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1
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D'oh!
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00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:35,827
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6
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9
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Dad, we're four episodes early.
10
00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:51,255
D'oh!
11
00:00:51,264 --> 00:00:55,255
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
12
00:00:57,997 --> 00:01:01,198
Here it is, Myra... the
key to the trophy case.
13
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:02,966
If we'd ever won a trophy,
14
00:01:03,002 --> 00:01:04,635
I would've turned the heck out of it.
15
00:01:04,670 --> 00:01:05,704
Mm.
_
16
00:01:05,704 --> 00:01:08,038
I can't believe you're retiring, sir.
17
00:01:09,508 --> 00:01:13,043
Martin, I must ask you to keep
secret what you just heard...
18
00:01:13,079 --> 00:01:15,312
the shocking news that I'm retiring.
19
00:01:15,347 --> 00:01:18,382
Sir, you are addressing
a student safety monitor.
20
00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:22,019
With diagonal belt comes
great responsibility.
21
00:01:22,054 --> 00:01:24,755
I've got a secret! Firsties!
22
00:01:33,032 --> 00:01:34,598
What?!
23
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,900
Skinner's quitting! I won the pool!
24
00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:39,503
Guess who's renting two
songs from iTunes!
25
00:01:39,538 --> 00:01:41,572
Skinner's retiring! Bombardment!
26
00:01:41,607 --> 00:01:43,273
He will be missed! Bombardment!
27
00:01:43,309 --> 00:01:45,909
He stood up for me when they
tried to ban bombardment!
28
00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:47,277
Bombardment!
29
00:01:48,614 --> 00:01:50,581
My fellow Americans, and Uter:
_
30
00:01:50,616 --> 00:01:52,082
the rumors... are true.
31
00:01:52,118 --> 00:01:53,650
I'm resigning the principality
32
00:01:53,686 --> 00:01:55,352
effective Taco Tuesday.
33
00:01:56,622 --> 00:01:58,822
Seymour, you will be missed.
34
00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:05,729
And now, the flyover by the
Permission Slip Angels.
35
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:10,968
Ow! My distance-vision eye.
36
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:13,904
Skinner leaving. One last
chance to honor him.
37
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:16,173
With a shot to the head.
38
00:02:20,646 --> 00:02:23,614
Oh. Move it.
39
00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:26,316
Come on, Bart! Take the shot!
40
00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:28,385
I don't have the damn shot!
41
00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:30,754
Now, in honor of our
principal's retirement,
42
00:02:30,789 --> 00:02:33,090
we'll have a performance
from a super talent
43
00:02:33,125 --> 00:02:35,425
who's gonna wrap up our feelings.
44
00:02:35,461 --> 00:02:37,594
♪ I can't believe this is good-bye ♪
45
00:02:37,630 --> 00:02:39,863
♪ You were like a mommy ♪
♪ who wears a tie ♪
46
00:02:39,899 --> 00:02:42,299
♪ You once called men ♪
♪ who put me in a net ♪
47
00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:44,568
♪ You always told me when I was wet ♪
48
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♪ They said I had to wait ♪
♪ two years to do karate ♪
49
00:02:47,439 --> 00:02:50,507
♪ Even though my friend who is ♪
♪ the same age is in the class ♪
50
00:02:50,543 --> 00:02:51,910
♪ Karate! ♪
51
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,510
There's a certain lack of elegance
52
00:02:53,546 --> 00:02:55,012
in rhyming karate with karate.
53
00:02:55,047 --> 00:02:56,246
Karate!
54
00:02:56,282 --> 00:02:57,814
Now, I'll share a fond farewell
55
00:02:57,850 --> 00:03:00,817
with one student chosen at
random to represent you all.
56
00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:04,574
Oh! Bart Simpson.
57
00:03:04,574 --> 00:03:07,991
There is a God, and his
name is the Devil.
58
00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:11,066
Bart, come forward.
59
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:14,598
In the words of the late
David Bowie, né Jones:
60
00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:16,266
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes."
61
00:03:16,302 --> 00:03:18,702
All rights reserved, Ziggy
Stardust Publishing.
62
00:03:18,737 --> 00:03:20,504
Gotcha!
63
00:03:21,273 --> 00:03:22,773
Aah!
