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1
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:08,834
The American Dream
says work hard,
2
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:13,970
pay your dues, and anything
you ever want can be yours.
3
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,841
Unless you're Black.
4
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:19,845
To get even a tiny drop
of that respect we deserve,
5
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:22,065
Black people
have to be the best.
6
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,720
No, the greatest.
7
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,114
And because
we have to be great,
8
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:30,987
that excellence oozes
through everything we do --
9
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,685
how we walk, how we talk,
10
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:36,340
and especially how we look.
11
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,081
We don't have a choice.
12
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,084
Our path to the American Dream
is so narrow
13
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:44,653
that one perceived slip
brings out the haters.
14
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:48,135
Serena was on her way
to winning another French Open,
15
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:51,442
but all they could talk about
was her catsuit.
16
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:54,402
Barack Obama went three racks
in his closet,
17
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:57,057
and everyone lost their minds.
18
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,755
So, as always,
Black people gotta do
19
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:02,845
even more than we already do.
20
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,935
That's why the Johnsons
always bring it.
21
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:07,893
Time for
- a freshness check.
- Okay.
22
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,591
So, Adidas top
and sweats,
23
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,332
and I even got the socks.
24
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,116
Okay. No notes.
25
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,858
You are my favorite.
Get outta here.
26
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,688
These shoes don't drop
for another month.
27
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,733
Don't listen
to what I just told him.
28
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,431
- You're my favorite.
- Alright.
29
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:30,394
Whoa! Whoa! Do you think
you're leaving this house
30
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,528
looking like you've been rolling
around in flour all day?!
31
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,399
Don't you move.
You stay right there.
32
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,880
Unh-unh! Did you really think
you were gonna leave this house
33
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,577
with them
fire-startin' legs?
34
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,188
What you think
this is, huh?
35
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:42,841
Mnh-mnh.
I ain't the one.
36
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,887
Devante,
I ain't the one.
37
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,367
What are you doing?
38
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,805
He thinks I'm the one, Bow.
I ain't the one.
39
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,372
Come here, boy.
Okay. Oh --
40
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,548
Like I'm gonna let
this little boy's knees
41
00:01:53,591 --> 00:02:01,730
undo all of Dr. King's work.
42
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,167
You are presentable.
Beat it. Unh!
43
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864
I get it, Dre.
He's ashy.
44
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,823
But don't you think you went
a little bit overboard there?
45
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,129
I'm having flashbacks
46
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,087
to when you
shaved Jack's head
47
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,436
because his lineup
was off.
48
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,047
There's no such thing
as overreacting
49
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,659
when your family's honor
is at stake.
50
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,835
What my baby
talkin' about?
51
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,097
Our family honor?
52
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,664
This one was
gonna let Devante
53
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,318
go to school ashy.
54
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:25,580
Oh, Lord.
Dre,
that's not what I said.
55
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,538
She tryin'
to get that baby snatched up
56
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,192
by Black CPS!
57
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,280
Mm-hmm.
58
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,369
What's... Black CPS?
59
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,806
Black Child
Protective Services!
60
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,547
Okay. That's --
That's not a thing.
61
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:37,809
Oh, it's a thing.
62
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,029
They guard our kids
63
00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:42,597
against Black parents
who ain't got no damn sense.
64
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,815
Okay.
You.
65
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,644
Snatched up that Baxter boy
when Dre was 7
66
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,776
'cause he always had
67
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,082
crusty eyes
and chapped lips.
68
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,345
That...didn't happen.
69
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,434
You better believe
it happened.
70
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:56,045
Swooped in like the feds
71
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,048
with that, uh,
Elián González
72
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,529
and placed him
with a family of witnesses
73
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,053
on the good side
of the 10 Freeway!
74
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:07,187
Uh, thank you so --
Thank you so much, Ruby.
75
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,232
- Ashy.
- Yeah, thank you.
76
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,799
Thank you.
77
00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:12,453
Yeah, no.
She's right.
78
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:13,758
Is she?
79
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:14,977
Yea--
80
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,109
I'm talking about Devante
81
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,633
knowing he should never
leave this house
82
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,330
looking like
a little Dennis Rodman.
83
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:23,246
Well, I think you need to be
a little less worried
84
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,987
about Devante's legs
85
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,075
and a little bit
more worried
86
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,337
about the things
you say to him.
87
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,818
The things
I say to him?
Yeah.
88
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,473
I'm talking no different than
how I talk to all of our kids.
89
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,953
What we learned
about parenting
90
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,608
has evolved
since we had Zoey.
91
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,263
It is very important for us
to stay up on what's new.
92
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,744
Just last week,
I heard a podcast
93
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,746
where they shared
new research...
94
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:49,707
Mm-hmm....saying that the words
we use have meaning,
95
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,927
including the positive ones.
96
00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,495
So when we say to our kids,
"Oh, you're so smart,
97
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,671
you're so pretty,
you're so strong,"
98
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,413
they think that
they have no value
99
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,936
if they are not
those things.
100
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,503
Well, what makes a child
valuable?
101
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,026
Because they don't have
no money.
102
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:07,116
Okay, well,
I just don't want us
103
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,553
to give our kids
a complex.
104
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,729
We're four for four, Bow!
105
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,428
Zoey went to college,
Junior has a job,
106
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,604
Diane takes
all honor classes,
107
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:17,909
and Jack --
108
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:20,695
Jack used the can opener
the other day.
109
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,131
I'm not worried.
110
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,264
You know what? Fine, Dre.
Forget I said anything.
111
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,830
I already have.
Okay, great.
112
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:28,137
I love you so much.
Bye-bye.
Love you, too.
113
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,530
Wow.
114
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,096
I'm impressed with the whole
routine they have here.
115
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,228
When I was in school,
116
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,012
any old pervert
could walk on campus.
117
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,884
Oh, no. It used to be
like that over here, too,
118
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,278
before we found out Coach Weeks
wasn't a gym teacher.
119
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:42,282
Whoa! Wha-- You guys have
Picture Day tomorrow?!
120
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,632
See, this is the kind
of stuff that should
be in the calendar.
121
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,156
Yep, and I know exactly
what my look is gonna be.
122
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,158
Bookish beauty
who turns heads
123
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,551
just by taking off
her glasses.
124
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:54,555
Mm. Diane, that's just
some dumb movie trope. You --
125
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,904
Oh, my God!
You're stunning!
126
00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,340
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
127
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,037
What about you, Jack?
What do you got planned?
128
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,604
Oh, I'm just gonna hit it
with my classic --
129
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:01,866
the "bless 'em."
130
00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,918
Okay. Are you sure you want
to go with that, Jack?
131
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,528
Your high-school
yearbook photo
132
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:14,575
is one of your top-four
lifetime photos of all time!
133
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,359
Yeah.
It's right up there
with your driver's license,
134
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,361
your passport,
and your wedding photo.
135
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,320
And my personal favorite --
mugshot.
136
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:23,366
Look at these baby waves.
I'm not pressed. I got this.
137
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,499
Okay, no, Jack,
this is not a joke.
138
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,718
This picture
will follow you forever.
139
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,112
In mine, there was
a weird shadow on my chest,
140
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,332
and everybody thought
I was stuffing my bra.
141
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,464
They called me "Crinkle Cups"
every day after that
142
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,161
for three years.
143
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,424
It's how they announced me
at graduation.
144
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,426
Wow.
Yeah.
145
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,429
Uh, thank you, Olivia.
I-I guess it is a big photo.
146
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,909
It is, yeah.
I said that.
147
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,650
Yeah, but you're
- unreliable.
- Yeah, seriously, though.
148
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:47,912
Shouldn't you be at work
right now?
149
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:49,479
- Get out.
- Get a job, bro.
150
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,307
I got a job.
151
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,526
- Disappointed.
- Don't play with my bag.
152
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,749
That's a hundred.
153
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:01,404
Wow. I did not think
you were gonna do it.
154
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,406
And all
for just $44.
155
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,277
Oh, yeah.
156
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,757
Uh, this might be
a bad time to ask,
157
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,978
but I actually need
to borrow exactly $44.
158
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,415
Hey. What's going on,
fellas?
159
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,938
Check this out.
160
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:17,028
Bow thinks the way
I talk to Devante
161
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,116
is gonna mess him up.
162
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,292
Mm.
Well, you named
him Devante.
163
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,686
Uh, that doomed him
to ride the bus.
164
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,123
But lookit. So what?
You know, he's had
trauma in his life.
165
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,429
Big deal.
166
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:30,172
Trauma actually makes kids
better, okay?
167
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,175
Look at Kawhi Leonard,
Prince Harry, Batman.
168
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,003
Don't forget about Simba.
169
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,570
I had an uncle
just like that.
170
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,746
He tried to kill me
a gang of times.
