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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,406 This is cool. 2 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,745 Argh. Ow! 3 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,747 Cut it out, butt-head. 4 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,086 Butt-head: Whoa. 5 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,052 Hey, baby. 6 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,555 I'm, like, pretty tall. 7 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,684 Damn it. Cut it out, I'm trying to score. 8 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,572 You bungholes. 9 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,200 Hey, baby, how's it going? 10 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,746 - Hey, hey, hey. - No way, beavis. I saw her first. 11 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,248 Damn it! I'm gonna kick your ass. 12 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,792 I saw her first. Get out of here. 13 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,339 Butt-head. Hey, butt-head. 14 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,759 Oh, no. Butt-head, butt-head, wake up. 15 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,510 Butt-head. 16 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:17,888 Damn it, beavis. 17 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,432 I was about to score. 18 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,017 Yeah, but check it out. 19 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,143 It's gone. 20 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,895 Uh... 21 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,147 - What? - The TV. 22 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,401 Oh, yeah. 23 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:34,321 Well, where is it? 24 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,783 I don't know. I just woke up and it was gone. 25 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,329 And look, the window's broken, too. 26 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,248 - We'll get 100 bucks for this baby. - Oops. 27 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,587 Mm. 28 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,589 - Uh... - Beavis: Oh, no. 29 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,468 Butt-head: Uh... 30 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,138 Beavis: No. Butt-head: Uh... 31 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:01,932 Beavis: No. 32 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,267 Butt-head: Uh... 33 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,064 Whoa. I think I just figured something out, beavis. 34 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,191 What? 35 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,193 This sucks. 36 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,446 Yeah. It really sucks. 37 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,576 This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before. 38 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,538 We must find this butt-hole that took our TV. 39 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:27,082 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! 40 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,895 A couple of mean guys 41 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,981 with a fire in their eyes 42 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,315 known by the names of 43 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,735 beavis and butt-head 44 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,570 yeah 45 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,991 they'll chew you up and spit you out 46 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,034 beyond a doubt 47 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,703 it pays not to mess with 48 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,580 beavis and butt-head 49 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,165 you got it 50 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:19,050 If you cross beavis and butt-head 51 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:23,597 they will throw down and blow your ass away 52 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,308 know what I'm saying? 53 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,810 Beavis and butt-head 54 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,237 Beavis and butt-head 55 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,416 Oh, yes 56 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,730 Uh... it's not in here. 57 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,235 What are we gonna do, butt-head? What if we never find it? 58 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,862 Settle down, beavis. 59 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,577 Hey, wait a minute. Where are we going? 60 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,455 I don't want to go to school. We gotta find our TV. 61 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,833 Shut up, beavis. I got an idea. 62 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,505 Let's just wheel this thing back to the house. 63 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:40,924 Yeah. 64 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:49,266 Hey, excuse me, boys. What's going on here? 65 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:53,770 - Uh... someone stole our TV. - Yeah. We're just gonna use this one. 66 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,313 Get out of the way. 67 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:59,818 I'm afraid that TV belongs to the school, okay? 68 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:03,864 You know, this could be a really positive experience for you guys. 69 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,616 There's a wonderful and exciting world out there 70 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,911 when we discover that we don't need TV to entertain us. 71 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,248 He said, "anus." 72 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,460 Entertain us, anus. Oh, yeah. 73 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,214 Have you guys heard a word I've said? 74 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,802 - Uh, yeah. Anus. - Yeah, yeah. 75 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,470 Yeah, I heard it, too. 76 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:32,642 Look, guys, just take the TV back to the av room right now. 77 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:37,314 And try to be a little more open to life experiences, okay? 78 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,693 - What a dork. - Yeah, yeah. 79 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,946 Get it over here. 80 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,116 Wait a minute, no. No! 81 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,331 - That was cool. - No, it wasn't! 82 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,125 Uh... oh, yeah. 83 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,171 What's going on out here? 84 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,006 Oh, no! 85 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,175 - That belongs to the school. - Oh, no. 86 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,719 Yeah. It's supposed to be in the av room. 87 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,512 - Wasn't our fault. - Get back here. 88 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,767 Beavis and butt-head, you're both expelled! 89 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,644 Butt-head: Cool. 90 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,107 Whoa, check it out, beavis. 91 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,610 I didn't know Anderson had a camper. 92 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,820 Yeah. Maybe it'll have a TV. 93 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,575 Oh, hello. 94 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,911 Are you boys here to look at the refrigerator? 95 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,121 Uh... no. 96 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,749 We're here to look at the TV. 97 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,126 Oh, Tom didn't tell me it was broken. Go on in. 98 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,755 - Cool. - Yeah. 99 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,134 Well, that ought to hold her. 100 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,763 You know, the most important thing you can have on a camper 101 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,516 is a good butane regulator. 102 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,685 And this here's the best one they make. 103 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,812 I sure hope we can get that fridge fixed. 104 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,647 Now, Marcie, we've been planning 105 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,024 and saving up for this trip our whole lives, 106 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,443 and we're gonna go come hell or high water. 107 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,446 What in the hell is that? 108 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,036 Must be them damn buzzard hawks. 109 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,913 Let's get something to drink. 110 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,627 Ah. 111 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,173 This crap is warm. 112 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,926 Beavis, you butt-hole. You broke it. 113 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,262 No, no! Damn it! 114 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,850 Hey, what the hell's going on here? 115 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,685 They're here to fix the TV, Tom. 116 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,812 What? The TV ain't broken. 117 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,898 - Yeah, it is. - Yeah. 118 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:49,070 Hey, wait a minute. You two look kind of familiar. 119 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:53,533 Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my tool shed? 120 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,209 We still don't have a TV, butt-head. 121 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,586 I know, beavis. 122 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,505 Damn it, I can't sleep without a TV. 123 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,424 Dumb-ass. 124 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,428 Help. Help me. 125 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,098 No, no. 126 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,309 What's your problem, beavis? 127 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,897 I need TV. I need TV now. 128 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,565 Damn it. 129 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:29,861 Whoa. TV. 130 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,072 Yeah, yeah, TV. 131 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,408 TV. Yeah. 132 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,411 Damn it. 133 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,746 Uh... no. 134 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,248 Damn it. 135 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:43,917 Uh... no. 136 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:53,468 Are you sure these guys can pull this off, Earl? 137 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,220 It's got to look like an accident. 138 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,684 Oh, yeah. 139 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,901 Beavis and butt-head! You little bastards! 140 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:15,031 - Can we watch your TV? - No! You're expelled. 141 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,407 Now, get out of here! 142 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,954 Wait a minute. Damn it, I need a TV now. 143 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,455 We're missing everything. 144 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,168 Yeah, hold on a minute. That must be them now. 145 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,670 Yeah, I'll call you back. 146 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:29,754 Come in. 147 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,883 TV. Yeah. 148 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,677 You're late. 149 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:39,139 Really? Did we miss baywatch? 150 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,772 Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. 151 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,276 Oh, well, as long as you can get the job done. 152 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,360 What are your names? 153 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,904 Uh, butt-head. 154 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,365 Oh, I'm beavis. 155 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,118 Well, that's all right. 156 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,995 I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. 157 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,079 Mine's muddy. 158 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,665 Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. 159 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:09,544 I'll pay you ten grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her. 160 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,048 - Do her? - That's right, do her. 161 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:17,468 I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. 162 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,595 We got a deal? 163 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,764 Actually, we just want to watch TV. 164 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,725 Shut up, beavis. Uh... 165 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,686 Yeah, we'll do your wife. 166 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,355 No! I wanna watch TV! Argh! 167 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,858 Damn it, beavis, you butt-munch. 168 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,027 This guy wants us to score with his wife, 169 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,905 and he's gonna pay us. 170 00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,866 We can buy a new TV. 171 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,369 Really? Cool. 172 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,999 We'll do it, sir. 173 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,127 Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. 174 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,629 Here she is, boys. 175 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,674 Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. 176 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,259 She stole everything from me. 177 00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,344 You gotta watch out, 178 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,804 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you do her. 179 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,389 Whoa. 180 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,350 Cool. 181 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,227 Yeah. 182 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,646 She's holed up in a room in Las Vegas. 183 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,522 I got you a room right next to hers. 184 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,806 Your flight leaves in an hour. 185 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,817 Come on, I'll drive you to the airport. 186 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,278 "Holed up." 187 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:20,907 Hole. 188 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,534 Oh, man, can we watch some TV first? 189 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,169 Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. 190 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,172 My wife's got this leather satchel. 191 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:40,468 It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. 192 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,012 Sentimental value, you know what I mean? 193 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,472 Any questions so far? 194 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:48,059 Uh, does she have big Hooters? 195 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,603 Yeah. Yeah, she sure does. 196 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:54,649 This is gonna be cool. 197 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,192 Yeah. 198 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,568 Boing! 199 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:04,242 Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? 200 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,086 Now, don't let me down. 201 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,842 We're gonna get paid to score. 202 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:24,721 Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV 203 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,056 with two remotes. 204 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,143 Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives. 205 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,353 Yeah. 206 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,737 Here you are. 207 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:46,159 Hey, beavis, she touched my butt. 208 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,662 Oh, hello, there. 209 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,999 Are you two heading for Las Vegas? 210 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,126 Yeah. We're gonna score. 211 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:58,713 Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. 212 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,341 I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots. 213 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,011 Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. 214 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,096 Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas? 215 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,184 Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin. 216 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,435 Whoa. 217 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,395 Hey, butt-head, this chick is pretty cool. 218 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,981 She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas. 219 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,191 Cool. 220 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:23,696 It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered. 221 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:24,906 Yeah. 222 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,492 I'm gonna have money and a big-screen TV 223 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,495 and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule. 224 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,722 Morning, this is your captain speaking. 225 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:32,789 Well, that's nice. 226 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,434 We ask you to turn your attention at this time to the front of the cabin 227 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,668 for pre-flight safety instructions. 228 00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:38,896 Flight attendant 1: To fasten your seat belt, 229 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,130 insert the free end into the coupling. 230 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,716 - /f you are seated in... - "Insert." 231 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,573 Flight attendant 1: If you are unable to perform this task, 232 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,158 please ring your call button at this time. 233 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,475 Damn it. 234 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,812 Flight attendant 2: Hi. Can I help you with that? 235 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,653 There you go, all set. 236 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,113 I love you. 237 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,910 Wait, hey, hey, cut it out! I want her to do it. 238 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,496 Come to butt-head. 239 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,393 Captain: Flight attendants, please prepare for take-off. 240 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,668 Butt-head: Damn it. 241 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,755 Hey, hey, wait a minute. Hey, what's going on? 242 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,177 Argh! We're gonna die! 243 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,680 We're all gonna die! 244 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,265 Come to butt-head. 245 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:44,235 Uh, could you, like, do that thing with my belt again? 246 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,534 Yeah. This is her. 247 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,120 Oh, she looks lovely. 248 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,890 I'm probably going to make out with her first, 249 00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:01,335 before we, you know, get down. You know what I'm saying? 250 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,422 I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. 251 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,091 I have this ringing in my ears. 252 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:11,304 My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. 253 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,099 - Really? I poop too much. - Oh. 254 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:20,104 Maybe you're lactose intolerant. 255 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,648 I mean... no, no. I poop too much! 256 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,651 - And then I get tired. - Tired? 257 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:29,363 Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. 258 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742 I have just the thing for you, it's... 259 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,995 Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up. 260 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,664 Thanks. 261 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,836 Tastes like crap. 262 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,422 What else you got? 263 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,133 Go right ahead. Help yourself. 264 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:55,932 So... uh... 265 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,769 Going to Las Vegas? 266 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,788 Hi. We're serving dinner now. 267 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,375 Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo. 268 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:23,709 Piccata. Titicaca. 269 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,795 Excuse me, does the gumbo have corn in it? 270 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:29,340 I am cornholio. I need piccata for my bunghole. 271 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:32,385 - You'll have to wait your turn, sir. - Are you threatening me? 272 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,303 My bunghole will not wait. 273 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,890 Bungholio. Bungholio... 274 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,936 Hey, I got a beer. 275 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,522 Want some? 276 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,681 I am cornholio! 277 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,485 Argh! 278 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,492 Get the hell out of the cockpit! 279 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,828 - You said... - Now! 280 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,310 Woman: There's the key note. 281 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,461 Woman: Welcome to Las Vegas. 282 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,339 Shuttle service to downtown hotels and casinos... 283 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,091 This is Las Vegas? 284 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:13,676 Yeah, yeah. 285 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,304 I thought there'd be, like, casinos and lights and stuff. 286 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,681 This isn't very good. 287 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,048 Woman: Attention, please. Flight 726... 288 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,394 Hey, butt-head, why is that guy holding a sign? 289 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:26,230 Uh... maybe he's blind. 290 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:28,816 Check this out. 291 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,364 Ah... 292 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:36,866 Excuse me. 293 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,428 You guys wouldn't know where I could find these guys, would you? 294 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:49,920 - Bee-ay... bee-ayve? - Buh... boo... 295 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,214 Boot? Someone named boot? 296 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,051 This says, "beavis." 297 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,386 And, "boot-head." 298 00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:00,264 Uh, that's, "butt-head." 299 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,433 Don't you get it, beavis? 300 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,352 These dudes have the same name as us. 301 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,687 Whoa, really? We should party. 302 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,774 This way, sirs. 303 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,485 So, where are those guys? 304 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,738 Where the hell is he? 305 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,573 You sure this is the right place? 306 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,791 - You muddy? - What are you, the cops? 307 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:31,295 No. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife. 308 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,422 What? Take care of... 309 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,051 What the hell are you talking about? Who were those other two clowns? 310 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,847 God damn it! She did it to me again! 311 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,684 I'm gonna go to Vegas and I'm gonna kill all three of them! 312 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,395 Hey, I noticed your tvwas broken. 313 00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,688 You wanna buy a new one? 314 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,820 Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap. 315 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,113 Yeah, really, man. 316 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,907 We gotta start stealing from rich people. 317 00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:12,665 I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. 318 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,835 We didn't realize you were registered guests. 319 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:18,087 If there's anything we can do to... 320 00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:21,048 Damn it. This thing is stuck. 321 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:24,677 - Sir, it's attached to the... - You dumb-ass, let me try. 322 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,513 Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. 323 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,770 Uh... could you, like, not stand there and stuff? 324 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:41,235 - Some people are dumb. - Yeah, really. 325 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,449 Uh... check it out, beavis. 326 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,201 I wonder where this goes. 327 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,163 Uh... 328 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,958 Whoa, I think I hear a chick. 329 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,711 Really? Cool. Neat. 330 00:23:01,922 --> 00:23:03,465 All right, who are you? 331 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:07,177 - CIA, FBI, atf? - Hey, butt-head, it's her! 332 00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:08,971 - Whoa. - Yeah. 333 00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:11,557 Hey, baby. 334 00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,977 Are we, like, gonna do it? 335 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:16,896 You got two seconds. 336 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,774 Is that gonna be enough time? 337 00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:22,234 Who sent you? 338 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:26,155 This drunk dude. He said he was gonna pay us to do you. 339 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,239 Yeah, yeah. 340 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,700 Muddy. Son of a bitch. 341 00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:32,536 Hold it. What's he paying you? 342 00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:36,707 - Ten... - Ten grand? 343 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:39,043 Oh, that cheap ass. 344 00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:40,604 All right, I got a better deal for you. 345 00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:41,629 I'll double it. 346 00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:43,592 I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him. 347 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,926 Uh, you want us to do a guy? 348 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,011 No way. 349 00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:51,972 I don't know, butt-head. That is a lot of money. 350 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,350 Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick. 351 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,566 Dallas: Damn. 352 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,401 You two wait right there. 353 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,907 - I'm ready for love. - Yeah. 354 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:12,159 I don't believe this. 355 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:23,963 Yeah, Las Vegas. 356 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,382 Give me the number for dream america tours. 357 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,549 Right. 358 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:34,223 Yeah. You got a bus leaving today? Where's it going? 359 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,933 Washington, DC. 360 00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:40,229 Five minutes? Perfect. Give me two tickets. 361 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:42,147 No way, butt-head, you always go first. 362 00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,108 Damn it, beavis, we've never done this before. 363 00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:48,696 Oh. Uh... 364 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:51,573 Wanna, you know... 365 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:54,827 Do it? Yeah, we're finally gonna score! 366 00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:56,328 Do it? 367 00:24:57,037 --> 00:25:00,791 You guys wanna score? 368 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,167 Butt-head: Damn it. 369 00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,045 Cut it out! 370 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:06,422 You wait here. 371 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:08,007 - Bunghole. - Damn it. 372 00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,825 No, no, no! 373 00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:41,290 Ah! Ah! Ah! 374 00:25:41,999 --> 00:25:44,043 - Ah! - Don't wear yourselves out, boys. 375 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,503 Save some energy for me. 376 00:25:47,171 --> 00:25:49,214 Uh... 377 00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:54,762 This is it, beavis. We're finally gonna score. 378 00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,097 Thank god. 379 00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,683 Oh, yeah. We're gonna do it, all right. 380 00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:04,063 Oh, yeah. 381 00:26:04,438 --> 00:26:05,731 Boys. 382 00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:07,232 Boys. 383 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:08,692 Boys! 384 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,447 First, you have to do a little job for me. 385 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,283 Would you like to do a little job for me? 386 00:26:16,784 --> 00:26:17,951 Here's what it is. 387 00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,663 I want you to take the bus to Washington, DC. 388 00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:22,748 That's all. 389 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:26,585 And when you get there, I'll be waiting. 390 00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:29,338 You're gonna make a whole lot of money 391 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,507 and I'm gonna give you everything. 392 00:26:35,719 --> 00:26:39,306 Until then, keep your pants on. 393 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:43,560 Now your bus is downstairs waiting, so get going. 394 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,278 Let's go! Let's go! 395 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:54,655 On three! 396 00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:59,743 - This is gonna be cool. - Oh, yeah. 397 00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:10,712 Get out of there, beavis. I want the window. 398 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:14,133 - No way, butt-hole! - Why don't you take turns? 399 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:18,178 Hey, butt-head, check it out. It's that slut from the plane. 400 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:21,473 Oh, why, it's you two. 401 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:23,809 How'd you do in Las Vegas? 402 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:28,981 - We didn't score, yet. - Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that. 403 00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,275 Me, I took a beating. 404 00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:33,110 Cool. 405 00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:37,322 So that's why I'm bussing it across america. 406 00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:39,491 I'm so glad you're here. 407 00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:43,078 Jim, Jim. I want you to meet two nice boys. 408 00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:44,329 What? Oh. 409 00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:48,458 This is Travis and Bob. And, what's your last name, dear? 410 00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:50,335 Head. 411 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,754 My first name's butt. 412 00:27:59,136 --> 00:28:00,971 Agent Flemming, atf. 413 00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:03,348 So, are you gonna tell us where it is, 414 00:28:03,432 --> 00:28:05,352 or am I gonna have to have agent hurly over there 415 00:28:05,392 --> 00:28:06,810 give you another cavity search? 416 00:28:07,311 --> 00:28:08,478 Dallas: Mmm. 417 00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:09,813 Is that a promise? 418 00:28:09,897 --> 00:28:12,482 Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. 419 00:28:12,566 --> 00:28:13,650 Tell her, bork. 420 00:28:13,734 --> 00:28:16,320 Dallas grimes, married to muddy grimes. 421 00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,447 You run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring. 422 00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:23,785 Hm. You got my bad side. 423 00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:25,329 Three days ago, you pulled a job 424 00:28:25,412 --> 00:28:28,123 at the army research facility in Hadley, Nevada, 425 00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:30,417 where you stole the x-5 unit. 426 00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:32,770 Now we happen to know you had the unit with you 427 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:33,837 when you checked in here. 428 00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:37,132 So why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is? 429 00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:38,800 You gonna charge me with anything? 430 00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:41,720 I didn't think so. 431 00:28:42,179 --> 00:28:43,263 You wanna let me go now, 432 00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:45,933 or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest? 433 00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:48,393 We got nothing, chief. We tore the place apart. 434 00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,938 We can only legally hold her for another couple of hours. 435 00:28:51,021 --> 00:28:52,981 Damn it. Cut her loose. 436 00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:55,192 Where's that damn unit? 437 00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:01,990 - We're in Washington. - Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score now. 438 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:06,078 Old woman: Actually, son, we're at the hoover dam. 439 00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:08,914 Butt-head: No, no. We're in Washington! 440 00:29:08,997 --> 00:29:10,123 Beavis: Yeah. 441 00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:12,376 Butt-head: We're gonna score now! 442 00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:17,464 Over 40,000 tons of concrete 443 00:29:17,547 --> 00:29:19,925 were used in the construction of the hoover dam. 444 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,844 From top to bottom, the dam is 51 stories. 445 00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:24,614 - Beavis: That's something. - It has a maximum capacity 446 00:29:24,638 --> 00:29:27,307 for generating 2.074 megawatts of electricity. 447 00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:28,392 Wow. Really? 448 00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:31,395 But on the average, it generates about 25% of that. 449 00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,647 - Man: I'll be damned. - Now, can anybody tell me 450 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:36,233 how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas? 451 00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,277 Yeah, I just have a question. 452 00:29:38,735 --> 00:29:40,404 Is this a god dam? 453 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,741 You know, god damn. You know? 454 00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:47,509 Tour guide: If you'll follow me this way. 455 00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:50,539 Butt-head: This is dumb. Let's go find that chick. 456 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,416 Yeah. Yeah, enough of this crap. 457 00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:55,585 Whoa, check it out, butt-head. TV. 458 00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:57,421 Cool. 459 00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:02,509 I gotta hit the head. Can you get me some coffee? 460 00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:03,719 All right. 461 00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:08,473 Talk to me, bork. 462 00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:11,059 Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers 463 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:13,520 leaving Dallas's room shortly before we arrived. 464 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:15,605 Did you give him a full cavity search? 465 00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:18,275 Uh... the witness? 466 00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:20,819 Yes. You can never be too careful, bork. 467 00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:23,238 Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. 468 00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:26,325 You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. 469 00:30:26,408 --> 00:30:27,826 Here. Have a look. 470 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:29,536 Chief: What the hell? 471 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:31,580 Bork: They look like a couple of kids, chief. 472 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:34,624 Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? 473 00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:36,501 Don't you read the papers? 474 00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:37,586 What the... 475 00:30:39,629 --> 00:30:40,922 Damn it. 476 00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:43,508 All they have is these shows about water. 477 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:46,595 Yeah, really. They need some shows about fire. 478 00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:50,140 What are you doing, beavis? 479 00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,933 Something's wrong with my butt. 480 00:30:52,893 --> 00:30:54,519 - Your butt sucks. - Yeah. 481 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,981 Hey, how come there's no sound? 482 00:30:59,316 --> 00:31:00,817 I'll fix it. 483 00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:04,112 Butt-head: Uh... 484 00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:11,036 Yeah, yeah! There you go. Louder! Louder! 485 00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:13,205 Hm. Uh... 486 00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:19,419 Uh... master... 487 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:22,923 Masturbation? 488 00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:38,188 You know, I'll tell you what. It doesn't get any better than this. 489 00:31:38,271 --> 00:31:42,025 This here is god's country. Unspoiled... 490 00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:47,447 I think I found the remote. 491 00:31:51,451 --> 00:31:53,286 What the hell's going on? 492 00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:00,752 Man: Blackjack. 493 00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:02,921 I swear, that's all I know. 494 00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:06,174 They got on the tour bus. It was probably heading west. 495 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:09,636 - Please. - I'm gonna kill them! 496 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,016 - That was boring. - Yeah, yeah. 497 00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:17,853 Just the same thing, over and over again. 498 00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,022 Wait a minute. 499 00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:23,108 We can't leave Washington till we find that chick. 500 00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:26,236 Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. 501 00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:28,738 This is the hoover dam. 502 00:32:29,573 --> 00:32:31,741 Dam? I'll be damned. 503 00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:40,292 You boys better show up. 504 00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:48,425 - Do you see what I see, bork? - I see it. I just don't get it. 505 00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:50,385 You got half the state looking for you. 506 00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,928 How do you get away? 507 00:32:52,012 --> 00:32:54,514 - Cut the power. - Damn right. 508 00:32:54,598 --> 00:32:56,850 Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. 509 00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:58,351 My opinion, terrorists. 510 00:32:58,435 --> 00:33:00,187 What's the scoop on that stolen unit? 511 00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:03,064 Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. 512 00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:07,527 The x-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon, 513 00:33:07,611 --> 00:33:11,406 a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. 514 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,201 It could wipe out five states in five days. 515 00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:15,636 Here's what happened when it was tested 516 00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:17,579 on a group of army recruits. 517 00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:20,665 Look at these guys, chief. 518 00:33:20,749 --> 00:33:23,543 This thing is a veritable doomsday device. 519 00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:28,340 Jesus jumped-up Christ, if this were to fall into the wrong hands... 520 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,426 It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. 521 00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,345 It has a flaw, the casing. 522 00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:34,947 If hit hard enough it could break open, 523 00:33:34,971 --> 00:33:36,431 releasing the virus. 524 00:33:36,598 --> 00:33:38,183 Okay, people, as of right now, 525 00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,685 these are the most dangerous men in america. 526 00:33:40,769 --> 00:33:43,146 I want these faces in front of every fed and two-bit sheriff 527 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:44,564 within 1,000 miles. 528 00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:47,275 The orders are dead or alive. 529 00:33:47,901 --> 00:33:50,737 Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit. 530 00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,031 Ow. Cut it out, butt-head. 531 00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:55,617 Get out of the way, beavis. I wanna sit by the window. 532 00:33:56,243 --> 00:33:57,661 Okay, people. 533 00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,746 Next stop, Grand Canyon. 534 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,819 It's like it's coming out of its ass, 535 00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:34,823 but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass. 536 00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:38,577 It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. 537 00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:39,703 Yeah. 538 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:29,169 There are over 200 active geysers in yellowstone park. 539 00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:32,339 Old faithful here is one of the largest. 540 00:35:32,672 --> 00:35:37,344 During an eruption, the water can reach as high as 200 feet. 541 00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:42,641 The geyser shoots out 542 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:45,685 over 12,000 gallons of water 543 00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:47,145 in a single eruption. 544 00:35:47,270 --> 00:35:50,523 - That's not that much, really. - Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. 545 00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:55,570 If you'll just step over here, the geyser is seconds away from... 546 00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:04,663 - Oh, it's incredible. - Oh, oh, yeah. 547 00:36:04,746 --> 00:36:06,289 Now, that's amazing. 548 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:08,208 It's incredible. 549 00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:11,628 That's amazing. 550 00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:30,146 Can't wait forever. 551 00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:35,527 Damn kids. No respect. 552 00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:38,113 Don't appreciate anything. 553 00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,823 Oh, my god! 554 00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:42,117 Wait! Stop! 555 00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:43,535 Darn it. 556 00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:46,538 Get me the police. 557 00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:51,543 This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. 558 00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:56,131 Chief, we got them. 559 00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:59,718 They're on a senior citizens' tour bus going south on highway 89. 560 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:04,097 - Yeah, that was great. - Yeah. 561 00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:13,273 Is this the right bus? 562 00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:22,741 Hey, beavis, we're on a bus with chicks. 563 00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,244 Hey, baby. 564 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,290 Woman: You be careful. 565 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:31,833 They're not on the bus. 566 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,752 These people know something. 567 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,587 I want full cavity searches. 568 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:38,006 Everyone. Go deep on them. 569 00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:39,299 Agent hurly. 570 00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:41,801 Itell you, bork, these guys are smart. 571 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,052 Damn smart. 572 00:37:43,136 --> 00:37:44,971 They're probably 100 miles away by now. 573 00:37:55,648 --> 00:37:57,317 Hey, butt-head, this book kicks ass. 574 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,111 There's this talking snake, and a naked chick, 575 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,995 and then this dude puts a leaf on his schlong. 576 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,449 Cool. 577 00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,569 Check it out, butt-head, porta-potties. 578 00:38:41,903 --> 00:38:43,071 Cool. 579 00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:45,657 I gotta take a dump. 580 00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:52,080 Butt-head: Uh, where's the toilet? 581 00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:01,714 Forgive me, father. I've sinned. 582 00:39:01,798 --> 00:39:05,552 - I slept with a woman, and... - Butt-head: Really? 583 00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:08,054 Was she naked? 584 00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,306 Well, yes, father. 585 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:12,183 - Please forgive me, I... - Cool. 586 00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:15,770 Could you, like, see her boobs? 587 00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:21,192 I'm sorry. How many hail Marys? 588 00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:24,821 Beavis: 1,000. And I want you to hit yourself, right now. 589 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,241 - Uh, now? - Yeah. Do it. 590 00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:30,785 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder. - Ow! 591 00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:32,036 Do it again. 592 00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,842 Man: Welcome to the petrified forest. 593 00:39:45,925 --> 00:39:48,970 The world's largest site of petrified wood. 594 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:52,932 Wood. 595 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:57,437 You may wonder, "how can wood get so hard?" 596 00:39:59,856 --> 00:40:03,985 Well, the wood became hard over two million years ago. 597 00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:24,172 Wood. 598 00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:29,302 Hey, where'd those chicks go? 599 00:40:29,385 --> 00:40:31,512 I think you scared them off. 600 00:40:32,305 --> 00:40:34,599 This sucks. What are we doing here? 601 00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,685 Uh... I don't know. 602 00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:42,941 Uh... do you know where Washington is? 603 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:46,194 Yeah. About 2,000 miles that way. 604 00:40:46,319 --> 00:40:47,320 Cool. 605 00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:48,404 Thanks. 606 00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:57,121 Didn't see which way they went. Didn't see their vehicle. 607 00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:59,123 I don't suppose you tried to stop them? 608 00:40:59,207 --> 00:41:02,377 The most dangerous guys in america? No, thank you. 609 00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,711 I make $9.00 an hour. 610 00:41:04,003 --> 00:41:07,423 National security is the responsibility of every American. 611 00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,592 - Bork. - Cavity search? 612 00:41:09,676 --> 00:41:11,219 Deep and hard. 613 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,805 - Agent hurly. - They're not gonna get away this time. 614 00:41:13,888 --> 00:41:17,350 I want roadblocks, every road out of here for 200 miles. 615 00:41:30,196 --> 00:41:33,032 Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff. 616 00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,660 This desert is stupid. 617 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:38,413 They need to put a drinking fountain out here. 618 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,915 Yeah, yeah. Or, like, a 7-Eleven or something. 619 00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:49,340 Something wrong, officer? 620 00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:51,467 Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives. 621 00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:53,803 Well, I'll be danged. 622 00:41:53,886 --> 00:41:57,015 That's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper. 623 00:41:57,265 --> 00:41:59,559 - You saw these two? - I sure did. 624 00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:03,062 Boy, I never seen two kids do so much damned whacking. 625 00:42:03,146 --> 00:42:05,565 Blue den, this is post nine. I have positive ID. 626 00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:07,626 Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, 627 00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:08,651 I tell you what. 628 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:10,045 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife 629 00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:11,154 to step out of the vehicle. 630 00:42:11,237 --> 00:42:13,448 Well, now, wait a minute. Me and the missus here 631 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:16,659 - are on our way to Washington, DC... - Now! 632 00:42:18,911 --> 00:42:20,163 Now, wait right there. 633 00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:22,999 You're dealing with a veteran of two foreign wars. 634 00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:24,917 They're the ones been whacking. 635 00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:28,296 If I find anything broken in there, you and I are gonna tangle. 636 00:42:30,757 --> 00:42:33,259 - God damn it! - Masturbating in a man's camper. 637 00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:35,762 We're dealing with two sick individuals. 638 00:42:35,845 --> 00:42:39,098 I want that camper torn apart. Full cavity searches all around. 639 00:42:39,182 --> 00:42:40,349 Tom: You can't do this. 640 00:42:40,433 --> 00:42:42,810 Something tells me he could be involved. 641 00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:44,979 What in the hell? Now, waitjust a minute here. 642 00:42:45,063 --> 00:42:46,481 Chief, just came in. 643 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,733 Two days ago, express ainnays had a disturbance 644 00:42:48,816 --> 00:42:52,445 by someone calling himself cornholio. 645 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:54,489 Guess who matches the description? 646 00:42:55,656 --> 00:42:57,492 Finally, a real break. 647 00:42:57,575 --> 00:43:01,079 Get me that flight's point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass. 648 00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:17,011 Hey, one of you bastards got a match? 649 00:43:17,553 --> 00:43:19,472 Uh. Yeah. 650 00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:23,309 My butt and your... butt. 651 00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,949 And here's a song that might help you cope 652 00:43:38,032 --> 00:43:40,368 with some of those feelings, okay? 653 00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:42,578 It's called lesbian seagull. 654 00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:47,083 She files so gracefully 655 00:43:47,166 --> 00:43:50,128 over rocks, trees and sand 656 00:43:52,088 --> 00:43:53,506 soaring over cliffs 657 00:43:53,589 --> 00:43:57,510 and gently floating down to land 658 00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:03,516 she proudly lifts her voice to sound the mating call 659 00:44:05,434 --> 00:44:07,937 and soon her mate responds 660 00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:11,524 by singing, "caw caw caw" 661 00:44:12,108 --> 00:44:14,485 come with me 662 00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:17,071 lesbian seagull 663 00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:22,910 settle down and rest with me 664 00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:28,040 fly high, lesbian seagull 665 00:44:29,083 --> 00:44:30,418 oh, oh. Oh, my god. 666 00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:34,463 That's him! He's their teacher. Yeah. 667 00:44:34,630 --> 00:44:36,841 Ah, what's going on here? 668 00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:38,676 I'll ask the questions. 669 00:44:38,759 --> 00:44:40,178 Are these your students? 670 00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:42,847 I assume you're a government agent. 671 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:45,850 I would think you would know there's something in this country 672 00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:48,269 called due process, okay? 673 00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:50,479 That's about the kind of talk I'd expect from the guy 674 00:44:50,563 --> 00:44:51,981 who taught these two. 675 00:44:52,064 --> 00:44:53,357 Take this scum away. 676 00:44:53,441 --> 00:44:56,861 I believe I'm supposed to be read my Miranda rights. 677 00:44:56,986 --> 00:44:58,863 Now, if... 678 00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:01,240 I always knew they were no good. 679 00:45:01,908 --> 00:45:03,993 - I hate... - Shut up. 680 00:45:04,076 --> 00:45:06,537 You've been harboring two criminal masterminds. 681 00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:11,292 Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in? 682 00:45:11,375 --> 00:45:13,294 Bork, you are a federal agent. 683 00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:15,630 You represent the United States government. 684 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:18,382 Never end a sentence with a preposition. 685 00:45:18,507 --> 00:45:19,592 Oh. Ah... 686 00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:23,471 You know that guy in whose camper they... 687 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:27,516 I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? 688 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,143 That's better. Yes? 689 00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:31,812 We've run a sample through the national criminal sperm bank 690 00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:35,191 and come up with two possible genetic matches for a father. 691 00:45:35,274 --> 00:45:38,694 Former motley crtie roadies turned drifters. 692 00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:43,783 - You were a roadie for motley crtie? - Yep. 693 00:45:47,954 --> 00:45:50,164 Hah! Fire. 694 00:45:50,748 --> 00:45:52,667 Here's another true story. 695 00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:54,919 About 15 years ago we stopped 696 00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:58,256 in this toilet called highland. 697 00:45:58,339 --> 00:46:00,758 Really? That's where we're from. 698 00:46:00,841 --> 00:46:03,844 Well, then you know what I'm talking about. 699 00:46:03,928 --> 00:46:05,972 Anyway, here's the story. 700 00:46:06,222 --> 00:46:08,015 I scored with these two chicks. 701 00:46:08,099 --> 00:46:10,685 - True story. - Yeah, me, too. 702 00:46:10,768 --> 00:46:13,145 You scored with two chicks? 703 00:46:13,229 --> 00:46:15,398 Yeah. They were sluts. 704 00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:23,155 - Ow! - Shut up, dumb-ass! You didn't score. 705 00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:24,949 I scored with both of them. 706 00:46:25,908 --> 00:46:29,870 Uh... do you think these two sluts still live in highland? 707 00:46:30,413 --> 00:46:32,164 That would be cool. 708 00:46:32,915 --> 00:46:36,419 Hey, you want to see something really cool? 709 00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:48,681 Beavis: Fire! 710 00:47:03,154 --> 00:47:04,655 Where'd those guys go? 711 00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:11,954 Are we almost there yet? 712 00:47:13,414 --> 00:47:16,917 Probably, like, another five minutes or something. 713 00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:37,104 The sun sucks. 714 00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,023 Yeah. 715 00:47:39,565 --> 00:47:41,192 Cut it out, butt-hole. 716 00:47:43,903 --> 00:47:45,446 Hey, butt-head, 717 00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:49,075 isn't there supposed to be, like, water in cactuses? 718 00:47:59,585 --> 00:48:01,087 Hey, beavis, 719 00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:03,798 check it out. 720 00:48:10,137 --> 00:48:12,723 Well, no, I can't say that I've seen them, officer. 721 00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:14,892 I sure hope it's safe to drive around here. 722 00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:17,019 Don't worry, sir. Just stick to the main roads. 723 00:48:17,103 --> 00:48:19,503 If they're around, they're probably hiding out in the desert. 724 00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:22,191 Well, that's good to know, officer. Yeah. 725 00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:33,119 Hey, butt-head, are we gonna die? 726 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:37,748 Uh... probably. 727 00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:42,253 Whoa, I think my life is, like, 728 00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:44,505 flashing in front of my eyes. 729 00:48:57,601 --> 00:48:58,602 Whoa. 730 00:48:59,270 --> 00:49:01,355 My life was cool. 731 00:49:03,149 --> 00:49:04,525 Oh, yeah. 732 00:49:05,568 --> 00:49:06,735 Wait a minute. 733 00:49:07,987 --> 00:49:10,364 I think I'm seeing something, too. 734 00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:12,950 It's, like, a really long time ago. 735 00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,578 Yeah. Yeah, this is gonna be cool. 736 00:49:18,873 --> 00:49:20,624 Hey, how's it going? 737 00:49:22,418 --> 00:49:23,878 Argh! 738 00:49:27,756 --> 00:49:28,841 Yeah. 739 00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:30,509 I scored. 740 00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:35,264 Hey, butt-head. I'm starting to feel weird. 741 00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,391 I think I'm freaking out. 742 00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,810 Uh... okay. 743 00:49:39,894 --> 00:49:41,270 Whoa, this is cool. 744 00:49:41,937 --> 00:49:44,732 It's like, it's like everything looks all weird and... 745 00:49:47,109 --> 00:49:49,445 It's like there's all these weird shapes, 746 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:53,574 and it's sort of like, it's like a... It's like a music video. 747 00:49:55,367 --> 00:49:57,536 What are you doing, butt-head? Stop it! 748 00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:59,872 You're freaking me out! Cut it out! 749 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,291 What's going on? 750 00:50:13,552 --> 00:50:15,513 There's a problem here. 751 00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:23,896 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 752 00:50:24,563 --> 00:50:26,565 Fire, fire, fire. 753 00:51:39,888 --> 00:51:41,557 I'm all wet. 754 00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:45,269 Cool. Yeah. Water. 755 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,355 I'm gonna enjoy this. 756 00:51:49,023 --> 00:51:51,400 Any last words before I kill you? 757 00:51:53,777 --> 00:51:55,404 I have a couple. 758 00:51:56,030 --> 00:52:00,034 - Butt cheeks. - Yeah, yeah. And boobs. 759 00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,329 I just wanna say that again. Boobs. 760 00:52:03,412 --> 00:52:05,998 I'm gonna blow you both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do! 761 00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:07,416 Cool. 762 00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:10,294 Whoa. Hey, beavis, 763 00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:13,088 that's that dude that's paying us to do his wife. 764 00:52:13,589 --> 00:52:14,840 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 765 00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:17,509 Can you just take us to Washington? 766 00:52:17,593 --> 00:52:19,678 We're gonna meet her there and, you know... 767 00:52:20,596 --> 00:52:22,014 Washington? 768 00:52:22,097 --> 00:52:23,766 That's where she's gonna meet up with you? 769 00:52:24,391 --> 00:52:27,102 You know, I just might need you boys, after all. 770 00:52:27,186 --> 00:52:29,897 All right, get in the trunk. Both of you. Now! 771 00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,071 Butt-head: Boy, it sure is hard to score. 772 00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:39,031 Beavis: Yeah, really. 773 00:52:50,334 --> 00:52:52,378 Hey, butt-head, check it out. 774 00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:53,796 A Jack. 775 00:53:02,179 --> 00:53:04,348 1 meta magic man 776 00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:06,850 who had a daughter 777 00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:09,103 she learned her lessons well 778 00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:11,271 but still I taught her 779 00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:12,648 beavis: Jack. 780 00:53:15,234 --> 00:53:16,318 As lambs to slaughter 781 00:53:16,402 --> 00:53:18,612 we shared forbidden fruits 782 00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,948 and things I brought her 783 00:53:21,323 --> 00:53:24,576 you may say I'm a miracle mannequin 784 00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:27,413 hey, beavis, check it out. 785 00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:29,373 I'm jacking off. 786 00:53:34,002 --> 00:53:35,421 Yeah. 787 00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:39,425 Let's get out of here. 788 00:53:44,263 --> 00:53:46,098 You go first, beavis. 789 00:53:47,683 --> 00:53:48,726 I don't know, butt-head. 790 00:53:48,809 --> 00:53:51,186 That road's, like, moving pretty fast and stuff. 791 00:53:51,270 --> 00:53:52,271 Come on, beavis. 792 00:53:52,354 --> 00:53:54,898 Just start running really fast as soon as you hit the ground. 793 00:53:54,982 --> 00:53:56,984 - It'll work. - No way. You go. 794 00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,485 Don't be a wuss, beavis. 795 00:54:13,625 --> 00:54:15,002 That was cool. 796 00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:27,765 Boy, what I wouldn't give for five minutes alone 797 00:54:27,848 --> 00:54:29,433 with them two little bastards. 798 00:54:29,683 --> 00:54:31,101 Argh! 799 00:54:48,118 --> 00:54:50,329 Paramedic: I need a trauma box over here right now! 800 00:54:50,412 --> 00:54:53,248 Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. 801 00:54:53,332 --> 00:54:55,125 Authorities are calling this 802 00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:58,420 the worst highway disaster in the nation's history. 803 00:54:58,504 --> 00:55:02,257 Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck. 804 00:55:02,341 --> 00:55:03,902 - Chief, look. - No one knows what caused it, 805 00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:07,596 - but police have not ruled out... - Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher. 806 00:55:07,888 --> 00:55:10,224 Where did these guys come from? 807 00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:11,934 The question is, where are they going? 808 00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:16,522 In other news, g-pac is set to begin at 2:00 p. M. Tomorrow 809 00:55:16,605 --> 00:55:18,365 when representatives from around the world... 810 00:55:18,398 --> 00:55:20,238 - What the hell? - Will meet in Washington... 811 00:55:20,359 --> 00:55:23,570 Bork, that bus we picked up, where was it heading? 812 00:55:24,112 --> 00:55:26,698 - DC, chief. - Jesus jumped-up... 813 00:55:26,782 --> 00:55:28,659 Bork, can you imagine what would happen 814 00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:30,994 if they set that thing off in our nation's capital? 815 00:55:31,078 --> 00:55:32,162 Or even worse, 816 00:55:32,246 --> 00:55:34,957 if they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? 817 00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:36,360 Well, that's not going to happen. 818 00:55:40,087 --> 00:55:43,173 Whoa. This kicks ass. 819 00:55:43,257 --> 00:55:44,383 Yeah. 820 00:55:45,259 --> 00:55:47,219 Old woman: Travis and Bob head! 821 00:55:47,302 --> 00:55:48,762 Hello! 822 00:55:48,929 --> 00:55:50,389 Hey, butt-head, it's that chick. 823 00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:53,308 Oh, yeah. Cool. 824 00:55:53,392 --> 00:55:56,562 Maybe they can take us to Washington and we can finally score. 825 00:55:56,645 --> 00:55:57,771 Yeah. 826 00:55:58,772 --> 00:56:00,566 Isn't Seattle in Washington? 827 00:56:02,067 --> 00:56:05,070 - Yep. It sure is. - Cool. 828 00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:08,198 'Cause I was thinking after we score, maybe we could go see hole. 829 00:56:10,158 --> 00:56:11,535 Hole. 830 00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,952 Expecting somebody? 831 00:56:54,578 --> 00:56:57,497 Well, well. Look at this. 832 00:56:57,581 --> 00:56:59,541 The love of my life. 833 00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:02,836 Where have you been? 834 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,964 Honey, I was gonna split it with you after I sold it. 835 00:57:06,048 --> 00:57:07,609 Right down the middle, I swear. I just... 836 00:57:07,633 --> 00:57:08,634 Sure you were. 837 00:57:08,717 --> 00:57:11,345 But now you don't have to go to all that bother, do you? 838 00:57:11,678 --> 00:57:12,971 Come on, muddy. 839 00:57:13,055 --> 00:57:14,681 What do you say we just forget about it 840 00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:16,767 and go get a room like old times? 841 00:57:16,850 --> 00:57:18,435 I don't think so. 842 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:19,686 Where is it? 843 00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:23,023 Woman: All senators are requested for a vote. 844 00:57:23,106 --> 00:57:25,901 All senators are requested for a vote. 845 00:57:26,068 --> 00:57:27,611 Can I help you? 846 00:57:28,070 --> 00:57:30,364 - We're looking for Washington. - Yeah, yeah. 847 00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:32,991 We're gonna meet this chick with really big Hooters. 848 00:57:33,075 --> 00:57:35,327 Sirs, you are in Washington. 849 00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,912 Really? Well, where is she? 850 00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:41,458 Could you, like, make an announcement that we're ready to score? 851 00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,045 Just a moment. 852 00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:47,589 Hello? How may I help you? 853 00:57:51,802 --> 00:57:53,303 Attention. 854 00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:55,239 Butt-head: Attention. 855 00:57:55,263 --> 00:57:58,016 We 're looking for the chick with big boobs. 856 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:00,978 Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We are ready to do you now. 857 00:58:08,694 --> 00:58:11,530 I guess you forget who you're dealing with, honey. 858 00:58:11,613 --> 00:58:14,533 You see, I got your mules right here in my trunk... 859 00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:17,828 Damn! Damn! 860 00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:19,454 I am gonna kill them! 861 00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:21,581 No, honey. 862 00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:23,291 We're gonna kill them. 863 00:58:25,502 --> 00:58:27,421 Driver: Next stop, white house. 864 00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:35,262 Hey, wait a minute. What's going on? 865 00:58:35,345 --> 00:58:36,763 Why are we getting back on the bus? 866 00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:38,682 It's time to go, son. 867 00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:41,476 We can't leave. We never met that chick. 868 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:44,146 Damn it. We were supposed to get some. 869 00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:47,649 - Settle down, beavis. - No! I won't settle down. 870 00:58:47,774 --> 00:58:50,819 Not this time. Damn it, this always happens. 871 00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:53,280 I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. 872 00:58:53,363 --> 00:58:54,656 It's not fair. 873 00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:57,367 We've traveled, ah, ah, 100 miles 874 00:58:57,451 --> 00:58:59,036 'cause we thought we were gonna score. 875 00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:01,079 But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it! 876 00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:03,707 - Hey, buddy, sit down. - Shut up, ass-wipe! 877 00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:06,835 I'm sick and tired of this. We're never gonna score. 878 00:59:06,918 --> 00:59:08,336 It's just not gonna happen. 879 00:59:08,420 --> 00:59:10,255 We're just gonna get old like these people, 880 00:59:10,338 --> 00:59:13,508 - but they've probably scored. - Hey, I'm warning you. Sit down! 881 00:59:13,592 --> 00:59:15,510 It's, like, this chick's a slut. 882 00:59:15,594 --> 00:59:17,137 And look at this guy, he's old, 883 00:59:17,220 --> 00:59:18,889 but he's probably scored a million times. 884 00:59:18,972 --> 00:59:20,724 - Oh, yeah. - But not us. 885 00:59:20,807 --> 00:59:22,350 You know, we're never gonna score. 886 00:59:22,434 --> 00:59:24,519 We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! 887 00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:26,104 All right, that's it, numbnuts! 888 00:59:28,398 --> 00:59:30,734 Driver: Once more and I'll... Beavis: Kick your ass. 889 00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,365 Well, look what we have here. 890 00:59:37,449 --> 00:59:40,619 You two make me sick. Book them, bork. 891 00:59:40,744 --> 00:59:42,829 You don't have anything on us and you know it. 892 00:59:42,954 --> 00:59:45,248 Oh, I don't, huh? How about lewd conduct? 893 00:59:45,373 --> 00:59:47,084 Maybe indecent exposure. 894 00:59:47,167 --> 00:59:48,668 Here's what's gonna happen. 895 00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:51,171 One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit. 896 00:59:51,254 --> 00:59:54,257 The other can spend the next 60 years in jail. 897 00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:56,093 That's where you're wrong, boy. 898 00:59:56,176 --> 00:59:58,386 Me and my wife are back together, and you will never... 899 00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:01,348 He stole the unit. He said he put it in some kid's pants. 900 01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:05,894 Why, you damn little four-legged... Hey, take it easy! 901 01:00:05,977 --> 01:00:07,729 I'm gonna rip your... 902 01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:15,112 Now, Travis, it doesn't do a body good to get all worked up. 903 01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:18,907 Here, this should help you relax. 904 01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:22,410 Does that say Xanax? 905 01:00:24,204 --> 01:00:27,332 Yeah. Yeah, probably. I don't know. 906 01:00:34,172 --> 01:00:37,259 What else you got in there? Give me that thing. 907 01:00:45,809 --> 01:00:48,478 Okay, boys and girls, our suspects are on a tour bus 908 01:00:48,562 --> 01:00:51,940 we believe to be heading for... The white house? 909 01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:54,234 Jumping Jesus. 910 01:00:54,401 --> 01:00:56,945 I want everyone there. Our people, locals. 911 01:00:57,028 --> 01:01:00,157 Orders are shoot to kill. Repeat, shoot to kill. 912 01:01:07,998 --> 01:01:09,166 Ah! 913 01:01:20,969 --> 01:01:22,095 Yeah, yeah. 914 01:01:22,512 --> 01:01:25,473 You know what's really cool? Hey, butt-head. Hey, butt-head. 915 01:01:25,557 --> 01:01:26,683 Shut up, beavis. 916 01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:37,545 - Hey, butt-head. Hey, butt-head. - And I'll be your tour guide. 917 01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:40,697 In case you don't know, you've come on a very special day. 918 01:01:40,780 --> 01:01:44,242 Gathered at the white house today for an historic global conference 919 01:01:44,326 --> 01:01:47,162 called give peace a chance, or g-pac, 920 01:01:47,245 --> 01:01:49,873 are representatives from around the world. 921 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:53,585 This is the east room. 922 01:01:53,668 --> 01:01:55,921 Many of the portraits you see were saved 923 01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:57,964 from the fire set by the British in 1814. 924 01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,841 Fire! 925 01:02:00,508 --> 01:02:02,677 What's your problem, beavis? 926 01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:05,549 The site for the white house 927 01:02:05,597 --> 01:02:08,600 was chosen by president Washington and Pierre I'enfant. 928 01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:12,145 L'enfantata. L'enfantata titicaca for my bunghole. 929 01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,647 - Bunghole. - Sir? 930 01:02:14,522 --> 01:02:17,651 - Sir, are you okay? - Are you threatening me? 931 01:02:17,734 --> 01:02:19,236 I am cornholio! 932 01:02:19,945 --> 01:02:21,029 Okay. 933 01:02:21,154 --> 01:02:25,242 Ah, sir, maybe you should wait out in the lobby? 934 01:02:26,243 --> 01:02:28,745 Okay. In this lobby. 935 01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:32,457 Will there be tp for my bunghole? 936 01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:35,377 - I am cornholio! - The room was originally designed... 937 01:02:41,508 --> 01:02:44,261 Boy, where are you when we need you, ike? 938 01:02:44,886 --> 01:02:46,096 I tell you what, honey, 939 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:49,349 even with all we've been through, it don't change a thing. 940 01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:51,601 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. 941 01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:54,980 This is the greatest country on earth, and I... 942 01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:58,566 Say, that looks kind of like... 943 01:02:58,650 --> 01:03:01,111 - No, it couldn't be. - Bungholio. 944 01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:11,621 Are you threatening me? I am cornholio. 945 01:03:12,914 --> 01:03:17,127 Ah, yes, the president does plan to speak today at the g-pac conference. 946 01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:19,129 - Mr. Secretary? - Mr. Secretary? 947 01:03:19,254 --> 01:03:21,631 What about the rumors that a biological weapon 948 01:03:21,715 --> 01:03:25,135 has been stolen and smuggled out of the country during this conference? 949 01:03:25,218 --> 01:03:27,762 Those rumors are entirely unfounded. 950 01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:33,351 Those rumors are totally unfounded. 951 01:03:33,435 --> 01:03:36,688 I am the great cornholio! I am a gringo! 952 01:03:37,397 --> 01:03:38,982 I have no bunghole. 953 01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:40,692 Bungholio. 954 01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:42,068 Bungholio. 955 01:03:50,618 --> 01:03:52,746 This is the state dining room 956 01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:55,498 where the most powerful world leaders are entertained. 957 01:03:57,459 --> 01:03:59,044 Where's the TV? 958 01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:02,422 There are no tvs in the dining room. 959 01:04:02,672 --> 01:04:04,341 This house sucks. 960 01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:05,967 Tour guide: Please follow me. 961 01:04:06,134 --> 01:04:07,510 Evacuafion? 962 01:04:08,261 --> 01:04:10,764 It's probably just another bomb threat or something. 963 01:04:10,847 --> 01:04:12,015 Okay. 964 01:04:16,436 --> 01:04:18,063 Is this the lobby? 965 01:04:19,064 --> 01:04:21,066 I am cornholio. 966 01:04:21,775 --> 01:04:24,027 I need tp for my bunghole. 967 01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:32,243 - Yes, Mr. President. - I am cornholio. 968 01:04:32,369 --> 01:04:34,788 My bunghole, it goes... 969 01:04:34,996 --> 01:04:36,289 Mr. President? 970 01:04:37,248 --> 01:04:39,292 Mr. President, I can't make out what you're saying. 971 01:04:42,253 --> 01:04:43,797 Sir, the president sounds strange. 972 01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:45,800 Something's going on. I don't think it's a drill. 973 01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:48,802 Washington may be under attack. Go to defcon 4. 974 01:04:53,264 --> 01:04:54,974 Step on it! Step on it! 975 01:04:55,058 --> 01:04:56,893 All right, move! Move! Move! 976 01:05:01,773 --> 01:05:04,150 Move it along, folks. Move it along. 977 01:05:06,611 --> 01:05:07,612 Whoa. 978 01:05:08,613 --> 01:05:09,906 Hey, baby. 979 01:05:12,534 --> 01:05:14,160 I noticed you have braces. 980 01:05:14,369 --> 01:05:16,079 I have braces, too. 981 01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:26,923 That was cool. 982 01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:29,926 Whoa! 983 01:05:31,594 --> 01:05:33,847 This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. 984 01:05:34,264 --> 01:05:36,975 - All right, where's the unit? - Uh... 985 01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:38,643 My unit? 986 01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:41,312 In my pants. 987 01:05:44,399 --> 01:05:46,401 - Not on him, chief. - Agent hurly, 988 01:05:46,484 --> 01:05:49,154 I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search. 989 01:05:49,237 --> 01:05:50,822 I'm talking roto-rooter. 990 01:05:50,905 --> 01:05:53,658 Don't stop till you reach the back of his teeth. 991 01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:56,161 Yeah. 992 01:05:58,371 --> 01:06:00,131 Guard: Sir, we're awaiting your final orders. 993 01:06:00,206 --> 01:06:01,958 I order you to surrender your tp. 994 01:06:02,459 --> 01:06:03,501 Give me that. 995 01:06:03,585 --> 01:06:05,962 Mr. President, in the name of all that's holy, 996 01:06:06,045 --> 01:06:07,755 I must have those launch codes. 997 01:06:11,509 --> 01:06:13,011 I am cornholio. 998 01:06:13,344 --> 01:06:15,221 You will cooperate with my bunghole. 999 01:06:16,222 --> 01:06:18,057 For there is but one bunghole. 1000 01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:20,977 The almighty bunghole. 1001 01:06:23,855 --> 01:06:25,023 He's clean, chief. 1002 01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:29,110 Did I just score? 1003 01:06:30,862 --> 01:06:32,363 The other guy must have it. 1004 01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:34,324 He's got to be in here somewhere. 1005 01:06:37,577 --> 01:06:38,870 Cornholio, janaab. 1006 01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:43,875 Bunghole. 1007 01:06:45,919 --> 01:06:47,045 Bunghole? 1008 01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:50,089 Fire. Bungholio. 1009 01:06:50,173 --> 01:06:51,174 Excuse me, 1010 01:06:51,257 --> 01:06:53,468 I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, gentlemen, 1011 01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:56,513 but we're going to have to wait outside for a moment. 1012 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,056 Follow me, please. 1013 01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:01,267 Man: Tp for my bunghole? 1014 01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:04,854 Yeah, yeah. Tp for my bunghole. Yeah, yeah. Pretty good. 1015 01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:09,526 Let these gentlemen through, please. They're with the conference. 1016 01:07:09,609 --> 01:07:11,319 It's okay. He's with them. 1017 01:07:11,402 --> 01:07:12,862 Mr. Cornholio. 1018 01:07:14,239 --> 01:07:16,824 You cannot run from your own bunghole. 1019 01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:22,205 Bunghole, bunghole, bunghole. 1020 01:07:23,206 --> 01:07:24,624 A-ha! 1021 01:07:48,273 --> 01:07:51,025 Boy, I tell you what, it really makes you proud. 1022 01:07:51,401 --> 01:07:53,486 I could stay in here all day. 1023 01:07:53,570 --> 01:07:55,196 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 1024 01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:56,990 - Now, waitjust a minute. - Now. 1025 01:07:57,073 --> 01:07:58,324 Hey, now, that's enough. 1026 01:07:58,408 --> 01:08:00,785 I been planning this trip my whole life and... 1027 01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:02,579 Hey. Hey, what do you think you're... 1028 01:08:02,662 --> 01:08:03,997 Something about a corn hole. 1029 01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:05,391 We haven't even seen the Lincoln room yet. 1030 01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:06,600 Tour guide: I just didn't know what his problem was. 1031 01:08:06,624 --> 01:08:08,944 - Damn it. Now, let go of me. - Tour guide: I'm sorry, I... 1032 01:08:09,502 --> 01:08:11,004 Say, chief, 1033 01:08:11,087 --> 01:08:13,798 isn't that the guy whose camper they were whacking... 1034 01:08:13,881 --> 01:08:16,509 I mean, off in whose whacking camper... 1035 01:08:16,593 --> 01:08:18,011 Not now, bork. 1036 01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:20,096 I'll tell you what, honey, 1037 01:08:20,179 --> 01:08:22,599 this country's going to hell in a hand basket. 1038 01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:26,477 I'm going to go over right now and talk to my congressman about this. 1039 01:08:27,854 --> 01:08:29,355 What the hell? 1040 01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:31,316 Wait here a minute. 1041 01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:36,613 Cornholio: No. Oh, no. 1042 01:08:36,696 --> 01:08:39,616 What in the hell is that damn noise? I... 1043 01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:42,702 - What? - Cornholio: Hey, how's it going? 1044 01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:46,497 Pull your damn pants up, boy! I don't want to see that. 1045 01:08:46,581 --> 01:08:49,000 Damn it, get out of here! 1046 01:08:49,083 --> 01:08:51,628 And if I ever catch you whacking in here again, 1047 01:08:51,711 --> 01:08:53,421 I'm gonna hogtie you. 1048 01:08:53,504 --> 01:08:54,839 Oh, damn it. 1049 01:08:54,922 --> 01:08:57,925 Now I gotta straighten up in here. Damn it. 1050 01:08:58,009 --> 01:09:00,887 We just cleared all four floors. No sign of him. 1051 01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:02,597 Damn. Where the hell is he? 1052 01:09:03,264 --> 01:09:06,351 Say, chief, isn't that the camper? 1053 01:09:06,434 --> 01:09:09,145 - Bork, not now. - Chief, look. 1054 01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:12,815 Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle. 1055 01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:15,068 Attention all units. We've got him. 1056 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:17,779 He's in front of a white camper on Pennsylvania Avenue. 1057 01:09:18,279 --> 01:09:19,447 I am cornholio. 1058 01:09:20,198 --> 01:09:22,992 I will lay waste to your bunghole. 1059 01:09:23,117 --> 01:09:24,702 Bungholio. 1060 01:09:24,786 --> 01:09:26,996 Holio. Bungholio. 1061 01:09:29,207 --> 01:09:31,334 Bunghole, bunghole, bunghole! 1062 01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:32,895 - Okay, nobody shoot. - Bunghole, bunghole! 1063 01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:35,230 - He could still have the unit on him. - Cornholio: Bunghole. 1064 01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,191 - Keep your distance. - Bunghole, bunghole, bunghole. 1065 01:09:37,215 --> 01:09:39,425 We don't want to take a chance on hitting it. 1066 01:09:39,509 --> 01:09:41,678 - Where are his pants? - Who knows? 1067 01:09:41,761 --> 01:09:45,014 Bunghole. Bunghole? Bungholio. 1068 01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:47,100 This is agent Flemming, a tf. 1069 01:09:47,225 --> 01:09:49,769 We won't hurt you. We just want the unit. 1070 01:09:57,985 --> 01:09:59,779 Tell us where the unit is. 1071 01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:01,447 Do you have tp? 1072 01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:03,116 Tp for my bunghole? 1073 01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:05,076 We'll get you whatever you want. 1074 01:10:05,159 --> 01:10:06,828 Get that other kid. We might need him. 1075 01:10:06,911 --> 01:10:08,371 Do you have any holio? 1076 01:10:08,913 --> 01:10:13,084 Yeah, this is bork. Listen, we need some tp and some... 1077 01:10:13,918 --> 01:10:15,420 What did he say? 1078 01:10:16,838 --> 01:10:17,839 Whoa. 1079 01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:20,258 This rules. 1080 01:10:20,967 --> 01:10:22,885 Can I have a gun, too? 1081 01:10:24,095 --> 01:10:26,931 You must bow down to the almighty bunghole. 1082 01:10:27,265 --> 01:10:28,474 That was cool. 1083 01:10:30,351 --> 01:10:34,105 This is your last chance. Give us the unit now. 1084 01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,816 Why does everybody want to see my schlong? 1085 01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:39,235 Bunghole. 1086 01:10:39,485 --> 01:10:41,612 Bungholio! 1087 01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:44,574 - Bungholio... - He's jerking us off. 1088 01:10:44,657 --> 01:10:46,993 I think we're gonna have to take him out. 1089 01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:48,703 Get ready to fire on my orders. 1090 01:10:48,786 --> 01:10:51,706 I am the one and only almighty, one and only bungholio. 1091 01:10:51,789 --> 01:10:55,835 This is your last chance. I'm gonna give you three seconds. 1092 01:10:55,918 --> 01:10:56,961 I have no bungholio. 1093 01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:59,756 Okay, boys, get ready to fire on the count of three. 1094 01:11:00,465 --> 01:11:03,176 - One. - Would you like to see my bunghole? 1095 01:11:05,136 --> 01:11:07,680 Cool. I will show you my bunghole! 1096 01:11:07,764 --> 01:11:09,056 Two. 1097 01:11:10,099 --> 01:11:12,351 I have no bunghole! 1098 01:11:15,730 --> 01:11:18,441 What's going on? What is this? 1099 01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,067 Three. 1100 01:11:20,151 --> 01:11:21,736 Take your damn pants with you. 1101 01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:23,696 - Hold your fire! - What in the hell? 1102 01:11:23,780 --> 01:11:26,574 The pants! He's got the unit! 1103 01:11:26,991 --> 01:11:29,160 Drop the pants. Now! 1104 01:11:29,243 --> 01:11:31,537 Now, wait a minute. I ain't the one who... 1105 01:11:58,022 --> 01:12:00,525 Uh... here you go. 1106 01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:09,534 - Now, waitjust a minute, mister. - Sir, take a look at this. 1107 01:12:09,617 --> 01:12:11,869 How do you explain this? 1108 01:12:12,036 --> 01:12:14,205 What in the hell are you talking about? 1109 01:12:14,455 --> 01:12:19,126 So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh? 1110 01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:22,338 Look, I already told you, I don't know what in the hell this is about. 1111 01:12:22,421 --> 01:12:23,464 Take him away. 1112 01:12:23,548 --> 01:12:25,967 Hey, get your damn hands off me! 1113 01:12:26,843 --> 01:12:28,177 God damn it. 1114 01:12:30,596 --> 01:12:31,889 Damn it. 1115 01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:35,194 You don't know who you're dealing with here. 1116 01:12:35,268 --> 01:12:37,395 I'm a veteran of two foreign wars. 1117 01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:40,523 I ain't the one that... 1118 01:12:42,108 --> 01:12:44,777 I always thought there was something wrong with him. 1119 01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:45,987 Yeah. 1120 01:12:46,487 --> 01:12:48,406 He had a lot of problems. 1121 01:12:48,489 --> 01:12:50,074 And... 1122 01:12:50,157 --> 01:12:52,577 He used to hit me, too. Yeah. 1123 01:12:52,660 --> 01:12:54,412 Uh_.hey 1124 01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:56,789 does anyone wanna see my unit? 1125 01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:02,795 I got to admit it. I had you boys figured wrong. 1126 01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,505 I thought you were scum. 1127 01:13:04,589 --> 01:13:07,216 But you saved more lives today than you'll ever know. 1128 01:13:07,592 --> 01:13:10,720 You led us to one of the sickest criminals in our history. 1129 01:13:10,803 --> 01:13:13,014 This country owes you a debt. 1130 01:13:14,098 --> 01:13:16,809 Does that mean we're gonna get, like, money and stuff? 1131 01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:18,853 And chicks. 1132 01:13:18,936 --> 01:13:20,563 We were supposed to score. 1133 01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:22,064 For security reasons, 1134 01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:24,358 your actions will have to remain top-secret. 1135 01:13:24,442 --> 01:13:25,443 Beavis: Yeah. 1136 01:13:25,526 --> 01:13:28,738 But someone very special wants to give his thanks. 1137 01:13:31,073 --> 01:13:35,244 Beavis and butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans, 1138 01:13:35,328 --> 01:13:37,705 I extend my deepest thanks. 1139 01:13:37,914 --> 01:13:41,959 You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans 1140 01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:45,922 who will grow into the leaders of this great country. 1141 01:13:46,130 --> 01:13:49,550 - He said, "extend." - Oh, yeah. 1142 01:13:51,052 --> 01:13:55,514 In recognition for your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents 1143 01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:58,225 in the bureau of alcohol, tobacco and firearms. 1144 01:13:58,601 --> 01:13:59,602 Whoa. 1145 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:03,105 - Alcohol and tobacco? - Yeah. 1146 01:14:03,564 --> 01:14:06,192 - And firearms! Yeah. - Cool, huh? 1147 01:14:06,359 --> 01:14:09,695 - Cigarettes and beer kick ass. - Yeah, yeah. 1148 01:14:09,779 --> 01:14:13,240 We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. 1149 01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:15,493 And maybe some chicks, too. 1150 01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,203 This is gonna be cool. 1151 01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:29,215 You know what sucks? 1152 01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:32,343 We never scored and we never got any money. 1153 01:14:32,426 --> 01:14:33,970 Yeah, really. 1154 01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:37,556 And my butt's still sore, and that chick with the braces... 1155 01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:39,767 Hey, butt-head. Hey, butt-head, look! 1156 01:14:40,977 --> 01:14:42,561 - Yes! - Yes! 1157 01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:43,813 Beavis: Yes! 1158 01:14:44,188 --> 01:14:45,439 Yes! 1159 01:14:46,732 --> 01:14:47,900 Oh, yes. 1160 01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:57,743 Hey, butt-head, do you think we're ever gonna score? 1161 01:14:58,119 --> 01:15:01,122 Uh... I probably will, but not you. 1162 01:15:02,081 --> 01:15:04,166 You're too much of a butt-monkey. 1163 01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:06,502 Beavis: Shut up, dillhole. 1164 01:15:07,003 --> 01:15:08,504 Butt-head: Butt-dumpling. 1165 01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:10,589 Beavis: Turd burglar. 1166 01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:13,426 Butt-head: Uh... ass-goblin. 1167 01:15:13,592 --> 01:15:15,094 Shut up, butt-head. 1168 01:15:16,470 --> 01:15:19,515 Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street? 1169 01:15:20,182 --> 01:15:22,101 Butt-head: Uh... yeah. 1170 01:15:22,184 --> 01:15:26,397 'Cause I just need to stop by his tool shed for a couple of minutes. 1171 01:15:27,606 --> 01:15:29,775 - You know what I'm saying? - Butt-head: Tool. 1172 01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:19,408 Come with me 1173 01:16:19,492 --> 01:16:22,411 lesbian seagull 1174 01:16:23,162 --> 01:16:28,793 settle down and rest with me 1175 01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:34,298 oh, fly with me lesbian seagull 1176 01:16:36,550 --> 01:16:42,473 to my little nest by the sea 1177 01:16:42,556 --> 01:16:46,268 with me that's where you belong 1178 01:16:46,352 --> 01:16:47,812 with me 1179 01:16:47,978 --> 01:16:52,358 I know I can be strong when you're 1180 01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:56,028 you're with me 1181 01:17:04,411 --> 01:17:05,996 Ain't she a player? 1182 01:17:06,664 --> 01:17:07,665 Word up 1183 01:17:08,165 --> 01:17:09,458 know what I mean? 1184 01:17:10,876 --> 01:17:12,461 Oh, my god 1185 01:17:15,923 --> 01:17:17,299 you know 1186 01:17:21,178 --> 01:17:23,681 I'm the best when it comes to makin' love all night 1187 01:17:23,764 --> 01:17:26,142 throw your butterscotch body beneath the red light 1188 01:17:26,225 --> 01:17:28,477 Blaze it up, girl I'm gonna lace it real tight 1189 01:17:28,561 --> 01:17:30,813 go deep till the full moon turn to sunlight 1190 01:17:30,896 --> 01:17:33,315 till the darkness is gone love remains strong 1191 01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,900 like the bond 'tween mother and child 1192 01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:36,402 you're so warm to the touch 1193 01:17:36,485 --> 01:17:38,070 passionate interludes and such 1194 01:17:38,154 --> 01:17:40,406 when you're gone your body's what I yearn to clutch 1195 01:17:40,489 --> 01:17:43,159 just imagine ecstasy floatin' in a cloud 1196 01:17:43,242 --> 01:17:45,536 animal attraction burnin' through the crowd 1197 01:17:45,619 --> 01:17:47,663 heaven on earth paradise for a price 1198 01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:50,082 it's cool, though I'll pay you for the rest of my life 1199 01:17:50,166 --> 01:17:51,167 you know why? 1200 01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:54,587 Chorus: Ain't nobody does me better 1201 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,671 ll cool j: Say what? 1202 01:17:55,796 --> 01:17:57,548 Chorus: Makes me happy 1203 01:17:58,174 --> 01:17:59,675 makes me feel this way 1204 01:17:59,758 --> 01:18:00,759 ll cool j: That's right. 1205 01:18:00,843 --> 01:18:04,680 Chorus: Ain't nobody does me better 1206 01:18:04,763 --> 01:18:06,932 ll cool j: You can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1207 01:18:07,016 --> 01:18:09,310 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1208 01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:11,770 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1209 01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:14,148 you can take it girl stop runnin', uh 1210 01:18:14,231 --> 01:18:16,525 I'm explorin' your body and your erogenous zones 1211 01:18:16,609 --> 01:18:18,068 like a black tiger caged up 1212 01:18:18,152 --> 01:18:19,695 till you come home, lovely 1213 01:18:19,778 --> 01:18:21,614 you make a man swoon like a boy 1214 01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,824 the love is so soft it gets hard to enjoy 1215 01:18:23,908 --> 01:18:26,577 'cause the mind flies and sometimes the sex lies 1216 01:18:26,660 --> 01:18:28,871 smooth little girls fall in love with rough guys 1217 01:18:28,954 --> 01:18:31,207 but you can chop a big heart down to pint-size 1218 01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:33,751 I guess that's what it sounds like when the dove cries 1219 01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:35,961 uh, the whole world is trapped up in a maze 1220 01:18:36,045 --> 01:18:38,505 but you save this real good lovin' for rainy days 1221 01:18:38,589 --> 01:18:40,591 uh, the lord works in mysterious ways 1222 01:18:40,674 --> 01:18:43,677 he must've put you on this earth for all men to praise 1223 01:18:43,761 --> 01:18:46,347 -chorus: Ain't nobody -female singer: Nobody 1224 01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:48,057 chorus: Does me better 1225 01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:50,392 makes me happy 1226 01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:52,853 makes me feel this way 1227 01:18:52,937 --> 01:18:54,080 ll cool j: Say what? Say what? 1228 01:18:54,104 --> 01:18:55,147 Chorus: Ain't nobody 1229 01:18:55,231 --> 01:18:56,232 ll cool j: That's right. 1230 01:18:56,315 --> 01:18:57,483 Chorus: Does me better 1231 01:18:57,566 --> 01:18:59,818 ll cool j: You can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1232 01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:02,279 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1233 01:19:02,363 --> 01:19:04,740 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1234 01:19:04,823 --> 01:19:07,117 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1235 01:19:07,201 --> 01:19:09,662 as I travel through your body our souls become one 1236 01:19:09,745 --> 01:19:11,872 lndivisible, uh it's getting critical, son 1237 01:19:11,956 --> 01:19:14,416 I'm on the run from love it chase me out the bag 1238 01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:16,585 get the point, boo you hit it right on the head 1239 01:19:16,669 --> 01:19:19,296 it's an endless adventure two bodies collide 1240 01:19:19,380 --> 01:19:22,216 king fufillin' dreams when a queen by side forever 1241 01:19:22,299 --> 01:19:25,052 for infinite time we intertwine destiny 1242 01:19:25,135 --> 01:19:26,387 we fall in love by design 1243 01:19:26,470 --> 01:19:28,639 what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours 1244 01:19:28,722 --> 01:19:31,141 the road less traveled is ours to explore 1245 01:19:31,225 --> 01:19:33,644 I adore you heavenly angel shine light 1246 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:36,480 hold my hand I'll be your guide through the night 1247 01:19:36,855 --> 01:19:39,108 chorus: Ain't nobody 1248 01:19:39,191 --> 01:19:40,484 does me better 1249 01:19:40,567 --> 01:19:41,628 ll cool j: Say what? Say what? 1250 01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:42,778 Chorus: Makes me happy 1251 01:19:42,987 --> 01:19:44,029 ll cool j: That's right. 1252 01:19:44,196 --> 01:19:46,365 Chorus: Makes me feel this way 1253 01:19:46,448 --> 01:19:48,367 ain't nobody 1254 01:19:48,826 --> 01:19:50,286 does me better come on 1255 01:19:50,369 --> 01:19:52,705 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1256 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:55,082 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1257 01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:57,543 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1258 01:19:57,626 --> 01:20:00,004 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1259 01:20:00,087 --> 01:20:02,381 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1260 01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,717 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1261 01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:07,136 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1262 01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,513 you can take it, girl stop runnin', uh 1263 01:20:10,681 --> 01:20:12,683 come on now a man don't choose a woman 1264 01:20:12,766 --> 01:20:14,852 a woman chooses a man 1265 01:20:16,020 --> 01:20:20,232 give you half for a second then I'll give you the full plunge, uh 1266 01:20:20,524 --> 01:20:22,067 what you want? What you want? 1267 01:20:22,151 --> 01:20:24,111 Iced out ankle bracelet for scenery 1268 01:20:24,778 --> 01:20:28,073 know what I mean? This menage ain't easy 1269 01:20:28,615 --> 01:20:29,658 I know 1270 01:20:29,742 --> 01:20:31,952 -chorus: Ain't nobody -female singler: Nobody! 1271 01:20:32,161 --> 01:20:34,163 Chorus: Does me better 1272 01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,498 makes me happy 1273 01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,084 makes me feel this way 1274 01:20:39,335 --> 01:20:42,796 ain't nobody does me better 86644