64
00:03:22,808 --> 00:03:24,274
No. Got you!
65
00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:25,742
Now, Willie! The honey!
66
00:03:35,521 --> 00:03:37,988
Simpson, I'm not retiring.
67
00:03:38,023 --> 00:03:40,524
This was all just a prank on you.
68
00:03:41,827 --> 00:03:44,228
Leave him alone!
69
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:50,968
Where do I go? How do I live this down?
70
00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:54,238
Mom, my humiliation
bath is getting cold.
71
00:03:54,273 --> 00:03:57,040
Hold still. You've got
honey in your pits.
72
00:03:58,844 --> 00:04:00,877
Oh. Mm, sticky.
73
00:04:02,114 --> 00:04:04,248
Bombardment!
74
00:04:04,283 --> 00:04:06,316
Haw-haw!
75
00:04:06,352 --> 00:04:08,485
Oh, Nelsoned by Largo.
76
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,921
I'll get them back.
I'll get them all back.
77
00:04:10,956 --> 00:04:13,390
And that'll be the end of it forever.
78
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:16,260
Not good enough!
_
79
00:04:16,295 --> 00:04:19,029
_
80
00:04:19,064 --> 00:04:21,698
What are you gonna do, Bart?
Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me.
81
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:23,267
I'll have nightmares,
82
00:04:23,302 --> 00:04:26,065
like the one where I'm wearing
my pajamas during the daytime.
83
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,871
You are wearing your pajamas.
84
00:04:27,906 --> 00:04:30,674
Some day I want to be a racecar driver.
85
00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:32,909
Do you know how many get killed?
86
00:04:32,945 --> 00:04:36,313
They don't show that on the pajamas!
87
00:04:50,396 --> 00:04:53,196
Ugh.
88
00:04:56,935 --> 00:04:58,468
Pranking Bart was my "Sergeant Peppers,"
89
00:04:58,504 --> 00:05:00,904
after a lifetime of
"Back Off Boogaloos."
90
00:05:00,939 --> 00:05:04,241
What the...? Simpson!
_
91
00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:07,244
Ugh!
92
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,646
My skin!
93
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,487
Hey, Brandine.
94
00:05:17,523 --> 00:05:20,924
These woods is filled
with scary white people.
95
00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:22,326
What else is new?
96
00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:23,660
Bait the traps.
97
00:05:23,696 --> 00:05:26,008
Mama needs a new people coat.
98
00:05:26,332 --> 00:05:28,932
Thanks to one vengeful
prankster, clowns...
99
00:05:28,967 --> 00:05:32,002
once a source of delight...
have now become more twisted
100
00:05:32,037 --> 00:05:35,439
than the balloon animals they
wrap their creepy hands around.
101
00:05:35,474 --> 00:05:37,741
We only hope that by showing it on TV,
102
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:39,309
no one goes out and copies it.
103
00:05:39,345 --> 00:05:41,011
Now, let's tell you how it's done.
104
00:05:41,046 --> 00:05:42,612
Send your copycat videos
105
00:05:42,648 --> 00:05:46,516
to "Kent's Krazy Klown
Karnival of Kartoon Karnage."
106
00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:01,389
_
107
00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:09,139
♪ Upside down and inside out, ♪
♪ and you can feel it... ♪
108
00:06:16,215 --> 00:06:19,449
Oh, no. No. Now people have
to judge us by our music.
109
00:06:19,485 --> 00:06:20,851
We're doomed.
110
00:06:20,886 --> 00:06:22,652
20 seconds to air.
_
111
00:06:22,688 --> 00:06:25,288
How many times have I
told you not to wake me
112
00:06:25,324 --> 00:06:27,157
till it's two seconds to air?
113
00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:28,345
Krusty, I have to warn you.
114
00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:31,328
People's attitudes have changed about...
115
00:06:31,363 --> 00:06:33,997
Hey-hey, kids!
116
00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:37,467
Calm down, children. I'm here.
117
00:06:37,503 --> 00:06:40,237
The shirtless man with the
bone through his skull
118
00:06:40,272 --> 00:06:43,807
and a grass skirt with
nothing down under.
119
00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:48,245
I tried to warn you.
120
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,880
People hate clowns now.
121
00:06:49,915 --> 00:06:51,815
And the advertisers
want to meet with you.
122
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,390
_
123
00:06:57,399 --> 00:06:59,199
What is it with Bart and these pranks?
124
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:01,001
- I don't get it.
- I don't know.
125
00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:02,435
Boys will be boys.
126
00:07:02,471 --> 00:07:03,970
That's another thing I don't get.
127
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,173
What does that mean?
Spoons will be spoons.
128
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,275
But they don't make you
go to juvenile court
129
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:09,843
at 8:00 in the morning.
130
00:07:09,878 --> 00:07:11,845
Yo. If we hurry, we can get
those breakfast burritos
131
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,214
- they serve at the courthouse.
- Those are good, Marge.
132
00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:15,849
Children's Court of Springfield
_
133
00:07:15,884 --> 00:07:17,384
is now in session.
134
00:07:17,419 --> 00:07:19,719
Apologies. Divorced dad, no sitter.
135
00:07:19,755 --> 00:07:21,855
That must be really tough, Judge.
136
00:07:21,890 --> 00:07:23,990
I raised a turtle by myself. Pure hell.
137
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,459
Milhouse said he'd help,
and he just walked away.
138
00:07:26,495 --> 00:07:27,894
Let me look at your file, son.
139
00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:29,696
Your Honor, I can save you some time.
140
00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:32,499
I've done it all: juvie,
state juvie, groovy juvie,
141
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:35,335
the Montessori prison,
Outward and Inward Bound.
142
00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:37,804
So you're down to fry me or free me.
143
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,007
What can I say? I'm a widdle dickens.
144
00:07:45,514 --> 00:07:48,715
Well, Bart, based on the
ancient judicial principle
145
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,784
"boys will be boys..."
146
00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:53,420
Mm-hmm.
147
00:07:53,455 --> 00:07:56,389
- I'm going to hand down a suspended...
- No!
148
00:07:56,425 --> 00:07:59,270
Marge, for once, let us
get rich people justice.
149
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:03,530
No. Judge, I love my son, but
he's got a real problem.
150
00:08:03,565 --> 00:08:06,286
He needs to learn the
meaning of consequences.
151
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,357
Huh?
152
00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:11,204
Bart, I sentence you to 28 days
153
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,774
at the Tomorrow's New Horizons
Addiction Rehab Center
154
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,444
and General Rotten Time Ranch.
155
00:08:19,548 --> 00:08:21,681
Mom, how could you do that to me?
156
00:08:21,717 --> 00:08:25,452
- Yeah, Mom.
- Because I love you, Bart.
157
00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:27,420
And a mother's toughest job is saying
158
00:08:27,456 --> 00:08:30,223
"Help me. My kid has a problem."
159
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,293
I do not! All I ask is,
Dad, while I'm gone,
160
00:08:33,328 --> 00:08:35,428
will you hold onto my
can of peanut brittle?
161
00:08:35,464 --> 00:08:38,098
Anything for you, son.
162
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:39,466
Snakes!
163
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:41,468
Gotcha!
164
00:08:41,503 --> 00:08:43,069
Why you little...!
165
00:08:44,773 --> 00:08:48,275
Oh. The snakes ate
all the peanut brittle.
166
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,110
I don't know.
167
00:08:50,145 --> 00:08:52,312
I don't know if I did the right thing.
168
00:08:52,347 --> 00:08:53,914
Comfort me.
169
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:57,117
Oh, Marge, part of being
a parent is doing things
170
00:08:57,152 --> 00:08:59,753
that'll make your child
never speak to you again.
171
00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:03,456
Oh, no, honey, I didn't mean "never."
172
00:09:03,492 --> 00:09:05,225
Definitely on his deathbed.
173
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:08,428
When he's dying.
174
00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:10,163
Oh!
175
00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:13,133
I had to do it. I had to do it.
176
00:09:13,168 --> 00:09:15,869
He was out of control.
Look what he did to Krusty.
177
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:18,373
_
178
00:09:18,373 --> 00:09:20,674
I feel terrible for his writers.
179
00:09:22,010 --> 00:09:23,176
I beat you
180
00:09:23,211 --> 00:09:24,344
if you don't flip sign.
181
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:26,646
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip!
182
00:09:30,452 --> 00:09:34,087
What are you here for? To laugh at me?
