Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:03,264
- Previously
on "Resident Alien"...
2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:05,092
- How could I not remember?
3
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:06,745
- When people experience
a loss of time,
4
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:09,009
it's often because they've
been abducted by aliens.
5
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,401
- I'm an alien.
6
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,403
We are very good
at changing people's memories.
7
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:15,580
- FBI. The murderer is
not Harry Vanderspeigle.
8
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,626
- Guess what--you're not
getting your ball back.
9
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,976
I've hidden it where
you'll never find it.
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,282
- Abigail Hodges,
you're under arrest
11
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,848
for the murder of Sam Hodges.
12
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,025
- I have built a radio.
13
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,504
The signal will tell my people
14
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:29,899
not to come
and kill everyone...
15
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:31,161
for 50 years.
16
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:34,817
- We need to stop it!
- No!
17
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,253
It's receiving a signal.
18
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:39,778
It's a phone number
from New York City.
19
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,693
- Sunny went into labor
all of a sudden.
20
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:45,567
- I can fix it.
- Let the doctor do his job.
21
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,743
- I've held a lot of babies
since Jay was born.
22
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:52,139
- I understand now
why you feel guilty.
23
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:05,413
Go after him.
24
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,067
Flush him out. I'll meet you
on the other side.
25
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,242
- I got it.
26
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:11,114
Police, drop the weapon!
27
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,724
- Shit.
28
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:15,075
Dispatch, this is unit 92.
I got shots fired.
29
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,685
Need backup at my location.
30
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:19,166
Jesse! Jesse!
- Copy that.
31
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,645
Backup en route.
32
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,605
- Jesse?
33
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:24,997
Jesse?
34
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,266
I got an officer down.
35
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,059
Mike.
36
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,671
Come on, man,
I know you're in there.
37
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:54,462
Bill, I can't do that, man.
38
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:58,074
Mike, you're the only one
he would have trusted with him.
39
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,434
- You take care
of yourself, okay?
40
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,871
- Thanks.
Thanks, man.
41
00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:20,140
I miss him, too, Cletus.
42
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,274
Welcome to your new home.
43
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:37,635
- 1,900 miles--
44
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,551
that's how close
I am to New York City,
45
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,640
to one of my people.
46
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:45,948
1,900 miles from standing
in front of a being
47
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,471
who knows what I know...
48
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,866
who has stood in the ice wind
desert as a child.
49
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:53,216
I am different now.
50
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,957
Asta knows this version of me,
51
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,352
but I am 1,900 miles
from being with someone
52
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:00,789
who knows
the alien part of me--
53
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,965
the real me.
54
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,405
So why can I not dial
this number?
55
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,037
- Hey.
- Oh.
56
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:33,256
Hey.
57
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,782
- It was nice to talk
to you last night.
58
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,482
Kind of felt like
old times again.
59
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,353
What?
- Oh.
60
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,094
- W-what--what
are you upset about?
61
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:47,488
Nothing happened.
All we did was talk about Jay.
62
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,533
- Yeah, I know.
- Asta.
63
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,927
- I shouldn't have come here.
- I did--
64
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,758
Please, you don't have to go.
- Yes, I do.
65
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,294
- Nice seeing you
at Laurant's last night.
66
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,992
- Mm, mm.
67
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,655
- I saw you left
pretty quickly.
68
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,919
You know,
if there's ever anything
69
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,660
you want to talk about,
like, no big deal,
70
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,749
but you can talk to me.
71
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:37,102
Thank you, Deputy.
72
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,235
Now that you mention it,
73
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,368
I'd like to know what
you've been scribbling down
74
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,760
in your little notebook there.
75
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,415
You doing another
solo investigation?
76
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,593
- Do you remember my dress you
picked up from the cleaners?
77
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:52,161
The one I don't remember
dropping off?
78
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,336
- And what dress
you talking about?
79
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,859
You talking
about that green dress,
80
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,470
or you talking about that
dress you talk about every day
81
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,993
like it's some kind
of government conspiracy?
82
00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,865
You have to admit it's weird.
83
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:03,912
- Basically
the whole day is a blank.
84
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,566
Do you remember it?
- I mean, no.
85
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,089
But I can't remember what I had
for breakfast this morning.
86
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,830
You know, ask me
what color socks I'm wearing.
87
00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:11,789
- What color socks
are you wearing?
88
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,400
- Well, actually,
I'm wearing black socks
89
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,836
'cause that's all I own--
is black socks.
90
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:16,446
But if I did own socks
that was a different color,
91
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,143
I wouldn't remember
what color I was wearing.
92
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,319
You know why?
It don't matter.
93
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:22,060
- Sir, you might want to look
at this.
94
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,500
- What the hell she doing?
That's Miss Taylor bike.
95
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:30,112
Oh, shit. Hell, no.
Hell, no!
96
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,854
Hey, get off that bike!
Get off that damn bike!
97
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,464
That ain't your bike.
- Come on, Sheriff!
98
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,771
- Hey, I can outrun that bike!
99
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,383
- Ellen?
100
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,822
Hey, Ellen,
can you cover for me?
101
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,433
I got to take care
of something.
102
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:47,999
- Sure.
- Okay. Thanks.
103
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:48,957
I won't be long.
104
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,269
Close call.
105
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,662
Almost as close as you were
106
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,012
to getting your eye poked out
by a tree.
107
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:04,842
- In my defense, I had just
had dinner with my parents.
108
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,454
Also, that tree
was waving pretty wildly.
109
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,370
- Listen,
as a medical professional,
110
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:13,024
I suggest you drink
a little less.
111
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:17,028
But as a single bitch
living in this dead-ass town,
112
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,944
I suggest you invite me out
next time.
113
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,511
- Wow.
114
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,730
All right.
115
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:25,254
- Yeah, there's more of that.
- Okay.
116
00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:32,653
- What do you mean you got
a phone number from an alien?
117
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,785
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
What did they say?
118
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:38,223
- Well, I did not call.
It might be a trap.
119
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,008
- It's not a trap.
120
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,749
- If you worried more
about traps,
121
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,925
then you would still be
in the ocean
122
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:47,668
instead of in a box of water
in the mountains.
123
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,974
- Does this thing have to keep
popping into my head?
124
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,454
- You think I like it
in there?
125
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,151
It's darker than the woods
in a Tim Burton movie.
126
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,066
- You shut the hell up
about what's in my head
127
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,199
and stop putting the TV on
in front of this thing.
128
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,940
- He's not calling
129
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,595
because he's afraid
his people will reject him.
130
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,248
He's worried he's too human.
131
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,772
- That is a lie!
132
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,905
Liars do not get food.
- I'm kidding.
133
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,646
Can't you take a joke?
It's obviously a trap.
134
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,561
- Good octopus.
135
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,650
- Okay. We don't have
any other leads.
136
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:16,348
And if we don't do anything,
everyone is going to die.
137
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:19,090
So, if you don't call
that phone number, I will.
138
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,570
- Fine.
139
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,747
- Okay.
140
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,227
Mm.
141
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,579
- Hello. Can I talk
to the alien, please?
142
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,495
Mm.
143
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,715
He hung up.
144
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,195
He knows my mother.
145
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,980
And they had intercourse.
146
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,071
- Demelio's Pizzeria,
East Third Street.
147
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:45,508
Pack your bags.
We're going to New York.
148
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:48,598
- I cannot go to New York.
The octopus is right.
149
00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:50,818
I have changed.
I am too human.
150
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,776
What if the alien
will not help me?
151
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,735
- I heard that.
He just admitted it.
152
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,780
- Get out of my head.
153
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,309
- Well, answer it.
It might be them.
154
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,183
- Hello?
155
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,446
- Morning, Doc.
It's the Sheriff.
156
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,322
- Hi, Dad.
157
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,682
- This is weird--
she looks like me,
158
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,684
if I fell face-first
into a pile of metal.
159
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:31,902
- At first,
I thought she was just
160
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,600
some hippie drifter
from Boulder,
161
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,777
but, uh, then she showed me
this right here.
162
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,436
I remember this.
163
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,830
This was the day
she sat on my knee,
164
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,440
and we looked at the camera,
165
00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:50,007
and that person took
our photograph.
166
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:53,358
- Yes, the daughter you've been
telling me so much about,
167
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,012
from your first wife
before Isabelle,
168
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,188
and her name is...
169
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,495
right on the tip of my tongue.
170
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,718
- Um, I think she said Liza.
171
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:07,242
- Liza is her name.
172
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,244
- Liza is her name.
- Mm-hmm.
173
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,507
I'm very fertile.
174
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,902
This is my sweet little girl.
175
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,078
- Well, we caught
your sweet little girl
176
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,296
trying to steal a bike.
177
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,733
It turns out she's got a record
178
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,648
for shoplifting
in, uh, New Mexico.
179
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:24,433
Her mama sent her to a camp
for troubled teens,
180
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,653
but she ran away
'cause she's troubled.
181
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,307
- She also pulled my hair.
182
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,788
It didn't hurt, though.
I have strong roots.
183
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,747
- Are you even aware
of what's going on
184
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,226
with your daughter, Doc?
- Yes.
185
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:39,361
Thank you for arresting her
and throwing her in jail.
186
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,537
- Well, hold on--I don't think
there's any need for that,
187
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,973
at least not yet.
188
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,801
I'm all right with releasing
her into your custody.
189
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:48,588
- No, you throw her in jail.
190
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:51,373
He's joking.
191
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:54,158
He'll take her home.
192
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,292
- Is this how humans feel
when they have a child--
193
00:09:57,335 --> 00:10:01,470
angry and resentful for having
to care for a tiny thing?
194
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,167
If she were a pet bird,
195
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,648
I would leave
the cage door open
196
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,955
and the ceiling fan on.
197
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:12,089
- So, Liza, boot camp, huh?
Why were you sent there?
198
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,309
- Murder.
- Cool.
199
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,659
Maybe we should call your mom,
have her come pick you up.
200
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,530
- Good luck--
my mom is in Italy right now,
201
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,924
getting fingered on a Vespa.
202
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,230
- Good talk.
203
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:26,974
- It's a bad--it's a bad talk.
That was bad.
204
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,541
- Why are you acting so weird?
205
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,544
Wait, are you high?
206
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:34,503
- Yes.
207
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:37,245
Yes, he is.
Ugh.
208
00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:39,682
- It's legal in Colorado.
209
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,642
Do not bum my stone, man.
210
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,600
Go home to your mother.
211
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,211
Asta will take you
to the airport.
212
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:48,691
- That was quick.
213
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:50,040
You usually at least pretend
214
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,695
for a few days
before you tell me to leave.
215
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:55,089
I'll make it real easy for you.
Have a nice life.
216
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:58,135
- Okay, I will.
217
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,660
Where is the bacon lady?
218
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,184
- You can't just let her leave.
- Mm?
219
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,489
She wants to go.
220
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,841
- She wants her father.
We have to help her.
221
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:10,017
- An hour ago,
you wanted to go to New York
222
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,236
to save the rest of the humans.
223
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,760
You are flip-floppy.
224
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,849
- She happens to be
one of those humans.
225
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,286
You killed her father,
226
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:21,245
so we are staying here
until we get her safely home.
227
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,816
- She does not need our help.
228
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,384
She's already making friends.
229
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,907
- Shit.
230
00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,302
- I think
we can make that happen, yeah.
231
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,782
You ever been on one before?
- Oh, yes.
232
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,479
- Let's do this thing.
233
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,655
- Hey, nice bike.
- Thanks.
234
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,135
- I had the same one
in high school.
235
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,964
She's 16,
so get the hell out of here.
236
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,228
Faster.
237
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,580
- You're not my mother.
238
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:52,886
- I know.
She's doing the Vespa thing.
239
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,062
Look, I want to help you.
240
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,977
- Because you're
my dad's newest sex toy?
241
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,719
- Oh, my God, knock it off.
We just work together.
242
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:02,243
- Yeah, you're
a little too old for him.
243
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:05,246
- Look, my mom left me
when I was a baby,
244
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:08,423
so I know a few things
about being abandoned.
245
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,033
- So now I'm your therapist?
246
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:12,296
You know what? Eat shit.
247
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,689
- Yeah. Laugh it off.
248
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,909
And have a little pity party
while you're at it.
249
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,780
I'm not going to let you get
on a motorcycle
250
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:21,001
and get beat up
by some asshole biker, okay?
251
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,842
- Did you really used to have
that motorcycle?
252
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,845
- No, my asshole
biker boyfriend did.
253
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:47,157
- I don't think my mom
even wanted to go to Italy.
254
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:50,378
I think she just needed
an excuse to ship me off.
255
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:55,818
I figured...
256
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:58,038
I hadn't seen
my dad in a while.
257
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:02,433
I was just borrowing that bike
to get to the cabin.
258
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:04,740
I'm not a thief.
259
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,090
Not really.
260
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:09,701
I mean,
I do steal a lot of shit.
261
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,231
Something's different.
