Original subtitles

Thanks.

- Thank you very much. - Pleasure.

- Mr. Thompson? - The very same.

L'm, uh, Jenny Bunn, the new lodger.

Oh, yes, yes. The new, uh... Yes.

Right, uh... Well, entrez.

You've timed your arrival rather well.

Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.

Well...

I'll show you to your room, if you'd like to follow me.

- Oh, Anna. - I won't be eating in tonight, Dick. Night.

That was Anna, your fellow lodger.

Great fun, Anna. You'll like her.

- Hmm. She looked very nice. - Oh, she is.

She's very nice. Yes.

Yes.

Oh, it's a long haul.

Good for the figure though.

Thank you.

Yes. Right in.

Course.

Uh... Now, this cupboard.

- Yes, this cupboard is all yours. - Oh. Very nice.

And the chest of drawers over here.

- Oh. - Ooh.

These top two drawers are yours.

L'm afraid the wife rather likes to keep the spare bedding in the...

- The lower ones? - In the lower one, exactly.

Yes, mmm, uh...

You'll be wanting to see the, uh, geography.

Uh, that's the loo and so on.

The... If you ever...

Ooh, there is just one little thing.

Dick! I asked you to lay the table ages ago! Supper is practically ready!

Uh, just coming, poppet.

L'm just showing Miss Bunn the geography.

L'm afraid we'll have to continue our little briefing session later on.

- Dick! Come on! Where are you? - Coming!

Move your arse! You're supposed to be helping me!

A lot of bloody use you are, I must say!

Miss Bunn!

Nourishment!

Corning.

Anna!

Ah.

She's just gone out.

Has she?

- And, uh, you're the new lodger? - Yes.

Miss Bunn! We...

Oh. lt's you, Patrick.

- Anna's just left. - Yes, so Miss, um...

Oh, it's Jenny Bunn. Patrick Standish.

Miss Bunn's a teacher.

- Albert Road Primary. - Great.

Well, we're just about to eat.

Mustn't keep Miss Bunn from her calorie intake, must we?

- Oh, l'll join you. - Ah, yeah. There's just one...

Don't worry. I've already eaten.

Well, you won't mind watching us at the trough then.

Uh, Miss Bunn, would you like to...

I hope you're satisfied! The fish is dry as a bone.

Not guilty, Your Honor. Young Patrick here's the culprit.

- He's been chatting up our, uh... - Hello there, stranger.

- L'm afraid Anna's gone out. - Martha, my angel.

You're looking sexier than ever.

Thanks. You too.

Well, I'm afraid young Patrick's manly charms

have rather made Martha forget the common courtesies.

You found us all right then?

- Thompson, you forgot the cruet! - Cruet.

Sit down anywhere you like, love.

My old man made a pass at you yet?

Not to worry. He will.

Just give him a kick in the crotch.

Want some fish, Paddy? You might as well have Anna's, seeing she's gone out.

Oh, no, thanks. No, really, I've, um...

I've eaten.

Cross my heart. It's also terrible.

What's the joke then, dear? Anything we can all share?

Oh. No, nothing.

Uh, what do you do, Mr. Standish?

Oh, my name is Patrick, actually.

I teach as well.

Oh, whence the unaccustomed modesty, young Patrick?

Our Mr. Standish is a distinguished molder of young minds at our technical college.

“Our technical college”?

Anyone would think he was the minister of education

instead of a crummy town councillor.

Some people fail to grasp the importance of local government.

What are your politics, Miss Bunn?

Um...

Well, my dad's always been Labor.

Splendid! Then we can count on your support at the coming elections.

L'm afraid I've never voted.

You're a born loser, Thompson.

What do you teach?

Oh, uh, graphics.

Lettering, design.

Television advertising.

Films, credits. That sort of thing.

- Oh. - I'll make the tea.

I'll get it.

You could have taught in a school up north.

- What made you come to a dump like this? - Well, it's not Buckingham Palace, but...

All right, my darling. I didn't mean a dump like this.

Or a dump like this.

- This town, you mean? - Mmm.

Well?

Trouble with folks?

Is that your idea of a Northern accent?

L'm sorry.

L'm sorry.

Only I thought maybe we could have had dinner together one night alone,

away from the cod

and... the councillor.

Out of the question, I suppose?

Aye, aye. Speedy Gonzales strikes again.

Oh, I think l'll skip the tea. It's, um...

Well, it's my first night back, and I've got a lot to do and things.

Say good night to Dick for me, will you? Bye.

- Hello. - Hello.

How about that dinner that was out of the question?

Still is.

Why?

I don't date other girls' boys.

Anna?

Do me a favor.

You know, this may,

well, sound like a bit of a line.

But I've been waiting for years for something like you to happen.

Thank you, kind sir.

There you go.

You birds have had the same line shot at you for so long,

when some poor twit comes along and tells you the truth...

Oh, you say it nice. I'll give you that.

Um...

- Would you like another one of those? - No. No, thank you. I'm half tipsy already.

Lovely.

Um...

Um... That will be all right.

I'll, um, get your coat, shall I?

Mmm.

- Thank you. - Bye.

Bye.

- This one? - Yes, that's it.

Thanks.

Oh, no.

What the hell are they doing here?

Well, well, well. Patrick and Jenny.

Just good friends, I take it?

- Hello. - Small world.

Yes, too bloody small.

- Your table is ready, sir. - Right. Thank you.

Uh, you will stay to join us for a little libation ere you depart, eh, Jenny?

Oh, you're not gonna buy us a drink, are you, Thompson?

Because if you are, we'll have one.