183
00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:36,356
- No.
- Please laugh at me!
184
00:09:36,391 --> 00:09:38,491
I don't exist unless you laugh at me!
185
00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:42,529
Look what you've done to me!
186
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,668
He looks just like me!
187
00:09:48,704 --> 00:09:50,437
And Maggie looks just like Lisa.
188
00:09:50,472 --> 00:09:53,173
And Milhouse's mother looks
just like Milhouse's father.
189
00:09:53,208 --> 00:09:55,475
Why is this universe so lazy?
190
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:56,876
Never mind that.
191
00:09:56,912 --> 00:09:58,778
Krusty, our son's prank caused this.
192
00:09:58,814 --> 00:09:59,913
We're gonna help you.
193
00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:01,614
Ah, forget it. I'm finished.
194
00:10:01,650 --> 00:10:03,183
Oh!
195
00:10:03,218 --> 00:10:05,051
- Wait, wait.
- What?
196
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:06,219
You can still work.
197
00:10:06,254 --> 00:10:07,487
What if you gave up comedy,
198
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:09,823
and transitioned to serious acting?
199
00:10:09,858 --> 00:10:11,358
Eh, impossible.
200
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,560
I've never shown genuine
emotion in my life.
201
00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:15,729
I'm even reading this off a card.
202
00:10:16,097 --> 00:10:17,098
_
203
00:10:17,099 --> 00:10:19,833
Okay, next card.
204
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,735
But seriously, I gotta speak from the...
205
00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:23,570
next card... heart.
206
00:10:23,605 --> 00:10:25,338
I can't be a dramatic actor.
207
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,874
I have all the depth of a foot bath.
208
00:10:27,909 --> 00:10:30,477
Next card. Skip that one. Next card.
209
00:10:30,512 --> 00:10:33,079
A lot of funny actors have
transitioned to drama:
210
00:10:33,115 --> 00:10:35,048
Tom Hanks, Albert Brooks.
211
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:36,516
I'm not convinced.
212
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:38,084
- Michael Keaton.
- I'm in.
213
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,886
- Zach Braff.
- Now I'm not so sure.
214
00:10:39,921 --> 00:10:42,889
- Bryan Cranston.
- I'm in. And hopeful.
215
00:10:43,444 --> 00:10:44,542
_
216
00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:50,230
Greetings! I am your director,
Llewellyn Sinclair,
217
00:10:50,265 --> 00:10:52,732
and you are the Barbies and Kens
218
00:10:52,768 --> 00:10:54,334
whom I shall pose
219
00:10:54,369 --> 00:10:57,270
in my Malibu beach house
of thespic triumph.
220
00:10:57,305 --> 00:10:59,572
My choice for our play
is Arthur Miller's
221
00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:01,441
Death of a Salesman.
222
00:11:02,744 --> 00:11:04,677
However, the rights cost too much,
223
00:11:04,713 --> 00:11:07,981
so we'll be doing this knockoff
version, The Salesman's Bad Day.
224
00:11:09,484 --> 00:11:11,584
Don't worry, the text is just Play-Doh
225
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:13,520
to be extruded through the Fun Factory
226
00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:15,955
of my Tony Award-watching genius.
227
00:11:15,991 --> 00:11:19,259
To play Willie Salesman, please
welcome the man who's taking
228
00:11:19,294 --> 00:11:22,662
a bold leap into
intentional unfunniness,
229
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:25,098
and giving me a ride home tonight,
230
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:27,801
and maybe more, hmm?
231
00:11:27,836 --> 00:11:30,070
Mr. Herschel Krustofsky.
232
00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:32,705
Hey-hey. Let me see the script.
233
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:34,941
My line. My line. Garbage.
234
00:11:34,976 --> 00:11:36,309
Garbage. My line.
235
00:11:36,344 --> 00:11:37,710
I don't know.
236
00:11:37,746 --> 00:11:39,312
Should I really be doing this?
237
00:11:39,347 --> 00:11:40,880
I'm an out-of-work has-been
238
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:43,583
whose next logical step
is to take his own life.
239
00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:46,786
And that's exactly what
Death of a Salesman is about.
240
00:11:46,822 --> 00:11:49,155
I thought this was The
Salesman's Bad Day.
