Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

So, it says here that you were manager

of the Rusty Scupper Restaurant for five years.

Hmm? Then, a bank teller

at Bank of Oakland between 2014 to 2016?

Oh! And you were employee of the month.

What's that trophy in the bag there?

Oh! Oakland High Moot Court Champion.

I'm a salesman at heart.

That is intriguing.

Mainly... because I was the branch manager

at the Bank of Oakland between 2014 and 2016.

And you, Mr. Green, you never fucking worked there.

And the number that you gave to The Rusty Scupper Restaurant?

Is that your friend Salvador's number?

The same Salvador who applied for this job?

I didn't know he applied here, too.

Might have been helpful if his outgoing message

didn't say, "It's Sal, bitches."

This trophy and that plaque, did you steal 'em?

No, uh, I... made them.

Well, I had them... made.

Listen, I just really, really need a job.

Okay, Cassius Green, listen up, okay?

This is telemarketing.

We're not mappin' the fuckin' human genome here.

I don't care if you have experience for this.

I'll hire damn near anyone.

You know what this bootleg trophy tells me?

Tells me the only thing I need to know.

You have initiative and you can read.

You will call as many contacts as you can during your shift,

you will read the script that we give you,

and you will show up tomorrow happy.

Hmm?

Thank you. Uh, thank you so much, Mr. Anderson.

Ah, one more thing, Cassius... "Stuss."

"Stuss"?

S.T.T.S.

Stick to the Script.

Stick to the script. Stick to the script. You got it.

Thank you so much.

Troit!

Troit!

Troit!

You ever think about dying?

Yeah, I'm alive. Sometimes.

No, I don't mean like right now,

in a freak accident or something.

I mean... when we're old, like 90.

I think about it all the time.

Like, what will I have done that matters?

I just want to make sure that when I die

I'll be surrounded by people who love me

and who I love back.

But what about when they die?

What do you mean?

I mean, like at some point we're gonna die.

Our kids are gonna die. Our kids' kids are gonna die.

And at some point, no one on Earth will have existed.

And at... at some point...

the sun will explode and everyone will have died.

And no one will know what I'm doing,

and what I'm doing right now won't even matter.

Baby, baby it will always matter, okay?

Because it matters now. This moment, these moments.

When I kiss you... it's not for posterity's sake.

Yeah, but... okay, you got your calling.

Your art means something, right?

But I'm just out here surviving;

spinning around on the endless circle.

- Ah, you missed your cue. - That's disgusting.

I said, "When I kiss you, it's not for posterity's sake."

- Yeah, but... - Mmm!

Oh, God!

- Get a room! - I got a room, muthafucka!

I thought you said you fixed that!

My landlord was supposed to fix it.

I gotta move.

- Mmm! - I like that.

I have to go to work anyway.

- Don't you start work today? - Yeah.

They said they hire anybody if you're looking for a second job.

You could try part-time.

Everyone is talking about the Worryfree solution!

Worryfree is a revolutionary new business

and lifestyle model taking the world by storm!

Baby, how much are they paying you?

When you sign a Worryfree contract,

you're guaranteed employment and housing for life!

Stop worrying and get Worryfree!

The Worryfree living quarters are state of the art,

the Worryfree food is to die for,

and Worryfree careers are fulfilling and satisfying!

Cash, baby, what are they paying you?

Uh, I think it's just commission.

Hey, baby...

you ever think about this Worryfree shit?

Are you crazy?

What, working on commission?

Nice earrings.

Hey, Cash!

I got overdue house notes, dude.

How much longer I got to wait for my money?

Look, Serge, I just got a new job

and I'll have some money for you soon.

Damn it, you four months late now.

It's like "soon" is the only fuckin' word I hear from you.

Okay, I'm four months late, but...

Check this out. Damn.

God made this land for all of us,

and greedy people like you want to hog it to yourself and your family

and charge all the rest of us for the right to live.

- Me and my family? - Yeah.

Cassius, I'm your fucking uncle.

The bank might take my fucking house.

Four fucking months.

I gave you that car you're driving.

- That's a damn bucket. - Oh yeah?

Give it back then! No?

That's what I thought.

I need my money in two weeks, asshole.

Hey.

Forty on two.

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Hell yeah ♪

- ♪ All right ♪ - ♪ That's right... ♪

What's up, man!

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Hell yeah ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Millions of dollars went into these walls

just to... make sure that thousands of calls

can go out and in at the same time

without jamming the lines.

Log in here. Grab a seat.

Come on.

You studied the script?

- Yeah. - Look, clock in,

don't be lazy,

and I won't have to be an asshole.

Make a sale, this light goes on.

You do real good,

eventually you might even be able to be a Power Caller.

- A Power Caller? - Where the callers are ballers.

Where they make the real money.

They even have their own elevator.

Oh yeah, I saw that.

Stick to the script.

What the fuck?

- Hello. - Hey, Mr. Davidson.

Cassius Green here. Sorry to bo...

Another one!

Hello?

Uh, this is Cassius Green. Sorry to bother you.

I just wanted to mention something else about

an encyc... inside an encyclopedia.

Hello?

- Hi, Mrs. Costello. - Yes.

This is Cassius Green.

I know that you've enjoyed our, uh, series on birdwatching,

so I wanted to call and... and help you out.

I'm sorry, young man, we don't have any money.

My husband's in the hospital.

He's 73. He's got stage 4 cancer.

Umm...

it's...

Oh, it's interesting that you say that, Mrs. Costello,

because book number five in the Insight series

is all about wellness, how to stay healthy... on your own

without even going to the doctor, so... so...

Damn it.

Really? You gonna stuff all those French fries in your mouth?

I feel incompetent and like an asshole doing this job.

I don't feel any different.

Hey.

That's that the dude from that show.

- Hey! Hey! - Oh shit!

That's fucking cool. I hate that show.

But I never noticed that, uh, room.

What... what is that?

The VIP room.

What the hell is a place like this doing with a VIP room?

I used to be in there all the time.

Well, what qualifies a person to be VIP?

Well, you need the password.

And this week it's "upscale elegance."

Actually, every week is "upscale elegance."

- I'm goin'. - Where the fuck you going?

Yeah!

Fuck!

Ah!

That's some baller shit.

Hey! Mr., uh, D. Imits, Cassius Green here.

Sorry to bother you. I just...

Hey, youngblood.

- What up? - Lemme give you a tip.

Use your white voice.

- My white voice? - Yeah.

Man, I ain't got no white voice.

Oh, come on, you know what I mean, youngblood.

You have a white voice in there, you can use it.

It's like when you get pulled over by the police.

Oh, no. I just use my regular voice when that happens.

I just say, "Back the fuck up off the car and don't nobody get hurt!"

All right, man, I'm just trying to give you some game.

You wanna make some money here?

Then read the script with a white voice.

Well, people say I talk with a white voice anyway,

so why it ain't helping me out?

Well, you don't talk white enough.

I'm not talkin' bout Will Smith white.

That ain't white, that's just proper.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm talking about the real deal.

Okay, so like...

"Hello, Mr. Everet. Cassius Green here.

- Sorry to bother you"... - Nah, man. Look, you got it wrong.

I'm not talking about sounding all nasal.

It's, like, sounding like you don't have a care.

Got your bills paid. You're happy about your future.

You about ready to jump in your Ferrari out there

after you get off this call.

Put some real breath in there.

Breezy like... "I don't really need this money."

