Original subtitles

Yeah, Sweetty?

Perfume? Now you want another one? You just bought one the other day.

Listen, I'm not a millionaire's son, okay? I work my ass off for money.

I am busy right now.

What do you mean "where"? With a customer, of course.

Okay, hang up now. I am getting another call.

Life is bloody unpredictable.

On some days, I fuck with everyone. On some days, life fucks me over.

Life is great if you've got two things with you.

Luck and fuck.

When your luck gets you a good fuck... Fuck! That's amazing!

But when your bloody luck runs out... that's when life fucks you over!

Give me the key.

Luck and fuck.

So, are you a Russian or Chinese?

I'm a Russian.

Russian from top to toe.

How so?

You'll see.

Right now, I'd say, I'm getting really lucky.

In India, only 30 percent of women undress completely during sex.

The remaining 70 percent, just lift their sari up.

Putin! Smirnoff!

Moscow! Gorbachev!

Till now, I've been stuck with one from the 70 percent.

Same bloody position every time.

But ever since I've had Simmi...

I have tried them all.

Especially doggy style. Well, that's my weakness.

Look how smooth you are.

Even girls are hairier than you.

Your phone's always vibrating.

Do you use it as a dildo?

Hello.

Your wife.

I've been trying your phone for three hours. Who was that girl?

-A customer! -Customer?

It's a fuckin' lingerie shop. All my customers are girls.

Anyway, where's the fire?

Holy shit! How many times have I told you not to cover Grandpa?

He'll die of suffocation one day!

Yeah, okay. I get it. Why are you getting all riled up?

C'mon, take my selfie.

Hey!

-Grandpa will be suffocated, baby! -Have you gone crazy?

-He is our grandpa. What's the harm in it? -It does.

Have some respect for his age.

I have been looking after both of you for eight years.

I have had enough. You know, I need some respect too.

Now, take my selfie, I want to send it.

Who do you want to send your half-naked photo to?

-To the Weightover guys. -Weightover?

Yes, it is a weight loss program.

They'll make me a size zero within 15 days.

Why the fuck do you need to lose weight now?

The stupid soap operas you watch are driving you crazy.

Yes, they are. They have such a great offer.

Within the weight loss fee, they've promised a dimple on my cheek.

Everyone says I look just like that new movie star minus her dimples.

Oh, really?

And where are you getting the dough for all this denting work?

Where else? You will pay for it. Look, you'll love the deal here.

They are offering a 20 percent discount for the best before and after photo.

Mine is obviously going to be the best.

Now will you click the picture, or shall I call the neighbors?

They will all come here running.

But for now, it's I who must run.

Nope, this ain't a morning jog, you morons. On some days, I fuck with everyone. On some days, life fucks me over.

Today is just one of those days.

Hey! Hey! What the fuck, man?

Where are you taking my car? I'll pay for the parking.

So now you want to pay for the parking?

And when are you going to pay the bank? You never pick your phone up,

so now I'm picking your car up.

So, you-- You are from the bank, sir?

But I have just three instalments pending now.

Three?

What have you been smoking? You have six full outstanding installments.

Six? Give me a minute.

Six? Which bank are you from, sir?

Six.

So, you are from the Bank of Punjab, sir!

-Yes! -Well, what luck!

Look here. I was going to make a deposit tomorrow.

I have marked it in my diary and all. Here, have a look.

Have you spared any bank at all?

I'll definitely pay the installments tomorrow. Please don't tow my car, sir.

I'm letting you go today. But if you don't pay by tomorrow,

I'll tow away your whole fuckin' ass along with your shitty car.

Hey, drop it!

Hey! Easy! What the fuck!

Hello? Hello?

Suri, sir. Hello, sir. I'm really running low on cash.

Yes. What? Give me a minute.

Hello. Shall I see you now?

Okay, I'll be there in no time.

Shut up! Shut up!

You know, lending money to friends is like raising a pig.

You keep feeding it and only get shit in return.

Nope. Never saw any benefit in that.

But there's a special scheme I can offer you.

Oi! Fucker, get Sonam.

The gown's a fuckin' rage right now!

Sonam wore the same design in her last film.

People are lining up to pay 40,000 apiece.

The whole stock has just vanished from the market.

But you know me, held onto the last batch of these babies.

Got these especially from a designer in Mumbai.

Big fuckin' margins. Pick them. 20,000 apiece, just for you.

That's very nice. But what will I do with these. I run a lingerie shop.

Here's a chance to do something better than selling panties all your life.

Listen to me carefully.

You have ladies thronging your shop the entire day.

Display the gown prominently on your counter. Sonam-style wedding gown.

They'll get wet just looking at it.

There's an attractive offer also.

If you pick more than 100 pieces, we give you an iPhone 6S for free.

Free.

One hundred and twenty-five pieces, at 20,000 each.

That makes it 2.5 million total. What do you say?

Okay, then. Give me 10 pieces.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

You know what, it's not for you. Oi! Take it away.

