Original subtitles

Oh, God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That is hot. That is hot pasta.

This is all over the place.

I spilled hot pasta!

Is it... I got it on your shirt and your pants.

Can we get some help over here?

I spilled it on... on... What's your name? Scott?

It's on the wall. Can we get somebody?

Sleeping pill?

Oh, I've been slamming this wine, so... two?

Yes, please.

Todd, your snacks are not in here.

Are you even looking?

Just eat some peanuts.

Man, I can't wait to get drunk.

You're already drunk.

I can't wait to get drunker.

I-I know it's Milwaukee.

I-I love it.

It's like the Miami of the Midwest. Okay.

You gonna stop breathing on my suit, man?

Let me tell you something, Arthur.

Google's shitting their pants right now.

Google Glass? More like Google Ass.

I didn't get a bag of nuts. Um...

Oh, you're busy.

Owen.

Ow! Shit!

Owen?

Yeah.

Mm.

Hi. Hey.

Hi.

Did you not hear the call button, or...?

Oh, my God, no. Did they...

Okay.

Do you know why you're a terrible

- flight attendant, Owen? - Yeah.

I'll tell you why... because you don't care about people.

You don't let people in.

All of these people, they look to us.

That call button, it's a call to action.

Okay?

You need to connect with these people.

Well, I need to clean up after these people.

I need you to connect with at least one person

before this flight is over.

Can you do that?

Can you do that for me, Owen?

Yes. Yes, I can, Rosa.

Great.

Now, there's a great big fat man in 7D.

He just spilled a whole bunch of hot pasta right in his lap.

I'm gonna need you to go clean that up.

Oh, I got hot pasta. I got hot pasta.

Yeah, so, I been working for my dad.

Can I really level with you, Owen?

What I really want to be is a cop.

Helping people, gun in my hand, firing it in the air.

Buh! Buh! Buh!

Sorry, what was your question, again?

Can I get you a hot towel?

Okay.

Was that normal?

No... Yeah, it is. It happens.

Whew. Cool.

'Cause I was about to freak...

Whoa!

One, two, three, four.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -

Aah!

Owen!

Owen!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

It's Danny. Remember me?

I'm saving your life, dude!

- What happened? - What?

We crashed, man.

We are surrounded by crashed airplane.

Let's go!

Come on, get up.

Get out of the water. Come on.

- What the f... - Look!

Whoa-ho-ho!

Holy shit, that guy's handsome.

What is he, like 6'5" or something?

He's coming over here.

Everybody look cool.

All right, look cool, look cool.

You three okay?

No! I'm not okay!

I don't have my phone. I'm very scared.

- My back is feeling very weird. - Shh!

Look at me.

One breath in, one breath out.

One breath in, one breath out.

As long as you don't lose yourself in here,

you'll be fine out there.

How do you feel?

I feel great, actually.

I feel amazing.

- Are you a doctor, or...? - Might as well be, mate.

I spent 10 years in the British Special Forces.

That's cool!

- No way! - Of course you did!

Guys, focus.

You... You're a flight attendant.

- What's the protocol? - What protocol?

They haven't trained you for this?

- How would they train me for this? - Okay.

Gentlemen, I need you three to split up,

- help anywhere you can, okay? - Yeah.

Whoa!

Let's go.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Terribly sorry.

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

No way!

- Whoa! - Oh! He got it!

Guys!

- Oh, yeah. - Right. Yes. Okay.

Uh...

I'll help them.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Who do you want? Who do you want?! - Uh...

Hey, help, please! Just when you get a chance!

I can feel my knees starting to smoosh together!

Uh...

Has anyone seen my inhaler?

I'll take her.

She looks totally fine.

No, there's no time!

You take the old man with the gross legs!

If you find yourself on a loose end.

God damn it!

- I'm coming! - Thank you.

How does this even happen?

I was involved in a crash.

Have you got it? Use your legs, not your back.

Form doesn't matter when you're trying to lift 10,000 pounds.

Wow.

That's heavy.

Hey, you guys okay?

I don't know.

We both took a couple of sleeping pills,

but I'm not even...

I don't even feel it.

Okay.

Are you flirting with me? I don't even know you.

Oh, okay.

No, that's okay. Ow.

Are you okay?

I need my... my inhaler.

Okay, okay. Look at me.

One breath in, one breath out.

As long as you don't lose yourself in here,

then, uh, you're gonna be...

things are gonna be... you're gonna be fine out there.

- How do you feel? - Better.

- Really? - Are you a doctor?

No.

I'm a cop.

Jess! I found your inhaler.

Did you even look for my Oakleys?

What the hell is going on here?

