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Hello?

Hello!

How many times did I have to defend my needs, the ones I neglected all those years.

First to myself...

because I thought that no one could deal with it.

I had gotten used to his vanilla sex and assumed it was the standard way.

I thought something was wrong with me...

because I was into other things than other people.

I can get ready and make plans...

while nobody is looking or asking me why.

If I don't give in to my urges things will just get worse for me.

It will all get more confusing.

I remember the first time I was invited to a party...

It took more time to think up an alibi to get out of the house then the party itself.

The scent of my perfume he knows so well...

Not for him and he wasn't supposed to know.

I lied like a rug.

That night I was soaring.

I felt such overpowering love for the orgy and all the men who wanted me. .

It brought tears to my eyes.

One man even whispered to me. If you want to go, just go.

And he promised to take me home like a gentleman.

Sweet, but unnecessary.

For days I wanted to cry and fuck.

I think I'm good at crying and fucking.

In lying and having a double life.

And if you ask me if I want to stop...

Well, no.

Hello!

Let me out!

What time is it?

Still early.

What are you doing? Come on.

A quicky.

I have to shave.

Another time okay?

Why do you always pick such weird moments?

I hope I'm getting a copy of this?

Hi Gaya.

No it's fine.

Now?

In the teachers' lounge he sits near me.

He always has coffee with cream... and a cheese sandwich.

He's a math teacher.

He has such lovely eyes, so warm.

And obviously a big slide rule.

Jeez, Stella.

Heck, just go sit across from him next time.

Is he married? How would I know?

Am I the only one here who gets a bit tired of all this adulterous behavior?

Jeez Lau. Let Quinty flirt a bit. What difference does it make?

I wasn't even flirting.

Sweety... go ahead and enjoy it.

What's wrong with a little attention?

What choices are you planning to make?

Choices, that's when you lose friends and family.

Yes, I understand what you mean, but put that aside for now.

Well, I would like...

to be liked. I want to be able to share without being attached.

Let me out of here!

That conflict. I'd just had my first one night stand and l was chatting online...

But with each sound I went offline | because I was terrified to get caught.

That Vincent would know. Even when I was making small talk.

Yet a week later I was off fucking my brains out in a hotel room.

So something overcame my fear of getting caught.

Maybe the fear is not about your husband or over loss.

Well what then? I was terrified that Vincent would find out.

Because he'd figure out what you're doing... what you are.

Yes.

Maybe you were afraid of recognizing it yourself? What you're doing.

You're home early.

I don't know what to say.

Sweetie

I really want to promise you that this won't happen again and that I'll change...

But I can‘t.

Fuck you Stella!

What am I supposed to do?

Pretend to be someone else? Ignore my feelings?

How about taking my feelings into account. We swore to be faithful remember?

Sweetie, I am faithful to you.

I'm faithful in sharing my vulnerabilities and my fears and my secrets.

Apparently not all your secrets.

No. Not all of them.

You don't even look at me anymore.

Not the way you used to.

How long has it been since we fucked?

I mean really fucked?

I feel like a caged bird.

So that's it?

Hey!

Goddammit you asshole.

Let me out Goddammit!

Will you guys go to that opening next week? Otherwise I'll die of boredom.

Sure, as long as there are drinks. The other girls will come too.

All our events are catered.

Good concept. Eating and doing business.

What's the main attraction?

What's the punishment for dropping your bread?

Caning is so ancient Rome.

His jacket?

We have the Lady of Mogilev. Can you believe it?

It's an icon from Russia.

For years it was collecting dust in moldy storage rooms...

and they had no money to restore the museums.

Since the Wall fell, they were allowed to sell.

Did you know the virgin Mary was the most popular in Russian art?

What's with that worship of virgins?

You can't worship an Icon. You can honor it.

I didn't know you were in to art?

They say that when an Icon stops being honored, the gold begins to peel off.

Are you sure?

Yes.

You are the only ones I thought of.

The tension is killing Luca. I've never seen him so nervous.

And what about you?

Scared to death.

And excited!

So what's next?

Well it's regular sauna. We'll get used to each other...

and take it from there.

I won't force it. Our friendship is too important.

Thanks.

I'm sorry but I can't do this.

I'm so sorry.

That's a real shame.

When did you first feel caged?

When I realized that Vincent wasn't the man I thought he was.

He'd fallen from his pedestal.

That sounds harsh. I don't mean it that way.

But it made me think...

and it stirred up something in me.

It was...

Something warm from deep in my belly...

And spreading lower. I mean really physical.