I always knew you never had any balls anyway.

Sir, please. Please listen to me. This 2.5 million can change my life.

I need some fuckin' miracle to happen. You know I've got nothing here.

A miracle?

Okay! Let's see if my old magic wand rises anymore.

Raghu, M'lord! Suri here.

What do you mean why did I chop off the finger? You agreed a date, right?

How many fingers do you have now?

Nine, right? And what was the due date? Ninth.

See! Now it'll be easier for you to remember your due dates.

Okay. I'm hanging up now. Have a good day.

Hello, Mr. Gupta! So you're the bra-panty guy?

See, your loan is pre-approved.

-Suri said 2.5 million, right? -Yes.

Here you go! It's all fresh and ready. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25.

It's all yours.

Excuse me for a minute.

Yeah, tell me. Okay, I said I'll be there!

Sorry!

I've got to run. Sorry, couldn't spend time with you.

Well, what can one do? Work is worship.

Five! Just don't forget that.

Fifth of every month. That's the date.

Just don't forget to pay the installment on time.

Fifth!

I finally feel promoted!

I was tired of sizing up women for bras and undies.

This feels magical!

Looks like my luck has changed for good.

SONAM'S LEHENGA

Just watch. Every billboard will have Sonam's lehenga on it.

Just wait and watch how I mint money now.

Now you'll see how my days change for good.

Brij!

Wake up!

-It's you. -Who did you expect? Have some kheer.

Kheer, at this hour?

Remember the selfie you took of me? It came first.

They'll now charge just 20,000 for the weight loss

and 60,000 for the dimples.

I don't have that much money.

I'm not asking. Just letting you know.

I'll withdraw it from your savings account tomorrow.

Sweetie, that money is for emergencies.

-You can't blow it on such useless stuff. -You call it useless!

When you got a gold cap on your tooth, was that an emergency?

You had money for that. You have money for gold rings, for smartphones,

a wheelchair for the old man, for your stupid gown business,

but when I ask for it, you turn into a pauper.

I'm not a fuckin' maid! I'll withdraw the money!

Don't you dare touch that money.

Hey! Don't threaten me. What'll you do?

I'll give you such a tight one, you wouldn't know what hit you!

It's all my mistake. I missed him by a day.

I should have accepted Malhotra's wedding proposal.

He is running such a successful business.

At least he wouldn't have made me beg for such a small thing. Bloody cheap!

I'm stuck with a terrible person! I'm fed up of your constant...

What's so funny? I don't know anything. I need the money!

The rest of it is mine.

This is fine stuff, ma'am.

Just delivered from Mumbai.

Designed by Sonam's personal designer.

Ma'am, today is Mr. Anil Kapoor's birthday.

So, we are offering a discount of ten percent.

-Do you have the Mastani gown? -Mastani gown?

There are billboards all over the place, and you don't even know about it?

Deepika wore it in a movie. We won't get it here. Let's go.

We'll check in the next shop.

Ma'am, we have a variety in colors. Perhaps, something else?

Oh, man. It's already a week and I haven't sold a single piece.

I'm going to get screwed.

She was the fourth since this morning to ask for Mastani.

What the fuck is this?

In Delhi, "motherfucker" isn't really a cuss word,

it's a thought, it's an emotion.

Just look at that, motherfucker.

Fuckin' hot, motherfucker.

DEEPIKA'S LEHENGA

This is lust.

Tomar?

Are these gowns selling?

They are flying off the shelves. People are crazy about it.

You should have taken Mastani from Suri. Why'd you buy that crap?

Motherfucker!

This is shock.

Madan, load everything in the truck! That motherfucker, Suri, tricked me.

-What do we load? -This is anger.

Sonam gowns, you asshole! Quickly pack all the Sonam lehengas.

That fucker, Suri, dumped his crap on me. I am going to fuck him up now.

He has only seen my gentle side.

I am going to show him who Gupta really is. Motherfucker!

I am going to thrash him like a street dog.

Sir. Sir, don't say that please. Sir, I'll be fucked.

I'll be on the motherfuckin' streets.

This is... begging.

It's our policy. No refund. So, you better cool down.

Just pray to the Goddess.

Sooner or later, she will help you sell everything.

Sir, please! Please at least exchange it for Mastani.

I've got to pay Raghu the first instalment on Monday.

Sir, you can't fuck me like this.

What did you say, you fucker?

You gave me outdated stuff. You cheated me.

Your Goddess can do jack shit for this.

You asshole. How dare you insult the Goddess in my shop!

You fuckin' come anywhere near me, I'll fuckin' break your bones.

Motherfucker!

This is... well, this is just plain good ol' cussing!

-Sweetty... -Yes?

...where is all the stuff?

I sold everything. It fetched 32,000.

What? You-- You sold...

Are you fuckin' crazy? You emptied the entire house?

Don't yell like a banshee.

Most of the stuff was from my dowry anyway.

You should be thanking me. I've made your life easier.