Oh, my God, Todd! He was just trying to help me, okay?

He's a cop.

I'm a cop.

More like he's trying to cop...

a feel of your boobs!

Wow.

It's wordplay.

Why are you even wearing that?

- I can't get it off. - Oh...

Well, if this is how I go, this is how I go.

Do us a favor, will you?

Just tell my ex-wife I forgive her.

Eric's a nice guy. He's got a young face.

Just never trusted a grown man who rides a scooter.

What are you talking...

Is that my bag?

Aah!

Hey, hey!

I'm out!

Get the bag!

Right.

Aah!

Here's your man bag.

Yes!

Oh, no. You want to cuddle?

Okay. Uh...

Are you gonna steal my blanket?

Okay, don't fall asleep. No, no, no, no.

Wake up. Hey. Excuse me.

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

We're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

It's okay. It's okay.

Hey, hey, no one is gonna die, okay?

Help is on the way right now.

_

God damn it.

You guys have a charger for like a 5?

5S? 6?

- Sorry. - Okay.

Guys, I just hit low battery.

Owen, you're a flight attendant.

Level with me. Are we getting saved or not?

Nope.

What? Why not?

Nobody cares about a plane crash

unless there's a famous ass in one of those seats.

So, unless Brendan Fraser was lounging in first class...

- Brendan Fraser? - Brendan Fraser?

You guys think if Brendan Fraser was in a plane crash

it wouldn't be the top story in the country?

- No. - No.

Not at all.

Brendan Fraser, star of "The Mummy,"

"The Mummy Returns," "Mummy IV."

My least-famous client

is way more famous than Brendan Fraser.

You're insulting me to my core right now.

The whole reason I wanted to become a cop

is because I asked myself,

what would Brendan Fraser do if he wasn't an actor?

Don't... Don't tell people that.

Whatever.

The point is...

we may be here for a while.

It's got me thinking about our roles on this island.

I see three very capable men here, all right?

We shouldn't just be hanging back.

We should be leading these people.

I mean, Owen, you're a natural-born leader.

No, I'm not.

- You're a flight attendant. - Oh, that is true.

What do you guys think a flight attendant does?

These people need us, all right?

It's our duty.

If not us, then who?

Excuse me! Everyone!

If we could all gather 'round the fire for a camp meeting.

That guy.

Thought you were gonna get here early and get us good seats.

- We're sitting in the dirt. - Shh! Shh!

I should have brought my guitar.

Jokes aside, it's been three days since the crash.

And the hard truth is if they knew where we were,

they would have bloody been here by now.

So, no one's coming?

That's an excellent question, Diane from Toledo.

No, they are not.

That is why I've come up with a plan.

Now, most planes have life rafts.

They're equipped with an emergency location transmitter.

If we can locate this ELT,

that's our best chance for getting saved.

I know this

because I spent 10 years in the British Special Forces.

Wow!

He already said that.

What was that like? What sort of things did...

Now, we know some of the wreckage landed in the jungle.

That's why tomorrow, I'm going on a hike.

Owen and I are gonna go with you.

I...

I'll go. I'll go.

You're gonna need some help from some guys.

You can think of us as your co-leaders.

Look, uh, gentlemen, I, uh... I appreciate the gesture.

- Count me in. - I'll go, too.

I'll probably have to stay here, Liam.

I'm

Everyone, look, anyone who wants to go can go.

No, I can't go, Liam.

But be prepared.

'Cause we don't know what's waiting for us out there.

The hot limey's right.

Did you just kill that boar?

Oh, you tell me, short stuff. Huh?

Now, I'm going with you.

Because out there, you either kill your dinner...

or you become the dinner.

Who are you?

Hey, hey, look what I found. Oh.

You know, Danny, again, this whole

enthusiastically robbing-the-dead thing

- is just kind of... - Ha!

Is that an Air Marshal badge?

I think so. It's got a star.

I'll smoke on this plane if I want to.

Huh? You land the plane.

All right.

The chunky cop's going through a lot of bags.

You're like Harrison Ford in "Air Force One."

I am like Harrison Ford in "Air Force One."

A little bit.

"Get off my plane."

Todd, why don't you just come with me?

Because, Jess,

someone needs to stay behind and build us a shelter.

All the good stuff's gonna get taken.

We need our own spot.

Oh, really? Really, Todd?

Now you want to move in together?

Now that you're literally stuck with me?

Yeah, I think we're ready.

- Oh, my God! - What?

That's pretty convenient, Todd,

as we've only been dating for seven years...

Seven, Todd!

That... That's a middle-aged dog.

We talked about this. I'm not getting a dog!

I don't want a dog, Todd!