262
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,888
At least he used to go through
the motions of being a father.
263
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:25,239
- Yeah, well...
264
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,633
he's not the same man
you used to know.
265
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,897
Maybe just give him a chance.
266
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:38,730
- I really miss you,
Aunt Cathy.
267
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,776
You were the only one
I ever told
268
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,344
about the UFO I saw
when I was a kid...
269
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:44,562
except John.
270
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:48,436
He thinks I'm crazy
but loves me anyway.
271
00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:52,832
God, I really hope
you can hear me.
272
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,443
Aunt Cathy,
if you're listening,
273
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,401
please give me a sign.
274
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:58,968
- Liv!
- Oh!
275
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:01,014
- Hey, Liv.
- Hey.
276
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,363
- Just bringing Max by.
277
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,713
His first father-son trip
to the cemetery.
278
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,889
- What is that tall thing?
- Ah.
279
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,849
That is a monument
honoring the 59.
280
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,372
The star on top represents
281
00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:13,765
the man that they went back
to save.
282
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,419
- It's more than a monument.
283
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:18,031
They're all actually buried
under there.
284
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,250
It's a mass grave
kind of thing.
285
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,339
- Awesome.
286
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:25,081
- Really? Huh.
287
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,388
Well, uh, you'll be happy
to hear this year
288
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,173
at Patience Family Day
the theme is "Remember When."
289
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:33,916
So we'll be honoring the 59--
Max stop digging.
290
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,918
I'm trying to rebrand
the whole narrative,
291
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,746
you know,
just remind people that
292
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:39,922
these aren't just 59 dead men.
293
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,706
You know,
these are--these are heroes.
294
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,099
- Mm, that sounds great.
295
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,753
- Yeah. We're going to have
mining-themed games.
296
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,233
Kids are putting on a play
297
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:47,974
written by yours truly.
- Ah.
298
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,932
- Hey, maybe even get
real authentic--
299
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,586
swap out the toilet paper
in the porta-potties
300
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:54,197
for corn husks.
- Yeah, maybe not that one.
301
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:55,416
- Ah, I already
started shucking.
302
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,418
Well, uh, good to see you.
- Yeah.
303
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:58,898
- Okay. Come on, Max.
304
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,857
- Hey, Max, I've been meaning
to ask you something.
305
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,598
You know that sketch
you had me do--
306
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,034
the--the one of the alien?
307
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:09,343
- Oh, um...
yeah, I made all that stuff up.
308
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:10,648
Aliens aren't real.
309
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,619
- Well, it looks like
she's been here before.
310
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,099
Nice talking with you.
311
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:28,797
- This is a bad idea.
I do not like children.
312
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,190
- Yes, you do.
313
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,887
I saw the way
you looked at Sunny's baby.
314
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,890
- That is different.
A baby is tiny.
315
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,283
And it doesn't speak.
316
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,633
- Well, every baby grows
into a Liza.
317
00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:40,548
- Then why do you feed them?
318
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:43,986
- 'Cause if you don't,
they will die.
319
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,554
No, mm-mm.
Don't even think about it.
320
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,164
Anything happens to her
or if she leaves,
321
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,818
we will have
much bigger problems.
322
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:52,299
Okay, keep her alive and happy
323
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,170
until her mom comes home
in a few days
324
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:57,217
and we go to New York
and save humanity.
325
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:02,396
Also, try to act
as normal as possible
326
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,920
and keep the door
to your alien bunker locked
327
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,401
and the talking octopus
in your room.
328
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:10,230
- I have got this.
329
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,275
I can be a good father.
330
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,147
I've seen
a lot of television.
331
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,410
- Ugh, what happened
to the Wi-Fi?
332
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,194
And it smells like
dead people up here.
333
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:21,981
- Then you should take
a shower...
334
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,634
my darling daughter.
335
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,299
- Hey, hey, hey!
336
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,962
Buddy, you took my spot.
337
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,660
- Glad to see
you got a new truck.
338
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:52,141
It was the, uh, problem
with the emergency brake
339
00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:53,969
on the last one, right?
- Oh, you're real funny.
340
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,449
You could have killed someone.
341
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,059
- Now you're pretending
to care about other people.
342
00:16:57,103 --> 00:17:00,280
Hey, maybe show me how much
you care with your fist.
343
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,977
That's you do things, right?
344
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,413
- Looks like you already lost
one fight today.
345
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,285
But keep playing with me,
and we'll make it two.
346
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,026
- It would be the honor
of my life
347
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,636
to lay your ass out.
348
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,594
In fact, I'll do it twice--
once for me, once for Asta.
349
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:11,769
- Well, if she's so upset,
350
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,033
why did she stay
at my house last night?
351
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,557
Mm.
352
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,211
- Bullshit.
353
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:30,049
Yeah, good to see you.
354
00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,052
- Hey, hey.
355
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,011
- Got some good news.
356
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,013
- Oh, yeah,
the Nats won four in a row.
357
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,667
- I'm not talking
about the Nationals.
358
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,104
My biopsy came back negative.
359
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,845
- Biopsy? What biopsy?
360
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,238
- You're the one
who kept nagging me
361
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,630
to get my mole checked.
362
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,197
You drove me to the clinic.
363
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,460
What? When?
364
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,201
- Two weeks ago.
365
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:54,290
- Well, obviously you didn't
tell me it was for a biopsy,
366
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,639
or I would have remembered.
367
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:58,294
- Of course I told you.
368
00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:01,689
You ain't been
the same since D.C.
369
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,038
You got to deal with that.
370
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,040
See a doctor, psychiatrist,
371
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,650
hell, anybody.
- Mm-hmm.
372
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:09,175
Tell me, why exactly should
I take mental-health advice
373
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,220
from somebody who stayed
holed up in the house,
374
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:13,048
refusing to speak to anybody
for six months
375
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,615
when Mama died, huh?
376
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,834
Yeah, well, I'm not the one
carrying a deadly weapon.
377
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,140
- Okay, all right,
you know what?
378
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,968
Is this--is this
what we have now? Is this us?
379
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,796
We just gonna fight
all the time?
380
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,145
I got friends.
They got dads.
381
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,538
They go to games.
They go fishing and shit.
382
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,235
We ain't done nothing like that
since I was a kid.
383
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,237
Instead, all I got
is you sitting across from me
384
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:30,239
telling me all the things
you think are wrong with me.
385
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,241
- You're a young man.
386
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,548
It's not normal
to forget stuff like that.
387
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:47,648
What are we eating?
388
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:50,651
- This is missing something.
What is it?
389
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:53,219
Oh, right, flavor.
390
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:57,353
Have you ever heard of salt
or a-a vegetable maybe?
391
00:18:57,397 --> 00:19:00,008
- I did have some vegetables,
392
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:01,836
but they grew organisms
on them.
393
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:03,490
- You know I can't eat gluten.
394
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,709
Did you forget that, or are you
purposely trying to kill me?
395
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,798
- Would gluten kill you?
396
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,931
- I'll just starve.
- Mm.
397
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:12,325
- You need to call my boot camp
and tell them that I'm with you
398
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,935
and I'm too sick to go back.
399
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,893
- That would be lying.
400
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:19,549
Lying is bad, young lady.
401
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,986
I will now discipline you
402
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,555
by sending you to bed
without supper.
403
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,429
- I already told you--
404
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,126
I'm not going to eat
your shitty gut-bomb pasta.
405
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,651
- Fine. Fine. Fine.
406
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,437
More--more gluten for me.
407
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,786
- Enjoy.
408
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,353
- I am.
409
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:45,053
- I know you feel
like you're different.
410
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:47,229
You are different.
411
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:50,580
You can see what's going on.
412
00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,147
Aliens are real.
413
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,714
- Hey, uh, Deputy,
where are you?
414
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:57,413
That car was supposed to be
back an hour ago.
415
00:19:57,457 --> 00:20:00,721
- Uh, just at the market
picking up supplies
416
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,418
for the break room.
- Hey, uh, Dep.
417
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,028
You know what?
While you're there,
418
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,204
go ahead and pick me up
a lotto ticket.
419
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,118
Go ahead pick up one
for Cletus, too.
420
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:08,555
- Sure thing, Sheriff.
421
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:11,035
You want a lotto ticket?
422
00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:15,344
- You spent the night
at Jimmy's?
423
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,782
- It's not what you think.
- What is wrong with you?
424
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,567
How do you even get
within ten feet of that creep
425
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,743
without ripping his face off?
- Shh.
426
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:27,269
- We had to deliver
my cousin Sunny's baby, okay?
427
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,271
It messed with my head.
428
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:32,231
- Okay, great.
So call your friends.
429
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:35,321
- You don't understand.
- No, I really don't.
430
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,540
- Well, Jimmy does, so it's not
a terrible surprise
431
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,500
that I want to talk to him
about it and not you.
432
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,371
- I guess I'm just somebody
who doesn't like watching
433
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:44,199
their best friend ruin
their life.
434
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,766
- Oh, really?
435
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:48,334
And that's just
something for me to do?
436
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:49,813
- What is that supposed
to mean?
437
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,641
You think I don't know
that you come in here
438
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:52,729
for hangover IVs?
439
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,165
- Sorry, D'arcy.
440
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:56,298
- You want to talk about
watching friends ruin lives?
441
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,344
Let's talk about it.
- You know, it's weird.
442
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,259
You didn't seem worried
about this
443
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:01,347
until I started helping Jay.
444
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,000
- Oh, is that what
you're doing?
445
00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:05,133
You're "helping" her?
446
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:06,526
- Yes.
447
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,789
She needs somebody to talk to.
448
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,530
Maybe she'll listen
to my dating advice.
449
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,532
- I'm not so sure
you're the best person
450
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,447
to be giving advice about men.
451
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:15,839
- Wow.
452
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:17,406
- D'arce.
453
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:18,712
- Okay.
454
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,859
- Where's Murphy?
455
00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:41,517
"If you ever want to see
your dog again,
456
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:43,824
return my alien ball--Alien."
457
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:45,782
It's not even your dog.
458
00:21:45,826 --> 00:21:48,785
We win again.
- No, we don't.
459
00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:50,613
Murphy's my responsibility.
460
00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:52,615
Her owners pay me to walk her.
461
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:55,139
We have to get her back.
462
00:21:55,183 --> 00:21:57,359
- Humans are obsessed
with pets.
463
00:21:57,403 --> 00:22:00,057
If I give Liza
this slobbering lump of fur,
464
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:03,147
she will become so distracted
taking care of the dog,
465
00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:05,280
I won't have
to take care of her.
466
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:09,589
Liza, dear child,
I have a gift for you.
467
00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:14,245
- Mm-hmm.
468
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,464
- A dog?
469
00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:17,466
What am I supposed
to do with that thing?
470
00:22:17,510 --> 00:22:19,338
You know mom's allergic.
471
00:22:23,603 --> 00:22:26,475
- This will be more difficult
than I first thought.
472
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:02,032
- Ew.
473
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,214
- No, there's a--
474
00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:11,520
You--
475
00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:13,957
- Got the balloon arch going.
476
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:17,178
This guy, old prospector--
looking great, everyone.
477
00:23:17,221 --> 00:23:19,049
- Hi, Kayla.
- Hey, Kate.
478
00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:21,312
- Uh, isn't the booth
supposed to be
479
00:23:21,356 --> 00:23:23,706
just back a couple feet?
- Yeah, there was a rock there.
480
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:27,362
- See, all the booths are
supposed to be 30 feet apart.
481
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,146
Did you know that
the human brain
482
00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:31,235
gets pleasure from symmetry?
483
00:23:31,279 --> 00:23:33,237
- Did you know
that the human ankle gets pain
484
00:23:33,281 --> 00:23:35,805
from breaking itself
on a rock?
485
00:23:35,849 --> 00:23:37,677
- Oh, no.
486
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,592
Why is there a murderer here?
487
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:42,072
- Innocent until proven guilty.
- Innocent?
488
00:23:42,116 --> 00:23:43,465
She's holding a weapon.
489
00:23:43,509 --> 00:23:46,555
- Honey, it's a paintbrush.
- That's a weapon.
490
00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:48,905
"Hi. What would you like me
to paint on your face--
491
00:23:48,949 --> 00:23:50,429
a nice little birdie?"
492
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:52,213
"Take that kid."
493
00:23:54,911 --> 00:23:57,000
Keep an eye on her.
494
00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:00,830
- It's good to see you.
495
00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,791
- This is stupid.
- It is not stupid.
496
00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:06,749
This is Patience Family Day.
497
00:24:06,793 --> 00:24:08,316
We are a family in Patience,
498
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,624
and this is what families
in Patience do on this day.
499
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,669
If she were home with me
for one more second,
500
00:24:13,713 --> 00:24:16,759
I would kill her and feed her
to my hungry octopus.
501
00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:18,021
- Can I at least drive?
502
00:24:18,065 --> 00:24:21,721
- Will you stop complaining?
- Yes.
