All language subtitles for The.Vagina.Monologues.2002.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG.3_English

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( female )
I'M JUST GONNA
ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS

AND JUST ANSWER WHATEVER
YOU'RE COMFORTABLE ANSWERING.

DON'T GO ANY FURTHER
THAN YOU FEEL LIKE GOING

AND IF YOU WANT
TO ADD SOMETHING LATER ON

TO A QUESTION I'VE ASKED YOU,
THAT'S FINE TOO.

WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME
YOU SAW IT ?

YOU KNOW, IT WAS SORT OF
LIKE AN ACCIDENTAL THING.

THERE WAS LIKE A MIRROR
ON THE FLOOR,

AND I WALKED UP AND I WAS LIKE,
WHAT, WHAT WAS THAT ?

I HAVE TO GO HOME
AND DO SOME RESEARCH.

I DIDN'T LOOK AT MYSELF
'TIL PROBABLY IN COLLEGE.

I DON'T EVEN SAY THE WORD
TO MY OB-GYN.

AND I WENT TO THE LIBRARY,
I'M SNEAKING IN THE LIBRARY,

LOOKING THROUGH THE BOOKS,
AND YOU KNOW,

LIKE I'M COVERING THE BOOK
WITH LIKE SOMETHING ELSE.

AND THEN IT'S LIKE,

"ADMIRE IT,
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER,

YOU KNOW,
IT'S LIKE ROSES."

I'M LIKE, WE'RE NOT
LOOKING AT THE SAME THING.

I TOOK PHOTOS OF IT.

I HAD A POLAROID CAMERA

AND I WOULD
GO INTO THE BATHROOM

AND TAKE A PICTURE.

ARE YOU EMBARRASSED ?

YES.

ALL THOSE THINGS
ARE KIND OF LIKE SECRET.

YOU KNOW ?

AND IT'S NOT FOR,
YOU KNOW,

IT'S LIKE
YOUR OWN LITTLE JOY.

I REALIZED
THERE WAS NO CONTEXT

IN WHICH WOMEN EVER
TALK ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS.

SO, I JUST STARTED CASUALLY
SAYING TO FRIENDS OF MINE,

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT YOUR VAGINA ?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

AND OVER THE COURSE OF
ABOUT THREE TO FIVE YEARS,

I HAD INTERVIEWED
OVER 200 WOMEN.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE
TALKING ABOUT IT ?

VERY STRANGE.

I THINK IT'S LIBERATING,
BUT IT'S KIND OF FUNNY TOO.

ANXIOUS,
KIND OF NERVOUS,

NOT REALLY SURE OF
WHAT I'M GONNA SAY.

I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE
LIKE, UNCOMFORTABLE,

BUT IT'S NOT.

YOU MAKE IT
KIND OF EASY.

AND EVERYTHING
EVERY WOMAN SAID

WAS MORE SURPRISING,
OUTRAGEOUS, DISTURBING,

EXCITING THAN THE NEXT.

AND ONE WOMAN
WOULD SAY TO ME,

OH, YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK
TO SO AND SO ABOUT HER VAGINA,

SHE HAS AN AMAZING STORY.

AND SHE WOULD SAY,

NO, YOU NEED TO TALK TO
SO AND SO ABOUT HER VAGINA,

SHE HAS...

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT,
I WAS REALLY SUCKED

DOWN THIS VAGINA TRAIL,
AND I COULDN'T GET BACK.

AND I'VE BEEN ON THE TRAIL
FOR A LONG TIME

AND I DON'T THINK
I'M GETTING OFF IT
ANY TIME SOON.

EVERYTHING ON THE WALL,
ALL OF THESE WERE GIFTS

OR PHOTOGRAPHS OR THINGS
THAT HAVE FOUND ME

OR HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO ME
AS I TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD.

WELL, FIRST I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE VAGINA BARBIE,

COMPLETE WITH
DUCK LIPS.

A LOVELY...

VAGINA CANDLE.

THIS SALAD HERE...

THAT'S A VAGINA SALAD.

THIS IS
A VULVA PUPPET.

THEY ACTUALLY TALK.

THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD
OF VAGINA LIFE OUT THERE,

WHICH I FIND
THRILLING.

( laughing )

SO, WHEN THE SHOW
WAS FIRST DONE DOWNTOWN,

GUYS WOULD
CALL UP AND SAY,

CAN I HAVE TICKETS TO
"THE VAGINA DIALOGUES" ?

AND WOMEN WOULD
CALL UP AND SAY,

CAN I HAVE TICKETS
TO "THE MONOLOGUES" ?

I'VE HEARD PEOPLE CALL IT
"THE VIAGRA CHRONICLES."

AND THERE WAS
THIS PUNK TICKET TAKER,

AND SHE WOULD SAY,

"LISTEN, IF YOU CAN'T SAY
THE NAME, YOU CAN'T COME.

NOW, TRY AGAIN,
TRY AGAIN."

( laughing )

( applause and cheering )

THANK YOU.

I BET YOU'RE WORRIED.

I WAS WORRIED.

THAT'S WHY
I BEGAN THIS PIECE.

I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT VAGINAS.

I WAS WORRIED WHAT
WE THINK ABOUT VAGINAS,

AND I WAS
EVEN MORE WORRIED

THAT WE DON'T
THINK ABOUT THEM.

I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT MY OWN VAGINA.

IT NEEDED A CONTEXT,
A COMMUNITY,

A CULTURE OF
OTHER VAGINAS.

THERE IS SO MUCH DARKNESS
AND SECRECY SURROUNDING THEM,

LIKE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,

NOBODY EVER REPORTS
BACK FROM THERE.

IN THE FIRST PLACE,

IT'S NOT SO EASY
TO EVEN FIND YOUR VAGINA.

WOMEN GO DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS,
WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT.

I INTERVIEWED
A HIGH-POWERED BUSINESSWOMAN,

SHE TOLD ME
SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

LOOKING AT YOUR VAGINA SHE SAID,
IS A FULL DAY'S WORK.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET DOWN THERE,
ON YOUR BACK,

IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR,
FULL-LENGTH PREFERRED.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET
IN THE PERFECT POSITION,

WITH THE PERFECT LIGHT,

WHICH THEN BECOMES SHADOWED
BY THE ANGLE YOU'RE AT.

YOU'RE TWISTING YOUR HEAD UP,
ARCHING YOUR BACK,

IT'S EXHAUSTING.

SHE WAS BUSY.

SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

SO, I DECIDED TO TALK
TO WOMEN ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS.

THEY BEGAN AS
CASUAL VAGINA INTERVIEWS,

AND THEY TURNED INTO
VAGINA MONOLOGUES.

I TALKED WITH
OVER 200 WOMEN.

I TALKED TO YOUNGER WOMEN,
OLDER WOMEN, MARRIED WOMEN,

LESBIANS,
SINGLE WOMEN,

I TALKED TO COLLEGE PROFESSORS,
CORPORATE PROFESSIONALS,

ACTORS, SEX WORKERS.

I TALKED
TO AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN,

ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMEN,
HISPANIC WOMEN,

NATIVE-AMERICAN WOMEN,
CAUCASIAN WOMEN,

JEWISH WOMEN.

AT FIRST,
WOMEN WERE A LITTLE SHY,

A LITTLE RELUCTANT
TO TALK.

BUT ONCE THEY GOT GOING,
YOU COULDN'T STOP THEM.

WOMEN LOVE TO TALK ABOUT
THEIR VAGINAS, THEY DO.

THEY REALLY DO.

MAINLY BECAUSE NO ONE'S
EVER ASKED THEM BEFORE.

LET'S JUST START
WITH THE WORD VAGINA.

VAGINA.

IT SOUNDS LIKE
AN INFECTION AT BEST.

MAYBE A MEDICAL INSTRUMENT.

"HURRY, NURSE,
BRING ME THE VAGINA."

VAGINA.

VAGINA.

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES
YOU SAY THE WORD,

IT NEVER SOUNDS LIKE
A WORD YOU WANT TO SAY.

IT'S A COMPLETELY
RIDICULOUS,

TOTALLY UNSEXY WORD.

IF YOU USE IT DURING SEX,
TRYING TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

YOU KILL
THE ACT RIGHT THERE.

I'M WORRIED WHAT WE CALL IT
AND DON'T CALL IT.

IN GREAT NECK, NEW YORK,
THEY CALL IT A "PUSSYCAT".

A WOMAN TOLD ME THERE,
HER MOTHER USED TO TELL HER,

"DON'T WEAR PANTIES, DEAR,
UNDERNEATH YOUR PAJAMAS,

YOU NEED TO AIR OUT
YOUR PUSSYCAT."

IN WESTCHESTER,
THEY CALL IT A "POOKIE".

IN NEW JERSEY,
A "TWAT".

THERE'S "POWDER BOX",

A "POOCHI", A "POOPI",

A "PEE-PEE", A "POOPALU",

A "POONINANA"
AND A "PICHE".

THERE'S "TOADIE",
"DEE-DEE",

"NISHI",
"DIGNITY",

"COOCHIE SNORCHER",

"COOTER", "LABBE",

"GLADYS SIEGELMAN",

"VA",

"WEE-WEE",
"HORSESPOT",

"NAPPY DUGOUT",
"MONGO",

"MONKEY BOX",
"PAJAMA",

"FANNYBOO",
"MUSHMELLOW",

"GHOULIE",
"POSSIBLE",

"TAMALE", "TOTTITA",
"CONNIE",

A "MIMI" IN MIAMI,

A "SPLIT KNISH"
IN PHILADELPHIA.

AND A "SCHMENDE"
IN THE BRONX.

I AM WORRIED
ABOUT VAGINAS.

( applause )

STEVE !

VAGINA GRADUATE !

THIS IS STEVE,
THIS IS STEVE.

STEVE JUST
GRADUATED FROM UVS,

THAT'S THE UNIVERSITY
OF VAGINAL SCIENCES.

THE MOST VAGINA FRIENDLY GUY
IN HIS CLASS, OKAY ?

GOT THE JOB, YA.

THIS FIRST MONOLOGUE IS

BASED ON
ONE WOMAN'S STORY,

PRETTY MUCH
THE WAY I HEARD IT,

ALTHOUGH THE SUBJECT OF
THIS INTERVIEW CAME UP

IN EVERY INTERVIEW
AND WAS OFTEN FRAUGHT.

THE SUBJECT
BEING HAIR.

I LOVE HAIR.

I MEAN...

HAIR VAGINA, HAIR OF THE VAGINA,
THE VAGINA IS HAIR.

I LIKE MY HAIR, I'D LIKE
A LOT MORE HAIR ACTUALLY.

I'M A REDHEAD
AND EVERYTHING'S RED.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST RED, RED,
RED, RED, RED, RED, RED.