Now you won't have to pay for the Weightover program.

-You just have to pay 60,000 for the-- -Where is Grandpa?

What? He is right here.

Well, that cupboard...

Yes, tell me quickly. Yes, yes. I know that place.

I hope all the stuff is there.

Sir, what is so important that you couldn't wait till morning?

I'll tell all that later. First open the truck.

The night is ruined.

Here, have a look.

I'm telling you, there is nothing in there.

You keep quiet.

Oh, no.

Oh, shit! What the fuck!

What's the big problem? It's not as if he died or anything.

You told me not to cover him with the blanket!

So, I put him in the cupboard this time.

I even kept a water bottle inside. I've got a heart too, y'know.

If only you had given me the money, I wouldn't have had to sell all this.

If you are so fed up with me, why don't you just leave me?

Leave you?

I'll leave this house in a coffin.

I know what you men want.

Hope you are not busy?

See, Raghu calling.

C'mon, take the call.

-Speak! -Hello.

Wow! Good to hear your voice. What did I say?

Installments-- Installments.

The installments should be paid on time.

And what if you don't pay on time?

Then I'll have to return the whole amount in one go.

Nice!

Next Monday... I need the whole 2.5 million. Clear?

Or you'll have a very nasty Tuesday.

-Are we clear? -Yes.

Good! Hang up now. Don't raise my fuckin' bill.

Cust-- Cust-- Must be customers.

Customer. Hey! Open the door!

Go on! Get the door.

If he doesn't earn, how'll he repay the loan?

Can you show us little lacys?

A white netted one for me and a plain one for her.

Madan! Take out a 32B and a 34D.

Let me help you.

I'll fetch it, Brij, sir. Please tell me where it is kept.

There you go. B for you...

and D for you.

Thank you.

You are a killer, dude!

Just one look and you sized them up.

Wonderful! Man, you are a true artist!

Nice! Nice.

Y'know what? Take an additional day. From my side. Okay?

So, Tuesday then?

Right?

Keep the money.

It's your hard-earned income. Keep it.

Pick up the phone on time, fucker!

Hang on...

-What's wrong? -Sorry.

-Please wait. -You just can't do it.

-Don't leave. Simmi, please wait. -Get off me.

-Simmi, please wait. Simmi, sorry. -What's wrong with you today?

-Simmi, let's try once more, please! -We have already tried three times.

It's so hot inside the car.

This trash of yours doesn't even have AC.

Simmi, one minute.

Simmi.

Sorry, Simmi.

Hand me the iPhone.

My life is totally screwed up right now. Suri's got me trapped.

I have Raghu's loan on my head. I'm just stressed. Just can't get it up.

Look here.

How do I look?

It would've been better if we'd met earlier.

Earlier, when? Ten years back? When I was 14?

Simmi!

I am sick of meeting secretly.

Why don't we run away?

Will you come with me?

-Will you take me with you? -I'll take you wherever you want to go.

How about Bangkok? We'll get massages. I'll go crazy shopping.

I love you.

What? What did you say?

I love you.

I used to be a fat man before. People laughed at me.

I need two or three packs,

and a dimple on my left cheek. Just like that movie star,

she has one on her right cheek...

So pleased by your presence.

Give him the check.

But this program has helped me tremendously.

-This one. -I'm a changed man now.

-Note it. -My friends acknowledge me now.

My life has turned around. It's as if I'm a new person.

I'm in love with myself. I'm so much more confident now.

I'm confident enough to have a conversation now.

Even conversations with women.

Excuse me. Hang on, these two are two different men.

You've pasted the same face on the bodies of these two men.

Not at all, sir. You're mistaken. They are the same person.

That's what we do here, transform. Yes, I don’t have any worries now.

As cited in the Bhagavad Gita, like we wear different clothes every day,

similarly, souls leave one body and take refuge in another, for rebirth.

Who am I to question the word of God? It's mentioned in the Gita after all.

Amar.

Amar Sethi.

Hello... I'm Amar Sethi.

Namaste. Myself, Amar Sethi.

Amar Sethi. Myself, Amar Sethi.

Amar. Amar Sethi.

Now, my spirit can't live in two separate bodies, can it?

So, for Amar Sethi to be born, Brij Mohan must die.

-Why do you need a dead body? -What?

Oh... I... I work in a medical college. Students there need it.

I have a female body. It'll cost you 10,000.

She was found at the Haryana border. There's a steady supply from there.

No. No, please. A female won't do. We need a man. Someone my size?

It's for research, y'know.

According to Google, every person has six look-alikes in this world.

I can't even find fuckin' one of mine.

Are you blind? Motherfucker!

-Sorry. -Gupta... I am back!

Gotcha!

Show me the money.

Sir, today is Monday.

Dude, I couldn't control it. Tell me, where is my money?

Sir, I am having it arranged.

I will get you the money by tomorrow for sure.

You're having it arranged?

Are they fucking tomatoes? Will you pick them up from a mart?