503
00:24:21,764 --> 00:24:23,940
- Okay.
- Yes!
504
00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:34,603
Hurry.
505
00:24:34,647 --> 00:24:36,039
- Okay.
506
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:43,960
Okay.
Try not to kill us.
507
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,658
- Calm down.
It's fine.
508
00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:47,268
- This is a nightmare.
509
00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:49,792
How do human parents teach
driving to their children
510
00:24:49,836 --> 00:24:51,315
without being terrified?
511
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,188
The truck sounds like
it wants you to shift now.
512
00:24:56,146 --> 00:24:58,845
- Oh, let's put on some tunes.
513
00:24:58,888 --> 00:25:01,804
Wait, watch out!
514
00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,634
- Stop being a backseat driver.
- There is no back seat.
515
00:25:05,678 --> 00:25:07,810
It is a truck.
516
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:11,074
It is a nice day, and...
517
00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:12,859
that is a beautiful stop sign
approaching.
518
00:25:12,902 --> 00:25:14,513
You see it?
- Where?
519
00:25:14,556 --> 00:25:15,775
There.
520
00:25:17,037 --> 00:25:18,212
- Watch it, asshole!
521
00:25:18,255 --> 00:25:20,519
Stop! That's it!
Get out of that truck!
522
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:22,608
You are the worst driver
I've ever seen!
523
00:25:22,651 --> 00:25:26,133
- You're a jerk.
I was finally having some fun.
524
00:25:30,616 --> 00:25:32,574
- Damn it.
525
00:25:34,315 --> 00:25:36,491
- Come on, we got to hurry.
We'll be late for the play.
526
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,145
- I don't want to give
the ball back.
527
00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:39,973
- We have no choice.
528
00:25:40,016 --> 00:25:41,365
Do you know what
a kidnapping review
529
00:25:41,409 --> 00:25:43,585
will do to my whole
dog-walking business?
530
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:46,936
Wait.
531
00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:49,591
Someone's been here.
The satellite dish is gone.
532
00:25:51,724 --> 00:25:53,726
Oh, no.
533
00:26:02,735 --> 00:26:04,301
The ball.
534
00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:08,741
Who took it?
535
00:26:08,784 --> 00:26:10,960
- There's only one possibility.
536
00:26:42,862 --> 00:26:44,341
- Asta.
537
00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:45,865
- Hey, Harry.
538
00:26:45,908 --> 00:26:48,215
Thank you so much again for
helping Sunny with her baby.
539
00:26:48,258 --> 00:26:49,477
You were amazing.
540
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,348
- They are easy
when they are babies.
541
00:26:51,392 --> 00:26:52,698
They cannot run away yet
542
00:26:52,741 --> 00:26:55,570
or almost kill you
in a car accident.
543
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,050
- Run away?
Did Liza leave?
544
00:26:57,093 --> 00:26:58,573
Oh!
- Oh!
545
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:01,620
- Uh, found her.
- Oh, yep, teenage daughter.
546
00:27:02,708 --> 00:27:04,405
- Oh, Harry, maybe you should--
547
00:27:04,448 --> 00:27:06,712
- No.
That's it.
548
00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:09,236
You are as bad at throwing
549
00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:12,065
as you are at driving!
550
00:27:12,108 --> 00:27:14,415
- Well, I must be
a pretty good driver, then,
551
00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:16,678
because you're soaking wet.
552
00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:21,422
- You are the worst daughter
that I have.
553
00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:23,903
- I am your only daughter,
you idiot!
554
00:27:23,946 --> 00:27:28,255
- If I had another daughter
and she was bad,
555
00:27:28,298 --> 00:27:30,605
you would be worse!
556
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:32,955
- Please stop, you guys.
557
00:27:32,999 --> 00:27:35,784
Uh, we only have
a limited number of balloons.
558
00:27:35,828 --> 00:27:38,700
And, Judy, uh, I-I appreciate
you dressing on theme,
559
00:27:38,744 --> 00:27:40,267
but could you cover up
the cleavage?
560
00:27:40,310 --> 00:27:41,529
There are children here.
561
00:27:41,572 --> 00:27:43,400
- There's a theme?
562
00:27:43,444 --> 00:27:45,751
Not okay!
563
00:27:45,794 --> 00:27:47,056
No! Hey!
564
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:49,102
Not--not okay. Hey!
- Get him.
565
00:27:49,145 --> 00:27:50,930
- Summer fun,
summer high jinks.
566
00:27:50,973 --> 00:27:53,584
Listen, you got
to take it down here.
567
00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:54,629
Hey!
- Ha ha ha!
568
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:56,283
- Okay, all right.
569
00:27:56,326 --> 00:27:57,719
Not okay! Oh!
570
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,902
- I know you didn't kill Sam.
571
00:28:06,946 --> 00:28:08,948
- Oh...
572
00:28:08,991 --> 00:28:11,515
you have no idea
how much that means to me.
573
00:28:14,475 --> 00:28:17,826
Okay. Bird or butterfly?
574
00:28:17,870 --> 00:28:22,744
- Uh, I was thinking more
of a Ziggy Stardust-type thing.
575
00:28:22,788 --> 00:28:26,313
- Oh, okay, I like it.
Let's see now.
576
00:28:41,023 --> 00:28:44,287
- Does the food you eat ever
get caught in your lip metal?
577
00:28:47,029 --> 00:28:49,858
You're different than before,
578
00:28:49,902 --> 00:28:52,687
like, head-injury different.
579
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,255
You've changed.
- Yes, I know.
580
00:28:55,298 --> 00:28:58,998
- You ghosted me
for, like, three years.
581
00:28:59,041 --> 00:29:00,695
I thought you hated me,
582
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:03,045
- Then why did you come here?
583
00:29:03,089 --> 00:29:05,308
- To be honest,
I was afraid to.
584
00:29:05,352 --> 00:29:07,354
I mean...
585
00:29:07,397 --> 00:29:09,182
I've changed, too, obviously.
586
00:29:09,225 --> 00:29:12,011
I'm not the little girl
you used to take fishing.
587
00:29:13,403 --> 00:29:14,883
But you're my family.
588
00:29:14,927 --> 00:29:17,451
I was hoping that'd be enough,
589
00:29:17,494 --> 00:29:18,887
'cause if it wasn't enough,
590
00:29:18,931 --> 00:29:23,370
I would have had to go back
to that hellhole camp.
591
00:29:23,413 --> 00:29:25,633
- Dial their phone number.
592
00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:36,122
Hello, my name is
Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle,
593
00:29:36,165 --> 00:29:39,603
and my daughter Liza
isn't going to come back
594
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:43,085
to your stupid camp.
595
00:29:43,129 --> 00:29:44,739
It is stupid.
596
00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:47,220
You are stupid.
597
00:29:47,263 --> 00:29:48,874
If you contact her again,
598
00:29:48,917 --> 00:29:50,832
I will find you
and your family.
599
00:29:50,876 --> 00:29:52,747
- That should cover it.
600
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,967
Mm-hmm.
601
00:29:57,578 --> 00:29:59,319
Hey...
602
00:29:59,362 --> 00:30:00,842
win me a prize?
603
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,850
- I will win myself a prize
and consider giving it to you.
604
00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:10,243
- Fair enough.
605
00:30:16,423 --> 00:30:19,774
- All right, time for
the 52nd Annual Family Day
606
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,384
Hot Chili Pepper
Eating Contest.
607
00:30:21,428 --> 00:30:23,517
You should eat more.
608
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,954
- No.
Need to line the stomach.
609
00:30:25,998 --> 00:30:29,001
Trust me, I've won this contest
every year since I was 13,
610
00:30:29,044 --> 00:30:30,872
except the year
that Ethiopian exchange student
611
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:32,265
threw me for a loop.
612
00:30:32,308 --> 00:30:34,354
- Biniyam!
- You're so gonna win.
613
00:30:34,397 --> 00:30:36,356
Have you seen everyone else
at the table?
614
00:30:36,399 --> 00:30:37,618
They're all, like, adults.
615
00:30:37,661 --> 00:30:38,924
- I'm an adult.
616
00:30:38,967 --> 00:30:42,014
- Shut up. No, you're not.
- Okay.
617
00:30:42,057 --> 00:30:43,189
- Will all remaining entrants
618
00:30:43,232 --> 00:30:44,843
please make their way
to the table?
619
00:30:44,886 --> 00:30:47,410
Let's get started.
- Whoo! Let's go, D'arce!
620
00:30:47,454 --> 00:30:49,543
- I've been practicing
with, like, hot things--
621
00:30:49,586 --> 00:30:53,286
like, getting, like,
big, hot things in my mouth.
622
00:30:53,329 --> 00:30:55,592
I mean, this is
the first time its pepper.
623
00:30:55,636 --> 00:30:57,899
- Okay, we are
just about to start.
624
00:30:57,943 --> 00:31:01,207
- What are you doing?
- What? I love spicy food.
625
00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:02,861
- This isn't spicy food.
626
00:31:02,904 --> 00:31:04,688
This is the stuff they put
a tiny bit of in
627
00:31:04,732 --> 00:31:06,386
to make spicy food.
628
00:31:06,429 --> 00:31:09,302
- Afraid I'm going to beat you?
- I'm afraid you're gonna die.
629
00:31:09,345 --> 00:31:11,217
- You're going down
this year, skank.
630
00:31:11,260 --> 00:31:13,741
- Not as often as you.
- True, true.
631
00:31:13,784 --> 00:31:16,483
- First up
is a very mild banana pepper.
632
00:31:16,526 --> 00:31:20,400
Eat!
633
00:31:24,578 --> 00:31:27,581
I'm on fire!
634
00:31:27,624 --> 00:31:31,237
Nope, nope, nope, I'm out!
I'm out!
635
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,848
Ow. No, no, no.
636
00:31:35,981 --> 00:31:38,113
- Oh, hey, Doc, um...
637
00:31:38,157 --> 00:31:40,942
can I talk to you in private
for a minute?
638
00:31:40,986 --> 00:31:42,552
- Nice alien.
639
00:31:42,596 --> 00:31:44,163
- Thanks.
My dad stole it for me.
640
00:31:44,206 --> 00:31:47,209
- Oh, that--
that's a little bit illegal.
641
00:31:47,253 --> 00:31:49,037
- It's, like,
super cheap, so...
642
00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:50,996
- Yeah, doesn't really--
it's more the principle.
643
00:31:51,039 --> 00:31:53,041
- Okay.
- Here.
644
00:31:55,174 --> 00:31:57,480
Look, uh,
I'll make this quick.
645
00:31:57,524 --> 00:32:01,397
All right, um, two weeks ago,
I took my dad to get a biopsy,
646
00:32:01,441 --> 00:32:03,356
except I don't remember
taking him.
647
00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:05,053
I don't remember anything--
as a matter of fact,
648
00:32:05,097 --> 00:32:06,750
I don't remember anything
about that day at all
649
00:32:06,794 --> 00:32:08,535
except talking to the FBI.
650
00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:09,971
That's not normal, right?
651
00:32:10,015 --> 00:32:12,191
- He is right.
It is not normal.
652
00:32:12,234 --> 00:32:14,106
And it is also very bad
for me.
653
00:32:14,149 --> 00:32:16,064
- All right, now get this--
it gets weirder, right?
654
00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:17,370
Now, I haven't told Deputy Liv
655
00:32:17,413 --> 00:32:18,937
anything about me
forgetting that day
656
00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:20,068
'cause I don't want her
to freak out,
657
00:32:20,112 --> 00:32:21,722
but she's got gaps
in her memory
658
00:32:21,765 --> 00:32:23,245
for that exact same day, too.
659
00:32:23,289 --> 00:32:25,944
You think if I came by office,
you could check me out?
660
00:32:25,987 --> 00:32:27,206
- This is bad.
661
00:32:27,249 --> 00:32:28,947
If he starts
investigating this,
662
00:32:28,990 --> 00:32:30,861
he might remember
that I'm a murderer
663
00:32:30,905 --> 00:32:32,515
and possibly a werewolf.
664
00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:33,995
Yes.
665
00:32:34,039 --> 00:32:36,389
I will do what I can to help
with your memory.
666
00:32:36,432 --> 00:32:37,868
- I appreciate it.
667
00:32:37,912 --> 00:32:40,436
You know, my dad--he tells me
it's emotional, right?
668
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,438
That it's in my head.
669
00:32:42,482 --> 00:32:45,267
I lost a friend
a few years back, and...
670
00:32:45,311 --> 00:32:48,053
truth is, I don't think
I've had a good day since.
671
00:32:48,096 --> 00:32:49,750
Does that make sense?
672
00:32:49,793 --> 00:32:51,926
- Yes, that makes sense.
673
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:55,060
- All I got left now
is my dad, and...
674
00:32:55,103 --> 00:32:57,149
who knows for how long, right?
675
00:32:57,192 --> 00:33:00,065
If I can't remember the time
I'm spending with him, then...
676
00:33:00,108 --> 00:33:02,676
- Sit down.
- Right here?
677
00:33:02,719 --> 00:33:04,504
- Mm.
- Okay.
678
00:33:06,810 --> 00:33:09,552
- Let me lead you
through a meditation
679
00:33:09,596 --> 00:33:11,815
that will help with your grief.
- Okay.
680
00:33:11,859 --> 00:33:13,600
- And put a memory
in your head
681
00:33:13,643 --> 00:33:14,949
so you leave me alone.
682
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,124
- All right.
683
00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:23,305
- We are getting up there now.
684
00:33:23,349 --> 00:33:28,049
Next is the Trinidad Scorpion
at 1.2 million Scoville units.
685
00:33:28,093 --> 00:33:30,443
- This is gonna turn out bad.
686
00:33:30,486 --> 00:33:33,011
- Why are you doing this?
Take your milk.
687
00:33:33,054 --> 00:33:34,273
- I feel great.
688
00:33:34,316 --> 00:33:37,537
- All right, D'arcy!
You can do this, Asta!
689
00:33:40,279 --> 00:33:42,542
Whoo, Asta! Yes.
690
00:33:44,109 --> 00:33:45,762
Mm-mm.
691
00:33:45,806 --> 00:33:47,851
- Oh, God, that's not the way
you're supposed to eat that.
692
00:33:47,895 --> 00:33:49,810
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- No, you're not.
693
00:33:49,853 --> 00:33:51,681
You're not gonna be fine.
- Oh, God.
694
00:33:52,856 --> 00:33:55,903
All right.
695
00:33:55,946 --> 00:33:58,993
I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
696
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,300
- And the winner
and new champion is
697
00:34:01,343 --> 00:34:02,692
Ellen Cho!
698
00:34:07,610 --> 00:34:10,526
- Bow to me!
Bow!
699
00:34:10,570 --> 00:34:12,572
- The play's about to start.
I saved you guys some seats.
700
00:34:12,615 --> 00:34:14,835
- Oh, I'm excited.
- I don't do no plays.
701
00:34:14,878 --> 00:34:16,184
I don't play.
I don't watch plays.
702
00:34:16,228 --> 00:34:17,838
I don't want--I ain't want
to do no plays.
703
00:34:17,881 --> 00:34:19,448
- Oh, come on,
come on, come on.
704
00:34:19,492 --> 00:34:21,015
Come on, let's go.
705
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,538
- Did you write it?
- I did.
706
00:34:22,582 --> 00:34:24,888
- Wow, a pickax
for my tenth birthday?
707
00:34:24,932 --> 00:34:26,107
Thanks, Dad!
708
00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:28,631
all: We're all miners now.
709
00:34:28,675 --> 00:34:31,069
- Mining built the town
of Patience, Colorado.
710
00:34:31,112 --> 00:34:33,027
At one time,
every able-bodied man
711
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:35,682
who lived here
worked the mine.
712
00:34:35,725 --> 00:34:38,946
Then one cold January day
in 1884,
713
00:34:38,989 --> 00:34:40,861
heroes were born.
714
00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:46,345
- Oh, no!
It could be a cave-in!
715
00:34:46,388 --> 00:34:50,697
Run for your lives!
716
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:52,394
- Help! Help!
717
00:34:52,438 --> 00:34:54,048
- There's one man
still in the mine!
718
00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:56,355
- We must go back for him!
719
00:34:56,398 --> 00:34:59,706
- 59 brave men refused
to leave one man behind.
720
00:34:59,749 --> 00:35:01,577
They were heroes.
721
00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:04,363
- How much of the town budget
did you spend on this play?
722
00:35:04,406 --> 00:35:06,800
- Eight percent.
- Eight perc--
723
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,370
What happened in the mine
after it collapsed.
724
00:35:13,154 --> 00:35:15,722
- We're boulders,
and we're here to kill miners.
725
00:35:15,765 --> 00:35:18,159
- All must die.
726
00:35:47,188 --> 00:35:49,625
- All my organs
are hemorrhaging.
727
00:35:51,801 --> 00:35:54,239
- My leg, my leg.
728
00:35:54,282 --> 00:35:57,590
- 59 men succumbed to
their crush injuries that day.
729
00:35:57,633 --> 00:36:00,767
And one man, who was trapped
in an air pocket,
730
00:36:00,810 --> 00:36:04,292
died of loneliness and thirst
three days later.
731
00:36:04,336 --> 00:36:08,340
- I'm so thirsty and so lonely.
732
00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:13,258
- To the 59
and to Air Pocket Pete.
733
00:36:13,301 --> 00:36:15,564
- I don't think his name
was actually Pete,
734
00:36:15,608 --> 00:36:18,611
but, you know, it works,
and it works well.
735
00:36:54,299 --> 00:36:56,126
Terrible, man.
736
00:37:18,497 --> 00:37:20,281
Here, this'll help.
737
00:37:20,325 --> 00:37:23,371
Thanks. I need, like,
six or seven more of these.
738
00:37:29,377 --> 00:37:32,641
I shouldn't have said
what I said about you and Jay.
739
00:37:32,685 --> 00:37:34,774
I didn't mean it.
740
00:37:34,817 --> 00:37:37,124
- No, you meant it.
741
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:39,648
Okay, I meant it.
742
00:37:39,692 --> 00:37:42,129
I was mad, and I was wrong.
743
00:37:42,172 --> 00:37:44,087
No, you weren't.
744
00:37:44,131 --> 00:37:45,654
You were right.
745
00:37:45,698 --> 00:37:47,221
My parents took me
out to dinner,
746
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:49,397
and my response was
to go get blackout drunk.
747
00:37:49,441 --> 00:37:52,531
- Your parents are assholes.
748
00:37:52,574 --> 00:37:55,316
I mean, I love them,
but come on.
749
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,405
- I should be better at dealing
with them by now.
750
00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,668
I'm not 15.
751
00:37:59,712 --> 00:38:01,496
I'm a mess.
752
00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:03,324
- No.
753
00:38:03,368 --> 00:38:05,935
I'm a mess.
Look at me.
754
00:38:05,979 --> 00:38:08,895
I don't want to be messy.
755
00:38:08,938 --> 00:38:10,766
- I don't want that either.
756
00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:12,594
We can't both be messes
at the same time.
757
00:38:12,638 --> 00:38:14,335
Otherwise it's chaos.
758
00:38:16,381 --> 00:38:20,341
- Going to Jimmy's was so dumb.
759
00:38:20,385 --> 00:38:22,996
I just...
760
00:38:24,127 --> 00:38:26,521
He just went through it,
you know?
761
00:38:26,565 --> 00:38:27,609
I mean, he was an asshole,
762
00:38:27,653 --> 00:38:29,785
but he was there
when Jay was born,
763
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:32,353
and he was there for me
through all the freakouts
764
00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:34,964
after I gave her up.
765
00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:40,753
- I guess I'm so used
to being sad with him,
766
00:38:40,796 --> 00:38:42,798
something about it
feels normal.
767
00:38:44,409 --> 00:38:47,977
- I don't think
that's supposed to feel normal.
768
00:38:48,021 --> 00:38:50,632
You know, I wasn't around
when all that stuff went down,
769
00:38:50,676 --> 00:38:52,721
but I'm here now.
770
00:38:52,765 --> 00:38:55,594
And I always will be.
771
00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:58,771
You know that, right?
772
00:38:58,814 --> 00:39:01,382
Right.
773
00:39:02,818 --> 00:39:06,387
- When I woke up
on his couch...
774
00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:08,520
I saw that picture of us
from the senior year
775
00:39:08,563 --> 00:39:12,001
where I'm wearing that
stupid football sweatshirt.
776
00:39:14,090 --> 00:39:16,789
That thing is still
in my trunk.
777
00:39:18,312 --> 00:39:20,358
- I think you should go
get that sweatshirt.
778
00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:25,711
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Why?
779
00:39:25,754 --> 00:39:26,886
- Yeah.
- Why?
780
00:39:26,929 --> 00:39:27,930
- Yeah.
- Why?
781
00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:31,151
What are you gonna do?
782
00:39:31,194 --> 00:39:33,414
What are you gonna do?
783
00:39:58,004 --> 00:40:00,223
- We'll only be gone
a couple of days.
784
00:40:00,267 --> 00:40:01,703
You're sure
you're okay here alone?
785
00:40:01,747 --> 00:40:03,052
- Ah, of course.
786
00:40:03,096 --> 00:40:05,620
Who cares
if everyone hated the play
787
00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:07,100
and me for writing it?
788
00:40:07,143 --> 00:40:10,146
- Not everyone
in the audience hated it.
789
00:40:10,190 --> 00:40:11,757
And that woman
who screamed at you
790
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,062
is one of those
complainer moms from school.
791
00:40:18,981 --> 00:40:20,722
- You're singing the song.
792
00:40:20,766 --> 00:40:22,985
- Yeah,
it's the best song ever.
793
00:40:23,029 --> 00:40:26,641
And the play was awesome.
The blood looked so cool.
794
00:40:26,685 --> 00:40:29,122
See you in a couple days.
795
00:40:32,386 --> 00:40:35,128
- Wow. Did you see that?
Max loved it.
796
00:40:35,171 --> 00:40:38,087
- See? You got yourself
all worked up over nothing.
797
00:40:38,131 --> 00:40:40,525
By next year, everyone will
have forgotten all about it,
798
00:40:40,568 --> 00:40:42,004
and you can do another play.
799
00:40:42,048 --> 00:40:44,137
- No way.
I mean, you heard Max.
800
00:40:44,180 --> 00:40:45,443
The play worked.
801
00:40:45,486 --> 00:40:48,097
No, we'll--we'll do it
even bigger next year.
802
00:40:48,141 --> 00:40:51,100
You know, bigger boulders,
maybe--maybe even more blood.
803
00:40:52,624 --> 00:40:54,843
- Great.
804
00:40:54,887 --> 00:40:56,758
Okay. Bye, honey.
- Okay, bye.
805
00:40:56,802 --> 00:40:59,021
Bye-bye. Okay.
806
00:40:59,065 --> 00:41:02,024
Have fun at your mom's.
807
00:41:05,071 --> 00:41:07,508
- Bye, Dad!
- Bye, honey!
808
00:41:23,306 --> 00:41:24,525
- Thanks.
809
00:41:24,569 --> 00:41:27,049
- Just take care of yourself.
810
00:41:27,093 --> 00:41:28,311
At the end of the day,
811
00:41:28,355 --> 00:41:30,966
you can't depend
on anyone else but you.
812
00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:33,186
- My mom would never say
something like that.
813
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,146
But I think you're right.
814
00:41:37,190 --> 00:41:38,887
Thanks.
815
00:41:40,715 --> 00:41:42,064
- I--
816
00:41:52,771 --> 00:41:55,121
- You're a better father
than I remember.
817
00:41:55,164 --> 00:41:57,602
I'm glad we got
to spend time together.
818
00:41:57,645 --> 00:42:00,256
I might even miss you a little.
819
00:42:00,300 --> 00:42:02,563
- I am glad.
820
00:42:02,607 --> 00:42:04,696
I miss my family, too.
821
00:42:04,739 --> 00:42:06,741
- All right, folks.
822
00:42:06,785 --> 00:42:08,700
- I have also changed.
823
00:42:08,743 --> 00:42:10,179
- Ticket, please.
824
00:42:10,223 --> 00:42:14,401
- But the alien in New York
is my family.
825
00:42:14,444 --> 00:42:17,491
So maybe
they will help me anyway.
826
00:42:19,667 --> 00:42:21,277
I have to try.
827
00:42:21,321 --> 00:42:23,584
I am ready to go
to New York now.
828
00:42:26,761 --> 00:42:29,285
I am not worried.
829
00:42:29,329 --> 00:42:32,375
I know I am much more alien
than human.
830
00:42:35,727 --> 00:42:37,859
- Sheriff,
can I tell you something?
831
00:42:37,903 --> 00:42:39,818
- All right, go ahead.
Lay it on me.
832
00:42:39,861 --> 00:42:42,908
- You know
that day the FBI guy came,
833
00:42:42,951 --> 00:42:46,999
the day that neither
of us can remember?
834
00:42:47,042 --> 00:42:49,044
I think an alien
erased our memory.
835
00:42:49,088 --> 00:42:50,785
There, I said it.
836
00:42:50,829 --> 00:42:52,308
- Well, I can't speak
for you, Deputy,
837
00:42:52,352 --> 00:42:56,138
but, um, I remember exactly
what I was doing that day.
838
00:42:56,182 --> 00:42:59,402
It was a good day.
Actually, a very good day.
839
00:43:01,666 --> 00:43:03,406
- Okay.
840
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,632
- Only an alien would have
been able to put a memory
841
00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:13,416
in the sheriff's head.
842
00:43:20,728 --> 00:43:24,863
And if that memory
gave him a good day...
843
00:43:24,906 --> 00:43:27,474
then that is just
a coincidence.
60694
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.