Ooh. Oh.

There. The boy's on form again.

- Right. - Here we go.

- Now, if you'd like to... - You go in there, my dear.

Now, what'll it be for everybody?

- Excuse me. Do you mind if I take this chair? - Same again for us, please.

A couple of postprandials for this comedian and his young lady companion.

Somebody else must be paying for this.

- Somebody else is. - Oh. Here he is. Here's Julian now.

He's a grand chap. You'll love him. I guarantee that.

- Who is he? - A fellow traveler.

He's helping Dick with his election campaign.

And buying you dinner, it seems.

He must be an eccentric millionaire.

Ah, Julian. I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.

- Patrick Standish. - How do you do?

Jenny... Jenny Bunn.

What lovely friends you have.

Yes. Well, I think I'd better ask for some more places.

I hadn't gathered there'd be quite so many of us.

Oh, they're dashing off.

They have another engagement, as it were.

Oh, that's sad. That's more than sad.

You'll have a drink though, won't you, Miss Bunn?

Oh, no, nothing, thank you.

L've had too much already.

- Have you indeed? - Mmm.

Well, yes, um...

Yes, I think you're right. We'd better... dash.

Oh, come round the back if you're late. We bolt the front door after 11:00.

Well, ciao.

And hello.

Good-bye.

Comrades.

- This isn't where I live. - No, it's where I live.

I thought you... You might like a cup of coffee.

Oh.

Why didn't you think to ask me if that's what I'd like?

Because I also thought you mightn't know your own mind.

I always know my own mind.

Hmm.

One cup.

Okay.

It's very... unusual.

Yes, it is. Isn't it?

Lots of records.

Oh, yes, lots of... records.

Frank Sinatra and, uh, all sorts of other... people.

About that coffee.

Jenny.

I meant what I said.

You are a very pretty girl.

Jenny.

Jenny.

About that coffee you promised.

Pretty girl's coffee's here now.

Such a pretty girl.

Aren't you, hmm?

- A pretty girl. - Hmm.

Jenny is... a pretty girl.

Jenny is...

Hmm?

Oh, Jenny.

'Hmm'?

- That hurt. - It were meant to and all!

- But why? All I did was... - I didn't think you were like that. I really didn't.

Like what, for God's sake?

I want to go home, please.

Jenny.

I don't want you to go home.

I want you to stay.

Please.

I'll be good.

Promise.

Now, how about some... coffee?

Mmm. I like that.

Hmm.

- Jenny. - Hmm?

Nothing.

Mm.

Please.

No.

I didn't say you had to stop kissing me though.

I said no, and I meant no.

Jenny.

I promise you

I will stop...

when you say stop, and I... I won't go any further.

- I promise you, I will stop. - Mm!

Well, I'm saying it now.

Stop.

But why there?

'Cause there's where I know I can still say stop.

You mean, a little bit further...

and you might say yes?

I don't know.

You don't know?

You mean that...

nobody's ev...

A Virgin?

You?

Yes. Me.

There's a few of us left.

You look quite shocked.

L 'L

I... I am.

L'm... I am shocked. I mean...

Well, I don't understand it. You see, you...

You don't look like a virgin.

Think I ought to wear a badge or something?

Oh, don't joke about it.

You shouldn't joke about it.

You're having me on.

L'm not, you know.

No?

Tell me, haven't they ever heard about the pill up north?

Yes, they have. They make you fat.

But it's nothing to do with that.

It's just me. Me.

Yes, it's you.

And I'll tell you something.

You like kissing.

Or if you don't,

you put up a bloody good pretense.

And...

just when I'm crazy for it.

I'm not “it.”

I'm me.

Ah.

Well, that's just it, you see.

I know that you will like it.

I know you'd like it.

Oh, I know.

I know that.

Well, if you know that, then...

Then why, hmm?

Maybe I believe in love.

You mean...

a preacher and ring and... all that jazz?

Maybe.

Jenny, I'm going to tell you something.

Nobody cares about virginity anymore.

And when Mr. Right comes riding along...

he won't care either.

He probably won't.

I know. I know that.

Well, if you know that,

then why the hell...

Why the hell, Jenny?

It's all l've got...

to give.

All right.

Oh, boy.

Come on. lt's getting late. I'll drive you home.

Friends?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're... friends.

Are you going to the canteen then?

No.

Lunch is on me.

Oh. Thank you very much.

By the way, lend me a fiver. I'm broke.

No wonder you're always broke, with what they charge in here.

- Was she worth it? - What do you think?

It's going to be a bit awkward, isn't it?

Both under the same roof.

I mean, what are you going to do about Anna?

Yeah, well, she was last term, wasn't she?

Who's looking after the college?

Oh, the students have taken it over.

- Um, Graham, I would like you to meet... - Yes, we've met.

Uh, Ricard for me, Charles, and the same again.

So, are you coming along to the Thompson rally tonight?

Oh, I suppose so.

You?

Oh, I vote for him. That's enough. lsn't it?

Thank you.

So, tell me, how was that lady I saw you with last night?

Oh, that, um, lady you saw me with last night.

It was a most successful evening.

She was fine. She was fine.

Yes, she was fine.

Tiens!

That's what it's all about.

“Tits and ass,” in the words of the immortal Lenny Bruce.

Exactly.

Eamonn!

- L'm afraid I don't agree. - Well, you wouldn't.

Those that can, do. Those that can't, disagree.

I mean, it's not your hopeless lechery you're worried about.

It's your, uh... It's your moral hang-up.

Oh, I'm randy enough.

L'm exceptionally randy.

