All language subtitles for The.Kings.Man.2023I

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Your Grace.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Sergeant, I'm here on behalf
of the Red Cross

and I'd like to speak
with General Kitchener.

There is
no General Kitchener here.

Your Grace? Your Grace?
Let... Let him in.

Well, if Morton's here, then
Kitchener can't be far away.

My apologies, Your Grace.

Security's paramount right now.

It's a secret that you're
visiting with the general.

We can't be too careful
with these Boers

and their guerilla tactics.

Too careful?

Looks like this place
could use a lot more care.

Begging your pardon, sir,
but these concentration camps

are the reason we're winning this war.

This way.

Orlando. Our knight in shining armor.

Thank you for coming.

What's going on, Kitchener?

It seems that you've been

somewhat liberal with the truth.

Time has not been kind here.

Well, you'll have to explain that
to Emily.

On my return to England,
it will be my first port of call.

She's outside,

with Conrad.

Why are we here, Mother?

Do you remember why
King Arthur and his knights

had a round table?

Because it meant
that all men were equal.

It's important that people
born into privilege

lead by example.

That's why your father and I
are patrons of the Red Cross.

Helping others,

not hiding behind our status.

Never forget that.

Hmm?

I'm just going to check
on your father.

Stay here, Conrad.

This terrible war would be over, Shola,

if King Arthur and his
noble knights were still here.

(CHUCKLES) Of course.
And which one would you be?

I'd be Lancelot.

Father would be Arthur.
Mother, Guinevere.

And you, the mighty Merlin.

Really?

EMILY: This is ridiculous.
We're wasting precious time.

Look around, people are dying.

We have emergency supplies
from the Red Cross.

Thank God she's on our side.

Well, on my side, at least.

KITCHENER: She's more of a force

than any of our enemies.
(CHUCKLES)

There's General Kitchener.

Well, open the gates!
Bring in those supplies!

Emily!

-(GUNSHOT)
-(GROANS)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Lie down until I get back.

(GUNS FIRING)

Go back to Conrad.

Go to hell, Kitchener.

(YELLING)

SHOLA: I got him! Stop fire!

Emily!

SOLDIER: Cease fire!

(FIRING STOPS)

(GROANS)

Emily.

Darling, I'm here.

I'm here. Darling, I'm here.

That's it. I'm here.
You have to stay with me.

You have to stay with me.

Darling?

Protect our son.

Protect him from this world. And...

Never let him see war again.

Promise me.

I promise.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

-You know, Conrad...
-Hmm?

...up there, I feel free.

Yes, I'm very much looking forward
to my first solo flight.

Remember what happened
to Icarus, Conrad,

when he flew too close to the sun.

Well, I remember him
needing to escape, no?

(LAUGHING)
Well, he got burned.

I think we both see
that story differently.

-Welcome home, Your Grace.
-Thank you, Shola.

-Afternoon, everyone.
-ALL: Afternoon, Your Grace.

Ready for your maiden flight yet, Shola?

Well, if God wanted man to fly,

he would have given him wings.

Yes, I suppose.
You drive Father's car?

SHOLA: Mmm-hmm.

You haven't any wheels.

Nanny Watkins.

My study in five minutes.

Your Grace.

Your Grace.

I should be reprimanding you
for your insolence.

Your opinion behind closed doors
is one thing, Polly,

but I will not tolerate
such demonstrations

in front of my household.

I'll play by your rules
when you play by mine.

Do you really think
you can keep secrets from me?

What do you mean?

Once again, you've turned down
Cousin Felix's invitation

for Conrad to stay
with him in Russia.

And how do you know that?

Us nannies love a good gossip.

And we've all noticed

that you've no problem
with Felix traveling here,

but you seem to have a problem
with Conrad traveling there.

Or anywhere, for that matter.

Yeah. Guilty as charged.
Well, I'm sorry.

I should have
discussed it with you.

Has all this
flying around in circles

made you forget your manners?

Well, what have I done now?

You haven't even offered me a drink.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

And if we had discussed this,

what would my opinion have been?

You think that my

fear for Conrad's safety
is a weakness.

Fear is natural.

The problem is,
the more you fear something,

the more likely it is to come true.

Hmm. So, then,
we're both in need of a nanny.

So it would seem.

(SHOLA YELLS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Higher!

Can you fight with only one arm?

Oh, yes.

If I had someone left to fight.

(GUNSHOT)

Shola. Do you really think
a knife can beat a bullet?

This is how people
are fighting nowadays.

Now, clean yourselves up

before this afternoon's appointment.

My father also brought me here
for my first suit.

Kingsman, world's finest tailor.

(BELL DINGING)

-Morning.
-Your Grace.

Fitting room number one
is ready for you.

Thank you.

Well, here we are.

I wish your mother could see you now.

She would've been so proud.

I hope so, Father.

Although, I might get more use
out of a shooting suit or

a smoking jacket, you know.

Whatever might help
in the pursuit of fine birds.

Oh, come on, Father.

It's a big world out there.

Sooner or later,

you're going to have to
let me enjoy it, even if,

you know,
even if you don't want to.

You know,

Conrad,

our ancestors,
they were terrible people.

They robbed, lied, pillaged,
and killed, until one day,

they found themselves noblemen.

But that nobility,

it never came from chivalry.

It came from being tough
and ruthless.

Back then, to be called a "gentleman"

would have been a death sentence.

Not the mark of honor it is today.

We are Oxfords,

not rogues.

KITCHENER: Oxford!

-Kitchener.
-(LAUGHS)

Well, so glad
we share the same tailor.

Indeed. Well, the Kingsman clientele

is enough to make any club envious.

Mmm-hmm. Oxford, can I
borrow you for a moment?

Is there somewhere private?

May I suggest the pattern room
upstairs, sir.

Perfect.

Conrad, this is Morton,
my aide-de-camp.

Morton, look after
young Conrad for us, will you?

It will be my pleasure, my lord.

Good.

I gather you turned down
our Austrian friend

Archduke Ferdinand's
invitation to his shoot.

Surely your pacifism
doesn't extend

to a few birds, does it?

Us bumping into each other here

was no coincidence, was it?

Walls have ears
in Whitehall these days.

Which is why I felt Kingsman
a safer place for a chat.

OXFORD: Mmm-hmm.

I'm worried that Ferdinand's
political ambitions

may be putting him in danger.

I need you to do me a small favor.

What sort of favor?

MORTON: So, you're serious
about being a soldier?

-Oh, yes.
-Which regiment?

