Original subtitles

[Roy Orbison singing "The Fastest Guitar Alive"]

? Hey here I go ?

? A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know ?

? I've got my fast guitar ?

? Singing pretty songs ?

? Knowing I belong ?

? I am first and last ?

? And always a fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar alive ?

? Rattling strings like a gatling gun ?

? Shaped like a lovely woman ?

? Stay right where you are ?

? My guitar is a fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar ?

? Alive ?

? I'm rolling on ?

? Like a rolling stone ?

? Gathering no moss ?

? I play a boss guitar ?

[tribal chanting]

You have honor in helping me with masterpiece.

I do?

Watch closely.

[chanting continues]

Now, roll me across painting.

You're going to be one big, messy Chief.

I say roll me.

Alright.

[chanting continues]

[drums beating]

Now.

[crowd cheering]

Chief.

Never have I seen such a fine war-paint job.

It is new impressionist school.

Someday, when I get through painting on me

I will paint on canvas.

You look good enough right now, to hang in museum.

Wagons.

? The fastest guitar.. ?

'Me hear foreign music.'

You mustn't get shot, Chief. It would ruin the whole effect.

What are you? Warrior or art critic?

Put me on my horse.

Wrong way. Turn me round.

We give 'em big scare. No hurt him. Right, Chief?

? ...A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know ?

? I've got my fast guitar ?

[dramatic music]

Indians!

Johnny, Steve, Indians!

Johnny, Indians. Indians.

Indians.

They sure don't look like they're selling blankets.

Hyaa!

[women screaming]

[Indians hooting]

[music continues]

Hyaa.

[hooting continues]

Bullseye.

They shot my best pants.

Be glad you weren't in them.

Hyaa.

Tell them we just want to get to San Francisco.

I'd rather send them a postcard when we get there.

Hyaa.

Hyaa.

Don't just sit there, Johnny. Do something.

Hyaa.

[gunshots]

- Hey, Steve. I got his spear. - Good shootin'.

[Chief yelling]

Hyaa.

White man's medicine shoot spear.

Hey, Steve. They quit.

Good thing, 'cause you never hit anybody with that contraption.

Maybe not, but it sure scared them to death.

[upbeat music]

(male #1) 'All you errant guzzling sinners.'

'Come forward on your knees and hear what the Lord says'

about the sin in San Francisco.

'Cause right here in San Francisco

in the year of our Lord, 1865..

...while men are being consumed by the flames

of a mighty civil war

you men have joined the army of the devil.

[crowd groaning]

'Now listen to me.'

'The sins of the Barbary Coast have claimed ya'.'

[Can-Can music]

? I want to ?

? Be ?

? As snuggle as a buggle in a ruggle ?

? When my sweetie doesn't snuggle-wuggle with me ?

? When I want a kiss I know he won't miss ?

? 'Cause I'm being hugged and as close as can be ?

? I want the ?

? Wedding ringle on my fingle 'cause I'm single ?

? And my sweetie doesn't snuggle-wuggle with me ?

? When we're man and wife you bet your life ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle ?

? That good old snuggle-wuggle ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle-wuggle with you.. ?

Come close, everybody. I want you to see this.

Nothing up my sleeves, nothing under my hat.

[crowd laughing]

Well, now, if you think that was magic

I want you to try a bottle of Dr. Long's Elixir.

See what his magic can do for you. Step right up.

'One dollar, don't crowd. There's enough for everybody.'

What do you say? Ah, my first customer of the evening.

Marshal Max Cooper.

- Where's your partner? - He's giving a guitar lesson.

He's got a new pupil.

No law against us picking up an honest dollar

here and there, is there, Marshal?

Who is this new pupil?

How do I know? I've never seen him.

I'm talking about a her.

Colonel Baskem's daughter.

Seems like this wild-eyed daughter of his

has taken a sudden interest in the guitar

and the Colonel wants to know about it.

Look, Marshal, selling Dr. Ludwig Long's Magic Elixir

I don't get to meet colonel's daughters.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll have a look around for myself, anyway.

Oh, wait. Maybe I can find him.

Don't bother.

'Hey, bud, what do you think you're doing?'

'You think you can steal that right in front of my nose?'

[indistinct clamor]

Alright, you guys. Clear out, you understand?

- Have you seen Johnny? - No. What's the trouble?

- Plenty. Where's Charlie? - Over there, at his table.

- What's going on? - I'll tell you later.

You left the wagon alone?

Everybody out there's gonna be busy for a few minutes.

- Where's Johnny? - I don't know.

I haven't seen him around tonight.

I don't know if it means anything, Charlie.

The Marshal's looking for him and the Baskem girl.

Now, look, if Johnny let something slip..

Just do what I tell you. Try to warn him and tip off the girls.

- I better get back outside. - Alright.

? Come all you girls ?

? Be snuggle as a buggle in a ruggle ?

? Make your sweetie do the snuggle-wuggle with you ?

? When you're man and wife you bet your life ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle ?

? That good old snuggle-wuggle ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle-wuggle with you ?

[audience applauds]

Flo. Sue.

Come on.

- What's happening? - I can't find Johnny.

Where is he?

Where would I hide anybody in this outfit?

What did Steve want?

The Marshal's snooping around looking for Johnny.

Something about a girl and those guitar lessons.

If my Johnny is with another girl..

Hold it. Here's the Marshal now.

Hurry up. You girls change your costumes.

Go on. You kids get out there and keep the show going.

I'll try to hold him out front. Come on.

[applause]

Hi ya', Max.

Come to look our girls over again tonight?

Tonight, I'm a music lover, Charlie.

In fact, I'm thinking of taking guitar lessons.

[guitar strumming]

[guitar strumming]

[strumming continues]

[strumming continues]

[gunshot]

- I've seen gall in my day. - Sue.

'What are you two doing in my dressing room?'

- We-- - Never mind. Don't answer that.

I didn't expect you back so soon.

'Well, that's obvious.'

Maybe it's just as well or you would've been playing

the 1812 Overture.

Sue, listen. I was just giving a guitar lesson.

Oh, my..

This is Colonel Baskem's daughter.

Colonel Baskem?

The Colonel Baskem?

You shouldn't have told her who I am.

You don't have to worry. Sue is very understanding.

Oh, sure, Miss Baskem.

It's just that I was taken by surprise.

My father'll kill me if he knew I came to the Barbary Coast.

Oh, well, of course. It's no place for a decent girl.

- 'I didn't mean--' - I know what you meant.

Don't forget the veil when you go out.

- Will I see you soon? - Sure. In a few days.

Haven't you forgotten something?

It took Steve months to set that up

and you almost ruined it.

Why did he set it up with you?

Why didn't he set her up for himself?

Can I help it if she likes my guitar lessons?

- Oh Johnny, someday I'm gonna-- - Honey.

Would I have used your dressing room if I didn't love you?

Wait a minute. I need time to figure that one out.

We don't have any time. I've gotta see Steve right away.

But I..

Steve. The Colonel's daughter said it would be tonight.

- Tonight? - That's what she said.

Take the wagon over to the stable and hurry back.

We'll meet in Flo's dressing room.

Yeah.

[knock on door]

- Who is it? - 'Steve.'

- Not even a hello kiss? - This is it, Flo.

- It has to be tonight. - You have the information?

Johnny got it out of the Baskem girl.

Steve, maybe you shouldn't try this.

After all these months of work? What are you talking about?

You're a soldier. What you're about to do isn't war.

In a battle, you could defend yourself. But this way?

It is part of the war, Flo. We're all doing what we have to.

And we have to remember that.

All of us.

I just don't want you to be hurt.

You expect me to argue with that?

No, Lieutenant Menlow.

A gentleman always agrees with a lady.

[knock on door]

Yes.

'It's Johnny. Sue and Charlie are with me.'

Come on in. I want you to see this.

I know we've been over this many times before.

But this is the time that counts.

Tonight, is at 11 o'clock, the gold reaches the Mayor.

'As soon as the guards get into the mint counting roof'

'Johnny will blast a hole right through this wall.'

- You're sure it's tonight? - Yeah. Johnny found out.

The Colonel's bringing the gold in with a military escort.

You see? You balled me out.

And Jefferson Davis will probably give me a medal.

You didn't have to enjoy your work so much.

Remember. If Johnny and I fail, there can't be a second try.

I want all of you to get out--

[knock on door]

Flo.

- Who is it? - 'Marshal Cooper.'

Relax, your nerves are showing. Let him in, Flo.

Well..

Are you all taking guitar lessons from him?

What about it, Marshal? The party's now getting started.

Charlie here was just going out for the liquor.

I suppose it's silly of me even to ask, but..

...do you know a girl named Maira Baskem?

Baskem, uh..

Baskem, let's see. Uh..

That would be under "B".

Unless I made a mistake and put it under uh..

- What was her first name again? - Maira.

Just forget it.

I know lots of other girls, Marshal. Would any of them do?

The Marshal's very happily married, Johnny.

That's more than I can say for me.

Well, someday, I'll ask you.

- I don't wanna hear about it. - Doesn't wanna hear about it.

- He only wants to hear about-- - Would you both please shut up?

We haven't broken any laws.

We don't get around in the same circles as Colonel's daughters.

Alright, alright.

Maybe Colonel Baskem should let the army handle this anyhow.

- The army? - Yeah.

Yes, wait a minute.

I know how you two guys could earn $500.

$500? That'd buy a lot of Elixir, Chief.

Yes, you get around town pretty good in that wagon of yours.

You draw a crowd. You get to see a lot of things that go on.

Some.

Army headquarters is offering a $500 reward for information

about some Confederate spies operating right here in town.

What makes you think we could spot a spy?

For $500, you could learn.

And you might meet a lot of interesting women.

Think of all the guitar lessons you could give.

Hey, the job even has fringe benefits.

You've got too many fringes already.

Well..

- Charlie. - Yeah.

I thought you told me you didn't allow guys

in girls' dressing rooms.

Uh, oh, well, I don't, Max.

That's the reason for the party, Marshal.

Charlie's gonna give Johnny a chance to be an entertainer.

This could be the beginning of Johnny's whole career.

That's right, and if Dr. Long's Magic Elixir can do that for me

think of what it can do for you.

In that case, I'll stick around, have a listen or two.

After all, you wouldn't want anybody to give you

a party for nothing.

And if your protege fails as an entertainer

remember, that $500 reward is waiting.

Oh, goodnight.

Steve, he knows something.

Your trouble is, you don't trust northerners.

Well, they don't trust us either.

Yeah. I guess that's what makes wars.

Steve, I'm scared stiff.

It'll all be over after tonight. One way or the other.

So you hold yourself together till then.

Do you mind if I tremble a little?

Sure. Go ahead. Have a good shake.

Twenty to 10:00.

The latest we can hit the mint is 11:15.

Right now, that Marshal's waiting out front for you

to start entertaining.

We'll be cutting it close. You girls change.

Come on, Johnny. We better make this show look good

till we're ready to pull out of here.

[guitar strumming]

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Where do you ride ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? You ride alone tonight ?

? One of brothers five one day ?

? Vowed to try to make his way ?

? Joined the cattle drive ?

? To Mexico ?

? Threw in with some banditos ?

? Here he learned the lingo ?

? Killed a man they call him Pistolero ?

? Five thousand pesos they put on your head ?

? Five thousand pesos to get you alive or dead ?

? Ride on ride hard in vaquero ?

? Fast as you can to her side ?

? Ah, but por mucho dinero ?

? El noveno por nada ?

? Have died ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Where do you roam ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? On your way home ?

? Every night a candle burns ?

? Waiting there for your return ?

? The candle is out ?

? Pistolero ?

? I see the cabin down below ?

? Pistolero let her go ?

? Tonight you're mine Pistolero ?

? Five thousand pesos they put on your head ?

? Five thousand pesos to get you alive or dead ?

? Ah Pistolero Look around you ?

? Your sun has set in the sky ?

? Oh Pistolero I found you ?

? Kiss Maria ?

? Tell Maria ?

? Goodbye ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Lay your head down ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Six feet underground ?

[audience applauds]

Hey, Steve, I didn't know Johnny could sing that good.

Sure. He gives guitar lessons, too.

Hey, how about that, they're applauding.

Yeah, yeah, I heard 'em. You're the best singing spy ever.

Steve, I just saw Charlie out there with the Marshal.

Well, I don't like them being so friendly.

Charlie is a civilian agent.

He's not gonna stick his neck in the noose if he doesn't have to.

Two minutes of 10:00, that gives us little over an hour.

Johnny, what if the Marshal wonders where you are?

You're supposed to be here to sing again.

If I'm still breathing by 11:30, I'll do my encore then.

If we're not back by 11:30, Flo, It'll be up to you.

You'll notify General Winthrop in Texas that..

...the mission has failed.

That's all there is to that.

'That's all there may be to the rest of the war.'

Takes gold to fight battles, and only the north has it.

Maybe the San Francisco men can finance the south, too.

Hurry, Johnny.

Men are so stupid.

When a woman wants something from a man

she makes love to him.

When a man wants something from a man, he goes to a war for it.

Jesus, I wish I could think of things to say like that.

How you doing, Mr. Shermer?

I'm glad, after tonight, there won't be anymore Mr. Shermer.

This is the last time you're wearing that getup.

So be careful.

'Alright.'

At least, this way, I'll make a fine looking corpse.

All set.

[knocking]

[knocking]

(male #2) 'Alright, alright. I'm coming.'

What? Oh-oh, it's you, Mr. Shermer.

Ah, you're a very careful, Watchman Elmer.

That's what I like. Then I know my office is protected.

- Ain't it kinda late for you? - Much, much too late.

But I have to get some papers from my safe.

I'll open the door for you, Mr. Shermer.

Alright.

- I'll hold the lamp for you. - Oh, thank you.

[dramatic music]

Charlie, when's that new singer of yours gonna sing again, huh?

What's the rush? A little of him goes a long way.

I'll admit, he's not as pretty as the girls

but he sounded mighty fine.

You know, those Chesnutt sisters with their girls gone to Frisco

two months ago, same time as Steve Menlo and Johnny Banner.

Well, girls are working for some tinhorn in Phoenix.

