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ADULT SHELDON: A few times a
year, there was a dedicated day
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00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,922
where my school was closed.
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00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,216
This allowed
the teachers to catch up
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00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:08,926
on their administrative duties.
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00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,762
While I was normally against
a break from learning,
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00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,765
I did applaud the Medford
faculty's commitment
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00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,850
to our education.
Oh, man.
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00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,978
How great is this place
without kids in it?
(laughs): I heard that.
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00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,522
ADULT SHELDON: On one of those
days, I got to spend time
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00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:23,982
with my mom at her job.
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00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,150
SHELDON:
Did you write that?
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00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,319
You betcha.
Instead of puns,
13
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:30,155
have you considered composing
a humorous palindrome?
14
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:33,283
It's a phrase that reads
the same backwards as forwards.
15
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,869
For example, "Do geese see God?"
16
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,289
Trust me. Both ways.
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00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,583
Come inside.
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00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:45,003
SHELDON: Some other good ones
are radar, level, kayak.
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00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,005
That's a funny word. Kayak.
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00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,715
Never get me in one.
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00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,051
So what's the plan?
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00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,594
How will I be entertained
all day?
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00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,846
I thought you could be
my little helper.
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00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,891
I prefer executive assistant.
Carries more weight.
25
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,144
Fine. You stay here, I'm gonna
go talk to Pastor Jeff.
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00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,271
Mom.
27
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,563
What?
28
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:06,316
"Mom" is also
a palindrome. M-O-M.
29
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,239
Good morning, Peg.
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00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,367
Any morning you wake up
is a good morning. (coughs)
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00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,244
Okay.
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00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,912
(wheezing)
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00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,664
(knocking on door)
Come in.
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00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:23,333
Good morn-- oh,
it's dark in here.
35
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,835
Uh-huh.
36
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,878
Everything okay?
37
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,922
Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,633
I need you to use your words.
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00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,804
My marriage is over.
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00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,180
Mm-hmm...
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00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,558
♪ Vaya con Dios ♪
42
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:43,228
♪ My darling... ♪
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00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,189
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
44
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,026
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
45
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,611
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,947
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:58,076
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,664
We don't even sleep
in the same bed anymore.
49
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,001
In the '50s,
people had separate beds.
50
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,962
Lucy and Ricky did it.
Their marriage worked.
51
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:13,508
I-I'm sure
it's just a rough patch.
52
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,844
Boy, I hope so.
53
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,388
Well, if there's any way
I can make your life easier,
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00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,890
you let me know.
55
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,684
Thank you, Mary.
I really appreciate it.
56
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:28,440
Oh, I almost forgot, um,
Sheldon's here with me today.
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00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,317
Great.
58
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,834
Hey, little man. How you doing?
59
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,878
You smell like cigarettes.
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00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,838
You're fun.
61
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,507
Do you know what this binder is?
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00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,511
It's a record of donations
people make to the church.
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00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,388
This data could
easily be transferred
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00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,889
into a computerized spreadsheet.
65
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,057
Why isn't it?
66
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,517
No idea.
67
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,395
You also smell
like mothballs and Ben-Gay.
68
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,856
Bye.
69
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:16,071
I hope you don't mind, I invited
Pastor Jeff for dinner.
70
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,197
That's fine.
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00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,532
I was talking to your father.
72
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,908
What's the occasion?
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00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,953
No occasion,
just thought it'd be nice.
74
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,371
His wife coming, too?
75
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,373
No. Just him.
76
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,624
They having problems?
77
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,626
He's just coming to dinner.
That's all.
78
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,294
You two having problems?
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00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,379
Are we?
80
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,380
No.
81
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,589
Pastor Jeff's wife
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00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,174
is so much prettier than him.
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00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,343
It's like Barbie
married a turtle.
84
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,846
Hey. Here's a fun idea:
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00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,597
how about you and Sheldon
have dinner
86
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,808
at Meemaw's tonight?
All right.
87
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,144
(quietly): They are a
weird-looking couple.
88
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,728
You want to eat
at my mom's, too?
89
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,605
Oh, come on. You got eyes.
90
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,446
Pastor, would you like
to lead us in grace?
91
00:03:57,446 --> 00:04:00,115
I'd be honored.
92
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:03,326
Heavenly Father,
thank you for this food.
93
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,121
I pray that it nourishes
and strengthens us,
94
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,622
and bless Mary for preparing it.