I'VE NEVER SHAVED
THE BIKINI LINE.

I WEAR APPROPRIATE BATHING SUITS
SO THAT IT COVERS, BUT,

I DON'T, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T FEEL THAT I HAD

TO WORK ON IT COSMETICALLY.

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN AFFLICTED
WITH HAIR FROM THE TIME

I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD,
ON MY VAGINA,

I'M VERY CURIOUS WHAT IT WOULD
FEEL LIKE, TO BE HAIRLESS.

I DON'T MEAN A HAIRCUT,
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,

IT'S NOT ANYTHING LIKE CRAZY,
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,

I DO IT MYSELF,
SO HOW CRAZY CAN IT BE ?

IT'S JUST
LIKE A NORMAL...

NICE, NEAT,
YOU KNOW, THING.

THOUGHT EVERYBODY
DID THAT, NO ?

YOU CANNOT
LOVE A VAGINA

UNLESS YOU LOVE HAIR.

MANY PEOPLE
DO NOT LOVE HAIR.

MY FIRST AND ONLY HUSBAND
HATED HAIR.

HE SAID IT WAS
CLUTTERED AND DIRTY.

HE MADE ME
SHAVE MY VAGINA.

IT LOOKED PUFFY,

AND EXPOSED,
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

THIS EXCITED HIM.

WHEN HE MADE LOVE
TO MY VAGINA,

IT FELT THE WAY
A BEARD MUST FEEL.

IT FELT GOOD TO SCRATCH IT,
AND PAINFUL,

LIKE SCRATCHING
A MOSQUITO BITE.

THERE WERE
SCREAMING RED BUMPS.

IT FELT LIKE
IT WAS ON FIRE.

I REFUSED
TO SHAVE IT AGAIN.

THEN MY HUSBAND
HAD AN AFFAIR.

WHEN WE WENT
TO MARITAL THERAPY,

HE SAID
HE SCREWED AROUND

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T
PLEASE HIM SEXUALLY,

I WOULDN'T
SHAVE MY VAGINA.

THE THERAPIST
HAD A THICK GERMAN ACCENT,

AND SHE GASPED
( gasping )

BETWEEN SENTENCES
( gasping )

TO SHOW HER EMPATHY.

( laughing )

SHE ASKED ME WHY I DIDN'T
WANT TO PLEASE MY HUSBAND,

WHY I DIDN'T WANT
TO SHAVE MY VAGINA.

I TOLD HER
I THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD.

I FELT LITTLE WHEN MY HAIR
WAS GONE DOWN THERE,

AND I COULDN'T HELP
TALKING IN A BABY VOICE.

AND EVEN CALAMINE LOTION
WOULDN'T STOP THE IRRITATION.

SHE TOLD ME THAT
MARRIAGE WAS A COMPROMISE.

I ASKED HER IF
MY SHAVING MY VAGINA

WOULD STOP MY HUSBAND
FROM SCREWING AROUND.

I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD MANY
CASES LIKE THIS BEFORE.

SHE TOLD ME THAT

QUESTIONS
DILUTED THE PROCESS.

SHE WAS SURE IT WAS
A GOOD BEGINNING,

I JUST NEEDED
TO JUMP IN.

THIS TIME, WHEN WE GOT HOME,
HE GOT TO SHAVE MY VAGINA.

IT WAS LIKE A THERAPY
BONUS PRIZE.

HE CLIPPED IT
A FEW TIMES,

AND THERE WAS A LITTLE BLOOD
IN THE BATHTUB.

HE DIDN'T NOTICE,

HE WAS SO EXCITED
SHAVING ME.

THEN, LATER, WHEN MY HUSBAND
WAS PRESSING AGAINST ME,

I COULD FEEL
HIS SPIKY SHARPNESS

STICKING INTO MY NAKED
EXPOSED VAGINA.

THERE WAS NO PROTECTION.

THERE WAS NO FLUFF.

I REALIZED THEN

THAT HAIR IS
THERE FOR A REASON.

IT'S THE LEAF
AROUND THE FLOWER,

THE LAWN
AROUND THE HOUSE.

YOU HAVE TO LOVE HAIR
IN ORDER TO LOVE THE VAGINA.

YOU CAN'T PICK
THE PARTS YOU WANT.

AND BESIDES...

MY HUSBAND,
WELL...

HE NEVER DID
STOP SCREWING AROUND.

( applause )

YOU KNOW, I INTERVIEWED
A WHOLE GROUP OF WOMEN

BETWEEN 65 AND 75.

AND THAT WAS DEFINITELY
THE MOST POIGNANT GROUP.

MAINLY BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
MANY WOMEN IN THAT GROUP

HAD EVER HAD
A VAGINA INTERVIEW BEFORE.

THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN
WAS 72 YEARS OLD,

AND SHE HAD NEVER
SEEN HER VAGINA.

SHE'D WASHED IT
IN THE SHOWER AND BATH,

BUT NEVER WITH CONSCIOUS
INTENTION OR AWARENESS,

AND SHE'D NEVER
HAD AN ORGASM.

WHEN SHE WAS 72,

SHE WENT TO THERAPY
FOR THE FIRST TIME,

AS WE DO
IN NEW YORK,

AND SHE WORKED
WITH A WONDERFUL THERAPIST,

WHO GOT HER TO GO HOME,
BY HERSELF.

SHE TOLD ME
SHE LIT SOME CANDLES,

SHE PLAYED SOME MUSIC,
SHE TOOK A BATH.

SHE GOT DOWN
WITH HERSELF,

AND SHE TOLD ME
IT TOOK HER OVER AN HOUR

BECAUSE SHE WAS ARTHRITIC,

BUT WHEN SHE FINALLY
FOUND HER CLITORIS,

SHE SAID SHE CRIED.

THIS IS FOR HER...

DOWN THERE ?

I HAVEN'T BEEN
DOWN THERE SINCE 1953.

NO.

NO, IT HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH EISENHOWER.

NO.

NO, TRUST ME, TRUST ME,
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN THERE,

IT'S VERY DAMP,
VERY CLAMMY.

SMELL THE MILDEW, GETS IN
YOUR CLOTHES, IT'S HORRIBLE.

NO.

NO, AND THERE WAS
NO ACCIDENT DOWN THERE,

IT DIDN'T BLOW UP
OR CATCH ON FIRE.

IT WASN'T SO DRAMATIC.

WHAT'S A NICE GIRL
LIKE YOU GOING AROUND

TALKING TO OLD LADIES ABOUT
THEIR "DOWN THERE'S" FOR ?

WE DIDN'T DO THIS KIND OF
A THING WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

WELL...

THERE WAS THIS BOY.

OH, GOD.

ANDY.

ANDY LEFTKOV.

OH, GOD.

HE WAS SO GOOD LOOKING,
AND TALL, LIKE ME.

HE ASKED ME OUT FOR A DATE,
I'LL NEVER FORGET,

IN HIS NEW WHITE
CHEVY BELAIR,

OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I'M SORRY.

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU
ABOUT DOWN THERE.

YOU JUST KNOW IT'S THERE
LIKE THE CELLAR.

YOU CAN HEAR THE PIPES,

THINGS GET CAUGHT THERE
FROM TIME TO TIME.

LITTLE ANIMALS
AND THINGS.

IT GETS WET, PEOPLE COME,
THEY PLUG UP THE LEAKS,

OTHERWISE THE DOOR
STAYS CLOSED,

YOU FORGET ABOUT IT.

ANDY.

OH, GOD,
HE WAS A CATCH.

THAT'S WHAT WE CALLED IT
IN MY DAY.

WE'RE IN HIS CAR,

AND ALL I'M THINKING
ABOUT ARE MY KNEECAPS.

I HAVE VERY LONG LEGS,

AND MY KNEECAPS WERE SMUSHED UP
AGAINST THE DASHBOARD.

WHEN ANDY JUST GRABS ME,
AND KISSES ME IN THIS

"TAKE YOU BY CONTROL
LIKE THEY DO IN THE MOVIES"

KIND OF WAY.

WELL, I GOT EXCITED.

I GOT VERY EXCITED.

AND THERE WAS A...
WELL, THERE WAS A...

WELL, THERE WAS
A FLOOD DOWN THERE.

THIS RIVER OF LIFE,

THIS FORCE OF PASSION
JUST FLOODED OUT OF ME.

RIGHT THROUGH MY PANTIES,
RIGHT ONTO THE CAR SEAT

OF HIS NEW WHITE
CHEVY BELAIR.

WELL, IT WASN'T PEE.

AND IT WASN'T SMELLY.

WELL, HE SAID,
ANDY SAID, HE SAID

IT SMELLED LIKE SOUR MILK AND
IT WAS STAINING HIS CAR SEAT.

I WAS "A STINKY WEIRD GIRL",
HE SAID.

I TRIED TO EXPLAIN

THAT HIS KISS
HAD CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD,

I WASN'T NORMALLY
LIKE THIS.

I TRIED TO WIPE UP
THE FLOOD WITH MY DRESS.

IT WAS A NEW,
YELLOW PRIMROSE DRESS,

AND IT LOOKED UGLY
WITH THE FLOOD ON IT.

ANDY DROVE ME HOME.

HE NEVER...

HE NEVER SAID
ANOTHER WORD TO ME.

AND WHEN I GOT OUT OF HIS CAR,
I TELL YOU, I CLOSED IT,

LOCKED IT,
LOCKED THE STORE.

NEVER OPENED
FOR BUSINESS AGAIN.

I USED TO HAVE THESE DREAMS,
THOUGH, I MEAN,

THEY'RE CRAZY DREAMS,
DOPEY DREAMS.

WHY ?

BURT REYNOLDS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

THE GUY NEVER
DID A THING FOR ME IN LIFE.

BUT ALWAYS IN MY DREAMS,
IT WAS BURT AND I,

BURT AND I, BURT AND I.

WE'D BE OUT FOR DINNER,

ONE OF THOSE RESTAURANTS,

THE KIND YOU SEE IN
ATLANTIC CITY.

HUGE CHANDELIERS, THOUSANDS OF
THE WAITERS WITH THE VESTS ON.

BURT WOULD BE THERE,

HE'D GIVE ME
AN ORCHID CORSAGE.

I'D PIN IT TO MY BLAZER.

WE'D LAUGH,

WE WERE ALWAYS LAUGHING,
BURT AND I.

LAUGHING, LAUGHING.

ATE SHRIMP COCKTAIL,

FABULOUS SHRIMP,
HUGE SHRIMP.

THEN BURT WOULD
LEAN TOWARDS ME,

AND JUST AS HE WAS
ABOUT TO KISS ME,

THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT
WOULD START TO SHAKE.

PIGEONS WOULD FLY OUT
FROM UNDERNEATH THE TABLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE PIGEONS WERE DOING THERE

AND THE FLOOD
WOULD COME,

STRAIGHT FROM
DOWN THERE.