Uh... Grenadiers.

Grenadiers. Well,

when the time comes, contact me.

I'll see what I can do.

OXFORD: Conrad.

You're going to need
that shooting suit after all.

(MACHINERY RUMBLING)

(ALARMED BLEATING)

My Shepherd.

I have a Fabergé egg
made especially for you.

And look inside.

A little replica of Angus,

your favorite goat.

SHEPHERD: You're late.

Take a seat.

What is trust? Hmm?

Trust is having confidence

in the honesty of another.

That will be our weapon

to change the world.

Who do I trust?

Animals.

They never let me down

and they follow
my commands blindly.

The question I now have is

can I trust you to behave like them?

Open the boxes in front of you.

These rings will be the symbol
of membership to my flock.

Put them on, and you will
share in our successes.

But,

break my trust,

and inside you will find

my final gift to you.

MAN: A tortoise?

Am I not worthy of a better animal?

Rasputin, I have a bear.

I will happily exchange it with you.

Yes, Princip. I will be
the great bear of Russia.

Take what you believe is yours.

And by all means,

treat our Shepherd
with the same respect you hold

for that joke of a man
who calls himself your tsar.

Go ahead, Rasputin, take it.

-I dare you.
-(SHEPHERD CHUCKLES)

Now, now, Mata and Erik.
We are

a team.

And Rasputin here... (CHUCKLES)

...is like my beloved Angus.
(CHUCKLING)

(ANGUS BLEATS)

SHEPHERD: Always butting

and fucking.

(BLEATING)

But do not mistake fondness
for weakness,

you late Russian fuckstick!

As everybody knows,

the tortoise

eventually wins the race.

SHEPHERD: Now...

(HAWKS, SPITS)

...my spy,
or should I say my mole,

in the British government

informs me that Kitchener is
concerned for the safety

of the Archduke Ferdinand.

Princip, my wee bear.

Are you ready to prove

Kitchener's concerns are justified?

Yes, I am, my Shepherd.
And I will not let you down.

SHEPHERD: Damn fucking right.

(BANGS TABLE)

(RHYTHMIC BANGING)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

OXFORD: Does that make sense
to you, Ferdinand?

ARCHDUKE FERDINAND:
Ah, now I understand

why you accepted
my shooting invitation.

I didn't really believe
Kitchener's scare tactics.

Harping on about
my being in danger.

OXFORD: Well, only a fool ignores
a friend's warning, Ferdi.

Is it really too much to ask?

I think you should come back with me

and hear what he has to say.

Turning you down is a hard task.

I will give you my decision tonight.

Good.

-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-Drive! Drive!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

ARCHDUKE FERDINAND:
I come here on a visit of goodwill,

to be greeted by bombs?

(DIGNITARIES CHUCKLING)

Yes. (CLEARS THROAT)

(MUFFLED) It gives me
special pleasure...

I... I shouldn't have
brought you here.

We need to get home,
where I can protect you.

What...

I just protected you.
I don't need protecting.

Yes, you do, Conrad. I'm sorry,

but you think you know
what the world is like,

but the truth is, you're just a boy

who has no idea
what men are capable of.

What? Watching my mother die
wasn't a good enough introduction?

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

(HORN HONKS)

MAN 1: Are you sure this is right?

MAN 2: Just follow my orders.

Take the first left.

MAN 1: It's a dead end, you fool.

I knew this was the wrong way.

MAN 2: I meant the next left.

OXFORD: Stop arguing.
We're sitting ducks here.

Get this car moving now.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Father, it's terrible
about Ferdi and Sophie.

We're safe now, aren't we?

Yes, but for how long?

I'm beginning to understand
what Kitchener was so afraid of.

Already there are rumors

the Austrians
are mobilizing their army.

They don't believe this assassin
acted independently.

And neither do I.

It's just Serbia.

I mean, it's such
a small part of the world.

Why do they care?

Well, because small things
can grow into big problems.

You see, years ago,

there were three young cousins.

The eldest was
a real troublemaker...

Put my soldier back!

There are no rules in war.

-I'll teach you war, Wilhelm!
-(ALL GRUNTING)

OXFORD: Their grandmother
was Queen Victoria...

Nicholas. Enough!

OXFORD:
...who kept them in line.

They grew up to become
Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany,

Tsar Nicholas of Russia,
and King George of England.

(LAUGHING)

OXFORD: And now,
poor Ferdinand's assassination

has given the moronic kaiser

a reason to reignite
their childhood feud.

But surely they've matured
enough to avoid a war?

One would hope so.

And, thankfully,
we have our own King George

to help keep the peace.

Ah. There it is.

Look at us.

Three young cousins

who thought they knew how to rule.

But now the soldiers are real.

Get two copies
of this photograph made

and have them delivered
with these letters immediately.

I'll have Morton see to it personally.

Excellent.

Your Majesty.

(SWEARS IN GERMAN)

-(IN ENGLISH) Erik.
-My kaiser.

"Restraint is a virtue.
Remember your duty."

His Majesty, my cousin,
the king of England,

strongly suggests we do nothing.

Remember how Prince George
used to enjoy it

when your English mother

and her English doctors would torture you?

George would tease you about your...

deformities.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And don't forget
that sniggering at his side

was your little Russian cousin,

Tsar Nicholas.

Cousin George
is imploring self-restraint

against our other cousin,
the moronic kaiser.

King George has always
protected our interests.

Why would we go to war
over something so trivial?

Because we gave Serbia our word.

And besides, I hate the kaiser.

It will be good
for his oversized ego

to match his undersized hand.

(GIRLS CHUCKLE)

A wise decision, my tsar.

The soul of Russia is safe
in your hands.

ERIK: The world will laugh at you

for not keeping your word
and standing by the Austrians.

Ignore the English king.

Tell George to mind
his own business, ja?

Huh? (LAUGHING)

If I want a war, then I will have it.

As Russia's ally,

we have no choice
but to join this war.

I don't understand.
The kaiser and the tsar

have both ignored
the king's wishes. Why?

That's a good question.

-I...
-With all due respect, sir,

this debate should happen
after we have won the war.

The prime minister is waiting.

And we're late.

Morton's right.

My lord, it would be
my honor to volunteer.

Honor?

KITCHENER: Fine words,
young Conrad.

But therein lies the problem.

Legally, you're not old enough
to join up.

Hmm. But still young enough
to believe

it's an honorable thing
to die for one's country.

The object of war is not
to die for one's country,

but to make the enemy
die for theirs.

COMMANDING SOLDIER:
Fix bayonets!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

-(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)
-(GUNFIRE)

(SOLDIERS GROANING)

(PANTING)

SHEPHERD: Not even I

could have imagined
a war like this.

(GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS)

What I thought would take
a decade for us to achieve

has taken two short years.

We have drained
Europe's resources

and millions have died pointlessly.

SOLDIER: Fire!

SHEPHERD: We have broken the trust

between the people
and the inbred monarchs

who only rule
due to their fortunate birth.

Do you know who hates King George

more than the kaiser?

Me.

The English monarchy

has oppressed
my beloved Scotland

for over 700 years

and it is time for retribution.

We will pull Russia out of our war

and unleash
the full might of Germany

to destroy England.

Rasputin,

are you ready to begin
the demise of King George?

Thy will be done, my Shepherd.

They've started conscription.

Yes, I'm well aware of that, Conrad.

And?

Well, it was bad enough

I didn't join
when it was voluntary...

Conrad, this is not a war.
Do you understand?

It's not like any war
that we've ever seen.

I don't care! I should be fighting.

It's not fighting. It's dying.

Much like this conversation.

Tell that to Kitchener.

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

OXFORD: You're still too young, Conrad.

CONRAD: But everyone's lying
about their age.

-They're all going over.
-I know.

And I know you want to fight.

It's a testament to your character

and I'm proud of you for it.

Yes, but look what I was given.

In the village.

It's the symbol of a coward.

And I should suffer
such humiliation?

Reputation is
what people think of you.

Character is what you are.

CONRAD: Victoria Cross.

Is it yours?

Yes.

When I was young,

like you, I wanted
to serve my country.

-(GUNFIRE)
-(MEN GROANING)

OXFORD: But soon I began
to question what right we had

to take the land, riches,

and the lives of people

who were only defending
their homeland.

Every man I killed,

I killed a piece of myself.

Maybe having a feather
would have been better.

So, the next day,
I put down my rifle

and I picked up a stretcher.

I should've been given
the Cross for saving lives,

not taking them.

As soon as I replace this
with my own medal,

I'll join the medical corps.

I have informed Kitchener

of your intention of joining up.

And he has assured me
that he will not

let you slip through.

-I have a vision.
-(GROANING SOFTLY)

This boy is the symbol
of the soul of Russia.

You must save Russia.

You must pull out of the war
to save your son's life.

This is nonsense.

You dare to question
the vessel of the Lord?

You dare to risk your son's life?

Nicholas,
come to your senses now!

Please.

Please.

COUSIN FELIX:
My dear cousin Conrad.

It has been too long
since we last saw each other

and I'm sorry I'm only writing
to you now, but...

(CHANTING DEEPLY)

...in these difficult times,

I'm not sure whom I can trust.

(RASPUTIN CONTINUES CHANTING)

Welcome back.

COUSIN FELIX: For a while now,
I've harbored my suspicions

of this so-called priest, Rasputin.

He has the tsar under his spell,

both spiritually
and through opium,

and has persuaded him
to withdraw from the war.

The tsar intends to announce this

in his New Year's speech.

Cousin Felix sends his regards.

Oh.

COUSIN FELIX: I hope your
father's influence can help.

Morton, any ideas?

Well, sir, in my opinion,

this is a very grave situation.

We can trust absolutely no one.

I suggest we assemble
an elite squad of men,

we go to Russia,
and we sort it out ourselves.

Agreed. See to it immediately.

As I'm not allowed to join up,
may I at least go with you?

Conrad, you know your father
made me swear that I would...

Protect my son at all costs.

Where do you want to go, Conrad?

-Russia.
-Why?

To help Cousin Yusupov
deal with Rasputin.

He's going to force Russia
out of the war.

Kitchener, have you killed
so many men

that you're now relying on boys

to run your military intelligence?

-How dare you speak to...
-Shut up, Morton.

Conrad, we're leaving.

Now!

Your lordship?

Let's just hope we don't make

such a mess of things in Russia.

One more dispatch box
for tonight, sir.

Damn it, Morton.

How much do you expect
a man to read?

I'm terribly sorry, my lord.

I would help, but I'm definitely...

definitely more of a soldier
than I am a sailor.

Well, go outside, man,
and get some air.

Quite right.

-(WIND HOWLING)
-(WAVES CRASHING)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(MEN SPEAKING IN GERMAN)

Five million dead.

May God forgive me.

CONRAD: First Ferdinand,
and now Kitchener.

This was not an accident.

Kitchener was your friend.

Not to mention
this country's last hope.

How can you be so calm?

KITCHENER: My dear Oxford.

I wanted to apologize
for our recent fracas.

In my opinion,
Conrad is a fine young man.

He was betrayed.
We must do something.

KITCHENER: Always ready
to face the world.

No, don't ignore me, Father.
You know it's true.

You cannot keep running away
from problems.

KITCHENER:
But I shall, of course,

respect your wishes

and do everything I can
to keep him out of harm's way.

I don't believe
it was a German mine.

There is something more afoot.

And what if you're successful?

What if you're successful

and keep me locked away
as the world burns?

KITCHENER: If all parents
shared your outlook,

there would be no wars.

But until that day comes,
I will no doubt be kept busy.

I remain your friend, Kitch.

Your incessant need to protect me

will not redeem your own failure
to protect Mother.

I'm sorry, Father.

(CHAIR SCRAPES)

No, no.

I'm sorry.

Follow me.

Well, about time.

Welcome to the club.

Is he part of the briefing?

Yes.

Take a look.

You see, this war
has made me realize

that we cannot rely on politicians

to do their job properly.

So, I decided

that we should
do something about it.

This isn't making any sense
to me, Father.

OXFORD: Let me explain.

My reputation is of a man
not wanting to be involved,

which means that my character

finds it much easier
to be involved unnoticed.

Just like domestic servants everywhere

who are seen but not heard.

Essentially invisible.

Unless they're part
of the Oxford family, of course.

Shola and Polly have gathered

a network of domestics

such as the world
has never seen.

While British intelligence
listens at keyholes,

our people
are actually in the room.

-Very clever.
-Hmm.

Now, after Ferdinand's assassination,

I visited Gavrilo Princip
in his prison in Sarajevo.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

-(OXFORD GROANS)
-PRINCIP: Thank you.

Why did you kill my friend?

It was the alcohol.
I was overcome.

I'm just a simple Serb.

A very expensive ring
for such a simple Serb.

Ah, and a secret compartment.

That smelled of almonds.
Therefore, cyanide.

Princip's ring proves
he was not acting alone.

There is, as you say, Conrad,
more afoot.

POLLY: Indeed.

Your cousin's letter made us
extend our network to Russia

and it paid off.

The tsar's nanny found a ring
in Rasputin's chambers.

Identical to Princip's,

but with a tortoise
instead of a bear.

Then I think we must
go to Russia immediately

and find a way
to interrogate this monk.

POLLY: But by all accounts,
Rasputin is unbreakable.

As long as he's alive,

the tsar will never change his mind

and with Russia out of the war,

England is doomed.

SHOLA: My lord.

One life to save millions.

OXFORD: So,

the only way to honor the vow
I made to your mother

is to break the vow
I made to myself.

I'm afraid we have no other choice.

It is time for us
to kill Grigori Rasputin.

(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

Rasputin has accepted
an invitation

to your cousin's Christmas ball.

The tsar's nanny informs me

of Rasputin's weakness
for sweet cakes.

And even sweeter boys.

So, after the main course
is served,

Conrad will entice Rasputin

to a private dessert
in the summer room,

where nanny's legendary
Bakewell tart,

laced with poison,

will be waiting for him.

Polly, get baking.

Yes. And don't forget the poison.

OXFORD: Get him to eat
the cake. Understand?

Yes, Father.

Good.
Tonight we will be rogues,

not Oxfords.

(CANE BANGING)

Our guest of honor,
Father Rasputin.

(DOOR OPENS)

Are you waiters or Englishmen?

Whatever you are,
get me a fucking drink.

Are you a monk or a ballet dancer?

I see you've mastered
the Beryozka glide.

Why don't you glide over there
and get me a fucking drink?

Englishmen.

I like the English.

But it's a long way to come
for a Christmas party.

Well, for me, yes.
But not for my son,

who is certainly
a lot more fun than I am

in these dark days.

I'm looking for someone
who can help me

gain an audience with the tsar.

Perhaps you can be of assistance.

But I am just a humble monk.

Mmm, a humble monk
that this whole room reveres

or fears.

I only make decisions
when my stomach is full

or my balls are empty.

Well, thank God
dinner is being served.

RASPUTIN: So, uh,

your father tells me
you like to have fun.

Yes. I believe
I'm sufficiently open-minded.

What is it that you Russians do

that an Englishman can enjoy?

RASPUTIN: Well, everything.

Food, music, ballet,

tobacco, art.

But most of all...

we like to fuck like tigers.

(GROWLING SOFTLY)

(SNARLS)

Is that something
an English boy might enjoy?

Yes.

Hmm... But tonight
I do not want to teach.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Change seats with your father.

I'm so sorry
if I have offended you.

Only if you consider
being boring offensive.

Now do as you're told.

Yes.

(SOFTLY) Sorry, Father.
He wants us to swap places.

Excuse me, forgive me. Forgive me.

This leg is a fearful curse.

You know, if I didn't
know any better,

I'd say your son
was trying to fuck me.

More likely you were
trying to fuck him.

Your reputation precedes you.

Well, if you know so much
about my reputation,

put your leg in my lap.

I may be able to fix it.

-Here?
-Not here.

Somewhere private, of course.

Here we are.

You are expecting someone?

Yes, our nanny
is a wonderful cook,

so she's made this cake

as a gift for our host, the prince.

Please,

take your trousers off
and sit down.

Certainly.

I will make the room warm for you.

RASPUTIN: (MUFFLED)
In summer, I come here

with my young friends.

Swim naked in the bathing pond,

then come inside
and fuck in front of the fire.

Naturally.

Ah, there we are.

Trousers off.

-RASPUTIN: Mmm.
-(GROANS)

Steady.

Blood is life.

Its flow is healing.

And I can teach it where to flow.

Hmm...

-Oh.
-Hmm.

Your wound was fixed superficially

and with very poor needle work.

OXFORD: Hmm.

This cake is good, no?

Yes. It's Bakewell tart.
It's my favorite.

We can eat it together
when I put my trousers back on.

No. Well, to do this properly,

I will need energy.

(SNIFFING)

Hmm...

It's very good.

OXFORD: Hmm.

Very English.

-Yes. It's very English.
-Hmm.

(CHANTING DEEPLY)

(CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERING) What's that noise?

-We should go in.
-No, no.

It's Rasputin, not your father.

I think it's the poison killing him.

(CONTINUES CHANTING)

(GRUNTS)

(OXFORD GROANING)

Relax. Let the blood flow.

-Let me lick your wounds.
-Yes.

-Trust me. Trust me.
-Oh, God.

-Oh, my, I can see it.
-Trust me.

Don't worry, I will help you,
and you will help me.

(MUMBLING)

Why do you want to see the tsar?

(MUMBLES)

The tsar needs to stay in the war.

What makes you think he won't?

I'm told he's being influenced.

Good. Now we are
getting somewhere.

So, if you really want
your leg fixed,

tell me the truth.

Why are you here?

I'm here...

-Because?
-Because...

-Because?
-Because...

-Because?
-Because I'm going to kill...

I apologize.

Your cake...

did not agree with me.

-(THUDS)
-(GROANS)

Come!

We must ice your leg.

Only two minutes
in the cold water,

and you will be like a new man.

-My... My leg...
-Yes.

-...is healed.
-Yes.

-Yes.
-Walk to me.

(MUMBLES, CHUCKLES)

No. No, no, no. Not the cane.

Leave the cane.

-Oh, yes.
-Leave the cane.

(LAUGHING) I didn't believe you.

Come to me. Come to me.

-Why is Father laughing?
-I have no idea.

Now let the cold...

Russian water...

heal you forever.

Come. Come. Come. Come.

-Oh!
-Come. Come.

-Yes. Yes, yes.
-It's freezing.

Let Mother Nature work her magic.

(SHIVERING)

Two minutes.

Two minutes,
and you will be healed.

You will be healed.

Bakewell tart.

Tell me, a lot of almonds
in Bakewell tart.

What other ingredients
in Bakewell tart?

I have no idea. I'm not a cook.

Well, I am.

And I also know
what else smells like almonds.

Cyanide!

(OXFORD GRUNTS)

RASPUTIN: If you really knew
my reputation,

you'd know I take a little poison
for breakfast...

-He's in trouble.
-...to keep myself immune.

(OXFORD GASPING)

Now, that's more like it.

Time to dance...
on your graves.

Go and help your father.

(YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Father. Father.
Oh, God. You're freezing.

Father, are you all right? Breathe.

I'm so cold. I'm so cold.

(YELLS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(WEAKLY) Shola.

-(YELLS)
-(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

Shola.

Do it. Do it!

Do it!

Shoot me.

(GUN CLICKING)

Please kill me.

(GUN CLICKING)

Beautiful boy.

-(BONES CRACKING)
-(GROANS)

(RASPUTIN YELLS)

(RUSSIAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

RASPUTIN: I fixed your leg.

Which is more than I can say
for your son's neck.

(OXFORD YELLS)

(STRAINING)

(BOTH YELL)

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

Thank you for my new leg. (GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Thank you.

No. Thank you. You saved my life.

And you, mine.

-What about Shola?
-Oh.

He'll be all right.
He just needs to sleep it off.

(GUNSHOT)

Why is it that boys
are always so messy?

Pick him up. It's time to go.

SHEPHERD: You have got to be
fucking kidding me!

(BLEATING)

I want you to pick up
where Rasputin failed.

I don't care about your ideology
or your politics.

Just start your fucking revolution

and get Russia out of my war,

Comrade Lenin.

Yes, my Shepherd.

When my revolution is complete,

the flocks left will be so powerful,

your one problem
will be finding my equal

to balance from the right.

What's wrong with him?

Today your father broke
his vow of pacifism.

But it was the right thing to do.

Right or wrong,
it doesn't make it any easier.

(SINGING)
Happy birthday to you

(SHOLA JOINS IN)
Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dearest Conrad

Happy birthday to you

SHOLA: Good boy.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

(LAUGHING)

To my son.

Thank you.

Today, you proved yourself a man

and you've made us all very proud.

A toast to our successful mission

and my new leg.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Happy birthday, Conrad.

POLLY: Happy birthday.

Thank you, Father.

(LAUGHING)

I'm glad that we can
finally see eye to eye.

Well, we can now.

(CHUCKLING)

Now that I've blown out
19 candles,

I'm sure you'll give me
your blessing

as I join up and finally
fulfill my duty to my country.

Conrad, you've just exceeded
your duty to your country.

My wishes have nothing
to do with your age.

Father, your wishes were only granted
because of my age.

There's nothing you can do
to stop me now.

All I ask for is your blessing, at least.

I'm sorry, Conrad.

But you're asking for the one thing

that I cannot and I will not give you.

(MAN SHOUTING COMMANDS)

ERIK: My kaiser.

Our naval blockade
around England

has sunk another
American passenger ship.

The American president
could soon run out of patience

and if they join the war
on England's side,

we will be defeated.

There are no rules in war.

And making England
starve to death is worth the risk.

ERIK: Hmm...

But if you send this,

it will mitigate the risk.

Are you sure?

Yes, my kaiser.

Get me Zimmermann.

(PHONE RINGING)

Zimmermann,
telegraph the following.

ZIMMERMANN:
Send this immediately.

Use the kaiser's top-level encoding.

(BEEPING)

OFFICER: Gentlemen,

we have a priority-one intercept.

Whatever you're doing, cease now.

We need this code cracked pronto.

-Tea?
-Please.

OXFORD: Good job, Rita.

POLLY: This code is what
the kaiser has been using.

It must be unbelievably important.

Can you break it?

OFFICER: One! Two!
Three! Four!

POLLY: I'll need
a lot more information.

TRAINER 1: Keep your eye
on the enemy!

TRAINER 2: Aim rifles to the left!

TRAINER 3: Fire!

Thank you.

What makes the grass grow?

CADETS: Blood! Blood! Blood!

TRAINER 4: What're you gonna do?

CADETS: Kill! Kill! Kill!

(CADETS YELLING)

SHOLA: Here's your tea.

DRILL COMMANDER: Quick! March!

LUDENDORFF: Mmm-hmm. Ja.

I am using the cipher.

Is the eight a "Z" or is it an "R"?

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

CHAPLAIN: Godspeed to you all.

And remember...

"Dulce et decorum
est pro patria mori."

CADET: What does that mean?

"It's sweet and proper
to die for one's country."

(CHIRPING)

SHOLA: Direct from Germany.

Thank you.

LUDENDORFF: (ON RECORDING)
Ja. I am using the cipher.

Is the eight a "Z" or is it an "R"?

A "Z." Thank you.

I've cracked the code.

It's from Arthur Zimmermann,

the German Secretary of State in Berlin

to their ambassador in Mexico City.

He proposes an alliance with Mexico.

Germany wants to divert
America's attention,

so they're asking Mexico
to invade America.

In print, there.

So, when President Wilson sees this,

then he has no choice, but...

He has to enter the war.

And the war will be over.

-Well done. Oh, my dear Polly.
-(CHUCKLING)

Well done, you.

(LAUGHING)

You are incredible.

And there's hope for Conrad.

KING GEORGE: Well done, Oxford.

My idiot cousin, the kaiser,

has finally shot himself in the foot.

You've hit a six
with this telegram, old boy.

Kitchener would be proud.

Well, I think champagne is in order.

Uh, thank you, Your Majesty,
but I vowed not to drink

until Conrad has returned
safely from the war.

Why didn't you mention that earlier?

I'll make sure the only action
your boy sees

is sharpening the general's pencils.

(LAUGHS) I'm not sure that's cricket.

Orlando, you know how many
boys' lives you've saved

with this telegram?

At least let me save one.

So,

now that Conrad's safety is assured...

to peace in our time.

To peace in our time.

AMERICAN GENERAL: King George is waiting
for your response, Mr. President.

But how can this telegram be real?

Not even the Germans
would be this stupid.

-But, sir...
-I'm not doing a damn thing

till I have undeniable proof.

Douglas.

Statesman on the rocks, please.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Lieutenant Oxford reporting
for duty, sir.

Ah, yes. Oxford.

Lucky man. You've been
assigned back to London.

Sir, there must be some mistake.

No. Fortune favors the brave,

or those under the king's gaze.

Sir.

Attention!

Lance corporal.

-Sir.
-What's your name?

Lance Corporal Reid, sir.

Follow me.

Shola, I presume.

Yes.

Conrad has sent me to see the duke.

And your name, sir?

Good question.
It's a complicated answer.

I can only tell the duke in person.

Well, I still need a name.

This is gonna sound stupid.

But according to Conrad,
I'm Lancelot.

You're Merlin,

and I'm requesting an audience
with King Arthur.

