,992
Well, they said if I don't
do well at dressage,
192
00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:28,662
it could mean the end
of all of our freedoms.
193
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:30,332
Jesus Christ.
194
00:09:30,332 --> 00:09:32,431
M'kay, well, Butters,
you know,
195
00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:36,860
sometimes troubles at home
can be bad, m'kay.
196
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:40,398
I need you
to tell me everything you know
197
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:43,200
about dressage.
198
00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:51,631
We need to have a serious talk,
Melancholy,
199
00:09:51,631 --> 00:09:53,967
and I need you to listen.
200
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:57,203
There's a time to poop,
and there's a time to work.
201
00:09:57,203 --> 00:10:00,273
And the best thing is to poop
when your work is done.
202
00:10:00,273 --> 00:10:01,908
I-It's like when
I'm in the classroom,
203
00:10:01,908 --> 00:10:03,309
sometimes I have to poop,
204
00:10:03,309 --> 00:10:05,144
but I have to wait
until lunch break.
205
00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:07,380
If I really have to go, I can
raise my hand to ask politely.
206
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,816
But if you stop and poop
while we're competin',
207
00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,484
the judges are gonna
deduct points.
208
00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:13,086
And then the Russians
will beat us,
209
00:10:13,086 --> 00:10:15,922
and then you're gonna get turned
into Chinese skin cream!
210
00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,790
We have to do this, Melancholy.
211
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,226
You and me have to focus
like never before.
212
00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:22,295
Now, let's go show them
what we can do!
213
00:10:24,497 --> 00:10:26,733
Let's go!
214
00:10:28,568 --> 00:10:30,570
That's it!
You got it, boy!
215
00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:34,474
♪♪
216
00:10:34,474 --> 00:10:37,443
Nope! Nope! Melancholy!
217
00:10:37,443 --> 00:10:38,845
Over the jump, boy!
218
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,179
Come on, Melancholy!
219
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,149
What?
W-Where are you going?
220
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:44,851
Melancholy, back to the jump!
221
00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:48,021
Whoa, Melancholy! Whoa!
222
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,122
W-What are you doing now?!
223
00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,792
Now I'm not sure
what's goin' on here.
224
00:10:52,792 --> 00:10:55,628
No! No! No!
Melancholy! Bad pony!
225
00:10:55,628 --> 00:10:57,830
I'm sorry, ma'am!
Melancholy, to the jump!
226
00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:01,634
♪♪
227
00:11:04,637 --> 00:11:13,379
♪♪
228
00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:22,155
♪♪
229
00:11:22,155 --> 00:11:30,897
♪♪
230
00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:39,706
♪♪
231
00:11:39,706 --> 00:11:48,514
♪♪
232
00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:57,256
♪♪
233
00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,408
Voice:
What are you doing here?
234
00:12:15,408 --> 00:12:16,776
Don't shoot...
235
00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:19,579
I-I'm just the school
counselor...
236
00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,281
Mr. Stotch?
237
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:24,083
Mr. Mackey?
238
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,285
What the hell
are you doing here?!
239
00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:28,354
What the hell are you
doing here?
240
00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:30,590
I'll ask the questions,
I've got the gun!
241
00:12:30,590 --> 00:12:32,458
We were just...
having a look around...
242
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,627
We weren't going to mess with
the Russian pony.
243
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,062
I-I promise.
244
00:12:36,062 --> 00:12:37,563
Shut up, Linda.
245
00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:39,399
Mr. and Mrs. Stotch,
you know --
246
00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:41,301
your son has been
having some problems
247
00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:43,202
on the playground
at school.
248
00:12:43,202 --> 00:12:44,504
What kind of problems?
249
00:12:44,504 --> 00:12:47,140
Well, you know,
bullies, and, uh,
250
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:49,575
pressure for marijuana,
you know, with --
251
00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:50,777
Don't move!
252
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:52,045
Ahhhh!
253
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,314
Now I want some
Goddamn answers.
254
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:57,250
So you want them to win, huh?
You're a traitor.
255
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,419
I'm not the traitor.
Yeah, right...
256
00:12:59,419 --> 00:13:01,254
Since when do you care
about dressage?
257
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:05,058
Since I found out the principal
is a Russian spy.
258
00:13:05,058 --> 00:13:06,526
A what?!
259
00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:08,795
There's something very big
going on here,
260
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:11,130
and I think it involves
your son.
261
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:14,100
Mr. Mackey...
we were just here to try
262
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,637
and give that pony diarrhea
by feeding it Erewhon.