You've never been fired.

Only laid off.

It's not really a white voice.

It's what they wish they sounded like.

So, it's like what they think they're supposed to sound like.

Like this, youngblood.

Hey! Mr. Kramer!

This is Langston from Regalview.

I didn't catch you at the wrong time, did I?

If you're ever gonna be a Power Caller,

you gotta know when to bag ‘em and when to tag ‘em.

- Yeah? - Hey. Um, what's baggin' and what's taggin'?

Bagging is when you drop the call.

Like a dead body into a bag,

you drop that shit 'cause it crossed the line.

Tagging is when you claim that money.

It's a sale. Cha-ching!

Like when they put the tag on the body at the morgue to identify it.

That's mine.

Maybe you already bagged that dead body, right?

And you're just about to walk away, skip town,

lay low for a little while.

But instead, you drag that heavy fucker

on out into the alley and... then you tag it!

Okay. Uh, I... I just...

I feel like these metaphors have not been cleared for this pep rally.

- Ah, okay. Diana? - Oh! Yes.

Uh... hi. I'm new,

so forgive me for not knowing everyone's name yet.

My name is Diana...

Dee-bo-sher-ree.

- That looks like "debauchery." - Well, it's not.

Uh, I am your new Team Leader!

And I know you're looking at me going,

"Is she a manager? I'm scared." Okay.

"She's going to treat me like a system of motorized appendages!"

No, that stops here, that stops right now.

You are not employees to me.

You are Team Members! We're a family now. You know what that means?

It means I lean on you, you lean on me. There's a synergy.

And you can feel that energy. I know that you can.

People are starting to get emotional, and I love that.

Does that mean we get paid more?

"No." Okay, but what is capital? Right?

I would argue that social currency now is more important,

and don't take it from me, take it from the news.

Take it from media, all kinds of media: digital, paper, otherwise.

Media is changing, so is capital.

Get with it. I don't want to scare you, but it's a new world.

Okay, Team Members. Let's, uh...

thank you very much, and let's all get back to work.

Remember! Hit your contacts! Up the ante!

Work the grid! And...

- Stick to the Script. - That's right.

Any one of you can turn Power Caller

and be rollin' in dough!

Oh, excuse me.

Ah. Okay.

Nothing in this office is free, man, you gotta put money in there.

Oh, re... really?

It's okay, you're not missing out. It tastes like shit.

Fuck. I thought I could get lucky, asshole.

I was just giving you shit, man. I'm... I'm Squeeze.

I've seen you around for a couple weeks.

It was a good question in there.

Cassius. People call me Cash.

It was a really good question in there, man.

- What, about us getting paid? - Yeah.

I mean, I just think it's kind of silly

that we have to be all excited.

- I know, right? - It's bullshit.

Exactly. I mean, you just cut straight to the chase, man.

That's awesome.

A player gotta mob up with us for some scrill and bennies.

Well, what the fuck does that mean?

Uh, there's a bunch of us

that are organizing to get us paid more.

Get some benefits.

We could really use your energy to jump things off.

Yeah, look, I gotta get back to work, man.

Hey, man, look, I'm sorry I got you like this,

but obviously we can't talk here.

So, grab a drink later. It's on me.

Hey, lady, how much?

- Okay. - So, we good?

- Yeah. - Alright.

- Hey. - What up?

- Who are you? - That's Squeeze.

- Squeeze. - He works with us at Regalview.

Squeeze, Detroit.

- Detroit? That's cool. - Yeah.

My parents wanted me to have an American name.

Nice!

And Detroit is a brilliant visual and performance artist...

No, my art is not twirling signs.

...who's about to open her first show.

Okay, "Mr. Embarrassing Intro Guy."

Squeeze, in high school, Cash was...

Shit!

Stuck... brake.

Why do you always talk about what I did in high school?

I mean, like, look at our high school football team.

Literally. Look at 'em.

All they do is work at the home furniture store

and play football all day.

It's, like, they're stuck or something.

Man, what the hell you talkin' bout? I mean, they're friends.

Baby, can you please not talk about the sun exploding tonight?

Okay.

Yeah, but you know, I... I just... at the end of the day

I just don't want to be stuck in their position.

Ah, shit.

D, wiper duty, please.

Come on, man. I never get wiper duty.

You can wipe my ass, Sal.

Oh, really? With what? My tongue?

Well, shit, it might make your breath smell a little bit better.

- ♪ Shitty breath, Sal ♪ - ♪ Sal ♪

- ♪ Shitty breath, Sal ♪ - SALVADOR: Oh God.

♪ The shittiest breah in Oakland ♪

Keeping turning, Troit. Turn.

...the fourth day of violent protests

at Worryfree headquarters.

Protesters say Worryfree's method

of lifetime labor contracts

is a new form of slavery.

Worryfree CEO Steve Lift

was interviewed on Oprah today.

No. Conclusively no.

Our workers do not sign contracts

under threats of physical violence

so, therefore, the comparison to slavery

is just ludicrous and offensive.

We're transforming life itself.

We're saving the economy.

I mean, we're... we're saving lives.

It's all highlighted in my book. I lay out the whole thing.

Many of the violent protesters

are part of the "Left Eye Faction"

and are identifiable by the black mark under their left eye.

There's no employment for many people.

Even sweat shops have been replaced by Worryfree LiveWork Centers.

These places are prisons,

and we're packed in there like sardines,

fed cheap slop, and worked to the bone 14 hours a day.

I Got the Shit Kicked Out of Me!

All I'm saying is if you don't cook the spaghetti

in the sauce with the cheese in it first,

- that's some white shit. - That's some bullshit man.

You don't get to decide what's black and what's white.

Well, that-that... but that's how black folks do it, man.

- No, nigga, I'm black. - We talked about that, man.

You kind of black, you Lionel-Richie black.

Look, I... I make my noodles,

then I put the sauce on, then... look it,

then I put a little, uh, Parmesan...

it doesn't even fucking matter, alright,

'cause pasta is from Italy.

Italians ain't white!

- Yes, they are, bro. - Yes, they are!

Since the fuck when?

Since the last 60 years, man.

Spaghetti is Chinese.

Speaking of white, I'm gonna make a toast.

- Come on. - A'ight.

Okay.

To my esteemed Regalview associates

whom I revere with great fervor...

What?

...and to my alluring and phenomenally talented fiancée...

I'd like to dedicate this imbibing

of intoxicating elixirs.

Here's to becoming a Power Caller!

Cassius, how'd you do that?

Old man at the jobby-job.

It's called the white voice.

I guess I'm... a natural at it.

That was all some puppet-master voodoo shit!

Dude, you sounded overdubbed.

Man, your white voice, man, it's fucking scary.

Yeah, I've never seen that shit before.

But I have heard about that Power Caller shit that you're talking about.

That's a scam.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

"If you work hard enough as a fry cook,

maybe you can become a manager!"

Or... or "If you twirl that sign really well,

then maybe you can twirl a larger sign on a more glamorous corner."

No, I already have the best corner,

and the biggest sign, and the best word. "Off."

It is the anchor to the slogan.

- So... - So, what's the point then?

What you think, I'm just supposed to work, eat, fuck, sleep?

No, I'm... I'm not saying that. I'm saying what we need...

We need a union at Regalview.

That way, we all get paid.

Okay. Okay. Well said, broham.

I'm down.

- Hey, Cassius. - Hey, Serg.

Uh, look, I get paid Friday, so I'll have half your money by then.

Even if you had all the money,

your little four month's rent wouldn't help me.

I owe too much.

If I don't come up with a boatload of money

by next month... which I won't...

the bank is taking my shit.

You should find a new place.

Damn.

It's making my diabetes act up.

So, what you gonna do?

I've been talkin' to those Worryfree people.

They sent me a brochure. It don't sound that bad.

Three hots and a cot, like we used to say.

- Oh, hell no, sir. Come on. - No, don't... don't do that.

Look, we'll figure something out.

Yes, I'm so sorry to bother you.

Yeah, well, let me tell you. I got a special for you.

Look, you bring a chick home to your apartment.

It's clean. It's stylish.

Of course, it is. She's already seen that

from the guy she was with two weeks ago.

And then her eyes move over

to those brown leather bad boys

from the Insight Encyclopedias, Intellectual Edition.

- It's fuck time! Do you know what I mean? - Yeah!

Yeah! Holla, holla, holla, holla, holla!

Oh, yeah?

Spin Doctors. Classic!

Tim, I want to chop it up more,

but I gotta get to my squash game.

Was that Visa or Mastercard?

God, this voice shit is crazy.

Yeah!

- ♪ Oh yeah... ♪ - Oh!

♪ All right ♪

Yeah!

- Yes! Tell that bitch "yes"! Yes! - Yes!

- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Hey! Hey! Hey!

♪ All right, oh yeah... ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Where's the wine at?

Power Calling all you motherfuckers!

Yeah!

Baby, yes!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Woo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Yes!

I... I should probably get back to work, man.

You're stoked, man!

You're doin' so fucking good with the voice thing.

But hit more contacts per hour.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. They're talkin' about you, bro.

You're on your way.

Pah!

To where, heaven?

Almost.

PC, baby. Power Caller.

Oh, uh...

- Did you hear what he just said? - Yeah, yeah, I heard him, man.

He told me the exact same shit three months ago.

Nice earrings.

Thanks. Made 'em myself.

♪ Copulation ♪

♪ An equation... ♪

What kind of world is it

when this is the most popular show in America?

They say 150 million people watch this every night.

Mmm.

I, personally, love seeing

a muthafucka get beat down and humiliated.

Makes... makes me feel warm inside.

I got the muthafucking T-shirt.

- Oh! - Check this.

Oh!

- I'm gonna go dance, man. - Alright. Yeah, motherfucka.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm! No.

Give me the good stuff.

Give me the good stuff.

Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

So, why you ain't dancing' man?

Motherfucker, I'm too old for that shit.

Man look, what happened to just doing the muthafucking dog,

Umf-umf-umf-bow-wow.

You know I'm freakin, you know what I'm saying?

Shit, now you got to dislocate your muthafucking shoulder.

Damn, what the fuck I look like doin that shit.

You, uh...

Hey. Power Callers, right?

They make a shit ton of money, man.

I'm talking about, like, bins

and expensive house payment type of money.

How the fuck is that even possible?

If you selling the bullshit we selling, it's impossible.

But they not selling the bullshit we selling.

So, I guess comparing to what we doing

to what they're doing is like apples to oranges.

More like apples and the Holocaust.

Alright. Bye.

Don't look into the light.

Fuckin' asshole.

- What up bro? - What's up man?

- Good man. - Aw, that hurt.

It's all good. I've been telling

everybody how you've been kicking all types of ass at work.

Yea. I mean it's crazy. I'm finally...

feel like I'm good at something.

I'm feeling myself.

- Word. - I'm a fucking monster at this.

Man. That's awesome, man.

Fucking dope man. That's awesome.

Yeah... whoa!

- Hey, Sugar Foot. Hey. - Hey, Lovely.

- Can I get that? - Who invited you?

Who asked you?

I was hoping you'd pop up earlier.

I thought you were coming by.

Oh, to your gallery? I thought you said don't come.

Your friends were helping you out.

Baby, that's what I said. But don't listen to what I say.

Listen to what I want.

- I'm confused. - Yeah, I know you are.

But are you gonna pick me up on Friday?

- That's what I want. - Is cash green?

Yeah. Cash is green.

- Can I get a light? - No.

Those are nice earrings.

Wait, baby. I didn't know you changed your earrings.

Detroit, I didn't know you made earrings of your ex-boyfriends.

Alright, everybody.

This is a pretty amazing turnout.

I hope you guys all know that we're in this together.

That this is all of us, ride or die.

You know what today is?

Today is the warning shot.

Telling them that we stand united.

If we get this right today,

not only will it be our floor

but it will be every other floor in Regalview and beyond.

A twenty-minute work stoppage during prime calling time.

I'll give the call. Sal what's the call?

Fuck you, pay me.

The other... other one.

Phones down.

Phones down.

Okay?

We hang up the phones. Put down our headsets.

Now, they're gonna single some of us out.

- Threaten our jobs. - Fuck that.

- Yes, fuck that. - Fuck that.

- Fuck that. - Yeah, fuck.

We ride for anyone they try to fire.

We fight

because we make the profits and they don't share.

If we're gonna give them our day,

we need to have enough to cover our basic necessities.

- Human decency. - Yeah.

Is anyone not down?

Speak now.

Nah, fuck that, Squeeze! We're ready!

Hmm?

Yeah. Uh, one for all. All for one.

Yeah! I brought all types of weapons.

Alright, folks. Let's meet back here at 3:00 PM. Okay?

- Don't. It's not that serious. - Okay, alright cool.

- It's like serious, but it's not that... - But I'm ready though.

Thanks, Mr. Goldberg.

As always, we'll be getting that out to you right away.

By the way...

Regalview management...

you are hereby warned.

We will not be overlooked.

Fucking God...

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Phones down!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

And fuck you!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview!

Oh man!

Out, out, out, out, out, out, out.

Alright, hey look,

I know you're gonna threaten to fire me.

And go ahead whatever. I don't care anymore

cause we're gonna take this fuckin place...

Pack up your shit and get out.

Well, fuck you and fuck you and fuck you!

- What? No... - Fuck you!

- Fuck you! - No, no, no, no, no, no Mr. Green.

You're starting to sound a little paranoid here.

We're the bearers of good news.

Great news.

Great mothafuckin' news.

Great motherfucking news.

Power Caller.

- What the fuck... - Yeah, we just got the call.

They think you're A-1 material.

You're going upstairs my compadre.

Yes. You are getting a promotion.

9:00 AM tomorrow morning.

- Do you have a suit? - Of course he does.

Powerful, young, strong, intelligent Power Caller.

- But, but they, um... - Oh, God.

They're gonna do what they're gonna do.

You're not going against their actions.

All their issues are down here. Not up there.

Two very different kinds of telemarketing.

But, but, oh, okay, um...

This is your moment. Don't waste it.

Woo woo! Woo woo! Woo woo!

Okay.

Maybe you're right.

The big money.

The top fucking tier of telemarketing.

Making history with legends like Hal Jameson.

Bad ass.

Oh, it's a really good batch, so I hope you like France.

You should have some.

- Should I just drink it right now? - Yes!

Oh, yes!

- Because we didn't have any cups. - Power Caller.

- Yeah! - Yes!

Power Caller, baby.

- Power Caller, man! - Power Caller!

Power Caller. Power Caller.

Wow, you really are ready, aren't you?

Hey, Ms. D. Yeah.

Wow, oh okay, well let's do this, mu-tha-fuck-ah.

I've always wanted to say that.

Okay.

I would be remiss if I didn't bring up your pink shirt.

I think it's extraordinary and sexy.

You know, 35% of men who wear pink

are more likely to start a franchise.

- Is that so? - Yeah.

- Oh. - Wow. Damn.

- This is crazy. - Oh, I'm sorry.

So clumsy.

Almost done...

this job's crazy right?

Do you need help with that?

Okay.

It's very secure. It's very...

Welcome, Power Caller.

Today is your day to dominate the world.

You are Regalview's elite brigade.

Take your place alongside legends like Hal Jameson.

You call the shots.

What...?

You are in your sexual prime.

The top of the reproductive pile.

Alright, does it do that every time━

Welcome to the Power Calling Suite, Mr. Green.

White Voice at all times here.

Yes, I almost forgot.

Good luck.

Nice suit, by the way.

You've been selected, Mr. Green,

because you have the potential to be a great telemarketer.

The potential.

Do you know what we sell up here?

- Oh, I heard it's a... - Ah, we sell power.

Firepower. Manpower.

When U.S. weapons manufacturers sell arms to other countries

who do you think, Mr. Green, makes that call at the precisely perfect time?

- Which is of course, dinner. - We do.

Before a drone drops a bomb

on an apartment building in Pakistan

who drops the bomb ass sales pitch

you may ask, Cassius?

We do.

Okay, so you said firepower, manpower?

Worryfree is our biggest client.

We help thousands of companies utilize Worryfree workers

to improve their efficiency.

So, wait, are you telling me you sell slave labor

to companies over the phone?

God damnit. You are a sharp one.

Hey, what the fuck are you doing?

Dave, stop him.

Shit!

Left Eye, bitches!

Worryfree has resuscitated America.

Workers live in space efficient dwellings

in the same facilities where production occurs.

They make anything and they make everything.

Lifetime contracts so no wages needed.

They make automobiles for what it used to cost to make bicycles.

Okay, but see I don't know if I can...

Sugar on top, white voice.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is I don't know

if I'm gonna be able to s... sell...

Here's the starting salary.

Hmm?

Well, man, I'm gonna have to get me some new suits.

You'll be working here until late.

We need you in the mix right away.

Hey baby, what's your sign?

I haven't heard that one before.

Yo, that was crazy yesterday.

That was like that scene in Norma Rae.

You know, the one when she's like on the table.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Regalview is scared shitless. We'll win.

Can I check that out?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Okay. Bravo.

Where'd you learn how to do that?

Down in L.A.

We organized the first sign twirlers union there.

Oh, okay.

Is that what you do?

You just go from place to place stirring up trouble?

Trouble's already there. I just help folks fix it.

Yeah, that's what I do with my art too, you know.

Expose the bullshit.

- It's not exactly the same thing. - It's pretty much the same.

I haven't seen your stuff so I can't...

I'm not gonna show you my stuff.

So how does it work with, uh...

with you and Cassius?

You know, you sound like a radical.

He's... I don't know.

He's what?

He's real.

He's not that fake-ass bougie gallery world.

So, that's how it works.

Well, you're rubbing him off right. So...

He helped with the work stoppage. So...

Your fire is rubbing off on him.

I like it.

I'm going.

You look like you're done here if you need a ride.

Nah, Cassius' on the way. But thank you.

Nice work.

Hey girl. We gotta go!

Thank you.

You okay?

Yeah.

- Did you get into an accident? - No.

How about robbed or something else crazy like that.

So, I don't think you flaked and left me on a corner for an hour.

Yeah, I know. Look baby I was gonna talk to you about it earlier

but I didn't know if it would be a for sure thing or not.

But, as of today I'm a Power Caller.

Does that mean you can pay me back my $80?

Hell, yes, baby, of course I can.

Stop Cassius. Stop, it's freaky.

What do they sell?

Am I finally gonna be able to see your show?

Baby, this is beautiful.

And big.

Africa.

Oh, really, is that what this is?

Yeah, I mean they're big because they're Africa.

So, I added the sculptures from last year.

Oh, okay. Well, if nobody shows up

at least it'll look full.

Can I... can I ask a question?

Why did you choose Africa?

I wanted to talk about a life shaped by exploitation.

About fighting for a say in our own lives.

About how beauty, love, and laughter

thrive and flourish under almost any circumstances...

Right.

How Capitalism basically started

by stealing labor from Africans

and about how you're nodding

like you're listening but you're not.

Oh, no sorry baby. I was receiving that.

I was just had a long day and...

- it's work. - It's okay.

You really want to hit this?

Yes.

Ah... yes, okay. I'm listening now.

Capitalism in Africa is booming.

Shh. I'm done talking.

I just want to marinate in this.

This is major for me, Cash.

What I want to do is I want sit here,

hit this weed

and just be here.

Alright guys. That felt good the other day, right?

- Yes. - Yes. Good, man.

Like I've known y'all my whole life, you know.

Don't forget that. Okay?

Remember each other's faces.

Cassius? What's up man? Where you been?

What's up with the suit?

I got promoted.

What does that mean? Are you a manager now?

That means I'm a Power Caller now.

- About to be paid. - We're all trying to get fucking paid.

- Yeah. - But we're gonna do it as a team.

- Are you on the team? - Yeah, I guess I'm still on your little team

but I'm playing from the bench.

The bench where you sit and get your bills paid.

You know my uncle is about to lose his house.

Cash, I'm sorry about your uncle, man,

but that don't mean sell out.

I'm not selling y'all out.

My success has nothing to do with you, alright.

You just keep doing whatever it is

that you're fucking doing and I'll root for you.

From the sidelines.

And try not to laugh at that stupid ass smirk on your face.

We don't need this.

- Are you doing alright? - Yeah, I'm doing good.

- How you doing? - Fantastic.

- Fantastic? - I hope you have a good day.

I hope you have a better week.

I hope your month is full of successful days.

And a lot of great ventures. I hope you just come up, brother.

I hope your whole fucking year is spectacular.

- Oh, you hope my year is spectacular? - Yeah.

You got something you want to say to me?

You got something you want to say?

- You smell great. - You smell great. What is that?

Burberry. What you got on?

- I forgot. It's just deodorant. - Smells expensive. Okay.

- Yeah. Good. - We smelling good.

Some good smelling brothers out here.

You're an awesome man and I appreciate you.

- I hope you find yourself. - Yeah, we should go out. Get drinks.

- You want to get drinks? - Yeah!

- How many drinks? - Two. Three.

- Three? Five? - Four! Five!

- Six? Eight? - Seven! Nine!

- Ten? On me? - All of them!

It's on me, no, it's on me now!

- It's on you? - Yeah, it's on me now.

- Alright. Alright! - Yeah, it's on me!

- It's on you now. - Now!

Walk!

Greetings, Cassius Green.

I hope you did not masturbate today.

We need you sharp and ready to go.

I detect the pheromones percolating out of your pores.

They say to others around you:

"Hold my penis while I piss on your underestimated expectations."

Mr. Green, I am a computer

but I wish I had hands to caress your muscular brain.

Cassius Green, you've been assigned a Worryfree campaign.

Brush up on that Chapter Six stuff.

Excuse me.

And give them that radiant voice of yours

in the next half hour.

2:00 PM.

Almost breakfast time in Japan.

Oh okay. Ah, doodily doodily doodily doo.

- Moshi moshi. - Mr. Son.

Cassius Green of Worryfree calling. Sorry to bother you.

I'm calling about who is assembling your phone.

Now I know they're being made in China.

I'm a big fan of yours.

I've been following you since you were with Takashi.

I cheered literally when I found out you acquired Tanrio,

which is why I'm calling you and not Phonarolla.

Mm-hmm.

Our team of dedicated workers

will make twice as many phones at half the cost.

You'll double up your market share

over these bastards.

Power Callers, our very own Cassius Green

just made our client, Worryfree,

upwards of ten million dollars

in one call on his first day, none the less.

- Oh, it's not that much. - Indeed one for the history books.

Cheers!

Excuse me for a second.

What can I do for you, chum?

Yes, I have a question.

I've just achieved a sort of miraculous financial endeavor.

I'm also in a financial bind.

I'm gonna need a cash advance.

Hmm.

This is where the magic happens, baby.

MTV spots Worryfree edition.

Hole puncher Jim Ellman.

This was the scene yesterday

at the Regalview Telemarketer's strike.

The striking Regalview workers

are joined by other telemarketers,

phone operators and university students

from all over the area.

After a long day of hearty-ass work,

you feel me?

We ready to eat.

This is where we get our grub on.

Mm-mm!

Yum.

Swimming through the vat of hyena urie

is not as bd as it sound!

What do we want!?

We want enough money to pay our rent!

Yeah! Yeah!

We want enough money to not et Cup ‘O Noodles every night!

Yeah! Yeah!

We are sick and tired of no..

We want to be able to go see our doctor

if we get drunk one night!

Yeah! Yeah!

When we hook up with someone without using any protection!

Okay. Okay, yea!

And we think we might have contracted chlamydia or gonorrhea!

Or any one of those crazy STDs that you've never heard f

that you find on Self-Diagnosis.com!

Fuck Regalview!

Fuck Regalview!

Fuck Regalview! Fuck Regalview!

Fuck Regalview!

Fuck Regalview! Fuck Regalview!

And fuck chlamydia, too.

Although strikers have kept most replacement workers

from breaking the strike

every morning, Starkwater security agents successfully escort

Regalview's elite Power Callers into the building.

For more on the Regalview strike,

let's go to the studio.

This is Ken Baget. Chanel 3 news.

Hey baby. Good morning.

No. Please, no.

Stop with that stupid voice, Cassius.

Didn't even realize I was doing it.

That's a problem, you know.

Sorry.

How long you been up?

I'm not up.

But I saw your TV debut.

Oh, shit.

- Cash, baby... - Can we not. Please.

Look, I quit when the strike jumped off

because being with you made it awkward for me. But...

Cassius!

You abandoned your friends.

Baby, I thought they'd do a couple of stoppages and...

It's one thing to take the promotion,

but now you're a full out scab.

Come on, baby, the Power Callers ain't on strike!

No, but they should be.

I'm so tired of talking to you about this.

You are crossing the picket line.

I can't ride with you.

Oh, you can't ride with me now!

But you was riding with me all around over...

Alright, fine. Well, no more.

Baby, what are you asking me to do?

Are you asking me to quit the fattest job I ever had?

But Cassius, it's not fat!

It is morally emaciated.

You sell fucking slave labor, Cassius!

What the fuck isn't slave labor?

Oh my god! Side-stepping.

- You side-step more than the fucking Temptations. - What isn't?

Fuck you, man!

Fuck you, alright!

Fuck you ‘cause I'm doing something

that I'm really fucking good at.

I'm really good at it and I'm important.

I'm making shit happen.

And you don't appreciate the shit

cause you already fucking had it.

And you're talking to me about slave labor?

What is Squeeze and them gonna do about slave labor?

What does Squeeze have to do with this?

They ain't gonna do shit.

And you ain't gonna do shit neither

by selling fucking art to rich people.

Fuck it.

Gimme the damn covers!

- What you doing? - Taking them.

- I'm cold. - I'm not playing Cassius.

- You're being greedy. - Don't play with me Cassius.

You don't even need all those covers. It's not necessary.

The whole reason I went to work for Regalview

was to make myself more interesting to you.

Cassius, the old you was way more interesting.

If you go to work today at Regalview

crossing the picket line...

we're done.

Elbows and assholes, people! Let's go!

Chisels or dynamite, Cassius. You pick.

Yeah, agreed. I just have to follow up

on this lead I've been working on.

This motherfucker right here...

is on fire!

Let's give it up for the boy wonder!

Yeah, yeah! Some for the homeys.

And some for me!

Bag them, tag them, rag them!

I trained her. I trained her.

We hunted mammoths! Yeah!

Douse him. Douse our winner with champagne.

Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Move!

I said get back!

Have a cola and smile, bitch!

Thank you very much, Miss Welcrott.

I'll talk to you soon. Mm-hmm.

Okay, bye.

You, my friend,

you are the best decision I've made in quite a long time.

I have to pat myself on the ass for that.

Thank you, Mister.

Feels good to be appreciated.

Don't call me Mr. , Cassius.

Call me.

Million-dollar question for you, Cassius.

Do you like to party?

I like parties.

What are you doing tonight?

Oh, I got this thing.

Well my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend...

Fudge all that.

Hmm!

Steve Lift is throwing his yearly party.

Wants to see our new star there.

Wants to talk to you, Cassius.

I have been waiting years for this invite.

Even Jay and Bey can't get this invite.

Hell yeah. I just got to do this other thing.

You go to your other thing.

And I'll be there waiting. Pick you up.

This is the kind of party that could change your life.

Beauty, love, and laughter.

I realize you were asking about specific... that one.

Yes...

You know what, will you please excuse me just one minute?

- Hey. - Hey.

I wouldn't miss this for the world, you know.

It's beautiful.

- You're beautiful. - Cash...

I love you too...

but I can't hang with what I see in you now.

What happened to your head?

Oh, um...

Oh, just... shaving...

Alright, I have to go get ready for my performance.

You should really stay and see it, okay?

Okay, but I can only stay for a little while, baby,

cause there's this party I got to get back to. It's important.

A Slave auctioneers party?

- Hey. - Yo, what's up?

Thank you for coming.

I wouldn't miss this for the world.

You always know just what to say, huh?

I literally just said that.

I hope you stay.

Yo, is the reason why you don't call me no more

is cause you sell out or cause you're just a star?

What are you talking about?

Eleven million views, man!

What the fuck?

You're like the Ariana Grande of disloyal niggas.

Have a cola and smile, bitch!

You could really help us out right now.

We got them by the balls, but they're holding out.

We got the info on how much this is costing them.

You flipping sides could turn the tide.

Don't be the leaf that floats down the river.

Be the stone that splits the stream.

Is that Tupac?

Welcome, friends! Gather around,

Form a semi-circle.

Tonight, we will have a transformative experience.

In those containers,

there are broken cell phones, used bullet casings,

and water balloons filled with sheep's blood.

Cellphones can only work with the mineral Coltan,

which is found in Africa's Congo.

The profit involved in this has created hardship and wars.

I will stand here.

If you feel so moved,

you may throw the items in the containers at me.

While I'm standing here,

I will be reciting excerpts

from the timeless Motown-produced movie entitled

"The Last Dragon".

I'll recite those lines Angela says to Eddie Arcadian

as she leaves him.

Let's begin.

"And in the end, Eddie, you know what?

"You're nothing but a misguided midget asshole

"with dreams of ruling the world.

"Yeah, and also from Kew Gardens.

And also getting by on my tits."

Bravo!

"And in the end, Eddie, you know what?

"You're nothing but a misguided midget asshole

"with dreams of ruling the world.

"And also from Kew Gardens.

And also getting by on my tits."

"And in the end, Eddie, you know what?

"You're nothing but a mis...

"misguided midget asshole

"with dreams of ruling the world.

"Yeah, also from Kew Gardens.

And also getting by on my tits."

Hey, hey, hey! Stop!

What the fuck is this?

Why would you subject yourself to this?

It's a part of the show, Cassius.

You of all people should understand, right?

- Stick to the script. - No.

Don't you have a party to get to, Cash?

Go!

Go, Cash.

Let's begin again.

"And in the end, Eddie..."

Well, I guess you're all wondering

why I've called this meeting!

Hey. Hey.

Fucking Sexy chocolate motherfucker!

- Oh yeah! - Cool guy.

You're coming with me.

I know you're loving the new digs.

Or even better, I'm digging the new love.

Stick around because...

I think a lot of these bitches

are gonna be getting naked later.

You know, I mean, your parties are the stuff of folklore.

You got to meet the man of the hour though.

Hey Cassius Green. It's a pleasure to meet you.

An honor even, sir.

It's okay, he's friendly. He's friendly.

Oh, yeah, how you doing man? You alright?

I'm really well, thank you.

Thank you for inviting us, Mr. Lift. It's amazing.

Just don't call me "Mister."

Oh, uh... Steve.

I never said "Steve."

Sir.

- I'm fucking kidding with you, man. - Ow! Ow!

You can call me whatever you want,

you keep closing those deals.

You must be like a fucking genius.

I'd love to pick your brain

because we need people like you over at WorryFree.

People who can comprehend the big picture, you know?

It's people like you that are gonna save this nation.

I mean look don't get me wrong;

we still need the workers to do the work.

Per se.

But we also need people like you.

People that can be trusted.

People that can analyze the challenge and adapt.

Like a cunning racoon.

Like a snake.

Or like a tardigrade!

Thanks...

Go, I'll lock up.

Great performance tonight, D!

I told you, you didn't have to do that.

No, it's my pleasure. It was good.

So, you gonna tell me what you thought about the show now?

It was, uh...

fiery.

Fiery? The fuck?

That's what you thought? That's it?

It was fiery. It was great.

Alright. Shh, you can tell me later.

So now, I gotta climb over the side of this overturned jeep

cause I got to pry the AK out

from under the crushed bloody body

of my now inconveniently deceased guide, right?

And just as I get this thing out I spin around.

And this fucking thing starts to charge and it...

Fucker took two mags to the head.

Turned that bitch into a trophy.

What about you, Cash?

You ever had to bust a cap in anybody's ass?

- Green, no... - Shut the fuck up!

I'm talking to the man of the hour here.

Come on man, have a seat.

Come on.

I want to hear about some of that Oakland gangster shit, man.

- Oaktown. - Just right here?

- Just sit down? - Yeah.

Well...

Luckily, I have not had to put a cap in anyone's ass.

Or head or anything.

So, I don't have any cool stories, sorry.

Alright, well I mean give us something. Right?

These boring cunts are at every single one of my parties.

You're different, man. Make an impression.

At least take off the white voice.

And I know you can bust a rap, right?

No, actually I can't.

Bullshit. Come on. Bullshit.

I can't, man.

I mean I can listen to rap, well, but I just can't rap.

It's actually embarrassing.

I don't know. I think he's lying.

I think you can rap.

I think you should rap.

Rap, rap, rap...

Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap.

Rap, rap, rap.

Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap.

Rap, rap, rap.

Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap.

My name is Cash. I like to...

Smash!

I come from the land of dope.

Somebody got something to smoke?

Nigger shit. Nigger shit.

Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit.

Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit.

Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

- Nigger shit. Nigger shit. - Yeah!

Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

- Yeah! - Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Nigger shit. Nigger shit. Nigger, nigger, nigger, shit.

Go through that big ass foyer.

Go through the door next to the stairs.

Go down the other stairs. Hang a left.

Go to the end of the hallway.

Then make a right.

You'll see it.

Big magenta color doors. At the end of the halls.

Steve Lift will be waiting for you.

He wants you in there.

Look here, young blood. We don't cry about the shit that should be.

We just thrive on what is and what is...

opportunity.

This could be big, Cassius.

Don't do that thing.

- What thing? - That thing where you fuck it up.

Please, though.

Heads up.

This place is fucking nuts, man.

Thank you. I will accept your backhanded compliment.

Please. Take a seat, Mr. Cassius Green.

- How's your head, you alright? - No, it's perfect.

Well, here, in this lair

we do no line before its time.

And for you, my friend, it is time.

Cause you are rolling with the big dogs now.

Fuck it!

Fuck! It's strong, man!

Oh yeah. I have a proposition for you, Cash.

I will listen to your proposition, Stevie.

I want you at WorryFree.

I see something in you.

I think that you are more

than just the world's greatest telemarketer

since Hal Jameson.

You know what that's very interesting.

Boring, though.

I want to talk about the dollars

and zeros and the commas and shit.

Cocky. I like it.

Watch this little video proposal we put together

and you'll understand everything. Alright?

You know, I kind of got to piss.

So, could we, like, kind of watch this

after I get back from the bathroom?

No.

Hell, I got to piss, man.

Okay fine. Out the door,

halfway down the hallway, jade door.

Jade door, okay.

Okay...

Wow...

Alright...

Shit...

One stall.

Hey, you on your way in or out, man?

Can you help me?

No. No, I can't. Sorry.

Please. Could you help me?

Fucked up, man. I'm really hurt.

Oh, shit. Okay.

Just hold on, man.

Please... help me.

Help me! Help me!

No, no, no, no, no, no! Don't touch me.

- Help us! - Help me!

Hey, what the fuck!

What the fuck, man!

- I said the jade door. - That is the jade door.

No, that's an olive door.

That's very clearly an olive door.

That's a jade door.

Look, you got to get me the fuck out of here.

Okay, calm, calm. This is a big misunderstanding. Okay?

Let's just take a deep breath and calm down.

We're gonna go back to my office.

I'm gonna explain everything to you, alright?

Wait, do you still have to pee?

I mean, I pissed on myself, man.

So, no I don't have to pee.

Look, I got to get the fuck out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no...

Here's the deal.

I can't let you leave without explaining everything. Alright?

And if you'd even seen the video

before you went in there you wouldn't even be scared.

What the fuck was that thing in there, man?

It's...

the video is gonna show you everything.

Don't worry about it.

There's a lot of production value in this.

Since the dawn of time,

or least since before anyone cares to remember

we have used our wits to survive.

But what has allowed us to thrive

was our use of tools.

A natural development.

But what are tools

if not extensions of the appendages

with which we were born?

Humans have modified ourselves throughout history.

We train ourselves to fight.

We work out.

We study.

Worryfree is carrying forward this lineage

of natural developments that began in prehistoric time.

We realize that human labor has its limitations.

And, so, our scientists have discovered a way.

A chemical change to make humans stronger,

more obedient, more durable

and therefore more efficient and profitable.

We are proud to announce to our shareholders

that a new day in human productivity is dawning.

Our workforce of Equisapiens

will make Worryfree

the most profitable company in human history.

And you, our shareholders,

will be a part of that history.

See? It's all just a big misunderstanding.

This ain't no fucking misunderstanding, man!

So, you making half-human, half-horse fucking things

so you can make more money?

Yeah, basically.

I just didn't want you to think I was crazy.

That I was doing this for no reason.

Because this isn't irrational.

Oh.

Cool. Alright.

Cool. No, I understand.

I just I just got to leave now, man.

So, please get the fuck out of my way.

We haven't finished the movie.

Call me about that next week, please.

And then we'll talk about it.

Sit in that chair

and we're gonna watch this movie.

And then I'm gonna make you a proposal.

Come on.

Our worker modification process

is simple and rather quick.

It works for 70% of humans

who take the fusing catalyst.

And, see, this is how we begin

the process of the transformation.

They take what's called the fusing catalyst. And what happens is...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, man.

What the fuck did you give me to snort? Huh?

What the... what the fuck was that?

- Wait, what? - What did I snort?!

Cause I'm, I'm not even fucking high.

You're not what? Wait, wait wait. Wait.

No, I don't give a fuck about that anymore, alright?

I don't give a fuck about that shit.

If you had me snort some shit

that's gonna have me mutated man

I want you to fucking shoot me!

Cash. What you snorted was 100% Peruvian, man.

I need you to be a little bit more particular, man.

You know, they got fucking horses in Peru, probably.

- Motherfucker! - You're gonna get semantic on me?

No, I'm not getting semantic.

You're the one that's being semantic

if you refer to the fucking horses as a 100%.

Fuck that. It doesn't even matter.

Was it coke? Was it not coke?

- What was it? - Cash. It was coke.

Calm down, man.

You're... I wouldn't just give you

the fusing catalyst without telling you.

I'm not evil. Okay?

The reason you're not high

is because your adrenaline is pumping so hard right now

that to be perfectly honest

you're starting to harsh both of our mellows. Okay?

So, sit down and just take a breath, man.

It's fucking adrenaline.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It's fine, okay. Just breathe.

Okay?

Fucking bitch...

Okay?

Now, the proposal that I want to make you is this...

That is the future of labor. Okay?

They're bigger. They're stronger.

They hopefully gripe a lot less.

And also, soon, I'm gonna have millions of them.

Fucking crazy...

They're gonna form their own society.

They'll probably form their own culture.

Then maybe they want to organize.

Maybe they want to rebel.

And that's why we need someone on the inside

who represents Worryfree's needs.

Someone they can relate to.

To manage it.

For fucking horse people.

No. No.

The Equisapien Martin Luther King, Junior.

But one that we create.

One that we control.

So, you want to... want to have a false leader

for these fucking horse people.

But at the same time, he works for you?

Yeah. Keeps shit simple.

Well, why the fuck did you choose me?

Out of everybody you could have chose,

why did you pick me?

- For what? - Cash. Cash.

You are awesome.

I've never seen anyone go through the ranks

at Regalview like you did.

And I want someone like that at Worryfree.

Someone hungry.

Someone who'll fucking shank their own friend in the back

if it means getting what they want.

Now, look, I can see that you're freaked out.

And that you want to say no.

But I wouldn't do that before you see what I'm offering.

No, man. No, no.

There's no fucking amount of money

that will make me do that shit.

Two things.

it's a short-term contract.

Five years. Done.

Then we give you the diffuser antidote

special sauce serum

and you're back to normal.

And the second one, and I want you to remember this.

You're gonna have a horse cock.

What the fuck is a special antidote sauce serum. What the f...

It sounds like you made that shit up, man.

That shit ain't real.

No, it's real. And so is my offer.

Five years as our man amongst horses.

For one hundred million dollars.

Just go sleep on it. Okay?

And after that, holla at your boy. Okay.

Get out in that party and go fuck something.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck! Fuck!

Where's my cell phone?

San Francisco Chronicle, good morning.

Um... Eric. Eric Arnold, please.

One moment.

Hello.

Okay, Eric Arnold. My name is Cassius Green.

I have some important information.

Some very, very important information

that I think you would really, really be interested in.

- Okay, shoot. - Okay, uh... alright.

They turning motherfuckers into horse-people.

Horse... half-horse, half-human people that work. Alright.

Look, they have you snort some fucking coke,

and, well, it's not really coke,

but you snort it and it has your nostrils get all big

and then you get a horse dick and shit.

And listen... listen, you got to get this story out here, man,

because look, you put...

Jake?

What you talking about? No. Cassius.

Cassius Green.

The first thing we're gonna do

is cut a little nib into the cola can.

Voila! "Have a cola and smile, bitch," wig!

Fuck! Where the fuck is my cellphone?!

And the strangest thing

to happen in advertising history

Soda Cola has announced working with Cynthia Rose,

the foul-mouthed heroine with perfect aim

from the "Cola-and-Smile-Bitch" YouTube clip.

Rose reportedly signed for an amount of money

that could buy four white babies.

The strike breaker who's hilariously pegged in that clip

has been revealed to be named...

- Cassius Green. - Cassius Green.

Alright Doc, now I'm, uh...

I got a little worried, you know.

Because I was looking at it maybe from up here.

But that it might be different.

Is it bigger?

No. No, it's the same size.

I mean, I'm glad you're feeling yourself.

Is that why you tried to booty call me last night?

I didn't try to booty call you. I lost my phone. I told you.

It doesn't matter. I got a new one.

What is up with you, Cash?

You called me at 3:23. You left a video message.

I didn't check it,

cause I assumed it was lude as fuck

and I wasn't trying to do that...

Can I see that?

Come on.

We're hurting! We're hurting!

Help us! Help us!

Get back in there. Get in there.

Help us!

We're hurting!

Security code cleared.

Love of Christ.

If your beautiful perversions don't shut the fuck up,

I will turn you all into glue!

I found my phone.

I don't know, Cash...

You got to do something. People got to know.

Right? Honey, you got to tell them, right?

Yeah. Yeah I mean...

- Why did you show... - I don't know, alright.

I snorted something that was...

I thought it was activated

but it turned out it was just coke...

But why did you focus on your dick, though?

They have big nostrils

you could have just asked me to check your nostrils.

- Okay check ‘em, check ‘em. - Okay, okay.

Yeah, they look bigger.

- No, they don't. - I think that's just cause...

- Yeah. You're flaring them. - No, I'm not flaring them.

- You are, you are. - No, I'm not.

Just relax them a little bit so I can see.

Okay. Look, listen. They're normal size. They look normal size.

They look normal size.

I need you to know...

I want to be clear...

this can't happen again.

I'm not going back.

I'm not going to be a fucking Power Caller.

That's a good decision.

But I...

- I still have problems with all this. - I'm not...

Only something happening to you turned you against them.

Okay. But I know how they view me.

How I look in the eyes

of fucking Worryfree and Regalview.

They just view me as another one of their fucking creatures

to control and to manipulate. And that's not me.

Good.

Good.

That doesn't change what I said about us.

And also, I kind of messed around

with somebody last night.

What? Wait...

what do you mean you kind of...

I need you to explain that one

cause I don't understand

what you mean by you kind of messed around with somebody.

- I mean did you... - Everything but.

Everything but.

You see, that's almost worse than

anything I can imagine in my mind.

- Everything but. So, did you... - Cassius we were broken up.

Okay? It's over.

It's me and you that shouldn't have messed around tonight.

You want to know who it was?

Do you plan on fucking

or "everything but"-ting with that person again?

No.

Nah. No, I don't want to know, then.

No, I don't want to know.

I have absolutely no idea what this is about.

Maybe it's saying that capitalism dehumanizes them.

Maybe the artist is being literal.

Maybe Worryfree is turning workers into horses.

And literally fucking them?

Hey, bro.

Ain't you the dude from the clip

that got hit in the head with the can?

No. No, everybody thinks that's me, man.

- But that's not me. - What's wrong with your head then?

Man, everybody thinks that's...

That's you, that shit is funny!

- What the fuck, man?! - For you lyin'!

That's alright.

Happen to the best of us.

Walk it off.

This is Cassius Green

from "Have-A-Cola And-A-Smile-Bitch" fame.

I want to be on your show tomorrow.

"Have a Cola and smile, Bitch"

"I Got the Shit Kicked Out Of Me"

Today, YouTube sensation Cassius Green is here.

You had 500 million people

watch you get pegged to the noggin

and get utterly humiliated. It was effin hilarious.

The way your hair went up like that...

The whole world is laughing ‘til they pissed.

Well, I got a new clip that I need you to play

and the only reason I came on the show

was because you agreed to show this clip

to your 150 million viewers.

Well, if you want some ass, you have to bring some ass.

So, we'll get ready for an ass whipping,

then jump in the shit tank.

Then we'll play your clip.

Could you play my clip now, please?

Okay.

Is it as crazy as the cola-and-a-smile-bitch clip?

Not possible.

It's crazy, Mary.

- It's fucking crazy. - Woo-hoo.

Let's roll the clip.

Help us. We're hurting!

We're hurting!

If you beautiful perversions don't shut the fuck up,

I will turn you all into glue!

As a Power Caller for Regalview,

Worryfree was my premier client.

This is just incontrovertible proof

of Worryfree's evil practices.

They're turning humans into grotesque horse-people.

And I want the world to know

that... that... that they're manipulating humanity

for the sake of profit.

Now, we cannot let this go on.

You have to call your congressman, alright.

Call your local politicians

and let them know we will not stand for this.

It's been one day

since the viral celebrity leak to the world,

new scientific achievements made by Worryfree

and their genius CEO, Steve Lift,

which caused Worryfree stocks to sky rocket

at a rate faster than any other company in history.

House and Senate leaders

joined Lift in ringing the bell

to celebrate the record stock market rally

Worryfree's success has created.

Fuck you!

We are all sinners, but in every sinner lies a winner.

The Lord lifted you from the whore house,

you from flop house, you from drop house...

- Fuck! Fuck! - Out devil!

Fuck!

No. No. We're just doing dutch.

- Thanks for calling, man. - Yeah.

Look, I betrayed you.

I know it's not gonna change anything,

but I wanted to say I'm sorry.

- I acted stupid, I was... - Man, hey, we... we good.

Alright, but all you got to do is just...

just do right from now on, man.

Yeah, I know and that's what...

I tried to change it. I tried to stop it. But it's...

it's just right in front of their faces.

They're turning human beings into monstrosities

and nobody gives a fuck.

Most people that saw you on that screen

knew calling their congressman wasn't gonna do shit.

If you get shown a problem,

but have no idea how to control it,

then you just decide to get used to the problem.

Yeah, and that's why our plan for tomorrow...

is important.

‘Cause if we stop them

from crossing the picket line this time we win.

- That's a good plan. - Yeah.

Tomorrow we show ‘em how to give fucks.

Ain't that about a...

- Happy Halloween - Look at that shit. You see that shit?

What the fuck is that about? What the fuck, man.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Get back in there! - We're hurting! Help us!

Security code cleared.

Fuck you, Regalview!

Fuck you, Regalview! Fuck you, Regalview!

None of the strikers here at the Regalview strike

will tell us why they're all wearing

their Cola-And A-Smile-Bitch wigs.

Although the strikers have been

extremely militant over the past weeks,

they've not been able to stop the Stackwater juggernaut

from breaking through the lines.

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Elbows and assholes, people!

Let's move!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!...

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass!

Scabs won't pass! Scabs won't pass!

Oh!

The infamous Cassius Green,

former Power Caller and strike line crosser,

has switched sides.

- Yeah, man! - Yeah!

Looks like the Calvary's arrived, folks.

Get the fuck back!

This way! This way!

Come on!

Over here! Over here!

This is when the magic happens.

Get them here quick.

Hey, Cassius.

Look out! Look out!

Hey! Hey!

Let me out!

Hey!

Hold your ground!

Yes! Yes!

Wow!

Thank you.

We. Are Honored.

To. Be. In. Your. Presence.

Dude. I'm from East Oakland.

Talk regular.

My name is DeMarius.

Thanks for breaking us out.

Oh, I'm Cassius. Cassius Green.

No problem.

Worryfree is here.

Hey. Same struggle.

Same fight.

Equisapiens! Let's be out!

Equisapiens, thank you so much!

Hey!

Master mind.

Are you serious right now?

Serious as kicking the can.

Don't... don't play with me, Cash

cause that's some serious shit.

No, man. That's yours.

And I've got a car that'll do me just fine

til I get back to work at Regalview.

Plus, I wanted to say I'm sorry.

Cash, man. Look.

Just saying sorry is fine.

This is good. This is perfect.

This is the perfect apology.

I don't want disrespect you. You know this is cool, I'm...

Hey!

So, uh...

now that we won that strike

you cool coming back to work with us

lowly regular telemarketers.

Well, if the new and glorious

telemarketers union will have me.

You got to start fighting somewhere.

- Huh? - Alright, bro.

- Be good. - Mm-hmm.

Kiss already, huh?

So, what about being part of something important, huh?

Oh shit.

It looks like the sun is about to explode.

Oh my god...

Come here, sugar.

We are a part of something important.

Changing the world.

Before the sun explodes.

Well...

I couldn't come back to the exact same thing

after all that, right?

What happened?

What, Cash?

What?

I'm Cassius Green calling on behalf of

stomp a mud hole in your ass.com.

Sorry to bother you but...

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Alright ♪

♪ Hell, yeah ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Alright ♪

♪ Hell, yeah, that's tight ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ I'm Boots Riley, they ain't merc'd me yet ♪

♪ Gon' get shit popping like Percocet ♪

♪ Got pent up anger that ain't surfaced yet ♪

♪ Two stepping like the boss dispersed the check ♪

♪ Imagine this hymn is a hand grenade ♪

♪ Asphalt sheet rock serenade ♪

♪ Jack and Coke is the marinade ♪

♪ But we sober up quick at the barricades ♪

♪ Joint in my mouth, pass the fire ♪

♪ Everything out they mouth is a pacifier ♪

♪ I'm not preaching, ask the choir ♪

♪ The green one, the red one, pass the wire ♪

♪ Camel toe, camouflage with fashion ♪

♪ Passing the shell codes on to the assassin ♪

♪ Dash in security, mall expansion ♪

♪ Whatever I wear, know I'm here to be clashing ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Alright ♪

♪ Hell, yeah ♪

♪ That's tight ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Alright, Hell, yeah ♪

♪ That's tight ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Hey, Hey ♪

♪ We came ♪

♪ To bleed ♪

♪ Electricity ♪

♪ We came to bleed ♪

♪ Electricity ♪