Ran out on him.

Kids were stranded and..

Well, Madison Show guys helped 'em get here.

Glad to see you telling the truth.

I checked out that Phoenix story.

Hate to drink a man mans beer

and then, have him shot at sunrise.

[horses galloping]

- Howdy, Garth. - Howdy.

How come the army's given us an escort, Colonel Baskem?

Let's just say that the northern gold is looking

better and better all the time to the south.

You think the rebs are crazy enough to try anything here?

The confederacy is desperate enough to try anything.

'Make sure you guys are on the alert.'

'Sure will.'

Colonel Baskem, we're alright now, thanks.

[explosion]

'Phil, I've been blinded.'

I can't see.

Oh, gee, thanks. I thought everything looked hairy.

You better stick to your singing.

You don't have much future in the spy business.

Come one, give me a hand.

If they're on schedule

they should be getting to the gold now.

Well, what if they aren't?

Oh, sis, I don't think I can stand it.

If that crazy Johnny's gonna get killed

well, I wanna be the one to do it.

Boy, I'd hate to carry this kinda loose change in my wallet.

You better tell the girls to get busy and entertain the audience

before we have that marshal breathing down our necks.

You tie the line around the cases, I'll go get the wagon.

Hey, Charlie, you ought to give that stuff up.

Looks like you're getting fits.

Yeah , I know. Here, have a couple of fits on me.

You said that Madison Show guy was gonna sing another song.

Max, why don't you be like other guys and watch girls?

Maybe I'm interested in Johnny Banner's future.

Look, I can't force him to sing.

I'm not even payin' him.

He'll sing again, just...hang around.

I will, as long as the free liquor holds out.

[dramatic music]

Let's get outta here.

- Hurry up, Johnny. - Alright, alright.

[knock on door]

Who is it?

- What guy were you expecting? - Steve!

You were supposed to be here six minutes ago.

It seems more like six million years.

Believe me, I know what you mean.

- Johnny, is he.. - He's in one piece.

We're gettin' out of San Francisco tonight.

Tonight? But we'd be the first ones they'd suspect.

Johnny's gonna give 'em something else to think about.

You know, Charlie, I've had all the free liquor I can handle.

I think I'll look around for that vanishing guitar player.

Now wait a minute, Max. I told you, he'll be back.

You don't have to leave now--

[instrumental music]

[audience applauds]

[Roy Orbison singing "Good Time Party"]

? Come on now have some fun a good time party ?

? Livin' lovin' everyone good time party time ?

? Grab that girl and hold her tight, good time party ?

? Don't you know tonight's the night, good time party time ?

? Have a good time party dance the night away ?

? Have a good time party It's time to laugh and play ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? It's good time party time ?

[all clapping]

? Everybody come along, good time party ?

? Time for women, wine and song good time party time ?

? Have a good time party, dance the night away ?

? Have a good time party, It's time to laugh and play ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? Everybody come along good time party ?

? Time for women, wine and song good time party time ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? It's good time party time ?

[audience applauds]

Quiet.

'Quiet, everybody. Quiet.'

We've got some news we wanna pass down to the whole world.

You men have been so nice to us tonight.

We wanted you to be the first to know.

Sue and I got married today.

[applause]

Married? They didn't have time..

...to.

Honey, what are you talking about? Are you crazy?

And we're leaving San Francisco tonight on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon!

Yes. Steve Menlo and the dancing bar maids and

the Chesnutt sisters and I are going into business together.

If you think I'm gonna let you get away with this--

[audience applauds]

Still think it's such a bad idea?

If Johnny ever let's go of her, she'll kill him.

How do you like that Madison Show guy?

Knifin' me in the back by takin' my girls away.

Charlie, you ought to be more like me.

- Huh? - Don't trust anybody.

'Hey! Hey!.'

Here it comes.

All hells broken loose. The mint's been robbed.

[indistinct clamor]

[dramatic music]

So, now I'm a married woman, without benefit of clergy.

Sue, you're acting like a girl.

Well, my mother didn't bring me up to be a spy.

Steve, would you tell her this was your idea?

We gonna leave Frisco together, we had to have some excuse.

- This wasn't our plan. - Neither was Maira Baskem.

What if she gets suspicious and tells her father?

'And that's another thing.'

Why don't we take Maira Baskem along on our honeymoon?

Why don't you tell her you'll marry her and keep her quiet?

Marry her? Are you crazy? I can only fight one war at a time.

- 'Oh, you--' - Cut that out, both of you.

None of us are free till that gold's safe

in General Wingate's hands in El Paso.

Tell the girls they have 15 minutes to get packed. Come on.

You know, sis, General Sherman was right.

War is hell.

[dramatic music]

[mellow music]

Country like this sure makes it easy to forget there's a war on.

Yeah, if the law ever catches up with us,

they'll help us remember it in a hurry.

Can't you ever get your mind off from business?

Even a phony husband's better that none.

Why don't you sit upfront with Johnny?

What, with Steve up there? Now what good is that?

Steve's a magician. Tell him to disappear.

[tribal chant]

Ha! Ha!

Here you are, Chief.

Best popcorn I ever eat.

This is the one secret we don't give white man.

Wagon.

It is wagon, with magic gun.

Put me on my horse.

No backwards this time.

Woah.

Look, we're getting some great advance notices.

That's show business.

Yeah, well, I won't breathe easy again till we reach El Paso

and put that gold right in General Wingate's hands.

Why did I volunteer for this?

Lieutenants never volunteer for anything.

[horses galloping]

Oh, don't those guys ever give up?

I knew we should've sent 'em a postcard.

Hey, they're surrounding us.

Somebody's been giving them lessons.

We're gonna have to fight 'em. Girls, take cover.

Get under the wagon. Come on, Johnny.

Keep your heads down, girls.

[dramatic music]

How long we supposed to do this?

What's the matter? You getting dizzy?

For God's sake, what are you doing?

They're not getting a second chance at my pants.

This time, I've got 'em on. Emily, hand me that valise.

Get down. You wanna be killed?

That make-up salesman was right.

He said, with this stuff, you could always get your man.

- Hand me some more ammunition. - Here.

This time, try to hit somebody.

Don't worry, I will.

He's got a guitar.

[strumming]

[yelling]

[yelling]

Hey, that crazy Indian was trying to copy my act.

I don't know why, that's the second time he's walked out.

- Back in the wagons, girls. - Get outta here.

Where you get this medicine?

One of these days, you're gonna get me killed.

[speaking in a tribal language]

Hyaa! Hyaa!

- Morning, Marshal. - Morning.

Anything new on the mint robbery?

The same routine stuff that's been coming in

for the last couple of weeks.

Got a message from the sheriff at Walkersville, Nevada.

Now, nothings gone through his area, but a medicine show wagon.

- Heading south. - South?

- Will that mean anything? - Depends on how far south.

Listen, you get a message off to

Sheriff Joe Steadman in Prescott, Arizona.

I want him to let me know if that medicine wagon

comes into his territory, just that, nothing more.

Yes, sir.

Frank.

Look, I'm gonna be gone for a few weeks.

While I'm away, you're in charge, you understand?

If you need to get in touch with me

you can reach me through Stella Dewitt.

At the Grand Palace Theater in Prescott, Arizona.

[upbeat music]

Murph said you wanted to see me.

That's right, Rink.

Max Cooper sent us a wire from San Francisco.

Wants us to be on the lookout for some kind

of a travelling medicine show, maybe heading our way.

What did they do, Joe? Kill somebody with their medicine?

The wire didn't say.

So we gotta look for somebody and Max Cooper don't say why.

That's the size of it.

Now, take enough supplies so you can scout

as far north as the Moapa river.

The Moapa, that'll keep me out for a week.

You're drawing a deputy's salary unless you'd like to quit.

Deputy's salary will do just fine..

...for now.

If you see the medicine wagon, come back and tell me.

That's all you have to do.

Shouldn't lather you up too much.

I'll see you in about a week.

[Roy Orbison singing "River"]

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Roly-oly on your way ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Wash my cares away ?

? River so wide and so deep ?

? Wake the sandman from his sleep ?

? River remind him ?

? He has a promise to keep ?

? Roll on, mighty river ?

? Running wild and free ?

? Get along now river ?

? Bring a dream to me ?

? Hey now river ?

? Go down river ?

? Don't slow down river ?

? Bring a dream to me ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Roly-oly on your way ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Take my troubles away ?

? Roll on mighty river ?

? Running wild and free ?

? Get along now river ?

? And bring a dream to me ?

? Hey now river ?

? Go down river ?

? Don't slow down river ?

? Bring that dream to me ?

[mellow music]

Hey, kids, how about this? Fish for dinner.

Oh, great. Charming.

They're wonderful.

Here it comes.

- See you back at the wagon. - Alright.

[Flo moaning]

Oh, that's cold.

'That's enough. That's all, I've had enough.'

'Your turn.'

Ahh!

Well, what do you know?

I've been riding these plains for years

I've never seen anything like it.

Look, buster, if you didn't buy a ticket, the shows over.

Oh, now, you don't have to be bashful in front of me.

No, you don't. No, you don't.

'Steve!'

'Steve.'

Stay here, girls.

I always did like nice, clean girls.

Johnny.

[gunshot]

Don't move, fella'.

'In case you're interested, I can kill you with this.'

And play your funeral march at the same time.

So, just drop the gun.

Over there.

[gunshot]

Don't Johnny, you're likely to hit everybody

but the right one with that thing.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Nice work, Steve.

I don't think I'm cut out for this kind of work.

- You were wonderful. - You sure taught him a lesson.

That darn old peeping Tom.

You're a mess. How can I kiss a face like that?

You can't.

That guy knocked the pucker outta me.

Is the brawl over?

Yes, it's all over. Hold the guitar.

You see this badge around here?

'That means, I'm the law around here.'

I just might put it in my report that you were resisting arrest.

Yeah, you do that.

And maybe, we'll make out a report, too.

You take your horse and get outta here.

Can I keep my gun?

You'll have to get along without a gun

till you get where you're going.

I'm going back to Prescott.

Prescott, Arizona?

'Yeah.'

I got some unfriendly advice for you

if you're thinking of going there.

Don't you do it.

I got a good memory, I'll remember this.

We have to go through Prescott to get to General Wingate.

He'll give us trouble, Steve.

Let's just hope he can't think up more than we can handle.

You know what time it is?

- It's after midnight. - Why aren't you sleeping?

You're the one who got all the exercise today.

You ought to be getting some rest.

I must've been crazy to get talked into this detail.

The sheriff hit you too hired or something?

Maybe he knocked some sense into me.

Girls should never have been a part of this detail.

Oh.

The responsibility of that goal is enough without a..

...a flock of females to worry about.

I thought we've been some help.

Alright, alright. You've helped.

It's just that..

Well, men and women don't belong together on a job like this.

It makes complications.

Sometimes, complications can be interesting.

Look, Flo, do you know why we need that gold?

Because the south is...bankrupt.

And even if we win the war, the south will still be broke.

Plantations are ruined, harbors have been shelled and burned.

Almost every cotton broker is out of business.

It would be years before a man could..

...earn enough money to get married and..

Look, I fell in love with you

with nothing but that idiotic wagon to call a home.

Hey, maybe we could paint it and carpet it

add a couple of bedrooms for the children.

Maybe, I can laugh at that tomorrow, Flo.

- Not tonight. - Okay.

Do you mind if I just sit here for a while and dream?

Hey, bridegroom.

- Are you lost or something? - Shh, shh.

Now, it can't be both ways. Either I'm married or I'm not.

And I've made up my mind.

Good. Now, we can get back to sleep.

And since not being married doesn't have much of a future

I've decided to see a preacher when we get to Prescott.

The sun's got to you.

It's the moon.

What's with moons?

When you've seen one, you've seen them all.

Oh, stop fighting me.

I've decided you love me.

I'm glad you told me.

And you know how I know?

It's...well, it's like eating peanuts.

What's like eating peanuts?

Ever since that kiss on the stage in San Francisco..

...I've wanted more.

Well, for your information, peanuts give me heartburn.

After we see the preacher, we'll have a real honeymoon.

Just you, me and the guitar...

and the marriage license.

Look, cut-cut that out.

If you're hungry, get a sandwich.

Oh, stop changing the subject.

Ah, really, the way things are, I could be killed.

And you'd be nothing but a widow.

My mother always said

"It's better to have had peanuts and lost

than never to have had peanuts at all."

Will you stop going on about peanuts?

You know how to shut me up.

You're sure that's the kind of peanuts

your mother was talking about?

Now, you stop going on about peanuts.

You know something?

War is not bad... once you get used to it.

Rink, see that?

Richmond's been evacuated.

- General Lee's on the run. - Yeah? Where's he gonna run to?

Joe.

- What happened to you? - Nothing.

Face looked better than that when you left here.

Well, why didn't you tell me there'd be girls

with that medicine show?

- You saw 'em? - Um. Real good.

I wasn't talking about the girl.

Oh, they're just a bunch of cheap tramps.

Man wouldn't look at 'em twice.

Well, in your case, I expect once was just about enough.

I got some more information on that outfit after you left.

Over there.

Mint robbery? It's right there, I could have taken them.

Our orders weren't to take them

but to report if they were in our area.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing, isn't it?

I'm reporting. Now, look.

Those tin horns were following the Moapa river south.

If they keep going the way they were headed

they're gonna be paying us a visit right here.

I lost mine.

Alright, Rink.

You earned your salary.

Well, you gonna notify Max Cooper?

Thinking about that 5000 reward?

No. I'm just thinking.

I bet, you didn't think I could do that.

Hmm. South on the Moapa.

That'd put them in Prescott and if they went on a straight line

they'd end up in El Paso.

George, that confederate General Wingate

you know if he's still in El Paso?

Well, the last I heard, he was.

Well, I kinda hate to break in on a honeymoon.

We could have Sheriff Steadman hold 'em for questioning.

Yeah, presuming they've got the gold.

Well, aren't you?

No, I'm presuming that

if they took the gold, they've got it safely hid by now.

And if Sheriff Joe Steadman starts nosing around

we may never see that pretty gold again.

And you know the US mint.

They don't like to do business like that.