263
00:13:17,637 --> 00:13:19,439
It's the truth.
264
00:13:19,439 --> 00:13:21,808
We're on your side.
265
00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:28,982
I think I understand
what's going on now...
266
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:33,453
The Communists are gonna use the
pony show as justification...
267
00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:37,323
to fire the missiles.
268
00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:44,163
Welcome, everyone, to the 10
and under pony dressage finals.
269
00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,099
We want to thank everyone
for coming out today
270
00:13:46,099 --> 00:13:47,867
to support these little riders.
271
00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:52,038
This is it,
Melancholy.
272
00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:54,040
We have to do this.
273
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,610
We have to be classy.
We're not gonna poop.
274
00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:59,879
We're not gonna get a boner,
and we're certainly not gonna
275
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:01,881
have unwarranted sex
with the ladies.
276
00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:05,685
Please, boy...
We have got to get this right.
277
00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:11,658
Hi, Mom.
278
00:14:11,658 --> 00:14:15,895
Well, hi, junior!
What a surprise, m'kay!
279
00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:18,798
Mom...I need to use something
in my old room.
280
00:14:18,798 --> 00:14:21,567
Well, sure, come on in!
281
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:25,271
Everything is still
just as you left it, son.
282
00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:32,879
Mom, I think World War 3
is about to start.
283
00:14:32,879 --> 00:14:35,648
I'm gonna do what I can
to protect our country!
284
00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:38,217
Oh, uh, m'kay, honey,
I'll make you a snack.
285
00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,394
Hello, Mr. Mackey.
286
00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:09,248
The Russians are nuking us.
287
00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:11,217
What the hell was that?
288
00:15:11,217 --> 00:15:12,719
Someone from the outside
is logged into
289
00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:14,053
the missile defense system!
290
00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:16,522
Well, kick them out!
Shut off the Wi-Fi!
291
00:15:16,522 --> 00:15:18,257
It's not coming in
on Wi-Fi!
292
00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:20,893
It's some old,
archaic technology!
293
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,531
X = "The Russians
are nuking us."
294
00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:29,369
Print X, goto 10.
295
00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,436
Run.
296
00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:37,877
What are they
trying to do?!
297
00:15:37,877 --> 00:15:39,979
It's just repeating the same
line over and over.
298
00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:41,547
How did they
get it to do that?!
299
00:15:41,547 --> 00:15:44,951
Sir! The computers are
taking us to DEFCON 3!
300
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:57,030
Jesus Christ...
It's dressage.
301
00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:27,167
President Putin!
302
00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:31,838
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
303
00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,509
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
304
00:16:35,509 --> 00:16:37,244
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
305
00:16:37,244 --> 00:16:39,413
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
306
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:42,682
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
307
00:16:42,682 --> 00:16:44,684
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
308
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,486
♪ Cowboy number one ♪
309
00:16:46,486 --> 00:16:50,257
♪ A born-again poor man's son ♪
310
00:16:50,257 --> 00:16:52,159
♪ Poor man's son ♪
311
00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,827
♪ On the air America ♪
312
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:57,631
♪ I modeled shirts
by Van Heusen ♪
313
00:16:57,631 --> 00:17:00,267
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
314
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:05,305
♪ Yeah ♪
- Oooh, no! No!
315
00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:08,675
♪♪
316
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,377
♪ You know ♪
317
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,312
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
318
00:17:12,312 --> 00:17:15,949
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
319
00:17:15,949 --> 00:17:17,784
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
320
00:17:17,784 --> 00:17:19,786
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
321
00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:23,557
♪ A point is all you can score ♪
322
00:17:23,557 --> 00:17:25,792
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
323
00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:27,294
♪♪
324
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:30,797
♪ Switch off your shield ♪
325
00:17:30,797 --> 00:17:33,567
♪ Switch off and feel ♪
- We're running out of time!
326
00:17:33,567 --> 00:17:37,471
Take missiles to DEFCON 2!
327
00:17:37,471 --> 00:17:40,807
Here's your Sunny Delight
and Steak-umms, honey.
328
00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,210
Get outta my room,
Mom, God!
329
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:45,312
Get outta my room.
330
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:49,416
Sweetheart...
are you m'kay?
331
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,251
'Course I'm not m'kay --
332
00:17:51,251 --> 00:17:53,820
but you wouldn't understand
'cause you're a grown-up.
333
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,656
Honey...
as your mother,
334
00:17:56,656 --> 00:17:58,425
I want you to know
you can talk to me
335
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,260
about whatever you want.
336
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:04,364
Even if it's about being scared
of gettin' old.
337
00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:13,373
Things used to be
so much simpler, Mama.
338
00:18:14,775 --> 00:18:17,511
There was a good guy and a --
and a bad guy.
339
00:18:17,511 --> 00:18:20,080
And we all...
sort of came together
340
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,416
and loved our country...
341
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,951
Not like it is now.
342
00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:28,255
Ohhh, junior.
343
00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:32,359
I know that gettin' old
isn't so much fun, is it?
344
00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:36,563
We all wanna go back to a time
when we were younger.
345
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:39,699
You're getting to be
around 55.
346
00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:42,536
Your pee-pee doesn't work
so good, does it?
347
00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:45,038
How'd you know about that,
Mom?
348
00:18:45,038 --> 00:18:46,640
Well, I'm your mom, honey.
349
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,975
When a man gets to a point
where his pee-pee
350
00:18:48,975 --> 00:18:51,478
doesn't work the way it used to,
he starts to...
351
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:54,981
well, sit in his room and play
war games again, you know?
352
00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:58,318
But, honey,
those times weren't better.
353
00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,487
We were all scared.
354
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,723
People died.
355
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:06,727
That's not something
to strive to get back to.
356
00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,062
You're right, mama...
357
00:19:09,062 --> 00:19:10,330
I've been bad.
358
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:11,565
Oh, you're not bad --
359
00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:12,833
No, I'm bad --
360
00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:14,401
No, nom sweetheart.
361
00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:17,738
It -- It just felt good
'cause it was familiar.
362
00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:21,341
That's just sort of
what us old people do.
363
00:19:23,677 --> 00:19:26,246
Announcer:
It all comes down to this.
364
00:19:26,246 --> 00:19:31,318
#823 Davey Solokov
and his Russian Etruscan.
365
00:19:31,318 --> 00:19:35,355
If he completes this last rail,
he will be the winner.
366
00:19:35,355 --> 00:19:37,190
We're all dead,
Linda.
367
00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:40,026
Rider...please demonstrate
your trot.
368
00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:48,969
It's Okay, Melancholy...
We did our best...
369
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:52,105
Whoa...
Where you goin', Melancholy?
370
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:54,041
And here is the rail.
371
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:57,310
Wait a minute -- we have another
pony in the ring!
372
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:01,615
What's he doing?
373
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,984
What's he doing?!
He's fighting for democracy!
374
00:20:03,984 --> 00:20:05,452
Go, Butters!
375
00:20:05,452 --> 00:20:07,521
Butters! Butters!
376
00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:08,922
Melancholy! Bad!
377
00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,690
Ahghg!
378
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,062
10...9...8...
379
00:20:15,062 --> 00:20:16,129
He's got 'em!
380
00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:21,334
3...2..1...
You're out!
381
00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:30,577
Ahghghghghg!
382
00:20:36,249 --> 00:20:40,654
Mr. Mackey: Let me --
Let me though! Let me through!
383
00:20:40,654 --> 00:20:42,189
Mackey, we did it!
384
00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:44,958
I know!
It's amazing!
385
00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:48,662
This is all
a dream come true!
386
00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:54,167
You know...the past few days,
I've been re-living the past.
387
00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:58,271
But during this tournament,
I started to change.
388
00:20:58,271 --> 00:21:01,541
And I just wanna say
to the Russians --
389
00:21:01,541 --> 00:21:03,377
that if I can change,
390
00:21:03,377 --> 00:21:05,045
then yous can change!
391
00:21:05,045 --> 00:21:08,348
I know how it is when
you're gettin' old, you know,
392
00:21:08,348 --> 00:21:10,350
and you start getting aggressive
393
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:13,420
because your dick doesn't work
the way it used to.
394
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,756
Da...
395
00:21:15,756 --> 00:21:17,257
Da...
396
00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:19,626
But just because
our dicks don't work
397
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:23,130
doesn't mean we should go back
to the way things were.
398
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:26,366
In the immortal words
of Sting --
399
00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:29,269
we all share the same biology.
400
00:21:29,269 --> 00:21:31,471
Regardless of ideology.
401
00:21:34,307 --> 00:21:40,947
♪ I wonder if Russians get
diarrhea from Erewhon too ♪
402
00:21:40,947 --> 00:21:44,684
♪♪
403
00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:53,487
♪
404
00:21:53,487 --> 00:22:02,388
♪
405
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:11,652
♪
405
00:22:12,305 --> 00:23:12,633
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