95
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,125
(crying):
And thank you
for the Coopers
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00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:14,838
who have invited me
into their loving home.
97
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,924
They are
a shining example
98
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,386
of what a marriage can be.
99
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:25,891
One that I hope
to have again someday.
100
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,852
Amen.
And please give
me the strength...
101
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,978
(whispers):
Sorry.
102
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,272
The strength to walk this road
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00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:37,068
with unconditional love
and joy in my heart.
104
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,236
Amen.
105
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,362
Amen.
Amen.
106
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,114
(sniffles)
107
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,284
Well, let's eat!
108
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,663
Cheers.
Cheers.
109
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,540
Cheers.
Cheers.
110
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,460
Dang, this place is nice.
111
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,213
That's because it was
supposed to be a date.
112
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,548
Cool. My first date.
113
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,383
Meemaw, I've been going through
the church records,
114
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,220
and I noticed you haven't made
a donation in quite a long time.
115
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,430
Why are you going
through the records?
116
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,432
I'm an executive assistant.
117
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,142
Good for you.
MEEMAW:
You see,
118
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,895
God and I have a deal. And
when he helps me win big
119
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,022
at the casino,
I give him a cut.
120
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,649
And lately, he has
not been holding up
121
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,900
his part of the bargain.
122
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:21,112
"Steak aw poyver with fritties"?
123
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,822
It's French.
Oh.
124
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,241
What's a crock monster?
125
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,951
It's croque monsieur,
126
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,829
and it's really just a grilled
cheese sandwich with ham.
127
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,581
I want that.
128
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,543
(chokes) There's
lemon in this water.
129
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,929
So, uh, who do you
think the Oilers
130
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,556
are gonna take in the draft?
131
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,849
Oh, I don't
really follow sports.
132
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,561
I'm just gonna eat.
133
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:53,812
(door opens)
134
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,817
What's he doing here?
Y'all getting a divorce?
135
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:01,736
No. No, he's just
here for dinner.
136
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:05,073
Oh. Welcome, Your Holiness.
137
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,535
I thought you were hanging
out with Veronica tonight.
138
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,037
We were supposed to,
but then she invited a bunch
139
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,706
of her choir friends over,
140
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,916
and it turned
into a stupid Bible study.
141
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,043
No offense.
None taken.
142
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,378
Hmm.
GEORGE JR.:
Honestly,
143
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,422
I do not understand
the female mind.
144
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,090
(quietly):
Do something.
145
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,718
Georgie, why don't you go eat
dinner in front of the TV?
146
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,554
No, it's all right. Sounds like
Georgie's having trouble
147
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,472
navigating the perilous waters
148
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,057
of a relationship.
149
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,226
Believe me, I can understand.
150
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,645
You having problems
with your hot wife?
151
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,483
Maybe I'll go eat by the TV.
152
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,990
I'm liking my crock monster.
153
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,533
Mmm. Me, too.
154
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,785
I can't taste anything
after the lemon water.
155
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,746
I'm glad y'all
are having a good time.
156
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,913
You're welcome.
157
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,540
Where we having dinner tomorrow?
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00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,375
Nowhere.
159
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,337
Dr. Sturgis and I are going to
Louisiana, do a little gambling.
160
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,672
So a donation could
be forthcoming?
161
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,007
Don't jinx me.
162
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,344
It's my first time
going to a casino.
163
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,555
It's amazing. There's bright
lights and bells and buzzers
164
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,848
and people yelling.
165
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,433
BOTH:
Ugh.
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00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,438
Veronica says
I'm the nicest guy she knows.
167
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,523
She also says she only wants
to date nice guys.
168
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,026
Does that mean
she wants to date me?
I bet she doesn't.
169
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,487
No, she does not.
Doesn't make any sense.
170
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,364
Nothing they do
makes any sense.
171
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,283
GEORGE JR.: I know...
At least
he's not crying anymore.
172
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,451
JEFF: Devil's got
something to do with it.
173
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,880
Mary, George, I can't
thank you enough for this.
174
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,006
It was our pleasure.
175
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,134
So, Pastor, are you gonna try
176
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,387
and talk things out with Selena?
177
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,555
Well, we're really
not on speaking terms,
178
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,558
so I'll just be heading back to
my office, sleep on the couch.
179
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,395
That's ridiculous.