241
00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:50,657
And that's exactly what I said.
242
00:11:50,692 --> 00:11:52,625
Anyone hear different? I thought not!
243
00:11:52,661 --> 00:11:54,727
But Krusty, the part of Willie Loman,
244
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,896
I mean "Salesman," is perfect for you.
245
00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:58,398
You'll just be playing yourself.
246
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,834
- Can I play someone I like?
- No.
247
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:03,661
_
248
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:08,842
I know he can't see me, but
can he still feel my love?
249
00:12:08,877 --> 00:12:11,578
I'm afraid the glass blocks that, too.
250
00:12:11,613 --> 00:12:13,079
Oh.
251
00:12:13,115 --> 00:12:16,416
Marge, I promise I will
make your boy whole.
252
00:12:16,451 --> 00:12:19,152
I want to believe that so much.
253
00:12:19,187 --> 00:12:21,254
I'll never forget how peaceful he was
254
00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:24,824
in those moments before he
took his very first breath.
255
00:12:33,568 --> 00:12:36,469
Bart, you act like you
don't have a problem,
256
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,838
but deep down, you know you need help.
257
00:12:38,874 --> 00:12:40,974
No way. I am awesome.
258
00:12:41,009 --> 00:12:44,611
Sit down and I'll elaborate.
259
00:12:44,646 --> 00:12:47,013
Um, I think I'll need some help.
260
00:12:47,048 --> 00:12:49,616
Uh, Marge, could you come in here?
261
00:12:49,651 --> 00:12:52,018
Please, take my seat.
262
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:06,633
We need to get to the bottom of this.
263
00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:08,468
Right to the point.
264
00:13:08,503 --> 00:13:09,836
No, no, no!
265
00:13:09,871 --> 00:13:12,205
Oh, well, maybe I should
try a different tack.
266
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,078
Mom, don't sit down!
I don't want to hurt you.
267
00:13:19,114 --> 00:13:22,849
Okay, you just completed
step one: learning empathy.
268
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:25,885
Ow!
269
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,053
Pop, look.
270
00:13:27,088 --> 00:13:29,222
I am losing the weight.
271
00:13:29,257 --> 00:13:31,324
Come on, Krusty!
272
00:13:31,359 --> 00:13:33,826
There's raw emotion just
beneath your surface.
273
00:13:33,862 --> 00:13:35,161
Frack it!
274
00:13:35,197 --> 00:13:36,829
Oh, I don't know, I'm scared.
275
00:13:36,865 --> 00:13:38,731
The theater is not for cowards.
276
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,867
All I ask for is integrity and honesty
277
00:13:40,902 --> 00:13:42,402
in The Salesman's Bad Day.
278
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:44,003
Title may change.
279
00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:46,673
Now, Herschel, summon
that talent you've hidden
280
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:49,576
from the entire world for 60 years.
281
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,278
I can't!
282
00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:58,551
Hershel, my son, listen
to me and listen good.
283
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,287
You are a once-in-a-generation
performer.
284
00:14:01,323 --> 00:14:02,689
You think so?
285
00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:04,857
No! I was faking it.
286
00:14:04,893 --> 00:14:06,759
And if I can do it, so can you.
287
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,028
And now, become a great actor.
288
00:14:09,064 --> 00:14:11,364
And now, sense memory.
289
00:14:11,399 --> 00:14:12,699
And now, be present.
290
00:14:12,734 --> 00:14:13,900
And articulate!
291
00:14:13,935 --> 00:14:15,435
- And we breathe.
- Oh, okay.
292
00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,870
And great actor.
293
00:14:17,906 --> 00:14:19,105
I'm sorry, my sons.
294
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:20,406
Clench butt.
295
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:21,908
I'm finished as a salesman.
296
00:14:21,943 --> 00:14:23,543
Clenchier.
297
00:14:23,578 --> 00:14:26,079
The only thing I have left
worth anything is...
298
00:14:26,114 --> 00:14:28,047
Transport me to another plane.
299
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,782
my life insurance.
300
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:32,452
But, Pop, that only
pays off if you're...
301
00:14:32,487 --> 00:14:33,820
Big pause.
302
00:14:35,824 --> 00:14:37,423
Dead.
303
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:39,559
Your pop is gonna go out
on his route, boys.