171
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:41,444
Yeah. Dre, think about all
the great men we'd miss out on
172
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,141
if they didn't go
through trauma as kids.
173
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,143
I haven't
traumatized him, okay?
174
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,623
I'm just telling him
like it is,
175
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,278
and if I come off blunt,
no big deal, alright?
176
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:50,366
Kids are resilient.
177
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,715
I completely agree.
178
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,414
It is a father's duty
to be direct,
179
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,241
to prepare them
- for the world.
- Mm!
180
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,070
It's all this touchy-feely crap
that the moms tell 'em.
181
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,637
That's what
screws 'em up.
182
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,813
Yeah, like, uh, "Someone will
love you for who you are."
183
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,772
"Bullies are just
jealous of you."
184
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,470
"No one's gonna make fun
of your tail, Josh."
185
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:08,993
You had a tail?
186
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,125
That tracks.
187
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:10,908
Hey, Dre?
Mm?
188
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,823
Freak here is right.
189
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,522
The real world
needs real talk.
190
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,872
Exactly. If I didn't
give it to him raw,
191
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,308
I wouldn't be doing my job
192
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,875
as a loving, present
Black father.
193
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,311
That's right.
194
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,008
My Black father
was very present.
195
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,532
Gave me notes
on everything --
196
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:29,361
how to chew my food,
my handwriting, how to snore...
197
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:32,103
how weird my nipples look
through my shirts.
198
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,192
By pointing out my flaws,
it made me a better person.
199
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,629
Wait, wait, wait.
200
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,935
Is that why you wear vests
all the time?
201
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,589
Because of
your weird nipples?
202
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:40,764
Fashion choice only.
203
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,114
Okay, guys,
thank you for your input,
204
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:46,944
and my children will not be
developing any weird complexes.
205
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,512
They know
that I love them all
206
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,340
and I'm coming
from a good place.
207
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,474
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have some real work to do.
208
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,435
You can see them
through my hands?
209
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,655
Here's the thing --
I know I'm a good dad.
210
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:04,179
I'm teaching my children
the right lessons,
211
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,137
and that's why
they're just fine.
212
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:10,228
Kids! Come get this
fancy-ass pizza that's...
213
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,274
not as good but more expensive
than Pizza Hut!
214
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,106
I'm ashy, Daddy.
215
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:19,934
I don't want to be ashy.
216
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,546
Oh, man.
217
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,808
I broke my kid.
218
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,681
What the hell?
219
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,247
Police, police, police!
220
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,248
Okay!
Black CPS.
221
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,902
Where's the child you broke?
222
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,824
We're taking you with us
to La Jolla.
223
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:41,999
You'll be safe there.
224
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,349
Bye, Daddy.
225
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,003
But you didn't see him,
man!
226
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:49,006
Every time he took a step,
his knees ignited a fire!
227
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,400
It's his mama's fault!
228
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,406
Okay, buddy.
229
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:03,543
I tried to fight it,
but Bow was right.
230
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,414
I gave our kids a complex.
231
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:09,244
Why do you have
that guilty face?
232
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,419
What did you do?
233
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,203
I think
I broke our baby, Bow.
234
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:15,946
He was putting lotion on
like a redhead on a beach!
235
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,470
The whole room smelled like
a Bath & Body Works.
236
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,516
Oh, Dre...
237
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,127
Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre.
238
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:27,436
It seems as if your...drive
to be the best dad ever
239
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:31,875
has skidded on the lotion
of your bad decisions.
240
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,660
I told you
this would happen.
241
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,053
Words have consequences!
242
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,012
Two years of saying
"pee in the toilet,"
243
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,362
and this is what sticks?
244
00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,190
Ah, I think I messed up
one of our kids.
245
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,496
Mnh.
One of your kids?
246
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,369
Come on, big guy.
All of us need therapy.
247
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:49,023
What are you talking about?
You're fine, boy.
248
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,112
I can't even play games
'cause you told me
249
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,592
the only point
of competition
250
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,376
is to wipe the floor
with the blood of your enemies.
251
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,812
And?
252
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,901
He breaks out into hives
before game night.
253
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,599
See, Dre?
254
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,252
Words are very powerful.
255
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,864
But now that you're ready
to evolve, I...
256
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:07,258
I have the perfect podcast
for you.
257
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:11,001
A child is like a boat,
258
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:16,224
and a parent
is like a gentle breeze.
259
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,313
Those are just my thoughts.