He can stay with us, can't he?
180
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:01,398
Uh, I guess that'd be okay.
181
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,192
Of course it would.
JEFF: Oh.
182
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,568
I couldn't possibly impose.
183
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,736
GEORGE JR.:
Sure you could.
184
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,406
In fact, you can take my room.
185
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:12,575
Well, y'all are too kind.
186
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,910
(door opens)
187
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,578
Hello.
Oh.
188
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,080
Did y'all
have a good time?
189
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,957
Yes.
It was great.
190
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,042
Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is
gonna be spending the night.
191
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,961
If the kids could
sleep at your place?
192
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,796
No. Bye.
193
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,891
(whispering):
George.
194
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,977
(snorts)
What? What's wrong?
195
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,354
The pastor's up making tea.
196
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,523
What, you want me to blow on it?
197
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,358
Go talk to him.
198
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,735
About what?
199
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,570
(exhales)
I don't know.
200
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,613
Maybe you could give him
a male perspective
201
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:51,698
on relationship issues.
202
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,701
How about this?
203
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:58,246
What if I close my eyes
and pray on it?
204
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,832
Hey.
205
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,626
Oh, hi. I hope
I didn't wake you.
206
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:07,464
Uh, no, no.
Just... get-getting some water.
207
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,215
(clears throat)
208
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,010
Can I fix you some chamomile?
209
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,554
No, thanks.
210
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,726
(sighs)
So...
211
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,856
Tough times, huh?
212
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,316
Yeah.
213
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,734
Yeah.
214
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,665
Hey, uh,
does the Bible say anything
215
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,751
about heartache and such?
216
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:48,338
Psalm 147, verse three:
"The Lord healeth
217
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,007
the broken in heart,
and bindeth up their wounds."
218
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,510
Well, there you go-eth.
219
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,595
Except I'm feeling kicked
in the nethers right now,
220
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,348
and he sure is taking
his sweet time with the healing.
221
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:01,267
He takes his sweet time
about a lot of things.
222
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,354
Uh, not that I'm complaining.
223
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,357
You know, his will, not mine,
et cetera.
224
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,275
(clears throat)
225
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,366
You know, one thing
I can say is that
226
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:20,662
having a happy marriage
is-- it's hard work.
227
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,914
Oh, I know. (chuckles)
As the pastor, people come to me
228
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,208
with relationship problems
all the time.
229
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,836
(chuckles) Bet you hear
some juicy ones, huh?
230
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,838
"Juicy" doesn't begin
to describe it.
231
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,841
Oh... give me a sample.
I can't.
232
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:36,010
There's strict pastor-flock
confidentiality.
233
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,887
Sure. Sure.
234
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,889
Mm.
(exhales)
235
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,519
Mary doesn't tell you
things about us, does she?
236
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,397
I'm... not at liberty to say.
237
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,566
But she does, doesn't she?
238
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,985
Yeah.
Yeah.
239
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,911
These people clearly don't know
what ten percent means.
240
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,580
What are you talking about?
241
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,707
This is the list
of all the people who belong
242
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,750
to the church
and how much money they donate.
243
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,420
Dorothy and Fred Nelson
gave a dollar last week.
244
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,089
So?
They own the Piggly Wiggly.
245
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,757
They can afford
to give much more.
246
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,217
Weird.
247
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,845
You say "Piggly Wiggly"
and suddenly I'm hungry.
248
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,765
Really?
249
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,434
You're drinking
in the morning now?
250
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,186
What? Oh, look at that.
251
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,938
Felt later.
252
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,773
Hey, I haven't seen the pastor.
He go home?
253
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,610
He hasn't come out
of Georgie's room.
254
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,112
Maybe he found
Georgie's magazines.
255
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,364
He's a man of God.
256
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,533
You're adorable.
257
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,041
(indistinct chatter)
258
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,084
I have stories.
Come back here.
259
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,170
It's my favorite table.
Oh, hey, Connie.
260
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,421
Hi, Felicia.
261
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,756
Chip me for a deuce.
262
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,383
How's your daughter doing?
263
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,593
Oh, surgery went great.
264
00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,802
Thanks for asking.
265
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,763
Her daughter got
kicked by a horse.
266
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,390
They had to pin a
couple of bones together.
Oh, my.
267
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,184
She won't be stealing
any more horses
268
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,518
for a little while.