304
00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:41,227
One last time.
305
00:14:41,263 --> 00:14:42,996
No, Pop. No.
306
00:14:43,031 --> 00:14:45,732
Tell your mother I'm sorry
about the woman in Boston!
307
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:49,068
Also, my death is a metaphor
for American industry!
308
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:54,240
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!
309
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:57,677
And I'll be fine, unless I get
those voices in my head.
310
00:14:57,712 --> 00:15:00,146
You can't act.
311
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:01,914
Uh-oh.
312
00:15:01,950 --> 00:15:04,517
You're a clown, and that's
all you'll ever be.
313
00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:06,753
And when you die,
they'll be playing this:
314
00:15:06,788 --> 00:15:08,321
No.
315
00:15:08,356 --> 00:15:09,922
No. Stop it.
316
00:15:09,958 --> 00:15:12,025
No! No! No!
317
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:13,626
Ugh. Ah!
318
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,695
Anything wrong, Krusty?
319
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:17,930
Only what's tormented me my entire life.
320
00:15:17,966 --> 00:15:19,999
Very good. See you tomorrow.
321
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:27,227
_
322
00:15:27,732 --> 00:15:30,149
Reverend, I'm here for my last step:
323
00:15:30,149 --> 00:15:32,717
to make amends for the
rotten things I've done.
324
00:15:32,752 --> 00:15:33,851
Oh, fine.
325
00:15:33,886 --> 00:15:36,854
Let me get into uniform.
326
00:15:36,889 --> 00:15:39,056
I'm sorry I cut all the
Bible ribbons short
327
00:15:39,092 --> 00:15:40,591
so no one could mark their place.
328
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:41,892
Why you son of a...
329
00:15:47,355 --> 00:15:49,822
Willie, I'm sorry I shaved your beard.
330
00:15:49,858 --> 00:15:52,225
I've had to wear a merkin on me face.
331
00:15:53,929 --> 00:15:56,162
I also had the blades removed
from your lawnmower.
332
00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:57,830
You've just been riding around.
333
00:15:57,866 --> 00:15:59,933
No one interferes with me mowing!
334
00:15:59,968 --> 00:16:02,235
And I'm sorry I used
your baseball chalker
335
00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:03,970
to write "Skinner Sucks."
336
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,572
I'll show you who su...
Wait, you can do that?
337
00:16:06,608 --> 00:16:08,174
Please don't encourage me.
338
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:10,143
_
339
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,811
Thank you for encouraging me.
340
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,680
Ugh, we're out of chalk.
341
00:16:13,715 --> 00:16:17,317
You know, I had just completed rehab.
342
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,352
Well, me, too.
343
00:16:20,464 --> 00:16:22,409
_
344
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,257
America loves a lot of things,
345
00:16:24,292 --> 00:16:26,526
but I never dreamed a
comeback was one of them.
346
00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:27,727
- Tell me, Krusty.
- No, no.
347
00:16:27,762 --> 00:16:28,995
No more of the "K" word.
348
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,396
I'm a serious actor now.
349
00:16:30,432 --> 00:16:32,332
If only my father could see me.
350
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,768
Oh, I see you. Son, you
used to be a putz.
351
00:16:35,804 --> 00:16:37,837
Now you're a putz trying
to be a schmendrick,
352
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,539
which makes you a schmeckle.
353
00:16:39,574 --> 00:16:41,541
Get out of my head!
354
00:16:42,744 --> 00:16:45,745
Yet another puff piece
that ends in madness.
355
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:48,681
I know you lost the love
of Linda Ellerbee
356
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,583
while we were launching the luge
357
00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,085
at the Olympics in Lillehammer.
358
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,786
B-B-B-Brokaw.
359
00:16:54,285 --> 00:16:57,158
_
360
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:59,625
Bart Simpson cured of pranking?
_
361
00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:01,361
I never thought I'd see it.
362
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,262
And you haven't. Look up there.
363
00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:04,964
Water balloons, ready to drop.
364
00:17:06,768 --> 00:17:10,069
It's times like this I'm
glad I have eyebrows.
365
00:17:13,842 --> 00:17:16,476
Sweetie, I've never been prouder of you.
366
00:17:16,511 --> 00:17:21,247
I knew my little bad seed
could bloom into a flower.
367
00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:23,583
You're proud of me?
368
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,456
That's right. Now go give that speech
369
00:17:30,492 --> 00:17:33,593
and know that sitting in that
audience will be your mother,
370
00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:36,462
who's always believed in you.
371
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,837
Nothing can rain on my parade today.
372
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:49,642
I... I... I... Run!
373
00:17:55,183 --> 00:17:57,283
Simpson!
374
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:00,653
Motherhood sucks.
375
00:18:04,492 --> 00:18:06,592
Boys will be boys.
376
00:18:08,329 --> 00:18:09,695
Ah!
377
00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:11,497
You can't come in here.
378
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:13,599
This is the "boys will be boys" room.
379
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,505
_
380
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:20,840
Tonight, you will make
theatrical history.
381
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,809
You'll take a play that has been seen
382
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,612
all over the world more
times than man can count,
383
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,848
and you will do the best version ever.
384
00:18:28,883 --> 00:18:31,851
How do I know? Because I
just took six Valiums.
385
00:18:31,886 --> 00:18:34,320
See you outside.
386
00:18:36,191 --> 00:18:38,524
You'll never get rid of me.
387
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,194
You'll always be a self-hating clown.
388
00:18:45,233 --> 00:18:48,134
When I was 17, I walked into the Amazon.
389
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,369
The company, not the river.
390
00:18:50,405 --> 00:18:53,139
And when I was 21, I walked out.
391
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:57,076
And, man, was I loaded.
392
00:18:57,112 --> 00:18:59,679
Thank you, Jeff Bezos.
393
00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:01,214
Listen to your uncle, boys.
394
00:19:01,249 --> 00:19:02,915
He's a great man.
395
00:19:02,951 --> 00:19:04,984
The audience is quiet.
That means you're bombing.
396
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,652
Quick, you got to get a laugh.
397
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,221
Drop your pants, show your fanny.
398
00:19:08,256 --> 00:19:09,722
You know, your "A" material.
399
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,390
Get out of my head.
400
00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:13,259
I... am...
401
00:19:13,294 --> 00:19:14,861
a serious actor!
402
00:19:17,432 --> 00:19:19,532
Laughs? I'm getting laughs.
403
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,934
- And not from a machine.
- Go with it.
404
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:23,436
♪ I'm a salesman ♪
405
00:19:23,471 --> 00:19:25,071
♪ A dying salesman ♪
406
00:19:25,106 --> 00:19:26,539
♪ I'm Willie Loman ♪
407
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,007
♪ Just watch me go, man ♪
408
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,442
♪ I'm gonna suck ♪
409
00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:31,611
♪ That old gas pipe ♪
410
00:19:31,646 --> 00:19:33,412
♪ Pipe, pipe. ♪
411
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:38,050
Whatever doesn't kill me
makes the play longer.
412
00:19:38,086 --> 00:19:39,318
_
413
00:19:42,657 --> 00:19:44,590
This play will run forever.
414
00:19:44,626 --> 00:19:46,759
Okay, but now that I'm big again,
415
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:49,195
I can't work Tuesdays, Thursdays,
416
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,931
the month of July, or Toronto
Raptors' home games.
417
00:19:51,966 --> 00:19:53,766
I'm the Spike Lee of that team.
418
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:56,666
Ah, standard exemptions. I love it.
419
00:19:56,984 --> 00:19:59,279
♪ He fails at everything he can ♪
_
420
00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,406
♪ His sons can't stand their old man ♪
421
00:20:01,431 --> 00:20:02,764
♪ It's sell, sell, sell ♪
422
00:20:02,764 --> 00:20:05,690
♪ Till he dies, dies, dies ♪
423
00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:08,815
♪ In a car crash. ♪
424
00:20:08,815 --> 00:20:11,093
All's well that ends well.
425
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:13,704
How did it end well?
He's ruining my play.
426
00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:16,469
Well, don't worry. You've got
plenty of other good plays.
427
00:20:16,538 --> 00:20:18,292
Oh, wait. You don't.
428
00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:20,785
Hey, I'm America's greatest playwright.
429
00:20:20,832 --> 00:20:22,637
Exactly.
430
00:20:22,798 --> 00:20:28,595
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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