260
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,620
Thoughts from a doctor.
261
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:23,840
I'm Dr. Rainbow Johnson.
262
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:28,018
Thank you for listening
to "Bow Knows Parenting"
263
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:32,109
with Dr. Rainbow Johnson, MD.
264
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,073
Okay.
Well, that did not record.
265
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,425
I didn't mean
to mess up my kid.
266
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:46,036
I guess I just got to
figure out a way to fix this.
267
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,171
No, no! Let the expert
handle Devante.
268
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:52,869
You just try not to cause
any more damage, alright?
269
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,175
Yeah.
270
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,525
I'm gonna go save
my -- my kid.
271
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,921
Okay, look.
I know this looks bad,
272
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,966
but if we
learned anything
273
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,489
from the Michael Jordan
documentary,
274
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,405
it's that there's
a price for greatness.
275
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,929
Oh, no.
Here come the hives.
276
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,495
Okay...
277
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:16,850
Look. Please don't stop
on my account.
278
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,460
I am very entertained.
279
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,288
I've been here for hours,
but I can't figure out
280
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,898
what I'm gonna do
for this school picture.
281
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,334
Nothing I'm trying
is gonna make an impression
282
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:24,640
that'll stand
the test of time.
283
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,033
Look, look.
Pew, pew, pew!
284
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,950
See? Forgettable.
285
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,039
Bro, you are missing
286
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,432
the forest
for the trees, man.
287
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,261
It's about the whole
look and the vibe you
bring into it.
288
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,786
Okay, um,
what's my vibe right now?
289
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:44,573
"Grown man who watches
children's movies...alone."
290
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,967
I'm gonna blow this.
291
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:50,797
Look.
Don't you worry, friend.
292
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,842
I've got your back.
293
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:02,896
So, Diane had gotten
her hooks into Jack,
294
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,855
and it was going to be a test
of whether I could keep myself
295
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:08,118
from doing lasting damage
to my kids.
296
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:09,554
♪ Hey, hey, hey
297
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,774
Because this...
298
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,558
this was not it.
299
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,608
♪ Say hey, hey, hey
300
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,565
♪ What ya got to say?
301
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,742
Look...
302
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:23,960
at you.
303
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,701
See, Diane's
made me realize
304
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,572
that the way to make
a lasting impression
305
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,618
is to channel
those NBA greats.
306
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:32,273
If my classmates are gonna
remember me for anything,
307
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,363
it's gonna be that I pulled off
the Full Westbrook.
308
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,017
Wait.
309
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,323
Ah. Can't forget
my timepiece.
310
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,238
It makes the fit.
311
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,110
Yes, it does.
312
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,328
Thanks for your help.
313
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,678
The pleasure
was truly all mine.
314
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,158
What?
315
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:50,552
While I succeeded
at biting my tongue,
316
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,250
Bow tried to clean up
my mess with Devante.
317
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,731
Hi, sweetheart.
318
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,167
Look at that nice truck!
319
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,517
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
320
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,042
So, honey, I wanted
to talk to you
321
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:05,262
about how crazy
Daddy was yesterday.
322
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,351
He was so crazy, right?
323
00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:09,571
Talking about
all that lotion stuff?
324
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,616
My God, I wish I could say
he's gonna be better,
325
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,184
but we both know he's not.
326
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,404
So...
327
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,840
honey, I just want
to make sure you know
328
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:20,538
that there's nothing wrong
with your skin.
329
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,410
You're so strong
330
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,717
and so handsome and...
331
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,415
Wait a minute.
332
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,939
Okay, the podcast said
do not focus on beauty
333
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,636
or he is going to become
an egomaniac.
334
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,855
I got this.
335
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:37,033
Devante...
336
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,383
you are so smart.
337
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:45,563
Goop said compliments
are the new smoking.
338
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,827
Okay. Honey...
339
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,872
I just want you to understand
340
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,179
that you...
341
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:55,399
you are
my special little boy --
342
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:58,881
but not so special
or so handsome or so smart
343
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,317
that you're gonna --
344
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,668
you're gonna become
a sociopath, so...
345
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018
Do you understand?
346
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:09,631
Oh, my God. No.
Oh, God. Oh, no, no.
347
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,938
Okay. Um --
No, please don't cry!
348
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,331
Please don't cry!
Okay. It's okay.
349
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:15,550
Sweetheart, it's fine.
350
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:16,551
Listen. Come here.
351
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,074
Vroom! Vroom!