(laughs)
269
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,479
Your usual, Connie?
Yeah.
270
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,522
John, you want something?
271
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,441
I would like a Fresca, please.
272
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,526
Got it, hon.
MAN:
Connie.
273
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,279
Duke-North Carolina's
about to start. Want a piece?
274
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,782
Yeah, baby. Give me the
points on Duke for a nickel.
275
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,533
All right.
(laughing): A nickel.
276
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,952
That's a silly bet.
277
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,453
It's 50 bucks.
278
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,081
A thousand nickels.
Less silly.
279
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,792
I must say, uh...
280
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,962
this is a side of you
I've never... seen before.
281
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,588
You're all right with it,
aren't you?
282
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,006
Oh, sure.
283
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,884
When are you gonna
give that man your $50?
284
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,095
Don't worry
about it. Hit me.
285
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,721
I'm a little worried.
286
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,223
(coins jangling, people cheer)
287
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,811
Pastor Jeff?
288
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,938
Everything all right in there?
289
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,648
Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,692
I've just been praying,
napping, crying.
291
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,318
I like to mix it up.
292
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,445
Well, how's it going?
293
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,322
Good, actually.
294
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,659
I have this feeling inside
that I should head home.
295
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:09,330
Well, then you got to honor
that feeling, that's God.
296
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,833
You're right. You
want to come with?
297
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,501
Do you really want me there
298
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,586
while you patch things up
with your wife?
299
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,506
She's less likely to throw any
steak knives if we have company.
300
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:23,428
Um... if you think
it'll help, I suppose...
301
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,595
Great, let's hit it.
302
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,016
Oh...
303
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,518
Hello, is this
the Nelson residence?
304
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,021
Oh, good. I'm
Sheldon Cooper,
305
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,605
the executive
assistant secretary
306
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,649
at the First Baptist
Church of Medford.
307
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,317
I'm looking through
our donation records,
308
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,111
and I've noticed that
you've tapered off a bit.
309
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,866
Well, yes, your children's
education is expensive,
310
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,534
but so is running a church.
311
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,286
Oh, boy!
312
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:51,289
I'll be sure to tell
the pastor. Goodbye.
313
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:57,920
That earned a sip of Yoo-hoo.
314
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,173
Okay. Who's next?
315
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,717
Wendy and Bill Mackenzie.
316
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,427
Of Mackenzie Chevrolet?
317
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:07,180
Now those are what we call
"deep pockets."
318
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,142
Pat here, double the ten,
and split the aces.
319
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,560
Connie...
320
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,772
I found an old-fashioned
malt shop where we can
321
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:19,067
have milkshakes and
listen to the jukebox,
322
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,651
like I never did
in high school.
323
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,862
Yeah, great.
Not now, John.
324
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,573
Okay, well, I was just hoping
we could do something together.
325
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:29,035
For God's sake, John. I'm
getting my ass kicked here!
326
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,496
I'm sorry.
327
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,420
Oh, Felicia,
you're killing me.
328
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,005
(sighs)
329
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,132
Chip me another deuce.
330
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,843
(door opens)
331
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,267
Hello?
332
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,560
Selena?
333
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,397
Ooh. Big TV, fancy.
334
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:05,696
(reading in Spanish)
335
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,868
"Con amor, Selena."
336
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,411
Which means?
337
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:16,707
"Life is too short to be
married to a loser.
338
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,793
"I'm leaving you.
339
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,878
Love, Selena."
340
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,964
"Love, Selena"?
341
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,550
Well, that's kind
of a mixed message.
Yeah.
342
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,310
Oh, I couldn't tell you
how much to give.
343
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,437
But I can tell you
the Stuckeys stepped up
344
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,648
for a thousand dollars.
345
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,652
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
346
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,488
Well, you need to give what's
comfortable for you.
347
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,323
And of course, I don't need
to remind you,
348
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,242
it's entirely tax deductible.
349
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,831
And at the next
pancake breakfast,
350
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,583
you can hold
your head high.
351
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,837
Thank you. That's
very generous.
352
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:03,880
Goodbye.
353
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,009
The pancake line
closed it.
354
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,511
We are so going
to heaven.
355
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,889
I don't understand why
God would tell me to go home
356
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,849
just to find out
my wife left me.
357
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,018
Not that he needs me
to defend him,
358
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:20,104
but in God's defense,
he didn't say she'd be there.
