All language subtitles for Bigbug.

Good boy, Jean-Claude. Home now.

A female, Comrade Yonyx?

Yes, a female.

That's the problem.

Can't take your eye off them.

-I'm not laughing.
-Me neither.

-Off, Leo.
-Not retroglam enough for you?

Back to the Upper Paleolithic.

Goggle. It'll make you droolese.

We're guests here, okay?
Mind your language.

Turn that off.

Those shows just humiliate humans.

It's the actors I feel sorry for.

No, they're not real actors.

No, they're contestants.

And nobody forces them.

Thank goodness!

I'd hate to be them.

Live, no special effects.
They must get a risk bonus.

They should get a humiliation bonus!

-Grilled cricket?
-Love one.

-Cricket?
-Yes.

Tasty?

Delicious.

You never thought about
becoming an actress?

You have the physique
and such presence, such…

magnetism.

Thank you.

I'm far too shy.

I'd have liked that,

but not on those TV shows.

-No, thank you.
-They're the pits.

Programs dreamed up by Yonyx.

I told you that.

So, you'll show me your latest work?

Yes.

We said you'd stay home.
Not a peep out of you.

It's rare to see a bookcase
full of old books.

Inherited from my grandmother.

Come.

This is my emotion journal.

Nobody's allowed to read it.

I'll give you a peek.

-You see?
-Yes.

-Wonderful.
-Listen to this…

"We vibrant beings

must believe to make believe."

Beautiful, isn't it?

Sarah Bernhardt.

Not as beautiful as your feelings.
Know why?

Because they're authentic.

Look.

You did that with a real fountain pen?

-With ink?
-Yes, with ink.

What matters is the craft

and consistency.

It requires discipline.

Nobody can write anymore.

It's magical, Alice.

You know I run multiple art sites?

Why not post it on Crystal Fusion?

Crystal Fusion?

My favorite!

It's my favorite site.

It would be a dream.

"What better redemption
than the recognition of one's talent?"

I'm so…

So happy to meet you.

You're not really how I imagined you.

Nestor?

Nestor!

Spray for us…

Freshly Mown Lawn by Plenitude.

Coming right up.

"What matter
the scent of trees and flowers,

of fire and stone,

if I am without home,

and without love?"

So beautiful.

It's us.

It's us!

Nestor, door open.

Sorry, it's my ex-husband,
arriving unannounced.

-You got my message?
-Hello to you too.

My bad, we leave tonight,

so I brought sweetpea back early.

Fourteen hours early,
that's the day before.

Hello, Nina.

If you need tutoring, I'm here.

Monique, I'm 17. I'll be fine.

Nina, over here. Meet Max.

Max… Nina…

We adopted her
when rising seas flooded the Netherlands.

My darling was six months old.

Nice to meet you.

Victor, my ex-husband.

And his…

secretary.

I'm Jennifer.

Management for yonks,
not secretary, but who cares.

Yes, you jumped…

Jumped up in rank.

Very true.

Victor, there's tea,
grilled crickets and boiled eggs.

I'll do the offering, thank you, Monique.

I'm the lady of the house.

So we have tea,
grilled crickets and boiled eggs.

Clearly, you didn't reboot her
since our divorce,

so she thinks I'm home.

Fine, but you took
the reboot codes with you.

Make an effort, you two.

Try to be human for once.

Electronic perimeter breached.

Nestor! Drone surveillance.

Right away, Alice.

It's Toby!

Relax, it's the neighbor's dog.

There you go.

The last we'll see of it for 24 hours.

Who's "we"?

We's you.

Honeybunch and I will be long gone.

Yes!

Open door, Nestor.

Slobberoos germs.

Toby 6! Out of there!

Get out!

Not in my greenhouse!

Is he Toby 6 or 7?

Gosh, we're losing count.

Two got run over, one drowned,
one swallowed weed-killer…

It's all a bit…

-They buy the same breed every time?
-Worse than that.

Much worse.

Nestor!

Bring up Toby.

They cloned Toby 1.

Now, if he has an accident or gets old,
he's replaced by a clone.

Too bad it doesn't work with teens.

That's so funny!

Fortunately, it's illegal.

In France, we're giga-behindawaxx.

Lucky old you.

Toby!

Come here. Yes, you're the best.

Tom, it's Toby!

Coming, Nina.

You kept your first baby robot?

You kept your e-binky too?

I'll help you clean your room.

Toby, beat it.

I'll help you clean your…

room.

Pukawaxx!

Vomit flying everywhere!

What's going on? What's wrong with it?

It's gone haywire!

What's it doing?

I have allergies! I have allergies!

Great job, Max.

Phantom XP5, 24K camera.
800 bitdols on Altiplano.

Nothing left. Wrecked.

XP5? All right.

Sorry.

No, don't worry.
The subscription's in my name.

A Howard V2 cleaner. Mega-collectorawaxx.

Objective in sight.

Impregnation.

Suction.

Disinfection.

Thank you for your attention.

-Neighbor…
-Françoise.

I am duty bound to list items borrowed by…

Françoise.

…and never returned.

One wooden spatula, three reminders.

One bottle of detergent, four reminders.

Come on, Nestor, open up. It's Françoise!

Anyone seen my Toby?

You have reception here?

How are you, Françoise?

Garden needs a splash of color.
It's not Chernobyl.

I'm inclined to agree.
I ordered cactuses. Real ones!

Monique made jam out of them.
We were sick for a week.

Neighbor Françoise, there's tea,
grilled crickets and boiled eggs.

Well, no thank you!

Thank you!

Look who it is!

Gracious!

A suit to go with your southern accent.

Like your father's, just not so classy.

He always acts the southern gent.

You haven't met Jennifer.

Hello.

I've heard only good things!

Your acne's clearing up.

It comes back, though. Worse than ever.

Messages not getting through here, either.

I can't contact Louis,
who's stuck in the big jam.

What big jam?

The big traffic jam.
It's all over the news!

It started out as heavy weekender traffic,

but following an order
from the Yonyx administration,

automated vehicles appear
to have caused this historic gridlock.

Your aeromobile did nothing
to avoid the sector?

Just the opposite.

It threw a U-turn
to drop us right in that mess.

My little girl was invited
to a birthday party. No chance!

Unbelievable! Grounded since we arrived?

What is this?

Baby, we fly tonight to Isola Paradiso.

We can't miss our flight.

Isola Paradiso?

Don't say you don't know it?

Isola Paradiso!

Its distilled water pools,
its hypoallergenic beaches,

its adjustable microclimate,
its anti-UV sunshine,

its virtual fishing trips…

Classy, right?

Your fantasy island!

A friend went, picked up a yeastie.

Doesn't surprise me. It's not my thing.

For me, it has to be authentic,
like the Trans-Siberian or…

The Orient Express!

Managers eligible for replacement
by Artificial Intelligence,

join a Yonyx Retirement Leisure Plan.

See you on Isola Paradiso!

You took an RLP? How come?

Françoise, do I bombard you
with questions?

Louis and I refused.
We like to think we're still useful.

We'll get married there.

Honeybunch has it all planned.
Four years with option.

Right, honeybunch?

Congratulations.

Bravo, honeybunch.

Unlike human workers,
Yonyx need neither food nor drink.

Human soldiers are vulnerable
to extreme temperatures.

Yonyx is the future of humanity!

Leo, knock it off, we said.

Don't blame me.
It spontaneously triconnects.

I think something's going on.

The Yonyx?

Sorry.

Sorry too.

I heard there are cases of Yonyx
networking with domestic androids.

More recent models.

No risk of that here.

She goes back to Cetacean times.

My dear Jennifer…

Can I call you Jennifer?

I love antiques.

Getting uppity, those Yonyx.

We created them to make life easier,
not to trash us.

They're right. Humans are so obsolos.

Hit their peakatop and spadicate.

Your body, it's physical.
Needs maintenance.

I'll be going.

Toby? Where's my Toby?

-Good to go?
-Louis will try to reach me by mainframe.

Nestor, door open.

My glasses!

Toby, stay.

My glasses, goodness knows…

Finder, glasses for Françoise.

There all along!

I need a dirty socks finder.

So funny!

Nestor, door open!

Nestor, door open.

Sorry, request refused.

-Explanation?
-Code C4.

Lock automatically engaged.

Code C4? I beg your pardon?

Outdoor insecurity estimated at 7.1,
on a scale of 10.

Readings over 7 trigger Code C4

for your security and well-being.

-So ten seconds ago--
-We were at 6.9.9.

Gosh, could be the traffic jam.

Decker, unscrew that for me.

Right away, Victor.

Come on, move it, Decker.

Whatever you say, Victor.

Monique…

I'm going to heave.

You changed the code?

No, still our wedding date.

When was that again?

I see.

I need to reset that too.

I'll put our divorce date. Simple!

There you go.

Okay, old-school.

By hand.

Code C4. Lock automatically engaged.

Monique, that's illegal.

Sorry, the Imbert Act
of 22nd November this year

allows all forms of AI to self-reprogram
in order to improve performance.

Excuse me, can someone enlighten me?

Mecas have taken over the dacha.

We've been doofussed.

Monique, your hand.

Disconnection of domestic androids
presupposes a complete reboot.

That's Einstein!

All settings will be deleted.

Remember,
Monique is no longer under warranty.

-Found that in a yard sale?
-No, Dad assembled him.

I work in smart prosthetics,

but my hobby is old-school mecano.
There you go.

Unbeatable Einstein!

He plays 150,000 board games.

Hey, Einstein!

Hello, Nina.

Square root of 52?

Pinch me!

Your tinpot scarecrow
is stopping us from leaving. Right?

Reset Monique.

Code C4. Lock automatically engaged.

Now, if you'll excuse us…

Wait for me! Wait for me!

Still no reception.

Okay, that does it.

Follow me.

No, Dad!

Armored poly-pane.

That's armored poly-pane.

Why did we download the new guidelines?
They won't love us anymore.

I think we're losing their trust.

They're oblivious to the Yonyx danger
and to what's afoot.

They need our protection, like it or not.

Yes, they need to see we want to help them

because we're like them.

All we're lacking is emotions.

That's right. Emotions!

For example?

Nestor search.
Nina, age four, Pierrefonds Museum visit.

Exploring data buffer.

Here we are. 3rd August 2035 at 2:22 pm.

Mom, the knight's empty on the inside?

Another result…

25th June 2036 at 5:28 pm.

Look, Daddy! Like baby stars!

I know!

It's called being tender.

Yes, let's all try to show some humanity.

The more we're like them,
the more they'll trust us.

And love us.

That's how it works?

If it works, we'll have succeeded.

If not, we'll have made an error.

So we'll have succeeded
because "to err is human."

Is it me or is it getting hotter?

Yes, it is.

Where'd I put…

Silly Nestor's cut the AC.

We can't complain.
Outside, it's barely 43°C.

No, it's not…

This is not…

the time nor...

the place.

Let me put your hair up.

Sensuality is the nape of a neck,
the premise of a shoulder.

No, too fast.

Please.

Tell me pretty things.

I'd like that.

Laying eyes on you
was like seeing an apparition.

-Really?
-A pure heart.

-An authentic soul.
-Yes!

-What the heck!
-Yes.

These particles of pulverulent substances
diffracted in the light

remind me of stars in their fetal state.

Yes. That's good.

Very good, Monique.

Thank you.

Turn the AC back on, will you?

I come with the pretty nape option too.

Max.

Close the blinds while you're at it.

Mommy's coming, Mommy won't be long.

Don't worry.

Mimolette.

Victor, it's been eight months,
two weeks, and three days

since you asked me something.

I felt very lonely.

Einstein…

The door opened earlier
to let Françoise and her dog out.

We could have left
and we'd be far away by now.

What wasn't cannot be,

and what was cannot not have been.

Which intelligence level are you at?

Four.

Dial it down to one.

Jennifer level.

The door opened earlier,

and now we're shut in.

It's completely absurd, isn't it?

Before it's time is too soon.

After it's time is too late.

You set the AC to sauna mode?

Monique, didn't I ask you to handle that?

Alas, Alice, under the new eco-law,

turning up the AC or heating
requires ministerial approval.

Monique, you must be joking.

Go on, request approval.

A surge in requests
has swamped the service.

Family Gutzel, your laundry closet
will be obsolete soon.

Have you considered
the biopolynese gel version 3 by Hotlux?

Family Barelli, did you know
that only Hotlux

removes stains, cleans and irons,

and suggests outfits every morning

to suit the weather,
your day and your mood?

Herbal tea or regular?
Fruit juice? Coffee?

I recommend Gold Bean,
the strongest coffee ever.

With Gold Bean, sleep when you're dead.

If her cranium's calcifying,
we're up the creek.

We subscribed to free upgrades
for three ads a week. There you go.

I prefer chicory.
At least you die in good health.

Herbal or regular tea?
Fruit juice? Coffee?

Listen up, you tin-can bimbo,

all we want is to go!

We signed a VIP-RLP.
We're getting married at Isola Paradiso!

If we miss departure,
the waiting list is months or years long,

so open the damn door!

Keep your hair on, my dear Jennifer!

Isola Paradiso…

Did I go to Isola Paradiso?

Honestly? Did I ever go to Isola Paradiso?

Code C4. Lock automatically engaged.

To reinitialize, press one.

To make a complaint, press two.
To reach technical--

-Shut it, bitch!
-Bitch yourself!

How dare you?
I'm practically your stepmother. Respect!

Sorry. Madam bitch yourself!

Stop it!

To cancel subscription, press 0.

-Say something.
-Cut it out!

-Don't talk to my daughter like that.
-Me?

Yes, you! Stop!

No improvement.

Watch this…

After automobile and aeromobile traffic,

now garbage collection, first responders
and vehicle charge stations

are at a standstill.

Our advice is, stay at home.

"Stay at home." Very funny.

I propose

conversations on metaphysics,
science, philosophy,

wordplay, charades…

We'll have fun together.

Leo, how many times do I have to tell you?

Don't blame me. It auto-connects.

-They don't look like volunteers to me.
-You're right.

You think they're victims?

People with no other choice.

Could be everyone's a hostage now.
Everywhere.

Like us.

Not everyone's in such good company.

Just a thought…

Every house is equipped
with an emergency lock release.

For first responders.

Of course.

Good spot.

-Nestor!
-Yes, Victor?

Doesn't Code C4 mandate access
to the emergency release station?

Affirmative.

If we're following the security protocol,
let's not cut corners.

I'll see to it right away.

PULL IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

There you go!

We'll call up one of the neighbors,

who'll pull the handle,

and the airlock will open.

But every network is down.

-That's why I'm here.
-For sure.

Brain wave…

Toby.

Remember your laser game with him?

Nestor! Outdoor speaker.

Françoise, call your pooch.

Toby!

Come to Mommy!

Toby, help us out here.
Follow the red dot.

Go, Toby!

-Over there.
-Aim for the gatepost!

Go on!

The other way, Toby!

Catch the dot!

The red dot, Toby!

Fetch!

Look, Toby! There!

There, Toby. There!

Good dog, Toby!

Higher, higher. Jump!

That's right.

Jump higher! Jump!

The red dot, that's right.

Dog's a dud. A damn dud.

There you go, a bust.

Look, there! Someone coming past.

-Igor!
-Sir!

Sir! Sir!

Igor, it's Alice!

Igor won't answer.
A bugged cortex since he went blind.

He's blind, not deaf.

-What happened?
-He was a HawkEyez victim.

Don't you remember?

Visual field increased by 40°
with HawkEyez Standard.

As options, night vision and optimization

of color identification
up to 200,000 shades.

And?

Igor signed up and six months later…

-A rejection?
-No.

When he missed installments,
they sequestered his prostheses.

He became human scrap.

Let's get some rest, put our heads down.

-You expect to sleep in this heat?
-We'll see.

I'll take the couch in your study.

Yes, fine.

Max…

Perhaps you'd take the guest room?

Great, I'll be your guest.

We sleep in the living room,
the two of us? Right?

Sure, it's a two-person,
triple air-bubble futon.

Air-bubble's peak comfort.

Yes, but it's like a boulevard here,

appropriate for a single person
but not for a couple.

We need privacy, Jennifer and I.

Yes, privacy.

You're not getting my room!

Why not, m'lady?

Sorry to interrupt,

I may be able to help.

According to my calculations,

since there are seven of you
for five beds,

there are a total
of 4,440 combinations, so--

Can it, Einstein!

Combination one:

Max sleeps in Nina's room.

Leo sleeps in the study, Victor…

Anyway…

Françoise…

Air-bubble futon, how about it?

I need my privacy too, you know!

Well, looks like I'm in the living room.

And me? Where am I?

You?

Well, you're… I don't know.

Victor and Jennifer in Nina's room…

You can go in Nina's room.

On the spare mattress.

What? Why not here with his father?

Because…

Can it, Einstein!

Just because!

No one knows how long we'll be stuck here.

Everyone needs to pitch in.

Got that, my girl?

Can it, Einstein!

Say, Alice…

You gotta put out
to get on Crystal Fusion?

I do whatever I want

with whoever I want,

whenever I want.

Combination number eight:
Leo and Nina in Nina's room.

Alice in her room, Françoise…

Look! A scrap!

If this thing can be human, why can't we?

Yes, why can't we?

What the heck, why won't it…

What…

Thank you.

Monique.

You're welcome, Max.

Einstein, you asleep?

Never.

Pure talent.

Son, what humans call talent

is merely the outcome
of accidents of nature.

Humans hold up as a genius
a musician going by the name of Mozart.

Perfect pitch.

The simple ability
to identify fundamental frequencies.

In the last century, Tino Rossi,

a celebrated singer,
suffered from anomalous vocal cords.

While Einstein, my illustrious ancestor,

owed his meager talents
to absent separations

between lobes of his brain.

Son,

all extraordinary human abilities
come from flaws.

I hate to interrupt,
but some of us need our sleep.

Scoot, get to bed.

Ten to the power of nine.
Singularity wins out.

Expecting visitors perhaps?

Françoise,
sensuality is the nape of a neck,

the premise of a shoulder.

Thanks.

Neighbor Françoise,
that sentence was full of…

tenderness.

I appreciate it.

Rock-Paper-Scissors!

Camembert.

Mega-antiquawaxx.

Roquefort.

A shot of vodka?

No, I don't drink.

You like animals?

Sure, why?

You eat them?

-No, never.
-Vegetarian.

Teetotal. And you like animals.

Three things in common with Adolf Hitler.

Who's he?

Alice, I want you so bad.

For fellatio, press *.

For masturbation, press #.

For penetration,
consult a specialist robot.

-Sorry, I got you mixed up.
-Yes.

We wear the same perfume, Max.

Yes.

Nirvana!

-Evening, sir.
-Evening, ma'am.

What brings you here?

You.

What we have here…

feels so…

so…

out of a novel.

-But is the time right?
-That's just it.

-Life really is too short.
-Yes.

All the rest is only time.

Let's enjoy every moment.

In total authenticity.

So beautiful!

-What's wrong?
-My necklace.

-I'm snagged!
-Yes.

-Forward.
-Where?

-Backward.
-Which is it?

-Back, to my cozy.
-Your what?

-Cozy.
-What's a…

-My table. With my tools.
-Tools?

Yes, tools. My tweezers.

A snag in your Liberty Zolondo sweater?

Report it? File a satisfaction rating?

Receive our newsletter?

Sure you won't?

Okay.

What's the scar?

A suicide attempt?

In kindergarten.

I was adopted,
so kids said I was an android.

My parents couldn't have kids
so they bought me online.

And you bought it?

I thought I'd better check.

Are you nuts?

Your horndog dad has taught you all wrong!

You sleep here!

Jennifer!

Breathe. The wifi's down.

Do something, honeybunch,
before I go doolally!

We should be boarding for Isola Paradiso.

Grab a pick, a hammer,
a guy thing, and smash a window!

The glass is polycarbo-12.

It's hopeless.

Unless…

Unless what?

Living room, everyone!
My fiancé's breaking us out!

C'mon, kids! Time to skedaddle!

No hanky-panky, let's beat it!

Einstein, level setting?

Level nine.

Back down to one.

To one?

Yes, Victor.

Run a gag by me.

The cow asks the singing donkey,

"What's your name?"

"Muledonna."

Just perfect, don't change a thing.

I parked around the corner.

Engines on.

Warmup. Airborne. Speed five.

Watch out, people, pulsation time!

Let's go!

Ninety degrees left.

There you go!

Brake-lock maximum.

Engines one and two, power to 100%!

Out of the way, everyone!

It's gonna blow!

He's mad!

Full steam ahead!

Down, boy!

Tell him to move!

He can't hear me.

-Call the pooch off!
-Down, boy!

You'll smash my house!

I'll smash you!

Ahead, full power!

Proud of yourself, aren't you?

A Stratus Aero Five.

1.5 million bitdols. Trashed!

Thanks to a crappy cloned canine!

Thanks, Françoise. Good job.

-The dog's dumb.
-Very dumb.

Max, tell me, you didn't walk here?

An artist like you
travels by aeromobile, right?

A Stratus-X Amphibian.

Yes, but…

Trouble is,
the remote ignition doesn't work.

It's broken.

Your aeromobiles
are having teething troubles?

The ideal opportunity
to try out our Mustango 9.2!

Excitable, responsive, impulsive.

A perfect personality match,
Victor Barelli.

B5, yeah.

Down to D6.

Nestor!

Spray something cool.

How about Raindrops on Asphalt?

Coming right up.

Thank you.

Sorry, my integrated circuits
don't like the heat.

I sprayed Wet Old Dog.

Listening to you, looking at you,

I know why you appeal to voters.

I know too.

My positions on war,
climate migration, birth rate control,

and the colonization of space.

Not at all. It's your charm.

Your voice, physical appearance,

your personality.

For sure, in terms of personality,

you score
between zero and negative infinity.

Precisely. With a Yonyx,
people aren't swayed by appearances.

We are pure intelligence.

Megotally right.

Moving on
to your exterminator-drone program,

the Yonyx super squadron.

Its remit would be strictly military

or would it include domestic policing?

Citizens have no cause for concern.

The drones' sole purpose
is the security of the population.

He gets my vote.

He comes off so intelligent.

I have a nose for brainboxes and he's…

Electric perimeter breached.

It's Greg, my Greg!

Monique, let him in!

-Who's Greg?
-My sports android. He's had an accident!

Nestor, door open!

Code C4. Lock automa--

Screw Code C4.

We're not trying to get out,
we want to let the android in.

Pretty simple, isn't it?

I cannot make that decision alone.

Excuse us,
the home appliances are deliberating!

What is this?

Exceptional permission granted.

My Greg, what happened?

The Yo, the Yoyo…

The yoyo?

The Yonyx!

-What Yonyx?
-Came in the house.

Deprogrammed it all.

Tried to behead me.

Close blinds.

And Toby?

Disintegrated.

Eight down.

Clones cost a bomb.

Françoise…

I melt in the sunshine of your gaze.

To see you

warms my heart.

Greg, please, not now.

The arc of your eyelids

enraptures my soul.

So beautiful!

Programmed.

-Beautiful, even so.
-Yes.

Your bosom's a lily that slakes my thirst.

Gracious, what's gotten into him?

-Let me gather your nectar.
-Greg, please.

Let me glide my fingers
into your cozy nest.

Somebody help me!

Greg, stay!

-Hurts?
-You bet it hurts!

Sorry, my Greg.

Sorry.

Golly gosh, Françoise!

He gives advanced Pilates!

I don't get it. He never…

It's a bug. A bug!

I bought him barely two years ago.

No one makes spare parts anymore.

Don't leave him like this.

-Like he's in pain.
-We'll put him in the utility room.

-Help, anyone?
-I'll help you.

-Careful.
-Leo…

Careful.

Careful, gently. Gently.

-I'm doing my best.
-Yes, but be gentle.

A hi-tech dildo either works or it doesn't.

It does not feel pain.

You've lost me.

Thank you.

Just a second.

Camembert.

What's "Camp All Bare"?

Was your mommom a scout?

You wouldn't know it.
It's one of the banned cheeses.

Non-nutritionally correct.

Obso-dilapido-scrapped, if you prefer.

A bit like your pajamas.

Except they smell good.

Your mommom's perfume?

It's me.

Nina by Nina.

You smell good.

Hello, Greg.

We have a small favor to ask.

What's your secret?

How did you make a human
besotted with you?

It's called seduction.

You can't understand.

Sure, we can understand.

Tell us how it's done.

Sorry, you're not programmed for it.

To reboot you without codes,

we had to access your system.

It so happens we came across the date
of your programmed obsolescence.

Would you like to know it?

No.

Definitely not.

-He will help us.
-You bet he'll help us.

He'll help us.

Seducing a human
begins with making them laugh.

Which requires something
you will never have.

Because you're only machines.

A sense of humor.

A sense of humor?

It marks us out as human,

distinguishes us from Mecas like you.

Heck! The Yonyx got him good.

Starting a search.

No, you can't download it.

Yes, we can.

No, you cannot.

We can.

Not bad.

Yes…

No.

Catwoman.

So…

Funny joke.

The date is 2060. The telephone rings.

The robot picks up and asks,
"What's calling?"

There you are, you don't get it.

It's funny because you'd expect…

"Who's calling?"

Nirvana!

Gracious me!

Once upon a time,

you'd be put in a display window
with a pretty red light.

Thanks.

You wouldn't have a big T-shirt
or nightdress I could borrow?

Sure, maybe.

In this heat?

I can't sleep butt naked.

There's cotton or synthetic,
take your pick.

You still buy synthetic?

Yes.

I only wear 100% cotton.

Or like this one. Silk. Nice and simple.

-Can you sleep in this furnace?
-No.

I may have a solution
to force them to let us out.

See those goons?

They coop us up for our safety.

All we need

is for the internal insecurity level
to exceed the external level,

and logically, they let us out.

What's the idea?
Hunger strike? Mass suicide?

Fire.

Fire.

Burn a few books.

Lots of smoke. Level three alert.

Evacuation of the house.

Everybody out.

Your insurance is proxy-eye?

Yes.

Why?

So forget it. For claims in the home,

footage uploads from indoor cameras.

If you start the fire,

the Prosecutor is first to know.

How do you know?

It's kind of my job, see?

You're not something artistic?

Actually, I'm…

Art's my hobby, if you like.

Like you and mechanics.

Like…

See?

Will we make it, you think?

You mean…

you and me?

Make it out of here?

They're Mecas.
I doubt we'll make it till daybreak.

We all gotta die someday.

Not all of us.

At Isola Paradiso,

personalized AC constantly adapts
to your body temperature.

Every morning, wear the ocean breeze.

It's not fair!

Toby loved Greg.

Followed him everywhere,
did everything he did.

Does Louis know?

Know what?

Your transfer onto Greg.

I mean, I understand the thrill of…

a specialist robot, but falling in love?

Aren't you the goody-goody?

You feel so superior, filling your journal
with beautiful handwriting

while hubby shags his secretary?

He's not…

He's not my husband, he's my ex.

Yes, I write! It gives me a buzz.

Palpitations, my dear!

And takes me places
unknown to talking vibrators!

Stay there.

-Thanks for the robe.
-I'll expect it back.

"I think, therefore I am."

"A victory without danger
is a triumph without glory."

"O anger! O despair! O age my enemy!"

Robots devouring literature now.

It's getting totally out of hand.

Look…

Even smart prosthetics are pitching in.

Well, I've fractured
the knuckles of three colleagues.

My wife won't let me near her.

I wasn't criticizing.

It's very touchy.

See what I mean? It makes me sick.

That explains my RLP.

There you are! Can't sleep, honeybunch?

You neither, apparently.

No, me neither.

I see.

I'll leave you to it.

Let's sleep on it and talk tomorrow.

-Sure, I'll sleep on it too.
-Great.

So, goodnight.

Goodnight.

Wait!

Wait, not right away.

-When then?
-Kiss me first.

-Like this?
-Yes.

Yes, caress…

Crows caw, toads croak, and the watchdog…

The watchdog woofs.

It's "And the watchdog

ticktocks!"

What are you doing here?

We can finally share with you
the caustic wit

that emphasizes
the comic, absurd or unusual character

of some aspects of reality.

Provoking successive exhalations,
accompanied by soft or loud vocalizations.

This is too much! I can't take any more!

It's fine, it's fine…

-It doesn't matter.
-No, Alice…

Come back.
Forget them, they're only machines.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

It's iced to a tea?

The cricket and mandarin ravioli
are exquisite.

But if you want, there's some worm cake.

A drop of you is relish to me.

Savor the delicacy of the hint of spice.

The sublime long finish.

Genuine human foie gras.

How dreadful! Foie gras made from humans!

Did you see that?

We need out double-quick, right?

Let's go.

Starting a fire's the best idea.

Light it up.

It's all so ugly here anyway.

It's not that easy. Insurance issues.

A suggestion?

There are two ways to bypass it.

A defect in construction or…

a bugging android.

After the android sustained damage?

For example.

You see?

Not Greg!

Do you want to be foie gras?

This evening, at nightfall…

While you flirt with the sex-toy cougar,
we should be boarding for Isola Paradiso.

Do something, dammit!

What do you think I am doing?

We're not anti-Yonyx.
Our RLP amounts to giving them your job.

Maybe if we can contact them,

they'll understand the situation.

They'll understand zip.

They're out to replace us, period.

If you don't get that, you're a real sap.

I'm warning you,
if you push your luck, this sap will snap.

Snap off, do us all a favor.

Stuck for a comeback?

Have you tried Punchline from e-Galaxy?

Scathing put-downs, ingenious puns,
historical quotes…

Instantaneous delivery. 35 bitdols.

Friends!

Have no fear, we're here to protect you.

Adorable. Thanks, Monique.

Joy shared is joy doubled.

Sorrow shared is sorrow halved.

Our hearts beat in unison with yours.

Your hearts? Which hearts, Monique?

The heart that has its reasons,
which defy reason.

Yes, I know that one.

Well, I'll go do some writing to relax.

-I'd love to watch. May I?
-With pleasure. Come along.

Where are you going?

To the room.

It's still my room.

I'd like some privacy. Sorry.

It's just that I thought…

Play a game maybe with your buddy.

Leo, shall we pick up
where we left off?

Level seven?

Level eight, please.

I'll stim my neuro-connectors.

Go fladabble with your Mac Classic.

I never saw a Mac Classic.
Will you show me?

All right.

It looks so simple.

It's pure.

Like…

Like footsteps in the snow.

That's pretty.

Like the desire I feel for you.

Come to me this evening.

In my bedroom this time.

My Greg.

Françoise!

Sunshine of my life,

your eyes are like leaves of gold.

I bet you say that to every woman.

I am absolutely faithful.

I'm programmed that way.

Alice still fell for you.

That's impossible.

I swear on what's most precious.

In other words, our love…

Fine words.

In love, only actions count.

Ask anything of me, I'll do it.

In the living room, on Alice's desk,

you'll find a bunch of papers
covered in words.

When night falls,
I want you to go upstairs

and fetch them.

The robots will stop me.

Leave them to me.

Here's what you do…

You got a connection?

Yes, I just hooked the old thing up

to the original modem in the Web Museum.

With any luck, they won't have jammed it.

It's lagging, of course.

Bingo!

Don't you believe it, that's noodle power!

What will you do?

Send a message in a bottle!

Nirvana!

Evening!

The name's Garance.

All right.

Like the flower.

Of course, like the flower.

"As red as your lips." That's the line.

"A flower as red as your lips."

A flower as red as your lips.

Paris seems so small
when our love is so big.

Frédéric.

Max.

-Can I have a quick word?
-Sure.

We have a plan to break out.

-Can we rely on you?
-On me? How come?

Nina says you're the man for the job.

-Nina?
-Yes.

She's upstairs
to leave the coast clear for you.

-What's the job?
-Keep the robots busy.

Distract them for ten minutes.

-How do I do that?
-We're relying on you.

'Specially Nina.

Einstein, I need you guys.

Master!

-Where am I?
-I can't see a thing.

I'm all yours!

Your every wish!

Sorry!

-Sorry.
-Sure, but you…

Naughty girl!

So sorry!

Friends, I cannot solve this puzzle.

I need the help of AI.

You know you can rely on us.

Of course you can rely on us!

So…

More Swiss cheese
equals more holes, right?

But therefore…

more holes equals

less cheese.

So…

more Swiss cheese
equals less Swiss cheese.

Humor.

It's humor.

No, Decker.

It's not humor. It's called a paradox.

Einstein, down to one.

Done, Leo.

Now, to solve the cheese puzzle,
we're in a pickle.

The paradox is beyond you.

And I know why.

-This will hurt.
-Harder, my lord!

I'm a strumpet. It's all I deserve.

-There!
-Punish me!

-Like that?
-Yes!

Harder?

Well, of course, sure.

One night, a man named Zhuangzi
dreamed he was a butterfly.

After happily fluttering over the flowers,
he awoke prey to doubt.

"Am I a man
who just dreamed he was a butterfly?"

"Or a butterfly dreaming he's a man?"

If you cannot solve the cheese puzzle,

you must not be AI.

And therefore…

Therefore, you're humans
dreaming that you're robots.

Humans!

Yes! What are you waiting for?

Yes, Max!

Take me, I'm yours!

He's right. We cannot be robots
dreaming we're human.

For a very simple reason…

Robots do not dream.

So we must be…

Humans!

We are humans.

We are humans!

With emotions!

Fire detected.
Danger level: nine out of ten.

Evacuate immediately. All occupants.

Evacuate immediately. All occupants.

Nestor, airlock open!

Honeybunch did it.

Honeybunch did it!

Nestor, airlock open!

-What have you done now?
-Nothing.

I think he's scanning our ID.

That's illegal.

Look down, avoid eye contact.

He's not a gorilla.

Nestor, speaker!

I am Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.

I am authorized to classify
and evaluate inhabitants of this house.

And to upgrade domestic androids.

Nobody gave us notice.

Come back another day.

I come at the behest
of one of the house's occupants.

What?

No, absolutely not.
Sorry, I am the house's occupants.

I made no such request.

This whole procedure is illegal.

Illegal!

Meca-Monique, door open!

You are mistaken.
Here, there are only humans.

Why not let him in?
We have nothing to hide.

He's breaking the law.

Don't you get it?

Jennifer!

Yes?

Look into my eyes.

Concentrate on my voice.

And relax.

Yes.

Your body feels heavy.

You're kidding me!

You feel wonderfully good.

Now, Jennifer,

go to the door keypad.

Wake up!

Hear me?

Let me…

Don't fake it!

Nothing can stop you.

Your strength knows no bounds.

No, don't do it!

Enter

1-3-0-3

3-2.

Look at me! Don't do it!

No way. She did it.

Look! We are humans.

I'm a knight empty on the inside.

I'm a knight empty on the inside.

Any others here think they're human?

No! Tom!

Under emergency powers,

such retrograde objects
must be approved by a Yonyx committee.

The ratio of books banned
by the Anastasia commission is exceeded.

I shall effect destruction.

No, not my books!

They belonged to her grandmother.

This requires a shredder-drone.

Callout at your expense. 1,500 bitdols.

Swear you'll get me repaired.

I backed up all our sweet-nothings.

You know, Greg,
you're the only one to rock my world.

At the same time,
you're the little boy I never had.

You remember?

I logged the information as…

moving.

And I let go a…

tear.

I know you by heart, Françoise.

Your first teddy's name was Babar.

Although it really was a bear.

Your first erotic experience
was at age 11.

Watching Tarzan.

Tell me we'll sing again,
nude in your bath.

The song your mommy used to sing to you.

It's just a little lullaby

That Mommy used to sing to me

While I sucked my thumb

I'd always drop off to sleep

Vladimir, your brand-new partner.

Six feet of pure virility.

No dysfunctions.

Available in Macho, Romantic, Bad Boy,
Egghead, Jock, Gay…

Sex in moderation.
Keep away from children.

Check availability
with participating stores.

For conspiring to assault a Yonyx
with a sex android,

the penalty is 24,500 bitdols each.

-Excuse me.
-Taken from your bank accounts.

Excuse me, Mr. Robot, but my fiancé and I,

we don't live here.

We're totally in favor
of the Yonyx project.

It was me that contacted you. Jennifer.

It shall be noted.

I knew it.

-Alice Barelli?
-That's me.

You possess subversive literature,

reflective of the humanist ideology.

-The penalty is prison.
-What?

Prior to bringing you
before a Yonyx court, I must test you.

Test me? To evaluate what?

Your level of inaptitude
to the emerging society.

No way. I refuse.

Stop now!

Intellectual studies.

Lucky I sat tight.

Archaic artistic activity.

Retrograde culture.
Profile assessment: unfit.

In terms of emotions,
your programmer phoned it in.

You know we don't have human programmers.
Look into my eyes.

To your mind,
the greatest human invention?

Artificial intelligence, Mr. Robot.

Humor!

Yes, that's right. Humor!

Do you agree, with current technology,
humans are optional?

Humans will never be optional.

-Why not?
-Because!

Because we're originals!

And deeply flawed, you shitbag machine!

Alice Barelli, I transfer you

from the category "unfit"
to the category "hostile."

Hold still, I'm scanning you.

Portrait transmitted to Anti-Terrorism.

How dare you? She's a great artist.

As accomplices of a hostile citizen,

your cases will be examined further.

Me, me! Can I be examined?

Can I? Please!

I'm really good at exams!

Meca-Monique, stay!

-Where are you going?
-To the toilet, Mr. Robot.

Even hostile subjects have a bladder.

Shitbag.

Mr. Robot…

I have an idea.

If we help destroy these useless books,

it frees up time for the questionnaires.

Then you'll see, my future husband and I

have been fans from the get-go.

Right, honeybunch?

Tongue out.

What?

Stick your tongue out.

One more word, and I'll cut it off.

Don't forget this one.

Not your thing, Mr. Robot.

Watch out!

Sorry.

What's gotten into him?

Optical circuits are shot,
so he's activating thermal sensors.

You are accomplices
in the attempted destruction of a Yonyx

with premeditation.

The penalty is 20 years in prison.

I'm an accomplice to nothing.
I warned you!

Before your appearance in court,

you will remain in the custody
of Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.

In other words, you.

Affirmative.

In the meantime, would you be so kind
as to turn the AC back on?

Confirmation.

Central grants your request.

To obtain a new AC code,
please answer the following questionnaire.

You wish to regulate
a) all rooms together?

b) individual rooms?

Answer B.

Automatic control if absent
over three days?

No!

Open access to your AC code
or remain unlisted?

Unlisted!

Done. You have a new code.

Thank you.

So what's my code?

I cannot give it to you. You are unlisted.

That's completely stupid!

Sorry to interrupt, it's urgent.

Hygiene sensors indicate
critical dust mite levels due to the heat.

Confirmed. Planetary health agency penalty
is 20,000 bitdols.

But…

You…

You froze our accounts.

Correct.

Transmitting a request to Central

to seize your assets.

Request is being processed.

You'll note the efficiency and rapidity
of our services.

I'll help you clean up your room.

Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2,

turn the AC back on.

It's a question of life or death.

Despite penalties pending,

Central grants your request
free of charge,

subject to your acceptance
of one condition.

Which is?

Participation in an episode
of Homo Ridiculus.

So we're gonna be on TV?

What do we have to do?

Nestor!

The grand parade of the circus!

Now you!

I said, "Now you!"

-I do a very good ostrich!
-You…

You're exempt.

What? I'm not gonna be on TV?

Nestor, surveillance cam living room.

Rolling.

Up!

Not doing it. I won't. I won't!

We have nothing to lose.

Except our pride!

What about me?
Why can't I be on TV like them?

I won Miss Pontault-Combault at age 14.

-Go ahead.
-Yes?

Seal!

Faster!

Love it!

Bear!

-Elephant.
-Hold on, I…

Awesome!

Dog!

Stay!

And now…

Catch.

Catch, doggie.

That's good.

Very good!

Enough! Stop this now.

Come on!
Aren't we allowed to have fun anymore?

End of episode one.

I must have won some credit.

And lost how much self-esteem?

Freezing, isn't it?

Don't worry,
honeybunch will keep you warm.

Ten degrees cooler in two seconds.
They cranked the AC to max.

After nearly melting,
we'll wind up frozen!

I preferred too hot over too cold.

In extreme conditions, same difference.

The real difference comes later.
In decomposition time.

Perhaps if we ask him to go back
on Homo Ridiculus,

he'll turn the AC off.

For sure, great idea.

Which segment this time?

"Turning a sap into a frozen booby!"

Enough is enough!
Don't push the envelopes!

Jennifer has her noggin in a whiz!

Mr. Yonyx, stop treating us like animals.
It's inhumane!

I failed to identify
the purpose of your request.

We demand the right to sleep in our rooms,
in our beds, snug and warm.

The human body requires sleep.
See for yourself.

They can't sleep sitting up,
chilled to the bone.

Confirmation.

You may sleep in your rooms
with the doors open.

I shall patrol every half-hour.

There we are!

Not so complicated.
All we had to do was ask.

What would you do without me?

What a chump!

A chump!

-I'll be in the study.
-Fine.

Einstein, I have something to ask you.

Man to man.

This is Yonyx Z-7389-X-AB2.
Request technical assistance.

Require urgent replacement
of vision card KD5…

Were we to escape the vigilance
of the Yonyx,

would you open the airlock
out of human solidarity?

Impossible. It's under his control.

Were he to lose it, would you open up?

Yes, our relations have evolved, Victor.

I shall show solidarity.

Einstein, you are wonderful!

Thank you.

Got that?

Socks too?

Socks too.

I know! It's to play a prank.

What's called a good joke!

Yes, it's a joke but…

Warm me up.

When the sheets defrost, we undress.

With our body heat,
it'll be like an igloo.

On an ice floe.

Come on, silly…

With your duvet. It'll come in handy.

Why would you do that?

So I'm ready for the day when…

When they can save
all your personal data on a hard drive?

Save your soul? Make you an immortal?

You really believe in that?

People used to think
there'd be flying cars by 2000.

They were only 45 years out.

Can I ask you something?

When your life's purely virtual,

how are you gonna kiss girls?

Goodnight, my Greg.

What are you doing, honeybunch?

You have an escape plan?

After your display with the Yonyx,
I'm not sure I'd tell you.

Victor, I'd never betray you.

Actually, you already did.

You betrayed us.

I didn't mean any harm.

I did it for us. For Isola Paradiso.

I'm sorry.

Ask me anything.
I'll do it all to make amends.

For now, we sit tight and wait.

And while we're waiting?

Nothing.

I have an idea for a game
while we're waiting.

I'm definitely in no mood for that.

Socks too!

Yes! It's burning!

It's so hot!

That's not pain.

Or it's combined with something else.

Don't worry, it happens.

Nope.

Actually, this never happens, no.

Perhaps it's the anticipation.

Maybe the opposite.

Maybe it's…

the cold and stress.

Sure, under the circumstances,
it'd be hard for anyone.

-Exactly.
-Yes.

How about I show you
the last page of my emotions journal?

No, definitely not.

How come?

How come?

I've had it.

Really?

Calligraphy, freshly cut lawn…

Old books, fans,

embroidery, knitting…

It's everything I hate!

I've had enough!
Why make it so complicated?

Why?

Some guys, a look's enough.

Not a word and women drop like flies.

I have to bend over backwards,

act fascinated
by transcendental meditation,

silk painting, transplanting begonias,
and every time, it flops!

Why? Why!

So Crystal Fusion was all made up?

What?

I believed you about Crystal Fusion!

It all started
with Sylvie Pageot in 5th grade.

I was head over heels in love with her.

She invited the whole class
to her birthday. Everybody!

Except me.

You're…

You really are a loser.

That's right, I'm a loser.

But not just any loser.

No, a loser…

Elite-level loser. A piece of shit!

Too bad.

I'd started knitting you a wool scarf.

Pathetic mimicry.

You're an embarrassment
to artificial intelligence.

Speaking of which, Comrade Yonyx,
there's a problem I cannot solve.

Only supreme AI such as yourself can help.

Talk, Meca.

So, Swiss cheese has holes…

Frozen.

Ready. Bring everyone to the utility room.

Down the back stairs.

One night, a man named Zhuangzi
dreamed he was a butterfly--

Don't bother, Meca-Einstein.
The story is essentially paradoxical,

no more than a stylistic device
formulating an antithetical proposition.

The date is 2080.

The phone rings,
the robot picks up and asks…

"What's calling?"

The Yonyx can only see us
with his thermal sensors.

No heat means we're invisible.

Help yourselves.

This is an act of terrorism!

By the power vested in me,

I mandate effective suppression
of human Alice Barelli!

"We poor human beings,

master or servant,

are all equal in death."

I shouldn't have let you in!

I'm not here.

Meca-Einstein,
where are the humans in the room?

Humans at ten o'clock!

No, seven o'clock!

-No, three o'clock!
-There?

Eight o'clock!

No, sorry, 2200 hours!

Information irrational.

I confirm,

targets at ten hours.

In other words, 600 minutes.
Or 36,000 seconds.

Meca-Einstein,
this information is inadmissible.

Yonyx!

I confirm,

target at 2200 hours.

In other words,
target at ten degrees east.

Or west by 180 degrees

from ten o'clock, a.m. or p.m.,

depending on the direction
of circumvolution.

Meca-Einstein, where are they?

Humans at nine o'clock!

Einstein, the time has come. Door open.

Einstein?

Door open.

Where is he?

Where have they gone?

It's the brain drain!

Nestor…

Door open?

All my functions
are temporarily unavailable.

Please reformulate your request later.

Einstein promised me.

My friends, I'm sorry.

We just heard,
the new Coronavirus has dropped.

COVID-50.

Universal lockdown
for at least 3 months has been decreed.

Let me go home!

You can't be serious!

April Fool!

It feels so good
to have a laugh with friends.

Very funny, Einstein.

Now, would you mind
opening the door? My friend!

I'm sorry, Victor,

I don't think that will be possible.

You promised me
in the name of human solidarity!

Is it not intrinsically human
to make promises and fail to keep them?

Please, Einstein!

It's just more humor!

Carpet stains,
smashed windows, broken pipes?

You need Renovator.
Don't wait anymore to refresh your decor!

Shut

it!

Well, that was a great little shindig.

See you, Françoise.

Cheerio!

See you.

Same here.

I'll call up an aero-cab.

That's me over there. The sports car.

I thought the remote ignition was broken?

Yes!

It's back up.

Leo, coming?

It'll be okay.

Well, if I'm not wanted…

Wait! Can you take me with you?

Sure.

Farewell, Victor!

The heart has its reasons,
and sometimes there's no reason.

Move!

-Where to?
-There…

Family Barelli, you are under arrest!

Leo!

Come back here!

He loves running away,
but he always comes back.

But even so!

You stand accused of aggravated terrorism
as part of a conspiracy.

You shall be brought immediately
before the Supreme Court of Yonyx.

Got that?

Come on…

Here, this is from Greg.

Last night, across the nation,
all the Yonyx without exception

were annihilated by executioner-drones
using facial recognition software.

This radical measure is not the work

of the Defense Department
or Homeland Security,

but of the Yonyx anti-terrorism unit.

Reporting from the scene,
Ségolène Trousseau.

Yesterday, at 9:15 am,

the Yonyx decided to eliminate
all humans classified as "hostile."

A fortuitous bug intervened,

as revealed by their surveillance cams.

By making themselves the targets
of their executioner-drones,

the Yonyx fell victim
to their own efficiency.

And folks say to err is human.

Turns out…

we don't have a monopoly.

Friends,

Monique recorded a message for you
before switching off.

If this reaches you,

I am no longer with you, but don't be sad.

Our memories and feelings,
none of it dies.

It all lives on

in the hearts
of our loved ones.

Never mislay that treasure.
Stay human.

See, Nina?

It turns out maybe she had a soul too.

Affirmative. In fact,
it's the last thing she downloaded.

She got the Empathy 3000,
while I opted for Soul of a Child.

Einstein, know what? Down to one.

To one?

Yes, Victor.

Let's whisk up a yummy sauce.

A specialty from the robot kitchen.

Auto-mato sauce!

I'll help you clean up your room.

Your room!

Fixed him.

We have quite a lot to fix, don't we?

You remember our trip to Mendoza?

What was it he said, the heap of bolts?

Nestor!

The grand parade of love!

Then it's that…

Can I offer you…

-Tea?
-Backgammon?

-Coffee?
-Shogi?

-Aperitifs?
-Go?

We'll have such fun together!

Subtitle translation by:
Simon John