IT WOULD
POUR OUT OF ME.

IT WOULD
POUR AND POUR.

THERE'D BE
LITTLE BOATS INSIDE IT

AND LITTLE FISH,

AND THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT
WOULD FILL UP WITH MY FLOOD.

AND THERE WOULD BE BURT,
STANDING WAIST DEEP IN IT,

LOOKING HORRIFIED.

HORRIBLY DISAPPOINTED
I'D DONE IT AGAIN,

AS HE WATCHED
HIS FRIENDS,

DEAN MARTIN
AND THE LIKES,

SWIM PAST US IN THEIR TUXEDOS
AND EVENING GOWNS.

I DON'T HAVE
THOSE DREAMS ANYMORE, NO.

NOT SINCE THEY TOOK
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING

CONNECTED WITH
DOWN THERE.

MOVED OUT THE TUBES,
THE UTERUS, THE WHOLE WORKS.

MY DOCTOR THINKS
HE'S A REAL COMEDIAN.

HE TELLS ME,
"YOU DON'T USE IT,
YOU LOSE IT".

BUT, REALLY,

IT WAS CANCER.

THE WHOLE THING
HAD TO GO.

HIGHLY OVERRATED
ANYWAY, RIGHT ?

I DO OTHER THINGS.

LOVE THE DOG SHOWS.

I SELL ANTIQUES.

EXCUSE ME ?

COME AGAIN ?

"WHAT WOULD IT WEAR ?"

WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT,
WHAT WOULD IT WEAR ?

IT WOULD WEAR A SIGN,

"CLOSED,
DUE TO FLOODING".

WHAT WOULD IT SAY ?

I TOLD YOU,
IT'S NOT A THING THAT SPEAKS,
IT'S A PLACE.

A PLACE YOU DON'T GO.

CLOSED UP,
UNDER THE HOUSE,
DOWN THERE.

YOU HAPPY NOW,
YOU HAPPY ?

YOU GOT AN OLD LADY
TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF,
YOU FEEL BETTER ?

ACTUALLY...

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

YOU ARE THE VERY FIRST PERSON
I EVER TALKED TO

ABOUT ANY OF
THIS STUFF.

I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER.

( applause )

DID YOU EVER
LOOK AT YOUR VAGINA OR-- ?

NO, I DIDN'T,
NO, I DIDN'T.

SO, YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN YOUR VAGINA ?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I DON'T THINK SO,
AND I'VE HAD CHILDREN.

REALLY ?
YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE
IT LOOKS LIKE ?

WELL, I GUESS I'VE SEEN IT
IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE,

WHEN I'M IN THE STIRRUPS,
IF THERE'S A MIRROR,

I MEAN, I'M SURE I MUST
HAVE SEEN IT IN PASSING

OVER THE YEARS.

WELL, I HAPPENED
TO LOOK DOWN

AND THERE WAS THIS VERY UGLY
THING STARING BACK AT ME,

AND...

( laughing )

OH, MY GOD.

AND DO YOU HAVE
GOOD SEX TODAY ?

YES.

YOU SAID "GOOD",
YOU DIDN'T ASK HOW OFTEN.

IS THERE SOMETHING
SPECIFIC IT'S LONGED FOR ?

WELL, RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
PROBABLY SEX.

'CAUSE IT'S BEEN
A LONG TIME.

( laughing )

IT'S PROBABLY
DOWN THERE JUST WISHING.

JUST WISHING.

JUST WISHING.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
SOME SENSE, WOMAN,

AND GIVE ME SOME HELP
DOWN HERE ?

IT STILL
ACHES A LITTLE BIT,

BECAUSE I STILL
LIKE TO PLAY HOUSE.

( laughing )

I'M OLD, NOT DEAD.

NO, I'M NOT HOLDING THIS.

IT'S AMAZING
HOW MANY PEOPLE COMPLAIN

THAT THERE ARE NOT
ENOUGH MONOLOGUES

ABOUT HETEROSEXUAL,
VAGINA-LOVING MEN.

WE HAVE 10 MINUTES,
MS. ENSLER.

THERE IS
A VAGINA-LOVING MAN.

COME IN, STEVE.

THIS IS THE GUY.

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE.

TELL ME, WHAT'VE YOU
LEARNED ABOUT VAGINAS

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS ?

I'VE PROBABLY LEARNED MORE
IN THE LAST THREE DAYS

THAN IN MY ENTIRE
24 YEARS.

REALLY ?
OH, YEAH.

SPECIFIC ?

BASICALLY, I THOUGHT
I KNEW SOMETHING,

AND I KNEW NOTHING.

THAT'S WHAT
IT COMES DOWN TO.

THIS NEXT MONOLOGUE
IS BASED ON AN INTERVIEW

I DID WITH A WOMAN

WHO HAD A GOOD EXPERIENCE
WITH A MAN.

( laughing )

BECAUSE HE LIKED
TO LOOK AT IT.

THIS IS HOW I CAME
TO LOVE MY VAGINA.

IT'S EMBARRASSING

BECAUSE IT'S NOT
POLITICALLY CORRECT.

I MEAN, I KNOW HOW
IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

IN A BATH,
WITH SALT GRAINS
FROM THE DEAD SEA,

ENYA PLAYING...

ME LOVING
MY WOMAN-SELF.

I KNOW THE STORY.

VAGINAS ARE BEAUTIFUL.

OUR SELF-HATRED IS ONLY
THE INTERNALIZED REPRESSION

AND HATRED OF
THE PATRIARCHAL CULTURE.

IT ISN'T REAL.

PUSSIES UNITE.

I KNOW ALL OF IT.

LIKE IF WE'D GROWN UP
IN A CULTURE

WHERE WE WERE TAUGHT
FAT THIGHS WERE BEAUTIFUL,

WE'D ALL BE POUNDING DOWN
MILK SHAKES AND DOUGHNUTS,

SPENDING OUR DAYS
LYING ON OUR BACKS,

THIGH-EXPANDING.

BUT WE DIDN'T GROW UP
IN THAT CULTURE, DID WE ?

NO.

I HATED MY THIGHS,

AND I HATED MY VAGINA
EVEN MORE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
INCREDIBLY UGLY.

I WAS ONE OF THOSE WOMEN
WHO HAD LOOKED AT IT,

AND FROM THAT MOMENT ON
I WISHED I HADN'T.

IT MADE ME SICK.

I PITIED ANYONE
WHO HAD TO GO DOWN THERE.

IN ORDER TO SURVIVE,

I BEGAN TO PRETEND

THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE
BETWEEN MY LEGS.

I IMAGINED FURNITURE.

COZY FUTONS WITH
LIGHT COTTON COMFORTERS,

LITTLE VELVET SETTEES,
OR PRETTY THINGS.

SILK HANDKERCHIEFS,

QUILTED POT HOLDERS.

I GOT SO ACCUSTOMED
TO THIS,

I LOST ALL MEMORY OF
HAVING A VAGINA.

WHENEVER A MAN
WAS INSIDE ME,

I PICTURED HIM
INSIDE A MINK-LINED MUFFLER

OR A CHINESE BOWL.

THEN I MET BOB...

BOB WAS
THE MOST ORDINARY MAN

I EVER MET.

THIN, TALL,
NONDESCRIPT,

HE WORE KHAKI
TAN CLOTHES.

( audience laughing )

BOB DID NOT LIKE SPICY FOODS
OR LISTEN TO PRODIGY.

HE HAD NO INTEREST
IN SEXY LINGERIE.

IN THE SUMMER,

HE SPENT TIME
IN THE SHADE.

HE DID NOT
SHARE HIS INNER FEELINGS.

HE DIDN'T HAVE
ANY PROBLEMS OR ISSUES,

HE WASN'T EVEN
AN ALCOHOLIC.

HE WASN'T VERY FUNNY
OR ARTICULATE OR MYSTERIOUS.

HE WASN'T MEAN
OR UNAVAILABLE.

HE WASN'T SELF-INVOLVED
OR CHARISMATIC.

HE DIDN'T DRIVE FAST.

I DIDN'T PARTICULARLY
LIKE BOB.

I WOULD HAVE MISSED HIM
ALTOGETHER

IF HE HADN'T
PICKED UP MY CHANGE

THAT I DROPPED
ON THE DELI FLOOR.

WHEN HE HANDED ME BACK
MY PENNIES AND QUARTERS,

AND HIS HAND

ACCIDENTALLY
TOUCHED MINE,

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

I WENT TO BED WITH HIM.

THAT'S WHEN
THE MIRACLE OCCURRED.

IT TURNED OUT THAT
BOB LOVED VAGINAS.

HE WAS A CONNOISSEUR.

HE LOVED THE WAY THEY TASTED,
THE WAY THEY SMELLED,

THE WAY THEY FELT,
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,

BOB LOVED THE WAY
THEY LOOKED.

HE HAD TO LOOK AT THEM.

FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX,
HE TOLD ME HE HAD TO SEE ME.

"I'M RIGHT HERE, BOB."

"NO," HE SAID.
"YOU, I NEED TO SEE YOU."

"TURN ON THE LIGHT,"
I SAID,

THINKING HE WAS A WEIRDO
AND FREAKING OUT IN THE DARK.

HE TURNED
ON THE LIGHT.

"OKAY," HE SAID, "I'M READY,
I'M READY TO SEE YOU."

"I'M RIGHT HERE, BOB,
RIGHT HERE."

HE BEGAN
TO UNDRESS ME.

"WHAT ARE
YOU DOING, BOB ?"

"I NEED TO SEE
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE."

"BUT YOU'VE SEEN A RED
LEATHER COUCH BEFORE, BOB,

I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN THAT."

BOB CONTINUED,
HE WOULD NOT STOP.

I WANTED
TO THROW UP AND DIE.

"THIS IS AWFULLY
INTIMATE, BOB.

CAN'T YOU
JUST DO IT ?"

"NO," HE SAID.

"IT'S WHO YOU ARE,
I NEED TO LOOK."

I HELD MY BREATH.

HE LOOKED,

AND LOOKED.

HE GASPED,

AND SMILED,

AND STARED,

AND GROANED.

HE GOT BREATHY,

AND HIS FACE CHANGED.

HE DIDN'T LOOK
ORDINARY ANYMORE.

HE LOOKED
LIKE A HUNGRY BEAST.

"YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL,"
HE SAID.

"YOU'RE ELEGANT
AND DEEP

AND INNOCENT AND WILD."

"YOU SAW THAT THERE ?",
I SAID.

IT WAS LIKE
HE READ MY PALM.

"I SAW THAT,"

HE SAID,
"AND MUCH, MUCH MORE."

BOB STAYED LOOKING

FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.

AS IF HE WERE
STUDYING A MAP,

OBSERVING THE MOON,

STARING INTO MY EYES.

BUT IT WAS MY VAGINA !

IN THE LIGHT,

I WATCHED HIM
LOOKING AT ME.

HE WAS SO EXCITED.

SO PEACEFUL
AND EUPHORIC.

I BEGAN TO GET WET
AND TURNED ON.

I BEGAN TO SEE MYSELF
THE WAY HE SAW ME.

I BEGAN TO FEEL
BEAUTIFUL AND DELICIOUS,

LIKE A GREAT PAINTING
OR A WATERFALL.

BOB WASN'T AFRAID,
NO, HE WASN'T GROSSED OUT.

I BEGAN TO SWELL.

I BEGAN
TO FEEL PROUD.

I BEGAN
TO LOVE MY VAGINA.

AND BOB
LOST HIMSELF THERE.

AND I WAS THERE
WITH HIM,

IN MY VAGINA.

AND WE...

WERE...

GONE !

( applause )

WE'RE GONNA GET LITTLE BUTTONS
MADE THAT SAY, "I'M YOUR BOB."

HE'S A "BOB",
I CAN TELL.

IT'S PART OF THAT WHOLE
UNIVERSITY TRAINING, YOU KNOW ?

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S ALL ABOUT
POSTURE AND HAIR.

HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT MY HAIR
THIS MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I ASKED ALL THE WOMEN
I INTERVIEWED

THE SAME QUESTIONS, AND THEN
I PICKED MY FAVORITE ANSWERS,

ALTHOUGH I HAVE
TO TELL YOU,

I HAVE NEVER HEARD AN ANSWER
I DIDN'T LOVE.

THE FIRST QUESTION
I ASKED WOMEN WAS,

IF YOUR VAGINA
GOT DRESSED,

WHAT WOULD IT WEAR ?

WHAT WOULD YOUR VAGINA WEAR
IF IT GOT DRESSED ?

OH, I KNEW THAT QUESTION
WAS GOING TO COME,

AND I SAID THAT EVERYBODY
WOULD PROBABLY SAY

THAT I WOULD HAVE ON
A RALPH LAUREN SKIRT

OR A CALVIN KLEIN DRESS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I WOULD PROBABLY
PUT A HAT ON IT.

LOTS OF GLITTER.

RED SILK.

JEANS.

PROBABLY A RED BOA.

HIKING BOOTS
AND A LOT OF SUN BLOCK.

SOMETHING FROM
THE 40s.

I LIKE LEATHER,
IT'S SEXY.

IT WOULD BE BALD.

AND IT'D
HAVE AN EARRING.

ACTUALLY MY VAGINA'S
A NUDIST.

DOESN'T WEAR
ANYTHING ANYMORE.

SOME "TIMS",

SOME BAGGY JEANS,

PROBABLY A HOODIE.

LIKE A LITTLE
OLD-FASHIONED DRESS.

SPOTTED LEATHER PANTS,
AND A BLACK KNIT SHIRT.

OOH, DADDY
WOULD LOVE THAT.

I KNOW IT,
HE WOULD LOVE IT.

I'VE BEEN TRAVELING
FOR SEVERAL YEARS
ALL AROUND THE WORLD,

AND I'VE BEEN THREATENING
TO CREATE A MAP

OF ALL
THE VAGINA-FRIENDLY CITIES,

FIVE YEARS IN THE THEATER,
NOT ONE MAP.

ONE HOUR
IN HBO, PRESTO !

A VAGINA FRIENDLY MAP !

I BET YOU DON'T KNOW
ABOUT SOME OF

THE REALLY MANY SURPRISING
VAGINA-FRIENDLY CITIES.

OKLAHOMA CITY
LOVES VAGINAS.

WHO KNEW ?

BOISE, IDAHO,
RECENT RECENT CONVERT

THEY'VE COME
INTO VAGINA LAND.

CONGRATULATIONS, IDAHO.

THERE ARE ON THIS MAP
VAGINA HOLIDAY ZONES,

NEW YORK CITY IS
VAGINA HOLIDAY ZONE.

SAN FRANCISCO
HAS ITS OWN STATUS.

THERE IS NO OTHER
VAGINA WORLD FAIR ZONE.

IT'S THE ONLY ONE ON THE MAP,
JUST IMAGINE THE RIDE.

THERE ARE SOME AREAS
WHICH CLEARLY,

AS YOU LOOK THROUGH
THE MID-PART OF AMERICA,

HAVE NOT BEEN
LIBERATED AS OF YET,

BUT WE HAVE GREAT FAITH
THEY WILL BE LIBERATED
ANY DAY NOW.

PITTSBURGH IS A WILD--

WHERE IS PITTSBURGH ?

WILDLY, WILDLY
VAGINA-FRIENDLY CITY,

I'VE BEEN THERE
THREE TIMES

AND THEY LOVE VAGINAS
IN PITTSBURGH.

WHO KNEW ?

AFTER ONE OF
MY FIRST SHOWS THERE,

A WOMAN CAME UP TO ME
AND SHE SAID,

I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU RIGHT AWAY.

SHE WAS VERY UPSET.

I CALLED HER WHEN
I GOT BACK TO NEW YORK.

SHE TOLD ME THAT
SHE LIKED THE PIECE,

BUT SHE FELT I HAD MISSED
THE TEXTURE OF THE VAGINA,

SHE NEEDED
TO TALK TEXTURE.

FOR THE NEXT HOUR,
SHE TALKED TO ME

ABOUT THE TEXTURE
OF THE VAGINA

WITH SUCH
NUANCE AND DETAIL,

THAT TO BE HONEST,

I HAD TO LAY DOWN AT
THE END OF THE CONVERSATION.

HOWEVER, SHE ALSO TOLD ME
IN THE COURSE
OF OUR CONVERSATION

THAT I HAD SAID
SOMETHING NEGATIVE

ABOUT A PARTICULAR WORD.

A PEJORATIVE WORD,

A WORD THAT'S BEEN USED
TO DECLAIM THE VAGINA,

AND SHE NEEDED TO HELP ME
RECONCEIVE THIS WORD.

SO, FOR THE NEXT HOUR,

SHE TALKED TO ME
ABOUT THIS WORD,

AND WHEN SHE WAS DONE,

I WAS A CONVERT.

I WROTE THIS FOR HER...

I CALL IT...

CUNT.

I'VE RECLAIMED IT.

CUNT.

I REALLY LIKE IT.

CUNT,

JUST LISTEN TO IT,
LISTEN TO IT.

CUNT.

CA...

CA...

CAVERN,

CACKLE, CLIT,
CUTE, COME-CLOSED C,

CLOSED INSIDE,
INSIDE CA...

CA...

THEN U...

THEN CU...

THEN CURVY,
INVITING SHARKSKIN, U...

UNIFORM,

UNDER,

UP,

URGE,

OOH, OOH, U...

THEN N, THEN CUN...

CUN...

SNUG LETTERS FITTING
PERFECTLY TOGETHER.

N...

NEST, NOW,

NEXUS, NICE,

ALWAYS DEPTH,
ALWAYS ROUND IN UPPERCASE,

CUN, CUN... !

A JAGGED WICKED
ELECTRICAL PULSE.

N..., N...

THEN SOFT N,
WARM N...

CUN, CUN.

THEN T, THEN T...

THEN SHARP CERTAIN
TANGY T...

TEXTURE, TAKE,

TIGHT, TENT,

TANTALIZING,

TENSING,

TASTE,

TENDRILS,

TIME,

TACTILE,

TELL ME !

TELL ME, CUNT !

CUNT !

SAY IT !

TELL ME, COME ON !

CUNT.

CUNT.

CUNT !

WHOO !

LOVE THAT WORD.

I CAN'T
SAY IT ENOUGH.

I CAN'T
STOP SAYING IT.

FEELING A LITTLE
IRRITATED IN THE AIRPORT,

JUST SAY "CUNT",
EVERYTHING CHANGES.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ?"

I SAID, "CUNT, THAT'S RIGHT,
CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT."

IT FEELS GOOD.

TRY IT, GO AHEAD,
GO AHEAD.

CUNT.

CUNT.

CUNT.

CUNT.

CUNT, CUNT.

CUNT.

CUNT, CUNT.

CUNT !

( together )
CUNT, CUNT, CUNT... !

I'M A CUNT !

MY MOTHER'S GONNA
SEE THIS, I CAN'T.

CUNT.

THIS IS BETTER
THAN THERAPY.

TURNS THE DAY AROUND,
I PROMISE YOU.

WE'RE MOVING ALONG.

I ASKED WOMEN,

"IF YOUR VAGINA COULD TALK,
WHAT WOULD IT SAY ?"

IF YOUR VAGINA COULD TALK,
AND IT COULD SAY TWO WORDS,

WHAT WOULD IT SAY ?

SLOW DOWN.

THE FIRST TWO WORDS
THAT CAME TO ME HEAD WAS,

"OH, NO," AND I DON'T KNOW IF
THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION,

OR IF THAT'S WHAT MY VAGINA
WOULD SAY, LIKE, "OH, NO".

ICE PACK.

FEED ME.

EEH !

USE ME.

"EAT ME"
COMES TO MIND.

STOP THINKING SO MUCH
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

WHERE'S TOM ?

WHAT DO YOU WANT ?

WANT SOME.

YES !

NEED SOME.

MORE.

HELP ME.

OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

HOW YOU DOING ?

SLOW DOWN.

IT'S COZY.

HOWDIE, PARTNER.

WHAT'S UP, HONEY ?

GO, GIRL.

I'M HERE.

I'M HERE.

I'M HERE.

THANK YOU.

ACCEPT GIFTS.

I'M HAPPY.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHAT
IT WOULD SAY.

FOR 10 YEARS I HAD
THE PRIVILEGE OF

WORKING WITH WOMEN
IN NEW YORK WHO HAD NO HOMES.

IN THAT TIME,
I DID ALL KINDS OF THINGS.

I HUNG OUT,
I RAN GROUPS,

I HAD MEALS,
I WENT TO THE MOVIES.

I INTERVIEWED HUNDREDS
AND HUNDREDS OF HOMELESS WOMEN.

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU
IN ALL THOSE YEARS,

IN ALL THOSE INTERVIEWS,

I ONLY MET ONE WOMEN
WHO WAS NOT

SEXUALLY ABUSED,

AS A LITTLE GIRL

OR RAPED AS
A YOUNG WOMAN.

THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN
I MET SEVEN YEARS AGO,

IN A SHELTER,
AND THIS IS HER STORY,

JUST THE WAY
SHE TOLD IT TO ME.

I DIDN'T ADD
OR CHANGE ANYTHING.

WHAT'S NOT IN HER STORY

IS THAT SHE MET A WOMAN
IN THAT SHELTER

AND THEY FELL IN LOVE,

AND THROUGH THEIR LOVE THEY BOTH
GOT OUT OF THE SHELTER SYSTEM.

I DO THIS TONIGHT FOR HER,
BECAUSE I LOVED HER.

( in southern accent )
MEMORY,

DECEMBER, 1965,

FIVE YEARS OLD.

MY MAMA TELLS ME
IN A SCARY, LOUD,

LIFE-THREATENING VOICE

TO STOP SCRATCHING
MY COOCHIE SNORCHER.

I BECOME TERRIFIED I HAVE
SCRATCHED IT OFF DOWN THERE

AND DO NOT
TOUCH MYSELF AGAIN.

EVEN IN THE BATH,

I AM AFRAID OF
THE WATER GETTING IN

AND FILLING ME UP
SO I EXPLODE.

I PUT BAND-AIDS
OVER MY COOCHIE SNORCHER
TO COVER THE HOLE,

BUT THEY FALL OFF
IN THE WATER.

I IMAGINE A STOPPER,
A BATH TUB PLUG UP THERE

TO PREVENT THINGS
FROM ENTERING ME.

I SLEEP WITH THREE PAIRS
OF HAPPY HEART-SHAPED
COTTON UNDERPANTS

UNDERNEATH
MY SNAP-UP PAJAMAS.

I STILL WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF,
BUT I DON'T.

MEMORY,

SEVEN YEARS OLD.

EDGAR MONTANE,
WHO IS 10,

GETS ANGRY AT ME
AND PUNCHES ME

WITH ALL HIS MIGHT
BETWEEN MY LEGS.

IT FEELS LIKE HE BREAKS
MY ENTIRE SELF.

I LIMP HOME,
I CAN'T PEE.

MY MAMA SAYS "WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOUR COOCHIE SNORCHER, GIRL ?"

AND WHEN I TELL HER WHAT
EDGAR DID TO ME, SHE SAYS,

"NEVER, NEVER LET ANYONE
TOUCH YOU DOWN THERE AGAIN".

I TRIED TO EXPLAIN.

"HE DIDN'T
TOUCH IT, MAMA.

HE PUNCHED IT."

MEMORY,

NINE YEARS OLD.

I PLAY ON THE BED,
BOUNCING AND FALLING,

AND IMPALE MY COOCHIE SNORCHER
ON THE BEDPOST.

I MAKE HIGH-PITCHED
SCREAMING NOISES

THAT COME STRAIGHT FROM
MY COOCHIE SNORCHER'S MOUTH.

I GET TAKEN
TO THE HOSPITAL,

AND THEY SEW IT UP DOWN THERE
FROM WHERE IT'S BEEN TORN APART.

MEMORY,

10 YEARS OLD.

I'M AT MY FATHER'S HOUSE

AND HE'S HAVING
A PARTY UPSTAIRS.

EVERYONE'S DRINKING.

I'M PLAYING ALONE
IN THE BASEMENT,

AND I'M TRYING ON MY NEW
COTTON WHITE BRA AND PANTIES,

THAT MY FATHER'S
GIRLFRIEND GAVE ME.

SUDDENLY
MY FATHER'S BEST FRIEND,

THIS BIG MAN ALFRED,
COMES UP FROM BEHIND,

AND PULLS MY NEW
UNDERPANTS DOWN,

AND STICKS HIS BIG, HARD PENIS
RIGHT INTO MY COOCHIE SNORCHER.

I SCREAM, I KICK,
I TRY TO FIGHT HIM OFF,

BUT HE ALREADY GETS IN.

MY DADDY'S THERE THEN,

AND HE HAS A GUN,

AND THERE IS A LOUD,
HORRIBLE NOISE,

AND THEN THERE IS BLOOD
ALL OVER ALFRED AND ME,

LOTS OF BLOOD.

I AM SURE MY COOCHIE SNORCHER
IS FINALLY FALLEN OUT.

ALFRED IS
PARALYZED FOR LIFE.

AND MY MAMA DOESN'T
LET ME SEE MY FATHER AGAIN

FOR SEVEN YEARS.

MEMORY,

13 YEARS OLD.

MY COOCHIE SNORCHER
IS A VERY BAD PLACE.

A PLACE OF PAIN,
NASTINESS, PUNCHING,

INVASION AND BLOOD.

IT'S A SITE FOR MISHAPS.

IT'S A BAD LUCK ZONE.

I IMAGINE A FREEWAY
BETWEEN MY LEGS,

AND GIRL,
I AM TRAVELING.

I'M GOING
FAR AWAY FROM HERE.

MEMORY,

16 YEARS OLD.

THERE IS THIS GORGEOUS,

AND I MEAN GORGEOUS,

24-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND I DO NOT KNOW WHY,

BUT I CAN'T HELP

BUT STARING AT HER
ALL THE TIME.

ONE DAY,

SHE INVITES ME
INTO HER CAR.

SHE ASKS ME IF I LIKE
TO KISS BOYS, AND I SAY,

"NO, I DO NOT
LIKE TO DO THAT."

THEN SHE SAYS SHE WANTS
TO SHOW ME SOMETHING.

AND SHE LEANS OVER,

AND SHE KISSES ME

SO SOFTLY ON THE LIPS,

WITH HER LIPS.

AND THEN SHE PUTS HER TONGUE
IN MY MOUTH.

WOW.

SHE ASKED ME IF I WANT
TO COME OVER TO HER HOUSE,

AND THEN
SHE KISSES ME AGAIN,

AND TELLS ME TO RELAX,

TO FEEL IT,

TO LET OUR TONGUES
FEEL IT.

SHE ASKS MY MAMA
IF I CAN SPEND THE NIGHT,

AND MY MAMA'S DELIGHTED,

THAT SUCH A BEAUTIFUL,
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN

HAS TAKEN AN INTEREST
IN ME.

I AM SCARED,

BUT REALLY I CAN'T WAIT.

HER APARTMENT
IS FANTASTIC.

SHE'S GOT IT
REALLY HOOKED UP.

IT'S THE 70s,
THE BEADS,

THE FLUFFY PILLOWS,
THE MOOD LIGHTS.

I DECIDE RIGHT THEN
I'M GONNA BE A SECRETARY

JUST LIKE HER
WHEN I GROW UP.

SHE MAKES A VODKA
FOR HERSELF,

AND THEN SHE ASKS ME
WHAT I'M DRINKING.

I SAY, THE SAME
AS SHE'S DRINKING,

AND SHE SAYS
SHE DOESN'T THINK

MY MAMA WOULD
LIKE ME DRINKING VODKA.

I SAY, "SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T
LIKE ME KISSING GIRLS EITHER."

AND THE PRETTY LADY
MAKES ME A DRINK.

THEN SHE CHANGES INTO
THIS CHOCOLATE...

SATIN TEDDY.

SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I MEAN, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
BULLDAGGERS WERE UGLY.

I SAY,
"YOU LOOK GREAT."

SHE SAYS, "SO DO YOU."

I SAY, "NO, I ONLY HAVE
THIS WHITE COTTON BRA

AND PANTIES ON."

SO, SHE TAKES ME
INTO HER CLOSET,

AND SHE CHANGES ME INTO

ANOTHER SATIN TEDDY.

IT IS LAVENDER,

LIKE THE FIRST
SOFT DAYS OF SPRING.

THE ALCOHOL HAS GONE
TO MY HEAD,

AND I AM LOOSE.

I AM READY.

I NOTICE, AS SHE LAYS ME
DOWN ON HER BED,

THAT THERE IS A PICTURE
OF A NAKED BLACK WOMAN

WITH A HUGE AFRO.

AS SHE SLOWLY

AND GENTLY LAYS ME
DOWN ON HER BED,

AND JUST OUR
BODIES RUBBING.

JUST OUR BODIES
RUBBING MAKES ME COME.

THEN SHE DOES EVERYTHING TO ME
AND MY COOCHIE SNORCHER

THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT
WAS NASTY BEFORE

AND OH, MY GOD,
I AM SO EXCITED.

SHE SAYS, "YOUR VAGINA,
UNTOUCHED BY MAN,

"SMELLS SO FRESH,
SO NICE,

I WISH I COULD KEEP IT
THAT WAY FOREVER."

I GET CRAZY.

I GET CRAZY WILD.

AND THEN THE PHONE RINGS,

AND IT'S MY MAMA.

SHE CATCHES ME
AT EVERYTHING.

I TRY TO ACT NORMAL
WHEN I GET ON THE PHONE.

"WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU, GIRL ?

HAVE YOU BEEN RUNNING ?"

I SAY, "NO, MAMA,
EXERCISING."

AFTERWARDS,

THE GORGEOUS LADY
TEACHES ME EVERYTHING

ABOUT MY COOCHIE SNORCHER.

SHE MAKES ME PLAY
WITH MYSELF IN FRONT OF HER,

AND SHE TEACHES ME
ALL THE DIFFERENT WAYS

TO GIVE MYSELF PLEASURE.

SHE IS VERY THOROUGH.

IN THE MORNING, I AM WORRIED
I'VE BECOME A BUTCH,

BECAUSE I'M SO
IN LOVE WITH HER.

SHE LAUGHS,
BUT I NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

YOU KNOW,
I REALIZED LATER,

SHE WAS MY SURPRISING,
UNEXPECTED,

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

SALVATION.

SHE TRANSFORMED
MY SORRY-ASS COOCHIE SNORCHER

AND RAISED IT UP

INTO A KIND OF HEAVEN.

( applause )

IN 1993, I SAW
THIS INCREDIBLE PICTURE

ON THE COVER OF "NEWSDAY".

IT WAS A PICTURE OF
SIX YOUNG BOSNIAN GIRLS

WHO HAD JUST BEEN RETURNED
FROM A RAPE CAMP

IN THE FORMER YUGOSLAVIA,

AND THE PICTURE
WAS REALLY SHOCKING,

BECAUSE ON ONE LEVEL THEY LOOKED
LIKE SIX YOUNG BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

IN THEIR LATE TEENS,
EARLY 20s.

BUT FROM ANOTHER DIRECTION
IT WAS REALLY CLEAR

THAT SOMETHING HAD JUST
OCCURRED TO EACH OF THESE GIRLS

THAT HAD
CHANGED THEM FOREVER.

INSIDE THE NEWSPAPER
WAS ANOTHER PHOTOGRAPH,

AND THERE WERE 30 GIRLS WHO HAD
BEEN RETURNED FROM A RAPE CAMP.

AND THEY WERE ALL STANDING
IN A SEMI-CIRCLE,

HAVING THEIR
PICTURE TAKEN,

YET NOT ONE OF THEM
COULD LOOK AT THE CAMERA.

THESE PICTURES
COMPLETELY HAUNTED ME,

AND WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR MY GOING
TO THE FORMER YUGOSLAVIA

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER
DURING THE WAR,

WHERE I SPENT MONTHS

INTERVIEWING BOSNIAN
WOMEN REFUGEES IN CAMPS

AND IN CENTERS.

THEIR STORIES WERE, UH,
THEY WERE HORRIBLE.

AND WHEN I CAME
BACK TO THE STATES,

I FELT INSANE,

AND I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND

WHY WE WEREN'T DOING
ANYTHING ABOUT THE FACT

THAT BETWEEN 20 AND 70 THOUSAND
WOMEN WERE BEING RAPED

IN THE MIDDLE
OF EUROPE IN 1993,

AS A SYSTEMATIC
TACTIC OF WAR.

AND A FRIEND OF MINE
FINALLY SAID,

"WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED ?"

IN THIS COUNTRY, IN ONE YEAR,
AND I DO NOT EXAGGERATE,

IT'S A DOCUMENTED FACT.

IN THIS COUNTRY
IN ONE YEAR,

OVER 700,000 WOMEN
ARE RAPED.

AND IN THEORY,
WE'RE NOT AT WAR.

I WROTE THIS FOR
THE BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

OF BOSNIA AND KOSOVA.

MY VAGINA
WAS GREEN WATER,

SOFT PINK FIELDS,

COW MOOING,

SUN RESTING,
SWEET BOYFRIEND,

TOUCHING LIGHTLY WITH
A SOFT PIECE OF BLONDE STRAW.

THERE IS SOMETHING
BETWEEN MY LEGS.

I DO NOT KNOW
WHAT IT IS.

I DO NOT KNOW
WHERE IT IS.

NOT NOW.

NOT ANYMORE.

NOT SINCE.

MY VAGINA WAS CHATTY,
CAN'T WAIT, SO MUCH SAYING,

WORDS TALKING,
CAN'T QUIT TRYING,

CAN'T QUIT
SAYING, "YES,

YES".

NOT SINCE I DREAM
THERE'S A DEAD ANIMAL

SEWN IN DOWN THERE

WITH THICK BLACK
FISHING LINE.

AND THE BAD DEAD ANIMAL SMELL
CANNOT BE REMOVED.

AND ITS THROAT
IS SLIT

AND IT BLEEDS THROUGH
ALL MY SUMMER DRESSES.

MY VAGINA SINGING
ALL GIRL SONGS,

ALL GOAT BELLS
RINGING SONGS,

ALL WILD AUTUMN
FIELD SONGS,

VAGINA SONGS,
VAGINA HOME SONGS.

NOT SINCE THE SOLDIERS

PUT A LONG, THICK RIFLE

INSIDE ME.

SO COLD, THE STEEL ROD
CANCELING MY HEART.

DON'T KNOW WHETHER
THEY'RE GONNA FIRE IT

OR SHOVE IT
THROUGH MY SPINNING BRAIN.

SIX OF THEM,

WITH BLACK MASKS
SHOVING BOTTLES UP ME TOO.

THERE WERE STICKS,
AND THE END OF A BROOM.

MY VAGINA SWIMMING
RIVER WATER, CLEAN,

SPILLING WATER
OVER SUN-BAKED STONES,

OVER STONE CLIT,
CLIT STONES OVER AND OVER.

NOT SINCE
I HEARD THE SKIN TEAR

AND MADE LEMON
SCREECHING SOUNDS...

NOT SINCE A PIECE OF MY VAGINA
CAME OFF IN MY HAND,

NOW ONE PART
OF THE LIP,

ONE SIDE OF THE LIP
IS COMPLETELY GONE.

MY VAGINA.

A LIVE, WET,
WATER VILLAGE.

MY VAGINA

WAS ONCE MY HOMETOWN.

NOT SINCE
THEY TOOK TURNS.

THEY TOOK TURNS
FOR SEVEN DAYS

SMELLING LIKE FECES
AND SMOKED MEAT.

THEY LEFT THEIR DIRTY SPERM
INSIDE ME.

AND I BECAME A RIVER
OF POISON AND PUS,

AND ALL THE CROPS DIED,

AND THE FISH.

MY VAGINA...

A LIVE, WET,
WATER VILLAGE.

THEY INVADED IT.

THEY BUTCHERED IT

AND BURNED IT DOWN.

I DO NOT TOUCH NOW.

I DO NOT VISIT.

I LIVE SOMEPLACE
ELSE NOW.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THAT IS.

HAS ANYONE EVER
HURT YOUR VAGINA ?

THE WORST THING WAS
DEFINITELY BEING RAPED.

AND WHEN WAS THAT ?

WHEN I WAS
14 YEARS OLD.

THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME
A MAN EVER DID ENTER MY BODY.

THAT WAS WHEN
YOU WERE A VIRGIN ?

SO, WHAT HAPPENED ?

UH, HE HAD CUT ME
WITH HIS FINGERNAILS,

AND THEN I WALKED AROUND
TRYING NOT TO PEE,

BECAUSE IT HURT.

I EXPERIENCED
A DATE RAPE IN COLLEGE.

THIS WAS A VERY CLOSE FRIEND
FROM HIGH SCHOOL,

AND HE ONE TIME
WAS STAYING OVER

AND WOKE ME UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,

AND RIPPED OFF
MY UNDERWEAR,

STUFFED UNDERWEAR
IN MY MOUTH,

PINNED MY KNEES DOWN
WITH HIS KNEES

AND RAPED ME.

I WAS WALKING HOME
FROM MY FRIEND'S HOUSE,

AND AN OLDER MAN
CAME UP BEHIND ME

AND PUT HIS HAND
OVER MY MOUTH,

AND SHOVED HIS
OTHER HAND IN MY BACK

AND SAID, "DON'T SCREAM
OR I'LL KILL YOU."

HE BEAT ME
AND HE KNIFED ME

AND HE RAPED ME.

AND HE TRIED
TO KILL ME.

IT WAS SUCH
AN EMOTIONAL INJURY,

THAT DISTORTS YOUR FEELINGS
ABOUT YOUR WOMANHOOD,

YOUR SELF,

RELATIONSHIPS.

IT TOOK A LONG, LONG,
LONG TIME TO TRUST ANYONE,

AND TO MAKE REALLY MYSELF
FEEL THAT IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.

AND THANK GOD I DIDN'T
CATCH ANYTHING BEHIND IT.

BUT, UM...

I WAS HURT MORE
THAN MY VAGINA.

THANK YOU.

MY VAGINA'S ANGRY !

IT IS !

IT'S PISSED OFF !

MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS.

AND IT NEEDS TO TALK.

IT NEEDS TO TALK
ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT

AND IT NEEDS
TO TALK TO YOU.

I MEAN,
WHAT IS THE DEAL ?

AN ARMY OF PEOPLE OUT THERE
THINKING UP WAYS

TO TORTURE MY POOR-ASS,
GENTLE, LOVING VAGINA.

SPENDING THEIR DAYS
CONSTRUCTING PSYCHO PRODUCTS

AND NASTY IDEAS
TO UNDERMINE MY PUSSY.

VAGINA MOTHERFUCKERS !

ALL THIS SHIT THEY'RE CONSTANTLY
TRYING TO SHOVE UP US.

SHOVE UP US, STUFF US UP,
AND MAKE US GO AWAY.

WELL, MY VAGINA'S
NOT GOING AWAY.

IT'S PISSED OFF
AND IT'S STAYING RIGHT HERE.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOUR VAGINA'S
EVER BEEN ANGRY AT ?

HMM.

EVER BEEN ANGRY AT ?

YES, AGAIN IT ALL
HAS TO DO WITH THE...

INVASIVENESS ASPECT,

WHEN IT'S NOT READY.

WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN, UM...

WHEN IT HASN'T
BEEN NURTURED.

LET'S JUST BEGIN
WITH TAMPONS.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ?

( audience laughing )

A DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON
STUFFED UP THERE.

WHY CAN'T
THEY FIND A WAY

TO SUBTLY LUBRICATE
THE TAMPON ?

AS SOON AS MY VAGINA SEES IT,
IT GOES INTO SHOCK !

IT CLOSES UP.

IT SAYS, "FORGET IT."

YOU HAVE TO WORK
WITH THE VAGINA,

INTRODUCE IT TO THINGS,

PREPARE THE WAY.

THAT'S WHAT
FOREPLAY'S ALL ABOUT.

YOU'VE GOT
TO CONVINCE MY VAGINA,

SEDUCE MY VAGINA,

ENGAGE MY VAGINA'S TRUST.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT

WITH A DRY WAD
OF FUCKING COTTON !

YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER,
BUT THEY USED TO HAVE, UH,

ELASTIC BELTS WITH LITTLE HOOKS
AND THEY HANDED YOU A PAD

THAT WAS LIKE
THICK ENOUGH

FOR BARBIE TO USE
AS A RAFT, YOU KNOW ?

IT WAS LIKE GIGANTIC.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS,

AFTER I'D STARTED
MY PERIOD,

SPENDING A SUMMER
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO PUT A TAMPON IN.

AND I REMEMBER SORT OF
SQUATTING OVER A MIRROR,

FOR DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS
TRYING TO FIND THE WAY IN.

STOP SHOVING
THINGS UP ME !

STOP SHOVING
AND STOP CLEANING IT UP.

MY VAGINA DOESN'T
NEED TO BE CLEANED UP.

IT SMELLS GOOD ALREADY.

DON'T TRY TO DECORATE.

DON'T BELIEVE HIM
WHEN HE TELLS YOU

IT SMELLS LIKE
ROSE PETALS,

WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED
TO SMELL LIKE PUSSY.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING,
YOU KNOW, TRYING TO CLEAN IT UP,

MAKE IT SMELL LIKE
A BATHROOM SPRAY OR A GARDEN.

ALL THOSE DOUCHE SPRAYS.

FLORAL, BERRY, RAIN.

I DON'T WANT MY PUSSY
TO SMELL LIKE RAIN !

ALL CLEANED UP
LIKE WASHING A FISH
AFTER YOU'VE COOKED IT.

I WANNA
TASTE THE FISH !

THAT'S WHY
I ORDERED IT !

YOU HEARD THE JOKE ABOUT
"GOOD EVENING, LADIES" ?

NO.

OH, WELL,
IT'S A JOKE THAT GOES,

"A BLIND MAN
PASSED THE FISH MARKET,

AND HE SAYS,
"GOOD EVENING, LADIES !"

MY FIANCE SAYS IT'S LIKE
POTPOURRI AND ROSES.

THAT'S SICK.

THAT'S LIKE DOUCHING
WITH LIKE...

FABRIC FRESH OR GLAD
OR WHATEVER.

THE THING YOU GET
LIKE ALL FREAKED OUT,

BECAUSE THERE'S
ALL THESE WARNINGS,

ABOUT THE ODOR,
AND THEN THE ODOR SHOWS UP,

AND YOU'RE LIKE,
OH, MY GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON ?

AND THEN YOU REALIZE
IT'S NORMAL.

THEN THERE'S
THOSE EXAMS.

WHO THOUGHT UP
THOSE EXAMS ?

I KNOW THERE HAS
TO BE A BETTER WAY.

WHY THE SCARY PAPER DRESS
THAT SCRATCHES YOUR TITS ?

WHY THE FUNKY
RUBBER GLOVES ?

WHY THE FLASHLIGHT
ALL UP THERE,

LIKE NANCY DREW WORKING
AGAINST GRAVITY ?

WHY THE NAZI
STEEL STIRRUPS ?

WHY THE MEAN, COLD DUCK LIPS
THEY SHOVE INSIDE YOU ?

WHAT IS THAT ?!

MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS
ABOUT THESE VISITS.

IT GETS DEFENDED
WEEKS IN ADVANCE,

IT WON'T GO OUT
OF THE HOUSE.

THEN YOU GET THERE,

DON'T YOU LOVE THAT ?

"RELAX YOUR VAGINA.

RELAX, COME ON, SCOOT DOWN,
SCOOT DOWN, RELAX YOUR VAGINA."

WHY ?

MY VAGINA'S
NOT STUPID.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SHOVE MEAN,
COLD DUCK LIPS UP INSIDE IT !

IT'S JUST HORRIBLE.

FIRST THING, THE ROOM
IS ALWAYS VERY COLD.

YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE SITTING THERE,

SPREADING YOUR LEGS,
IT'S JUST HORRIBLE.

WHAT THEY CALL A SPECULUM,
OR WHATEVER THAT THING IS ?

I CAN'T STAND IT,

EVEN WHEN THAT LITTLE
BRUSH THING FOR THE PAP SMEAR
GOES IN THERE,

IT MAKES ME CRINGE.

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, DOES THIS
HURT WHEN I SQUEEZE HERE ?"

WELL, YEAH.

YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY VAGINA,
IT'S NOT A COMFORTABLE FEELING.

WHY CAN'T THEY FIND SOME NICE,
DELICIOUS PURPLE VELVET

AND WRAP IT AROUND ME,

LAY ME DOWN IN SOME
FEATHERY COTTON SPREAD,

PUT ON SOME FRIENDLY
PINK OR BLUE GLOVES,

AND REST MY FEET IN SOME
FUR-COVERED STIRRUPS ?

WARM UP
THE DUCK LIPS !

WORK WITH MY VAGINA !

BUT NO,
MORE TORTURES !

DRY WAD
OF FUCKING COTTON,

COLD DUCK LIPS,

THONG UNDERWEAR !

THAT SHIT IS THE WORST.

IT IS THE WORST.

IT MOVES AROUND
ALL THE TIME.

IT GETS STUCK IN THE BACK
OF YOUR VAGINA,

REAL CRUSTY BUTT.

THE VAGINA IS SUPPOSED
TO BE LOOSE AND WIDE,

NOT HELD TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHY GIRDLES
ARE SO BAD.

WE NEED TO MOVE

AND SPREAD AND TALK.

VAGINAS NEED TO TALK.

WHY DON'T THEY MAKE
SOMETHING COMFORTABLE,

SOMETHING TO GIVE
THEM PLEASURE ?

OF COURSE
THEY WON'T DO THAT.

THEY HATE, HATE,
HATE, HATE, HATE

TO SEE A WOMAN
HAVING PLEASURE.

PARTICULARLY
SEXUAL PLEASURE.

I SAY, MAKE A NICE PAIR
OF WHITE COTTON UNDERPANTS

WITH A FRENCH TICKLER
BUILT IN.

THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT.

WOMEN WOULD BE
COMING ALL DAY.

COMING IN
THE SUPERMARKETS.

"GIVE ME THE JUICE."

THEY WOULDN'T
BE ABLE TO STAND IT.

SEEING ALL THESE ENERGIZED,
NOT-TAKING-SHIT,

HOT, HAPPY VAGINAS
COMING DOWN THE STREET.

IF MY VAGINA COULD TALK...

IT WOULD TALK ABOUT
ITSELF LIKE ME.

IT WOULD TALK ABOUT
OTHER FABULOUS VAGINAS.

IT WOULD DO VAGINA
IMPRESSIONS.

IT WOULD WEAR
HARRY WINSTON DIAMONDS,

NO CLOTHING.

JUST THERE, ALL DRAPED
IN THE DIAMONDS.

MY VAGINA HELPED
RELEASE A GIANT BABY.

IT THOUGHT IT WOULD
BE DOING MORE OF THAT.

IT'S NOT.

NOW IT WANTS
TO TRAVEL.

IT DOES NOT WANT
A LOT OF COMPANY.

IT WANTS TO READ AND KNOW THINGS
AND GET OUT MORE.

IT WANTS SEX.

IT LOVES SEX.

IT WANTS TO GO DEEPER.

IT'S HUNGRY FOR DEPTH.

IT WANTS KINDNESS.

IT WANTS CHANGE.

IT WANTS SILENCE
AND FREEDOM

AND GENTLE KISSES
AND WARM LIQUIDS

AND DEEP TOUCH.

IT WANTS CHOCOLATE.

IT WANTS TO SCREAM.

IT WANTS
TO STOP BEING ANGRY !

IT WANTS TO COME.

IT WANTS TO WANT.

IT WANTS.

MY VAGINA, IT WANTS,

IT WANTS EVERYTHING.

( applause )

I INTERVIEWED A WHOLE GROUP
OF SEX WORKERS,

AND OBVIOUSLY WOMEN
WHO DO SEX WORK

HAVE RICH, COMPELLING,

COMPLEX RELATIONSHIPS
WITH THEIR VAGINAS.

THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN
BLEW MY MIND.

SHE WAS A SEX WORKER, BUT SHE
ONLY DID SEX WORK WITH WOMEN.

YOU KNOW WHEN
YOU GO OUT WITH SOMEONE

AND YOU THINK THEY'RE
IN THE SAME ZONE AS YOU

AND FIVE MINUTES INTO
THE CONVERSATION YOU'RE LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD !"

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS LIKE
WITH THIS WOMAN.

YOU KNOW,
YOU TRY TO BE HIP.

"RIGHT, RIGHT."

MEANWHILE YOUR HEAD'S
BEING BLOWN OFF,

YOU JUST HOPE YOUR SCARF
WILL CONCEAL IT.

I WROTE THIS FOR HER.

I LOVE VAGINAS.

I LOVE WOMEN.

I DO NOT SEE THEM
AS SEPARATE THINGS.

WOMEN PAY ME
TO DOMINATE THEM,

TO EXCITE THEM,

TO MAKE THEM COME.

I DID NOT START OUT
LIKE THIS.

NO, TO THE CONTRARY...

I STARTED OUT
AS A LAWYER.

BUT IN MY LATE 30s,

I BECAME OBSESSED
WITH MAKING WOMEN HAPPY.

IT BEGAN AS
A MISSION OF SORTS,

BUT THEN I GOT
INVOLVED IN IT.

I GOT VERY GOOD AT IT,
KIND OF BRILLIANT.

YOU COULD SAY
I FOUND MY CALLING.

I STARTED
GETTING PAID FOR IT.

I WORE OUTRAGEOUS OUTFITS
WHEN I DOMINATED WOMEN.

LACE, SILK,

LEATHER.

I USED PROPS...

WHIPS, ROPES,

HANDCUFFS, DILDOS.

THERE WAS NOTHING
LIKE THIS IN TAX LAW.

THERE WAS NO PROPS,
NO EXCITEMENT,

AND I HATED THOSE
BLUE CORPORATE SUITS,

ALTHOUGH I HAVE
TO TELL YOU,

I WEAR THEM NOW
IN MY NEW LINE OF WORK,

AND THEY FIT IN NICELY.

CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING.

THERE WAS NO WETNESS.

THERE WAS NO DARK,
MYSTERIOUS FOREPLAY.

NO ERECT NIPPLES.

NO DELICIOUS MOUTHS,

BUT MAINLY
THERE WAS NO MOANING.

NOT THE KIND
I'M TALKING ABOUT ANYWAY.

I SEE NOW THAT MOANING
WAS THE KEY.

IT WAS THE THING THAT
ULTIMATELY SEDUCED ME

AND GOT ME ADDICTED
TO MAKING WOMEN HAPPY.

I MADE LOVE
TO QUIET WOMEN, OKAY ?

I FOUND A PLACE
INSIDE THEM,

THEY SHOCKED THEMSELVES
IN THEIR MOANING.

I MADE LOVE TO MOANERS
AND THEY FOUND A DEEPER,

MORE PENETRATING MOAN.

I BECAME OBSESSED,
I LONGED TO BE IN CHARGE,

LIKE A BANDLEADER
OR A CONDUCTOR.

IT WAS A KIND OF SURGERY,
A KIND OF DELICATE SCIENCE,

FINDING THE EXACT LOCATION
OR HOME OF THE MOAN.

THAT'S WHAT
I CALLED IT.

SOMETIMES I FOUND IT
OVER A WOMAN'S JEANS.

SOMETIMES I SNUCK UP ON IT,
OFF THE RECORD,

QUIETLY DISARMING
THE SURROUNDING ALARMS

AND MOVING IN.

SOMETIMES I USED FORCE,

BUT NOT VIOLENT,
OPPRESSING FORCE, NO.

MORE LIKE DOMINATING,

"I'M GONNA
TAKE YOU SOMEPLACE,

WHY DON'T YOU LAY BACK,
ENJOY THE RIDE" KIND OF FORCE.

SOMETIMES IT WAS
SIMPLY MUNDANE.

I FOUND THE MOAN
BEFORE THINGS EVEN STARTED,

WHILE WE WERE EATING CHICKEN
OR SALAD IN THE KITCHEN,

RIGHT THERE,
WITH MY FINGERS ALL MIXED IN

WITH THE BALSAMIC VINEGAR.

SOMETIMES I USED PROPS,
I LOVE PROPS.

SOMETIMES

I MADE THE WOMAN
FIND HER OWN MOAN

IN FRONT OF ME.

I WAITED.

I STUCK IT OUT
UNTIL SHE OPENED HERSELF.

I WAS NOT FOOLED BY THOSE MINOR,
MORE OBVIOUS MOANS.

NO...

I PUSHED HER FURTHER,

ALL THE WAY

INTO HER POWER MOAN.

NOW...

THERE'S THE CLIT MOAN.

EH, EH, EH...

THE VAGINAL MOAN.

OH, OH, OH...

THE COMBO
CLIT-VAGINAL MOAN.

EH-OH, EH-OH, EH-OH...

THE ALMOST MOAN.

THE ON-IT MOAN.

OH... OH...

THE ELEGANT MOAN.

( laughing )

THE GRACE SLICK MOAN.

( high-pitched moan )

THE WASP MOAN.

( no sound )

THE SEMI-RELIGIOUS MOAN.

OY, OY, OY...

THE MOUNTAINTOP MOAN.

( yodeling )

THE BABY MOAN.

OH-AH, OH-AH, OH-AH...

THE DOGGY MOAN.

( fast panting )

THE SOUTHERN MOAN.

YEA, YEA, YEA !

THE MILITANT, UNINHIBITED
BISEXUAL MOAN.

HO, HO, HO, HO !

THE MACHINE-GUN MOAN.

( machine-gun sounds )

THE TORTURED ZEN MOAN.

AH, OH, AH...

THE DIVA MOAN.

AHHHHHH ! AHHHHHH !

AND FINALLY,

THE SURPRISE
TRIPLE-ORGASM MOAN.

OH, GOD,
THAT'S REALLY GOOD,
DON'T STOP.

THAT'S, OH, THAT'S IT,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT--

OH, THAT'S IT.

OH, MY GOD,
OH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD,
OH, THAT'S, OH MY GOD !

AHH... !

( continuous moaning )

EEE-AHHHH... !

( applause )

WHOO !

CAN YOU BELIEVE
WE'RE DOING THIS ON HBO ?

ORGASMS ON HBO,
I'M SO EXCITED.

I'VE BEEN
COLLECTING VAGINA FACTS
FOR QUITE SOME TIME,

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

I'VE BEEN HARD-PRESSED
TO FIND A HAPPY VAGINA FACT.

I FOUND THIS ONE AND NOW
I THINK I LIVE TO TELL IT.

THE CLITORIS
IS PURE IN PURPOSE.

IT IS THE ONLY ORGAN
IN THE MALE OR FEMALE BODY

DESIGNED SOLELY
FOR PLEASURE.

THE CLITORIS IS SIMPLY
A BUNDLE OF NERVES,

8,000 NERVE FIBERS,
TO BE PRECISE.

THAT IS A HIGHER CONCENTRATION
OF NERVE FIBERS

THAN IS FOUND
ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE BODY,

INCLUDING THE FINGERTIPS,

LIPS, AND TONGUE.

AND IT IS TWICE...

TWICE...

TWICE...

THE NUMBER
IN THE PENIS.

( cheering and applause )

DO YOU WANT
TO GO FIRST ?

YOU GO FIRST,
LET'S SEE.

UH, YOU GO FIRST.

YOU GO FIRST.

OKAY, FIRST I FEEL IT
IN MY HEAD.

BEFORE I FEEL IT
ANYWHERE ELSE.

I DO, I FEEL IT LIKE
RIGHT HERE IN MY HEAD.

AND THEN IT LIKE
TRAVELS DOWN,

AND IT'S THE MOST
INCREDIBLE SENSATION.

I SCREAM AND I YELL,
AND I SAY, YOU KNOW...

"MORE, IT'S GOOD."

I HAVE TO SQUEEZE
ALL MY MUSCLES,

PRETTY MUCH, IT'S LIKE EVERY
SINGLE MUSCLE IN MY BODY.

YEAH, I START BREATHING
HEAVIER, AND HONESTLY,

YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE GOING TO EXPLODE.

IT'S LIKE...

YOU KIND OF LOSE YOUR MIND
FOR A LITTLE BIT,

YOU JUST KIND
OF GO CRAZY.

IT'S SORT OF
AN ERUPTIVE STATE,

IT'S A RISING,
IGNITED STATE.

IT CAN BE KIND OF A BOOM,
OR IT CAN BE SOFT.

AH, AH !

IT'S JUST LIKE, WHEW.

YES !

OH, OH !

I'D BEEN PERFORMING
THIS PIECE FOR QUITE SOME TIME,

AND I DIDN'T HAVE
ONE MONOLOGUE IN IT ABOUT BIRTH,

WHICH WAS
A BIZARRE OMISSION,

ALTHOUGH RECENTLY
I WAS INTERVIEWED

BY A MALE JOURNALIST,
AND HE SAID,

"REALLY,
WHAT'S THE CONNECTION ?"

( laughing )

MY HUSBAND WAS THERE,
AND THE DOCTOR WAS THERE,

AND THE NURSE,
AND MY SISTER,

AND THEY WERE HOLDING MY LEGS
AND TELLING ME TO PUSH...

WHEN THEY SAID,

"OH, WE CAN SEE THE HEAD,
ONE BIG PUSH

AND YOU COULD
PUSH THAT BABY OUT,"

AND THERE'S THIS SORT OF
BONE CRACKING, YOU KNOW,

STRETCHY SOUND.

I FELT THIS VERY
STRANGE SENSATION

OF LIKE SOMETHING
SWIMMING THROUGH MY BODY.

AND I REALIZED,
OH, MY GOD,

HE'S COMING OUT,
HE'S COMING OUT.

SO, I JUST KEPT
PUSHING HARDER.

AND THEN FINALLY
THERE HE WAS, UPSIDE DOWN,

HANGING BY HIS LEGS,
AND HE WAS OKAY.

IT'S SO, I CAN'T WAIT
'TIL YOU EXPERIENCE IT.

I KNOW YOU CAN'T.

I CANNOT WAIT.

IT'S SO WONDERFUL.

I CAN'T WAIT.

IT'S JUST...

IT'S THE BEST THING EVER.

OVER THE COURSE OF
WRITING THE MONOLOGUES,

MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
GOT PREGNANT,

AND SHE AND MY SON
INVITED ME TO BE THERE

FOR THE BIRTH OF
MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

IF I WAS IN AWE OF VAGINAS
BEFORE THIS MOMENT,

I'M IN DEEP
WORSHIP NOW.

I WROTE THIS FOR
MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, SHIVA,

AND MY GRANDDAUGHTER COCO.

I WAS THERE

WHEN HER VAGINA OPENED.

WE WERE ALL THERE...

HER MOTHER,
HER HUSBAND AND I,

AND THE NURSE
FROM THE UKRAINE

WITH HER WHOLE HAND
UP THERE, IN HER VAGINA,

FEELING AND TURNING
WITH HER RUBBER GLOVE,

AS SHE TALKED
CASUALLY TO US,

LIKE SHE WAS TURNING ON
A LOADED FAUCET.

I WAS THERE IN THE ROOM
WHEN THE CONTRACTIONS

MADE HER CRAWL
ON ALL FOURS,

MADE UNFAMILIAR MOANS
LEAK OUT OF HER PORES.

AND STILL THERE,
AFTER HOURS,

WHEN SHE JUST SCREAMED,
SUDDENLY WILD,

HER ARMS STRIKING
AT THE ELECTRIC AIR.

I WAS THERE WHEN
HER VAGINA CHANGED...

FROM A SHY,
SEXUAL HOLE

TO AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL TUNNEL,

A SACRED VESSEL,

A VENETIAN CANAL,

A DEEP WELL WITH A TINY
STUCK CHILD INSIDE,

WAITING TO BE RESCUED.

I SAW THE COLORS
OF HER VAGINA.

THEY CHANGED.

SAW THE BRUISED
BROKEN BLUE,

THE BLISTERING
TOMATO RED,

THE GRAY-PINK,
THE DARK,

SAW THE BLOOD-LIKE PERSPIRATION
ALONG THE EDGES,

SAW THE YELLOW,
WHITE LIQUID,

THE SHIT, THE CLOTS
PUSHING OUT ALL THE HOLES,

PUSHING HARDER
AND HARDER,

SAW THROUGH THE HOLE,

THE BABY'S HEAD.

SCRATCHES OF BLACK HAIR,

SAW IT JUST THERE,

BEHIND THE BONE.

LIKE A HARD,
ROUND MEMORY,

AS THE NURSE
FROM THE UKRAINE

KEPT TURNING AND TURNING
HER SLIPPERY HAND.

I WAS THERE
WHEN EACH OF US,

HER MOTHER AND I,

HELD A LEG
AND SPREAD HER WIDE,

PUSHING WITH ALL OUR STRENGTH
AGAINST HER PUSHING,

AS HER HUSBAND
STERNLY COUNTING,

"ONE, TWO, THREE,"

TELLING HER, "FOCUS,
FOCUS HARDER."

WE LOOKED
INTO HER THEN.

WE COULDN'T GET OUR EYES

OUT OF THAT PLACE.

WE FORGET THE VAGINA,

ALL OF US.

WHAT ELSE WOULD EXPLAIN
OUR LACK OF AWE,

OUR LACK
OF REVERENCE ?

I WAS THERE WHEN
THE DOCTOR REACHED IN

WITH ALICE IN WONDERLAND SPOONS

AND THERE AS HER VAGINA

BECAME A WIDE,
OPERATIC MOUTH

SINGING WITH
ALL ITS STRENGTH,

FIRST THE LITTLE HEAD,

THEN THE GRAY
FLOPPING ARM...

THEN THE FAST,
SWIMMING BODY,

SWIMMING QUICKLY
INTO OUR WEEPING ARMS.

I WAS THERE LATER

WHEN I JUST TURNED,

I TURNED
AND I FACED HER VAGINA.

I STOOD AND I LET
MYSELF SEE HER,

ALL SPREAD,
COMPLETELY EXPOSED,

MUTILATED,
SWOLLEN, TORN,

BLEEDING ALL OVER
THE DOCTOR'S HANDS,

WHO WAS CALMLY
SEWING HER THERE.

I STOOD...

AND AS I STARED,

HER VAGINA
SUDDENLY BECAME

A WIDE, RED,

PULSING HEART.

THE HEART IS CAPABLE
OF SACRIFICE.

SO IS THE VAGINA.

THE HEART IS ABLE
TO FORGIVE AND REPAIR.

IT CAN CHANGE ITS SHAPE
TO LET US IN.

IT CAN EXPAND
TO LET US OUT.

SO CAN THE VAGINA.

IT CAN ACHE FOR US
AND STRETCH FOR US,

AND DIE FOR US.

AND BLEED AND BLEED US
INTO THIS DIFFICULT...

WONDROUS WORLD.

SO CAN THE VAGINA.

I WAS THERE
IN THE ROOM.

I REMEMBER.

( applause )

( cheering )

WELL, I DIDN'T REALLY
WANT TO SHOW VAGINAS...

IN THIS MOVIE.

I KIND OF RESISTED IT,

BUT HBO, REALLY
WOULDN'T BE AN HBO MOVIE,

WITHOUT SHOWING A VAGINA.

SO, HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO.

OKAY, WE'RE DONE.

Captions Copyright 2002
HOME BOX OFFICE

A Division of TIME WARNER
ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.

Captioned by
HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER