All language subtitles for Ally McBeal - 5x16 - Love Is All Around.en

(SIGHING]

Victor.

I can't take it anymore. Enough
is enough. Let's get to it.

And then I woke up,
and it was just a dream.

You know, I'm not usually thrown by
my dreams, but this one, it was so. . . .

Oh, the problem is, Claire,
is that I'm not in control again.

I usually can control my fantasies.
I manipulate my unconscious.

Now they keep popping up
when I don't want them, and--

We're coming up on the third date.
The sex date.

CLAIRE:
What are you afraid of?

Ally?

-Yes, yes.
-What are you afraid of?

Well, I think that I'm afraid
that it will be totally fantastic.

And as much as I like Victor,
and I do, I do, I do. . .

. . .I don't want to
fall in love with him.

And you think if you let him
into your little temple. . .

. . .he might snorkel his way
up to your cockles?

You have such
a way with words, Claire.

Oh, Ally, I don't pretend
to be psychic or even clairvoyant.

But when I look at you,
I see a tender and vulnerable woman.

And then when I hear about
your fears and trepidations. . .

. . .I see an elitist little snot, who
can't bear the idea of shacking up. . .

. . .with a plumber!

Get over it, Ally McBeal.

This man fiddles
with pipes for a living.

Why not let him have
a wee go at yours?

VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road

Love ls All Around

Walking the line
That's painted by pride

And I have made mistakes in my life
That ljust can 't hide

Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring

I got myself together
Now I'm ready to sing

I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life

Now I know I can shine a light
To fiind my way back home

Baby

Oh yeah

What is Richardson v.
Price Communications?

Holly Richardson was fired for not
attending a Bully Broad class.

-Bully Broad?
-It's a feminization program.

Some corporations make
female executives attend.

-You're kidding.
-I wish I were.

Your bigger problem is opposing
counsel. Jack Mitchell got replaced.

-You get Liza Bump.
-Bump? Her name is Bump?

The one they call Lolita, Nelle.
You're going up against Lolita.

-What?
-No, I've heard of her.

So have l.

Well, who is she?

She's 21 , the most innocent-looking
thing in the world. A killer.

Mm-hm, mm-hm.

RAYMOND:
She went through college in two years.

Now she goes through anybody
who goes up against her.

Well, she's not going through me,
not on this case.

Next item. Ally, hiring?

I've been meeting candidates and
I'm hoping to extend an offer this week.

-Excellent. Good luck on your date.
-Richard!

Hey, this is big, Ally.
It's a sex date.

I resolve that the personal lives
of lawyers shall not be discussed. . .

(VOICE GETS HIGHER]

. . .during meetings. All in favor?
Aye, as in l. Motion passes.

Can I see you in private, Richard?
Yeah.

RICHARD: I'm sorry.
-No, never mind that.

You said we could get John
back if we needed him.

-I did.
-We need him.

I've heard about Lolita, and she's
gonna chew through Nelle.

Get John on a plane. Maybe
we can push the trial to tomorrow.

-He's not in Mexico.
-He's not?

He's working at a Mexican
restaurant in Boston.

I beg your pardon?

He's a waiter at Las Pasadas.

I've heard it from
three different people.

-Has he gone off the deep end?
-Maybe.

I figure he must not want us to know.
You really think we need him?

I do.

So sorry to intrude, but I have news.

-You're pregnant?
-No, but you're on the right track.

After our discussion last night. . .

. . .I went home with
my libido in full regalia. . .

. . .and I played trains and tunnels
with my special someone. . .

. . .so that he became
even more special.

-I'm not following.
-I'm getting married!

Can we back up a second? You played
trains and tunnels with somebody?

-Not just somebody. A special somebody.
-Oh.

He's coming in this afternoon.
We'll all meet him.

Oh, thank you, Ally.

You inspired me to do
rude things with him last night.

By the way, have you and Victor
had a little chafing of the loins yet?

No, no, but thanks for asking.

I'm sorry.

You are?

Todd Merrick. We have an appointment.

-For tomorrow.
-I know that.

It's best to check out the place
absent the vice of a formal interview.

-You're Ally McBeal?
-Yes.

-Interesting. Senior partner?
-Yes.

Interesting.

I'm sorry, what are you doing here?

I just told you. Shouldn't the woo-er
be feigning excitement to the woo-ee?

I am a litigator, so my compass is
more finely tuned to human behavior.

-Do you ever get to court?
-Okay.

The interview
will take place tomorrow.

I will be asking questions, and you
will be in a suit minus the cap.

Would that be okay with you,
Mr. Merrick?

Ah.

-What "ah"?
-Nothing. I look forward to tomorrow.

-Fine.
-Fine.

-Okay.
-Okay.

We're trying to get him, don't you
think you should've been nice?

Who does he think he is?

I think he knows who he is.

-I can try this case myself.
-But if this woman is as good--

-I can beat her.
-It's also a chance to get John back.

-How we doing?
-Fine. We want a different waiter.

A little one who stutters,
maybe a nose whistle?

We're in a hurry, so off you go.

From what I hear of Lolita,
she does better against men.

You're a fine attorney, but John's
the best litigator we have, and he--

Oh, my God.

(SINGING IN SPANISH]

Ah-yah-yah
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!

Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi

You know, Ally, there is no rule
that you two have to have sex.

I know that, but it's--

It is so in the air with both of us,
that it's becoming really conspicuous.

How so?

Well, the other night, we went
to this really nice restaurant.

He was so cute. He put on
a little tie and a little coat.

And when we were saying goodbye,
it was like. . .

. . .okay, here comes
the first big kiss.

I could feel my heart beating.
Even my lips were beating.

I know that he
felt the same way. . .

. . .because he just looked like,
you know, and. . . .

We, like, so wanted to kiss
each other, and, well, it--

It just, um. . . .

We ended up not kissing
each other, because. . .

. . .there was just so much pressure,
so the idea of making love is. . . .

I remember the first time with my ex.
He got food poisoning.

(KNOCKING]

-Hello?
-Oh, Jerome!

Oh, come in. Hello.

Ally, this is Jerome.
My special someone.

-Hi.
-Hello, Ally.

-Claire speaks so highly of you.
-Oh, thank you.

-How'd sex go with Victor?
-Jerome, your manners.

It hasn't happened yet.

-How long have you two been an item?
-We've been together three months.

Wow, that's fast
to be getting married, isn't it?

Well, Ally, if I moved at your pace,
I'd be, well, dead.

-I did go to Mexico. I lasted one day.
-Why?

JOHN:
Well, the dysentery hit at hour 1 2.

-Plus, it wasn't there.
-What wasn't there?

My Mexico. Not the one I went to find.

No mariachis, no sequined clothing.

None of the simplicity
and sunlit charm I've found here.

-We need you, John.
-Oh, please, Richard.

Lolita pulls little tricks.
She's vicious, according to Raymond.

-Nelle is vicious.
-Thank you.

You said if we ever had a case where
we needed you, you'd come back.

We need you.

I've heard tales of this Lolita.

RICHARD:
Fire. I saw fire in your eyes.

Does this mean you're coming back?

If I must.

-Gracias.
-De nada.

-This Saturday?
-Why wait? lf it's right, it's right.

Well, yes, but can't
you wait a little?

Between us girlfriends, I'm not a young
woman, and my supply of nectar is low.

And what little is left is curdled.

-What's going on?
ALLY: Richard!

You're the guy I need to see. I have
a date, and I need you to take over.

-What?
-I'm not sure of Jerome's motives.

-Who?
-The special someone!

I need you to get
a prenup drafted and signed.

-Why me?
-You're the man of honor.

Claire has money, Jerome doesn't.
I don't trust it. Get Corretta to help--

(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]

I'm Liza Bump.
I'm looking for Nelle Porter.

She's in John Cage's office, back--

Thank you.

-Is that who I think it is?
-Lolita.

Sorry I'm late. Pedestrians.
I brake for them. New Year's resi.

Oh, how cute!
You look like a little stuffy!

Makes me wanna do this:
Bet you get that all the time.

Wow, you're gorgeous.
I'm Liza Bump.

I now represent Price Communications,
which I enjoy doing.

So cute! I go for older men,
though not this old.

-You talk? Or do I pull a string?
-This isn't a good start.

The discharge was valid. You can't win.
If you could, for how much?

Wouldn't it be more fun to settle?

I am sorry. Pinch a cheek, let go.
Common sense. I'm young. I'll learn.

$225,000. You can buy dinner.
We can discuss your products.

One million. You buy.

Don't make me try this.
I'm not prepared.

Oh, you seem prepared to me.
One million or trial.

Eenie, meenie, minie, mo. Trial.

Prenuptial?

You have money, he doesn't.
We want you to be protected.

-Have you broached this with him?
-I mentioned protection once.

He put on a condom.

Oh, no, no.
We mean financial protection.

God forbid, things don't work out.

We'd hate for you to pay
alimony or a big amount--

-He'll blink at that idea.
-Prenups are common.

No, I mean he'll blink.

He's got this disorder.
When he's nervous, he blinks.

I don't like it when he blinks.
It makes me blink. It's horrible.

Claire, let us take it up with him.

It doesn't have to seem
like it's coming from you.

Okay.

Are you having a lousy time?

No. Why?

Well, things just feel a little stiff.

Maybe we should bring
Maddie on our dates.

Or maybe you
and Maddie could go out.

Or you could wait eight years.
She'll be your type. . .

. . .Iittle teenager, perky body.
Is that it?

I'm sorry.

-It's okay. What's the matter?
-It's just that. . . .

This is our third date.

And this is the big sex date.

-You're not nervous at all?
-There's nothing to be nervous about.

If we ever have sex,
it will be because it feels right.

If we ever?

So it could, you know,
it could be a ways off?

I don't know when. It's not gonna
do us any good to worry.

-Maddie worries.
-About when we're gonna have sex?

About if--
She's just riding on us as a couple.

The further we go, the more
invested she is. So I worry.

And I just don't want to move
too fast and blow you.

(SIRENS WAILING]

It! No. It, it, it.
I meant to say blow it.

Ally.

All right.

We're not gonna have sex tonight.

But I'm not going anywhere.

Thank you.

I'm a tough executive. I don't
dispute that. I can be demanding.

-Are you a bully?
-Absolutely not.

I was shocked when they asked me
to attend this Bully Broad seminar.

Did your employer state a reason
for your unlawful termination?

Objection! Hello? Leading!

I would ask that counsel
rise to lodge objections.

You're making short jokes?

Well, if that isn't the pot--

(NOSE WHISTLES]

Ms. Bump, sit.

Ms. Richardson, why were you fired?

Male employees
found me to be bitchy.

Mr. Horace thought I could
learn to be more feminine.

I could benefit from
anti-assertiveness training.

When I refused to submit to it,
he fired me.

-You don't seem bitchy.
-Thank you.

Anti-assertiveness.
Are you confrontational?

No more than men. I'm a woman,
so I shouldn't stand up for myself?

-So you stood up to Mr. Horace on this?
-Yes.

Thank you.

Oh, is that your husband?

Yes.

Handsome.

Hey, you. Hold on a second.

Oh. Hi. Is it Nil?

-It's Nelle.
-Where's the stuffy?

With the client.
What am I missing?

-Clearly, you don't think you can win.
-Clearly, I must. But I'm young.

Maybe foolish. Were you ever?

-Foolish?
-Young.

I'll throw in an extra 50. You and
the stuffy avoid the embarrassment. . .

. . .of losing a no-brainer, which
you think this is. Come on, Null--

It's Nelle.

Tell the stuffy 50 more,
just for being cute.

-When's he gonna hear that again?
-Have you seen the stuffy in court?

No, and I've heard so much about him.
Not a peep about you.

That's one of the reasons I wanna
go forward. Because he's good.

-He is. Trust me.
-Gee. When I factor in trusting you. . . .

Eenie, meenie, I'm a weenie.
Trial.

It's a cut in salary, but you'd get
equity sooner than in other firms.

I'd need two secretaries and
a junior associate assigned to me.

-Why?
-You want me because of my billings.

I get that work done
because I have resources.

And why aren't you listening to me?

-Sorry?
-You want me here, and you seem bored.

Do I need to spice up my answers?

Oh, no. I'm just. . . .
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's not you.

I'm just a little
distracted by something else.

The sex date?

People talk in your unisex.
What's the problem?

Let's stick to the interview.

I am. I'll be working for you.

I have concerns
about working for a woman. . .

. . .who can't relate to men,
even personally.

-I relate to men.
-You're talking clipped.

My private life is not
an issue of your employment.

-Yes, it is.
-Why?

You're senior partner at a young age.
You have a child.

You have a complete life
without a male partner.

This makes you
an alpha female, Type A.

The benign assumption
is you're independent.

-The malignant: Ding-ding, man-hater.
-Did it occur to you I might be gay?

Gay women don't send off signals.

-What signals?
-"He's cute" signals.

-Are you--?
-Sent to me when I walked in.

-I did not.
-Did too.

-I did not.
-Did too.

Get out!

-You mean I'm not hired?
-Out!

I never interview well.

-A pre-what?
-Nup.

May I ask why?

It's a precaution.
This isn't Claire's idea. It's ours.

-A precaution for what?
-If for some reason the marriage failed--

We want to spare Claire the financial
hardship that could be caused. . . .

Are you all right?

I'm caught to the quick.

-I thought we had a love like no other.
-We do.

I'm extremely befuddled.

We're about to be betrothed with vows
of forever, till death do us part. . .

. . .what God has joined together, and you
want to put in a rider, just in case.

Look at him blink.

Without passing any judgment on your
relationship, we have to face facts.

Fifty percent of marriages
end in divorce.

I'm sure we look like
just another couple.

-Not exactly.
JEROME: I'm not after her money.

But the idea of preparing for
or anticipating failure. . .

. . .or even making room for
the idea of it, how should I respond?

-I told you he'd blink.
-Draft up what you like. I'll sign it.

He won't be sipping from
the nectar trough tonight.

WOMAN:
Here you go.

(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]

Oh! Lolita.

My name is Liza Bump.
I don't appreciate that other moniker.

-Where's John Cage?
-Why?

It's personal.

-What's personal?
-I've come to apologize.

Pinching your cheek,
that pucker I threw in court.

I am sexually attracted to you.

I'm not going to deny it to myself.
I shouldn't deny it to you.

I'll try not to let it affect me in
court. I hope it doesn't affect you.

Again, I apologize.

You seem sad.

Oh, well. . . .

Tell me about it. Maybe I can help.
I'm good at helping people.

Al.

(CLEARS THROAT]

I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said what I said.

-When I have opinions, I reveal them.
-You sure had an opinion about this.

I went down a path with a single mom,
and it fell apart at the moment your. . . .

So when I see a woman
over complicating things. . .

. . .it hits a nerve. I'm sorry.

No.

No, I'm sorry.

Well, I didn't know.

You know, if I had, I certainly
would have called you a dope.

You think I'm overcomplicating this?

I am not overcomplicating this!
This is complicated!

My daughter is falling for him.
I see her with him.

I'm falling for him with her.

And the way he makes her feel
affects how I feel. Excuse me.

I don't know whether I am pursuing my
happiness or hers. It is complicated.

That's probably what
happened with your friend.

The fact it never occurred to you
brings me back to: Dope!

No offense!

Notwithstanding the possibility that
your feelings for him. . .

. . .are bound up with his relationship
with your kid, it's a third date!

You just decide if you sleep
with him or not.

-Which brings me back to: Get out!
-You get out!

-This is my office!
-But after the fight, the girl runs out!

Yet another opinion best not revealed.

I'll see you.

This was only about trying
to make her a better executive.

A seminar to make her more feminine?

HORACE: We wanted to soften her.
She was alienating male employees.

It compromised productivity.

These seminars teach how to cultivate
loyalty and incentive to perform.

Holly is a smart woman.

But for men to refuse
to work with her was a problem.

Holly's problem.
I was trying to help her address it.

You sent three other
female executives to this seminar.

They all thanked me for it.

-Ever send men to these camps?
-No. I haven't had complaints. . .

. . .about the males.

So a man can be a tough boss,
not a woman?

A boss has to be able
to motivate, not alienate.

You didn't answer.

HORACE:
ls there a double standard? Perhaps.

I can't change that,
but I can deal with it.

By dealing with it, you mean making
the women become softer.

-Helping them to be liked.
-By being softer?

-Well, yes.
-Thank you.

I have to admit, Mr. Horace,
this doesn't seem quite fair.

If we're too feminine,
we get punished for that too.

What do you mean?

Oh, come on. If I were to spray myself
with perfume, that might be calculating.

And if I were to flirt or come
on to a man, that's inappropriate.

I know girls who like to reach over,
say, to get something.

All right, Your Honor. Let the record
reflect she grazed my johnson.

Sorry. There are lots of ways women
use their feminine wiles at work.

Where do you draw the line between
being too imperious and too feminine?

When should a woman be softer?
When does she need this seminar?

From my perspective,
if she is hated by everybody. . .

. . .she needs the seminar.

That seems fair.

The number to the bar
is on the refrigerator.

And again, Maddie's bedtime is 9.

And if for any reason
you need to. . . .

-Is she getting any of this?
-No, but I am.

You know, am I being worse
than Bonnie, going out every night?

-It's only two nights.
-I know.

I feel guilty. I think a mom--

If it works with Victor,
it'll be worth it.

Honey, it might not
work out with Victor.

-I know.
-We are at the very--

MARY ELLEN:
Sh.

Did she. . .?

(DOORBELL RINGS]

Okay.

Good night, my love.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Hi, Maddie.

You look awesome.

No, I just-- Really?

Actually, I didn't have time
to get ready.

Liar!

I just got home from work. . . .

-Ready?
-Ready.

She totally controlled you in there.

-The fingers in your hair.
-Why didn't you object?

We went to that restaurant to get you
because this is a case for the Biscuit.

-Where's the Biscuit?
LIZA: "Where's the Biscuit?"

That sounds like a fun game.
Can I play?

-What do you want?
-What do I want?

I could be here to give you a million
dollars. Who thinks that's it?

Or I could be delivering
a summons and complaint.

-Can you accept service for your firm?
-What?

Jerome Trouper is suing your firm for
interference with marital relations.

Your people wedged a distrust
between my client and his fianc�e.

-You can't sue for that.
-But I have. I'm driven by the merits.

Or I could be inventing ways
to get into a room with you.

You're in the room with me,
and you'll know I'm in that room.

-On the other case, we can settle.
-Let's hear.

I'm late for my trainer.
Stop by Jersey's Gym. . .

. . .tonight on your way home.
We'll put the whole matter to bed.

Nine o'clock?

John?
We have to get that little bitch.

Have no fear, Nelle. She is a bagel.

A bagel?

I meant to say toast.

No fear.

VONDA SINGS:
ln the still of the night

I held you
Held you tight

'Cause I love....

I don't know why you're glum.
I dropped the demand.

It brings up an old issue. I don't
believe you think I really love you.

You think our relationship
is purely physical.

That's not just it, Jerome. The fact
is, I love our quiet moments together.

Reading a book next to you beside an
open fire, rubbing each other's feet.

I mean, while it's true that I enjoy
playing hot dogs and buns. . .

. . .it's what's inside
that counts.

LIZA:
John!

You came. I knew you would.

If you want to get serious
about a settlement--

I'm dripping wet. Let me change.
Or better yet, meet me at the hot tub.

-We'll discuss it there.
-I don't--

You can get trunks at reception.
You'll love it.

(HUMS SOFTLY]

(HUMS LOUDLY]

VONDA SINGS: There is someone
Walking behind you

Turn around

Look at me

And there is someone

To love and guide you

VICTOR: You want to leave?
ALLY: Where will we go?

Motel 6. They leave the lights on.

-How about going to my place?
-Maddie's there.

Oh, but see,
I had a lock installed on my door.

-Well, Ally?
-Yes?

I installed it.

Oh. Right. Right.

You okay?

Sure. Sure.

-It's not how I do business, youngster.
-Just get in.

Hot! It's hot! A little hot!

I have three female executives
who loved the Bully Broad program.

They're ready to testify. The fact
that your client refused to try--

It's gender-biased.
She was under no obligation to try it.

-Give me your foot.
-Why?

Because you seem all stiff.
I know reflexology.

(SCREAMS]

Oops.

-You tried to drown me!
-Did you swallow water?

-I could Hoover it right out.
-Talk chicken, or I'm gone.

-Talk chicken?
-I meant to say turkey. Move along.

-Do I rattle you?
-Just talk!

-You need me to drive her home?
-I don't know. She got here by herself.

Mary Ellen, we're home.

Okay, see, I pay $1 5 an hour
for these watchful eyes.

Hey, Mary Ellen, we're. . . .

Mary Ellen?

Victor, I have a bad feeling
about Mary Ellen.

Even if you got three years'
earnings, that's 532,000.

The present-day value is less.

If we settle some of it on her
emotional-distress claim. . .

. . .it's tax-free. She comes
out ahead, taking 350, John.

You're forgetting punies.

-Who told you?
-Told me what?

That I love that word.

Some people call me little,
but I like to refer to myself as puny.

There's something erotic
about that word, John.

-Have you ever been called puny?
-Not with good results, no.

You're taking advantage of me,
aren't you?

I-l-l know what you're doing.
You're doing your Lolita thing.

You're trying to rattle me
as a trial attorney.

-I thought I didn't.
-What?

-Rattle you.
-You don't!

My johnson!

-Wasn't it great?
-Meeting over.

-Four hundred.
-You bit off more than you can chew.

Tease.

-How does rigor mortis set in so fast?
-Maybe she died right after we left.

A heart attack?

I think she checked out
during Fear Factor.

(SCREAMING]

PARAMEDIC:
Careful.

-Are you okay?
-I'm fine.

-I know that this is hard.
-Can I get a kitten?

No. No. Go back up to bed.
And-- No, no.

I'll be up soon.

Turn her the other way.

It doesn't look like
tonight's gonna be it.

Doesn't look that way.

(GROANING]

-Ally, are you okay?
-No. No, it's the third-date thing.

You know, I just want
the sex to be over with.

Oh, what?

You've never seen a woman
who wants the sex part over with?

Well. . . .

-You can't sue us. There's no basis--
-You broke them up.

We're lawyers. We make people hate
each other. You can't hold us liable--

Look, Fishy. May I call you Fishy?

Oh, well, that. . . .

I realize that this little law firm
of yours has something against love.

One of your senior partners
is wigged out. . .

. . .because she can't get past
first base with a plumber.

And the rest of you can't
so much as get a date.

I have no problem with that.

You're each entitled
to your lonely lives.

But when you wreak havoc
between two innocent people. . .

. . .who do believe in love. . . .
Two people like Claire and Jerome.

I'm sorry. I just. . . .

-I get a little overly sentimental.
-Oh, well, it's. . . .

I'm a sap for romance.

Don't talk to her.

-And don't talk to him.
-Oh. . . .

-Keep your mouth shut.
-Oh!

And I'll drop the lawsuit.

-We have to be able to advise her.
-You talk, you lose.

Oh, she's vicious.

To hold a law firm liable for drafting
a prenup is unconstitutional.

The fact Ms. Bump didn't show up
for this hearing indicates. . .

. . .she knows she has no case.

Sorry I'm late.

I'm in trial on the third floor.
I'm on a break.

I didn't have time to read
the pleadings.

-Is this a motion to dismiss?
-Yes, this is a motion to dismiss.

Why are you suing
a firm for performing services?

Oh, that. I've no problem
with a lawyer drafting a prenup. . .

. . .if the client so asked for one.
But here, the client--

There she is. Hi, Claire.

-Hello.
LIZA: She didn't ask them, Your Honor.

They asked her. They persuaded her.
They planted the seed of distrust.

I know lawyers take a happy
situation and make it acrimonious.

That's how we heat our pools.

If they do that, they need to allow the
other side to have a lawyer present.

They pulled him in without counsel
and tried to force a prenup.

That just isn't moral.

I'm sorry. I may be young,
but I know right from wrong.

Is that true, Mr. Fish? You didn't
advise him to get an attorney?

-Bygones. Res lpsa.
-I beg your pardon?

Sidebar, Your Honor?
Quickly, because I am in trial.

We'll drop our claim if all members
from Cage, Fish and McBeal. . .

. . .cease and desist. . .

. . .from dissuading Ms. Otoms
from marrying my client.

-Certainly a prenup--
-Ms. Otoms doesn't want it.

All that's needed here
is to enjoin the evildoers. . .

. . .from engaging in their
pugnacious dissuasion.

-That's fair.
-Wait a second.

-Agreed.
-The case will be dismissed.

You're gagged
from talking her out of it.

Thank you, Your Honor.

-No one will consider a move?
-Not to this firm.

-What about Todd Merrick?
-It didn't work.

-Three possible sitters in good health.
-Good. Good.

Hi.

-Thought it didn't work out.
-It didn't.

Can we talk for a sec?

Why were you in the bar?

My therapist says
that the inner me is. . . .

-How do I put this?
-A dick?

Actually, yes.
That's the word he used.

Half of me wants to bury this side,
while the other half. . .

. . .seeks to out myself
as a way of purging my. . .

. . .dick-edness.

Which part feels the need
to be liked at the end of the day?

Why are you here?

A certain kind of woman can
expose me for my dick-ed self.

Before you get any further
with this guy. . .

. . .you're paralyzed
to go further with. . . .

-I'm here to ask you out.
-What did you say?

-You heard. I asked you out.
-Why?

I like to fight. I love neurosis.

I see you as someone
I can live miserably with.

-In a good way. You push my buttons.
-I don't wanna be near your buttons.

-Why did you send a signal?
-I didn't.

You know when you're most dishonest?

The idea that this stalemate's due to
practical concerns for your daughter.

You're not practical. Never will be.

I never said anything
about being practical.

-Did too!
-Did not.

-We are done.
-Look--

No, no. I will not look.

Bye.

Sure. Look at her run. Girl!

You're gonna need to learn
to ignore whatever I say last.

When first suggested, I scoffed.

-You scoffed?
-Yes.

The idea of a Bully Broad camp
to soften me?

-Did you have trouble with employees?
-Yes, I thought it was discrimination.

When a man is tough, he's a leader.
With a woman? A bitch.

-But nevertheless, you did go?
-I did.

-And much to my shock, I loved it.
-Why?

It made me realize, I was in a man's
world, trying to be like a man.

Why should I be like a man?

Who's to say a woman
can't succeed being like a woman?

-Did the program help?
-Very much.

I was better able to relate to my
employees and productivity went up.

Even so, to be required to attend
a seminar, didn't you object?

Executives are sent
to seminars all the time.

As time commitment goes,
this was puny.

I'm sorry.

Did you say "puny"?

-Are you okay? Can I help?
-No, damn it!

Objection.
She did that on purpose.

She got me to snap at her. . .

. . .so she could stand there
looking all upset over Bambi dying.

Move to. . . .
Oh, just forget it.

-Ms. Bump, are you all right?
FORESTER: lf I may, Your Honor?

She thinks if she cries,
she won't be tough.

And lawyers are supposed
to be tough. So say men.

You're a woman, dear.
It's okay to show your feelings.

Oh, this is rich.

Ten-minute break.

-Why have you brought him here?
-Well, we need to reconcile.

-He broke my trust.
-Did no such thing.

You sued my lawyers!
You went behind my back.

-Maybe this isn't right.
-Maybe!

That's enough!
Look, we did this. The lawyers.

-This started with us.
-It's not as simple as that.

If such a minor thing like this can
cause him to overreact in the way--

You wanted to add a failure
clause to a wedding contract!

He's blinking!

I'm blinking at the idea
of marrying you!

Perhaps I don't want to!

I'll take the bottle of champagne
and christen another yacht!

Jerome? Little tip, buddy.
Women don't like to be called yachts.

(KNOCKING]

Hello.

Hey.

Just came to see how you're doing.

-You okay?
-Yeah.

How's Maddie?

She's surviving. She's still
working me for a new kitten.

You know, Victor. . . .

Do you think there's a reason
this isn't happening for us?

-You're overthinking it.
-Oh.

Maybe.

My mother always used
to say that when it's right. . .

. . .everything falls into place,
and nothing's falling for us, Victor.

My mother said,
"When it's right, trust it. . .

. . .and don't be thrown
by fear or nerves. "

And don't be thrown
by dead babysitters.

Maybe my mother
should call your mother.

You think?

Listen, I came by to ask you to lunch.

-And then after that?
-I could think of a few things.

I would be happy just to be with you.
Just to maybe hold your hand.

What do you say?

Sure.

-Noon?
-Okay.

See you later.

-The seminar made you a better leader?
-Correct.

By teaching you to be feminine?

By teaching me to use
my God-given femininity.

-Yes, Liza.
-What the--?

Though I believe in God, we shouldn't
exclude people on the basis of faith.

I agree. Let me rephrase. The seminar
taught me to use my innate femininity.

NELLE: You mean being demure?
FORESTER: Yes.

Submissive?

The willow tree can seem submissive,
but actually it's quite strong.

Did the seminar teach you
to cry sometimes?

It taught us to use emotion,
not conceal it.

-Rather than demand, cry.
-Sometimes.

Do you believe
we are the weaker sex?

No. We're stronger when it comes
to compassion and empathetic skills.

And using those skills--

By using those skills,
you mean act weak, don't you?