- Aren't I? - Hmm? Oh, yes, he's randy.

If I could pick and choose like you two...

That's just the point.

If you're really keen on it, choosing doesn't enter into it.

- Right. Just as long as they say yes. - Oh, no. I cannae believe that.

Oh, you wouldn't. Love's what you want. That's what you're after. We're not.

Not even as an ideal?

Ideals? Please. What one wants is lots and lots of lovely sex forever.

- Eh, Patrick? - Yeah, sure.

Well, more or less.

More or less? Of course that's what one wants.

Yeah, but one can't keep on just banging away forever, can one?

Why not?

- Surely one reaches a point when... - When what, old sport?

Who says one reaches a point?

Yeah. I don't actually mean point.

Um, what I mean is that...

When deeper things should be taken into consideration.

I said nothing... I said nothing of the sort.

Well, you didn't exactly say it, old sport,

but I'm beginning to suss that the madly haveable Miss Bunn

could be rather dangerous.

- Jenny Bunn? - Well, we've just time for one more round.

Yeah, why don't you buy it? It's just up there.

What makes you think that Jenny Bunn can be dangerous?

Look, old sport.

She may be a great lay, but the Jenny Bunns of this world are not for us.

- Watch out, or she'll have you into a church. - A registry office.

Listen. Patrick Standish has no intentions of marrying Jenny Bunn or anybody else.

Of course you've no intention. It's got nothing to do with intention.

We do lots of things without intending.

The trouble is, Patrick,

we men like to think that the new sexual emancipation is our secret weapon.

The Jenny Bunns of this world know the truth.

It's theirs.

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

That's all they think about these days.

Oh, how I hate Sundays.

L've made some coffee, if anybody wants it.

Mmm. Please.

I wonder what's happened to Patrick.

You what?

I said I'm surprised we haven't seen more of Patrick these last few days.

- Does he often pop in then? - He used to.

Are we canvassing this morning?

Oh, no. No point till the pubs close.

The new party slogan.

Don't worry about Martha.

It's her age, you know.

Uh, Jenny.

I know you'll think I'm an interfering old fool,

but while we're on the subject of Patrick...

- Patrick? - Yes.

Patrick? Huh! He's a real drag, that one.

A real drag.

Now, Anna, we all know about hell hathing no fury and so on.

But in very many respects, Patrick Standish is a very worthwhile human being.

He's totally incapable of forming a meaningful adult relationship,

and I should know.

L'll get it.

Don't blow your cool over Patrick Standish, baby.

It's always a groovy dinner... the first time.

The full scene. After that, it's a little boozer and into bed, hmm?

The troops are out in force.

Oh, hi. We were just wondering about canvassing and things like that and, uh...

Talk of the devil. Hmm.

Mmm. Not on an empty stomach, please.

- Hello, Jenny. - Hello.

Well, we were just wondering about canvassing and... and things.

And I said to Graham, “Well, the silly bastard's gonna lose

unless somebody presentable goes out and tells people that he's not...

Not as wet as he looks.” Ha.

He's on form. The lad's on form.

It would be a help actually.

You're on, but not until the pubs close, okay?

Well, I'll get myself together then.

Yeah, you do that.

Are you coming then, Jenny?

No, thanks.

L've got to wash my hair.

- Hello, Graham. - Hello.

Jenny.

Look, L-

I came round here especially to see you.

Look, all that stuff between Anna and I...

Well, it's all over.

It's just that it takes a long time for the penny to drop with her. That's all.

That's not the impression she gave me.

Well, it's true.

Look, I tell you what.

You say the word,

and... l'll strangle her.

No.

No, she'd probably think I care.

L've got an idea.

Let's you and I get in the car.

Hmm?

Before Anna has a chance to grab the front seat.

Graham?

Corning.

Here, wait for me!

Come on, come on.

Well, the smart set seems to be out in force, don't they?

- Let's move on. - Oh, but I want to go here.

L've never been here before.

All right.

I tell you what. You and Graham go and find a table somewhere,

and I'll try and park the car, all right?

Thank you, God, for a lovely day.

- We've done it. - What?

We've ditched them. I know this little boozer down the road.

Oh, no.

Besides, we can't do that.

But this is a godsend. We can be alone.

Oh, it wouldn't be fair.

- But don't you want to get rid of them? - That doesn't make any difference.

Besides, you can't use people like that.

- No? - No.

Anyway, I'd feel rotten. Wouldn't you?

You're right, of course.

That's fixed them.

Patrick! Oh, there you are.

- Look. - Can't even breathe in there, let alone drink.

We're all going back to my house for a lovely lunch with bottles and bottles of wine.

Who is this guy? He's beautiful.

Hello there.

Oh, forgive. This is Jenny Bunn and Patrick Standish.

- And this is Wendy. - Hello there.

Hello.

Looks like it's going to be a groovy Sunday.

Oh, Anna, you know what Martha's like about meals.

Oh, well, call her if you're worried. I couldn't care less.

All right. Can I have sixpence?

Haven't I seen you before somewhere?

It's possible.

Wendy's on telly, Graham.

She gives away the prizes on Hone ymone y.

Oh, of course. Well, I must say, in the flesh you're even more attractive.

So they tell me.

I think it might be better if Wendy went in your car, Patrick.

- Okay. - She more or less knows the way.

I'll go with Ormerod.

- All right? - Yes. All right.

There was a lot of “Oh, it's all ready to dish up” and that, you know, but, um...

Oh, um, Julian thought it would be a good idea if Wendy came along

because she, um, sort of knows the way and that.

Oh.

Um, if you'd like to jump in the back with Anna, I'll...

No, no, no. lt's all right. L'll go with, um... l'll go with Julian.

L'll come with you, Julian.

Smashing car.

Oh, could we have the hood up, please?

It's my hair, you know.

Yes, of course.

Anna, I'm not trying to use you, darling,

but would you mind getting off your arse and giving me a hand?

Tsk.

Bloody women.

Knock it down. Knock it down there.

Oh. lt's so big.

Well, biggish.

Wow.

In here, loves.

I'll just put on some music.

Some ice.

And, uh, feel out the food situation.

It's enormous.

Well...

Does he live here all alone, do you think?

Uh, I gather there's usually a couple. Portuguese, I think.

No, no, no. I mean, does he live here on his own?

I mean, you'd think that a house this big,

he'd be married or something.

I dinnae imagine he goes short of company when he feels the need of it.

They're taking a long time.

Well, we got here very quickly.

Mmm. Even so, they're a long time.

Uh, Jenny, there was something I...

Yes, Graham?

Well, uh, I was wondering whether

maybe you'd consider...

going out with me one evening next week.

Well, would you?

It's very nice of you, Graham.

Um... can we, um...

Can we leave it open?

Uh, I really didn't expect you to say yes.

We should have turned left at the church after all.

Yes, we should.

I'd better back up.

Can't you go into that field and turn?

Yes, that's a good idea.

Will you get out and see I don't fall into a ditch, darling?

Oh, Christ!

There's no call for vulgarity.

Come on.

Signal!

You're not cross with me, are you, darling?

No.

No, no.

Vvendy.

Mmm.

Stop it, Wendy.

Mmm.

How can you be sure they haven't had an accident?

'Cause it's so much more likely to be Wendy's fault.

She thinks it's madly sexy to be hopeless about anything practical.

Yes, yes, yes. But look.

If the civil aviation people have decided to have their new airport here,

then Dick Thompson isn't gonna make them change their minds.

Uh, perhaps not. But there is an alternative site.

He might just swing it.

Seeing as he's the only socialist on the council,

I'd have thought you'd have been better off to have had the Tories on your side.

Maybe so. But I'm an... idealist.

I mean, you know.

Ah.

I told you there was no need to panic.

Hello.

Groovy!

Oh, I'm sorry. We got lost, and, uh...

Wendy... No, that's not very gallant, is it?

Only we turned left instead of turning right, and, um...

Hello. Um, we got lost.

- Drinks? - Yes, why not?

Oh, I'll get it for you, darling.

- Rescue me. - Drop dead, “darling.”

- What'll it be? - Oh, anything.

Me too. A great big one, please.

Time we all ate something.

Now, which one of you top super girls is willing to, uh...

Yes. Me.

There's very little to do. A salad.

A salad? Oh, I learnt how to make a trippy salad dressing in Marrakech.

Ideally, you need some kef.

- Fresh out. - Drag.

We'll give you a yell when it's ready.

It must be very interesting, working in the mass media.

And not entirely unremunerative, I would imagine.

Definitely.

Wow.

This is some pad, hmm?

It's all coming down.

- Is it? - They're going to build a new airport.

Are they?

They say there's a very interesting shell grotto in the grounds.

Ormerod said it's almost unique.

Oh, well, um, why don't you go and have a look at it?

Well, I thought we might all have a look at it after lunch.

I think I'll have a look at it now.

You're an awful man.

Oh, um...

Julian sent me for the corkscrew.

Have you found it?

You're sick.

He's not all that good in bed anyway.

- Ls he? - Oh, go to hell.

Hey, maybe we'd do better trying to make it with chicks.

- Ever think of that? - Don't be disgusting.

If sex is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

That sounds vaguely familiar.

Anna, go try and round up the others, will you?

Well, I'll try.

Would it be all right if I went home now?

Now?

Well, I don't want to spoil your party.

- You understand? - No, not really.

Patrick?

Tears! Hmm.

He must be quite a lad. We must have a talk about him one of these days.

Don't you... Don't you care about Wendy?

Care? Wendy?

Well, that's not... not really what she's, you know, for.

I mean, is it? Ah, Ormerod here.

- Mmm. A cab, please. - But isn't she...

Into town.

On the account.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Isn't she your, um...

mistress?

No.

No, not really.

Well, I mean... Oh, we have it off once in a while.

She likes it.

I like it.

But caring doesn't really sort of come into it, you know.

And is that all sex means to you?

A bit Of fun.

I suppose you find that a rather appalling attitude.

No.

Better than Patrick's.

Well, she's welcome to him.

There's no need to be noble.

Wendy's got a rehearsal this afternoon.

She'll barely have time for lunch.

You've got digs at the Thompsons', haven't you?

- Mm-hmm. - Then you must have met Pat Standish.

- Hmm? - You haven't?

Old sexy must be slipping up.

Old sexy?

He's the last of the professional bachelors.

He'll turn up. Watch it.

Thanks for the tip.

Aha!

Hello, Dick. I didn't hear you come in.

Good.

I didn't...

I didn't want to, um...

disturb, uh, old thing upstairs.

Bad press up there. Oh.

Can't do anything right.

What's that you're drinking?

Cocoa.

Cocoa.

Hmm. No. I haven't been drinking bloody cocoa.

Hmm. The way he pours them out.

Not, uh, singles. Not pub singles.

Not even doubles.

Bloody great trebles.

Who's “he”?

Who's who?

The man who gave you all that drink.

Ah.

L'm with you.

Julian.

Mr. Ormerod.

He's a socialist, you know.