359
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,441
Mary, I hate to say this,
but I think it's time
360
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,026
for me to move on.
361
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,028
I thought even as a
teenager, I'd been called
362
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,740
to preach the word of God,
but maybe that was just my ego.
363
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,783
Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
364
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:36,704
Don't say that.
You're a great preacher.
Thank you.
365
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,498
But it's clear. I need
to trod a new path.
366
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:43,169
Well, what would you do?
Trodding wise.
367
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,754
I don't know.
368
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,423
Maybe work with my hands
amongst men, on an oil rig,
369
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,674
or a fishing trawler.
370
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,553
I also know how
to blow glass.
371
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,014
I could turn a pretty
penny at swap meets.
372
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:59,518
Those all sound
like solid options.
Mm-hmm.
373
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,729
Oh, red light, red light!
374
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:05,066
(horn blaring)
375
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,651
(siren wailing)
376
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,868
Oh, phooey.
377
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,328
Tell you what, Jody.
378
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,914
Why don't you go upstairs
to your daddy's bedroom,
379
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,540
and see how much
is in his wallet?
380
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,379
Don't worry, it's not
stealing if it's for God.
381
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,548
What are y'all up to?
Just helping Mom with
some church work.
382
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,385
Well, aren't you two great kids.
383
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,262
We like to think so.
384
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,763
(chuckles)
385
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,391
Really? That much?
386
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,478
(coins jangling)
387
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,613
I think I need
to apologize.
388
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,741
I know you do.
I'm very sorry.
389
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,451
Sometimes when things
aren't going my way,
390
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,036
I just get
a little cranky.
391
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:02,123
May I ask you
a personal question?
Sure.
392
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:05,376
Does your gambling
constitute a problem?
393
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,338
Not today. Bam!
394
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,589
(both laughing)
395
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,341
Come on. Let me
take you out to dinner.
396
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,592
(whooping)
(chuckling)
397
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,929
Don't forget that
you promised Sheldon
398
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,140
if you won,
you'd donate to the church.
399
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,975
You want to see me
get cranky again?
400
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:24,478
No, I don't.
Well, let's go strap on
some bibs and eat lobster.
401
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,980
Whoa!
402
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,774
So you're over at First
Baptist Church, huh?
403
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,900
Yes, Officer.
404
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,277
I'm new in this area.
405
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,820
I've been looking
for a church.
406
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,115
Well, you're in luck.
It's a wonderful congregation,
407
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,951
and this man right here
is our beloved pastor.
408
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:42,663
Oh. Are you his wife?
409
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,833
Oh, no, I'm church secretary.
He's actually single.
410
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,252
Well, technically...
He's single.
411
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,839
Well, I'll try
to come by sometime.
412
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:54,175
Tomorrow's Sunday.
He'll be speaking.
413
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,802
All right. Maybe I'll
see y'all tomorrow.
414
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:01,682
You have a nice day.
415
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,267
Aren't you gonna
give me a ticket?
416
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,187
Do you want a ticket?
417
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,939
He does not.
Thank you, Officer.
418
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,442
(chuckles)
419
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,696
Pastor?
Yeah?
420
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,365
You were saying
you don't understand
421
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:20,534
why God told you to go home.
You get it now?
422
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,119
Think I do.
423
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,171
Welcome, church.
424
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:36,425
I pray you all had a blessed
and prosperous week.
425
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,426
I'm excited to
426
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,719
share with you
427
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:41,305
what the Lord put on
my heart for today.
428
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,307
I'm surprised you're here
this morning.
429
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,727
Hey. I got to
support my pal.
430
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,146
The renewal of faith
is something that happens
431
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,981
over and over.
432
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,777
When you have faith...
You need to move
fast, Officer.
433
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,904
He's not gonna be on
the market for long.
434
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,573
Roger that.
JEFF: For so many months,
435
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,909
our little parish
has been struggling financially.
436
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,370
But by the grace of God
and his provision,
437
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,540
we have received the most
donations in church history!
438
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,418
Praise Jesus!
439
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,587
ALL: Praise Jesus!
(applause)
440
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,424
So it's all Jesus, we
don't get any credit?
441
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,468
We need to start
our own church.
They don't pay taxes.
442
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,221
It's a very sound
business model.
443
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,098
JEFF: Say amen
when you get there, huh?
31524
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