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1
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And the squeak, squeak, squeak of Dan's flossing
2
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with his pinky in the air... Ugh.
3
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...makes me want him to hit an artery
4
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,907
and just float away on a pool
of his own blood... Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:12,908 --> 00:00:15,296
...the floss dangling from his teeth.
6
00:00:15,298 --> 00:00:17,298
Mm. When Diana would drink water,
7
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which was the only thing
that she actually liked in life...
8
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[Chuckles] Oh... she would drink
and then she would smack her lips --
9
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[Smacks lips] No.
10
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And then go, "Oh, wow, that's refreshing,"
11
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as if it's news that water's refreshing.
12
00:00:27,219 --> 00:00:28,785
I wanted to rip her lips off her face.
13
00:00:28,786 --> 00:00:29,897
Yes.
14
00:00:29,898 --> 00:00:31,306
I mean, I do miss it, but...
15
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:33,832
I'll tell you what -- what
really makes me quite violent
16
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,391
is when Henry plays the guitar,
17
00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:36,817
he makes -- I don't even know what.
18
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,244
It's like the most earnest face.
19
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,838
It's like -- It's like... mmm.
20
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,731
I don't even know what it is.
Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.
21
00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:44,158
But what I want to do is I
want to punch him in that face
22
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,418
and then I want to punch him again
23
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,161
and then I want to just flick him
24
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:48,829
as, like, the final insult.
25
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,590
Hey, guys. Hey, boo.
26
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:54,352
I am gonna go make some of my famous gazpacho.
27
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,002
Ooh.
28
00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:55,836
Yeah.
29
00:00:56,931 --> 00:01:00,358
I don't know how you stay married to
him. I wanna rip my ears off my head.
30
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,693
Why?
31
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,362
Oh.
32
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,105
Well, not everyone likes a cold soup.
33
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,591
I get it. It's not for everyone.
34
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♪♪
35
00:01:11,687 --> 00:01:12,929
♪ Hey! ♪
36
00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:16,541
♪♪
37
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,602
[Mumbling]
38
00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:21,362
[Groans]
39
00:01:22,365 --> 00:01:24,941
Ben: Of course, I know Sasha's upset with me,
40
00:01:24,943 --> 00:01:26,534
but it's the right decision.
41
00:01:26,536 --> 00:01:29,537
It's really a bummer that I
ruined my shot with Sasha,
42
00:01:29,539 --> 00:01:33,966
but I do believe deep down
that Priscilla and I could...
43
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:34,568
♪♪
44
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:44,578
♪♪
45
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:54,588
♪♪
46
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:04,598
♪♪
47
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,158
[Farts]
48
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,394
[Mumbles]
49
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,015
[Gags]
50
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,092
[Rapid footsteps approaching]
51
00:02:25,094 --> 00:02:27,003
Mom, Evan's trying to cut my hair!
52
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,171
'Cause it looks like crap!
53
00:02:28,173 --> 00:02:29,597
It does not look like crap.
54
00:02:29,599 --> 00:02:31,357
But seriously, Nora, run a brush through it.
55
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,509
You guys, you have to go make the bus.
56
00:02:33,511 --> 00:02:35,361
I can't take you to school today.
57
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,937
I'm late for an appointment.
58
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,123
Mom, can I have cash?
59
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,274
Backpacks on. Now, go! What for?
60
00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:41,960
Drugs. Crack, specifically.
61
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,277
I really hope that's not true, Andrea.
62
00:02:43,279 --> 00:02:44,854
Is $5 enough? Thank you.
63
00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:46,614
Mm!
64
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:48,299
Wait, no, that's mine!
65
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,451
[Sighs]
66
00:02:50,453 --> 00:02:52,804
Come on, guys. We gotta get the bus.
67
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:57,200
♪♪
68
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:59,126
Jodie. Whoa!
69
00:02:59,128 --> 00:03:01,037
Dan, what are you doing home?
70
00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:04,399
I tried to go to work, but I don't feel well.
71
00:03:06,211 --> 00:03:07,393
I think I'm gonna throw up.
72
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,321
Oh. Is there a trash can you prefer I use?
73
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,048
Is -- Is the toilet not an option?
74
00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:15,234
No, I mean to put beside the bed.
75
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,162
Or I could just lie with my head
76
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,663
pressed against the cold floor.
77
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,331
You know what? I think it's dealer's choice.
78
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,833
Just please don't use a wicker
trash can from the kids' room.
79
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:22,816
I'm so sorry. I've got to go.
80
00:03:22,818 --> 00:03:24,060
Jodie!
81
00:03:24,062 --> 00:03:26,287
Do you think you could stay? I'm dizzy.
82
00:03:27,399 --> 00:03:30,566
And what if I pass out and hit my head?
83
00:03:30,568 --> 00:03:33,428
I wouldn't want you or
the kids to find me like that.
84
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,255
♪♪
85
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:38,741
I don't want you to die like that, either.
86
00:03:38,743 --> 00:03:40,834
♪♪
87
00:03:40,836 --> 00:03:43,354
It's coming. Yeah.
88
00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:46,507
Oh, w-would you get my computer, please?
89
00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:47,675
Mm.
90
00:03:47,677 --> 00:03:51,154
♪♪
91
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,033
[ Ringing]
92
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,994
[Cellphone ringing]
93
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,097
Hey, you. Jodie: Hey, you.
94
00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:02,949
Hi. Uh-oh.
95
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,858
I know that "hi." What's wrong?
96
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,211
I'm so sorry to do this last minute,
97
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,696
but I'm not gonna be able to
make it to our session today.
98
00:04:08,698 --> 00:04:10,030
My kid is sick.
99
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:11,382
Take it off my series, though.
100
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,959
No, no, no. Don't even worry about it, no.
101
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,444
I know you got a lot on your plate.
102
00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:16,963
Half greens, quarter
protein, and a quarter carbs --
103
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,556
Complex, not simple. Not simple.
104
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:19,782
[Chuckles]
105
00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:20,874
Dan: I'm gonna blow again!
106
00:04:20,876 --> 00:04:21,968
Need another trash can!
107
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,453
I'll be there in just a minute!
108
00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:25,063
[Whispering] But I'm running in place.
109
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,456
I'll lose the last pound from home.
110
00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:28,140
How about those jumping jack twists
111
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:29,234
that I'm trademarking for my program?
112
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,069
They will blast the calories.
113
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,962
Here we go. And jack and twist!
114
00:04:32,964 --> 00:04:33,980
And jack and twist!
115
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,815
Jack! Twist! Jack! Twist!
116
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:36,983
Too late!
117
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,468
Ugh. I'll call you back.
118
00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:39,652
High knees!
119
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,395
Keep those knees high, and I'm gonna send you
120
00:04:41,397 --> 00:04:43,081
a home workout video that I recorded.
121
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,974
Little glitch -- it plays upside down,
122
00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,642
but otherwise, it's cool.
123
00:04:46,644 --> 00:04:50,237
♪♪
124
00:04:50,239 --> 00:04:51,405
Oh, uh...
125
00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:53,758
No, I-I'm Luke's mother. I'm not trespassing.
126
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:54,926
No, I know, Mrs. Lakier.
127
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,319
Security recognizes you now.
128
00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:57,837
Quick thing. Man...
129
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,079
Hey.
130
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,673
Uh, today at recess, the kids were playing
131
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,843
in their cars on the playground,
and Macy cut Luke off,
132
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,495
drove in front of him, bumped into him,
133
00:05:05,497 --> 00:05:08,164
and he called her a "bleeping bleep bleep."
134
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:11,258
Well, I mean, is she a bleeping bleep bleep?
135
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:13,503
Let's just say she's not a good driver
136
00:05:13,505 --> 00:05:17,023
and too old to pronounce
the word animal "aminal,"
137
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,357
but regardless,
138
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,343
we try and encourage our students to be kind
139
00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:22,287
and fill each others' buckets with positivity.
140
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,271
Shoot. Did Luke need a bucket for school?
141
00:05:24,273 --> 00:05:26,365
No, it's a metaphorical bucket.
142
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,018
Okay, well, that's way cheaper.
143
00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:30,962
Yeah. So when this sort of thing happens,
144
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,446
we usually find that it's because
145
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:35,800
the child is parroting
something they hear at home.
146
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,376
Okay, so you mean like a babysitter?
147
00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:40,471
Oh, no, no, no, no. We love Gloria here.
148
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,380
Please say hi.
149
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:43,123
This is a more recent change.
150
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:45,368
Puberty. Nope, that's a ways off.
151
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:47,294
Well, I developed very early, okay?
152
00:05:47,296 --> 00:05:48,387
I mean, it was great at first.
153
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,389
It was kind of fun and exciting,
154
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:53,893
and then changing in gym
class got a little... you know.
155
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,394
I'm sure it was.
156
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,580
So, uh, not to assign blame... Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
157
00:05:57,582 --> 00:06:01,159
...but it's probably a parent Luke's parroting.
158
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,403
Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,163
[Bleep]
160
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,664
[Bleep] [Bleep]
161
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:08,057
[Bleep] [Bleep]
162
00:06:08,059 --> 00:06:09,667
[Tires squealing, car horns honking]
163
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,169
[Bleep] [Bleep]
164
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,397
Okay, I'm gonna go,
165
00:06:14,399 --> 00:06:16,232
'cause these kids aren't gonna wipe themselves.
166
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:18,234
Okay, hey, I will -- I'll talk to Luke's dad
167
00:06:18,236 --> 00:06:19,326
about being a better role model.
168
00:06:19,328 --> 00:06:21,554
He's a real loose cannon, okay?
169
00:06:23,999 --> 00:06:25,666
Wait, why did I come here?
170
00:06:25,668 --> 00:06:27,093
Oh, God. Luke.
171
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,428
[Laughs] You get it.
172
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,097
♪♪
173
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,506
[Door closes]
174
00:06:32,508 --> 00:06:33,432
Hey, Bri.
175
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:37,010
I got you some groceries at Fields.
176
00:06:37,012 --> 00:06:38,029
Hi. Hey.
177
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,438
These are all about to expire,
178
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,015
so if I were you, I'd get on it. Oh, wow.
179
00:06:42,017 --> 00:06:43,868
Thank you. You are spoiling us.
180
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:44,944
Where's Lila?
181
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,020
Napping, I hope.
182
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:48,114
That cheap baby monitor I got
183
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,357
only picks up the neighbor's Ring cam.
184
00:06:50,359 --> 00:06:52,101
I think the wife's having an affair.
185
00:06:52,103 --> 00:06:54,379
The pest guy stays there way too long.
186
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:55,380
What a mess.
187
00:06:55,531 --> 00:06:56,939
You know, I've been meaning to clean out
188
00:06:56,941 --> 00:06:59,291
this closet for awhile.
189
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,869
God, Coleen was such a slob.
190
00:07:01,871 --> 00:07:04,371
Oh, my God.
191
00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:06,782
This is the scarf! What scarf?
192
00:07:06,784 --> 00:07:08,117
Uh, the scarf.
193
00:07:08,119 --> 00:07:09,227
I don't know what you're talking about.
194
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,044
The one! The one with the chickens on it!
195
00:07:11,046 --> 00:07:13,231
She said that you tried to tie her up with this.
196
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:17,126
Okay, it's roosters, and, no, I did not.
197
00:07:17,128 --> 00:07:18,628
Unless she said it was great.
198
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,129
[Laughs]
199
00:07:20,131 --> 00:07:21,964
I don't think that "great" was the word.
200
00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:24,057
I think it was...
201
00:07:24,059 --> 00:07:26,986
"awkward, embarrassing," oh, and "sad."
202
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,471
But it was a good story.
203
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:30,063
That she wasn't supposed to tell anyone.
204
00:07:30,065 --> 00:07:32,399
She didn't. Just me, Jodie, and Amy.
205
00:07:32,401 --> 00:07:34,326
Oh. For the record, I did a great job.
206
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,087
The problem was her wrists.
207
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,165
For such a thin woman, she had very thick wrists.
208
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,408
It's why she always wore men's watches.
209
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,502
You know, Brian, not
everybody's great at bondage.
210
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:46,505
Okay, Coleen was a very unreliable narrator.
211
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:49,842
I will show you exactly how good I did.
212
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,495
Oh. Come on. Get in there.
213
00:07:52,497 --> 00:07:53,996
Be my guest.
214
00:07:53,998 --> 00:07:55,756
The first thing I can tell you you did wrong
215
00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:57,166
without seeing anything
216
00:07:57,168 --> 00:07:58,943
is that you used a scarf with chickens on it.
217
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,594
Again, roosters,
218
00:08:00,596 --> 00:08:03,096
and it was the only scarf that she'd let us ruin.
219
00:08:03,098 --> 00:08:04,323
It was a gift from my mom,
220
00:08:04,325 --> 00:08:07,026
which probably added a creepy layer to things.
221
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,028
Mm-hmm. Might be why it didn't work out.
222
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,529
And done.
223
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,866
See, I don't think it was her fat wrists,
224
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,442
may they rest in peace.
225
00:08:15,444 --> 00:08:16,519
I think it was you.
226
00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:18,037
Why don't you have a seat... Okay.
227
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,872
...and I will show you how it's actually done.
228
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,448
You remember my ex, Diana.
229
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,783
Mm-hmm. She was a freak.
230
00:08:22,785 --> 00:08:25,060
Couldn't tie her legs together.
You know what I mean?
231
00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:26,954
So, uh -- Oh.
232
00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:29,048
What else did Coleen tell you about me?
233
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,792
Um, that you cry at rom-coms,
234
00:08:31,794 --> 00:08:33,886
uh, you love the Dave Matthews Band,
235
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,221
and that you sit when you pee.
236
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,148
Every man does when no one's around.
237
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,466
You have a blankie named Bolly.
238
00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:42,561
You barricade the doors at
night in case of an intruder.
239
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,380
Because zombies.
240
00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:45,231
Yeah.
241
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,899
Amy: Alright, heads up, Luke.
242
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,235
Glass incoming.
243
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,830
Watch where you're going, you... nice man.
244
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,406
You very nice man.
245
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:57,076
Mommy, you're not gonna take that, are you?
246
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,486
I am. I am gonna bend
over and I am gonna take it,
247
00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:02,064
because that's what we do when people upset us.
248
00:09:02,066 --> 00:09:04,066
Mother...
249
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:07,678
of two is what I am.
250
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,680
Okay.
251
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:12,350
This is so hard.
252
00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,097
There you go. Lunge. Lunge.
253
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,506
That's right. 90-degree angle!
254
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:21,359
You guys are doing great. Sweet, okay.
255
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,602
For this next one, you can use any household item
256
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,679
if you don't have any weights at home.
257
00:09:25,681 --> 00:09:27,757
I like to use a large bottle of shampoo.
258
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,183
We're just gonna do some tricep extensions.
259
00:09:30,185 --> 00:09:32,203
Oh, you're walking.
260
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,946
And there's color in your face.
261
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,949
Yeah, I think the last of it is out.
262
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,768
The tea you made really helped.
263
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,087
Aww. Thank you.
264
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,864
I think it was food poisoning.
265
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:47,276
I might have eaten some
bad Shrimp Louie yesterday.
266
00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:48,886
Not Petruzzo's.
267
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,221
Petruzzo's. Oh, my God!
268
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,205
That is so gross! Dan!
269
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:54,549
They gave me back my coat and there was a mouse
270
00:09:54,551 --> 00:09:56,118
eating a tissue in the pocket!
271
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,062
I have never seen you scream like that.
272
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,881
Your face was just an open mouth.
273
00:10:00,883 --> 00:10:02,567
[Laughs]
274
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:03,959
Yeah, just like that. No!
275
00:10:03,961 --> 00:10:07,220
[Both laugh]
276
00:10:07,222 --> 00:10:09,240
I promise, next anniversary,
277
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,557
I will choose a restaurant
278
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:13,077
where the rodents stay safely on the floor.
279
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,729
[Both laugh]
280
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:16,822
[Snorts]
281
00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:18,899
Oh, the laughter, it's j-jostling the, uh...
282
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:20,734
[Gurgling] ...warm shrimp.
283
00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:22,645
[Laughing] Good luck up there.
284
00:10:22,647 --> 00:10:25,548
[Laughs]
285
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:27,601
♪♪
286
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,599
[Cellphone chimes]
287
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,392
[Chuckles]
288
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,433
♪♪
289
00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:48,196
♪♪
290
00:10:53,177 --> 00:10:54,452
She originally started dating you
291
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,196
because of the free frozen yogurt.
292
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,774
But then she fell madly in love with me?
293
00:11:00,776 --> 00:11:03,035
Deeply, deeply, madly.
294
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,704
You were all she talked about.
295
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,797
And I'm done.
296
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:09,358
Mm. Try to get out of that one.
297
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,360
Yeah, okay.
298
00:11:11,362 --> 00:11:12,695
Oh.
299
00:11:12,697 --> 00:11:13,787
Oh.
300
00:11:13,789 --> 00:11:14,955
Wow.
301
00:11:14,957 --> 00:11:16,123
You're really good at this.
302
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:17,558
You should get into kidnapping.
303
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,704
So, tell me something she said about me.
304
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:25,465
I mean, she was just really proud of you.
305
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:29,395
You had such an important job, saving people.
306
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:34,049
Touching all those gross
body parts, all those fluids.
307
00:11:34,051 --> 00:11:35,234
That's it?
308
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,978
Well, she thought you looked great in scrubs.
309
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,146
[Chuckles]
310
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:41,240
She thought you were a superhero, you know?
311
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,334
Sarah Man. [Laughs]
312
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,503
She was really proud of you being a doctor.
313
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:50,716
Okay, well, I'm gonna go bag groceries now.
314
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,828
Are you mad? I'm picking up a tone.
315
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,181
You just told me Coleen was
proud of me because I was a doctor,
316
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,258
and now I'm not a doctor anymore,
317
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,334
so my feelings are hurt.
318
00:12:01,336 --> 00:12:02,520
Oh.
319
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,096
I'm -- I'm sorry.
320
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,764
Was there anything else she was proud of?
321
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:09,509
I'm -- I'm sure there
were a lot of things, I just...
322
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:13,180
can't think of them right now
with you look at me like that.
323
00:12:13,182 --> 00:12:15,533
See you later, Bri.
324
00:12:17,186 --> 00:12:19,762
Oh, hey. I think you forgot something.
325
00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:20,930
Sarah!
326
00:12:20,932 --> 00:12:22,164
Sarah.
327
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,192
Sarah?
328
00:12:25,194 --> 00:12:27,786
[Door opens, closes] Okay.
329
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:29,121
Hey, how was your day?
330
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,698
Oh, it was, um -- My -- My day was wonderful.
331
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,626
Everyone was very nice and -- Oh, good.
332
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,128
Glad you have your guitar out.
333
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:39,073
Yeah, just grippin' and riffin'.
334
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,392
Doing that thang.
335
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:42,451
So hey, hey, hey.
336
00:12:42,453 --> 00:12:44,136
So, Mr. Higgins tells me today
337
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,971
that our kids repeat everything that we say,
338
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,398
and Luke has just been dropping bleep-bombs
339
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,733
all around the playground.
340
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,292
Yeah. Wonder where he got that from.
341
00:12:50,294 --> 00:12:52,236
Yeah, well, I told him I'd have a chat with you.
342
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,296
Right, you traced the problem back to me.
343
00:12:54,298 --> 00:12:56,223
Thank you. Okay, let's stop
344
00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:58,225
pointing fingers at each other, okay?
345
00:12:58,227 --> 00:12:59,468
Higgins is the real problem here.
346
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:02,729
He's a real piece of... sheet cake.
347
00:13:02,731 --> 00:13:06,492
So sheet cake, Luke, is a wonderful, um, dessert
348
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:10,087
enjoyed by educators in all countries.
349
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,147
♪ You're my sheet cake, baby ♪
350
00:13:12,149 --> 00:13:14,316
♪ You got so many layers ♪
351
00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:16,076
♪ You're my sheet cake, baby ♪
352
00:13:16,078 --> 00:13:17,653
♪ You got so many layers ♪
353
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:19,822
Alright, I gotta write my feelings down.
354
00:13:19,824 --> 00:13:21,098
Luke, I'm borrowing your notebook.
355
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,100
We could go up on it. You could.
356
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,270
♪ You're my sheet cake, baby, you got
so many layers ♪ "Mr. Higgins is a real --"
357
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:30,107
And he's that, and he's that, and he's -- ♪ You're
my sheet cake, baby, you ain't got any haters ♪
358
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:32,293
Yeah, that writes itself.
359
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:35,337
♪ Sheet cake, baby, you got so many layers ♪
360
00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:38,173
♪ You're my sheet cake,
baby, you ain't got any haters ♪
361
00:13:38,175 --> 00:13:40,509
Oh, God. ♪ You're my sheet cake ♪
362
00:13:40,511 --> 00:13:41,786
♪ Sheet cake ♪
363
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:44,029
So, you know, it's great. It's so good.
364
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,772
Um, you know what I was thinking?
365
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:48,441
Your playing is so delightful
that maybe we save it up
366
00:13:48,443 --> 00:13:51,128
as a surprise and do a recital --
367
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,538
You do a recital at the end of the month.
368
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,799
I mean, that's -- Yeah, that's so nice.
369
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,467
Yeah. Yeah. I might not be ar--
370
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,451
I think, I'm looking through
my calendar right now,
371
00:13:58,453 --> 00:14:00,362
and I don't think I'm around
at the end of the month.
372
00:14:00,364 --> 00:14:05,050
I'm probably -- ♪ My baby's not
around at the end of the month ♪
373
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,811
♪ My baby's not around ♪
374
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,053
[Cash registers beeping]
375
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:10,039
Thank you for shopping at Fields.
376
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:12,041
You have a great day.
377
00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:13,150
Hey, I've been trying to call you.
378
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,819
You're not picking up.
379
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,212
Well, because we're in a fight, Brian.
380
00:14:17,214 --> 00:14:18,397
Why are we in a fight?
381
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,140
I'm mad at you because I'm mad at myself
382
00:14:20,142 --> 00:14:22,809
for quitting the thing that
Coleen was most proud of.
383
00:14:22,811 --> 00:14:24,811
And it's just easier to be mad at you.
384
00:14:24,813 --> 00:14:26,555
I get it. Coleen used to get mad at me
385
00:14:26,557 --> 00:14:28,557
when she was mad at herself, too.
386
00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:29,816
Yeah, I know that.
387
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,836
I remembered something she was proud of you for.
388
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,672
It's too late. Just -- What?
389
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,990
She was really proud when
you ran that six-minute mile
390
00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:38,658
for a high-school fitness test.
391
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:42,179
I mean, she said it was the
fastest time that anyone did.
392
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:44,331
I didn't do that.
393
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,424
I cheated.
394
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,077
I've never cheated on anything in my life.
395
00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:50,503
I paid a girl to shave a minute off my time.
396
00:14:50,505 --> 00:14:52,931
I was trying to impress our gym teacher.
397
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,841
Darn her beautiful breasts!
398
00:14:54,843 --> 00:14:57,027
Now I'm mad at myself again, okay?
399
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,754
So just go.
400
00:14:58,756 --> 00:15:00,422
You know, I forgot, I was gonna get some milk,
401
00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:02,700
but I'll just pick some up at the gas station.
402
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,930
[Sighs]
403
00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:09,874
♪♪
404
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,193
Guys, can you meet me at
the high-school track in an hour?
405
00:15:13,195 --> 00:15:15,028
I want to run the mile in under six minutes,
406
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,213
but I don't want to do it alone,
407
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:17,864
since the girl who's been missing for five years
408
00:15:17,866 --> 00:15:19,608
was last seen there.
409
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,386
♪♪
410
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,616
[Indistinct conversations]
411
00:15:27,618 --> 00:15:30,452
[Relaxing music plays]
412
00:15:30,454 --> 00:15:34,732
♪♪
413
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,959
Oh, dear Lord. Oh, Mr. Higgins.
414
00:15:36,961 --> 00:15:38,460
You're early. Should we come back?
415
00:15:38,462 --> 00:15:40,312
This feels like a "come back" moment.
416
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,798
No, no, no, no. Please, come in. Have a seat.
417
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,299
We really need to talk about Luke.
418
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:49,079
[Clears throat] Um, with
our -- with our tops off or...?
419
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:51,156
Don't make me send you to the principal's office.
420
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,475
Why? She doing hot yoga?
421
00:15:53,477 --> 00:15:54,401
[Laughs]
422
00:15:54,403 --> 00:15:56,328
I'm just gonna get to the point.
423
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,498
Uh, Luke brought in a poem
to read for show and tell.
424
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,650
Aww. How about Luke. Hey. That's great.
425
00:16:01,652 --> 00:16:04,336
"Higgins is a bleeping prude..." Oh.
426
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,321
"...whose bleep is clenched so tight,
427
00:16:06,323 --> 00:16:08,766
he can make bleeping diamonds."
428
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,008
Non-rhyming poem.
429
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,994
Luke stole my notebook.
430
00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:13,420
That is the bigger issue here.
431
00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:16,398
So you also have problems with your W's.
432
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:20,778
I do. I-I-I really struggle with that.
433
00:16:22,006 --> 00:16:25,557
Look, Mr. Higgins, I'm sure you
can see the -- the humor in all of this.
434
00:16:25,559 --> 00:16:27,843
Mm-hmm. I hope you can, too. There is more.
435
00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:29,787
No. "Henry is playing the guitar
436
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,847
and making that bleeping face,
437
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:35,334
and I want to rip it off
and shove it up his bleep."
438
00:16:36,111 --> 00:16:37,277
Okay, you know what?
439
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:38,778
I think we can say "ass," alright?
440
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,113
It's an animal, and it was heavily featured
441
00:16:40,115 --> 00:16:42,299
in the Christmas story, if I recall.
442
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,210
She didn't write "ass." I gathered that.
443
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:49,531
♪♪
444
00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:51,533
Wow, you really don't like my guitar face.
445
00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:53,535
Oh, please do not be so sensitive.
446
00:16:53,537 --> 00:16:55,729
Your texting face isn't so great, either.
447
00:16:57,132 --> 00:17:00,467
Henry, that is hurtful. I'm a lady.
448
00:17:00,469 --> 00:17:02,152
Yeah, well. You talk like a sailor.
449
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,395
You got to filter yourself.
450
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,656
Oh, w-- I have to filter myself?
451
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,640
Are you kidding me? You don't filter yourself.
452
00:17:07,642 --> 00:17:10,977
Yeah, I do. I filter myself all the time.
453
00:17:10,979 --> 00:17:13,313
Morning, noon, especially right now.
454
00:17:13,315 --> 00:17:15,407
Okay, well, some of us aren't fake.
455
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,333
This is who I am.
456
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:18,227
Why should I change for the kids?
457
00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:20,412
I was here first. Very mature.
458
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,563
You're very mature.
459
00:17:21,565 --> 00:17:24,249
Look, no one's saying you can't be you,
460
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,992
just button it up around the kids.
461
00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:27,419
[Groans]
462
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,421
I'm gonna go. I have a guitar recital
463
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,757
to practice for. Oh, lucky us.
464
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,408
I love you. I love you, too.
465
00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:35,668
I have faith in you. No, don't have faith.
466
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:37,262
Nobody needs faith.
467
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:38,764
[Sighs]
468
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:39,366
♪♪
469
00:17:45,256 --> 00:17:47,105
[Athletes shouting]
470
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,607
I'm binging. Don't judge me.
471
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,368
Did you know you can't
curse in front of your kids?
472
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,369
Well, yes.
473
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:54,596
I mean, have you never read one --
474
00:17:54,598 --> 00:17:56,523
I'm sorry. I was gonna say "parenting book."
475
00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:57,857
I mean, if I knew that I had to be
476
00:17:57,859 --> 00:17:59,359
a good influence for these things,
477
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:00,936
I don't -- I wouldn't have signed up for this.
478
00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:02,529
If I had known that Dan
was gonna get food poisoning
479
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:03,863
and remind me of the nice Dan I married,
480
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,215
I might not have kissed Matt.
481
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,793
You kissed Matt? Mm-hmm.
482
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,220
[Gasps] Are you guys gonna do it?
483
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,038
I was maybe going to if I lost eight pounds,
484
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,390
which I am dangerously close to.
485
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:16,393
Oh, you're training for an affair. Got it.
486
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:17,544
Shush! Shh!
487
00:18:17,546 --> 00:18:19,563
Oh, a little. I guess people can change.
488
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:21,381
I never would have pegged you for somebody
489
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,809
who would put themselves first.
490
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,385
Well, I never pegged you as someone
491
00:18:25,387 --> 00:18:26,962
who would put her kids first.
492
00:18:26,964 --> 00:18:29,722
You're doin' it, girl! Great hustle!
493
00:18:29,724 --> 00:18:31,483
Look at you!
494
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,151
Yeah, you know what? I think my kids would be
495
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,227
better off without me.
496
00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:36,914
I can't control myself.
497
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,398
Oh, my God.
498
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,475
You think my kids would be better off without me?
499
00:18:40,477 --> 00:18:41,493
I never said that.
500
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,586
Yeah, but you never said the wouldn't.
501
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,162
Well, you used to not care what I thought.
502
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,831
Well, I still don't care what you think,
503
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,240
but I mean, you could blow
a little smoke up my ass.
504
00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:48,984
Oh, shoot, am I a bad person if I have an affair?
505
00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:50,335
Am I gonna have to say "shoot" now
506
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,487
when I slam my finger in a drawer?
507
00:18:52,489 --> 00:18:54,005
You've got this!
508
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,674
Really good hustle!
509
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,601
You know what? I'm gonna get my act together
510
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,252
and I'm gonna be a good role model for my kids,
511
00:18:59,254 --> 00:19:00,495
because you think I can't.
512
00:19:00,497 --> 00:19:02,589
You're gonna be a mother just to spite me?
513
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:04,257
Well, I need incentive.
514
00:19:04,259 --> 00:19:05,684
Okay.
515
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,520
I'm gonna cheat on Dan just
'cause you don't think I would.
516
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,006
To spite me? Yeah.
517
00:19:11,008 --> 00:19:12,174
No.
518
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:13,266
Because it was the greatest kiss ever,
519
00:19:13,268 --> 00:19:15,360
and he's really stinkin' hot.
520
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:16,361
Stinkin'?
521
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,638
No, I can't say "stinkin'."
522
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,864
I can't. I can't do that.
523
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:22,376
Oh, God. I need an outlet for this anger.
524
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:26,296
Wha-- What was my time?!
525
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,115
Um, uh, what -- what were you trying to beat?
526
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:30,525
Six minutes!
527
00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:31,209
Oh! Oh, well!
528
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,303
Well, it's 5:51! Yeah!
529
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:36,031
Yes!
530
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,124
Coleen, I did it!
531
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:41,720
I'm not a doctor anymore,
but I did the other thing!
532
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,731
[Panting]
533
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,818
Well, let's go congratulate this nutbag.
534
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,544
Don't say "nutbag." It's not PC. What?
535
00:19:49,546 --> 00:19:50,821
Don't ever say it around your kids.
536
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,531
[Groans]
537
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,829
♪ Drivin' down the highway ♪
538
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,980
♪ Drivin' so fast ♪
539
00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:07,504
♪ The radio's on in my Pontiac ♪
540
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:08,580
I don't see a face.
541
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,840
I don't know what she's talking about.
542
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,175
Yeah?
543
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,342
I just see a sexy guy doing sexy stuff.
544
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:13,993
Yeah, that's what I thought.
545
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,404
Mind if I get in this a little bit?
546
00:20:15,406 --> 00:20:16,405
Let me hit it.
547
00:20:16,407 --> 00:20:19,241
♪ Driving down the highway ♪
548
00:20:19,243 --> 00:20:21,426
♪ Driving so fast ♪
549
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:25,263
♪ Radio's on in my Pontiac ♪
550
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:27,507
Whoo! All I see is a rock god.
551
00:20:27,509 --> 00:20:28,917
Thanks. Run this baby back?
552
00:20:28,919 --> 00:20:31,253
Let's back this up. Let's double team this dream.
553
00:20:31,255 --> 00:20:32,178
Mm.
554
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:35,014
♪ Driving down the highway ♪
555
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,275
♪ Driving so fast ♪
556
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:41,430
♪ Radio's on in my Pontiac ♪
557
00:20:41,432 --> 00:20:42,431
[Lila crying]
558
00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:43,281
Oh, man.
559
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,374
Yeah, I think Lila's awake.
560
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:46,859
Uh, she's gonna want to hear this.
561
00:20:46,861 --> 00:20:48,194
Two, three, four.
562
00:20:48,196 --> 00:20:51,030
♪ Driving down the highway ♪
563
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:53,217
♪ Driving so fast ♪
564
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:58,371
♪ Third-row seating in my Pontiac-ac ♪
565
00:20:58,373 --> 00:20:58,973
♪♪
566
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,881
You dumb [bleep]
567
00:21:08,883 --> 00:21:11,718
Use your [bleep] blinker if
you're gonna make a turn.
568
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,963
If you're turning to the
right, use the right blinker,
569
00:21:14,965 --> 00:21:18,224
you [bleep] [bleep]
570
00:21:18,226 --> 00:21:19,892
What's wrong with her?
571
00:21:19,894 --> 00:21:22,061
She's a role model.
572
00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,229
I feel better.
573
00:21:23,231 --> 00:21:24,731
[Sprinklers turn on]
574
00:21:24,733 --> 00:21:27,584
[Screaming]
575
00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:31,964
---oOo---
40850
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