I can see you're getting frustrated.

Let's examine our goals and see if
we can't find a way to achieve them.

Mm.

We have to face it. The Mouseketeer
is mopping the floor with us.

-I thought you people were good.
NELLE: We are.

-This is the big muffin?
-I'm toast!

She's toast! I'm the Biscuit!
We're not beaten. I'm the Biscuit.

-What was her offer?
-Four hundred.

-Let's grab it.
-No!

Yes.

I want out.

-What do you mean the wedding is off?
-Well--

What happened?

Lolita brought a suit
against us over the prenup.

-What?
-She's good. She made--

-Where is Claire?
-Last seen? The unisex.

Claire?

Claire?

(WHIMPERS]

Oops.

-No, I'm really okay.
-Well, let's lie down on the couch.

No, no, no. I'm not gonna lie
down with you. I don't even know you.

Wow.

-Is she all right?
-Bonk on the head.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, Victor, this is Todd.
Todd, this is Victor.

-Hi.
-Hi.

So Todd creamed me on the head
with the bathroom door, and--

-You okay?
-I'm fine.

-Did you meet Todd?
-Yeah.

We just met.

-Did not.
-Did too.

Before he hit me on the head, he hit
on all of me because I'm neurotic.

-Get her on the couch.
ALLY: Oh, brother!

Listen to the men.
"Get her on the couch. "

They all want to bed me down.

I'm awesome in bed.
Did you know that?

-No, I didn't.
-Excellent.

I've often wanted to wear
a sign around my neck:

"You've seen me dance,
now watch me fornicate. "

Don't talk.

I sniffed Victor's ass once.

There's a doctor on the second floor.
She's coming up.

It's not that I still don't
want to settle. It's just. . . .

-Just what?
-Okay.

This is a settlement conference, so
anything said here is sealed, right?

Of course.

I'm having some trouble separating
my desire to serve my client. . .

. . .and my desire to serve John
sexually.

And given that the trial
is going in my favor. . .

. . .I'm worried how it would look
if I were to settle now.

People might think I was
giving you special favors.

Look, you little vixen. . .

. . .you put an offer of $400,000
on this table.

Which you rejected.
It's no longer on the table.

-I'll give you two.
-Two hundred?

I am done fooling around. The longer
this trial goes, the worse for you.

If it keeps going,
your client will have to pay us.

I'm sure you used to be good. Today?
You try cases like a mariachi singer.

And you?

Love your hair.

Two hundred until the end of business.
Then it goes to one.

Oh, I am going to get her.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah

Well not too long ago in 1944

When every mother's son
Was goin ' off to war

-They had to lift their spirits high
-High

For Uncle Sam, motherhood
And apple pie

Instead of spendin ' money
That they didn 't have

In hot spots in the Bronx

-They went to hear that kind ofjazz
-Jazz

You hear in funky honky-tonks

-It made you wanna jump
-Jump

-Shout
-Shout

knock yourself out
Whoa.

Hold up. Hold up.

I'm sorry, evildoer.
This is a closed rehearsal.

What are you rehearsing for? I know you
had a party planned. Is it still on?

I don't need two to tango.
The wedding is off.

-Can I speak with you?
-The judge gagged you.

From dissuading you.

-I have something positive--
-Evildoers don't say nice things.

One minute, Jerome?

Take a break, girls.

Jerome--

-She ended it.
-Because--

She doesn't trust it. If she did, she
wouldn't have been influenced by you.

You didn't plant the seed of distrust.
You brought out doubts she harbored.

It was just as Liza Bump said,
we pushed her on the prenup.

People can't be pushed
in directions they don't want.

I'm not sure I agree.
But even if it were so. . .

. . .I'm pushing you in a direction
I think you're desperate to go.

-Thank you, doctor.
-It wouldn't be a bad idea to rest.

I'll make sure she does.

I'm fine.
I'm a little embarrassed, but. . . .

What do you say I take you home?

How about
you and I go out tonight?

We'll find a babysitter who's young
and will be alive when we get home.

-You sure you're up to it?
-Mm.

Tonight.

Tonight.

-I canceled the interviews.
-Oh. Well, I guess then I'll--

The leading candidate,
however, is still here.

Who?

-Me.
-Oh.

Sorry, I'm not hiring
stalkers this week.

-Feeling okay?
-I'm fine.

-No, I'm fine.
-Good. Then can I have a minute?

Sorry again about the head whack
and the hitting on all of you.

If this ship hasn't sailed. . . .

Now that I'm taking my hat
out of the boyfriend ring. . .

. . .I think this would be
a great place to work.

Yeah, it is, but I'm passing.

-But thank you for your interest.
-At the risk of sounding immodest--

You're the best lawyer available,
but I'm still passing.

-May I ask why?
-Because I choose to.

If you're excluding people
who are attracted to you--

-That isn't it.
-It is. A good leader--

-Telling me how to lead?
-You already know.

-You don't know.
-You do.

-We're done.
-Why are you threatened?

-I'm not.
-You don't like to be challenged.

-Get out.
-The get-out card.

-Do you use that in your personal life?
-Out!

-I'm going.
-Good! Don't come back to apologize!

I won't. Nothing to apologize for.

Oh, and, Ally?

Have a lovely, uncontested life.

Mr. Cage.

Mr. Cage?

The defendant didn't seek to make
my client friendlier or nicer. No.

The goal here was
to make her more feminine.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
there's a word for that.

Sex-jism.

(STUTTERS]

Sexism.

And this was blatant sexism.

He didn't send the aggressive
men off to camp.

No, just the tough women. Because
women shouldn't be tough, should they?

What message does
this send to our daughters?

That if you want something,
be weak. . .

. . .cry for it, act demure?

Look at this young woman. She's
an intelligent, competitive litigator.

Yet she chose to offer tears in this
courtroom as her best strength.

That's what the weaker sex
should do, right?

Be soft so society will like you.

And that is her message,
ladies and gentlemen.

Women can compete
in a man's world.

They can be just as tough as men,
and they have the right to be.

If society has a problem with that,
then the 1 2 of you. . .

. . .need to send a message to society.

But if not for society. . .

. . .then for our daughters.

You tell the young people,
like Liza Bump. . .

. . .they have the right to be strong.

They don't have to go through
life weak. Less than.

This isn't about getting women
to perform in a man's world.

This is about teaching women that
it doesn't have to be a man's world.

So many women today are aggressive,
belligerent, ruthless. . .

. . .because our culture values these
masculine traits as leadership.

Why can't female traits, such as
emotion, empathy, connectedness. . . .

Why can't these things
be signs of good leadership?

As long as we continue to attach such
value to dominance and aggression. . .

. . .we're gonna end up with
a man's world, and that is sexist.

Let's place a premium
on emotional intelligence. . .

. . .on the ability to mediate
instead of fight.

To feel as well as think. We might
not only have a woman's world. . .

. . .we might turn out better companies.

That's what was proposed
to the plaintiff, but she didn't try.

She just dropped her gloves, sued
and said, "Let's have a fight. "

How manly.

From what Corretta tells me, I think
it needs to be you who fixes things.

-I don't know.
-What do you mean?

Ally, there is something that
nobody really knows about me.

-Uh, what?
-Well. . . .

I'm slightly over 50.

And Jerome and l, we argue a lot.

I'm too old to fight.
I just can't do it.

(BURPS]

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm getting the reflux again.

You know, Claire, well, the--

Claire, well, I'm certainly
no expert. . .

. . .but I really believe
that where there is fighting. . .

. . .there's usually passion.

Couples that don't fight,
the ones. . .

. . .who don't get under each other's
skin are the ones who drift apart.

I don't think I could be
in a relationship. . .

. . .that wasn't a little combative.

-Do you and Victor fight?
-No.

No. No, never.

Well, we're new.

-What about that other one?
-The other one? There is no other one.

I mean Larry. The one who ground
your heart into a fine pulp.

Yeah, well, yeah. Larry and l,
we used to go at it a lot.

And you loved him.

I'm over Larry.

No, what I am trying to say,
Claire, is that. . .

. . .I think that you need
to go to Jerome.

I think the two of you still want
to get married. You need to go to him.

Maybe so.

I wish I could look at
love as clearly as you can.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

-We have, Your Honor.
-What say you?

FOREPERSON: On the matter of
Richardson v. Price Communications. . .

. . .we find for the plaintiff
and order the defendant. . .

. . .to pay $61 0,000.

-Well, we won.
-Yes, we did.

You proved your point.
Congratulations.

-Thank you. Thank you, John.
-My pleasure.

-John? Quite a match.
-Indeed.

For what it's worth, there's always a
nugget of truth in my courtroom antics.

Oh, really? And where was
the nugget in all this nonsense?

I think you're hot.

-Are you attracted to Todd Merrick?
-I didn't say that.

I'm just wondering if he was right.

-Right for you?
-No.

If I am averse to people
who challenge me.

Because I just. . . .

I don't wanna be that.
That's boring, don't you think?

-Is Victor boring?
-This is not about Victor.

-What is it about?
-If Todd Merrick is right.

-For you.
-No.

Okay. Look, Ally, this is what I know.
Victor is amazing.

-He's sexy, he's smart.
-Complete opposite of me.

-And Todd is just like you.
-I didn't say that.

You haven't slept with Victor. You're
hardly in a serious relationship yet.

Is there a reason you can't
see other people?

We haven't discussed that.

Are you sure Victor
isn't seeing other women?

I'm not positive.

Why don't you go out once with Todd?
ls that so terrible?

I don't want to blow Victor.

(SIRENS WAILING]

Have. Have. I don't want to blow
what I have with Victor.

And what, exactly,
do you have with Victor?

It's just that. . . .
It would destroy Maddie if--

Is that the issue?

Ally, nothing against plumbers,
but you've always dated lawyers.

There's probably a reason.

You likely have more in common
with Todd. And for some reason. . .

. . .you can't stop thinking about him.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and
guess you still wanna get married.

Maybe I do.

Or maybe I'm just showing
you what you'll be missing.

If that were the case,
you'd be in your negligee.

Even if you were ready for that, there's
the rest of the world to think of.

Jerome, why are you in the bar. . .

. . .practicing songs for our reception
if the wedding is off?

I like to sing.
It helps me deal with my emotions.

Tell me what this is about. It can't
be about my doubts. I don't have any.

It must be about your doubts.
What are you afraid of?

I guess that it won't last.

Isn't every couple afraid of that?
Shouldn't every couple be?

I guess, going in with doubts,
it's thrown me.

-Jerome, I love you with all my heart.
-And I love you.

Then let's get married.

How about this?
Let's get engaged.

Let's have a
celebrated engagement.

We can plan a big wedding.
We can get married in June.

In June, all my buds come into season.

-Do you think we'll really work?
-Of course I do.

But we won't know until
we take the step.

June it is.

So this wedding is canceled
but still on?

Pushed to June.

They're having their engagement
party at the bar.

-Maybe we could stop by.
-Fine.

-Or not.
-Whatever.

What?

-You just go with the flow, don't you?
-I try to. Why?

Well, I mean, do you really
think that we're that much alike?

What's going on?

-Nothing.
-You're starting to act nervous again.

I'm trying to get
to know you better.

-We don't know much about each other.
-Well, here I am. Ask.

-Well, are you seeing anybody else?
-Am I seeing anybody else?

When people repeat the question,
it's to buy time to find an answer.

The answer's no.

-I'm not seeing anyone else.
-Great.

It's not like I would be upset,
because we're not exactly exclusive.

And when people date,
it's because, you know, they date.

-Are you seeing anyone else?
-No.

No, no, no, no! No!

No, no, no, no.

If I were to, how would
you feel about that?

-Do you want to see somebody else?
-Well, no. No.

If you want to, do it.
What do you want me to say?

-You could put up a fight.
-I don't see the reason.

I know you don't fight.
I'm used to combative relationships.

I don't think I could be with somebody
who just bends with the wind.

Couples communicate
better when they fight.

Fighting brings out the truth,
exposes feelings, and you don't fight.

Everything with you is just fine.

We're going to make love,
and we don't. . .

. . .because of the dead babysitter,
and you're fine about it.

You're just, "Que ser�, que ser�. "
I am not a "que ser�" kind of woman.

What?

You know what, Ally?
Maybe you're right.

See? I tell you that we
are wrong for each other. . .

. . .and you tell me I'm right.
What kind of answer is that?

What do you want me to do?
Tip the table and walk out?

-Would you feel better?
-That would be something.

I'll give you part of that.

Goodbye.

Taxi!

-How dare you walk out.
-You're a wacko.

Because I think a relationship
should be a little contentious?

-You start fights just to have them.
-I didn't.

What's your problem?
You're only happy if you're miserable.

-You're a bigot!
-A bigot?

-Against wackos.
-I'm done!

You wanna date somebody else, do it.

-You don't need to justify it.
-There you go making everything simple.

There you go refusing
to let it be simple.

No, no, no. You're not going anywhere.

Get in the car! We'll fight on the way
home! 1 41 2 Dalton Lane. Fast!

-Taxi!
-Hey, stop, stop, stop!

Hey, you come back here, you chicken!
You coward! Come back here! Hey!

Taxi!

CABDRIVER: Are you crazy?
-Yes! Yes, I'm crazy!

TODD:
Hello.

-Still no answer?
-No. He won't pick up. He's a baby.

Ally, I would never
dare to pick another fight. . .

. . .but it seems like you
sabotaged this thing.

I didn't.

I've only heard your version,
yet I'm taking his side.

-What?
-You enjoy fighting, don't you?

-I am a lawyer.
-Yeah.

That's the thing about
Victor, he goes with it.

-Bastard.
-Bastard.

-What did you say?
-I said bastard. It was a joke.

What?

It's just, sometimes you remind
me of my old boyfriend.

-Yeah, I love it when I do that.
-Well, that's what it is.

What what is?

You just stirred up
memories about Larry. . .

. . .and so Victor, whatever he is,
is not Larry.

Big love, this Larry?

Yeah.

It's possible Victor was the rebound
relationship, the setup guy for me.

Good night, Todd.

So no sex for me either?

Oh, no. No, no. I. . . .
Sitter.

Sitter.

Hi.

Don't tell me you're
going back to the band.

I made a commitment, youngster.
That means something.

You'll perhaps realize that
once you turn 5 feet tall.

Again with the short jokes.

Why are you here?

Well, you're a legend.

And I just want to say,
it was an honor. . .

. . .to finally go up against
your johnson.

You just don't drop it, do you?

Why are you going back there?
I saw you during closing.

You love it.

Liza, there's a whole other world
outside of that courtroom.

I would encourage you to sample it.

It's a pretty big office
to just walk away from.

I'll be back.

Actually. . .

. . .I'm looking to sublet.

Sorry?

My office.
Ever think about joining a law firm?

Me? I don't like people.

Well, that's a lie, isn't it?

You're good, Liza. It's not like me
to invite another lawyer into my void.

If I were to even consider coming here,
it would only be to learn from you.

And if you're not
even gonna be here. . . .

I said I'd be back, didn't l?

What are you doing here?

You have bad luck with babysitters.
This one had appendicitis.

Maddie couldn't get through to you,
so she called me.

Well, is she asleep?

Yeah.

I'll send you my bill.

The reason Maddie couldn't reach me
is because I was trying to call you.

Listen, I know that I haven't talked
very much about Larry, other than. . . .

You loved him.

Yeah.

Yeah, the thing about him is that
he was neurotic like me.

I mean, maybe not as much,
but he was certainly. . . .

We really got each other.

Our fears kind of coincided,
and our dreams just. . . .

He sounds great.

He is.

And this guy that I met-- Well,
you met him too. Todd Merrick.

The one who was hitting on you.

Well, he kind of reminded
me a little of Larry. . .

. . .and it triggered
some things that. . . .

Well, there are things about you
that just aren't like that.

And I went out with Todd,
and we had a beer. . .

. . .and things became
really clear to me.

You're not Larry,
and you're never gonna be.

-That all just kicked in?
-No, that I already knew.

What finally kicked in is that
I don't want Larry.

I don't wanna be with
a man who's like me.

I wanna be with a man who can give
me something I can't attain alone.

I want to share differences.

I want you.

And that's what kicked in.

I don't know. I don't know if we're
meant to last. I don't know anything. . .

. . .except that right now,
as I'm standing here, I want you.

I'm tempted to agree with you,
but I'm afraid I'll set you off.

Given the time and the opportunity,
I can pretty much screw up anything.

I don't want to screw this up.

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time

To spend an evening with me

And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance

You won 't be leaving with me

-In the end, love wins out, doesn't it?
-Makes me cream.

I heard John offered Lolita a job.

-What?
-Rumor has it.

-Oh, my God!
-Is she as good as they say?

Better.

I never said that.

CLAIRE & JEROME: I can see it
ln your eyes that you despise

The same old lies
You heard the night before

FEMALE SINGER: And though it's just
A line to you for me it's true

And never felt so right before

I practice every day
To fiind some clever lines to say

To make the meaning come through

Then I think I'll wait
Until the evening gets late

And I'm alone with you

MALE & FEMALE SINGERS: The time is right
Your perfume fiills my head

The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid

Like "I love you"

I love you

I love you

I'm so glad that's over.

Me too.

-Now we can go back to being normal.
-Finally.

Tell me the truth.

Were you as nervous as I was?

-Truthfully?
-Mm-hm.

No.

You're a jerk.

So, what do we do?
Do we just go to sleep?

What about Maddie? What if she
finds me here in the morning?

Mm-hm.

Speaking of which, I'd better collect
our clothes, in case she gets up.

Ally? Wait a minute.

That was really nice.

OLD LADY:
You stinker!

Ripped by thewildbunch22