Sir, I will definitely give you the money tomorrow. Promise.

Will you? Certainly?

Sir, the door's jammed. It won't open.

-You think I am a fucking idiot. -No...

If you don't have it on Monday, will God himself fucking gift you it tomorrow!

Sir, I have promised. By tomorrow morning--

Right now, I have shoved this in your mouth.

If you don't pay by tonight, I will shoot it through your ass.

Speed it up. Speed it up, you fucker!

I think our ass is the weakest part of our body.

Whenever there is a screw up, your ass is the first thing to get kicked.

It gets busted, screwed, ripped and fried as well.

Have you ever heard...

I will burn your ears...

I will screw your nose?

My luck is totally fucked right now.

I wasted a lot of time on that stupid plan to change my identity to Amar Sethi.

These things only happen in story books.

In real life, if I don't pay Raghu by tonight, he will surely screw up my ass.

Okay. Listen, Karta, got a client here.

Wow, Gupta. What a surprise! You have made me a happy man!

Seems like you know how to keep your word.

-Sir, actually-- -Come on in!

Come on in!

Come on in, Gupta. We mustn't let easy money slip away from our palms.

Watch your step here.

Pull up a chair.

Here we go.

What the fuck!

Sir, I could only manage 700,000 after selling the gowns.

I will pay up everything. Please. I am not running away anywhere.

-You think this is some kind of a joke! -I'm sorry. I'm sorry...

-You think I am an idiot! -Sir, please don't hit me.

You think I am an idiot!

Sir, please don't hit me. Hitting me won't get you the money!

Let's-- Let's sit and talk peacefully.

Now you will teach me how to get my money!

You think you are that smart. I am not worried about the money.

I will sell your house and your shop and get my--

Sir!

Sir?

Sorry. Sorry, sir.

Sir, please get up.

Is anybody there?

Please get up, for heaven's sake.

No, no. No. This did not happen!

My goodness. It happened. It actually happened!

It's not a dream. It's not a dream!

-Sir. -What the fuck!

Motherfucker, did you put gas on me? You're trying to light me up?

Sorry, sir, it happened by mistake. The gas fell on you!

Brij.

Brij!

Brij!

Simmi, it's me, Brij!

What have you done to yourself?

You look like a fucking alien.

-I got scared, you know. -Not an alien, Amar Sethi.

From now on, I am Amar Sethi.

Now you just wait, we will

go to Bangkok, Malaysia and trot the whole wide world together!

I want to buy the stars and moon for you!

It's a new beginning from now on. Small family, always a happy family.

Wait, where is my chewing gum, Brij?

And it's not Brij anymore. It's Amar Sethi.

Then, where the hell has Brij gone?

I don't know where the hell he is.

He has been gone for the past four days. What do I do?

Sir, she is blatantly lying. She was the one who gave me

the check at the Weightover office.

Now the check has bounced so she is blaming it on her husband.

Shut the fuck up.

Your husband's been missing for four days.

-Yes. -Why haven't you reported it yet?

Sir, I don't know how to handle it. Every now and then he goes missing.

He tells me that he is going to get stock for his shop.

Then I have to take care of his old crippled grandfather.

He is a complete invalid.

How can a poor woman like me handle all these things alone?

Now the check has also bounced. I don't know what to do.

-Sir, please report the matter-- -Stop fucking boiling your blood.

A report will be filed against the guy who wrote the check.

Get me that guy first then I will report the matter.

-But, sir-- -I will tear you apart if you say anything

Get lost!

Very thanks, sir.

-Send her in. -Okay.

Ma'am, please go in. Yes. Sir has called you in.

Ask him yourself. Please go in.

Do you have a photograph or a contact number for your husband?

Yes, here.

People always try to take advantage of wives in the absence of their husbands.

Do you miss your husband?

I have always been alone. He was hardly at home.

Now he has left me to flounder.

Please don't cry. Here, please.

Old Spice! I love Old Spice.

Did your husband wear it?

No. He never cared for such things.

Collecting perfumes is my hobby.

It's a good hobby.

Anyone who thinks of leaving you should get their eyes checked.

Brij's contact details.

You can keep it. You like Old Spice, don't you?

Not just on handkerchiefs.

Sir, it's fully roasted.

-Looks like a woman to me. -True that.

-Handle the remains properly. -Yes, sir.

Sir, I am dying to hear the good news.

Okay, sir. I'll be there in the evening.

Dude, I cannot get your transfer done now.

They are asking for three million.

Didn't we agree on two? An extra million for what?

You have a pathetic record.

You have just four solved cases to your name in the past two years.

I took care of that as well.

But you've got to keep your shit together.

I hear a criminal named Surjeet escaped from your custody.

What! When did that happen?

Wow! A guy escapes from right under your nose,

and you have no clue.

Bastard! You helped Surjeet escape!

Sir, you said the seniors were breathing down your neck to meet the weekly target.

So, I let him off. That 25,000 which I gave you was from him.

What? That 25 was from Surjeet? You get down!

Sorry. Forgive me, sir.

-I won't let you off so easily. -Sorry, sir! Why are you hitting me?

Because of you, I will have to shell out a million more!

-Your pop in law will pay for it? -Sir, please.

Don't even think of coming out.

-What are you looking for? -A man is dead and nobody gives a fuck.

Let me go and check some more newspapers at the reception.

Ask someone to collect the laundry from here.

Who's dead now?

Simmi?

-Simmi? -The cuckoo flew away?

Don't worry, she hasn't flown away till now. But she will fly away soon.

Hurry up, lover boy. She is in the other room.

Right now, she has just started.

-If you're late, she'll get laid. -Move!

Twenty-one, 22, 23, 24...

Brij, just look at his body! He is just unstoppable!

-...25. -Simmi, let's go to the room.

Only five more left. Come on, let's do it.

-...26-- -Let's go!

How many times have I told you, I am Amar Sethi, not Brij.

It's not funny, Simmi!

-Listen to me. -You listen to me!

I am so done with this hotel! There is no entertainment at all!

There is such a big sale going on in Big Bazaar.

All my friends have gone shopping there. They kept calling me. I can't call anyone.

You don't even let me call anybody! I am a fucking prisoner here!

I am so sorry, Simmi.

It's just a matter of couple of days. We will be in Bangkok in no time.

There is no cable TV here. No shows. I haven't seen Big Boss for so long.

There is no bloody Wi-Fi as well, I get so bored here.

And we haven't even had sex for so long.

Whenever I see your face, I feel like I am fucking an alien.

It's just ridiculous.

I have an idea!

-How do I look? -Smoking hot.

I think it's a great idea. We will make loads of masks.

Sometimes Tom Cruise, sometimes Shah Rukh Khan.

What happened?

Now you look scarier than an alien.

What's the hurry? Oh, it's you.

You could have called.

You took me by surprise! At least I would have been presentable.

Please don't take them off. You look so dashing.

I can smell Old Spice from here.

I just love it. It's my favorite perfume!

-Can you come with me? -Anytime.

Not like that.

This...

We have found a burnt car... and a dead body in it.

What? What is this?

What's this, Simmi?

I have been telling you that I need to go shopping.

But you don't care.

Now you'll know what it feels like to not have any fresh clothes to wear.

Are you fucking out of your mind?

What do you mean by, "You don't have clothes"?

You have got these two huge bags full of clothes!

All the clothes are dirty.

And you promised me that you will buy new ones for me.

That we will go to Bangkok.

Is this shit hole your Bangkok?

I am so fucking fed up of staying in this hotel.

I can't go out, I can't call anybody. I can't even sleep with you.

Nor will you let me sleep with someone else.

What? You want to sleep with someone else?

Did you come here to have sex?

-I am talking to you! -I am only 24! I want to have sex!

I really, really, really want to have sex. I love sex!

Simmi, please don't cry.

It didn't hurt, I am not even upset.

I am not crying because of that. I have spoiled my nails.

It took me eons to paint my nails.

-Don't worry, I will paint them for you. -You won't be able to do it.

Let me try at least.

-It is all ruined -See, I am painting it right.

The death certificate is ready.

Now the financial growth news in detail.

India can surpass China this year. It is an estimation by the...

Do you only undress when you're off-duty?

THREE EX-MINISTERS OUT IN THE FIRST POLL LIST.

JWALA HEDI HOSIERY OWNER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT

He is so shy!

-Where are you off to? -I am going to do laundry.

Get rid of these dirty clothes. I will buy you new ones now!

Just look here. The news is out that I am dead.

How can you be dead? I don't get it.

-I will explain. Let's go to the room. -Let go and drop my clothes.

-Drop those later. -I will be back in no time.

I will keep one million out of the 2.5.

No, 400,000.

Were you running away with the money?

I did all this for you and you were leaving me for the money.

What the fuck should I do then? Get married to you?

-You look like shit! -Leave it! Leave it, I said!

-Is money the only thing you want? -Yes. I want the money. Let go of my hand.

-You came with me only because of money? -Get the fuck away from me!

-Don't you raise your voice to me! -I will! I am not fucking scared of you!

Simmi! Simmi!

-Eight hundred thousand. -Six hundred thousand.

Simmi, what's happening inside?

Simmi, what's happening inside?

Simmi! Simmi, open the door!

Simmi, what's happening inside? Simmi! Simmi, open the door!

Simmi, open the door! Simmi, are you okay?

Simmi! Simmi! Simmi!

Simmi, what's happening inside? Simmi, open the door!

Simmi!

Simmi, open the door!

Simmi, are you okay?

Simmi, open the door! Simmi!

Simmi, what's happening inside? Simmi!

Simmi open the door! Simmi!

What's the hurry? Why are you creating a ruckus?

Oh, sorry, I thought...

-Are you checking out today? -No. I have to drop this somewhere.

I have already paid an advance till Sunday.

Sir, please enter the address in the app.

The GPS will track the location on its own.

We have been looking in the dark for more than half an hour now.

Please, pull over here.

Dude, a stolen mobile has been traced. We've got to look for it.

It's a fucked-up place, man. Nothing big ever gets stolen here.

Where's your cuckoo?

Gone?

-Are you free now? -Nothing's free, honey.

-You've got to pay. -Yeah, I know.

Nobody even gives a shit for free here. Let's go.

Amar Sethi?

Where did you buy this mobile?

Wait! Get him! Don't let him go!

Get him. Get him!

What happened? I bought it from the second's market.

Why the fuck were you running away then? You think we are fucking idiots?

So the insurance guys won't bother me anymore?

No, they won't.

Had they known that the car didn't burn in an accident...

they wouldn't have paid a penny.

Can't we go home now?

I will swing by in the night to get my share.

I've also got to pick up part of the insurance money.

Yeah.

Sir, we have nabbed someone by the name Amar Sethi

in possession of Brij Mohan's phone.

He has got 600,000 to 700,000 in cash on him as well.

-Don't let him go. -Yes, sir.

-And listen. -Yes, sir.

-Keep the cash off the records. -Yes, sir.

Did you shave your hair off as a ritual?

-Did someone die in your family? -No. I have a hair disorder.

Disorder?

Name?

Amar Sethi.

Sir, I didn't steal the phone.

-Sir, please, please! -Don't move! Be seated.

-Soma! -Yes, sir!

-Have you filed the report? -Yes, sir!

Lock him up.

Sir, but why are you putting me in the lock up?

-I haven't stolen anything! -Come on, move it! Move it. Get in.

-I haven't stolen anything! -Come on, move it! Move it. Get in.

Dude, move away!

Bro, you are a petty mobile thief. Bunty is the king of kidnapping.

He is way up in the line. You better not get in his way.

-What about the rest? -Search me.

Here's your six pack.

Nice.

Tell me something.

What if Brij Mohan is alive and not dead.

What would you do then?

I will snuff out his life with my bare hands.

Did you get your hand stamped?

Stamp?

You only get food here when you get stamped.

No, I haven't got stamped.

Somebody please help me!

Your internet sucks!

The connection was down the whole night. Now the torrent is also not working.

If its been shut down, then who the fuck is going to start it?

-What am I paying you for? -Why are you taking my blood?

Who is the doctor here? You or me? "Why are you taking my blood?"

Let's go.

Sir, please believe me. I didn't steal the mobile.

I've been slogging my ass off here for the past 15 years.

But, sir--

What the fuck do you think I'm talking here!

Our law is totally fucked up.

If you confess to stealing the mobile

then you will be a free man in a couple of days.

But if you don't, then you will rot in the prison while your trial is on.

Eat.

They fuck asses in prison. Literally.

And you look like a blooming virgin from all sides.

Agree to committing this theft. You have a hearing tomorrow.

If you get stuck with those black coat vampires...

they will suck every drop of your blood till you drop dead.

Got it?

You have all night, think about it. Eat something.

Sir, your brother-in-law is the judge, please help me get out of this mess.

I can easily arrange for around two million. Whenever, you let me know.

Sir, I am Amar Sethi.

I have been charged with mobile theft. Will I be acquitted on all accounts?

It's a petty crime. Don't bloody disturb me.

Go and stand in the line.

-Bunty, did you say two million? -Yes, sir.

Hope you guys are fine. Did the police beat you up?

What happened to your face? Did the police do this to you?

No, sir. This is an old wound.

But this-- This happened while in police custody.

Sir, he tried to commit suicide. I had to restrain him.

It's a lie! I didn't do anything. You can ask the police officer.

What's your name?

Amar Sethi.

What is his case about?

Sir, he is Amar Sethi,

and he has been caught by the police for stealing Brij Mohan Gupta's iPhone.

-This iPhone was found in his possession. -Did you steal the phone?

Yes, sir. I stole it by mistake.

This is my first crime ever.

Please pardon this mistake of mine.

Prosecution.

Sir, during the police investigation...

This is his blood report, it matches with the handkerchief.

Okay. Sir, during the brilliant police investigation

certain evidence was found.

A hanky was found with blood stains on it.

But the blood is not of Brij Mohan, but it is Amar Sethi's.

The police strongly feels that not only did Amar Sethi

steal Brij Mohan's phone, but also murdered Brij Mohan Gupta.

The police wants to take Amar Sethi in remand for five days.

Sir, what is he talking about? It's totally absurd.

I did not even steal the phone.

What?

Didn't you confess that you stole the mobile?

I didn't steal it. The inspector asked me to confess so I did.

I didn't kill Brij Mohan.

If the inspector asks you to jump off a building, would you jump?

Please strike out whatever the accused has said.

I am approving a five-day remand... with strict directions to the police

that a constable remain with the accused at all times.

Sir, I haven't murdered anyone.