352
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,816
Look at this truck!
This is my favorite truck!
353
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,470
Vroom, vroom!
354
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,298
Do you want ice cream
for dinner, honey?
355
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,826
Oh, look at you!
You look beautiful, baby.
356
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,176
I killed Picture Day.
357
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,876
See, without my glasses, people
saw a whole new Diane Johnson.
358
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,660
See, Miguel Juarez
did a double take
359
00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,183
when I walked by
like a beer commercial,
360
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,185
and his girlfriend
was maaad.
361
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:45,188
That feeling never
gets old, you know.
362
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,711
The other day,
I started a fight
363
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,626
between a couple
at the fruit stand.
364
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:49,540
Oh.
365
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,933
Ho!
366
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,543
That's what you wore
for Picture Day?
367
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,850
Yeah. Isn't it dope?
What you think, Grandma?
368
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,722
Well, what I think is,
um...
369
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,118
I'm gonna buy
a dozen yearbooks
370
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,425
and pass 'em out
to all my friends.
371
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,209
Well, you got to let me
autograph 'em
372
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,689
- before you pass 'em out.
- Alright, now.
373
00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,996
Mm-hmm.
374
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,389
You cannot
be okay with that.
375
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,175
Well, you know, he's just
expressing himself.
376
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,829
He looks like
he's expressing himself
377
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,788
right into clown college!
378
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,442
You know, I think
I have a connect
379
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:22,704
on the yearbook committee.
380
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,924
Maybe I can get
the photo wiped?
381
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,490
How you gonna
have your son
382
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,275
out in the streets
looking like that?
383
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:31,278
Why didn't you talk some sense
into that boy?
384
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,889
I'm trying to watch
how I talk to our kids
385
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,023
because I'm afraid
I'm messing them up.
386
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,981
What you talking about?
Those kids are fine.
387
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,549
Are they?
Because I don't know that.
388
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:44,987
Warning Devante not to be ashy
probably gave him nightmares.
389
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,337
And if I tell him to work hard,
is he gonna get obsessive?
390
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,687
And if I tell him
work isn't everything,
is he gonna get lazy?
391
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,080
And if I tell him
to keep his chin up,
392
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,516
is he gonna get
plastic surgery
393
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,214
and end up looking like
Michael Jackson?!
394
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,433
Hey, hey, now.
Come on.
395
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:59,088
Ain't no sense in getting
all emotional, pumpkin.
396
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,481
I'm not emotional!
397
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,570
Yes, you are.
398
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,920
Now, you the man
of this house.
399
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,227
You got to keep
your emotions in check!
400
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,359
Just like I've been telling you
since you were a kid!
401
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,187
You're right, Mama.
402
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:12,710
I'll keep my emotions
in check.
403
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,190
'Course I'm right.
404
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:18,673
You go on over there and make
yourself a snack or somethin'.
405
00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,588
And if you're gonna cry,
you go somewhere
406
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,155
where them kids
won't hear you!
407
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,460
Yes, ma'am.
408
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,029
I'll cry quietly.
409
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,727
Dre?
410
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,339
Dre!
What are you doing?
411
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,036
My mom said
I shouldn't cry
412
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,777
in front of the babies.
413
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,909
I guess our kids aren't the only
ones that are affected
414
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:41,348
by something that their parents
have said to them.
415
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:42,566
Yeah.
416
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:43,959
Well...
417
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:49,051
At least I fixed Devante.
418
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,838
No, I didn't.
419
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,235
I blew it!
I blew it big-time!
420
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,066
I want cake.
421
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,981
There's more
under the sink!
422
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,635
Really?
Yeah.
423
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,680
Chocolate, strawberry.
424
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,907
Babe.
Yeah?
425
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:23,259
Do you think I've been
using these secret cakes
426
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:25,261
as a way to soothe myself
as I'm trying to control
427
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:27,220
the natural emotions
I'm pushing down?
428
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,526
Well, Dre, when Junior
dropped out of college,
429
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:32,747
you gave the bakery half
of your paycheck every month,
430
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,053
so, you know...
431
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,055
Yeah. I'm sorry.
432
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,578
I don't know
what all that was.
433
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:40,885
You know, I'm just now
starting to realize that...
434
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,800
it was a lot of pressure
growing up in a house
435
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,628
where I was told
to check my emotions
436
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,543
because I was
the man of the house.
437
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:50,112
Ugh. That's a lot of
responsibility on a child.
438
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,375
Yeah, but get this.