Even if it's hypoallergenic, it's still no.

And, two...

this isn't about us.

This is about us beating everyone else, okay?

Oh, my God.

- It's survival of the fittest. - Right.

There's the strong...

And there's the weak. Bleh!

Frick me.

You are such a dick.

Hey!

Come on, Jess.

Goodbye!

Hey!

I'm a dick for us.

You're a tiny baby of a man!

Whatever... I love you!

Oh, come on, Steve!

Aah!

The hell are these things?

So much for our girls' trip.

Oh, my God.

I just realized that if we're stuck on this island,

we may never see Brie again.

Who's Brie?

No, like, the cheese.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Let's just say hypothetically we don't find the ELT.

What do you think would happen?

I mean, I know that there's no real way of knowing...

- Chaos. - Oh, God!

With limited supplies,

people will fight, plunder, kill...

probably with rocks or shards of glass to the eyes or throat.

That's what I'd do. Trust me...

This island's gonna get "Lord of the Flies" real fast.

Thank you for that...

Karen from Bing. And let me tell you something...

The only thing keeping this shitstorm at bay is that Brit.

Guys, guys, guys.

I was just up there talking with Liam,

and he didn't say it,

but I'm pretty sure he killed Bin Laden.

Hey, guys!

Liam found the nose of the plane!

- Holy shit. - Shit.

Okay. Everyone spread out.

The ELT is about the size of a gentleman's attach� case.

And remember...

this may be our last chance for getting off this island.

This is it, man.

This is our chance to be leaders.

- All we have to do is find... - Found it!

Son of a bitch, he's good!

Is that it?

When I pull this cord,

the raft should automatically inflate, activating the ELT.

Take a step back.

Now, how about we get ourselves saved?

Huh?

- Oh! - Oh!

- Oh! - Oh!

Okay. We can fix this. We can fix this.

Emma, you're a doctor! Do something!

I can't lift a plane.

Lift it. We can lift it, together.

All of us, right?

Danny, his head just went through his ass.

There's nothing to save here.

I don't know! I'm just very flustered right now!

Oh, we're dead. We're dead!

Guys, guys! Guys, it's gonna... It's gonna be fine.

Because it's only been four days,

and they're still coming for us.

I found the ELT.

It smashed against a tree.

We're gonna die.

We're gonna die, we're gonna die.

Oh, God.

What are we gonna tell the others?

The truth.

We tell them the truth.

We can't... We can't tell them...

Owen, they need us.

No, they need Liam.

We are not the guys to fix this.

Yes, we are.

I believe that people are good and... and reasonable.

And if we're honest with them, they'll listen.

We'll tell them that, yes, Liam is dead,

and, yes, the ELT is broken, but...

As long as we don't lose ourselves in here,

we'll be fine out there.

We're all gonna die!

Oi! Katie, leave that man alone.

I will murder you!

That call button, it's a call to action.

Oh, God damn it.

Passengers! Passengers!

If I could have your attention, please! Guys!

Oh, Danny, Danny, Danny.

You've got to help me get these people's attention, man.

Come on.

Please, Danny.

I got an idea.

Okay.

Oh, my God! Where did you get a gun?

It was with the badge. Stand back.

Everybody shut up and listen!

Owen's got something to say!

Why should we listen to him?

'Cause I'm a goddamn flight attendant.

Also, I have a gun.

Listen, I know that you guys are... are scared.

I'm scared, too.

Okay?

We lost probably the most capable person on the island.

And certainly the most attractive.

But something amazing also happened.

Guys, we survived a plane crash.

I mean, do you understand how incredibly lucky that we are?

It's like we're hurdling through the sky in a metal tube

at 1,000 miles an hour,

and then we just, like, hit the ground.

We should all be very dead right now.

And we're not.

I think that if we can survive that plane crash,

we can survive this island.

How?

That's a great question, Diane from Topeka.

Toledo.

Yeah.

Pack, you said earlier that there's got to be something

on this island that sends a signal, right?

I mean, it's the 21st century. There's got to be.

Great!

Karen, you killed a boar last night,

I think maybe with your bare hands, which is insane.

But as long as we have somebody like Karen,

we're gonna have food, yeah?

Emma, you're a doctor.

If we pool our talents together, there's absolutely no way...

Hey! Check it out!

Daddy found the drink cart.

Yeah, but, guys...

You guys want to get shit-housed?

Yes, please.

Let's get weird!

We're all gonna live forever!

Aloha, babies.

Crazy night, right?

Drank all our booze, ate all our food.

I can't find any water anywhere, which is funny.

Life, huh? It's big.

What happens now?

Well, we should probably get Steve down.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -