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1
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,914
That's the point.
2
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:46,705
One square mile,
three minutes.
3
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,585
Everything is dead.
4
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,971
Brimstone is fully functional.
5
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,603
Burn it.
6
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:32,974
MacGruber
7
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,637
Well, someone was
in a rush this morning.
8
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,645
You didn't even neatly
make your side of the bed
9
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,647
while I was still sleeping
like you usually do.
10
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:46,649
Big day.
11
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,270
I'm probably gonna
be home late.
12
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,236
Oh, but it's Christmas Eve.
13
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,816
Oh, believe me,
I would much rather
14
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,161
spend the day tracking down
one of your famous
15
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,487
homemade cinnamon rolls.
16
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,833
Listen, I'm really sorry
about everything
17
00:01:57,867 --> 00:01:59,367
that I've put you through
the last few days.
18
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:00,661
I promise
I'll make it up to you.
19
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,544
I'm just so happy
to have you home, honey.
20
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:03,420
Oh.
21
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,536
I have something for you.
22
00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:10,262
Oh, wow.
23
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,296
This is great.
24
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,550
Did you make this?
25
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,222
No, I don't know how to do
advanced metalwork.
26
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:20,432
If I had that kind of skill,
I think you would know that.
27
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,023
Yeah.
28
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:25,848
Besides, it's not from me.
It's actually from MacGruber.
29
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,515
MacGruber?
He came by last night.
30
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,404
Only for a little bit,
but I swear,
31
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,441
it's not a big deal.
He was just--
32
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,903
I understand.
33
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,033
Mm-hmm.
34
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,149
Oh.
35
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,605
Okay.
36
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,865
I got the feeling he was...
saying goodbye.
37
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,158
Mm.
38
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,581
Anyway, he said that was
his good luck charm,
39
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,960
and he really wanted you
to have it.
40
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,577
And there's actually
a story attached to it
41
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,673
that I would like
to share with you now.
42
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,958
Uh-huh.
43
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,541
After the first night
that we made love--
44
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,706
Hon, I just--
I should really get going.
45
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,416
Okay, well, I'll tell you
the story next time.
46
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,926
Okay.
Here, let me put it on you.
47
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,007
Okay.
48
00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,513
Just FYI, there's something
of mine inside.
49
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,215
Oh.
Just don't open it
50
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,385
over a cup of coffee.
Mm.
51
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,694
Sorry, his neck sweat
52
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,768
probably rusted the clasp
a little bit...
53
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,903
oh, got it.
54
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,230
All right, thanks.
55
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,275
Hey.
Yeah?
56
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,399
Is everything okay?
57
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,775
It's just
this Queeth business.
58
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,491
It's just taken over my mind
and...
59
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,582
Look, I've just gotta
get through today
60
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,538
and everything should be
different.
61
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,828
I mean, better.
62
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,081
All right, well,
good luck, honey.
63
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,674
Thank you, Victoria.
64
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,005
Say...
65
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,549
after this is all over,
what do you say we fly
66
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,342
down to Aruba, get out of here?
67
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,596
Second honeymoon.
68
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,427
Wipe the slate clean.
Start fresh.
69
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,973
Yeah, I'd really like that.
70
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,686
Me too.
71
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,686
Me too.
72
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:52,437
Love you so goddamn much.
73
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,152
Oh, honey, you left your...
74
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,735
How did the test go, sir?
75
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:04,042
Well, it depends who you ask.
76
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,117
The cows were not a fan.
77
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,463
Merry Christmas to all...
78
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,129
and to all a good...
79
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,958
fuck!
80
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,804
Oh, don't worry, Queeth.
81
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:19,719
You'll get yours soon enough,
I promise you that.
82
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,929
For my mother, for my father,
83
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,971
for justice and honor,
84
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,765
for the millions of p--
85
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,314
Oh, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck! Ah!
86
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,990
I got something here.
87
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,623
Oh, these blankets
are so comfortable.
88
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,330
Wait, is somebody there?
Is somebody there?
89
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,080
Look, I mean no harm.
90
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,502
Please, I have money.
Don't hurt me.
91
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,591
Don't hurt me.
Please don't hurt me,
92
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,706
you fucking piece of shit.
93
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,174
Ah!
94
00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,844
Got your nose.
95
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,763
What the fuck?
96
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,050
Hey, got a joke for you.
97
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,683
What did the hunting knife
say to your head?
98
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,556
Just passing through.
99
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,030
Now he has
an all-terrain vehicle.
100
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,437
Got another ping
from Southern Command.
101
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,025
They're requesting access
to Delta files.
102
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,200
Approved.
103
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,777
Sir, you have a phone call.
It's them.
104
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:27,083
Get me a secure line, Major.
Yes, sir.
105
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,540
Enos Queeth, I presume?
106
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,883
Oh, no, General.
107
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,248
This is the ghost
of Christmas future.
108
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:40,715
And the future is looking
very bright indeed.
109
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,927
Oh, yeah, why is that?
110
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:47,057
Because you are about
to pay me 50 billion dollars.
111
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,677
50 billion?
112
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:49,973
What are you planning?
113
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,726
Let's just say
that tomorrow morning
114
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,898
Santa and his reindeer
are going to deliver
115
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,557
the biggest present
the world has ever seen.
116
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,146
And if we don't get
that money,
117
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,821
that will just be
the beginning.
118
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,359
You know damn well
the United States government
119
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,864
does not negotiate
with terrorists.
120
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,566
We'll see if you still
feel that way
121
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,576
after tomorrow morning.
122
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,328
Damn it, Queeth,
you listen to me!
123
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,710
Bye.
124
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:20,922
Santa's starting to
get on my goddamn nerves.
125
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:27,678
Well, well, well, Queeth's
got himself quite the army.
126
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,811
So we got two options.
127
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:35,154
Option A, we pack up our shit
and throw in the towel.
128
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:41,226
Option B, we go down there
and kill everything in sight.
129
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:42,436
What do you say, bud?
130
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,119
Looks like the nose have it.
131
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,252
Time to go make some widows.
132
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,110
Smells like Queeth in here.
133
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,688
All right.
134
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,364
Time to hand out
the party favors.
135
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,455
Things that make you go boom.
136
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:51,099
Hope you weren't planning on
not exploding tonight.
137
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:01,399
You can dish it out,
but can you take it?
138
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:20,212
Ready to be part of
throat rip history?
139
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,091
The ol' reverse throat rip,
140
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,594
the holy grail of throat rips.
141
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,966
And they said
it couldn't be done.
142
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:39,024
But we did it, didn't we,
you dead piece of fucking shit?
143
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,480
Ah.
144
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,611
Looks like our little
barbecue's about to begin.
145
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,610
Hope you like
your meat well-done.
146
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,793
Tonight, it begins!
147
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:07,594
Tonight, it ends.
148
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,720
20 years ago,
we were exiled.
149
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:14,299
Spit out, left for dead.
150
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806
We are the forgotten.
151
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,477
The discarded.
152
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,806
We're ghosts.
153
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,022
Tomorrow,
the children of the world
154
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,403
will receive
a very special present.
155
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,531
Not a sweater.
156
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,778
Not a Beanie Baby.
157
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,990
Not a shiny new trike.
158
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:37,541
No, this present is something
far more interesting.
159
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,367
This present...
160
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,872
it melts faces.
161
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,334
It makes your eyes
pour out of your sockets
162
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,836
like water.
163
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:48,837
It closes throats,
it voids bowels.
164
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,840
Kills by the millions.
165
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,973
And it all could've been
avoided.
166
00:09:55,011 --> 00:10:00,391
The United States does not
negotiate with patriots.
167
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,733
Well, fuck them.
168
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,190
They may have forgotten
169
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,320
the hell that they
put us through.
170
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,568
But tomorrow,
171
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,740
they will remember our names.
172
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,991
To vengeance!
173
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,953
To vengeance.
174
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,802
Sir,
there's a bogey approaching.
175
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,417
MacGruber.
176
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,722
Take him out.
Fire!
177
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,981
Hold your fire!
178
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,003
Get back!
179
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,311
Find him!
180
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:30,936
God!
181
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:42,617
Damn it, fall back!
182
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,936
Fuck you, Queeth!
Come and fucking get it.
183
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:17,106
Look likes we got
a little rodent problem.
184
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,540
Where are you, MacGruber?
185
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,961
We know you're in here.
186
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,840
There's no escape, MacGruber!
187
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,182
Gonna find you.
188
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,428
Where the fuck are you,
MacGruber?
189
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,100
Dick shot!
190
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,942
Oh, my fucking dick!
191
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,808
You shot me in the dick.
192
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,225
Don't worry, guys,
I got this.
193
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,898
I know where you're hiding now,
MacGruber.
194
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,494
No, you don't.
195
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,794
You know the best thing
about this weapon?
196
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,368
It fires
armor-piercing bullets.
197
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:13,035
Well, Queeth, as long as
we're doing riddles,
198
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,634
I got one for you.
199
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,839
You know the best part
about seeing your mother
200
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,550
get killed in front
of your eyes?
201
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:19,800
What's that?
202
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,891
Nothing.
203
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,846
Drop your fucking piece.
Okay, okay.
204
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,217
All right, just please--
205
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,183
please don't,
just don't--don't shoot me.
206
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,853
Okay? Just please
just don't shoot me.
207
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,062
I'm beg--I'm...
208
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,901
I'm--I'm--I'm begging you.
209
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:32,976
I'm begging you, please!
210
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,691
You--you--you bested me again.
211
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,362
Seeing you there
on the ground, crying,
212
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,901
pleading, begging for your life
213
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,235
is such "Chicken Soup
for the Soul."
214
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,122
I've been waiting
to do this to you
215
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,909
since I was five
fucking years old.
216
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:53,121
I got good news
and I got bad news, bud.
217
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,586
The good news, not gonna
shoot you with bullets.
218
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,707
And the bad news...
219
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,125
I'm gonna shoot you with fists.
220
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,594
Get on your feet,
come on, let's dance!
221
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,426
Oh, what's so funny, huh?
222
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,805
You think about
your favorite "Dilbert" quote?
223
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,942
Huh, you little fuckin' dumbass
"Dilbert" fan?
224
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,020
Oh, no, I'm--
225
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,776
I'm--I'm laughing about this.
226
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,278
Mother fuck!
227
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,859
That's right,
I had a second gun.
228
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,445
It's pretty funny, isn't it?
229
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,241
By the way...
230
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,874
I am a "Dilbert" fan.
231
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:33,711
Knew it.
You suck so hard!
232
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,788
Goodbye, MacGruber.
233
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,553
General.
234
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,684
Hello, MacGruber.
235
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,851
Enos.
236
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,479
Just put the gun down.
237
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,097
Let's just talk about this
for a minute.
238
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,694
I think the time
for talking is over.
239
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,650
Think about
what you are doing.
240
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,441
Ah!
241
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,954
Oh!
242
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,607
Oh, my God, General,
you got here just in time.
243
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:07,866
Thank you so much!
244
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,197
You saved my life!
245
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,833
And look...
246
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,540
I owe you a huge apology.
247
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,331
I am so sorry.
248
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,834
MacGruber--
No, I need to say this.
249
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,836
I need to say this!
250
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,668
Look, I've called you
so many nasty things
251
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,764
behind your back.
252
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,049
I've called you a dirty diaper
253
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,142
with arms, legs,
and half a brain.
254
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:30,848
Yeah, I said that about you.
255
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:33,679
I called you a fucker,
a fuckhead, fuckface.
256
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:37,685
I said you're a motherfucker,
a dicknose, dickface, dickhead,
257
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,439
shiteater, shitmouth,
258
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,981
fuckin' tool, fuckin' asshole,
fuckin' buttwipe,
259
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,446
shitdick, shittitty, tittydick,
260
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:48,277
a little bitch, piece of fuck,
piece of shit.
261
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,663
And I'll put 'em together
and call you
262
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,159
a piece of fucking
titty-dick shit.
263
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:54,201
You know,
I called you all that stuff.
264
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,285
But I was wrong.
265
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:59,671
'Cause you're not
a piece of fuckin' shit.
266
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,589
You're a piece
of fucking friend.
267
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,549
And I mean that.
268
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,260
Thank you, MacGruber,
and now it's time for me
269
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,890
to apologize to you.
270
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,547
For what?
271
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:11,505
For this.
272
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,974
What the hell are you doing?
273
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:16,524
Just finishing up the job
my dead colleague started.
274
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,349
Oh, you piece of fucking
titty-dick shit!
275
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,106
So you're in on this too?
276
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,397
Let's just say
Queeth and I
277
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,730
had a mutually beneficial
relationship.
278
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,396
I helped him get you
out of jail,
279
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,204
so he could get his hands
on Brimstone,
280
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,278
and he gave me the one thing,
281
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,583
the one thing in this world,
that I want most:
282
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,538
your death.
283
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,538
See, as long as you're alive,
284
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,170
Victoria will never be able
to give me her whole heart.
285
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,588
And that is why
I have to kill you.
286
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,417
Barrett, look,
I got a news flash for ya.
287
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,093
Vicki married you.
She adores you!
288
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,433
This is all
just in your imagination.
289
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:53,678
Oh, it's in my imagination
every time I caught her
290
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,102
looking through
your wedding album?
291
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,850
Every time
she shouted your name
292
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,311
when we were making love?
293
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,441
Don't you understand?
294
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,358
So this whole thing,
295
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,977
all the death,
all the destruction,
296
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,356
it's all just for Vicki?
297
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,452
That's right, MacGruber.
298
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,357
I did it all for the nookie.
299
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,616
Vicki would be
so disappointed.
300
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,988
Well, it's a good thing
she's not gonna find out.
301
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,576
'Cause now that Queeth is dead,
302
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,410
there's only two people
in the whole world
303
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,036
that know about this,
304
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:24,292
and one of them
is about to die.
305
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:34,007
You sure about that, Barrett?
306
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,354
Victoria? What are you doing
here?
307
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,311
Oh, I'd ask you
the same thing
308
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,352
but I think I've heard enough.
309
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,145
Please, baby, I can explain.
310
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,069
Don't you "baby" me, baby!
311
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,777
You got it all wrong, baby.
312
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,897
No, you know what,
I think for the first time
313
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,574
I got it all right.
314
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,493
When I told you MacGruber
came by last night,
315
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,741
you didn't clench your fist
316
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,243
or snap a pencil
like you usually do,
317
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,155
and that struck me as strange.
318
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:03,174
And then you happened to leave
a classified dossier at home.
319
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,498
General Barrett Fasoose
320
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,712
doesn't normally
make mistakes like that.
321
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,843
That's when I knew
something was up.
322
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,010
So I followed the coordinates
on your little map
323
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,510
and I ended up here.
324
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:19,352
And to think I trusted you
with my heart, and my body...
325
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,231
and my song.
326
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:26,362
And you betrayed
my precious
327
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:31,358
Trust
328
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:37,333
Let me make it up
to you, baby
329
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:39,945
All right, look,
I did it all for you
330
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,714
and you want to
throw it away on that?
331
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,866
"That?"
332
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:47,785
That is the most perfect man
I have ever laid eyes on.
333
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,876
And yeah, sure,
he's impetuous, brash,
334
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:54,552
hotheaded, conceited, selfish,
thoughtless, reckless,
335
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:58,852
but he also has a major problem
with impulse control.
336
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,848
But none of that matters.
337
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:04,100
'Cause he is by far
the least endowed lover
338
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,814
I have ever had.
339
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,984
So yeah, he may be
hung like a butterfly,
340
00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,994
but he stings like a gnat.
341
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,027
Please, Victoria.
342
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:16,529
It's Vicki, Barrett!
343
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:20,663
Vicki Gloria Saint Elmo...
344
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,412
MacGruber.
345
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:24,964
Oh my stars, really?
346
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,578
If you'll have me.
347
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,924
Yes, yes,
a thousand times yes!
348
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,380
Consider yourself divorced,
you butthole.
349
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,592
Roundhouse!
350
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,551
Whew, whew!
351
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,016
You came for me.
352
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:46,138
MacGruber, I never left you.
353
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,923
Well, my love,
354
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:13,459
I think it might be time
for a little R&R.
355
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:16,965
Oh, yes, I could use
some rest and relaxation.
356
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,298
No.
357
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,553
The other R&R.
358
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,715
Ramming and rimming.
359
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:26,604
Oh, MacGruber.
360
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,273
Joy to the world
361
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:32,232
The Lord is come
362
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:37,403
Let Earth receive her king
363
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,002
Oh, MacGruber!
364
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,506
Gonna go fast now!
Gonna go fast now!
365
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,027
Oh, still got a little bit.
It's going.
366
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,818
What?
Oh, just a little bit more.
367
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:22,533
Oh, I thought you were done.
It's transferring into you.
368
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,368
Ooh.
369
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,044
Oh.
370
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:36,126
Oh, yeah, yeah.
371
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,393
Oh.
Merry Christmas, Vicki.
372
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:54,105
Oh, MacGruber.
373
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,477
Open it.
374
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,994
My very own locket.
375
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,858
I thought we could
fill it together.
376
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,235
Oh.
377
00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:04,321
Give me your hand.
378
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:19,255
Errant heat to the star
379
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,257
And the rain let in
380
00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:30,523
And the hawser rolls,
the vessel's whole
381
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,438
And Christ, it's thin
382
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:41,992
Well, I'd know
that you'd offer
383
00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:49,328
Would reveal it,
though it's soft and flat
384
00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,455
Won't repeat it,
cull and coffers that
385
00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:59,671
For the soffit,
hang this homeward
386
00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,224
All the best to you,
my love,
387
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,720
on this special hallowed day.
388
00:23:07,762 --> 00:23:11,062
Your love is the greatest
gift I've ever received.
389
00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:13,229
And mine yours.
390
00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:14,638
MacGruber.
391
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:17,476
Come here.
392
00:23:20,692 --> 00:23:23,032
Oh, what a beautiful day.
393
00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:29,411
Thanks to us,
the world goes on.
394
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:31,791
Do you want me to go
rustle us up some coffees?
395
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,158
That can be arranged.
396
00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:39,632
All the news at the door
397
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:43,169
Such a revelry
398
00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:51,139
They ran out of coffee,
so I got you some apple ju--
399
00:23:57,354 --> 00:23:58,904
MacGruber!
400
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:00,608
Oh, God.
401
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:02,688
Hey, just gotta do
a teeny bit more cleanup
402
00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:04,694
then I'm ready for round two.
403
00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,146
I think you better see this.
404
00:24:06,196 --> 00:24:09,276
I'm almost tempted to say
that you better see this.
405
00:24:09,324 --> 00:24:11,874
This is a major
chemical weapon attack...
406
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,750
Angle it over here!
In Quito, Ecuador,
407
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:15,537
home to over 2 million people
408
00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:18,290
and right now, as you
can see from this footage,
409
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:19,633
there are crowds of people
410
00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,168
running from
what appears to be
411
00:24:21,211 --> 00:24:23,511
clouds of some sort
of orange gas.
412
00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:35,100
Oh... my... God.
28204
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