All language subtitles for THE THICK OF IT S01E01 EPISODE 1 NETFLIX WEB-DL DD+2 0 X264-QOQ

Thank you.

Morning.

-Morning, Cliff, let me take that.
-Thank you.

CLIFF: Up all night
with these bloody things.
At a time like this, for God's sake!

-Going to have a pizza.
-TERRI: Have you got the digest,
please? Thank you.

TERRI: Um...

-TERRI: Would you mind taking them?
-Oh, why?

Um, Malcolm's there.

Malcolm? Where? In there?

-In there.
-Why?

It's just a social call.

-A social call? Jesus Christ!
-Yeah.

Um...have you got him coffee?

TERRI: Did you get him coffee?
Has Malcolm Tucker got coffee?

WOMAN: I thought you were organizing it.
CLIFF: Oh, for Christ...

Get coffee, get, um, Danish pastries,
croissants and...

TERRI: Danish pastries, croissants...
CLIFF: No, no, no!

-Fruit! Get lots of fruit.
-Can you get fruit?

A pile of fruit and lots of coffee.
Now! Okay?

MALCOLM: No, he's useless.

He's absolutely useless! He is!
He's useless! He's as useless as
a marzipan dildo. All right.

So, I've got to go.
The minister's just walked in.

-CLIFF: Don't interrupt your call
because of me.
-You're a minister of the Crown.

You don't need to listen
to all of my chutney!

I'm sure it's much, much
more interesting than chutney.

No, no, no. It's... It's a...

my cock-up, as usual. I thought that
Graham Dixon was doing a briefing,
and it turns out it's Graham Hughes.

Too many Grahams around.
We ought to kill some of them.

MALCOLM: Exactly!

-So...
-So...

-God, look, I'm sorry about the
fuck-up about the coffee.
-Oh, God...

How am I supposed to run a department
if I can't get the Prime Minister's
enforcer a cup of fucking coffee?

No, no, that's okay.
Listen, the thing is...

you are doing a bloody good job
here, Cliff.

-'Cause with all this shit in the paper
about whether I'm going or not...
-Yeah.

Have you seen...

Terri, can you bring the Mail in,
please? Have you seen the Mail?

-MALCOLM: Is that "Lawton dangles
by a thread"?
-Yeah!

Dangles by a thread!

CLIFF: It's all right. We've got...
TERRI: "Lawton dangles by a thread"?

-Yeah, we've got. It's okay.
-TERRI: Do keep it.

Yeah. No, just leave it there.
Thank you, Terri.

MALCOLM: There's a lot of them,
isn't there?

It started with the Telegraph diary,
but just more and more and more.

Seriously, the PM likes you personally.

I like you personally, and we've
absolutely no desire to get rid of
you. I just want you to know that.

None of this negative stuff
is coming from us.

CLIFF: Oh, no, mate. That...

...makes a big difference.
Makes me feel a lot more secure.

MALCOLM: Does it?

Well, it's difficult.

What's difficult?

Just endless headlines, day after day.

-It's chipping away at confidence.
-Absolutely.

The thing is, we're starting to look weak.

Everybody's saying, "When's
he gonna go. When's he gonna go?"

Right.

And you don't want us
to look weak, do you?

No, no.

So there you are.

That's why you've gotta go.

-No.
-Yes.

-No.
-KNOCK AT DOOR

-WOMAN: Would you like some coffee?
-Fuck off!

-WOMAN: Tea?
-You fuck off, darling.

CLIFF: Malcolm, look, um,

if you do this, it's the bollocks
of the jungle out there, you know?

They're like wolves, pissed wolves.

I've made the announcement.
I've told the lobby you're going, Cliff.

You've told the lobby I'm going?

Yeah. Sorry, Cliff.

-Minister.
-Yeah, get used to "Cliff".

I've booked you in for the usual
soapy-tit-wank farewell
at Number 10 in 20 minutes.

I've also drafted
you a letter of resignation.

Gives you the chance to say that
you're jumping before you're pushed,

although, obviously, we're going to be
briefing that you were pushed. Sorry.

Um,

look, tell you what,
you don't need to do all this.

What about Tom, yeah? Everybody
knows he's fucking up Transport.

We can't sack Tom at Transport.
We can't lose anyone at Transport,
they're important.

What, and Social Affairs isn't?

Oh, okay, the Department of Social Affairs
is very important, but it's not Transport.

Transport's cars, buses, trucks...

I know what Transport
fucking entails!

Look, look...

CLIFF SIGHS DEEPLY

I'll look at them.

"Personal reasons"?

Yeah. I thought that would
give you adequate scope.

Scope?

What like, um, shooting up in the Cabinet
office or something? What?

Stuffing a cat up my arse
and having a wank? What do you mean?

You know, this could be
a great deal worse.

You have had a good innings.
You have been here for 18 months

and, you know, I have written
some very nice things about you
in the PM's reply to your resignation.

Some very nice fucking things indeed!
I had a lump in my throat,
and you know why?

Because no-one who matters thinks any
the less of you over this. So far, okay?

Right, one more thing.
The Daily Mail.

David Topham has got it into his head
that we are going to sack you,
because of Press pressure.

I wonder why?

Look, you're in no position to dish out
fucking sarcasm, that's over.

You no longer have purchase
in the sarcasm world!

Get on the phone,

tell them that you're jumping
before you are pushed.

Although we were going to push you,
but not because of press pressure,

but because of your deeply-held fucking
personal issues, whatever they were.

You want me to write my own obituary?

Get on the fucking phone.

Do it now.

MAN: Morning.

HUGH: Good morning.

TERRI: Have you seen the Times?
HUGH: No.

Jo Cherman. She's been
a bit of a bitch, actually.

-Well, she always is.
-Yeah.

OLLY: Everything in this package is small.

We'll go down, the local yokels
will take photographs and that's fine.

They'll snap away for 20...
20 minutes is enough.

-He's here now, so don't worry.
-Morning, Hugh!

Good morning.

ALL CHATTERING

HUGH: Come on!

-GLENN: Terri...
-Shush!

I've got something very important
to say. I've got...

Olly, I've got something for us.
I got us a very tasty little morsel,

because this morning, I had a chat
with my very good friend
the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

-Oh, really?
-Oh?

Yes, and remember the, um...

Olly, your benefit unit fraud...

Anti-Benefit Fraud Executive, ABFE.

ABFE? Um, Scrounger Squad?

-OLLY: Snooper Squad.
-Snooper Squad!

-The one with spending implications?
-HUGH: Yes.

The Prime Minister's view is,
"Fuck the spending implications,
I like it."

-Good.
-So this is us, we're on the map.

It's a chance for me, Glenn, to get
on Richard And Judy and plantthat
flag right on their fucking sofa.

So the Prime Minister's authorized
you to announce it? Has he?

Well, that's very much
what he signalled, yes, very clearly.

He said he's right behind us on this
and it's what we should be doing.

This is great. So we can do it
this afternoon at the school, can't we?

-We can clear the press conference and...
-Excuse me.

Yeah, we'll double-bubble it. Yeah?
We'll leak it to the Standard,
then trail it on The World At One, yes?

Right, we need someone
at the Standard we can give this to.

What about Angela Heaney?
She's at the Standard now, isn't she?

-Yeah.
-Yeah, Olly?

Um, yes, she is.

Do you not think that
maybe she's a bit junior?

A bit too much like your ex, who
broke your heart then dumped you
with a text message?

It was a fucking e-mail!
It wasn't a text message.

GLENN: We'll give it to her.
She'll write what we want. She's easy.

-She's easy.
-HUGH: Yeah, she is easy.

I can see that you've all got big,
stiff hard-ons for this...

HUGH: Sorry?

That is nice. I'm not saying
that's not nice but...

HUGH: Terri?

...there is no way we'll clear it
by this afternoon so...

OLLY: Why not?

You can cool it, just for a minute,
and I'll ring Paul at the Treasury.

ALL: No! No, no!

No phone calls to the Treasury.
Thank you.

If you call the Treasury, he's
going to have to dress up
as catering with a big tray of drinks

-and a pot of sliced lemons...
-I'm not doing that.

OLLY: They'll just take it.

I'm just going by procedure.

Terri, I love doing things
the right way, that ethical stuff,
I love it, we all do,

but it's very difficult when you're
the first person to put the gun down,

because people tend to jump on your head
as if it's a ripe watermelon.
We don't want that, do we?

TERRI: Okay.

The Prime Minister is above
the Treasury in the hierarchy.

I can write it down on a chart,
if it actually helps.

-TERRI: Whatever.
-Thank you.

-Very good, Minister, I'll get to it.
-OLLY: Yeah.

-You're just doing your job.
-OLLY: Yeah.

SOFTLY Not very well.

Will you get Angela
on the phone for Olly?

You can deal
with this, Olly, yes? Thank you.

-The driver...
-Technically.

-Will it be my usual driver?
-Yes.

-Don't fucking like him.
-GLENN: Why not?

He's...I don't know.
I think he despises me.

We'll have to use him today, because
you know how the pool system works.

So we go down to the school, um...

He's sort of contemptuous.

-GLENN: The driver?
-I feel like he looks down on me.

No. Hugh he likes you, I'm sure.

BEEPING ON CAR RADIO

NEWSREADER: The World At One,
this is Nick Clarke with 30 minutes
of news and...

Well, you can fuck off for a start.

This afternoon
the Social Affairs Secretary,
Hugh Abbot...

Evening.

-First story up.
- ...Funding for an anti-fraud
executive to include

a uniformed so-called Snooper Force.

The announcement suggests the DSA
has pushed the Treasury
into releasing more funds,

so we'll ask, is the Treasury
losing its central policy?

Yes it is and not before time.

We'll talk to Opposition spokesman,
Mark Davis Nathenson...

If you can get him out of the bath.

But first, estimates of
fatalities from yesterday's train disaster
in Bangalore have risen overnight...

-That's marvellous.
-MOBILE RINGS

Oh, Tucker. Malcolm.

What the fuck was that? Was this
whole Snooper Force thing from you?

HUGH: Malcolm I...

I talked to the PM and this is
completely Kosher, as far he's concerned.

He gave the go ahead
and he said, you know,

"Bounce the Treasury."

Don't you realise, we have got
17 different issues we're fighting
with the Treasury about!

I can hear that you are,
as usual, upset...

I'll tell you why I'm upset. I'm upset
because these fucking morons
over at the Treasury,

these people, they are so paranoid.

If you don't tell them about stuff
like this, or CC them an e-mail,

they think you've started
a palace coup!

Malcolm...

You don't seem to understand

that I'm going to have to mop up
a fucking hurricane of piss here
from all of these neurotics.

What did the Prime Minister
actually say to you?

He actually said, "This is exactly
the kind of thing we should be doing."

What did he actually say?

He said, "This is exactly the sort
of thing we should be doing."

"Should be doing."

"Should" does not mean "yes".

MALCOLM: Now, there's only
one thing to do here, and it's what

I'm going to tell you
to do. Kill it!

I can't kill it. I'm on my way
to make the announcement.

There's gonna be television cameras there
and everything.

Well, fuck the television cameras.
Think of something else to say,

but just don't mention the bloody
New Avengers or the Snooper Force
or whatever the fuck you call it!

Scam-busters.

Get rid of it! I don't want to
hear about it again. Bye!

Hugh, talk to me. Hugh,
what's going on? What's the matter?

-We're going to have to do a number
of things almost immediately.
-Like?

-What's the problem?
-Fuck.

What? Hugh, what?

-Stop saying what.
-Right.

I shouldn't have been sucked in.
I was sucked in!

Is this Tucker jumping on this?

I think he was right.

He's always fucking right.

No, he's not always right.

"Should",

does it mean "yes"?

Yes, we should do this.

Hugh...

When Tucker was talking
to me, "should" didn't mean "yes".

I mean, it really didn't.

I felt like a fool.

This is nice.

Yeah, this is very nice.

This is just work, isn't it?
I mean, we're not...

Yeah, no, absolutely. No, no...
Nothing like that.

It's just, you know, deadline.

Yeah, sure.

Something like,
Social Affairs Minister Hugh Abbot

will today announce a tough new crackdown
on benefit fraudsters.

Um, paragraph.

Yeah, I can do the punctuation, Olly.

Sorry.

Actually, I did have it written down
a bit better. I've got it on a thing
on a piece of paper.

Oh, that's fantastic, Olly.
Can I just have that?

-Sure, yeah.
-That's great.

Easier all round, isn't it?

It's all...It should all be there.

I've done it in capitals
and everything on, so... Cool?

I think I'll say
senior government sources.

Thank you very much.

It sounds better.

Yeah, of course.

-Olly! Come on!
-Over here, Olly!

Sorry.

-What's that you've got?
-Olives.

-Olives?
-Do you want one?

He's brought his own olives.

GLENN: So the line is,
and call every news desk,

that the Snooper Force story
is that it was let out by,

quote, a disgruntled
civil servant, unquote. Okay?

Okay, great.

-And Terri...
-Mmm?

You can drop that tone, all right?

What tone?

The I-knew-better-all-along tone, yeah?

It isn't fucking appreciated right now.

Bye.

The thing is,
the story isn't a story...

What do you mean?

The Snooper Force.
It's not happening.

None of that is actually...
None of that is actually happening.

-I...I can't do this.
-You've got to do this.

I mean, yeah, you know reading,
talking, I get...I get car sick.

I've got to stop. We've got to stop.

Jesus Christ.

Do you think you could pull in
at the next lay-by?

As far as the department
is concerned...

As far as the Government is concerned,
there is no Snooper Force.

What's going on? Has the Treasury
gone ballistic? What's happened?

-No, no.
-Why? What...

Why is this flip-flop?

No, there's no flip-flop.
Nothing like that, there's no...

This isn't a...change in policy
in any...in any respect.

No.

What's going on , Olly?

No, well, the truth is that
I acted beyond my brief.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. I just kind of wanted

to play the big man in front of you.

-You came out and you
just made something up?
-No, no.

Listen, I'm... I'm really so sorry.
If it's any help...

The line that we're giving to
everybody else is that there's
a disgruntled civil servant.

They leaked the story.

Got a name?

Do I have a name
for the disgruntled civil servant?

Well, Derek. Derek...

-MOUTHING Terri.
-Terri. Terri.

No, we're gonna pick a name.
-No. Wait.

We're gonna pick a name. I'm so sorry.

-I'm so sorry about this.
-Oh. This is ridiculous.

-No, it's not...
-Did you plan all of this?

The last thing I want to do today
is be stuck in a fucking lay-by,

by a Wacky Warehouse
begging my ex-girlfriend.

All right. So what the hell
am I going to say

is the reason for me summoning
all the nation's major news organisations

to a school in Wiltshire?

So you want something sexy
and eye-catching and that is free
and universally popular

and instantly applicable,
no-one can possibly object to it?

-GLENN: Yeah.
-Yes.

You should have said something
before, Glenn, because I've got
a file about that fucking thick of that

back in the office! Those sorts
of policies are ten a penny!

GLENN: Olly!

Our entire manifesto
is more or less made up of them.

It doesn't help
when you get cynical.

You should think of this
as an opportunity.

It's not that easy to come up
with Das Kapital in the back
of the cab, Glenn!

-Olly.
-Here. Shave.

GLENN: What we need is something
that the public want,

is incredibly popular and is free.

Return of capital punishment.

That's a joke, right?
You are joking, yes, obviously?

Come on, Olly.
Come up with something.

National spare room database?

What about zoos?

My kids went to a zoo the other day

and they said it was fucking disgusting,
the state of it.

That's shit, isn't it?

No. But there is an idea there,
because in the middle of the city
you've got wild animals.

Pet ASBOs. Remember, ASBOs for pets?

That sounds potentially ludicrous,
but then pet passports. I mean
that was a...that was a goer.

GLENN: What if everybody
had to carry a plastic bag,

by law. You know the identification
cards are coming in...

You've fucking cracked! Are you mad?

OLLY: What if the announcement is...

there's no big announcement.

-HUGH: Oh, for goodness...
-No, no wait.

We say the Department of Social Affairs
has been doing amazing work,
bread-and-butter work,

belt-and-braces work, the kind of work
that you people aren't interested in.

'Cause it''s not shiny,
shiny media-friendly stuff.

You're obsessed with how things
play in the media, you sickos.

GLENN: Sickos.

-That every time we try and do it,
we just carry on with our day...
-Yeah.

...you don't show up,
so we have to call a big...

Quiet bread and butter?

-On target, under budget...
-Coal-face politics.

-Coal? Absolutely, yes, I like it.
-Not wasting resources.

-Let's do that.
-Let's go for that.

We trick them by...a tinselly
thing, and they come along
and then we say, "Ah..."

That's what we've been doing! We've
been doing our fucking jobs! Yes,
they never print that stuff, do they?

And you've come all this way.
We've got you two hours out
of London to cover this.

You mugs! You mugs!

You've got a bigger story here
than you have chasing your tinsel.

Yeah, which is you live in a country
which is properly...There's not many
countries can say that.

And we've probably got
ten million we can throw at it.

-Yes. That's good, that, because
it sounds like a lot. Doesn't it?
-Yeah.

I've got a thing here that says
"springy concrete". I don't know.

-I think that's about
the playground but I don't...
-"Springy concrete"?

Good afternoon, hello.
Should I say, "Hello, boys and girls"?

GLENN: Yes, very nice.

No, it's going to go out
on the television.

It'll look ridiculous if he's on
the six o'clock news
saying, "Hello, boys and girls."

He's talking to the audience...

-Real money for real families...
-He's not patronizing them!

HUGH: Real families or real people?

-Real people.
-Families.

-You see...families.
-Real people.

Families sounds exclusive.
It sounds back to basics.
It sounds John Major, so...

-"People" sounds communist.
-It doesn't sound communist.

-HUGH: I'll say families.
-Thank you, Hugh.

Say "families of people".

WOMAN: Mr Abbot.

HUGH: Great.
GLENN: You're on, here we go.

GLENN: It's what you do best, mate.
HUGH: Yep.

HUGH: This is lovely.
Very nice indeed.

Well, that was a fucking disaster.

-Well, that...
-Shut up.

Thank you.

Ah! Well done.

There's absolutely nothing
in the Standard . Big fat nothing.

-Nothing?
-You've got away with it.

He's managed to create
a press conference so boring
that none of the Press will even touch it.

Genius.

Fucking well done, mate!
You turned it around.

INDISTINCT CHATTERING

Well, you really pulled it round, mate.

I took the flack.
You supplied the flack jacket.

Yeah, and the bullets bounced off.

This is what it's all about, Glenn.

All those years at the coal-face,
hanging in, taking all the shit,
all the bullshit.

When you're senior Cabinet minister,
then we'll show them.

-Yeah, and Snooper Force...
-What?

Bollocks, we'll get rid of that.

Oh, for fuck sake, yeah.
Fiddling while Rome burns.

Fucking right. We'll kick...

We'll kick some arse, kick some butt.

That's what we're in it for, mate.

Instead of all the shit that we do.
Have to do. It's a means to an end!

Fuck me, Malcolm! How do you do that?

Can I have a word with you?

DOOR SLAMS

MALCOLM SIGHS DEEPLY
I'm hacked off, mate.

But we...we killed it. It's killed.

Yeah. But once you start the fire,
Malc, and we didn't start the fire.

It's always burning since
the world's been turning, etc. etc.

Sorry, Malcolm, you're
not making any sense.

Prime Minister, obviously he's
on the plane in Stockholm, and somebody
hits him with The World At One.

He thinks it's the Treasury
trying to stiff him one, so he...

He stuck with the story.

He liked it?

Yeah, he's backing
the Snooper Force.

Oh, right.

We shouldn't really then...

I mean, you shouldn't
really have told us to...

should you? LAUGHS

Don't should me, Hugh,

'cause I'll should you right back.

I'll should you right through
that window. None of this should
be happening, should it?

Should it? Should it?

Is that "should" in the sense
of "yes" or...

-It's should in the sense that you
should do as you're fucking told.
-Yes.

What...

What are we going to do now?

You're going to completely
reverse your position.

Hang on a second.
Malcolm, it's not actually that...

I mean, that's going to be
quite hard, really.

Yes, well, the announcement
that you didn't make today...you did.

No, I didn't, and there were
television cameras there
while I was not doing it.

Fuck them.

I'm not sure what level of reality
I'm supposed to be operating on.

Look, this is what they run with.

I tell them that you said it,
they believe that you said it.

They don't really believe you said it.
They know you never said it...

Right.

But it's in their interest
to say that you said it because
if they don't say that you said it,

they're not going to get what you
say tomorrow or the next day,

when I decide to tell them
what it is you're saying.

Yeah. I am following this. I just...

I had a friend who used to indulge
in extramarital affairs, okay?

He'd go off
and he'd have some dalliance

and every Monday, he'd come back
and he'd meet his wife,

and he told me that all he did

was, inside his head, turn a little
switch, the affair never happened.

-Okay?
-Right.

There's no...
What is the problem with this?

The problem with it... First of all,
I didn't get much dalliance.

Get it into your head.
Rewind today in your head.

Okay, stop explaining it to me.

I have to fucking explain it to you, man.
You haven't been here long enough.

INDISTINCT CHATTERING

Where are all the people?
Where are my people?

Um, they've gone home,
Secretary of State. It's 5:40.

Okay, well, um, listen.

The situation is, um,
it's pretty terrible,
but things have changed, okay?

The line is now I did announce
the Snooper Force this afternoon
at the school.

Okay, that's what happened, all right?

So now you have to tell all the media

in case they missed it.

Okay?

Great.

SOFTLY I said at the beginning of today
that this would happen!

All right, it's happened.
It's nobody's fault, Terri.

Now we have to get a list of everyone...

It's not my fault.

I didn't say it was your fault, Terri.
I said what we have to do...

You said it was nobody's fault,
but t is somebody's fault,
it's your fault and your fault.

OLLY: It's not my fault.

You can't walk away from this
because if you do I'll make sure
it's pinned on you.

Everything going okay?

GLENN: You cunt!
TERRI: We're fucked!

HUGH: Great.

GLENN: This is the real world, Terri.
TERRI: We're fucked.

-How's it going?
-HUGH: Good.

I think they might need
a little bit of co-ordination.

Who spoke to Nicky Campbell?
Has anyone spoken to Nicky Campbell?

I've got one missed call here,
Nicky Campbell.

It's become so complicated,
and it's actually terrifically simple.

There was always going to be
a Snooper Force policy.
That's absolutely definite.

It's too good a policy to be invented
by a disgruntled civil servant.

I'm really glad you came in.
Angela, you know...

-Well, I could lose my job, Olly.
-Yeah.

Because I went all hot and heavy
to the news desk with three directly
contradictory stories in one day.

-I know.
-They gave me flip-flops.

You know, someone actually went out
and bought flip-flops to give me.

Yeah.

You've got to give them credit
for that, though. That is quite funny.

Yeah, and they pasted onto them,

a fucking porn picture of a girl
sucking a big cock,

and they wrote,
"Angela Heaney swallows anything."

That is less funny, obviously.
That's actually quite offensive.

Can you give me one good reason
why I shouldn't do a big story on the...

you know...on the day of spin?

Why? What sort of story...

You know, inside story of a
Government department out of control,
with diagrams and a flow chart

with your face and name on it,
Glenn's, Hugh's, and big arrows
showing who spoke to who

and how you all fucked it up!

Yeah, I think I could
write that one myself, Olly.

I could do the punctuation
on that one.

I'm sorry. Okay, I was patronising.

Hi, Angela. Oh, I like the hair,
nice little corkscrews. How's it going?

Yeah, um, fine.

We were just, um, talking about

why Angela shouldn't do a big story
on the big insidery piece,

kind of day-of-spin
sort of spread in the paper.

I don't know.
Maybe you should.

Good idea.

Oh, wait a minute.

I know why she shouldn't,
because if she did that, she'd be dead...

to me, to this department,
to the Government,
and she'd never get another story,

or a fucking whiff of a story,
so long as she kept
her sorry hack bitch face

lingering around Westminster,
because I would call every editor I know,
which, obviously, that's all of them,

and I would tell them to gouge her name
out of their address books

so she'd never even get a job
on hospital radio,
where the Sad Sack belongs.

That's what I'd tell her.

But maybe you should do it.

-See you later.
-OLLY: Yeah.

He's actually...

He can be really nice.

It's been a very long day.

I didn't say that we weren't doing it,
which is as good as saying
that we were. Bye.

The World Tonight.

Hello? Hugh Abbot here...

Yes, no it's always a pleasure
to speak to The World Tonight.

Go live on air now?

Yes, of course,
I'd be delighted to.

Robin, my pleasure.

Nice to be with you.

Yes. Before I answer that question,
may I say how delighted I am,
as we all are in the department,

at the excitement and enthusiasm
that our Benefit Fraud Inspection Unit
has created.

I announced at a press conference
this new Benefit Fraud Inspection Unit,

which we are hoping to call...

Sponge Avengers,

and, um, at that press conference

there seems to have been
a bit of a blip,

because many of the journalists
didn't pick up on the announcement.

I think they're so much looking for...

ON RADIO: a bit of scandal
or incompetence, so that statement

that the policy was the invention
of a disgruntled civil servant

was actually the invention
of a disgruntled civil servant.

No, there's only one
disgruntled civil servant,

because one of them's...
One of them's an invention...

by the other one, you see?

HUGH: Anyone listening carefully
would have just thought I sounded
completely mad.

GLENN: No, they won't. It was very good.
You came over loud and clear.

It's going to put the whole thing
to bed, anyway. Kill it.

And Olly's offered Angela
a Private Life piece about you.

HUGH: Oh, great.

GLENN: A Sunday with you and the family,
go for a walk, spend time with you.

HUGH: She'll be checking through my books
and snooping in my bathroom cabinet

and making snide remarks about how
I don't know who Gail Porter is!

-We did dick her about, Hugh.
-Yeah.

And we're getting a roasting
at the moment

from what has been dubbed,
but I wouldn't call, flip-flop Friday,

-so we need all the help
from friends we can get right now.
-CAR DOOR SLAMS

HUGH: I know.

Look, what do you think?

Well, I just think that...

WINDOW WHIRRING

I want a new driver.

Get me a new driver. I don't want to
see this guy ever again.

On what grounds?

Smiling. Inappropriate smiling.

And smirking. Smiling and smirking.

I don't want to see
that smile or smirk ever again. Okay?

Thank you.

Okay, thank you very much.

DRIVER: Which way do you want to go?
Blackwall Tunnel?

HUGH: I don't care, you're the boss.

CAR ENGINE WHIRRING