And I couldn't resist It or apologize for it. This literally happened.

{WW

Who are you?

Christine.

I'm Stella.

Could you tell who brought you here? Did you see him?

I was in my car.

I got out in front of my house...

And after that I can't remember anything.

Hello?

That's useless.

Who's doing this?

No idea.

I've got no idea.

We need to find a way to get out of here.

Maybe it's some kind of joke.

A joke? Yes. Maybe?

I've been here five days already. This is definitely not a joke.

Five?

We need to wait.

Wait for the right moment.

We need to sleep in shifts.

Last time he grabbed me in my sleep. I don't want that to happen again.

Wait!

Holy shit!

You've got a cell phone?

Fuck. What?

No signal of course.

Of course he knew this would happen.

He's mind fucking me. Please stop swearing.

I'm so wound up.

I couldn't possibly sleep right now.

Go ahead and sleep.

If something happens you'd be the first to know.

My English sucks.

Fuck.

I do talk a little Dutch.

My brother in law has just come over from Russia.

My wife's lived here for years. Every year he comes to visit.

We thought this would be a fun night out.

And you? Are you here with your husband?

If I was I wouldn't be standing here talking to you.

Oh? What's wrong with a little friendly conversation?

Nothing at all.

But try explaining that to my husband.

Yeah, and my wife.

Where is she anyway?

Why do we need permission from others when things feel right?

But that ends right here.

You want it all.

You want love and attention from one person...

and sex and adventures with all the others.

Is that so bad? Wicked?

Am I a bad and wicked woman and am | doomed?

No, no. I'm not judging.

I'm just observing.

Maybe I'm too greedy.

If I make love with someone I care about, then I make love with him.

If I have sex with a stranger I have sex with myself.

I use my body. I feel everything and I conquer myself.

My liberation is part sexual...

but is not just sex.

It was like taking off a straitjacket.

And when it came off...

instead a frightened girl a strong woman appeared.

A complete metamorphosis.

Christine?

Christine!

Goddammit!

Asshole. Son of a bitch!

I've been thinking.

I called John and I can stay with him for a while.

I noticed you on the SDD site.

SDD?

Nice photos. Nice profile.

How did you see the pictures. You have to be a paying member...

Yep.

True.

Et tu Judy?

What's your name on SDD?

Madelief 69.

Not the year you're born is it?

I'd be fun to get together sometime.

Who knows?

Judy, can you come in for a moment.

Have a good weekend. See you on Monday.

Could you turn all the lights off when you leave and don't forget the alarm.

Will do. Have a good weekend.

I've been thinking of you all day.

And I want to confess something.

oh?

I am a member of the site...

but I've never been to a club before.

You want me to take you with me sometime?

Yes.

I don‘t know if that's such a good idea.

We have to see each other every day at work.

Am I attractive enough?

You are a beautiful woman.

That's not the problem.

Nobody has to know.

I mean...

who would I tell anyway?

I slept great.

Not quite enough of course.

Come...

No.

Is something wrong?

No, but I think you should go.

Jeez”.

Can I have a minute to wake up?

Of course.

The coffee is ready downstairs.

Where do you want this to go?

To go?

With our relationship?

Stella? Get in here!

Of course.

And shut that door.

It's okay. You're back.

It's okay.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just one more minute.

He made me come.

I didn't want to.

I just...

stopped resisting.

Goddamit.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And now all I can think about is those stupid magazine surveys.

'What's the most exciting place you did it?"

No!

Are you okay?

No one is coming to help us.

What?

Why would you think that?

My husband is definitely looking for me.

What's your husband's name?

Vincent.

And he doesn't miss you?

No.

I don‘t think so, no.

Why is that? You've been gone for days already.

Things aren't going so great between us. He's staying with a friend.

Is he with someone else?

No.

Are you?

No.

Not really.

Not really?

Not with any ONE. It's a long story.

Is that why you broke up?

What? Well what you just said.

Not any ONE.

You have lots of lovers?

Lovers is a big word.

Don't you feel guilty?

There's nothing I can do about it. I sure have tried.

I couldn't do that.

Let's talk about something else. How do we get out of here for example.

What do you suggest?

We need to make sure that he's alone. Excuse me?

I think he's not alone. Why would you think that?

Just a feeling.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

I put your clothes on for you.

You were pretty out of it.

He slipped me something.

What?

NO idea It looked like G.

G7

GHB. The drug.

How would you know?

Hey...

He said that I'm here because of you.

Did he say something to you?

Yes.

He said: if you're wondering you're here...

try asking your little friend.

If he doesn't talk to me it must mean I know him.

Can you think where you've been lately?

He's afraid I'll recognize him.

Think.

Maybe one of your dates?

How many men have you fucked lately? And then dumped?

My God.

Sure, now God is there to help you.

Think!

Have you made enemies somewhere? Do you have stalkers?

Think!

You here? Yes.

How's work?

I miss you.

Yes... eh... Judy. About last time...

It's not that I regret what we did, but I think it's best if we leave it be.

Just take some time to think about it.

Well I don't think... Now that Vincent's gone...

I wanted to ask you if I could come by tonight.

I don't think that's a good idea.

You can't just use me like this. Excuse me?

Why don't you answer my text messages? Judy, let's not make...

You used me and dumped me.

If you really want to talk about it, can we please do this somewhere else?

You really hurt me. Right.

I'm on my way to a birthday party.

Goddamit.

What?

He took my wedding ring.

l have people who care about me bitch!

And now there's a man molesting me because you've something to hide.

Stop it!

Do you think I want this?

This is what he wants.

He wants a front row seat for seeing how we tear each other apart.

You have to tell me more.

I beg you.

I don‘t think you want to hear these things.

I'll deal with it.

Tell me about you.

I'm a clean slate. This must have something to do with you.

How can you cheat on your husband like that?

Sex is exclusive.

I get that in other ways. Sex is just sex to me.

What's more personal than sex?

Your fears? Your inhibitions? Your heartbreak.

Your insecurities?

Unconditional love.

That's what me and my brother have. We would do anything for each other.

Ive missed that bond because my parents got divorced.

When I was five years old.

I didn't see my father anymore.

He left the country. Him and my brother.

You never went to visit them?

No I couldn‘t.

It all comes back to childhood doesn't it?

So it's all my father‘s fault as usual?

Sweetie, my childhood was pretty easy.

When a woman is sexually aggressive they think she's traumatized or something's wrong with her.

Men are studs, women are sluts.

Why can‘t they just accept that this is something I want?

It feels right. I feel more alive, I respect people and l have more energy.

Maybe it's that behavior that's causing all your problems.

You can't interpret your promise to God at your whim.

Where is it written in the wedding vows that I can't fuck other people?

I beg your pardon?

Loyalty is something different than agreeing not seeing other people.

And please stop lecturing me.

They say when you're a grown up you can do anything you want.

Well I sure haven't noticed it.

First my father tells me what I can and can't do.

Then the school controls my life.

My boss, my friends with their expectations.

The plant that needs watering. The fridge that needs it's weekly filling...

and finally Vincent who gives me his biweekly.

But there once was a time where I considered quitting.

I mean quitting everything.

And then there was that night were everything changed.

I was at a friends' house.

We're playing trivial pursuit. I won.

I enjoyed the red wine for the first time in years. And it even made me joyful.

And on my way home...

suddenly a blizzard started.

In the middle of the night on an unlit highway, in the middle of nowhere.

I made a game with myself.

Drive unblinking into the snow and hit something...

or focus and get myself safely home.

I chose the latter.

I turned the radio on and just drove.

0n the radio was a guest...

and he was also depressed and he had survived it.

He described exactly how I felt.

And then they played my kind of music and...

something peaceful setfled into to me that never left.

I could do it. I could choose.

And after that night I didn‘t just think about sex... I WAS sex.

My body became a flower...

and | bloomed wider than ever before.

The game was on.

First with men. Secret and fast.

After that with a woman.

A horny friend.

Kisses and dirty talk.

And after we attacked her husband together there was no stopping me.

What I feel now is worlds apart from the way I felt in my cage.

| caress my arm.

I curl my toes from happiness. I paint my nails...

| shave everything that can be smooth.

And not for anyone else. I do it because my body wants me.

If I ride my bike I feel the seat on my pussy. If I flirt...

the world winks at me back.

My body is celebrating. 24 hours a day, 7 days per week, it just celebrates.

I sent invitations for whoever wants to join and I leave the door wide open.

When I have sex there are no thoughts, No father's voice telling me what to do...

or a boyfriend asking me what I like.

This is just for me.

And sometimes I feel guilty.

Terribly guilty.

In life you can run away from everything exept yourself.

Things can get back at you...

but in the end you're the one who has to pay the price.

So now I've become that mythical creature...

A woman that all men fantasize about...

but think she doesn't exist.

A unicorn.

How can I explain this to people?

What words can I use?

It's just like going to a movie but I step into the film and become part of it.

Tell me...

Did you enjoy the view?

I still am.

Can I have a Bitter Lemon?

Where's your wife?

| tied her up at home.

Have you ever been tied up?

You like to be in control don‘t you?

Raymond. We need you.

I'll be there.

I'll be back.

Exciting paintings.

Two and a half.

Cheers.

We are not going to play with ourselves.

Hey.

What the hell are you doing?

Much better like this. Asshole'

Much better. Now | feel you. Like this...

Come on!

I belong to the one in four women who fantasizes about that.

Thousands of women finger themselves each night to their fantasy of forced sex.

One attacker. Two.

0r five.

Two between my legs, two in the hand and one in the mouth.

Isn't it great? Fantasizing is fine...

but when push comes to shove the reality is different.

That's logical isn't it?

Then why do we have these fantasies?

Why do we scream our heads off if one is a bit rough with us...

but in our mind we can take on five.

These are the things I wonder about.

I decided right there I wouldn't let one bad apple spoil my pleasures.

I could've easily decide to throw in the towel...

but instead I became more self-confident.

Do you think he's behind this?

You know...

everyone that I know is busy fighting to get back what they once had...

I'm fighting for what I want to become.

Whatever it is, I'm son'y. I'm truly sorry.

If I did anything wrong, I'm sorry okay?

Hello!

He cut me.

There were two of them.

There was another guy.

Are you in pain?

Hey.

Does it hurt?

I think it's anesthetized. I'm not sure.

No anesthesia then.

Goddammit!

I'm starting to see what they are up to.

DO YOU know "A clockwork orange"?

A violent person is bombarded with violent images...

so that even he can't take it anymore.

They are trying to destroy me.

To destroy what I have.

My freedom.

I won't let all this take it away from me.

Suppose we get out of here tomorrow.

Would you just pick up where you left off?

Could you go off to a sex party again?

I think I'd have some trouble with that.

Just like I do you disconnect sex from the feelings you have on that table.

And the lust and the pleasure of sex...

get replaced by fear.

So we need to replace all this with something else...

To get rid of the fear?

What turns you on?

Sorry?

No don't apologize.

Visualize it.

I can't.

Usually I can talk about this stuff so easily...

but with you it's different.

on... because I‘m monogamous you think I don't fantasize?

I love control.

I like to be on top so I can control the rhythm.

I love giving head.

Because it gives me so much power.

His whole manhood in my mouth.

I love looking at myself. Really?

Mirrors. Pictures? Video?

That's hot.

I've an exnmltlonlst Streak.

| go in public without my panties on.

Really you'd do that? Yes.

One time I was shopping with my friends...

and we went for a drink in a cafe.

A guy at the bar and I found ourselves staring at each other.

His eye contact was so strong...

so horny and full of lust...

I had to go to the ladies room.

I had to make myself come.

He came into the ladies room, closed the door behind him...

and fucked me against the wall...

and without saying a single word he left.

What do you think is the most beautiful thing about yourself?

My ass.

I think your breasts are.

The way you carry yourself.

Your scent.

What are you doing?

Visualizing.

Sorry.

Sorry.

My husband left me.

What?

Damian.

He cheated on me last month.

And you're only telling me now.

Why?

He met someone else.

First they betray you.

Then they do what they please and leave you behind as if it's all your fault.

I hate that.

That's not right.

We're going to get out of here. I won't last much longer.

That betrayal.

It has such a grip on all other emotions that it chokes everything...

until everything is dead.

Except the rage.

I saw it when my parents got divorced.

You're a unique woman.

What did you do?

What have you gotten me in to?

I don't understand you. You were supposed to break her.

To teach Damian a lesson.

Do you think l was joking?

What the fuck!

My God Christina what have you done?

I can‘t do this. Shutup!

Okay. We've got to leave her behind.

She still doesn't know anything. Not who we are, not where we live.

I‘m going back tomorrow and you're coming with me.

Do you realize what you've destroyed?

There's really something wrong with you.

Good.

We'll finish up and leave her behind.

No one will come by and It's up to her to get out.

Meanwhile...

And if you, the Stella from now, look at the Stella from a year ago...

what do you see?

That now, like then...

she's alone and probably always will be.

That I had secrets then from myself, but now only from other people.

And I'd tell her that symbioses doesn't exist.

That...

she wants a connection but she'll never get it.

However painful this discovery is and how liberating...

but sacrifices have to be made if you don't want to be alone.

Thank you.

subtitle by rezad

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