Just because a chap has got money

doesn't mean to say

that he can't be... A socialist.

Well, I'm off to bed.

Yes, me and all. Christ!

Here, let me help you.

Whoa-hoo!

Oh. Oh, Jenny.

Oh, beautiful little Jenny.

Come on now.

Don't treat me like a bloody child.

I know I'm drunk, but I'm still a human being

entitled to consideration and respect.

Of course you are. Now...

I will not be humored. Now, Jenny. Jenny...

I want you to give me... a kiss.

One kiss, freely given

and accepted with gratitude.

But... But not humbly.

Because I am a human being, and I am entitled to consideration and respect.

- Good night. - Oh, no, you bloody don't.

L've kept my hands off you all these weeks...

- Dick! Please. Shh! - And I'm fed up with it.

I don't see why these young bastards should...

- Now be a good lad. Just... - Don't give me all that “good lad” guff.

- I know how to please a woman. - Now, you're drunk!

- Now cut it out! - Ow!

Well, well.

Here we are then.

She's ruined me.

You can't ruin a ruin.

Bed.

New... New Statesman.

Chop-chop!

There's a good boy.

Next time, pick somebody your own size.

- He only tried to rape me. - Oh! Rape?

He's just a dirty old man, dear. If you'd said yes, he'd have run a mile.

[Uaughs] Yes.

Do you know what it's like to be married to Dick?

I mean, actually married to him.

Well, it's a joke really.

Rape?

Do you know when we last did it?

“Oh, surely that's not the only thing in life.” That's what you're thinking.

People must cope. Well, I'm coping.

- I'll find somewhere else for the weekend. - Don't bother, dear.

And I'll pay a month's rent of course.

Don't be silly. You mustn't throw your money around like that.

- I can't stay, not after what's happened. - Nothing's happened.

Dick will have forgotten all about it in the morning.

Or at least he'll pretend he has. He won't try it again.

So you forget all about it too, eh? Just trot upstairs to bed.

All right?

Lurge you to vote for Dick Thompson,

a man with young ideas.

Vote for a man with a conscience.

Vote Thompson, the candidate you can trust.

Ladies and gentlemen, vote for a man with a mind of his own.

Can I have your number, please?

It's meant to be a secret ballot, ain't it?

- Yes, but... - We only want your number.

It won't tell us how you voted.

Well, how do I know you don't go back in there and find out who ain't voted

and then use their number to put your own candidate in?

Don't be absurd.

This lady represents the socialists,

and I am a Conservative Party helper.

Now, you see, it's purely a matter of checking off all the numbers

so we can find out at the end of the day who hasn't voted.

- She's Labor, is she? - Yes.

Well, l'll give it to her then.

683g

6832.

Well, don't tell her!

Um...

I was wondering if when you've... When you've finished the voting,

you'd like to come out and have something to eat.

No, thank you. It's through there, the voting.

Look, Jenny, I know I behaved very badly on Sunday.

Unforgivably badly.

- L'm not gonna blame you for being... - 3741.

- What? - 3741.

Thank you.

Will you go away!

I will when you've listened to what I've got to say.

Uh, 4660 and 4661. Thank you.

Look, I'm ashamed of myself.

Really ashamed of myself. I behaved like a pig.

L'm not interested.

- Oh, can I have your number, please? - Certainly not!

Oh. Thank you. 1090.

1090. Thank you.

Jenny.

Well, really!

Mm!

All right, Mr. Big Heart Throb. You've had your fun.

Kiss and make up and everything's on again,

'cause who would resist Mr. Teenage Idol?

Is that what you reckoned? Well, you can bugger off!

Bravo, my dear.

Thank you.

2612.

- Speech! - Yes.

You've all heard enough speeches from me in the last few days.

You can say that again.

Touché. Touché.

Seriously though. In all seriousness,

I would like to say a heartfelt thank-you to all those who've done their bit

towards achieving this truly fantastic victory.

Hurrah!

In particular... In particular, I would like to thank my wife, Martha.

Hear, hear!

Martha literally carried me through the final dramatic hours of this campaign.

Let joy be unconfined.

I told you Dick Thompson would make them change their minds.

Well, Miss Bunn, you do help to improve the party image.

Oh!

- Excuse me. - I didn't think you were coming.

Well, I changed my mind, didn't I?

And must reappraise its policies from time to time.

- Yes, yes. - It must be flexible.

Mind you, we mustn't betray our principles, of course.

- No. - Now, there is a very interesting...

- Excuse me a moment. - Yes, but I...

What do you want?

- There is one thing more. - What?

- He is dead. - What?

That man you're waiting for.

That decent, handsome, romantic, dashing fellow

that won't lay you before you're married.

He's not around anymore. He had his head blown off in 1914.

There's plenty of men who would...

Oh, yeah, who won't touch you, who respect you.

Yes, there are, lots and lots. People like Graham.

Graham's much nicer than you are. Much nicer.

I am not saying that he is not.

But there's one thing you've got to face up to.

You dig bastards like me.

You know you should go with thoughtful people like Graham, but you don't.

You don't.

You are a bastard.

Yes, I am.

Yes.

Now get your coat.

All right, but only on my terms.

All right. Now get your coat.

All right.

Excuse me.

- The young lady's... - Hmm?

A pamphlet for the young lady. I...

Excuse me, please.

Jenny, listen.

Listen, it's a barrier, your being a virgin. Don't you see that?

Nobody believes in virginity anymore. Nobody.

Phew.

The idea of virgin brides, Jenny, went out with...

Well, with going to bed with tarts.

It's like... lt's like thinking that nice girls shouldn't enjoy sex.

