All language subtitles for Resident.Alien.S02E05.Family.Day.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_eng

Previously
on "Resident Alien"...

How could I not remember?

When people experience
a loss of time,

it's often because they've
been abducted by aliens.

I'm an alien.

We are very good
at changing people's memories.

FBI. The murderer is
not Harry Vanderspeigle.

Guess what--you're not
getting your ball back.

I've hidden it where
you'll never find it.

Abigail Hodges,
you're under arrest

for the murder of Sam Hodges.

I have built a radio.

The signal will tell my people

not to come
and kill everyone...

for 50 years.

- We need to stop it!
- No!

It's receiving a signal.

It's a phone number
from New York City.

Sunny went into labor
all of a sudden.

- I can fix it.
- Let the doctor do his job.

I've held a lot of babies
since Jay was born.

I understand now
why you feel guilty.

[siren wailing]

[intense music]

♪

[tires screeching]
- Go after him.

Flush him out. I'll meet you
on the other side.

I got it.

Police, drop the weapon!
[gunshot]

Shit.

Dispatch, this is unit 92.
I got shots fired.

Need backup at my location.

Jesse! Jesse!
- Copy that.

Backup en route.

Jesse?

[sirens wailing]

[echoing]
I got an officer down.

[indistinct chatter
over police radio]

[knocking at door]

Mike.
[TV playing indistinctly]

[knocking continues]

Come on, man,
I know you're in there.

- Bill, I can't do that, man.
- [sighs]

Mike, you're the only one
he would have trusted with him.

[somber music]

♪

[puppy whimpers]
- [sighs]

You take care
of yourself, okay?

Thanks.
Thanks, man.

[sighs]

[sniffles]
I miss him, too, Cletus.

- [whimpers]
- [sniffles]

Welcome to your new home.

[laidback acoustic strumming]

♪

1,900 miles--

that's how close
I am to New York City,

to one of my people.

1,900 miles from standing
in front of a being

who knows what I know...

who has stood in the ice wind
desert as a child.

I am different now.

Asta knows this version of me,

but I am 1,900 miles
from being with someone

who knows
the alien part of me--

the real me.

[Dana Sipos' "Hoodoo"]

So why can I not dial
this number?

♪ Hoodoos

♪

♪ Do not take their shape
for you ♪

♪ Trace your eye
down their rocky spire ♪

♪ Laced with limestone
and wind and fire ♪

♪

- Hey.
- Oh.

Hey.

♪

It was nice to talk
to you last night.

Kind of felt like
old times again.

What?
- Oh.

W-what--what
are you upset about?

Nothing happened.
All we did was talk about Jay.

- Yeah, I know.
- Asta.

- I shouldn't have come here.
- I did--

Please, you don't have to go.
- Yes, I do.

♪ It lives
in a fistful of sky ♪

♪ Just beyond your reach

♪

Nice seeing you
at Laurant's last night.

Mm, mm.

I saw you left
pretty quickly.

You know,
if there's ever anything

you want to talk about,
like, no big deal,

but you can talk to me.

[sighs]
Thank you, Deputy.

Now that you mention it,

I'd like to know what
you've been scribbling down

in your little notebook there.

You doing another
solo investigation?

Do you remember my dress you
picked up from the cleaners?

The one I don't remember
dropping off?

And what dress
you talking about?

You talking
about that green dress,

or you talking about that
dress you talk about every day

like it's some kind
of government conspiracy?

- You have to admit it's weird.
- [sighs]

Basically
the whole day is a blank.

Do you remember it?
- I mean, no.

But I can't remember what I had
for breakfast this morning.

You know, ask me
what color socks I'm wearing.

What color socks
are you wearing?

Well, actually,
I'm wearing black socks

'cause that's all I own--
is black socks.

But if I did own socks
that was a different color,

I wouldn't remember
what color I was wearing.

You know why?
It don't matter.

Sir, you might want to look
at this.

What the hell she doing?
That's Miss Taylor bike.