Hmm?
439
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:54,290
I understand why she was
telling me that.
440
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,205
Why?
441
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,033
She was doing her best
to prepare me
442
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,122
for the world
that I was in.
443
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,341
Hmm.
444
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:05,432
But still... I always
had a voice in my head
445
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:09,566
making me feel bad
every time I got emotional.
446
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,397
And today I realized
that voice was my mama.
447
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,399
Dre.
Hmm?
448
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:20,099
We are gonna be the voice
in our child's head.
449
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,537
So what are we gonna do
about it?
450
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,539
I do not know.
451
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,584
You know, if -- if we're gonna
fail no matter what...
452
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,151
Mm-hmm.
453
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,719
...do we just lean into it?
I-I don't know.
454
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,373
A-Abandon them?
No, Dre.
455
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,114
That's still illegal.
456
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,811
Okay, so we just
live with the fact
457
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,205
knowing we're gonna be the voice
in their heads influencing them
458
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:42,164
towards every good and bad
decision that they'll ever make.
459
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,557
Yes, I think so.
460
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,515
Mm!
461
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,953
You know, I -- I have my
parents' voices in my head, too.
462
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,955
- Mm-hmm.
- But they're super positive.
463
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,001
They were constantly telling me
over and over and over
464
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,829
and over again
how smart I was, you know?
465
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,439
But it made me believe
466
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,659
that the way
to make people happy...
467
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,313
is to achieve.
468
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,531
Mm.
469
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,272
Oh.
470
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,622
That's why I'm always telling
people that I'm a doctor!
471
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,842
Ha ha! Yeah!
It's the voice in my head!
472
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,192
Ah.
473
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:13,152
Well, maybe now that you
realize it, you'll stop.
474
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,719
No.
I'm not hurting anybody.
475
00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,199
No, you're just
killing them.
476
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,853
I am not killing people,
Dre.
477
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,202
There's, like, one a year.
478
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,856
And I don't kill them.
They just die.
479
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,074
It's not my fault.
480
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:33,694
Oh, wow.
Jack, I am really sorry.
481
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:36,784
What? Did you make me eat
something that's not food again?
482
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,265
No, somebody from the yearbook
committee leaked your photos.
483
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,440
They're everywhere.
484
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:41,354
Really?
485
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,533
Oh, no, yo.
They made you a meme.
486
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:47,621
Gimme that.
487
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,755
This is dope!
488
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:52,843
- Wait. What?!
- Wait. What?!
489
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:54,280
I'm being shared everywhere.
490
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:56,107
I got to make merch
and an Instagram
491
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,109
where I can localize
all the posts.
492
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,678
Oh, my God.
I could be an NFT.
493
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:03,027
I'm gonna be a legend!
494
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,554
We do not deserve him.
495
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:10,948
I've got to figure out
how to screw him out
of that NFT money.
496
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:14,604
I'm not perfect.
I'm going to make mistakes.
497
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:18,521
But knowing those mistakes
will become voices in his head
498
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,567
makes the stakes feel too high.
499
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:24,048
All I'm saying is...
we can be imperfect together
500
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,007
on the path
to getting better.
501
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,400
Alright?
You get me, son?
502
00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:31,665
I love you, Daddy.
Oh.
503
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:35,190
But as long as one of those
voices is me saying...
504
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,932
I love you, too,
Devante.
505
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:41,544
...I've done my job
as a parent.
506
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,154
Okay. Go get ready.
507
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:47,289
I love you, too, Dad.
508
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,117
Don't you have
your own place?
509
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,468
When that meme first dropped,
510
00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:54,383
I thought it would die down
in a few days.
511
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:56,994
But before I knew it,
it took on a life of its own.
512
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,301
I was getting offers
left and right.
513
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,042
My face was on billboards,
they let me dance
514
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:03,174
at the Puppy Bowl
halftime show,
515
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134
and I became the co-host
of a new "Soul Train"
516
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:08,397
with a hologram Don Cornelius.
517
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,181
The meme
became so popular
518
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:11,531
that I sold my life rights
519
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,228
to the highest
corporate bidder.
520
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,708
That's how I became
a trillionaire.
521
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:17,885
And that's also how
you guys got your names,
522
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,017
Sierra Mist
and Mountain Dew.
523
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,586
Anyway, let's take
that warp-speed jet
524
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:25,501
to visit Aunt Diane
and Uncle Michael B. Jordan.
525
00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:27,155
Come on.
36670
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