Please believe me. I didn't kill Brij Mohan.

Did you speak to your brother in law?

Dude, wait! I have been charged with murder, man!

Sir, I haven't committed any murder.

-Let's go! -Please, just two minutes.

I am being framed. I only confessed to theft.

-I don't know anything about the murder! -Don't you worry, we will sort it out.

Sir, please!

Sir, you said I would be sentenced for two, three days.

But this will screw up my life.

-Take him away. -Come on, move!

Sir, I haven't killed anyone. I am innocent!

Move.

Yes, sir?

Two million for the authorities and about 500,000.

for miscellaneous expenses.

Around about 2.5 million will be needed to get you out.

-I'll have it arranged, sir. -Go.

Why did you bring him here?

You wanted the chair. He was tied to the chair, so I brought him here.

Sir, I haven't killed anyone!

Will you stop crying in a fucking loop?

Tie him up to a stool.

That's not available. The commode in the loo

is broken, so, I have replaced it with the stool.

Sir, why are you doing this to me? You know I haven't killed anyone.

Move your ass. Move!

Prosecution. What is the motive behind the murder?

Motive?

Motive... could be anything.

This mobile could be motive!

Sir, this phone is 60,000.

In the last case, that Khanna was murdered for a bicycle.

That bicycle was 6,500. A man was murdered for that amount.

So 60,000 is a huge amount compared to that.

Any objection?

-No, sir. -What? Why not?

This is so ridiculous. Completely absurd.

First of all, I bought this phone and didn't steal it.

And secondly, why would someone kill for a phone?

I didn't kill Brij Mohan. I swear.

We know you killed him. There's been a thorough investigation.

It's a rubbish investigation. It's completely baseless.

-I can't kill Brij Mohan. -Why can't you kill him?

I am telling you, I just can't.

Wow! Just because you say so, we all should believe you.

All the evidence says you are the murderer.

I know, you killed him.

It's not possible for me to kill Brij Mohan.

-I'm telling you that you did. -No, I didn't!

Give me a reason, why you couldn't of murdered him?

I mean, how can I...

-How can I kill him when I am Brij Mohan! -What?

I-- I am Brij Mohan Gupta. How can I be my own murderer?

Now, a new story.

Sir, I am telling you the truth. I am Brij Mohan. I am being framed.

Okay, even if we believe that you are Brij.

Then whose body was it in the car?

Tell me.

How do I know whose body it was?

I think you should come out with the truth now.

You come up with a new story every time.

Earlier you claimed this phone to be yours, then you denied it.

Sometimes you say you are Amar. Now you are saying you are Brij.

Please tell me what the truth is. I am telling you, truth is power.

If you are Brij Mohan, then whose body was it in the car?

-He doesn't have any answer. -Raghu's body.

Whose?

It was Raghu.

But... I didn't kill him.

I had taken a loan from him

and I wasn't able to pay him on time. So he became violent with me.

I pushed him to save myself. But he slipped and fell down the stairs.

By the time I reached him, he was dead already. I only burned his body.

I didn't kill him.

If his people ever found out that he died because of me,

they would never leave me and my poor family alone.

I just lied. I didn't have an option. I didn't kill anyone.

I didn't kill anyone.

Why were you playing us when you knew very well

Amar and Brij were the same person?

When Bunty walks out free you will win the case.

People will think the police are useless. It always gets the wrong man.

The police will not take the fall every time.

I have worked my ass off on this case.

Amar is the murderer.

I don't give a fuck if he claims to be Brij or Amar.

We are done.

Come on. Get a hold of yourself, guys.

Just get some witnesses and do away with this case.

What does it matter if he is Amar or Brij. Truth, my ass!

Whatever I crap out will be the truth.

Let me know if Bunty has paid. I will wrap up his case.

I don't want any blot of pending cases on my name when I retire.

Also, do you know someone who teaches English?

-For your son, Bablu? -Are you nuts?

This stenographer's English is trash.

The first criteria for a landmark judgment is good English.

Whenever one searches for a landmark judgment on Google,

my judgment should pop up at the top.

So keep your eyes open if you find one with good English.

Asshole, you killed Raghu!

Where the fuck is the money? Spit it out or I will slice you up!

I have no clue what you are talking about. What money?

I know how to make douchebags like you sing!

I don't have any money! Believe me!

Get his ass in line!

What are you guys doing? Please don't! Please, no!

I have stitched the cut on your face.

Can't stitch the one down there. You will have to bear the pain.

Why do you shave your head every day? Hair looks good on you.

Do as you are told, you ass! Don't give your sermons here.

Gandhi's experiment with truth, won us freedom...

and mine, screwed me.

No chance. He is not Brij for sure.

Brij was a Rockstar.

This one looks like a scumbag.

-Objection? -No objection.

Suri, sir. What are you saying?

I am the same one! Remember, Sonam, gowns, designer babies!

Brij...

A-- Amar. You can't interrupt a session.