- Jenny. - Mm-hmm?

Oh, Jenny.

- NQ_ - Why?

- Because. - Because why?

Just because. That's why.

[Il0flg exhale]

Put the kettle on, love.

L'm dying for a cup of tea.

Dying for a cup of tea.

She's killing me.

One will just have to revise one's thinking.

- Don't you ever tell a lie? - Constantly.

But we were talking about you, old sport.

Oh.

Well, that's over. lt's finished.

She's had it, and... and I've had it.

I thought the whole point was nobody'd had it.

Oh, well, it's all very fascinating.

Do you feel frightfully sort of... thing about it all?

No. No, I feel fine.

So your weekend's free?

You can say that again.

Good.

You know, she's got a will of iron, that girl.

There's an invisible line in the middle of her thigh.

And above that, it's “Whose turn is it to make the tea?”

Where is the virginal Miss Bunn today?

Oh, she's gone up north for the weekend. It's her mother's birthday or something.

Oh.

- What are we doing here? - Have faith.

I was wondering, uh... L'll be right with you.

I was wondering if, uh, any chance of Martha coming along?

Sure. lt'll have to be at your own expense, though, I'm afraid.

Martha's not in the budget.

Oh, yes. Well, l'll, uh... Yes, well, I'll...

Yes, right.

Urn... Ah, yes. Yes!

Well, one needs to have faith, doesn't one, eh?

What is this, some magical mystery tour or something?

No. Dick's going on television tonight to save my great big house.

- Big deal. - No, only regional.

I needn't have bothered to get dressed up then.

Sorry, love.

This commercial television... Very tatty, I must say.

Well, fairly tatty.

Ah.

- Don't forget to watch me. - Mm-hmm.

Tonight, we have in the stud/o

two prominent and highly involved personalities

to argue the pros and indeed the cons.

On my right is Councillor Dick Thompson,

who opposes the present site on rather surprising grounds for a socialist.

And to oppose him, Sir Gerald Culthorpe-Jones,

the permanent architectural consultant to the Airport Commission.

We in the Airport Commission are philistine by nature.

I'm as keen as any man on ean'h

to have our countryside kept for what it should be kept for...

That is, for walking, for recreation, for leisure,

for pleasure, for sporting activities.

- I'd like to make a point here... {moderated Yes, of course.

Before we stray off the straight and narrow, as we rarely do.

We must... There are other factors to be taken into account.

Over here.

Hello, darling.

Ooh, you've brought the lovely Patrick with you. How super.

Yes, isn't it? Now get yourself a drink, love, and shut up.

We're trying to watch this program.

I realize, uh, the necessity of... Of airports,

for those involved in air travel particularly.

Yes, I think everyone does.

And, well... I'm glad you admit that.

But I... In this particular case,

I think that over 70 percent of the villagers

have in fact expressed a desire

to be rehoused in-in... in modem rehousing.

Whereas Mr. Ormerod doesn'! want' to be rehousea'.

Is that the basis of your argument?

I'm t/y/'ng to look at /t from the architectural aspect of the...

Do you seriously prefer that gimcrack Palladian pile

to a perfectly respectable and well-mannered Queen Anne rectory?

/t"s more modem, on the one hand.

It's a great deal bigger.

Well, old William Morris once wrote...

Yes, I think that old William Morris would have a great deal to say

about the Return from the Wars.

What? Return from what?

The 15th-century pub which stands

bang in the middle of your proposed main runway.

- Then the 15th-century almsh0use... - He's... bloody smooth, isn't he?

The 77th-centu/y wash-hand stand...

which stands in the place of honor in the town hall.

Yes, there is that. There is that.

But I mean... Take the 14th century, 15th century.

I mean, I! 's... There is a difierence. There is a difierence. I mean...

And yet you seriously propose to knock down...

He's making a bit of a cock-up of it, isn't he?

Shall we just go away? It might be kinder.

- Won't he mind? - Probably.

But I really don't think I shall be able to make the right sort of noises.

Then what are you proposing to do? What are you proposing to do?

Because I think that is the right socioeconomic grounds for doing that.

And what are your qualifications for saying this?

Well, I was talking to my wife last night, who, uh...

And is she an expert on 18th-century architecture

or any other architecture, for that matter?

She knows a great deal more about it than I do.

I think that's obvious to us all.

Well, apparently, there is this theory

that if this fluoride debate keeps up,

the human race will be sterile in 20 years.

- Yes. - Did you say it was their house?

Hmm? Those two?

Well, it's Daddy's really.

But he's had to go and live in the West Indies for being so rich.

- Oh. - Mmm.

Apparently, these scientists in California

discovered that only a third of the human brain

is being used at any one time.

Yes, well, I think man's intelligence

has completely outstripped his capacity to be moral.

Anyway, you know, the whole thing is going to come to a head.

Yes. Apparently, it's got something to do with atomic tests.

That's what I think.

- Drinkies? - Mm-mmm.

No more drinkies for you.

We don't want you falling asleep now, do we, darling?

My, you're strong.

Oh, what is it, darling? What's the matter?

Nothing.

L'll be all right.

Mmm. That's good.

But nothing's happening.

Don't you find me attractive? Hmm?

Yes.

Yes, of course I do.

You'd never guess, would you?

You know, I must have been more potted than I thought.

There's a sexpot like that just begging for it, and...

Nothing.

Was she very put out?

Yeah, she was a bit. She asked me whether I was...

Whether I was queer.

She would.

Wendy's got a very simple view of human nature.

Yeah, but, you know, the funny thing about it, I dug her.

I really dug her. What do you think of that?

What do I think about that, old sport?

I think you're in dead schtuck.

You're hung up on something you can't have.

Jenny? Do you mean Jenny?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

You couldn't have understood me. I'm finished with Jenny Bunn.

Yes, so you say.

But the fact is Jenny doesn't do it, and now you don't either.

- I hope it's not catching. - Yeah, but you...

All right. What do I do now?

Get Miss Bunn into bed.

What the hell do you think I've been trying to do?

Ah, yes, but you've been playing by her rules.

You must go to her and say, “Will you or won't you?”

- Oh, I have. - No, you haven't.

You've been saying, “Will you or won't you, please?”

Please.

Oh.

What are you doing here?

Well, I came to meet you.

Oh, yeah?

Do you want a lift?

You are full of surprises.

Yes, well, uh... A surprise a day keeps the doctor away, doesn't it?

Julian's having... He's having a wake on Saturday.

For the house.

He wants us to come.

So he lost his lovely old house then?

How do you mean, “us”?

Us.

What are we sitting here for?

Yeah, it's bloody silly, isn't it?

Well, it's your fault.

Yeah, okay.

Jenny, I want to ask you one question.

And I want you to think seriously before you answer it.

Which is more important to you... Me, us, or that virginity of yours?

Well, I can ask you the same question.

Which is more important... me, us, or sex?

But you and me is us. Us making love is us.

Us having sex is us.

But, look, if I say yes... lf I say yes...

well, then...

- What about after? - Oh, sure, it's a risk.

Yeah, it's a risk. But it's a risk everybody has to take.

Don't you see that?

That's marvelous, that is.

You make it sound like one of those grab machines in a penny arcade.

You may win a gold watch, but even if you don't,

you'll get a few Smarties and a plastic comb.

Why should I take that risk? Why the hell should I?

Because if you don't, you won't know. You'll never bloody know.

Sure, you'll get married. Then you'll do it in some hotel room in the Costa Brava

or wherever he bloody well takes you.

But you still won't bloody well know.

But if you say yes, then l'll be giving, Jenny.

Giving for giving's sake.

Oh, risks? Sure... uninsured, uncovered, no perks, no money back if dissatisfied.

Just you and I alone, in bed, making it.

But it's me that'll be risking everything, Patrick, not you.

No, you're wrong again. I'm at risk too. I risk...

Well, sex for the fun of it, all the birds I might have had.

- No, it's not the same. - Yes, it is.

You're safe behind that virginity of yours in exactly the same way as I'm...

I'm safe in my world of dollies and birds,

into bed and out of bed, and Bob's your uncle.

But if it works...

If it really works,

then it will be over for me too.

All right then.

All right.

When'?

Now.

Now?

Now.

Hang on.

No go.

Graham's upstairs watching Come Dancing on television or something.

Oh.

A hotel.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

No loot.

L'm skint too.

I know. Harry will cash me a check.

Good night, Harry. Thank you.

All right. All right.

Oh!

Harry, I wonder if you can do me a favor. I need some cash.

L'm sorry, Mr. Standish. The till's made up.

Won't she take a check then?

Um...

He's, uh...

He's made up the till.

- Oh. - Mm.

What now then?

We're behaving like a couple of kids, aren't we? I tell you what.

Saturday, my place, two o'clock.

I'll get rid of Graham even if I have to kill him,

and then we'll have all the time in the world, the whole afternoon.

- And after that... - Yes, yes. Anything.

Anything you say. Only please don't talk about it.

Right.

- Never? - Yes.

- Consummatum est? - Not yet.

- Oh, I see. When? Saturday.

We'll try and make your bash later.

- Yes, well, do try. - / will.

Well, it'll be the last day in the old home.

If we can't, um,

I'll send you a signed testimonial.

Hang on.

Hold that tiger!

It can stay till Monday.

- Sorry. But do try and come. - Yes, well...

Well, sort of... aprés-ski.

Promise.

I am not coming!

I am not going to be seen in public with you or that bloody Julian Ormerod!

- How dare you say things like that! - He's a phony!

- L've had enough of it! - Oh, shut up! Stop screaming at me!

- What a shout-up. No Patrick? - He said he'd be along later.

It's 11:35. We've been asked for 12:00.

Do you think they'll be long?

- I am going. - Oh, the sooner the better, mate.

- How dare you! - We ought to go.

Well, I'll try again. They sound like they're getting tired. Hang on.

Tell them I'm leaving soon whether they're ready or not.

- L'm a landlady! That's who I am! - It was your idea.

What? It wasn't my idea!

Hello, Jenny!

Hello, love.

You look ready at least.

L'm not coming actually.

Oh?

You too?

- Neither is Patrick. - Oh? lsn't he? Oh.

Well, I suppose I...

Yes, I suppose I could come for a while.

Mmm.

I could do with a drink.

I want nothing to do with you. Piss off!

Dick's coming. Martha isn't.

Well, then, that's something settled.

Yes.

Ooh.

- It's awfully sort of thing, isn't it? - Yes, ghastly.

Ah, here we are.

- Hey, Julian. - Hello.

There's masses of food in the garden.

Oh. Yes.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Huh? - Ah.

Well, going down in style, I see.

- Yes. - Oh. Uh...

Sorry I wasn't able to do anything to stem the tide of progress.

But, you know, once these planning johnnies get going...

- Don't give it another thought, Dick. - Well, this will go down a fair treat.

Oh, there's masses.

Excuse me.

Jolly nice to see you, Jenny.

I thought you weren't coming.

I wasn't, but...