Follow me, sir.

OXFORD: "Doubts persist
as to telegram authenticity.

"Worried Wilson won't go to war."

Idiots and fools.

There's nothing left to debate.

Polly, do you think
we can extend our network

to the White House?

Most of their household staff
were trained in England,

so it shouldn't be a problem.

Right. Well, let's get to work, then.

-I'll get on to it right away.
-Thank you.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Yes, come in.

Your Grace. We have a visitor.

Who is it?

A friend of Conrad
saying he's Lancelot,

asking to see King Arthur.

What? (CHUCKLING)

That brings back fond memories.

Um...

Show him in, would you?

Yes, sir.

Sir.

Who are you?

Lance Corporal Reid
of the Black Watch, sir.

So then why are you wearing

a Grenadiers officer's uniform?

(SIGHS)

This, uh...

This will explain it better than I can.

It's a wee bit surreal, sir.

OXFORD: Hmm.

Odd.

(LAUGHING) It's a letter from Conrad.

You're Lancelot.

CONRAD: Dear Father.
I, too, can play games.

I've swapped places with Archie Reid,

the man in front of you.

Archie?

-CONRAD: He's a good man...
-Yes, sir.

...who is simply following my orders

and is possibly
as confused as you are.

Please ensure my actions

don't get him into any trouble.

Tomorrow I finally fulfill
my wish to go to the front.

And in the meantime,
I enclose a poem

which I thought
you might appreciate.

OXFORD: "Bent double...

"like old beggars under sacks...

"Knock-kneed,
coughing like hags...

"we cursed through sludge...

"Till on the haunting flares
we turned our backs...

"And towards our distant rest
began to trudge.

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

"Men marched asleep.

"Many had lost their boots,
but limped on...

"blood-shod.

"All went lame, all blind.

"Drunk with fatigue...

"deaf even to the hoots...

"Of tired outstripped five-nines

"that dropped behind."

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

SERGEANT MAJOR: New lads.

Welcome to the front line.

This trench will be your home
for the next six...

I don't bloody believe it. Runner!

SERGEANT MAJOR: Come on, lads!

(GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS)

Well, come on, lads! Cover the man!

Cover the man!

Fire!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Keep running!

SERGEANT MAJOR: Hold your fire!

Good effort, men.

This war never stops surprising me.

A German wavin' a Union Jack!
What's next?

CAPTAIN FORREST: Allow me
to answer that, Sergeant Major.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Fall in!

That runner was actually a British spy.

He was bringing me vital information.

Our country needs
what he was carrying,

and I therefore need six volunteers.

You will accompany me
to retrieve what's left of him

as soon as it's dark.

Very good, lad.

Who else?

Sergeant?

You five. One step forward. March!

Five more brave volunteers, sir.

Excellent. We move out at midnight.

(RATS SQUEAKING)

(FAINT RUSTLING)

(WHISPERING) Hold your fire.

If they hear us from the trenches,

we'll be fired upon from both sides.

(SHUSHES SOFTLY)

(WHISPERS) Boom.

(ALL GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

TROOPER: Please...

-Please don't.
-(MAN GROANING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(TROOPER MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

I'm so sorry.

(GROANS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(ALL GRUNTING)

-(CLANGS)
-(GASPS)

What was that?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(IN ENGLISH) It's over there.

CONRAD: Don't shoot!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

No!

(PANTING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

-(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

-(COUGHING)
-BRITISH SOLDIER: Cease fire!

(PANTING HEAVILY)

(SOBBING)

MAN: First time out here, lad?

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Same side.

Thank God for the Union Jack, eh?

I can honestly say that my first time

was worse than losing this leg. (CHUCKLES)

I'm so sorry, I shouldn't
be the one crying.

Come over here and help me out.
I'm freezing.

Come here. Come on.

(SHUSHING)

(CONRAD CONTINUES SOBBING)

I thought... I thought I knew
what I wanted.

My father warned me.

My father warned me.
I... I didn't listen...

and now it all makes sense.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Well, I suggest we solve
both our problems, yeah?

Look.

I need to get this
to high command.

The contents could help
end this bloody war.

As I won't be walking
any time soon,

I suggest you finish the mission

and go home to a hero's welcome.

No, no. No. Off we go
to a hero's welcome.

-(WHIMPERING)
-It's okay. I've got you.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Shit. Hurry!

BRITISH SOLDIER: Covering fire!

Give them cover, lads!

Fucking move!

(YELLING)

Take out the machine gunner!

SOLDIER: Cover him!

Go!

Run!

SOLDIER 1: Let's go, man! Run!
SOLDIER 2: Run! Run! Run!

You all right? You all right?

Jesus Christ! You were amazin'!

I've never seen anything like it.

What the bloody hell
were you doing over there

in the first place?

(PANTING)

You better ask him. Ask him.

He'll explain everything.

SOLDIER: He took the full force
of that blast, sir.

Yeah. But at least
you made it back, son.

I tell you, if that ain't worth
a Victoria Cross,

I don't know what is.

I must carry on the mission.

We need to get this
to high command immediately.

I'll take you there myself.
What's your name, soldier?

Archie. Lance Corporal Archie Reid.

SERGEANT MAJOR ATKINS:
Archie Reid, did you say?

Yes.

That's right.

Lance Corporal Archie Reid?

Dog Platoon, First Battalion,
the Black Watch?

Aye.

Is that your best Scottish accent?

You're not Archie Reid.

Lance Corporal Archie Reid's
a friend of mine.

And I've been looking for him all night.
So who are you?

Yes, yes. You're right.
There's a simple explanation.

-I'm not Archie Reid.
-Fuckin' German spy.

I'm Conra...

REID: Your son was killed in action, sir.

OXFORD: What?

(SOBBING)

Polly.

Polly.

My son.

Why?

"If in some
smothering dreams...

"you too could pace

"Behind the wagon
that we flung him in...

"And watch the white eyes
writhing in his face...

"His hanging face,
like a devil's sick of sin...

"If you could hear, at every jolt...

"the blood, come gargling
from the froth-corrupted lungs...

"Obscene as cancer...

"bitter as the cud...

"Of vile, incurable sores
on innocent tongues...

"My friend...

"you would not tell
with such high zest...

"To children ardent for...

"some desperate glory...

"The old Lie...

"Dulce et decorum est...

"Pro patria mori."

It is sweet and proper

to die for one's country.

I, Nikolai Aleksandrovich Romanov,

Emperor of Russia,

do hereby declare
my irrevocable determination

to renounce the throne for myself

and my descendants

through this instrument
of abdication...

immediately.

ALL: Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

(SOFTLY) The documents
Conrad recovered

turned out to be
the German ambassador's

original handwritten telegram
that I cracked.

It's the concrete proof America needed.

SHOLA: America will now
have to join the war.

Conrad succeeded where we all failed.

-(SWORDS CLANGING)
-(MEN GRUNTING)

ERIK: My Shepherd.

SHEPHERD: There is a code of honor

and using a distraction
to your own advantage

breaks that code.

-What?
-Apologies, my Shepherd,

but I have disturbing news.

While your plan for Russia
has been a great success,

my plan to keep America
out of the war has backfired.

The American president

is about to be given
the actual telegram

I forced the kaiser to send.

Such undeniable proof

could provoke the Americans
into entering the war.

(GOATS BLEATING)

SHEPHERD: En garde.

I like a man who will admit
to his mistakes, I do.

But I like more a woman
who can fix them.

Have our American friend Dupont

get Mata into the White House.

Time for you to work your magic

on the president, Mata.

Now, go on.

It's time to show the president

who the real boss is.

Will Your Grace be having tea?

It's scotch time.

Twenty-four hours a day.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-(KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS)
-For the last time,

I don't want any fucking tea!

Neither do I.

OXFORD: Sir.

Though it looks like you could
use a strong one to sober up.

I'm afraid it'll take
more than that, sir.

Oh, well, maybe this
will do the trick.

Russia's pulled
out of the war.

The British Empire faces imminent defeat.

America still refuses to join.

I personally telephoned
President Wilson.

He didn't deign to receive my call.

Hmm. So, they got to him as well.

-KING GEORGE: Indeed.
-Hmm.

The kaiser's blockade is working.

The people are hungry.

The next revolution might be here.

I've even been advised
to change my German surname

Saxe-Coburg to Windsor.

More English.

(SCOFFING)

I'm afraid, then, sir,

that England is doomed.

I wanted to give you this.

For Conrad.

A true hero.

A man who knew his duty.

Enough of this self-pitying poppycock.

If it were just you...

you and I, in our grief,
I'd say do as you will.

Drown in drink, and I'd join you.

But he's watching.

And he would have been
such a better man.

But he can't.

He won't be that. Not anymore.

So, you must, in his stead,

be the man your son
would have been.

Regretfully, I can no longer
remain in your service.

Forgive me, my lady.

My heart is broken as well.

Polly. Polly.

(OPENS DOOR)

I do not accept your resignation.

But...

I will accept a very strong cup of tea.

Looking better, Your Grace.

Feeling better, Polly.

So, what have I missed?

We followed your last sober order

and extended our network
to the White House.

The president's butler informed us

that since receiving
the telegram Conrad recovered,

the president hasn't been himself.

This may be the proof I asked for.

But remember my election promise.

Out of the war, not in.

Douglas, get me a Statesman
on the rocks, now!

-(PHONE RINGS)
-POLLY: Constantly engaged

in top-secret conversations
with his embassy in London.

And ignoring all advice
to go to war.

And do we have someone
in the embassy?

Of course.

MAN: Mr. President...

I don't know how to proceed.

We're meeting to discuss
her new demands.

-I see.
-She was very convincing.

And she suggests we make
an unannounced visit at 3:00.

Right, well. We had better
get a move on, then.

OXFORD: Good afternoon.

Please inform the ambassador

the Duke of Oxford
is here to see him.

Yes, Your Grace.

(KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS)

Mr. Ambassador.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

OXFORD: Why did you kill my friend?

It was the alcohol.

I was overcome.

MATA: Thank you for your time,
Mr. Ambassador.

Hmm.

If you wouldn't mind...

I'm sorry. I couldn't help
admiring your scarf.

An exquisite cashmere.

Yes, it's very rare.

Hmm. Do you know the test
of a truly pure cashmere?

-A ring.
-Mmm-hmm.

Yet, happily, you do not wear one.

You are

mistaken.

Now that

is disappointing.

But this

is not.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I believe it's ungentlemanly
to hurt a woman,

but since the fate of the world

hangs in the balance,
I'm going to bend the rules.

Now tell me who's behind this,

or so help me
you'll never breathe again.

You will have to kill me.

Ah... Ambassador.

-Is she dead?
-No.

She has an extreme case
of hypoxia.

She'll be fine, and so will you,

as long as we have
an honest conversation.

AMBASSADOR:
What you're lookin' at

is the lady you strangled.

She filmed herself
seducing the president

and is now blackmailing us

to not even think
about entering the war.

We cannot risk the integrity
of the U.S. presidency.

I'm sure.

Now, if we can get that negative,

then we will happily join England

and put Germany out of business.

Well, I suggest
you interrogate her.

And I'll follow up on this.

This is cashmere
from the Kamaliro goat.

It's very rare.

Where does it come from?

Mr. Collins,
cashmere book number one, please.

Thank you.

It comes from here.

The only place in the world

where the Kamaliro goat breeds.

OXFORD: Excellent. Shola,

we're going
into the cashmere business.

I can see six men guarding the lift.

Ah...

If you can call it that.

Give the word and their numbers
will be reduced.

Oh, no, Polly.

The film's negative
is going to be up there.

And that's our real prize.

If these guards are alerted,

then I don't think we'll make it up.

It's vital that we control this lift.

This is called a parachute.

It means that one can jump
out of a plane safely.

So,

tomorrow at dawn I'll fly
the plane over the mountain

and Shola will jump out.

You land with the parachute,

take control of the lift,
and then you fire this flare.

It's a signal to me,

by which time
I'll have landed the plane,

made my way over
to the bottom of the lift,

while Polly provides cover.

Sir, I could do anything for you,

but I cannot jump out of an airplane.

And it's not that I wouldn't try,

it's that I know I'd let you down.

Yes. Well, I appreciate
your fear of heights,

but I am the only one
who can fly. So...

But you wouldn't
have to land the plane.

You just have to land yourself.

Hmm. Well, it, um...

It would be bad form to ask
a man to do something

that I wouldn't do myself.

All right, Shola,
get ready for my signal.

We go at dawn.

(ENGINE STOPS)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(SCREAMS)

Whoa.

(GOATS BLEATING)

(GRUNTING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(BLEATING)

(GROANS)

Oh...

(GRUNTING)

(GOAT BLEATING)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

(GOATS BLEATING)

(RUMBLING)

Shit!

(GROWLING)

-(BLEATS)
-Oh!

(HUFFS)

Shh. That's it. That's it.

SHEPHERD:
Answer the question, Dupont.

Do you know where Mata is?

DUPONT: No. I...

SHEPHERD: Well, you fuckin' should.

Because I sent her
to the American Embassy,

and she hasn't been
seen since! (GRUNTS)

Do you see this?

If the American president
thinks he can fuck me too,

he is very much mistaken.

Take this negative to the press,

and it will ruin his reputation.

War will be the last thing
on the Americans' mind.

And when the scandal is over,

make sure the new president
is in our pocket!

Go on. Run! Run!

All the way to the White House.

Let's check the other side.

Let's go around to the south.

Make it snappy, pal!

Hey!

What the hell?

(GRUNTING)

-(GRUNTS)
-(YELPS)

(ROARS)

Buddy, what's the holdup?

(GROWLING)

Look!

POLLY: There's the signal.

Get to the lift. I'll cover you.

(FIRES GUN)

(SCREAMING)

-(ROARS)
-(GRUNTS)

Up on the hill!

(YELLS)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(GROWLS)

(GRUNTS)

Who the hell is that guy?

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

(GUNSHOT)

(LAUGHING)

Shola! Stop fuckin' about!
Get on that counterweight!

(YELLS)

Oh, fuck!

Oh...

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

OXFORD: (SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Thank God you're here.

This plan hasn't exactly gone
by the numbers.

(PHONE RINGING)

Polly. Do you have the film?

I have the negative
in my hand, Your Grace.

Well done.

So we have what we came for.

Yes. But the cause of all this mayhem
is still in there.

Enough of dealing
with tentacles, Shola.

It's time to cut off the head.

It's good to have you back, sir.

(MEN CLAMORING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(GUNFIRE)

SHEPHERD: You have got to be
fucking kidding me.

The thorn in my side

has just been
a peace-loving English rose.

The Duke of Oxford.
Good day to you, sir!

You are the very symbol

of everything I'm tryin' to destroy.

Aristocrats like you

stole my parents' mill
in Scotland when I was a lad.

Entitlement has "title" in it
for a reason, no? Huh!

I'm gonna fucking love
killing you.

Come to papa, you posh prick!

I'm out.

(GUN CLICKING)

(GUN CLICKING)

SHEPHERD: The sound of silence.

It's my understanding that you, Duke,

are a formidable swordsman.

What say we end this shite
as gentlemen?

After all,

manners maketh man.

A gentleman does not hide
in the shadows.

SHEPHERD: Aye.

(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) Surprise.

Morton.

You see,

a little misplaced trust

allows one to get away with murder.

This debate should happen
after we have won the war.

I suggest we go to Russia,
and we sort it out ourselves.

And in poor Kitchener's case,

quite literally.

Spoken like a true traitor.

(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
As far as I'm concerned, his blood...

(SPITS)

...that's on your grubby hands.

Two on one?

Behaving like a true gentleman.

You're delusional.

And you've killed millions.

(CLICKS)

What say one more,
for good measure?

Hey!

(GROANS)

(YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(CHUCKLING) Come on, old man.

-(GROANS)
-Get up.

I said, get up!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

Fuck this gentleman shite.

(GOATS BLEATING)

(GROANS)

Fuck's sake.

(GRUNTING)

You bastard.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Give my regards
to dear old Kitch, yeah?

(SCREAMING)

(BLEATS)

(YELLING)

You can't do it.
You can't let me fall.

It goes against your every belief.

You are a pacifist.

(IN ENGLISH ACCENT)
And I'm now completely reliant

on your mercy, old boy.

You're right. I shouldn't let you fall.

Only now I have become the man
that my son would have been.

You... (SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Sir.

Shola, are you all right?

We've been through worse, Your Grace.

So, you'd jump
in front of a bullet for me,

but not out of an airplane?

So it would seem. (CHUCKLES)

Thank you, my friend.

My pleasure.

-So, Shola.
-Hmm?

How are we going
to get down from here?

PRESIDENT WILSON: Come in.

Mr. President, Chef has made
your favorite peanut butter cookies.

Thank you.

Oh...

Get me the generals, immediately.

We're goin' to war!

(ALL CHEERING)

KING GEORGE:
This victory is all down to you

and your fine son, Conrad.

And the courage
of so many others, sir.

Of course.

Britain thanks you. And I thank you

for ensuring that
I didn't meet the same fate

as my cousins.

Wilhelm's abdication
was understandable,

but what happened to Nicholas...

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

...was despicable.

It was, sir.

I owe you a great personal debt

that I still have my crown.

In that case,

would you meet me tomorrow
at Kingsman, 3:00?

-A tailor shop?
-Yes, sir.

Number 11, Savile Row.

All of us here today are united,

sadly, in losing
our sons and friends

in this terrible war.

What happened to this
generation of young men

must never happen again.

I believe the terms
of Versailles are too onerous,

too extreme, and could
precipitate another war.

What the world needs
is an organization

that can channel its resources

towards preserving peace
and protecting life.

An independent
intelligence agency

operating at the highest level
of discretion,

above the politics and bureaucracy

of government-run spy organizations.

To that end,

I have acquired this shop.

And I propose that we become
the founding members of

the Kingsman agency.

My code name will be...

Arthur.

And if you agree to join me,

you may turn over your place card,

where you will find
your own code name.

I am Galahad.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I am Lancelot.

I am Bedivere.

I am Percival.

Excellent.

And this is Merlin,

who will be our quartermaster.

May our sons and friends
rest in peace.

And long live the Kingsman.

ALL: The Kingsman.

Your body

Moves like a river
through a house of stone

So softly

Like a shadow never comes undone

You can never know

Your destiny

Or what the mirror shows you

Isn't real

Only you can

Truly understand

The measure of a hero

Is the measure of a man

The measure of a man

Nobody

Sees the man behind the face you show

Nobody

Feels the burden that is yours alone

You can never know

Your destiny

Or what the mirror shows you

Isn't real

Only you can

Truly understand

The measure of a hero

Is the measure of a man

Now it's time to address
the balance of my new flock.

Thanks to you, Comrade,
our left hand is strong.

But as you once said,

our right hand
now needs strengthening.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Come in.

(DOOR OPENS)

Don't be shy.

Come, come.

My Shepherd.

This young man will come to rival

your position in this world, my friend.

It is an honor, Comrade Lenin.

And your name?

Adolf Hitler.