-Next witness. -I am very sure he is Amar Sethi.

He was staying in my lodge with a girl called Simmi for 15, 20 days.

Of course I know him. He is Amar Sethi.

-He is a regular at my canteen. -What the hell are you talking about, man?

I have never seen him ever in my life before.

-Amar, speak when it's your turn to speak. -But, sir!

And it's important for the witness to know you,

and not that you should know the witness.

He is Amar Sethi. He was in the lodge with some chick.

I am dead sure. He can't be Brij Mohan. He brings his car to my garage very often.

-I can never miss him even in a hurry. -What's this nonsense?

He is the same person who testified before

that-- Amar Sethi is a regular at his canteen.

You are again interrupting a session. I told you to speak when asked.

Do you have a canteen as well?

Did you come as a witness sometime back?

No, sir. I swear, this is the first time I have even stepped in a courtroom.

-See! I told you, he is not that man! -But, sir--

Now, if you utter a word,

I will conduct the entire trial in your absence.

Thank you. Next witness.

Do you know this man here?

I have been told that he is claiming to be Brij Mohan.

But I have never seen this man in my life before.

Sweetty, don't fool around, this is not a joke!

My Brij was the best husband ever.

He would have been so happy to see me today.

You know, I have lost so much weight since he has been gone.

So, no, sir, this man is not my Brij Mohan.

Are you out of your mind? They will hang me if you say this!

He is not my husband!

You fucking bitch! I really should have killed you!

You ass! Stop it!

I have got five million.

You will be a free man. Just tell us where the money is.

You will sleep in your own bed tonight if you do so.

-Where is the money? -I have buried it.

Where?

If I tell you that, you will hang me right away!

I want to get my name cleared. I want an acquittal.

The money will be yours. It's all in your hands now.

Sir, why are you doing this? I am not lying, I have the money!

With your connections, you can easily find out

how much money went missing along with Raghu.

Find out how much cash went missing along with Raghu.

Hurry, I'm waiting.

Sir, why are you waiting? Please, call!

You should have thought about it earlier.

You have created an unnecessary mess for yourself.

You would have been a free bird!

Okay, sir. I have buried it near Sanjog Hospital.

Please. Please, set me free now.

I would have skinned you alive by now if you would have lied to me.

You handover the money to us before your hearing tomorrow.

You pay up and you will have your ticket to your freedom.

Sir, but you can easily bump me off after you get the money.

Hands off!

I can bump you off even now, you ass.

Now that you have told me about the money, I don't need you. I don't care if I take the next 15 days to dig out the money.

But you have got just one day. Tomorrow!

What a judgment it is! Masterpiece!

And you guys don't want me to pass it!

I spent 20,000 to have it written in impeccable English.

Mr. Sinha, each one of us will get around a million!

Don't you worry, we will not let the judgment go waste.

You can apply the same judgment in a similar case, later.

When you search on Google, all landmark judgments are from the US.

There's not a single one from India.

What a fabulous legal system the US has!

Even a black man can get justice there.

And here, what we have is this!

I will be back.

In the US, the police are so efficient. They keep everyone in check.

The police over here behave like whores.

Had you not been screwing around with your duty,

you would have known earlier that Amar was sitting on shit loads of money.

Really? Had you been doing your job sincerely...

Amar would have trusted you...

and would have confided in you about the buried money!

Don't talk about sincerity with me.

You guys get pimped for less than a buck at every nook and corner of the city.

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Keep going!

How dare you?

Fuck off!

Don't talk about my mother! I am warning you.

You both are fucking morons!

The only honest people in the country are us, the judges.

I have made a decision about Amar Sethi.

If he gets five million before noon tomorrow...

he will walk free.

But if he doesn't, then I will read out this judgment and that's final.

Come on, let's go and have an ice cream now.

Otherwise, my acidity will start troubling me.

Come.

Start digging.

Sorry, sir.

Sir, why don't you stand this side?

Why? What's troubling you here?

I get very tense when you stand in front. It will cause unnecessary delays.

Stop fucking around or I will bury you alive.

Fuck it, man.

What the...

-Sir. -Yes.

Bag.

Move aside.

We Delhites have a habit of taking the match to the wire

and then we hit the winning shot.

Sehwag, Kohli... and now me!

This... this was my winning shot!

Amar Sethi!

Brij!

Brij!

There are the moralists, who say that as God has given life...

he alone has the right to take it away.

And this privilege cannot be usurped...

by any human being.

And we should follow the doctrine...

and yet here we are at a juncture...

where the conundrum beseeches us all.

The presumptions attached to these laws are as such,

that they are meant to cater to the societal demands...

and meet the challenges of time.

Rather, Brij Mohan's life was unceremoniously snatched

and bludgeoned to death...

which is what has weighed with the courts in the awarding

the capital punishment.

Under the section 302 of Indian Penal Code,

Amar Sethi for the murder of Brij Mohan,

is to be sent to the gallows, where he is to be hanged

until his last breath...