Oh, shit. Hell, no.
Hell, no!

Hey, get off that bike!
Get off that damn bike!

That ain't your bike.
- Come on, Sheriff!

Hey, I can outrun that bike!

Ellen?

[object rolling]

Hey, Ellen,
can you cover for me?

I got to take care
of something.

- Sure.
- Okay. Thanks.

I won't be long.

Close call.
[sighs]

Almost as close as you were

to getting your eye poked out
by a tree.

In my defense, I had just
had dinner with my parents.

Also, that tree
was waving pretty wildly.

Listen,
as a medical professional,

I suggest you drink
a little less.

But as a single bitch
living in this dead-ass town,

I suggest you invite me out
next time.

Wow.

All right.

- Yeah, there's more of that.
- Okay.

[quirky music]

♪

What do you mean you got
a phone number from an alien?

Why didn't you tell me sooner?
What did they say?

Well, I did not call.
It might be a trap.

It's not a trap.

If you worried more
about traps,

then you would still be
in the ocean

instead of in a box of water
in the mountains. [laughs]

Does this thing have to keep
popping into my head?

You think I like it
in there?

It's darker than the woods
in a Tim Burton movie.

You shut the hell up
about what's in my head

and stop putting the TV on
in front of this thing.

He's not calling

because he's afraid
his people will reject him.

He's worried he's too human.

That is a lie!

Liars do not get food.
- I'm kidding.

Can't you take a joke?
It's obviously a trap.

Good octopus.

Okay. We don't have
any other leads.

And if we don't do anything,
everyone is going to die.

So, if you don't call
that phone number, I will.

Fine.

Okay.

[line trilling]
- Mm.

[line clicks,
person speaks indistinctly]

Hello. Can I talk
to the alien, please?

[person speaks indistinctly]
Mm.

He hung up.

He knows my mother.

And they had intercourse.

Demelio's Pizzeria,
East Third Street.

Pack your bags.
We're going to New York.

I cannot go to New York.
The octopus is right.

I have changed.
I am too human.

What if the alien
will not help me?

I heard that.
He just admitted it.

Get out of my head.

[cell phone ringing]

[dramatic music]

Well, answer it.
It might be them.

♪

Hello?

Morning, Doc.
It's the Sheriff.

[elevator bell dings]

Hi, Dad.

- [grunts]
- [scoffs]

This is weird--
she looks like me,

if I fell face-first
into a pile of metal.

At first,
I thought she was just

some hippie drifter
from Boulder,

but, uh, then she showed me
this right here.

[groans]

I remember this.

This was the day
she sat on my knee,

and we looked at the camera,

and that person took
our photograph.

Yes, the daughter you've been
telling me so much about,

from your first wife
before Isabelle,

and her name is...

right on the tip of my tongue.

Um, I think she said Liza.

Liza is her name.

- Liza is her name.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm very fertile.

This is my sweet little girl.

Well, we caught
your sweet little girl

trying to steal a bike.

It turns out she's got a record

for shoplifting
in, uh, New Mexico.

Her mama sent her to a camp
for troubled teens,

but she ran away
'cause she's troubled.

She also pulled my hair.

It didn't hurt, though.
I have strong roots.

Are you even aware
of what's going on

with your daughter, Doc?
- Yes.

Thank you for arresting her
and throwing her in jail.

Well, hold on--I don't think
there's any need for that,

at least not yet.

I'm all right with releasing
her into your custody.

No, you throw her in jail.

[laughing awkwardly]
He's joking.

He'll take her home.

Is this how humans feel
when they have a child--

angry and resentful for having
to care for a tiny thing?

If she were a pet bird,

I would leave
the cage door open

and the ceiling fan on.

So, Liza, boot camp, huh?
Why were you sent there?

- Murder.
- Cool.

Maybe we should call your mom,
have her come pick you up.

Good luck--
my mom is in Italy right now,

getting fingered on a Vespa.

Good talk.