You going after him?

My nose is longer than Joe Steadman's.

And maybe just long enough

to smell out the gold a little better.

- Well, I'll see you, George. - Good luck, Marshal.

[Roy Orbison singing "Whirlwind"]

? You're the figure of a woman ?

? You're the mind of a child ?

? A pretty whirlwind ?

? You don't know just what you're doing ?

? When you lure me with your smile ?

? A lovely whirlwind ?

? A whirlwind of warm desire ?

? Whirlwind in burning fire ?

? Woman realize ?

? That the devil in disguise ?

? Is a whirlwind ?

? Born to be running wild and free ?

? Whirlwind ?

? Born to make fools of guys like me ?

? You pick me up like a whirlwind ?

? You put me down like a whirlwind ?

? Each time you touch me I'm trouble-bound ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirlwind ?

You're sure singing that romantic stuff like you mean it.

I think I've been eating too many peanuts.

Hey, look.

Wow.

Prescott, just around the corner.

The last hurdle. Then, El Paso.

Prescott and our friend with the deputy badge.

[bell ringing]

Aren't those usually saved for Sunday?

Sometimes, they ring them

when somebody important is gonna be buried.

Yeah, well, let's just hope

that it isn't us they consider important.

Hyaa!

[orchestral music]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

Hey, pal, what's going on here?

Where you been, mister? The war is over.

- The war? - General Lee surrendered.

The whole shooting match is finished.

Oh...it's over!

No more fighting!

South lost, there's nothing left.

We're left.

[gunshots]

Yo...something out here you ought to see.

Come on, ladies, we're celebrating.

Those are the girls you wouldn't look twice at, huh?

Well, I might change my mind.

They're looking better all the time.

You stay away from them.

Max Cooper gets here, they're none of our business.

Hey, hold it a second, boys, hold it.

Come on, everybody, finish up your celebration

at the Palace Grand.

'Your gold ain't no good today. Drinks are on you old pal.'

Stella de Whiz!

- The gold? - Gosh, the gold.

We're stuck with it.

No war, no General Windgate, no El Paso.

- Where does that leave us? - I'm not sure.

Oh, Miss. Can you direct us to the best hotel?

There's only one, Stella de Whiz's place.

It's just down the street.

Hyaa!

[music continues]

So, it gets down to one thing.

We're no longer members of the confederate army.

Yeah, if we get caught with the gold now

we could be thrown in prison as outlaw.

Now, why don't we give the money to charity?

Something like the society for travelling showgirls.

All of us would like to keep the gold, Sue

but I don't think we're the types.

We wouldn't want to start our lives over that way.

But with the war over, who can we trust?

'Who can we return the gold to?'

The law? Guys like that gun crazy Deputy?

[knock on door]

- Who is it? - 'Open up, honey.'

'It's everybody's pal, Stella de Whiz.'

Something we can do for you?

Oh, now, nobody leaves everybody's pal out in the hall.

Well, are you folks just passing through

or you gonna stay and enjoy the wonders of Prescott for a while?

- We're pulling out tomorrow. - 'Tomorrow?'

'We have business to take care of.'

Now, you're telling me that phony medicine show of yours

makes you a living?

- We're satisfied. - Ah, that's too bad.

I could sure use a new show at my place.

Pay a lot more than that side coil you're peddling.

Thanks but, uh..

Oh, Steve, we've been on the trail such a long time.

We could sleep in beds again.

We might need a little time, Steve.

Alright, Stella, we'll stay a bit

but I'm not saying how long.

Good deal, handsome. You start tonight.

Oh, and uh, whatever you kids have got, show it, huh?

- You don't like the idea? - It's the gold, Flo.

You know what our lives would be worth

if the wrong people started getting ideas.

This will give us time to locate the right authorities.

And then, we'll get rid of it.

Alright, Johnny, but till we do we'll spell each other

watching that wagon. Show or no show.

- Hi, baby. - Hi.

Oh, you didn't get here any too soon, sweetie.

Oh, what's the matter?

They're getting ready to leave Prescott tomorrow.

Oh, no!

Don't worry. Old Stella changed their minds.

How?

They start working my show tonight.

Well, if that gold is still in their wagon

one night is all we'll need.

Of course, if it isn't, then we're gonna have to find

where they did put it.

Well, the war ended just in time, didn't it, sweetie?

To good old General Grant.

[playing drums]

? Dae-dae-dae-dum do-du-dae ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum do-du-dae-oo-aye ?

? I'll bring you the talon from an eagle ?

? A big black pearl from the sea ?

? I'll bring one and twenty ponies ?

? If you'll bring Wildflower to me ?

? Medicine man make your magic mine ?

? Turn Wildflower to a clinging vine ?

? Medicine man won't you please help me ?

? Don't leave me down in misery ?

? Rattle them bones, then roll them stones ?

? And make Wildflower mine ?

? Medicine Man, help me if you can ?

? Write a secret message in the sand ?

? Medicine man, please let her know ?

? Tell Wildflower that I love her so ?

? Medicine man, medicine man ?

? Let it be known throughout the land ?

? Medicine man, medicine man ?

? I have to have the hand of Wildflower ?

? Take this piece of calico ?

? Make a dress with a pretty bow ?

? Tie it with a thread of lace ?

? Take it to your secret place go into your sacred dance ?

? Say a prayer for our romance ?

? And make Wildflower mine ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum do-du-dae ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum do-du-dae-oo-aye ?

[applause]

Keep them entertained till I get back.

[dramatic music]

[horse neighing]

[music continues]

Charlie.

If you want to dance, why don't you get yourself a girl?

What are you trying to do? Make me grey?

It's Charlie, I caught him sneaking into the wagon.

That'd be Charlie, alright.

Old friend probably would have killed us to get the gold.

Vultures are starting to gather around.

What do we do with him?

Don't know, depends on whether he's on this alone or not.

Come on, give me a hand.

[music continues]

As soon as I'm finished at the theater, I'll be back.

I'll warn the girls we have to get out of here.

Introduction to "Rolling on."

[Roy Orbison singing "Rolling On"]

? Wagons loaded full up ain't got time to pull up ?

? On my way to Frisco back to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on to Frisco bay ?

? Rolling on and lady luck is getting bolder ?

? The high sheriff man looking over my shoulder yeah ?

? Rolling on, rolling on, rolling on ?

? Kicking up the hot dust San Francisco or bust ?

? Don't want to delay now hey I'm on my way now ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on to Frisco bay ?

? Rolling on and lady luck is getting bolder ?

? The high sheriff man looking over my shoulder yeah ?

? Rolling on, rolling on, rolling on ?

? Born a loser not me ain't no troubles got me ?

? Can't afford to be late San Francisco won't wait ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on ?

[applause]

- We got your message. - What should we do now?

Go and do your routine, then get ready to travel.

[dramatic music]

[horse neighing]

Isn't it getting crowded in here?

I just caught another vulture.

Good work, he's one vulture who could've caught us.

You think he was working with Charlie?

Hm-um.

He says no.

Then Rink was just guessing about the gold.

I don't like the way he guesses.

He broke into our property without a warrant.

That could land him in jail long enough for us to get out.

How about making that something fancy, like a noose?

Come on, help me tie him up.

We've to turn both of them over to the sheriff.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

It's the sheriff, trying to get his hot little hands on the loot

just like the rest of them.

'There's nobody we can trust around here.'

Yeah, at least, we are honest crooks.

Meanwhile, we are stuck with the gold.

All my life, I wanted to be stuck like that.

We'll have to forget the Conestoga. It will slow us down.

Where are we going that fast?

Fort Marshall outside San Francisco

If General Lee could surrender to Union Army, so can we.

There is an alley way running in back of the buildings.

Maybe we can get close enough to the palace

to pick up the girls without bring spotted.

I'll wait here, you get the girls.

And hurry.

[music continues]

[muffled grunting]

Oh, what happened?

[mumbling]

Boy, you really mess things up.

We can still stop that wagon before it gets out of town.

You won't have a chance against Steve and Johnny.

That is why we are gonna cut them in. We need their help.

'Come on get me out of this mess.'

Come on, come on, our luck can't last forever.

[dramatic music]

Alright, let's go.

[music continues]

[screaming]

Alright, you two, that's as far as you are gone.

Steve.

Indians? Out of the way.

Fairface, come this way. This way.

Hyaa!

[music continues]

How do we get out of this one?

Woah.

Look, pal, this is no time for your games.

We make one good deal. Almost wholesale.

We stop pale faces from chasing you.

You give me the powerful medicine that talks like gun.

Not the guitar.

You got yourself a deal.

Wa-hoo, there'll be hot time at Wigwam tonight.

That guitar was like a baby to me.

Are you kidding? I can do better than that.

They haven't got any guns. Come on, let's go for the gold.

Chief..

- White man's medicine. - Big white man's medicine.

[strumming]

[gunshot]

That would be great for shooting ducks.

Every man for himself.

[yelling]

[music continues]

Johnny and I'll hitch up to Conestoga.

You girls get the rest of your things together

and we'll return that gold to Fort Marshall.

Glad to hear that.

- Hi. - Marshal Max Cooper.

Glad to hear you're taking the gold back to the fort.

- Do you mind if I ride along? - Are we under arrest?

Oh, let's just call it temporary protective custody.

Hey, we're free.

- Ah, free. - Oh, it's over.

Yes, yes, it's over.

You're the last of the confederate army to surrender.

? Hey here I go ?

? A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know I've got my fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar the fastest guitar ?

? The fastest guitar alive ?