Original subtitles

Let's see...

-Are you bringing a pillow? -Pillow?

Yes, a pillow. To put on the thwart.

So your assicle doesn't fall asleep after long sessions of rowing.

I'm bringing mine. Do you want me to bring yours?

No, I'm not bringing my pillow.

No?

Don't come running to me

asking for mine, if you have second thoughts.

No, thank you.

I don't understand Chieftain Orm.

Thought you were done with this raiding nonsense.

Raiding is pretty much our primary industry.

We are Vikings, after all.

How pathetic, if our primary industry

is stabbing people with swords and raping and pillaging.

That just seems so year 770.

We're destitute. Everything has gone into those art projects.

We have no choice.

Not that you mind. I'm sure you were very hard to convince.

Well, I can't just sit at home while everyone else is out raiding.

That's not, that's not honorable.

Don't make this about honor.

And not the fact that you're just really excited

to head out to sea with your friends again.

No matter what, I will miss you like crazy.

-Right. -Yeah.

-Have you seen my helmet? -No, don't you only wear hats?

No, I have that helmet I like to wear during battles.

Let's see. What else should I pack?

It's been such a long time since I've been on a raid.

So I've almost forgotten.

-You've never been on a raid, have you? -Yes, I have. A few times.

-No. -Yes.

-No. -Yes, yes.

It was a long time ago, so, you've probably just forgotten.

It's OK to forget a few details. You can't remember everything.

Well, that I would have remembered.

No, maybe there was too much blood and gore going on for you then.

You just stored that information in a place

that your brain doesn't give you access to.

No.

Well, that's a perfectly normal mechanism.

You know, maybe you should just stay home, since you don't find your helmet.

Well maybe that's best for everyone.

Oh, here it is!

-Yes! -Yes...

Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I want to go raiding too?

You raiding?

You don't even like being in a boat.

You always keep telling me you hate the sea.

That's beside the point, Arvid.

The point is that it's really nice to be asked. To be included.

-To be seen. -Yeah. Sure.

So... Do you want to come with us?

No! Ew.

Do you have to walk around with that gigantic cock necklace?

How do you think that will make the men on the boat feel?

-I don't know. -Tiny!

It's a kiss of death for their self-confidence.

Well, you want me to take it off then?

As far as I'm concerned, you're welcome to wear it.

I have confidence enough in my own sexuality.

-Good for you. -Yes.

I know that size doesn't matter one bit. You know, it's like I always say:

It's not about the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.

Yes, you've said that many times now. Yes.

That's because it's so true.

So very, very true.

You should try to come along once.

Frøya always comes with us and she loves it.

Never gonna happen.

Maybe it would open your eyes to what we actually do.

Maybe you'd respect it a little more.

You're Vikings! You have the easiest job in the world.

Sit on a boat. Stab people with swords.

-It's as basic as it can possibly get. -It's actually pretty demanding.

Nope.

[Orm] Yes, good folk.

It's time for another raid.

In my absence you are to obey the highest-ranking man in the village.

Rufus.

Rufus?!

But he's a slave!

Yes, that's true. He was a slave.

And now he's creative director of the most exciting project

this side of the Midgard serpent.

I assume everyone will carry the load together, but just to make sure

I've hired an assistant for Rufus.

Sturla Bonecrusher.

Rufus, perhaps you'd like to say a few words?

Thank you.

It's an honor to be allowed to lead your village.

And thank you, Orm, for this vote of confidence.

First on the agenda, now that I'm a man of power,

is to demand my cape back from the one who stole it.

That one. It's that one.

Not everyone here knows me so well. So allow me to introduce myself.

I'm known as Rufus.

But my full name is Rufus Theodosius Claudianus.

I'm an actor.

Educated at the School of Dramatic Arts in Rome.

I spent three years there.

Three fantastic years.

Where I learned from some of the best people in the business.

I can mention some names.

Claudio Elo. Flavio Piginius. Enrico Noiosos.

So many great artists, that just passing on their knowledge to us.

And for that I'm so grateful.

He said: "You've got it. Inside you. I want to see what's inside here."

"And I see that you're a great artist."

And that was really, a real special experience for me.

Because you have to convey emotions, understand?

And ask questions.

And leave it to the audience to interpret them.

And those of us left behind will see to it that everything here

in our cultural capital is in tip-top shape

when Orm and the barbarians return.

Right, people?

Right, people?

Oi!

[all, half-hearted] Oi.

Yes, yes. Bravo. Bravo!

Well said, Rufus, well said.

Da capo!

Da capo!

Not da capo . That's something else.

Mm.

Hey, you. Could you just help your chieftain?

Just...

Splinter, splinter!

Loki!

Tell people to be careful by the entrance. I just got a huge splinter.

Not exactly comfortable, to say the least.

Well, well, well.

Time for another raid.

Time to swing the old sword again!

[sword splashes]

The sea giveth.

And the sea taketh away.

And this time the sea

tooketh

my sword.

Arvid. Frøya.

What are those?

The horns on your helmet.

Are they simply decorative?

Or are you going to use them to impale people, or what?

Horns happen to be the latest fashion.

You can't walk around with horns on your helmet.

It looks ridiculous.

-Because you're such a fashionista? -Yeah, or, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so then you would probably know that fashion is about

taking chances? Experimenting?

Daring to be bold, while at the same time of course

you have to wear something that you feel comfortable in?

Well, I sure wouldn't feel comfortable with those horns on my helmet.

Me neither.

OK, Frøya, I can see that you've tried. But Arvid?

-What is this? -What do you mean?

This is no plan. It's an old man's clothing.

You're so risk-averse it's painful to watch.

Take a chance!

-Right. -OK...

The helmet is a basic headcover, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But when you add some other material, like horns,

it becomes something else. It's no longer just a helmet.

It is something bigger. It tells a story.

And that is what fashion is all about.

I'll see you on the boat.

I can promise you that.

Horns on the helmet will never be popular.

No.

-He doesn't look like a Viking. -No.

No.

She seems steady and secure, this one?

-She should be fine. -Yes.

It sure will be nice with a long trip now.

Have you been on many raids?

-Yeah, some. -Yes.

I guess you can say that.

The thing is, I was actually saving this seat.

Saving the seat? For who?

Someone.

Someone? I know everyone here. Who?

Ragnar?

It's so special to sit with Ragnar you can't sit with your chieftain?

Who just happens to be the most important person on this boat?

No, not at all. You just sit right here.

I suppose Ragnar can

find somewhere else to sit, and...

It's just that we usually sit together.

-...sit together, yes. -Yes.

It wouldn't hurt to mix things up a little.

It's very important not to get these cliques on board.

And who knows, maybe some strong, new friendships can develop?

This is more about, you know, respecting

the saved-seats policy.

Sure, I can find somewhere else to sit.

Good. Excellent. That's settled then.

-Then we'll sit. Yes. -That's settled.

And we could just

switch seats once we're out at sea.

-Or not. -Why don't we just play it by ear?

Yeah. I think you were going to change seats very soon anyhow.

No, I think maybe we'll just stick to our regular seats.

-We'll play it by ear. -Or just decide right now.

You can get really tired and sore on your right side.

But, no, but I have a pillow.

Hello.

So, this is what I want you to build.

It's called a drawing.

So this is where the acting will take place.

This is called a stage.

The audience will sit around here on benches. This goes up.

-Up like that. Fine. -Yeah.

It has to do with the sound and acoustics from the stage

So these layers indicate that the rows go higher and higher.

I think we may have to reinforce those with a couple of girders.

Yeah, you're the expert. But I've drawn two entrances here.

But see if it's possible for one more entrance. If possible.

That has to do with the construction support, but we'll figure it out.

Okay.

-So you've got this? -Yes, this looks fine. No problem.

He says he's got it. Excellent.

Just remember that I accept nothing but spectacular results.

-I'm utterly uncompromising there. -Of course.

Sweet Odin!

Am I the only one who feels queasy around here?

Probably. What's your problem?

I'm experiencing

cold sweat, nausea, discomfort.

Vomiting.

You're seasick. It's completely normal when you're on your first raid.

No, I've been on many raids. It can't be that.

You know what's key now, for you?

It's to not focus on the horizon.

OK?

Yeah. And then you drink some warm goat milk.

And then you go lie down in the middle of the boat.

And close your eyes.

-And... -Counteract.

Counteract the motion of the sea.

Yeah, that's the only thing that helps. I'm telling you. Yeah.

OK.

-Goat milk? -Yeah, goat milk.

Pretty shitty work, eh?

Since you confiscated all our tools, we have to dig with our hands.

Well, you have to suffer for our art.

That's just the way it is. So keep up the good work!

Fuck off, you fucking slave!

Smart move. Very smart move.

Show them what happens to anyone who opposes the creative director!

There!

That's what happens!

Consider that a lesson!

Listen...

I don't mean to tell you how to do your job.

But I was expecting something more along the lines

of a slap.

OK?

Or maybe like an Indian burn or something, so?

Next time,

maybe it's best if you double-check with me

before you crush someone's skull. OK?

Great.

Good talk.

[Arvid] See that one? That's the North Star.

And the one right below the North Star?

That tiny little one I just call The Dot.

Because it looks like a dot.

So,

how's married life?

Oh, it's fine.

It's... yeah.

I mean, it's not exactly what I imagined.

-You have to do a lot of boring stuff. -Mm-hm.

And then there's all these emotional things.

Yeah, that you're supposed to feel something for each other

in order to enjoy being with each other.

I haven't really thought of it like that before.

[sighs] I just...

enjoy so much going on a raid again.

Isn't it strange? We've been on so many raids together,

yet we haven't really, we haven't really spoken together.

I guess I've always been

-a little shy. No, not really. -Really?

Yes.

You are shy. Yes, you are.

Yes!

Hello, everybody!

Hello. Hello, what's your name?

Sebastian.

Sebastian. What a lovely name! I'm Charlie.

I've got a cold. I've got a red nose.

I'm going to sneeze!

My God.

Charlie really is the only person

who can make these poor, sick children smile.

It's like their illness disappears like the morning mist in the sun.

Land! I can see land!

Guys, wake up! I can see land!

He truly is a blessing to our community.

-Will you be back tomorrow? -Of course.

Even though I have my work at the animal shelter to attend to.

-I'll be here every single day. -Good.

They really do love you, these children, you know.

And I love them too. But today is a great day.

I'm celebrating the end of the fundraiser I've organized.

Finally we have enough money to build a proper hospital

for these poor children. -Oh, Charlie!

You know, I do not like ranking people,

but you're truly the best person I've ever met.

You're most likely the best human being in the whole of Britain.

You... thank you very much. You're very kind.

I just do what I can.

-Bye bye. -God bless.

Don't show any fear now, folks.

Remember, nothing's sexier than self-confidence!

-Don't look at me. He's your husband. -Well, he's your chieftain as well.

Yeah, but shouldn't he count double for you? Chieftain and husband?

Arvid, you're sort of the leader for the warriors.

-Shouldn't you be taking care of this? -No way!

I'm not saving Orm. That's not my job.

Thank you for coming on this wonderful occasion.

My heart is so full. It started as a dream.

Making the world a better place for those less fortunate.

And by God, the Holy Spirit,

I think we did it!

Orm!

-To the children. -The children.

Together, we have raised more money

than we could ever dream of.

Money that will not only build this new hospital

Charlie.

these children have needed for so long.

But will also provide them

with invaluable education.

-I could not have done this, of course, -Excuse me, Charlie?

without you.

You

have been the backbone of everything I have done.

[screaming]

What's going on?

-Where's the amphitheater? -It's right here.

The only thing I haven't solved is the stage curtain,

but I think I have a solution.

-OK? -We use part of a pot-holder.

I mean, that gives it weight and a bit of a pattern.

Don't you think that be cool?

-Yeah, that's cool. -Wouldn't it though?

I mean, everything has to be so modern these days.

But a good old-fashioned pot-holder is perfect. I'm glad you like it.

Where do you envision the actors standing on this stage?

Where do you picture the audience sitting?

I don't... I think we have to solve that.

But, I mean, we won't know that until we've tried it.

Let me put it this way: How many people do you know

who are small enough to sit on these benches?

How many tiny people do you know?

Who are small enough to sit on these benches?

Of course!

The drawing was just supposed to illustrate how it was gonna look.

-Yes! -Hey.

I mean, my lord Odin.

That one's on me, guys.

I fully understand that slap. My bad.

Again!

Again!

Again!

Again!

[battle noises]

[whistling and laughing]

Stop, stop, stop!

Arvid, what in Hell do you think you're doing?

We've just...

This one's mine!

Come on, Orm!

You can do it.

Orm, come on!

Come on!

You can do it.

You're the best!

Come on, Orm!

Orm...

She was strong!

And quick.

Like a... weasel.

Frøya?

So not only were our enemies unarmed,

they also gathered all the treasure for us in a chest

and made food and set the table.

By Thor, this raiding stuff is really easy.

This just confirms that the gods approve of our line of business.

[laughing]

Keep up the pace!

We're building a cultural stronghold here.

And I expect nothing but perfection.

Peasants.

Chop chop!

Look at this.

Here you are, working in your simple manner.

Oh, it's nice, isn't it?

Mm.

-What do you think? -Well, I think it's pretty good.

-"Pretty good"? -Mhm.

And you're satisfied with "pretty good"?

Is everyone here satisfied with "pretty good"?

-How about you? -Yes, I think it's nice.

Do you know what I think?

This is what I think.

Again.

Rufus, I spent over a week on that!

Yeah. And that's what frightens me.

Suck a fart out of my ass.

Excuse me?

We'll try harder.

Good. Excellent.

Ugh. What an ugly bucket!

What's the point of that?

Well, we have to draw the line somewhere.

Even the buckets are to be striking here in Norheim.

It's the details we'll be measured by.

I don't mean to interrupt the creative director here,

but there's a lot of people are wondering when we're gonna get paid.

Well I don't have a single dinar on me or whatever currency you use up here.

And I told you that everyone gets paid when Orm gets home from the raid.

So stop nagging me.

Let's just hope they don't, you know, get lost at sea or something like that..

-For your sake. -What do you mean?

It's just that, you know, people are going to come to you for money.

And starving people tend to get a little

edgy. But what do I know, right?

Well, anyway, I have the Bonecrusher here, so I'm not that worried.

Come on.

Come on!

Stop! Where are you going?

-Aren't you out of money? -Yeah.

I can't work for no pay.

Pay?

Is pay, is money more important to you than realizing my vision?

Yeah.

You can't mean that!

Look me in the eye and say, say that.

Money is more important than realizing your vision.

Then you're here for all the wrong reasons anyway!

I can manage perfectly fine on my own.

Maybe even better!

[crowd cheering]

[screaming]

[groans]