It's a bad--it's a bad talk.
That was bad.

Why are you acting so weird?

Wait, are you high?

Yes.

Yes, he is. Ugh.

It's legal in Colorado.

Do not bum my stone, man.

Go home to your mother.

Asta will take you
to the airport.

That was quick.

You usually at least pretend

for a few days
before you tell me to leave.

I'll make it real easy for you.
Have a nice life.

Okay, I will.

Where is the bacon lady?
[door opens, bells jingle]

- You can't just let her leave.
- Mm?

She wants to go.

She wants her father.
We have to help her.

An hour ago,
you wanted to go to New York

to save the rest of the humans.

You are flip-floppy.

She happens to be
one of those humans.

You killed her father,

so we are staying here
until we get her safely home.

She does not need our help.

She's already making friends.

Shit.

I think
we can make that happen, yeah.

You ever been on one before?
- Oh, yes.

Let's do this thing.

- Hey, nice bike.
- Thanks.

I had the same one
in high school.

She's 16,
so get the hell out of here.

Faster.

[engine turning over]

You're not my mother.

I know.
She's doing the Vespa thing.

Look, I want to help you.

Because you're
my dad's newest sex toy?

Oh, my God, knock it off.
We just work together.

Yeah, you're
a little too old for him.

Look, my mom left me
when I was a baby,

so I know a few things
about being abandoned.

So now I'm your therapist?

- You know what? Eat shit.
- [chuckles]

Yeah. Laugh it off.

And have a little pity party
while you're at it.

I'm not going to let you get
on a motorcycle

and get beat up
by some asshole biker, okay?

[dramatic music]

♪

Did you really used to have
that motorcycle?

No, my asshole
biker boyfriend did.

♪

I don't think my mom
even wanted to go to Italy.

I think she just needed
an excuse to ship me off.

I figured...

I hadn't seen
my dad in a while.

I was just borrowing that bike
to get to the cabin.

I'm not a thief.

Not really.

I mean,
I do steal a lot of shit.

[giggles]

Something's different.

At least he used to go through
the motions of being a father.

Yeah, well...

he's not the same man
you used to know.

Maybe just give him a chance.

I really miss you,
Aunt Cathy.

You were the only one
I ever told

about the UFO I saw
when I was a kid...

except John.

He thinks I'm crazy
but loves me anyway.

God, I really hope
you can hear me.

Aunt Cathy,
if you're listening,

please give me a sign.

- Liv!
- Oh!

- Hey, Liv.
- Hey.

Just bringing Max by.

His first father-son trip
to the cemetery.

- What is that tall thing?
- Ah.

That is a monument
honoring the 59.

The star on top represents

the man that they went back
to save.

It's more than a monument.

They're all actually buried
under there.

It's a mass grave
kind of thing.

Awesome.

Really? Huh.

Well, uh, you'll be happy
to hear this year

at Patience Family Day
the theme is "Remember When."

So we'll be honoring the 59--
Max stop digging.

I'm trying to rebrand
the whole narrative,

you know,
just remind people that

these aren't just 59 dead men.

You know,
these are--these are heroes.

Mm, that sounds great.

Yeah. We're going to have
mining-themed games.

Kids are putting on a play

written by yours truly.
- Ah.

Hey, maybe even get
real authentic--

swap out the toilet paper
in the porta-potties

for corn husks.
- Yeah, maybe not that one.

Ah, I already
started shucking.

Well, uh, good to see you.
- Yeah.

Okay. Come on, Max.

Hey, Max, I've been meaning
to ask you something.

You know that sketch
you had me do--

the--the one of the alien?

Oh, um...
yeah, I made all that stuff up.

Aliens aren't real.

♪

Well, it looks like
she's been here before.

Nice talking with you.

This is a bad idea.
I do not like children.

Yes, you do.

I saw the way
you looked at Sunny's baby.

That is different.
A baby is tiny.

And it doesn't speak.

Well, every baby grows
into a Liza.

Then why do you feed them?

'Cause if you don't,
they will die.

No, mm-mm.
Don't even think about it.

Anything happens to her
or if she leaves,

we will have
much bigger problems.

Okay, keep her alive and happy

until her mom comes home
in a few days

and we go to New York
and save humanity.

Also, try to act
as normal as possible

and keep the door
to your alien bunker locked

and the talking octopus
in your room.

I have got this.

I can be a good father.

I've seen
a lot of television.

Ugh, what happened
to the Wi-Fi?

And it smells like
dead people up here.

Then you should take
a shower...

my darling daughter.

[steady country music]

♪ Adiós, mi amigo, adiós

Hey, hey, hey!

♪

Buddy, you took my spot.

Glad to see
you got a new truck.

It was the, uh, problem
with the emergency brake

on the last one, right?
- Oh, you're real funny.

You could have killed someone.

Now you're pretending
to care about other people.

Hey, maybe show me how much
you care with your fist.

That's you do things, right?

Looks like you already lost
one fight today.

But keep playing with me,
and we'll make it two.

It would be the honor
of my life

to lay your ass out.

In fact, I'll do it twice--
once for me, once for Asta.

Well, if she's so upset,

why did she stay
at my house last night?

Mm.

Bullshit.

[engine turning over, revs]

[light music]

Yeah, good to see you.
[door opens, bells jingle]

Hey, hey.

Got some good news.

Oh, yeah,
the Nats won four in a row.

I'm not talking
about the Nationals.

My biopsy came back negative.

Biopsy? What biopsy?

You're the one
who kept nagging me

to get my mole checked.

You drove me to the clinic.

[scoffs]
What? When?

Two weeks ago.

Well, obviously you didn't
tell me it was for a biopsy,

or I would have remembered.

Of course I told you.

You ain't been
the same since D.C.

You got to deal with that.

See a doctor, psychiatrist,

hell, anybody.
- Mm-hmm.

Tell me, why exactly should
I take mental-health advice

from somebody who stayed
holed up in the house,

refusing to speak to anybody
for six months

when Mama died, huh?
- [sighs]

Yeah, well, I'm not the one
carrying a deadly weapon.

Okay, all right,
you know what?

Is this--is this
what we have now? Is this us?

We just gonna fight
all the time?

I got friends.
They got dads.

They go to games.
They go fishing and shit.

We ain't done nothing like that
since I was a kid.

Instead, all I got
is you sitting across from me

telling me all the things
you think are wrong with me.

You're a young man.

It's not normal
to forget stuff like that.

♪

[jazzy music playing]

♪

- What are we eating?
- [grunts]

This is missing something.
What is it?

Oh, right, flavor.

Have you ever heard of salt
or a-a vegetable maybe?

I did have some vegetables,

but they grew organisms
on them.

You know I can't eat gluten.

Did you forget that, or are you
purposely trying to kill me?

Would gluten kill you?

- I'll just starve.
- Mm.

You need to call my boot camp
and tell them that I'm with you

and I'm too sick to go back.

That would be lying.

Lying is bad, young lady.

I will now discipline you

by sending you to bed
without supper.

♪

I already told you--

I'm not going to eat
your shitty gut-bomb pasta.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

More--more gluten for me.

Enjoy.

I am.

I know you feel
like you're different.

You are different.

You can see what's going on.

Aliens are real.

Hey, uh, Deputy,
where are you?

That car was supposed to be
back an hour ago.

Uh, just at the market
picking up supplies

for the break room.
- Hey, uh, Dep.

You know what?
While you're there,

go ahead and pick me up
a lotto ticket.

Go ahead pick up one
for Cletus, too.

Sure thing, Sheriff.

- You want a lotto ticket?
- [grunts]

[sighs, muttering to self]

You spent the night
at Jimmy's?

- It's not what you think.
- What is wrong with you?

How do you even get
within ten feet of that creep

without ripping his face off?
- Shh.

We had to deliver
my cousin Sunny's baby, okay?

It messed with my head.

Okay, great.
So call your friends.

- You don't understand.
- No, I really don't.

Well, Jimmy does, so it's not
a terrible surprise

that I want to talk to him
about it and not you.

I guess I'm just somebody
who doesn't like watching

their best friend ruin
their life.

Oh, really?

And that's just
something for me to do?

What is that supposed
to mean?

You think I don't know
that you come in here

for hangover IVs?

Sorry, D'arcy.

You want to talk about
watching friends ruin lives?

Let's talk about it.
- You know, it's weird.

You didn't seem worried
about this

until I started helping Jay.

Oh, is that what
you're doing?

You're "helping" her?

Yes.

She needs somebody to talk to.

Maybe she'll listen
to my dating advice.

I'm not so sure
you're the best person

to be giving advice about men.

Wow.

D'arce.

Okay.

[door opens, slams]

[somber music]

[bluesy music]

♪

Where's Murphy?

♪

"If you ever want to see
your dog again,

return my alien ball--Alien."

[scoffs]
It's not even your dog.

We win again.
- No, we don't.

Murphy's my responsibility.

Her owners pay me to walk her.

We have to get her back.

Humans are obsessed
with pets.

If I give Liza
this slobbering lump of fur,

she will become so distracted
taking care of the dog,

I won't have
to take care of her.

Liza, dear child,
I have a gift for you.

[panting, whimpers]

Mm-hmm.

A dog?

What am I supposed
to do with that thing?

You know mom's allergic.

This will be more difficult
than I first thought.

[liquid splashing]

[McElroy Bros.'
"Can't You See My Smilin'"]

♪ Can't you see
me smiling, baby? ♪

♪ Can't you see
this face of mine? ♪

♪ Can't you see
I'm getting tired? ♪

♪ Even though
I seem all right ♪

♪

♪ It's not my life
I'm worried about ♪

♪ Or my health,
if it's weak or strong ♪

♪ Ooh, it's just
who I need, girl ♪

Ew.

♪ And who I hurt

♪ Go on by

No, there's a--

You--

Got the balloon arch going.

This guy, old prospector--
looking great, everyone.

- Hi, Kayla.
- Hey, Kate.

Uh, isn't the booth
supposed to be

just back a couple feet?
- Yeah, there was a rock there.

See, all the booths are
supposed to be 30 feet apart.

Did you know that
the human brain

gets pleasure from symmetry?

Did you know
that the human ankle gets pain

from breaking itself
on a rock?

Oh, no.

Why is there a murderer here?

- Innocent until proven guilty.
- Innocent?

[whispering]
She's holding a weapon.

- Honey, it's a paintbrush.
- That's a weapon.

"Hi. What would you like me
to paint on your face--

a nice little birdie?"

[grunts]
"Take that kid."

[grunting]

Keep an eye on her.

It's good to see you.

- This is stupid.
- It is not stupid.

This is Patience Family Day.

We are a family in Patience,

and this is what families
in Patience do on this day.

If she were home with me
for one more second,

I would kill her and feed her
to my hungry octopus.

Can I at least drive?

- Will you stop complaining?
- Yes.

- Okay.
- Yes!

[quirky whistling music]

♪

Hurry.

Okay.

♪

Okay.
Try not to kill us.

Calm down.
It's fine.

This is a nightmare.

How do human parents teach
driving to their children

without being terrified?

The truck sounds like
it wants you to shift now.

Oh, let's put on some tunes.

Wait, watch out!
[horn blaring]

- Stop being a backseat driver.
- There is no back seat.

It is a truck.

It is a nice day, and...

that is a beautiful stop sign approaching.

You see it?
- Where?

There. [groans]

[horn honking,
tires screeching]

Watch it, asshole!

Stop! That's it!
Get out of that truck!

You are the worst driver
I've ever seen!

You're a jerk.
I was finally having some fun.

Damn it.

Come on, we got to hurry.
We'll be late for the play.

I don't want to give
the ball back.

We have no choice.

Do you know what
a kidnapping review

will do to my whole
dog-walking business?

Wait.

Someone's been here.
The satellite dish is gone.

Oh, no.

[dramatic music]

♪

The ball.

Who took it?

There's only one possibility.

♪

[light clatter outside]

[metallic whooshing]

♪

[indistinct excited chatter]

Asta.

Hey, Harry.

Thank you so much again for
helping Sunny with her baby.

You were amazing.

They are easy
when they are babies.

They cannot run away yet

or almost kill you
in a car accident.

Run away?
Did Liza leave?

Oh!
- Oh!

- Uh, found her.
- Oh, yep, teenage daughter.

Oh, Harry, maybe you should--

No.
That's it.

You are as bad at throwing

as you are at driving!

Well, I must be
a pretty good driver, then,

because you're soaking wet.

[both laughing]

You are the worst daughter
that I have.

I am your only daughter,
you idiot!

If I had another daughter
and she was bad,

you would be worse!

Please stop, you guys.

Uh, we only have
a limited number of balloons.

And, Judy, uh, I-I appreciate
you dressing on theme,

but could you cover up
the cleavage?

There are children here.

There's a theme?

[all shout]
- Not okay!

No! Hey!

Not--not okay. Hey!
- Get him.

Summer fun,
summer high jinks.

Listen, you got
to take it down here.

Hey!
- Ha ha ha!

Okay, all right.

Not okay! Oh!

[upbeat rock music]

♪

I know you didn't kill Sam.

Oh...

you have no idea
how much that means to me.

[laughs]

Okay. Bird or butterfly?

Uh, I was thinking more
of a Ziggy Stardust-type thing.

Oh, okay, I like it.
Let's see now.

[heartwarming music]

♪

Does the food you eat ever
get caught in your lip metal?

[chuckles]

You're different than before,

like, head-injury different.

You've changed.
- Yes, I know.

You ghosted me
for, like, three years.

I thought you hated me,

Then why did you come here?

To be honest,
I was afraid to.

I mean...

I've changed, too, obviously.

I'm not the little girl
you used to take fishing.

But you're my family.

I was hoping that'd be enough,

'cause if it wasn't enough,

I would have had to go back
to that hellhole camp.

Dial their phone number.

[line trilling]

Hello, my name is
Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle,

and my daughter Liza
isn't going to come back

to your stupid camp.

It is stupid.

You are stupid.
[chuckles]

If you contact her again,

I will find you
and your family.

That should cover it.

Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Hey...

win me a prize?

[sentimental music]

I will win myself a prize
and consider giving it to you.

Fair enough.

♪

All right, time for
the 52nd Annual Family Day

Hot Chili Pepper
Eating Contest.

[cheers and applause]
- You should eat more.

No.
Need to line the stomach.

Trust me, I've won this contest
every year since I was 13,

except the year
that Ethiopian exchange student

threw me for a loop.

Biniyam!
- [laughs] You're so gonna win.

Have you seen everyone else
at the table?

They're all, like, adults.

I'm an adult.

- Shut up. No, you're not.
- Okay.

Will all remaining entrants

please make their way
to the table?

Let's get started.
- Whoo! Let's go, D'arce!

I've been practicing
with, like, hot things--

like, getting, like,
big, hot things in my mouth.

I mean, this is
the first time its pepper.

Okay, we are
just about to start.

- What are you doing?
- What? I love spicy food.

This isn't spicy food.

This is the stuff they put
a tiny bit of in

to make spicy food.

- Afraid I'm going to beat you?
- I'm afraid you're gonna die.

You're going down
this year, skank.

- Not as often as you.
- True, true.

First up
is a very mild banana pepper.

Eat!
[cheers and applause]

[quirky music]

[shouting]
I'm on fire!

Nope, nope, nope, I'm out!
I'm out!

Ow. No, no, no.

[cheers and applause continue]

Oh, hey, Doc, um...

can I talk to you in private
for a minute?

Nice alien.

Thanks.
My dad stole it for me.

Oh, that--
that's a little bit illegal.

It's, like,
super cheap, so...

Yeah, doesn't really--
it's more the principle.

- Okay.
- Here.

Look, uh,
I'll make this quick.

All right, um, two weeks ago,
I took my dad to get a biopsy,

except I don't remember
taking him.

I don't remember anything--
as a matter of fact,

I don't remember anything
about that day at all

except talking to the FBI.

That's not normal, right?

He is right.
It is not normal.

And it is also very bad
for me.

All right, now get this--
it gets weirder, right?

Now, I haven't told Deputy Liv

anything about me
forgetting that day

'cause I don't want her
to freak out,

but she's got gaps
in her memory

for that exact same day, too.

You think if I came by office,
you could check me out?

This is bad.

If he starts
investigating this,

he might remember
that I'm a murderer

and possibly a werewolf.

Yes.

I will do what I can to help
with your memory.

I appreciate it.

You know, my dad--he tells me
it's emotional, right?

That it's in my head.

I lost a friend
a few years back, and...

truth is, I don't think
I've had a good day since.

Does that make sense?

Yes, that makes sense.

All I got left now
is my dad, and...

who knows for how long, right?

If I can't remember the time
I'm spending with him, then...

- Sit down.
- Right here?

- Mm.
- Okay.

Let me lead you
through a meditation

that will help with your grief.
- Okay.

And put a memory
in your head

so you leave me alone.

All right.

[suspenseful music]

♪

We are getting up there now.

Next is the Trinidad Scorpion
at 1.2 million Scoville units.

This is gonna turn out bad.

Why are you doing this?
Take your milk.

I feel great.

All right, D'arcy!
You can do this, Asta!

Whoo, Asta! Yes.

Mm-mm.
[coughs]

Oh, God, that's not the way
you're supposed to eat that.

- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- No, you're not.

You're not gonna be fine.
- Oh, God.

[coughing]

- All right.
- [groaning]

- I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
- [coughing]

And the winner
and new champion is

Ellen Cho!

[cheers and applause]

Bow to me!
Bow!

The play's about to start.
I saved you guys some seats.

- Oh, I'm excited.
- I don't do no plays.

I don't play.
I don't watch plays.

I don't want--I ain't want
to do no plays.

Oh, come on,
come on, come on.

Come on, let's go.

- Did you write it?
- I did.

Wow, a pickax
for my tenth birthday?

Thanks, Dad!

all: We're all miners now.

Mining built the town
of Patience, Colorado.

At one time,
every able-bodied man

who lived here
worked the mine.

Then one cold January day
in 1884,

heroes were born.

[ragtime music plays, crashing]

[all gasping]

Oh, no!
It could be a cave-in!

Run for your lives!
[all screaming]

Help! Help!

There's one man
still in the mine!

We must go back for him!

59 brave men refused
to leave one man behind.

They were heroes.

How much of the town budget
did you spend on this play?

- Eight percent.
- Eight perc--

[scoffs]

What happened in the mine
after it collapsed.

We're boulders,
and we're here to kill miners.

All must die.

[all screaming]

[tragic music]

♪

All my organs
are hemorrhaging.

[both laughing]

My leg, my leg.

59 men succumbed to
their crush injuries that day.

And one man, who was trapped
in an air pocket,

died of loneliness and thirst
three days later.

I'm so thirsty and so lonely.

[grunts]

To the 59
and to Air Pocket Pete.

I don't think his name
was actually Pete,

but, you know, it works,
and it works well.

[light music playing]

♪ Where have all
the daddies gone? ♪

♪ Where did they all go?
[both snickering]

♪ My uncle is my daddy now

♪ And soon there will be snow

♪ Where did Mommy's happy go?

♪ She drinks wine all day

♪ My uncle daddy
gets real mad ♪

♪ I don't think he will stay
- What are you thinking?

Terrible, man.

[scattered applause]

[quirky music]

♪

[Samantha Crain's
"We Are The Same"]

♪

- Here, this'll help.
- [groans]

Thanks. I need, like,
six or seven more of these.

[chuckles]

♪ Sole dependency

[sighs]

I shouldn't have said
what I said about you and Jay.

I didn't mean it.

No, you meant it.

Okay, I meant it.
[both laugh]

I was mad, and I was wrong.
- [sniffles]

No, you weren't.

You were right.

My parents took me
out to dinner,

and my response was
to go get blackout drunk.

Your parents are assholes.

I mean, I love them,
but come on.

I should be better at dealing
with them by now.

I'm not 15.

I'm a mess.

No.

I'm a mess.
Look at me.

I don't want to be messy.
[groans]

I don't want that either.

We can't both be messes
at the same time.

Otherwise it's chaos.

♪

Going to Jimmy's was so dumb.

I just...

[sighs]

He just went through it,
you know?

I mean, he was an asshole,

but he was there
when Jay was born,

and he was there for me
through all the freakouts

after I gave her up.

♪ I would never take
from you... ♪

I guess I'm so used
to being sad with him,

something about it
feels normal.

I don't think
that's supposed to feel normal.

You know, I wasn't around
when all that stuff went down,

but I'm here now.

And I always will be.

You know that, right?

- Right.
- [chuckles]

[sniffles]

When I woke up
on his couch...

I saw that picture of us
from the senior year

where I'm wearing that
stupid football sweatshirt.

[laughs]

That thing is still
in my trunk.

I think you should go
get that sweatshirt.

♪

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Why?

- Yeah.
- Why?

[laughs, speaks indistinctly]

- What are you gonna do?
- [speaks indistinctly]

♪

♪ And we

♪

♪ We are the same

♪

We'll only be gone
a couple of days.

You're sure
you're okay here alone?

Ah, of course.

Who cares
if everyone hated the play

and me for writing it?

Not everyone
in the audience hated it.

And that woman
who screamed at you

is one of those
complainer moms from school.

♪ Where have
all the daddies gone? ♪

♪ Where did they all go?

You're singing the song.

Yeah,
it's the best song ever.

And the play was awesome.
The blood looked so cool.

See you in a couple days.

♪ Where did Mommy's happy go?

Wow. Did you see that?
Max loved it.

See? You got yourself
all worked up over nothing.

By next year, everyone will
have forgotten all about it,

and you can do another play.

No way.
I mean, you heard Max.

The play worked.

No, we'll--we'll do it
even bigger next year.

You know, bigger boulders,
maybe--maybe even more blood.

Great.

Okay. Bye, honey.
- Okay, bye.

Bye-bye. Okay.

Have fun at your mom's.

- Bye, Dad!
- Bye, honey!

[Ben farting]

[indistinct chatter]

Thanks.

Just take care of yourself.

At the end of the day,

you can't depend
on anyone else but you.

My mom would never say
something like that.

But I think you're right.

Thanks.

I--

[emotional music]

♪

You're a better father
than I remember.

I'm glad we got
to spend time together.

I might even miss you a little.

I am glad.

I miss my family, too.

All right, folks.

I have also changed.

Ticket, please.

But the alien in New York
is my family.

So maybe
they will help me anyway.

I have to try.

I am ready to go
to New York now.

♪

I am not worried.

I know I am much more alien
than human.

Sheriff,
can I tell you something?

All right, go ahead.
Lay it on me.

You know
that day the FBI guy came,

the day that neither
of us can remember?

I think an alien
erased our memory.

There, I said it.

Well, I can't speak
for you, Deputy,

but, um, I remember exactly
what I was doing that day.

It was a good day.
Actually, a very good day.

Okay.

[Django Reinhardt's
"La Mer [Beyond the Sea]"]

Only an alien would have
been able to put a memory

in the sheriff's head.

♪

[both laughing]

And if that memory
gave him a good day...

then that is just
a coincidence.

♪