- Well, lechyd da. - Chin-chin.

Ah, more people.

Hello.

Hello. Hello.

- Super to see you. - Hello.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hello.

I told you Dick Thompson couldn't pull it off.

On the contrary. He was invaluable.

Ah.

Julian. Graham.

Uh, Graham, be a good chap and leave us alone for a couple of seconds, will you?

- A few words. - Of course, old sport.

Julian, um...

I was wondering whether... whether you'd had a chance to have a few words yet.

With who, love?

Well, uh, your friends... in high places.

Well, no, actually.

Oh, well. Haven't had time, I expect.

No again, I'm afraid.

I took it for granted that you understood that...

Look, it's frightfully important in politics today.

You must come across on the box.

Oh, yes. Yes. I...

So... you're not going to push me then?

Well, I say “push.” lt's just that I...

I have told one or two people you sort of were.

Well, that was very rash of you, wasn't it?

And that's another reason for not.

Politicians are meant to be discreet. You know?

- Hi, Julian. - Hello.

Remember me?

L-I didn't mention your name.

Thanks, Julian.

Ah, Jenny, love.

Um, introductions.

- This is Jenny Bunn, and this is... - Hello. I have to go.

Can I ring for a taxi?

Excuse me. So soon?

Ah, yes. lt's almost two o'clock.

Yes.

How do you know I had to be back by 2:00?

Oops. Have I been frightfully indiscreet?

He told you. Patrick told you.

Capitalist swine!

Ah. Oh, don't worry, Jenny love. It was just, uh, boy talk.

You know? Boy talk.

Boy talk.

Capitalist swine!

The drink is on me.

Aha, it is, you know. Oh, if you only knew.

Everything's on me.

Capitalist swine!

- Come along, Dick. - Ah. Capitalist swine.

The very swine I want...

Come on, come on, come on.

I think you'd better get the councillor home.

That's easier said than done.

- Where's Jenny? - I don't know. In the hall, I think.

Jenny, we... We've got to get Dick back home.

- Do you want a lift? - No. No, thank you.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

L'm not going.

L'm not going.

Graham, give me a hand

before he throws up all over Julian's scene.

Yes, yes, yes. All right.

Oh. Hang on.

- Capitalist swine. - Hello.

That's it, baby. You're doing fine.

Yeah. Oh, look out, you...

A! the f0u/1h stroke,

it will be 2:29 and 50 seconds.

I feel faintly responsible...

faintly guilty.

Patrick did tell me about your... afternoon.

But it shouldn't have mattered.

I wasn't thinking.

It was all my fault for letting it slip out.

Unforgivable.

I do feel, though, Jenny, it's frightfully important,

for your own sake, that you understand how we chaps think.

We're men, and we think about girls...

Girls we like, girls we don't like.

Girls we've had, girls we'd like to have had.

Girls that do.

Girls that don't.

And we talk.

We tell each other everything.

All about the sort of, um,

before, during, and after.

And... we lie.

We lie about the girls we've had, and...

We lie about the girls we'd like to have had.

Even Patrick lies.

Poor Patrick.

- Here. Here you are. - Look out! There's a step.

Yeah.

Push! Oh!

Oh!

There's a letter for him by the phone when he comes to.

- Where are you going then? - L'm leaving him.

That's frightfully disloyal of you, baby.

Trust Miss Hippie Bloody Bohemian to take that line.

Just get out of my way before I miss my train!

- Oh, charming! - But-But...

Taxi! Taxi.

- Where's Jenny? - She's still at Ormerod's.

Well, what the hell is she doing there?

- I suppose you took her. - No. She...

Who asked you to stick your bloody snout in this?

She wanted to go!

Then why didn't you bring her back with you?

She dinnae wanna come.

- Where are the keys? - They're in my pocket.

Never again.

- Push him. - Don't... Don't let him fall.

You really... must forgive Patrick...

and the rest of us.

It... lt's no one's fault actually.

I mean, fault doesn't really enter into it.

It's like a game.

Sex is... is like a game.

A super sort of game.

A game in which no one has to say no.

Just yes.

Jufian?

Oh, I wonder, have you seen Julian, please?

I think he's upstairs.

Julian?

Julian, I wonder whether...

You...

Well... Congratulations.

Yes, congratulations.

You... and Julian?

Why?

- Why? - I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I demand an explanation.

Well, I don't have one!

He got you drunk, didn't he?

You just tell me he got you drunk.

- Oh, you smooth-talking bastard. - Now, look...

- You knew she was my girl. - Leave him alone and shut up. Shut up!

You told him. You told him about us!

And you did all this just to get even. Is that it? Hmm?

- Thank you very much, old sport. - Now don't lose your cool.

- You just shut your bloody mouth! - You make me sick!

You make out you're so modern,

spout all that rubbish about risks and all that,

and it doesn't mean a thing, not a thing, to you.

Oh, I meant it.

Yes, I meant it.

- I meant every word. - Oh, you meant it!

Yes, you meant it, all right,

like you meant everything else you could think up to throw at me.

“It's a barrier, your being a virgin, Jenny.

- Nobody believes in virginity anymore.” - l'm not gonna try and justify...

All it meant to you was having something to brag about with the boys!

And you even lied about that!

If you want to believe that, I'm not gonna spoil your fun!

Fun?

Doesn't seem to have entered your mucky little mind that I might have loved you.

Love? That's rich coming from you. Love's trusting somebody.

Trust? Ha, ha!

Yes, trust! “Oh, I don't seem to have any clothes on.

We're just good friends, you know.”

Drop dead!

Jenny!