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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,009 --> 00:00:07,230 well hello there 2 00:00:07,230 --> 00:00:11,400 I'm Roger and I'm here to welcome you to 3 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:16,980 Horton land we sell you happiness fun 4 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,170 and memories and in return we've become 5 00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:21,359 the forefront of corporate greed and 6 00:00:21,359 --> 00:00:23,820 self-interest all while wearing these 7 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,490 goofy hats and blowing you with glitter 8 00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:34,829 dust what what ice blowing glitter dust 9 00:00:34,829 --> 00:00:41,780 at you like this like that whimsical 10 00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,309 take your heads out of the gutter for 11 00:00:44,309 --> 00:00:46,829 crying out loud you are at Horton land 12 00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:49,860 and here at Horton land we provide your 13 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:52,559 family with the best overpriced vacation 14 00:00:52,559 --> 00:00:56,280 that your entire 401k can afford so you 15 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,010 better goddamn enjoy it but Dad I'm 16 00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:01,770 tired no you're not you're not tired 17 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,719 you're not covered in glitter you're 18 00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:07,560 here to have a good time and we have 19 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,140 everything you love about amusement 20 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:13,080 parks do you love our long waits for 21 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,210 minute long rides we've got you covered 22 00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:18,180 or if you'd rather skip the lines you 23 00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:20,880 can get our Express ticket it'll only 24 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,240 cost you $100 per family member but can 25 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,799 you really put a price on family 26 00:01:25,799 --> 00:01:28,470 memories we can it's the price of a 27 00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:31,110 normal ticket plus a hundred bucks Hey 28 00:01:31,110 --> 00:01:34,829 look a sweaty intern in an animal 29 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:38,009 costume or maybe a sweaty pervert in an 30 00:01:38,009 --> 00:01:40,049 animal costume you'll never know but 31 00:01:40,049 --> 00:01:41,280 they're everywhere 32 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,720 notice what their heart 33 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,680 okay then Horton land was designed by 34 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,960 the greatest engineers or dream 35 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,480 engineers as we like to call them for no 36 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,450 reason they built fake houses fake 37 00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:58,270 castles and a general facade held 38 00:01:58,270 --> 00:02:00,730 together by the piles of cash you fork 39 00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:02,770 over for this fantasy because any 40 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:05,080 dysfunctional family can pretend to like 41 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,940 each other for a day if they can run 42 00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:09,340 away from their problems right stop 43 00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:11,140 texting and enjoy your family's company 44 00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:16,930 Oh have fun exploring our different 45 00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,180 parts that were designed by the same 46 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,400 architects that created the American 47 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,920 prison system it'll be so hard to leave 48 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,380 not because you're having fun but 49 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,900 because we literally design these places 50 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,180 to be hard to leave while you're 51 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:33,010 aimlessly wandering around looking for 52 00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:35,680 an exit enjoy any number of our special 53 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,150 restaurants or whatever it doesn't 54 00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:39,460 matter what food we sell you have to buy 55 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:39,790 it 56 00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:46,390 hey boo 29.99 well it's either that or 57 00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:50,590 skin cancer by trapping in record 58 00:02:50,590 --> 00:02:53,290 numbers of guests every year we've made 59 00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:56,020 record profits across the board even 60 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,760 though our employees have some of the 61 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,100 lowest wages in the service industry 62 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:03,100 business in fact most of our employees 63 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,050 have to live in motels because they 64 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:06,910 aren't making a living wage and that's 65 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:08,860 if we pay you at all because you can 66 00:03:08,860 --> 00:03:11,530 also apply to the prestigious Horton 67 00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:14,590 land land internship program where we 68 00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:17,050 turn your bright dreams of bringing joy 69 00:03:17,050 --> 00:03:19,420 to families into free labor with zero to 70 00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:21,760 no career benefits in the long run I 71 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,660 haven't eaten in three weeks look on the 72 00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:28,150 bright side you've got fake cartoon 73 00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:31,500 princess on your resume now that's magic 74 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:34,690 we've created a cult-like fake town 75 00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,040 where you can follow your dreams 76 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,470 especially if those dreams are illegal 77 00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:41,050 oh right this is just an unintended 78 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,600 consequence but we've embraced it all 79 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,120 the same my family-friendly theme park 80 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,640 is a magnet for illicit activity such as 81 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,769 drug trades gun rings and sexual 82 00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:52,990 predators in fact right outside of our 83 00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:55,180 parks is the number-one human 84 00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:56,830 trafficking site in the 85 00:03:56,830 --> 00:04:00,580 world what well I get hung up on that 86 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,440 when you can take a ride on a roller 87 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,990 coaster remember you came here to be 88 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:07,300 whisked through the air at 80 miles an 89 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,640 hour with only a few metal bars that 90 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,680 were safety checked by a hungover 91 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,410 underpaid worker three weeks ago the 92 00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:18,010 thrill of death seems so real doesn't it 93 00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:21,010 well it is because if you happen to get 94 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,020 injured or died during one of these fake 95 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:23,830 death traps 96 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,440 you're in for a legal nightmare because 97 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,780 our rides are less regulated than lip 98 00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:32,380 gloss or shoes not only that but 15 99 00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:34,660 states have laws that have no oversight 100 00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:36,970 or regulations on building roller 101 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:40,300 coasters or rides in Florida exempts its 102 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:42,070 three biggest parks from reporting 103 00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:44,470 accidents and deaths there's only one 104 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,930 national inspection and every year the 105 00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:49,060 inspection includes fewer and fewer 106 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,730 parks in their overall analysis while 107 00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:54,370 lobbyists worked tirelessly to end bills 108 00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:57,700 on regulating these flying mousetraps so 109 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,580 come on by Horton land today a place 110 00:05:00,580 --> 00:05:07,120 where dreams did I say dream I met 111 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,020 nightmare 112 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:12,120 oh and I've been Roger 113 00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:16,660 [Music] 114 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,970 thanks for watching if you want to 115 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,710 subscribe hit the Big C in the middle 116 00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:22,240 and if you want to watch more videos 117 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,390 like honest ads hit one of the boxes to 118 00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:26,920 the right be sure to hit the 119 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,290 notification bell below so YouTube will 120 00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:33,340 notify you when we have a new video oh I 121 00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:38,010 I'm ready for my cryogenic nap 8483

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